Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Closing Up 2022 with Tom Schwartz

Episode Date: January 4, 2023

Episode 8. Tom Schwartz joins the podcast this week to reflect on 2022 and talk about why he’s oozing optimism moving into the New Year. Tom and Kristen discuss the nostalgic evolution of their 13+ year friendship and share why they remain Valley rats after selling their houses. Tom weighs in on whether or not Kristen and Luke’s honeymoon phase is over and the three dive into what it’s really like co-parenting dogs. They give a heartfelt thank you to all the service workers this holiday season and wrap up the episode with Urban Dictionary - Sex Edition!  Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Email us: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How, how, how the holidays are over. What is up guys? Welcome back to Sex Love and What All Smatters. We are recording this just before the New Year so by the time you listen, it's going to be 2023. Luke, are you so excited that Christmas is over? Mostly excited not to be driving today. Okay, that's fair. Luke drove 17 hours yesterday. 16 and change. Yeah, all together over 5,000 miles in two weeks. That was fun. 5,000 miles. And precipitation just has a way of following me around that damn country. I'll even get it.

I literally can't understand why it keeps doing this. It gets to California and it rains. Every time I've been here it rains. How do you explain that? And as we said, yeah, hi Tom. Oh, also, we're about to introduce you. So yeah, you guys, I have my Tommy Tom, Schwarze Schwarze. Well, you're gonna welcome you to the podcast.

Thank you guys. Yeah, we got into complaining really fast about the weather before I even said you were here in my humble little apartment. Yeah, back in the apartment life, I wonder. I know, I'm so happy to see you. It's like, it's just like 2009 all over again. Oh boy.

Man, that's when I graduated high school. God damn it, Luke. Gosh damn it, Luke. Rappen the cradle. Oh boy. That's when I graduated high school. Damn it, gosh damn it, Luke. Rappen the cradle. You suck. 2009 is when Tom moved to LA. I'll never forget. Okay, yeah.

I remember the output you were wearing. I remember what your car looked like. I remember you playing Ninja Turtles and like a rooster and like a glass toad wearing like a jester's outfit out of your car. It was sheer delirium. Yeah. It was just such an overwhelming emotional experience.

I also had like the thousand yard stare as you probably have that right now, Luke, after a 17 hour journey. Wait, really quick. I didn't think about that Tom, because you drove from Telehazze, right? I drove from... Somewhere off Florida.

I drove from Amelia Island. So coast to coast, oh damn. Yeah, how many days? I didn't about three. I drove from Amelia Island. So coast to coast. Oh damn. Yeah. How many days? I did it in about three. I stayed in two hotels. I lost my mind and had a nervous breakdown in Texas. And I was like, oh my god.

And you could turn around right now and beg for my job back. I'm never going to make it as I act around my hack. I have no resume. And I did two high school plays. Damn fool. With an exercise physiology degree. And I got kicked out of Greece for underage drinking. But Tom, you actually can then feel Luke's pain with this drive.

I was a zombie. I've had a headache today, pushing through. Yeah. I'm here. It didn't get a ton of sleep. We fell asleep on the couch last night. Yeah. You guys have a lovely glow.

And let's see. 17 hours. That's about five hours in LA time. If you do the conversion in my head, I was in my car for five hours today. Going nowhere. Just running errands. Yeah.

And it's sucked. Let's not complain. Let's keep it positive. By the way, before we dive into this podcast, I want to reel it back for a second. You said the holidays are over. I did not like that, because I'm clinging for dear life to the holidays.

It's my happy time. And don't you ever say that again. I am the grunge this year. I am like, just this year. Oh my gosh. You went to my storage unit with me. I have more Christmas decorations than would ever fit in this apartment because of my house before. And this year, I just kept going,

what's the point, we're driving for two weeks. Imagine Luke had we driven home and got in last night, and it was all covered in Christmas decorations. And then I went, okay, after we unload the truck, we have to take these all back to storage. Yeah, no. You would have off to yourself. Well, we did not unload the truck last night. I unloaded it today. Yeah, no. You would have offered to yourself. Well, we did not unload the truck last night.

I unloaded it today. Okay, fair. With a headache on only a handful of hours of sleep. So yeah, don't be negative Nancy. The holidays are over. We're excited. They're not over. They're not over.

No, there were a lot of good times. We went on an epic road trip. How many people, if anyone listening to this podcast, drove more than 5,000 miles for the holidays, please send us an email, because I'd love to hear your story. Okay, listen, we had a great time. Our grandma's were happy as we sat on last week's podcast. We got to see all of our family. However, once it was over and we had to drive back,

I was just spent. And shorts, you would be proud of me because I only had three many meltdowns and they were in the last three days. Wait, that's way below average. I know. And my meltdowns only consisted of me just suddenly bursting out crying. I was just like, Luke, I've had enough. I can't do this anymore. I'm just I'm tired. I'm cold. My skin is so dry. The dog hairs everywhere. It's in my mouth. Reading shitty food on the road.

That was the worst answer. Beach jerky and red bull. Well, Dodie has to eat mushroom jerky. Yeah. Which is actually. Like Doritos and Ginger ale. And like every time we would decide, okay, we need to eat. Right now, let's stop in this city.

Every time we had a fuel, put fuel in the truck essentially. And nothing, nothing was open the day. Let me tell you Christmas Days when we drove home not even McDonald's is open on Christmas day, but also it is slight inconvenience But I'm very grateful for the employees that are often overworked and under appreciated so it's nice Although I wanted to McDonald's Christmas day, too. Yeah around like 6 p.m. I had a craving Yeah for a burger and some nuggies. That's I'd never crave McDonald's ever and I was like you know what actually sounds good right now McDonald's Oh, yeah, but what about if the people that do not celebrate Christmas work at certain places

During the holidays perhaps there wasn't even a croaker open for like an hour Probably almost all the Midwest or Bible belt. you're not gonna find anything open over there. That's true. And I am the one who did post on Instagram, like if you're doing last minute holiday shopping or you know trying to go to McDonald's on Christmas Day, it's not, you know, Mary, what is the Mary broker water thing?

She's the words are hard. It said, be nice to the employees because it's not bare fault. You waited till Mary's water broke to do your Christmas. I like that. And also let's take a moment to give a shout out to everyone who had to work. Christmas Eve, Christmas day.

I appreciate you. Also, I want to start a trend. Maybe this is my moment right now. Let's start the trend. But trend, if you go, listen, there should be a little shame when you go last minute shopping. There should be a little shame attached to that. So what you should do, what we're going to do from now on is we're gonna tip the cashiers

Oh, I love Christmas day a minimum of 20 up to whatever you can afford on that a Chris behindy would be nice Yeah, like tips for Jesus. Yeah, instead of yeah Whether it was it was it's like an Instagram account or it's like an account where this this person goes to like different bars Or like restaurants and they tip like $10,000 on like a $50 bill or something, you know, but since it's Christmas I have that kind of loot, but I'm just saying. But yeah, I think I love that. Some extra appreciation because I don't know if these big corporations actually take care of their employees and when they make them work like that, you know.

And Luke and this is why we can have Grinchy. I'll say Luke and I were mostly Grinchy because we're grown as adults now. And we have so many, you know, it's unfortunately Tom, we are. But we have so many siblings and family members and divorce families. And there's just like quadruple the amount of people to buy a dumb present for when we don't need stuff.

