Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 84. Dating Milestones: The “Exclusive” Chat

Episode Date: May 29, 2024

Going through the stages of dating can be quite the journey (we would know!) So we thought this bonus episode would be a perfect chance to look at dating milestones and how to navigate those big moments, one step at time. From when should you make things official, to when should your meet partner's family and when is the right time to book your first holiday today together as a couple? Plus, we discuss whether being "exclusive" is a cop out Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Let's go. Hey guys, and welcome back to Sex Slides and GM Slides. It's Thursday, which means we're back for another bonus episode. So in Tuesday's episode, we spoke about beige flags versus red flags and how to tell the difference and how to spot the red flags. Personal first-hand experience. We'll be giving our advice because we've both definitely been through this uh so for today's bonus episode we wanted to discuss the topic of dating milestones and how you navigate the biggest moments in a relationship one step at a time um now just to

note we are not experts on this kind of thing again probably speaking firsthand but i would like to think i'm better because I now would know what not to do in my opinion still in my opinion um so yeah these are just our own experience anyways should we just dive straight into it Anna let's do it okay so the first one um becoming official so how do you know when the time is right to make it official i don't understand when people go through talking stages for about a year i think that's personally crazy i don't think making it official yeah i think it's an excuse i don't think listen saying someone's your boyfriend your girlfriend is very different to saying you're engaged to somebody that's your fiance

i don't know how to word this it's not that I don't think there's too early because of course, if you start dating somebody a week after speaking to them, you don't even know them, of course. But at the same time, I don't understand why people wait so long for that. Because for me, if I really liked somebody and they still hadn't asked me and months and months and months had gone by, honestly honestly and i'm saying this because i've seen it firsthand that person just doesn't want to be loyal to you they don't want to tell other people they've got a girlfriend yeah and i think like you said like the talking stage and stuff is almost a bit like a cop out because yeah what is exclusive nowadays if we're exclusive we're seeing each other we're boyfriend and girlfriend we don't need to be exclusive and

then i don't know exclusive makes no sense to me because it means you don't want to get of anyone else but you also don't want me just yeah but you don't want to label but you don't want to label that's what it is you don't want to tell other people you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend but you don't want me to be of anyone else you You want it just to be the two of us. It makes no sense. If somebody says exclusive, they're doing, I genuinely hand heart, hand on my heart, believe they're doing something shady.

So what would your cutoff be then? For like interdating? Because I think mine would probably be around, I say the three to four month mark. If we've been speaking for that long and you still hadn't asked me to be your girlfriend I would be a bit like what is going on at the three month four month mark I reckon yeah I think I'd feel the same I think it's really hard because I've had a lot of

long distance relationships so I guess I actually think probably move quicker because you're having talked to somebody long distance probably does actually move quicker because you haven't talked to somebody long probably does actually move quicker yeah I probably would say I'm around the same if I was speaking to somebody for six months non-stop and they hadn't asked me to be their girlfriend I would I think it's very weird yeah like if it got to the six month mark and we were sitting in the talking stage no we're not like i'm not being in a talking stage for six months that's crazy it yeah for me it's a waste of time it goes back to you know what you want you either want me or you don't you do so just it's like you just want somebody to keep there i don't know i personally think it's very strange if somebody said to me, are we exclusive?

I think I'd tell them to fuck off. I don't say we're you and your boy. I honestly think. Yeah, because. Are you joking? You've taken this many months to say we're exclusive. Like not even going on a boyfriend exclusive. No, the exclusive thing makes no sense to me. I would think to myself,

you just don't want to tell someone. Someone you don't want to tell that you have a girlfriend. That's what it is. We're saying minimum, no, maximum, sorry, three to four months of the talking stage. After that, boy, bye. We're not doing it. Yeah, because Anna was,

you were speaking to somebody for a very long time, wasn't you? Oh, babe, so long. And so, like, I was in a situation for a very long time wasn't you oh babe so long and so like i was in a situation for a really long time and it's just not a fun place to be and like but now i know that like now i'm like i would set boundaries going forward so i think i had to experience that to like understand what i know now and now yeah my maximum would be like three and a half months. Let's go. I'm going back to university for $0 delivery fee, up to 5% off orders and 5% Uber cash back on rides.

