Sex, Lies & DM Slides - 96. YOUR Jaw-Dropping Dilemmas: Should I Date My Exes Mum!?

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

We’re BACK with our absolute FAVEEEE kinds of episode. Yep, you guessed it - it’s YOUR dating dilemmas. And boy oh boy do we have some shocking ones for you today… from ‘Should I date my exes mum (?!)’ to ‘What is an acceptable body count to have?’ We answer them all! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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absolute favorite thing to do and it's your dating dilemmas I love these episodes okay should we just deep dive into it yeah go on you do the first one this one made my jaw drop. Should I date my ex's mum? I've already seen her naked. I would say probably not. Considering it's your ex's mum. Yeah, I probably wouldn't. Probably wouldn't. Also, would your ex's mum date you?

I don't think so. But even if she would, right? Even if she would, even if there's this amazing chemistry between you both, you really want to ruin your ex's and her mum's relationship because that's all it would do. It would. If my mum was my ex-boyfriend,

which obviously laughable or never would happen but like that would ruin our friendship it's so even if you had this amazing chemistry you really want to do that to their friendship well i say their friendship their relationship no you don't it would yeah it would ruin more than my me and my mother's friendship i think it would tear the fucking family apart if she turned around to me and said that she's with my ex-boyfriend yes like that is that's like a sentence that should never even come out of anybody's mouth do you know what i'm yeah so we're sorry no you absolutely should not date your ex's mom that's the end of the that's that's our answers no point blank period yeah end of it's a no oh my god okay next one wow they're wild today how do you get them to talk

to you when all they want to do is brush it under the carpet if i was trying to brush something under the carpet and somebody else had like my boyfriend had done me wrong in my opinion but i was like it's fine just brush it under the carpet it'd probably be because i would think that it doesn't really matter what i say they're not even going to actually hear me out or listen to my opinion so i think i would make it really clear that their opinion matters and you want to genuinely understand why it's hard because i don't know what the conversation's about but like i think i would try and make it really clear and understand why somebody felt that way is this making sense by the way yeah that makes sense i think because like it's hard because we don't we don't need context on what it's about so i think

it's hard it's different in it in context on what it's about. So I think it's different in different situations. Yeah, exactly. I'm trying to think of like a situation with one of my exes when they've been really insecure about something. And then they're like, it's fine, just brush it under the carpet. Yeah, I don't like brushing things under the carpet because if you just brush things under the carpet, it's always going to come back up.

It's always going to resurface. So you definitely do need to have that conversation but I think if somebody doesn't want to talk about it it's either because they don't think that I would say 90% of the time it's probably because they don't think that you're going to listen or you're going to get their opinion or you're going to understand so I think it's making somebody else understand no making somebody else realize that you understand their point of view yeah and I also think I think it's obviously very situation dependent I'm just going to use this as an example but say you're the girl and your boyfriend had done something wrong and they wanted to brush it under the carpet for me that would make me feel like there's more to the situation that they don't want to talk

about or they don't want me to find out so I would very much strongly have been like look I want to speak about it I don't want to move on from this until we've spoken about it because like you said everything resurfaces at some point in time and I don't want it to resurface in three months six months keep getting brought up in arguments I don't want that to happen because that is what happens if you don't talk about something it will get brought up in an argument and then you'll argue about it again at a later date so I think yeah just say that you really want to speak about it you're really willing to listen and it's important to you to speak about it because if it's important to you it should be

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cutting-edge facilities, and a best-in-Canada financial assistance program. UCC, a place where tradition, excellence, and innovation meet. Learn more at our open house events on October 15th and 16th. Register now at causeandeffect.ucc.on.ca. I've fallen for my guy friend. How can I ask him if he's feeling this mutual without giving myself away well this kind of goes back to our last thing actually yeah because this makes me change my opinion on my last you need to go back and watch the thing but i've seen this happen and the guy friend not feel the same way so yeah maybe anna my opinion is wrong on that podcast even though i've just spoke about it for 45 minutes but um no i don't even mean to say that

to scare you because i'm sure that's not the case i think if you're feeling a certain way i think it's always got to come from somewhere it's got to come from somewhere like even if he hasn't ever tried to lay a hand on you like that's not it like that's why you don't know you've obviously got to have some spark of some sort it's hard because you don't want to lose a friendship and i think the hard thing is is if he didn't feel the same way if somebody didn't feel the same way, if somebody didn't feel the same way, it would make the friendship awkward. I don't mean to say this again to make you feel worse. I'm just trying to weigh out the different situations.

