Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Girl Talk with Lala Kent

Episode Date: January 18, 2023

Episode 10. On this week’s episode, we’re giving you Lala! Kristen sits down one-on-one for some intimate girl-talk with one of her closest friends, Lala Kent. They dive right in to discuss the new upcoming season of Vanderpump Rules and what the viewers can REALLY expect this year. Kristen and Lala emotionally reflect and bond on their similar past experiences in dealing with narcissists. Don’t miss their fun and flirty conversation about S-E-X and what Lala’s looking for (and what she won’t tolerate) when it comes to finding love this time around! Also, what would girl-talk be without sharing excitement about their upcoming girls’ Vegas trip for Brittany’s birthday!  Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Email us: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

[♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Hello, hello, you guys. Welcome back to Sex Love and What All Smatters. And this is, I think, my favorite guest thus far. Really? Really. Oh my gosh, I feel so honored. You guys know that voice. I know you know that voice. It's Lala. I can't, baby.

Give them Lala. I've been so excited to be on your podcast just because you keep it so real and honest. And I know that sounds so cheesy because there's so many people out in these streets these days. They're like, you're so real and honest. But you're no bullshit.

Yeah. Why don't you feel like I have to be censored? Same. Yeah. Like that when I was on your podcast last, you know, the last time I was on it, I just felt like we just shoot the shit. That's what I like.

Me too. Two girlfriends talking shit. Yeah. And some girl talk. Luke is not here. You guys, Luke is out of town. And no offense to Luke, but I'm like really excited to just have some girl talk. Luke is not here. You guys, Luke is out of town. And no offense to Luke, but I'm really excited to just have some girl time

and- Isn't it the best? Yeah. There's just something about girl time that I can't get enough of. I totally could live in a house full of chicks and then just bring hot guys home to have a little fun with and then send them on their way. And just there's no pressure with women.

100%. At least the women I hang out with. The women we surround ourselves with. I do feel that getting older, getting every year sexier is what my sister likes to call it. Like you're not getting older, it's just like one year sexier. I love that. Yes.

We're coming into our own, like mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally, we're just better every year. And yeah, I'm just down on the same pitch. Okay, so first and foremost, because when I walked in here, immediately I was like, oh my gosh, the trailer. And I know you've talked about this on your podcast last week, but the trailer

for Vanderbump came out. Yeah. I am not salty. I was like, hot damn jaw-dropping. That shit was good. You know, a lot of people said this is what we've been waiting for. As far as it reminds them of more of like an OG organic cast, obviously there's a million in one comments that say, like, please bring back some of the OGs.

And if I had that power, obviously, I would love that too, because I will say, not many people make reality TV like you do. Kristen Dodie. Thank you. And vice versa, like. Well, thank you. We did the damn thing with the cars that we were dealt.

And I'm very excited about the season and I thought the trailer I mean I've been obsessing over the trailer the trailer is so great and I was ecstatic about the cast photo There were no longer like 30 people hiding in the shadows like everyone's like cousin and then like random busser that maybe Went on a weird date with the new girl, like they're all gone. It was just the now OG cast essentially. Yeah, that part felt good. It was like, I recognize all these people.

I know them inside and out. And it just felt organic. Like this is my friend group, even if some of them were not connecting. Sounds like me. These are. Even if there's a couple I could do without in that photo, however, the photo just was so much better than it has been.

I mean, honestly, in probably eight years. I love that you say that because you were a part of it from the jump. Like you were a day one or you're one of the reasons why I was given an opportunity to join season four. Like, you guys laid the groundwork for an incredible show. It's just such an honor to be a part of it. Yeah, it just, I, I, I, I really love the trailer. It felt, it did feel like old, honest, real, emotional,

and very authentic what that show was built on. Right. Recogn recognizable again. A lot of crying. A lot of crying. A lot of, you know, Tom's hand about what this nail's done and the hair again. It's like, oh yeah, okay, there we go, there we go, you know. Yeah, I mean, even Schwarze and the trailer

pulls out an OG line of calling someone a bootleg something. Yeah. This season, I am apparently a bootleg housewife. That was a good idea, right? Yeah, I got your lips or something. This season I am apparently a bootleg house. That was you, right? Yeah. You got your lips or something. Yeah. And you know what? I am a bootleg housewife. You're like, thank you so much. Not an insult. Not at all. That's more of just a fact.

Yeah. It's, no, I love it. So I just wanted to like throw that out there first. And gradually you just done everything. And we're recording this my bootleg podcast in your office right now. Yeah, but you know what? There's so many times I've recorded my podcast and other people's spaces. It's just audio.

Yeah. It's all matter where you record it, as long as people can hear it. You were all good. I'm proud of you for all of this. I'm looking around this room and seeing like, give them Lola Beauty, give them Lola Baby.

Like, we're really, we're trying. It's crazy because the last, so I had moved into an office at that thing's office building. I took one of the rooms and I spent almost $10,000 on the space, like the walls were covered in my face, you know, naturally. I put in like custom cabinets. I was like, this is gonna be my space for a very long time. Then we break up, then they ended up getting kicked out

because they weren't paying the rent. So I was gonna have to move anywhere. Yeah. And then the office was taken. So whoever has it, I hope you're enjoying my face everywhere. I think actually my face is still in the... Cut the drywall off and bring it over here. I know, right?

