Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 20: Dating Preferences For Different Genders, Dating Rumours, and Bowling Icks with Amber Gill

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

Going out with a bang in honour of our last episode this season as we're joined by none other than Amber Gill! We chat about how preferences can change when dating men vs. women, is it possible to get the ick when you REALLY fancy someone, and of course she spilled some love island inside secrets. You don’t want to miss this episode babes! Thank you for tuning in every week this season. See you very soon xx Produced by Spirit Studios with Raymond Tannor and Kate Willis as the producers and from Spotify the Executive Producer is Rhyanna Coleman. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Visit connectsontario.ca. I'm going back to university for zero dollar delivery fee up to five percent off orders and five percent uber cash back on rides not whatever you think university is for get uber one for students with deals this good everyone wants to be a student join for just 4.99 a month savings make eligibility and member terms apply hi babe hi how are you i'm very good thank you very good but very sad because i can't quite believe how quickly we've reached the last episode of this season already it feels like it's just flown by yeah it really does i feel like we've grown so much though as people during this season yeah and also like our dating situations have just changed throughout

this whole season as well they've dramatically changed from episode one to the episode where we are now but even though it's going to be weird taking a short break it's kind of a good thing because then at least when we come back we'll have so much gossip to catch up on yeah i feel like you're not going to be a single girl no more and that is a potential i might be going away and getting a relationship love that for you same i love that for me finally so we have had some amazing guests on this season one of my personal faves was shan and coco teaching me how to make myself finish so good are you joking yeah and i'm sorry i still need to get that book i need that but she never sent me the link i'm gonna get that no we need to chase we

need to chase up and next season we're letting you all know the book. Now we get on with it, which might be a little bit TMI, even for this podcast. Coming back from season two, how to make yourself finish. That was a good episode. I love the episode with Pete as well.

I just adore him. I was so drunk that episode as well. Same. Like, I don't even think we acknowledge the fact that we were very tipsy tequila hit me too good for one pm in the afternoon way too good and we're about to add another amazing guest we've got amber gill coming on and i mean she i just love this girl so much honestly i love her energy love love everything about her vibe her energy yeah um so if you haven't heard of her which i'm sure you have uh she's the 2019 love island winner uh a very big tv personality

and now an author as well which she can just add to the list i mean this this episode was just so fun i love this episode yeah love it. I feel like it was such a good way to end the season. So I think you guys are in for a real treat. And remember, you can actually follow us over on Spotify so you can be notified when we upload any new episodes. And you can follow us over on Instagram and TikTok at SexLiesPodcast to keep chatting with us, to keep up to date while we've been gone.

Let's go. up to date while we've been gone. Hi babe, welcome to the podcast. Hello. Thank you for coming. Thanks for having us. So Amber and I met, I don't even know how long ago it was, but we met on a trip to Paris. Yes. And then ended up becoming the TikTok stars that we are together.

Obviously. And had the best time. Yeah, we did have the best time. I was just thinking back, we did so much stuff. Yeah. Like we didn't even know each other, did we? No, it was, yeah. That's so cute.

I'd like knew of, I think, did we follow each other? I think so. Yeah. Yeah, we followed each other. So yeah, like I definitely knew of Amber, but yeah, we had the cutest of time um but this is anna and amber's first time meeting yes i'm meeting hello i'm so nice i'm so nice country to what everyone says i'm actually so nice um yeah well thank you so much for coming on um we did in fact see that you're an author now yes so exciting how crazy is that yeah it's so cool I would have never have thought that I could do something like that yeah

so where did it come from um it well I've always been into like English and writing and reading books and all of that um and I was going to study it at university but I just didn't like I didn't think I was good enough and I was like I don't want to go to university but then I got approached by Mills and Boone which is like the romance section within Harper Collins you know the publisher yeah and they were looking for more like representation around romance um so like more black mixed race just like minority like characters and I was like you want me to write a book and then they were like absolutely we do and then so it's so the main so really it started off as a competition so it was a competition to find authors with characters um minor with minority backgrounds and um and then

they were just like what about you and then I did it and then I might do another one because it went so well I know I had so much fun it's a lot of work but I had so much fun doing it and like the reception that I got because I was really scared you know when you've got like followers like yeah you feel like everything has to be so perfect but it got such a good reception and I'm especially when you're doing something new like writing a book yeah like who's like the people look at me and think why the hell is she writing the friggin book but I can do it and it's a romance novel isn't it it's a romance yeah so cute and it's called until i met you yes it is oh wow see i've just got into reading okay when i tell you just yeah it's like a really new thing it's lasted about two weeks so far right but every day i'm

trying to read you were doing it on the treadmill i was reading on the treadmill i'll send you a jimmy i'll give you a copy i'll go buy it what a great friend but no yeah i will read it i'm very excited to read it yeah it's so cute oh people people say they read it in like two days and stuff like really yeah and so if it's like all about romance is it like do you have your own experiences in the book or like not really I kind of wanted to move away from that I think because I'm known for being on a dating show I thought how boring for it to be my experience yeah yeah yeah part of like the creating creative writing process is like your imagination and like my love life wasn't that interesting uh at the time and so like I just had fun like making it up

as I went along yeah yeah right okay that's so fun how long did it take you to write it oh like well over a year like I think it was in the works for a long time uh about a year and a half from the initial conversation to like publication it was a long time oh wow worth it though so worth it so worth it I see it in the shops I'm like that's me love that yeah it's so cool um so obviously you being the love island winner yes of what year was it 2019 2019 yeah well done have you been watching love island recently? Normally I do my commentary every year, but this year I haven't been watching it. I might watch the summer one, but just not this one.

It is a lot having two in a year, especially because this one's lasting like two months. Yeah. And the thing is the pressure on me as well. So like obviously four years, I've done a Twitter commentary. People are like, where are you?