Yeah. We like the idea of like if we have children together one day, like Luke said, no, you don't get the Xbox for Christmas and said the kid will go to school, the kid, your child will go to school and his friends will say, what did you get? He's like, oh, we went to Mexico and experience. It depends on the age. I listen, at this point, of course, I want experiences. I want memories.

I want cheesy, I want sentimental knick knacks, ornaments, I want all the mush and the gush. But like when I'm like seven, and if I was presented with that scenario, do you wanna go to Mexico, Tommy? Or do you want Nintendo 64? I'm going Nintendo 64 all day at the age of seven.

Luke didn't get that when he was younger. I did not get that stuff, but I said, you wrap up like a snorkel mask and stuff that you go along with it. So they have stuff to unwrap, right? So they still get their Christmas day stuff. They unwrap these presents and then it's like, by the way, we're leaving tomorrow.

We're going on vacation. Oh, so you get more warm, you take them on vacation. You get the gift and then they like go together. When that be an awesome way to do it instead of having like 50 presents? I know they love unwrapping, right? Kids, presents are for kids. Everyone can enjoy them, but mostly for kids. Yeah, we mostly just felt because we have so many siblings and

sibling-in-laws and all of that in their adults. Of course, kids get stuff, but we're just like, can we do like pick a name? What we decided is next year we wanna go to Florida, or somewhere Florida felt the best for Midwest family, and just run to house. Kids are the only ones who get presents, and that is what we spend our money on. Yeah, I love that.

Being warm and being together. A lot of this. And yeah, that sounded so good. Yes, I'm Mark who was like, it's so much. But how is your Christmas? It's lovely this time. I don't know, the Christmas,

did you go home? I did, I got to go home and reconnect, to restore my soul. I got to hang with my dad, who's made it. How are the trips? The triplets are solid. I don't know, I don't know, a lot of people though. My dad almost died, he had a harrowing year.

Like, see where he's at now, after being given a 5% chance of living at one point to see where he's at now He's lucid. He's funny. He's got most of his mobility back. It's like he has it. It's just I mean, I'm so grateful that I have him yes, thank you, Dody It's you guys I like the hall. My brothers are doing pretty good. Yeah. I didn't get to see my mom, but I'm going to fly her out here in January. Got old Kim. Yeah.

I love me some Kim. I love my family. I got to see my half sisters. And you know, it's nice. I love Florida. Florida, it just, it just makes me happy. When I go back there, it's restorative. And I have my flip flops on.

I go to the beach. Yeah, that's what we were just talking about. He goes there anyway Yeah, it's our old families both our families to move to Florida Yeah, yeah, I'm moved to Florida. I have no utility in Florida. What do I do? I'm worthless there You could just open up a teaky house. No, I'll say us. I'm saying Kristen you and I convince our families to move to Florida So we're going there anyway for the holidays. That's what I'm talking about That's actually a really good idea

So Tom is clearly not you're making me less gr there anyway for the holidays. That's what I'm talking about. That's actually a really good idea. So Tom is clearly not, you're making me less Grinchy about the holidays. I'm sorry, you feel a little selfish. However, you are Grinchy about New Year's Eve. I am Grinchy about New Year's Eve. Always, not this year, but just in general. But it's a lot of expectation. Yeah, I will say though, I was empathizing.

I was feeling you when you said, I had Grinch undertones. I think, like, I don't know if people realize this, we're all still very close to each other in terms of proximity. Like me and Katie sold our house, we both moved down the street, almost a stone's throw. You're...

Which is where we are right now. Yeah, which is nice for exchanging the dogs. Me and Katie have joined custody, obviously. We're about to ask you about them. We're both very proud puppy parents. Yes. It's a warm, cozy feeling. I like being close ask you. We're both very proud puppy parents. Yes, I it's a it's a warm cozy feeling. I like being close to you and Tom and Jackson who else is in the valley. Yeah, well, like Tom and Ariana, Ariana,

Ariana of course. Jackson, Brett, you and Katie, me, it's it. Dana, Dana, Dana is down the street. Joe, Joe, our lawyer, best friend. Yes. Yeah, why? He hates when I say lawyer, because he's like, am I not your friend too? I'm like, well, you're both. That's what when I introduce Ryan, I say, this is my friend first Ryan in my manager's office.

Yeah, exactly. But yeah, depending on the day. But the valley's just the best. And I'm so glad even though we do have to live in apartments, again, it feels a few steps back. It's like, we're still family. We're still, let's go with hands. We're holding hands.

I feel that, not to cut you off. I feel that on such a deep level. I had a visceral reaction to that. By the way, let's just, just to make it clear, we're still, I'm very grateful to have a roof over my head. I'm not complaining. But like when you have, we were on a path, we had beautiful homes.

Now I had a pool. Yeah, you're right. I had a acoustic. I had a sick, like, I had a cool, I had a driveway, I had a sick, like I had a cool drive. We had a backyard where I did enough to walk down a set of by the way I know these are champagne problems, but it's still it sucks because I was so happy there I have a question I'm gonna quick speaking of your backyard. Yeah, did you have to disclose that dog is buried in that backyard when you sold your house? I didn't I don't know that you legally have to just close that,

but I mean. So dog, it's not a dog. Oh, I had a Euro-Mastik, which was like a type of lizard. You know Euro-Mastik's? Yeah. I had one, and he was sick from the get-go. Yeah, he was.

He was always non-connum. Oh, yeah. Chris, you showed me pictures. Yeah, I remember. Yeah, people tried to say that I was a poor lizard parent. That's not true. No. I am a great animal lover and an advocate for I've been told you and just for all of our listeners Because you guys I know watch Vanderpump and you saw how Tom like was brokenhearted over dog the lizard

I can't even say what kind of a lizard. I can't even pronounce that but I did reach out to my animal trainer Who trains everything from like elephants to porcupines to like dogs and you can train a porcupine, let's come back to that. Totally can. Because she does like movie commercials and all of that stuff. But I did ask her about dog when he passed away and she said absolutely he got a sick animal. He was sick from the get go, that's that and it's not your fault. How long did you have them? I had them for about four months.

Man, okay, gone too soon. Yeah. But you didn't have to disclose that when you were sold out. It is nice because my male keeps going there and I've become friends with the new owner. She's super cool. So you just like jet on over. Yeah, she gets annoyed with me because I've changed my address.

You know, what I've done, everything by the book, but my male inevitably in Katie's too ends up there. She's so cool about it. So I'll pop my head in and check out she's doing some cool renovations. The feeling of being sad when I go there is it's gone. I cherish my perfectly preserved memories. In the time we had together there, me and Katie. I'm not bitter or resentful when I dry by it.

Every once in a while, I get sad when I turn the corner. This is Hollywood speak speak you guys. When I'm coming down, when I'm coming north on Laurel, Canyon and I turn right on Moore Park, that was my favorite part and then I turn left on Redford. Sorry guys. No, it was like a California. And you guys can kind of look this,

you know what our addresses are, I love y'all, a lot of y'all, but yes, I agree. And there's like the little park right there. And it's just, yeah, it's very nostalgic for sure. I don't know if I've said this on the podcast yet, but I did. I have driven by my house only twice

because I was a little salty. And now I agree about the preserving memories I had because they've now painted it. They've put up an ugly fence. It just doesn't look like my house. Shots fence. It just doesn't look like my house. Shots fired. It just doesn't look like my house. That's good.

