Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Getting to Know Lacy Nicole

Episode Date: January 26, 2026

In this episode, Kristen is joined by Lacy Nicole—mental health advocate, philanthropist, podcast host, and founder of the Shame to Sparkle Foundation. Lacy opens up about her story as a survivor of childhood trauma, including a kidnapping, and shares how those early experiences shaped her relationship with shame, emotional regulation, and self-worth—and how they ultimately led her to create a platform dedicated to helping women heal from trauma and PTSD. Kristen and Lacy dive into powerful conversations around: • Living with and healing from shame and trauma • How generational pain is passed down—and how to stop the cycle • Healing as a parent while re-parenting your inner child • ADHD, emotional regulation, and mental health awareness • The pros and cons of opening your life up to reality TV • Why Kristen chose to give Jesse another chance—and what growth really looks like This episode is raw, compassionate, and empowering—a reminder that even the heaviest shame can be alchemized into strength, connection, and sparkle. ✨ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to Balancing Act, my angels. Today's conversation is a very special one for me. I am sitting down with my friend, Lacey Nicole, a mom, first and foremost, survivor, mental health advocate, philanthropist, podcast hosts of Shame to Sparkle, my great friend, my spirit animal, and my sounding board, Hi, Lace. Hello, that was such a nice, like, I'm humbled by this fabulous introduction. I don't know where to go from there. I feel like I could have added like a million things, but I was like, there's the ADHD in me.

I don't know. And for those of you listening, okay, you guys also might recognize her name because she is dating Jesse Lally from the Valley, but today is not about labels and headlines. Not yet. Not yet. We shall see. Baywatch Mistress. I'll take it. I was actually just telling one of your people. I was like, you know, if you Google me now, it says, play Scenicold Baywatch. I'm like, thank you. You're like, which one? The one with the Rock? Or like the David Hasselhoff, like old one? Like blonde hot? Maybe that should be your Halloween costume.

No. Actually, that's really funny. I'll think about it. It depends what mood I'm in. Sometimes I'm laughing at myself and then I'm in a bad mood. I'm like, that is not funny. You know, it depends on the day it is in my... We are going to get so into this because this is you and I to a T. We can laugh at ourselves, but if other people are like knocking on the things we laugh at ourselves about, it's not fair. It's not fun. It's not exciting. It depends on my hormones, if I'm funny or not. Fair enough.

I just, I love, I wanted to start with our friendship because I feel like people don't know us as friends yet. Because I think all they know is like they're watching the Valley and you haven't been on it. yet. And then they watch Instagram and I don't post shit except for like memes. If they knew how much you and I sent to each other on a minute by minute basis, they would know our friendship. It's so funny too because I really only post on close friends. Like I feel like that's kind of know my day to day. But if I meet you and you're a real person, I consider you a close friends. But it's like you wouldn't really know what's my own. Do you do that mostly? Because you are a bit of a public figure like Sands, Jessie. I mean, you have a podcast. You've been known and you are heavy into charity work.

Like, people know who you are. Do you do the close friends thing because of your daughter mostly? Or just you like to kind of keep your private life private? Um, I don't really know why I do. I think I do it because of my daughter. I think, but I don't really know why I do that. I think too, I like people to know when I'm at when I'm there. I'm not like obviously something to do, but if I'm traveling or if I like I like to post when I come home. Oh, so smart. I know you, you know, I think it's layered maybe, but there's some weeks where I'm like I post everything and then there are some weeks where I'm just quiet. Again, it probably depends on my hormones. I don't know what's going on in my brain.

As women, I honestly think that it just does. But I would like to tell people about you and like let people get to know you for real in this podcast. podcast episode. First and foremost, you guys, I want you to know when people ask, like as a mom and Lacey's a mom, she has a daughter, I have a daughter, obviously, when people ask me now, what can you do for a mom right after she's had a baby? I now have the exact answer. And that is send them food. Do not ask them what they want. Do not question. What would you like me? Can I order, can I make you food or can I order you food? Like, what do you like from this restaurant? It is 18 times more decision-making than any new mother could ever handle. And Lacey taught me that because the most kind, most generous, most thoughtful, selfless thing is she literally sent Luke and I food multiple

times. But specifically, the very first time was like two days after I gave birth to Kaya or the day after. And you just sent a text. I just think when you give birth, you're in already, like you're so overstimulated. You're an analysis paralysis. You're in all these, like, you're not sleeping. And I remember people being like, let me know if you need something. And I was like, I don't even text back. Like, I feel bad. I'm not going to remember if I need something. But thank you for the offer. And then I had a few friends just send me food. And I was like, that is all I needed. Just something there, no decision making. But you're so hard to shop for it because I know you're vegetarian, but I'm like, is she a vegetarian who like low-key eats cheese? Or does she not like this? Or does this?

So I was like a little stress. But yeah, thank you for that sweet compliment. No, literally. It was like I got a text in a group chat to Luke and I saying, I just sent you food and I sent you, Kristen, I sent you multiple options because I wasn't sure. And it'll be at your door in like X amount of minutes. And I was so blown away because I was just like, that's the kindest thing anyone's ever done for me. Like seriously. I mean, you do kinder things for you. because breakfast burritos shouldn't be the kind of thing that anyone's ever done for you. But it's just so, it's just so like selfless and thoughtful.

