Senses Working Overtime with David Cross - Sean Patton

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

Catch all new episodes every Thursday. Watch video episodes here.Guest: Sean PattonSubscribe and Rate Senses Working Overtime on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review to read on a future episode!Follow David on Instagram and Twitter.Follow the show:Instagram: @sensesworkingovertimepodTikTok: @swopodEditor: Kati SkeltonEngineer: Nicole LyonsExecutive Producer: Emma FoleyAdvertise on Senses Working Overtime via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Head Gum Podcast. Where do you sit? Wherever you don't sit. Oh, I'll do chair. Cheers. Um, no. Oh. Oh, yes. That is a memory. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, yes.

That is a memory. I did not bring either of your shirts. I knew you wouldn't. Yeah, sorry. You're not that kind of person. I should remember. I'm not thoughtful or considerate. I'm not a piece of shit.

Yeah, that's from the... Was that the last show? That was the last show. Yeah. For us,'m a spritz. Don't want to sit. Don't want to sink in. Was he, which I liked. What was your least favorite favorite city on the tour?

Least favorite city. You want, you want to, you want to save this? Yeah. Are we already recording? Already recording. Right. Wait. Um, should I throw?

Yeah, I'm gonna throw. Can we put that over there? Should I toss it? Well, it's a I throw yeah i'm gonna throw it can we put that over there should i toss it well it's a throw pillow so i should throw it all right i'm gonna throw it here we go careful careful jeez there it is party time this podcast kicks off right so just as a way of introduction of you to the folks um at home or in their car or on their walking walking yeah and that's it that's the only places you're allowed to listen to this Sean was the best opener I've ever had on the last tour that just

wrapped up a couple months ago though we're standing in the world tour that just wrapped up a couple months ago, the worst daddy in the world tour. You now have approximately 100,000 new fans, hardcore fans. It's in a quarter mil around that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just some people who weren't even there. Who weren't even there. I had to show, just heard about it.

Yeah, just wanted to be a part of it. Yeah, except for that one lady, but Well part that whole that her daughters and her daughters. Yeah But who brings a their mom to a comedy show or be their kids to a comedy show well We learned the answer to that didn't we we learned I mean I think these days people I guess they think comedy brings people together. But my comedy is all about dividing. You know what I mean? And conquering?

Just for real. Or just dividing. Just dividing. Let them conquer themselves. Yeah. You know? No, I think it's people who want to. I wonder, you either have a great relationship with your

parents or your children or a terrible relationship with your parents or your children or a terrible relationship with your parents or your children if you're bringing them to comedy. Oh that's interesting. And what do you think the mindset is of somebody who has a terrible relationship? Like either A, I want them to not, I know they're not gonna like this and I want to make them uncomfortable or... You mean our shows specifically? Maybe or the opposite or we just can't find common ground. Maybe David and Sean will bring us together. Sure. Sure.

So I think some people are bringing their family to our shows as like a hit job to destroy the relationship for other. Right. Just the final just burn it down. Yeah. Yeah. Others are like maybe they'll bring maybe we'll maybe they will be the thing that we later hug like I might hug my dad for the first time after a show Yeah, and look we saw a lot of I was surprised by it, but a lot of Parents bringing their kids

ranging from I don't know what 14 to 19 tons of kids for there? Tons of kids. Tons of kids. Tons of kids. That were literally kids of the parents that brought them. But you think that there's some parents that might have gone, fuck this kid. I'm going to drag him to the show and get, fucking get him out of my life once and for all.

Or just like let them watch this and just decide they don't vibe with me as a parent and the split begins. Oh, yeah. You know? And they'll be out of here in a year. Yeah. Or maybe, I actually, I would love if we had confirmation of that. If there was just one dad who was like, I fucking hate my son and I know he's gonna disagree with everything these two guys say, so let's just do it. Yeah. was like, I fucking hate my son. And I know he's gonna disagree with everything these two guys say. So let's just do it. Let's just bring it, let's just end this.

Either way, we get the, you know, we get the gate receipt. Yeah, there you go. Or, but I do think, I actually, that's an interesting point because every kid that I saw or that I heard you talking to or that I talked to a little bit, because for the people listening, we would meet people after the show and we hang out and we'd greet them and we'd greet them as well Well what you what one might call a meet and we right right a meeting and a greeting

Which I think it it should be a greet and meet because you greet first right right meet like I'm David Oh, I'm Paul and then afters with how are you know wait was Paul there Paul was that too Shit oh great awesome. Oh wow the same ones same Paul. Oh same cool Yeah, cool great about one Paul. Yeah, you might be talking about a different Paul. Well, I was spelling it like Like a like a Polar like a Paul. Oh, man Like I I don't yeah cuz he changed the spelling of his name and I don't care for that I wasn't pretentious. I like just Remember when he was going by like he had he was going by Paul, but it was spelled pole

Mm-hmm and the e was silent, but he never said that you was silent right what a fucking asshole He had it written on a card He would shake his head give you the card with a fucking disdain, and then walk away. And then you'd read the card, which was in Braille. So he had to go learn Braille. Then later on go, oh, he's saying it's Paul, but it's spelled P-O-L-E, but the E is silent.

And also? In Braille. Right. And also. Oh yeah, go ahead. Well, can we talk about this? Fucking appropriation, blind appropriation? Yeah. How is that not a thing?

Yeah, I think it's one of those things where I think people who know deaf people and learn sign language, people got jealous of that and thought that's a bit much, that's a bit rich. And people were learning sign language. And so there were people that said, F this, if kids are listening, and F stands for fuck,

then I'm gonna learn Braille and show those right, deafies a thing or two. Right, and that's just, from what I've, and look, I'm not, I don't wanna, I don't, like I don't wanna be the whistleblower here. I don't want you to be. But there's, I feel like there's a giant 500 pound whistle just right here in my lab and I got, I got no choice.

Is that a euphemism or? Yeah, yes, yeah, yeah. But, you know, it's right there. Right. Gotta blow it. And I sometimes see what happens. It's right there, you know. Most things somebody to wet your whistle. My whistle is dripping wet, brother.

But the I've heard that when, you know, like artists, you know, musicians, etc., even comedians, even some of our peers, they'll have a sign language interpreter on stage. Sure. Yeah. From what I understand, if you are not deaf, they're actually just doing the n-word over and over again. Oh. Right? If they learn that there are no deaf people in the audience.

Right, right, right. If they're really, if they're just doing it for themselves. For themselves. Oh, so it's like them swearing exactly yeah just angry over again because they're mad they they're like what this is yeah yeah why am I here you know that I in in the bigger and blacker tour I had you know Mort Burke at all actor improv guy prop guy? Mort? Mort. Oh, Mort. Mort Burke.

Mort Burke, no. Yeah, really funny guy, cool guy. And he went on the tour. He did two things. He was like a plant in the audience both times. But in the beginning, and he was there at the front of the stage before the show even started. And I think it was Todd Glass was opening and

And I would have more sign and you know, he'd be at the downstage and the in like the Front section downstage with a soft light on him and he'd be signing and I can't remember how the bit went But after like five minutes, I was looking at, I just sort of, we had picked a place where I'm looking at him because he made a weird, you know, something that we had figured out beforehand, some weird movement that was like, I don't know what it was, but rain would be like this or something.

I don't know what it was. And then I would look over and I said the word again and he's staring straight ahead. And I said the word again and I said again, the audience was at this point, you know, figuring out, oh, he's fucking with the sign language guy. And then I can't remember how the bit went, but then I confront him and then he admits that he doesn't know sign language and

and then had somebody who was deaf and upset. I don't know. I can't remember how the bit went. So I'm sorry. For bringing it up. That's crazy because I remember how the bit went. Did you see that tour? No. But I just put collective consciousness. Mandel effect. It's when you told someone for a while our memories become shared. Did you see that tour? No, but I just collective consciousness. Okay. I'm able to and L effect it's it's what yeah You know when you told someone for a while our memories become shared Yeah, and I remember that yeah, he didn't know how the bit went and then Todd playing the security guard. Oh, yeah Yeah, also opened. Yes, that's the splits. Let's give credit or credit to do that's how good of a actor Todd glasses Yeah, he could play one one character but a lot.