It's good. Have you ever? It's kind of how I feel about Vanderpun brules. I'm not upset anymore because it's not the show I was on. And you've had a lot of time to work. And I have a lot of memories. Yeah, I've had a lot of time to work through it. If you want to go back and yeah, they're all perfectly

preserved in 4K. But have you, right? Confessionals. Can we do confessionals? Yeah. This is kind of sad. Have you ever? Confessionals, can we do confessionals? This is kind of sad. Have you ever went outside your house, sat there and just cried?

I did when I still owned it technically. My very last night. I remember one of the last nights I was there with you. Yeah. Yeah. Let's not go down that route. I'll get going. Thanks Tom.

Yeah, well, this is getting more roast. Hey, let's talk about dogs. Oh, we found them. Dogger. Yeah, well, this is getting morose. Hey, let's talk about dogs. Oh, we found them. Dog dogs. So, date it. Great segment. So, no, for real though, because we just did, as you and Katie co-parent, Gordo and Butter,

so perfectly. God, I love them. And I love that you guys live so close so that you guys are still, like, love and family. We're also family, like we said. But eventually, you know, whenever you start dating again, blah, blah, blah. I love the fact that Luke had two dogs.

I'm like, oh, your dog person, I have dogs. But now that- Until now, right? Yeah, well, no, I love it. I love having your dogs here, but it does bring a level of like difficulty to our travel plans. It becomes expensive or we have to take them with us.

You and Katie got Gordo and Butter together. So now you're co-parenting. Is that pretty easy for you guys? It's worked out really nicely. I think we've only had a few like pickup weekends or something. But we've both been accommodating and flexible. And yeah, it's nice. I know it doesn't always work out.

I think it's gonna work out for Katie and I would like the dogs and like, yeah, it hasn't been awkward or. Yeah, yeah. It's good. I mean, when Carter and I broke up, now granted, I said like they're gonna live with me, but I always had him and we had the best co-parenting.

Yeah. And dare I say the best breakup, I think two people could probably have. Like I got to keep his friends. He could keep my friends if he wanted to. I have nothing but love for him. I'm supportive of his relationship now, especially it's been like 40 million years.

But we always were really great about the dogs. Yeah. I think it's important, you guys. It was a whole chapter of my flipping book about co-parenting dogs. Because when you don't have children, it's essentially what that is. Yeah.

And when I did Lollis podcast a few weeks ago, she said in her opinion, it's harder to have that many dogs than it is to have one child because eventually children grow up. Dogs, she says, Lollis says, are newborns all the time. Yeah, or Todd, by the way. Or Todd. Right, yeah.

They can get into way more shit than a newborn can. Totally. All of us probably just arriving at Swartz and Sandeys right now, by the way. Is she? Yeah, she had a reservation tonight. Oh, that's cute and fine. Yeah, that was a not-sec water. You know, I'm really jealous of the co-parenting

situation with dogs, I wish I had somebody, I could dump my dogs on to be honest with you. I will say, because as much as I'm obsessed with the dogs I want them in my life, every day I love waking up next to them, this newfound freedom, not used to having a week of like, I can't do whatever I want now. I'm married to the bars and stuff, but like,

of course. My day is planned around the dogs. Always, I take them on minimum of five times a day. I feed them twice. I love them, definitely. Yeah. You know, I cannot be shaking my head. Yes.

So all three of us have two dogs. Yeah. Yeah. And both of you, well, Chris, like hard. So all three of us have two dogs. Yeah. Yeah. And both of you, well, Chris, and you kind of a pseudo-coparent now, because Carter doesn't do much anymore. Yeah, he has a dog in a life now, so it's like a lot harder.

But it just, it gets expensive to like board them. And so expensive. Also, you want to make sure they're getting enough attention. So I decided after this last trip to kind of piggyback on what you just said Tom. I was like Luke. I Love our dogs. I'm sad when they're not here for like one day. However, I need a vacation from the dogs. Yeah, the Pets vacation. They're not gonna hear this. Are they yeah, Gordon butters are not gonna hear this one Is I would feel horrible saying this? I'll walk a lot of them for what's in it as long as you don't put it on the last one

They're in the house. They should be fine. Oh, yeah, Tom Susie doesn't listen back to podcasts where I am so vain. I listen back always. It is I cannot think of anything worst. I'm like I just my God. That's pure torture. You have such a good voice though. And it's not the voice you used to have when you do podcasts. I slow it down.

Remember when you first moved here and every time you did an audition, you had like a Boston accent. They're like are you from the East Coast? I'm like, no, not really. Yeah. Slow it down remember when you first moved here and every time you did an audition you had like a Boston accent They're like are you from the East Coast? I'm like, no not really. Yeah, he was like very Mark Walbert I know no matter what the character was it was like it was like a nervous tick I would I can't even do it. I can't I can't do an impression of it right it only comes out organically Well what I'm under pressure in an audition room Me you have a monologue for me? I wish I did right now. I'm under it now.

We would do like on camera audition. It's back at Good old 551, which is what we call the apartment that we all lived at together. And every time we'd do an audition, Tom would be like, you're with us. Like, I can't even do it. Like, tell your mother I said hi. Hey chicken.

I mean, if I had to speculate, I think it's like, I'm very fond of like, I don't know, I grew up, I love, you know, Scorsese movies, like Goodfellas, like, I don't know. It's subconsciously embedded into your brain. It is. It's in brain. And when that camera's on me, I guess I like, I'm transported to that little world of cinema. Yeah. Gritty mean streets, I don't know.

But I bet 10 years of reality TV is washed that shudadi real fast. I am neutralized. I haven't completely neutral accent. Luke, do I? I do. But I think I have a neutral accent. You do.

See? Yeah, it's neutral. Luke has, Luke has a little bit of the, you know when Tom Sandeval says the word fire, he goes fire, no. Fire. My mom's a firefighter. That the word fire, he goes fire, fire. My mom's a firefighter. That's what Luke has that like Missouri, Indiana.

You were calling me out on my, I'm talking about my cooler. You're cooler. She said I say cooler. Cooler. I miss my Minnesota accent. I'll never forget the first time. Did you have one?

Yeah, well I didn't realize I had it. Like don't shut up. The fish are less to discover water. That's the wrong use of that proverb. Wait, hold on a sec. Like, when you're talking about, I just didn't, well, I never realized it, because when you're immersed in it,

and then I went to Florida State University to get my education, Yada Yada, and then I came back after like two years, and then I realized it, because I was neutralized all my friends are from Miami, Yada Yada, and then I came back home to Minnesota. I'm like, oh my God, you guys, God darn accents.

They were so thick, I was like, good God, man. It was startling. Do you remember, once you lived in LA for a hot minute, did your family ever think that you had a California accent? No, my mom always comes at me because my family, you know, from being from Michigan They're like, are you having an accent? My mom and so now when I say mom my mom's like, why are you calling me your mom? Well, your your family definitely has the Michigan. Oh, it's so intense But they think I have this California accent now and And I think I just speak like a normal person.

Inspirates undertones of maybe you and Katie does sometimes too. Not it's like there's sometimes there's like very subtle valley girl undertones. For like a brief string of like one sentence. And then I'm like, I mean, I think maybe we all do that. I am proud to be a valley girl. Yeah. I am proud of our valley crew. Yeah. That was actually a word that came up on a heads I am proud to be a Valley girl. I am proud of our Valley crew.

That was actually a word that came up on a heads up a couple days ago. Valley girl? Valley girl. I was like, you, you, it's what you are. If someone was like, sure, it's defined a Valley girl, I wouldn't know what to say. I'm going to Google it. Well, the Valley girl thing is like, am I God you guys? I'm from the Valley.

