Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Kristen’s Return + Long Distance Relationships

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

Episode 26. This week is Kristen’s return to television in 3 years! She makes her way back to the Watch What Happens Live clubhouse and she and Luke discuss the announcement of her new competition series, The GOAT! As Kristen gets back into the swing of filming reality TV again, she and Luke are still facing and overcoming the experience of their (sometimes) long distance relationship. What are the pits and the peaks? Find out why they think understanding your partner’s love language really does matter. Thank you to our sponsor, BetterHelp! Go to BetterHelp.com/DOUTE for 10% off your first month of therapy  Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Email us: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

["Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa the Bumpa And what else matters? Hi Luke. Hi Chris. I just got back from traveling. And boy, our arms tired. I don't know, you know, that dumb joke. Boy, I've been flying and boy, our arms tired, whatever. I don't have jokes right now. That missed me. I know. I missed everybody.

I hope we made someone laugh. There's probably someone out there. I'm being laughed at not laughed with. So as you guys know, if you follow me on Instagram, if you don't, why the fuck don't you, I spent some time in Atlanta this past month, in the month of April. You sure did? I was filming a little show called the, man, we just spent, Luke and I just spent time looking up goat sounds. The goat, the greatest of all time reality competition series. Tell us what you can about it.

Oh my gosh. Because I do. Luke knows everything because he's like the only person that's allowed to know. I wish I knew everything. Well, you weren't there, but you know, no. You like to know about it. So I got to participate in a competition reality series for the very first time, which was flipping wild in so different, the manifold rules. And now that the cast has been revealed and the press releases out, you guys can obviously see everybody that was a part of it.

There were 14 of us, seven men, seven women to start, and only one person, one, the king or queen of all, to be the greatest of all time. And some of my fellow castmates, slash housemates were competition series participants, killers, dude. It was very wild. Yeah. So they were more attuned to the, let's say, like, dude. It was very wild. Yeah, so they were more attuned to the, let's say, the vibe of how to- The vibe that strategy-

Alliances are like, you know, we had a survivor winner, Wendell. Right, we had no strategy to Vanderpump, right? No, literally when I met everybody, I was like, so my strategy has been, just don't, like when I go home, I always go home. You know, like I fight with my friends and then I go home. This one is like, if you go home, you go home.

You get kicked out of the house, you're flown back to where you came from, and that's that. You get the bin. And you do not win the cash prize money and the title. So I was up against some very awesome people in my field, shall we say, of reality television. I met so many amazing friends, there was so much fun,

it's gonna be absolutely hilarious. You guys will die, we had the best production team on the face of the planet. I can't really tell you a whole lot, but I can say stay tuned and just know that everyone was, it was just brilliant. But yeah, it was a little gnarly. I will say from my POV walking in the house,

being up against people like Dave on, who was on Big Brother and the challenge, tech, who was on the challenge, who also survived. deal, survivor winner. You know, certain people that were like really good at competition shows, that was like, oh snap. The rest of us were like bravo people or like relationship shows, things like that.

Ellis AdWords, aka Justin, whose RuPaul's Drag Race. Like that's a competition show in its own. So it was just a very different world for me and I was so fucking honored to be asked to be a part of it. I was so excited. It was so out of my wheelhouse, I was nervous as hell to walk into that house. And when I did walk in because now the cast is revealed,

I will tell you, Luke knows, when I left, I was like, oh my God, what if I don't know one single person? We don't watch a lot of reality TV. I'm a bachelor freak. I love bachelor nation. But I just don't watch a whole lot of reality TV, to be honest. So, okay, to you is a show like Bachelor 98 Fiancé considered a competition show because to me it is.

Oh, it totally is. Not at all. Come on. No, because you're not competing for like, I guess, I mean maybe in a sense, but the prize is a human. Like competing to be in love is not a competition to win money.

It's very different. That's a little different from my POV. Okay. Certain things to myself, but like because I became friends with people from all different walks of life in the reality world, you know, of course we were like, do you get paid for your show?

Do you get paid for your show? And it would absolutely blow y'alls minds how many people don't get paid to be on certain shows at all. I believe it, but there are other benefits that come out of lasting longer in certain shows and everything. And if you're like one dude or a woman versus 30 guys or 30 women, I say versus, it's

not versus, but it's competition. It's 30 girls. Everyone's competing against each other to get this guy's attention. Well, you're saying not bachelor nation. I'm not claiming. I just said, well, you said 30 guys and one. Okay, specific. That's very bachelor of you.