Yeah. And yeah. It's the same thing. Whether he was a security guard, teacher, dad, pope, it was all the same delivery. Especially the pope. Yeah, especially the pope. He kills it as a pope. Yeah.

But it's the same thing. It's so good you forget that you just saw it on the screen. And he has his musical cues for the pope as well. I mean, I get emotional when we bring that up because it's so good. And, but yeah, he, and then Todd got mad, goes to throw him out and he's doing this. He's like, come with me.

He's doing, he's making a gesture like, you come with me, not realizing that he's actually signing. I love you. Right. And that gets someone else, and someone who's actually deaf in the audience. The other person who didn't get offended, they got emotional. And then...

Yeah, the moment was shared. And I was sued countless times. Yeah, that was part of their honeymoon. Yeah. Was like, you know, you never... Let's sue the guy who brought us together. Yeah. Did you get any lawsuits from this story yet?

Not yet, but I'm glad you used the word yet. Yeah. Though it's not too late. I think there's a, I don't know what the statute of limitations is on it, but... Unsuing for... Unsuing for a disappointing show or being offended. I do really wish, this is something I'd love to do is start a fake like a fake law firm That sends out emails to everyone who's been who went on the tour

It's like yeah, if you were offended by David or Sean billboard like a We've we've we've won over 29 million dollars for our clients suing David Cross and Sean Patton. $2,900. But I would just love to be like, see the email us with the exact bit that offended you. I would just love to read those, oof, what I love to read. I'd say now I would love to, and then I read five of them,

and I'm just like, oh, I'm such a monster. And then I really say that. No, don't, don't, you shouldn't do that. You shouldn't do that. I would never think that, I know it. Hey, where'd you get the glass? I didn't see any glasses. Are there glasses now? I know people here that had gum. I'm not complaining about it, but the mug seems a little precious. Yeah, it's a mug of water. But has anybody gone, hey, does anybody have a mug of water?

You ever, like the time? Hi, Sean. Hello. Would you like a mug of water? Sure. Can I also have a glass of water? You ever the front the like the time hi Sean? Hello, would you like a mug of water? I sure can I also have a glass can I have a champagne flute of coffee then? I like how they give you mugs of water when you do late night wait speak when I answer a question This is so typical David. Nah, he asked me a question

45 minutes later we get to the answer. Because rambling. We're rambling. What was the question? You said, what was your least favorite show of the tour? Oh, it's city. City, no, which is different. I have a three way tie for a least favorite show. OK, but none of them, but all of the cities I love. OK, I guess. Yes.

New Orleans. Yes. Yep. Great city. My home city, but show was weird. Show was weird. And every time I go there, shows are weird. I mean, I was just back there for a little bit. Shows were interesting. Wait, by the way, really quickly, since last I saw you, I have a partially torn Achilles

tendon. Oh, shit, what happened? I was on the fully loaded Bert Krascher cruise and karaoke Now I don't know that that's ever been said before yeah And that the answer to why do you have a partially Torna Killies is karaoke? Yeah, so what were you was it a incubus an incubus song? That's committing it was I was the last night, they had a karaoke closeout party every night and they encouraged us to do it.

We weren't force-mining, he means. And Burt would stand at this like, and watch all the karaoke and people were jazzed because he was up there. That poor guy, man. He is, I love that dude, but he is, he puts himself out. He's 18 hours a day going full throttle. It's insane. But yeah, I was doing karaoke and last night,

I think I was the last person on stage and I was like, let's go off menu here. Find me an incubus song. And they did. And I was like, let's do it. Which incubus song? Anomaly or Anomaly. It's a, it's a, it's a. Cle No, let's do it. Which, which incubus song anomaly or Annamali?

It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a clever. It's very clever. Very clever. Yeah. Um, so clever that right before the bridge, I felt a pop. I was like, ooh, that.

And what were you doing? What? Just going, just committing. Just jumping around like a little, like thrashing around. Don't do it. My best Brendan Boyd impersonation. And yeah.

And I felt it. and then limped off stage and then the next week it was just searing pain. And then I saw a doctor and he was like, yeah, if you, it's not ruptured because if it was ruptured, you wouldn't have finished the song or even considered singing and I fucking finished that fucking song. Does incubus know? I'd like them to know. I think they're probably listeners of this podcast. Okay. Well somebody

Yeah, so just so they know Emma Emma. Yeah, Emma Google Incubus How to let them know Something re Sean Patton's Achilles something re Sean Patton's Achilles

Slash partially torn and hang on okay. Just say I'm saying on Jesus. I don't want I don't want to get the good the wrong You know, she's doing a lot of googling. Well now I gotta start over Emma Google Incubus how to tell them During karaoke Sean, Sorry. I'm just Jesus Christ. I just don't want her to Google the wrong thing I'm gonna ask you to leave while I do this. Okay. What do you mean? I'm giving her the information that what why would that be wrong? It's I'm just making sure you know, I'm just just me being being good opener Emma

Google Lincoln Park and see if they know Incubus. Okay. Sean? I'm sorry. I know what I'm doing. I'm a professional. I've been doing this. Emma, Google yourself image, image search,

make sure it's you, then Google Linkin Park to see if they know Incubus and how to get in touch with them or and or and slash or Fallout Boy regarding Rolling Stones' top 500 songs, best songs list. It was from their third album, by the way. Okay, we're good. No, it was done. Okay, I was just making sure I wasn't jumping on you. Third album. Okay, what was the other two cities?

Do you think? Okay. So New Orleans, I'm gonna guess. There's one towards the end that was really flat. Well, let me throw Philly out. Yeah, yeah, Philly was a spot on. Yeah, yeah. Philly, because I love the city.

Philly's a fun city, but yeah, that show was not good. Well, it was on Cinco de Mayo, you remember. I don't know. It was on Cinco de Mayo. We had the same thing with New Orleans where half the audience was fucking in the bag by the time we started the show. It was an April. They were visibly markedly drunk.

It was also a sunny April. The other one what Columbia? No, no, no, no Columbia is tied Columbia was gonna be my The only venue that was my one of my least favorite shows and least favorite city. Sorry Columbia, South Carolina No, it's not very good. It didn't have a good time. Not a great Weird time Carolina. No, it's not very good. It didn't have a good time. Not a great weird time. That was one of those bars. That was one of those towns where they have like, and that's the and that's the queer bar. And that's the bar where the not white people go to. Wait, that the only thing that was not the only thing. The best part about

Columbus. Okay, Columbia is a was a three pronged attack. It was the venue was not right for worst venue. Yeah, it was weird. Just bad show. Not my favorite town, but one of my favorite restaurants. Yeah. Remember that shelf? We were in the back of the bar. Yeah. And they had really, really, really good like steamers and oysters and it was bar. It was like a bar bar. And and oysters and it was bar. It was like a bar bar. And that was very good. That play, but no, my third, do you want to guess the third or do you want me to tell you?

Well, it was later. It was a city you did. What was the question about a city? It was a city I liked, but I didn't like it. A city I really liked, but did not like the show. Oh, right, because you didn't like Columbia, right? I didn't like Columbia as a city. Okay did not like the show right because you didn't like Columbia, right? Okay, so I Mean those were easy Philly in New Orleans. So gosh

Well, we loved Manchester England, but the venue was terrible. Yes, so it wasn't that yeah, no, it wasn't Oh my God. In the States, was it in the States? I'm just gonna, just throwing this out there. I completely forgot about the UK shows. Wow. Those were all, yes, those were all fun except Manchester. But...

But that was because of the venue. That was because of the venue. Sometimes you go, you know, you walk away and I think I'm pretty honest and fair. I'll go, well, that, you know, if the show's a little off, you go, that was me or that was the audience or that was the venue. And with Manchester was just the venue. That was a knot. And the promoter knew it immediately. Yeah.

At the start of the time, he's like, this is a terrible place for comedy. That was the, but that was also, if that one was the one, because I've got to believe me, I've got the tour divided into upwards of 52 different categories. And that was one show that was, the only show that was, love the city, hated the venue, love the bar we went to afterwards.

