Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - 2023's Top Sex Questions & Unprofessional Relationship Advice

Episode Date: December 31, 2023

Episode 83. This week, Kristen and Luke recap Christmas and Luke talks about an incident that took place where he may have overstepped. They also open up about why they are no longer doing VPR Recaps. A new segment is introduced: Unprofessional Relationship Advice – the good, maybe mediocre, but nonetheless advice for your relationship woes. Thoughts about couples sleeping in separate beds? Also, what’s the protocol for the holidays when you’re in the early stages of dating? Tune in now.  Sponsors: Get started with EveryPlate for just $1.49 per meal PLUS $1 steaks for life by going to EveryPlate.com/podcast and entering code 49doute Download the DraftKings Casino app NOW, sign up with promo code DOUTE, and new customers get a deposit match up to ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS in casino credits when you deposit $5 or more! Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Email us: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Music Welcome back to another episode of Sex Love and What else matters. Coming to you from Colorado. Yes, we are, hi, I'm. Hi, babe. So we're in Colorado. We did another Christmas road trip. Did we say we weren't going to do this again? We did, but it was a little different. It's gorgeous here. Yeah, without boring you with all the details. Like last year, Kristen flew into Indiana. We did the stuff in Indiana next year. We're going to Michigan as we said.

Drove straight through yesterday to Colorado and We're here. And it's so sunny and it's so nice and I have to get, we both have to get back to LA for work on a project we're still not allowed to talk about, which is really annoying, but we will soon, and my dogs are there, so. But it's so sunny and beautiful today. I don't wanna leave. Sorry, whatever.

I'm very grateful, though. Duty calls. I know. And I was thinking about it because since living in LA for the past 16 years, I never thought that I would be nomadic in any way. Because right before I moved to LA was when I was dating a guy and we moved from Michigan to Maryland and then Maryland to Miami and then we went back to Maryland for a minute and then back to Michigan.

So I was really like, sure, fly by the seat of my pants. I was 22 years old, 22 and 23. And so since I had kind of like planted my roots in LA, I'm like, I guess this is just where I'm at. But I feel like now it's like, when you find the right person, I feel like blending lifestyles just become so much easier than I would have anticipated. What do you think? Because you're blending lifestyle, a lifestyle that you never thought

and you still don't think is for you. Well, okay, that's really just Los Angeles. I've been somewhat nomadic for many years of my life. No, you have, but I'm saying, being nomadic in the way of coming to LA and going, living in a a city in an apartment part of the time. Yeah, that aspect of it. I had no point in my nomadic years. I had an apartment. So, Touche. Yeah, well, it's fun. I don't know. It's all right. It's not forever. No, it's not. But, well, I mean, obviously, once we have a family, we won't be necessarily nomadic. But it's just something about coming out to Colorado this time and you know seeing like

Rachel and Greg's house like getting closer to being finished and you doubling the size of yours and And it's sunny and it's not snowing and it's not frigidly freezing outside just gave me like all this hope of oh Well, this I can do this like this is actually fun and really really nice and I wish we had more time here, you know? Yeah, exactly. It's always, yeah. The give and take is what it is. Unfortunately, it's too far to, you know, if it was like an hour away, I'd come here for work

and be like, yeah, I'll see you at night, honey. I deal, man. That would be the tits, honestly. But I think we're doing a really good job. I wish we could teleport. Anyway, yeah, that's how I feel. I want to talk about our Christmas gifts to each other. I think it did such a good job this year because we didn't do stuff. It wasn't stuff really. Well, we did a few stuff things, but like the way that I

did it was the way we talked about we would always give gifts to our children. Right. Well, maybe not always, but once they're old enough to appreciate an experience. Right, so my gift to you was a trip to Hawaii. We're gonna go to Hawaii. Hawaii. You've never been. Never been, can't wait. And we're going on a couples trip

with my very best friend, NLA, Janine, and her boyfriend, Jared. He has also not been to Hawaii. He's a Colorado boy. And they're like the most chill people. Like I'm so excited. Like sometimes trips like that can be a little taxing because if some, you know, when you go on a trip with any friends, right? I don't know what you, but for me, it depends on the people you go with where if someone's like very controlling about what they want to do

and they have like an itinerary planned out or something like that. And as much as because of my terrible Denmark trip back in the day that Stasi Katie and Rachel said I was horrible at, they weren't wrong. And then all of a sudden I got this reputation of being like a really bad traveler. And I think I'm one of the best travelers

because I just kind of like whatever, go with the flow. What do you think? I gotta just screw it with you a little bit. You don't think I'm a good traveler? No, because every time right before traveling, you always have your freak out. I can't do this, I can't be gone this long. I don't even know what to pack.

I, da da da da, you got all these reasons. Well, for vacations, it's different. When I'm leaving for like a week or more or unsure in which states are we gonna be in, I think I'm a great traveler. I'm a good gonna be in. I think I'm a great traveler. I'm a good road trip partner. Yeah. I'm a great airplane partner.

And I think the whole Christmas in holiday deal shouldn't be labeled as a vacation, especially after this year. Usually it is kind of refreshing and like, re grounding for me, but this year was a lot less. It was kind of chaotic. For those who don't know, I stabbed myself in the leg. Oh yeah, we're gonna back up from Christmas present. So I'm sorry, you stabbed yourself in the leg.

I did. Like the day before I was coming to see you. Yup. Yeah, so sum that up quickly. As everyone knows, I like to hunt. And in Indiana, I have the most means to my dad own some property and everything. I was successful.

