Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Introducing the Male Mind (plus what the hell is vabbing?)

Episode Date: December 1, 2022

Episode 2. Kristen and Luke get explicit as they break down TikTok’s “vabbing” trend and deep dive into topics like pheromones, sexual hygiene, and which foods effect the scent/taste during oral sex. They both share their thoughts on navigating a friends-with-benefits relationship, ghosting, and sleeping with co-workers. Luke opens up about why men can be emotionally unavailable and a period of his life where he was not open to dating anyone - even if he felt a connection. Prepare to laugh and cringe as they introduce their Urban Dictionary - Sex Edition segment. Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Email us: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up everybody? This is Kristen, your host. Welcome to sex love. What else matters? And with me today, per-yush, is my trustee co-host, Hi Luke. Hi Kristen, so good to be here as always. And by here he means we are coming to you from Colorado Springs. Colorado Springs on the outskirts of the Valley High Golf Course. If you've ever been here, it is a lovely city course. Yeah, give it a try. So I just want to like talk about something really fast before we get into all of our topics for today. Luke texts me an article.

It was a Cosmo article, I think, right? Yep. About the new TikTok trend, or at least to me, it's new, called Vabbing. Yeah, that was a, that thought quite interesting. I've always been interested in the pheromones of it, but Vabbing. Let's explain what Vabbing is, because I had no idea, and when I first read it, even though there is a double B, for some reason I read like vaping, like vaping, like what the flip is vabbling?

Yeah, so it's anyone that doesn't know, it's using vaginal juices basically as a cologne or perfume, you're putting it on your neck or armpits. And basically hoping that those pheromones attract or arouse a side partner. Vaginal dabbing, vabbing. Yeah, not to be confused with weed dabbing. Yeah, that's actually where my brain went first.

I can't think of something, anything more disgusting than vagina juices in your dabbing. It just seems so, like, bacteria and yeast. And the whole point is, like, think about it. When I look hook up with someone or when I masturbate, like the very first thing that I do is wash my hands right after. Always. And then you shower. Yeah, like you just want to stay clean all the time.

So the thought of like sticking my fingers down there and then rubbing it on my neck or my wrists or whatever, it just seems fucking gross. And also, I mean, why would you wanna smell that? I remember reading an article a little bit ago because it was like a TikTok trend. And maybe a couple of weeks ago before you sent me this particular article,

and it said something along the lines of like it was becoming sort of famous to do at a gym in order to attract you a partner, but I'm like, pretty sure they're just smelling your sweat. Yeah, they're doing your smell in each other's sweat regardless. That gets into an article I read years ago, I wish I could cite it, but just on the differences and receptors for different people that some people may be more compatible if you cannot smell the other person's body odor.

To some people, my body odor might be super offensive, and to some people, they might not smell anything. Yeah, I don't, I think I've smelled, you have B.O. like ones or twice, like when you were super sweaty, just because you have body hair, but I'm not attracted to anyone's B.O. I'm attracted to your cologne.

Yeah. Or deodorant. Right, cologne or deodorant. But ultimately, it's not necessarily being attracted to it. It's supposed to be a subconscious thing. It's how the pheromones work. It's not like you smell it like a cologne that you're like, oh, that smells great.

It's like you don't necessarily smell anything, but subconsciously your brain works as this is a ready available partner, maybe. I don't know. You know in the animal kingdom, they have their natural pheromones that they do. Totally. Okay, so what are your thoughts on, first of all, what are your thoughts on vaving?

I just gave my thoughts. My thoughts on vaving. I think it's kind of interesting. It could be very disgusting with someone that doesn't practice good personal hygiene. But even, look, wait, hold on. If you even, like, okay, I have the best hygiene in the flipping world, unless I'm really lazy and I don't shower every single day. But even so, I'm clean, I don't stink,

I know that I don't. Unless we're in Joshua Tree. To shake. Unless we're just out camping and stuff. But I think, I don't have body hair, really, and I don't sweat a whole lot. So I think that I don't really have body odor, like some other people that I know,

and I know that's normal thing. I'm not sort of trashing anyone for that as long as you have good hygiene, like you said. But even so, with the most impeccable hygiene, how would you feel if you knew that I masturbated and then, or even just stuck my fingers down there and then rubbed it all over myself before I went out and public?

Well, so... It's fucking gross. Yeah, it's gross. It's definitely gross. I mean, because that should be when, if someone's mouth, like someone kissing wise, you know, you should get a kiss on the cheek, if I'm kissing someone on the cheek,

I'm not thinking I'm gonna potentially be putting my mouth on their vagina at the same time, essentially, or some... It's like you got tricked into going down on them in a way. Right, you're gonna hate this word, but some secretion. That's right. Yeah, it's my favorite word.

Yeah, not a good one, but, or their moistness, they're spreading their moistness from them. Do you know how pissed off I would be if I dude like rubbed his own semen on himself for clown, and then I, I think it like, ball sweat is more of a, more, you know, the similar thing than semen. But we're not talking about vagina sweat.

We're talking about vagina fluids. But yeah, there's a lot of human fluids. There's always something there, even if you're not, if you didn't calm, you're not like putting your, you know, post orgasms. How would you feel if the girl you were dating or your sister perhaps, you have two sisters and you were like, they're like, oh, we're vapidin now.

