Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Brittany Cartwright's Christmas Confessions

Episode Date: December 12, 2025

Episode 173. This week, Kristen opens the episode with an emotional update on everything going on with Luke’s dog, Jill, and why she was rushed into emergency surgery. She’s then joined by Brittany Cartwright for a fun and festive conversation. The two dive into: • What it really takes to make a TikTok • Holiday season chaos and decoration styles • The big question: when do you tell your kids Santa isn’t real—and when did they figure it out? • Brittany’s Christmas traditions with Cruz • How to juggle holiday travel with family—do you switch off years or split the time? They wrap up with a candid Q&A, answering: • What was harder to film: Vanderpump Rules or The Valley? • What’s the most unhinged thought Brittany has ever had? • And a myth-busting moment: one thing people always assume about Kristen and Brittany’s relationship that’s totally wrong. Sponsors: Magnetic Me: New customers get 15% off your first order when you go to MagneticMe.com   Caraway: Visit Carawayhome.com/DOUTE for 10% off your next purchase. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, what's up y'all? Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. My favorite thing about the holidays? Decking out my whole house. It's not a competition, but if it was, well, I'd win the season with Wayfair. Outdoor inflatable Santa? Got it on Wayfair. Trees, lights and ornaments? Wayfair. Hosting must-havs, like dining sets, beds, sheets, and towels? Wayfair. For everything in your style delivered with fast and free shipping, visit Wayfair.com or the Wayfair app to win the season. But again, it's not a competition. Hi, we're the judgeies podcast. Every week, we scour the internet to bring our listeners the most interesting stories and then we judge them because we're the judges.

And now we have a second weekly show where we take voicemails from our listeners to give them advice. Probably bad advice, but hey, still advice. Download and listen to the judges wherever you get your podcast so you can be judgy with us because who doesn't love being a little bit judgy? Hello, my doll faces. Welcome back to another episode of Balancing Act. guest is my sister from another mister my queen of christmas brittany cartwright but uh before we jump in i want to fill you guys in on what has been a wild and unpredictable week in the doty broderick house

as you know luke was in colorado for a week to work on the house and of course took jill with him the ranch is her life um if you follow me on socials you've read this you've been following the journey but if you haven't just a little update on what's been going on So on Monday, last Monday, Jill went to the groomer, went to the park per usual. After they got home, she suddenly had a super bloated belly out of nowhere. I'm talking like, it looked like she was about to get birth. Her belly was hard. So Luke was obviously extremely worried.

But bloat is apparently very common in German Shepherds, and it was so big and so fast. Luke told me that Jill's dad had actually died from bloat. is basically when a dog's stomach fills up with gas, rotates on itself, trapping the gas inside. And this is very common in German shepherds are like deep chested, like deep barrel dogs because they have all this space, right?

So the twisted stomach blocks blood flow. It can affect blood returning to the heart. So this is what we thought it was. Anywho didn't end up being that. He took her to the vet ER. So unbeknownst to us, she had a ruptured tumor on her splice. with massive internal bleeding.

They, of course, did imaging. Her imaging did not show any other masses or nodules, which is obviously a positive, as we're in this, like, Google deep dive. But it was also really hard to tell in certain areas of the imaging because of the amount of fluid, the blood that was in her body. So very quick and difficult decision, we decided to have her rushed into emergency surgery. they removed her spleen and then we were just there to pray they didn't find any other tumors the surgeon said they would call Luke mid-surgery you know he would walk away to let him know if they found anything it wouldn't really change the trajectory of the surgery itself but it was kind of i don't know i guess just for our peace of mind or lack thereof i'm not really sure but it was very emotional it was a really long night. Essentially, if he did find any other masses, then we would know that it was

cancer. And apparently there's, it's called hemangiocoma, which is a cancer of the blood vessels, which is also common in German Shepherds, labs, goldens, you know, different dog breeds like that. So if they didn't find anything else, they would just biopsy the spleen and then we would pray it was benign. So we were told, as I said, like it was most likely cancer per her breed per the situation. So we basically just went home and prayed and that's all we could really do. So after surgery, we did get really great news that Jill was awake. She was in recovery. Her spleen was removed off to the lab for biopsy. They did not find any other tumors, which was such a great sign. But as of even today, there's nothing definitive until we find out

if it is cancer. The next morning we found out that she did lose all of her blood volume. I believe it was about five leaders, which is just insane to me. The doctors continued to give her blood transfusions over the course of about three days. What a strong bitch, you know? Like she had a will to live, and that's why I knew we had to do this surgery first and foremost, but we also had to keep manifesting, praying, thanking God, the universe, asking for prayers from our friends, just like everything we could put into it because Jill has the will. So Wednesday night, she was able to come home.

We had a long list of medication, a lot of what she can't do, but she's been pushing through. And she is the strongest, bravest girl I know. So we've been keeping her comfortable. She is today, like, she wants to play. She wants to play with her ball. She wants to run. But we're supposed to just keep her super chill for two weeks while she heals because the scar is, like, insane. She has stitches all up and down her belly.

So everyone, thank you for all your prayers, your thoughts, your good, do-joo, whatever it is that you believe in, and just keep them coming. Yeah, so that's where we're at. But in other home news, my friend Kelly left. I've been trying to keep up with the kayak crib training all week. We've had some hits. We've had some misses every night. Every night I'm just like, okay, come on, girl, we're doing this.

You know, we're being strong. Tonight's the night. And every night, Kay is like, a girl, no. So, listen, crib training is for parents with boundaries. co-sleeping is for parents with vibes. That's where I'm at right now. I feel like I'm supporting her emotional journey that usually just ends up back in my bed.

