Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Flashback to Nia Sanchez
Episode Date: September 6, 2024Episode 126. In this episode, Kristen and Luke are joined by friend and castmate Nia Sanchez: former Miss USA, women’s self-defense instructor, and mother of three under two years old! Nia shares h...er non-negotiables when she was dating, meeting her husband, and the importance of seeing a therapist regularly! She also talks about what she did that helped her get pregnant! Tune in to find out! Sponsors: factormeals.com/balancing50 and use code balancing50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month. Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code DOUTE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Register now at cause and effect.ucc.on.ca. Hello, my beautiful, magical listeners.
Hi Luke.
Hi baby.
I always have Luke here with me now.
That's just what's up.
And we have an amazing guest that I'm so excited about.
You guys are going to be so excited about.
So I want to introduce Nia Sanchez-Bucco.
Hi Nia.
Hey, hey, how we doing? I'm so good. How are you? So good. Excited to be
here. Very stoked. So if you guys are living under a rock, which you're probably not, I'm sure you
know who Nia is. She is a good friend of ours and she was also Miss USA. I mean, Jesus Lord, I'm
sorry I didn't mean to say that, but you know, she was Miss USA. She was first runner up at Miss
Universe. She's also a women's self-defense instructor,
which I know actually personally,
because my good friend Rachel took your course
years and years ago.
She is a wife, a mother of three under two years old.
Life is crazy.
A gorgeous girl and just an all-around badass chica.
You know, I gotta say though, Nia, I've already been corrected once,
but I think you have to let our listeners know
the difference between Miss USA and Miss America,
because I misspoke and was quickly chastised
by saying, you are Miss America.
No, that is, there is a big difference.
So the main, one of the main differences,
there's two main differences.
So Miss USA, when you win Miss USA,
you continue on to Miss Universe, and there's an additional
competition that you can compete in.
When you win Miss America, there is no additional competition.
You don't go to like a next level.
And then Miss America competition has a talent portion, which is usually dance or singing,
or they do lots of things, monologues, all of that.
And then the Miss USA competition does not have that portion of the competition.
So those are the main differences.
But if you were to have had that portion,
would you have been like Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality?
Gracie Lou Freebush. That would have been me.
S-I-N-G.
I love that you know it.
Yeah. When I was at your house like a few weeks back, I was like,
what was it again? It's like Sol, Solplex.
Uh-huh. In step, in step,
in step,
nose,
groin.
Yes. Boom.
Ladies, you go for the soft spots if you're ever,
unfortunately in that position.
Yes ma'am.
And if you live in California, I highly recommend,
well, number one, we'll get to all of Nia's like Instagrams
and all of her handles and all of that,
but you need to take her course.
And I cannot wait to take your course.
I'll be doing more soon, especially with this back to school season.
So we'll get into all that later, but I'm excited to get back into it.
You just had two babies.
You had twin daughters, identical twin daughters six weeks ago.
Yes, ma'am.
So that is why you were not currently.
That's why I have not been teaching my classes.
I've been having people message me saying, when's your next workshop? They were messaging me when I was six months pregnant
with twins. I'm like, girl, not right now. Give me some time. So we're getting back into it.
Yes. So you are married, like we said, and you do have three kids under two. Before we get to all
of the awesome like mommy, wife, pregnancy, I have a trillion questions for you.
I wanna talk just a little bit about you
and like life before your husband.
Were you like a single girl that like went on dates a lot?
Were you more of like a relationship gypsy?
That's what I call myself,
cause I was like boyfriend to boy.
I'm not like a good single person.
I like relationship gypsy, that's a good phrase.
Have you like been in love before?
Oh, I love all these questions. Or was Danny good phrase. Have you like been in love before?
Or was Danny your first love? Like these are the things we want to know. Okay. So if we take it back to like, you know, high school, after college, I had like one long-term boyfriend,
had some time off to myself, had another long-term boyfriend that was very toxic and unhealthy
relationship. I don't wish toxic relationships on anybody,
but I had that relationship when I was young
and I learned from it.
So ever since that super unhealthy relationship,
I was so strong and firm in who I am, what I wanted.
I had a list of non-negotiables.
I had a list of what I wanted in a future husband.
So I was not messing around
after that really toxic relationship.
Did you learn a lot about red flags? Like, did you, I'm assuming that you did, but did
you ever notice those red flags later on and like stop yourself or did you ever see yourself
like kind of getting involved in them all over again?
Oh, yes, because so many people just women and men have patterns, right? Like we continue
those patterns sometimes, but no, I was very aware, have patterns, right? Like we continue those patterns sometimes,
but no, I was very aware of red flags,
at least from what I had previously experienced.
So one relationship, there was lots of lies and deception.
And the next relationship that was so toxic, there was cheating.
And it got physically aggressive at the end.
And I used to not want to say the word.
I was in an abusive relationship because I was so nervous about using that word,
but I watched, have you seen the show, Made on Netflix?
And I realized that there were so many forms of abuse in relationships.
And so I realized that that was such an abusive relationship in so many ways.
And there was so much manipulation as well.
So I learned, I saw those red flags.
If there was ever anything even close to what I had
experienced previously, I realized that I would, you know, see that right away and then not step
into that relationship or that experience. But I had a lot of growing to do as well.
So after my toxic relationship that I was in, I had dated one more guy like casually. And then
I moved to Hong Kong, random. I'm like, okay, bye. I'm going to go to another country. I definitely didn't know that.
I was just throw that in there.
So I moved to Hong Kong.
I worked at Disney in Hong Kong.
And that is where I was like, you know what?
I'm leaving all these past experiences.
I'm going to take this time to just work on myself.
So I got self-help books, relationship books.
I bought myself a Bible.
And I just took that time.
It was almost a year living in Hong Kong where I invested in just like my own self-worth,
my own knowing who I am and came back and actually shortly after coming back,
less than six months is when I met Daniel.
But...
And how old were you around this time?
23.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
That's a lot before you're 23.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes, it was.
I had a lot of life.
That's why I said I was so young, but I'm glad I learned those experiences early
so I wasn't making those same mistakes over and over again
later in life.