What do you have to say? I can't sit every night at 9pm and commit myself just to talk about something on Twitter. I'm like, I can't do that. And so, yeah, I'm leaving this one out, but I might come back to it in the summer. Okay. Yeah, because I feel like you and Sam,

I feel like, yeah, Thompson was like two people that I would like look at for their opinions of the show. Because I feel like when you guys commented on it i didn't really need to watch it yeah yeah yeah so i felt like yeah so i feel like we have missed you no i used to like watch every little bit of body language every sentence and like tweet about it i'm like it's exhausting i can't do that anymore like i wrote my own life to concentrate on um but yeah have you been watching it i it? I have been. I've been watching like bits and bobs. Like I haven't religiously watched it every night.

I'll watch it on catch up. Yeah. I feel like you just don't need to now though, because of the fact that everyone comments on it and it's literally everywhere. Or you can just watch on YouTube, the little cut down to see the main bits that are happening, like the best bits.

But also I feel like I watch it so differently. Like I haven't even been on the show and I watch it differently just from I haven't even been on the show and I watch it differently just from knowing people that have been on the show and the things that they've told me right so like I can't even imagine what it must be like like from your point of view is it weird I imagine the first year it must have been the weirdest but like is it weird watching it like because obviously a lot of it isn't necessarily all truth and who told you that who told you that is it someone that's hated outside yeah about the center um no it's um it's really strange because obviously you can't see everything I think that's the weirdest thing for me so like big things that happen for you might not be shown

because there's obviously like 10 other 10 other couples however many couples six other eight other i don't know however many couples um and so like you don't see every little bit which is kind of weird because obviously your personal experience like you think that's going to be the whole show and it's not and luckily i was like the main character so a lot of mine was but um yeah as well i think how long things take so like the intense moments like the fire that takes about four hours like you're not even asked if you're going home because you're like i can't stand around this place for any any amount of time longer like you actually just stood there just waiting just wait and then you get cued to say it and then the next person goes and then if

they say it wrong they'll have to do it again and like you're just there and you're like can i just be dumped already because like do you know what i think you know when people like so you don't okay so you know like when there's like two people left and like you know you didn't think it was going to be these two and they have to say something nice and they have to pick them yeah and they think of this really nice speech like i'm not very good at words and i think how the hell have they just come up with that when they didn't even think they was going to get that person but is it because I have so much time to think yeah you'll get so much time to think and you're you're kind of I don't want to give too much away but you'll kind of know what's going to happen like you kind of know in there what's going to happen yeah a little bit yeah right okay got you make sense I thought you

can kind of tell that from watching the show though you just know like you know like even if someone goes ah this might be the case you're like well that's a fucking case then isn't it like why you just said that to me so you know you do know what's going on yeah so you'll have time to think but you just make it up on the spot as well like i like this person because they're loads of fun to be around and blah blah blah like yeah yeah yeah right okay you don't have to give like a profound speech about anyone yeah because i just think i'll be terrible at that i think i just think i'll be so bad i'd probably just stutter on my words they'll be like can we go again yeah well i always worried because i'm not like soppy so i'm like like yeah you're nice and i want to pick you i mean you're all right you're right and you're the last one left. Yeah, so I'll have you.

Okay, so you'll be watching in the summer? More than likely. I did say no, I'm done with the country but more than likely. I just see everyone the bullies on Twitter and I'm like,

okay, I'll do it. So recently watching Love Island has made me think about dating preferences. So I thought that's what we could talk about on the podcast. I don't think we've really spoken

about dating preferences before. No,'s what we could talk about on the podcast so that we've really spoken about dating preferences before no yeah topic I love yeah I feel like we probably spoke about this on the eurostar like I feel like we spoke about this yeah but I feel like this is a normal conversation to have with the girls you know like always yeah like there's a lot of things that like if someone did I'd be like no i'm out like there's there's things that aren't negotiable i think for me in relationships and are but our preference our preference is not like physical things like you know it can be both you know like the love island people always told about a handsome that's what i want you know i mean like that's their date and preference yeah but i think back to my preference and what it is now it's very different

oh yes later it's like completely the opposite of what I said do you remember what you said on love I think I think I said like like six foot like muscles tattoos like yeah tall dark and handsome but different way of saying it yeah yeah yeah that is so funny do you know what like i actually don't really think i have a type but well i do in my head but i'm never with my that's the same as me i have a type but never been with them so i'm like well what's it like what's your type i guess tall dark handsome yeah in my head it's yeah like six foot tattoo yeah someone that lives in a different country why does everyone know this about me yes someone that lives in a different

country doesn't fucking like me yeah mine now i don't have one now but i hate when people say that i don't have a type but i don't have one now yeah but i think that's actually kind of like getting older you actually just don't really have a type anymore yeah but you just know don't you just know when you see something yeah you just fancy them when you don't like yeah i think i actually do vibe more as well with like their personality now as like i obviously do have to fancy them yeah but like looks go so far other than i had like have to get along with that person yeah so yeah I could never date someone based on their looks because I'm too like I've got a dry sense of humor so you've got to like you've got to get it like I might like and I'll drag you and I'll do and so I can't be with

someone that's just like what's going on because it just really irritates us and so looks are just like not a thing for me yeah I mean that sounds pretty bad but yeah I think you've got to be you've not you've got to be attracted to someone initially haven't you yeah definitely like but then yeah looks only go so far it's like to the surface and then five minutes in the conversation like for fuck's sake I can't talk to this person well I'm not going to explain this whole story because it's just long but um the other day on the podcast and I was telling Anna there was this guy that I was messaging and I was like basically on social media with him didn't happen blah blah and then i he messaged me something and it was just really weird so i replied to it like sarcastic and funny right and he took it so personal like so personal that he was like i don't like rude people like blah blah

blah and i was just thinking what was it how have you oh literally what did i put like honestly i can't i can't even remember but like it was so light-hearted and i just thought me and you would not get on because you just take life way too seriously like no that's like a major non-negotiable right yeah yeah 100 okay so what's one of your main like non-negotiable things that like a person has to have or like what you look for in a relationship not take themselves too seriously it's like me yeah yeah yeah i don't and i can't like it just would kill my vibe and i don't want my vibe to be killed you want someone to match your vibe yeah like everything's not that and even like i know some people might find it cringy but like say it's like new year's and whatever and like everyone's

