Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 40. Stalking the ghosts of Christmas past

Episode Date: December 21, 2023

Tis the season girls! We’re getting allllll cosy and giving you a festive survival episode - we’re brainstorming Christmassy date ideas and talking setting fire to marshmallows, festive ex-stalking and situationship gift-giving…plus, what do you do when time with the fam leads to pressure to put a ring on it? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The all-new FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino is bringing you more action than ever. Want more ways to follow your faves? Check out our new player prop tracking with real-time notifications. Or how about more ways to customize your casino page with our new favorite and recently played games tabs. And to top it all off, quick and secure withdrawals. Get more everything with FanDuel Sportsbook and Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600.

Visit connectsontario.ca. I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee, up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides. Not whatever you think university is for. Get Uber One for students. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student. Join for just $4.99 a month. Savings make free. Eligibility and member terms apply. Let's go. Hi, everyone. Welcome back to Sex Slides and DM Slides with me, Anastasia Kingsnorth. And me, Saffron Barker.

So it is Thursday, which means it is time for a nice little bonus episode. And this is the episode where it gets a little bit more thoughtful um sometimes a little bit silly and just a bit random to be honest you find out a little bit more about us yeah yeah these are the more like personal yeah uh episodes well actually no because they're very like deep diving in actually that's what i was thinking about that they're all quite personal yeah that's true but anyways i i do love a little bonus episode um me too and i'm very excited christmas is in a few days are you excited babe this year has flown by i cannot believe christmas is this soon like everyone's saying that but i don't think this year's flown by do you not like i literally feel like it was yesterday that i was in south africa

which was in january no see i think this has been a long year for me okay she's she's ready for 2020 for christmas and i'm ready for new year i'm not gonna lie to be fair i am so excited for christmas this year can't wait for my roast dinner can't wait just for a nice wholesome day yeah no it's gonna be really nice and to be honest I've really enjoyed December I've done a lot of like cute Christmassy things leading up to it we've done some Christmassy things together which is so nice me too we've had yeah oh my god yeah when we had some snow this year have you had snow down in Brighton I did but I was in Wales so I missed that so okay not quite okay well yeah but I missed it so I'm kind of hoping I'm hoping for a white Christmas it might not happen I don't know

but I'm really oh don't that would actually make me so happy yeah me too I feel like that would just complete Christmas this year for me if we ended up having like a white Christmas but not to the point where we can't drive though like that wouldn't be cute the thought of snow is so nice but actually as i've got older i realize it is actually really quite annoying yes and because you know what i really still want to like as i'm getting older i still want to go to lapland for christmas one year oh that would be amazing christmas that would be amazing i was speaking to someone the other day and they said it was minus 32 when they went and they had to have three snow suits on and when they went outside they had to have three snowsuits on. And when they went outside,

their eyelashes and their hair started to turn into icicles. And see, I don't know how much I'd enjoy that. Yes, no. Like the idea of Lapland and being all Christmasy sounds amazing, but the idea of also being that cold. That cold, yeah.

That my eyelashes are icicles. I'm like, eh. No, because I don't actually enjoy the cold whatsoever so no i don't think i would enjoy that um on a christmassy note we thought it would be fun to do basically like a christmas survival guide for you guys today we're going to discuss lots of different christmassy things that you can do like spending time with your loved ones or a partner or just getting cozy on your own which I've done a lot this December and I'm loving it yeah love that okay so we've kind of like written

down questions we thought should go into a survival guide that you guys should know and that we should answer basically um so first question is ideas for cute romantic dates with a partner over the holiday season and I've got dm'd this a lot so i think this is a a very very good question i mean i think obviously winter wonderland would be the very common one for nowadays i think everybody would absolutely die for a winter wonderland date but do you know what i think is quite a good day as well which they do have this at winter wonderland but like say you're going into like a new relationship and so you want to go out for dinner and like well actually obviously if you're in a relationship do this too but i think it's quite a fun one is an ice bar because it's like

christmas themed but also it's still like going to get drinks at a bar with someone but you can make it really christmassy but go into an ice bar because i think that's so cute as well because you know you'd proper wrap up and like you're both you know you'd both be cold together and it's just cute isn't it so i am i am clipping that and i'm saving that quote with that just come out of your mouth you can both be cold together no but like I think of like it would be cute because he'd be wrapping you up like you know you could be cold together I need to I need to stop I've been talking too much this morning so go to an ice bar because you can be cold together and drunk together very together how has that just come out of my mouth i don't know that was so random that's like being like oh we could go on holiday in the summer we could

both be hot together like yeah what i meant is like he'd wrap you up. He'd keep you warm. Oh, don't. You know, I get it. It's like all the things that like is cringe, but in the moment it's actually cute. And being the same body temperature, that's just it. That's just it. It's just everything.

