Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 122. End Of Our Sex Lies Era....

Episode Date: October 9, 2024

So, today is very sad day as it's the final episode of Sex Lies & DM Sllides. We've love, love, loved doing the podcast, so today we're taking a look back at various topics we've discussed over the last 2 years - from long distance relationships, to age gaps, to our secret single behaviour. Thank you so much to all our incredible listeners over the years, we couldn't have done this without you! I'm sure you'll be seeing lots of content with us both in the future, but for now, thank you and enjoy!! xxxxx Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Chiara. It means smart in Italian. Too bad your barista can't spell it right. So you just give a fake name, your cafe name, Julia. But the more you use it, the more it feels like you're in witness protection. Wait a minute. What kind of espresso drinks does Julia like anyway? Is it too late to change your latte order? But with an espresso machine by KitchenAid, you wouldn't be thinking any of this. Because you could have just made your espresso at home.

Shop now at KitchenAid.ca. Take back your free time with PC Express Online grocery delivery and pickup. Get in-store promos, PC optimum points, and more free time. And still get groceries. Shop now at PCc-express.ca. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Sex Lies and DM Slides with me, Safron Barker. And me, Anastasia Kings-North. And today is a very sad day because it is the end of the

season of the podcast and our sex lies era. It is an end of an era. So we thought we'd chat about everything we've learned over the last couple of years about dating and what we've learned about ourselves. A nice way to kind of round up this season. Yeah, and a nice way to round up the last two years because we genuinely have shared everything

over the last two years with you guys. Both Saf and I have been in relationships during this podcast. We've been in talking stages, we've been single. I mean, we're still ending the podcast. We're ending it, still single. Single. I mean, I remember when we started this podcast,

we were like, oh yeah, we'll definitely have boyfriends in two years. That we're going to be so much closer to where we thought, you know, we'd be in the sense of like kids marriage, whatever. I'm probably further away now than I was two years ago. Yeah, which is actually quite mad thinking about it because I actually remember us having that conversation literally saying, oh my God, and at the end of this, we're going to have boyfriends and he'll be our. We don't need men in our lives right now. Exactly I feel like we're both in good places in our life and I mean don't

get me wrong we're still we'll probably still talk about our date in life at some point on YouTube but it's just obviously not going to be weekly updates anymore which yeah it's going to be very very weird it's going to be so weird not doing like weekly updates. Yeah and, it's going to be very, very weird. It's going to be so weird not doing like weekly updates. Yeah. And it's also going to be weird not being able to run about a situation as well. Because I feel as if like so many different, I don't know, even if we go back to when you spoke about the day we got the Stanley Cup. And obviously my opinion was, oh my God, like green flag, everyone else's is like red flag, love bombing. And if we didn't have this, like this podcast,

there's no way we would have been able to have discussed that or even realize that. Baby, we wouldn't have been able to find Katie. We wouldn't have been able to find Katie. Genuinely, like the podcast family that we have built from this has been like crazy. Like people are so invested and just are so helpful. And I also really hope that we've helped you guys with our very unofficial

advice. But I really hope that you found it helpful throughout the years. And just watching us be very like normal teenage girls go through normal date and shit has been somewhat helpful to you because we have been through it on this podcast. We have, we have, but only as much as you guys have been because some of the stories that you've sent into us have been sometimes absolutely baffling to even read out loud. So yeah, like we said, we're just,

we're feeling very grateful and I think it is a sad day for us. We definitely are feeling all the emotions, to put it that way. Yes. Let's go. Chiara, it means smart in Italian. Too bad your barista can't spell it right. So you just give a fake name, your cafe name, Julia.