I'm from Clueless. But now we're just like cool Valley crew. It's like when you're younger and you move to LA, you live in West Hollywood, you live by all the bars, that's what you do. And then when you grow up a little bit, you have move over the hill. Yeah. And Tom and Ariana started it and we all followed real fast. It's dead.

I'm so grateful that we did. So the Valley crew, the Valley dog crew, the Skull. Yeah, so that's essentially I was going to ask you about reflecting on 2022. I just think we all had so many changes and I remember when 2022 started, I was like, how can this year be worse than 2021? It's just unlocked. Like, how could it be? And it felt worse. And now I feel like I'm going gonna have a fuck free 2023. Meaning like, don't sweat the small stuff. I have to give zero fucks.

No fucks given. Well, fuck free 2020. But fucks take. Are you talking about Kuna Matata over there? Yeah. What a wonderful phrase. I need to look at Matata. Yeah.

You have a wonderful phrase. You know where my mind goes when you say, oh no, I guess we're so good at that. That's not gonna work. Yeah, Luke's like you mean we're gonna have sex in 20 I'm going to have a dry 2023 from sex. It's not happening. I would never do that to you I would never do that to myself. I would be a miserable CUNX Tuesday. Yeah, you want to see me get irritable? Wait, let's ask let's let's get Tom's opinion on this. Oh my God, you're not gonna look. Luke, do you already know what I'm talking about?

This feels like a build up to social arts. It has your sex life. Our little... Oh no, this is about our sex life. Yeah, yeah. Okay, that works. Let's do it. I have sex with the more.

Again, I don't want to be like a dick and this grinchy negative Nancy. But because for the 15th time, we had a rough two weeks, just a lot of stress. And Luke's, as a young strapping lad, is like, well, the bus way to relieve stress is to have sex.

And he just fuck it out sometimes. And just, you know, you have a relief, right? Yeah. In theory, he sounds wonderful. However, when you're just tired, dirty, I just wanted to brush my hair and take a shower and put lotion on my face and just dog hair off of me. And Luke would be like,

I totally understand that. But then I get this grin from him. He's like, well, you know how to relieve stress. And I have, it's backs, it's backs, everybody. But it's like, I feel guilty because I don't want to turn you down ever because then I put the you know you put the shoe on the other foot and I think what if I tried to have sex with my boyfriend and he said no I would be so hurt. I would think what's wrong with me. I would go to this like head case situation

Well, if it was if it became a Consistent thing but every once in a while you're just like no, I feel like shit. I look gross. I got a poop Yeah, I don't want to have sex. Right, it's every once in a while. But I think where are you going to the point of me getting frustrated? Yeah. Yeah, okay, so there would be,

we finally get away from family and we're in a hotel and it's just us and it's like, okay, we've been stressful, we drove 11 hours today and I'm like, you know, we're in a hotel. We got a hotel. We got a hotel, we're like, you know, just out of the bed. I'd fuck me. Yeah.

Usually not my intro. And I, yeah, and I just, I know this is how it goes. This is how it goes. Okay, go ahead. I, take me through it. Wait, let's take me through. Yeah, yeah, okay.

So pretty close my eyes. We like get into the bed, right? And I'll sit up, whether I'm just giving her a kiss to go to bed or I'm trying to kiss to lead into something, I like giving me a good kiss and we can start making out and then she'll stop me and be like, I'm not having sex with you, right? Not tonight or not right now and I'm just like,

how do you know that's where I was going? She's like, I know, I'm like, okay, fair. But. Cause that is where you were going. Yeah, but then I'm just like, but why? We haven't in the last couple few days, because we've been with your family and it's been stressful and everything,

and it's like, well, why now? We're in a hotel. Everything seems to be lined up right, so we're headed home. Yeah, and we've only been dating for like six months. Yeah. You guys are still in your honeymoon phase, or are you?

Ah! Honeymoon's over? I was kidding. It depends. I mean, I don't think we'll put it this way. no one I've ever dated the sex has never like really fell out I don't think I've ever gone but in a relationship more than a week without being sex But you also haven't been in long-term relationships I've had a couple in high school

He's dabbled in college and a four-year-on-and-off thing yeah, and every time it was on we were fucking every time Well, let me ask you this. How many FPWs are you guys averaging a week? FPW? Not any more. Friends with benefits. Oh, no, WB. Oh, no, it's like fights per week. Oh, oh, okay. Okay. I was just saying that. FWB FPW looks good. If you're trying to get into makeup sex, we're not fighting enough. No, that's, that's the real fight. We don't, we get our humans, but they're dissolved. Really real fight. We don't fight. We don't. We get in our hands, but they're dissolved pretty easily. Really?

Well, I don't fight much. I'm easy, like a Sunday morning. Yeah, I don't like fighting. But if you're too agreeable, I don't know. Sometimes a little bit of confidence. I just think the frustration, yeah. So anyway, what are your thoughts on that, though? So it's like, if you're tired and gross and you just like, isn't it okay to just say

like, no, once in a while? Yes. Good God. Yes. I'm just say like no once in a while? Yes. Good God. Of course. I'm not saying no once in a while. I'm saying not going three days with your family and Michigan. Then we're finally in a hotel away from home.

You can't just wait until you get back to Illinois. I mean, I still did it because I knew that you it wouldn't. So let's explain that. Yeah, she's taking away weights one morning. I said, yeah, that's fine. And Kristen's like, I don't know why you're pissed, but then we had a conversation. Are you probably Luke, were you pounding? No, I said, it's fine. I'm going to sleep. Oh, see, that's it. That's powder. Yes. No, it's not. I slept exactly the same as I always do. And just the

pounding right now. Did you drive for 11 hours that day? Who do I did not? But anyway, my point, yes, you're right. I get it. But what I'm getting to is that you and I have this conversation about, sometimes you just have to give in to your partner to fulfill their needs, which is kind of going back to like our Heather episode, my therapist, where she was like, you know, you have to do things for your partner. But it's like at what point am I allowed to just say, I just feel gross.

And is it because of my age? Maybe it's my age. Yeah. Like maybe when you're 40, Luke, you'll be like, I get it. Ew, you're 40 gross. Cool. Tom's born in 1997. Maybe not.

I'm not going to bet that I will just because I don't know, I've been told, I don't know, my sex drive is supposed to slow it out at some point. And Tom, what do you think? Mine's, I mean listen, my, mine's ebbs and flows, comes and goes. Yeah. Sometimes it's peak, sometimes it's valleys.

So I feel like that has a lot to do with what's going on in life too. Yeah, oh my God. When there's stress involved, for instance, if anyone's ever thinking about the romantic notion of opening a new bar, just listen. We'll get into that maybe later on this podcast. But yeah, when you're all consumed by something that's very stressful and intense, it's hard. It's hard to have to be a self-employed entrepreneur to start

a new business. I didn't mean it about me, just in general. When you're stressed, or just when you don't feel sexy, sometimes I look in the mirror and I just like, I don't love what I see. I love myself, but I'm just like, I think that's what it is. I think it's like, yes, sex will deplete the stress.

You're 100% right. If we have sex, then I'm like, man, that was a good idea. It always is. However, in the moment, it's that I don't feel, like I don't feel hot, you know, I'm like, I'm just like, ugh. Yeah, I don't really worry about how I look. Yeah, I think this is a release.