But the biggest thing that was a game changer for me,
especially when I was living in LA, Nevada, New York,
I've been all over, but when I was dating in LA,
my main thing at first was I have a two-date rule.
I'm not wasting my time after like two dates.
If he's not the one, then I'm out. And then real quick, I cut that down to a one date
rule. Like, why would I waste time on a second date? I'm going to ask him my non-negotiable
questions in the first date. And if he's not the one, he's not the one like moving on.
So Daniel passed the test and it's not an easy test, but he passed the test on the first
date. Can you give our listeners a few of, if you remember now. I remember. OK, what are some of the non-negotiables
that you could just date one? You're trying to enjoy the date, of course, but this isn't an
interview. Strategically weaving it in, trying to be like casual, like, oh, don't mind me asking you
these serious questions. What are the non-negotiables? Y'all are going to think I'm crazy. No, I'm not.
I wrote a book called He's Making Me Crazy. So girl. Yes. So mine are very, very, very personal,
and I don't know if anybody will relate to them, but number one, I'm a person of faith.
So I wanted someone that was strong in their faith and even like a leader in the faith,
even stronger than me that I could learn from and look up to in our faith. So I had met Daniel
at church, so perfect. You know, hey, that's how you met. I was going to ask you, oh, we will get
into that. But yes, but you know,
you can meet people at church or whatever common thing you want to have in
common.
It doesn't mean that they're more strong in that than you.
So we still had to find out during the date, found out he's was very strong in
his faith. Very solid. Number two, this is so silly, but it's important to me.
I wanted a man that would not complain about going to Disneyland. I love that.
That's hilarious.
It was literally a non-negotiable.
If a man was like, oh, I hate Disney, I am never going.
I'm like, I am so sorry.
You don't get a second date by like not not an option.
Like how can you make sense of it if it's something that you love?
It's important to me. Exactly.
And I feel like this is very polarizing.
My third non-negotiable and I feel like maybe all the people listening may not like me anymore, but I needed a man that was okay
having a cat someday because I love cats and a lot of people don't like cats.
So I don't think that's that polarizing.
I mean, it is to a lot of people. And Daniel will now say to this day, he's like,
I lied to you. I have not, we're never having a cat. And I'm like, Oh my gosh,
you lied on the first day. I mean, I, I, I'm definitely allergic to cats. So cats are unfortunately a non-negotiable
for me in a house. But to be fair, when Luke and I started dating, um, and he was in between
Indiana and Colorado, he did have a cat, but it was like an indoor outdoor cat. And it,
did you make him get rid of his cat? No, no, no, no.
I just logistically I had a friend that was thinking about I moved from Indiana
and he spent as much time outside.
They spent more time outside than inside when it wasn't winter.
He's honestly his name's Walter.
He's the coolest cat I've ever seen.
He's he's so awesome.
He's hiking with me like when he was growing up, I'd go up and up
to the cliff behind my place in Colorado. He would hike and he'd go hiking with me. Like when he was growing up, I'd go up and up to the cliff behind my place in
Colorado. He would hike and he'd pant like a dog.
He'd open his mouth, his tongue out. It was so cool.
And he's an amazing cat.
But like, I'm so deathly allergic that I'm like,
if you do need to bring this cat to California, like to my house,
when you're here, the way you bring your dog, like that's literally, I will die.
Yeah. Yeah. So my neighbors in Colorado have him now. So I do still see him. And yeah, they wanted,
they were wanting to cat anyway. He kind of grew up as a mouser being indoor, outdoor, like kind
of helping with that. And he, they love him to death because he's, he's the best. Yeah. Well,
did you guys have non-negotiables that you kind of checked off the list when you started dating?
We did, but not very many.
Yeah.
We each had, like, what, one or two?
OK.
Can you tell?
Luke's main one was, we will not raise children in Los Angeles,
like proper Los Angeles.
Oh.
We will not raise kids.
Like, raise a family.
I understand what you're saying.
I'm just like, wow, you live in LA.
Right.
Right.
But I, too, am saying. I'm just like, wow, you live in L.A. So right. But I too am like I love California.
But as far as like my children being schooled in like Hollywood, like L.A., L.A.,
I couldn't agree more.
And he doesn't even live here.
Yeah. And I know that that, you know, we're both from the Midwest.
Yeah. I couldn't agree more.
What was my non-negotiable?
Your non-negotiable was that if I'm going to date you,
I have to agree to be on camera
because you make your living as a personality.
Prior to us dating, I was like,
hopefully I'll get to be on a show again.
And if you are just like a hard hell no,
won't even consider it, it's a joke kind of a vibe.
I can't have that.
Yeah.
Like don't make fun of what you know.
Did you have to think about it or were you okay or?
I had a lot of questions.
Yeah, I bet.
I did come back with a bunch of questions.
I said, so what does this mean?
Does this mean I have to agree to appear on camera
occasionally as your boyfriend?
Right.
Or does this mean you expect me
to be a big TV personality with you?"
And she said, uh, that's a good question.
Was her initial response and ultimately got to, it will be up to you as long as you don't
leave me stranded and you will be on TV when...
If I were given that opportunity to get into like entertain, just please know like you're
a part of my life, whatever that entails.
So, Hey, this is the first step.
You're doing a show together, a podcast show.
So there you go.
Yeah.
I don't know if you'd completely agree, Kristen,
but I think I was somewhat of a driving force in getting this thing out.
Well, the podcast. Yeah. Oh, absolutely.
I'm a terrible decision maker.
I am terrified that any decision that I would make is going
to be like the wrong one. So I really stand in limbo a lot of the time. And Luke is very
pragmatic and factual and he has a great business brain and, and is not afraid to make choices
and act on them. Where I will like kind of sit and lie and wait. So just so you know,
when I went, that wasn't because I'm like, yeah,
you suck at making decisions. It's because I do the same thing. So I completely hear you because
I am the same way. My little aquarium sister. Yes, literally the same. I have so many great ideas,
but I don't always step forward in them because I don't want it to be something that's not perfect
or exactly how I envisioned it or whatever the next step is I get afraid of it.
You sound like Kristen.
Yeah, very much so.
We have a lot in common.
Not that I don't want, I want all the things.
