Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Babies, Boobs & Besties for 21 Years: A Kristen + Kelly AMA

Episode Date: November 30, 2025

⚠️ Trigger Warning: discussion of pregnancy loss Episode 172. This week, Kristen is joined by one of her ride-or-dies of 21 years, the fabulous Kelly Bores—visiting from Charleston, SC—for an... episode packed with nostalgia, motherhood realness, questionable 2000’s fashion choices, and a dash of Golden Girls energy. Kristen and Kelly dive into Kaia’s very first Christmas, reflect on the magic (and exhaustion) of newborn life, and laugh their way through the evolution of… well, everything: - Their first tattoos (including the return of the tramp stamp??) - Boobs before and after baby - The “Raise Your Glass” VPR special—and a never-before-seen clip of Kristen she legit does not remember filming They get honest about: - How friendships shift after kids - How pregnancy and postpartum surprised them - How their relationship dynamics have changed since giving birth - Body image—especially why it’s important not to speak negatively about yourself around your kids - What Kristen actually moved to LA to pursue (and how old she was!) Plus: 🦃 Thanksgiving at Brittany’s 🍼 Must-haves for the newborn trenches ❓ A juicy Ask Me Anything This one’s cozy, candid, a little chaotic, and full of heart—like any great catch-up between best friends of two decades. Grab a coffee (or a mocktail) and join us! Sponsors: Caraway: Visit Carawayhome.com/DOUTE for 10% off your next purchase. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:40 Donate today at camh.ca.ca. slash giving Tuesday. When you're flying Emirates business class, enjoying a good night's rest in your lie flat seat, you'll see that your vacation isn't really over until your flight is over. Fly Emirates, fly better. Happy holidays. Welcome back to another episode of Balancing Act. It's basically the holidays, guys. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:01:16 Thanksgiving just happened. And Christmas is coming up, the most wonderful time of the year. It's Kai's first Christmas. And I live in California, so it's not cold. So hell to the yeah. back from BravoCon, of course, and I have a very special guest in the podcast today. I want to introduce you to one of my very best friends for, we just realized it's been 21 years, Kelly Boris. Hey, girl.
Starting point is 00:01:42 Hi, Kelly, you need a project, girl. Okay. There we go. There we go. So Kelly and I know each other from Michigan way back in the early odds and now lives in Charleston, South Carolina. Yeah. And is now the only person that I trust coloring and cutting my hair. I still get my extensions done by my good friend Lina.
Starting point is 00:02:04 Shout out to Hair Boss. But Kelly came in town to help me with Kaya when, God, when was the first time you came to help me? I think she was three months. Two months ago, crazy. And literally did my hair and that's where we're at now. So if you live in Charleston, that's your girl. Kelly be hair. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:20 Come see me. Kelly. As soon as people hear that you live in Charleston, the first thing that they're going to want to No, have you met any of the cast of Southern Charm? I've seen a lot of them. I've only talked with Shep. And you ran into Shep? At the dingy on Isle of Palms.
Starting point is 00:02:38 That's a bar. Yeah. Bar restaurant. You just randomly ran out. Yeah, he was just sitting at the bar. And I was like, oh, my God, I have to. Because he's my friend. Right.
Starting point is 00:02:44 So I text you and sent a picture. Yeah. Yeah. Have you been to any of their bars or, like, restaurants? I just had to look them up all the names because I know, like, Austin and Craigone, by the way, bar. Yeah. I haven't been there yet. And then there's Republic and Uptown Social.
Starting point is 00:02:58 And Misu, too. Which one do they film Southern Hospitality yet? Do you know? That is, oh gosh, what's it? Republic. Okay. Yeah. I'm like, have I been there?
Starting point is 00:03:07 You have. I think so. Is it like a club? Mm-hmm. Well, it turned at night. Yeah. Yeah. Restaurant during the day.
Starting point is 00:03:13 I went to somewhere at night for, it was actually, Jack's sister's Bachelorette party. I bet it was uptown social. I just remember it was like a nightclub. Yeah. It was probably uptown. It's changed. a lot. The restaurant turnover in Charleston
Starting point is 00:03:27 is crazy. Is it really? Yeah. So they don't last? No. Then why would all these people open bars? They just change them constantly. Like it'll be the same restaurateur, but they'll change the restaurant or bar. Oh. Mm-hmm. Like it goes out of style real quick. I really like Charleston
Starting point is 00:03:43 but I'm scared of bridges over water, so that really fucked me when I was there. Yep, not for you then. You can't drive a couple blocks without being over a fucking bridge over water. Yeah. Like I would just have panic attacks. To go from where I live to where I work, I think there's like four. Yeah, no, not for me. Not for me. So Kell came in town because Luke, if you are not watching my social media, Luke went to Colorado this week for Thanksgiving. He didn't go for
Starting point is 00:04:06 Thanksgiving. He went to go try to finish up the house there. And for everyone asking why Kaya and I didn't go, that's exactly why, because the house is not done. It just got like more than doubled in size. It's basically, it used to just be like a cabin, a single room, like a big room. Super rustic. Yeah, very rustic. And so now there's a shower and a kitchen and a bath, like a bathroom with, you know, all of the stuff of washer and dryer. So it's just taken a lot of time because Luke lives here predominantly. And I've been pregnant and postpartum. And so he was like, I have to get out there and finish this.
Starting point is 00:04:43 And I just wasn't ready to take Kaya somewhere that wasn't ready for her. Right. I have anxiety enough. Well, travel for you is never easy. Yeah. You like routine. You like to be in control of the situation, know what's coming next. Yes.
Starting point is 00:04:59 Yeah. You're not. And then I love travel. Well, that's what's so interesting about you, though, is that you are seriously the chillest person, like go with the flow in general. But when it comes to that specific thing, it's like beyond your control. And with a baby, it's like times a million. Yes, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:05:14 I feel like if you don't start right away doing it, it gets harder and harder as they get older. I mean, I was traveling with two kids all the time by myself, back and forth. from Michigan to Indiana in a car starting at, I think my oldest is now 16. I think it was two months old the first time I drove by myself. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I know.
Starting point is 00:05:35 We talked about, like, driving with her, but, like, that road trip is 16 hours. Luke can do it in one straight shot. I've done it with him in a straight shot. Normally, we like to stay at a hotel somewhere in Arizona, like, overnight. Yeah. But with Kyah, her age, it's like every two hours we have to get out. Like, it's going to take us four fucking days to get to Colorado. So what's the point?
Starting point is 00:05:57 And then Luke was like, why don't we rent an RV? And I'm like, this is just too much for me right now. Yeah. But we can talk about that. And that would be a really fun plan. Yeah. But also not when it could be snowing and Luke driving an RV and me panicking with dogs and kaya in the back. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:06:11 Well, it's like, it's uphill the roller coaster. It's the not knowing what comes over the crest that you're like, that's the anticipatory anxiety. Yep. That's it. Oh, son of a bitch. Well, that's why you just stay true to yourself and stay in control. Yeah. That's it.
Starting point is 00:06:23 I'll be fun one day again. You're still fun to me. So very last minute because Luke was going to leave next week and then he was like, actually, I think I just got to go. I was like, Kelly, I know this is really last minute, but like in a couple days, do you want to come to L.A.? And luckily it worked out because your family came to South Carolina early for the holidays. Yeah. It was universal intervention, seriously. Like I preemptively took time out of the salon just.
Starting point is 00:06:53 didn't book people, and then I was going to open it back up because they weren't there, and then you called. Universe, we love you. I love you. Well, Mercury's in Retrograde, nonetheless. Oh, wait, it's almost not. I think it's done. Isn't it done?
Starting point is 00:07:05 What's today? Tomorrow is the last day or tomorrow it's over? One of those two. Yeah. Either way, we're fucking out of Mercury and Retrograde. Son of a bitches. Right. Yeah, so that's what happened.
Starting point is 00:07:18 So I went and picked Cal up yesterday, which I feel like it's been, I was like, that was Monday, I feel like I never left. I know. You're like it was yesterday. And. Well, because it's my third time here now. Yeah. Like in the last couple months.
Starting point is 00:07:32 In the last three months. Yeah. It's like once a month. Wait, I wanted to read something to you. So speaking of like Thanksgiving, the Detroit Lions always play on Thanksgiving. They played the Packers yesterday. Yes, I see all of your effing DMs. Go Pat Go.
Starting point is 00:07:46 I'm very upset about it. I'm very sad. And I'm just going to say it. Like if St. Brown wouldn't have gone. gotten hurt, but shout out to Jameson Williams for really picking up the slack, and I'm glad I played him on my fantasy team. So one of my girlfriends in my all-girls fantasy football league, because I'm in two, two of my girlfriends are in Detroit right now, and neither of them are from there, but one of their fiancés. Anyway, she sent me a picture of the Detroit Free Press newspaper this morning,
Starting point is 00:08:16 and on the very cover of it, I'm showing Kelly a picture. It's a picture of Eminem and Jack White, because God bless that halftime show. Like, that was my fucking Super Bowl halftime show. Better than anything. The best thing ever. But the headline of the entire front page of this newspaper is, at least we have half time. Oh, I'm serious. Come on, guys.
Starting point is 00:08:40 And then in tiny print, it says, on Thanksgiving Day, a lion's lost, but a musical win. At least we had half time. Love it. Listen, you bastards, don't be fair weather fans of our Detroit Lions. I feel like that's the history of it, though. I know, but it's just awful. It's just mean. It is.
Starting point is 00:08:55 It's awful. My friend Brett was texting me the other day. I sent him a picture of Kaya in her lion's cheerleader costume. And he said, aren't you so happy to know that she will never know the Detroit Lions that you knew growing up? And I was like, ah, it's been 84 years. And I'm going to like tell her about, you know, I loved them when they weren't. You always have. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:17 Right. No fair weather fans. But it was a killer halftime show. still believe in us and everything I see on Instagram says chat GPT says it's going to be the Lions in the Super Bowl. So I'm hanging on to that for dear life. Absolutely. Manifest. Yeah, that's it. Everyone hear me. I'm manifesting lions for the Super Bowl. I'll make a bet right now on it. I should. And then Kelly and I were, we were getting ready to make breakfast this morning and why did we start talking about the Golden Girls? What the hell did, what preempted that?
