Senses Working Overtime with David Cross - Ruben Bolling

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

Catch all new episodes every Thursday. Watch video episodes here.Guest: Ruben BollingSubscribe and Rate Senses Working Overtime on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review to read on a future episode!Follow David on Instagram and Twitter.Follow the show:Instagram: @sensesworkingovertimepodTikTok: @swopodEditor: Kati SkeltonEngineer: Nicole LyonsExecutive Producer: Emma FoleyAdvertise on Senses Working Overtime via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I'm already doing well. Alright, do you want anything to drink? No, no, I'm good. I'll stay thirsty. You want to take a nap? Hey, I brought you this. Oh, God bless. Thank you so much.

My newest book. Awesome. I hope you don't mind. I wrote down some words, just keywords. Words, keywords. Yes. For you or me? For me. For me. Just because we're going to... I figured I'd have some words ready for...

Oh, I got you. I understand. I didn't know... Okay, sure, sure. Wait, let me get... I mean, the whole idea is just to have a conversation. I understand. Yeah. I mean, for me idea is just to have a conversation. I understand. Yeah. I mean, for me, this is improv. Because I'm not used to it, and I just have a couple of crutches to fall back on. But I won't...

You're not even going to need them. We're just going to have a conversation. And now, when I walked in here. It was I'm gonna say roughly 40 45 degrees warmer, but now it's cooled down Now it's going I might just go get my How about that? Do you mind if I get my hoodie great? I'm perfect. Yeah, this is good. You got it. I got I got I got layers that can get I can adjust as needed So this is video too? Wow okay. I should have dressed for it. I guess I actually, but when I left the house, it was cold.

44 degrees. Yeah, winter. And then when I, excuse me, and then when I, it's a hoodie, but it's more Yes. You could borrow my, my sweatshirt hoodie. Would you rather have that one? Is it all free on the subway with that? I was on the subway with it. I appreciate it. That's okay. I'll stick with mine.

I appreciate it. That's okay. I'll stick with mine. This is a this is a sensory issue. I think. Yeah. Let me get back to where my mic is. And at the end, I'm going to ask you a question from my daughter who's six years old. Good.

All right. Good. Good. I'm gonna ask you a question or good that she's from a six year old. That's I love those questions. All right. Good. Good that I'm gonna ask you a question or good that she's six? Good that it's from a six year old. I love those questions. I love, I'm an old dad at heart. Oh yeah, I talk about at heart. Oh, I'm literally an old dad.

I am an old dad. I have old kids. Yeah. But I'm just like a dad at heart. You're a dad of old people. It's my main thing. I'm a dad of old people. Okay.

How old are your kids? 26, 23 and people. Okay. How old are your kids? 26, 23, and 21. Wow. That's it. Yeah, big kids. Yeah, what are they doing? Are you happy with them? I'm delighted, yeah.

Great. One of them is a high school physics teacher in Cambridge, Mass. Wow. Got a guy working at Google, which is all right. You know a guy? I got a guy. I got a guy working at Google, which is all right. You know a guy? I got a son working at Google. He is my guy. If I have any suggestions for Google Maps, I call him. My daughter is still in college. My youngest is, yeah.

Where did she go to school? Tufts. Oh, okay. Which is where I went, yeah. You went to Tufts? I did. Oh, yeah. I lived in Boston for nine years. I know.

Mission Hill. I know. Okay. Yeah. Oh, I didn I lived in Boston for nine years. So, Mission Hill. I know. OK. Yeah. Oh, I didn't live in Mission Hill. I just was referencing Mission Hill. Mission Hill. Tufts adjacent community.

Tufts is, yeah, Somerville. I just can't hide my Somerville pride. I lived in Somerville for two years, I want to say. Oh, really? Yeah, I lived in right behind Davis Square and right behind Porch Square. Oh, yeah. Yeah, two different.

That's my hood, yeah. Is that where you grew up? No, I grew up in New Jersey. OK. Yeah. But yeah, I spent seven years in Somerville and Davis Square, that whole area. And I moved there when my then girlfriend at the time,

I guess I don't have to, you know, I don't have to qualify it. She's not still my girlfriend and I also have a wife, but no. So my girlfriend and I were going to make the big move to move in with each other and we were trying to pick a place that we could afford. And we ended up in Somerville at Davis Square because of red bones. Red bones? What? Wait a minute. How do you not know what red bones is?

What was that? Red bones was, is, was, still currently is, or was the anchor for when the, when the kind of creeping gentrification came into Davis square. Right. Red bones was like the first kind of restaurant that didn't really seem to fit. Cause it was very, very working class.

Cause it was, yeah. I mean, when I was there, it was a long time ago. It was working class. It was not at all like it is now. It was when I moved there as well. I mean, when were you there? I was there, I guess I left in 87. Oh, I probably moved in, yeah, probably around 90, maybe.

Oh, okay. I was hoping that maybe we were neighbors. Yeah, probably around 90. Oh, okay. I was hoping that maybe we were neighbors. Yeah, so it must have been there. I don't know. It was, it was, it, and now it's like, it's a, it's a well-known, it's very good. And I, and I try to go whenever I'm back, but it was initially, I'm trying to think of the street side, is like a side street.

You know where the, it was the Rosebud I want to say? The Rosebud is that, that's the main line. So it was across the street from the Rosebud and down north about a block and then down one of those tiny side streets. times, but I don't know You know when I was there I was a student and I don't know eating out wasn't it is now But it wasn't a priority that I didn't oh, yeah Well same here that was a very that was a special thing and I'm a big big big big big fan of barbecue and good barbecue and I'm a snob when it comes to barbecue. Yeah, and

And they it was good and they had, uh, but it's initially it was now it's all one big thing, but they were adjacent to a, an, a real divey old man bar. Uh, I can't remember the name of it. Let me, I'll try to think of it. And for the first, I'd say three or four years, maybe even five years, you would, you know, they had kind of a friendly relationship with the bar. And they had a there

was a door that went through and they just sort of remove the doors and the bar was a bar. So you'd have the barbecue and people coming in and all walks of life, families, single, young kids, college kids, whatever. And then this real Somerville working class guys who were in there starting to drink it too. you know, and then watching and I, and one of the best things it is, you know, I have date it. Cause Reggie Lewis wasn't there that long. And, and, uh, for the first time they were fielding an all black team. It was the first time. So a, you know, late eighties, they were begrudgingly late throughout the process.

Um, well, they have a fan base to consider. Um, and, uh, and these guys are sitting there there these old, you know Boston, you know working class Yeah, just you know some you know, no Bonnie's at all and we'll talk about that in a second with what Bonnie means But they're just sitting there and you know, they're drinking and they're watching the Celtics game it's up on the on the two TVs on either corner. And whoever, like I remember they had Ed Pickney, trying to think of the other guys they had on the team, but I'm spacing on this. But it was all, they were all black players and whoever had the ball. It didn't matter. And they weren't saying this ironically or at all.

They were like, come on, Reggie. Cause Reggie Lewis was their star player, but it was the first time they've had all, they're all Reggie. Come on, Reggie. So whoever got the ball. At least they're rooting for them. Whichever black guy got the ball with the Celtics Jersey on, come on, Reggie. Come on, Reggie. So whoever got the ball. At least they're rooting for them. Whichever black guy got the ball with the Celtics Jersey. Come on, Reggie. Come on, Reggie. Come on, Reggie.