I just get very nervous.
Like what if I'm missing that one little piece to make this project?
The podcast, my clothing line, whatever the hell it is, that I missed that one thing that
I probably should have done a little more research on or known a little bit more about.
Yep.
I understand.
And with the podcast, so I came out on Halloween of last year and we had already kind of started
recording some things and we had these ideas in the work.
And when I got here, I said, so, you know, I'm not leaving until we release this thing.
That's good.
I'm proud of you.
And then he stayed for a month.
And I was here for a month.
I didn't think it was going to be that long, but I was here for a month.
I remember on Halloween, we were talking in Brittany's backyard. You were telling me that
you had a podcast coming out. So I'm glad that you made it happen. So wild. Okay. So your
non-negotiables, date one, faith Disneyland, super important to you, the cat thing, you and Dan have
gotten past this. Were there any, was there anything else?
Those are the main non-negotiables. Yes. First date.
We're not going on a second date if you hate cats or hate Disney or, you know,
hate God or something. No, second date. Sorry. Um, but there was,
I had a long list of things that I wanted in a future husband and Daniel was
pretty much everything on the list, which is amazing.
I wrote that list when I was 13.
So I've had the list for a long time.
And I made like little adjustments.
Like, I think I wrote in there once,
like I want a man in uniform
because I come from a military family.
I like cross that off real quick.
Cause I saw my friends with their dads
that were deployed for six months at a time.
And I was like, okay, I don't need that.
But everything else on the list,
Daniel pretty much checked it off.
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So how long did you and Dan date before things got serious before,
like were you casually dating? You met at church.
Were you both dating other people?
How quickly did you become like quote unquote boyfriend,
girlfriend to engagement, to marriage?
Okay. First of all, because he is going to listen to this,
Daniel goes by Daniel or Danny or Booko. And so many of our friends say, Dan,
Dan. And he's like, who's Dan? I don't know who Dan is. I know.
I always say Danny, but you say Daniel and then I get caught.
You get in the middle. You're like, yeah, we'll just go with Dan. It's so funny.
All right. So we started dating in 2013. Um, 10 years ago.
Wow.
We had our 10 year anniversary in March of this year.
Crazy.
Love it.
So we started dating in 2013.
We met at church.
According to me, you'll have to get his side of the story some other time.
According to him, we met somewhere else.
I don't remember meeting him at that first meeting.
He said he was like, oh, she's so beautiful.
He focused on me and I had no idea who he was.
So according to me, we met at church.
We went on our first date and he decided to take me to Runyon Canyon to maybe see how
active I was.
I don't know.
I'm like, that's not a good first date.
Thinking back on it, because I wasn't really active and I'm over here out of breath, having
to stop to catch my breath all the time.
He's probably thinking like, who is this girl?
She can't even keep up.
And then he also decided to take his shirt off within the first five minutes of our date.
So I think he was like, I'm just going to like lock it in. Like, let me get my shirt
off and show her how many like abs I have. 16 abs like crazy. So that he jokes and he's
like, that's when she proposed. I'm like, yeah, no, no. I had to go through my non-negotiable
list first, but we went to Runyon Canyon first date, second date, we went to, he took me to a nice dinner and it was beautiful.
It had a beautiful view, sunset.
I was very determined in who I was and what type of man I wanted to find.
So I remember wearing no makeup on my second date to a really nice fancy dinner
and being self-conscious, but being like, if, if this man wants to date me, he better like me without any makeup. Like this,
I'm just going to show up bare face going to a nice dinner. You are bold.
You're very bold. I feel like I wouldn't do that now.
You're smart. Why was I doing that when I was 23 years old? I feel like I wouldn't do that now.
Just because I like to feel more presentable when I go out. But what makes you feel good about you?
It does. But at the time I was so determined, like I don't want to have any man think I'm one way
and then not really be that way, you know, behind closed doors. So I'm showing up with no makeup.
I had crazy acne. So not on that date, but like it would come and go. So I remember like a month,
a month in, I was breaking out everywhere and I'm like, oh, this guy's still around.
I'm a hot mess and he's still hanging around. And I'm like, oh, this guy's still around. I'm a hot mess. And he's still hanging around.
And this is before any pageants or anything.
So I'm just this like random crazy girl with acne all over her face
that he's still going on dates with.
So, you know, you know, it's meant to be before any success in any area.
He still was interested.
Yes, I love that. Yeah, we dated.
We he I told him I was moving back to Nevada.
When I came from Hong Kong, I moved to Nevada. I spent some time in L.A. That's when we met. And then I was told him I was moving back to Nevada. When I came from Hong Kong, I moved to Nevada.
I spent some time in L.A.
That's when we met.
And I was like, I'm moving back to Nevada.
I'm doing a pageant.
And he was like, what?
Like, no, I he was like, we're going we're doing really well in this relationship.
He really, I think, had envisioned proposing to me after like five or six months.
Like he was like ready to get married.
But I was like, no, I want to do this pageant thing.
And if I do it, I can't be married. So like, is that a rule? It was. Oh, they changed it.
Interesting. But for like the last 50 years, it was a rule that it's a miss USA, not missus USA.
You know? Okay. So also you're so young. Exactly. So yeah. But he was like ready,
like ready to lock it down. Which I like, you know, like a man that knows what he wants.
Like that's, that's good.
Totally.
Yeah.
He was not just messing around and dating for fun kind of thing.
So he, he told me, he's like, I need time to think about it.
I don't know if I want to be in a relationship with someone that
can't get married for a whole year if you were to win.
So we thought about it.
He took like a week to think about it, prey on it.
And he came back, he's like, all right, let's do this.
And he was like, what, what Victoria's Secret runway shows?
Do we have to watch like practice your walk? Like,
how do I practice questions with you? Let's do this.
Like I'm going to ask you every political question under the sun.
Like we got this.
And he was like, no, no, but he was like all in. And then I had,
I moved back to Nevada. So I was living with my roommate out there and he would
come and help me practice and all that. So I win Miss Nevada. He's so excited. He said, he says it's like a sporting game. He's like,
I had more adrenaline than I have when I'm watching a football game. It's intense. It's so insane.