But the more you use it, the more it feels like you're in witness protection. Wait a minute, what kind of espresso drinks does Julia like anyway? Is it too late to change your latte order? But with an espresso machine by KitchenAid, you wouldn't be thinking any of this because you could have just made your espresso at home. Shop now at KitchenAid.ca. At Pennzoil, we have one job. Pioneering a motor oil so advanced, you don't have to think about your motor oil. Instead, you can think about how your engine sounds,

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See pennzoil.ca slash warranty for full details. So we thought because we have covered probably every topic there is to do with dating in the last two years, we kind of give like a final roundup of our thoughts on some of these topics and they've probably changed since we last addressed them like if it was like two years ago, I don't know. I feel like through learning different things as you're hearing people's experiences naturally you do just change your opinions. So should we start going through them? The first one is ghosting, which I mean,

don't think my opinion's gonna change. I don't think my opinion's ever changed there. I think I have a very strong opinion about this. Yeah, can it be excused? No. I don't think so. I'm pretty sure we said that back then when we did the ghosting episode.

It really can't. I mean, I'm not gonna lie. I back then when we did the ghosting episode, it really can't. I mean, I'm not gonna lie. I think I actually admitted to ghosting somebody when we were speaking about ghosting. So I have been there and done that. Yeah, you have actually done it. Yeah, which isn't- I've been close to doing it, but I've never quite done it.

Like, I just, I don't know. I just think, right, being honest and upfront is like the best thing you can ever do. Like, there's one thing to take away from this podcast is genuinely just be, just be honest. Like I would say that's like the biggest thing in any relationship. I think the truth always ends up coming out. And also you end up just hurting somebody so much more in the long run. So if you're there and you're just honest and you just admit to somebody like, you know,

you're not really my person or blah, blah blah blah, rather than ghosting them. Like I know for a fact I would take that better than being ghosted. A hundred percent and believe me I know it would hurt. Like it's not the nicest feeling if someone you know messes you and is like I don't really like this isn't gonna work out whatever but I got ghosted after I ghosted somebody. So I got my instant karma. And let me tell you, it ain't nice. So I love my ghosting. I got ghosted too.

I will laugh because honestly, my excuse from this guy as to why he ghosted me was the most pathetic thing I've ever heard in my life. It was, it genuinely was one of the worst excuses. It was that he lost his phone charger, do you remember? Yeah, he lost his iPhone charger, which I'm sorry, there is an iPhone charger nowadays within 10 meters of you.

Yeah. Everywhere. But he lost his per day, so he didn't have a phone for days apparently. Over the weekend as well. So you definitely need a phone on the weekend. It's a bit weird. So no, no, our answers very, very much still stay the same. Yes, with ghosting, it's still a big no.

Okay, long distance relationships, because we've got the queen of long distance relationships and then we've got me. Who's very single, but she's still the queen of them. Yeah, it's still the queen of them, and then we've got me who loves to date people within a 10 meter radius of where I live. So we're very pro-difficult. So do you think, would you still get into a long distance relationship? Yeah, that's a really good question.

I actually, okay, I feel like this is giving me a different answer to maybe what you expected. Cause I think naturally everyone would jump at me saying yes. Yeah. I would actually not jump at it, but I don't know if that's just where I am at a certain point in my life.

I don't know, I just think it does take a lot of effort from both sides and I think it's hard to find, and there are people out there who absolutely will, but it's hard to find people that will commit to that extent. And so it's not that I wouldn't, like I would, if I liked one enough, yes I would, but I think I'm less likely want it now

than I've ever wanted it. Like before I've never wanted something that lifts on my doorstep, whereas like as I'm getting older, it's actually sounding more appealing. Yeah, I get, I completely understand that. And I think naturally because, you know, every race you've been in has pretty much been long distance. So I can understand why your answer would now change. Cause I've never had a long distance relationship. So I don't know what that's like. My ex boyfriend literally lives in in the building I can look out my window. And to me like, yeah, I think I just prefer my boyfriend to live in the same town as me.

Just, I don't know. I mean, there's actually perks with both. Like I think me and you are quite independent people. Like we like spending time alone. So because we like spending time alone, you don't have someone that's constantly in top of you. And I think if your boyfriend lives around the corner and he asked to see you and you didn't feel like seeing him, what is your excuse? You kind of do have to make up something. Otherwise, you just be honest and just say, I don't really feel like seeing you, but they're

not going to take that that well. I think there are definitely different there's definitely different perks to come in with long distance. Like it is really nice that you get your own space, you can do your own thing. And then when you see each other, it's really special that time that you spend together, so it's not that like I'm against long distance now, now that I've done it. I just, it obviously does require more effort and more communication and more trust and yeah, a lot of those things so and again I think it's different having a long-distance