And I'm not, I'm not saying it is the Bachelor, is not what I'm necessarily talking about. I'm just saying, in general, I learned a lot about different universes, different shows within the reality universe. And yeah, I can't say much. But now that the cast is revealed, what I can say is that when I walked in,

I was very fucking relieved to see Raza and Jules Aaron because they were two people that I knew in real life. Because when you're a Bravo, you're a Bravo person, you know? That makes sense. And I definitely knew who other people were, not everybody, but other people I was like a smash fan of. I was like, for wreaking out. Like, oh my god, I hope they like me.

I hope they want to be my friend. And I won't say who, because you guys will have to wait and watch the show, because it's gonna be amazing and awesome. So I was in Atlanta for a period of time that I won't tell you how long. But the wild part about being in Atlanta was what I will give away is that

we were not allowed to have our phones for periods of time. And that is something that was very different for me. Because Vanderpump, like, they love when we have our phones for periods of time. And that is something that was very different for me. Because they underpump, like they love when we have our phones. They're like, share your texts, call this person, FaceTime them, we're going to film it all. You know, like ours is a docky series. It's a reality show. And this show is like, no, no, no, no, no, you can't have your phones, you know, we're filming. You can't just have your phone because number one, how boring would that be to just watch people sitting around on their phones? Like, and number two, we can't disclose things, record things, tell people about things, you know, we're under a sense of like, I guess not an NDA,

but you know what I mean? Yeah. Just like, don't talk about it. So it was like, no, your job. Almost like a survivor, but not quite, because you got your phones in the- Well, I don't know about anything about a survivor. You do, that's your world. I guess I don't know for sure,

but I am assuming because they're on an island in the middle of nowhere, typically. Oh, too short. That they have no phones in the entire time. There's no- They don't have a hotspot. Yeah, exactly. There's no connection there.

They're like eat cockroaches and build a raft, but here's our Wi-Fi hotspot. Yeah, exactly. Sometimes the prizes are a letter from a loved one, and they're two weeks, three weeks in, because they've had no communication, they get a letter. So there's zero communication whatsoever

with anyone outside. I should have asked Wendell about all this. Well, you know what my plan and what my hope is, well, I'll make them is that eventually when the goat does come out, I'm going to have every single one of those SOBs, my gorgeous, lovely new reality family. We're going to have all of them on here one by one, but I didn't know that about Survivor. I will say this, like shout out to our fucking production team, shout out to the creators of the show,

because at the end of the day, this is a show about reality personalities, right? And I've never felt so respected, so acknowledged. They treated me as if not only where I cast member of it almost to produce certain ascents. You're professional. I expected you to know how to do your job. Very much so.

I didn't feel manipulated. I didn't feel the way that I felt when I filmed Vanderpump rolls. I did not feel manipulated, guided, produced at all. They were like, you know how to do your job. That is why you're here. And this is a competition series. And this is about winning each challenge. We're going to throw some stuff at you. Bl blah, blah. And it just like really filled my heart, my mind, my soul, to know that I wasn't being treated like a little kid. It was just a really good experience, but yeah.

The distance was interesting for you and I. Yeah. Without having my phone, when I did have my phone, I was either exhausted, wiped, ready to go to bed, or on like sort of this mental high of needing to lash out and talk about all the stuff that happened that day. And just like, like, braver, braver, braver, braver, braver,

yeah, exactly, like my castmates. Like, oh my God, just like vent off the chest and then crash out and sleep for seven hours. Which is so weird that that was tough on us because you and I have done long distance. Me going into this project not knowing how long I would be gone and I did have to quarantine because I'm on a flight, I'm getting ready to go into a house for an extended period of time

that I don't know how long it's going to be. It could be days, weeks, it could be, I have no idea. I guess what was difficult for me was the guesswork on whether or not we were going to be able to talk because at the end of the day, sometimes I'd get a call and sometimes it just be a text that she's going to bed and it made a difficult. That was tough because my brain was like in this place. I think you know what it was for me that was different for you because I'll be honest. Like, I haven't worked in television for years now. Right. So I think that I put a lot of pressure on myself

to like be so focused and do a good job that I didn't prioritize you or home, you being here in LA, where you only live part-time, right? Right. And you have all three dogs. And you're still carrying the weight of the house, the dogs, and work we have going on here.