And like that's, you know, that's the stuff that like warms the heart. It's, it's really what like to me speaks to me. It speaks volumes to me about like what kind of person someone is, you know, not just because you bought me maritos and all sorts of fun things. But I also, I just wanted to like throw that out. there because I, whenever I think of you, I think about the butterfly that you got me when I was pregnant with Kaya, which was insanely thoughtful. And then my brain goes to that. And ever since we've become really close friends, you've obviously done a multitude of things that were very thoughtful. But I want to

throw that out there because I think a lot of moms and new moms or friends of new moms listen to my podcast now, because Lord knows it's shifted from sex and then pregnancy and then whatever else is going on with my life. but that's why it's the balancing act. So it's like the Wild West. I love all my mom friends. So, but thank you for the sweet compliment. Yes, you're both moms. So I'm happily got to bond and connect.

I love you to pieces. And if you guys know Lacey and if you don't, we're going to get to know her a little bit more. But Lacey, you've been so incredibly like forthcoming, very honest, discussing your own stories, your own life. Let's, you guys, Valley aside. Valley doesn't exist right now. We're talking about Lacey.

But like really forthcoming, honest, discussing your own stories. You've talked about your childhood publicly, your abduction, as well as infertility. You've talked about your autoimmune issues. And I want to say thank you as a woman because I think it's incredibly brave. You've been courageous. And you're someone that all women, I feel, can very much relate to without shame. And I love that your podcast is called shame to sparkle because I think shame is a word that can be sometimes when I hear it I feel this like punch in my gut and then over time I've felt it to be almost like a word of healing you know and that's kind of the reason like I relate to you because I feel like I've become over time I don't know if

it was like reality TV or becoming a mom or God knows what else or the shit that I've been through but I found it easier to start like being really honest about all of my bullshit because the more we do it, the more other women feel that they're capable of doing it. And then we just all find a way to like, like have camaraderie and like and relate to each other, you know? Yeah. And I think that's like a beautiful thing that comes with age and discernment and experiences. But for me, so I obviously went through all these bad things. You know, I did have, I would say a checkered childhood. I didn't have much stability.

And it's no, I'm no judgment toward my parents. They just, you know, my mom dealt with addiction and I was an only child. If you don't know my like Tinder bio. And then I went through a kidnapping, which is,

you know, it's like this extraordinary word and I never, I don't really like to even use it because then it kind of feels like that's like the most traumatic thing. When it's, everyone goes through trauma. And after I got really good.

But I'm going to give you so much grace here. Like for fuck's sake, you were abducted. You know, when you talk to these women I work with it, it is true. Like we all have our, I call it the backpack of shame. Like everyone, you know, it's like we all are throwing these bricks in this backpack where you're silently carrying around. And I was always really shameful. Like I never told people anything going on.

And I always kind of played with this facade of like, if everything's perfect on the outside, you know, all be enough and all be worthy of like love and friends and all these things I want. And I got really unwell, like really unwell, you know, diagnosed, not like, you know, kind of juju being unwell. Yeah. And, you know, I have fertility issues. I have tons of the health issues. And I really in COVID, I was working with some core advocacy groups for women. And I remember walking in and they were like, what do you know about problems? Like, you know, I'm like, and I kind of felt them. I was like, you know, I'm kind of bullshitting everyone.

I need to be more transparent. And I just had like this bellyache, right? Of like who's going to judge me or shame me or think I want attention. But I really started sharing, you know, my experiences then because like it's really all we have, right? We can bond and connect over the things that happened to us. And I always say this, but like it's not to be shackled to your pain and your trauma, but it's really to help others and connect or why are we here? Why does it happen?

you know, why was I taken after such a rough go, but it happened. And, you know, I really believe it happened now. So I could help people and make my, yeah, it's a shaming to sparkle. But I get to talk to so many women and we connect and it's really cool. So I do a lot of that, this advocacy work just with women primarily, but like obviously everybody deserves to be heard. And we focus on trauma, focus on modules for trauma therapy for people who maybe don't I'm a privilege, and it's been like a cool rollercoaster ride of fun.

And I'm happy every time you say Britney's getting her sparkle. I'm like, yeah. You're like, yeah. Bringing like trending. We're like hashtag sparkle. Yeah, because I, God, you're like making me cry. Yeah, I think, I mean, I'm a Brine Brown freak. So that's, I think, the beginning when shame as a negative connotation sort of started

to change for me. Since you've done, not only you're just your podcast, but just all the advocacy work that you've done, is there or has there been a certain kind or type of shame that shows up in a lot of the stories you hear? Like, is there like a repeating theme or is it or is it like more than we can even imagine? Is it just like, wow? It's. I think it's everywhere. I think it's societal. I think I couldn't even pinpoint like that would be 10 years of me talking and rambling and I don't want to, as you guys know,

know if I think I've already said I have the worst ADHD and I rampled. But a lot of the women I speak to have something that I call generational shame because it's so unfair because it's just something passed on to you that you didn't deserve to hold. And I say this and that's why I say like, oh, it's not a big deal. I was kidnapped. Obviously that's a big deal. Yeah. But we are all holding pain in one way or another that was handed to us from somebody and we did not deserve to be holding it. So like I use these examples and they're, you know, an umbrella. But if you grew up in a house and say your parents were an addict, but you were struggling with finances and you were a little kid and you felt afraid of your bills or you felt shamed for the way you looked

or you felt shamed for your something that went on with your parents. You know, the stories were kind of told and it's an unfair disadvantage justice woman because when you're taught these false beliefs about yourself and who you are from the get-go, it really does stay with you from life. And this isn't, you know, again, some voodoo, gypsy, magic, spiritual talk. It's proven. It's proven through neuroscience, how much shame affects us as women specifically. Not for women, I mean, obviously, but even take autoimmune disease into it, take women's reproductive health into it.