At least we found a way for them to root for black people in a very specific way. So that's nice. It was pretty awesome to watch. And then now, so are you familiar with the term Barney? Barney, no. Okay. So- Am I even from there? I'm not picking up any of these references. And then now, so are you familiar with the term Barney? Barney, no. OK, so. Was I, am I even from there? I'm not picking up on any of these references. So Barney, I didn't know this until I was there.

And somebody told me about it. And there was a band that called themselves the Barneys. And it was, it's also such a Boston thing where they, you know, I would say quite easily, Boston is the most provincial city place I've ever lived in. And I've lived all over the place. And it's just to a different degree. It's really provincial and prickly and defensive and just weird. So it's so provincial that just the tiny little hamlet of Somerville had their own derogatory derisive word for people who weren't from Somerville.

For everyone else? Yeah. Like barbarians in Greek times? They'll call them bannies. Fucking fucking Bonnie's. Look at this fucking Bonnie. Where you from, Mothoan? You know, like, why, like, you'd be like, Somerville's tiny. It's like, it's like being- Everyone outside of Somerville. Everyone out, yeah, everyone outside of Crown Heights.

What was the name of the people in Somerville? Was it Sully's? I don't know. Everyone Sully. I don't know. But they had a derisive word for people that were literally six blocks away. No, I never heard of that. And you know, I was in my bubble. I really wasn't, because I was a student.

I wasn't, I was with other students and we were from all over the place. And we'd go to, there was one bar I would go to a lot that was very local that was in, I think closer to Cambridge, maybe in Cambridge on Mass Ave called Nick's Beef and Beer House. Oh yeah, I remember Nick's. Oh my God, I love Nick's Beef and Beer House. They had those fake logs you can put,

like you plug them in and they sort of glow and you can put them in like a fireplace. The walls were lined with them for some reason. That was the lighting. Oh, I don't remember that, but that's smart. I like that. It's smart. I like that. It was a very nice mistake. I remember I was there once, we were there at night for drinks, and I realized that I had been there for lunch and dinner. And this was my third time there.

That's a good day. That is a good day. Because it was so cheap, and I just loved the waitresses and the whole vibe of the place. So that was my one blue collar. Well, I'll tell you, one of the great things about Boston, and there's a lot of things that are kind of fucked up,

but there are a lot of great things about Boston. And one of them is it was a great place to be poor and to be a poor student. Cause there was, there were multiple places where you could go for like a happy hour. And I think they passed a law actually later, much later, but you could get a pint at like Harvard gardens, I think had this or not Harvard Gardens. It was around the corner on Charles Street,

but it was right on the corner there, but in back bay, but it was just a shitty dive bar. And on Wednesdays, I think it was, it was like chicken wing night and they'd get a platter, you know, like those big tin foil things, chicken wings, and it's all you can eat. You buy a pint and you could have a pint of beer, nurse it and eat. Well, yeah, that was- And there were a lot of those type of places.

In those days, all you can eat was literally all you can eat. You would not leave a thing on the table if there was any room. But yeah, it worked and it was a decent place to. No, it's great. Yeah. Well, there's a lot of people, a lot of young people who are on budgets and so everything is sort of,

geared towards them. Much more so than New York. I get the sense New York is a tougher place. I would not wanna be here if I didn't have money and I didn't have money most of my life and I struggled in all those places, but it was a lot easier to do in Boston and even Los Angeles than New York. Really, even Los Angeles? Cause I've never lived there, but I figured. I mean, I'm talking about-

You gotta have a car, you gotta, well, I guess- There's buses. I used to take a bus from Koreatown to Cloverfield in 26, I think, to go, three buses. So I'd get one bus from Koreatown would take me into a part of like wherever it was Culver city. And then I get on the blue bus to Santa Monica. Um, and, and I worked in this, uh,

warehouse, uh, um, and, but I mean, that was three buses to a warehouse job. Really? Not. Yeah. I mean, I mean, it's a pain in the ass. It's not fun, but it wasn't difficult. You know, you, a lot for the time you get on the bus, you go and on the bus, you can read and do whatever you want. And, uh, well, not whatever you want. Uh, I tried my, uh, drag drag reading time shows there and they didn't care for, um,

I was way ahead of the curve on that. And, uh, Now, when I would go to LA, for a while I was going sort of back and forth because I had my obligatory, you know, dalliance with Hollywood for my comic stuff. And every single time I would go, and I would do it over and over again, I'd always forget. I'd like look on the map and say, oh, that's only like a mile away. So I'll walk that. And every single time I'd end up on like an overpass with like a little narrow, a little concrete slab with a homeless guy in a shopping cart.

And the two of us are like inching along. Oh dude. And it happened over and over. I just got back from LA about a week and a half ago. And while I was there, I was recording some of these podcasts at the head gum office in Silver Lake or Echo Park, wherever. And I purposely got an Airbnb, I was there for like three days, that was walkable. Literally walkable. And- Literally walkable. Literally walkable, yeah. And it was about, I think it was 2.2 miles. Great. Good walk there, good walk home. And

it was exactly like you're describing. And I saw so many human shits, just a lot of human poos. And yeah, the situation is, you know, the homeless, mentally ill situation is out of hand there. But yeah, on like this embankment, like you look on a map, it's like, what a lovely walk that must be. And it probably was back in 1955. So you're still making that mistake, even with all your experience there. I mean, I know what's going to happen and I just sort of do it, but- If I get back, I'm sure I'll do that again. Pleasant acres.

Yes. Now, we'll get back to this, but I want to show this, mention this. So, Ruben is a, I'm a huge fan, as you know. Oh, thank you. I think your work is just so, it's so succinct. You can do in three to nine panels what some people can't do in an hour monologue or, you know, a 15 minute spot on the news or whatever. It's just perfect.

So Tom the dancing Bug, an unfortunate name, but that's what it is, is the name of the comic written by and penned by Ruben Bowling. And you started way, way back, right? I started back when I was, well, in school, living in Somerville. So, but yeah, but I started in this strip started in 1990. 1990. In an alternative weekly, 33 years ago. Yeah, that's a long time to be doing this. It's just, I mean, I love your stuff.

As I said, it's just- Well, thanks. Wow, God, that means so much to me coming from you. Well, reserve. No, cause I'm so happy and proud to be here and the fact that you are a fan of my stuff is just amazing to me. And twice nominated for a Pulitzer prize, twice. Twice lost. Twice lost. Well, would you rather have two nominees or one win?