That's just it. So that's a really cute date idea. Yeah. Let's go. Upper Canada College inspires boys from senior kindergarten to year 12 to find their passions and realize their potential. An IB World School, UCC offers a supportive environment, cutting-edge facilities, and a best-in-Canada financial assistance program. UCC, a place where tradition, excellence, and innovation meet.

Learn more at our open house events on October 15th and 16th. Register now at causeandeffect.ucc.on.ca. As the world's population grows, so does the need for resources like Potash to support sustainable food production. This is why BHP is building one of the world's most sustainable potash mines in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced. This is what BHP has committed to Canada.

The future is clear. It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company. To discover how, visit bhp.com slash better future. Let's go. You can also do some cute home dates as well, like baking cookies or like making a gingerbread house. Yeah, because I think if you're doing that not in the Christmas season, it's a bit weird.

Like if a guy had said to me, do you want to come over and bake a cake? I mean, I probably would find it's cute because I just find cringy stuff cute. Like, I am that cringy girl. Yeah, oh my God, I'd love a baking cake day. No, same. But I feel like if a guy said it, I would be like, oh, it's a bit rant. Whereas if they were like, oh, do you want to make a gingerbread house together?

I'd think, aw. Yeah, gingerbread house. It's so cute for Christmas. Loving that idea. Yeah, or like Christmas cookies. I just think cute for Christmas. Loving that idea. Or like Christmas cookies. I just think like the Christmas theme makes it less cringy. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's just cute.

And you also definitely could do like a Christmas sort of like day. Like obviously you don't need to call it that if it's like early stage. But you should like, you know, you can do loads like watch a Christmas movie, do the like baking and like, you know, all the cute Christmassy things. Just themed stuff, which is cute. Yeah. You could go to some Christmas markets abroad. You could do like a nice little weekend away.

Like Edinburgh is meant to be gorgeous. Oh my goodness. Yeah. And France is meant to be really good for Christmas markets. Or like Amsterdam. Yes. That could be cute. Yeah.

I would love that. I love Christmas markets. Me too. I could spend forever looking around Christmas markets. Same. I've got the markets in Manchester are amazing. Are they? Yeah.

The ones in Brighton really aren't that good. Oh, see, in Manchester, you can basically get like a mug and you buy it at the start of them and you go like all at the Christmas markets and get like different drinks as you go up. So it's kind of like a bar crawl, but like Christmas edition. Oh my God, that is so good. Yeah. And yeah and you can get obviously by the end of it if you do all of them you'll be smashed but yeah it's such a cool idea isn't it way i'm going just the

next weekend so maybe i do that basically yeah you definitely should do that i know that's so fun yeah and i think you should definitely do that so maybe i actually do that genuinely oh my god yeah no genuinely it's a really cute idea and it's very good okay oh cool yeah that's that's why you've given me an idea there i love that there we go so i think like even just like going on a walk and going to see like the light somewhere like would be really nice yeah or even like driving around and seeing the christmas lights that go into like nice estates where like you know some estates just go all out on christmas lights you can drive to them and do like a little yeah see what you can spot that's cute yeah i would definitely enjoy that but also as well like also you know like the christmas markets a lot of them

that have the bars and stuff like you can roast s'mores and stuff as well which is just cute isn't it oh my god i literally did that with my mum and atticus earlier in december and it was so cute yeah i know i'd never roasted marshmallows on a big oh my god i love roasting marshmallows i think s'mores are like one of the best things to exist. And I'll say that about other things. We kept setting fire to the marshmallows. Yeah, they're quite nice

when they're burnt. Then you take the top layer off and then you eat it. Oh, we didn't take the top layer off. We were eating the burnt bit and we were going, oh my God,

this is awful. Oh, right, because you're burning it too much. Because you're burning it too much. So basically, you're meant to like roast them. Well,

you're not really meant to, but this is what we do. Roast them, you take the layer off, you eat it, and then you do it again and you keep going oh okay apparently there's a way to roast marshmallows then we literally just chucked it in the fire ask us is all set fire we were like oh shit and then just trying to put them out and just did you make small though as well oh no because it was like a christmas market thing and they literally just had marshmallows so if it had chocolate and like graham crackers,