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Do you think you wait until after your official or before your official I think it's really dependent on somebody's living situation I think that's a very I don't think I'd put a time on that personally I think if I was with somebody for a year and they still didn't introduce me to their parents, I think it's very weird. I'd feel like they're embarrassed of me if that was the case. But I do think it's different for everyone. I don't think I would introduce a guy straight away to my parents now, no matter how much I like them. Because I think my family is a very loving family.

And so if I loved somebody, I know they'd love them too and bring them into the family and stuff. And then if it wasn't somebody I was going to be with long term, I don't know. Personally, I don't really think I have a time on it. Maybe I don't know. I don't know when's right, when's not right. I do think it's different. If you lived at home with your family, you're going to introduce somebody quicker. You might introduce them before you're actually official so I yeah I don't personally think there's a wrong or a right timing

it is hard because like I obviously live like three hours away from my mum at home so when I introduce her to someone it has to be like a fully arranged thing so it was my ex-boyfriend when they met like I said to him because he was like my first proper boyfriend I said I want you to meet my mum before we make it official because it was just like it was the first boy I was properly introduced into my mum and I was really excited about it but would I still do that now before I don't know actually because really weird I was having this conversation with my mum this morning, of all conversations to have with my mum. Wow.

And yeah, really random. And she was saying to me that she was like, I will love whoever you want to be with. And like, I will love like, whoever your partner is going to be, blah, blah, blah. And I was saying to her about like, introducing them and she was like, I can meet them whenever, blah, blah.

Not that there's anyone on the scene, guys, by the way. Me and my mum were having a very deep conversation for some weird reason, like really early this morning. But yeah, I wouldn't really put a time on it either. Like you said, if I hadn't met my boyfriend's parents after a year and there hadn't been no mention of it, then I would be a bit like, something fishy is going on here and I don't know what's going on so yeah i i wouldn't say there's a time limit on it but it yeah no time limit but like i would be concerned if i hadn't yeah i definitely yeah i don't think there's anything wrong with introducing somebody before you're together for me that's in no way a red flag or i think it's really lovely if somebody before you're together. For me, that's in no way a red flag.

I think it's really lovely if somebody introduced you before you're even officially together. They must really like you. I take that as a compliment. I take that as a compliment, absolutely. But I do think there definitely is a time that's too long because, yeah, why? I mean, unless you're really, really not close with your family. Yeah, I think if I like someone naturally,

I introduce them very quickly because I just want everyone to meet them. And my family's opinion matters to me if I loved somebody nobody's opinion is probably going to change it I think I'm a very dependent independent person but at the same time if all my family were like oh god no then it would put me especially now because I've had those opinions from my family they've always ended up being right so maybe actually i will be introducing people very early on to get their opinions for real okay what about first holiday why not i actually would do that i've done it before yeah you've done it and i love the sponsor what is it spontaneity of that like if someone said

to me that should we go on a first date abroad i'd say yes yeah and i think you very quickly know if you could live i mean it i think you very quickly know if you could live i mean it's different isn't it because if you really like somebody you know it's it's the honeymoon stage it's all very fairy tale but also you're still having to live with somebody for a week or five days and that's you've got a poo in front of them yeah fuck you gotta go to toilet or hotel room nah that's not it that's not it um but no yeah you you still have to do all those normal sort of living situations so i really don't personally think there's anything wrong with it i think yeah i just think why not why not i've i've never done a holiday with a partner before the most i've

done is like we've gone for like a weekend in the city in london but like i've never gone abroad with a partner but like i'm actually excited to do that that would be so fun so if anybody is willing to do a first day abroad hit me up hit me up in the dm it's a new day how can you make the most of it with your membership rewards points earn points on everyday purchases use them for that long-awaited vacation you can earn points almost anywhere, and they never expire. Treat your friends or spoil your family. Earn them on your adventure

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or the infamous deal on a new massager squeal. Save big on electronics, fashion and more this Prime Big Deal Days, October 8th and 9th. Let's go. Okay, first Christmas, Valentine's, birthday. okay first christmas valentine's birthday if you're not official with someone would you still get them a christmas or valentine's day present i always think that's such a weird situation yeah i would give them something little i think i'd definitely get them a car valentine's i don't know if i wasn't official i don't i would more likely i think get somebody a christmas present than a valentine's day present if I wasn't officially with them.