I need it. I'm gonna be a better, I'm gonna sleep better. That is more of a ghost in my head. I don't give a shit what I look like. And as long as I don't feel, if I feel really gross, I take a shower. It's why I shower pretty much every day and that's some circumstances come up that I don't.

But then, okay. I think it's more of a mental thing. Like I never, I never look in the mirror and I'm like, oh, I'm disgusted by the way. I look, it's a feeling. It's like I maybe feel, I'm just, you don't feel like you. You don't feel your best version of the stuff.

I was stressed all day about work. I got in a fight with someone. I sat in traffic. Yeah. But Tom, question. If you had your hot girlfriend in bed beside you, and she wanted to have sex with you after the long stressful day, are you gonna be like, no, that doesn't sound good to me. I'll be like, hey, I'm not in the mood.

Let's solve, I'll be like, I'm very, very comfortable saying that. And I'm easier. I will never have my feelings hurt. Like if the roles were reversed. Yes, no, I'm so easy. I feel like my feelings would be hurt, but I still want you to understand.

Well, I do. And it's never, it's never like one day, like we've had sex every day for a week and then one day off and I'm like, oh, it's like after many days of whatever kind of family stress and other shit going on, and we finally get a time where it's just us in a hotel. And I'm like, we have a stress about Michigan

and he really wanted to have sex. No, not just Michigan. We hadn't had sex in like four days. I have my sex crazed monster. Well, my... Okay, how about tomorrow? To be celebrating right now. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve,

and we will have sex tomorrow. I don't feel like it. Okay. Speaking of New Year's Eve, we are gonna be spending our New Year's Eve with you, Thomas. And I'm just gonna say I'm very honored. I'm so excited to go to Schwartz and Sandy. Yeah, I'm really excited.

I'm like, God, I think there was a moment in time I thought I might never get to say we're open. And like, you know, at one point in time, maybe it was probably is unrealistic hindsight, but like we thought we were going to maybe open last year at for New Year's Eve. I thought like a very soft crude opening, but such as life, we, you know, we don't have to get into that. But we're open now. I'm super hyped. The place is so sick. Thank you so much. I'm super fun. The ceilings are high. The vibe

is fucking popping. The bathroom vibes are sick too. When you go to the bathroom, it's just like, all right. Thank you, Luke. You want to take selfies everywhere. Thank you. No, it's like, well, the idea is, you know, we have, we have a killer vibe in there. There's music's always jamming, but like,

you go into the bathroom. And if you look up, there's like this nice visual that my friend, Aaron, who's an awesome DP, Emmy nominated, he's the man. Shout out. Him and his wife. So he's, yeah, he did this installation. my friend Aaron who's an awesome DP, Emmy nominated. He's the man. Shout out. Him and his wife. So he did this installation.

It was kind of an homage, a nod to James Torell, the famous light artist. You don't know who that is, Google him. But we wanted it to be like a little sound light bath, a little departure from your dining experience. You go in there, it's like, it's like a little spa vibe. What do you guys think? It's open to a 200%. I do you guys think? Yeah, it's up to a 200% I'm on the same you can get lost looking at the ceiling if you've Yeah, you know consume some

The Mexicans. Oh, I can't wait to get so stoned And like probably takes a mushies and like go in there tomorrow and kick off the new year and like Tom I just want to say like I know that you are so humble and I tell you how proud I am of you in sand of all. No, thank you so much. And you're so like, I know what's fine. We opened a bar, but think about it. Okay. 2009, you moved here and we were struggling. Could barely pay our rent.

We worked any job we could get. Any bar job we could literally get. Any and every job. Oh my God. And now did you ever think this many years later you were going to be owning a bar that had bottle service on New Year's Eve. Holy shit. Holy shit.

Just for the record, I don't want people to get the wrong impression. Not that there's any negative connotations attached to bottle service, but we don't traditionally do bottle service. No, you don't. It's a new year's new thing. Yeah, we're not a club. No. So I don't know if that's going to scare some people away.

Oh, yeah, don't be scared, guys. It's like a really fun accepting of all people inclusive. It's a neighborhood cocktail. I was, but no, Dody, no, answer your question. But like, it is kind of surreal. It's cool. And listen, at some point in my life, I thought first, my dad had like six different bars, you know, and as an homage to him, I always wanted to have a cool little dive bar.

And now I, you haven't, you haven't. I have two, yeah. And in my favorite spot in all of LA, where all my formative years happened, West Hollywood, and now in one of my other favorite spots, Franklin Village, which is one of the most underrated, cool, I don't wanna blow up Franklin Village's spot, but like it's one of my favorite spots.

It reminds me of New York, and I feel cool in that neighborhood, I love it. It's like a sacred, cool neighborhood and I'm so honored to be a business owner, corner pocket, I always wanted to have a bar in a strip mall. And I love all of our neighbors. That's perfect.

It's cool. It's so exciting. Incredible. I'm partners with Greg Morris. When I first moved to LA, where did we go every night? The Belmont. And now our friend Dylan owns it, but it's so cool, it's got full circle.

I used to go to the Spanish kitchen and the Belmont, and now I'm friends and partners with him. Partners, with this person. And those were my two favorites spots. And you know what's crazy is all of the people that I'm bringing tomorrow night, there's eight or nine of us, and they're actually friends with Greg,

but we're on this group chat and saying, do we wanna go to this person's house, this person's house, or shorts and sandies. And this is all Carter's group of friends who are still my friends, and it was like anonymous, just anonymous. You're not, I know it's anonymous. It was unanimously, we have to go to shorts and sandies.

You guys, thank you. Which I thought was really cool. Honestly, that means a lot, because I know a lot of people are indifferent at best sheer indifference to New Year's Eve and Bivalence, whatever you wanna call it. A lot of people just don't like New Year's Eve and I get it, right?

Doty off the record. We don't like it. But as a bar owner, as a business owner, I'm super stoked to host everybody. My car is packed full of cool knick knacks. We have, well, I don't wanna hype it up too much because it's too short of notice, but we got, we got, we got raffles, we got DJs.

Oh, I love a good raffle, especially once I'm a little drunk. Oh boy, we're gonna take all my money. Oh, we're in for you, Doty. Oh, Lord. No, we're in for sure. But anyways, it's cool. Wait, so we have a question. It's not too cool.

Do you consider shorts and sandies somewhere where people could fall in love? Will people find their soulmate there? Yeah, I think it's a great yin and a yang. It's a great shorts and sandies. You can come in there rocking a suit and feel right at home or you can be like me,

come in with your slides, your joggers and a cool t-shirt and a back where it's hat and feel just as comfortable. It's something for everybody. But it's kind of upscale, sexy everybody, but it's kind of upscale, sexy chic, but it's not pretentious. Yes. You know what I mean?

I agree. It's kind of open to interpretation. Definitely as a sexy chic vibe. Yeah, at the same time, like you said, you could come in in your sweats and people aren't gonna look at you. Like, thank you. Look at you wearing a tuxer suit.

Like, no, you're in the wrong place, sir. Yeah. Welcome to all. Thank you. I love, I've been getting a lot of positive feedback about the vibe. And I know it's kind of a vague compliment, but it's my favorite compliment. People like I love the vibe in here. I feel comfortable. It's like music to my ears. I feel cozy and I almost cry when I hear that. Because the vibe really is vibe as I can overall is the aesthetic. It's the music, it's the decor, it's the drinks. It's the staff personality.