No, no, no, no, don't change everything. Huh? In appropriate. Okay, I would you feel if your girlfriend did it or the girl you were dating or the girl you were hooking up with and she was like, yeah, I'm super into vabbling. If I was already in, I would probably immediately say, huh, that's interesting. It would be my immediate response and then I'd say, you know what? It doesn't matter if we're already this far, you know, that's fair. I mean, if any of my girlfriends told me that they were doing this I would be like you are a bat shit crazy. Go take a shower

Yeah, fair. That's just how I feel and I don't understand the fair moon part of it So what I would sorry I wanted to tell you Luke that I haven't told you before when we were talking about this Vavking thing it brought up a memory for me Back in the day. I don't know if they still do this, but I used to go to sex toy parties It's good like pure romance up a memory for me back in the day. I don't know if they still do this, but I used to go to sex toy parties. It was kind of like... Pure romance, I think. I think it was worth a bit. Like Mary K and Avawn, and then it was like,

candle parties, and then sex toy parties. Once I was in like early 20s. And I remember very specifically, there was this stuff that was supposed to be like pheromone enhancers, and it was like this essential oil that you would put on. And and we all the girls in the room would put on the same one and we would all smell so differently. I remember mine smelled like a lot like watermelon and another girl would smell like a different fruit

or another one would be like more floral and it was the exact same bottle. I thought that was really interesting. I should look into that a bit but... The exact same stuff. It's supposed to bring out like here, I don't think, I don't know if my natural pheromone smell like watermelon, but that's what that oil did to me. That would be lovely if it does because watermelon is my favorite fruit. True. I think that goes right along with it. I didn't, I wasn't aware that that existed.

Yeah. The pheromone enhancer, but I think that goes right along with it because maybe that's enough to make it so you can actually smell it, but the whole idea I think behind this is that it's a subconscious thing. That's my take on it I'm not an expert, but that's my understanding Okay, I mean, I just don't want the giant reduces anywhere but the bedroom or wherever you know There's wherever you're having sex essentially right I'm good on that Mm-hmm. Okay. Well since we were kind of talking about for you. It's something else just came to mind I think this were kind of talking about fruit, something else just came to mind.

I think this is kind of true. I don't know like the scientific facts behind it, but like if you eat like pineapple before or like certain fruits or certain foods before someone goes down on you or you have oral sex. Yeah, absolutely. So it's still like shift the flavor of it and make it like sweeter. Right. And I believe that has been proven. So eating pineapple, say you're getting a, like man's getting a blow job to completion and it's going to go into. Bjtc. Bjtc, right? And anyway, if there's going to be taste

on the other end of that. Yeah. My understanding is there are specific things that can make it taste more bitter or foul and certain things that can make it taste more sweeter and less foul, like cigarettes, coffee, certain things like that can make it more offensive, and things like pineapple, potentially other fruits, pineapple is the only one that stands out to me, it's one I've heard forever, and actually it's been tested.

It has been tested. We both tested the pineapple. Yeah, and I think it, I mean, I've entasted it, but my feedback is that, yeah. That's so interesting about like coffee and cigarettes. I mean, I think in general, obviously, we know that cigarettes are gross. Coffee is pretty awesome, but the, yeah, the taste, the smell in general can be slightly repulsive. Right.

It's coffee-stangety too. Yeah. And as someone who smoked for way too many years, thank God that I quit, I wonder if that affected it. I've never had a problem getting a guy out of a cup with me, but now I'm like, oh my God, was it that? Like, did it affect them? I mean, how about that?

Have you ever walked down on a smoker? Hmm, that's a good question. I'm very turned off by smokers for me personally. Like so heavily turned off that I would say most likely not, not that I can think of. Because it was like some weird one night standing college that you don't really remember or something. Right, but I probably wouldn't have gone down on her.

Yeah, not like that. That's so interesting. So then when it comes to vapping, like if you eat a bunch of pineapple and then you vabb, is that better? I'd be curious to do some research on it reverse. Does it shift the scent though when you eat pineapple or is it just the taste? Oh, so okay, here's another thing on diet.

What do you think about this? I know that I've experienced and read that, well I read after I experienced it because I didn't know what was going on, but eating a lot of garlic and onions can make a vagina smell more foul. Like, the garlic can kind of come through that. Well, I love garlic.

Yeah, yeah. Do you think that that's true in your experience? I guess, I don't know for sure, but there was a hook up years ago. Well, it wasn't the first time. We had sex a few times, and this one particular time, I'm like, why does it smell like garlic and spaghetti when we're having sex?

Not exaggerating at all. It's spaghetti. It was specifically spaghetti. I was smelling. I'm like, this is the reminder. It reminded you of Italian food. This is the weirdest thing I've ever experienced smell-wise during sex. I mean, there's been some less pleasant smelling

vagina's sure, and there's been some that smell like nothing, and then some that, you know, anyway. Yeah. But this one. Was this person a girlfriend, or just like a regular hookup type person? A regular hookup for a couple months. If it were your girlfriend, do you think that you would ever tell her if it weren't that

as a tricky subject? Tell her if it weren't. Like it was. Oh, it doesn't. I think you hope you're in a communication level that you'd bring it up in a more... If you have both of a general understanding of things like what we're talking about to some degree, then you could safely bring up, understanding of things like what we're talking about, to some degree, then you could safely bring up, hey, what'd you eat last night?

Without a fending. Yeah, without a fending. Have you been eating a lot of garlic? Is they, well, I just know there was a little more smell than usual when we were having sex. Oh, okay. Not like. And I'm just trying to think like how that would make me feel. I guess if it were like my boyfriend with wonderful communication and knowing that there was no like insult, you know, added to this like insult and injury essentially.

Yeah, can you imagine if you just get gets off of on top of you or whatever finishes and turns around and says, your vagina stinks today. I think I castrate them to be honest. Right then and there. Get some fucking manners, bro. You were so lucky. You got anywhere near my vagina. And you never will again because it is now sewn up with super glue.

