Senses Working Overtime with David Cross - Ryan Sickler

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

Ryan Sickler (The HoneyDew) joins David to talk about heartbreak, single parenting, and more. Catch all new episodes every Thursday. Watch video episodes here.Guest: Ryan SicklerSubscribe and Rate Senses Working Overtime on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review to read on a future episode!Follow David on Instagram and Twitter.Follow the show:Instagram: @sensesworkingovertimepodTikTok: @swopodEditor: Kati SkeltonEngineer: Casey Donahue Executive Producer: Emma FoleyAdvertise on Senses Working Overtime via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. You can be wherever you want. Of these two chairs. Or no, no, actually I'll, I'll, I'll, uh, you can be there. You can sit there, yeah. Really? Absolutely. I'm going to go with that one. A little, a little choice, but yeah, sure.

I mean. Great space. Thank you very much. Is this your dedicated studio, this one here? I'm going to go ahead and thank you very much. I just dedicated studio this one here. I own the building and the air rights to to most of the kind of Silver Lake Echo Park zone. Oh

yeah. There you go. Now you are, I gotta say, way overdressed for the temperature. I mean, that is, I'm in shorts and a t-shirt. You think a hoodie and sweats is overdressed? I was worried I'm underdressed. It's like 80 degrees. It's a beautiful, crisp Los Angeles winter's day. Yeah. And no, I think, I wanna say it's 76, 77 degrees. Yeah, it's nice, but see, it's chilly in here.

I don't know, you know what it is, I don't know what it is. It is a little chilly in here. As the older I get, the colder I get. I think that's a real thing, isn't it? Or maybe not, you're just not as comfortable with the cold? Yeah, I'm from Maryland originally, Baltimore, so we grew up with snow and winters. Not like a Green Bay or a Minnesota, but we grew up with real winters. As soon as I moved here, within six months, I couldn't take it anymore.

My blood thinned quickly. I know a couple people like that like Bob Odenkirk who grew up in a suburb of Chicago, lived in Chicago, lived in New York, I think was out here for just a couple years and then would complain a bitch about the cold when he was back. Like it's too cold. I've always said I like to play in it I don't like to live in it What about temporarily what if somebody said? Here's a trade-off. Mm-hmm. I will give you the delights of spring the emotional

Uplifting of spring and everything that comes with it. The awakening, the birth. Oh, yeah. The smell, the sounds, the chirps. Absolutely. And I will also give you- Fresh cut grass. Sorry, go ahead. No, fresh cut grass. Keep them coming. They're all barbecues. The rain, the smell of the rain on the pavement before it actually drops from the sky.

Taking off that winter coat. Yeah. They're all barbecues. The rain is smelling the rain on the pavement before it actually drops from the sky. Taken off that winter coat, you know? And I'll also give you the also joyousness and the comfort of fall as summer turns and life goes on and all the accompanying things, the idyllic warmth of a fire and the smell of wood smoke and fall vegetables and seasonings and the foods that accompany it. And just the extra life it gives you is when the, and you get to wear some of your different outfits, you know, a sweater that you really like. And you can smell the smoke from the fire in your clothes. Yeah. I'll give you those things. Spring and fall, okay.

The trade-off is you have to have three months of the thing you like to play in but don't like to live in. There's your trade-off. Definitely, I could do that for sure. Then why don't you move back to Baltimore? Well, because everything I do is here and my child is here. My daughter, you know, my family I've built is here. She's only 10 in a practical world. I can't because her mom and I aren't together and it's a 50-50 custody situation. Oh, shit. I can't because her mom and I aren't together and it's a 50-50 custody situation.

Oh, shit. Okay. And if I move back to Baltimore, I'm just a piece of shit to have. Okay. All right. We're trying to break cycles here. Why don't you bring her with? I think about, like, Maryland is something that's always on my heart.

It just is. I really do love the state. I love the food. I love, you know, you've got the Chesapeake there. You also have the beach there. You've got a city there. You've got the mountains there. You have a real- What mountains? Appalachian.

Appalachia. Appalachia. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Out there in Western Maryland. Sure. So you've got all the- I was thinking Baltimore you were going through, but yes. Yeah. But just then on the other side of Baltimore, you have this massive Chesapeake

Bay and this whole weird Bay community. And then on the other side of the Bay is a whole different kind of redneck on the Eastern shore leading up to Ocean City and then all the touristy crap there, you know? So I really do love Maryland. It's, um, but yeah, I think I've got, my daughter's 10 now, so I think about maybe 10 years it's a spot I certainly consider for sure. You could even do eight, really. I mean, once she's out of high school.

Yeah, could. And eight. I mean, unless she stays behind. But the winter months wouldn't be the months I'd go. Right. You know what I mean? Well, winter Maryland. Where are you from originally? wouldn't be the months I'd go. Right. You know what I mean? Well, winter Maryland.

Where are you from originally? Uh, I'm from Georgia, but I grew up all over the place, but I'm mostly Georgia. Um, by, by far, but then I spent, uh, I went from Georgia to Boston. I was in Boston for nine plus years. And then I moved to LA and then to New York. Um, I just don't miss like, I used to drive a 1990 Honda Civic with original rims and I don't miss like getting up. So my whole thing was in college, all right, I worked at UPS, shout out to UPS, Baltimore

Hub Primary One, Joe Avenue. I worked there and I did the graveyard shift there. So I say graveyard because I'd work from 4 p.m. and we wouldn't get out till supposed to be 2 a.m. but during a long shift and during the winter months the trucks that would come up from like Lexington, Kentucky and all these other places you'd have to wait on them. So sometimes that one truck would get there till three or four in the morning. And then I would go home, I'd sleep for about three hours, I'd get up, I'd go to Towson. That's where I graduated college, finally, Towson State at the time. And I would get up and we didn't have a garage or anything, so you're parking on the street,

it's just street parking. And my doors are frozen. And the only way I could get into that Civic was popping the hatchback and climbing through the hatchback. And I just, I don't miss that shit at all. Well you're also at- I appreciated it at the time. I don't feel like I need to go back. But you don't have to go back. First of all, they make better cars now. And second of all, you're not going

to be in the position of having to get up at 7 a.m. to get into your car because you have to go to the UPS. Unless things go terribly south for you. Yeah. Could happen. Sure. But let's assume they don't. I think it's a safe bet. UPS and things unless things go terribly south for you. Yeah Sure, but let's assume they don't I think it's a safe bet you're you're yeah, you're right now I can go from my house I can start the car outside heat the damn thing up before I ever even get into it all the more you go out Nothing's gone Well, that's why they call it charm city. Yeah, charm city, right? You know what I you made me think? We used to have these things.