relationship in the UK and being on the same time zone to be with somebody that's on a completely different time zone. Yeah and I think we always said that about long-distance relationships like especially with our job because I say if I had a boyfriend now, I wouldn't be showing him on YouTube for a while. But if he was here all the time, it'd be very hard not to, whereas in a long distance relationship, you can get your work done and then you can spend time with each other. So I feel like you can separate everything out a little bit more. So there definitely are pros and cons to the situation. And of course, if you fall in love with somebody who lives three hours away, you can't help it. If you both love each other, you'll make it work. But it just wouldn't be my top preference.

Yeah, I get that. I get that. Yeah. So do age gaps matter? I feel like we've also had a very different opinions on this. I can't remember what my answer was when we spoke about this, but now I would say it doesn't necessarily matter. I wouldn't date anybody. Yeah, I was about to say, you've said your oldest age before,

but I can't remember what it was. I wouldn't date- What is the oldest you would date? And the youngest. Now the youngest would be 22. I wouldn't go. But what is the oldest you would date? And the youngest? Now, the youngest would be 22. I wouldn't go any younger than that because I'm gonna be 24 next week. So I don't think I'd go any younger than that.

And then because I'm 24 next week, I would probably say 28 would be my max. Really, that would be your max? Well, the thing is that you, but then I could fall in love with somebody who's 29 and like it could all change, but like I just wouldn't probably personally go and date like a 35 year old because I felt like I'd be very different paths to them. Like if they

turn around to me and said they want kids in the next six months or like they're going to propose to me now, I'd feel like I'd be on a slightly different timeline to what they are. And I, and I just, they do say that guys are seven years behind us. So then the 35 year old would be 28. Yeah. So maybe mentally, I mean, maybe I mean 35. I think you do. Otherwise you're basically dating a 21 year old. Well, the thing is when I was on Hinge, I actually set it to 28. So maybe I should have changed that

and did it to 35. Yeah. And seeing what was rocking about in the 30s that and did it to 35. Yeah. And seen what was rocking about in the thirties because we're gonna be there soon. No, we actually are and that's really, really quite scary. What's your- No, that's really scaring me actually, I don't wanna think about it.

I know, what's your age limit then, the youngest and oldest you date now? See, I don't know, cause when I think of somebody that's like 35, I'm like, oh too old. But I don't, I honestly't know, because when I think of somebody that's 35, I'm like, oh, too old. But I don't, I honestly really depends. Like it depends what they did for a career, it depends. You know what maybe it is more than anything?

It's the fact that I'm at that age where I could say, oh yeah, my boyfriend's 35. Like what are those, those words coming out my mouth make me feel so much older. Like it makes me feel like a full blown adult now, my boyfriend's 35. What's it mean by that? It feel like a full blown adult now, my boyfriend's playing five. What's it mean by that, it's like 11 years older than you? Yeah, which is that is quite a lot older than me.

See, I could do that. I could date somebody that much older. If we were at the same like points in our career, I absolutely could. I think that if we were at the same point in our career, then I would definitely consider it. But I think it would just shock me a bit. If I said, oh, how old are you, 35? I'd just be like, oh my God, I'm getting consider it. But I think it would just shock me a bit. If I said, oh, how old are you, 35?

I'd just be like, oh my God, I'm getting older now. Like it's actually acceptable for me to be speaking to a 35 year old and no one would probably say anything. I don't know, Jo, I think it's just odd, but maybe, I don't know, you can't help who you fall in love with. And like the age gap between- I think it is really dependent

because I do think it sounds, but if you look at like Anthony Joshua, for example, he's 36. I'm sure he's 36. I didn't know he was 36, to be honest. I thought he was like early, like a bit earlier 30s. Yeah, you think he's younger, right? Yeah, I maybe thought he was 31.

