Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Kristen’s First Solo Episode

Episode Date: January 19, 2025

Episode 142. In this heartfelt solo episode, Kirsten dives into the aftermath of one of the most destructive fires in California history. She reflects on her deep love and pride for the city of Los Angeles, and how she’s channeling her emotions into action. James Mae, as well as many other wonderful brands are coming together for an LA Wildfire Donation Drive. See below for the details: Dates: February 1st + 2nd Location: 4228 Del Rey Avenue, Marina del Rey, CA 90292 Times: 9:00am – 3:00pm RSVP: [e-mail] and photo ID and proof of residency required for gate access Amidst these heavy topics, Kirsten shares a vulnerable update on her pregnancy which includes moments of meltdown, seeking support from her therapist, and the powerful revelations that have come along the way.   Sponsors: Listeners can get Rosetta Stone’s LIFETIME Membership for 50% off! Visit rosettastone.com/doute Start earning points on rent you’re already paying by going to joinbilt.com/DOUTE. Get 20% off + free shipping with the code DOUTE at Manscaped.com. Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Side effects and allergic reactions can occur. If you're aged 18 to 45, talk to your health care professional episode of Balancing Act. Oh my gosh. Okay. So I don't even know. It's been so long. I wish I could say Happy New Year, but right now, some really I cannot. Also, it's just going to be me today. This is a solo episode. And for the first time ever in the history of me ever podcasting, I have restarted this recording, like recording this podcast, like four or five times already, which is like, we never do that. I never do that. I never do that.

We just keep going. You know, it's a little out of date, of course, but I'm just, I'm having the hardest fucking time. I don't know, it's because it's just me, but it's not, but it's, I'm having the hardest time because I wanna talk about the fires. And I don't want to be insensitive. I don't want to forget to say something important.

I don't want to say something that I shouldn't. I don't want to be tone deaf. I'm scatterbrained. I feel like I've been talking a million miles a minute, which is kind of the opposite of pregnant me. But it is really fucking sensitive. And I mean, we're talking about two of the most destructive fires in California history that are still not completely

contained, the most destructive fire in Los Angeles history. And it's just really fucking sad. And I don't want to cry the whole podcast, because why would you guys want to listen to that? I just, I'm worried about people. I'm just feeling a lot of feelings. I'm sad. I'm so proud of this city. I am I'm heartbroken for all of the people that are struggling. I'm scared because mentally and emotionally for all of those people who have lost everything. Like I can't imagine how much that is to take on right now. A lot to handle and I'm angry.

I'm angry at the fires. Like I'm angry about the fires. It's not helpful clearly, but it's just like one of the trillions of emotions that I'm feeling right now. And then there's like the why of it all, you know, the why. Like why is this happening? And just make it fucking stop, like the stop of it all. So what I've

been doing over the last couple of weeks is trying to put my emotion into action. Because even though none of us by ourselves can single handedly like change this world or fix all of this, I truly believe that small things, every single person just doing something small will create huge change and help rebuild because this is just the beginning. I think I was talking about this the other day and discussing what my company James May is doing as like our tiny little part to help combat some of this devastation. And I think in talking to my partner, Suzanne, about it,

like the main point that we were discussing and that we wanted to drive home is that I really want people to remember that throughout this devastation, like this is just the beginning for these families. Everyone has been so amazing on social media. This is one of the times where I'm obsessed with social media for sharing resources, sharing that click to go fund me button,

that click to donate button, but it can't stop after a week, it can't stop after two weeks because it is just the beginning for these families. So we have to continue to be there for one another the way we have been. We have to keep helping each other, keep coming together, keep showing love, sympathy, empathy, keep showing support, because it is going to take our whole community to help rebuild this city,

to rebuild the Palisades, to rebuild Altadena, all of the destruction that the Eaton Fire and the Palisades Fire has done. So, again, I am insanely proud of this city. And I'm proud to say that I've lived here for almost 20 years. So, oh, goodness gracious. So Luke and I, we're not affected, just so everyone knows we were not affected personally. Our home is safe.

Our dogs are safe. We are safe. But because of the air quality, we did leave town for a few days. The crazy part, one of the craziest parts for me was thinking about the moment of like packing necessities. Like when we're all sitting here and watching on social media and people actually getting evacuated, which we were not.