You remove those cabinets and put them in this office along with the wallpaper. It just makes me happy that hopefully someone enjoyed, maybe someone moved in and was like, the wallpaper is actually dope. I highly doubt this, but in my mind, I'm thinking that. And I love that because that was something I asked you right before we started recording.

Like there's so many things I want to talk to you about today, but one of them is honestly just understanding a narcissist. And I haven't really yet touched on mental health on this podcast yet. I haven't had like the right guest, but something above many things that you and I as friends have in common is that we both have, we've wilted it in narcissists. Well, it's like an epidemic. I mean, it's a really

fucking hard thing to overcome. I'm still learning a lot about narcissism and also being kind of making sure that I'm always checking myself to make sure that I'm not blaming. You know what I mean? Like you read about it, if you guys don't know a lot about narcissism, I've learned so much about it. And essentially one of the key things that a narcissist does beyond like gaslighting and all of that and manipulation is whatever they did, wrong, it's because of you. You know, it's like, well, I wouldn't have done this,

I wouldn't have said this bad thing about you, had you not. It's always the blame, the blame shifting, the projecting. Right. And it's like, they're almost incapable of being a kind, hard and normal person with a soul, honestly. Well, they're soulless. soulless. They don't have a conscience. And you know, there's, there's many different levels to narcissism. And there's also a variety of types of narcissists. Yes, because they're like the sociopathic narcissists.

Totally. And you can go in circles. When you're hearing about someone's experience with a narcissist, you will never understand it. And I say this all the time when people try to ask me questions about certain things. And I'm like, if you think that I haven't sat in a room looping on how this could happen to me and trying to make it all make sense, you're out of your mind. This is not the first time that someone has asked me

these questions and tried to make sense of it. I ask myself these questions and try to make sense of it. You can't. So until you've dealt with a narcissist which I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy, you don't get to have an opinion because it is a mind-fuck. They will bleed you dry, mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, if you allow it. Yeah.

I mean, I'm like literally getting emotional. It's soul-sucking. It's like the vampire literally just sucking the soul out of you. But also, when you're really in the middle of that relationship, it's confusing because you believe what they're saying. And I think that was the hardest part for me and dating a narcissist. It took me so much time to remember

like this isn't true what they're saying about me. Right. Instead of just constantly apologizing. Yeah. And you have a child with this person. You were engaged with the narcissist you were with. I'm sure you've dated others in the past, but I just feel for you so hard.

And just kind of, yeah, I kind of wanted to just get your take on it because I really agree with you that it's not even something you can ask for sympathy from from people that don't understand. And it's something that I feel like I can never really talk about because it sounds like I'm shifting blame. Right. But it really is a mind-fuck and it's, I don't know, it's like a daily thing with me that

I'm constantly reminded of. Well, when someone gets out of a narcissistic relationship, that person is now coined as a survivor, because it's a mentally abusive relationship. And you know, I'm a fighter, I go toes. I felt like a shell of a person. And what was on the outside and the way that I chose to be in survival mode, knowing we'll ever understand it,

and I really don't give a shit if you understand it or not. Because I have my community around me who does understand it, and it's kind of like watching, you know, someone say to me, what can't you just have one drink? It's like, okay, you don't understand. You don't understand. I'm just engaging. It's the same thing with a narcissist. Totally.

Well, why didn't you just get up and leave? You don't understand? I'm not engaging in this. And it's so interesting because when it's put in front of you and the mask of the narcissist falls, and they try so desperately, the mask keeps... Sorry, I didn't know if it was a mask. Oh my God, that's the best way I could have,

could not have even ordered it that way. Yes. That's what it is. When it falls and you see them for who they are and they so desperately try to keep it on, it's fascinating. It's like, wow, you're sick. It's like a whole world is opened up to you

to watch them try so desperately to show you what they want you to see that they keep trying to create the illusion and it's done. You've seen it. Yeah. I can't unsee it now. No, you can't unsee it. And I also can't help but think,

how could I not have seen it before? Right. How could you be so stupid? Yeah, because that is how we feel. But it's because they, as we all do when we start dating anyone, our sisters or not, you know, you show the best version of yourself. You're not even putting on a facade,

but like you always give the best version of yourself because You're not even putting on a facade, but like you always give the best version of yourself because you're happy excited and a new relationship. But with a narcissist, like that is how they draw you in is this like bullshit charm, this bullshit facade of who they are and how everybody loves them and they're so cool and they have money or whatever their thing is, right? Totally.