Remember this? My name still be out there in the mall. Brookstone. Remember that store with all the gadgets? Sure, sure. So we used to have- The Sky Mall of the malls. Yeah, you're right.

We used to have this game in class where they would sell this thing that kind of looks like the car keys now where you press the button and the little thing flicks up out of it. It's that metal key, you know? But it was just a... Oh, the spare key in case you're in an emergency, that thing? No, you know, like some, I don't know, some of the... Oh, I do know what you're talking about. It's almost like a switchblade.

Yeah. And it's just a little... Yes, yes, yes. So they would sell something similar to that that would... It would heat up and it would go in your car key or your door lock. Yeah, yeah. that's smart. It would melt the ice and then you could get your key open and that thing would fucking get hot.

Yeah. And so- That was a point. We have, I mean, like ridiculously hot. It didn't need to get that hot, but it got fucking hot. And about four or five of us had them and we'd sit in class and just in the middle of class if it's somewhere like that- Yeah, yeah, sure. five of us had them and we'd sit in class and just in the middle of class if it's somewhere like that, but quietly from behind and you get them right in here,

oh right in this slot and you just be sitting in class and sit there and you just and you go, ha! And the teacher's like, what's going on back there? You're like nothing, you just had to take it because you knew you were gonna get them later. And there was a good fucking burn. Second where it's touching your skin. Yeah, you know, yeah for a register see it or and then it's immediate like Tiny spontaneous combustion just happened just very very site-specific underneath my elbow. Oh boy. Well, I think we've made a case for you to move back to Baltimore. Maybe. I think about it all the time.

I do. I look at property there a lot. Yeah. But also when it's time, I don't want to be on top of everybody anymore like I like a little bit of space and sure even room and That's why I move to Brooklyn. Yeah. Yeah. I mean is that Not be I mean that seems to me like a lot of people too. Well, I'm not in downtown Brooklyn. I'm in I Mean, I'm in a I'm in in downtown Brooklyn. I'm in, I mean, I'm in a, I'm in all of Brooklyn

pretty much is, you know, it's tighter, denser, but it's- You have more breathing room and space. Way more, way more trees, way more, yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, and I love it. I wouldn't go back to Manhattan at all. No. No. But so, so let's go back.

Why did your wife leave you? And you don't have to answer that right now. I'm going to answer everything. Don't worry. OK, because you can take a second. Yeah, no worries. We'll come back to it. I've had a lot of therapy.

I can answer that healthy. We were never married. We were engaged. She already had a son. She had a son from his father. Makes sense. I met him when he was about six, and I've been in his life ever since. He considers himself my stepson.

I'm very close with his dad. We talked about this when I did your podcast. I did your podcast a couple years ago. Yeah, the honeydew. And I remember, sorry, I just, you go ahead. I'm not gonna interrupt. No, no, go ahead. I just remember you being impressed with my parallel parking skills. Bro. Because you came out and you knocked on the window. I didn't know who the fuck you were. I was like, what?

And we were kind of in like, I mean, it's whatever, West Side LA, there's no, it's just sort of an in-between, is it residential, is it business? I don't know what it is. And it's just some dude wrapping up my window. I'm like, what, yeah, hi. Like, that's some good parallel parking. Crushed it.

You should have seen it. It's a thing of beauty. I judge people on shit like that. Yeah, well, that's East Coast. Like, 10 minutes of fucking parking this guy. That's the other thing. You don't have driveways a lot. You got a street park on the East Coast.

A lot of street parking. Now, go back to, you were talking about your son. Yeah, he's, you know, I call him my stepson. And then I dated his mom for, it was like a few, a couple of years. And then we split for a couple of years and then she hit me back up and then slowly we got back together. And- Can't stay away from that sickler D. Come on now. I don't know about that. Listen, yes she can. Can't stay away from that sickler D. Come on now.

Listen, yes she can. She's permanently away from it. It's not a problem for her. And she had said to me like, I don't want to, you know, we talked about having a child. I really wanted to have a kid and so did she, but she wanted to be married. She said, I've already had a kid out of wedlock, been there, done that. I don't want to do that. And at the time I'm 40, she's 39. And the conversation became, okay, realistically, it could take us three years to have a kid. Sure.

You know, it's funny that there are a gazillion of us, but when you really want to make a child, it's not as easy. No, I had the same, or I had that experience, yeah. So, the compromise was we get engaged at least. And so about a year later, we get engaged and we start trying to, I was 40 at that time, we start trying to have a baby. Within three months, it happened. So very lucky with that. Very lucky, yeah. and we start trying to, I was 40 at that time, we start trying to have a baby. Within three months, it happened.

So very lucky with that. Oh, very lucky, yeah. And then a year later- And when you say, sorry, when you say try, you're talking about, okay, we're going to- Apps and the- The ovulation apps. Green windows, and yes, that's what I mean by trying, yes. The science part of-

Yeah, yeah, I went through the same thing. Yeah. Having a child. But again, if we were 19 and didn't want it, there's triplets. But then a year into it, she decided, don't really want to do this anymore. Don't want to get married, don't want to have a family like that. So we split. And when I'm, when my daughter's one, I'm a new dad still. And now I'm a new single dad. She's got hindsight of also raising

a child. You know, I, it's hard for both of you. It's, it's, mom would say, you know, I'm going to do this, you know, we'll do this, we'll co-parent, but I'm going to, a lot of this I'm going to do by myself. Like that's quite a bold move. Hey folks, if you're constantly on the move or just tired of skipping meals, Huel has you covered. Here they are right here. Their Today's Sponsored spelled H-U-E-L and their Black Edition Ready to Drink is a total

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Man, that's hard. Because I don't want to be a Wednesday every other weekend dad. Of course, it's your kid. I want to be a fucking dad. It's your kid, yeah. And this is everything I've wanted now being ripped away. So, I mean, I'm able to laugh about things now.

Like we had this one, Care.com. That must be so hard to process. It almost killed me. And constant questioning. I clotted, almost died. It gets wild after this. It gets wild. Health takes a big downhill turn after this.