We were in like an evacuation warning zone. But it was like pack your necessities as quickly as possible and get out. Talk about instant fucking perspective. Like what were, which we did, we did pack necessities. We had them set aside just in case. And I looked around this house at all the stuff that we have and I was like, what are my necessities? I grabbed like a couple of gifts

that my family has already given me for our daughter. Went to my safe and cleared out some things that were in my safe and passport and some documents and cash and certain things like that, jewelry, then gifts from my grandmother. But that was kind of it, you know? Like looking around like this stuff is replaceable. Now in saying that, what it catch fucking 22

is all of these people who have lost everything, that's not just stuff to them. So I know I'm saying that when I'm packing my necessities, but then if you think about actually losing everything, like losing your home, it's more than just four walls. It was their shelter. It was their safe place. If you think about your home, everything that you love about where you live, it is the place where memories

have been built. It's like maybe your baby took their first steps there, or maybe that's where you got your dog, or maybe you had your dog your whole life there, or I don't know, you raised your kids there, maybe you bought your first home, maybe it was your first home that you bought. I don't know, there's a million things, there's a million, million things that you could say about those four walls. But that's what I want people to remember in being more sympathetic and extremely sensitive to the people that have lost everything because it's all of those things to them. And they did lose their memories. And they also lost everything that they worked so hard for. So even if it did seem like just stuff, it was stuff that they worked really, really hard for.

And I just, I don't know, I wish I could fix everything for everyone, but I can't as one person. But like I said, we can all do something small. So I personally want to thank everyone in LA, in the state of California, in the country, all over the world for reaching out and checking in on your friends out here. And thanks to everyone for donating, whether it was items, it was money, or it was time even, just thanking everyone for having a heart and coming together during this devastating time. Another thing that I'm really grateful for,

I'm sorry, I'm really trying to not fucking cry, but I'm also really pregnant and crying is just what I do, is I had never even heard of this WatchDuty app. And if you don't live in California, you may not know exactly what I'm talking about unless you're watching the news. And I know they talked a lot about it on there, but there's this app called the watch duty app

that I had never heard of until, you know, a week and a half ago. And it's absolutely brilliant. So the watch duty app is a nonprofit app. It was founded in 2021 by this guy, John Mills. And I actually just saw that John Mills was on the Kelly Clarkson show the other day. So that's how I got to find out a little bit more about it. But he was inspired to create this app after he was personally affected by fires in California.

So after looking into it a bit, I know that the app relies on a team of about 200 volunteers, and many of those are active and retired firefighters, dispatchers, and first responders. So what I found out a little bit more about John was that he was getting all of his information years ago kind of the same way that I have in the past, like on Twitter and Facebook, and relying on people who had these firefighter scanners who were kind of getting the up to the minute information per the firefighters. That's how he was getting all this information.

So he decided to create this app where he brought all of that together. And this app is ran on, it's like donation-based. So if you can spare, you know, any money, that is another thing that I urge you to donate to, obviously, but all of the families that are displaced right now and the Los Angeles Fire Department,

I think first and foremost. But again, just, it really was because of this app that we were all able to know what was going on to the minute. Like, I knew when it was time to get out. I think that this app probably saved a lot of lives because you may not realize how fast these fires can burn. I learned a lot over the past week and a half, like, some things small that this could help

save your house or save some lives, that most houses have these screens that protect their attic, and they're called rodent screens, or they're referred to as rodent screens, and they have these big giant holes that will allow embers to come in. So food for thought if you're in a fire area or not. I mean, maybe just as a precaution,

you can get an eighth of an inch mesh size rather than the rodent screening in order to prevent embers flying into your attic. Because I've heard from multiple firefighters that your attic is basically just like a festering fire waiting to happen. As soon as the embers go in, the house is done. There's a lot of ways that people are helping right now. Again, I just rely so much on social media because you can follow so many people that are being really helpful. If you reach out to your local fire department, if you don't live in LA and you want to reach out to a local LA fire department, they can tell you what they need.