But in all seriousness, here's my hot take. Some days, scream success. Some days, we cuddle a little bit more than we intend it to. There's really no right or wrong. She's slowly getting used to her bed. I love that she has more space. But sometimes she gets stuck on her belly and she panics. And I don't know who panics more if it's her or if it's me.

But just like the day that Kaya was born, I always tell her, we will figure this out together, period. And now, Brittany Cartwright, everyone. Well, hi, Betty. Hello. Hello, hello. I've been seeing you in like a day. Hi, girl. Hi.

Brittany and I had a wild night in. A wild night in. The other night. At my house. Yes, you heard us right. we decided to do a content night, like TikToks, because that's how millennials do TikToks. Spoiler alert. I mean, unless you're Zach Wickham, but I can't just like, I can't just like grab my phone and be like, so today, this is what I'm doing on TikTok. I'm here's

my morning coffee. Yeah. No, we're like, what are funny trends? Like, how can we be funny and entertaining? Yeah. Like, let's do something cool, but that actually makes sense for us. Yeah. And you had a really good one, so I can't wait to post these. We have to edit them. But Brittany had a really good one. Do you want to explain it? Kind of? Oh, yeah. So I've just been seeing them all over the place where there's like a cutting board or a box or something in between you. And you both pick out an item and you don't know what the other person has. And you sit down and you could either be lying or telling the truth about your item. And you have like five questions to ask the other person to see if they're telling the truth or not. Yeah. It's very,

it's very like a Jimmy Fallon. Yeah. And it was really fucking funny. It was really funny. The only thing I hated about me in the video is like I was trying to be smaller than the board. So I was like leaning on the table and like it's just, it was ridiculous. We're both kind of hunched over in it. Yeah. Like I don't want you to see like it was like this CIA level like spy tactic. Like you can't see what I have. Yeah. We're not, we're not flawless with our, with our TikToks. But then we did this other one that I had pulled up. I can't even begin to explain it. But it was a physical one. Yes. And. And. And I really thought I had this shit on lockdown. I'm not going to lie. And I just kept being like,

Brittany, you dropped me. And she's like, what are you even doing? So when you see it, you'll get it. But essentially I fell into her Christmas tree. I bruised my tailbone. Yes. I might have had a little bit of bourbon that night. So I was feeling fine when I left. And the next morning, I was like, I actually can't stand up or sit down or I ordered a donut like Amazon Prime. One of those donuts. Oh, you actually got one of those. Yes. But then after I opened it, I realized you can't put it on a couch. It's for like a desk chair or like a hard surface. Oh, like some of the hard surface. Yes. And like, what do I sit on this hard surface at my house? Yeah. I have hard surface things. Yeah. Even right now, she can barely stand up and sit down, which cracks me up. We fell on top of each other a couple

times. And I thought I was going to be sore, but I'm feeling all right. I, you know, and then we did the paper bag one on Thanksgiving that I posted. That day, I thought I was really going to be fucking sore. Well, the inside of my thigh. I was really sore. The groin. The muscle next to the vagines. Yes. I was a little terrified.

That was a little sore that day. This is why millennials have to be cautious with TikTok. Yes. You guys. You get us old people. I know. And I was texting with my friend Jenna who's a trainer and she was like, well, is it bruised? I'm like, I can't see my tailbone.

Yeah. She's like, is it swollen? I can't tell. I don't know. I'm just in pain. It'll go away. For however long. I've raised my tailbone.

phone a couple times whenever I was cheerleading. Like I would do gymnastics pass and I would just like slide on my butt if I fell. How long did it last? I mean, the worst time was like a week. When you were in your early 20s and no, I was in like high school still whenever I did Oh, so in an amazing shape bouncing back with your high school DNA. Yeah, but it still was like I couldn't practice for like a week. Okay, well, I'm not going to do shit for a week.

Like it hurts to pee. Yeah, oh gosh. Yeah, that's really what's happening. Well, we had fun. We had a blast. So Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays. I'm basically sitting in a fucking Macy's store right now, which is Brittany's house.

It is the wildest Christmas display. And right when I got here, Brittany's like, but I'm not even done because I haven't put up my wreaths outside or done my front yard yet. That's the only thing I have left. It's taking me forever. I have a question for you. Okay.

I was talking to a girlfriend about this and then I brought it up to Luke. What do we tell Kaya about Santa? when I was pregnant, I was like, I'm never going to lie to her. I'm always, we're going to be the best of friends. We're always going to be honest with each other. Like, that's my goal with my daughter, right? Which I know, like fleeting fucking dreams.

I get it. She's going to hate me one day when she's 12 and like, I'm going to be not cool. Whatever. That's not my goal and my wish is my manifestation. But if I say I'm never going to lie to her and then I tell her there's a Santa. What do I do? It's magic, though. Yes.

I don't think that that counts as lying because also think about this. All of her little friends and stuff in class are going to believe in Santa and you don't want her to be the kid telling all of her friends and crushing their dreams that Santa isn't real or elf on the shelf isn't real or the magic of Christmas is like I will make Cruz think that Santa is real as long as he wants to believe it's real. Yeah. How long is that? Like I don't remember how old I was when I knew and I'm fairly certain my sister ruined it for my brother or not. Yeah. Or maybe my brother ruined it for me because his friend told him, It's always older siblings that ruined it. Someone ruined it for us. I know that. Yeah. But I don't remember, like, I look back at all my Christmas photos when I was little and my brother and I are just, like, lighting up and just so excited. Yeah. My mom, even though my mom had the same handwriting for Santa and herself. Like, I didn't know any better.

Yeah, I didn't know any better either. My parents would always, like, change the wrapping paper. Like, the wrapping paper from Santa would all be the same wrapping paper. And then the presents from, like, family and everything else would all be different. I know if my mom did that. But my dad would go, like, above and beyond, which I love this so much. And I will always want to do this stuff for Christmas. Like, he would do, like, tracks in, like, with, like, powdered sugar and different stuff. He would have, like, half-eaten carrots in the yard from the reindeer. Whenever we were little, I was a baby. So, like, of course, I don't remember this, but he, you know, on our VHS recorders.