One win, right? No. No? One win, for sure. Here's the thing, and I say this as a roughly 11-time loser of things. I've won a couple things, but I've mostly been nominated. And there's a lot of stuff I was not nominated for, almost all of it. Lots of stuff. there's a lot of stuff I was not nominated for, in fact, almost all of it. But the fact that you're nominated means, and I know all the stuff that's out there, right? And that is so to be taken, considered from that pool

of 200 and the top five in a sense. And then it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what, you know, and then it's a smaller, it's also a much smaller voting. So- That's true for the poll, sir. Well, not smaller. Actually, it's bigger. Come to think of it. The first round is a small group of experts and then they bring their three finalists to a larger group of just like journalist bigwigs like David Remnick and the data of the New York Times, I'm sure, whatever. And so they're the ones who decide on the winner among those three. So the three are chosen by experts and then-

Well, I think you underscore my point. It's better to be, it's better for the people who know what you do, what they're talking about to nominate you. It's a honor. And then if some got, like, you know, that's how I feel about, you do, what they're talking about to nominate you. It's, it is. And then if some guy, like, you know, that's how I feel about, um, you know, the, uh, the, you know, Emmys or, uh, uh, Oscars or any of that stuff where you have your peers, Right.

You know, vote. And then it's given to a panel, uh, whether that panel is larger or smaller is, you know, it depends, but it's given to a panel of a bunch of people who have nothing to do with it. Not experts, yeah. So, should I be considering an award for editing? Not really. Well, here's where I would push back on that. You're saying, I would suggest that it's sort of meaningless

that even the group of experts, it's sort of BS. I don't know how you choose the best. I think so just to be chosen, it's an honor and I'm so glad they did, but I don't think that the award itself really means anything that you're great or, but I think that there's an advantage to winning in your career and just like Pulitzer Prize winner becomes the adjective before my name

every time I'm introduced. Right. Whereas finalist, two time finalist, that's sort of, you know. That's two time loser, that's how you're seeing it. That's, yeah. But no, but people don't, that's not, you know, it's like some people who don't know my comic strip, I'll meet them like at a party and I'll have to explain

what it is and I can tell them sort of on the spot to convince them that it's something. And just say, yeah, well, I want a Pulitzer Prize. That's it, end, done, it's something. It's the thing. There is not a whole lot. I mean, Pulitzer is better than Oscar or any- Yeah, it's incredible that I'm-

I'd say the Kennedy Center honor, my trumpet. That's huge, yeah. And perhaps funniest dentist in Worcester, which is a real contest. Plus you get a mug. Yeah, you get a real contest. Plus you get a mug. Yeah, you get the mug. Wait, you get the mug for the dentist thing or the? The dentist thing.

Oh, okay. Yeah, sure. Did the Pulitzer committee not give you a mug? They gave me a letter. A letter? How are you supposed to drink coffee out of a letter? I tried. Ridiculous. I filtered it through the paper. It's, Emma, Google Pulitzer Prize nominating committee re,

not complaining, it'll be diplomatic, but about getting their, change letter to mug, just put, write that down and I'll know what it means. So yeah, anyway, it's gotten awards and it's been a great adventure for 33 years. For sure. It was great. We met before, the only time we met was in, after you did a show at Union Hall. Yes.

You came out for when we had a beer. I was doing a shoot in the shit. Shoot in the shit show, yeah. That was fantastic. And it was great. And the thing I remembered, I wanted to tell you is that we were talking and you were just talking about, you mentioned your father and I hope I got this right, but I think you said your father's from Leeds.

Yeah, England, yeah. Okay. So, you know, did you ever do, I do this thing all the time where- Did you give me a present? Live at Leeds. I always do this thing where I, like, someone will say something and it'll always trigger like a TV show line or a movie, you know, something. And so you said that and I thought, oh, you got that from the CD Live at Leeds, like, you know, that from this and from Todd Margaret. Right. And, but it wasn't until I was walking home that I thought, no, this is the guy who wrote

that. It came into my head, but it didn't occur to me that that is you. It's just like one of those like, oh, there's the Live at Leeds. So I thought you were, you know. I wouldn't make something up based on a weird random thing from a TV show nobody ever saw. No, I didn't think you were lying. It was just that that came into my head, Live at Leeds,

that image of the CD and- Well, it was interesting because there's all kinds of meta shit and not shit, I don't mean to denigrate it, but the- The best kind of shit.... stuff in the three seasons of The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret, but one of them is the fact that the increasingly poor decisions of Todd Margaret, but one of them is the fact that he lies, he makes up a lie about his dad being from Leeds and then has to commit to that lie. But my dad, who is from Leeds, is a pathological liar, like just a inviterate- Right, Todd Margaret level.

Yeah, just a like what? Like just making crazy shit up that you know isn't true. Yeah. Not when you're a kid. When you're a kid, you believe it, but as you get older, you're like, wait a minute, he wasn't Donna Mills' know, not Donna Mills. Who was the woman? she was on like Falcon Crest or Or What was the one in that takes place in Denver? Oh, man. I don't know. It was one of those She was like a lady from one of those

What was the you know, the, not Dallas, but it was- Dallas and then- There's the other one, Denver. Was it Falcon Crest? It was Falcon Crest, but it wasn't- I don't remember. I remember when I was a kid, we were in LA

and they asked us to do like a focus group and it was for the spin-off of Dallas. Yeah, that was it. Yeah, I don't remember what it was called, so I actually saw it. I did see it as a kid. It was the Carrington's in, uh, I, I, they had like a button, like press

this one if you like what's going on. Press this one if you don't like it. And I had my finger on it. I don't like this the entire time. I'm like, I'm like 13 years old. I'm like, I don't, I don't remember what it was called. Emma, Google, uh, what the fuck was the name of the show?

That was like, it was the one with Joan Collins. Dynasty dynasty dynasty or a or a competitor. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I'm out of my depth here. I don't know anything about- Well, the spin-off of Dallas, which was Corpus Christi, was not very successful.

It was just boring. Like sleepy little kind of weird racist town by the water. They should have made it Somerville. Yeah, fucking bannies. Fucking bannies. Oh, God. Yeah, I think my grandmother used to make us, I don't know, there must have been some problems

that I didn't like my grandmother's hamburgers. What was the? Well, that was the problem. I don't remember, I was very little. I think that was the problem. That is a problem. So the next time she came- Unless that's a euphemism.

Then the next time she came, she said, they said, my parents, my mom and my grandmother said that she went to a restaurant near us called Don's and they taught her how to make hamburgers. So now they'll be good. So I was like, wow, that's, that's impressive. And I ate it and I think I liked it. And it wasn't until like I'm an adult, like way, like, like, like with your father, like I'm an adult and I'm thinking, wait a minute,

she didn't go to Don's and learn how to make hamburgers. She just said that. So I shut my little mouth up and eat her hamburgers. Now that lie is practical and is fine. There's nothing wrong with that. It is fair. It's on me, really. That really, you know, there's quite often there are times

you're like, how do I shut this kid up? Why, why, why, why? And well, because of the, why? Well, and you know. And then you have to end it so you talk about it. I went to Don's to learn how to make hamburgers. Oh, now I like them. Well, this was probably the worst lie

that was told to me as a kid. So we had different childhoods. I know in many ways. That's a blessed childhood. If that's the worst lie you ever got. I think it really is. It was. Also, I think that's, I don't, maybe it's just cultural, but nobody, I don't think anybody in my family ever made hamburgers. Like it just wasn't a thing. Yeah. No one's making, that's a standard. Yeah, no, you're right. I just, and I could be wrong. There might have been a time or two

when we had hamburgers, but I don't remember it. It certainly wasn't a staple. And we didn't really grill out. My dad wasn't there and then he was gone by the time I was nine. But we weren't like a big like, hey, hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill this summer. Yeah, we had the grill too. My dad would make, he made hamburgers so, he made them like meatballs. Yeah. I would always try to say, make them Flutter Dad. And then he'd say, I'll go to Don's and no.