And in the latter steps of being successful, my life slipped without getting too graphic. And you know, what about two inches into my left quad? Yeah. Fucking terrifying. When you sent me that text, like, because Zach was over, I'm at home in LA. I'm like packing, Zach and I are doing TikToks, and we're hanging out.

I wasn't looking at my phone, trying not to be on my phone so much. And then I get this horrific text from Luke. So I call him, he's like, my dad's gonna stitch it up. I was freaking out. I thought I was gonna die for him in it. Well, to be fair, so the angle that went in, a different angle could have hit my federal artery, but it wasn't close with the angle it went in. But initially, yeah, it was like total freak out.

Like did I just really just do that? It didn't hurt. It was like, it slipped and I like, I couldn't feel anything in my leg. Then I felt to get kind of hot when I, like put my hand down there. Then I felt to getting wet, running down my leg. I'm like, oh fuck.

Just blood. So I started heading back. Well, no, so then you took your belt off? No, that was after I had, so I start hobbling, putting pressure on my leg with my left hand toward back home, call my dad, tell him what happened. And then I started getting lightheaded, so I laid down, pulled my belt off and pulled a tourniquet above the cut wound. It's only in my mind, obviously, goes to worst-case scenario,

like talk about dumb ways to die. Dumb ways to die. And besides, I wasn't going to die right there. So you're like, I'm not going to die this way. Not here, not now. Yeah. I turnip kit my leg, and when we released the turnip kit, it kind of was done bleeding. Gushing blood. Yeah. I need you. I need you to be alive. I'm glad it wasn't your penis.

I'm glad it wasn't your artery for the love of Christ. It's better now. It was basically like a gaping hole is what it turned into. It didn't look as bad as it is. That's the weird part because it was so deep, but you can't tell that once it starts to heal. But like two inches is like really fucking far, and you don't have body fat.

It was a really sharp knife. I mean, just a flesh wound, you know? Just a flesh wound, guys, he's a tough guy over here. I didn't slow me down. I got it wrapped up and the worst part was my dad until he's a doctor and he had to clean it. So. And the worst part was my dad, and so he's a doctor, and he had to clean it. So he took a Q-tip.

Wait, I'm going, what does it, what do you say? Alert, alert people that have weak stomachs. Yeah, you might cringe from this one. So he took a Q-tip with peroxide on it, and you know, had to clean out the depth of the puncture. So that hurt like a mother's butt. He shoved a freaking peroxide soaked q-tip into the gaping hole, y'all.

Yeah, that hurt, but since then it's been fine. Yeah, I was gonna say the worst part was I thought I would have to drive back to Colorado instead of you. It was my left leg. Thank God. If it was your driving, like, I mean, in the moment, anyway, it just, that was our trip. That was part of the trip. That was the first part of it.

And beyond that, I guess in my hurriedness between places made some poor decisions, invited some people places without getting a prior permission and overstepped my welcome in some ways and Certainly with family. Yeah. Yeah, certainly look back on it as a place to learn and grow from and Yeah, just we've learned like setting boundaries with friends Yeah, it can be tough It can be really tough when you and I feel like I Fall into that same category at times Luke, like just trying to be a good friend and trying to lend whatever help, friendship,

time, resources that you can to a friend in need, but then having that friend just kind of not be aware and overstep boundaries and you getting the shit under the stick for it. Right. Which is basically what happened. Ultimately, after a few whiskies, my awareness of some clear signs and hindsight that I shouldn't have done what I did, yeah, it ended up kind of blown up in my face. But long story short, it's kind of a Christmas to forget, so. Yeah, but I'm with you, and that makes me happy. And we have a tree up in my apartment, not made me happy, and you wanted to put presents under the tree because you said it's not a tree without presents.

Yeah, that's wrong. So back to the presents then. So we're gonna go to Hawaii because honestly we have we been like an actual vacation together. We did go to Mexico for sheeners wedding but that was for a wedding for a purpose. They were filming. We kind of, we did do some fun things. But this is like our first, I think, like planned vacation, right? That's all I can think of. Yeah. When we've had little... We travel a lot together. We've had little one night getaways within a couple hours, essentially, of the apartment. But so first, yeah, vacation together. So... I'm really excited because I think we need it because we've worked so hard

I think in 2023 to build something that we some things that we can't talk about yet guys, but in a few weeks Well, but I feel like things are going to flourish in 2024 have to look that you know, you have to I feel like I have to feel that way Every year I try to feel that way because we've gone everyone in the world has gone through shit since 2020 obviously, but I'm excited to kind of start our year with like some relaxation and adventure. Yeah, I can't wait. It's also kind of, it's going to February so we'd ride around your birthday as well. It'll be great. I cannot wait for that. And so let's get to my gift to you. He got me a gun. This Kristen loves shooting guns when we're out here at the ranch.

I love shooting like bottles and cans and things, plates, whatever I can break because it's just like a fun hobby. And I want to disclose that because when I posted the video of me shooting the gun and said, Luke bought me this gun, I had a lot of people DM me being like, well wait, you're not going to shoot. And then I posted photos of deer, sorry. And they're like, you're not going to shoot the deer, right? No, guys, I'm a vegetarian. I don't hunt. I don't want to shoot anything living ever.