And I wasn't prioritizing that because I was, sounds like I'm making a fucking excuse. But like in hindsight, I was prioritizing like, doing this great job on TV. Like this is my comeback. Oh, you know? For sure, and I'm still, I'm not used to this at all, and I'm not used to working like this is my comeback. Oh, you know. For sure, and I'm still, I'm not used to this at all, and I'm not used to working like this,

but I'll just say that I made sure I was up and I was looking forward to a talk at, you know, at the end of the night when you got your phone back. I wasn't, obviously don't expect conversation or anything when you don't have your phone. I'm not stupid. But when you got your phone back, I was hoping there'd be something,

and once and while I was let down. Yeah, I think in what it came down to is like, what you and I were talking about right before we started recording today It was like what does long distance look like and we you know, obviously I don't know Again those of you don't follow me on Instagram. We should but I did ask all of y'all that follow me Like if you have experience with long distance What does that look like for you and what are the pits and the peaks for you? I did not understand what that could look like whether it were days or weeks. For me going into the show, I think it was like for both you and I it was kind of this unknown.

For sure. It was like pack for X amount of time. Uh-huh. Because you don't know when you're being sent home. Exactly. And that was like so wild. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Y'all, what a month it's been. I'm such an empath as you know, and also sometimes are honestly a lot of times. I'm a yes person. I'm a fixer. It is so easy to get caught up in what everyone else needs for me and never take a moment to think about what you need for yourself. I like being there for my friends and my family,

but when we spend all of our time giving, it can leave us feeling stretched thin and burned out. You all know I am a huge therapy advocate. Therapy has changed my life. Therapy can give you the tools to achieve more balance in your life, so you can keep supporting others without leaving yourself behind. I think of therapy as being given tools for my tool belts, tools for coping, tools to help me set boundaries and tools to overcome my anticipatory anxiety. Life is full of curveballs, so why not

prepare in a healthy way? If you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist. And if need be, switch therapists anytime for no additional charge.

You gotta do its best for you. Find more balance with better help, visit betterhelp.com slash dodie today and get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash D-O-U-T-E. But what I will say really fast just to like, say I love you, is that before I left for the goat, I had Zach Wickham, my G-B-F,

and I had my other two other BFFs, Jeanine and Cassia, and Luke helping me pack because my brain was dead, and I think it was very anxious and excited also, super excited, but also anxious, very unsure. So everyone, it takes the village to help me pack. And I had four little letters that were stuck into my luggage, one from each of you. And I found one straight away. And I saved, I found two other ones. And then I found the fourth one, which I knew was from Luke, because I knew,

once I saw number four was Zach, I was like Luke's number one. So when I did find number one, I saved it until I was coming home, because I was like, if I read this the first day I got there, I'm going to just start crying and then like lose my shit. And I'm going to be like, I just want to go home and be with my boyfriend and my dogs. The home sick would set it way too fast, right? And I'm sitting here cheering. And I'm used to like watching, I'm used to filming Vanderbilt rules like at my own house, driving down the street to one of my friend's houses

and still coming home at the end of the night. Yeah, and the bittersweet thing for me is I'm cheering for her to be gone longer, even though I want her back because I wanted to win that money. Is that what? Don't get it. Yes, it is, of course, you know me?

Come on, I only voluntarily take a maximum of two weeks away from you. And that's when I have stuff I have to do in Colorado. No, you're the best thing ever. Like you give up everything to... Boy, you have proven yourself to me. I am loyal. Yeah, so that's the go.

And then, as you all know, I did watch what happens live. Honestly, this was like the biggest week of my life in television in many years. I was so stressed out. So proud of you. I got a fucking cold sore, which essentially ruined my life. We couldn't make out. It was so due to stress. We had a chisden week.

Not weeks. Over a week. Yeah, over a week. So fucking annoying. It was just like a lot of travel the month of April. But I'm there as much as it sounds like I'm bitching, I feel like it sounds like I'm bitching, but I'm very grateful. But we're going to save the Vanderpump crap for y'all, the awesome Vanderpump crap for tomorrow. Yeah. And don't worry, worry. We have lots of opinions.

Yeah. Even Luke has lots of opinions this time around. Yeah, I mean, I was not emotionally invested as I am in this show. The real world relationships I have with these people make it very interesting for me. So yeah, I look at it through probably a very unique class that most people don't get to see. Can you elaborate a teeny tiny bit

without giving too much away for tomorrow's episode? Yeah, so I know, and I've hung out with most of the cast at some point or another. But I've never watched a show. Like we said on the last episode, I've seen two full episodes, seen clips of other stuff and everything. So I don't know from the show's perspective, all the timelines. I know from what I've heard from talking and being around and with all these people. So because you were the entire time that they filmed this season of Antipomprol season 10, you were around for most of it.