up on karaoke and like someone i'm with is like no no and i can't do it because like because they're cringing at themselves i get it's a bit cringy but also i'm like why why are you taking it that serious yeah everyone's joking like no one really cares yeah shit or not yeah yeah like yeah so i think that's definitely a major one see i have one but i don't know if this makes me sound like a bit of a bitch but i don't want it to be like that it's a safe space I really want to be with someone who has like something someone who's got their own thing going on and has like that's not a bitch yeah sometimes they can come across really like I want them to have like a good job and a good thing like a good thing going for them because I feel like I do and I want them us to be able to have our own separate yeah thing going on do you know i mean i find it very

unattractive if they were sitting at home doing nothing all day yeah oh yeah me i don't like what are we going to talk about i think it doesn't necessarily matter what it is yeah it doesn't matter it's like you've got to want more out of life like you've got to yeah if you want to be you can be whatever you want to be but as long as you've got something that you're interested in yeah i'm there but i didn't realize that i felt that way but i'm exactly the same i dated someone that had something going on for them but they were free a lot of the time and then i like would just sit and chill all the time and i was like oh yeah i really like this like i just spend loads of time with the person and then when i got out of it i was like fucking hell like i hated that like we just used to do nothing like where's the foot like where's the foot and all like oh this is what I've been doing like what

have you been doing like it's not there's none of that 100 yeah and so I was like I don't really care but I like definitely care yeah like I'm gonna text you know I'll be like oh we're just being on the podcast like what have you been doing and if they say no it's like oh for fuck's sake yeah you know it is yeah like someone i was speaking to recently like obviously it wasn't like that at first you get to know someone then but after a while like they had the same day every day which is totally fine like and they love their own little life but like not you trying to get cancelled the nine to five hours are gonna come for you be careful i just mean like it was same thing like oh yeah just been gym just done like but it's but

it was just like this and I was just like oh my god please just like tell me something different about your day do you know what I mean tell me something different no this is coming up so bad okay so another creative then like someone that does like different things all the time yeah oh god I know you mean I was trying to say it in a way where it wasn't gonna come no yours was fine yours was fine okay yours however no it's okay yeah no it's not that like don't get me wrong i do like the same thing like i film i edit every day i do the same thing but i just mean like it was just yeah a lot of the time they weren't really doing much so it was just like i think it's something else it makes it harder because you're doing a lot of the time they weren't really doing much so it was just like i think it's

something else it makes it harder because you're doing a lot so i think it's a big contrast yeah between you both there has to be some sort of balance yeah so why do you think we do have preferences i think it's i think it's social media a lot of it yeah potentially what about before social media though did people have preferences about that i mean i guess they did but but i feel like social media has opened my eyes to a lot more that's out there right do you know what i mean so like yeah i don't know like like you can see more of what you might like on and like there's more like yeah I guess so and you can discover more preferences that you may then have yeah but I think that's a good thing about social media though like I think that's a nice thing yeah I think that previously like I was sort of boxing

into what I thought was like my preference and I was like oh this seems like the right thing to be my preference and then as I've gone on and like done like they looked in social media or just like being in different places even like moving down to London it like completely changed yeah and I love that because you're just exposed to more things so it changes yeah yeah yeah like I was from little Newcastle and there's not that I mean there is loads of people there obviously but like not that many different kinds of people there and so my dating preference was like reflective of where I was from yeah no that does actually make sense to be fair I didn't even think about it like that but the only thing I'd say about

social media is and the whole like preferences thing is like I feel like we all probably know a relationship that isn't quite like what it's like on social media so I also feel like it adds a lot of pressure as well to like everyone has yeah i don't know i feel like everyone expects so much because you see so and so doing this on social media and you think that's the norm yeah and that's not actually the norm it's just they're either doing it for social media or like the one time they did something it's on social media yeah so i think i get what you're saying though it's a yeah but i completely agree because if i like so i moved to Manchester two years ago and as soon as I moved to Manchester my whole date in life completely changed yeah like when I lived at home I didn't date anybody because it was like a small town

like the same you'd see the same people on tinder the same people on hinge and then you go to a new city and you're like oh I like that I like yeah it's like it's fun and it's exciting but then also social media everyone's like face laughed yeah it's true to like infinity so is your preference is it does it really exist or is it an edit in that you don't know so you gotta be careful though you gotta be careful so have you got well I know you have but have you ever used a dating app yes but like no like not used it like I signed up to one um I can't remember what it's called now but um I signed up to one you've got to get requested by your friends to be added in right yeah yeah right right yeah yeah yeah but like I just can't I can't do a date nap I can't

really why because like like I connected with people and then I was like oh like no no no no and the messages not be like nah nah I'm over it why I don't know I just don't like it I don't like you don't like messaging them or like no I don't know what it is I just like start panicking like I had to delete it because I was like so every person you've ever been with or met yeah you've like spoken to person you've ever been with or met yeah you've like spoken to if you met them in person no social media no oh no social media I'm not dating that though well so you could speak to someone over a dm but not yeah there's something about like oh I'm committing to saying that like I like you on a dm you don't know I'm just replying

to you but like if you have to connect with someone like they like it's just a bit weird and then also the things that people say are just weird yeah it's like the the chat blinds yeah yeah yeah like I think I posted like a holiday pic on right in the person that I connect with commented like it's just so funny how like you know all that body's there but I can't stop looking at your eyes and I was like how do I reply to that like thanks like I don't know what to say I like it's just weird like I just don't like it you should have said you should have dm me it yeah if this was a dm maybe it would have worked but no I just don't like the only thing is on dating apps and you do get it in dms but chat up lines yeah I'm just not a fan of it like really not no I do like a creative one though