The staff. My friend you, the menu too, we even brought that up. You got some unique stuff on there. It's good. I don't want to pour the audience. You guys come in check it out. We don't have to talk too much about the 20s. Everybody definitely.

You've been on Proud of it. Yeah, I can't wait to post it. So I'm spending New Year's Eve there. I'm honored. We got a tale. We're going to pop some bottles. What are you wearing tomorrow, Tom? I don't know what I'm honored. We got a tale. We're gonna pop some bottles. And what are you wearing tomorrow, Tom? Do you know?

Shit, I don't know what I'm wearing. I think I'm gonna do, I'm gonna be a horse and Tom's gonna be sandy. I think he's gonna, Tom's gonna be like dressed to the nine, it's peacocking. And I'm probably gonna be a little more understated. Probably rock up baseball hat, a cool T-shirt. I don't know.

What are you guys rocking? I have no clue. Yeah, Luke's like, I don't know. We're gonna be know where to go. I mean, I know where my suitcase is. Oh my God, you guys are going to have sex in the bathroom, aren't you? Not today, probably. I mean, you want to get that as a business owner? As a business owner, he's against it. Oh, okay. I see. Never mind. Yeah, he went at the bar. Oh, my God. But anyways, yeah, no, I'm super stoked.

You know what I mean? It's like, sir, sirs where you take your mistress and it used to be Villa Blanca's where you take your wife. Shorts and sandies, I feel like it's where you take your best friends, where you're going to meet your best friend, where you're going to meet maybe your soulmate, you're definitely going to meet a hot date. So I feel like everyone just has to go there. You guys are hyping me up and I really appreciate that. Well, it was a late dessert.

Thank you guys. So before we get into our fun game, we are going to appreciate that. It was a late dessert. Thank you guys. So before we get into our fun game, let's play some games. We are going to do that. I just want to end this on. Thoughts about 2023. I said, fuck free, 23. And what I meant by that again was,

I want to stop sweating the small stuff, stop caring about too many opinions. Trust my gut, trust myself a little bit more, and when things go a bit haywire, as we all know they have since late 2019, we all thought COVID and all of that was going to be over 2020, 2021, 22, now we're here, right? So it's just like to be able to roll with the punches a little bit better than I have been doing every year, just a little bit better, I have been doing. Every year, just a little bit better. And I'm not a resolution person. Are you guys resolution people?

Oh, not hardcore. I like to set a new goal for myself. I mean, it's kind of the same thing, but kind of not. I'm not trying to change. Like some people, the most common one is the healthier. It's like that's what everyone says. You know, that's not a goal. Yeah, I lose way too easy.

But yeah, specificities. Yeah, I need to specify, write it down, make it a goal. I lose way too easy. But, yes, specificities. Yeah, I need to sound right. Specify, write it down. Make it a goal. And for me personally. Yeah, what is yours for this year? I don't get rid of shit. I want to consolidate, become more of a minimalist,

that's freeing. That's my goal. And the rule is for every one new thing I buy, I got to get rid of two things. Whoa, I'm a hoarder, so I don't know about that. Yeah, what about you, Tom? Well, you know, like I want to reconnect with mother nature, sweet mother nature.

I feel like I've just been consumed with so many different things that I haven't taken any time to go out and sit by like a fucking babbling brook. Maybe you read a book, I wanna go hiking, I wanna like, you know, like the go-to, like snarky quip now these days for people who spend too much time on the internet is like go touch grass. I want to touch more grass. Not that I'm on the internet too much, but I am. Okay. I'm at listen. I'm going to confess. I have a blister on my hand from my phone. I'm averaging eight hours a day on my phone.

Oh my god. We talk about my phone. I have like this weird thumb tendonitis thing and looking. Looking so it's from my phone. Yeah, it's from scrolling. Yeah, that's a great one. No more mindless scrolling. No, I want to reconnect with, I want to travel and reconnect with nature. I know it's almost become cliche to say go off the grid and it's going to be hard. Dude, play on a trip to Colorado. Wow. Seriously, I love Colorado. Breckenridge, I snowboard. But the ranch, Luke's ranch, like I barely look at my phone truly I take photos with it, but I don't try to get on the 70 acres in Colorado next to Rachel of Ryan. Oh, yeah

That's right. Yeah, that is fucking cool. Yeah, he just he has he built a cabin there yourself Yeah, it's just a little blisters on those hands Soft I've been spending too much time in LA. I love it. I love skin. Well, it's been too much time in LA. I keep talking. I tell everybody, LA makes me so soft. He's getting so soft. He says, LA makes him soft because of the weather. Yeah, so soft.

Because he's not doing shit with his skin. Yeah, pretty soon, I'm not going to want to have sex. Yeah. That's what it sounds like to me. But also, we're mindful of preserving and taking care of self-signal. You know, we party, but we eat healthy. Yes.

We eat our fruits and we drink vegetables. We work out. We moisturize. We put on SPF. Yes. I have a $40 chapstick. It's so true. I do as well.

I have a $40 chapstick bowl thing I totally do. I love expensive moisturizer. It's just so good. It's still Katie's. I miss that. I have to buy my own. If you ever need me to, I'll just hop down the hall. OK, Katie. Can you just so good. Still Katie's I missed that. I have to buy my own. If you ever need me to all this hop down the hall. Okay. Okay. Katie.

You just call orange. Yeah. Katie was in the best like face creams and moisturizers. And she had a little mini fridge. She kept next to her sink full of like this cold roller. Katie always had the best hair products too. Yeah. Katie has the best. She's still dire hair for you though. Yeah. She would totally. I think she would. You're here since starting to try to bring me into that with her stem cell face lotion stuff. She's like, here, put this on.

You just showering at this. Shout out to Beverly Hills MD. Wait, can I have some of that? Yeah, absolutely. It's pretty good stuff. I mean, I love that though, getting in, yeah, back in tune with like nature and like getting outside. That's why it looks really good for me because he is always like, I need to go fishing. I need to go golfing, can we go hiking?

Yes. I want to go to Strawberry Springs, Colorado and sit in the natural hot springs. Okay. Then you want to go fly fishing? Yes. Okay. Oh my God. We're doing it.

Okay, we're making a plan of attack. I love it. Yes. I want to look like Brad Pitt and Legends of the Fall while I'm fly fishing. I will give you extensions. That's a great movie. But this is way I'm you know what? Can you say, hey, this is nice. Doty, love you. Luke, love you too. Love you. We're becoming bros. We played golf the other day, but it's nice to sit down. I'm feeling

less grinchy. No, no, no, I wasn't grinchy. I was sad because I cling to the holidays. It's my favorite time of the year I love Halloween. I love Thanksgiving and I love Christmas, Hanukkah. I love all that stuff. We don't have any what's the next holiday? Other than my birthday. She's a Katie's Valentine's Day. Katie's birthday in my 40s.

Oh my god. I know. I know. I know. You got to run. And it's so stressful because it's in, Tom, it's in two months. And I'm the only one not thinking about what I want to do. I'm like, I don't care. We want bowling for my birthday for four straight years because that's how little I

care. I want my birthday to be all inclusive, extremely inexpensive or free for everybody. I don't want anyone to feel like they have to dress up or like Do anything outside of themselves to to be there? Yeah, I do really what dog and kid friendly to dog and kid friendly That's why I loved my house So now I'm trying to think like what to do and the only thing I can come up with is just getting like a really cool Airbnb Either somewhere around here or in like Palm Springs, like two big houses or something, and just be like, whoever wants to come come. I love it.