Oh yeah, Miss Jackson's. Yeah, they took us to an American bar. An American bar. It was so, it was silly. What does that mean? It means the shitty bar. It means just the an American bar. An American bar. It was so, it was silly. What does that mean? It means the shitty bar. It means just a shitty dive bar. They're like, that's the American style bar.

They were so proud too. Cause we had a meander through like, we walked, I don't know where the fuck we were going. We walked past pubs. We walked past old Mancusian style restaurants. They said, no, the American bar. It was just a shit hole that served shots. Yeah. And it was fun. They were nice. They said, no, the American bar. It was just a shithole that served shots. Yeah. And they were nice. They were very nice folks.

And they gave they gave me a T shirt, which I proudly have. Oh, yeah. You want a hint? Give me the region. Midwest. I know that's a tough, that's a region. That's a was like, no Cincinnati.

No, that was not a good show. It was not a good show. Taft, do you remember? That was a weird like, Oh, what was that one? That was just a vacuous like Cincinnati is such a fucking cool city. I really do think it flies under the radar, but the venue was just this big, very it was just this,

it had no personality, the taft. It was just big. I don't remember. And it was an audience that was like, God damn it, like they just wouldn't, it felt like the whole time they were like, it felt like performing in Amsterdam. Oh yeah. Are you guys hearing any of this? Well. And then afterwards they were like, excitable, but then that, that, that sucks though, when it's like.

It's such a weird yeah Amsterdam and Scandinavia we talked about this how you're doing the show and you're like I'm I'm bombing this is not nobody's this is not going good and then you say good night and they give you a fucking standing ovation for ten minutes throwing panties and like what the fuck

what like roses like where did roses come from? But yeah, like that was, that was unfortunate cause it was such a like, I love Cincinnati so much but it was like, God, that's shit. Cause that was also- Wait, was that the one with the, when we went to the bar after the crazy girl who was kept mentioning her black boyfriend over

and over and over and over and over and over again. No, no, no. That, that, wow, nice pull. That was Sacramento. That was a great show. That was a great show. I mean, they were all, let's- All the shows were awesome. All the shows were great, except for there was a handful out of what, 76 shows that were like- Well, I only did 69.

Shows. With you. Yeah. Total. So far. We'll cut. We'll cut that out. So, uh, but yeah, so.

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I prefer bottom. OK, but I also see you the six. Sure. OK, good to know. Depends on. I mean, I'm coming to your Christmas party. I have to know these things. OK.

I have to get a gift. Yeah. But secondly, Zach, did Zach upstage me? God damn it. No, no, Zach, Zach, here's the thing, Zach, he did not do poorly, he did not do, he's just a different energy, but he couldn't do Jack Tucker, he couldn't do the character. Oh, he couldn't? No, because you you know, that requires the... He would add a brain on this guy. Oh, yeah, apples.

And, you know... So many props. But the musical cues and all that stuff. Oh, sure, sure. And the tech stuff. So he... It just wasn't the same thing. But he's such a sweetheart.

Yeah, I love that dude. Yeah. And, you know, but it's just not, he's, you know, you were the perfect comic and energy and all that stuff. And I mean, I was where those last three shows, where did they rank? Because I missed in order, I believe, Phoenix, San Luis Obispo. Canceled that one. Oh. Fuck, what are the other two? Santa Fe and...

Santa Fe and New Mexico. Tucson, I think? Yeah, I missed all those. They were good. The Santa Fe was great. That was the last show. Uh, that was really fun. Um, and, uh, what was the first one? Uh, Phoenix? No, we did. Phoenix. No, we did Phoenix. We did Phoenix.

Phoenix was good. The Van Buren. That was actually my least favorite city. Yes. Great show. Great show. Great show. Fantastic show. Phoenix is just. I still have the socks.

I still have the socks, too. They gave me socks, but that show was great. The show was great and the city is just a mystery to me. I don't know why people move to Phoenix. I don't get it at all. Oh, well, look, dude, some people like flat, hot and racist. Some people want that. I like my women like I like my cities.

Flat, hot and racist. You feel in the blank. But I don't have to. You already did it for me. No blanks. No blanks at all, man. That's how I like my penis. Ejaculating.

No blanks. Yeah, Phoenix was just just I don't get it Well, also that just reminded me but I was I was almost forgotten that I do have a fourth least favorite show favorite city However, it was immediately This will be your hint. It was then immediately redeemed later Because we did it a second time. Oh, Denver. Denver. Yeah.

Yeah, first show was just unbelievably terrible, like heartbreaking, like fucked me up for like a day or two. Because it was early on the tour. You were so jazzed, so psyched about doing it, talking it up, it's gonna be great. Denver, you're gonna love it, they're so cold. And I played Denver plenty of times and loved it. And you know, Comedy Works is probably one

of the best comedy clubs in the country great club but Yeah, that was the first show was not great and then the second show was amazing second show is awesome And we went like which venue that was also really interesting to do that Which I've never I've never even heard of anyone doing like, we did it in March and then again in May. Same venue, just two months apart. Yeah, it was good.

It was, I just, I thoroughly enjoyed that like, oh, because if we'd had gone back, if we'd had done those nights back to back, part of me thinks the pain of the first show would have bled into the second one. I think you were more upset than me. Probably me, yeah. I think I was very sick.

I was so excited and you kind of took it personally. Whereas instead, if you remember, we had a day off in Denver and we were like, you know what we should do is drink until both of us lose consciousness. And we did. And we did. And we did that. Yeah, we had a day off which is rare. We didn't have that many days off. Maybe four day off total.

We had a day off in London, we had a day off in Dublin. We had a day off in Denver. Denver and then, oh in New York. We had, oh no, no no we just had two shows back back Yeah, and also day I don't have a day off, but then day off in the place where we both live That count no exactly all right, so listen we just defined with day off day off in Chicago We did have a day off in Chicago. Yeah, you didn't hang you didn't want to hang I'm doing my own thing

Because I had a tape or I don't want to get because I'm doing my own thing because I had a tape or I don't want to get wasted tonight before I shoot my special I was like what a pussy yeah what an asshole now I'm getting that didn't prevent me from which by the way congrats that pot that fuckers already out dude yeah a special came out we uh on veeps on veeps don't, yeah. For the next little bit on Veeps, you can check out the special. Sean is, opens it up. Although I did, I did Superimpose. It's so cheap to do and easy. I did like a deep fake. So it's Post Malone's face. On me?

On you. Sweet. And then, and it's, it's's just sounds like and then fart noises so just so it's my that's really post but it's your body your movement your cadence your delivery it's and it's post Malone's face but it's not any words it's just fart noise but are the fart noises in my like style yeah I've been recording you, it's good. It's good because that would it's your it's you It's your farting my actual farts. It's your farts. Yeah, and you just superimpose those. Oh man. That's kind of genius Yeah, yeah, okay. Can we do that for him comes out of?

Post Malone's Mount not his so people are immediately into it Yeah, seems like anything that comes out like I could see what you you also anything yeah people at home watching but you also see the audience because you did a you know you. Killed it both of those shows so you see them laughing but there when you see what they're laughing at its post Malone's. than most of my material. So like that's awesome. Well, I think you're smart to qualify it and save most of the material because there is some stuff that's funnier than post Malone farting. Nice man. I mean mouth farting. Mouth farting. Because here's actually let's be specific about that because it's not post Malone's face just

going no no it's not making a fart noise. He's opening his mouth and actual from your heart that I recorded. Yes, I think this is art. I think that's You know you put the art in fart Which was a which was something well now. I mean you have to if you're gonna spell the whole word Yeah, you don't have much of a choice. I Want to put I mean I think everybody puts the art in fart I mean if you're gonna spell it correctly if not then you're not I don't understand your point not Paul remember For the longest time. He was also trying to do the same thing with just words

So if someone farted he'd be like he was such a huge fan of the gallery words are weird You know where's the weird? Words are weird. We shouldn't use it. We shouldn't use them at all man Words are weird. We shouldn't use them. We shouldn't use them at all, man. Hunter S. Thompson was the LSD tripping maniac played by Johnny Depp in the book, Turn Movie, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. The film got a lot of folks intrigued with psychedelics, but it mostly just freaked

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That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use code senses. Wait, what, I wanna get back to this. My top three across the board shows cities and hangs. All in one? All in one. They have to be the, oh my God. I got my three already Already just in the bucket. Slam dunk.