oh my God, it would have been amazing. See, it frustrates me because a lot of people in the UK don't do that. They just get like a chocolate digestive, which is still delicious, but you actually need a cracker and squares of chocolate because that's when we're talking different level. That is a proper s'more, you know? Yeah, you've got to do it properly. Okay, now we've done dates let's move on

to gifts so like we spoke a lot actually in a previous episode about like good gifts to get a boyfriend or a partner um i think it is hard to buy gifts for boys that's what we've said in previous episodes like it is just so hard we love personal gifts that's what i mean for a guy or a girl i think anything personal will go a long way i just feel like you can't go wrong they could never be like oh they not that anyone would i would like to think no one would say this anyways but i don't feel like anyone could be like oh well they didn't really spend much money on me like if it's really genuinely thoughtful yeah that's never going to cross somebody's mind either do you know what i mean don't fall, hopefully that shouldn't cross someone's mind anyway.

But I do just think something thoughtful is like the best thing that you can do. And like I said, I said this in another episode, so I don't want to talk about this for too long, but it could be something that's really nice. Like, I don't know, like say you got them like a really nice perfume. I know this is more on the pricey side, but this is just an example. I bought my friend a bottle of um a perfume bottle for her birthday and in the store they you can engrave the bottle so I got the bottle so like little things like that I feel like you can do to

obviously depending how much money you want to spend like it could be personal like a scrapbook or if you want to get them something they really like but you want something personal as well I feel like most places you can personalize something whether it's a necklace or a perfume bottle or a bag like a lot of places you can and it's so lovely because on my birthday has actually got me a locket with my um initials engraved into it oh that's so nice it's so lovely i never thought about buying myself one before but she was like i didn't want to put any pictures in it she's like i wanted you to choose who like you wanted to have in it so obviously you chose me obviously i have a picture of you in both sides yeah no not just one in both yeah just me not you yeah don't just

and it's so cute so like little personalized presents like that I think yeah are lovely especially because I feel like everyone wants something like that but you're not gonna buy yourself that are you no like yeah I just I've never thought about buying myself something like that and I wouldn't yeah I wouldn't well would I would I go and engrave myself a perfume bottle if they if they're doing it for free and I was buying myself perfume I'd probably say yeah go on then but like it's not something that would like jump to the front of my mind like oh i'm gonna get that with my name on yeah okay so what do you think about giving gifts to a situationship oh this is something else we've like very oh

situationship because a situationship is different to a talking stage yeah because we voted talking stage absolutely absolutely give a gift do you know what i i i still would give a gift because i would rather look like even if it's a situation ship i think it would just probably make you look like the nicer person if anything yeah like our when i say situationship as well i don't mean friends with benefits because if you're friends with benefits i don't think christmas presents really come into it this is no i don't either i don't think so yeah i don't think that should be but no because you're taking it out of the friends

with benefits there exactly whereas with the situationship is a bit like oh, you're in a bit of a situation you don't really know. But I would still definitely opt on the side of maybe getting something little, just in case. Yeah. And if they don't get you anything, then... Get out the situation ship. Yeah, you're in a situation ship. Well, there's another one in here.

Should you accept a gift from your situation shift? Should that even be a thing? Yeah, if someone buys you a gift, accept it. If it's, especially if it's a lovely gift. Yeah, and also, if you're in a situation shift, you still have some form of relationship with them. So of course you should accept it. I think it's almost childish if you didn't. Imagine so yeah imagine someone actually going out of their way and buying you

a nice present you being like no I don't want it no like be different if you hated someone and they bought you a present if you're in a situation you still somewhat have a relationship with them so a hundred percent okay what do you do then say if like you're with like your boyfriend's family for Christmas or like you're with your family even's family for christmas or like you're with your family even and the family's constantly asked the question of when are you dropping the ring when are you getting married what like what do you do then like especially if you're like not like not anywhere near in that situation like like, what do you do? I don't really know what you do, to be honest.