It depends how long I've been seeing them for. Maybe I would, I'd definitely get them a card. Maybe, but then I just feel so embarrassed if I got them a card and they didn't get me a Valentine's Day card back. Yeah, I think that's it. I think I would, Christmas I actually definitely would. If you'd been seeing someone for two months and Valentine's Day was coming up, would you be annoyed if you got them a card and they didn't get you one?

So when you say I'm seeing them, like I've been on lots of dates with them. Yeah. That you're liking them. Like you could be introducing them to your parents. I don't know because I would just think, why are we not together? That's my problem. I think I rush into relationships really quickly no but two months in i would be thinking to myself like valentine's day would be the perfect day to show a little bit of

something if we haven't so i think i would be a little bit like i don't know if annoyed is the right word i think i'd more be a bit upset like if i'd got somebody a card for valentine's and they hadn't got me one because I just feel like we were then in two yeah I would definitely feel maybe I was ahead I probably don't think I would actually carry on talking to that person if I had bought them a card then bought one back I don't think I could do it but maybe that's my own ego I think oh no I think I'd have secondhand embarrassment for myself that's what I mean yeah I think like if all my friends said to me oh did you give him the card did he give you one I'd be like

nope and I'd be so embarrassed yeah I was expecting flowers and I didn't even get a card I was very embarrassed so yeah same okay how big then do you go for the first one so like say if like you're together together on valentine's are you going big well i love gift giving i genuinely love it so much it makes me so happy that i think i always go big if i'm being completely honest I do but to anyone for anything not even just in a relationship I just love giving gifts yeah I do as well which is a nice trait to have yeah and I do you know what is I love surprises I'm not very I don't care about receiving gifts genuinely but I do love surprises I love surprises for me I love surprises for other people I think there's just something so exciting when you're not expecting it I know a lot of people

find it very awkward like my younger brother couldn't think of anything worse than somebody surprising him he wouldn't know how to act he'd feel embarrassed whereas for me I I don't know I just yeah I just think it's so exciting. I love it. So it is like, and I feel like I'm not, if someone's going to surprise me, I normally always find out like, I'm just, I'm not like people aren't very good at keeping like that secrets around me.

But the other day, I don't know if you saw, but jazz came home and she surprised me in my flat. I have never in my life. Is there a video? I'm so shocked. Yeah. I'm i'm gonna show you the video i haven't seen the video oh my god so i was violently hung over i just put on these really ugly green booty shorts i just tried on and thought these are going out my house in the next five minutes i'll just keep them on whilst i eat my food callum and daniella turn up with their lunch and i thought they're acting both a bit weird but i just thought this is odd anyway callum starts filming me and i looked at him i'm going

callum why are you filming me and i literally and also they could have given you the they could have said we're gonna go out do you want to put on some clothes no heads up no heads up i literally turn around jazzy stood behind me bearing in mind that morning she'd been posting in the group chat of what she was doing in australia and then she was stood behind me in my living room and i was so shocked and so surprised like i'm gonna have to send you the video i literally send my spoon flying across my living room because i was that shocked and it made me realize like how much i love surprises yeah i was like oh my god i just want that feeling i'll send you i was like i want that feeling every day like it was such a nice feeling experience a surprise that

that shocked me that much i've definitely done it for other people but i don't think anyone's ever surprised me that good I don't think yeah that was the that was the first time I'd been surprised at that and I was like oh this feels really good I'd like this yeah do you know I've always said this about um being proposed to I would I wouldn't well it's weird actually I thought at one point I was gonna be getting proposed to and so I kind of had this inkling and I actually wasn't mad about knowing but I've always had this thing that I've never wanted to know I've always wanted it to be such a big surprise but I need to have my nails on if nobody's telling me to look good and have my nails that I'll be fuming but at the same time