And we were on Care.com. We found this really nice lady was a caretaker, you know, watching my daughter and I'm moving out while this lady's watching. And she's crying. She's every day she's like, how are you? Are you okay? I cannot believe it. I was like, I sit next to her. I start crying. I'm like, listen, I gotta do this. So the more you cry, the longer it's going to take me to move my shit out of here. And I appreciate your, you know, empathy here, but I'm going to fucking do this. And I'm just moving my shit out. And then I find a place and I'm terrified. I'm terrified of everything.

I have a new kid. I don't know anything about being a dad. I'm still there's there's such a sense of betrayal and having the rug pulled out from's not a lot of new things that come up with the problems. The old ugly stuff rears its head again eventually. I guess I meant more- So the answer is yes. Were there red flags and things? Yeah, for both of us.

I don't mean red flags. I mean, like, was there any kind of communication like, hey, I don't know if I'm feeling very comfortable having a partner in this or any broaching the subject, I guess, is what I'm saying. Before she just said, hey, this isn't working for me. You got to split. There was never moments where it was softer, kinder, intellectual like that. It was always ten.

I'm sorry, Ben. I'm so sorry. It was always arguments in ten, you know. Listen, honestly, it is the best thing because we do co-parent great together. We're just not meant to be partners. I wouldn't like her. I mean, I don't like her now. It's hard of her. It's hard of her. I would resent her. I don't know her. I would, I would, I mean, I don't like her now. It's hard at first.

I would resent her. I don't know if that feeling would ever go away. And yes, you have to, you have to overlook or ignore or give certain things up emotionally if you're gonna be successfully co-parenting. I get that, but I would still have a, I don't know if I could shake the resentment. Oh, listen, it's been 10 years. The first few years were not, they weren't, they were hot for both of us. You know, she had her, it's gripes. I have my gripes and I'm fighting

back. I'm not, I'm no longer. No, she. I'm no longer, I'm no longer taking it. I'm going to fight back now, but also I'm in a position where I feel how many kids do you have? 103. No, wait, no, I have one. I sometimes mix my baseball card collection up with my daughter. No, I have, uh, I have way more than 103 baseball cards. I have one daughter.

How old? Just turned eight. Eight? Yeah. Okay, so you're in this. My daughter's ten now. So at one, I go get this apartment, a single dad apartment. I'm not embarrassed to say it all.

It was- You shouldn't be embarrassed by now. I It was a two-bedroom one bath. No central air. No central heat the old that you should be embarrassed We know central air no central air on the west side no central I had to get a place side is not That's bullshit. No, it's not no air on the west side. no central. I had to get a place. Oh, West side is not. That's what everyone says. That's bullshit. No, it's not. No, it's. You need air on the West side.

I live there. You need air. I mean, maybe now. There's like two months out of the year. You need air, but, um, parking is tandem. Our balcony is above two dumpsters. You're hearing them drag them out every Monday and Wednesday. That's where we're going.

We have a pool in the courtyard that does not have a fence or anything around it. And they asked me to sign something saying that that's okay. And I do. Because what I decide is if I'm going to be a father in this world, then I need to teach my kids some things. And the first thing we're going to learn how to do is swim. And so, man, I, you know, I put a screen door and a baby gate when she was one, but as soon as she was two, boom, put her right in the pool.

We put her in lessons. And then she just cried. And then during COVID, I was like, all you're going do is swim. Now she's a fish, you know? So I went out there every day and made her swim, swim, swim. So, you know, but also again, she was a mom already. She had a kid and one night my daughter wakes up with croup, you know, the cough. I didn't know what the fuck that was.

The first time I heard it coming out of our kid, I thought, I thought she was dying. And I always say, it can't happen on my watch. Yeah. I have that feeling of like- It can't happen on my watch. It can't happen on dad's watch. When they're young, you have that, you do actually think these thoughts of like, uh, think these thoughts of like, before mom comes or the, you know, the daycare or whoever or whatever it is like, and it's just you, you know, maybe for the weekend, you're like, okay, good. I got through 48 hours and nothing happened. Okay.

So I call her and she's still angry and stuff too. So she just tells me to man up. That's what she told me so I manned up and I'll tell you I call looking for help looking. Yeah, I didn't know what it was I had never heard of it and she took wait her daughter has a is Emitting a guttural sound that sounds like a dying walrus, right? I've heard that, we've heard it. And you're scared, you don't know, and she, you're looking for help from somebody who lives in the same town, right?

Down the street, yeah. Minutes away. Who says, man up. Who only has a child. Whose child this also is, yes. Yeah, that's fucked up. That's the kind of fighting it was at first. That's fucked up.

For sure, yeah. And it's not, it's not, it's fucked up. That's the kind of fighting it was at first. That's fucked up for sure. Yeah, and it's not it's not It's not debatable. That's just a shitty thing to say. Mm-hmm. I mean for both you and the kid That's a shitty. Thank God for Google Thank God for Google. I couldn't I don't know how to done I don't know. I don't know what kind of single dad I'd have been in the 80s You know what I'm saying? You, you would have figured it out and everybody has over time. And it's just,

the idea that there's help and that help is, is being taken away from you in such a, um, shitty, it almost seems petty way is, you know, doubly. And then you gotta ignore it. You gotta go, all right, I gotta figure this out myself. Let's do it. I'll be angry later. In the end was better, was better for me. You start to real.

You think it was a tough love thing. You think she's gonna walk in and go, Ryan, you passed the test. I had a 10 year test for you and you passed it. Congratulations. Here's where we are at. Brian, you passed the test. I had a 10-year test for you, and you passed it. Congratulations. Listen, here's where we are at this point. I promise you this.

We switch with each other. When I need to go on the road and work, she switches. Her mom just passed away. I was like, I got my daughter for three weeks. Whatever. I love it. I don't get to see her. I get 50-50.