I mean, I don't think, well, my family have never said that to me. So, I don't, like,

I don't know because my family have never said that to me. I don't think my family ever would. I can't imagine my mum saying that to my partner either,

to be honest. No, and I don't really think my mum would care if I got, like, obviously she hopes one day I get married because I want to get married and it made me happy of course I don't think my parents care enough to be like when you're gonna I think maybe you've been together like 15 years or something he still hasn't proposed my parents would be like why hasn't he proposed

that's weird but like I think that's really the only time they'd ever really say that but then if your partner's parents were saying if my partner's parents were saying it to him as a joke or like just kind of chuck it in there I'd be like oh well they really like me they obviously want to welcome me into the family yeah but they want me like really yeah I would take that one million percent as a compliment compliment I think that'd be lovely yeah but yeah i can't be what if it was the other way around though in the partner's family was so like say it was a girl and a and a guy relationship yeah but it was the other way around so the girl's parents were saying it to the guy yeah then if yeah if i would feel a little bit like oh mom stop like i wouldn't want to like yeah and if i was the guy i'd feel a lot of pressure like i just don I wouldn't want to like yeah and if I was the guy I'd feel a

lot of pressure like I just don't think that's very nice yeah a lot of pressure like especially if you hadn't really thought about it yet because you I don't know if you're like 15 years down the line then I understand the question a little bit more but if you were like two three years in and my mom started saying that I'd be a bit like mom to be honest I just don't really like like I'm really close to my family but my family my parents would never really have an opinion on anything like I doing well I'm sure they have their own opinions but like it's not their place to comment on that whether or not I got married to someone or not like I don't know I just don't really feel like it's their place to say like the person the people who are in the relationship know what's best.

Do you know what I mean? 100%. 100%. So... If those jokes are thrown about, I think just let it be a joke that's thrown about. Yeah. And if it's ongoing and it's your partner's family

that keeps saying it, and, like, it upset you, I'd probably just say to your boyfriend or your girlfriend, just be like, are they going to keep bringing that up? Because, you know, it's annoying. It's a bit of pressure now. Yeah. Prime Big Deal Days is coming October 8th and 9th with exclusive savings just for Prime members.

Involuntary deal squeals can happen, like the deal on new running shoes squeal. The deal on a new blender squeal. Or the infamous deal on a new massager squeal. Save big on electronics, fashion, and more this Prime Big Deal Days, October 8th and 9th. It's a new day. How can you make the most of it with your membership rewards points? Earn points on everyday purchases. Use them for that long-awaited vacation.

You can earn points almost anywhere, and they never expire. Treat your friends or spoil your family. Earn them on your adventure and use them how you want when you want that's the powerful backing of american express learn more at mx.ca slash ymx terms apply okay on that topic then when do you think it is a good time to spend Christmas with a partner like do you think like there has to be a certain amount of time we need to be together before you spend it on Christmas day or like do you see each other on boxing day or Christmas Eve I really don't feel like there's a particular time that's like a good time. I honestly feel like whenever,

because I think it really depends on how close you are to your family. I think if you're really close to your family and it's a really big deal for you to not be with them, then I don't know, if you've been together two months, maybe don't spend Christmas together. Because although it's lovely, you know, you could not be together. If it's like, you know, if it's early days, you could not be together next year. And I mean, I know you could say that together if it's like you know if it's early days you could not be together next year and I mean I know you can say that at any point but you know you probably got more chance

of yeah you haven't been together that long um so I personally probably wouldn't just like I wouldn't upset my family and not have those memories with my family for someone I haven't known for that long yeah I don know. And especially if you do see yourself being with them forever, you have all of those years. So I don't think it's something like you need to spend Christmas Day together immediately. Yeah, I think that will just naturally come as the relationship progresses. And it will just feel right for like, you guys personally. Yeah, I don't think there's any like, time stamp on it I think I know a lot of like my friends have been in relationships have spent Christmas days with their families and then gone

to their partners on Boxing Day which is nice and like yeah I think that's a nice way to do it because then you're still spending Christmas with both of your families but Boxing Day is just like not as much pressure as like Christmas Day I guess yeah and actually my best friend she's waking up at her boyfriend's house because he has a little sister opening the presents and stuff at theirs and then they're driving to her house and then having the roast dinner with her family so I think if you live close you can easily do both can't you but and that's I think that's so nice that you'll get to do like two different places at Christmas if you live close that's definitely the perk of like living super close to each other but yeah that's lovely oh I love that last one because this is very popular at Christmas stalking your ex is it a good idea

to watch what your ex or like an ex situation ship is doing over Christmas. It's never a good idea. It's never a good idea. Yeah, let's be honest. The thing is, in a previous episode, we have said, message your ex Merry Christmas. I'm not mad about it.