Wes is my oldest brother, and he's seven years older than me. Tiffany's six years older than me. So West was starting to not believe in Santa. and so he was probably like seven or eight at this time. And he was starting to not believe in Santa and Tiffany was still believing in Santa. So they were like arguing

and it's all set up on camera and they're like, Wes is like, no, Santa's not real, Santa's not real. So my dad sets up the VHS in the kitchen where you could like see the tree and he hired somebody from the church to dress up as Santa and come in and like carry our, like bring a big bag

and like put our presents out and everything. And then at the very end saying I go finds the camera and he goes up and he turns it off he's like oh I'm gonna get that little wist and turns off the camera and we have that that for the rest of our lives and then yeah and then they looked at it the next day and Tiffany was like see said it's real I told you I told you I told you and like I just love stuff like that's what I want to do too yeah and I feel like you know one day like if she ever that's like my fear is that she'll be I don't know let's say seven or eight years old and her friends all tell her at school whatever age that is yeah and then she

I was like, Mommy, lied to me. And can I just be like, it was a fib because it's magic? Yeah. You know. Yeah, I don't think it's lying. I think it's just part of the Christmas holiday spirit. Yes. You know?

Like, and Santa is real. He might just not be a big jolly fat man that comes down a chimney. Yeah, you could always be like St. Nicholas was a man who gave presents to the people indeed. Because that was a real story from back in the day. Okay. I like that. I wouldn't want a kid. And with Cruz, it's just like whenever he figures it out or is like, I'm not feeling this anymore, then you could have the talk.

Yeah. But that he's only four. Yeah. Like I would never. So that's not for like quite some time. Yeah. Not for quite some time. And also like I don't really remember that like breaking my heart.

I don't either. You know? Because I don't remember when it happens. Exactly. So it's not a core memory. Exactly. That's a good point. We remember more when we thought it was real.

True. Like I remember sleeping and me and my sisters shared a room at my dad. house and thinking there was like a red light shining under the door because it was Rudolph's nose and stuff like you know what I mean like those those are the things that I remember I don't remember finding out it wasn't real at all I can't even tell you when it was how it happened okay nothing and what about the tooth fairy do people still do the tooth fairy I still love that yeah I love all that stuff yeah Cruz hasn't started losing teeth yet but I too young you know I remember that I remember like loving that I think the only issue people have

with the tooth fairy is yet again being at school some kids will get $1. Some kids will get $20 or like really rich kids will get like $100. What happened to a quarter? Yeah. Like we, I have parents. Everyone needs to be like, listen, the tooth fairy. The tooth fairy is $5.

Okay. So if we were all on one page, Brittany, let's set the president. I feel like when they're, I feel like a buck. It's a baby too. Yeah. Yeah. And a dollar's a lot to a kid. Yeah.

If we start, I know toys are expensive. You know, money is different these days. Yeah, for sure. But I feel like, like if we start giving them five or ten or twenty bucks a tooth like what are they going to expect for an allowance one day or like they mow the lawn and they're like 200 bucks for two hours yeah like no way tours are so different but also i think it's different because we live in l.a like that's a big difference too like if i was back in kentucky a lot of the people not that we don't have people

who are really rich there too you know what i mean it's just i feel Midwest is different it's just different yeah like how they would handle stuff like that no if i told my sister i was thinking about giving kaya a 20 for a baby tooth she'd be like are you fucking crazy like way to raise a i don't think a five is too bad though i think i wouldn't go above a five because the only reason i say a five is because what is crew's going to get with one dollar if he gets to go to the store after losing a tooth like at least if he has a five he could go to the little candy store and get like a couple things or whatever or even the dollar store and get a couple things can you even get something for a dollar at the dollar store it would be over a dollar it'd be like a dollar plus

tax so you couldn't even get anything with your dollar. And then he's borrowing money from you for the tax which defeats the whole purpose of... Because I think it would be key for him to like have the little, find the little five under his pillow and then he gets to go and spend it on whatever he wants. Yeah. Or put it in a little piggy bag. Yeah. But not like

50 or, you know, people go... Do they make $50 bills anymore? Do they? I don't know. God, what's awful that we don't even know that. That's so weird. Because it's not like we carry like loads of cash around. No, I rarely have cash on me. Same. It's always, I mean, our phones are our wallets now.

Like, we could just use Apple pay and our Apple wallets for everything. Yeah. Every time I go get my nails done because I have to tip cash and their like fee is so cheap. But Luke's like, as I say that, Luke's like, no, it's not because then you're being probably charges. I'm like, well, their fees like $2. Yeah. I always take out the max amount.

Do you ever ask if they have Venmo? I always tip my nail text with Venmo. I've never asked. Yeah, you should ask because that's what I do it every single time. cash and use their ATM every single time. I mean, I've done that a bunch too, but... The cost of a dollar these days. Yeah.

What are... Well, you and I were talking about this the other day, so I kind of know, but people are asking me a lot, like, what are things I will do with Kaya to, like, set a Christmas tradition? And I'm like, I don't know because she's six months old and she literally doesn't get it. Yeah. Like, when we came over here on Thanksgiving, she looked at your Christmas tree and the lights and she was like, ooh, ah, like, that's cool.

But I decorated, she doesn't give a flying fuck, right? Yeah. I bought her a Rudolph the Red Nosed reindeer, like, toy. that she can like chomp on and the nose glows and it sings Rudolph the red nose reindeer. Oh, I feel like Cruz had that. Is it like brown and like fluffy?