Starting point is 00:09:47 Oh, I don't know. That's just how we work because we're both so ADD. that we just ping pong or pinball. It's like a pinball machine. So we started talking about the Golden Girls for some damn reason. And I said, can you believe that they are our age now when they were doing that show? Because I swear I have read this on social media a trillion effing times that I'm 42, Kelly's 44. Five. 45.
Starting point is 00:10:16 You're right. Your birthday. I just had a birthday. Kelly's 45. And I swear I've read that they were, like, between the ages of, like, 42 and 46 or something. So I was like, Kel, will you just Google this so we can, like, set the record straight for our own brains? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:33 No, most of them were born in 1922, which would have made them in 1985, 63, 62, and then Blanche, Rue McClanahan was 51. So they were not in their 40s. No, they were old ladies. Because I do also, I just remember in Father of the Bride, they were also supposed to be in their 40s. I remember reading. That was, that's true because in Father of the Bride, too, the mom has a baby at the same time as the daughter. True story. And Steve Martin, obviously, and Diane Keaton looked amazing, rest in peace.
Starting point is 00:11:10 I know, rest in paradise, Diane, we love you. But Steve Martin looked old as hell. Yeah, he did. I mean, he had absolute white hair. Well, he went white in his 20s. Did he really? Mm-hmm. Like late 20s he started going white. And then he's on, like, all of his stand-up, if you watch it, he's mostly salt. And then I think by, like, early 30s, he was completely white. Oh, my God, that's wild.
Starting point is 00:11:31 It's like a genetic marker. Being in hair, I see it all the time. My youngest, we had was 17 and he was completely white. Really? Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's just like an aging of the follicle. It's really interesting. Oh, it's a hair thing. It's like literally a hair thing. Yeah. That's what happens. You just stop producing pigment. People think it's like an absence of pigment, but it's just a different figuration of how it is deep in the cuticle of the hair. Do you think the carpet match the drapes? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:58 Because it's all the follicles. It's all the follicles normally. Like his leg hair even? No, probably not his leg hair. Actually, that's a weird, I've never really thought about it. It doesn't. Yeah, old men don't have white leg hair. No, but the downstairs mix up, yes, we'll go gray.
Starting point is 00:12:11 Gray pubes. I don't think I've ever seen gray pubes. Definitely never watched it. It's seen them in porn. I've seen one. You have? In real life? I have gray pews.
Starting point is 00:12:21 I had one. Oh, white. Yeah, a white one. I was like, what is that? Is that white? And it was. That's why I will continue to wax, so I never have to know.
Starting point is 00:12:30 Never ever have to know. Yeah. I don't blame you. Interesante. Yeah, I know. Our eyebrows don't though. You get like some that do like two or three, but not all of them.
Starting point is 00:12:40 Why is that? It's so strange. It is. Yeah, they're just different. It's all the same type of follicle too. But it's like your vagine and your head are like, we're gonna match. Yeah. Uh-huh. But your arm hair, your pit hair. Yeah. What about your pit hair?
Starting point is 00:12:54 Ooh, I don't know about that one. I think I've never let it grow. No, mine doesn't. Yeah, we don't talk about that. But like for men. Yeah, but men's beards go red. Everyone. All of them. All of them. Well, he's a little gingery. He's a little little ginge. Yeah. Which I love. I know. I really thought Kyle was going to go ginge. She still could. Yeah. My brother was a toe head. Like, he was super. He was dark hair. Then he when he was like really little, like, I want to say like two or three. He had like bleach blonde, like surfer hair. And now it's like super dark.
Starting point is 00:13:24 I cannot picture him blonde. I'll show you a picture one day. It's so cute. He had like a dumb bowl cut. Like my mom gave us matching haircuts, but he was blonde and I wasn't. So I'm like, high is super, super blonde now. Will she stay blonde or will she go a little ginge? I think she's going to be light just because her eyelashes are so light.
Starting point is 00:13:42 That's true. Yeah. But Jude, he was, he popped out with dark hair. Then he went ginger and now he's like strawberry blonde. Yeah, like Sandy Strawberry. It's weird. But there's black hairs in his hair. If you go through it, it's so wild.
Starting point is 00:13:54 Humans are weird as shit, man. It's all weird. We're just like a bunch of, like, a genetic mashup of all. Like, think about how many people came before you that are in you. Yeah. It's wild. So many. Humbling.
Starting point is 00:14:06 So many people have been in me. I mean, well, we know. Speaking of that, we watched the, I think it was called, like, the Razier Glass special, the Vanderpump Rules. special. I mean, truth be told, I skimmed through it and watched it because I wanted to see if I was in a never-before-seen footage. And I have not watched that show. And I cannot tell you how many years. Yeah. We did do a podcast about it like three years ago. We watched a couple seasons and I was like, can't do this anymore. Does it feel weird to watch yourself? So when we were, when we were doing the podcast and like re-watching and talking about it,
Starting point is 00:14:43 it felt more like, because it was with Luke. And he had never watched anything. So it was like, I don't know, it was definitely weird. But it was never seen the show when he met you? Oh, no. Look, Luke, do you think Luke watches Vanderpump rules? Like, no. Oh, my God, put a fucking knife in his eye. Might as well. Iceicle. An ice pick. An ice pick. That's what it was. Ice pick in his eye. It'll melt and then you'll never know what the murder weapon was. That was it. It really was. Yeah, so we watched it. There was an ever-before-seen scene that I certainly don't remember filming at all. You don't remember that?
Starting point is 00:15:21 No, God, no, that was 13 years ago or 12, no, 12 years ago, something like that. So that was just weird to watch. What I, my takeaway from watching that episode of the Razor Glass episode is that all of us girls are much cuter now. Yeah. And none of us had an upper lip. Not one of us. Not Lala, not Ariana, not me.
Starting point is 00:15:46 Katie. Stacey did. Katie always had big lips. Stasi? Not really. Not in the very beginning. And none of us had Botox done except for Sheena. She was already doing Botox then? Yeah. She grew up in L.A. And she was an actor. So she's the only one that grew up here. Yes. Okay. And Azusa. But she, yeah, and she was like acting, doing Disney stuff. So she did it like preventatively. I remember she's the one. Actually, she took me to get Botox for the first time and filler. I think in 2015. Do you still go to the same place? No, she took me to some like laser away, one of those like things. Now I go to Beverly Hills Plastic Surgery Group. Yes. Dr. Lakey and Dr. Daniel Poor, who reconstructed my face. They're the only ones who can touch me from now on. Yeah. But yeah, that was my biggest takeaway. We're like, why the fucking statement necklaces? Why didn't anyone tell me to use powder on my face? Because I was so shiny. And why didn't we any of us have upper lips? Yeah. That was like the early 2000s, man. We just, we just rolled with it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:47 You know, you didn't, we didn't, we weren't changing ourselves then at all. That was the realist of the real. Why is the real? The necklace is coming back. Jenzy, you just don't. And the, like, the midi-length skirt with the low belt. No. Yeah. It's here.
Starting point is 00:16:59 The College of Charleston is downtown and I walk down there and it feels like I'm back in time. Oh, my God. I know. And there's part of me, it's like, do I? Low-rise jeans needed to die back then. Like, is Frankie B even exist anymore? I don't think so, but tramp stamps are back. those are the only tattoos that I would ever get lasered off if I did it are my tramp stamps.
Starting point is 00:17:19 Yeah. No, my gorgeous model niece has one. Yeah. That doesn't affect her modeling career? It's a butterfly. Well, she's not doing it as much anymore. She has a butterfly tattoo on her lower back. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:32 Yep. On purpose. And she's young and hot. Yeah. And she didn't tell me I, like, found out organically. Is it in the middle? Yeah. No, it is a true tramp stamp.
Starting point is 00:17:40 It's like somebody was like, tell me. Is it colorful? Nope. Black. Sort of tribal. No, not tribal. Yep, tribal. What the hell?
Starting point is 00:17:49 I know. And everything else she has is so beautiful and it's about like ultra-feminism and like she's divine feminine on her ribs and then she has a freaking tramp stamp on her back that's tribal. Oh my God. I fucking love it. I know. I mean, I hate it, but I love it. I love it.
Starting point is 00:18:03 You know what I mean? Well, she's a maximalist. She's just like everything. Let's do it all. I love it. Yeah. Fucking butterfly tramp stamp. Do I have a butter?
Starting point is 00:18:12 I do have a butterfly tattoo. I have a very small butterfly tattoo. too. Yeah, on your own. On my back, I have the Japanese symbol for music, which is not done correctly. What's it actually? A friend that I'm someone I used to be friends with way back in 2007 when I first moved to L.A. is from Japan. And he saw it one day and was like, happy. I was like, excuse me, I did a lot of research on the old internet with my dial-up back then. The interweb. the interweb, and he's like, oh, okay, and he looked at it and he said, it is music, but there's a certain way that it's, I don't know, like a certain line that he's like,
Starting point is 00:18:52 it's like, it's like happy and it's music. And I was like, well, at least it doesn't mean penis, you know. Could be worse. I mean, it could be worse for sure. I know. I love it. I've seen, I think on TikTok, it's, I think he's Japanese, but he basically like makes fun of Americans for it.
Starting point is 00:19:09 And he just writes different things. it'll be like butter, but it looks like, that's what it looks like to us. Yeah. Yeah. You'd just be putting whatever random word. What was it about that? I wasn't like engulfed in Japanese culture. No.
Starting point is 00:19:23 I wasn't studying it. What was it that I was like, it has to be the Japanese symbol for music. It's just that it's a symbol. And I, yeah, I guess. Had no fucking meeting. It was my second tattoo. That was your second one? What was your first one?
Starting point is 00:19:39 My first one is also on my back. another tramp stamp and it is like a shooting star and it kind of looks like a star with like flames coming out of it in a way. And I may have said this on the podcast before. So forgive me if you've heard this story. But I cut out a little picture in a magazine. It was like in a like guitar world or one of those magazines I used to read back in the day. And I saw this tattoo on this picture and put it. So this was in, I was 16 or 17 at the time. And I put it in my wallet and I said, I'm keeping this until I'm 18. And when I turn 18, if I still want it, I'm going to get it. Turn 18. I was like, I still want it. This is the best tattoo ever. It's a shooting star.