Like, it's so underfunded. I know everything. Like, I know our society's product. So I won't fall on my ramp. But it's really harrowing when you read statistics driven towards women health, women's health specifically. So I think when we can come together and share our stories. Yeah, it's fine to commiserate, but it's also amazing to take action and have some type of group

or community where you can kind of build and grow from the things that happened to you. And that's kind of my belief system. Is that why you started doing like all the charity work? Was like, was it helping to heal from your own stuff or because you just were tired of not seeing change? You know, kind of. So that's unrelated to what I do at all. Right. When I was like a teenager, my grandma was involved in like tons of charity groups and I always remember she was like my best friend we were like homies and I wanted to be like one of the old ladies like playing bridge with her like I just just you know you basically are you're just really hot. They're so fabulous at these things and I was like one day I'm going to do that like one day and I didn't

necessarily even have the mindset of like helping others which is you know probably bailed my own ego in some but I was like, that's what I want to do. And when I was like 19, my mom was type one diabetic and it always stressed me out because she wasn't necessarily taking care of herself. I was like, I'm going to join this diabetes foundation and help these people. And I couldn't afford the ticket. I was like driving around. I was doing the thing where like I would leave my credit card open at the bar, like buy around

the shots. And I was like, I don't know if it's going to close out. Like I'll pick up. Like I was like broke as a joke. So I was like, I can't afford a ticket to the lunch. Like the luncheons were like these fancy, shrancy ladies. And there were like $300 tickets. So I was like, um, can I volunteer and like earn, you know, kind of like, um, sweat equity in my ticket?

And they were like, yeah, if you volunteer at the luncheons, we'll give you a seat. And I was like, one day, I'm going to be on the board of this charity. And I know this sounds like the dumb mindset stuff, but five years later, I was our youngest board member in California. And like some of the ladies initially like hated me. They were like, who is she think she is? and then like five years after that they were the same ladies like trying to come to my wedding RAP my first wife. But they were like, you know, like it was like where you come around and then they like you

and I felt like Elwood. I was like, yeah, like I belong here. Totally. It was an ego thing if I'm being completely transparent. And then you kind of learn and see and grow and you see like I know it's like philanthropist, right? It sounds kind of superficial and dumb, but like there are superficial aspects of putting on like a ball down and doing these things, but there are really special moments we have. Like, we do a walk and we

do give back bridges for these kids. And any charity I'm on board of is always pediatric driven, aside from my own, you know, it's women's mental health. But it's a good time and a good cause. But that is how it started. So. And just to like add a, add a fun, a fun, like, fan fact, I guess, for the Bravo fans. I don't know. Maybe this was set on the show last year. I know that I've said it. I don't know if it actually like aired because you never really know. But the reason that I gave Jesse another chance, like after all of season one happened, you know, we're not allowed to talk about the Valley on the podcast, but I will say this. Jesse and I like did not get along ever, whatever.

And then after season one, everyone got to see in season two that he apologized to me and that I accepted his apology. And I think what people don't know is within the. it was a very long apology. It was a longer conversation. Not everything airs on TV because we're all long-winded, right? And Jesse had said to me, I'm, and this is before I knew you well, he was like, I'm now dating someone who is a women's mental health advocate. And she has really shown me that, like, what trauma is for people and how you don't know what is trauma for someone and that something as simple and as like, quote unquote, silly as me pounding my fists on a table could really affect someone if to them that was like a trigger for something that they had been through. He's like,

so that didn't occur to me and now it does occur to me. And I want to really apologize for that. It spoke volumes to me because he's not responsible for my triggers. He didn't say that. But he was just like, I recognize that you could and that my behavior could have affected you in a certain way. And if I want to develop, redevelop a friendship with you, I want you to know that I'm a way. that women have trauma and that you obviously do. And it was just, it was honestly very profound. And it was very mature. And it was, he had clearly done, he'd clearly been a really good listener in his relationship with you. And that was like the moment for me that I said, I'm giving this dude another chance. Like, this is night and day. He does try. He works hard. He's in.

And then on seminars and Bob Clissing him in the car. But the best we can do is try and, you know, I remember when we treat someone in a way that we're not proud of or we don't really necessarily understand all the like angles and elements happening. But I'm always very vocal about my, just the things that make me feel unsafe and he's receptive. So I would hope he can see that. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. I just thought it was like a little fun fan fact for everyone to know, like it was a very real genuine conversation that he was that he came out, you know, to me about that. But back to, I want to go back to like the shame stuff because as moms and especially as girl moms, I was someone who I don't know why. I think maybe because I was afraid of my own younger

self, but I always said I want two boys and then I'm done. I want twin boys and then I'm done. But once I think a lot of women say especially want boys and they don't realize the universe is going to give you what you need. You just kind of, you know. Bing go. And after I found out I was having a girl, and especially once I had Kaya, I was like, there is not a human on this earth better equipped to raise a little me than me. And how beautiful is that? Even if you, again, because I don't like to shame every parent and say like, we all had a childhood trauma.