It's like, close right up. Oh, that is a tricky. We'll have to get into that later. I know that there are plenty of brash guys out there. I don't know specifically that of a person that has done that, but it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest. Yeah, that's really interesting. I guess it is all about communication now.

Yeah. Which we'll talk about so much more during this podcast, sexual communication, relationship communication. But yeah, I was just thinking about that. Does pineapple make vabbings smell better? Or, you know, are there other fruits? We should kind of dive into that another day. Well, let's segue right now into just clones and perfumes and how important that is when you're single.

Well, some people don't like, you know. Sure, some people, but I think it is kind of generally accepted that that's the way someone smells is like the second most attractive thing. First is how they look is what you see. And then if there's a smell associated with that can, you know, quickly increase.

Sometimes there's no smell. I don't always wear a clone, but I think having a cologne that smells good is a very, it can quickly increase the attraction. Yeah, as long as you don't smell like a bathroom attendant at like a strip club. Right. I'm not getting my cologne from those little machines that spray it out at you. Yeah, at least guys don't do that. Just wear deodorant. You don't have to afford the good stuff, but some good old spice, old spice is really nice. Yeah, deodorant. Yeah, but if you want perfume, I recommend going to

us place that specializes in it, smelling a bunch of different ones, figuring out what you like, if you have a partner, obviously get there a take on it. If you're single, just get one that you enjoy smelling because that'll... Yeah, you just like just like add a little little more sexy to the relationship Exactly. I like that. I mean Pleasant smells are pleasant smells like fresh cut grass in the Midwest like For when you first cut a watermelon in half this the way can fill the room and for those of us that aren't vegetarian to smell a bacon Fill a bacon cooking in the morning. Come on. I think everyone loves that. I mean, I'm not gonna lie It's something that I cooking in the morning. Come on. I think everyone loves that. I mean, I'm not going to lie.

It's something that I don't hate. Oh, there we go. But I feel like my bacon smells just like it, you know, my bacon bacon. But I got what you mean. And yeah, and I think right when you are going to like go on a first date with someone, or even if it's casual hook up, I've never really thought about how sent affects the chemistry and attraction. Okay, so put yourself in a position where let's just say you have a head sex in a little

while, maybe you had a friend with benefits that kind of they got in a relationship or something and they moved on, you look kind of looking for someone else, right, put yourself in that position. We're not looking for a boyfriend, I don't want to date at all, I just want to hook up. Correct, so you're fresh out of relationship or so in grossed in your career or whatever it may be that you are not actively seeking a relationship because you know the commitment that goes into it, but you still want to be, you like sex, a sex is fun, right? I love sex, yeah. Yeah. People should. Yeah. People should enjoy sex. Anyway, how's your

preparation look when you're going out? Are you putting on perfume if you're trying to attract someone else? Yeah, I think I would be like very well-scaped. And yeah, it more or so not for the other person, but like because when I look better and I put effort into it, I feel better. Yeah, look good, feel good, play good. Right, so I add confidence for me. When I'm single for some reason, I don't know what it is, but it worked really well for my confidence, fresh sheets, like right before I go out, I'm washing my sheets and I've got my bed done up so nice

in that confidence, but I'm going out, if I'm thinking I'm bringing someone back, I'm like, they're gonna be impressive, I might even put some cologne on the pillow. So when they, oh yeah. That's nice. Oh, yeah. Okay, so if you are just going to hook up with someone, do you... I guess how does that conversation sort of happen

from a guy's perspective? Because as much as I think there's too much empathy versus slut-shaming, which we can get into later, at the same time, I think that it is a bit more socially acceptable for a woman to just say, and I'll speak for myself for me to just like look at one of my dude friends or a guy wanna hook up with them and just say, just so you know, I do not wanna boyfriend, I only wanna hook up with you.

But is it like as acceptable for a guy? Because I don't know how I'd feel. I mean, I guess at my age, I'm, and because of my vulnerability and my honesty, but I feel like a lot of girls' women would be offended if a guy came to them and said, look, I don't want a relationship, I just want to hook up. Yeah, I think for guys, anyway, with my experience, it's more what you do, how you act initially, because if you do hook up on the first date, the know, the follow up. Do you, first date?

And I'm maybe not even first date, maybe just meet somebody at a show, at a game, at a bar, at the, you know, wherever it is, you end up back or at a party, at a friend's party, some friend of a friend shows up there, you meet up, everyone's been drinking, you crash together. Anyway, I think that's a morning conversation.

I don't think that's brought up before you hook up if it's that sort of thing. Now, if you've been talking ahead of time and like put in this time and effort and you know each other before or first date, go into first date, you better be clear beforehand. That's a good point. That's how I see it.

Because women, well, I'll speak again for myself, ladies, but me and my friends for the most part, I think that we, I know that the way to my vagina is through my heart. Like yes, there's physical attraction and all of that and making out and hooking up and for play, but mostly it's like compliment me, open the door for me, like touch my face when you're kissing me, like, you know, have some tact and like be a gentleman. Be a gentleman, yeah, that's what I was going to say.

You know, yeah, just like buy me dinner and then slap my ass, you know what I mean. Yeah, that's it. Shilver, he's not dead. Right. And entirely, even if you have to fake it a little bit, if it's something that feels unnatural, just do it. Come on. Girls are gonna like it.

If they hesitate to get out of the car and you just stand there waiting for them, you're an idiot for not grabbing the door. Come on. Yeah. Like just have some awareness. Yeah'm gonna have a little bit. Yeah. I mean, I have some awareness. They appreciate it and guess what?