Starting point is 00:20:18 Rar. So I get the tattoo done on September 11, 2001 nonetheless. Yeah, that's a whole other story. But yeah, so I get it done. I later find out many, many, many years later, Pink, the singer, Alicia, it's her tattoo. She has a tattoo on her shoulder of, it's like a fairy who's like holding her hand out with this shooting star. Okay. And I cut. out the star part of it and got her fucking tattoo on my lower back. But did you know that at the time? Like in the magazine, it was hers. It was just. No, I just, I mean, I was she, I'm sure she was big back then. I don't, yeah, she definitely was. I didn't listen to her then or something. I definitely didn't know I was like, I'm getting pink's tattoo. Right. I was just like,
Starting point is 00:20:58 that's a really pretty tattoo. Mm-hmm. So now I have pinks, half of pink's fucking tattoo on my lower back. Shout out. And it looks like absolute dog shit now. Well, our skin stretches. We lose collagen. It was 24 years ago. Yeah. And my favorite. One is the, I had a stick and poke of a heart from an old boyfriend when like 15 years old. And then right before I got married to my now ex-husband, he was like, I think you should cover it. And so I got our initials. But the only way they can make it fit was back to back. So it's like we're walking away from each other.
Starting point is 00:21:28 And I was like, how, how pray tell is that? Whoa. I know. See? Yeah. Yeah. What did you think about it then? Were you like, it's so cute.
Starting point is 00:21:40 Who cares? Like, you didn't read into it. I'm going to be honest. It was Sarah, Riley, and I, and we were fairly intoxicated. Yeah, most usually are. Yeah. And I don't know. I was just like, okay, I'll do it.
Starting point is 00:21:53 Fine. Like, I was kind of upset about it because I loved my heart. And honestly, I had such a good, I'm one of the lucky ones. My first relationship was probably my best. Like, we were truly best friends. How old? Fifteen. Like, purposefully.
Starting point is 00:22:08 How long were you together? Six years. Oh, okay. Well, that's a long time. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Why did you break up? Because he moved. He was from San Antonio, and then he moved to Vegas with his mom. I actually followed him. My mom let me move there when I was 17. For six months, I moved to Las Vegas.
Starting point is 00:22:29 Would you, if you had a daughter, because you have two boys, if you had a daughter and at 17, she was like, I want to move to Vegas to be with my boyfriend. Would you let her? No, I'm like, you're dumb. You don't know anything. Stop. Absolutely not. That's how I feel. If Kaya told me that, I would be like, okay, well, then I'm coming with you. 100%.
Starting point is 00:22:44 Also, there's some things that you have to let kids figure out on their own. You do. There's like, it doesn't matter how many times you say it to them, they have to experience it for themselves. But living in Las Vegas at 17. But moving across the country away from everyone you know in all things, absolutely not. Yeah. Not moving to, like, the heart of the United States are like, I'm going to move to like
Starting point is 00:23:04 Park City, Utah. Right. Like, it's Las fucking Vegas. Yeah, absolutely. I was doing peyote in the desert with. Somebody named Brohulio. Like, I don't even know. I have no idea.
Starting point is 00:23:14 I've never done that before. You haven't? No. Or ayahuasca. I'm not, like, really a psychedelic kind of girl. I think my mind fucks with me enough as it is sober. You are the drug. Like, I've done mushrooms, of course.
Starting point is 00:23:28 Like, many times. And really even mushrooms are, I don't know. I have to be in the right setting, like Joshua Tree for real. And I know that sounds like hippie-dippy, L.A. bullshit. But like you're outdoors. Yeah. And outdoors is like a totally different thing. And the vibes have to be right.
Starting point is 00:23:44 The music has to be right. I have to have very little. I've just, my mind is too powerful. Yeah. And it just goes to places that I then can't turn back around. So it's like, why do I? I just don't like being out of control in general in life. I've talked about that.
Starting point is 00:23:59 Yeah. Mm-hmm. All right, you guys, the holiday season is officially here. And I swear, this is when my kitchen becomes. the heart of the house. Between hosting friends and me trying to recreate recipes, I definitely didn't think through. There's always something happening in there, and Carraway has become my total lifesaver. I had this classic holiday hosting fail the other night. I was making this big cozy dinner. I got distracted by talking to everyone and totally left a sauce on the stove for way too
Starting point is 00:24:28 long. Normally, that is a nightmare. But my Carraway pan cleaned up so easily, it was like the disaster never even happened, seriously. And I love knowing everything is non-toxic, plastic. free. Because some of the stats out there, they're terrifying. The average adult eats over 150,000 plastic particles a year, and more than 70% of pans in America are coated with PTFE. Not in my kitchen. Caraway makes everything feel so elevated. The walnut and maple butcher block, it is stunning. The glass lids actually let me see what I'm doing, and their many utensils are so cute and they're so perfect for the little holiday tasks. So if you're hosting, cooking for two, Or just trying to break the ice with the in-laws of the boyfriend's family.
Starting point is 00:25:12 Talking about how non-toxic and easy caraway is to cook with will absolutely save the vibe. Carraway's cookware set is a favorite for a reason. It can save you up to $190 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit carawayhome.com slash doty, you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. This deal is exclusive for our listeners. So visit carewayhome.com slash doty. my fingers got so much skinnier. How weird is that? When you were pregnant? Even now, my engagement ring doesn't fit me. It's too big. Isn't that weird? I've never heard that. Everything grows. Your feet grow,
Starting point is 00:25:48 your ears grow, everything. Someone told me, who told me this? Someone, one of my girlfriends told me about your feet, it's that you, like, your arch isn't as high anymore. Like, your feet are flatter, and that's why they feel bigger. I mean, they swell, of course, but even now, like after your, I don't know why that is. From like a bony osteo standpoint, you do, you spread out. Yeah. Well, you have to. I mean, you're carrying more weight. Your center of gravity is different.
Starting point is 00:26:13 It's like, you know, just like, I don't, saving the day so you don't fall over. Boobes get different. Ugh, the boobs. We've been talking about boobs today. Well, Chris and I have always had identical boobs. And it's weird, even to this day. Like, they even... Now that they've changed, they're the same.
Starting point is 00:26:27 They were the same. We were like, we had the cutest, perkyest little bees. I know. They were so pretty. A little 34 bees. Just... Us showing them to Chris and. Greg in the hotel room in Chicago and be like, look.
Starting point is 00:26:38 Our ex-boyfriends back in the day, we have same nipples. Yeah, we couldn't be more opposite. Like, I'm pale and blue-eyed and you're, you know, beautifully tan all the time and have dark eyes, but our boobs were the same. And then you have babies. And then your boobs aren't the same. And then you have armpit boobs. Yeah, we have armpit boobs now.
Starting point is 00:26:57 Yeah, what is that? Boobes are not supposed to be in the armpit. They're supposed to go forward and up. I mean, that's how I'm not supposed to. That's how I prefer mine to be. Well, yeah. You would think, like, forward. I'm not a big boob gal.
Starting point is 00:27:09 Like, I'm just not a big boob gal. I miss it so much the way clothes fit. Like my other niece, Caitlin, she wants boobs. And I keep telling her all the time, like, just wait, they will come. Oh, yeah. And if you get them big now, then they're going to be huge. Yeah. And then you're going to be like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:27:24 It's like the hangar scenario of a model. Like your body is just to hang the clothes on. Yes. You know. I love that shit. I love a good pancake ass. I'm all about just, oh, the clothes. wear me. I don't wear the clouds. Like, they just fall off my body. Like, I really, I don't
Starting point is 00:27:41 want, like, what people call ozimic body. I don't want to be skeletally skinny. I want to be a woman. Yeah. I just don't want to be this womanly for my own taste. Right. Other women, I think, look phenomenal that way. Absolutely. I love all women's bodies, truly. But on my own, on my own self, I don't know what to do with it. No, not at all. I don't know what to do with these fucking curves. I know. I say it all the time. I'll look like, if I stand away from the mirror and just like a bra and panties, I'm like, oh, hi. But then I get closer and then I like think about how I feel and I'm just, I don't get it. I don't know what to do. Yeah. At all. People are like, oh, I don't know. Like snatch it. Wear something super tight up top and something like a little more fitted on your hips. I'm like, absolutely not. I'm just going to wear 12 year old boy clothes. Giant jeans and big giant sweatshirts. Yeah. Cozy, cozy. T-shirts all day. Yeah, 100%. It's not fair. Aging is weird.
Starting point is 00:28:39 And then I had a hysterectomy because my parts were not healthy and now I'm growing internally. Like my shape hasn't changed as much, but I'm somehow bigger. It's weird. It's like the, like, seriously, like your inner, it's like everything starts to grow
Starting point is 00:28:58 so your rib cage gets bigger. So it's bony. Did it hurt your ribs? Yeah, for sure. No. Even your hips. It's like you're pregnant again. I have a question for you because you have two boys and I have a girl. So even right now, even though Kaya doesn't understand half the shit I say, but whenever I have a ton of makeup on because I just filmed something, I got glam for some reason.
Starting point is 00:29:19 I call it fancy face. And I'm doing that to train my own brain to not say that like I'm prettier with makeup one day. So I'm literally just training myself to always say like, oh, I'm getting fancy rather than I look more beautiful or prettier because I don't want her to. associate makeup with being a beautiful person, right? Right, the change of oneself to elevate or something. With that being said, like, we're shit talking about our bodies right now because she's with our wonderful nanny and she doesn't understand what I'm saying. But, like, I have to really be cautious as she gets older to not talk shit about my own body.
Starting point is 00:29:53 So she doesn't think badly about hers. And also, like, if she, granted, she doesn't look anything like me, but if she ever does start looking like me, I think of me. Yeah. You know? So all these thoughts go through my head with two boys. Mm-hmm. Does it matter if you talk about your body in front of them, like in a negative way?
Starting point is 00:30:11 Because they're boys. They're so different. It is, but I think it is equally as important, if not more, because it's how they're going to view women. Ooh. Okay, so less about their own self-esteem, but more about. Right. But I do. But my younger, he is very self-aware.