And what I'm learning now is like the only way to separate myself from that is to literally give zero attention. Totally. You cannot try to make them, you can't shed light for them. Well, there it's impossible. It can't be fixed. Yeah. Because you put them in a room with a therapist, and they're not, because there's not very many therapists

out there who are well versed in narcissism. They will hustle the best of the hustle. Oh yeah. Yeah. They're gonna tell the therapists everything that they think the therapist wants to hear. Like, that's what they do. They'll admit certain flaws,

but paint this picture of like their self-aware. And it's all bullshit. It is all bullshit. And I am very aware that I was not perfect in my last relationship. By almost a perfect humans. Yeah, I was not perfect in any shape of the word. I was a fighter, my mouth was as slick as it gets. I was sharpening this tongue daily because I was in fight mode. Yeah, fight or fight. In right. And so I want that to be made very clear

that I'm not sitting here saying, like, I'm a victim of this. No, like I survived a very intense situation. Yeah, an abusive relationship. And I was not going down without a good fucking thing. Yeah. Yeah. So that, even though I'm not proud of some of the things that I may have said or done in the relationship,

doesn't matter. No, it doesn't matter. I have a one sole purpose now and that is protecting ocean. Yeah, at all. And protecting yourself. Like, that's the bottom line. But like, I just, I feel like so emotional, so proud of you. Thank you.

For rising above and not only like keeping your businesses together and being this huge entrepreneur, but also just like thriving now and being the best mom you could be and be single mom. Like yeah, you have some help from your family and you have your brain sitting next to us, hi, Jess. Hi everyone. I love that you call Jess your brain. I was like, I get Lola's heart today

and I get your brain named Jess. But it's like you have chosen and so intelligently to surround yourself with the people that you knew you needed to help build you back up like you're build your soul back up in your emotions in order to keep your shit on track. You know what though? I do attribute it all to like having the most incredible support system that anyone could ask for, family, friends, but I was talking to a friend the other day and basically telling them what I'm going through,

which I can't speak publicly about, but just what I've been in for the past 14 months. And she's also a mom and said, I don't think I could do it. Lala, I had no idea, I don't think I could do it. And I told her, yes, you could. Yeah. Because if roles were reversed and you were telling me this

and I hadn't been through it, I would say I couldn't do it either. But there's just something about a woman who also is a mother where it's like, you just step into this role that you didn't really know that it, you didn't think it existed, the strength that you possess until you have to put that strength to good use. Yeah. And I think, and now it's a new year,

and it's so cliche. New year, Naomi. No, but I do feel that. But it is. For the first time, like in a really long time. Yeah. It is a new year and you're taking your power back. So let's talk about Singola Lauren.

You said my name right. I know how to say your damn name. You're my first name. Are you one of the very few? Yeah. It is not Lauren. I'm Lauren. Yes. So name. You're my friend. Are you one of the very few? Yeah. It is not Lauren. Lauren, guys, it's Lauren. Yes.

So let's talk about single Lauren. So I know you kind of were dabbling a bit. You know, you had fun with your little cookie and a boy. That's no longer happening. What are you feeling for 2023? For 2023. I would like to start implementing the three month rule. What is the three month rule. Where? What is the three month rule?

The three month rule is basically me talking and like really getting to know a dude before I sleep with them. Oh. Which is a long time. Keep in mind, it hasn't been going. I'm like the sex on the first date. Kind of girl most.

You and me both, it hasn't been going well. I will say that. Yeah. But I feel like it didn't go well because the person that came in in 2023, I was like, well, I've already given it up to you. So why would I take it away now and implement it? Totally.

You know, but if there's new men who come into the equation, I need, I say this all the time, consistency and transparency. Yes. That is it. If you can offer me those two things, then we're golden. And in 90 days, I'm gonna be like throwing this thing at you left and right. Yes. That is it. If you can offer me those two things, then we're golden. And in 90 days, I'm gonna be throwing this thing at you left and right. Yeah.

They should be so lucky. I mean, that's how I felt with Luke. I mean, I was not ready for a relationship. Like, I really, really was not, but it was persistency, consistency, and transparency. Right. I was like, why am I stupid? Why do I want to keep going on these fucking hinge dates?

If this person who lives out of state is just constantly like showing up for me, you know, I don't know if he's going to be my husband, but this is working, so why not? So do you want to like be hooked up with someone? Are you into dating apps? Do you want it to just naturally happen? I'd like it to naturally happen. I've found that I haven't dabbled into dating apps? Do you want it to just naturally happen? I'd like it to naturally happen.

I've found that I haven't dabbled in dating apps at all. I've dabbled in the DMs. I think that could be tough dating apps. I feel like being like a public figure. I don't know that I'm to each his own, and I love that dating apps exist, because I know of a lot of people who have found successful love on a dating app. The DMs also scare me because I know of a lot of people who have found successful love on a dating app.

The DMs also scare me because I feel like if you slide in the DM or someone slides into yours, you're obviously going just to have sex, right? Yeah. It feels very like tindery. It does, and like I'm 32 with a baby, and I just don't really, I don't want to just have hookups anymore. I think the perfect thing that could happen is a friend of mine says, I have a really good dude,

let's go on a double date and it looks like that. Yeah, like a group type situation where there's not a lot of pressure, you get to vet them out. Yeah, and like if you're friends with my group of friends, then like I assume you're still getting a background check, but I assume that like you probably have the same sense of humor that I have.

And we're probably, we most likely are in alignment, because I don't hang out with people who are not, you know. Fun and have cool banter. And yeah. Cool banter, I want you to, like, I need my mind to be stimulated in some way. The way to our vagina is through our heart and laughter in our mind.