so I want to be so sure I don't want to know that it's gonna happen because i do think it'd be more magical if you didn't i don't yeah me too like because i love those tiktoks where have you seen where girls are like he's bought me he's told me to wear this dress tonight or like you're just proposing and they're like holding the thing up and then like at the end they've got the ring on i'm like oh my god i actually can't even imagine that happening to us like the fact that it's going to happen to us one day makes me actually want to cry happy tears yeah and that is so exciting but they must know like i would like to not even have that much of a knowing i know i don't want it i don't want to have a clue like i just want it to happen and then yeah i'm like that i was just so angry if one of my friends

ended up giving it away of some sort i honestly i don't think my boyfriend would be able to tell many of my friends to be honest because i think some way somebody would say something yeah me too a couple of my friends definitely would like or even if i looked at them and said what why are you being like that they'd like laugh or that i know something was up do you know what i mean and then i'd like to figure it on that way okay so right last one then moving in do you think that's a right time to move in with somebody well i've never actually lived with somebody so neither I don't know again I think it's so dependent on your situation but I do think moving in can change a lot of things and I do think it's a make or break I think living with

somebody is completely different don't think I'd ever advise somebody to move in with somebody straight away because I don't even I don't know it's just more exciting when you get dressed up at home to go out for dates and you see somebody and then you spend a couple of days with them and personally I love having my own space I think me too and I think I'd also want to look forward to that part of my life with that person like moving into them in the future like I don't think I'd want to do it straight away because like yeah it's such a fun thing to look forward to and like you were saying they do say when you move in with someone it's a make or break situation like you'll you'll see them in lights that you didn't see them before

like you'll have to get used to seeing them when they don't want to speak like if they just want like a couple of hours on their own and they're doing their own thing they're not ignoring you they're just doing their own thing but like yeah yeah definitely getting used to that so I think it's a massive thing that yeah it's like a make or break in a relationship but I don't I I don't think there's a right or wrong time I personally wouldn't do it straight away but like I'm just like that anyway I think I would at least wait like two years maybe maybe even a bit longer I don't know yeah like that terrifies me sort of living with a guy like does it not scare you or does it excite you I don't think it scares me no it definitely doesn't scare me it definitely more excites me however again I like having my own

space at the same time listen all of us it's you know the dream to be in a relationship that always feels like honeymoon stage i don't i don't believe you only have honeymoon stage for like six months that's it because i just think you can do things to still make your relationship exciting and fun i think moving in with somebody after that short of time i don't know yeah you will get very moving in with somebody after that short of time, I don't know, yeah, you will get very, I don't know, I just, yeah, I do think you'd do less. I don't, it doesn't scare me.

It just doesn't, no, I don't want it. I don't want any time. I don't know, yeah. It doesn't entice you right now. No, well, also because I'm not in a relationship but yeah if i was i still don't think i'd be thinking oh my god we need to move in that would just not that would not be the thing that would jump to mind for me i didn't even think about like the whole like dressing up at home and then surprising them with what you look like i didn't even think

about that but that's so true yeah just little things like otherwise when we live together when we live together when we live together they're seeing my full getting ready process they're seeing me shave my legs do my everything shower going with sopping wet hair the full lot yeah because thinking about it have you ever even experienced that yeah i've done that i've experienced that because i when i was in both my situation ship and my relationship i would they'd be around the house all the time and i'd just be getting ready okay yeah because i've because i have my own place i'd spend weeks of times with people like a few weeks at a time but that for me was great because it was felt like you lived together but then you have your own space i do weekends so like friday to sunday yeah which

which was like enough time to scare me. But we've learned my lesson, guys. Me and Saf this year, we've said it a million times on the pod, we're taking Leafs out of each other's books. We are. We're learning from each other. We need the middle ground of both of us.

Exactly. We're always learning. And I think that's a nice little note. Learning on the job, baby. You know it, babe. Well, that is everything for today, everyone. exactly we're always learning and i think that's a nice little note yeah that's a nice little note to end it on you know it babe well that is everything for today everyone be sure to check us out on socials and subscribe to the pod on spotify so you don't miss out on all of the goss and we will see you on tuesday for our next episode see you guys then bye sex lies and dm slides is a spotify original podcast it was produced by spirit studios with olivia scott as the producer