I don't, I mean, I'm gonna go hang first. We had a lot of good, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Geez. Not Des Moines. Oh, Iowa City. Oh, Iowa City early on, freezing cold.

Yeah. But that was, I guess that wasn't a great city, but it was a good hang and a good show. That was a good hang, that was a good show. I liked Iowa City more than say, Columbia, as far as college towns are concerned. Yeah. And yeah, steamed cheeseburgers. Oh, oh, oh Not bloom was Bloomington

Bloomington was excellent Blooming is that what you're thinking of Bloomington was one of the top three for me as far as hang So I got one right as far as hang show and city. I love Bloomington is a city. Oh, I Got one, but I got one go This is out of all of them. Okay. Ready? Yeah. Missoula. Oh, Missoula was great.

I fell in love with that city. Missoula was great. That town. And it was a great show. And a great hang. And they have great legit dive bars that aren't too shitty or scary or uncomfortable. Where did we even fucking go? I don't even see that's... I do remember we went somewhere, but it was...

Yeah, I think we went to a couple places. Missoula, I loved Missoula. That was great. Missoula was up there. Yeah. Missoula, the show was... might have been one of the best shows, arguably one of the best. And in both... after both shows in Missoula and Bozeman, I've never had anybody say this to me before. And they said it after both of those shows. They would say, thank you for coming to Montana. Not thank you for coming to the city or the town,

but the state. I've never had anybody say, thank you for coming to Rhode Island. Thank you for coming to Oregon. It was the only place where people said, thank you for coming to Rhode Island. Thank you for coming to Oregon They they it was the only place where people said thank you for coming to Montana. It was it was Man, it was those shows were so good. I kind of forgot about them. That's a weird thing. I'm starting to notice Well, that's just if something's great. It's just forget about it entirely. Yeah. And only focus on the bedship. Yes, those were that last, yeah, that Missoula was great. Even the last night, in fact, Boise was up there.

But you remember, but Boise was not the first time, but that was the last night of the tour for me. Right. And the hang was good, but it was one of the three peed in the street You're like I got a pee I did be in the street. You just peed well. We went to like three True New Orleans Your it was a total like sorry man. Give me two seconds. Yes. I we went to like three bars that were two packed or close

Yeah, and I was like but the one we ended up at was great I can't remember what was called at all but what I do remember was that was one of the handful of times that afterwards people were just too much at the bar. Yeah, yeah. We went downstairs. Yeah. It was at like whatever, 10th Street bar, whatever.

And you go downstairs. That's 100% what it was called. Yeah. The 10th Street bar. I believe. And 90% was called. Nice bar, you know, but called, the 10th Street Bar. And 90% what it was called. Nice bar, but the people were too... Well, it was one specific like...

This is just funny. This one woman and her husband came over and they were just... They were a lot and they did all the things and you gave them all the... You did the picture, you signed the thing. They asked their five questions about you answered and then they offered around

and we said no. And it was you, me and the sound guy from 800lb Gorilla. And then they walked away and then came back and we're just now just being wait. Now we're like, oh well, we're friends now. And I feel like something happened to where the guy figured it out but his lady was just being very like up on the shit. And then her and I had to have the conversation where it happens a lot. Well, I was like, look, it's not, you're just, you're kind of in, you know, there's our last night on the tour. Yeah, we're hanging where we're talking amongst ourselves.

You know, you had your eight minutes with him or longer. And then she got very, she then she did the thing where she left and then came back and was like, Hey, I just really want to apologize. And then her apology was to sit there and stop and not stop talking for like 10 more minutes. It was like, oh my God. This- Will you tell the Charleston story?

Oh, buddy. Oh, Charleston South Kackalackie. Now Charleston. Great show. Great show. Great city. Great barbecue. Great barbecue. And I will give the hang a I'll put the hang up there is great only because

everything that's around it. So this was a first tour manager, Doug. So early on, a guy who even in 30 degree weather, still wore shorts. Always. Always ate a lot of cheese, like too much cheese. So early on a guy who even in 30 degree weather still wore shorts always always Ate a lot of cheese like too much cheese You remember cheese eat a lot of cheese wait me like a brick of cheese He might as well have eaten a brick of cheese that guy every time we ate he had cheese on everything We were at we went to subway once because there was like nowhere else We're on the road. Yeah, and they asked and I don't, I usually don't eat cheese on sandwiches. I was just like, because I don't want to die.

And I was like, no, not that cheese is not that I will die if I eat cheese, but if I eat too much of it. You know what I'm saying? I think that applies to just about everything. When you're my age, you start to cut out. Even if you have C gel or whatever that is that people read. Too much. Wait, really? Yeah. What, you know what I'm talking about? The C gel? or eating out. Too much. Wait, really? Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? The C. C. Gel?

Yeah. It's like C. Algae or something like that. It's like a goo. It's like a goo that people are getting, you know, $20 an ounce for and you you mix it with your stuff and it's got no. You're supposed to live forever kind of stuff. Oh, it makes you invincible.

Well, you know, it's funny. Super, super powers. When you said C. Gel, I immediately thought of for your hair. Like it's like a C. Gel. Well, it's algae and immediately thought of for your hair. Like, it's like a C gel. Well, it's algae and it sculpts. And your hair just... You know, once people kind of wisen up to, it's going to be like have that wheatgrass

thing where wheatgrass was everywhere and the people went, this is awful and I don't feel any better. And then C gel will have that. Whatever it's called, C algae. See algae? Algae gel? I don't know. You know what I've done? It's a goo.

It's a goo that you can get in a jar and it's supposed to make you invincible. That's the next, if there ever is invincible goo in a jar, it should just be called goo in a jar. Just to turn off the people and like, hey, it's goo in a jar. You want it or not. Yeah, exactly. And it's nothing more, nothing less. That's not trendy enough, but it's like, but it actually saved lives.

But actually, something I've done that I think is very trendy twice, and both times it's made me nauseous and almost pass out, is IV drips. Yeah, both times. My wife is a big proponent of any of that nonsense. Oh, now I know all this stuff. All for Christmas. She loves that stuff. And now I know all the stuff. All the stuff for Christmas. She loves that stuff. And I've done it twice.

And I didn't have an adverse reaction, but both times I was like, I didn't feel any different differently. And it was also after like, I don't know, four days of heavy, heavy drinking. So I was like, all right, if I'm gonna do this, I'll do this. And I got the hydrating pack with the booster of the vitamin B12. And then the thing that helps your, you know,

tums, it's a liquid tums, it'll go in there as well. It's got a nice minty, It'll make your veins taste minty. I don't know. If a vampire gets you, you're gonna be delicious. And yeah, no, you know, it's like whatever it is, 100 bucks. I mean, I don't know. It's something ridiculous. And you go and you sit in a chair and they, you sign nine waivers and then, and then nothing.

Yeah, I didn't. I didn't. The last time I did it, it was in like late 2020. I was at Chappelle's land in Yellow Springs. Yeah, we went and you'd have to go, you'd show up and he had like his own little, this was early, you know, not early COVID, but later COVID, but he had his own like testing site set up. And there was no, no one was, there was no vaccine yet. So you go, you get tested, which is a fucking weird, 10 minutes of how ever long it was waiting.

Cause you're like, man, if this is, we're negative, we're just driving back to New York, huh? That's going to suck. If you're positive. Or positive, yes. Or negative, or either way, it's like, get the fuck out of here. I don't like you anyway. Oh, you mean your attitude. Yeah, just get yeah if you're negative

We don't need that shit in here. No, but you know, that's nice save. Yeah, there you go. Thank you No, you're this you just saved it. Okay, so you take that compliment. I'll take it roll it up put in your top pocket buddy Yeah, like a blunt the damn right. All right smoke that when the cops are looking because it's legal in New York Yes, anyway, so Tested negative and then we go into his little like man cave area and everyone in there just IV dripping And it was like oh hey everyone wait you mean he had that as like a treat like craft service. Yeah, like yeah Exactly. Yes 100% just like hey you y'all want to do it. Oh, like, yeah, exactly. Yes, 100%. Just like, hey, you all want to do it? Oh, and it was the same, what was it?