If I could shoot like a fly, I would do that. But I'm not that good with a gun yet. But it's just like really fun for me. And it's something that Luke is passionate about. And so it's like something fun for us to do together. Yeah, I love it. And if you all saw Kristen's face when she first, when she unwrapped the present

because she didn't see it coming, it's something we had talked about a long time ago. And I really thought I was gonna nail it, but I got a little nervous. I'm like, this is kind of an off hand present. But the way she lit up, obviously totally worth it. And then when we were shooting,

you couldn't wipe the grid off her face. Oh my God, it's actually like a stress reliever too. Yeah, I mean, also exciting to, you get like high from it. Yeah. Oh, I got the plate, like I did it, like I aimed correctly, I'm learning how to use it. And I said Rachel and I both living out of the ranch,

like I said, if I'm ever gonna do this again and like keep shooting guns, I would like to have one that I can become comfortable with and not just you guys have so many out here. You're like fun little gun collectors. And for me, it's so confusing. I don't understand. And I want to be like safe, comfortable, really learn how to do it. So when it's in my hand, I got it, you know?

Yeah. I'm with you. And that's I wanted that too. I want you to be more comfortable and no more and get excited about Colorado part of it. Yeah. So you come out here knowing you get to shoot your gun a whole bunch. But can I say something? Well, yeah, that's the point.

Okay, so when you told me, so you'd got me some other presence that I really loved under the tree and I said, we're not spending much money blah, blah, blah. I haven't told you this yet, but you said, I got you one more, there's one more thing I wanna give you. It's really special, but I'm gonna give it to an Indiana. I don't think it was a gun. Yeah. I could see that.

Oh wait, were you? Do you know what I thought it was? Do you think I was gonna propose it? I totally did. I did, and I was like, oh, this is fucking crazy. Oh my God, I told like, Janine, that's what I thought. And she goes, in Indiana though, like Rose Family is, she's like, I don't think that's very Luke.

Like, I don't think he would do it that way. And I was like, oh, that's a really good point. Like, he wouldn't just do that. I'm a little more romantic about that. I feel weird, like, even saying this to you right now, but it was the way you worded it. You didn't say I have a present. You said I'm going to give you something else special, but I'm going to give it to you in him and I was like, Oh my God. Oh my fucking God. Oh my fucking God.

Well, you definitely hid the let down if there was a let down and opening that breath. I was really excited. I truly didn't know what it was. I couldn't think of anything else. Yeah. I was very shocked. Okay. And very excited. Because I did really ask for that. And it wouldn't be, it would be something I would never know

how to get for myself, you know. Right. Yeah. Sorry. Okay, awkward. Can we take a moment of awkward silence? Awkward silence. I had to, I was like, if I'm going to do this,

it's going to be on the podcast, or I'm just never going to tell you that that was something. I was kind of never going to tell you. Anyway. I feel like it's a cop out for a holiday, though. No, I agree. And I don't think you would do it in Indiana with your family around. Yeah.

I don't know. Yeah, you know, a couple more years. Fuck off. Okay. Crossing off your holiday to do list, get every plate and take back your time with fewer trips to the grocery store and meals ready in six simple steps.

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this is a good segue. I was talking to a girlfriend who's single and she and I were kind of dishing about like expectations, not just about gifts, but just expectations in general around the holiday season. For New Year's Eve, like New Year's day, for Christmas, like because she's, you know, just casually dating right now or like dating someone. So it's like when you first start dating, verse being in a committed relationship. Right.

And I thought that was really interesting because it's not something I think about now, but when I had to sort of reflect on it and remembering like, when I first, or even you and I, like, we first started dating, but I felt like I had known you for 10 years last year. So I think you and I were just so comfortable and it felt so right, I didn't feel any weird expectations.

But in the past, I've definitely been like, do I have to be with their family, even though we just started dating like this is kind of weird or like, do I get them a present? What if they don't get me anything? Or what if they get me something and I was like, that's kind of weird, I shouldn't get them something. And there's all these wild expectations or there can be.

I think that that whole issue is something, everyone's got to have nerves going into it because every family is different. You don't know what to expect. You haven't set the standard for the normal yet. That's a really good point. So once you get that standard set, obviously there's some anxiety, relief going into the next holiday.

But with us, you know, the holidays are changing every year. So yeah, I mean. What do you think about it? What are your experiences or what is your experience in like, casually dating someone or like maybe not being in a super committed relationship around this time of year? Oh, you definitely don't involve family. If you're not in a committed relationship, you do not bring the family into that equation. Like asking them to join Christmas, if you guys haven't, you know, made the jumper that had the conversation that you're going to be a thing. I guess then we go back to last week's episode

where you're bad, you know, you're horror story. Right, exactly. But all you were gonna break up with, yeah. Don't do that. Is what my advice is, do not do that. I think. But even like New Year's Eve, if you're casually dating, do you expect that you're gonna to spend time with that person?