Something that I personally did that a friend had mentioned to me was just jumping on Instacart and sending them some like bottled water and protein bars and things like that. And they'll tell you what it is that they need right now. And then something that James May is doing that I would like to kind of shout out because I if this can get to as many families as possible for people that need clothing right now, we are going to be holding a free shopping event that is being hosted by James May, but also so many,

oh, I'm gonna start crying again, so many incredibly generous brands who have donated all new merchandise. This will be in Marina Del Rey, California on February 1st and 2nd, and this is for anyone affected by the fires. It'll be from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. I'll make sure that this is also posted on my social media. It'll be 4228 Delray Avenue. So

again that's February 1st and 2nd from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. It's a donation drive in support of all of those affected by the LA wildfires. We are also selling two new designs that say LA Strong, and this is 100% of the proceeds will go to those affected by the fires. Hey guys, look, I don't know about you, but when I think about my New Year's resolutions, I want something that actually sticks. Something that makes me feel like I'm growing and evolving. And I'm telling you, learning a new language? Total game changer.

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That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T dot com slash doty. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. That's joinbilt.com slash doty to start earning points on your rent payments today. Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and I know we've all seen our partners try to pull off that Romcom leading man charm, only to end up looking like a scruffy sidekick. Not this year though. Nope. This year we're raising the bar. Let me tell you about the Handyman Rocketman Special Edition from Manscaped. It's a sleek, compact face grooming tool that guarantees your partner's face

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I want to personally also lend my biggest bout of gratitude to all of the firefighters that have been so ruthlessly, so brave, so incredibly heartfelt, so strong in saving our city every single second of every single day. This is the LA Fire Department. I know we've had fire departments come up from Mexico, from Canada, from Nevada, I'm sure from other places that I'm probably missing, but it's just been incredible to see all of the help that people have been lending us to try to save more lives and save structures. Yeah. So I'm very scatterbrained, like I said.

Oh, something else I wanted to really touch on and just kind of throw out there, if you know anyone who has been displaced. I have also heard about a lot of different therapy organizations offering free therapy. And this could be one of the most important pieces in helping families rebuild and stay together because again, I just cannot imagine how mentally taxing this can be on a lot of people. I mean, we've all heard about State Farm specifically, like

dropping, I think it was like 70,000 people that were insured, dropping their fire insurance like six months beforehand. I think it was like 1,600 people just in the palisades alone. So there's a lot of stress that is clearly, that is coming with these fires as well and people rebuilding. So just remember, like, kindness is so important. You have no idea who's driving in the car next to you. You don't know who lost their car. You don't know who could be standing at the Starbucks in front of you. And maybe their best friend lost their home or they lost their home. You never know. So I think right

now more than ever is the time to just really practice kindness, sensitivity, and empathy. I am struggling through this, but yeah. So I just want to say I love everyone and I love the city and I'm sending so many prayers. My ears are open, my email box is open. If there's any way specifically that you guys know that I can help or that I can let people know how to help, please let me know. So luckily again, like we are safe. I'm safe. The baby is safe. I had a doctor appointment the other day. So a little baby update. She was moving and shaken.

It was a huge, huge ray of sunshine in my day. I was having a pretty shitty morning that day. I was having a rough time. My pregnancy's been a little rough, which I will get into, like mentally speaking. And I was crying in the car on the way to the doctor appointment. And poor Luke, just being like the pillar of strength and trying to keep me calm and smiling. And we got to the doctor and everything was amazing. And so that just lit up my day until I had my next meltdown. I've been having these just like meltdowns

over like the tiniest thing. And it's been stressing me out because I feel for a moment, I felt like, oh my God, have I lost all the therapy knowledge that I've had? Like, am I reverting back to like old Kristen tendencies? Because that's what it started feeling like. And I couldn't understand why, and why couldn't I like keep it together?

Like the should, the could of it all is something that I was really leaning into. So I reached out for help. You guys know I'm a huge therapy advocate. I have not been regular with my therapist in some time. I just kind of felt like I was in my little pregnancy bubble, didn't really need to talk about anything specific. I called it being a bit of a recluse,

which is something that my therapist would like me to like change the tune of some of the language that I'm using toward myself. But I really, I started panicking because I wasn't wanting to do the things that I normally wanted to do. I've been not really hanging out with friends. I'm going to Brittany's house, Zach comes over, I talk to Nia, some of my friends back home,

but that's kind of been it on the friend front. For an example, when we were out of town last weekend and Zach wanted to get dinner and it's like, well, how simple is that, right? Luke and I, to grab dinner with Zach and Benji, his boyfriend and our friend Elaine, like let's just grab a bite to eat. And for whatever reason, I suddenly panicked

and it became the snowball effect of like, if I go out and then I have to leave the dogs here and well then are people gonna be loud or is anyone gonna be drinking? Are they gonna like frustrate me? Am I gonna wanna leave right away? Why am I so overwhelmed by all of this? It just felt ridiculous,

but it's how I've been feeling lately. I've been kind of, you know, as soon as the sun goes down, I want to be in my bedroom or I definitely don't want anyone over. Like I just want to be with Luke all the time and that's kind of it. And it's just been frustrating me and it started worrying me a little bit.