You got to choose between rejuvenation. There was like a rejuvenation, then there was like a hydration, which is the one I chose. So I was like, ah, hydration. That's the one I do. Yeah, and then there was one more like for energy. And I'm like, I'm joined out of my skull right now,

just coffee and being in Ohio. Because Ohio is a- It's very stimulating. Well, stimulating in the wrong way, where you're like, we drove because we were doing shows in Cincinnati in a parking lot, and then we did some shows in Dayton, and then we drove up to Yellow Springs. And for, you're driving past like Trump barns.

Yeah, yeah. You know, and like- We saw plenty of those. Yeah, we saw plenty of that. But when I say Trump barn, I mean a barn with a fucking mural of Donald Trump on the on the side of it and like Yeah, all these like real and you're you're stimulated and it's like Jesus Christ This these fuckers get a lot of power in the voting world this whole state And then you get the yellow springs and it's just like rainbow flags and chill and everyone's a college professor

And it's nice, but I and yeah, everyone's sitting there just talking shit, being all animated because it's a bunch of comedians and a couple of rappers and it's fun and all. But I'm like, oh man, my palms are sweaty and mom's spaghetti. Yeah. And vomit on the sweater. It's coming, you know. And yeah, I had that thing where you just start, everything starts doing that.

So what did you have in there? Well, what was your drip? It was a hydration drip, that's all I remember. But I remember the nurse, she came and like, she's like, are you all right? And I'm like, no, I'm pretty sure I'm about to faint, I think. I feel lightheaded and nauseous.

She's like, okay. And she stopped the drip and pulled the thing out. And I remember that, putting the needle in, not that big of a deal. Something about it coming out, the feeling of it coming out. I was like, oh yeah, I'm definitely gonna puke. And I didn't say that. I was just like, oh, okay. And she took my, all my vitals and she's like, okay, yeah, you're probably, you're good.

And then she said it was like, it's fine. It's sometimes a reaction. I'm like, is it? Because this has happened to me before. I did it like a couple years earlier in Vegas. Same exact reaction. But I was able to... But then you don't know what the thing was that was streaming through your... Both times the nurse, because both times the nurse had to get... No, I don't. I'm not sure now. It might have been urine. It might have been bile. That's why I felt terrible both times

Hmm, I might have got the practical Joker nurse That's fine. Let's put some have you seen it air anywhere like we Tricked son comedian son Patton. I come up at the most deep cut here's someone who's only Famous to two people and one of them's him We're gonna get this son of a bitch with some IV pranks It's a whole subgenre IV pranks IV pranks man that would actually a whole show of just like medical pranks only Yeah, that actually is pretty funny But they're but for real and you have to do them in like, Azerbaijan or something like that.

And you know, Kazakhstan or Turkmenistan. Well, they wake you up during surgery and like show you your insides. It's like, ah, it's gross, isn't it? You're fine, you're good. There was something I'll never forget. The, I can't remember what the show was of some reality show.

And this is like 15 years ago. And they were, it was a, like 15 years ago and they were it was a I can't remember who they were following but it was following a bunch of people and one of these women they were following decided to get breast implants and and she goes and you know you're watching the consultation stuff and then she comes to in the middle of the surgery and she's completely out of it and scared and doesn't know what's happening. The whole thing lasts like a couple seconds.

And she just wakes up and you see her wake up. It's fucking nuts. And I mean, when you put yourself in that situation like where you're just like your brain has like three seconds before you pass out again to try to process what's happening. Remember, yeah, you came in here and you're coming in, you're having this elective surgery, but she's like, ah, ah, ah, you know,

eyes wide open and that was weird. That's, I mean, that's how- That would be a fun prank though. Or a great interview show Well, they try and interview you they just why you're having they have the anesthesiologist Just lighten it up just a little bit so you wake up and like hey David. Oh god. You're here having appendicitis surgery. Good. How's it feel and And then well you heard here folks. That's all I think you wait appendicitis Surgery surgery to give you appendicitis and they're planting. Why would they do that cuz it's fun?

It's a little it's a law I see it hilarious dude, cuz then you're all like fuck, you know, right right the Nazis were onto something yes, oh Charleston so yeah, okay Okay, we forgot for completely about so we do the show in Charleston so yeah, okay. We got completely, we forgot completely about, so we do the show in Charleston, fun show, afterwards the hang. Yes, yes. So we're hanging with like a smaller group

that seemed really chill. Everyone on board, everyone hanging out afterwards seemed really chill and one of the guys. The guy had brought his son. The guy brought his son. The husband and wife. Yeah, and we're like, hey, he's like, hey, I own this bar called The Griffin.

It was great. Great bar. Great bar. Kind of pub-ish, kind of pub-like. Yeah, it's like in like historic old town, whatever that is, Trost, and we go, and we're hanging out. It's great. It's got dollar bills stapled all over the wall, which by the way, if you ever want to pull the most ridiculous heist ever, go to that bar and Try and like break in and rob the walls because they're just dollar bills. Yeah, you I mean stapled Every inch of every wall easily you'd make like

820 I'm saying 800 800. I'm saying 800. I think it looks more like 800, but it's probably split that five ways man. Come on. You're talking about a night on the town. But we're sitting at this booth. It is me, David, the owner of the bar and like his son. Yeah. I believe it was. And his wife.

I think they were sitting across from us. They're bar. Awesome. And we're having a good time, drinks, shooting the shit. And this couple from the meet and greet, it's always couples. They are standing like right here, just right on top of me. And we should explain that pretty much, I'd say most, um, not 100% of the time, but close to it. There was always at least one person,

usually guys with sometimes women who were inappropriate, no space relation thing, and had the attitude of, and even said as much sometimes, like, you know, these guys aren't your real fans. I'm your real fan. I get you.

I get what you're doing. I get, you know, like I speak to them on a different level and he, I got it. But, you know, and I'll let these guys prattle on about their stuff, but then you and I can really talk. Yeah, you and I can go sit over here and really chew the fat. That happened a lot. Oh yeah. I mean, you said it's mostly men. I think that's a little sexist. I think women can be creeps too. I said it was, I said it was, there were women.

I'm saying my observation was it was mostly men, but there were definitely, oh, remember the woman in, where was it, man? No, Glasgow. I'm just, I can't, I just can't believe you're saying the creep industry is male dominated. I mean, I think there are a lot of women in there, man. There are a lot of women doing some good creeping in there.

Well, they're trying. You know, and they're doing good. I think we should acknowledge there's some really great female creeps out there. Sure. I'm doing. No, but there was always that and my favorite, actually we never talked about this, because I could forget about it every time, but in retrospect, I also haven't had booze in like three weeks and memories are just coming out of nowhere. It's kind of wild. Oh, wow, but uh,

There were so many my favorite who I would notice and then forget about but I'm remembering were the in like like superpower level shy people Who would come to the show who would be at the the thing at the afterwards the meet and greets and Who would talk to me? obviously because I would you know they did and they talk to me but then the moment you came over there just like hello. Okay bye and just like they would be conversational somewhat you know interesting chatty fun people and then the moment you rolled in they were like, I know bye Remember the woman in Milwaukee, I think it was wait what happened in Milwaukee. It was upstairs Yeah, no, maybe it was upstairs. That was that was Milwaukee. Right? I'm walking a great town great venue all of them all of the club was all of the Wisconsin

Minneapolis shows were great. Oh the whole that whole part of the Midwest was awesome. Yeah. I mean, Minneapolis though, great show, but still the only show on the whole tour where we had to have someone tossed at the end of the set. Was that Minneapolis? That was Minneapolis, that was that first half. And that was tour manager number three, Rick, who all praised the man, Rick, dying to throw

someone out. Like that guy was like, oh, I get to toss. Oh, I get to toss someone. That is really a last resort. I mean, I try very hard. And so often security will start to remove somebody. I'm like, hang on, hang on. They have a right to say this thing.