Starting point is 00:30:28 Like, super, he'll go in the mirror. Self-conscious or self-aware? Both. Both. I think because he's so aware that he's in the puberty age. 12. Wee. It's so fun.
Starting point is 00:30:39 I always say Jude was like born a 13 year old girl, though, just like emotionally. Like eight, six months, he was 13 years old and female. I don't know. Just hormones. Yeah, totally. No, I think it's important for them to hear me talk positively and accept myself. Like, get in the picture, be in the bathing suit. Like have the memory for them of a woman who just loved herself.
Starting point is 00:31:01 That's true. Because that's who I want them to love. Self-love. Yeah. I want them to love somebody who loves himself. An overall self-love thing. Mm-hmm. 100%.
Starting point is 00:31:08 It's what it is. It's not acceptance. I mean, we have to. But change is inevitable. Yeah. You're not day-to-day even. Yeah. I hope by the time Kaya's older, like I'm talking a teenager.
Starting point is 00:31:18 Mm-hmm. Who knows what social media and photos and all of that will be like that many years from now. Can't even imagine. But it's like, I'm not going to lie. I love a good filter. It makes me feel better about myself. Yeah. I don't use a crazy filter.
Starting point is 00:31:32 I don't add lashes or whatever when I'm doing my Instagram stories, but like, I had a little smoother. Sure. Just because, like, my lighting is shit in my house. Lighting is everything. If I had fantastic lighting, I probably wouldn't filter so much. Right. Yeah, if we could walk around with a ringlight on us all the time. Some people do.
Starting point is 00:31:50 I just don't have it in me. Yeah, it's like attached to their phone. Zach. Does he really? Zach, you saw him last night at Thanksgiving. He had a tripod with him. Yeah, he did. But he looks filtered in real life.
Starting point is 00:32:01 Yeah, he does. That's why he hates a filter. So when he and I do TikToks together and I'm like, will you please use a filter? He's like, no, because I look fucking crazy. Like he ends up looking like a chick. Oh, I can see that. And his blue eyes and like his skin's already so smooth and nice.
Starting point is 00:32:15 Like a 10 doll. Yeah. He looks plastic. Yeah. I could see that. But everything is exactly like his hair is perfect. It all is. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:24 So God or the universe, whatever you're prescribed to, gave him that gift of just beautiful skin. He, everything he says about himself, because he was a triplet and the two, like, died in the womb. Yeah. And so he was like, that's why he's a big personality, why he's so tall. Yeah, why he's just so extra on everything. Extra beautiful. He ate, he ate the other two and took on all of their stuff.
Starting point is 00:32:48 There can only be one Zach Wickham, you know. Yeah, truly. I know. Thanksgiving was fun. It was hilarious. It was so good. We went to Brittany's house. It was just me, Kelly, Brittany, Zach and Benji and Kaya.
Starting point is 00:33:00 And Krusey. And Brittany made enough food to feed an army. Dude. We have to go over there today and eat. I know. We do have to eat again. Yeah. It was so delicious, too. Everything was just cheese and carbs and the crust on the top of everything. She's amazing. I know. And she did it all by herself. With the child there. Yeah. It's insane. I know. I don't know. She does it. I don't either. Some people are just played a game last night where I saw it on Instagram and I just thought it looked like a fun idea, not knowing of course, Zach has played it before and just mastered it. But it's that game where you put the paper
Starting point is 00:33:33 bag on the floor, you like cut it in half or something and you have to pick it up without your hands. And I'm like, listen, we have our two amazing gays. We have Zach and Benji who dance the night away. This is going to be easy for them. And Brittany and I used to be cheerleaders many, many decades ago. And I was like, we got this. And we really did. And you guys, we got down to a piece of paper, not just the bottom of the bag. We cut it in half. And we had to pick it. And we had to pick it up without our hands. Yeah. Zach's going to make a TikTok so you can see it.
Starting point is 00:34:03 But I was pretty proud of us. I know. I wore a skirt, so I was out of the game. And I had sleepy baby. You did have sleepy baby. I know. Which is my heaven. So I was happy.
Starting point is 00:34:15 Yeah. Yeah. I'll laugh with you guys, though. Yeah, it was really fun. But we had a great time. Are you sore today? I'm actually not. Like, I just thought about that.
Starting point is 00:34:23 And I'm like, no, I thought I was going to fucking die. I thought my groin. I thought I was going to be walking like I had a giant baseball bat at my ass for the next week. And I'm actually fine. Oh, my God. What if Luke had been there and watched you do that? He would have gotten a boner. That's what, the carrot.
Starting point is 00:34:38 Yeah. We're going to talk about the carrot. We are. Okay. We're going to get into some Ask Me Anything because I promised that you guys, I would. And Kelly's going to do some of these with me because there's a lot of mom stuff, a lot of parenthood stuff, pregnancy stuff, and you've been through it twice. Three times.
Starting point is 00:34:58 Three times. I know. Her birthday's coming. Chris and I are sisters in infancy loss as well, which is never fun to talk about, but I think it's really important that everyone knows. As I told you at BravoCon, the amount of women, I could not even tell you the amount of women that I met at BravoCon who thanked me for discussing miscarriage and infertility issues. Oh, my God. It makes me tear up, I swear. I know. It's too many.
Starting point is 00:35:22 I talked about this last week, but I bawled my eyes out of BravoCon so many times. Yeah, yeah. Just hearing that it helped in some way or at least made them feel. seen. Yeah. Because it is, it can be such a taboo subject. Well, for sure, because you're protecting other people. And, you know, so you had child loss or other, like we used to be a trifecta. There was three of us. I mentioned Sarah Riley before. She's the third. She lost the first baby. Yeah. So she was the first one of us to lose. My daughter had a genetic syndrome and I carried her nearly full term, but we knew that she was sick. And that is even harder because you're walking around
Starting point is 00:35:56 in the world. Yeah. And people are saying, like, oh, what do you have me? Remind me. Remind me. How many weeks I've heard on? I was almost seven months. Okay. Yeah. So, and she just... Just for the women out there because people could be experiencing this or have experienced it. 100%.
Starting point is 00:36:09 And, you know, I mean, all the things that happen to you when you're pregnant are happening to you. And then you have the baby and the things happen. Your milk comes in. You're walking around without your child and your body's reacting like you have a child. It's the hardest thing in the world. Yeah. And so it doesn't leave you.
Starting point is 00:36:24 You know, I think that's what it is. People are like, okay, now that chapter's over. Never. Like, I have three kids. yeah one's just not on the earth yeah yeah she got to ascend early she must have done the hard work in the other lives is that why you talk about ascending did it like stem from that 100% oh because I felt her leave me I woke me up like the soul when she passed away I felt her leave yeah I was like Kelly talks about ascending all the time I know I'm doing a hard hard hard work this time around
Starting point is 00:36:52 so that I can like I said if I come back one more time just let me be a redwood tree I love that to be the mother of all the things, but just have to relax and take naps and, like, have the rainfall on me all the time. Delicious, right? I think I want to be a giraffe. Well, of course. Harding wants to be a koala, but I don't want chlamydia. Don't they all have chlamydia?
Starting point is 00:37:10 They all have chlamydia. And they're grouchy, and yes, it's not you. Oh, I don't want to be grouchy. I think they're so cute. They are adorable. They're like the cutest things ever. No, but they're mean. Are they mean?
Starting point is 00:37:20 I feel like Luke and I were watching this nature thing the other day about Tasmanian Devils, and I was like, they look like feral, like, cracked ass. cowala bears. They do. They're like koala rats. Coala rats, yes. And they have that curved spine. Yeah. It's like they're up to something. They're nerly. They are not. But then they, these people we were watching, I forget, what's his name? His name's like coyote something. He's like a, like a forest galante. Like he's a dude like that, but his name's coyote something or other. And he was cuddling them. It was very wild. I'm like, what if the thing just bite your fucking arm off
Starting point is 00:37:54 right now? And they're like, well, they were like, it's possible. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Any who'sies. Okay. Okay. AMAs, Kelly and I, tips for newborn trenches. My tip is just know that it's going to be really fucking hard and you're not going to sleep if you don't have a night nurse, which we did not. And you're going to get through it. Like, you absolutely will get through it.
Starting point is 00:38:17 The advice I was given was if you get in a fight with your, if you have a significant other or whoever's, you know, there with you, your partner, if you get in a fight at 3 a.m., just know it's a fight at 3 a.m. and that's all it is. And it literally is just because you guys are both so sleep deprived, which is a form of torture. Yeah. In many countries. And it's just going to be really hard.
Starting point is 00:38:38 But then I'm not going to lie, now that I'm in five months, there are times that I text Luke. And I'm like, like this week, for example, and Kaya's like in this, still in this sleep regression and trying to figure all of that out. And I'm like, I miss the newborn times because the sleep is the same, but she didn't do anything back then. She was a potato. Yeah, all you had to do was hold her. Hold and feed. Yep, that's it. Feed, poop, sleep.
Starting point is 00:39:02 That's it. Well, and you, like, in control, that is a really specific list of things. Yeah. Now, there's so much what? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with it. Tips.
Starting point is 00:39:11 Yep. And I say it in different ways to different people, but I always write some version of this in the book that I normally give. Like, if I go to baby shower, which is it's really hard. It's really hard to kill them. But I was like, it's really hard to kill them unless you're trying. Yes. You know? Or it's really hard to do it wrong.
Starting point is 00:39:27 unless you're trying to do wrong. No, but I mean, it's fair to say killed them because I think a lot of people are like, I'm going to break the baby. That's it, exactly. Like, I'm so scared. I'm going to break them because they're so, and they are, of course, they're fragile.
Starting point is 00:39:38 Their head is extremely fragile, but they're like rubber. They totally are. Be smart about things. Like, don't drink an entire bottle of wine and they'll let your baby sleep on your chest. But, you know, if you're being a new mom like most people are, which is just trying to sleep and eat and get through the day,
Starting point is 00:39:54 you're not going to screw it up at all. That's a really. That's really, yeah. Yeah, just be easy on yourself. Just go with it. Yeah. And what I remember, something I said while I was pregnant on the podcast that resonated with a lot of people. My friend Courtney told me that I think really also resonates in postpartum is like you can't jinx it.