So I reached out to my therapist, we had this amazing session and I feel like I kind of had some like revelations. And I will say I felt kind of stupid feeling all of these feelings. I didn't think it was something I was gonna talk about until she told me that I am not alone in this and a lot of women feel this way. And she basically told me like, girl, stop telling yourself that you're all of these things. So like, stop saying like,

I'm such a recluse now. This is what I am now. This is who I am now. She's like, you're putting all these negative connotations on how I've been feeling and like I'm beating myself up over it. Instead of just allowing for what is and realizing what is for right now. That these feelings are not forever. They're not even necessarily till the end of my pregnancy. They're not through the rest of the week. Just because I feel a certain way today in this moment, it's okay to feel that way today in this moment.

And she just reminded me that I have to be the one to stop that thought train. Like yesterday was yesterday, an hour ago was an hour ago. And I need to stop the, why can't I get it together? I should be X, Y, Z. Like I should be stronger than this. I know better than this. And it's like, I'm pregnant.

You know what I mean? Like when I'm tired, when I'm overstimulated, when I'm over just it, whatever it is, when I'm overwhelmed, maybe that's just my body asking me to tap out for my daughter. Like my body's like, hey, you can't go 100 million miles a minute anymore, Kristen. Like maybe that's what you could do

before you were carrying a baby. Like, and I'm half bakedbaked right now, you know? I'm like, I'm halfway done with pregnancy. So if I can sit still and realize that this is literally my body asking me to tap out for my daughter, it makes it a lot easier. Because I also realize that even though I have all these therapy resources, right? Like I've been in therapy for so long, I have this little toolkit, this little toolbox I can reach into.

Well, I'm a little busy creating human being, therefore I have less resources to reach for, or less resources that may naturally come to me than I did before, and that's okay. So I guess I'm just trying to learn how to give myself a break and that it's okay. So I guess I'm just trying to learn how to give myself a break and that it's okay that I'm not being, you know, quote unquote, like the same Kristen that I may be was six months ago.

And so I don't know if this resonates with any of you ladies, if you're moms, if you are pregnant. Some advice that my therapist gave me was to check what she calls check the evidence list. Some advice that my therapist gave me was to check what she calls check the evidence list So when I'm telling myself God, I didn't even do anything today Like I did nothing today and now it's four o'clock or five five o'clock The sun's going down and I'm tired and I want to go to bed. I did nothing today. Like what a loser I am she's like, well, what did you do today? So then I go through what I did today It's like well

I made these phone calls and sent these emails and I had today? So then I go through what I did today. It's like, well, I made these phone calls and sent these emails and I had this appointment and then I ran this errand and that's it. That's all I did today. She's like, well, do you see how you did all those things? Like you still did those things. That's okay. That's great.

There's your evidence list. I actually did complete these things. You know, I helped with the fires. I set up this donation drive. I went to my doctor appointment. I had to take some stuff back to UPS or whatever it was, like called my dentist and made that appointment. Like I still got shit done. So it wasn't a nothing useless, quote unquote, loser day that I was convincing myself that it was beating myself up down this, this horrible like spiral downhill situation. that it was, beating myself up down this horrible, like spiral downhill situation.

So it was really fucking helpful. That's what I'm trying to say. My therapy session was helpful because I have had a rough pregnancy. And I don't want to think that it's gonna stay rough. I think that, at least for me, I'll say like going into pregnancy, I don't know, I thought it was gonna be like sunshine and butterflies

and rainbows and like cute maternity clothes and like my skin's glowing and I'm just like happy as can be. Maybe my back hurts a little bit. It's just like the kind of shit that has been fed to me maybe. In my first trimester, I, you know, I was, I was, it was rough. The hormones were really rough. I didn't feel like myself.