Yeah. Okay, yeah. And she's like, what the hell is this? I don't know if it's the light flashing or it's because the song is like a person singing, but she's like not that into it. Well, you know, she is very little.

Yeah. I don't think you have to worry about that this year. No. Like next year she's going to care a lot more and then the next year after that's whenever you're really going to start getting into this. But I'm like, what tradition is.

should we do? So with Cruz, you were telling me the other day, because you bought his cute sweater for his Santa picture. And you've done his Santa picture every year, pretty much at the same spot. The same exact place. So I got to Kentucky for Christmas every single year, and we have the Fayette Mall in Lexington, and

it has been the same Santa every single year that Cruz has been a lot. Yes, the same exact Santa. And the setup is the same. So every single picture that he has looks like the same, it's the same Santa, and it is the same. And I know that's rare. Like a lot of places aren't going to have the same Santa every year. A lot of

places probably don't have malls. Yeah. Seriously. But that's something I'm always going to do. I'm always going to take him to the Fayette Mall. Like I've already got his Christmas sweater for his photos. So that's definitely a tradition. And me going home to my family is something that's like always going to happen for Christmas. Yeah. Like because we we set up a long time ago before Cruz was even born like Christmas Eve is always at my mom house. So that's always been for my entire family. This is where Luke and I fucked up. Because when we started dating, we said, and we literally, we talked about this in couples therapy a week ago. Because when we started dating, because Michigan and Indiana, they're close, right? It's a six hour, five hour drive.

But you don't want to fly. You're not going to fly from L.A. to Indiana. Pack your stuff up. Fly to Michigan for the hour and a half flight. It's, that's insane, especially during the holidays. So way pre-Kaya, before baby was even thought of, we were like, we'll switch off every year. I don't really care about Christmas not much. Well, yeah. I care because my dad's mom, my grandma, my only live grandparent, it is always meant the world to her. And we've always done Christmas Eve at her house. As long as I've been alive, my parents' abortion, I was three.

We always did it. And then Christmas Day was with my mom. But Luke's family, their parents, his parents, are not divorced too. So we have four Christmases. Yeah. Yeah. So how do you do four Christmases? So we said, we'll swap off every year. We've never once done the swap off. Yeah. The first year, we drove during the polar vortex. We drove with four dogs and we drove all the way and we did both. That was batshit bananas. Then his grandmother passed away last year. Of course, he wanted to spend it with his family. So he's essentially gone home every single year. I went home last year because I was pregnant.

And the year before, I only went to Indiana. So now we have the baby. Yeah. What do we do? He's like, we talked about it in couples therapy and I said, you know there's no way in hell. You're going to be okay with going to Michigan. He's like, and not Indiana. Yeah.

He was like, no, you're right. He's like, I don't even know why I ever said that. Yeah. It seemed like, I think in the moment, he was like, yeah, we could do that. But he was like, no, I want to be with my family too much. Yeah. So that's kind of where we're at now. So the thing that was easier for me is Jack's.

doesn't have that much family. Like, he has a sister who I love and I'll always make sure, like, I send her photos. And, like, we're even talking right now to where I can meet up with her halfway so that she gets to spend time with Cruz. And I'll take her, you know, cruise to go visit her. She can come visit me anytime. You guys will figure something out. We'll figure something out for December, January.

Right. And he, of course, has, like, aunts and uncles, but, like, he doesn't have that much family at all. And you have a ton of family. Yes. Very close. Right there. Yes.

All, like, very, very, very close family. Like, aunts, uncles, cousins. like there are so many of us in my mammal and you know my parents are divorced too but they live down the street so it's like we do mammals for Christmas Eve we go to my dads for Christmas morning all of my brothers and sisters and all the nieces and nephews and we have Christmas breakfast there and then we go to my mom's and end Christmas night there okay and that's just like what we've always done and like Jack's always agreed to that so now that we're because he knew like he was always coming with me though of course but

he is not like fighting against it because I was like you can do your own Christmas with him before we go I was like but he knows how important time in Kentucky is for Cruz and being around like his cousins and kids that are young and everything like that like it's just very important and he he recognizes that anyhow he hasn't been fighting me on it too much so we're good for this year he knows I'm leaving I'm going on like the 19th and yeah I love that yeah you guys you know I'm obsessed with getting cute new outfits for Kaya and for my friends' kids. And lately, I just keep going back to Magnetic Me. I cannot stop talking about this brand. Everything has these super easy magnetic closures. They are a total game changer. For babies, it makes the middle of the night

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It can save you up to $190 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit carawayhome.com slash doty, you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. The deal is exclusive for our listeners. So visit carawayhome.com slash doty. We've toyed with like, we should all just get like a house in Florida and both families come. And it's like, that's just a lot to plan that can't be an every year thing.

Yeah. any means that can be like a special moment we could try to plan that years out or a year out but then yeah like just thinking about kaya for the future and taking my bah humbug out of it yeah my grinchy i don't want to fly to the midwest during the holidays um it'll be important for her it will be but also like people can come to you too like your your situation might be different than mine i don't ever want to not be in kentucky for christmas like it is so important to make us moving possibly in the next few years will be will make that all easier we'll see yeah and i have like my traditions with my friends too and all my friends kids like every year we do

friends miss and i always rent like this big Airbnb and we all stay at the Airbnb together with all thousands of our kids and we all do like because all my friends have like four kids i'm not even kidding so we get together and it's like seven or eight of us like girlfriends and then it's like our partners and then our trillion kids. Yeah. But from thousands to trillions so fast. I always get like a... Someone's pregnant.

Yeah, somebody always. So I always get like a big Airbnb that has a big like playroom in it. It'll have like arcade room or something like something cool. Like a downstairs like TV room, movie theater, something like that. And like the older ones can watch the little one. Yes. The babies stay with the parents. They get.