Or, I guess, how do you, how does someone bring something like that up? I mean, for me, I'm so straightforward. I feel like, in the past, in what I would do, if it were me now, I would just say, like, if I really wanted to spend years with that person, I would say so. Exactly. You have to have the conversation. And also set myself up for the, you know, for possible, like, as disappointment, if they were to say, Oh, I already have these plans set and don't invite me along for that. Can't really, you can feel however you want, but I would, my advice is to not

get so but hurt if you're not included when someone already had plans set up. That and if you're not a committed relationship, you should still be in this discovery phase, right? You're still figuring out the other person. So that right there should be a clear sign if, especially if you know New Year's is somewhat significant to them, and they made plans to not include you, that's a big sign, if you ask me. I mean, either one that they're just

totally not ready for that level of commitment, it may mean more to them for them to include you in it, that they're like, okay, this is taking a step, and I'm not ready for that level of commitment and they mean more to them for them to include you in it that they're like, okay, this is taking a step and I'm not ready for a step. Or you could just be that they don't want, maybe they're dating multiple people. If you're not in a committed relationship they could have be dating multiple people. Totally. Yeah, I think, yeah, my advice, my opinion, in the way that I operate and maybe it's because of my age and all of my experience. What I feel like honesty is just the best way to go about it and just saying, like, if you do want to spend New Year's with this person you're dating, it's just like a very

simple question of like, do you have plans for New Year's? What are you thinking you're going to do? And if they say they have all these plans, but you really want to be with them, it's a simple like, do you want to try to meet up? Right. And let in, you know, or I'd like to meet up, it meet up, it doesn't work out for you, but just be prepared. Be prepared. I think be more prepared than that as in go into the conversation with an idea.

If you haven't committed to a plan, have an option you can bring to the table. Because I think it's more difficult. I'm thinking about doing this with my friends. What are you doing? Do you want to try to meet up or not? I got invited to this event. I'm said if I'm going or not, but if I did go, I'd love you to be with me.

That sort of thing versus like, I got no plans for New Year's this year. You have plans? Nope, I don't have any plans. All right, you want to try and do something together? Yeah, I guess, you know, that doesn't really. I don't know. To me, you should have something to bring the table

or have thought about it to some degree beyond what I want to be with this person on this day. And what I have to bring to the table is do you want to stay home and do nothing? That's also a plan though babe. If you're like, if you're like, I would love to spend New Year's with you, but I'd not really have bar scene or party kind of person, I think it'd be awesome to drink eggnog or if you like eggnog or whatever. Champagne at midnight, or watch movies, or play games, or whatever. Right, and maybe just bust out the toy box for the bedroom and have some fun.

Okay, yeah, not mad at that either. Great way to bring in the new year. That's for sure. Yeah, I think it's just a really interesting concept because I said this last week on the podcast, but I think New Year's is one of my least favorite, quote unquote holidays because of the expectations that can come along with it, the money spending,

the dressing up, it's just not for everyone all the time. Right. Wait, Chris and I. But people love it. Chris and I had a funny discussion today about clothes. Yeah. She looked at herself. She's like, I'm turning into you, wearing comfy clothes, like socks and slip-ons,

no makeup. Oh yeah, I had socks with like, Berkson. I said, I pretty much have three different types of outfits. I've got comfy clothes, work clothes, and dressed up clothes. Right. And by work clothes, you mean like, ranch clothes. Ranch clothes, which is still like, I mean, it's only time I wear cargo pants. Thank God. Well, you know, when I've got, I mean, it's only time I wear cargo pants. Thank God. Well, you know, when I've got to have nails on one side, screws in another and bits and,

you know, I'm like doing that. That's what cargoes are for ladies and gentlemen. They are for work, they are not for fashion. Yeah, they're utility pants. I'm saying it now, it is not fashionable. Neither are skater pants from the fucking 90s unless you yourself had no eyebrows Were dumb blue lipstick and really lived in the 90s suffering skater pants urban outfiters calm down So would you do it?

Would you ever do a red carpet with me and I show up in cargos? Would you be like nope? I'm not being seen with you in those. I just don't think you would do that. I mean No, don't raise your eyebrows at me like you want to bet You wouldn't you dress up and you look so handsome. Oh, thank you. And you, you do. You look so handsome and you have etiquette and you know if there's a dress code, there's a dress code. What if I get like Gucci cargos? Cuts your head. No, absolutely not. I'm not wanting to spend money, especially in ugly shit. That's fair. Yeah, that's fair. So I have a question for you Luke.

We've also talked about this with friends, but not on the podcast and not with each other truly. But like, do you have like a resolution going coming into this year? We touched on this last week. And I said I like having sort of a resolution daily. But the more I've been thinking about it, I kind of do have all of these thoughts of like,

okay, you know what, new year, new me. I'm like going to be do she like that and say like, it's not like I want to be a new me, but it's, I'm thinking of the things that I wasn't necessarily happy with myself about for next year, as far as like sleep health and things like that. My depression, my anxiety, things that I want to get a hold of, so I'm just a happier person. Because for me, guys, I am depressed. I take anti-depressants at times.

The miscarriage definitely brought on a lot of feelings, but I'm very aware of these things. So not that I can't start them today, but the days between Christmas and New Year's, it's just like, do nothing. Do nothing but drive across country. Yeah, but for the new year, I really do want to start making sure I'm like taking more walks outside and like going to the gym even when I don't want to. And things that are very, very fucking difficult for me to do as much as I think about them and I want to do them. It's not hard to work out. It is hard for me to leave the house, leave the apartment, like open that door and go downstairs to the gym

because it's like anxiety, depression, they fight each other. But that is something that I really want to make crucial for not only 2024, but for the rest of my life because it will be important when we get pregnant again and just getting older, right? So I guess I kind of do have a resolution. I just don't call it that. What about you? I do, and I really think it's... But do you like to keep it like on a rap's like personal or do you want to talk about it?

I'll talk about it. I mean, there are some habits that have fallen off this past year. So unrelated to the podcast, I think that this is something where we aren't really fulfilling our ability and what we have here to bring you guys or everybody the content that's desired. And we need video. We need to add video.