Yeah. But not a true 50-50 because you're on the road and we all know what that's like. Well, here's the thing. I built my standup around that. I refuse to sacrifice because, as you know, you get 18 years and of those 18 years, maybe they remember, they start remembering things at four. Maybe, yeah. And then maybe around 13, they wanna hang out with their friends. You got about a decade of quality time

and now that's been cut in half. And that's where my first thoughts were. And then just because you live right over there, down the street, it felt like Mars to me. What's going on over there? Who's coming in over there? Who's, you know, what's going on? Who are you seeing? Who's doing this? Where's she going? What friends are

she hanging out with? And it just, you know, all that anxiety at first. And then I would worry about like, well, if she dates a boyfriend who has older kids, are they going to get my daughter addicted to drugs? Are they going to abuse her? Are they going to da da da da da da da? And so then it was like, get your fucking ass in therapy and stop this future tripping and every worst case fucking scenario that you can possibly create. And I dealt with that first. And then right when she said she wanted to split, I felt like these weird, I would rub my hands on my jeans and I could feel like my veins in my legs, like a topographical map. I'm like, what the fuck

is that? So I called the hospital, like, you're clotting, you need to get into the hospital right away. Those are real things, it's not mental. You can, oh wow, okay. And I was like, what? And they're like, you're clotting. So I go in and- I'm sorry, what is the cause of clotting? Is it worry? Is it stress? Well, this is what I find out. I don't know. And I'm not even joking to this.

Like we joke enough, my daughter's mother and I, where when we first went in, I told the doctor, I grabbed the body thing, I go, check me for low grade poison. He goes, what? I go, check me for low grade. He goes, that's pretty specific. I go, she watches Snap and grade poison. He goes, what? I go, check me for low grade. He goes, that's pretty specific. I go, she watches, snapped on all those shows all the time. But were you serious or were you joking?

This came out of nowhere. I was half serious, half joking. He goes, I can tell you right now you're not poisoned. I go, okay, thank you. And what ended up happening was I had kidney stones. And then there were complications with the kidney stones and, and then it gets worse and worse. So I'm still not even moved out at this point.

When I'm going through this, I'm in the middle of moving out and I just come home one day and they tell me, um, you know, you may have, uh, leukemia, you have cancer. And I'm like, what? So now I'm like losing my kid, my family. They're telling me I may have cancer. They don't know what's going on with me.

It's a six month thing. And I come home one day and I just, I lost it. I just, I really did. I broke down. I started crying. I looked at her and go, hey, I'm gonna wave a white flag here. I got, I don't want to argue anymore her and go, hey, I'm going to wave a white flag here. I don't want to argue anymore.

They just told me I might have cancer and I'm not going to know for a few more weeks. So I'd really appreciate it if we could just take our foot off the gas and stop going at each other like that. And she was very good about it. And then I end up finding out that good news is I don't, I'll never forget going to this oncologist and the lady's like, how do you feel? And I go, I'm terrified, I'm terrified. You have the answers, you're about to tell me if my life is going to change. And she said, well, good news is you don't have cancer. And I was like, oh, just, know, and she goes, how do you feel? And I go relieved. And she goes, listen to me.

It's my job every day to tell people that they do have cancer. And she goes, and today I got to tell someone they didn't. And I'm telling you right now, go home and you celebrate that. And the way she said it, I was like, I'm, I'm going to, God damn it. I'm going to go fucking celebrate it. But what I do have is a blood disease called factor five Leiden. And it just means that I'm prone, my blood's thick and I'm prone to clotting. Okay. But all this comes out because this shit happens to me and all this shit happens to me at 42, which is the exact same age my father dies.

This shit happens to me at 42, which is the exact same age my father dies. And after going through a divorce with my mother and everything else, it is a wild fucking parallel. So it's genetic. Getting divorced in your family's genes. Genetics. 100% in our genes. Yes. Single dads.

Single dads are in our genes. So that it's in our genes, yeah. Yes, single dads. Single dads are in our genes. So that must have occurred to you that my dad- Well, that's when at 42, I start backtracking and now we're piecing all this together. Like, oh, dad didn't die of a heart attack. Dad died of this genetic shit here. Now my brothers have to go get tested. Well, that's good then.

Then you can get ahead of it. And nobody in the family has it but me. He passed it on to me. Now I have to have my daughter tested later because if she fucking has this shit, birth control pills are a problem because they already are prone to clotting. Any kind of bed rest, a car accident, a pregnancy, like you're a ticking time bomb if you lay still so I find out I have all this shit and I'm going through You know there was a night where I was in so much fucking pain I'm laying on my bed in that single dad apartment

And I'm fucking laying there, and I'm crying my chest is killing me And I'm looking up at the you know the dead bugs and those fucking you know what I'm talking about That's what I'm like, is this what I'm going to see when I'm dying? The dead bugs and those little lamps up there they didn't clean out. And I just gave myself up. I really gave myself up. And then I fucking woke up and I was like, you have to fucking figure this out. And I just kept going and kept going.

And after six months, they figure out what it is. They get me on medications and they set me on my way. And I'm good. I'm good until a couple years ago, two years ago exactly, when I go get a back surgery and I tell them I have this and they let me lay still for almost a week at Cedars-Sinai and I clot and almost die. And then it's- Oh, because for the convalescing from the surgery.

No. So what happened was I went in for what I was told was a simple three-hour outpatient back surgery and I go home for the weekend, but the swelling isn't going down. And the doctor said, send me a picture. And he said, okay, it looks like you might have some internal bleeding and it's just pulling there. Um, come back in, they opened me back up and they fix it. And they go, but instead of the original recovery was to walk

lightly and do things, but he's like, now you need to lay and let that recover. And I was like, I can't just lay. But he didn't know you told him he knows. It's in all of my preop paper, but it's not him. He's done. It's now I'm at Cedars-Sinai. And this is the problem I talk about all the time.

It was the care and, it wasn't any problem with the, it was the care and keeping of me at the hospital. And I'm telling them, I can't fucking lay still. I can't lay still, I'll die. I can't fucking lay still. I can't lay still I'll die. I can't lay still for a week I'm in there six five six days and the day everything worked differently that day the Occupational therapists had come in at like 5 a.m. To tell me we're gonna do your Steps and then if you do it you can get out of here and they had just given me the law did and I was fucked up and I was like can you come back yeah and do

this a little later she's like no problem so she comes back you want to joy that high I mean I could yeah I can't be stepping or anything but again the single dad pad saves me because there's one flight of stairs going up to my door. Okay. If I don't have stairs, I go home one day early, but because I have stairs, they asked me to stay an extra day and prove I can walk upstairs on my own. And again, another fortunate thing. She goes, well, the hallway stairwell is locked.