If it's someone you're seeing, say you're been dating for a while and it's not something you do all the time, guess what? You're probably getting laid that night. If you're not having sex all the time, because you're in a long-term relationship, going out of your way just a little bit like that, doing something slightly different is all it takes

sometimes to turn on your partner. You were just making my wheels are turning right now that I, you know me and I'm so curious about the male psychology of all of this. Do you think in your experience or from your guy friends, right? Having a consistent friend with benefits, like someone that you, whether it's,

you guys call it a booty call or your platonic friends, but you really like to hook up, do you think that that is easy to do without it becoming complicated? No, not at all. First of all, and second of all, I don't think that the word platonic can be used if you're hooking up. Well, you're just friends with benefits, you're platonic friends and you fuck. I think platonic means you're not doing anything because it's not fucking either. I think that means you are just friends. There's nothing physical happening. There's nothing relationship-wise happening

beyond friendship. But for me personally, if there's any attraction that I'm gonna wanna explore it, like if there's no physical attraction to have sex, well, at this point in my life, I did have quite a few years in my 20s where I self-described emotionally unavailable where I was never looking for a relationship.

I was fairly clear on that, if I hooked up state or a relationship. I was fairly clear on that, you know, if I hooked up state of her place, I was leaving in the morning, I wasn't up making breakfast, I wasn't going out to get my mosa, as I wasn't doing those sorts of, you know, things, and also I turned the other way after sex. I'm not trying to cut a little snuckle up. Out. Well, okay, maybe for 10 seconds, but I'm not sleeping like that because fuck that. That's not worth it. Oh, I feel like that would, and maybe just because I'm so, I feel on my feeling so hard, but I feel like that would like crush me. Unless it were just like my dude friend that I was like, yo, come over, let's bang, this

is fun. KC later, bye. Like I had one of those for a minute and I felt zero emotion toward him and we were joist homies. But for the most part, I personally don't know if I could handle that. Yeah, well, yeah, there's also just setting a boundary that you don't even sleep together, like actually sleep together. You have sex and you leave. If you never sleep together and you never run into that.

That's a very good point. So it really is just like communication and doing it in the most honest but polite way. So you're not, you're just aware that the other person is a human being and has feelings and a past. Yeah, set the boundaries. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Don't get caught up. Don't get caught up. Yeah, exactly. Don't get caught up on one person. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. So when you're emotionally unavailable years, and I love that you're like so self-aware

to know that, do you think that was an age thing for you or what do you think that that was like? And were you aware during that time? I knew that I didn't want a relationship. I'd have days where I would think, okay, could be nice to have somebody around, but ultimately I was working multiple jobs trying to get a startup business going. It was like work hard, play hard, sleep when I can kind of thing. And so it wasn't like having been in a relationship I knew the time. So that's the other thing is I'd been in a long-term relationship that was my high school sweetheart previous to that and that did take literally took years

from me to totally get over. We were very in love and just, you know, first love too, right? Yeah, first love and getting through that. I focused on work and ambition and everything and knew that a relationship wasn't going to fit into my life, but obviously being in my 20s, I also wasn't athlete and being if you're athletic or gym-going, you typically have to hire testosterone.

I can't speak for everybody, so I'm sure there are plenty of people that don't work out that are also crazy, horny all the time. I think it happens. But for me specifically, it's like, how much do I want to masturbate? And when does masturbating get old?

How do I find somebody? Finding somebody at that point, being one of my jobs as a restaurant, wasn't too difficult. Pretty easy, as well. Yeah. And my experience too, I made a whole career about, you know, hooking up with guys that worked with Jesus Christ.

But it is easy when you work in a position like that because about just hooking up with friends and hooking up with coworkers, which is like a whole other rabbit hole we can go down later, but that's just because you don't have time to meet anybody, really. Right. And there are other jobs that fall into that, the jobs that, you know, if you're on call 24-7, you spend 10 plus hours a day in the office, you get home and you're exhausted. The people you talk to are your co-workers. And so some relationships come out of that, hookups come out of that.

You just hope that, at least I would hope that the communication would be good enough that it wouldn't ruin someone's job at the same time, like someone feel like they couldn't even be around the other person if it didn't work out. That's also a very good point. Okay, so I know you very well, and I'm wrapping my hat around like all these different facts of the way you are, which I think a lot of guys would relate

to all the things that you're saying. But yet I'm still sort of left with, I think what I can't wrap my brain around is when you were emotionally unavailable or when you're just looking for a hookup, what if you really click with someone? Are you going to then push that away because you've made this choice for yourself

that you do not want that? Like will you just sort of put your foot down even if you feel a connection, where you're actually like feeling feelings or catching feelings a little bit liking someone, would you still put your foot down and say, nope, shutting it off, just wanna hook up. So I think men's personalities are different for me.

I have been, for sure, that's why I'm asking you. Yeah, for me, I can be very stubborn, very, very stubborn to where I have my mind made up and nothing's gonna change it. Yeah, Taurus. That's true. Yeah, so, yeah, man. Yeah, so that specifically with me, yes, I pushed away times when there was a connection because I did not prioritize relationship.