So men love competition, love competition, especially him. He's so like, that's,
that's a next level supportive of you. That's incredible. That's awesome. Thank you. Yeah.
He's very supportive. So that then we go on to Miss USA.
Same thing, practicing with my questions and all of that to make sure I can speak
well on stage and in interviews and everything. And I remember when I won,
they take you to a suite after they have food set up for you and they like have
this beautiful room and he grabbed the crown. He's like, we did it.
And I was like, yeah, we did, huh? Like it was us. It wasn't just me.
Like we did it. So was like yeah we did huh like it was us it wasn't just me like we did it so you know
oh my god it's so cute don't make me cry I'm like pms saying I could cry oh girl pregnancy
hormones over here postpartum hormones I could cry too I love this but to like hit the main
bullet points that you're asking about so that was June of 2014 that I won Miss USA in October of
2014 he did a surprise flight out to New York.
Because when you win Miss USA at the time,
you move to New York City.
So now we're bi-coastal.
Oh, wow.
And doing a long distance relationship.
Moved to New York, he flew out, surprised me.
I had no idea he was coming.
He set up this beautiful penthouse hotel room
that had a beautiful balcony.
Set up everything everything like lights and
candles and all the things and proposed, which was magical.
So that was October, but I was competing for Miss Universe still.
I had Miss Universe like five months after that.
So we had to wait to make any wedding plans.
Cause if I were to win Miss Universe, then that would be another year that I can't get
married.
So I compete for Miss Universe, got first runner up,
almost won, not quite so close.
Those Colombians.
To me, you are Miss Universe.
Thank you.
I was so close.
I did as good as I could do without winning.
So, you know, had a good time.
Wait, so can I...
I have a taboo question, but you can go first.
This is taboo.
I want to ask about proposal.
Okay. I have a taboo question, but you can go first. This is taboo. I want to ask about proposal. OK, so in today's society, it is very uncommon
to save yourself from marriage.
Yeah.
Being a very religious person, and Danny as well,
is that something you guys did?
That's a great question.
And I feel like all of my church friends now are going to,
they probably assume that we did, but no, we didn't.
We wanted to, but it, we didn't. We like
wanted to, but just didn't happen. So, you know, and then like before we got married, we're going
to at least, not at all, no, but we're like, we're going to wait, we're going to at least stop for
like three months before we get married. That didn't happen either, but we tried. We tried.
It is a good question though, because I do think about it a lot because my family is very faithful as well.
But none of us did wait as well.
And I think that that's very okay as long as you're just still honoring your faith.
Absolutely.
And I had, when I was younger, my teenage years, I remember, I'm going to save myself
from marriage.
And I wanted to, and I had every intent.
Of course.
At 15, 16 years old, I remember one of my aunts was like, Hey, that's great. And I'm, I'm happy for you.
You can do that. That's wonderful. But I want you to know that it's okay if you don't
and don't beat yourself up. And I think that's something that's important to like
have that mindset. Like I'm not a bad person. It does. Yeah, exactly. It doesn't make you a bad
person by any means. Yeah, I completely agree. And I grew up going to church. And what's funny,
I didn't know this till later, but my mom actually had a talk with my older sister,
letting her know that she thinks it could potentially be beneficial to not save it for marriage.
I hear a lot of people say that. And I had no idea that conversation happened because I never
had a sex talk growing up. Right. So your mom had a sex talk with your sister, but not with you?
Correct.
Yeah.
Interesting.
He's one of four.
It's two girls, two boys.
So it goes girl, boy, boy, girl.
OK.
Did your brother get a sex talk?
Or just you?
They're like, oh, you're boys.
You don't need to learn about sex.
You know what?
I don't think so.
I think they knew because they had to sign off on these sex, not classes,
but they'd be a certain day. Sex. Yeah, right. There'd be a day of,
they call it maturation, you know, where you're anyway, they talked about,
you know, condoms and penises and vaginas and all that good stuff.
All the good stuff. All the good stuff. What?
Just curious what grade were you in when you had sex ed?
I believe it was fifth grade. Wow. Yeah. And I, for me,
I think it was sixth and now thinking back to it, like, I was not even
privy to anything like that until like high school. Like I remember being in eighth grade and a boy
was when I had my first kiss. And then another boy that I kissed wanted to put his hand up my shirt.
And I'm like, whoa. And I was deemed a prude so hard by so many people
because it just then it was like the gossip
around eighth grade.
Like Kristen wouldn't let this guy put his,
I didn't even wear a bra in middle school.
Well, I didn't need to, but I started wearing one
because boys like to snap the back of your bra.
And I didn't wear one because I didn't have to.
And then I was embarrassed that I didn't have the bra to snap, you know, but it's like knowing what
we all know now. It's so wild. And the way I feel like kids are, we see on the TikToks and the
Instagrams and like the way that these little 14, 15 year olds look now, I'm like, wait,
there's so much more grown up than we were. They look like what we look like now.
Yes. Yes.
They really do.
Like me with bow tucks.
Is that child?
Literally.
It just blows my mind.
It is wild. And my sex ed class was in sixth grade as well.
And as an adult, I think, oh my gosh, that's so young,
but I guess you would want to maybe get ahead of before kids are sexually active.
So they are informed.
I think it's so important.
Just everything I've learned about my like own journey with like fertility
and all of that.
I am so passionate about us knowing about our bodies, like from a young age.
Body parts. No, I could not agree more.
So important. Yes. Yeah, it's absolutely wild.
OK, so I have a question about like the whole proposal and all of that.
Were you the girl that was like, I know the ring I want.
Like I have the Pinterest board, you know, that like vibe.
Like I want like this cut.
I love like gold or white gold.
I like this cut.
I want this.
And I don't even have my ring on right now.
I always forget to wear it out of the house.
I'm like, there's nothing wrong with my marriage guys.
I just forget to put my ring on.
I have kids. My mind is everywhere. Okay.
So I had a Pinterest board.
There was like five different types of rings on like all different shapes.
Like it was not like clean and organized.
It looks like mine right now.
Yeah, exactly. It's just all over the place.
So I sent him my Pinterest board and I was like,
I'm not going to tell you anything else. If you want to,
like if you want to look at it, you can. He's like, what do I,
what do I pull from this? It's all different.