And then we have a conversation but that guy. That's just I got. You know that that's just like I was annoyed. Yeah but I it's 30 years of being in the business or 40 whatever it is at this point where you just know like I know how this is gonna go no matter what I say it's gonna go this way so let's just fucking. I know how this is gonna go, no matter what I say, it's gonna go this way, so let's just fucking nip this in the bud, get him out of here, and then we continue the bit. You know, for speaking of which,

for probably up until maybe only four years ago, nip this in the bud, I thought it was nip this in the bud, which meant like spank it so it stops. That was how I always thought that phrase went. It was like, nip it in the butt. Which means like, hey, whatever the situation is, it's being bad. Give it a little pop on the rear end, it's gonna stop. And it wasn't until like, yeah, I said it and someone was like, are you saying butt?

Like what am I, why, what am I supposed to be saying? Nip it in the butt. Yeah, so it doesn't, it doesn't grow. But I still think nip it in the butt's better. So it doesn't. It doesn't last. Oh, it doesn't grow. But I still think nipping the butts better. Um, catch a little spanking. You do you. That's what I do, man. Yeah.

So speaking of butts, uh, but but again, we're trying to talk this kind of couple keeps butting in and they're only talking to what they think they're only talking to me, but they're but they're drunk So they're talking at this volume But they're like hey, can we sit down? And I was like, oh no, I mean no I Forget exactly how I phrased it, but it was good. I remember just being like no no no I'm good. I'm good here, but you know there's plenty see just to

Reiterate we had spent an hour hour with these folks we had spent an hour with these folks. Maybe more, maybe an hour and change. With these folks. Yeah. And, and... Before we went to the bar. Yeah, before we went to the bar. And hanging out at the venue, yeah, yeah.

Easily an hour. Yeah, I mean other people as well, but I was, we were there drinking and hanging out after the show for an hour. And then it was like, okay, it's our time. It's Sean and Doug and I are gonna go and, you know. Now, Doug, the tour manager, this is his first tour manager era,

Doug, he doesn't drink, none of them drank really, except Graham, that's tour manager too. But Doug did not, he would just place himself somewhere in the bar, doing crossword puzzles, looking for cheese to eat, whatever. And now. But eagle-eyed. He would always. Oh, dude, he was on it. Yeah, he was on it. And he would, now the, she's talking to me being like, and I remember she leans in and goes, and again, she thinks she's only talking to me, but she's so fucking loud. She's like,

you know, you're kind of taking up all the time with him. You're kind of hogging him. Can you just let someone else sit next to David for a minute? And I was like, no, no, no, I'm going to stay here. I were friends, but he's right here if you want to talk to him. And I think at that point, you were like, hi. And she said something along the lines of, I just want to say hello. And we came to this bar to hang out with you. And I think you said the exact same thing you just said

where you were like, we did just hang out. Yeah. For like an hour or longer. And now I'm going to hang out with my friends. And the whole time you're talking, I had to piss really bad. So I remember I text Doug like, hey, need you to come sit here for me.

We got an issue. And he was just there like, like so fast that you'd never guess he was in his 70s, which I think he was. And he was 74 years old. And that's 74 years old. But he just was there and we swapped out. And when I came back, they were just, I saw them standing in the corner having that like, that drunken couple argument where it's either, where I, you could tell sometimes

it's one person's too fucked up and the other person's trying to like calm them down slash reprimand them slash, you know, figure it out like, hey, next steps here. Or sometimes they're both fucked up and just don't, they're clashing. They were having like a commiserating like, I know this is bullshit. Well, he barely, he, the guy barely talked ever. And he kept making faces.

Like, if you're listening to this, it's kind of, it was like a, the shrug kind of like, what are you gonna do? Like he kept like shrugging and looking at me going, you know, with this, it's hard to describe, but it's the thing that you've seen the million times are like, her, you know, what are you gonna do? But didn't ever say anything, just faces. Yeah, yeah.

It's also just an interesting like mental state of like, I don't know know some of the people like for the most part I would say 80% of the people I met that were your fan base were 85. I'll jump it up 5% here. There was there were pretty pretty fucking cool. Oh man my fans are awesome. Yeah, very chill, very smart, very like interesting, like to talk to, you know. I got good, smart, cool friends. Right, exactly. That one guy wanted me to sleep with his wife in front of him, you know, and what are you gonna do? But literally sleep. He was, it wasn't no sexual. No sexual, not sexual, not sexual. No snuggling. No snuggling. No touch.

Just give one us to wear matching pajamas, which I was was on monograms monogram. They're nice. They're nice and I I did get I did ask for a leg pillow and he said and he was like cool. Yep, so I was that was nice He watched some people are into that, you know what I mean? You want you do you want to tell that story? That one's for the patreon Well, that one's for the patreon That's for who the only fans do you guys have a fan's account? That one's for the only fans. We will was the first things Oh, yeah But would you consider? If you could afford it and it was cheap enough, probably can, reenact your,

I was going to go ahead and say Knoxville, your Knoxville night with like claymation. Oh yeah. I don't know. That's something to think about, maybe get Dino Stamatopolis, Starburn's industry involved. I was a thousand percent.

Okay. And you narrate it. I'll narrate the whole thing. I'll do all the voices. Make a little Sean Patton puppet. Yeah Yeah, I mean we're talking. Oh Did you just say you would co-produce what will be the Oscar winner for best animation 2025? Holy shit. Are you serious? Let's do it. Oh my god. I'm getting Oscar fever. There we go, baby but uh, there's there's there was like 10% of your fans

that were just awkward. Yeah, well, a little ass burgers. And then 5% that I was afraid for your health. All right. Yeah. 5% only 5. But they were like there were a couple where I was like, I because there were times where you would talk to someone and you never I will say this and I have been around a pretty Healthy chunk of successfully slash famous people in my days

You are never I've never seen you near being a dick Never thank you a lot of people think I'm a dick a lot of people think that I think a lot of people think you're a dick because you Generally are but no think I'm a dick. A lot of people think that. I think a lot of people think you're a dick because you generally are. But no, no, no, no, no, you're not. No, you're not. I think a lot of people mistake dick for just like you. I've noticed I can say this now knowing you, you know, having spent 69 once again, bro. But having spent all this time, you're just someone who doesn't. You're not like a small talk guy.

That's true. Yeah. You're not like a small talk guy. That's true, yeah. You're not like a, and you also, and whatever, this is actually fun, I'm gonna say. We're bringing out the baggage and unpacking it and being like, this is fun stuff. I just was afraid to say it to you while we're in a car together, but not really. But I notice you, I have this problem.

I think a lot of people have this problem. You tend to, I tend to in conversation, if I disagree with someone, I'll sort of sugarcoat it a little bit, or I'll sort of just be very polite or nice about it. No, wait, it's unnecessary. It's unnecessary, but it's big family. I've noticed you, when you disagree, you'll just be like, no, I disagree. And I think some people think that of that as dick. Whereas I noticed with you, I'm like, no, he's not being a dick. He's just saying it flat out.

You're saying it. Yeah, we're having a conversation. Right. I'll give you a prize. The first time you did it to me, I was like, oh, shit, did I just piss him off? And then I realized, oh, no, that's just how David talks. And it was fine. But it was very early on, I believe it was after that first Denver show, we're at some

restaurant bar, having food, drinking beers, and I brought up Back to the Future, which you'd never seen. Because you'd never seen any of the Back to the Futures, I spiraled into all these like 80s, 90s comedy things that you had also never seen. I was surprised. I was like, you've never seen all these movies? You were like, yeah, I just I was surprised. I was like you've never seen all these movies And you're like yeah, I just had no interest and I the thing I said was I believe so you grew up wanting to write act star in movies

But you decided never to see any and you went whoa, well, you're just projecting there And I was just like oh fuck That's pissed David off one week into the tour and then then we kept talking and then in those like next few exchanges, I was like, oh, he's not mad at all. He's just saying how we feel. Yeah, no, I wasn't mad. No. But then I watched you do it to other people and not do it.