if it's funny like I can out there they're half decent but a lot of them like really not no I do like a creative one though if it's funny like I can yeah half decent but a lot of them they just reuse the same ones yeah no I'm not into that creative ones if you make us laugh I'm probably not gonna reply but at least you know you made us laugh with the standard ones like no not for me not just icky isn't it like yeah okay so let's talk about preferences for dates now okay when was the last time you went on a date uh like two days ago no um I go on dates all the time do you are you a big dater um with the same person yeah okay so maybe explain your like what's your situation right now are you with someone or not yes okay

oh cute yeah it's so cute it's so cute it's the cutest thing in the whole world but um yeah we're like dating okay like yeah do you know what it is I don't know what to say because like I just like you know yeah is it still like new yeah it's like being like three months or so and so like you just kind of don't know yeah yeah yeah where it's gonna go but i like that though i like that you're like in two years yeah yeah we don't know where it's gonna go we do know where it's gonna go i know where it's gonna go um but yeah and i think that like yeah it's just kind of fun because in two years we'll be like oh no you but like now it's like oh i don't know like are we in a relationship like are we dating no one knows and just dates

are just exciting aren't they yeah when you really like someone yeah yeah you just have the most fun exciting yeah are you somebody that prefers like an activity like we always have this conversation actually two questions right are you someone that prefers like an activity date or like a wine and dine or and for the first date what would you rather because i feel like that's a different question right okay so so for the person that i'm dating now i forced her to make us do an activity right for your first day yeah she wanted to go to a bar but i hadn't spoke that much you know hadn't spoke enough and like i need to like have this like online like conversation like get to know someone online and then meet them and she didn't want to do that and so we didn't speak that much and i was like i can't just sit with you i don't

know you ever have to like do something so we played golf mini golf yeah we're not real life golf so i just love an activity i think it's like just more like chill it's like a nice i've never done an activity day like why not though you're missing out i don't know the guy i went to do the cube see i love that and that was our first date like i love that i didn't get the i love things like that yeah which makes so much sense but i just feel like when i don't know someone getting to know them around a mini golf course i would feel so awkward no if i'm a sitting on a bar like like what do you do like just talk to them if you do you've got distraction like yeah like but i don't know oh i don't know it is cringy though no because she said to me i remember she said to me

like oh imagine if you win because obviously she's like whatever she does i think we're no but um she was like imagine if you went and i was like she's got no idea how competitive i am so i got like a hole in one and i was like and then i just read like then we'll just relax and was if we knew each other for ages and we could talk like normally i think like when it's a ball you kind of like just like sat like oh yeah so what are your interests like no i don't like it's a bit too formal for first day i think it's more fun to do something absolutely i feel like i need to try it try it there's so many things to do let's take me out on a date uh i'm going to flight club next dots that is it good i love dots yeah i do that that's my next on the list on the date that sounds fun because we've got

like a list of things oh that's cute so we're gonna do pottery as well yeah that's a big thing at the moment i love pottery i know that's you know the good ones booked up so much i'm like how does everyone know they want to do pottery like that's so cute as a date though yeah man oh it's a cute day yeah now i know why you said we're so cute oh honestly we're the we're the cutest we're the cutest oh but i want to keep it to my do you know when it's when it's time to go on social media i absolutely will because i think that people need to see the cuteness because they won't believe it from me like i've turned into a simp like i'm not i'm not a simp but i am i am now right what happened so would you say this is

like different to other relationships and stuff that you've been in just like your experience i think me dating men and me dating women is two different ambas really yeah yeah which one do you prefer or you don't know no I do know I want to apologize to my all of my ex-boyfriends because I'm just really sorry because I didn't understand like I didn't understand 50 50 I was like I want all the gifts I want everything and now I'm like oh I think that she would really like some flowers if I got her some flowers today like it's just I've just changed my whole mindset's changed and I'm like I am such a nicer person to be with when I'm with girls really yeah it's crazy it's crazy wow yeah so that's why yeah that's why I love it and I was just shit at dating yeah but I feel like you do become the simp for the right person though yeah you yeah I hate it though I hate it no you

love it no there's a it's half and half it's half and half yeah yeah you're like how have I become this yeah like what you know you're a big boss bitch I am but like you don't like and now I'm like like I'm cute and I yeah but the good thing is you can you can be like that when you want to be like that yeah that's the good part you know you've got it in you to be like that yeah yeah so just really quickly going back on to preferences do you think your preferences change like regarding someone's like gender do you think it's different yes really in like what sense like what would be the biggest difference everything it's everything's kind of different i think yeah like i don't even know i couldn't even tell you um i'm just more like i'm just more relaxed about my preferences i think i was more strict with guys like this is my preference and this is what

i like with girls i'm just like well we'll we'll go on a date and see if it if it goes anywhere and if it does great if it doesn't i'm not thinking like they need to have this and then you have this and then yeah and like the guy needs to do this and the guy needs to do that yeah yeah it's so much nice i've been like oh well like like who's gonna pay for it no one knows like but when i was with the guy i was like you're paying for it so you're paying for it that is so funny so do you think preferences are always a good thing like do you think we can have some toxic preferences i feel like we can to an extent yeah i feel like we can but it's also someone's preference isn't it so i'm trying to think of a

toxic preference that i might have if i have one i think like things like height and stuff is kind of like a little bit toxic like you know i do feel bad for some boys that are smaller because short things yeah they feel really shit about the fact that they are not six foot yeah yeah like that's kind of toxic i guess you could say it's toxic which it is but also like if you're not attracted to someone like that you can't really change that at the same time because of the height no but i'm just saying like if someone's not like i i think i think it's bad listen i think it's bad but i'm just trying to think like no i get it someone's preference but do you not think that like with things like height you're cutting yourself off

to something that might be great listen don't aim this at me because i've been with so many short boyfriends no not just hate but like other things yeah you're like putting yourself off to something that might be really nice yeah no no no it's true it's like when people say they only fancy like brunettes yeah it's like well what about all the blonde like do you know you just can't like i don't think you can see but it's kind of like going back to like ics and stuff as well i think it's been taken way too far like everyone has an no i'm sorry i love it i love it go on what's your favorite no so not mine personally but i put like a box on instagram and i got everyone to send me theirs