I knew where I was going, knew what my ambitions were, knew what my, not necessarily my whole schedule was, but I knew what my priorities were, and it wasn't high enough my priorities to allow it to become. Yeah, to give in, to allow it to become a thing that maybe could have. But, you know, if you believe you trust the universe, things happen for a reason, if it's actually supposed to happen, it'll come back when you're at the right space, or it won't. Yeah, because I'm trying to think in all of my dating history and all of my relationship has, I feel like at least anything that was in my adult life, I've really only had sort of one experience like that because I tend to jump from relationship

to relationship. I love human connection. I like getting to know people. I like the emotion that is with that. But to a test to sort of what you're saying from a female I like getting to know people, I like the emotion that is with that. But to a test to sort of what you're saying from a female perspective, when I got out of two boyfriends ago, I got out of my, like, almost four-year relationship. I was like, at the height of, I feel like, thus far in my life, the height of my career.

I had a show. I was writing my book. My book was picked up by a publisher. I had a wine line. I had a clothing line I have. But I had all of these things. I just bought my book. My book was picked up by a publisher. I had a wine line. I had a clothing line I have but I had all of these things. I just bought my house and I really prioritized all of those things as well as my friendships over being with anybody and I truly truly did not want. I was not jaded. I wasn't cynical. My relationship with the last guy didn't end really shitty. It was the, maybe the only time, one of the only times I've broken up with someone, but I really did prioritize myself, my happiness and my work. And when I met someone and had sort of like a fun hook up

with a friends with benefit, he tried for a month, like three straight months before we ended up dating. And I just kept saying, I'm sorry, no. I don't wanna be your girlfriend. Like you honestly have a 0% chance of ever dating me, but this is so much fun. Like, dude, why wouldn't you want what I'm giving you?

I'm going out with you, we're going out, and I guess dates, we're going to bars, we're going to restaurants, we're going to concerts. But basically, I'm calling him in the middle of the day where he has like a sort of office at home job, and I'm saying, come over on your lunch break and let's have sex. Literally the best of all worlds.

Like, why would someone not be like, wow, is this cruel for real? This is the best thing in the entire world. I mean, okay, so. And I was exclusively only hooking up with him, so I really didn't understand what the fucking problem was, but eventually we got to a point where he said, if you are seriously going to tell me that there's a zero percent chance, this isn't what I want for my future, and I'm tired of trying with you because this is bullshit.

And it felt like it was a lot of pressure for me. So luckily all it took was me being like, okay, fine, you have a three percent chance. And he was like, I, but still, it was just all this pressure. And eventually, I truly don't think in hindsight, even though that breakup went really fucking shitty. I don't think that I gave in because of the pressure. I think I finally just sat back and went, okay, he's like, funny at the time, funny and nice

and makes me feel special. Why am I am I being jaded? Am I being cynical? Well, hold on a sec. So I dated him. Let, hold on a sec. So I dated him. Let's back up a little bit because that same relationship, we had personally talked about on a number of occasions, so you're leaving out a big part of why you justified dating him.

Okay. Who are you thinking? No, it's not just me. No, it's not just me. Interesting. You chose the date, which I think can be a male or female way to make decisions, but you wanted the data because you thought he was good for you.

You thought he was the things that you weren't, that you were going to pick up these things. He was going to make you better in a way. And I think ultimately, that was more your justification. Because at least when we've talked about it, that's what we kind of expressed it to me. You're right. So that's why I just wonder like how people can just successfully have hook up buddies

that never turn into anything else. And then, okay, let's say it does work, like it works for both of you. Well, then what if you fall for someone else and you decide you want to start dating someone else? Is that an easy conversation to have with your hook up buddy? Or will feelings get hurt? Feelings will probably hurt, but or is it an ego that gets hurt? Hmm.

Like you don't have sex with me anymore. Like fuck that. Or is it feelings? I don't know. I'm asking because I'm not totally sure. For me, it's all about feelings. I'd say probably feelings, especially if you are, if you are hooking up exclusively, if you're communicating on a daily basis, you're kind of basically dating, even though you're not putting a label

on it. If you're already doing all those things, if you're communicating on a daily basis, the successful friends with benefits I've had, there's not really chit chat. It's basically just got home from the bar, you want to come over. Okay, cool. Yeah, you're not on the phone all day. Texting all day, yeah. All day or not all day. There's just not daily, even daily communication.

You go up on Saturday, whatever, cool, leave in the morning, two weeks later, one person hits up the other person, and it's like, yeah, and you go for it. And that's how only way I've had a successful, in my mind, friend with benefits, relationship that no one got hurt because there was never any tease of a relationship.

It was like the communication wasn't all there. I mean, and one side can kind of keep control of that. And keep control essentially by keeping things short and other conversations and chitchat. Don't ask about their siblings or their best friends and don't try to... Or if they're dating anyone else, or if they like anyone else. Exactly, just use protection and keep it what it is if that's really what you want

Then keep it what it is if you start Pratalk to your penis protective vagina and protect your heart. Yeah, protect your heart protect your feelings because emotional pain is one of the worst Pain you can possibly experience. I mean the longest lasting in my experience. Oh hells bells. Yeah Let's go back to just the hooking up part, right? So we know like if you have a friend, friends with benefits, you already know this person, you met them through a friend. What if you meet someone out that you don't know?

Or what if even you're on a dating app, or it's a blind date, or a setup of some sort, right? And you both are well aware, this is, we just want to hook up, we can be buddies or hook up, right? Like this is very aware, but you've not yet met this person. And you meet what if you don't have any chemistry? What if you're like, yeah, they're attractive, I already saw their photo, but you meet, you know, you actually are at a restaurant together, wherever you are. And you're just like, man, I'm not feeling it. What do you do? I've personally sent a very attractive,

very, very attractive girl home that I actually put in some work. She was a bartender at a place I frequent in and talked and all our flirty, just being flirty and jokes and everything at the bar. She eventually comes back to my place after work and it's just us at the house and the conversation sucked so bad it felt like I'd rather watch paint dry and couldn't even bring myself to try to get the job done. eventually comes back to my place after work and it's just us at the house and the conversation

sucked so bad, it felt like I'd rather watch paint dry and couldn't even bring myself to try to kiss her. Where beforehand. But did she try to talk up with you? I mean, I feel like if you're back at your place or her place or whatever. No, we didn't sit down on a couch close enough to each other. Like it was, we were sitting... Basically, you just didn't give it the opportunity because you were so not interested because there was, we were sitting. You didn't, basically you just didn't give it the opportunity because you were so not interested because there was nothing beyond physical attraction. Yeah, it was so dull that I wasn't stimulated.