If it was me, if I liked him enough that I thought, I think it depends how much you like him. If you just fancy him a little bit, I wouldn't even i wouldn't it's really hard because i guess you're asking how can i ask him though but is one of those things where it's like do you like him enough that you're that's only going to grow fonder the more time you spend with him and are you going to start to get jealous of him seeing other people and in your head if you are if the thought of you

if the thought of him sorry seeing somebody else really bothers you then I think then that is the time to speak about it and honestly like as awkward as you probably think the conversation is going to be and it might be like it might be a really awkward conversation everything is better to be spoken about because you need to in that sense even though yeah you're slightly putting the friendship like on a bit of a risk because he might not feel the same it might be a bit awkward for a while you always need to put your feelings first because you're never going to be able to move on from the situation unless you get a solid answer because you're always going to wonder so i honestly think as awkward as it is just say you need to speak to him or just bring it up when

you've had a little bit drink to be fair i think we've actually got this question wrong because it says how can i ask him so i think she's already asking him so i would say how you ask him is oh god that's such a hard question i wouldn't do it over text no definitely don't do over text because you want to see his actual reaction yeah not over text because he could read the message and type out five different responses and really sit and think about it whereas like you will be able to tell by the reaction on his face when you say it so i think it's definitely got to be done in person yeah and maybe just ask something along the lines of do you ever think guys and girls can just be friends no um god what would you even ask we're meant to be giving advice here anna

not that we're experts you could be what would i ask you could be a bit like you could try and be a bit flirty maybe just like turn the friendship like a slightly flirty that night or like when you're out having a drink or whatever just like make a sly comment so i'm like oh you look really good tonight blah blah like slide it in that way so it's a bit i don't know if that would i don't know if that would get the answer no but it could open up the conversation because i don't know how serious you want it to be like do you want to send a message be like i need to speak to you tonight and then go and sit around his house i don't think that either i think definitely like a little a comment uh but not not necessarily

expressing how you feel i would maybe bring it up in a way of oh god i don't know how but you if he does feel the same like you could try and like trick him into saying it first but i don't know how like i don't know what you could say but like yeah then it's not you directly saying it and you laying your feelings out on the table but it's opening up the conversation yeah i mean if it was me honestly sounds very high school probably get a friend to say something like oh could you ever see yourself with like suffering more than a friendship but then also yeah i mean that to his friend probably more likely gonna admit it to you yeah i think it depends on the advice here

i actually i know you said it's a joke but i don't think it's a half bad conversation to say can guys and girls ever be friends i actually don't think that's a bad thing to maybe start the conversation off with and you could just have like a really like honest conversation about that and then then you can read his answer and debate then what you want to say so I know you said it's a joke but I actually don't think it's a bad idea yeah god it's just it's the way that you want the truth to come out though, because nobody's going to say something. Like, cause you know, he probably, if he felt the same way,

he would be scared to say it also. Yes. And then maybe you bring it up. He might be really excited. He might be like, oh my God, like I'm so happy. She's finally brought it up,

blah, blah. And then he'd be really honest. I don't know. You need to, and you need to let us know what you do. I'm really sorry. Our advice isn't great here. It's not the best advice but maybe you guys can dm us and let us know what you would do if any of you have any better advice we could talk about it on