and like it's so funny like like people saying when he waits for like the green man to come on before he crosses the road and stuff i'm like because yeah like i get it like if he fell off his bike whilst he was riding his bike like ick like i love that but then do you think you can get the ick with the right person no no because you can't you can't can you no another activity bowling right i went on a date ages ago with i probably i feel really bad I'm like outing people but I went on a date and they were putting too much effort in bowling and it like gives the ick I was like what are they doing they're like proper like going for it and I was like oh my god and then I went on another bowling date and the person was like I'm gonna put loads of effort in and see if you get

the ick wasn't getting the ick they could have done anything they could have brought their own bowling ball in a bag and like hide it anyway they weren't giving us this i was gonna say i'm surprised you got the ick first time round because you're so like you're so competitive like if i was with someone that wasn't competitive that like that would i don't know would you want them to turn up and like proper give it to them on the polling no i do love like competitive human being but there's something about bowling that's just not attractive like if someone's going for it like loads yeah yeah like i can't even describe what was happening like it was the leg behind like it was just i just sat there and i was like yeah i can't i can't because i just go and then i get a strike do you know i mean so

if you can be competitive but i i'm going like that and I'm still getting a strike. So what are you doing? Why are you doing too much? You're doing too much. I remember I, on a date that, with a guy that I was seeing, it was like one of our first dates,

we went bowling. And I said, So you do do activities? Yeah, but like, but like, it wasn't like, like someone I'd just met, like first date.

It was like, we'd been seeing each other, but we hadn't really gone on dates. Like we'd known each other for a long time. Anyways, I went bowling. And as I, my first go, as I went to throw the ball, I swang it back. So as I went like that, I let go of the ball

and it rolled backwards from the ball. And I remember in that moment, never feeling so embarrassed thinking he has got the biggest ick of his whole life right now. How do you even let go of the ball behind you? I don't know. It's too big, man. That's what it is.

Competitive human being. The ball was too big. You've got to pick the right size. But then I think I went for the really heavy one because I thought I got knocked them all down. Snap your nails as well. You've got to be careful. And I snapped a nail. But then I think I went for the really heavy one because I thought I got knocked them all down. Yeah, no. Snap your nails as well. You've got to be careful. And I snapped a nail.

Yeah, see, I'm not surprised. Yeah, it was tragic, really. But if that was the right match, I think, like, try and give someone the ick because if that was the right match, you doing that wouldn't have given anyone the ick. Well, it didn't give them the ick. Exactly.

Oh, well, there you go. It still stuck around. Exactly. Yeah. I have once went bowling and luckily it was my friend because if it was on a date I would have literally I would have never showed my face anywhere again but by accident I stepped over the line where it's slippy and I was like I was like with the ball in my hand like trying to throw the ball and I always think about that I'm like I'm so glad that wasn't a date because I would

have I wouldn't have been able to no I'm glad it's my friend because now we laugh about it but if that was on a date like and now you know what not to do yeah now I make sure I'm ages away from the lengths I'm like that's not happening again I'm not doing that you go on a date and they're like why is she standing like throwing it so what's been one of your favorite dates with the person that you're seeing right now yeah oh i wouldn't be able to choose oh that's such a nice answer though i wouldn't be able to choose like so many nice things oh and we'll have so much fun it's beyond ridiculous like sometimes we say to each other like why are we having so much fun like we're not doing anything crazy we're just having so much fun i have one question so you said that she asked did you say this actually that she asked you no okay she hasn't no no no i mean on your first date yes she asked me on she asked me on the first date would somebody always have to ask you out is that a preference oh no not necessarily

oh really yeah so would you message someone yeah I would oh wow yeah I mean I have never but I would the thought is there yeah like I'm just thinking like would i with her i probably would ask like yeah obviously i'm not gonna date anyone like yeah to be fair i i don't think i would think it's that big of a deal i'd rather someone asked me if you asked the person would you pay for the date bed i don't know i think it's nice if you ask the person or if like someone asked you out then they pay because they've asked you my treat you know what i mean like that's what i think no yeah no that is true like when i'm like seeing somebody and like we've i've never like asked someone out on a date for

us i'm like you like i probably would but I haven't yeah the thought is there like I think if I knew someone for ages I'd be like oh we should like go out for a drink sometime but then I'd wait for them to actually ask me but is that how does somebody know that that's a date I don't know I don't know yeah maybe this is why I haven't asked anyone do you want to go for a drink that might not be a date that might be like oh i just want to hang out with you you know yeah that's true but anyway people people that i've like been seen or whatever like when i when i've like booked dinner or something then i would always pay yeah yeah i think that's nice i think it's cute so do you believe people when they say they have no preference absolutely not no no no like even if it's not like oh brunette or tall or whatever you have to have some like because how would you ever and personality yeah there's still preferences

yeah you couldn't because then would you just fancy everyone or like i don't get it like yeah i suppose you just be settled with anything yeah exactly so there's no such thing i think when people say i don't have a type i think it's boring but i think it's true like tell me i'm your type like yeah like kimi hair like five and three you know but yeah i think that preference is you have to yeah you definitely have to a hundred percent yeah i was you would just fancy everyone exactly just yeah some preferences are

maybe a little bit more toxic than others but I still like you have to have them yeah exactly even if it's toxic it's still still just preference

yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly the dating preferences and sexual preferences yeah are they the same or are they different different