That just feels more of us. It's spontaneous. Also, you put on that flyer or that Instagram post or that group text, no pressure and keep all caps. I will not be sad if you don't show up. Actually, I encourage you to skip my bread. Just tell me if you're coming or not. Regardless, do what you want. And if you think't show up. Actually, I encourage you. Just get my birthday. Just tell me if you're coming or not. Regardless, and if you think you're last second, I'm not going to be upset.

Just whatever on birthdays. I don't want to not include you. However, I don't give a fuck if you don't come. Beautifully says right for birthdays, especially other things I get in life, but birthdays like I don't ever want anyone to feel any pressure to come to my birthday ever again. This is on the record. You never wanted to celebrate your birthday since the day I met you. Yeah.

Oh. I tried to cancel birthdays last year, by the way. I tried to cancel them, but unless you were, you know, under the age of 18, but that's a grinchy move I'm not doing now. You got to celebrate life. You never know when it's going to be your last. That's a good point. And I just love connecting and socializing, and I want all of my friends in one place,

and for everyone to be able to meet and hang out together. And that's really why I like having, I love hosting. It's just that this apartment that we're sitting in right now, not ideally the spot for all the dogs and kids that people have. Yeah, it's already a time fit with the two of us and four dogs. We'll figure that out. We could maybe go three ways I would like. Yeah, it's already a tax fit with the two of us in four dogs. We'll figure that out. We could maybe go three ways on a house. Yeah, a little corridor.

This 100% open to that, because we're not staying in this apartment come June. You guys look at the least runs up. We haven't started, no, we haven't looked at anything yet. I said after her birthday is when we should start looking. You guys are looking for how, oh my God, are you pregnant? Are you pregnant? Are you pregnant?

No, I'm drinking wine right now. I wish I were pregnant. No, I'm not pregnant. No. And also contrary to everyone on Instagram's beliefs, I'm not pregnant just because if I have a little, if I don't suck in my tummy and every photo guys, I would love to be pregnant right now,

but it's not true, but. We need to get into this game. We're all ready. We're so fine. Yeah, I got to hit the bar after this. I don't want to, but I have to. And now it's time to play a game, Tommy. Tom, you don't even know it's coming for you. Luke, will you introduce Tom to our Urban Dictionary Sex

Edition segment? Yes, ma'am, I will. So, Urban Diction dictionary game we play here. I've looked up some fun terms, mostly related to sex. I give the term and you guys give me your definition. And no one really gets them right. It's just fun to hear you try to come up with a definition for these terms, then I read the real definition.

So. Okay, I took Brownling's introductory course. I think I can. You did? I'm terrible at improv. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm advanced. At the end of the day, we have to remember, and I always say this, the Urban Dictionary is like Wikipedia. People make shit up. It's all users of this. We just have to see like, what do we think this wild-ass term means? You guys are bored one night. I highly recommend going down a Urban Dictionary rabbit hole.

It's so fun and niche and strange and all right, let's dive in. And scary. And scary, yeah. All right. Everyone ready for the first term? We ready. All right. First term of this episode, Urban Dictionary sex edition, the term is Ken Dolling.

Doty, you want to take? Ken Dolling. Yep. This is want to take... Kendalling. Yep. This is referring to barbeque and ken. Correct, don't over come. Does Ken have a penis? No. Barbe doesn't have a vagina.

No, there's no genitalia. Can I go first? Yeah, you go first. I think it's when you keep your boxers your underwear on and you just grind each other. It's dry-humping. Dry-humping is what you think kendalling is. It's dry-humping each on.

Yeah. Okay. Oh, that's a good one. There's no risk of penetration. Ooh, that's a good one. Pretty solid, good solid. What are you doing? Wait, is he right? Wait, wait, wait. Okay, okay, so what do I think?

Well, cause you don't get him so confidently. Well, that was a strong, that was pretty good. Okay, Ken, Ken-dolling, Ken-dolling, plastic, no penis, perfect proportions. I think it means you're asexual that you don't like to have sex. Mm, strong. All right, as usual, no one's right.

The kendalling is the act of taking an attractive man and mentally picturing he has no junk in his trunk. Usually done when a man is off limits. A friend's ex, he's gay, just a friend, et cetera. So it's like a respectful way of fantasizing about someone? Yeah. Luke, I am kind of darling Channing Tatum. Okay.

You don't even have to. I'm who am I, Ken? I mean, if Channing Tatum was like your friend, I'd be like, cool, you should. But he's still like, you know, out of my reach. You can imagine he's got a- I like that.

He's probably got a great dick. It's a safer- Um, I like that. It's a respectful way of fantasizing. A way of PG-13 way of fantasizing about another human being. Yeah, it's like they're avatars. They don't even have a penis or a vagina. So it's fine.

They just tie their tails together. Yeah, you can't get mad at me. He's harmless. Yeah. What if he can you Kendall when you're at a bar? Like, you see someone across the way. I'm like, babe, I'm just Kendalling him. He has no genitomy.

I mean, now that it's out there, you can say that. And this is a good one. Okay, I like it. All right, so next word is East Side Willie. And East Side Willie is. Tommy's go first. Okay. And East Side Willie is where you, in a parka, after smoking a blunt, you come in reeking

of weed and you propose sex to your partner. And that's it. I really like that. That's better than mine. It's strong. It's creative. I like it. My brain immediately went to your dick, a lean to the left. Hmm. Cause like North East Southwest. That's solid. So lean to the, I got it. Like I got an eat. Hey girl, I got an East side. Well, East Willie. You into an East Side Willie girl. I think it needs an Irish side. I'm talking impressed.

Chris ain't got a right. I did. Oh. The definition is a stiffy or boner that bends to the left when facing south. That's an East Side Willie. Is there a south side Willie? I'm so happy.

I'm impressed. That's pretty good. That's first time it's happened. All right, the next one is banana slug. Well, I know it's actually a really cool species of slug. It's a thing. Yeah, banana slug. Okay. Yeah. I'll show you guys afterwards. What tell us about the banana slug? I don't know much about it. I just know of it. Okay. It's kind of, it's not a mythological, it's an actual,

I think, right? Anyways, Dota, you go first. Yeah, think about it a slang term. Okay, well, no, because now I'm in my head, like, is it about the banana slug? So my brain immediately thinks like, Mario Kart, banana peel, smashed. That's just where my brain goes first. So a banana slug is going to be,

I don't know if it's about your cum or if it's about like the, or about the penis going like flaccid after it comes and it's just like laying there all gross, but I feel like I feel like it's going to come. I'm going to go with, all right, I'm gonna go with a banana slug is after a guy penetrates the V or whatever he's penetrating or the B. And then when he pulls out, it's already like flasset and then it like, the comes like coming out and it looks like a slug carrying a trail. That's, that's, that's very creative. Sorry answers.

And, go ahead. Do it's okay. We don't have to. Go ahead. That's that's wild. That's very creative. Sorry answers. And go ahead. Okay, we don't have. Yeah, go ahead. That's good. Um, you painted a vivid picture there for us. Yeah, I totally envisioned that. Um, I think a banana slug is, oh my God, you guys, Doty, that's kind of what I wanted to say. I think I think I'm minor very great Come on time you can do something better than that What is a banana slug? Actual slug look like I'll show you what it look like a penis could it look like a penis? No, it looks like a yellow slug Oh, okay, it looks like a banana. That's why they call it a nice earthy

Slug I mean it looks like it's a comfortable blood. It looks like a banana. Have you ever seen slugs have sex? No. It's like kind of majestic. What? Maybe that's what a banana slug is in a rendictionary. It's like it's beautiful dance where they sort of ride around each other

and it's kind of like erotic and I use to go. So is that your final answer? Maybe it's when you twist and ride around your partner, is that what you put on for four play? Slugs, that's it. I'm Google it. I'm gonna find it, I'll show you guys, so what's your final answer?