That's not the thing you're doing consciously. It's just like, this is how you talk to people. I'm like, oh, this is why I bet people think he's a dick. Because instead of being like, well, no, I disagree. No, no, it's totally cool. I see what you're saying. You're just like, no, that's not how that is. I prefer, I think it's this way. I think some people just get rubbed the wrong way because they're, you know? Yeah, maybe I think, I think, uh... Am I making sense? I feel like I'm...

Yeah, yeah. I know what you're saying. I think also, because I hear myself sometimes, and in my head I'm like, oh, shut the fuck up. You know, to myself. Oh, oh, oh. No, no, no, to myself. Like either who cares or shut up or, you know, don't flatter yourself. So I'm talking to myself in my head or whatever.

And I'm also, it took me a long, long, long time to be able to get comfortable with talking to fans. And not just fans in the abstract, but people who wanted to talk about a project that I did that really meant a lot. And then I would immediately, so I'm much better at it now. The idea of doing meet and greets after the show,

I mean, up till like five years ago would have been absurd. I just, I mean, I used to run, when we did the Mr. Show, Hurray for America tour, I would fucking jog out of that theater and get to the bus because I didn't want to talk to anybody. Not because of them, I'm just,

I was just a weirdo and not comfortable and I just wanted to drink and then go hang with my friends. And I just wasn't good at it for a long time. I just, I wasn't good at accepting compliments and I think, in part, people think I'm a dick because of the way I reacted uncomfortably to somebody saying something nice. Right. But I also, okay.

Which is legit. That's actually, but I also think like over time, I was like, oh no, I like, I was like, this, I get this. Where it's like, you're just saying information. You're not, you're not, you're doing the service of the person you're talking to being like, I think you're probably intelligent to know I'm not being a dick. I'm just talking. Yeah, I guess I'm assuming that, but it's yeah, it's just the way I have a conversation. But that's what I'm saying. I saw some situations where if you would have been even a slight dick,

I think it would have been justified. Just a little bit. But you weren't, but you never were. Case in point, one morning at again, the Denver, well at least Denver stories, but this is the second time we're in Denver. The Denver airport specifically right now, for the past 18 months, is a shit show.

There's so much construction and the- And the layout is just- And it's just- You have to go so fucking far. Yes, it is a mess. Yeah. And we were in line at security and some woman came over and was like,

I gotta take my chance here. Can I just get a picture with you? And it was like early morning, we're both waiting for our stuff. It's that jam up of coming through the security where everyone's waiting for their shit and everyone's sort of trying to like grab it and get out of there.

Or some people, the doofuses are just full on getting dressed right there in line. Oh, I hate that. Oh, it's, ugh. Get your tray, move it over there. Move it. Yeah. Oh, buddy.

But it's like, we're all like in that moment and this woman comes over and was like, hey, can I just, can I please get a picture? And I, if you would have just been like, hey, not right now, give me one second. I think that would have been justified. I'm not saying being an asshole. I'm not saying being an asshole.

I'm not saying being an asshole. I'm not saying being an asshole. Saying it politely, but saying it. Yeah. But you were just like, oh, sure. And you just like did a pic with her right there. And I was just like, wow, even then you could have been slightly. But I actually learned from that.

I was like, wait a second. It like I had like a thought process to myself of like, you got to appreciate these people no matter you got to appreciate them. They they're your fans. Well, yes. But I don't know. Was she a real fan or is she just like, I love chicken pot pie or, you know? She seemed like our age-ish. But if they're...

I'm older than you, so... If they're a... If somebody comes up with kind of the more, you know, cult-y stuff or like knows something that's really kind of specific sure sure Then by all means, but if somebody's like I you know You were great in the chipmunks you stole the chipmunks. Let me get a picture of you Holy shit, what dude we've been talking for a long time. Oh, we just Yamron? Yeah. Sorry.

That's not bad. That's what we're here for. But, so I'm gonna, is there anything you'd like to promote or plug or, or promote as I- Promote? Yeah. It's like a cross between plug or promote.

Promotion? Plug. Prog. as I... Plumote? Yeah, it's like a cross between plug or promote. Plumotion? Prug. Prug. Prug sounds like someone talking about a pug but just has a weird impediment. Or polls. Could be. Paul. Paul.

His people are in his plug, so... I gotta love silent letters, man. Too bad he doesn't use them all silently and just not talk. Am I right? Fuck you, Paul! Tell that son of a bitch Where is it over there? No, he's back there. Oh, but um I got the special on peacock

It's called number one. It's been out for a minute now I don't I don't know how many people have seen it. That's part of the reason there were strikes, but uh, but I love it so the WGA and the screen actors Guilds went on strike because they hadn't seen your special? Yeah, pretty much. Oh, weird. Yeah, a lot of people hadn't seen it. Wow. So they went off strike.

Yeah. Well, I guess maybe more people have seen it. I just appreciate the effort from... I don't know what the numbers are, but... From, you know, that's hundreds of thousands of people not working so that people can watch my work, which I appreciate. Great. Great.

I appreciate it. Support in the industry. Yeah. And, you know, go to my website, me-shownpatten.com, all my dates. I'm constantly touring. There is no, like, upcoming tour. That is true. I was always...

I mean, it was... I'm trying to do more designated tour times. Well, I just meant like when we were on tour and we'd have little breaks, and I'd come home for three, four days, hang out with my family, and I'd see you again, four days later at the airport, Hey, what'd you do? Well, I did a set at Da Da Da, then I did a set here, and then I got to go, and then I flew. I did one night in Chicago, and then I flew back here, and I'm like, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, pretty wild. You were constantly working. Yeah. I'm coming back in town for one day, and it just so happens to coincide with your Christmas party. Oh, cool. And then I leave the next day. Where you going?

Back to New Orleans. Oh, okay. Holiday, yeah. Oh, right, right, of course. Which that show is a, I don't know when this comes out, but yes. Go to my, I'm always touring. Oh, this isn't coming out. Ever. Okay, good.

Yeah. So I can say whatever I want. Yeah, yeah. So listen, you, Soros, let's talk coming out. Never. Okay, good. Yeah. So I can say whatever I want. Yeah, yeah. So listen, you, Soros, let's talk about him. No. Go, yeah, go to my, I don't, I have nothing to say about George Soros. I don't give a shit.

I did think you did. Yeah, I didn't. Some people think. No, I thought it was like a, it was like a funny thing. It was like an attempt to like, oh, let's, it was the fake thing. Like, oh, well, we can talk.

But then some fake things people like, oh, what you got to say? Yeah, I don't think anybody really thought that. I think they knew that you were doing like mocking the idea of, and you just came up with George Soros and then immediately kind of regretted it. Would have let it slide. But then like, oh, that's not the best reference. I better speak to that. And and then that's why you said, and that's why we're talking now about it.

We're still talking about it. But then references, that's why reference said and that's why we're talking now about it We're still talking about it But then references that's is why reference-based comedy is hard for me because now I'm like what would have been a better reference This is some people that might have been the perfect reference chat jack Probe-esque the right wing Twitter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to do that Probesiac Probesiac Matt Reif I don't want to do that. Jack Probisayek? Probisayek.

Matt Reif. Oh, man. What a jawline on that, buddy boy. Huh? Watch him. You want to see a man drop a mic? You ain't never seen a prettier man drop a mic. Dude, did you see the special?

I saw the last five minutes. Yeah, I did a little... Just that. It was... You know, I was just talking about him with Rob Delaney in London last week, so I don't want to talk about him too much, but that thing at the end was so clearly designed for him to say the thing and then say the, but I only do, but I only do crowd work and then dropped him like, but he said it and then he gets applause.

So he had a pause and you can sit like a, of experienced pro would have figured out a way to kind of bridge the thing, but he has to wait for the applause or he chooses to wait for the applause. Then he says, but I only do crowd work and drops the mic, but it had no punch because he fucked it up anyway. He should have dropped the mic and then started doing crowd work, no mic. Just straight up to prove that he really does crowd work.

Well then the credits go and then they show him doing crowd work. That really? Yes, I swear to God. I didn't see that part. I didn't see that part. I swear to God. I swear to God. It has to be done. Oh, but I only do crowd work and then he drops the mic literally and then the credits are going and I don't know a matter of seconds later. It shows him doing crowd work. I mean, at the same show. What is your you just negated everything. All right. It's an interesting time to be a comedian.