Perhaps that's, you know, completely inaccurate. But there is such a piece of being a girl mom that's so healing to your inner child. And I do a lot of, you know, this inner child stuff with just people we work with and myself. And it's so sacred when, you know, they're going through these stages and these years and you'll see it. Like the other day, she was like, you know, a little boy called me ugly. He said this about me. And I was like, you are so divinely, perfectly new and you are smart and bright. And we had this conversation.

And I was like, I never had that, you know? Yeah. I did work like that. And again, it's just not the hand I was dealt. But it was such a truly moment for me. I like put in my car after and cried. And I was like, oh my gosh. I feel like I gave selfishly little me that too in that moment.

That's kind of what I want to ask you. Like, I feel the same way. And this is like no shame to my mom at all. But like when I have, I've had to start thinking about this kind of stuff in therapy because I don't really go backwards. I don't have a relationship with my dad. My relationship with my mom now as an adult is different than it was when I was a

child because I had just had this like crazy amount of respect for like my mom now being a single mom, raising three kids that I didn't understand. as a kid. But I know that sometimes when I'm working through things I'm doing, obviously, to heal me in my inner child. But I'm also, I want to interrupt cycles. Yeah. You know, and that's something that's maybe, I don't know why. To me, it's like very this profound aha moment, which should be, I guess, so obvious is like, what do I want to actively not pass down to Kaya? Or like, what am I trying to change. And I don't know if you have like thoughts, advice comments. That's hard because it's not one size

fits all. So it's like, you know what I mean? It just doesn't apply to everyone. But for me, like the cycle, I definitely tell everyone that could be worked on. And sometimes I get pushback because I'm always right. Like you focus in on like the negative comments. So this is what I get. But I think it's important is breaking the cycle of being dysregulated and having emotional regulation as a mother and as a parent. And I don't know if it's, again, generational, but I don't think it's something that maybe our parents' generation were taught. Like, certainly the one before us, if you're in like famine or fighting wars,

you're not necessarily thinking like, oh, how can I self-suit? Am I doing that accurately? But it's something I'm really cognizant of in my own home and just staying regulated and taking the breath before, you know, when I'm overstimulated or when I'm in fight or flight and teaching her to take that beat

because it was not something that was moduled for me personally, again. No, for me. I mean, I couldn't, I could not agree more. I mean, I think it's very clear people that are listening to this that know me. I had zero emotional regulation. Hence, like, I had a lot of, that I've worked on through my own therapy over the last 10 years, but like for the first 30 years of my life, I had no idea that I was like impulsive and, you know, a bit out of control, like, and that my feelings mattered right now.

And it's not that like I've learned my feelings do matter, but like acting and reacting on those feelings. So I think about that. Obviously, Kai is just a baby, but I still think about it every second of every day that is in my mind of how to keep her emotionally regulated. When your brain is forming, right? Like I talk so much about our brains, but it's literally modelled off our environment. It is like it's such a nature versus our true thing. But when we don't know how to self-soothe or, you know, regulate. It carries with us. Like, I was a tyrant in my 20s. I'm very vocal about how bad I was because I want people to know you can like turn it around. But because I would get so dysregulated. I would storm off. I would lead things. And I'd like

never tell other people. I just like, I fight or flight, I flee. But really learning to hone in on, you know, like how am I supposed to be handling this? How am I, how can I regulate myself? Not only for my child yeah of course with my health because it's actually bad for your health it's so bad for your brain to live in a state of fight or flight and it's like again one of these things is proven through i'm not a doctor but it is proven through year long case studies years long and i had my um my spec scan and i did it after my kidnapping and i'll never forget the the doctor who did it is he has such no deriding out um dr amen and he was like your spec scan is like diabolical what is what is you're is going on in your brain.

And I was like, I think it's my, I don't think I've ever felt just safe and calm, you know. And if I'm not calm, my brain is so used to feeling looking for, you know, I'm so ever vigilant. I don't even think I can be comfortable not being that way. So I'm trying to teach myself not to be on high alert as a parent. So postpartum, because you're in postpartum for like three years. I'm already hypervigilant. And I'm trying to undo a kind of frequency I've been in since birth. And it's hard, but it's worth it.

Like literally you're taking everything out of my brain right now and just saying it for me. Because these are the things I've been constantly speaking to my therapist about in like worry form, but also like things that are freaking me out, but things also that I feel really, this is going to sound weird, but like good about that I'm aware of. So I want to make it right before it happens. Like even like language I want to be conscious of. I mean, she's six or seven months old, but like when I, right now I have like full glam because I was filming and I always try to say like she'll look at me funny because my big eyelashes and I try to say fancy face instead of saying like I look really beautiful or like mommy looks pretty today. So eventually.

I know. I know. They're so hard, but it's like, right, it's being aware. It's having the awareness. It's having awareness. It's not the damaging things. Which like, listen, there's a point where we all do things and we just like have our foot in our mouth. But I think the awareness is what's key. And the rest is just a conscious effort, right?