Hit us with it, yeah. Oh, that's it. It's where you tried to portray, you know. The way Banana Slugs made it. Thank you, Jesus. And you're coming all over each other. Okay, okay Okay easy now All right, banana slug is the act of taking one's flaccid penis

Putting or slapping it on another's face and and then getting an erection as a form of foreplay. Okay Well, who I who wrote that one? Can you give us their name? This one is by anonymous 2744 Okay, well anonymous 27, 27, whatever. That's called Limp Dick on Forehead. We're on the jail. LDOF. You have a better, no. If you get smacked with the dick on your face, it's called Limp Dick on Forehead. I'm blushing, by the way.

That sounds like a non-creative term. You've never heard of LDOF. No, never. You haven't either, Tom? No. Who coined this term? I don't know. I've heard this forever. A little miss group of girls. No, never. You haven't either Tom. No. Who coined this term? I don't know. I've heard this for ever. A little miss group of girls. No, I've dated someone who would do it as a joke. That's impressive. Well, did he immediately get an erection afterward? Because then it would be

a banana slug. Okay, well now we know. I think my definition was better in Tom's. Do you want to hear it using a sentence? Yes, please. Oh, usually I do. Go ahead. The way he bananas lugged her in that video was disgusting. I wish it said cute. It was cute. It's adorable. Okay, what's next?

All right, give us one more. Yeah, that's one more. All right, that one's still yet. These are intense. Okay, this one is chupano spelled SHU-P-A-R-N-O. Is there anything to go with it? Is there a use it in a sentence or an origin? The sentence that came with it says,

Shupano died single. Died single, this is someone's ex-girlfriend. And, no, it's about a guy. Oh, it's someone's ex-boyfriend. So they're naming this situation, this thing they do sexually after their ex-boyfriend. Sheparno. No, no, okay. I'll give you a little bit of some framework to come up with.

Yeah, thank you. Yeah, this is a type of guy. Oh. And relating to his dating and sexual, like, Sheparno. Sheparno. Do you want to do it at the first? He sounds like, he might not be a bad guy,

but he's he's slightly sleazy and he's kind of a, well, he thinks he's a Casanova. He's got sleazy undertones and he's a little flaky and he's never been in a long-term relationship. You hook up with him and you probably are drunk and you wake up and you regret it. You don't hate yourself for it. You're like, oh my god, I should part out last night. Like, it was easy, it was convenient. You're never going to marry this guy. There's no hope for a long-term relationship. I should part out so many times when I was single. I should part out in

Vegas for sure. Tom, that's so good. Because my brain is hearing Shoop by Salt and Papa. Yeah. So hard right now. Like, Shoop, Shoop, better, poop better. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, look at the man in the three-piece suit. Yeah, like he's like some douchebag. Shoop, Harno. I feel like I'm going to piggyback up with Tom on this one. What's that? Yeah. I'm going a final answer or what Tom said. You guys are pretty good. This has been quite the impressive round. So the definition is a man who gets girlfriend but cannot keep it.

He gets the hottest college babes alive and most of the ugliest ones too, but he can't manage to keep even one. He will die single and have to. We've been looking at him. We've been looking at him. Oh, pieces of deal. Damn, he will die single. That was bleak, but but other than that we got it pretty good. Oh my god. We all know what's a perno in our last

Absolutely do yeah guy that that well I guess doesn't have much standards, but still gets good looking girls But can't keep on yeah, he's not a bad guy. He just he's gonna be a serial Tom you would say every guy's not a bad guy. No, that's not true. Okay, we don't have to go well next podcast Okay, you can tell me privately who you think the bad guy because Tom always goes we called Tom DJ I'm sorry because he goes no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He's not always not a bad guy. He's a good guy It's just you know, he's got stuff going on. You know what I mean by the way I know I said looked at as a sign of weakness But it's like I think it's a good thing

to try to see the best in people without being naive, of course. Absolutely. And there's no way that you say, I'm sorry more than Kristen does. I'm just gonna sit. That's a bit of soda thing. It's not possible.

It's in me. I do say I'm sorry in advance. I say I'm sorry for saying I'm sorry. I hear I'm sorry more than anything. Other, term or phrase at a Kristen's mouth, 100%. Well, I'm not sorry that I would never have sex with a chaperno, because been there done that about the t-shirt,

made it, made the t-shirt. Yeah, we haven't. I'll have to sprint it. With anyone but me anymore, so. Let's go. Tom, we killed this rod of urban dictionary. This never happens. I'm impressed.

I'm looking down on myself, actually, if I need to prepare a car. For choosing the shitty ones. No, the solid. That was a good round. I'm looking down on myself, actually. I need to prepare for turns. For choosing the shitty ones. No, the solid. That was a good round. I'm excited for the next time. I think top mind and top brains are just connected right now. Yeah, I was looking at you with the last one, the chupano,

and I'm like, how is he? Just had a ring to it. Who's chupano written by? Is it T-Schwa 69, 69? Did it just have a root? It's by Haste Madlad, H-A-S-D-E and A-G-L-A-L-A. Just thought it was making sure. But I'm no, it just had that on, it had a ring to it.

It really did. Well, good on us, Doty. I know, good for us. Okay, well, listen y'all, happy flipping New Year. Let's have a fuck free 2023. Everyone just enjoy Love life. Let's be positive Polly's Tom. Thank you for coming over to my little humble apartment. Thank you so much Tom. Oh wait, wait, it lost me Sure before no, we got you. We got you guys. It's been an absolute pleasure. Let's all reconnect with nature, mother nature, a little bit more. Let's climb a tree.

Let's part it shorts and sandies to the point that we need it, mother nature, the next day. We're going to end up in a tree. New Year's day, 100%. I will end up hugging a tree. That's for sure. There are some good trees to climb at Riverside Park, I think is where we're going today. Don't you remember our first time in Riverside?

There's some great trees over there. Don't you remember our first apartment when we lived together? Yes. Remember that little tree out front, meet a time with climate and drink beers in it sometimes some great trees over there. But don't you remember our first apartment when we lived together? Yeah. Remember that little tree out front me and Toma Climax and Drake Beers in it sometimes? I miss that tree. Me, Hayden and Tom, we'd all go climbing that tree. This is a true story. And hanging from it like sloths, I have photos to prove it.

Can we go there? It's still there. It's been pruned down to, it's not it's old self. Oh, okay, okay. That block, it's not as old. Although, there's some really nice spots coming up on that block. By the way, we recently, we were ending the podcast. We recently moved everything out of there and it was really sad. We'll talk about it on the next podcast. That's true. Okay, guys.

Yep. Next. All right. Love you, everyone. Be safe. Happy dumb holidays are over. Happy new year. And we will talk to you next week. The great holidays are over. Happy new years. Goodbye. Good bye. Good guys. Woo. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Dodie and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke Double underscore Broadway. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes every single Wednesday. Thanks for listening. See you next week. Thanks for listening. See you next week.