So I brought a little step stool thing in here. We're just going to go up and down and I want you to show me you can do this. And I do it. And she says, Mr. Sickler, congratulations. As your occupational therapist, I can happily tell you that today you can finally go home. And that moment I grabbed my chest like Fred G Sanford and I fucking clutch and I say, I'm clotting. And she's like, what? I go, I'm clotting and she's like what I go. I'm clotting And I collapse on the bed this poor lady. I wish I could see her again. She runs out and gets someone

Surgeon runs in I don't I can't see anything. I'm just I feel it I know cuz this has happened to me and he's like what's going on. I was like, I'm clotting is how do you know? I said I've clotted before he said do you feel like there's an elephant on your chest? I said, I feel like there's three of them on my fucking chest and he goes, do you feel any heart attack symptoms? I said no and he goes, how about now? And I go, oh my god Yes, and the pain's going down the left arm and the jaw and he goes, sir You might be clotting and having a heart attack. I collapse. I black out I wake up,

and they're like, you're lucky to be, I had the surgeon, David Cross came in crying for me, crying, and I go, why are you crying? He's like, you don't even know how lucky you are to be alive, you have massive pulmonary embolism, he's like, right now your heart's twice its size. And he goes, the problem is this blood disease you have, we normally they can go into your groin and just like suck the clots out because of what you have.

We can't do that. Or we could basically make you a vegetable. And I was like, okay, well, we're not doing that. He's like, so we have to give you the old school blood thinner through an IV. And I'm telling you right now that the next 48 hours for you are touch and go, and you should make some calls. And I was like, wow. Oh, fuck.

And you're in your state of mind is clear. Yeah. Inclusive. Yeah. I'm like, and I'm also like, I'm, I'm everything. I'm angry. I'm, I'm not in there because I'm smoking too much or drinking too much or not eating or not working out. I'm not in there because I'm smoking too much or drinking too much or not eating or not working out

I'm in there. It's a genetic luck. Well, also they didn't listen It's shit genetic luck, but if they just would have put me on a blood thinner or got me up and move my body I'm good. I'm telling people every day and they're not listening So you are you more active now because you have to be like I have to be like So are you more active now because you have to be like... I have to be like... Golfing isn't really a thing I think I want to do, but I think I'm going to do it just because I want to walk. I need to get my machine in motion and I'm competitive, so fuck, probably go golf in

my 60s or something. But yeah, I had to call my daughter's mother and be like, they just told me I might not live. And she's like, what are you talking about? What's going on? And had to call a few people and be like, I had to call my business manager. I'm like, remember when we joked about that whole life insurance? I was like, make sure that shit's in the light. He's like, what?

I'm like, yeah, make sure. So I'm in there for, after that, it took almost, it was three weeks, almost the whole month of January I spent in the hospital and then I get out. Your daughter's how old at this point? At that point, she's only seven. Well, it's still enough to be terrified. They won't even let her visit. They tell me she's too young. They're still saying COVID bullshit in 2023. I'm like, no. And I wouldn't FaceTime her. I would talk to her. But

I mean, I'm fucked up. I look like I'm about to die. The tubes are up. I'm out of it. I wouldn't FaceTime her I would talk to her but I mean I'm fucked up. Yeah, I look like I'm about to die The tubes are up. I'm out of it. I don't want to scare her so But I talked to her every day and then eventually like week three I tell her mom just fuck them. You're her mom You're not a guardian when you get here you tell them we're her parents and we're telling that she's coming So they they backed off and let her come up. And how did she react? My daughter, man, she was obviously like, she was being so sweet. People would send flowers. So she's looking at the flowers and she's putting them in my hair and

she's decorating the bed with the flowers and just trying to, and she's getting up on the bed and hugging me and shit and gosh and um I am you get me all upset it didn't really hit me too because her teacher at the time emailed me and said I didn't know this lady she just said so I said you're not doing so great and I was like oh man my kids at school yeah worried and telling people and at the time I'm in the hospital I'm also I just shot my first special I'm releasing the special go watch my special lefty son on my YouTube The guy who gave me this fucking blood disease. I had no idea as I'm naming the special that and We're in Austin to Promote and it was spring break for my daughter.

So I took her with me and I've known Tom and Christina for 20 some years. So I take her down, we go hang out and play with the kids and stuff. And we have a hotel one night and I don't know what my daughter was thinking. And we were laying in the bed and she just rolled over and she goes, you made it out of the hospital, dad, out of nowhere. She's like, you made it. I just started balling, she started balling,

I was like, I fucking made it. That's beautiful. Man. So she's been good about it ever since. She likes to tell her friends that I almost died and stuff, but the doctor this last time, she for a physical she's 10 now was like would you like to test her for her blood to see and I was like we don't need to do that now.

We don't need to test her yet. There's no reason to test her until we need to test her. But this is a thing that a lot of people have and I could have too. Like it's a blood disease that I didn't know I had. I'm born with it. 42 years I don't find out about it. You know what I mean? So also if you don't have an incident, you could live to be 90 years old, just never even know you had this. Right. And are passing it on to… And right.

Yeah. Man. And where is your stepson in all this? Is he able to visit? Is he? Let me tell you, that kid, I joke about the ROI on that kid, but what a return on investment being nice to that kid turned out to be. He took me to my surgery. He came to the hospital nonstop.

When I was home for the weekend, he came help me change bandages to picture or pictures almost costly coming up and checking on me is a great big brother there there eleven years apart and he's great. He comes over here he's a really good big brother so yeah he really stepped up and helped me out big time. Well, that wasn't a very funny story. I think people, people were like, well, what's going on? Who's who? Who invited captain, captain bring down. who invited Captain Bring Down. I just, I'm of all the details in that story. I'm just, I'm shocked that the surgeon was also named David Cross. He was. I couldn't believe it either. If I'd have known you at that time.

Yeah. You really want to hear something that's wild and funny? This is a true story. I'm in there. I'm just clotted. I'm out of my mind and there's a lot of Filipina nurses in the hospital. One of the nurses out there looked me up and she's like, oh, we saw your comic. And I'm like, mm-hmm. And this Filipina nurse is wheeling me in. And she goes, do you know Joe Coy? I was gonna say that! I was going to say that. I was going to say that.