Starting point is 00:40:15 Because there, I definitely have a question about miscarriages. So I'll kind of tie that into this. But like, or when you're pregnant and you're scared about things, like you can't jinx it. Right. No, you can't. Well, it's going to be what it's going to be. Exactly. And same thing with a newborn. Like, you can't think of something, like, if your head ever goes to like, oh, my God, what if, what if I did this or what if I accidentally fuck the baby up? Or if I do this. Just because you're thinking it, you're not, like, manifesting or creating it to happen. You cannot jinx yourself into, like, being a bad mom.
Starting point is 00:40:49 Truly. Or messing up. Right. Exactly. And those are also. And you're doing the best you can. That's it. And it's just a survival mechanism. Yes. You are doing the best you can. And you are in. Yeah, you're in survival mode. That's it. I'm still in fucking survival mode. Yeah. Like you're truly built to do it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:04 That's a great tip to a word of advice. You're built to do this. Yeah. And do you know that their DNA is in your brain? Yeah, that's really wild. I know. But that's that heartstring that they talk about. Like, trust your gut.
Starting point is 00:41:15 It's really more than that. It's actually they are still in your body. So you are connected, truly. So freaking cold. I love it. Okay. I just had to throw this one in there because I'm like, I can't believe someone's asking me this. What is your water order? Ice, no ice, straw, lemon. Okay. I don't know if this says something about me. Is they have this book where they're like, I need to know because it's going to tell me like as if I'm an Aquarius therefore. Right. I am a hardcore ice girl. Yes, you are. All you do is eat ice. Love ice. Love it always. Loved it so much more since being pregnant and giving birth. And I guess I prefer straw because I have fake teeth and I'm terrified of breaking them.
Starting point is 00:41:57 You're always a straw girl, though. Yeah, but I have this, like, fear that if I drink out of a glass rather than plastic, even though fuck microplastics, I'm just terrified. I'm going to either a break the glass or break my teeth on the glass. You're going to accidentally shove it into your face so hard that you're going to break your teeth. 100%. I'm going to cough. Yeah. I'm going to sneeze uncontrollably while I have this glass in my hand. Kristen, stop.
Starting point is 00:42:21 I think about shit like that. Like, what if you're – this is one thing that, okay, going on a bit of a tangent. What if you're driving and you get into an accident, no one's hurt, right, whatever, but you get into a pretty shitty accident because you had a sneezing fit. And you tell the officer, because sneezes are uncontrollable, you cannot keep your eyes open while you sneeze. It is literally impossible. And that's what you tell the cop. I just had a damn sneezing fit. It wasn't me.
Starting point is 00:42:49 I mean, I know it's still your fault because you did. It doesn't matter. It's your fault even insurance. Right. Right. Like if someone hits you and you hit the person in front of you, you hitting the person in front of you is still your fault. Right. The chain reaction of fault. Right. Yeah. But like, yeah. What if I, what if I like hit a stop sign? And then the cops like, you just hit a stop sign. Like you're in trouble. Blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I was sneezing. I was at my friend Brittany. She has a fucking cat. I can't breathe. I was only driving three minutes down the road to go home to get Benadryl. I sneeze. And now I hit a stop sign. This is how my brain works. I know.
Starting point is 00:43:27 I love it, though. And, well, I guess that is, like, technology today. We just have to all have cameras in our car. Oh, tusha. Mm-hmm. To prove. To prove all of it. Ooh, is that what it's going to come to, though?
Starting point is 00:43:40 That feels very George Orwell, 1984. I don't want that. No, thank you. Nobody's watching us all the time. They're listening to us all the time. And all of this from, how do I like my water? Yep. How do you like your water, Kelly?
Starting point is 00:43:53 But this is why, oh, well, I am. am no ice straw. Okay. Yeah. If I want, or flat? Flat water, but only if I'm really trying to hydrate. Like, if I'm just, like, sipping it to enjoy, like, if I'm having like a mocktail, yeah, then it would be like soda, grapefruit, straw. I don't know about you, but the second November hits, I am in full holiday prep mode. Like, let's make this house feel festive, cozy, totally ready for guests. And honestly, Wayfair is my go-to for all things home. I have been shopping their Black Friday sale and you guys, up to 70% off. I just got this. beautiful dining table and the prettiest new light fixture, and it completely changed the vibe of
Starting point is 00:44:29 my dining room. It feels so much more put together now, and the shipping was so fast. Everything came right to my door just in time for hosting season. And it's not just furniture. Wayfair literally has everything. Cookware, rugs, decor, bedding, you name it. It is a one-stop shop and you are done. Plus, they have pieces you won't find anywhere else, so your home actually feels like you. And if you haven't checked out their new loyalty program yet, ooh, you get 5% back on every purchase, free shipping, and exclusive member deals. It's kind of just, well, the best deal ever. So don't miss out on early Black Friday deals. Head to Wayfair.com now to shop Wayfair's Black Friday deals for up to 70% off. That's W-A-F-A-I-R dot com. Sale ends December 7th.
Starting point is 00:45:09 Ella McKay, coming to The Eater's December 12th. Your father's here. Why? A heartwarming new comedy from James L. Brooks. I'm a different person. I have never in my life felt this way about any other woman. Jesus! I wasn't counting your mother! It's a perfect holiday comedy about an imperfect family. You can use a screen, Ella. Starring Emma Mackey, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kamel Nanjiani, Iowa Debrie with Albert Brooks and Woody Harrelson.
Starting point is 00:45:34 You should do that every afternoon. Ella McKay. On December 12, Disney Plus invites you to go behind the scenes with Taylor Swift in an exclusive six-episode docu-series. I wanted to give something to the fans that they didn't expect. The only thing left is to close the book.
Starting point is 00:45:53 The End of an Era. And don't miss Taylor Swift, the eras tour, the final show, featuring for the first time the tortured poets department. Streaming December 12th, only on Disney Plus. Okay, a quick question of how old was I when I moved to L.A.? and what was I trying to pursue? I moved here. Kelly and I were the best of friends.
Starting point is 00:46:19 In 2007, I was 24. I moved here wanting to do music business. very much so. And then I realized it started taking my love of being a musician away because it was so business oriented that I like, I was like, I don't want to sing anymore. I don't want to play guitar anymore. Like I just started losing the interest. And then I wanted to do something, I don't know, I wanted to be a tour manager. I realized I wasn't a bitch enough for that. I was too easy to be a pushover. And then there were just other things that I was thinking about doing like, it's why Katie Maloney and I really fell in love. She wanted to do it.
Starting point is 00:46:53 like publishing an A&R, and it was like the world that I loved. But that quickly changed. I started working at Sur three weeks after I moved to L.A. I was acting. I was modeling. Yeah. And Vanderpump Rules came. So that was my story. I know what we were talking about like that 21 years, the year of your prep before moving
Starting point is 00:47:12 to L.A. You did it so purposefully. Like I was her stylist, hair stylist, clothing stylist. Most of it was my wardrobe and all the pictures. Yep. I was building my book. You're building your book. Look, yeah. It was so much fun.
Starting point is 00:47:25 Yeah. Do the people know that you play guitar and sing? I don't know, because I haven't played on so many years, and I really need to. You do? She's actually really good. Two and a half years probably. I don't think I picked up a guitar in two years at all. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:40 That's all we used to do. I have three guitars, and the one that I love the most sits in my guest room because I'm like, I have to. And I took Kaya to a sensory class when she was younger, and they were playing guitar, and she was really fascinated. So I'm like, I want to play for her. She's got the music in her for sure. 100%. Yeah. Has having a baby changed how you handle friendships?
Starting point is 00:48:01 Interesting question. Yes. I think my circle got smaller. I value all my mom friendships a lot more, like my friends that are moms. I value to like the highest degree. Yeah. The amount of respect. I always had, of course, but like I never knew it.
Starting point is 00:48:18 I didn't really understand it and you don't until you're a mom. So you can hold it in your hand. Yeah. Yep. The survival, what we were talking about earlier, and like this, I say sacrifice, but like, amazing sacrifice. Yeah, for sure. It is. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:33 Definitely. In a positive way. In a positive way. But, yes. So that changed for me a lot. My fluff friends don't exist anymore. The people that I kind of just hung out with. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:46 You don't have time. No, you don't. I don't make time. And why would you, though? Yeah. I mean, if you're going to make time for yourself, which is another thing we were talking about, is it's so different for moms and dads. I think, you know, your personal time is preparing for the next day or the next moment or, you know, the next year of whatever said life is. It's not like, oh, let me go get a massage or get a drink with the person I haven't seen in six months.
Starting point is 00:49:11 It's these people who are walking the path with you, they mean the most. Is that how you feel like from your personal standpoint? 100%. I mean, I figured so. Yeah, 100%. I feel like motherhood is very alienated. Yes, very isolating. It is, yes.
Starting point is 00:49:24 Isolating, that's a better word. Yeah. And no, I think alienating too. I think both are true. Well, I think you fall off lists quickly. Mm-hmm. People aren't like, let's invite her now. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:35 Because, number one, she can't come. Right. But it still doesn't feel good. Yes. I used to be FOMO and now I'm Jomo. But sometimes I still want to be invited. Well, yeah, you want to be thought about. I want to be thought about.
Starting point is 00:49:48 Yeah. But even knowing I'm going to say no. Yeah. 100% you're still wanted yeah yeah okay um well how is my relationship with la la that i'm tagging that on to the mom thing i mean i've talked about this a bunch of times so if you haven't heard this then i'll just reiterate very quickly la la la's talked about this on her podcast you know we we got we had a road to get back to a friendship and for me it was how genuine she was and it was how hard she tried and how she was very humble and willing to admit fault and apologize for things that
Starting point is 00:50:27 hurt my feelings. And I really, once, once I got over that like stubbornness of being angry or wanting to be right, you know, I just wanted to be right because I felt hurt. It was like now I have, I have so much history with her, 10 years of friendship that we've grown up together so much, that she's a mom of two girls. And I'm like, I want that friendship. Like, that's a very valuable friendship to me. Yeah. And I think you do, and I think you can let go.