Yeah. But he made very like, the round go to Don's and no, he, uh, but he was, he made very like thrown. Did Don's have good hamburgers? I guess I must've liked the Don's hamburgers, the Don's drive-in. And then the next time you had your grandmom's hamburger, did you go, Hmm, thumbs up? I think I did. I think I'd like, or I thought like, I guess I can't argue with this now. I just, they, they cornered me.

How suggest, that's very suggestive to say, you like them. Yes. And I've heard, it's a thing that you can do with kids at a certain, there's a tiny little age bubble where you can do this, where you can tell them that they like something and then they'll like it or that they don't like it. Like you can go, like, and if you tell a kid,

this may not only last like a month to a couple months, but you're like, if they eat something and they like it and you go, that's a roasted carrot, right? And it's just, ooh, I like it. And then you can, they can be the kid that likes roasted carrots. I like roasted carrot and that's part of their identity. You know, like I'm Ethiopian, I'm Jewish,

I like roasted carrots and that's their thing. And you can milk that for like a month or two months until they go, hey, I don't like roasted carrots. All right. Well, yes. My son says he remembers the moment when we kept giving him bananas. He must have been very little. And the moment when he said, wait a minute, I don't like this.

He learned to sign it before he could even speak. Yes. It must have been about that age because it's like you just feed kids these soft mushy foods and he's like eating it up and suddenly it like turns like he realizes, I'm not enjoying this. One of my favorite things, I love when babies or dogs sneeze. That's one of my favorite things in the world, but also babies and dogs do the same thing where they don't necessarily make a face, but if they don't like something, they'll just push it out of their mouth.

Not necessarily spit it out in anger, but just. It just comes the other way. You like put it, if you like go to feed a dog and they don't like it, they just go. It's going one way, then it's going another. Yeah, and the baby just does the same like. And you gotta clean it up. Okay, lesson learned.

That's a good incentive to give him, give them tasty foods. You don't like Ruben's grandmom's hamburgers. Fine. We'll send her to Don's. Do you have, this is the latest, yes? This is, well, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm releasing them. It's we're doing multi-volume complete Tom the Dancing Bug set, every comic I've done. Each book is four years worth of comics.

Oh, I see, this is 99 to 2002, God, I got it. I'm going backwards. So the first one came out right at Trump's election, because I wanted that one to come out. And now we're going backwards. So this is volume three, which is the fifth volume released. So the other one that I got in the mail was. Into the volume seven.

Oh you went backwards. Cause I'm going backwards. So volume seven came out first, volume three came out. I'm not going to do the math and this may not work out. But the fifth. I don't. You got me. I don't.

I pay for somebody to do the math on that. Yeah. So, so, cause I wanted that first Trump one to come out and the next one will be volume eight cause I'm ready for, ready for the latest one to come out. And this one has God man in it? That one has, does it have God man in it? It's better. I don't know. It better. Geez, did he come out in that time?

I- It must be, he must be in there. Yes, for sure. Okay. Yes, I made him up in 97 or something. Oh, wow. Yeah. So, yeah. Great stuff. I urge you to check it out. But there's also people who are not watching this and only listening. So, this is The Complete Tom the Dancing Bug, 1999 to 2002, volume three of seven. Of not, will be eight.

Of what will be eight. Yeah. On the trail of Tom the Dancing Bug. Man. Comics by Ruben Bowling. That's great. Thank you. Yeah, absolutely.

I didn't know that. I was wanting to give that to you as a, as a present. I didn't mean it to be a, a, a publicity. Oh, I was going to pay. I thought I was going to pay for it, but I was going to ask you, can I get like sort of friends and family discount? 10%, but oh man. 10%?

I blew it, yeah. That's what you give, that's your discount to friends. So your family, your mom wants a book. And you're like, sure, mom. My nana made me some good hamburgers. Yeah, you can have it. Let me knock off 10% since you raised me. That's a bunch of bullshit.

My present to you, take it for whatever it's worth. Well, apparently it's worth 10% less than its market value. At least 10% off. Yeah. So it's really fun. Thank you for the, you gave me a quote for the first volume that came out for volume eight. And that was- Blurbed the shit out of that. You did blurb. You blurb the shit out of it is right because you, do you remember this? You were the only one I had to go back to.

What? Because your quote- I was racist. I was cringing to do this because I was so embarrassed. Did I use the N word? Your quote had the word shitty in it. Oh, shitty, yeah. Which is fine. This is on me. I've never had cursing in the comic. I don't know why. I'm the

Jim Gaffigan of the art. That's all right. That's all right. So I had to go back to you and say, would you mind? I've gone like at that point 30 years and I don't want my first one to be in the back of me. I haven't made a swear. at that point, 30 years and I haven't, I don't want, you know, my first one to be in the back. I haven't made a swear. You've made a swear.

So, I suggested, would you change it, something else, maybe crappy? And you said, how about bleak? And I said, I said, this is a wordsmith. And bleak is better than shitty. Better than both, it ended up. It ended up, so. Crappy sounds like you've been asked to change shitty.

Right, crappy was really bad. When you read crappy, you're like, oh, they probably wanted shitty, but they didn't change it to crappy. I was trying to, I just, I felt so embarrassed to go, to go back to you after you were so nice to do this. No, you made it better. You edited it. I did, but I didn't want to bother you.

You were your own editor. And, it was good. We made it, we honed that quote into the best, best blurb it could be. And it was nominated for a quote-y that year. There were- Thank God it didn't win because the really, what you want is to be nominated and lose.

You want to be nominated for a quote-y. For the quote peers. For a blurb, you know, to be considered one of the best blurbsmiths of 2000, whatever it was. Once it goes to that committee, they don't know about blurbs. What do they know? What do they know about blurbs? They're writing long form.

They're writing prose. They're writing treaties. And no, a blurb is an art form unto itself. Yeah. So congratulations on the nom. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you.

The nod. We will find out shortly whether I have won or not. Well, it's a long process. Are you on the board that oversees the voting? I am on the, yeah, I'm on the board. So do you have to recuse yourself or how does that work? No, there's no ethics in that at all. Oh, okay. So it's like every other board.

Blurbing is, there's no ethics in blurbing. You know that. People will say anything about anything. They're wh is, there's no ethics in blurbing. You know that. People will say anything about anything. They're whores. Yeah, and you trade blurbs. You know how that's done? Yeah, it's called log rolling, right? Log rolling in our times.

I know that from, is that from Private Eye? Spy. Spy, oh, okay. I think, yeah, spy. Private Eye. Maybe both. Do you know Private Eye? That's English, right?

Yes. Yeah, I don't know much about it. I know it's- It is absolutely brilliant. I understand why we don't have something like that in the States. It's just that we're too big, but there, it's perfect for the kind of country that or territories that the UK is and it's just, it's the best of all worlds. Oh really? I got to check it out. Yeah, Private Eye is great. I should check that out because I have heard of it. I didn't think much of like, you know, I thought it'd just be another satire thing, but maybe it's a static.