the next podcast yeah i think that's a good idea but good luck and do let us know what happens i'm so sorry it couldn't be that much of a help it's just a hard one okay the next one i've been messaging a guy for 18 months but we still haven't met what should i do no um the thing is so first of all is distance playing a part like do you live opposite sides of the world is this why you haven't met if not if you literally live in the same town or an hour whatever there is no excuse three hours or four yeah if you if even if you're in england there's not really an excuse at this point no like that's a year and a half of your life speaking to this person

and you still haven't met them i'm going to assume that you probably asked to me. Like, surely. 18 months in. The way that I see it is, yeah, Anna's completely correct. It's obviously very dependent on where you live. Even if you live on the other side of the world, opposite each other, I personally think to give up a year and a half to somebody you haven't met

that you would now have all of these feelings for, because it is actually really easy. Like now we have FaceTime and stuff. It's so easy to catch somebody you haven't met, but I don't think, to me, that's very odd. And I'm not judging you for it it like i've definitely spoken to people for

way too long like and i've not met them because i always tend to speak to people from off sides of the world that's just ends up what ends up happening to me so like i get it like i genuinely get it but 18 months is very strange like that's too long of a time and the fact that you're questioning it as well makes me think that it's not like oh you can't see each other because x y and z there must have been a way that you could have seen each other somehow because the you're questioning questioning it which makes me think it's yeah very very strange and i mean by the way if he's not on the other side of the world something really really strange if he is on the other side of the world still very strange yeah but if he's in england because it's just

so much of your time to give up to somebody that you haven't met like imagine you meet him and he and i know you might think he's perfect because you face him him and everything else but you still don't actually see the full you don't see someone's life fully like you can think you really know someone but you don't even friendships that you have for years you can think you know them but you don't actually when you live with somebody it's's completely different. Like you might love their personality, be so attracted to them, but you don't see what their house looks like 24-7. You don't know how messy they are, how dirty they are.

You don't even know what he smells like. You genuinely don't know what he smells like. That could be a huge part. And to me, I think I was speaking to a guy for that long personally, and I hate saying things like this because I really don't want to like make somebody feel really shit and scared. But something weird's going on. If he could have, like, he could have surely have come to yours. Why are you speaking for 18 months?

I think at this point, at the 18 month mark, I would put an ultimatum in place. And I would literally say, we need to meet or this is done yeah because you've waited around long enough now you don't need to waste any more time waiting for this other person to finally meet you you give them an ultimatum if they say no that's 100 because%. Because you will find somebody else who is willing to travel to the end of the earth for you and who will meet you in a heartbeat. So, honestly, even though you obviously really like them, speaking to them for 18 months, but please just give them that ultimatum because that's insane.

That's insane, 18 months. That's the longest I've ever heard. That's definitely the longest number I've ever heard yeah for a talking stage as well like and they haven't even met like me for a talking stage where I have met the three four month mark is the max

until like we're official agreed let alone 18th month mark and haven't met so yeah I think give them an ultimatum because you are worth a lot better than that. A lot better. Let's go. RBC Avion Visa lets you get there your way.

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i am very intrigued if i'm dating someone i am intrigued what their body count is i do want to know what their body count is and i'm sure they do want to know what mine is if it was an astronomical number like how have you even had time to fit that many people in number we know about that not the same from our experience but we know about that but we know about that yeah then I would sit and think okay what's going to change now why am i doing what what is you know is this gonna like how have you done that but it's really on the other hand it's really annoying because like i don't think you should necessarily judge someone by their body count because if i told someone my body count and mine's not even high like if i said that someone

but they were like oh no that's too high you you're a slut. I'd be like, what? Like I've just said to people, I've enjoyed having sex. What is the problem with that? So I think it's a really hard double-edged sword. It is. I was very much like, you don't judge someone by their body count,

but I think I should have fucking judged someone by their body count to be fair. But this person I'm talking about, genuinely no one could ever ever ever guess a number so high so it is like it is like how have you actually had time no no it genuinely is the number is out of this world and i'm talking it's funny because people are probably guessing the number of this person that i know is fully count you're wrong. And you wouldn't even be close if you tried. Yeah, you're wrong.