No. I think I've said in the past, you shouldn't, but like now I'm not really that mad about it. I think just shoot your shot. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. I feel like it's an easy way in.

If you don't, you know, if you miss someone, it's an easy way in if you if you don't you know if you miss someone it's an easy way in just say it was a dare just say you were playing a game on christmas day i just thought i'd be the bigger person and i wanted to wish you a merry christmas or be honest no harm there's also that you can be honest um but yeah i think stalking what they're doing all over christmas like if you're still heartbroken over them or like watching your situation ship I think that's only going to ruin your Christmas so I don't think do it and I think it's hard as well because I think like you know naturally you meet people in life whether or not you know it's someone you've been in a relationship with or a friend or whoever people you know like we all have different traditions and stuff that

we do on Christmas day that are very different from each other and if you spent Christmas with someone and you did their tradition you liked it naturally you'd do it again so I think it is easy to be like oh my god they're they're I can't even think of a tradition that someone does but like say they never did the elves on the shelf thing right so they never that. But now because they've been with you and they did it the previous years, they're still doing it. I wouldn't look at that as like a sign that they like,

you know, they're still doing what, like, of course they're still doing that because they've done it for years and now it's a tradition of their own. Like, you know? A hundred percent. I completely agree. I think overall, maybe don't do it. But it but if yeah if you do do it don't

get disheartened by what you're seeing but overall I personally wouldn't do it I've been there and I've done that and it's not cute no it's really not cute I mean stalking an ex just, yeah, it's just not. Do you know what I think as well is, go on. You stalking them is making no difference to what they're doing. So like. It's only upsetting yourself. It's only upsetting yourself. But I understand.

I understand it's so much easier said than done. Yeah, when you're still thinking about that person and when you really want to know what they're doing, like to have the willpower to stop is so hard but once you get over one day of not looking at their instagram believe me it's an achievement when you get to a week and then once you've done a week you can do two and then you can do the rest of your life like you will be fine it's just making that first step and getting out the routine of doing it so just to round up this episode i thought it'd be quite nice if we both just give like our top tip of just how to have, you know, a stress-free,

nice Christmas. Because I think there's a lot of pressure around Christmas time. And like, I'm super lucky I spend Christmas with, I have a very, very big family. I know a lot of people don't have that. A lot of people will spend Christmas alone and that's totally fine. And I think my biggest tip would be to not actually, especially over Christmas time. And I find myself, I even do this, is compare yourself to what you see online, because I think you see all these really cute videos and these cute TikToks and you think, oh my God, I wish my Christmas day looked like that. But honestly, like talking firsthand, like from people that, you know, jobs or social media, you don't always do things once, you do it twice or three times. And you obviously are going to cut out the bits that go wrong and

you are going to keep in the most perfect bits. Like social media isn't real. Like it's not real. Social media is like a highlight reel of someone's life exactly and so I think people see that and I know it's really easy for people to feel lonely over Christmas time and so I would take for people to see you know all these Christmas videos and think oh my god that's so perfect you've got to remember that that is people's highlights and so I think my biggest tip would just be don't compare yourself to how other people are having Christmas day and spending their December and their Christmas time. 100%.

And just to follow up on that, I just add that to just, yeah, just enjoy yourself and understand that everybody's Christmases are completely different. And like Saf has already said, I'm just going to reiterate, the social media just is a highlight. And, you know, like you said, if you're spending Christmas on your own, whether you're spending Christmas with your family, your friends, to just enjoy your day and not, like you said, not compare yourself to anything that you're seeing on social media.

Oh, that's a cute little way to end it. And it's true. we should do that too a hundred percent i've i've fallen foul to that before where i've like i've seen loads of people's like amazing christmases because my christmases are always like fairly quiet like what they have been in the past with just my mom and atticus and i and i love that but and i wouldn't really have it any other way but i've seen loads of people's christmas where they have like 50 people and they're having these massive like parties and stuff and i thought like oh that would be amazing but it is just a high everyone's Christmas is different so I think that's a really nice way to end it on well thank you everyone for listening to this episode I feel like it was just a really

overall nice positive episode um so yeah thank you for listening and I really hope that everyone has the best Christmas day ever yeah Merry Christmas everyone i literally can't believe it's in a few days it's actually crazy neither it doesn't feel real yeah i hope everyone has the best christmas ever um whatever it is that you're doing and we shall see you next tuesday for another episode bye guys bye