No, no. Well, the first half is news. Okay. Their take on news, you know, and they're often ahead of the curve and I've been around for quite a while. And then the kind of latter half, back half are more blatantly comic things. I know they have comics and cartoons because I've seen that. There's a British magazine of comics called Viz. Oh, yeah. I have subscriptions to both, or had subscriptions to both Viz and Gravity. I should have subscribed to that. I'm obsessed with it. It is so disgustingly hilarious. It is just so gross. There's stuff in

there. I'm obsessed with it. The artists are amazing. It's like they take like the old style British comic of like boy adventures and mysteries and just make them like comics that are just disgustingly hilarious. Well, yeah, they do several kind of genres. They do the, oh, there was a- Adventure, yeah, all kinds of- There was like a very cartoony, like their equivalent of the dead end kids type of thing. But then they have Biffa Bacon. They have a lot of, they make fun of the North a lot. Yes. It's amazing how different culturally it is. How many things that I think are funny, but I just don't get. I just, there's, you know, like the equivalent of like Barneys,

you know. But you get the context. Yeah, I do. I have to like catch on and sometimes you don't get something and it's still hilarious because you just know there's something funny behind it. I don't think, or actually I'm thinking one time that I've laughed as hard as I've laughed when I was on a plane and part of it is altitude and you have a few drinks, but I was reading their Viz top tips. Tom Basingbug? No. No. I had a copy of Viz and I was reading top tips and I was laughing, crying at some of them.

Oh, the tips of things you can do, like household tips. Yeah. I'm going to do a disservice if I try to paraphrase one, but the whole thing is funny. And there's some that are just sort of base and gross, but there's a lot of clever, funny. I love Viz, I love Private Eye. They're two very different things, but they appeal to the two different parts of me. Oh, yes. And I've got to, I learn a lot about British politics from private eye. I learn about what's going on and I lived there for a couple of years and that's why I get it every week or every bi-weekly. Is that where you learned about these when you were living there?

Yeah. Yeah. And then when I came back, I subscribed to them for a while. Yeah, they're just, oh, and one of the greatest thrills of my life. Like, so I had gotten a copy of Private Eye and I remember I was back here, I was reading it, I must have got it and taken it on the plane when I was coming back to the States. I remember I was at home and I was leafing through it. It's one of those things where I'll start to read chronologically cover to cover, but you don't have to. I was flipping around like, I'm going to go see what, you know, soothe's corner where

they have quotations from people just being pretentious, you know, pseudo intellectual, but pseudo, pseudo suits corner. Yeah. And they forgot these little things, you know, love these is always great, which is some, you know, cringy quote by an actor and actress about the love of theater and how important it is, what it means. And just, you know. They just collect them and... Well, they just have somebody over here, submit it. And this person said this on, you know, BBC One on the radio, whatever, and then they'll quote it. And it's just like, oh my God, what an embarrassing thing to say.

But I was flipping around, then I came back and I was just... say. But I was flipping around, then I came back and I was just, I started reading this little article and it mentioned something from Mr. Show and had my name in there. And I'm standing in my office going, like, I made it. And they also wrote it, the way it was written was, uh, presumed a familiarity with me. But isn't that, doesn't that? It was a very exciting thing. I wouldn't guess that would be, uh, unusual for you. I would guess that would be, uh, I mean, I've read my name in print, but I haven't read

it in something that I, you know, was such a fan of. And, uh, and it was just exciting. Yeah, that's, that is, that is cool. I haven't read it in something that I was such a fan of. Wow, all right. And it was just exciting. Yeah, that is cool. But you weren't in the suities, you weren't, you hadn't, it wasn't a quote. It was making fun of ad, they have another section

called ad nauseam and it's about, just about, the advertising companies and different things. And they, it was some, I believe if I remember correctly, it was something that was kind of ripping off something we did on Mr. Show. And they mentioned the bit and they mentioned, but again, it was, they didn't like qualify it with like, an American sketch American sketch show Da da da they put it out there. She was soon. No that is For me that's like it's on the it's on the Mount Rushmore of comedy. I just loved it But but that is I mean I I've there's a comic in there that is that is what's that go ahead good There's a comic in I think it, what's that? Go ahead, go ahead, sorry.

There's a comic in, I think it's in this book because it's about Clinton and his impeachment, which would have been covered in that time, where it was, I had supposed to be writing, but instead I'm watching, like I'm binging on Mr. Shows, because I think I discovered it after it had been on for a while. So then I watched like three in a row on HBO and I was just like vibrating.

Like, you know, sometimes when you're writing, uh, like, like nothing's funny, like not depressing, just like not everything's boring. But then sometimes when did the best thing is when you're writing and like, everything is funny that that's hilarious. That's, and I was like on that kind of role from watching that. And I wrote a comic that I was really proud of and got very popular because I was just on that. I remember that specifically. Not many things, usually when you say something's influenced you, it's more of a general thing. This was a specific thing. This comic came from

just being so excited about what I saw. Well good. I'm sure. Yeah. So anyway, that's just wanted to let you know. And it's in the book. Is it the kind of thing like it would I know? Is there a- No, there's no reference at all. You're just spurred, inspired. It just literally inspired me. And there's a little bit of business in there. I remember it, it's something like, and people commented on it, it was just a silly thing. How can we possibly solve this? All we've

got is this time machine. And that was definitely from like the type of, I was just like, that was a Mr. Show kind of line that was just like, that would be great. And I just like threw it in there, I had nothing to do with anything else. And that, so yeah, there's no reference to it. It's just, I specifically remember that comic. Maybe I'll show it to you after. Well, now I know what to look for. The time machine reference. Yeah, the time machine reference. Yeah, that's great. Well, I mean, that's what in part, you know, and I'm sure you feel the same way about your legacy of work. Like, hey, if it helps somebody else, if it, you know. If it helps one person.

Well, one person is enough. That's not great. That's too few. Maybe five would be terrible too. I think five's not good either. I mean, you want a good baker's dozen. Maybe if one of those five got nominated for something. Sure. And that wouldn't count for 25. Yeah. You want a baker's dozen, which is 13 because the baker always takes, he makes and doesn't

pay for it. And that baker should be five. And that's not good either. And then you want to have a good baker's dozen. And then you want to have a good baker's dozen. And then you want to have a good baker's dozen. And then you want to have a good baker's dozen. And then you want to have a good baker's dozen.

And then you want to have a good baker's dozen. And then you want to have a good baker's dozen. And then you want to have a good baker's dozen. And then you want to have a good baker's dozen. And then you want to have a good baker's dozen. And then you want to have a good baker's dozen. And then you want to have a good baker's dozen. And then you want to and doesn't pay for it. And that Baker should be fired and made an example of. Wow. That's a strong take suddenly. I don't think it's strong. I mean, I just feel- I don't know where that came from. That suddenly you're like a, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I'm a capitalist all the way. So if you can bitch about wage theft all you want, but that's CEO theft. When a baker is working for a multinational conglomerate, say Archway Cookies, and he's making cookies, and he makes a dozen quote unquote cookies, but guess what? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, that's a dozen, but there's one extra cookie. Wait, where's that going to go? The baker's going to take it. Why not? And he's going to take it and smuggle it and take it home to his sick child.