I would hope that they would be the same you want them to be the same but mine are probably in the past have been a little bit different i don't know if that's bad to admit what in what way sorry i feel like i always thought how do you what do you mean by that could you elaborate okay this is no offense to anyone that i've slept with i do not mean it's any offense but like i feel like in my head like the type of person that i really fancy or that i like my preference

that i would want to sleep with i don't think i really have ever not yet oh you've never been is that what you're saying what do you mean you've never been with someone who's your preference is that what you're saying cut it yeah but then then maybe you're dating someone right now yes but we have we haven't slept together yet oh well great so yeah you can you can ring that one back you're fine but yeah i mean yeah i don't know but maybe that goes back to toxic preferences doesn't it you're a little face after um I don't know mine are the same that's a good thing yeah mine are the same because I would never like I've never been like just sexually attracted to someone and thought like I've always got to date someone first yeah okay and then I'm like ah and then it's the same but then have you ever just just been sexually oh no you just said you haven't but I was gonna say that in the end like I know

I've been with someone who like I was like that but then in the end it was just a sexual attraction and there was nothing else there and I was like that's it that's all that's there yeah I think it could change yes I think sorry I'm just like joking I think it can change like I think but it wouldn't be the other way around for me right I wouldn't be just like I wouldn't just yeah yeah yeah yeah I guess they are different I would say they're different I'm more bothered about my like dating preferences than I am yeah I'm definitely more bothered about my dating preferences yeah 100% yeah me too I guess I've never really thought about that to be honest no me neither it just either like that's just part of the attraction though isn't it from the

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So can we read your DMs? You can. Have you got some good ones? My DMs are dry these podcast I heard so can we read your DMs you can have you got some good ones my DMs are dry these days you know but you can have a look I just don't believe that oh they're so dry I delete what people say it was though because I'm just like I don't like it pretend I didn't receive that um I've never known anyone do that that is so funny so I thought this one was interesting. Do I pass you my phone? Yeah, or you can read it wherever.

So basically what they've done is they've sent a photo from like before 2019, like years and years ago. So they've scrolled like a lot. And they're like, yes, I scrolled from the top to the bottom. And oh my God, you look stunning. But I like the pic because of your dog. I don't know what. There's no dog in the photo, so I don't understand.

It's got the least likes. And hopefully it's got the best chance of getting your attention. Right. So you should probably not include the dog that isn't in there. Maybe there is a dog in there. As far as effort goes for a chat up line. I mean, they've scrolled down your profile. isn't in there yeah maybe there is a dog in there as far as effort goes for a chat up line i mean they've scrolled down your profile but i mean would would it would you more likely see that i

don't know because it's just like it just it still goes into the same notification yeah and like you can't no i get so many likes obviously it just changes all the time and so i would never see that yeah but i find that really strange and like I think that that's so low effort and I think like why would you think that that would be the thing that makes me reply to you do you know what I'm like what like what were you like well what were you thinking that I was gonna go oh my god you liked a photo from seven years ago yes yeah like no yeah in fact if anything it just makes you look like a stalker yeah like that's a bit weird and the photos aren't that cute then

so why are you looking at was there a dog in the photo there's no dog i don't understand what like it's easier little dog and i'm like what little dog what there's no dog weird is that like to like do people say that it's like it's term for something else i don't think so well they call like boob puppies sometimes but like there's no titties in that photo either but yeah i have no idea what you're talking about but like yeah so now if you're gonna slide in my dms i'm not gonna answer these days but if you're gonna sign up my dms there has to be some creativity some funniness there has to be something does a chat up line work for you no no no i was just saying like a creative one

i've had a great one but i can't think off the top of my head what it was when i was like i'm not gonna reply but that's good like i'm still not gonna yeah ah you almost got me but not quite um but yeah i like a creative one but not like a standard like what's a standard chat up line oh i don't know oh what's that one about pop up let's talk about the first thing that pops up or something like that i've never had that i actually got this dm right um the other day and i thought it was like i thought it was good because it made me go up my way to search it and this guy messaged me saying drake and then sent me a song and well he said drake then a little dash finesse and then 0.20 seconds and like nothing else and i was like well

how so i went obviously went off the lyric went on to spotify and then i and the lyric was i want oh hang on i literally got up it was something along the lines of like i want my baby to have your eyes well hang on let me get it up you know what i quite like that oh wait this is it yeah yeah so i was like watching it oh yeah it's i want my baby to have your eyes i thought it was i would take that as a threat because i don't might not want to have babies you know what i mean so i'd be like what like what are you trying to insinuate yeah i'm not happy with really see i i thought that was so good i think that's creative yeah that is so creative but i would like a different life you know what i mean but really no i was i was down for that maybe have your eyes like no not for me and then you know i sent one back i said no you

did it what did you remember what line it was now yes you can no no i said it but i can't remember what the lyric was don't judge the song because the song sounds really weird but then i put justin bieber yummy 0.19 but i can't remember but it was a reply to that what's the number i did it was like can i just 019 oh no i'm gonna cringe what was it i don't know but like who chooses justin bieber yummy just me right okay but listen to the time it was also it was also 1 52 a.m and i was in bed be fair oh i'm actually quite good at replies i think that was one of my worst yeah you are normally better than that i'm normally better than that i'm gonna apologize and that i think i was like so tired and i actually remember i was babysitting my niece

nephew my nephew was just up all night and i was like oh i just have to choose this justin bieber yummy so i said yeah babe yeah babe i could have just wrote yeah babe no but you are trying to keep up the creativity i mean you tried huh did he reply yeah i just sent back it's just songs back and forth oh that's all that the whole conversation was yeah and then did you send another one huh yes you did yes you did that's actually tragic for me that replies isn't it i could have thought you could have thought it's something better than that come on can you think of a song um what was it i want what do you say i want my baby

that is probably my actual worst reply to anyone ever i didn't really fancy him though so it's fine was this just a random guy that dmg yeah yeah but I just thought, no it was on Raya but I just thought it was funny yeah like I would choose something like 34, 35 Ariana Grande did, don't know what second but I would find something

it's a good song I know because even when I put that song I remember thinking I might really send in Justin Bieber yummy oh tragic know because even when i put that song i remember thinking am i really sending justin bb on me oh tragic tragic anyways it's a good line um your dms are so much more interesting than mine though like so much more interesting this one person almost got me though so like hey don't know if you remember but we spoke a long time ago for a few weeks just want to say you are smashing life right now good vibes always and like I looked at this guy and I was like I have never spoke to you a day in my life hold on look way more I was like I've never spoken to you so I

was like because I get like at like if I get trolled or anything I want to reply so I was like when did we speak and I was like ah you were trying to do a little like situation where do you think that's what it was 100 it would get you thinking though because i was like i was like yeah when did i talk to you yeah and i was going to be like when or like what you're talking about i've never spoke to you but then that would be replying so i definitely go on their profile yeah like who are you yeah yeah so I was like that's actually really good I was like oh not quite again all the time it's like you almost did but not quite after decades of shaky hands caused by debilitating tremors Sunnybrook was the only