We need to get things out more timely. Everyone knows that that listens to this regularly. We need to release on a certain date. We need to take on our second project that we know we can finish out. I mean, really the van or pump from the, yeah, VPR from the start was an undertaking and idea. It was something that we knew people would like. But at this point, and looking back on 2023 is something that is not necessarily sustainable for us because it is, it's kind of not worth the term oil.

Right. Hasn't caused a problem. It's really mentally challenging. Yeah, hasn't caused a problem in our relationship. No. But it's something I don't really want to live through and neither does Chris did it. It's like, at what point is this sacrifice not worth it? You know, sacrifice or happiness or having anxiety.

There have been, yeah, some episodes that I truly don't enjoy, even though I don't see her as the same person, but as anyone knows, with a significant other, hearing about past sexual experiences in any detail is not something you really want to hear. Totally. So that's, you know, a big part of the show. So moving forward, we will take a better look at that to bring you guys something better and sustainable. Yeah, and we're definitely bringing video. And we're definitely bringing video.

I think we were a little unsure and now we're a lot more confident in all of that. But most of the podcasts that I really love always have video as an additive to it. Right, and it just ways to highlight, our some really good clips and funny things that happen. And I do have glowing personalities. Yeah.

Yeah. Highlight our glowing personalities. Yeah. In my bright blue eyes. Yes. Okay. I love that, babe. That's great.

With reflecting on this past year, there are some things. Obviously, we went through everyone's nose. And there was some overlap in this article that Chris and I read about the top 10 most Googled sex questions of 2023. So we want to bring that article to your attention. We're going to go through these questions and let you know whether or not we participated in those questions. Yeah, which ones we've Googled.

And you guys at home, like, have you Googled these and like kind of see how many out of the 10? like have you Google these and like kind of see how many out of the 10. So the first question is what is speed bump sex position? And this is a nod to love island which I don't watch I'm not super familiar with. And I immediately went with the hell's speed bump position. So I asked Luke and he knew immediately what it was. So Luke, what is speed bump position? Because you were exactly right. I knew I called it something else, but...

You called it like, you said it's kind of like doggie style, but like lazy doggie style. Lazy doggie style, I think is what I called it, but I had a different name for it years past. Basically, the woman or receiver. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of at the edge of like a bed or whatever, with their face down kind of just laying. With a pillow under the hips to raise your butt up,

so you're kind of laying down face down. It's like an inverted or like a lazy doggy style. The butt's the speed bump. And yeah, going out from behind. I could see why it was so Googled because it was just referred to as speed bump sex position. Even though you knew, I had no idea. So that's just what they coined it as. I have not Google that, but I did not know the answer.

I've never Google that on. Right. Can you have sex when pregnant is the next question? So I did not Google that because I knew you could. Right. But you did ask R.O.B. I did ask because I wanted him to say it out loud. Yeah, in front of me. I also did not Google it, but I did Google things sort of around it. Like, I don't know. I knew it couldn't like hurt the baby, hurt the cells, hurt the whatever.

I was more like, is it always safe? Or I mean, just to be a little graphic, but like, you know, about bleeding afterward or something of that nature, because it can obviously happen because you're so sensitive within like your service walls. So I too did not Google it, but I googled things sort of around it. So I guess I'll just say I did. Right. In a way. I did Google. Is it common to bleed after sex while pregnant? I googled that one. Yeah. Okay. Next one. What is sex positivity was googled?

What is sex positivity? I haveled. What is sex positivity? I have not Googled that. I have not either. Next is, why do I bleed after having sex? So in a way, we both Googled that only in relation to pregnancy. I mean, I didn't bleed. Why do I? I didn't bleed after sex.

That is true. Blood after stabbing myself in the leg. But that would be a long way to sell. That would be a long way to sell. This one we loved. How many dates should you go on before having sex? Oh, man, this one is like, who is asking Google for moral direction is how I feel about that?

It's like, but it's probably, I'm going to guess that it's women because there is this sort of slut shaming that has happened in past years that was sort of trending where it's like, well, you shouldn't. And then at times it was like, girl, do you? Be you, you want to sex on the first date, do it. But I think a lot of women,

even with all this positivity and being a woman and being a strong woman, still wonder, is he gonna think, I'm a hoe, or is he gonna think this about me, or is he not gonna wanna date me if I have is he not going to want to date me if I have sex on the first day? How many dates should I go on before I give it up? Not in relation to how the woman is actually feeling, but what he thinks. So my personal, I definitely something I've not Googled because my personal opinion is do whatever you feel like doing because if it's your person,

then they're not going to leave you just because that happened. But it is possible that someone's going to reciprocate and want to sleep with you on the first date and also not be a relationship material. And you have to be prepared to not be emotional or control your emotions or deal with the emotions after the fact. If you are intimate with someone that isn't your partner, and that might not work out. So there's definitely trial and error in this aspect of life, right?

You learn what you can handle, and you learn how people react to it. Now everybody's not the same. It's 100% situation to situation. And I think the strongest thing you can do is have your own moral guidance. And it just, I don't know, that's to me. That's a little bit disappointing

that that's one of the top Google items, just that you people are asking Google what the right way to do it is. And instead of trusting yourself and doing whatever you feel on your own moral compass. Right. Or like, you know, if you're doing what you feel and it's not working every time, change it up. And there's also different goals. Sometimes you want to get laid. Men and women alike, you allow, you want to date, guess what? You're wanting to get laid or you're not. Sometimes when you're really feeling it,

I guess is when you get confused is like, oh, I could see this person as my partner on a first date. Do I want to give it up or not? Because of that, I could see that complication coming up. But don't ask Google, Google, no, come on. Don't ask Google, Google, no, come on, don't ask Google. Search within, guys. Search within, exactly.