You also have to think I'm funny, because you are funny. And if they don't think you are then, To our vagina is through our heart and laughter in our mind. Like seriously. You all have to think I'm funny, because you are funny. And if they don't think you are, then you gotta lie. And I'm a five-inch. Seriously, though, there's been so many times in the past, like long, long time ago, because I haven't been single in a long time, where I would try to, like, kind of put a lid on my, I guess, humor,

things that I would say, because I like to be funny and laugh. I would not say I'm the person where you look at me and go like, oh, she's just so damn sexy. I'm not, I'm not. Okay, I totally disagree. Okay, well thank you for saying that. And I love you to dad. I am a mad girl crush on you and if we weren't like besties,

I would totally bang you, which is so cool. Such a compliment. And by the way, I'm not just saying, which is so you know, such a compliment. And by the way, I'm not just saying this suit for you to tell me that I'm sexy, but in my mind, I'm like, I just want to make people laugh and I want to laugh and I want to be comfortable and cozy. That's pure sex appeal right there. See, but do men, I don't know, I got to find one

who's like, that is hot to me. That's the point though. Yeah. It's finding the dude who's like, yup, that's the girl. Yeah. Like the no makeup, the sweats, the laughter, that's the dude you need to find. Yes, because more times than not,

like I wear less clothes out in public than I wear to bed. Yeah. Like when we're going to bed, I have Vaseline all over my eyes. I just got you to. Okay, if I'm fine to blemish, there's gonna be some blemish cream. I'm in thick socks, sweatshirt, and sweatpants,

and this is how I go to bed. So if you're thinking that I'm gonna be naked, like do you sleep naked? No, I sleep with, no, I don't. Just do you sleep naked? No, I don't sleep naked. I am completely, I've got the long sleeve pajamas on and pants.

Yeah, I sleep in like underwear and a t-shirt, like a really baggy t-shirt. That's hot though. That's super hot. No, I don't like when my skin touches. Oh, it's so sweet. And up until like a week ago, I was so sleepin' in a nursing bra.

Yeah. So if you're lookin' for a damn, she's sexy when she go to bed. Is that because of your big old titty stuff? No, you're just so comfortable. Oh, because they're comfy. Yeah, do you wear a bra out? I, no, I didn't think so. Like, I don't know? They're just so comfortable. Oh, because they're comfy. Yeah. Do you wear a bra out? I, you know, I didn't think so.

Like, I don't have a bra. I hate bras. Well, because I have new boobies and I want to keep them cute, I now just ordered on Amazon. Like, there is comfortable as a nursing bra, but they're not a nursing bra. Like, I can't, if you want to suck on my tiddies, I'm going to have to pull it up rather than just like,

I'm classed. Ah, yeah, got it. Okay. Note to self guys out there. That's what has toed. Yeah, got it. Okay, note to self-guys out there. That's what has to happen. Gotta put in a little more work. Okay, so now I wanna go back to, you're still pying dudes.

Like 100%. Okay. And what is that exactly involved? Like what are your non-negotiables? My non-negotiables, you know, people ask me that and I say, I don't know until I see it. If that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely.

I don't see, I don't know what my- You don't have a checklist, but when there's a flag, you're like, oh, that's red. No, thank you. I mean, any sort of domestic violence is gonna be a deal breaker. I just need you to be able to have a job. You know, I'm not asking you to flip the bill for me.

I got that shit covered. I need you to have a job that you go to every day. My mom said, you need someone with a career, not a job, because you have a child as well, and you have a career. Maybe I should say I would prefer they have a career rather than just a job. But then again, if you have an incredible heart and soul, that's not gonna be a deal breaker. I would prefer, and this sounds like the bar is very low,

but I did do a background check on someone who was driving without a license and insurance, and I'm like, this is the bare minimum basic thing that you should be. To be an adult. Exactly, and you're almost 40. This is a deal breaker. You find as fuck, but this is going nowhere.

Yeah, you know, how do you have like tens of thousands of dollars in unpaid parking tickets? I don't. I do not connect with this. And that is literally like the lowest of the low bar. And you're asking for bare minimum there. Like, that is so simple and just should be known. Right. Just have your shit together. I'm not asking you to be some sort of like multi-millionaire squeaky clean record. Like, we all have a past.

I understand. Just make sure that past is like real far in the past. Make sure that past is not affecting the future right now. There you go. Okay. And there's just little things like not paying parking tickets where I'm like, this just seems like you are a little chaotic for me. And with what I've been dealing with, I can't do the chaos.

No, I know, I love the used-the-word chaos. It's been sticking with me so hard and I feel like when I was texting, I don't know, just if we were on the phone or texting, but how I said, like, words are hard. And just was like, I've been saying words are hard. So often. We say it all the time now. And ever since the last time I did your podcast and just talking on the phone with you,

I feel like I'm not using the word drama anymore, like all these other synonyms, but I'm always like chaos. Chaos. I can't handle the chaos. Yeah, because drama feels very like immature and very like high school early 20s. It's now I can't deal with chaos in my world.