Yes. And they're like separate from us. Genius. And then all of us stay upstairs and we play like Christmas games. and we do like we all bring just like one gift that anybody would like and then we like a white elephant yeah and then we but like a good one you know not like a not like a because white elephant could be also like a funny gift totally it would be like something good like what's a good white elephant gift i have a white elephant party that i got invited to this year and like for funny ones or for good one like is it so i don't know this group of friends i feel like funny would be better because i feel like everyone just not everyone but a lot of of the people just like have everything yeah and the limit is 50 bucks but the rule is no candles no liquor okay that's makes it harder because and like in this group chat somebody was like so and so brought a candle from tj max with the late with the like the big price sticker clearance sticker like

still on it and some bottle of like really crappy wine or something you're like that's not 50 no uh yeah because i'd be fun i think it'd be funny to bring like um obviously you can't do liquor but if you brought like which is a weho wine or stuff like that. Maybe I'll just do that anyway. Like I would bring like lucky energy or like for my we always do gag or dirty Santa like at my mammoth house. It's basically white elephant but we call it dirty Santa so everything is a gag gift. Okay.

So it's just always something funny and then if it's something you have to wear or something everybody takes a photo with it at the end. Okay. So this year I got like for one of them because I'll bring like multiple but I got these socks made on Amazon with like a really glammed up photo of me and just my face with like glam and hair

and it's just like my little head all over the socks. So just like little funny stuff like that like one year when my papal was still with us my aunt, I can't remember if it was one of my aunts from one of my cousins. They made a whole calendar of my papal smiling without his teeth.

Stop it right fucking now. Yeah, so every month was a different photo. Yeah. Wait, that's hysterical. Yeah, so it's always just something funny and people get, like, really into it. And we almost like doing that more than just, like, the presents.

Yeah. Because then we just do the normal you draw one. Like, Cruz will draw one name from the kids and then I'll draw one name from, like, the adults. Yeah, it's so hard this year because my mom has already sent a bunch of presents for Kaya and, like, Luke's mom's asking his sister, and they're just like, what is she? And I'm like, we don't need anything.

I say the same thing all the time. And I know it's like not to be, again, grinchy, But, like, I know it means a lot to our families to gift to the baby. Yes, for sure. But she doesn't know the difference. I buy her shit all the time. I buy her, like, the coolest teething thing, the root off the red nose reindeer, cool little gift. And she literally looks at it.

She throws it on the floor. She never looks at it again. Again, she'll get more into it. Yeah. Well, you know, with Cruz. When she's older. With Cruz, how he is, with his autism and everything, he doesn't really care about prisons.

So, like, opening presents and stuff like that, he's, he doesn't really. pay that much attention to it. No. And the expectation that people are like, do you like it? Do you like it? Yeah. Yeah. Which is what I hate, which is why I don't like accepting presence. Because I hate when people stare at me for any, this is my birthday too, but I don't know what it is. But I'm just like, please don't, please don't make me open this in front of you.

Yeah. What reaction am I supposed to go? Like, oh my God, it's so ah. Yeah. I just, I don't know. I panic. Yeah. I think. And I imagine for Cruz it could be the same way. Yeah, because he could get a little overwhelmed. But he might not be into like the, like, it's more about just, like, taking the wrapping paper off. Like, he doesn't really care about that part. But, like, once the toys are open and are in front of him, he does love that. Okay.

You know, so my mom's like, what is he really into? And I told her, I was like, you know, he's got every single, he loves animals and he loves stuff like that. But he really likes, like, insects and, like, lizards and stuff like that, too. Brittany, can I buy him a real lizard or, like, a real? I don't know. Like, I listened, I thought about getting some kind of, like, something. but I already have, what if my cat gets in there

and gets it or something? I've got three dogs and a cat. A lizard is too difficult right now because he couldn't really like hold it because it would jump and run and whatever. Yeah, it would have to be one that was like tame as can be. Or like another fish? I know, I think about fish a lot too.

But I told my mom, I was like, Sherbert. This is Mr. Sherbert. Mr. Sherbert. He was so beautiful. But I told my mom I was like, just get him like little like buckets of like fake insects or fake lizards and, you know, stuff like that.

because then it's easy to travel with. Because when we first started going back and forth, I was spending more money, shipping gifts home. Oh, yeah. Back to L.A. than, like, what we even spent? Oh, 100%. So I'm, like, bringing extra suitcases.

More than you normally have. More than the six you normally travel with. Oh, my God. I'm going to find crews some, like, electronic cockroaches and just set them free in your house to verify you. Oh, he would love it. I said my mom, There's this new toy where, like, the lizard, like, climbs on the walls.

And I saw she got that for him. So he's going to love that. Oh, yeah, we're going to prank the hell out of you, Britney. Excuse me so. You're going to call me in the middle of the night and you're going to be like, there's a spider on my ceiling. And I'm like, good job, cruzy. Wait, that's so funny.

I love it. So, I, you know, I love scrolling Instagram. I'm not a TikToker. And I love all of our friends, like, especially Jasmine. Jasmine and Melissa and Zach I feel like you're really good How weird Jasmine just texted me? Did she?

Like her name just popped up on my phone and I had no, that's just crazy with things like that happen. Jasmine is the chat GPT queen. She is. Yeah. Like that girl has taught me so much and I did not ask

the people out there questions for you. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to ask chat. Just out of curiosity. This is so fucking funny. So what I wrote to chat is

and I'm a chat like virgin guys like I'm a newbie with chat like we chat doesn't know me super well yet but we're getting to know each other so what I wrote was what are some funny and clever questions to ask Britney Cartwright from the valley and it said this is the response oh this is a fun one Britney is prime for charming chaotic good accidentally iconic answers here are funny clever podcast ready questions that feel playful not mean but still juicy enough for the energy Brittany, be honest. On a scale from sweet Kentucky dream

to Vanderpump Survivor. Where are you mentally these days? On a scale of sweet Kentucky dream to Vanderpump Survivor. To Vanderpump Survivor. Oh, Lord. What would be like in the middle of that? Rotten hail.