Like you tell this story about Jesse. Yeah, the awareness is key. Is he a conscious effort? Yeah. Just just you still screw up. Yeah. Adobe Acrobat Studio, your new foundation. Use PDF spaces to generate a presentation. Grab your docs, your permits, your moves. AI levels up your pitch gets it in a group. Choose a template with your timeless cool. Come on now, let's flex those two. Drive design, deliver, make it sing. AI builds the deck so you can build that thing.

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0% alcohol and a source of vitamin D. Corona Serro, the official non-alcoholic beer of Milano Cortina 2026. What would you say to like another mom who feels ashamed for struggling? And this isn't like a, I'm not being like Dr. Lacey. I'm just saying like I feel like it's the one thing that I'm so grateful for mom friends, more than my therapist, more than my own mother, more than even Luke, is having mom friends because it can be so for me, shameful, embarrassing. I feel less than because I am freaking out.

I don't know what to do. The other day I had just told Luke, oh my God, now that after Kaiah hit six months, I was like, I kind of feel like I got the shit on lockdown. Like, I kind of feel like I got the parenting thing a little bit. Like, I'm feeling a little more like, I know her day to day. Like, you know what I mean? And last night when she was waking up screaming, and I mean screaming every 10 minutes, I was forcing myself not to have an actual meltdown.

Like, I don't know what to do. I'm not a good mom. And also, like, I shouldn't be upset right now. I should I should be regulated. I should be calm, cool, and collected. I'm the parent. Like, it was a million thoughts all over the place that when I calmly thought about this morning before, like, knowing you and I were going to talk on the podcast, I'm like,

it all came down to shame, which was fucking wild. Yeah. I thought of that is shaming yourself with something like, I don't want to like, you know, like hammered in more because, listen, I have those more than any. I have those moments every day. I have those moments today. It's also like this expectation, right? Like the feat of joy is expectations on others, on ourselves.

So when you're saying I should be, this is a false expectation. Why? Who made that up? You shouldn't be anything. It's your own, you're self-shaming and self-sabotaging with this expectation. You've given yourself of what perfection. And like, listen, the amount of nights that we are up, we were up the other night at four in the morning.

my daughter came in my bed peed on me. I knew I had to be up at seven. She peed the bed on me. And she looked at me with these like dough eyes and she's like, I had an accident. And I was like, yeah, no S-HIT. I was, but I was like, I'm going to be miserable tomorrow. And like, this is just the hand I was dealt today.

And we stayed up and I was, you know, the whole day, I was like, I should have handled that better. I should have taken her back. I should have got her, you know, cleaned up and given her speech on how she's okay. I was kind of just mute. You know, I rolled over and pee and put back to bed. But, like, sometimes you don't have all the answers and you do these things. And it's okay because there's really no expectation.

And I think having your tribe and the people that are just like, oh, yeah, like you laid in your daughter's pee half awake. Like, I've been there versus like, oh, well, why don't you simply, you know, and it's okay to not, you know, there's no rulebook on what we should do. And I think we're all just doing our best. And, like, the amount of intrusive thoughts that take over. me and I give myself to the like, oh, I should have done this. I should have done that. Where it's like, you know, we are just doing our best. It's like survival mode. It's literally like the world west when you're a mom and, you know, we're just doing our best. We're also having our first time at life. And I think that's like a sacred thing. I'm having other mom friends

around us. But something I really work on because I do it too, not because I'm, you know, judging you as the should. Every time I barred my brain at the feet, I should have done better for I like my daughter's swimming for and takes me and a party and I was like I should have started this in the holidays like what is wrong and I'm like you know what? No because I was making the holidays magical for her. I love that. I love that that's how you could retrain your brain though. It was like instead of I should have done this, you're like, but look what I did do. Look what I did in the moment. I think because of you and these conversations that I've had with you, just in general about the way you and I are very similar in like our ADHD because I feel no I don't feel ashamed

around you. I don't feel nervous around you. I never feel like I can't just be me around you. And that's something I really want to like kind of the joy I want to spread to these listeners has made me realize I'm very excited to raise a daughter who is soft and loud. Does that make sense? It's like she gets to be all of those things and that's okay. And not only is it okay, it should be celebrated. Oh, and that's such a beautiful thing. You know, raising someone to show up as the most authentic, brightest, loudest version of themselves take up space.

Like, that's the best. And the rest of the should-ofs or the sleepless nights or the late with the bag and you didn't pack the bag and there was a birthday and you didn't get the gift. And you're like, none of that stuff. You know, all that matters is the frequency that you're giving them all about love and that acceptance. Yeah. I'm not an expert. Listen, you're an expert in your own life, which is giving us a lot of info.

Like I said, to me, the best education that I can get being a woman and being a mother is by talking to other women and other mothers. Like, it's literally how I feel other than my therapy, which I find very important. I think it's the way that I'm like growing and thriving is going to other, even if you're not a mom and I go to like a woman friend of mine, this is a thing I'm going to. through in my relationship, my work, my life, whatever, and feeling seen, heard and like, this is not the end of the world. I really dislike the just wait people where they're like, just wait, you know, it's going

to get worse. And listen, every season has its ups and downs, but every season is magical. And you look back and it's not as bad as it was in the moment and not as the blessing. Bingo on that. Oh, my God, what I would give to be in that newborn stage. And I know in the moment, it was like hell, but I'm like, oh, I would. just give a moment to cuddle her in that little, a little, I think they recalled them, actually, those peanut things. But.