And I also have realized about myself that I am actually really great at listening to me. I'm really great. But I do feel this way. I can be a fighter, right? In a relationship or a friendship, I work best when we can sit down and we can, we may have disagreements or a heated discussion,

but like I don't need to hit 100. For me, if there are people in my life who make me feel like I'm gonna hit 100, yes, my mom always says we're control, we're in control of our emotions and our reactions. But I'm also in control of who I place myself around. And if you bring me to a place where I need to hit that level, then I now know this is toxic. I'm not dealing. If I can't have a sit down conversation with you and just talk like this. Yeah, because I'm fully capable of doing that. Then I don't really want to be around you. Yeah, I know. I couldn't agree more.

I was having this conversation with a friend of mine the other day that what you just reminded me of. We were talking about acting actually about like when I used to be an actor and acting classes and whatever. And on a couple of films I did were really intense scenes. Learning how taking it from a 10 down to a 2, with the same intention was so much more powerful. It's like the same thing in real life.

If you have something, it's infuriating you, something you really need to get across, right? Screaming at the top of your lungs at someone, it's not gonna go anywhere. What are you just shouting above each other, no one's listening, no one's hearing. Totally. And then it feels gross.

But if you can say those same words in this tone of voice, it is just so much more powerful. Right, well, what was it? Bethany Frankl said on a reunion years ago, when you talk loud, you sound like a moron. Yeah, we all do. Yeah. Look at me back seasons of Vanderbomb rolls.

Well, this season, I hit a hundred. I hit a hundred on multiple occasions. Where I'm saying crazy shit, my voice is loud. But it doesn't feel good. I don't leave those situations. I did Sheena's podcast a while back and she was like, it makes you feel good a little bit. And I was like, no, I don't leave and go,

that was awesome. No, I hate it. It makes me feel dirty and gross. It does, like it's something about getting older, like and I know I used to be very combative in my old relationships, even friendships. Like essentially if I felt like I wasn't getting heard, I just yelled louder.

And then I was the one who walked away not only looking stupid, but feeling really stupid. Totally. And now it's like take it to a two and I'm going to tell you how I feel. And actually that's how you make people kind of feel really dumb. It's when they're the ones yelling, but you're capable of what your mom was saying, like being controlled by your own emotions, you know, or just walking away. We're walking away. That's the hardest thing for me because Mama loved the last word. Or the last insults.

Yeah, same, same. Okay, now you just want to talk about sex for like a little bit. You love talking about sex. I love talking about sex. My favorite topic. Oh, me too. So I was listening to your podcast with China

and she never talked about shower sex. I absolutely fucking hate shower sex. Okay, hi. How do you feel about shower sex? I hate it because I feel like the loop. No, like it's like the water, like it's in the way. Oh, it's like, have you ever had sex like in a pool or in a hot tub? That's funny.

It is, I hate it. Really? Yeah, because it takes my natural lubrication away. Jess is over here like nodding her head. Like you agree with me? I hate water sex. Hate it. It's also bad for your vagina in a pool or a hot tub.

I haven't had sex in a pool in a very long time. So I could feel differently about it now. Shower sex, I used to love it, but now all my mind goes to is it's so slippery. What if he drops me and I crack it up? I don't know what it is about getting older, but I go to this place of like, if I do that, what are the chances I could get hurt?

And like what type of hurt we talking? You know? I'm like, it seems much safer to do it on a cushioned air. Yeah, you're like, we lathered up. It was so sexy. Oh God, they're soap on the tile now. One wrong move? Concussion, okay?

That's where my mind goes. The thought of it, very sexy. You know, when I talk about like hanging what I used to do from the shower head, I'm like, I'm sorry, explain this to me, what? I don't know this. Like, it's basically the best workout ever, explain this to me. What? I don't know this. It's basically the best workout ever, but holding on to a shower hat with your legs up

and the guy is obviously standing up. He's behind you? He's in front of you. Is it because I'm so tall? I cannot do standing up frontward facing sex. It doesn't. I don't understand. But you're almost in like one of those

physics like I really don't see how it could work out. Like you're holding legs are up. Yep, and he's standing. Like wrapped around him. Yep. And all I think about is Lala, the shower head could have just snapped and down you go. No, that it broke into tailbone.

Yeah, that was my first thought. Yeah. Like unless you built that house yourself and you know that that shower head is literally fully foundation cemented in. Yeah. Any apartment. Any house that you just bought.

Yeah. Pff. I know. So, I'll get back to you on how I feel about showers. Okay. I'd have to like really look at the person and be like, he seems like someone that could like hold on type to me

How do you feel about morning sex love morning sex? Say fucking hate morning sex, but don't I want on top during morning sex? You can hit it from the back. I'll roll over onto my side. Yeah, okay, but I'm just not there in the morning like when I wake up and Luke about amongst other boyfriends I've had like they're so rock hard in the morning, they're so horny. And I'm just like, dude, I'm tired, like I'm a little cranky. But at that, they know that.

It's like, I just need a hole to put it in, babe. Yeah. Well, I have said to him, just do it. Yeah, like this is consensual. You're my boyfriend. You're in bed with me. But yeah, don't ask me, hey, babe, do you want to have sex right now? No, my answer is fucking no.