Also, the special, your special, I'm going to plug David's special. Okay. Because I also, we filmed it and I posted a clip from the filming of it. It looks so fucking good and that's just me. So I bet your end looks like that. And I'm farting out of my mouth as Post Malone. As Post Malone, yeah. So it's great.

Yeah, no, it's good. I'm happy with it. And I thought 800 pound gorilla did a great job and they were easy to work with and it came out. You know, I see it and you know, it's a little frustrating. They always are because I tape in the middle of the tour and the set is always evolving.

So there's some bits, I'm like, oh man. But we recorded the show in Boise, so some of those bits become richer and fuller. I've got about that. Yeah, so there'll be audio coming out, which will have, I don't know, 20% of it will be different. Also really quickly because I mean believe you me I could do a breakdown of all 69 shows but we don't have time for that this episode but London we did a place called Union Chapel and it's this beautiful church and it's

I'm thinking it's a desanctified or desanctified what's it what's it when churches are no longer in use by the Lord? Denuded? Yeah when the the Lord stops, he's like, I'm done with that place. Close it down. Defrocked. Defrocked. Yeah, I thought it was a defrocked church and we but it's beautiful and we go on stage and we do, you know, we have similar You know, David and I are both, we're both very pro-life comedians. We're all about, I love life. God's choice and it's all about the baby, right? Obviously. So, but we're not we're both, both have similar stances on abortion and we both talk about it And I remember afterwards being like why is there no booze backstage? And they're like, oh you have to go up to the bar because the bar is not considered part of the church I was like, what do you mean part of the church? And they're like, yeah, this is still a church

They have a functional church. They have services. But they're like, yeah, this is still a church. It's a functional church. They have services. But they're like, what? And we both just got on stage. That's my opinions. Yeah, but that's why there's so much dried comeback stage. Did you notice that? Yeah, yeah. Because I didn't want to say anything. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I thought maybe it was from the, it's tartar sauce from all the fish and chips. Well, that's their euphemistic phrase for it. So it was quote unquote, tartar sauce, but that's what that means Alright, every show I end every show with a question from my daughter Marla who you've met Marla gave me a penny Yeah, I still got that dirty penny. Okay Well for her it was lucky. That was a nice gesture She gave me

was lucky. That was a nice gesture. She gave me a lucky penny. I'm still here. All right, good. All right. This is a question for you, Sean from Marlowe. Where does Christmas come from? Oh, I knew it. Christmas. Now, does she want to know? She wants to know the origin of Christmas. Dude, I'm reading you the question. Where does Christmas come from? Christmas originated, I believe, sometime in the Nordic. Sometime in the Nordic? In the Nordic era.

What? Sometime in the Nordic era. I'm trying to put this in ways where she can understand. Well, I can't understand. Well, you're not an 18-year-old girl like your daughter. So Christmas started sometime in the Nordic era, which I do believe it was out of guilt. It was some father got sneaking back, got home, didn't have his keys. He'd been out drinking all night. Mm-hmm, right With his missus lost his key couldn't get in

Windows were all locks that shit climbed onto the roof said fuck it come down the chimney, right? As he got down there his kids were up or like dad. What are you doing? He's like, but he's covered in soot, right? And he broke his nose falling down the chimney. So there's blood everywhere, blood and soot, right? And the soot, people think it's black, it's white, actually, because it's, you burn a certain type of wood, white wood, I believe it's called. The Nash, that's why you're a fur of a- So the ash, it was covered in red and white. Like, I'm not your dad, I'm here to bring you gifts.

He had had some gifts, he was also a small-time crook, so he had some, he had scored some, you know, some swag. So he gave his kids these gifts and were like, you're good. You're on my good list. Okay. And then he got the fuck out of there because he didn't want his kids to catch him coming home in the middle of the night. Right. So obviously these houses have locks. So it's a modern era. This is so it's relatively new.

Well, Christmas has only been around since the 70s. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so... A lot of movies make it seem like it's been around for long. Yeah, yeah, I was always under the impression. You were alive when it... Yeah, that's odd.

But you were young. I was young. I'm probably just, you know, being indoctrinated in liberal... Right, right. ...liberal, metro school. I believe December, I think it was December. Yeah. 76 was when Christmas... December's when we celebrated. Right, right. So that's when it would have been... in the liberal elementary school. I think it was December. Yeah.

76 is when Christmas. December is when we celebrated. Right, right. So that's when it would have been. But where does Santa Claus come from? So the guy's name was, I think it was, no, no, no, Samantha and Klaus were the kids' names. Right?

And when he saw them drunk, his Santa Claus, he said it. And they heard that. So they told their mom, this guy, I think he said Santa Claus. And the mother was like, Samantha Claus, Klaus named after her dad, you know, old, you know, German guy. But not that old because this started in the 70s. So he would have been... 76. Right. So there was kids. So the dad, I guess it was probably around post-war war two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Pete Townsend's age. Pretty much, yeah.

So, but Klaus, you know, still. So he was named, so Klaus, the dad was named after his father. So he's close to third. So... I see. A lot of Klaus's. So the he's close to third. So I see a lot of classes. So the kid was close to fourth. So that name was just going to stick. In fact, little note, this is sad, but I don't want to say anything. I'll just say it for the context.

Yeah, I was going to say, if you don't want to say anything, then what's the point of bringing it up? If they would have had a third kid and it would have been a boy, it would have been close to fifth. There are two classes, class fourth and class fifth. No, no, no, no. They already had one. The kid was Klaus the fourth. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. His grandfather was Klaus the third.

Right. There were two more Klaus's before that. Long family name. The dad wasn't Klaus. That was the dad. They skipped one. The dad was not Klaus. The Klaus was the son's name.

Why didn't they just call him Klaus Jr. and then Klaus Jr. Jr.? No, no, no just call him Klaus Jr. and then Klaus Jr. Jr. No, no, no, because Klaus Jr. The third grandfather was Klaus. Klaus, right. And they named the kid Klaus after the grandfather, but not the dad, because it was the mom's side. Oh, I see. Yeah, it was weird. It was weird, but it was the 70s. What are you going to do?

Right. So the kid would have been Klaus. That kid was Klaus the fourth. If they would have had a fifth, another son, it would have been close to fifth, but they couldn't get pregnant the third time. They said the two. Samantha and Klaus. How do you know all this? Right there, anyone can look this up. I understand Marlowe probably doesn't have access to. No, we don't let her. Yeah, so you can look it up right there on Google or on Bing. I look at Bing, the big search engine. I'm a big go-go duck daddy. Yeah, exactly.

Look it up, go to the library and see. So Santa Claus, say Samantha's Claus. All right, Marlowe, there's your answer. There you go. There was guilt, guilt is what started it all. Yeah, but look at that, the tradition still stands, huh? Yeah, still, I don't know where the tree, how the tree happened and why we sing away in the manger and all that

stuff. Christ was born. I mean, look, so the Bible, I mean, what? The Bible was only written, what, 6,000 years ago? It depends on which Bible you're talking about, the Old Testament or the New Testament? So the New Testament was only in the 40s then. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So yeah. It predates the book of Dianetics by about 10 years. That's it? Yeah. So Elron Hubbard knew Jesus personally.

He was Jesus. Oh, he was. Yeah. And he got out of that. Yeah. Because I always thought Jesus was like the dread pirate Roberts thing. Like you just passed it on to the next

See on I have shit to do. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Okay. Let's just let's just I thought we were hamming it up But I get it. No, I we were and but I I mean We keep on going we're going on we're gonna two and a half hours. Yeah, we're gonna have Nicole are you editing this? I'm doing video, right? As we speak. Okay, man, thank you so much. Thank you always.

Absolutely. We did it. Since his working overtime as a Head Gum podcast created and hosted by me, David Cross. The show is edited by Katie Skelton and engineered by Nicole Lyons with supervising producer Emma Foley. Thanks to Demi Druchin for our show art and Mark Rivers

for our theme song. For more podcasts by Head Gum, visit headgum.com or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and maybe we'll read it on a future episode. I'm not going to do that. Thanks for listening.