I didn't wanna interrupt, but that's literally. Oh yeah, I know Joe Coy. Yeah. She's like, can you FaceTime? I'm like, I'm not fucking FaceTiming Joe Coy, lady. But I'm texting him. I'm like, Joe Coy is so many levels. I go, this fucking lady's trying to get me

to FaceTime you right now. And so he did. He tried to FaceTime in. And she had stepped out, I swear to God. And when she came back, I go, your boy just tried to fucking FaceTime right now. And she goes, calm back. I'm not calling him back.

And then he wrote back. He goes, don't worry. When she leaves, there'll be another one that comes right behind her and it was another Filipino nurse right fucking behind her. I knew, I was like, yeah, they were like, do you know Joe Coy? No Joe Coy. And shout out to Joe Coy, offered to pay for all my medical bills. Wow, awesome.

Very sweet of him. Good for him. He flexed on me while I was in the hospital. He's like, I got it, you know? And I was like, we all know you got it, right? We all know you got it. Let's wait and see how your movie goes. Also, yeah, let's see if I make it out of here. If I don't, you can pay for my funeral costs.

That's, well, that's very, very generous of him. That's very nice. Yeah. what the thing about? Oh, yes, that I had a rotator cuff surgery. And, and I went into the operating theater, you know, which is way and I've had other surgeries before, but this one was like really big. And like, it's it the thing with the windows up at the top, like, it's a big, like, It's the thing with the windows up at the top. Like it's a big like. Um, are students watching and stuff? Yeah.

And it's like, uh, it's just more than I've ever experienced with that kind of stuff. And, um, and as, uh, as they're, you know, everything's being prepped and they've already given me a little bit of the Valium IV and, you know, but all this stuff is going on. and you know, all this stuff is going on. And the, one of the, I guess the anesthesiologist comes over and as he's putting the mask on me, and so it's like that classic film shot of all my eyes could see is the mask coming on and his face and he's like,

oh, I'm a huge rest of development fan. That's like the last thing I get. Like, you know what? There's nothing to say. Okay, now we're going to cut you open. That's what he said. Yeah. We're like, oh, all right.

And one time I had to get a colonoscopy and it was the last one I got. I've had a couple of them just for fun. You know, I don't have to have them, but I enjoy the whole thing and it's a good excuse, you know. I enjoy the whole thing and it's a good excuse. But again, similar situation, much, much less. I mean, it was just a room. But the people on the floor, the nurses and stuff are, it's a colonoscopy, so you're on your side and your ass is about to be you know It's already exposed but they're like

We love Alvin and the chipmunks Before right before before I lose consciousness and they go into my asshole it's true it's too 100% true We by the way, the group of them behind you. And because of the way that stuff works, they've got to, obviously, I'm not saying anything that isn't understood, but it's down, literally down to a science where you go out and then it's like you wake up. And when you wake up, it's not the classic like, huh, what's going on? Like you wake up, you wake up and you know, or a little groggy, but you're like,

oh, I'm in a different room and I know I was here for this thing and but I'm, you're like, and they're like, okay, you can go okay you can go huh oh okay how did it go what time is it what day is it you know that kind of thing but to have you know we're big uh Alvin Chipmunks fans go on go out with your ass you know sit laying sideways with your ass out and then wake up in a different room like hey it's Alvin and the Chipmunks for your ass is my favorite. When I was having the surgery, did other people come in and hey, did they get on the PA and go, hey, if anybody wants to check out the Alvin and Chipmunks guy, the guy who stole the Chipmunks, his ass, if anyone wants to check out his ass, he's in room 32. I did a colonoscopy last year

and I took the prep. I did exactly what they said. I was supposed to do God that awful time And everything yeah, yeah, yeah, and then all the suns the worst part about buddies there with his daughter We've known each other since ninth grade coincidentally tell people what the prep is what you get for those who don't know, okay? So I had like a was it a path. He was a powder or something It's like that magnesium in water and then you got a drink set your alarm too That's what I was it was like every five minutes. I want to say it's like bang bang You got a drink enough of them and there's two rounds of that you then you take a break and then there's another round

Later is like a day in the evening. Oh, that's it. I remember having to set my alarm to do it. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You're right. I did like a 1 a.m. or something like that, but I got it. You got to go to the pharmacy. They said there was one you could do over the counter, but I just took the prescription one. She's like, if you use this stuff, you can do it too. I was like, but you have to drink like a gallon so much of the stuff and the water combined and it's, and I start feeling nauseous and my buddy's looking at me and I was like, I think I'm gonna throw up and I just start violently

puking just there's a gallon of nonstopop, like, ah, like the stand by me scene, you know, ah. And I just look up at him and I'm like, did I do something wrong? He starts laughing so fucking hard. And I'm like, I don't know if I want to do this. So then I set my alarm, you're right, I get up in the middle of the night, I do it. But I'm not shitting. Like, it's not. And I'm like, there's no way I'm going to be able to do this.

And then like three in the morning, I start to go a little bit. And then I go in and I tell him, I'm like, look's no way I'm going to be able to do this. And then like three in the morning, I start to go a little bit. And then I go in and I tell him, I'm like, look, man, I threw up. I was not clear at all this morning. He's like, oh, we might not be able to do this. And I'm like, well, I have to get off blood thinners for this now. So I'd really like to do this if we can do this. He's like, well, I'm going to put you out and I'll let you know when we wake up, if we could do it or not, when he wakes me up, he's like, you were clear

as, as a bell back there. And I was like, which made me realize, what must they see when they come in if he thought that was good? Because that was not good. 05.30 And what kind of bells is he seeing if that was clear as a bell? Is he used to shit covered bells? 05.30 Shitty bells, man. 05.30 Shitty bells.

05.30 Wow. 05.30 Is he, is he used to shit covered bells? Shitty bells. Wow. Yeah. It's fun getting older. It is all part, part and parcel of getting older. It really is. I mean, is there anything you do now that you like 18 year old you would punch you in the face for and vice versa?

Uh, I don't think so. Like, um, in what sense? What do you mean? Like in a, I think 18 year old me would punch me in the face if he saw me cry at commercials. And I would punch 18 year old me in the face if he saw me cry at commercials. And I would punch 18-year-old me in the face for littering. I littered. I littered a little too much when I was younger.

Oh, I hate littering, right? I do. I did. Absolutely. No excuse. I couldn't even believe I used to do it. And then one day I was like, what? I have way more things that I would punch 18-year-old me for than an 18-year-old would

punch me. I think, I don't think there's a whole lot. I think I'd, I actually, I'll tell you what, it wouldn't be, it wouldn't be punching. 18-year-old wouldn't punch 60-year-old me, but 18-year-old me would be like, well, I'm really disappointed in you. I expected more.