I'm not feeling it. I'm barely awake. No. Once we do it, it always feels great. Totally. Like, just don't like morgans sex. I mean, obviously, if I had to schedule it, that wouldn't be the more I'd be like, 8am? Sounds great. You call a just, and you be like, 8 a.m. sounds great.

You call Jess here, like, just what's my schedule today? Gotta be out of here by 10. Okay, we get a feed ocean breakfast. 8 a.m. check. No sex on days that I have ocean. It just feels dirty coming home to my sweet angel face. You know, for me, she's just straight from God.

Yes, she is. I don't know how she was made. All I know is she appeared and I was happy about it. Exactly. All the gross stuff. And thank God she looks exactly like you. She does. A lot of people would beg to differ,

but it's like, I've seen my baby pictures and I see my baby in person. She looks exactly like you just different eye color. Just different eye. She's got those gorgeous brown eyes. Oh my God, don't even get me started. I need another Kristen. But then I think about it.

And I'm like, I don't think I could like that kid as much as ocean. Like ocean is pure perfection. Okay, but last time I did your podcast, you said you never could love anything the way you love Lily, your dog. That's true. I did say that.

And then you had ocean and you're like, could never love anything more. I mean, even my mother says to me, that she said, like, would she love more, you're amazing. Yeah, but she already told me, I'm just letting you know, like if you have another baby, I'll love the baby,

but I just really don't know if it'll be able to hang out with me in ocean. She says that, does she not say that? She does it. And I'm like, if you think that ocean is gonna choose to kick it with you over a baby, you're crazy. So I think it comes down to, are you cool enough, Gigi, to kick it with us?

Yeah. Anyway, back to sex. Yeah, are you super horny when you're opulating? Beyond. Yeah, me too. But I've found, I'm back into the season of just being horny all the time, where I'm like, someone give me a corner of something.

Yeah. I don't care. Yeah. I have like an entire me a corner of something. Yeah, I don't care. Yeah. I have like an entire drawer full of like vibrators. Every, everything I never thought I would even try or use. And I'm like, these are all fun and interesting. You know what though? The vibrator, depending on which little contraption.

I have lots of them, yeah. Okay, are great when you're giving a blow job to use on the balls of the two. Obviously light speed. Yeah, could you imagine just like full speed? Like what the fuck? Okay, I will, I've never tried that. Yes, another fun thing is blindfolding him.

Yes. The blindfolding so he doesn't know that the vibrators are making him do this. Oh, some like, yeah. Little trickery up in there, just. Just like some, just little things. You know, if you're not ready to go full on, like, I'm cat in the hat and your doctor suits.

Yeah. If you're not ready to have it, that art color. Yeah, the art color thing, like, I just, I wish that I was into it. I'm like that into it either. I used to be into it when I was like wasted. Then again, I didn't even know who I was. So it's a matter of... Right, but in my super-early 20s,

it was whatever I do, anything. Now I'm like, okay, once in a while, I can put on this cute, garter belt type situation. Right. And we have restraints on my bed, and once in a while, let's pull that shit out. Yeah, but I'm not trying to be like, Susan from Wisconsin.

No, okay. You can't do it, yeah. But I've just been noticing lately because I'm not trying to get pregnant in this moment, but obviously everyone knows because I can't stop fucking talking about how much I want a baby more than anything in the world. So I have been using ovulation sticks.

I just want to see, okay, this is what happened. I was talking to a girlfriend the other day who has two kids. And I was like, yeah, I was using that clear blue, the fancy ovulation stick one where you like stick it in. It's like digital. And I was using it according to my flow app. I don't know if everyone knows what a flow app is. I got pregnant using the flow app.

You did, okay. So I was only using the ovulation sticks when the flow app was telling me I was You did. Okay. So I was only using the ovulation sticks when the flow app was telling me I was ovulating. Okay. And it was saying sad face every day. Like sad face, you're not ovulating. And I'm like, what the flying fuck? And my girlfriend said, I have to do it like every single day. Okay. For a month to like literally see, she's like, the flow up might not be correct. It might not be. So I'm excited.

That's interesting. Yeah, and the flow up also gives you, it literally says, best day to get pregnant. I know verbatimates says that, but it does tell you. It literally says, this is the day, and then the day's two, three days before and after, chance two.

And so I'm always just curious. So when I am ready to seriously pull the trigger, is that shit gonna work? But I know that I'm horny as fuck right after I get off my period. Yeah, me too. Like six times a day. Like we're not leaving the house today. So I was just curious if you would say one.

God, good for Luke. Yeah. No wonder you got a lot of men. Well, he is a man. A few days a month and after that, I'm like, I've literally been together for six months. We have to have sex every day. I look at Dodie and I'm like, this bitch is like shooting full on diamonds out of her talk.

She's gotta be because she always has a line of dudes, right? Me, I'm like really like Devsex. Where you at, dog? Yeah, I'm like really like Devsex. Where you at, dog. Yeah. But my standards weren't always so high, so let's be honest. We just go with that to make me feel better. And it's not like mine was super high.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, 58 covered in hair? Perfect. You got a good heart. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

My shit that we will trick our minds into just to find the hands. Mine was 6'4", but the same, pretty much the same person in a way. It was taller, that's it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So, I am so excited. We are going to Vegas together. Oh my gosh, I need it so bad.