But we have a really great friend who is a jeweler who helped Daniel. And he's one of my friends.
The jeweler is a personal friend of mine into gems in downtown LA. I don't know if I can say that.
Yeah, plug that. Yeah. Shout out.
But they're absolutely amazing. And so he obviously knows jewelry and helped Daniel
look at my Pinterest board and
pull together kind of in general what I wanted and he did wonderful and a special little thing
on the inside of the band of my engagement ring was three stones red white and blue because we
got engaged when I was Miss USA so it's like a ruby and a diamond and a sapphire. That's amazing.
Oh he stole my heart. Memory kind of thing. So just saying Luke, that's like really romantic.
Are you going to get into the pageant world?
On the inside.
Something special, a little quote.
You can like put words in there.
You really can.
Something I've never really thought of.
I've berated Luke where I'm like, this is exactly what I want.
I don't want something crazy.
I know exactly what she wants.
And it's not something crazy because I actually use the,
it was wild. The way these conversations have gone,
she would be upset if I spent the budget that I said I had for a ring.
She goes, you're freaking nuts. No, spend it all. No,
I like save that for, spend it on them honeymoon.
Save it for an experience. Let's put like more money toward a house. Save it for an experience.
Let's put like more money toward a house or a trip or an experience.
Like screw the ring. We can do, I'll take a little gold band. I don't care.
I also said something similar to Daniel because I have big fingers.
I feel like like a seven. I'm like a seven and a quarter, seven. Yeah.
So I think maybe I'm a seven and a quarter. So it's not for, I think for us as taller women, like our hands aren't big, they're
normal.
But I have friends that have like a size five or four.
Sheena is like a four and a half.
Exactly.
So I can't even put it past like my first knuckle on my pinky.
So with Daniel, I was like, you either get me a big old diamond or you get me a band
because I don't want anything in the middle
that makes my finger look fat. So you need to be like massive or nothing. So he went
with big.
I love it. Oh my God. This is so much fun. I was so dead. I like had to know. I was like,
wait, but did you tell him all this stuff? Or were you that girl that was like, no, I
don't know. He just like picked on a ring and I really loved it. Right. You know, I love
that Luke knows exactly what you want.
Oh, exactly. Perfect. Well, I'm 40. So at this point, I've thought about it for a million years,
you know. So then how long from proposal to marriage? I was still Miss USA. So could not
get married while I was Miss USA. I gave up my title in July of 2015, we got married in October. I did a lot of wedding planning while I was Miss USA by Coastal.
And I really traveled for the next two months doing appearances.
I went to Korea and all over the US and all these things because I do martial arts and
I grew up in Taekwondo specifically and that's based in Korea.
So I did a lot of travel with the martial art world after Miss USA and then come back and I had like three weeks until I got married.
Long distance.
Mm hmm.
So you guys did long distance.
We did it for a full year. Um, even like a little bit like Nevada to LA was
nothing. We could drive in four hours or hop on a one hour flight. But yes,
then New York to LA was like a big thing,
but we would FaceTime and like literally just hang out.
I would open up my computer on my desk and we just hang, you know, like how do you guys
do long distance?
That's what I, that's why I'm asking you because it's like, I think some people are like, well,
I don't get how you guys like work this out.
I mean, Luke really does give up a lot to like drive here.
Yeah.
Very often with my dog.
I can't leave her all the time. No.
With the German Shepherd.
He can't fly with the German Shepherd.
I'm not putting her in cargo.
No.
So I drive.
How long is the drive?
14.
Ish.
He can do it in 14.
I do it in 14.
It's like 17, but he can do it in 14.
For people listening, my jaw is dropped.
I'm not talking because I'm like, what?
Most people are like, I can't do a four hour drive.
And I'm like, I do a 14 hour drive once a month
That is a good man. Yeah, I know you already know you're a good man because you know therapists have told you we had this conversation
Before me before we started recording
So you're a good man
I know you know he's a good man
But wow that's and that's you do what you have to do to make a relationship work until you are living in the same city
You know whenever that is so it's proved to people out there that like relationships like that can work.
Yes, that can be long distance in prior to marriage.
Yeah. You just have to make it work.
Yeah. And I'm proud of us for doing so. Yeah. Same.
And so similar to your, you know, turning the computer on for like to just hang out.
Kristen and I would put headphones in and go through.
Oh, what?
Oh, I thought you were going to go there. Sorry.
Not at all. Hey, that's part of the name of the podcast.
I'm saying how you're like, I just need somebody with me to do this
like task because she has a way of kind of like putting off folding laundry
or like pushing things off.
And she would put her headphones in and sometimes I would have my headphones in.
We'd be doing kind of our own things and we'd just be like hanging out for
four or five hours.
We'd be.
Yep.
Yeah.
It's essentially like why Zach, you know, my best friend, I would have Zach over when
Luke's out of town because I just, I'm, my me time is like socializing with at least
one friend because I'm always alone with my dogs.
But when Zach's not over, then I'm like, OK, back in the day,
then I would just be on the phone with Luke, like he was saying.
Yeah. And I would get a trillion things done because it felt like he was here.
Yeah. For us, it was really not difficult.
No, no. So make it work.
I think communication is everything.
And you hear all these relationships.
And I feel like a lot of times it's women complaining about men not being good at communication
or not texting them or not calling them.
It's like, as long as you both have great communication, long distance is nothing.
Yeah.
Communication is key.
I feel like we've said that in every podcast we've recorded.
That's the repeating theme in successful relationships is communication.
Yeah, absolutely.
So then baby talk.
So now you're married. Yes.
Obviously, you would already converse about you want to have children.
Yeah. Or you wouldn't have been married. Right.
Yes. That was our pre marriage counseling.
We talked about all of that.
OK, so for our listeners, you guys, obviously, obviously Nia is my friend and we've talked
to Nia like off, you know, off this podcast about things. And, uh, as far as, so you just
said counseling, what I wanted to ask you about, which we'll get to in just a second
is actually having a counselor about having children. Is this different than pre-marital
counseling?