I'm sure he's definitely older than I thought he was. But like, for me, if I was with somebody like him, I wouldn't think, oh my God, the age difference. Like, do you know what? I think it's really dependent. Yeah. Like, I really think it is dependent on what person, whereas like, some of my parents' friends who might be like 35, I might look at them and think,

oh no, they just act a lot older and that, you know? I think it's so dependent. But for me personally, I really don't think the age gaps matter. I don't think, I mean, if it was like a 40 year age gap, I wouldn't be doing that. Oh, then yes, different. I think there's some sort of cut off somewhere,

you know, like there's a line somewhere, but I mean, my mom and dad had an age gap of like 21 years. So like- Yeah, that's crazy. Which is nuts, like my stepdad is like 74. So I can't like, I can understand the I mean? I can understand that age gap thing. And the thing is though now is when they'd actually noticed the biggest difference, like your stepdad being that age

and your mum being the age that she is. Yeah, 100%. It probably makes you think, oh my God, an age gap wouldn't work. Actually, it must have been more than that because if my dad's 73, 74, my mum's 50 this year. So it must have been 23 or 24 years, which is a lot. Like that is a big age gap. which is a lot. That is a

big age gap. Which is a lot. Yeah, it's a crazy age gap, but they met because they were next door neighbors. So they met in a very natural way. It wasn't on a date or anything. But yeah, I don't know. I say the oldest I date is 28, but then you never know who you're going to fucking meet. I could meet a guy in a bar and he's 30 and I'm like, oh my God. Let's go. What's the feeling of fall? It's finally catching the sunrise. And not because you woke up early.

No, you woke up nice and late. And you know what? The sun waited. Then you went and got what you love from Starbucks. The new pecan crunch oat latte and new baked apple croissant. And enjoyed that warm apple filling and those nutty flavors with rich brown buttery notes while the sun rose, just for you.

That's the feeling of fall, and it's only at Starbucks. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Do you know what that I can't imagine you with an older guy? Babe, I can't imagine me with anybody. Honestly, I like, when I introduce a boyfriend to everyone, especially if he was 30, everyone would be shell shocked.

Yeah, I'd be shell shocked. Like if I said to Saf, I was at the Saf come into Manchester, you're gonna meet this guy and he's 30, you'd be like. But then if you said to me he's 22, that wouldn't shock me. Oh, that should be, let's not, that should shock you. Oh my god. Right guys, when I was like- No, I dated someone younger than me.

No I know, but like if, I don't know, if, when I was like 20, I would always like I would love really personally you're like no. Yeah, when I was like 20, I would always go for like 19 year old boys. Everyone would always take the piss as well. Like I'd never date someone who was 21. I'd always date 19 year olds. But like, it wasn't our choice. They just happened to be that age. Whereas now, I think I'm just like older, like mature, older. Yeah, like mature like older, like mature. Some men are still man child. I got white fanatic, Jesus asked her to have a 22 year old boyfriend. If I come back in a year's time and my boyfriend is 22, everyone can laugh at me. It's so

fine. But it's going to happen to me. I know it. Now I've said all this, my boyfriend's going to be younger and everyone's going to happen to me. I know it. I know it. Now I've said all this. My boyfriend's going to be younger and everyone's going to get, oh, popcorn cake of that. No, it actually does. The thing is it genuinely doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. But yeah, there's something about having like a younger boyfriend. I don't know, like I don't like the idea of it, but then saying that my ex is younger than me. So. That's what I mean. We say all these things and then we date the complete fucking opposite. Yeah. Like I literally have every single time.

So, okay. One night stands. What are we saying about one night stands? Are they a good idea? Are they ever a good idea? I mean, I'm out here doing them, but I don't think there's anything wrong with one night stands.

I think girls are very unfortunate. We have such a bad name for ourselves when it comes to one night stands, whereas guys don't get put under the same umbrella. And I think it's extremely unfair. So no, I think if you want to, then do it. I think as long as you're being safe and, you know. And also I think as well,

if you're not somebody that's gonna get attached to people so easily, then I think it's gonna be a lot easier for you. 100%. And what you said about like, you know, it's very much lad culture to have a one night stand. They'll be like big in their mates up, like, you know, like, oh, you've slept with three people in one night,

go you. But then if a girl was to do that, it's like, oh, well, she's a slag. And so I'm not really sure it works like that. I hate that sort of thing, but nowadays, like, nowadays, why am I talking like I'm actually 50 years old? I'm nearly 24. I've had my fun when I was younger,

and now I'm just like, I don't know, I don't know if I'd have a one night stand now. It's nothing against it at all, but I just think I'm at that point now where I would much rather build a nice relationship with somebody and have sex with one person and actually build like a nice sexual relationship rather than, cause I'm sorry, on a one night stand, boys are shit. I'm not even just, I'm putting it out there. They're just doing it for themselves. They're just pleasing themselves. And I'm not here for that anymore.