But still, it was great then. What is it? Say what I do. Do I don't do what I say, but whatever. I used the thing it was recalled. I forgot what it was called. But I wouldn't give anything to go back to those nights now. And I was so swollen and puppy and like miserable. Yeah. A friend of mine posted something in her story. She just had a baby, a little daughter, and posted something on her story where her husband was, like, taking a video, and she was, like, just in the rocking chair with the little potato against her chest. And I was like, oh, my God, what I would give. I die. Okay. Let's switch gears, as they say sometimes, because one of my favorite

things about you, separately from you being this amazing woman, philanthropist, like, charity worker, like awesome is the fact that you are ADHD as motherfucker. And that is something that also used to make me feel very ashamed. And I would only make dumb jokes about it because I was so tired of apologizing all of the time, but also felt the need to apologize like 24-7. And when I have a very close friend like you, I feel so safe and normal in my neurodivergency. Oh, I like praise it. But I also, I love people that accept and understand like my day-to-day fight with myself, you know, because I always say to Jesse, I'm like, you know, I've had 45 internal monologue arguments of myself before I'm getting out the door. So I don't need 46 with you. I just need understanding and compassion. Like if I'm late, if I'm this, if I'm not just giving me this like the compassion because I'm already in my head. Yes. Oh my God. I want to. time I did this thing for work, it was like, I don't know, one of those like Zoom training things. And one of the questions was, and it stuck with me, how many decisions do, does a human being make

in a day? And 35,000. Now imagine how many we make in a day. If there, if a normal, quote unquote, like, non-neurrogens person is 35,000, I was like, shit, trio that. Trice. I don't know the number. I used to have an infinity tattoo I got when I was tipsy now. I know why. It's infinity. I have laser-dorf, though. I'm not so much. I used to do wild things like that.

But see, that's my ADHD. I'm talking about my tattoo. What is the most, like, ADHD mom thing you think you've done this week, if you can pinpoint? Oh, God. Well, failure or just day-to-day? Like, failure. I had it on my to do list for a month to sign up for a parent reader. And I pick her up from school and all the moms who turns reading. And there's like a gold star mom there, which I'm not shaming out because she's a gold star mom. I'm actually so impressed and it inspires me to do better. And she reads there like every week. So I made it a point to sign up for the reader. And I somehow signed up for the wrong year. Like I put the wrong. This might just be also so I'm like emailing the teacher. I sign up with the wrong year. Like it's between. 27, not the right days of me. Can you circle back?

And then I didn't circle back. And it's just been a nightmare. And I'm actually more embarrassed than what I'm saying out loud. But they're fitting in a new time for me. But I'm just like I feel like so bad for these people because I have the best intention. I'm just planning ahead. Okay. It's just I'm laughing because you know it's something I would do.

100% I'm so embarrassed because then they gave me a new day and then I realized the new day that we're going to be out of town the new day so then I had to like grovel back and be like

actually that day doesn't work for me like you know you're just the A hole but it wasn't intentional no of course not but it also might be like my own lack of intelligence to sign up on

oh my God what okay here's another one what these are questions I was asking myself so I was like I'm going to put these for Lacey what is your brain

currently hyperfixing on that has nothing to do with real life. So bad. Okay, I have two right now this week. One is my like end of the world theory bunker, which I've been hyperfixated on for a long time, but like just learning tasks and the other is I'm really, my TikTok algorithm went into like being like Chinese zodiac and like things to be healthy.

And so I've been like knees deep. This is so embarrassing in like the Chinese zodiac, I never learned before. I've always admitted to astrology, but not the Chinese. I just learned I'm a metal horse, and this is like 3 a.m. You will find me. Like, I get up to pee, and I'm like, oh, no, wait, what does the metal horse have to, where's their best, like, coordinates?

That's not been great for you. Thank you. Oh, my God, I'm obsessed with you. Okay. I just want to ask you a couple questions for the fans of the show about you and Jesse just to fulfill their need. And it's not really just about like Jesse, but... Can we talk about season three?

No. I wish we could, though, be... I mean, anything that was at BravoCon, we actually can. I mean, I said at BravoCon, the one thing I'm really looking forward to people seeing is, I won't say the where, the when, the how, the why, but a conversation with you and Michelle. And it's something that, you know, I think is going to be fantastic and really interesting. But what I'm curious and I think what people sort of want to know is like, Is there, well, okay.