For us, it was all kind of in the same thing. I think we did six or eight sessions. I can
remember how many and we talked about everything from finance to household responsibilities
to children, how you want to raise children, when you want to have children, where do we
want to live long term? Like it was so many different subjects to make sure that we were
on the same page and how we wanted to be married, but also how we wanted to raise kids
because that is such a huge part of a relationship.
If you're having children together and you don't agree on parenting styles
or even where you want to live or whatever that might be,
like that can ruin a relationship and you don't want to bring kids into that.
You want to be on the same page.
So that was all part of like our marriage counseling, a variety of subjects,
but that was one of the main subjects.
And did you do that before you were engaged?
We did that when we were engaged.
But I had such a big fear of divorce because both my parents essentially have been divorced twice.
Like my dad was into actual marriages.
My mom was in a marriage and then a long term 10 year relationship that didn't work out.
So I'm like, nobody ends up together.
We both have divorced parents.
We're both from divorced families.
So I told Daniel, I was like, I don't even want you to put a ring on it until we get
therapy.
Let's not do this commitment until we actually know that this could work out.
But we ended up getting engaged and then doing that.
It was almost like two months of premarital counseling.
That's so smart. And we still do therapy just as kind of like
a healthy check-in rather than like,
oh, there's something wrong, let's fix it with therapy.
It's like, let's do every few months,
we just do a check-in with our therapist who we love.
And that I feel like keeps our relationship healthy
and keeps the communication really open and flowing.
That's totally brilliant.
Yeah, it's smart to stay ahead of it, absolutely. Luke is not someone who's done therapy really on his own.
I've been with my therapist for like a trillion years.
Yeah, I love that. And she's wonderful.
And it took me a few people to get to her, which I told my listeners, like,
don't be deterred if you don't vibe with your first one.
Right. It's it's like choosing a partner or your first dog.
Maybe it's a bad example, but it's like you find the thing that vibes with you.
You have to. I hate it when people are like, oh, I tried therapy one time and it was terrible.
Oh my goodness, Daniel and I have our therapist together.
We have individual people that we speak to as well on our own without each other.
And his first therapist that he tried was terrible.
And he came home feeling worse than when he went in
just to like try to find someone.
So it is important to just keep trying
until you find something you can do with.
And so with Luke, as I said,
like he has never done therapy on his own,
but he has spoken to my therapist,
not only on our podcast, but in my own therapy sessions,
he's like, I've asked, can Luke join this one?
Because there's some things we want to talk about.
And she, my therapist is very adamant that she will not be our couple couples
therapist because she's just been with me for so long.
She's always going to sort of have my back if you will.
At the same time she had my back.
Absolutely. But Luke is a big fan of checking in.
Good.
And that's without therapy.
He has come to me and said like, we should do a check-in.
We need to do a check-in once a week.
We need to do a check-in.
And I think that that's like very important.
Yeah, even without a therapist, just to check in
with each other, like have a time that's like,
hey, it's been a crazy week.
Tell me what I've done to piss you off
because there was some things that were like,
let me know the things that frustrated me so we can stay on the same page and we can keep getting better.
You know, it's like if you're not a work in progress, if you don't see yourself as a work
in progress, I feel like that's somewhat of a flaw. We're all trying to get better, right?
Absolutely. I totally agree. And even Daniel and I, like in our marriage and, you know,
live together, we share our finances and all that. We have like financial meetings. Our goal is to do them once a month.
It does not happen once a month, but we do like financial check-ins
and we do like our life check-ins, like what are our goals in the beginning of the year?
We do it for the whole year, but we check in like, where are we at with our goals?
What can we do to keep reaching towards them?
So those check-ins are so important.
I love that you guys do that.
Well, that's something that I think the I actually before you got here,
I asked Kristen if she was willing to do some counseling because Danny brought it up
in the whole golf conversation.
Yeah, we mentioned.
Yeah.
And so to tell our listeners, so you went golfing.
Yeah, I went golfing with some golfing with some friends, but like the guy
friends, Danny, Danny, and he was there.
And he knew his husband was there.
And he said how beneficial and how much he advocated for that, that that
was such a positive thing.
And he said it wasn't because it was a problem, it was to stay ahead of things.
And I 100% admire and identify with that.
I try to stay ahead of things and don't let them get bad.
And to be honest, I was not aware that that was really a thing.
Like personal therapy, couples therapy, sex therapy.
We've interviewed a lot of people.
I've seen people on my own.
But as far as like a therapist to speak to
before planning for children.
Right, yes.
Like I wanna have kids one day, one million percent.
I've always wanted to be a mom
more than I've ever wanted to even be a wife.
I mean, of course the idea is I'm both at the same time.
But I'm just saying, like being a mother has always been so important to me.
And I've never truly considered or realized that that was an avenue
that was open for anybody that wants to be a mother or a parent in general,
that you have people resources to reach out to.
Family planning therapists, there are so many out there.
And when we were going through our fertility journey, I was recommended,
so many of those people were recommended to me by our fertility doctor.
But you know, you can speak with those people,
the therapists that are family planning therapists in all stages.
You don't have to necessarily be where we were at, which is like, do we do IVF?
Do we do IUI?
Like, am I young enough and healthy enough that we don't have to do any of this?
Or do we like, there's people that can help you for that type of family planning,
but also just like, how do you want to raise kids?
Where do you want to raise kids?
What are your like morals and viewpoints on life just to make sure you're on the
same page? So yeah,
I think that's really important for everyone listening and very
important for me. That is why, you know, whenever you guys, whenever I think
some things hits, hits the nail on the head for me, I feel like if, if I think
that there's gotta be thousands of people listening to this, that feel the
same way. So I want to change directions just a little bit. So getting pregnant.
Yes. I want to talk about that. So bit. Let's go. So getting pregnant. Yes.
I want to talk about that.
So there are some myths out there,
and I've actually overheard some conversations
that you two have already had about positions
or what to do after, let's just say, post-coitus.
Listen, I'll just call a spade a spade.
I have thought my entire time of being an adult in thinking about having unprotected
sex with my person.
If we want to conceive that you do the deed, you pull the goalie, you put your legs straight
up in the air and you lay like that for 10 minutes at least.