Do what you feel is best for what outcome you want. If you want to fuck buddy or a friend with benefits, then probably a great time to get after. You're both feeling it, do it. If it's someone you want to really have a long-term relationship, you see this and you really feel inside that you may come off the wrong way by sleeping with them on the first date, then maybe don't. Okay, well let me ask you this. As a dude, if someone, what we slept together on our first

time hanging out, but like in general, if you ask a girl out on a date, right, you don't know her very well, you're just getting to know each other and you go out on a date, right? You don't know her very well. You're just getting to know each other and you go out on a date, first date, second date. And it's everything's going well, chemistry is there. And you do sleep together. Does that have any bearing as to whether or not you would continue dating her?

So for a guy or for my perspective, there is this afterthought when it does happen on the first date of, does she do this with everyone? And she's been on other dates this week, is like, that is definitely something that goes through your mind, and it's a matter of if you can get over that hump.

Well, don't you think women would think the exact same thing? Sure, I'm not saying that differently. You asked me if, well... No, 100%. I'm not, I'm not, knocking you for saying that, I think it's a really great point. Because I've never considered that a man would think that, but as a woman, I've it's a really great point, because I've never considered that a man would

think that, but as a woman, I've thought about it after the fact and thought, oh God, does he just do this with everybody? And I'm hoping now, I'm going to be the solely, if it all goes well, and the sex is good, and the chemistry is still there, and it's not super awkward after, right? If it ends well, I, at time, most of the time would think, well, that went great. Now we can sort of just be doing this with each other. Instead of, oh, what if he's going on another date tomorrow or the day after and he's going to sleep with someone else, that would like not sit well with me, which is insane, really, because we're not a couple, you know. Right. And that's where I think if you're

going to create, yeah, my point is, if it's going to create this inner turmoil, this inner anxiety, and I also think that us men are much more, are easier to get into bed than women generally. Like, we're pretty simple. It's like what drives men not 100% across the board. Obviously, there's allies, but the majority of us

are largely sex driven and like visual and like touch and these things that that's what we desire for sure. And it's only like post-com, was it post-com clarity that you start seeing some different things. So I mean, that's a toss up. Take it for what you will. Okay. Take it for what you will.

It's all, you know, individuals. If you're a high anxiety person and that that's all you're gonna think about, when you met someone, the day you met someone, you're sleeping together, and now you really end to them, and you're worried about their... Yeah, so consider that for yourself. Consider that.

That's a good point. Okay, next question is, how many calories do you burn during sex? I could see why this is Googled a lot. I have not, but now I'm curious, and I want to Google it. But it's also, you know, I think you can burn a lot if you put the work in. Exactly.

You need some stamina and control to make it, to burn some serious calories, which I don't know the statistics, but I'd say half or throughout around half probably don't have the control to make it long enough to have any kind of significant calorie burn. Some people might get their cardio from sex. Get your cardio guys. Next question. I mean, if I'm not sweating, I didn't put in the work. Yeah, fair.

You sweat. Good job, babe. Next question. How long after a miscarriage can you have sex? 1 million percent, I've Googled this multiple times. I Googled that as well. So my guess is most people going through that are almost and probably anyone who's gone through it has Googled that and what blows my mind

Is that this is one of the top 10 most Googled sex questions? That tells me I mean, I'd like to see past years, but it sounds like I mean, there's potential that mischaracters are on the rise for whatever reason I don't know. Yeah, I don't know I'd like to see more data on that because that is another thing. That's a little bit concerning to me That's why everybody's asking that. Yeah. Next question. What is anal sex?

What is anal sex? This concerns me because I wonder what age is Googling this. That's true. What 11 year old tap phones now? Maybe younger. Yeah. I just think, I think if you are not old enough to know what that is, you shouldn't be having sex.

If you're not aware of the anatomy of your own body and the person you're sleeping with, that's body that concerns me a little bit. Let's see, I think maybe this is a question for Emily, sex and then as far as the different types of anal sex, because there's obviously different ways to have anal stimulation without being full on anal intercourse. So maybe that's where the discrepancy is in that Google. That's a good point. Yes, like with toys, with mouth, with finger. Yeah, what qualifies as anal sex? A very good point. Next question, why do I have

no sex drive female? And I thought this was really interesting. And I've Googled something similar. I've Googled things about my libido. And obviously, Luke and I've been, we've talked about this on the podcast because there have been times where my libido has been lower. So I thought that was really interesting that it was specific to female in the top 10 questions. And the last question is my favorite.

How do fish have sex? I didn't know how fish have sex. I totally 10 questions. And the last question is my favorite. How do fish have sex? I didn't know how fish have sex. I totally didn't. I've also never even thought about it. I've never wondered. I know that fish lay eggs. Never thought about how I never wanted to see it. Never crossed my mind to be honest.

If anyone's curious. Luke, tell them how fish have sex. Almost all fish do not have sex. One lays eggs and the other one sprays sperm all over it. So rivers where it's the same in our spawning, it's just a hodgepodge of eggs and sperm swirling around on the river and that's how they get fertilized. So you can literally be swimming in like a river or a lake

and you're swimming in like fish sperm? Yes, there's always fish sperm and fish pee. And any body of water that has fish in it. That's pretty gross to think about. Just a matter of the concentration, you know, it's like, I mean, we pee in the ocean, right? Doesn't everyone? Yeah, that's true.