18-year-old. Oh, for sure. I had such grand visions of what I would be doing with my, I can't believe you're playing that fucking game on your phone. You could be reading that Nabokov book. My 18-year-old would be quite disappointed in me. But 18 year old would be exceedingly proud of me as a father and husband. But there's not too much, I mean, I would 18 year old, I would just sort of sit back, because I was very, you know, in that sense that 18-year-olds have of like immortal, in the sense like nothing can hurt me, I can do whatever I want.

And that would be irritating, but the meta part of it is like I shouldn't be too irritated because I turned out okay, you know, and I lived long enough to see the technology that would allow me to go visit my 18-year-old self which I'm thrilled with which is actually you can now get it at a Brookstone to bring it. They sell it right next to the key warmer. Key warmer. But, I mean, I would, there's plenty of pretension that I had. And like, you know, who you trying to kid, you know, that kind of like, and also music snob, comedy snob, that kind of annoying judgmental behavior,

little condescending about certain things, and which I still have, I try to be better about it, and I think about how much great music I missed out on, I mean, I listen to it now, but like I wouldn't listen to any Southern rock at all. Really? Oh, fuck that. No, no, no. No, no, no.

No, no, no, really? I mean, to my detriment. But why, what was the- Oh, cause I was in a punk. And I grew up in, you know, like redneck, skinnered stuff and I was like, fuck that, fuck Led Zeppelin. And I was just in a punk and kind of new wave stuff.

And, you know, now I listen to, I mean, I'm just amazed at some Skinner songs, where it's like, that is a perfect song, you know? And- That clip, they just keep playing Freebird. I see a lot on social media now, but the double guitar at the end, I've gotten again, a new- Oh, it's an amazing song.

I mean, they had so many and the- That documentary on them, you ever seen like the behind the music on them and stuff? I don't know which one it was. I saw the one about the plane crash and the survivors. And it went up to the door and the guy shot him. Yeah, yeah. You imagined.

That's Artemis Pyle, right? Was that Artemis Pyle? Yeah. Surviving a plane crash only to be shot after that? That's America. That's the South in a nutshell. Man, that's, yeah. That's a motherfucker right there.

Is Artemis Pyle had the best, like, kind of moneyed. Stetson Bennett the Fourth is such a classic Southern name. It does sound like old money. Yeah, it's a classic Southern name. Stetson Bennett the Fourth. Used to be a cologne called Stetson. Remember Stetson Cologne? I remember Stetson Bennett the Fourth Cologne. I only remember Stetson Cologne? I remember Stetson been at the fourth Cologne.

I only remember Stetson Cologne because it was, were you a wrestling fan? No. See I was growing up as a kid and it was always at the end. Lord Alfred Hayes would say Stetson Cologne. He was like a sponsor of the WWF back then. Now I'm older than you, and I grew up in Georgia, and we had, I mean, do you remember like Dusty Rhodes, the American Dream, all those early guys, right? And I used to go to some wrestling matches, like out in the woods woods and just like weird, really weird.

But more as a, you know, as what I would look back at 18 year old like cultural, you know, which I would still do, I guess. Like just soaking in all of it. And I wasn't like a fan. I didn't follow it very well, but I saw plenty of matches. And then we had on on I think it was Gonna see like dusty roads and stuff back in the day and matches like that No, I didn't see not in those these were like really the small town

small matches and like the guys trying to like a high school kind of gym kind of thing and and but we had Whatever the show was called, a wrestling show, Gordon Solely, do you remember him? The announcer. And then, um, God, who was it? There were the, the twins who, uh, can't remember their names, but there were like twins who did, and, uh, there was Dusty Rhodes.

There was, I think that was Rick Flair was around then. there was, I think that it was Ric Flair was around then. I want to say, I don't know if this is pre-Rowdy, Rowdy Piper. And it was like that era. But it was so, it was so clearly, I mean, clearly fake. I mean, I'm talking low, low end, single A, you know, ball of wrestling where, you know, it's like a match. And then there is, I don't know, it's a TV studio audience.

And I don't know where they even shot it, somewhere outside of Atlanta, I guess. And it was, I don't know, maybe 40 people tops? Cause they have to have cameras. So wait, you take a room like this and you're saying there's a wrestling ring right in there and you're just a small studio audience? Small, I'm guessing 40 at max, you know, maybe 50, um, you know, and, and only on three sides, cause you have to have cameras and, uh, and back then then you know this is 70s so big bulky cameras and and just

you know the whole thing with the the the ref looking the other way and people going hey man you know he go baby he picking up a metal chair look he picking up a metal chair he about to swing the metal check you know whatever and then the guy you know looks and. And then the guy, you know, looks and also the thing about getting the head and the turnbuckle where they like, that cartoonish. And I was a kid and I'm like, how? I get the entertainment value, but you guys don't really think this is for real, do you? It didn't dawn on me that it wasn't real until it's elementary school.

We were into it. So my era is Bob, Bob Backlund has the belt, Iron Sheik beats them, and then they have Hulk Hogan beat the Iron Sheik and they, Hulkamania is born and it's the whole US versus Russia, everybody. Well, the Iron Sheik was, I ran, right? From Iran, yeah. Iran. And then, what was the other?

Nikolai Volkov was from Russia. That was his tag team partner. Of course it was. Which is so funny because- Oh, Sergeant Slaughter. Sergeant Slaughter was the US Marine. Sergeant Slaughter beat the Iron Sheik, right? I remember signs, people had signs, I was in Boston at this point, like, hey, Sergeant

Slaughter, take a sheik on the Iron... Oh, and Abdulah the Butcher. Abdulah the Butcher was a good... I remember Abdulah the Butcher because... I just watched his documentary. Oh, he has a doc? Yeah. They, Vice does a whole bunch of these called like,

Dark Side of the Ring. You know, do dark sides, he's got one. Cause he opened up a barbecue place. One of the first guys cutting himself and stuff. Yeah, the cutting, I've learned that from the documentary. Where they put the tiny little razor. Razor blade, yeah. Cluts, you know, and you wouldn't really see it,

but then when they hit the turnbuckle, boom. And cause it's your head, it bleeds profusely. And the sweat and everything, yeah. Because he opened up a barbecue place in Atlanta. He did? Yeah, Abdulah the Butcher. Yes. I mean, that's a good segue, I think.