Rotten hail energy drink? I don't know. Because I feel like, honestly, I've grown even past my Vanderpump Survivor days. I think the Valley, season two, was harder than anything on Vanderpump. More at stake. Yeah, more at stake.

I had some hard times on Vanderpump, like obviously, some very embarrassing moments. But season two of the Valley was the hardest I've ever had to film and deal with ever. And I think for a lot of people. I feel like you're like Pamela Anderson glow up right now. And I don't mean that just because you're bang. I mean that because Pam has been through it all.

Like she was like Baywatch to like Tommy Lee. yeah like so much like yeah to like Tommy Lee sex tape to like then she had kids then and she did these movies and now she's like I don't wear makeup I'm dating Liam Neeson yes I love them together and I am like a strong woman hear me roar yeah so I feel like you're like Pam Anderson oh I love that you know so I'm in the Pam Anderson part of life yeah the Pam Anderson era okay I love that what is the most unhinged thought you've ever had but immediately foul with, bless it, never mind. Lord. Oh my gosh. Okay, I think one of the most unhinged things I ever did was, I hate bringing up old stuff, but like, whenever I played that recording

for the entire party, that was probably the most unhinged thing I did on reality TV. But I still did it. You really did. I didn't say, bless it. I said, bless it, who cares, I'm doing it. Yeah. He said, God's speed, not my problem.

them. I know. And no one will ever know, like, except for those of us that were there, that that actually was played on Bluetooth speakers. Throughout my entire apartment. Very loudly. Yeah. It was, I'm very proud of you. If your life had a warning label right now, what would it say? Oh, Lord. Um, warning. Dang, these are hard questions. Like, just like on my toes type questions. Okay, you tell me what yours would be. And then I'll- No, I have one. for you. Okay. Warning. I don't want no scrubs. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I think that too. I love that. Okay. No scrubs. Here's some fun shade without being nasty. Okay. Who on the Valley would

survive a group vacation the longest without starting any drama? Survive a group vacation without starting drama. Me, probably. I think so too. Yeah. If it wasn't you, who would it be? Nia maybe. Well, I don't know Because she No, she's kind of getting In her drama With certain people Um

Like if you were like I'm only taking this one person with me Because they won't start drama either Schwartz Oh, that's a good one Yeah Absolutely So many people online are like

Make Schwartz and Bitsy Schwartz and Biddy I shipped them And I was like, listen Never But she would also tear him to shreds I know He couldn't handle me

Who would immediately lose their luggage and spiral. Lose their luggage and spiral. You? Maybe. I would think you.

If I had Kaya with me, all hell would break loose. Yes. I think you would spiral because just because you get a little bit, you get a lot of anxiety when you travel with Kaya.

Because you're still figuring it out, even though you're getting better every single time. But I think you would freak out if you wash your luggage. I watched fucking Nia's content, creation, beautifulness.

And she's like, here are Daniel and I with the four kids. And then she's like, All right. Well, he has the twins and I have Asher and the baby strapped to me. And oh, I'm leaking. And oh, our luggage got lost. And oh, I forgot. I didn't actually have a boarding pass for the baby. And I'm like, I would have gone home. Yeah. You would have said, okay, goodbye. I literally would have ripped up my tickets.

Yeah, 100%. And I would have gone home. And then maybe if I changed my mind, I would have like sold something so I could get a first class ticket like last minute the next day. Yeah. It would be be you. It would be you. You're right. You're absolutely right. Who is secretly the most competitive over the dumbest things. Me, probably again. Do you think? I mean, I am pretty competitive. Who else would it be?

If not you, then who? If not me, I mean, Janet's really competitive. Okay. She is in like certain things. Who were you thinking? That was kind of hard. Jesse and Luke. Jesse and Luke, yeah.

Luke's like competitive and like, I want to win. I want to win kind of way. But Jesse, it's like, if someone said like, I had, oh my gosh, I had three glasses of wine this morning. Jesse would be like, I had four. Oh, true. I'm more competitive. Like, Jesse's like a one-upper.

True, true, true, Jesse. I think Jesse. I'm more competitive in like if we're playing a game, I want to win type competitive. Yes. You know, yeah, different. Yeah, different. Like, but I think Jesse too. Okay, let's do a quick, some rapid fire.

Okay. Okay. Ranch or hot sauce. Oh, that's so hard. The look on, the sad, desperate look on your face right now. I wish we were recording. I love it both. Ranch probably.

Five a.m. wake up or two a.m. tequila shot. Love it. Not a morning person. Group trip or solo peace? Oh, Lord. Mm-hmm. That one's tough. I like my alone time, but I do like a group trip here and there. Yeah, it really depends because I can, I just had a group trip in mind that you went to one time, not with me. Yeah. And you had a miserable time. Yeah. I think you went to Mexico or something. It wasn't with our group of friends. Oh, yeah. No, I had. You were going through some shit. Yeah, I was going. It was a lot, so I was, it was good, but I had to, like, I had to stay back and, like, have a long time because I couldn't go to, like, every group dinner and everything, because it was just too much. So it honestly depends on where I'm at in life, I think. Okay. Wild Night Out or Unhinged Target Run? These are hard. Well, right now I'm single, so maybe Wild Night Out, because I'm not even going to lie. I like to order everything to my house.