So yeah, probably wouldn't. She's older, she's grown. She's grown now. She's a mature girl now, but there's nothing wrong with them. And like I said, as long as you're being safe, go and have your fun. Do whatever you've got to do. Okay, can you like or love two people at once?

I think like, yes. I don't think love. You, if you were in love with two people at once, I personally never had that, or personally, I've actually never seen that with anybody I know. I just, I think the idea of like, somebody and actually being in love with them, can sometimes feel so similar. And so I think a lot of people can get wrapped in, oh my God, I'm in love with both of them, but actually it might just be the idea of them.

I think, yeah, like I even, when I even look at my relationships when I was younger, I definitely thought I was in love with people who I look back and I'm not, and I realize I'm not in love with them. But at the time it was the idea of them. And I probably really did feel like I was in love with them when it was more the idea. I don't know, maybe some people can fall in love

with more than two people. The love that I believe in, you can't. So I just don't like to believe that. Like in my eyes, if you love someone, you love that person and that person only. And so that's just the love that I like to believe in. So that's why my opinion will always stay like that. However, do I think you can like

more than one person? Definitely. Yeah, and I think also when you were younger, I think we know love for what love was then. Like when you're 16, the sort of love that you're gonna have for somebody is different to the sort of love you're was then. Like when you're 16, the sort of love that you're gonna have for somebody is different to the sort of love you're gonna have somebody when you're 25.

And I think, so you probably were in love with them, but just not loved to what you see it to be now. Like I don't think I've experienced that like height level of love that some people experience that like insane love. But I don't know, it's really weird. Cause I think my definition of love that some people experience, that like insane love. But I, so I don't know, I don't know. It's really weird. I think my definition of love changes. I can't wait for you to experience that. I can't, I genuinely, I can't either. And I'm actually really proud to say that at the

end of this podcast, because I was so against relationships. Like I was so relationship hating at some point in this podcast, not like even necessarily for a reason. I was just like, no, it's not for me. But now the idea of actually finding somebody and being in love actually really excites me. And it's not like a scary thing anymore. And the day that we actually go on a double date, oh my God.

Oh my God. I can't wait for that to happen. Yeah, I actually can't wait for that to happen. Imagine it was just a plot twist and we did end up like dating twins or something. Babe, it nearly happened once, it can happen again. We can move back out. It would actually be so much fun to date like best friends or to date, yeah, like twins or brothers or anything like that. Oh, it'd be so good. So if there's a pair of brothers out there, a pair of twins, just let us know, we love a twin. But going back to it, I think you can also like two people at once because I've also kind of been there where I'm like,

oh, I like certain aspects about this person, but I like certain aspects about that person. How do you choose, like gut instinct? I don't know, it's hard, isn't it? Cause then you'll maybe always wonder like, if it went wrong with that person, like what if with the other person. But I do think you'll got instinct

to always tell you the right person. Yeah, you've got to follow your gut instinct if you like two people, whoever your heart and your gut is telling you, go for them. Okay, can you be friends with an ex? So obviously I've always kind of spoken about this on the podcast,

that I've been friends with my ex because we had a very like fine breakup. I still think you maybe can be, but what I've learned is like when you're speaking to somebody else, I think it's disrespectful to still be speaking to your ex or to even have that sort of like communication. So I think you can be amicable with them. You don't have to like, you know, if you see them in a bar, give them a dirty look, you can just be like, are you okay? But I've learned that I don't need to be communicating with them every day because that's just not really me. But that's just me growing up.