I think so. I mean, I wouldn't mind any job, and then the next job is you retire and open up a barbecue place. I fucking love that. I remember my dad would always go second guy coming out is gonna win and every time the second guy came out He'd win him or we're like how the fuck do you know? and then as I'm getting older one day, you know, cuz I have a Two brothers and we're always wrestling the stuff and my dad goes, you know, it's fake We're like, it's not fake dad and he's like, let me ask you a question

What would you do if I threw you against the ropes? And I go, you know what I'd do? I'd hold on to him. And he goes, yep. And I was like, oh, man. Why do they always bounce off and come back for a fucking clothes line or a boot to the face? A clothes line.

Why? Why would you just hold the ropes and stop you from doing that? But they're also moving their legs too. It's not just the... And I was like, why are they fucking... A clothesline. Why? Why would you just hold the ropes and stop you from doing that? But they're also moving their legs too. It's not just the... And I was like, why are they fucking... And then it just saw...

There is no Santa. Also, Ryan, there's no Santa. There is a tooth fairy. I'm not going to get into that right now, but there's no Santa. My dad did... He got us a lot of culture. He took us to WWF when you see in those audiences, but he also used to take us to, I mean, we go to Oriole games, all that stuff too, but we'd go see, Baltimore didn't have an NHL

team. They had an AHL team called the Skip Jacks. And for a while they were the farm team for the Penguins, so they would be black and gold. But then they switched to capitals, so they wore the red, white and blue. And we would go to AHL hockey games. And I mean- I bet that was fun. That was-

That's the best- That's the first time I ever heard cunt. First time I ever heard cunt. Everyone knows where they were the first time they heard cunt. And these two guys are screaming it. You know, AHL, these tickets don't cost much, it's, you know, the audience that's rolling into AHL in like 1980. Yeah.

And, uh, at Baltimore and these guys are, and my dad's like, you know, he, they're fucked this and, you know, we're watching the fights and he's laughing and letting us, you know, get a little bit of that culture. But the guy starts saying, cunt, cunt, cunt. And my dad finally, I remember he goes, guys, I got my kids right here. And they were like, we're sorry, we're sorry. And then right back to like, fuck that. I will say, and I've been to a thousand different sporting events, all different kinds, different

levels, different places, different vibes and energies. But almost all the time when anybody goes, you know, you're drunk and you're yelling, or you're watching people who look almost like dangerous. And they go, guys, my kids are here. They're usually very much like, oh, sorry. Yes, sorry, sorry.

Yeah. You know. Yeah, they were, and then they just Yes, sorry, sorry. Yeah. You know. Yeah, they were. And then they just went right back to it. A few minutes later, my dad just shrugged his shoulders. I was like, what are you gonna do? Ryan, this has been an absolute pleasure and thank you for coming down.

Thank you for having me. And I end every episode with a question from my daughter. Your daughter came up with this question? Yeah. Okay, great. And so, okay, Ryan Sickler. Oh, plug whatever you want to plug, please. Everything's at RyanSickler.com. Check out the Honeydew Podcasts.

Check out David's episode of that. I've got a podcast called The Way Back where it's just all fun nostalgia as well. I'm out on tour. Come see me if I'm in your town when you're around, ryancycler.com. Ryan Cycler on all your social media. I'm going to be at the Auto Bar I think in May. At Baltimore? Yeah.

Are you really? Absolutely one of my top favorite places to do shows. I'm going to talk to you about it after this because I'm looking for a spot to go in Baltimore and I didn't know they did it. I fucking love the Audemars. I've been going there since like, I think 2001 was the first time I went.

It's in Pig Town, isn't it? I don't know what shitty neighborhood it's in. I'm saying that used to be, and maybe it still is, but they would do punk shows in there. Yeah, yeah, it's totally that. Because that's how I started, and I shouldn't say I started that way, but I did plenty of clubs and road work and stuff.

But then at around 2000, 2001, something like that, I started going out and not doing clubs, not doing comedy clubs and going to music venues, having a band open up, and then I would do the show and just go for as long as I could before I had to pee. And then Autobar was one of them, and since then I've probably done it like five, six times.

No shit. Yeah, yeah. All right, I know, I used to go see shows there all the time. It's great. And I've had in right. I know I used to go see shows there all the time. It's great. And I've had in the, I think the last two times or two or the, maybe not the last time, but two times prior to that somebody need medical attention. Really? That, yeah, a woman both times fainting.

Are you still into any punk out of Baltimore? You know, turnstile? I don't. I don't know a lot of new music. It's probably easy to teach me them. I think Trapped Under Ice is another Baltimore band that's good punk. Yeah, I will check them out for sure. But yeah, Autobar is great. Really fun show. Good. They take care of you. I love the audience being right there. Standing room. You're not too high up. It's a, I love it.

Anyway, so Ryan Sickler, here is the, your question from my daughter Marlo. How can the sides of paper cut you if they're not sharp? I guess the answer I would say, I mean, hell, anything can be sharp at the right angle, you know. Ask a prisoner about how they file down a spoon. Don't tell your daughter that. I would say that... Yeah, but that spoon was filed to be sharp. Okay.

Paper. She's looking at a piece of paper. Going, how could something like that to cut me. I would say that it's the slicing motion down that does the damage. Okay. I'm not telling you how to answer. Do you know that? Oh yeah. Yeah. That's what I think it is. I think you take that straight edge and when you slice down it just, because we're fragile.

I know the answer. Let your daughter know we're fragile. I know the answer. What is the answer? Wait, so you're going to tell me? No, you know the answer. It's what, you know, it's... The slice.

Yeah. It's the angle and the slice, you know, it doesn't happen often, but you can. Um, but I'm not, I'm not telling you how to answer and you've, we're good. Ryan, thank you so much. Thank you. Sense is working overtime is a head gum podcast created and hosted by me, David Cross, the show is edited by Katie Skelton and engineered by Nicole Lyons with supervising producer Emma Foley. Thanks to Demi Druchen for our show art and Mark Rivers for our theme song.

For more podcasts by Headgum, visit Headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and maybe we'll read it on a future episode. I'm not going to do that. Thanks for listening. That was a Headgum Podcast.