Wait, he takes it home? I thought he gives it to the consumer against the interests of the of the conglomerate. Yeah, you really should give it to the conglomerate. No, he's taking it for a sick. He has a child with rickets. Selfish. And well, it's, I mean, I look, I'm sorry your kid has rickets. I didn't even know that was a thing anymore. But I don't think Baker's dozens with the thing anymore. Do they still do that? That's 13. 13? Yeah, it's a shortcut. It's a quicker way to say 13. A quicker way to say 13 is a Baker's Dozen. So, listen, 13, two syllables, a Baker's Dozen, six syllables.

All right, yeah, it's quicker. So it's a quicker way to say, and what do you think of when I say a baker's dozen? What do you think of immediately? Thirteen. Yeah. Now when I say thirteen, what do you think of? The movie, the Bar Mitzvah? A Bar Mitzvah? Hmm. Oh, you're a Jew. Is that what that, is that what you, uh, okay. Uh, I was, no, I thought of Baker's, I thought it would be-

It goes both ways? Yeah. And then also, uh, haunted, like 13 is unlucky. So a haunted Baker's dozen. There was a- But that's too, see, when I say 13 and you're thinking all that, then you're getting distracted and you're not, you're not really thinking about 13.

That's why I say Baker's dozen, when I want you to think about 13, so you think about 13. If I say 13, you're going really thinking about 13. That's why I say Baker's dozen, when I want you to think about 13, so you think about 13. If I say 13, you're gonna think about Baker's dozen. And what is the origin of that phrase? And we really don't think about a Baker's dozen anymore. It's not used, see, your mind is off on the fucking races. Which seems like a waste of time.

It's a terrible waste of time. Yeah. So you shouldn't use Baker's dozen. You're wasting everyone's time with all these diversions of time. It seems like. It's a terrible waste of time. Yeah. So you shouldn't use Baker's dozen. You're wasting everyone's time with all these, these diversions of fun. No, you sh- Oh, Ruben, you should use Baker's dozen in place of 13, cause then you'll think of 13th floor.

So when I, I'm in an elevator, uh, and I'm holding a bunch of stuff, right? I got four iced coffees. I'm struggling with them. Somebody's in there. Hi, what floor are you on? Baker's dozen. And then they hit 13. But guess what? There is no 13th floor because the Japanese are scared of it. So we don't have 13th floors in a lot of hotels because we want Japanese

people to come visit and stay in the hotel. Is it, I don't know, is it Japanese? Because my aunt's building had no 13th floor and she lived in the 14th. Well, she wasn't, I was, she wasn't fooling anybody. She was on the, I would always. Well, you fooled the devil. Devil always gets tricked. Devil comes into the elevator with, with death, you know, in a cloak and a scythe. And he's like, let's go get all those people in the 13th.

Wait a minute. This thing doesn't have 13th floor. So he skipped right over it. Oh, shucks. That's why she lived a long and happy life, I guess, which is true. It's the, that's the key to longevity is not living on the 13th floor or changing the name of your floor

from 13th to 14th. 13th to 14th. And tricking the devil at his own game. What a dumb game. What a dumb game. What a dumb devil. Fantastic. No, but really, a baker's dozen is when you take an extra loaf.

Yeah. And you take it home. Take it home. Take it home. I didn't even know about that. I didn't know that was going on. Yeah. I don't own a conglomerate. You know who you should talk to about this is Elizabeth Warren.

I bet she'd have something to say. Our senator from Massachusetts, yes. Yeah. And you're in New York now? Yeah. Okay. I don't know how Schumer would, he's not gonna- Schumer's not gonna care. No, it's Warren or nobody. Would you move back to Massachusetts and get residency there so that you could do this? Well, I have to go to Red Bones somehow. I have to try that.

It's still there. I can't believe, but now, wait, have you gone back to- Yes, for sure. My daughter lived- And you never- My daughter probably, my oldest daughter lived probably the way you described it, like two blocks away from it for about a year. Do you know where the old Candlepin Bowling was? Yes. Okay. So about two, I would say it's in between Rosebud Diner and the Candlepin Bowling.

I think I can picture it now. I think we've talked about it, about going in and we- No, no, no, not you and I, but various people and I have talked about going in and didn't go in. Okay, well, that's a little different than not knowing. Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. This is a very vague thing, but I think I may have been worried that I'd be called a Barney because I really wasn't from Somerville. I was living there. Wow. You were telling on yourself in so many ways. So you really, you do know about Red Bones. You do know about the term Barney because-

It's all coming back. It's all, once you said Candlepin Bowling, I remember there was something near there. Candlepin Bowling was one of the best things about New England. It's a strange- They have their own kind of bowling. Yeah. And fuck you other have their own kind of bowling. Yeah. It's like you other bowlers, your superior bowling. Right. Everyone loves, we're going to have this weird thing with a, you can hold them. It's a smaller ball.

It's a smaller ball and straight. Smaller things and it's their own thing. God love you. All right. And frat, we're going to call a milkshake a frat, but we call a milkshake milk with syrup in it. Oh, wait. Yeah.

Milk with, that's what they call a milkshake? I didn't even know that. I just would get frats. I think now more and more people are coming around to the universal. What a milkshake is. But yeah, a frat was a milk, what we considered a milkshake. And if you got a milkshake at like an old school, old place, it would be, you know, like chocolate milk or milk and flavored syrup. No ice cream? No.

No. Wow. Well, that makes sense really. You shake, you get put milk in it, stir it up. There's no ice, there's no, where's the ice cream? Why doesn't Milkshake have the word ice cream in it? Yeah, but also FRAP? FRAP is who knows? Yeah, that's just such a New England, just out of left field. It sounds vaguely French. Yeah, right, exactly. It's got- I think FRAP bear is a hitter or batter because I went to an Expos game, an old Montreal Expos game, or batter because I went to an Expos game, an old Montreal Expos game, and they would, you know, announce everybody in French and like, you know, if I was hearing the word correctly. I went to a Montreal expo game. I went to Montreal with a friend in the late 80s.

Probably you were getting ready to move to Somerville. We went to Montreal on a road trip, we got to an Expos game and I was surprised going to Montreal that they actually spoke French seriously. I thought it was sort of like a cute gimmick, like we're going to speak a little French, but everyone will speak English really. And there are people who only spoke both French, especially I think it's changed now, there's probably more English now, but everyone will speak English really. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Especially, I think it's changed now, it's probably more English now, but at that time, yeah. So I go to get us like hot dogs and beers and I'm so flummoxed by trying to negotiate it without speaking French, I get them, I go back to our seats, we're sitting there eating them, and the lady who sold them to me, I see her walking down

the aisle and seeing me and like running up to me and I'm like, oh, hi, how are you? And she begins talking to me in French and I'm like, what's going on? And someone nearby says, you forgot to pay. Oh, wow. Yeah, I must have been like, wow, I completed that transaction successfully even though I don't speak the language. This is pre cards, this is pre. Well, there would have been cards, but I just didn't pay at all. I got my stuff and walked away and she went and found me.