And I had this conversation with Nia off podcast, obviously,
we were hanging out one time and just describe it.
And the way you said it made just so like, I know what a service looks like.
I know how my body's, but it did not.
Good for you. I didn't really know.
But it didn't cross my mind. Right. Yeah.
When you worded it. So just tell everybody.
You're trying to describe it.
Yeah. Verbaly where I remember like showing you with my finger and my hand. So yes, I've heard and did all the same
things when we were trying to get pregnant. I literally, someone was like, the two pillow rule,
you have to put two pillows under your hips and just keep your legs straight up on the headboard
and just wait for at least 15, 10, 15 minutes. I literally have done, and it's kind of embarrassing to say,
but I've literally done a headstand.
I put a towel on the floor.
That's amazing.
And I stood on my head.
And it actually hurt.
I'm like, I feel like I could do this when I was a kid,
and it didn't hurt.
Why?
Maybe because I'm in my 30s, and I
shouldn't be doing this anymore.
But I've done it all to try to get in the right position,
the quote, right position to get pregnant.
But my acupuncturist, who is phenomenal. he's a fertility acupuncturist, explain it
to me that the vagina is like, imagine like a tunnel and your cervix goes into the vagina.
It doesn't like lay flat with the end of the vagina. So it pokes out a little bit into
your vagina. So think about it. Like if you're putting yourself up at an angle,
nothing's going to get into the cervix because it's all pooling. It's almost like this 90 degree
angle now where it's pooling at the bottom and it's not going up and it's not going into the opening.
Do you get what I'm saying? Luke's face right now. I feel like we need to include a diagram.
This was not in fifth grade. No, it was not. And I feel like now everybody listening needs to like
look up maybe an animated version. You don't have to see like a Google it. It's not. And I feel like now everybody listening needs to like look up maybe an animated version.
You don't have to see like a, cause if you Google it, it's not really pretty.
We don't want to watch that.
Yeah, I know.
But if you like just look like a illustrated, not animated, illustrated version, you can
see that it goes into your cervix, which is the opening to your uterus where babies grow
that goes into the vagina.
So if you, yeah, you don't need to put your hips up.
My fertility acupuncture said just lay flat, let the sperm do their work.
Just lay flat and we'll get in there when they're supposed to.
Yeah.
And you said, and you told me because obviously, as I've said a million times,
like I dream of being a mom. So when the time is right,
the acupuncture was really, really helpful.
And you were not the first person to tell me this,
but you were the first person I had like an in depth, more in depth conversation.
And I was like, start going now so he can like work on your body now.
So it's ready for when it's the right time for you. Like, why not start now?
I'll go with you. Yes. Will you go with me? I actually would love to be,
but Daniel like jokes. He was like, Dr. Dan got you pregnant.
Like because we did before Asher, we tried for a year and a half, did not get pregnant.
We did three rounds of IUI, like the shots in the stomach and all this stuff and going
and going to the doctor's office, the sperm in a tube, they make you check the name.
Like, thank goodness they make you make sure that your husband's name is on the tube.
Imagine if it was like the wrong tubes. They make you check the tube,
make sure your husband's name is on it.
They like put the sperm all the way up
as close as they can to the eggs.
We did that three times, didn't get pregnant.
And then I started going to Dr. Dan and Dr. Wu,
his first Dan Wu.
And two months later, we got pregnant
after I did fertility acupuncture for two months.
Crazy.
And then we had started trying again after Asher and I wasn't getting pregnant.
I was only like four or five months maybe. And so I went to Dr. Dan two times and then
I got pregnant with twins. So he's accurate. He's good at his job.
I had never even heard of this.
I cannot wait. Wait, I have a question super fast about acupuncture because I've never
done it in general. Does it, the needles, like it doesn't hurt? I mean, I'm covered
in tattoos. It doesn't generally hurt, but there are nerves.
And so like maybe they're supposed to put it close to the nerve,
but they accidentally hit the nerve and it is more of like a,
like a painful situation, but you just sound like, Oh, that one hurts.
And I'll pull it out. Yeah. Like I said, I mean, literally covered in tattoos.
You'll be okay. My pain tolerance is so high. Yeah. It's not even fun.
And my pain tolerance used to be high from like martial arts and getting like kicked and punched
all the time. But now I just got a lymphatic massage where they're like really aggressive.
I've done that. Yeah.
And I'm like, wow, I haven't trained in a while. I'm I'm not doing good anymore.
I did one of those and it wasn't my favorite thing.
So the acupuncture thing is something I had never heard of until the fertility acupuncture.
The fertility acupuncture. Yeah.
I mean, I have family members as well as a lot of friends that have done IVF, IUI and
done these things.
And I think there's a large percentage of people just in this country, if not in the
world that have no idea that acupuncture can do these things for them.
Oh yeah.
It's incredible.
I mean, and also so much less expensive to right? To potentially be able to have the children
that you desire. Right. It's still expensive, especially in LA, you know, maybe in the hundred
dollar ish range. And that adds up if you're going to three times a week for multiple weeks
or months. But I did tell myself this is like the natural version of IUI instead of spending
thousands of dollars, I'm spending hundreds of dollars. So it feels a little better. Right.
And you know what?
That the rumor about the salad in LA that gets you pregnant, all of my friends have
told me it's a crock of shit.
And let me tell you that specific salad is a lot more expensive than doing acupuncture
ladies because anyone who reads pop culture, male and like online stuff, like knows about this supposed,
all of my girlfriends tried this salad.
It's just a damn salad.
Do acupuncture instead.
You know what, maybe, maybe it's all the placebo effect too.
Like if you think it's gonna get you pregnant,
then your like body is more relaxed
and ready to get pregnant.
I don't know.
So whatever works for you.
It's relaxation.
It's like less stress.
Yes, but yes and no,
because being part of the fertility community for so long,
people would say, oh, you just need to relax and then you'll get pregnant.