If you're at the beach, you go into the water to pee. I absolutely do. No matter how cold it is, I'm not walking all the way back to the restroom in like Venice or Santa Monica. It's like a fucking football field. Exactly. I'm gonna jump in the ocean, P-roll fast, call it a day.

Okay, wait, so, so they're definitely not, fish are not monogamous in any way. No. So now we have a new segment we'd like to introduce because of all of the emails and the DMs that we do get from you guys, like asking us for advice or telling us about things that you've been through and we're like, you know what, we've said it before, we're not doctors, we're not therapists, you know, we're not sexologists,

but we're here to give you unprofessional relationship advice. So welcome to our new segment, unprofessional relationship advice, because as someone who's been through it all and even wrote a book on my own relationships, Luke and I are here to give you good and maybe mediocre advice for your relationship was I love it. I'm excited for this and I think you know, you can take it or leave it But if you're asking for our advice we're gonna give it to you so send us more emails and letters if you have very please be specific about the situation You can ask for it to be anonymous or not, but this is the new segment. Unprofessional relationship advice is our working title as of now, but here we go.

Okay, so this is an email that Luke and I received. Hey, Kristen and Luke, I'm just curious. You guys have been together for over a year now. Do you ever sleep in separate beds? Does that reduce intimacy? Do you ever feel like you're missing out in your morning cuddle, or it could make the likelihood

of getting pregnant more difficult? My husband and I sometimes sleep in different beds when our dog takes up too much space. Do you think that's healthy to have a dog sleep in your bed? We both love it, but then we don't always sleep together. His snoring is a real issue. We are trying to get pregnant also so I feel like your advice could help.

So there's a lot to unpack. It's a lot of questions, but I do feel somewhat confident in giving my two cents and yours. And I've also noticed that this term sleep divorce has been trending lately, and my friend Gabby Conti is a great writer and she just wrote an article recently and also like there's certain celebrity couples that I've been reading about such as, and this is all allegedly, Victoria and David Beck, supposedly sleep in separate beds on some nights, with designated his and her wings, and that it's because of their different lifestyles, have created some friction.

So it's letting them both sleep properly, go on with Paltrow and Brad Feltchuk, I hope I said his name right, she has actually gone on record, saying that she and Brad in their early, like early on in their relationship have slept in separate beds with the advice of an intimacy coach in order to keep things fresh. So I thought that was really interesting. And then allegedly Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker that they have gone to like extreme lengths

where they live in a joining townhouses with quarters for him and her. And that's because of, they're, they're compromised on their lifestyles because she's supposedly very, very neat and he's unkept. So I just thought that was super interesting because all of those couples are still married. So Luke, let's go back to the question. The first part of it, do we ever sleep in separate beds? No.

Uh, there have been a couple. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't sleep in separate beds? No. There have been a couple. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't sleep in separate beds, but there are times one of us falls asleep on the couch and won't get up, so someone sleeps in the bed. Right, but we don't purposefully sleep in separate beds. Correct. So the dog situation, which is next. Well, our opinion, do we think that it could reduce intimacy or that we'd be missing

out on the morning cuddle or make the likelihood of getting pregnant more difficult. I'm just speaking for myself, y'all, again, I'm professional relationship advice. I do not fucking get the idea of not sleeping in bed with your partner. I am fact with my own therapist, I guess we've decided don't go to bed angry. Do not, and neither of you go to sleep without resolving a fight or an argument. I guess we didn't say go sleep in the same bed. But for me, it's just like that's what we do. Like we go to bed in the same bed, no matter what.

And then we wake up the same way. I don't know if that's because you and I don't always get to sleep in the same city or time zone. But for me, I've never slept not in the same bed with a partner unless we were in a huge fight. And those relationships did not last. So what do you think in general about that? In general for the intimacy side of things, I get what you were saying about Matthew Broderick and... And Sir Jessica Parker.

I think when you both have very... You know, you really love your time together, but you have very different lives, different schedules, you know, sleep schedules and everything. It can become more taxing and hurt your intimacy to try to force it to sleep together every night, whereas it's more of a special thing when you do. I can understand that. That's a different aspect than sleeping separately because of an annoyance or a fight. I think snoring is legitimate.

I have some happily married friends think snoring is legitimate. I have some friends, happily married friends, that snore so loud. I mean, been on vacation with them before and you can hear them two rooms over. And it's like, I can't, there's no way I could sleep in the same room as that person. So if you're married to them, I mean, like, yeah, maybe you do get your cuddles and once they fall asleep

and the roaring starts, you move over to the next room. So you can actually sleep. You don't want to sacrifice your sleep for this like shred of intimacy that you're in the same bed, I think. That's a great point, something I didn't think of. For me, it's just more like, it's such an intimate thing to go to bed together

and kind of end your day that way in such like a beautiful way, but I am on board with what you're saying. I'm lucky that you do snore sometimes at time. I know that you've told me I do too, especially during like allergy season, but it's never been enough to like bother me. It's not bad. Neither of us nor really loud to where people are hearing you through the walls. Yeah. But you're making really good points. I mean, do you ever feel like you're missing out on morning cuddles or make the likelihood

of getting pregnant more difficult? The getting pregnant thing, I don't, because I don't think it's like, okay, we're really tired of time to go to sleep. Oh, let's have sex. That's you. Okay. But I don't, I also agree that I don't think it's related.