Yeah, you're not allowed to do that. No, no, no. Even though they speak French, you're still not allowed to just take food. I learned my lesson. I thought, you know, French would have different ways, but I learned. I know. And it's Quebecois. They'll be the first to tell you. Quebecois, yeah. Two little anecdotes regarding Montreal. One, when you went, this isn't an anecdote,

it's just an experience, but when did you go to the stadium by taking the subway? I don't remember. We didn't, oh no, well, we had a car because we were on a road trip, but I don't know if we would have driven with, I don't remember. It's one of the coolest things is I didn't know that this is what happened.

We were just taking, my friend and I went and just took the, and I had never been to, I'd never been out of the country at this point. And we took the subway from town, in the city to the Expo Stadium. And the subway, that's the stop, like Expo Stadium. and you go out just like you're leaving any subway and you go up the stairs and you go to the exit signs and you are in the stadium. You're basically, yeah, you're basically in the kind of outer arena concessions area.

Wow. And it's Olympic Stadium, indoor, an indoor stadium. It was, it was really cool. I was not expecting that. I, you know, took the subway to Expo, expecting, okay, like my sole experience with going to games is like you get off the subway or, you know, drive a car or whatever,

and you're in the parking lot. And you can see the stadium. And you go, and you see the stadium, you walk towards it and you get, go through the, and this is your, it just dumps you off. In the stadium. You're in there. What about, what about ticketing? Is that free or? No and you get, go through the, and this is your, it just dumps you off here and there. What about, what about ticketing?

Is that free or? No, you have to go through the- Or did someone chase you and say, wait a minute, you have to- Yeah, the only thing that was free was hot dogs and beer and that you're allowed to just walk up a tank. There's a secret word that you say in French and if you don't know it, then yeah. But I had a very similar experience where same trip was the first time I'd ever been outside

of the country. I want to say this is 90, I don't know, 90. 90. I'd say. So you just moved into Somerville. Yeah. And you're pretty close. It's all Somerville centric.

Everything revolves around Somerville. There's BC and AD and all about when I moved to Somerville. And my friend Jonathan and I went to get a coffee. And we're in the hardcore French-speaking part, which I don't know at the time. and I just go, hi, yes, could I get a large coffee, please? And the girl was roughly my age, just staring at me and coffee, and she speaks to me in French,

and I don't understand what's happening. Also, I haven't had coffee yet, so it's doubly confusing, and I really don't understand what's happening. She's just staring at me, and then I haven't had coffee yet, so it's doubly confusing. And I really don't understand what's happening. She's just staring at me. And then I don't remember how either it occurred to me or somebody said something, but she wanted me to say, cafe. Oh, she understood you. Oh, she understood me. I just, I didn't say the word cafe.

Wow. And I remember being really kind of ticked off at that. That's a bit much. Yeah, I mean, to not understand would be. She thought it was disrespectful, I think, is my guess. That's the reputation of the Parisians. Like you would, like they, do you have to. Oh, they got nothing on them.

You have to use all their special words. Uptight Montreal folks. Yeah, they're very defensive about it. Okay, let me ask you this. Yes, sir. Hamas or Israel? All right, let me- I was prepared for that.

I was in the subway and I was wondering, I wonder if that'll come up. Let me ask you this. I've got to have an answer. Let me ask you this. I should ask everyone that. New York bagel or a Montreal bagel? Oh, come on. Come on. It's the same thing. I mean, they have their own cute little thing there and God bless them. I think that's fantastic. They have their own language and their own government and their own bagels and I think that's fantastic. It makes it fun to go there. But it's the New York

bagel is the thing. That's the best. I disagree wholeheartedly. Oh my God. It's a pretzel. I much, much, much prefer. No, it's not a pretzel. It is not.

I'm just trying to get some heat here. I much prefer the Montreal bagel. It's denser. It's slightly sweeter, but not cloyingly sweet at all. It's just a hint of it. And it, I just, sesame Montreal bagel toasted with butter is just perfection. It's great. I loved it. You know, I- I prefer it to the New York bagel. We went, we now do, my wife is such a foodie and then she's, I've sort of come along on

that. But especially for foods like bagels, like we just would do like a tour, like just like go to like this bagel place, that bagel place, like try them all. And you know, so that was, it was a really fun- And where do you live? I'll cut it out. What section of town? Okay. Um, I, uh, this is going by whatever the bagel,

you know, that blog, the bagel guy, the guy who went out to every bagel place in New York, just like the pizza guy. Okay. But anyway, uh, according to the bagel blog, uh, I live around the corner from Brooklyn's best bagel and the third best bagel in all of New York City. Wow. And I would agree, they are great bagels, homemade.

Oh, homemade is, yeah. Yeah, I mean, they're really, really good. That's great. I would still prefer a Montreal bagel. Wow, nice, great, great. You're a great traveler. You have an open mind. Mm-hmm. Nice, great, great. You're a great traveler. You have an open mind. I guess, I grew up in New Jersey. These are my bagels. This is what I'm used to. So I have to root for the hometown bagel. There's bagel wars. I mean, people have and there's people in their own neighborhoods.

I feel like the best is in my neighborhood and the the people, I have a lot of friends in the Upper West Side who swear by absolute bagels. Absolute, I haven't had it. Bad. Really? Oh yeah. So what's your bagel place? H&H. Oh, H&H is good.

Yeah, that's great. Yeah. I'm around in Brooklyn on Vanderbilt Avenue. There's the like ye olde Brooklyn bagel. Oh, yeah. They're great. Yeah, someone was telling me about that. I believe it's very good. Yeah, it's very good.

Ye olde doesn't sound like it would be a great bagel place. You're right. And it's kind of corny looking and they did a little gilded gold and, you know, painting on the glass. But it's quite good. And that's the one that's considered the best in Brooklyn. All right. I got to try it. I love a food, you know, excursion.

I love to go get out there, find bagels for pizza. Absolutely. Bagels for pizza or pizza? Bagels or pizza are two things that I will travel around. Oh, I see. Give me your top three pizza places. Oh. I held you out by saying three. Yeah. Well, I like in New York City because I like New Haven pizza now. I do too. New Haven is too. That's become my favorite.

But let's, let's. All right. Roberto's. Yeah, I haven't had it, but I know of it. Very famous. Oh man, I'm blanking. I can't even think of ones I don't like now. See, I told you I wouldn't be given an impromptu.

Well, what's your favorite slice? I think Joe's. Yeah. I think Joe's in the West Village. And I know that's a standard choice, but I've come to, That's, but I've come to love it. I think when I have it a lot, like late at night, one thing is that they're always making, this is to the advantage of any pizza place, it gets popular enough, there's always making

pizzas so it's always fresh. It's not being reheated. So midnight, you can go in there and a pie is coming out of the oven. Yeah. No, Joe's is very good. I oven. Yeah. That's the key. No, Joe's is very good. I like it. It's a good slice.

Have you had the Detroit pizza at Emmy Squared? Is that on, where is that? On 23rd Street? I did have Detroit pizza there. I don't know if they have one in Manhattan, but they definitely have one in, I think it was their original pizza place actually on, it's in Williamsburg. Oh, okay. It's really good.