Like we went to the Maldives, we had champagne every single day for almost three weeks and
literally had sex every single day. My fertility window is in the middle of it and we didn't get
pregnant. So it's not all about relaxing, but it does help to chill out a little bit. But that's
not what gets you pregnant. Because if you're in the fertility world and you are
having trouble getting pregnant and your friend's like, just relax, it'll happen when you stop
trying. You're like, I want to punch you in the face. Yes. It's like when you're upset
and your person tells you like, just calm down. Don't tell me to calm down. I mean,
we've definitely heard that. Not that we are necessarily trying at the moment, but Kristen
I heard that, not that we are necessarily trying at the moment, but Kristen loves to talk about babies and we both want kids.
And we've heard that way more than we've heard anything about acupuncture.
It's just, just relax.
It'll happen when you don't expect it.
Don't try so hard.
Don't be stressed.
All these things is what people say.
Yeah.
It sounds a little aggressive, but I literally, maybe I shouldn't say literally, but I really
want to slap someone that says that. You don't even know. If you're the person that got pregnant the first time we tried shouldn't say literally, but I really want to like slap someone that says that. It's like, you don't even know. Like if you're the person that got pregnant
the first time we tried, good for you, but relaxing is not what does it. I was so relaxed
in the Maldives for three weeks, having champagne, living my best life, didn't get pregnant.
I believe it sounds like the most relaxing thing I've ever done.
It wasn't even. I'm like, who wants to go to the Maldives right now? You guys want to
book a flight? I have some connections. We can have a party in the Maldives. Let's do it.
Sounds so good to me.
Oh, god.
This has been so helpful, Nia.
And so just to wrap it up, like, how are you doing having
three under three?
So you have Asher.
He's your son.
He's a year and a half old.
Yes.
And you have two twins.
Two twins, obviously.
You have twin, identical twin daughters.
Yes.
Zariah.
Oh, my gosh. And she's so cute. And it's about like, yeah,
they're all so beautiful. How's Asher doing?
Having good. He's um, he's a really sweet big brother.
I expected and prepared for lots of jealousy and even like,
what is the word when you can regression,
like when they want to be more of a baby. He really hasn't done that.
He's really stayed true to like who he is.
And he snuggles the girls.
There's only been one or two times where he's not hit them,
because you know, that's they just like move the baby.
And they don't have the words to communicate.
But he's kind of just like pushed on them gently.
And I ask him, do you want mom to put baby down?
He goes, baby down.
And I'm like, OK.
And then we're good.
He's like, I need the attention right now.
And so he's doing wonderful.
Daniel and I are like, okay. And then we're good. He's like, I need the attention right now. Yes, and so he's doing wonderful. Daniel and I are extremely sleep deprived.
So if I sounded crazy on this podcast for any reason,
it's because I haven't slept in six weeks,
but yeah, life is good and we're so blessed
and we're so grateful.
We're just like exhausted and zombies.
But besides being a zombie, we're wonderful.
So what's your secret to not have any bags under your eyes?
I haven't get bags when I sleep like two nights in a row.
I only get four hours of sleep.
I'm like, you can see it in my eyes.
Yeah, I don't even know.
You look great.
Makeup and crazy hydration
because I'm also breastfeeding,
so I have to drink like a gallon of water a day.
So maybe that's part of it.
Just like super hydrated.
Sleep when the baby sleeps, but you can't really.
You're like, I'm doing dishes and the baby's sleeping.
I'm not gonna sleep.
But I try.
But looking at you,
you don't look the slightest bit asleep deprived, honestly. You genuinely don't. I really am and I'm a dishes and then maybe sleeping. I'm not going to sleep. I try. You don't look the slightest bit asleep deprived.
Honestly, I really am.
And I'm a zombie.
So thank you.
I'll take it.
Maybe it's just the DNA.
Like my DNA doesn't do that.
Who knows?
That could be it.
Yeah.
You look amazing.
I love you.
I love you.
And Daniel, I love your whole family.
Thank you so much for coming on the podcast.
I need to have you back on again because we have more to talk about.
So much more to talk about.
We could do like a self-defense podcast, like giving women information to keep themselves
safe because there's so much outside of the physical self-defense, just prevention, awareness,
like all of that. We'll talk about more.
Yes, I would love to do one about that because it's a crazy dating world out there, even
though you and I are not in the world of dating. A ton of our listeners are. So let's do that for sure.
And then tell everyone where they can find you please.
Real Nia Sanchez on everything. Like I think, yeah, a YouTube,
Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, all the things. Real Nia Sanchez.
Follow Nia and yeah,
I can't wait to have you back and I love you and can't wait to see you this
weekend for a fun party
Hey, one other thing if you want, do you want to plug your project you have going? Oh, yeah
Okay fun fact guys. I have a podcast that's starting in just a few weeks
It's called hold my crown like we're taking the crown off like the perfect pageant patty crown
We're just keeping it real so it's gonna be fun
You guys will obviously have to be on the podcast and it's going to be a whole bunch
of like everybody, pageant people, our group of friends, like experts in every area,
like self-defense and all of that.
So it's going to be it's going to be fun.
Oh, it sounds amazing.
Yes. So I hold my crown.
Hold my crown, you guys.
You don't got to hold her crown because her crown does not tilt.
It's always upright.
Yes. Hey.
We still gotta end the podcast.
We have to end the podcast with one question.
Oh my gosh. I don't even know what this question is.
Okay. We're just going to say it.
I would do anything for love, but I won't do what?
Oh shoot.
You know the meatloaf song?
Yeah, I do.
It could be anything.
I know being put on the spot kind of sucks.
A lot of people say like anal and then like Luke said
I won't be a vegan. And I said I won't do heroin. Yeah
So it could be anything. Don't have to make it sexual. It could literally it could be just like sarcastic and funny. Something that you absolutely would not do.
Something you'll never do ever in life. Like I won't like I won't swim with sharks.
That's like a hard no for me. Oh my gosh. You should have prepared me. Do you have some?
Now that's the best part. We don't do that. No, but I mean, so I could give a good answer.
That you have a fear of mine was like skydiving, but that's so boring.
No, I'm going to next time on the podcast, I'm going to have a better answer.
You would never skydive ever. No, we both do anything for love, but you won't.
I won't skydive. Okay. thank you so much. We love you. at Kristen Doty and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke double underscore Broderick. Be sure to
click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes every single Wednesday.
Thanks for listening. See you next week.
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