So this is something that Luke had to deal with. And honestly, I feel like I even have to deal with it with myself. But is it odd dating someone in like currently in the public eye while trying to like protect your own piece? Because I think that's something you're almost known for because you haven't been on the show yet. I know. It's so weird. It's weird with Jesse because so when Jesse and I started dating, um the valley had not aired yet so the valley wouldn't exist you guys had wrapped filming season

one but then there's like this nine-month-mole where you're waiting for it to be made and he had told me because we weren't like listen we're two divorced people with kids so dating to me is probably different dating than if you're like a 26thal listener but dating to me is like you know the one saturday where she's at her dad's can you get coffee and like come in with me or can we go to a fancy dinner and can I feel like an adult for three hours? So when we were newly dating, we had this phone call and he was like, you know, I just want to let you know something. I filmed this reality show with my ex-wife and, you know, we really tried to focus on our real estate, L.O.L. That's not what I'm a millennial. But I was like fine with it. But I was like

fine with it. I was like, you know, so many of my friends have done housewives. And like when I was married, by the way, I would have killed to do health lives. Like they, they reached out to me twice. Like, I was on board and I was like, that'll be awesome for you. Like, you're going to get new clients. And I have known some of the producers from when they, like, they did our audition for houses. And so a bunch of my friends have done it. But I've never seen it, like heavily impact my friends' lives. Like, a few of my friends have done different cities. but I see them at like social events. So I didn't know like and maybe your show.

I never watched Janderpals, but I knew who everyone was because I don't wear a walk. So I knew the premise and stuff. I knew about the Tom cheating and all these things. But I didn't know like the layers of the fandom, not only that, but just the like emotional physical. I mean, you literally have no privacy. Yeah.

I mean, it's so it's from from my understanding of housewives, the show that we do is vastly different. I think it is because obviously, like, I reached out to them like for a vice, like, what, what's this? But I think it's a learning curve. Like the first, watching the first season was so hard for me. I think at one point I was like, I don't want to date you like this. You're awful, you know, because I didn't see that version of him.

Yeah. For whatever reason, right? When you're dating someone new, you're also hoping to be on your best behavior. So I was like, okay, they all going to fall and are you this, you know, evil husband? And then you kind of, listen, and maybe I'm wrong, but you kind of learn discernment on, you know, what's happening by the scenes. And but the first season was really hard for me. And then when they reached out about season two, that was, you know, obviously you were there, but it was really hard for me. I didn't, I didn't think it was smart for me to be involved because we were so newly dating and, like, we have kids.

And again, I'm not saying this, like, shading the other. people's kids, did have partners, so on. It was just like, I, it's what you mean for you, for sure. Yeah. I can't even imagine now, like, I mean, just, I've been doing this for so, so, so many years. And I think about if Luke had any idea, he didn't know anything about Vanderpump, you know what I'm saying? So if he had met me after like season one, like, I feel like he'd be in the same boat as you.

Like, I knew you all were. I just didn't know, I didn't know maybe the depth of the, the. which is a comic by the way. But I think it's just been a learning curve. Like, I'm not going to lie. It messed me up behind the scenes because I didn't know you all in like a deep level and I had just gone through a divorce and I am a mom and I was going through the loss of three of my best friends like privately.

But I mean, I had my bridesmaids. But I mean, I had nine bridesmaids but still it's like, you know, 35%. Yeah. It was just like, which not to say like I have this grand excuse. maybe in hindsight I think now I maybe I should have done it. I don't know. You know, it's hard because you just kind of do what's right in the moment, but it really, it's like the wild west. It's just uncharted. So I have a lot of empathy for like Luke and you're so good at what you do. And it is, there's these moments that like, like I was really special. Sorry, I'm going all over

the board because they get nervous when I talk about it. No, I'm saying I'm, as you're talking, I'm like, my of the most empathy for you having a, having a daughter, a young, very, very, young daughter and you know, what would break up and we've only been dating for weeks and then I film this and like,

I don't know, that was kind of my mindset for season two. Yeah. I like, I very much, I have a lot of respect for you like protecting

your peace and, and carefully choosing. Seeing BravoCon really like changed my vision. Like I interesting. Plus with like like stars in my eyes because it's really, if you haven't been like,

I haven't been obviously to Bravo Kong, but like now I would go, I would go as a family. know, but you see just how much you bring people together on this. It's like a comic con and your listeners obviously know, but it's, it's such a special experience because you have these people there who have bonded over, you know, their love for what you were all doing. And it was, and like there was a woman there we met with cancer. There was a woman there we met who never really

had friends and she was going through her own thing. And she's like, I met my friends through these shows. And so it's so special and you see kind of the impact. So like that was really cool for me because I've had like a really negative mindset with it where I do a little bit of like it's dysfunctional thinking but it's very all or nothing like you're not supposed to be black or weight. It's not healthy. You're supposed to have, you know, context in gray area. But I'm very much so like going through this with you guys now this season, I'm like, I'll go home and like have a panic attack. And I'm like, I'm ruining my life. Like I go dark side. Same girl. Same. And then I call you and I'm like, I'm like, I'm, lazy, I'm having a panic attack. Yeah. But I have.

I don't even know how to explain it, but it's been cool to see the evolution of everyone. I think it's going to be really, really great for you that people are going to actually get to know you now the way that I know you. And as much of the shit that I've gotten over the years from doing shows and the poor decisions I've made and yada, yada, yada. As soon as you said BravoCon, I like had like hearts and stars in my eyes because I was like the joy. And it really is, it ends up being about the people that come to you and say, like for me at this last bravo con, it does not matter if one fucking shitty thing happened. What I remember first and foremost is all the women that came to me and said, thank you for talking about infertility and how difficult that was. Like to me, icing on the cake. And I think you as a really strong woman, strong mother and someone who has been through a whole lot.

on so many different spectrums of life. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you've really been through some shit, like, from childhood and on, is that you speaking out about that and now this little added platform of, like, the Bravoverse, there's going to be so many women and people that are going to be like, thank God she's on or like a part of this too, because they'll see you and you'll see them and they're going to feel seen and heard. And I think it's really fucking important to have you a part of it.