Starting point is 00:50:59 I think it's possible with mom friends to let go of those things. Totally. Yeah, because you're walking the same path. Yeah, it's not, yeah, when it comes to mom friends, I feel like that's a good point. It's not the like, fuck me once, fuck you, fuck me twice, fuck me. It's like we're evolving and changing. And especially when she was pregnant, I didn't realize what that really meant like her hormones were crazy and blah, blah, blah, until I was pregnant. And then I was crazy.
Starting point is 00:51:24 Right. So I had that empathy that I had for her during that time when we were fighting. It was like, well, God, now I can even, now I can put myself in her shoes. Right. Yeah. It's not rose colored glasses anymore. It's the clearest lens you've ever looked through. Yes. Yeah. It's like, oh, I see the world now. I really see it. Yeah. Isn't it beautiful? It really is. It is. It just gave me chills. Okay, here's an advice question. How to get over a long-term relationship when you were unexpectedly dumped?
Starting point is 00:51:56 I wish I had just had, I wish I could just be like, this is how. But I have not been great at it in my past. I think for me, things I wish I would have done differently, I think the best thing you can truly do is cut them off. Accept it. Yeah. Oh. Ooh. Accept it.
Starting point is 00:52:15 Yes. Yeah. You're not going to change their mind. And don't try to. No. Why would you want to? Yeah. You're on a fucking pedestal, bitch. Like you, you are a gold star. Like, you are a gift. Level 10. Love yourself. Yep. Five stars. Enough to know that if they don't want you for who you are, someone will. And that person that dumped you is not right for you. Why would you want to be with someone that's not right for you that wants to change you? Yeah. That's a great one. And I really think cut them the fuck off because if you try to stay in contact, you're literally. just dragging it out, even though it feels like it'll hurt less, it's actually going to hurt more in the long run. Truly, I can say, which I don't know what this means, but I have never been dumped. I've never had that up. I know.
Starting point is 00:52:58 I know. I know. I know. I know. But it did happen, like, my marriage. Like, he dumped me proverbially because he changed and he was so different to me. And it wouldn't matter. It's like, hey, babe, let's go upstairs and watch a movie.
Starting point is 00:53:11 And he's like, well, I'm just going to sit down here and eat cheez-its and watch a Alaskan Gold Rush instead. Stop trying. Stop trying. And so that's what I did was kept trying to force it. Like would try to stay up and argue until 1 o'clock in the morning saying, do you not see this? Do you not see the change? No, you stop to accept it.
Starting point is 00:53:30 Just who he was. And the day that I was like, okay, well, then I guess we get a divorce. It was so free. I think once you realize you've put in all the effort that you can, that's what it is. It's all the effort that you can. Mm-hmm. Yeah. There's no more 5%. There's no more I can just, because then you're, then you're giving up yourself and your own time for yourself and for the people that love you and things that make you really happy to put into someone who's not giving you the same in return. Right. You won't recognize yourself anymore. You become someone else. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Don't do that for anyone. Never change who you are. No. Yeah. Your people will come.
Starting point is 00:54:09 Look at me, guys. Look at me. If you're listening to this podcast, you've seen the evolution of my whole. horrible dating decisions. By the way, you can get, he's making you crazy on Amazon or wherever you buy your books. But you guys have really seen that. And when I met Luke, that's what was different, is that he loved me for exactly who I was. And Luke met me after I got canceled. Yeah. Like, I was at the bottom of the barrel. Yeah. I was about to get the valley and I knew that, but I didn't have, I sold my house. I was living in an apartment again. Like, I didn't have all of the But not, and I don't mean things like materialistic, but like the successes that I had, the sparkle, that I had, you know, a few years prior. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:53 And he loved me for exactly who I was. And my favorite thing about going into that relationship was I wasn't looking for a relationship. I wasn't trying to get a boyfriend. I was almost like trying to push him away by being like, you don't know me. Wait till you see this. Welcome to the show. Yeah. You know, like wait till you see all the sides of me.
Starting point is 00:55:12 And he was like, I love all the sides of you. And he never tried to change me. And I never tried to change him. Yeah. Actually, I'll never forget when you called me to tell me that you were dating him. Yeah. You made him. You said, Kelly, I'm dating a guy from Indiana. I'm from Indiana. And you're like, you have to, you guys know everything about each other because you're both from Indiana. And you just put him on the phone. And we talked for like 40 minutes. And I was like, you guys are the same because you're from the same state. But he does. He just adores you for who you are. Yeah. And that's what I want for all of you lovely women out there. because it is possible, it is there.
Starting point is 00:55:47 Yeah. Just got to be patient. Yeah. Okay. Newly pregnant, kind of scared. What do you wish you knew early on? Well, number one, I love that you're only kind of scared because I was fucking terrified. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:58 I was excited, but I was absolutely terrified. What do I wish you knew early on? It's tough to say because I feel like you just don't know it until you go through it. It's like one of those things, once again, we kind of keep saying that. It's like the theme here. But truly, like, for me, now in hindsight, pregnant. it's like pregnancy is just pregnancy. It is hard. I had a really hardy first trimester, a fairly easy 10 weeks during my second trimester, and then you're in a shit ton of physical pain and
Starting point is 00:56:26 your third. Just be easy on yourself. Yeah. I think the best advice I was given and it was actually postpartum, but I think it's relevant to this is expect it. Ooh, that's really good. Just expect it all. Expect it to hurt. Expect yourself to feel crazy. Expect yourself to puke your brains out. And if you don't, even better. Right. Right. Right, exactly. So it's not like... Expect the worst, hope for the best. That's it.
Starting point is 00:56:48 Exactly. Yep. Instead of trying to like compare yourself to everyone and like, oh, this is what it's going to be, you know? Don't compare yourself because I'm telling you with all of my friends, me and Kelly versus the girls that you guys know from the show, like all of our pregnancies could not have been... There were certain people I have similarities with that we shared, but the overalls of them, we all experience something so different. And that's age, it's your body, it's everything. Like, it's all, you're your own person. So why wouldn't your pregnancy be very specific about you?
Starting point is 00:57:21 It's individual. It's all original to you. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Number one thing surprised you as a new mom. I don't know if there's a number one, but I've kind of gone over this a little bit. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:33 Postpartum is, for me, can be very difficult. If I kept myself really busy right out at the gate, like, I got to do laundry all day long. And like, so I didn't have to sit with my feelings or my fears. Right. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. So it's a little bit of both. I think it's an acclimating thing because what we're designed to do is we are only designed postpartum to take care of the baby.
Starting point is 00:57:56 And then the world around us is supposed to care for us. But it doesn't happen like that anymore. We don't have the village in that same way. Right. Like we should be in our own hut. Right. And somebody should just be coming and like bringing you the hot water for a bath or food or whatever it is, but that's not it.
Starting point is 00:58:13 No, not here. Not 2025. Not in America. No, definitely not in America. And yeah, just like, but surprise me. How much you'll talk about toots and poops? Oh. Never in my life did I think I'd be talking about toots and poops.
Starting point is 00:58:28 Right. How excited you'll be about that they poop? Yes. You'll be like, oh my God, you did it. Oh, I was going to throw a fucking party this week because Kai didn't poop for three days. And I'm like, she's stressed out because Luke left and she doesn't understand FaceTime, but she Your status voice and like, now what am I going to do? And it's like, oh, no, but I also started her like on trying solid foods. And maybe that could be it too.
Starting point is 00:58:49 A hundred percent. Like, hello. The gut and the brain are connected. Give them a little prune juice and it'll come right out. Yep. Easy fixes. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:56 And that prune juice is actually not bad. Yeah. Okay. This is, it's like in one of those water, the water question. Wine or whiskey. I was like, are you in my house? Have you bugged me? Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:59:08 Yeah. It's the only thing that I've been able to drink. Thanksgiving birth. Yeah. I've had a dirty martini here and there, but I can literally have one and I feel pretty shit-paced. Yeah. But wine and whiskey, just, they rock my world. Yeah. So I can't choose. It depends on the day, the weather, my feelings. I think we had, we've had, we've had both. We've had both in the last 24 hours. I was like in the last week, aka 24 hours. Right. Who is the, oh, this is for you, Kell, especially you, but because you watch Bravo. Yeah. Who is the hottest bravo? It says Bravo guys. Who are the hottest bravo guys? Who are the hottest
Starting point is 00:59:41 Bravo guys besides Luke. Oh, well, of course, Luke wins. Well, you know, my favorite is Schwarzy. But what I love about him so much, I mean, obviously, aesthetically, he's gorgeous. But it's that he can laugh at himself. He doesn't take himself too seriously. Yeah. Like, he'll wear two pairs of sunglasses.
Starting point is 00:59:56 He'll put on a moo-moo. It's so hot to me. To be able, like, to be able to laugh at yourself, I think is the biggest gift in the world. For sure. And I think he has it. He has that thing. I agree.
Starting point is 01:00:06 I agree. I think Schwartzy is, I think Tommy Tom is so hot. He is. I love him so much. I know. I'm so happy he's on the Valley. I know. I'm so happy that I get to say he's on the Valley because we were, as if people didn't figure it out.
Starting point is 01:00:19 Oh, you can say it now. Got it. Yeah, we talked about it at BravoCon. And I remember Tom literally the minute, the second that he moved to L.A. I remember him getting out of his Honda Civic with his long hair and his beanie with his ear, like, folded over because the beanie was like, you know, like behind it would push down. Yeah. And he had on these like maroon or like burgundy, like Adida's pants, like the snap tear away, the snap ones with like this button down camel colored shirt.
Starting point is 01:00:52 And I'm pretty sure he had socks and slides on. And I was just like, and he had, you know, some clothes and like some ninja turtles. See, that's what I'm saying. The ninja turtle. That's it. This weird chicken, like statue thing. These are the things that are important to him. And this frog, what was his name, Pierre?
Starting point is 01:01:10 Pierre, the frog. Yeah, Pierre, this like royal frog with like a velvet coat, like statue thing that he had. But see, that's like, that's his alter ego. Yeah. I can see it. That makes sense. Is anyone else hot on Bravo? Zach.