Are you going to find a man to flirt with? Are we doing this? This is a girl's trip only for Britney's birthday coming up. Yes. And I was telling you right before we started recording how beyond ecstatic I am that you were gonna be there because contrary to the public's belief that I am like this fucking drunk

and stop living in 2012 you guys, okay? You will never, by the way, people still bring up things that I did when I was 24. Yeah, like I'm 39. I haven't been on the show in almost three years now, not the same dodi, okay? But let them believe it because it's like believing in Santa Claus. They want to leave you're that person. Just let them.

It makes them happy. That I'm a psycho-raging alcoholic. Yeah, but I'm so ecstatic that you're going, I love the group of girls that are going. We have a really good group of folks. So it's you, me and Brit and Shina and our friend Elaine, who you guys sort of talked about on your podcast. Everyone knows kind of who our friend Elaine is now. Elaine's sister is coming.

I think Janet might be coming for a good day. Janet's going to try. We have Zach with them. And then I think Ariana was trying to make it work. To come for like good day. Yep, Janet's gonna try. We have Zach with him. And Zach, yep. And then I think Ariana was trying to make it work. To come for a good day or so. Yeah, I don't know if she'll be there for sure. We have a really good group. And you know me.

It's like throw me in a room or on a trip with girls and gays and I'm like living my best life. Yes. I don't know if I'll find a dude because the rooms, even though there's like multiple beds in, we have like suites, I just don't know if I'll find a dude because the rooms, even though there's multiple beds in, we have like, suites, I just don't know if I'm wanting to bring a dude back to. I will say though, it makes me happy

because in the group chat, everyone was throwing out dates and I was like, if you have it on this weekend, I have my baby and I'm not leaving. So it makes me happy that it's falling on the weekend where I don't have ocean. So I feel guilty. And if Mama wants to pop that purse. Yeah, it's girl.

I probably won't. I talk to big games. You probably won't. But if you do, I'll share a room with you. And then I'll just be like, I'll be on the couch. I'll sleep on the fucking floor. I know there's enough beds, boo. Yeah, I know.

I'm just saying, if you need to be on the couch. I would never make it. I am not that girl. I'm really excited. I'm not on the fucking floor. See, okay. I know there's enough beds, boo. Yeah, I know. I'm just saying, if you need to be quiet. I would never make, I am not that girl. I'm really excited. I've been on a girls trip and I fucking don't even remember the last time. Are you being serious? When was the last time I had a girls trip? I have no idea.

Oh, we got to fix it. We are fixing it. Yeah. In a couple of weeks. That's true. Thank you, God. But I'm stoked you're going because I can't keep up with tequila shots.

I can't do it. No. And this is like that. But you can just have cocktails. That cruise below. Well, yeah, I mean, it's fun. It's like a birthday. I mean, that's what I would be doing if I was drinking.

But you and I will just do like, I'm gonna see if they can make us like lime water shots. Yes. Because then I'll keep up. Like the cleanse? Yeah, and I won't be like the Debbie downer about it. Like, I still drink like, I'll have wine or have a cocktail, but I just don't, especially in Vegas.

Like Vegas makes me a little salty. Why are you so salty about me? I don't know, I think it's like, I quit smoking almost a year ago. I just had a lot of cigarette smoke, a lot of sloppiness, and just a lot of like, what I don't love. When you know how outside, at all, you're like in concrete walls. Right. For a few days.

And I don't know what it is about Vegas either. I could literally be there for 24 hours and my legs hurt. I'm like, it feels like I ran a marathon. Yeah. Well, that's gonna actually, okay, now that just made me happy. Someone to get my steps in.

We definitely will get our steps in. But everyone's- Wait, now I'm becoming less grinchy. Everyone needs to come correct on this trip, because I need to have a fucking good time. Yes. And I'm not gonna sit around if these bitches-

Especially for- Yeah, four of you have babies. And this happened to be the weekend that works out where your baby lists for two days. So I'm gonna make sure the moms have the best time. I'm literally gonna drop my boo-boo off Friday, head to the airport, have all day Friday, well, someone a Friday, all day Saturday,

Sunday, fly out, pick up my boo-boo, and we're back at it. Yeah, perfect little, like, let's plug in for a short, easy, breezy, quick. I'm fucking excited. And all the places we're going to has like my type of man's. Yeah, that's true.

Very specific type of man's, you know? And I love you. Don't be taking me to know Emo bar. No, well, I mean, that would be my type of man. But you got one already. I do, I do. I'm covered. And so I get to be the wing woman. Like, I will be able to help vet them for you. Yeah.

Because I, to Emma PI. You're probably better than my ex-wife. I'll be like your pseudo-PI. No, but she is. I'll be. She's like Lisa, your mom. Way better. She's like Lisa on crack.

Although Lisa did find out a lot of shit. And I was like, where did this come from? Yeah, I don't need much. I need like a first name, the city he even currently lives in or where he's from. It's kind of all I need. No, she's a savage. Do you remember when Chloe Kardashian broke in,

like season one, two, three, I don't know, into her boyfriends voice mail? That was Kim. But yes, Kim broke into Chloe's boyfriends. Kristen could do that shit. Yeah. It's gotta be the K names. I'm so impressed by all that. It makes me like so excited and happy for you. It's got to be the K names. I'm so impressed by all that.