The goal to, you know, you tell your stories and you connect with that, even if it's the 1%. But I don't know. I was so much more optimistic years ago. I had this vision of like, oh, houseless and glamour. Now I'm like in the dirt. Like I'm like, oh my God. But it's like definitely, you know, it's definitely a whirlwind. I feel a lot, you know, just.

I, aside from the show, off the show, we have a really special, unique experience and bond with our children. And it's so special and it's hard to explain because it's Jesse and I do give them a hard time. Like, an extraordinarily, I give every man a hard time though. It's just like, like, I don't know. I'm just like men kind of bug me. I like. I'm telling you. I love it. I love it to pieces. He's such a great parent. Like, I wish you about to see more of that. And it's fun, you know, It's really fun to have somebody being in the same phase of life with you when you're, you know, in a phase of life, you didn't necessarily know you'd have to navigate. So that's a, that's a really great way toward it too.

I think that's why Luke and I really, like, obviously we love you guys and you're so much fun as a couple and as our friends. But I think why we really like, I said navigate, but I meant gravitate, why we really gravitate to wanting to hang out with you guys and double date with you and all of that. it's like the added layer of being parents of young children is just yeah and it's like someone gives you grace i don't know anyone's dating and single i don't know i don't know um the audience like i remember and i keep telling like dating lore i sound like i do that everyone this is not good image okay but i just remember dating someone without kids yeah and every week he was like

do you want to fly a year and do this and i was like i have a kid i'm changing diapers first. And he would like, you know, this is not Jesse, the person, someone else. It's my long-in-lawry list. He would always be like following the models and like, let's go to Congo, let's go to Hawaii. I'm like, I have a kid, you know. Yeah. So it's so easy with someone when you're in that. It's like you and Luke with Kaya. It's like, you know, you're chugging through this stage of life. It's so easy to do it together because you're in it together. Yeah. And with friends who are going through it. I think it's just what's made it all just so helpful, helping to be beautifully

balanced. That's what I've really noticed is we're keeping our circles smaller and smaller and smaller, but the friendships within that small circle are just like my heart's growing like 50 sizes. Yeah, and it changes every year too. When you have taught their stage, then you're at all these birthdays and these people, you barely know, because like they invite the whole dance class and then there's, you know, middle school where you don't even have to, it's just, it's a fun ride. It's a wild ride. That gives me anxiety, but yay, to birthday parties. I don't even like going to my friend's birthday parties. Oh my gosh.

I love you so much. The last thing I'm going to ask you about that I just would like for you to tell people about is because I would also really like to go is that you have an event coming up next month that I'm very proud of you about. Yeah, I do. So I'm on the board of CSF. It's for Children's Oncology Support Fund. And we do a lot of work with children's cancer research advocacy. and we have a fabulous gala that we do in Aspen. And I think it's going to be a really great time.

It's really special. I'm trying to lure Kristen Luke there and Zach. That's been like my laundry list. I think we're very in. And once we can sort of post about it and to try to gain more donations, I think it's really incredible. And then Kate Hudson is performing, which she just reminds of you because you remind me of like,

you know, like a butterfly. Like your daughter. a flighting aquarium. But in a good way. Like, I should have said urban outfitters. You know what I mean? Like bow sheep. Like Coachella.

I like the best of a child for urban outfitter. But anyway, she reminds of you because I think of her and I think of that. And she's not voted for an Oscar. But I, like, you guys have the same vibe. And Chelsea Handler is hosting it. And I'm co-chairing it with Rachel, though, who's, um, on Beverly Hill's saleswives now. But aside for all that, fancy stuff, it's really a great cause. It's super fun. One of our programs, we do creative outlets for children battling cancer and last year,

one of the wards we work with at Children's Hospital of Colorado, this is just like one of the stories off the hand. They really wanted a trip to the pumpkin patch, and it was like a $600 trip to take all the kids to the pumpkin patch for the day, and the hospital couldn't allot this $600. And we were reading their letters, and they, you know, they send video. of just like this thing that they really want. And I was like, oh, my, like, we give them to that in a second, you know. And then we got to go and tour. And these kids were so grateful to just go to a pumpkin patch.

And like, I know it sounds kind of not the biggest thing, but it sounds huge. It really sounds huge, honestly. I think it's cool to be able to go and do those walkthroughs. You know, it's really a special space. I'm so proud of you and I'm so proud to be friends with you. And we'll post below guys on the podcast, like website and all the info and of course on Instagram, because we would love support for Lacey. Well, I'm so much for having. You're the first Valley happy on your podcast.

I know everyone has. I'm honored. I'm so honored and I feel so blessed. And I want to say to everyone listening today to this podcast with Lacey and I urge you very much to listen to, shame to Sparkle, If you need a permission to give yourself grace today, this is it right here. So, Lisa, I love you. Guys, I love you. And we will talk to you next week.

Bye. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Doty. And follow Luke on Instagram at Luke double underscore Broderick. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes. Thanks for listening. See you next week.