Starting point is 01:01:25 Yeah. I wouldn't do him, but he's hot. He's too pretty. I'm trying to think. I mean, there's a lot of hot girls, but guys. I was literally going to say that earlier when we, like, we're talking a little bit about it. I think the McB boys are good looking. Yep.
Starting point is 01:01:38 And I think I love. it's their vibe. Their vibe is very luke to me, you know, so I think that they're good-looking bunch. Yeah. You like, you really like the masculine of that, which I love to see it. My type has changed, guys. I was going to say, that wouldn't be my type. I want somebody a little bit feminine because I'm slightly masculine. Yeah. I kind of ride that cusp. What do you think about the southern term boys then? Oh, I don't know. I actually love Craig, but for the same reason. Except for the hair at BravoCon? Well.
Starting point is 01:02:12 Except for the Kinniki hair. Kinniki. That was his name. I forgot. Yeah. A little Elvisy. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:02:20 I just think that. No, but you didn't mind it. You said you didn't mind it. You just were uncertain. I was unsure. I was like, whoa, what is this? We've changed. But no, I love that, like, I'm also a seamstress, but that, like, he was just like, yeah, I sew pillows.
Starting point is 01:02:31 He's so okay with that side of himself. I think sometimes hypermasculinity means that they can't have a feminine. side, and I don't like that. I don't appreciate that about a person. Listen, Craig, I love you, and I'm sure you won't hear this, or people will pick this up, but he did love to sew, but I think he really needed something to fall back on, too. He's like, I got to have a thing on the show at that time, but I do also he did love to sew. Yeah. But it became the thing because he didn't really have a thing. I see. That's what I. That was the end. Got it.
Starting point is 01:03:02 Am I moving to Colorado? Absolutely not. I'm not moving to Colorado. We have no plans to move to Colorado. When Luke and I eventually do move with Kaya before she's school age, we will not be moving to Colorado. We will always just have Colorado. Yeah. And that's that, which is cool. Yeah, it's great. Colorado's beautiful. The house is going to be so sick. I get to pick out all the tiles right now for the kitchen and I'm really excited. For the bathroom, I mean, in the kitchen is the kitchen. We've already picked everything out. It's going to be gorgeous and I'm super stoked and it'll just be a place we always have. I love a project. I want to be on HDTV so fucking badly. That is my goal.
Starting point is 01:03:37 That's what you have to do. That is my goal. Producer friends. I'm ready. Okay. 37 weeks pregnant and stress buying. Absolute must haves for the first few weeks. For me, it depends if you're breastfeeding or bottle feeding.
Starting point is 01:03:54 If you are bottle feeding as well, I highly, highly, highly recommend on Baby List, and it's not an ad, but on Baby List, they have a glass bottle box where you buy, like, it's like, I forget how many, three or four or five maybe glass bottles, and they're different because the nipples are different per the, per brand. Right. And your baby really does choose. They do. Like, I bought the most insane amount of the Phillips brand because a bunch of my friends used it
Starting point is 01:04:24 and Kaya was not fucking having it. So we use Dr. Browns. She loves it. Her passies are that. Like, that was that. So I recommend getting one of each before you go all out and buy a bunch of bottles. I also recommend if you're doing formula, the baby brasia formula maker. It's like the curing for formula.
Starting point is 01:04:42 It has changed my fucking life. Yeah, that's amazing. The first time I had to make bottles without it, I truly didn't know what to do. I didn't know that you just put water in the bottle and then put formula and then you shake it. I was like, I don't know what to do. I remember going to my OB at my six-week appointment and I wasn't producing a lot of milk, but I was like, she's going to get hungry. We can't just make a bottle now. It's a 45-minute drive.
Starting point is 01:05:04 The bottle goes bad after two hours. If she touches her lips to it, it's bad after an hour. So I didn't bring a bottle at all. I brought my manual breast pump. We brought her with us. And I sat there squeezing my boob to try to get milk out so she could eat. Where were you? On my way to my OB appointment, my six-week appointment, postpartum.
Starting point is 01:05:25 And not realizing I could just make a fucking bottle or put water in a bottle and then bring the formula and mix it. I had no idea because I was like, I just used the baby bras. Talk about being an idiot. So I sat in the backseat manually squeezing my tits, trying to get milk out. I made one ounce. This tracks for you so hard. One ounce of milk. And she was screaming through my whole appointment.
Starting point is 01:05:47 I was like putting her on my boob. Like I'm like naked from the waist down. And then my doctor's coming in. Then I'm like my shirt's off. So I'm just naked. And I'm like, please latch, please. And she's like, fuck you bitch. Yep.
Starting point is 01:05:58 So. Yep. My world. You live in it. What else? Oh, I love just the, okay, burp cloths, you guys. the amount of burpluss that I have that are thick and pretty and all of that bullshit. No.
Starting point is 01:06:10 The white muslin verb plus, you can get them on Amazon, get a pack of 12. Yep. That's what I use religiously. I am a huge fan of Magnetic Me, baby onesies. Yeah, that wasn't my time, but I love it for Chaya. I'm obsessed, obsessed with Magnetic Me. Target has these awesome modal onesies. They're Cloud Island modal onesies.
Starting point is 01:06:33 They're super soft. and they're really inexpensive. I love those to pieces. She still wears them. And I highly recommend a postpartum set up in your bathroom. Oh, smart. So if you have an end table that you're not using, or you can literally just get one of those like small utility carts on Amazon
Starting point is 01:06:51 and put that in your bathroom with whatever it is you need, whether you had a C-section or you gave. Switch bottle, your. Yeah, your vagina freeze shit, the dermoplast. Your adult diapers. Adult diapers. the frozen pads, like every single thing that you'll need, have it on hand in your bathroom so you can just roll it in when you need it.
Starting point is 01:07:11 And then I also am a big fan of, depending on what your house or apartment or situation looks like, having a diaper set up, like again, I have those little utility carts like 30 bucks on Amazon. I have one in my bedroom because then I don't have to get, when I have to change her diaper in the middle of the night, I just do it on the bed. Yeah. And I have a whole changing station in the living room. She doesn't even use the one in her room. Oh, and I'm going to like.
Starting point is 01:07:36 So your turn. No, I'm going to ride that with you because I did not have this, but you do, the pee pads. Oh, yeah, the doggy pee pads. So smart. Yeah. And don't buy ones on, again, I'm like Amazon, Amazon, but I'm an Amazon girl. Don't buy the ones that are for babies that stay for babies because they're jacked up the prices. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:53 Literally buy doggy pee pads. Yeah. And you stick it under on the changing table. So if, because they're going to pee as soon as you take the diaper off. Yes. So then you just pull the pad away. I didn't have that. I had like 75 changing table sheets.
Starting point is 01:08:07 Oh. And I would just change them all the time. Doggy key pads for days. It was evolved. I love it. I know. So what kind of formula do I use for Kaya? We use hip.
Starting point is 01:08:14 It's a Dutch formula. I tried a few different things for her. We started with, I forget what the first one at the hospital was. And then we switched to infamil. And what's the word that it would do when it gets to heat? Thank you. If we were talking about this earlier. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:30 And it would congeal. And I like in the machine and I was like, God, I can only imagine what it does to her stomach. And babies that young, if you are a new mom or you're pregnant, they have gnarly, gnarly digestive systems. They don't know how to poop. They don't know how to fart. They're figuring everything out. They have no gut biome. Yes. And so it's difficult anyway. But for us, just for us, Kaya was very colicky. She was very acid refluxy. She had a really difficult little belly. And the European formula just works better for her. So that's what we're. we use. As little ingredients as possible. Yeah, basically. Yep. Yep. Um, do I recommend doing IUI on my fertility
Starting point is 01:09:11 journey right now? For us, it was the best thing for us. Regardless, like, I was doing the hormones. I was uncertain about the IUI part of it until not last minute, but like within starting to take the hormones. Yeah. And it was just that extra little percentage that was going to help us. And it was so simple. And to be honest, even in California, it wasn't, that wasn't the expensive part. The hormone shots works were pricey and nothing's covered by insurance when it comes to fertility or infertility. Really? But yeah, the IUI was just, it was a really simple thing.
Starting point is 01:09:45 It was more about Luke than it was me, you know, Luke going and giving his sample and spinning his sperm and cleaning it and all that shit. And then it's just a syringe in my cervix. And that was that. So it just, it just, it kind of like cuts to the chase, you know. It doesn't give them time. It gets you there quicker. It does. Just like right to the point.
Starting point is 01:10:04 Yeah. So it helped me. Yeah. So I recommend it, but it depends on your doctor, your body, and everything. Exactly. Okay. This question, how has your relationship dynamic changed since giving birth? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:21 Sex. Amen. Luke wants a lot of it. Yep. I'm not interested. It has nothing to do with how attracted I am. am to him, has nothing to do with how hot I think he is. Number one, I just have, like, no libido, and I know that that's very normal. For sure. And if you have a libido, God bless you. Like,
Starting point is 01:10:41 you get a gold star on your forehead. But you don't get to choose it. No, you don't. It's hormonal. Yeah. Yeah. It's literally biological. So, and that was another thing I didn't expect. At first, for me, it was really like, I just pushed a baby out of my vagina. Right. And it's really weird to think about your penis going in it. And it was also about my body image. I didn't feel good, even though I know he loves me and I just carried his baby and all of that shit. Like you're the hottest you've ever been to him. Yeah. And but for me, I'm like, ew. I remember like the first like week or two weeks or a few weeks after giving birth, I was like, I still love, I really love my body. I don't hate my body now. I just feel foreign in it. Yeah. But at first I was like,
Starting point is 01:11:20 I'm so proud of it. And then as time passed, I was like, where, where, why are you still there? Why haven't you changed? Wait, haven't we closed this chapter? Yeah, right. Right. Like, hello. I know. McFly.