I'm sorry. Mentally, I wasn't stimulated at all. So for me, I sure I can't speak for all men. You know what the same time when I'm... Yeah, it's like, sometimes as a whole, a whole. At the same time, so when I was younger, with the less build up, I felt like there was so much build up that there was the complete lack of mental connection

with such a let down that it pushed it away. Whereas if I had met her in a scenario like you said, let's say it was a set up like, hey. Yeah, you know the dating app or a blind date of some sort, but like, here's my friend. You want to, she thinks you're hot, the surf photo. Yeah, let me set this scene up. Let's say a friend of mine knows that,

let's say I haven't had sex. You know, I'm single, I haven't had had trouble meeting people, I haven't had sex in a month or so, and there's a mutual friend or this friend's girlfriend, or someone else here's in my conversations like, oh, just a random name, Stacey, my friend, you know, hasn't been laid in a while either, and she's thinking this, you guys are both attractive.

You guys should probably just hook up, and it's like, cool, if she's down, I'm down. Kind of break the ice, get the ball rolling again, and the whole dating scene. If that is kind of understood beforehand, we're probably gonna just go out for drinks. And if conversation starts to low, you just say, wanna come come back and you immediately,

as soon as you come in the door, you start making it. I know, yeah. You immediately go for it. That was my first, yeah, well, you know the story, but in one of my past relationships, like right after I became single and I kind of was like over it emotionally enough to be like, you know what, fuck this,

I'm gonna meet someone and make out with someone. That was really where my M.O. went. I'm never, I'm typically not like, I wanna go bang a stranger, but I was like, you know what, fuck this. I'm gonna meet someone and make out with someone. That was really where my M.O. went. I'm never, I'm typically not like, I wanna go bang a stranger, but I was like, I just want a guy to tell me I'm pretty and make out with me and like boost myself a steam. And I got hooked up from a friend, like a friend of a friend and we went and had drinks and we had already

been texting all day. So I was like, okay, he's pretty funny and like, I know at least we'll have cool conversation and hopefully like we'll make out and I made it very clear in a text like I just want you to make out with me I just got a relationship. He too it just got out of relationships so we were very much on the same page so we did and we slept together and he kept texting me for the next couple of days and I was not you know in that part of town and I had plans. And so after like two or three days of texting, like, come back, oh, come on, just come over

here, like two a.m. You know, all that shit. And I was like, sorry, I'm not, I'm not around. But like, yes, like Sunday or Monday, like, let's do it. And then he just started ghosting me. And that really bothered me because we had an understanding and we hooked up one time. So just say you moved on or say you found someone else or just be honest with me, don't ghost me.

And it was like a few more days later, he finally was honest with me. But then I get this like goddamn paragraph. Like, hey, I probably should have been more clear. Like I definitely didn't have a girlfriend when we hooked up. But there was this girl that, you know, I've just been really vibing with. And after I had like a three hour conversation with her last night, I've really realized that like she's

the one I want to date. Like, dude, I don't fucking care. I don't need your sob story about like how you fell in love just now. Just grow a pair of balls and just tell me, we had a great time but I actually like started talking to someone and I don't feel right hooking up with more than one person. And that was it. And I'm not like mad at him for it. Didn't hurt my feelings.

Barely know the guy. But I just thought the approach was fairly childish, the ghosting approach. Right. And ghosting is becoming a little too socially acceptable. I think, I mean, I don't know which generation you'd blame for that if it's the zelenials or the, you know, the Gen Z-Fusses. Gen Z, whatever. But are you a millennial? I'm a millennial. Okay. Yeah. 91. Anyway, I just wanted to throw that out there within your story because it was

something that I felt I felt like we were both on the same page as far as like the hookup. No big deal. A friend of a friend. There was a traction. We knew what we were both getting into and honestly I didn't even really want to see him again unless it was just a hook up. Like I didn't look at him and what he did for a living and all of that and be like, man, we could probably date. I was like, nah, I need a great job. Great guy, cool dude.

Just like, no, and I also didn't want to go a friend. I knew that. I was insulted by the ghosting. Right. And maybe it's because I'm psychologically diving into my own shit. And Heinz said, I think it was because I just got out of relationship with someone

who really hurt my feelings a lot. So all I wanted from this guy was like a self-esteem boost and like a good lay. Right. I mean. And then when it kind of hurt my self-esteem and hurt my confidence that he wouldn't even text me back. I think that's like what fucked with me.

Yeah, you were just in a vulnerable spot in my opinion, but I'd say still even with that, the boundaries that I set in the past, when I've had a successful hook up, fuck buddy, friends of benefit, whatever, you were crossing them immediately, still texting every day. If that's all you really wanted, and if that's all he really wanted, you don't talk every day.