No, but I think you've actually hit a nail on the head there. Yeah. I think what you've said is exactly what would come out of my mouth. However, I wouldn't agree. I could be friends for my exes because they don't like half my exes. But I mean, I say half of them,

I said there's loads, I think there's three. But yeah, I think if you can be friends with them, yeah, I think it's exactly what Anna said. I think it's, you could be amicable, but you don't need to be, you don't need to be. I always think it's a bit weird when people become like best friends after. I just think it, I don't know.

Personally, I think it's a bit strange. I just don't think it's needed. I think there's always, I'm changing, I'm saying this now because this is what I've learned from the last two years. I think there's always gonna be one person who slightly still has hopes for the relationship, whereas the other person doesn't.

And obviously for the person who doesn't, it's never gonna be an issue because they're not bothered, but for the other person, they're just gonna continue to get hurt. And I think I've learned that. And yeah, I've just learned that, you know, now being amicable with somebody is so fine, but if you're speaking to somebody else

and instill message in your ex, I think it's disrespectful and I wouldn't do it. But other than that, I wouldn't be rude if I saw them out. Just nice smile and wave, whatever. Anna, you sound so grown. Babe, I've been doing a lot of grown- I'm so proud of you. Thanks babe, lots of growing up on this podcast.

She's an adult now. babe, lots of growing up on this podcast. She's an adult now. And then the last one is our secret single behavior, which we're still single. So behavior's not really gonna be secret anymore, but if you realize any other secret single behavior that you do. You know, I thought about this for so long

after this episode, and I actually don't think there's anything else that I do. I don't. Genuinely, I don't think there's anything else that I do. I don't. Genuinely, I don't think there is. If it comes to me at some point, I'm gonna have to tell my YouTube because I just don't think there actually is. The socks at the end of the bed

was probably the worst one for me. Like I don't think anything can really top that. My worst is definitely the contacts that people find everywhere all over them. Yeah, and I don't, I mean, there might be worse than that that we do, but not that I can think of off the top of my head. No, I'm even trying to think when we're together,

like is there things that the other person's done that's like gross or, but there just actually isn't. It's like we're ending it on quite a boring, but nothing exciting to give you, but they're actually, I thought about it for so long and I actually can't think of anything else. If we think of anything, like Saf said, we'll say it on our YouTube in a vlog or something like that,

but genuinely, other than that, I think I'm pretty normal. I hope I am anyway. Or maybe we're both just weird and we both just don't notice it because we do the same thing. Yeah, or that, or that. Or that. So I think that's a nice way to round up

the very last episode of Sex Lies and DM Slides. I can't believe we're saying that. Yeah, this is actually crazy. So I guess this is it. This is the end. We're going to pull up a part in ways. I know. You know what? I just know, by the way, the rumors that are going to come from it now that me and you aren't friends. I'm already predicting it on TikTok. I just know. No. Babe, you just know people love to run wild

with fucking rumors about me and you. And I just know people are gonna say they've fallen out. They've done this, they've done that. So they've ended the podcast. Yeah. No. To be fair, Anna did get on my nerves. Yeah, to be honest, I've never really liked her anyway.

So there you go. Oh my God, honestly, people are so ridiculous. Can we just clear that up before the rumors even start with that one? Yeah, we're ending it that we're still really good friends, we promise. Yeah, like nothing. Do you know what?

It's been some time, it's been two years now. And I feel as if we have definitely changed from when we first did start this podcast. 100%. But yeah, we're so grateful to have grown with all of you guys that are listening and watching this right now. And we're so grateful to have grown with all of you guys that are listening and watching this right now.

And we're just so thankful for everybody that's tuned in to every episode that comes up to us and tells us that they love our podcast and watches us all the time. It genuinely does mean so, so, so much. It really does. But yeah, obviously our dating lives, you'll still find out about it, I'm sure, through all other social media. But for now, this is still find out about it, I'm sure through all other social media. But for now, this is it. This is it.

Well, thank you so much to everyone who has listened. Also, thank you so much to the guests that have come on over the years as I've had so many amazing people come on. So thank you so much to everyone. And I'm sure you will hear from us at some point soon. See you guys. Bye everyone. Bye. at some point soon. See you guys! Bye everyone! Bye!