Starting point is 01:11:32 Yeah. And so, yeah, and Luke wants to have sex and I don't. And so Luke and I are in couples therapy. And last, or not last week, see, everything's like a million years ago to me. Right. It was this week. It was like literally days ago. When he was out of town, our couples therapist wanted to meet just with me because she had
Starting point is 01:11:51 already met with Luke on his own just to like get to know me because I have my own therapist. So she was like, I just need to get to know you. Right? So I give her the lowdown. Grew up in Michigan. My parents are divorced. Moved to L.A. Here's all the things I wanted to do. I wrote a book, got canceled, blah, blah, blah, television show, all the shit, right? And she was like, when did you guys, you know, why did you? Because you guys are obviously at couples therapy, so when did you start fighting? And I was like, not until I got pregnant. We never fucking fought before until I got pregnant. And I remember one really bad fight in my first trimester. And he he was like, I don't know you.
Starting point is 01:12:26 Like, who are you right now? And I was like, I don't know me either or something like that. It was the conversation. And our therapist pointed out to me like, Luke is a fish out of water in L.A. Yeah. He doesn't have the things that make him feel like him. He doesn't have hiking right outside of his door like he does Colorado. You know, he doesn't have the hunting, the fishing, the outdoorsy.
Starting point is 01:12:48 Like he's a live in nature kind of boy in L.A., like if he wants to fish. Or like be on a boat, just be at water. It's like an hour drive. Like, it's just all very foreign to him. Yeah. And then when I changed during pregnancy, as I did, it was like he no longer had the me that he knew. So now he literally had nothing. Right.
Starting point is 01:13:07 That was the glue. Yeah. And it faded. Right. Yeah. And so it's like right now, or not, you know, in the last however long, he's been like, I have this joy that is Kaya, of course. Yeah. But he just kind of felt like where was everything else, you know?
Starting point is 01:13:23 Like, what is he here for? why can't we leave? Like, he needs something that's a foundation of who he is. And it's you. Yeah. And so we talked about that. And she looked at me and said, the therapist said, Kristen, you are a very capable woman. And I said, thank you. Even though I get down on myself, I actually agree. Like, I can get shit done. Like, I can't run a country, but I could run a very small island. I'm damn sure, you know, I could delegate. And she said, you know, you need to learn how to manage your man. And I was like, huh?
Starting point is 01:13:59 I kind of went, okay. And then I was like, huh? Yeah. She's like, you don't manage your man. And I was like, what does that fuck is that mean? Yeah. Like, to me, it sounded like I had to maybe like parent him. Like all these thoughts were going through my head.
Starting point is 01:14:13 Like you're a boss. Yeah. So I was like, what do you mean manage him? She's like, this is so simple. And it was, what does he want? He wants to have sex with you. He wants intimacy. He wants to be close.
Starting point is 01:14:24 to you again. The physical things. Yeah. And I'm like, well, too fucking bad. Like, what do you mean? Like, why do I have to give in to that? And then it became like a stubborn thing on my end rather than like whether I wanted to have sex or not.
Starting point is 01:14:38 Right. Of course I want to get back to that place. I love sex. You would love to feel like that again, wouldn't you? One million percent. I would love to just be like, we need to bang like rabbits whenever we can, you know? Yeah. Oh, she's sleeping five minutes.
Starting point is 01:14:51 Yeah. Rabbit's bang. Why do we say that? Yeah, they have lots of babies. Okay. Yeah. I was like, why did we say that? Just constantly pregnant.
Starting point is 01:14:56 But I started, like, kind of, like, fighting her on it, like, arguing her. Like, why do I have to? Like, why doesn't he have to do A, B, C, and D, or whatever? And she's like, well, do you want to better your relationship or you don't? Yeah, do you want what you want or not? She's like, this is so easy. And I'm like, but that, yeah. So right before we started recording, I called Luke.
Starting point is 01:15:21 And I was like, I haven't even told you. about this session I had with our therapist because he's been out of town and I want to talk to him about it in person. But I was like, I'd like talk to Kelly about it on the podcast. So he's like, well, tell me what therapist said. So I tell him, do I get to know first? Yeah. So I like tell him, you know, she said, manage your man. And he literally goes, manage me. Truly, I heard it. Caught me by surprise. He goes, manage me. Kristen, I'm so easy. Yeah. And what did he say? He said, dangle the carrot. Yeah. Yeah. That's what he said. Just dangle the carrot. He's like, I want the carrot. And you're giving me.
Starting point is 01:15:53 sticks or something like that. Something like that, yeah. Didn't really make sense to me. But yeah, he was literally like, yeah, this is really simple. He's like, I'll be so happy, do anything, be anything, give you all the your love languages that you want. His is physical touch, intimacy, sex for us to be close. Which that's affirming to him. So I think you guys are common in that way where it may look different. Like you are words, like affirmation. You're doing a good job. Yes. Thank you for the good job. Yes. And he just want to be, yeah, I want to be recognized. Like, I, like, I know I'm good at putting Kai out of bed.
Starting point is 01:16:29 I know that that's, like, my strong suit. But, like, can you just fucking tell me once in a while? And his, for you to tell him means to fuck him. That's it. That's all he needs. Like, that's my affirmation and my girl. And shout out to Brine Brown for this is, do we now need to potentially have a conversation where, like, we were talking about, like, oh, God, if he touches me or, like, somebody,
Starting point is 01:16:50 like, it's going to lead to something that I'm not ready for? Like, I'm not in that mode. Right. Because Luke is a very touchy-feely person. So it's like, we're watching a movie. And I'm like, why don't we, like, can we cuddle or can we do this? So he'll, like, put his hand on my leg or he'll, like, scoge toward me. And I, in since postpartum have really, yeah, like, I've frozen up and kind of like, oh, God, here we go.
Starting point is 01:17:13 Like, he's going to try. Right. And I'm like, can we, he's like, why can't we just make out? And I'm like, why can't we just make out? Just is the word there. Right. Yeah. Without me knowing you're going to try, and then if I say no, he feels rejected, which if I put my empathy hat on, like, how would I feel if I try to have sex with him and he rejected me constantly?
Starting point is 01:17:33 Turn down all the time. Yeah. I would feel like shit about myself. Yeah. He knows, of course, it's not about him. He knows it's about me. Thank God for that. But it still doesn't feel good. No, it doesn't. But that's why Brunay, like she talks about in relationships all the time about giving. They're not 50, 50. Like telling the percentage that you're at. And sometimes you're going to be. 10 and sometimes you're going to be 90. And if that person's 10 is louder than yours, you have to be 90%. So sometimes the hand on the leg has to lead to sex. And sometimes it doesn't. And I in turn told my couples therapist that my therapist and in fact told me, Kristen, what's 15 minutes? For fuck's sake. I was like 15. Geez, that's kind of long. I know. Luke will be like three pumps. He's going to like get in there and be done. Luke will literally say it. He's like, it won't even take me No. It's been forever. By forever, like a month, okay, or weeks. Not forever. Not even that. I mean, well, initially. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to get through it and you're
Starting point is 01:18:31 going to find it again. I was schooled by not my therapist, not just my therapist, not just my couple's therapist, but also my best friend Kelly is sitting right here. Yeah. All affirming what Luke is saying is that if I want my way, essentially, if I want what I want and I want to get it, Use the divine feminine. Use it. It's a powerful tool. By carrot, I mean my vagina. Let him use his carrot for your carrot.
Starting point is 01:18:58 Yeah. That's it. Yeah. Love it. And I call him stubborn. Oh, come on. I know better than that. He's a tourist.
Starting point is 01:19:07 Okay, next question. Christmas traditions that I planning on starting this year with me, Kaya and Luke. I don't know. And I don't even know if we know where we're spending Christmas. I really wanted to go to Hawaii. that might be a little too last minute at this point. God, we're so last minute on everything right now. We'd like to go to the Midwest between, you know, next week and before Christmas. Now and Christmas. Yeah, like at some point. But then like Christmas, maybe we'll just be here in L.A.
Starting point is 01:19:34 Maybe we'll go on a little trip just the three of us. But I don't know. I'm like, I should really start a fun tradition. Do you guys have any? Obviously, mine's a little different because I was married for a portion of it and then not. So it's shifted, but the picture means like do a specific thing. So I've always taken a picture of the boys right in front of the tree. And so every year you can kind of just like watch them grow. So it's something so easy. And then the tree grows and you see more ornaments come because that's the other thing. I highly recommend not doing like a themed tree for your family tree and letting their like it's bare when they're little because they don't have a lot of ornaments. Like each grandparent gives an ornament, like a gift-giving thing.
Starting point is 01:20:19 Like, don't put all my earth-tone ones up that I love. I mean, do a little bit, but not too much. And then as they grow, you see all of these, like, Cass House Wally. Or, like, this year my mom got him a bottle, like a glass bottle of Fanta. Okay. And so it's, like, representative of their age as well. So maybe, like, the treat ornament thing. I will adapt that.
Starting point is 01:20:38 Yeah. And the picture one. Yeah. Yeah. See, I wasn't really prepared for that. So I was like, I don't know. Yeah. Even Thanksgiving, I got a lot of questions, like, well, why didn't you and
Starting point is 01:20:46 Kaya go with, which I said earlier, but it was like, isn't it shitty? You guys want me together for Thanksgiving? And yeah, I mean, for a second, I was like, Luke, you don't want to spend Thanksgiving with us. And I was like, well, I don't eat turkey. Right. I'm on a GLP1. Right. I'm not that hungry. Kaya doesn't eat. I mean, she had a little bit sweet potato puree. That's relative to Thanksgiving. Shout out to little spoons. I love you. Yes, so good. We're grateful. We have gratitude. I get to text with a lot of my friends, spent it with my My friend family. Yeah, that was so fun.
Starting point is 01:21:16 So it wasn't that big of a deal. But Christmas, I would, you know, we have to be together. You definitely have to be together. All right, Kell, this was like super fucking fun. So fun. Way more fun than a solo episode. Yeah. Hell yeah.
Starting point is 01:21:28 All right. Well, I love you so much. I love you. Yeah. And that's it, guys. So I hope you all had the most wonderful Thanksgiving. Go Lions Go. Yes, ma'am.
Starting point is 01:21:37 And I will talk to you guys next week. Bye. Bye. Make sure to follow us on social. media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Doty and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke double underscore Broderick. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes. Thanks for listening. See you next week. I don't know about you, but the second November hits, I am in full holiday prep mode. Like, let's make this house feel festive, cozy,
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