It is the two AM texts, and you say he goes to do, not responding for a couple days. My terminology, I'd say that you got left on red for a couple days. You didn't get ghosted. Getting ghosted means you never hear from again. He gave you an explanation, he left you on red for a couple days. Well, for me, I had plans, and then he was like ghosting me all day that day. over here from again. He gave you an explanation. He left you on red for a couple days. That would be my take on. Well, for me, I had plans and then he was like, ghosting me all day that day. And then I got like, probably for like,

I don't know, 10 hours or something. And then I get a text like, oh, surfing this morning, but like now I feel sick. I hope it's not COVID. I really don't feel like, you were surfing this morning and now you don't feel well even though I knew you were hungover last, because last night you were texting me at 2 a.m.

So it just felt like these dumb excuses and then I stopped giving a shit, but then I didn't hear from him again for like three or probably like three or four more days and then I get this like giant paragraph of like some dumb story that I just don't care. Good for you, you find your person. Right.

I don't care. And we've never talked since. We still follow each other on Instagram and like I don't wanna be rude but I really don't wanna follow him anymore. But he's a nice enough guy. Listen, you need to normalize it not being rude to unfollow someone on social media.

People follow thousands of other people. And one follower is not gonna make or break somebody's ability to be an influencer or make, you know, or their status as a... But no, he was like, well, we should still be friends. And in my mind, I'm like, okay. I bet your new girlfriend's gonna like that that the last girl you banged you still want to have a friendship with. He probably just said that to not make me feel that right?

Right. Because I don't want to be a friend. So, answer me this. Yeah. I know you're saying a sucked a few days without a messaging you back. Just hurt me. You go, right? Okay. So what if he never did? What if you never got a response from him? How long would that have lingered with you? Because in my mind That's what real ghosting is not very long because I didn't really know him so were you already at the point where if he didn't text you that day Were you gonna stop thinking about him put him out of the way or was it gonna be another week of I can't believe this guy Still like that so shitty blah blah blah and then this in the back of your mind kind of hang in there making you kind of doubt yourself,

you know, working yourself confidence versus him coming to within a couple of days and saying, hey, it's not going to work. Okay. So because he did tell me that, it was very easy for me to move forward and just go, okay, cool, cool, cool. That's what I'm saying. Okay, had he not, I think it would have taken

the next person that gave me attention. Because I think I would have been in my own head about what's wrong with me. Exactly. And that's what I'm saying. The actual problem with ghosting is, and that's why I would call, wouldn't call what he did ghosting. Okay. I've been left on red for a day or two.

And if it's someone I'm really into, it's like, fuck, what's going on? You know, you get in your head about it and then you get that relief that comes over you when they finally do message you back But ghosting it folks with you and people should not I think it's extremely rude and selfish and just grow up her balls Yeah, it's so immature. It's immature. Just say just say it like Like you're gonna hurt feelings Possibly either way, but at least give this person the other person enough respect. Respect?

And just don't, you're messing with their psyche. Like that's why I asked you that question. How long, how long would that have worn on you if he never gave, if he never responded? Longer than him saying it after a couple days. Yes. See? So that's, that's my point in this. Okay.

That's a fairly good point. Um, Luke, I want to sort of wrap this up a little bit by kind of going back to what we first started talking about, not babbing, but just you and I were talking before we started recording this about like different sex trends or like things you say about sex and you brought up urban dictionary. Yeah, urban dictionary is kind of fun. Like, why did that pop into your brain? But I think this isaries, kind of fun. Like, why did that pop into your brain? But I think this is gonna be really fun.

It popped into my brain because in college, and we're young and immature, and think these funny names, and these funny sexual things, like some pretty gross, really gross stuff out there. But, you know, there's weird fetishes, and we're kind of like nicknames and acronyms, and just whatever for sexy. Yeah, not sexy.

So really it was gross. The opposite of sexy. Yeah, but we kind of want to be unfiltered here. That is true. We are very unfiltered here. We want something that's possibly going to make you cringe. I mean, we don't want you to turn it off, but we want you to be like, nope, didn't need to know that.

I will just say to, so I don't just see you guys. Now, I do not know any of these urban dictionary terms that Luke is about to bring up. He is going to read some urban dictionary terms and ask me if I know what they mean or if I could guess what I think it means, right? So Kristen is going to give her best guess on a definition for the term that I present and then I will get the actual definition. And didn't we realize that urban dictionaries essentially like Wikipedia? Anybody can... Yes, anybody can. Yes, people can add, so it takes me some time to scroll through everything,

but to find something that one, I believe could be a term and two, makes me snicker in a while. Yeah, you were very giggly. You were like a giggly little girl. It's kind of like when you go to a bar and someone's like, I'll have a fruity pebble, snicker shot and you're like, what is that?

They're like, I don't know. So you just make it like a right color. You just make it up. These are like urban dictionary terms. People just make them up. It's the most part. All right, off we go. I'll do my best.

Okay, I'm gonna come out the gate with Hibble Bottom. Hibble Bottom, H-I-B-B-L-E. B-O-D-U-M. Oh, it's one word, not like bottom. Hebal bottom. Bottom. What the flying fuck? It sounds like a Harry Potter term.

It does, doesn't it? And I don't, you know me, like, I hate y'all just see, you know, like I despise like all things fantasy, like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, never seen any of them. Hebal bottom.ibble bottom. Hibble bottom. Fuck, B-O-D-U-M. Hibble bottom. This is a sexual term. Yes.

It sounds like something I don't ever want to do. I feel like it just reminds me of like beads of seamen like dripping down your chin or something. Like dribble, hibble. I'm going, I'm going with sexual fluids dripping in dripping down your chin or something. Like dribble, hibble, I'm going with sexual fluids, dripping in beads down your chin face or body. That's my final answer. Thanks for the visual.