If you're in a happy relationship, one to get pregnant and you're not sleeping in separate beds because you don't like each other, that's why you're sleeping in separate beds. You probably shouldn't be continuing to try to get pregnant. Right. But if it's, you know, a dog in the bed, I...

How do you feel about dogs in the bed? Do you wanna, you wanna just jump to that? So, yeah. So it's, do you think it's healthy to have a dog sleeping in your bed? I am all for dogs in the bed. I'm not sacrificing. Not for having sex, but when we're sleeping, my dogs have to sleep in my bed. Well, I'm not not having sex, but when we're

sleeping, my dogs have to sleep in my bed. Well, I'm not sacrificing my sleep for any dog. I'm sorry, I love my dogs, but my sleep is not going to suffer for a dog. So if a dog's taken up space, I'm not able to move around. I move from a king bed to a half of the twin because of where

the dogs are. Absolutely not. Dog out of the bed. And your dog, art, Jill, our German Shepherd, your German Shepherd, she does not sleep in the bed. And your dog, our Joe, our German Shepherd, your German Shepherd, she does not sleep in the bed. She's massive and very hairy. If you told me when we started dating, Joe sleeps in the bed, I would be more than happy. I do think that that interferes though with intimacy and... Right. I mean, having the dog in the way or just like the constant, just pet ownership in general kind of can interrupt that.

Babe, we've had issues where I feel like we have an awesome date night and we're like feeling each other making out. And then get back, okay, gotta take the dogs on a walk, gotta do this, gotta do this dog stuff. And it just kinda like fizzles out that night and then get tired and it's like not tonight and it's like, okay, so the dogs majorly cock blocked me. Okay, I see your point of view, however,

my rebuttal to that is then, for us, okay, we're saying that that for Luke, that can be an issue at times. I need to, we need to make sure that we're sort of preparing for that like ahead of time. Because at the end of the day, I love dogs. I don't care how stressful I know you do,

and I don't care how stressful my dogs can make my life because of all their special needs, but I completely get where you're coming from. So it's kind of like how do I prepare for that ahead of time now. So it doesn't continue to be an issue. Do you think that it's healthy to have a dog sleeping or bad? I think that it is up to the couple. I think it's a conversation that the two of you need to have because I am all for it, but I did my dogs have always slept in my bed prior to have because I am all for it, but I did my dogs have always slept in my bed prior to Luke, right? So if it were something that you said, this is an absolute hard-known for me.

Most like some of the time, then I would have to start kind of training it to be that way. Well, your dogs are small enough. Right. I just think it's ideal even though they prefer to cuddle between my legs at distance most nights. They do love you. But in this situation, if a dog is creating that gap, you may have to look at yourself and say,

do I want my dog and my bed or do I want my husband and my bed more? Which one do I want more? If that's the reason he's sleeping in another room, then you make a choice. You make a choice. Which one's more important to you. It might be the dog.

I mean, that's something to look at yourself as in like, is that bringing you more joy, more, you know, long-term happiness by waking up with your dog next to you over your husband? And that may still be the case with people that their husband or wife or significant other gets out of bed first and they're all working before you ever get out of bed. You probably would rather wake up with the dog there than no one there than nothing, right? So there's, I don't know's a lot of different moving parts. Yeah, but then the last thing was, you know, we are trying to get pregnant also, so I feel like your advice could help. So again, I think with the,

personally, with a pregnancy situation, whether or not you and your husband, you and your partner choose to sleep divorce, as it's being called. I don't think that getting pregnant or having a family, in my opinion, really has anything to do with where you like to sleep. As long as you have a solid, healthy relationship and healthy intimacy in your relationship, if sleep should be very important to you,

it's a huge part of all of our health. And so, yeah, I don't know, maybe I'm changing my mind. That's why we're saying this could be mediocre advice, guys. But through this conversation, I've sort of shifted my point of view. So I think our advice is definitely communicate with your husband, to this person who will be anonymous, but definitely communicate with your husband

the same things you're asking us. But our advice is we don't necessarily think that it reduces intimacy as long as you focus on intimacy in your relationship. And that getting pregnant is something that's very important to both of you, but also having a healthy sex life outside of getting pregnant. Or outside of the bed, which is also really fun. And you can have a great sex life and not sleep in the same bed. I think that's on a present possible.

And two, who is it that likes to sleep in separate rooms? And is it a healthy? If one person really likes to sleep in a separate room, but the other person doesn't, that's also something you need to communicate about. I agree. But if you both prefer that, then you know, you're on the right track because you guys agree.

So who cares what anyone else thinks, right? Right. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. So you guys can give us a feedback on how we did, but that's our first run at unprofessional relationship advice. Yeah. And we'll go back through all of the old emails we have from you guys.

Like there's so many people asking us for advice, but definitely please send us some more. And if we get an abundance of that, we can try to knock out two in one episode. Perfect. But happy New Year to everyone. Happy Good Reddens to 2023. And yeah, health happiness, lots of sex, lots of love, coming up for everybody in the New Year for sure.

2024 is our year. Hell yeah, I like it. OK, well, we love you guys so much. And we will talk to you next week. Thanks for listening everyone. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Doating and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke Double Under Score Broadred. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes every single Wednesday.

Thanks for listening. See you next week.