Okay. You know? Yeah, I like it. Fair enough. Fair enough. Hot take. What is a food you would. ban from Earth? Food I would ban from Earth. Um, something I don't like. I like almost everything. I think like black licorish is disgusting. Oh, I agree. Yeah. That's the only thing that could come to my brain right now. Oh, I have a liquor. I'm going to make you try so hard. It's called Mallort. A licorish? A liquor. Oh, I was talking about like... It reminds me of liquorish. That's right. It reminds me a black liquorish. Yeah. Like, it also tastes like a dirty flourish jelly beans and stuff. Like, those are just disgusting. Yeah. Because I really like all types of foods.

Okay. What's your real-life superpower but not the polite version? Chad GPT said that, not me. They know you so well. My real life superpower

but not the polite version. Yeah. I think that I can oh, I think I could like get people back in a very passive aggressive way. You know what I mean without being like super mean?

Yeah. But like still put them in their place. Yeah. Yeah, she can. You all know I'm such a big believer in therapy. It has genuinely helped me through some of the toughest moments in my life. Breakups, anxiety, spirals, those times where you're just overwhelmed and don't really know where to start. Honestly, the hardest part has always been just finding the therapist, the one who took my insurance, who was available, the one who actually felt like the right fit, and it should not be this complicated. And that's why I love Rula. I am obsessed with what they're doing because they're making mental health care accessible. Rula is a health care company, and they make it so easy to get connected with quality licensed therapists. People vetted for their expertise without the search process. They take most major insurance plans. They average co-pay is like $15 a session. 15. That is what health care should look like, doable, supportive, actually within reach. I love how personal the whole experience is. Rula starts by asking you just a few simple questions,

what you're looking for, what's important to you, and then they match you with in-network providers who fit your needs. You can literally schedule a session for as soon as the next day, and they don't just drop you in. They stay with you through the process, helping you track your progress and making sure you get the care that you're really looking for. If you've ever thought, I need support and I have no idea where to start. Well, this is the moment. Rula truly makes therapy feel accessible, affordable, and like something you can start today. Go to Rula.com slash Doty to get started today. That's Rula.com slash Doty for convenient therapy that is covered by insurance. Thousands have already trusted Rula with their mental health journey, and you deserve that same level

of care. Head on over to Rula.com slash Doty to get started today. After you sign up, they're going to ask you where you heard about them. So please support our show. Let them know we sent you. Go to RULA.com slash Doty and take the first step toward better mental health today. You deserve quality care from someone who truly cares. Oh my gosh, you guys, how did the holidays get here this fast? I swear I blinked and suddenly I've got people coming over, gifts I still haven't bought, the guest room that was, well, it's not giving holiday cheer. And when you're scrambling last minute, that stress hits hard. Trust me. But Wayfair honestly saved me. The holidays are here and getting what you need Fast with Wayfair is the only way that I've survived this week. From bedding and linens to decor in

literally every style, they're my one-stop shop. I refresh my guest room with the cutest new bedding and these textured throw pillows. I love a good throw pillow. That look way more expensive than they were. The accent chair I grabbed, it tied the whole room together and it showed up so fast, free, easy delivery, zero hassle. My style is kind of a mix of cozy and modern, and what I love about Wayfair is that they have everything and every vibe and every budget. The way that this room looks now, Well, it actually feels like ready for people to stay over. And I'm not kidding. I ordered all of it in a total time crunch. I kept thinking, this is going to arrive after Christmas, and then Wayfair proved me wrong. And I'm still adding final touches, a few holiday decor pieces for the living room, some bath basics for the guest bathroom. And I even grabbed a couple of gifts for the foodies in my life because Wayfair has all the kitchen essentials. I even found storage bins I didn't know I needed until I saw them. Plus, shopping there is so easy. One site, every style, every room, every budget. You can get a sofa. or a whole dining table shipped for free, like the big stuff shows up without a giant delivery fee.

So you can finally enjoy the holidays instead of stressing them. Get last minute hosting essentials, gifts for your loved ones, and decor to celebrate the holidays for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R-com. Wayfair, every style, every home. If you could swap lives with someone for one ridiculous day, who would it be in Y?

Like anyone or somebody from the cast? No one. Doesn't have PR cast. No, like anyone for real. Um, anybody. I think Kim Kardashian because she has it all. Like, I would just love to see how she lives every single day. And I want to know what it's like to be in that all white weird Kanye house. And like, what is her new house going to look like? Is it not as white and weird? I know. But yeah, just like how many nannies? I would love to like up. And she's so busy. I would love to go in there and like decorate. Yeah. You know, put some, put some color. Do a wife stop with Kim Kay. And you. And you. decorate her house and she decorates yours oh my gosh i would fucking live for that that would be hilarious okay we'll just do two more and these are like these are a me and you okay who would survive off grid longer me or you me what no phone no internet no instagram no nothing yes girl i don't even you know how many times you text me and i don't respond for hours and then you're like hello hello i text like okay this is

is what I do. I'm, I'm the shitty person, the shitty friend who does not text in a paragraph. I send like five small texts. Yeah, but I could like leave my phone over there and like focus on like decorating or like doing like something and not look at it for like hours. No streaming. No Alexa. Yeah. I think I could. Okay. I mean, I think you better more than me. I do think so. My favorite vacation I've ever taken in my whole entire life was to this little spot. We flew into Loretto, Mexico. And we were literally on, we were like in this area where you have not only no Wi-Fi, no cell phone service whatsoever. For seven days, I charged my phone twice and it's because I was using my saved music on Spotify. Yeah. Could not speak to one person that you were not with.

And it was the best. Yeah. Okay. I think we, we can tie at that one. We should. We should see. We'll give that a roll one day. Honestly, like, whenever there's been times where certain people can contact me, it's been like the best time of my life. Okay. You know what I mean? Okay. Like, and I'm talking about certain people. You know who I'm talking about. Okay, fair enough. Who's secretly softer? Me or you? Secretly softer.