You're welcome. The Urban Dictionary Definition of Hibble Bottom says to closely watch Ava Jaina while it is getting rammed with an unnatural object. Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay. All right. So we're, these are some weird fucked up people that like my emergency surgeon friends have to deal with. Like when people should have like bottles up their Vajay or their butthole or like hair brushes. Like guys don't do that. Be

responsible. Get a, you know, a dildo, a penis, a strap on, just anything natural, I think that's natural. Yeah, I mean, I guess. It's dildo considered an unnatural, I mean, I guess it's not a thing or a gun. It's what it's made for. No, it's what it's made for. I think a natural, when I think of that, I think of a cute, yeah, exactly.

That's where I was going with it. Oh, jinx. Okay, well, listen, I'm giving my best guesses, guys. Sorry, it's adorable. It's adorable. It's adorable to have beads of fluid. It's adorable to hear where your imagination goes with these. Alright, let's go next one. Alright.

Here's the giggle. Okay, the next term is the dirty Wilbur. The dirty Wilbur. Wilbur reminds me of the pig from Charlottesweb. That is the pig's name. Okay. If I'm not mistaken. You are correct.

Okay. So a dirty pig. Oh, this is going to be fucking gross, isn't it? Does this have to do with feces? No, but this one may be wrong. So it has to be something like, is it degrading? That's my only other question. I don't even answer.

The dirty Wilbur, it sounds like something that I've seen in a porn before that wanted to make me throw up where they had a girl on a leash and she was eating the dog food or something, or something out of a trough. So I feel like it's gonna be something degrading in that manner. Something about a trough of like,

I feel like it's a trough of like semen or like, it's not feces, thank God, dirty, pig, a dirty pig, or rolling around, like rolling around in like, cum or something, that's my fight and I answer. Okay, finally answer, a woman rolling around in cum. Or drinking out of a trough. Or drinking cum from a trough. Yeah.

I'm sorry, you're giving me these nasty terms, and I'm trying to think of the grossest shit I've ever seen or heard of. Okay, the dirty Wilbert is the sexual act of squatting down over your partner's chest, inserting their nipple into your anus and farting loudly. What? What?

What? Listen, I have really cute boobs and nipples, but like, hell in the hell is my nipple gonna fit in a butthole. It's not. It's like not even possible. It would be so difficult. And why would I want you to fart on my tit?

People are into weird stuff. I don't know. Like, you walk out of a room when you fart, like a gentleman. Jesus Christ. What is wrong with you? Who does these things? If you guys have done these things DM me because like Jesus Christ, I need to know what the hell is wrong with you. Do you want to hear it used in a sentence? Yes, please. Do we have origin and

use it in a sentence? I don't have the origin. Thank God. I don't want to know who made the stuff and where they're from. It says it's by Puditang X. Anyway, used in a sentence, Rebecca sighed desperately, please Douglas, bequeathed me with a dirty will ber upon mud blyzum and make this grandma's dream come true. Oh my God. Oh, is that from like, Litteradoca?

They can't. Oh, it's so funny. All right, hit me with the last one. Okay, last one is. Is this the worst one? I had an alternate, but this isn't. Okay. The one I wasn't going to go with the last one. Okay, last one is. Is this the worst one? I had an alternate, but this isn't. Okay. The one I wasn't gonna go is the worst one.

Anyway, dirty back. Dirty back. I mean, when I think of back, I think of the singer, so I hope it doesn't have anything to do with him. And that's a back like back in, like, no, it's like back in the, B-E-C, dirty back, B-E-C. Oh, like Becca or Rebecca, so they're like naming it named after someone that they already know

so therefore I could never guess this in a million years. Probably. Okay, Becky with the good hair, coming in a girl's hair. Final answer. Final answer, okay, pretty far off. On purpose, okay, well, you know. That's all right. I appreciate the effort and the creativity.

So the dirty back is the art, the art, they say. The art of dribbling come out of your nose after a blowjob. I mean, that's a craft for sure. If you were that in tune with your sinus cavities that you could get it in your mouth and shoot it out your nose, it should probably be in the circus. It's like the, you know, someone makes you shoot water out your nose and you laugh or you're taking a drink. Yeah, but this person's doing it on purpose. Yeah, somehow they've got that figure. Do you want a dirty back?

Would you want to see me snodding come out of my nose once I did a BJTC? No. Is that considered spitting rather than swallowing? I don't know. It's called bl It's called bl It's notting. It's notting.

So we have spitting, swallowing, and snodding. It sounds painful, and it sounds like you would just smell it and taste it forever. To be totally honest, the only way I see this happening. But this happened to you? No, no, no. But the only way, like when I imagined this, it would be by accident where it was like a choke or a gag after, like right when you came to where it was like, shot it up and you know that it dribbled out.

No. I would laugh hysterically, see me honest with you. If I was ever on the other side of that, insult that happened. I think you. I wouldn't blame you for puking. I'd still be laughing. What would you do if it happened to you?

Right, it wouldn't. That was a great place to wrap up on the dirty back. And the old dirty back. Let's end it on a sexy note. I hope everyone's having a lot of sex this week. And if it's not sex, then I hope you are in love. And if you're not in love, I hope you're just doing you. Master bait.

Love yourself. Love someone else. Be happy. Go outside. Get go outside and have sex. I mean, yeah, good to see you. If you can do it, but I just think people need more son exposure sometimes.

Get outside. Okay, we, thanks for listening guys and we cannot wait to talk to you next week. Peace. Peace and love. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Dodie and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke Double underscore broadred. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes

every single Wednesday. Love you. Thanks for listening. See you next week. you