It makes me like so excited and happy for you. That's the ship we need as women. We need women who can do that shit. Should I be adopted by the Kardashians? Yes. That's you should. And then you immediately need to tell me what I get there. I got you there who's done so that I can go there.

Yeah, I know I love being a good PI. That's the part of the crazy Kristen that will never die, but I don't want to look. What I love about it is that I don't do it any more to the people that I'm dating. Well, I think it's more about like I can do that shit, but I'm not dating someone who I feel like I need to do that shit.

Right, like I don't even know Luke's password to his phone. Don't care, don't need to know, don't want to know. If I ever suspect something, buy, we're done. One hundred percent. That it's not like I'm going to look for it until I try to find it, like, no, no, no. If I feel the need to search, I don't want to be over. It's already over. This is called toxic. This is chaos.

Yeah. There's the chaos with a K. That's your next book. There it is. We're coining it. Now don't fucking steal it y'all. But I will be, yeah, I will be your PI. I will be your mom, like your Jess while we're there. Perfect.

I'll keep the eye out. I know what your physical type is. Yes. And I'll be able to like, spot him. Yeah. Okay, good. And make sure he's not like a Tristan Thompson type. Fuck it.

You know what I mean? Like we look over like, oh, he looks hot and he has tats and then I see him like coining with like every other you know hot chick, you know, he's out. Because you know what hot faces are so easy to come by. There a dime a dozen, a good face and by the way, beauties in the eye of the beholder, right? I could look at someone be like, that dude is fine. Someone else could be like, not my vibe.

And same with me, people could look at me and be like, she look banging, actually she's not my type. But I feel like I have a lot to offer, right? So if you can't offer me a lot, then I'm most certainly I'm not gonna give you the most intimate part of me, which is my creative gold.

Yeah, platinum, platinum bitch. Platinum pussy. Platinum pussy by Lala Kent. It's gonna be like your perfume that you come out with one day. Do you watch signfell's? What? How Elaine? I love it every one on that show except for Jerry's signfell.

He annoys the shit out of me. Okay, I love them all, but Elaine, the birth control she likes, I won't bore you guys. The birth control she likes is now off the market. She finds a place, buys every single one that they have similar to how we're all acting with the vape right now. That's her with birth control. And she starts interviewing men to see if they're worth using the birth control because they got to be worth it. She like interviews them hard. Amazing. I'm doing that shit.

I'm going to look this up. You have to. I'll send you. Yeah, send me the link. Send me the link. Are you going to do something about those sideburns? Yeah, things are OK. This is important.

No, but it's actually funny. And we'll wrap this up. But Elaine, our friend Elaine and Will, what I love about Elaine is how it candid and very, she reminds me a lot of you. And that way, and- She's just rich and I'm not fair. Okay, yeah, she's rich and we're not. But she's just so candid and honest,

but like so kind and has the biggest heart of gold, but then she's just like, just punchy with all everything she says. And I remember when we were on her yacht, the first time I went on the yacht, and we were all hanging out, I think it was like Labor Day or something. And I said, oh my God, so how to do well,

you and Will Me and what was your whole story? So she tells me the story. And she was like, oh yeah, like he wasn't as hot as he is now and he definitely wasn't as rich as he is now when I first met him. She's like, but everything is changeable. Like I can have his hair cut a different way or like, you know, have them work out more.

And I could do that as well. So it was about like, who he was. So he was. So he was, there's such a beautiful couple. Yeah. And it was like how he was on the inside. And he was still such a beautiful man to her. But it was just so funny.

She was like, things are changeable. Like it's not, don't be so shitty and bitchy about, like, I don't like that mole on his arm or whatever the fuck you are. No, I know. And by the way, yes, everything is changeable, but also I look at it like, I'm not always gonna look this way, this person's not always gonna look that way.

So like, if you don't have something beyond the physical appearance, then we got a problem. Yeah, but like at the beginning You better come look and find us fuck. Yeah, all right Bring sexy back to me. All right. Well, I'm really excited for Vegas. I'm excited for you I love you. I love you too. I love ocean give her lots of kisses for me. I will and Yeah, I mean on your podcast. Yeah, and congrats on the new season coming up. I'm going to try to actually watch it because it does look really fun and good and I love that there's not like a lot of extras. There's never any pressure, but if you ever want to come over and

watch it with us. Yeah, I think I'd rather, I mean, I can't watch it on my own. I'll probably just cry. I wouldn't be able to either. Yeah, so I'll give it a try. I'll come over and watch the premiere with you. All right, I love you. Okay, love you, if I like, love, love, love you. And yeah, everybody, I hope you like to have a magical and safe week and get some pussy or get some dick and just tell everyone you love them, life's short.

Aw, that was the best outro ever. Thanks. Ma. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Dodie and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke Double Under Score, Broadred. Be sure to click the subscribe button

so you can stay up to date with new episodes every single Wednesday. Thanks for listening. See you next week. single Wednesday. Thanks for listening. See you next week.