Yeah. Secretly softer. I don't know. That's, we're kind of tied in that too. You're right. Because you have your moments and I have my moments. Yeah, you're right. But we're both like soft and like, like, we're both impasse and we both were like caring and stuff in different ways. Yeah. You might, you might, you might. like blurred out quicker than me, it might be easier for you to like buck up before I would. But if you get me to that point, I'm going to go off.

Okay. You know? So we're kind of tied on that. These are actually, these are the last two. These are finished my sentence. Okay. The moment I realized Kristen and I were actually bonded for life was when. Okay.

I think, man, because obviously there's been so much that's happened recently that like definitely bonded us for life. but it's been way before that, though. Like, I knew you were like my sister. I think it's Vanderpump rules for sure. Yeah. I think like... Because it makes you or breaks you.

Yeah. It makes your friendship or breaks your friendship. Yeah. For sure. Vanterpump rules, like... If you walk away from BPR and you're still friends, it's like, okay. Yeah. Here we are. Because we were bonded for life before all this hard stuff we went through.

Okay. And last one. Something people assume about our friendship that is totally wrong. Oh, God. You know what the first thing goes? What? Yes. Oh, then I went down on you.

Yes. Okay. That was... I could tell by the look on your face. That wasn't the first thing that came to my mind. The first thing that came to my mind was that you're not a good friend to me. Oh, yeah. Because of the bullshit on the valley. Oh, yeah.

Which is completely wrong. Yes. Thank you. Even though you had some moments. You had some moments that I didn't love, but that it hadn't, it was, they were such small potatoes. Yeah. Like literally meant nothing.

Yeah. And I think people forget. I was also. But yes, I did not go down. I'm not bringing you guys for the love of Christ. Gosh, I know. Do you don't think we would just say it by now? I know.

I would just like to remind you that Jacks takes a tiny bit of the truth. Like, it wasn't good enough that we like made out and I like touched her boobs and stuff. Okay. That's what happened. Merry Christmas. Oh, Lord. Thank you, Chat, GPT, for those unhinged questions. That was funny as hell.

That was. Thanks for having me on. Oh, my God. I love you. I love you. I love you to Christmas. Again, I feel like I'm in a Macy's department store right now. What was the department store on Elth?

What? On Elf, and then he, like, fixes it all up. Like, that's my house right now. It is. I'm about to, you're going to go to sleep one night and you're going to have paper chains and breakfast pasta. Yeah. Happy holidays, everyone. We love you guys so much and I'll talk to you next week.

Love you. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Doty and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke double underscore Broder. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you. you can stay up to date with new episodes. Thanks for listening. See you next week. You all know I'm such a big believer in therapy. It has genuinely helped me through some of the toughest moments in my life. Breakups, anxiety spirals, those times where you're just overwhelmed and don't really know where to start. Honestly, the hardest part has always been just finding the

therapist, the one who took my insurance, who was available, the one who actually felt like the right fit, and it should not be this complicated. And that's why I love Rula. I'm obsessed with what they're doing because they're making mental health care accessible. Rula is a health care company and they make it so easy to get connected with quality licensed therapists, people vetted for their expertise without the search process. They take most major insurance plans. They average copay is like $15 a session, 15. That is what health care should look like, doable, supportive, actually within reach. I love how personal the whole experience is. Rula starts by asking you just a few simple questions, what you're looking for, what's important to you,

and then they match you with in-network providers who fit your needs. You can literally schedule a session for as soon as the next day, and they don't just drop you in. They stay with you through the process, helping you track your progress and making sure you get the care that you're really looking for. If you've ever thought, I need support and I have no idea where to start. Well, this is the moment. Rula truly makes therapy feel accessible, affordable,

and like something you can start today. Go to Rula.com slash Doty to get started today. That's Rula.com slash Doty for convenient therapy. that is covered by insurance. Thousands have already trusted Rula with their mental health journey, and you deserve that same level of care. Head on over to rula.com slash doti to get started today. After you sign up, they're going to ask you where you heard about them.

So please support our show. Let them know we sent you. Go to RULA.A.com slash doty and take the first step toward better mental health today. You deserve quality care from someone who truly cares. Oh my gosh, you guys. How did the holidays get here this fast? I swear I blinked and suddenly I've got people coming over,

gifts I still haven't bought. guest room that was, well, it's not giving holiday cheer. And when you're scrambling last minute, that stress hits hard. Trust me. But Wayfair honestly saved me. The holidays are here. And getting what you need fast with Wayfair is the only way that I've survived this week. From bedding and linens to decor in literally every style, they're my one-stop shop. I refresh my guest room with the cutest new bedding and these textured throat pillows. I love a good throw pillow. That look way more expensive than they were. The accent chair I grabbed, it tied the whole room together and it showed up so fast, free, easy delivery, zero hassle. My style is kind of a mix of cozy and modern, and what I love about

Wayfair is that they have everything and every vibe and every budget. The way that this room looks now, well, it actually feels like ready for people to stay over, and I'm not kidding. I ordered all of it in a total time crunch. I kept thinking, this is going to arrive after Christmas, and then Wayfair proved me wrong. And I'm still adding final touches, a few holiday decor pieces for the living room, some bath basics for the guest bathroom, and I even grabbed a couple of gifts for the foodies in my life, because Wayfair has all the kitchen essentials. I even found storage bins I didn't know I needed until I saw them. Plus, shopping there is so easy. One site, every style, every room, every budget. You can get a sofa or a whole dining table ship for free, like the big stuff shows up without

a giant delivery fee. So you can finally enjoy the holidays instead of stressing them. Get last minute hosting essentials, gifts for your loved ones, and decor to celebrate the holidays for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-I-R-com. Wayfair, every style, every home.