I've never, like, I remember I knew this guy who had slept with, he'd slept with 100 people by the time he was 18. And I thought that was high. I thought that was very high, actually. But it's worse. So whatever you can imagine, it's worse. But anyways, I didn't judge them for that but now looking at like their actions i'm thinking i should have judged them for it but i don't that's very common i don't think that many people were yeah as a whole i don't

know i'm someone for their body count unless it's absolutely outrageous yeah if it's outrageous and you're like taken aback by the number so fair enough yeah but like i yeah i agree you i don't think you can judge anybody by the body count because if someone judged me by mine i would be quite hurt by it because like obviously i've only had one relationship but i've slept with more people than that but that doesn't make me a slut that doesn't make me a slag that just means i'm a woman who's enjoyed having sex with different people in her life so i don't think that that's like i know that you can shame people and shame shame someone for enjoying that but yeah if the number was astronomical then that's not just like that's a lot you're enjoying sex like that's insane yeah but also just going back to the question it's hard as well because

it's also unfair because if this guy's had sex less than you and he thinks you're now slutty because of it he could have been in a relationship and you wasn't so if you're not in a relationship obviously you would have probably slept with more people than he would have he's been in relationship his entire life like it's so dependent on you know how people yeah like have spent their life or yeah i think that's really unfair and i think if a guy was to judge you for that that's definitely his own insecurities yeah you know what i would actually find it attractive if a guy had a very low body count oh say i would really i would find that a very attractive quality i would not get the ick i would not get the ick to me that's giving green flag it's screaming everywhere

like flashing yeah like so yeah flashing in your face like i would honestly not get the ick over that like i'd be very fucking excited no neither for somebody to lie but i feel like everyone lies but everybody counts when they meet because somebody has to say it first so somebody yes that's a fact somebody lies i reckon most relationships nobody actually knows how many the other person's slept with somebody's lying really i think honestly bet you because somebody has to say it first and that person who says it first never says the truth i would always want the guy to say it first i think yeah but they still know that i would lie about my. They wouldn't tell you the truth. I'm sorry. I know from all of my,

I know I've lied about mine. I know that I have to people that I've seen. I know that all of my friends have. All of my friends have. Oh my God. I've never lied about mine. But to be honest, I haven't been asked that much what mine is,

but I haven't lied about it. But like, I wouldn't lie if I was talking to my friends. I actually, I hate people that lie. don't know i think if i if i was saying it's i don't know i just think if you're somebody that says it first i haven't always lied about it but i know that i have lied about it before but i was nervous for what the other person was gonna say and i think yeah i don't know a lot of my friends have lied about theirs not even that theirs is bad like and again i hate saying the word bad because whatever like do whatever you want like it's i'm sorry but i do think girls get so much more judged for this than guys which i

think is so unfair it completely is one role for one and not for the other but if yeah when a guy has sex with people guys are like yes mate go on if a girl does it you're a slut yeah that's 24 for you this is what it is fucking ridiculous but if no honestly to the girl who sent in this question um i would not get the ick if he's generally being serious like his body count being very low babe congratulations because you found a good one keep him i love that however he found her slutty actually so i don't like that no neither i really don't like that because i don't think that's it may be like i don't know very judgmental for someone very judgmental went yeah and he should not judge you or call you a slut or say that was slutty oh my god if a guy was speaking to

i told them i body can't even that's really slutty the way my jaw would drop yeah i'd be like excuse me like i would just i could never so i know swings around about so that one is really hard because I love the fact his body counts low but I hate the fact he called you a slut so actually maybe not maybe not but that is all we have time for today thank you so much for listening be sure to check us out on socials and subscribe to the pod on Spotify so you don't miss out on all of the goss and other than that we'll see you on Tuesday for our next episode. See you guys then.

Bye. Sex Size and DM Size is a Spotify original podcast. It was produced by Spirit Studios.