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To discover how, visit bhp.com slash better future. So this week we asked our listeners some of their non-negotiable dating preferences so one of them is they cannot get too drunk it's unattractive and more than an ick i just feel like that's unfair yeah i'm not no i think it's fun when you get drunk with your partner don't get me wrong I actually will never forget this one time I was with my ex-boyfriend right and he was so drunk and I wasn't drunk but like he was stupidly drunk right and I remember thinking this is actually giving me the ick and like I'm embarrassed like when you were together like no no he'd been drunk loads but there was just this one particular time that I was like I just think that's like part of the and like i'm embarrassed like when you were together like no no he'd been drunk loads but

there was just this one particular time that i was like i just think that's like part of the fun like yeah but like he was doing things that was just like just like just being like an idiot no like just like hanging his head out the window and i'm not taking home like no because we were going out this is the worst part you should have left him in anyways yeah because we were going out this is the worst part you should have left them in anyways yeah like we were going out and i just remember like my friend was like like like egging him on more and stuff and i'm thinking this is just like i've actually getting the ick now but other than that i've never felt like that like i get stupidly drunk probably because you weren't as drunk as he was if you'd maybe had more to drink you probably wouldn't have thought it no yeah but like i even think if i was i would have because

yeah like have some decorum please yeah yeah yeah i get that but i so i once went on a date and um i forgot that they weren't drinking because they were drinking non-alcoholic versions of the same thing that i was drinking oh no and i was just messy but i thought i was just having a great time and i thought they were just as drunk as me because i forgot because we're both getting the same fucking glass and i was so messy and then i remember they were like you're just too wild for me and i was like oh did they say that when you was there no no no so we finished that and then it was like a couple of days later i don't like yeah you're just too wild for me and i'm like that's actually not true

it's not true i'm not too wild and i spoke with is it um the person i'm dating now and she was like what the fuck you're like the least wild person ever like we literally do jigsaws together with cups of tea and like digestive biscuits and like that's the perfect like the perfect thing and she's like how did anyone think that you were too wild like yeah do you like to drink but like balance like i've got to go out sometimes yeah yeah of course yeah i think that like if they're consistently getting like wasted and they're messy then like non-negotiable like weird yeah but like everybody's gonna have a bit of fun sometimes yeah i don't actually think i could be with somebody that like never ever ever

ever drinks well that person was that and i thought yeah fine really yeah oh yeah only just because i know i'd be a nose yeah i just enjoy a drink and watch a nose you don't know what nose means a nose yeah like an annoying person when you first said it i didn't know what it meant i think it's where you're from i think it's from where i'm from in all as i thought you meant like you know like what you were all bought with i was like what is it and all it's just like an annoying like but like you you could just say like we'd say to each other oh my god you're such a nose like oh it's so annoying but like it's just like a jokey way of saying right and who's a nose me when i drink oh no i am as well i'm a fucking nose too well like i'm loud now so imagine me when i'm drinking my laugh and everything i am loud and like when i'm oh god yeah and then i'm drunk i act i'm really my laugh and everything i am loud and like yeah when i'm oh god yeah

and then i'm drunk i act i'm a nose too yeah i'm gonna start using that word now i'm gonna start using it okay the next one keeping secrets oh that's a given surely like why why like you should that's a non-negotiable they can't like yeah i'm on the fence with that one i think it depends well it depends what sort of secret it is yeah it depends on secret i think that like some personal shit that's personal to you like you don't tell everyone just because it's your person that you date and you don't have to tell them but i think like weird things like like i don't know i can't think of anything but like you know what i mean like if you if you had a conversation with your ex or like or something like that i think it's weird to keep those kind of secrets but like a serious secret like if it was something like personal

yeah i think that's fine yeah i think that people are too hell-bent on like sharing everything and i think that sometimes like that's not it's not good some things are just like you yeah so it depends on the nature of the secret but like yeah i like to be transparent about everything like i'd like to be transparent i think it's just pointless keeping secrets because then like how are you ever gonna like trust someone because people always find out the things that you try to hide yeah that's true if they were keeping secrets about like a lot of things and like where they were going they kept being oh no stuff like that then i would know where you are all the time but like just don't lie about absolutely turn on your location i want to know where you are

yeah why where are you oh okay i think there's a difference though between keeping a secret and not mentioning something like say something like really personal that sounds like something a cheetah would say no no that's what i'm saying though but like i don't that's why i'm like for me i agree with it's non-negotiable like i feel like i'd want to be someone that doesn't keep a secret like fair enough there's something they didn't want to talk about that's fine but to me that's not a secret that's just a personal thing they don't want to speak about it's not like oh it's a secret i can't tell them yeah so for me i feel like if i was in a relationship with somebody there wouldn't be secrets yeah because i do feel like that's different

yeah me too yeah yeah totally yeah no no the same yeah like it's not necessarily a secret if it's something personal that you're not that you don't want to tell them but that's just your shit yeah yeah exactly exactly i am with you on that one okay another one we both have to be financially independent depends on how rich their dad is do you know me and like i want to use that credit card too like depends um i think for me i would like to be with someone who is financially independent like i wouldn't want to have to rely on them and i wouldn't want them to have to rely on me yeah i would like it to be financially independent as in like oh okay okay so not like just someone that's got like rich parents no yeah like yeah well because they're not financially independent no that's but i would still date them i want to go on the yacht and stuff you know what i mean but yeah i would i

mean i wouldn't pay like i wouldn't pay for like the person that i'm in a relationship with like to for them to live like that's no yeah for them to live i've seen too many situations where that's gone like down the drain very very quickly yeah but i think if you're in a long-term relationship and like there's lots of ups and downs and like you know you don't know what's gonna happen you don't know what people's job situation might be so i think you can lean on each other a little bit a hundred percent i feel like you're meant to be able to do when you're in that sort of relationship but when it's like early on no not paying for your rent no oh my god definitely not definitely not priorities if you're not making time for me, then buy your loss. True.