So I was really looking forward to second trimester and now I'm in second trimester, pretty deep in it. And I will say it is a lot better. It is better than first trimester. It's definitely eased up, but I still have those creeping, those thoughts and being overwhelmed and being overstimulated, like loud voices,

too many noises going on at one time. Like if the TV's on and someone's trying to talk over it and the dogs are barking and they need to be played with, but like the washer and dryer's going, I'm like, holy shit, now I'm tapping out kind of vibe. But I am hopeful for maybe a month or so from now, like once I actually pop, I think once I can actually feel her kick,

I'm hopeful that there'll be another shift for me personally. Because honestly, right now, I just feel like a fucking fat blob. I feel like I'm mushy and fat. I don't feel her kick right now. I know that I'm pregnant. I treat my body really well, but I don't feel pregnant. I hope that makes sense. And I hope that I don't sound like I'm bitching and moaning because I'm not. I'm just being brutally, emotionally honest because I feel like if I had heard someone tell me all of this going into pregnancy, I would feel a lot better about how I'm feeling right now. And I would know that I wasn't alone.

It's probably the first time on God's green earth that I will ever say thank God for Reddit, because I have gone down some Reddit holes of women being brutally honest. And so I thank all of you anonymous women for that. So yes, baby girl, baby girl is thriving, doing well. And I hope that maybe my patience level will become not so thin. I hope I become a little more tolerant. I was talking to Nia today, actually explaining to her about some of my feelings.

And yeah, she made me laugh because Nia said, oh my God, it kind of sounds like you have like drunk Kristen energy, like being intolerant, less patient, overstimulated, that like drunk, angry Kristen energy. But I'm like totally sober. And I was like, listen, you're not totally wrong. Like, why is this happening right now? She is not totally wrong. Like, why is this happening right now? She is not totally wrong. And we were talking about how Brittany's birthday is next Saturday, and we're just having like

a girls and gays dinner at Brittany's house. And Zach surprised me with the guest list, which I was not totally filled in on. And I'm curious how I'm going to be with said guest list because my tolerance will be tested. So stay tuned for that. I am excited. I am nervous, but I am excited to actually start working out next week. I think this pregnancy has also been tough because I am at such high risk and I was with a fertility specialist for almost my whole first trimester. I wasn't doing a lot of movement

in my first like 10 to 12 weeks. And I think that I really need that. I think I do need the vitamin D and I do need to move my body. So my girlfriend girlfriend Jenna Willis, shout out Jenna, I love you, is going to be coming over and busting my ass two, three days a week starting this coming week. So pretty much every day I'm like, should I cancel? She's going to show up anyway. Or I really, really want to do this because I know I'm going to feel better once I start. So that's like a little, it's a tough battle, a tough struggle, but you know how people

always say like, if you're feeling down and you're not feeling great, like you just need to get out and move. You just need to go for a walk. Just go see some sunshine and like get some sunshine on your face and go for a walk. Like, and I want to bitch slap 98% of those people, like shut up. Sometimes it just doesn't work. But it totally fucking works. I just only want to listen to like 2% of the people. Like I will take that like positively from.

So hopefully, you know, in a couple of weeks, I'll have a better update that my mood is, my moods are on like the up and up and I'm feeling a little bit better about everything because it's like I stress myself out just to stress myself out by thinking if I'm stressed, I'm like hurting my baby. So then how do I not be stressed?

So I try to force myself not to cry, but you guys just FYI, a good healthy cry is a good healthy cry and it's okay. Holding that cry in is probably gonna make it like a million times worse. And trust me, I have cried a whole lot in the last two weeks, but here we are. So there's my Word Vomit Central for the day. Thanks so much for listening.

I will be posting a ton of resources. Again, if you can donate items, money, time, whatever it is, it's so appreciated by these families. I personally have some very close friends who lost their home. So I've tried to focus on them personally as much as I can, while helping as many people as also possible. So yeah, just if you want to help, just reach out. There's a ton of resources out there that can tell you, like, where your help is needed the most.

I hope everyone is safe. I hope we have a better fucking start to our February because I think that's just where we need to start over. Everyone said at the end of 2024 that January 25 started in WTF, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, just like 2020 did. You know what? They were fucking right. But I'm trying not to be a negative Nancy right now.

The world needs more positivity. So let's just start over in February. How about that? Be safe. I love you. Spread love. We'll talk to you guys next week. Make sure to follow us on social media.

You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Doty and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke double underscore Broderick be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes. Thanks for listening See you next week All right It's officially the new year and I'm so ready to get back into the healthy routine after all the holiday craziness. But honestly, I don't have time to stand in the grocery store aisles, reading labels to figure out what's actually good for me.

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