Oh, I got it right. Really, really, really, really good. The first time I had Detroit style pizza in New York and it's excellent. Now there's a bunch of them and they have Jets, which is that chain. A few years ago, I realize, I say this, a few years ago, I had a dream. This was my dream. We have a minivan, an old, beat up minivan. Wait, is this an actual dream, like nighttime dream? No, this is true. This is like an MLK dream. This is like an aspirational-

Oh, okay. I'll listen to that. I don't want to listen to your dream. An aspirational goal. Right. The best, I think the best pizza is- To one day not be judged by the color of your skin? I don't care about that. It's about pizza. Why would a white guy care about it? I don't care. You can judge all you want.

Whatever happens, fine. I don't give a shit. Yeah, I'm okay. I go that the best pizza is when it comes right out of the oven, as I said, so you, so you want it, you could want to order whole pies at a slice place. So you, so you get the pie coming out. It's your pie, but you need eight friends to do that. And what I wanted to do was to-

Well, wait, I'm sorry. Who doesn't get a slice if it's you and eight friends? Oh, that's true. That's true. So- We need one designated driver. One guy's got to drive. Who doesn't want to get one designated driver. One guy that's going to drive. Yeah, okay. Who doesn't want to get too fat to drive?

Doesn't want to get. I'm too fat to drive. Eight friends, damn, you got me. You're really listening. So one year after Thanksgiving, the Friday after Thanksgiving, I had my family here, my brother and our kids, and we all got in the minivan, eight of us and we would drive, went to Brooklyn and drove from pizza place to pizza place ordering a pizza by phone as we're driving to it. The pizza comes out hot, the eight of us each get a slice and then you go to the next place. So it was, yeah, I was so happy that my, this dream that I had, not a nighttime sleepy dream, but it actually happened and

everyone was so happy with it. That's great. I mean, some people, you know, dream about equality and- It's a good one. I'm not saying that's bad. And some people dream about getting their whole crew into a van and getting some hot pizza. That's, you know, who's to judge which is the better dream? Me. All right. Ruben Bowling, thank you. This is, I'm acting like this is a talk show, but I want people to see it because you're the first person who's come on that has a physical thing. I feel bad. I feel like I'm like, it's like I bought a prop. I really just want to because you gave me the...

No, no, no, no. This is for me and and I appreciate it But I want people to know how great this comic is And just oh and wait the the inner hive how where would they go online? Oh, man. Thank you You're doing to me a big favor Yeah The inner hive is my subscription service where you get the comic a day before it's published every week and that tomthedancingbug.com. Yeah, and you are writing for Boing Boing now. Yeah, I am. Yeah. I see that because I'm subscribed to the thing so it's on there. Yeah, I put on the articles that I wrote for Boing Boing. Yeah,

just like little pieces, little this and that, whatever's come up. All right. Well, it's time to ask you a question from my daughter. And here it is. This is from Marlo. And she asks, Ruben, will you die if you lick a tree? AC Wow. Short answer, no. But I'm sure there's all kinds of possibilities. I mean, you could die after doing almost anything. So I wouldn't want to lead her down Primrose path and say that she won't die if she licks a tree. So the answer, you know, the longer answer is,

sure, you could die. So the short answer is no, but the long answer is yes. Sure. Because you're gonna die eventually. You could lick a tree and then someday you will die. And you might die from licking the tree, there's no way to really know. Well, this is the word, let's focus on the word if, okay?

Cause that seems to be the one that you're kind of hung up on. So would you die, you're kind of hung up on. So, would you die? You're saying yes, regardless of what comes after that. Would you die if you hung out and watched TV and had some lemonade? And then your long answer is like, yeah, you're going to die eventually, so I mean, whether you have lemonade or not. That's right. That is the longer answer. So that's the long answer is would you die if. If. It just is going to be yes. Yeah, because logically.

But when you add lick a tree. Yeah. And make it specific. Mm-hmm. The short answer is no. Well, the short answer is always no, unless it's something that is actually extremely dangerous. So as long as it's something that's innocuous, the short answer is going to be, no, you won't

die if you lick a tree. But when you think about it, if you lick a tree, you will die. All right. What if you don't lick a tree? You'll still die. All right. So, then it's not if you lick a tree. Why not?

It's not if. The word if is what we need to focus on, Reuben. No. If you lick a tree, will you die from that is what would be the full question that you're asking. I think that's implied. I think that's implied. Well, you're talking about a six-year-old's question. All right, you want to go talk to a six-year-old and go, let me tell you why that's an incorrect Senate structure.

I would have given her the short answer, but I'm talking to you, her dad. And I want, her dad. Don't talk to me. It's her question. Talk to her. Well, she's okay. Give her the answer, no. But know in your mind that she could die later or from licking that tree. There's all kinds of viruses. Wait, wait, wait. You just said if you die, I mean, if you lick a tree, no, you're not going to die. That was how you brought it up. So don't, so I'm supposed to say you will die. No, no, no, in your mind, you're not supposed to say it. Oh, just thinking. You're supposed to know it. You're her dad and you should, you should know the full facts of all the dangers of licking the tree as slow as they may be, as well as her mortality. Right. You need to know that. And that's my bonus to you.

Well, thank you. I need to turn on my heart light, which was a beautiful song that was written for ET. Neil Diamond. Neil Diamond sung it. Bert Bachrach wrote it. Ah. But who wrote the lyrics then? Because Bert didn't write the lyrics. I don't know. Are you sure? He never wrote lyrics, right? No, he didn't. Oh, he didn't? the lyrics. I don't know. Are you sure? He never wrote lyrics, right? No, he didn't.

Oh, he didn't? I thought he did. Hal Davis? Hal Davis wrote a bunch of lyrics, but I thought he wrote- And then there was that Ruben, did Bert, I don't think Bert Bachreck ever wrote lyrics. Really? Oh, I didn't know that. I thought he did. I don't think so. I could be wrong. All right. Well, your time is up. Thank you, Ruben, Bowling. Thank you so much for coming down. Thank you so much. This was a great honor and really fun.

And we should start the podcast though, right? I didn't know we had started. Sense is Working Over Time is a headgum podcast created and hosted by me, David Cross. The show is edited by Katie Skelton and engineered by Nicole Lyons with supervising producer Emma Foley. Thanks to Demi Druchen for our show art and Mark Rivers for our theme song. For more podcasts by Headgum, visit Headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple podcasts and maybe we'll read it on a future episode. I'm not gonna do that. Thanks for listening.

That was a hate gum podcast. Hey guys, just announced a big show in Central Park on the summer stage, part of the summer stage series called David Cross and Super Pals. That's gonna be August 8th. It's gonna be amazing. Got all kinds of really cool special guests. I know we got Bob Odenkirk, Sarah Silverman, Sean Patton, Fred Armisen, many, many, many more.

Go to officialdavidcross.com. That'll have all the information for that. And the pre-sale, it just went out and the pre-sale code is fun fun. I believe it's all caps. FUNFUN. David Cross and SuperPals, August 8th, Central Park. Come down.