True. I'm going to vouch for that. I'm going to agree more. You can be busy, but if you want to make time for me, you'll make time for me. Absolutely. And it goes both ways as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%.

Like you both have to prioritize each other. Because what's the fucking point? Otherwise, like there's no point yeah yeah yeah i i always think like well like you just said if you want to make time for someone you will it's literally you can be the busiest person in the world but if you want to see that person you'll make time yeah of course yeah this is why me in long distance relationships i'm like they want to make time you need to stop, I don't know how you do that. I could never do a long distance relationship.

Well, I'm not in one right now. So that's good. Yeah. But you're in a relationship though? No. Oh. So you're just not dating anyone else? But if you were, then it would be long distance.

Probably. Going to Arizona tomorrow. So watch me. Meet the love of your life. I'm not surprised. You actually will. I probably actually will. That's the tragedy.

Keep your eyes shut, babes. Keep your eyes shut babes keep your eyes shut tunnel vision you've got a job to do you've got things to enjoy don't look don't look I won't don't go through I don't know how you do it could you do a long distance relationship there's no way not as long distance as you're talking about sometimes where we're talking like here for a 10 hour flight away I think it's just because that i just think if they want like if they wanted to make time for me they would no but i like to see someone like a couple of times a week do you know what i mean yeah and you can't do that but then it does make it more exciting when you see them no trust me no no i wouldn't like that do you know once i got told a

long distance relationship with someone said to me it wasn't going to work because they lived like in East London and I lived in like South and it was like 50 minutes away

and they were like that's long distance and I was like huh what that's a really funny way to just say you don't fucking like it

it's like you could have just said that you could have just punched me in the face actually it would have been less don't fucking lie to us say 50 minutes is a long distance relationship that's nothing if you were closer than that you're gonna be on each other's laps exactly you wouldn't know what to do with yourself i'd be like why are you here get away why are you 50 minutes away it's weird yeah no not for me right so overall what are we going to take away

from this conversation about preferences for me I feel like I've realized I do maybe have some toxic toxic preferences that I'm now going to try and not have the thing is I want to say well maybe don't be too picky but I think I should be picky so I'm not even gonna say that so so you've learned nothing great I've learned I'm great no but like I get what you're saying about toxic preferences and I do think people can have them yeah but also I do think everyone should be picky because the partner you choose if you're with them for the rest of your life that's a long time yeah so I do also think like if it's a preference if it's like you want out of life then you should go with that run with it but you could like the person that you want to be with

or the person that would be great to be with for the rest of your life might not be your preference so then what yeah there might be a short that's true there might be a short king i've been with so many so don't say that i know it might be a short king. I've been with so many, so don't say that. I know. There might be a tall king. There will be. Manifest. I don't know what I've taken away. What have I taken away? Absolutely nothing.

Fuck all. No, what have I taken away? Come on, help us. That you have a really cute dating relationship at the moment. The fact you do jigsaws together. I love that. That is so cute. Oh, God.aws together i love that that is so cute oh god it it's so cute it's okay i'm gonna have to make a phone call after this and be like by the way

i'm just totally out of our situation uh on the podcast so enjoy that's what i've learned but i think everyone should know because it's cute and i'm happy and i'm happy that my preferences went outside the box that they did. But I already learned that. Do you know what I mean? That's something I already learned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've learned that.

But I do also think we naturally all do that. Like we said, we haven't, I've never been with my type. So technically. That's why you're going wrong. You've always gone outside the box. I've always gone outside the box. So, you know. Yeah. We're not going with our preferences.

You even said the same thing. Yeah, I know. But my box, like my my box I didn't just go outside of it I threw the whole box away I built a whole new box it wasn't just jumping outside the box it was like that is so funny that's all we need to do guys throw away the box throw away the box and just yeah well thank you so much for coming on thank you this has been so cute I had so much fun well that's it that's the last episode of the first season I am I'm very sad it's over i can't lie because i feel like we've both grown so much on this podcast me too i mean i started off this podcast as single as it fucking gets yeah i mean i haven't grown in that sense i mean good for you you're now basically in a

relationship well well we're getting there we're getting there they're about they're about to exchange i love you so i can feel it we are definitely not gonna do that yet and i'm dating i've gone on dating that is a progression that's great i really i love that for you that is just want to say as well like so grateful for everyone that's like listened to our podcast because i feel like there's really just been a good connection between everyone and like I feel like we've really like seen different sides to like how people think in relationships as well which is quite a big thing for me 100% I think the response of the podcast has been better than what I ever could have imagined and it's just been

amazing seeing everyone's opinions and points of view and yet all the people we've had on and just speaking to so many different people i've just i've just loved hearing that side of everyone yeah and also like even the listeners you guys at home the amount of funny stories that you've opened up and let us share on the podcast thank you you lot live some fucking wild i would never get over the braces getting stuck oh my god i mean my nan still talks about that one today so um i think that's one of my favorite stories of all time like i loved that and we just had so many funny episodes i mean even the episode with joe and george that episode that was like the first one i loved that yeah and the one with danika as well that was so fun all of them have just been so much fun i've loved hearing everyone's points of view so thank you so much to everyone who has come on and everyone who has listened and we shall see you guys very soon that's

a wrap sex lies and dm slides is a spotify original podcast produced by spirit studios with raymond tanner and kate willis as the producers and from Spotify the executive producer is Rhianna Coleman.