For a lot of it. I was in an outplay. Like half of it. Being at Sheen's wedding. I'm sure I was blurred out on that on the answer. We were both blurred out at the actual ceremony. No one asked me, that's fine. I only, well, I didn't sign off on it. Right, I know. But I was there, I mean, I've been to shorts and sandies and a number of times, been to Tom, Tom,

like to take the balls. You went to Jackson's shorts. Were they sand devils, were they? Was that both the birthdays? Yeah, I mean, I've been around these people. And? I was at Ariana's the day. The day, everything went down. Everything went down. Yeah. I mean, I've been around these people. I was like, how's that Ariana's the day? The day, everything.

The day after everything were down. I mean, so I haven't been around all this stuff. It's just a different lens. So we'll give you more of that. Tomorrow's gonna be fucking wild. Exactly, more tomorrow. Okay, so that's been my week and Luke's week with just the travel, with the New York stuff.

And I guess our month, like, with the goat and everything. And I'm so proud. And sorry I've been rambling about the goat, but I've been wanting to like, fucking scream this from a rooftop for a minute. How is working with Daniel Tosh? Oh, it was so fun. I believe it.

I mean, he's the host. It's not like he's like, sleeps in the bedroom with us. Right, but you get it. But like, he's so funny. He's still interactive then. Yeah, of course. And you guys will see that.

It's just the jokes, the jokes, the jokes. The second I found out that he was the host was not until I got in the house. I had no idea. I immediately fan-gurled because I remembered Vanderpump's season one. He had Tosh.0, of course. And he made fun of Vanderpump rules.

And that was all I could think about until he and I had some sort of, you know, I wasn't like, friendship, but we were like homies, because now we're on a set, we're on a house together, and we're on a show together for a minute, but it's all I could think of. I was like, oh my God, I remember it to myself. I'm just thinking that one time,

he made fun of Stasi and Jackson's name on season one of Interfunperals. I'll find the clip and I'll post it on Instagram. When we air the Seattle. I've seen it. It's super brief, but I just felt. It was like the first time I felt like really cool. And then as soon as I started making fun of us and then I don't know, I love comedy.

And I love when comedians make fun of people. And I hope it survives as far as like not being canceled. I know, ever come a fuck down. Like let comedians live. If you don't like it, don't watch. Yeah, turn it off. Yeah, don't go to a comedy show. Don't watch the Netflix special.

Don't be a fucking cunt. Oh, wow. Oh, I'm going there. I love the word cunt. You know that. I do. I think people don't know that I love that word. I don't find it very offensive. I think it's fun. I think most people, most English speaking people find it more offensive than you do. I think it's a fun word in a way

to say you're annoying. Like if I were annoying the shit out of you, and you said it like it just in a tone that was like not aggressive, not that you're ever aggressive with me. But if you were like, Kristen, you're being contier right now. That would just speak volumes to me and I'd be like, oh shit, I'm sorry, fuck, really?

Yeah, conti over bitchy. Yes. A hundred percent. Bitchy, you only get to say what I'm PMSing. When I'm talking to. Patrice. Patrice. The period monster. Exactly.

Patrice is a bitch. Kristen can be country. Yeah, let's get to the long-distance stuff. Okay, so we asked you guys on Instagram to talk to us about long-distance relationships. I also called my little brother, who was in the military, he's been on our podcast before, because he has done multiple long distance relationships. And I like to get a guys perspective.

Overall that we got, I mean, between you and I, because we did, we sort of still do, but not really, but we did it for a long time for months, was that it's very doable. If you're willing to communicate because communication is is key. And making some sort of plans. Right. You have the plans to look forward to. Like, when you leave one trip, at least you know, I was always like, okay, when am I gonna see you next? Yeah, and I'm a psycho about, I get scared of plans.

And Chris, and hates making decisions or locked in something in a calendar. It's not, it's not scared of plans. Yeah, I'm terrible at making decisions. Yeah. I think I'm afraid to like disappoint or something. But at the same time, you don't want someone else to make them for you. I like when you make decisions for me. Some of them, not your plans.

God damn it, I gotta talk to my therapist about this. Lord. Oh Lord, anyway. So what are your feelings? Okay, number one, have you, other than with me and our California to color out a thing? Have you done long distance? You kind of did in college? Yeah, so my high school sweetheart.

Tell me your experience. She went to college in Indianapolis. I went to Ball State, which is in Montse about an hour apart. And it was, I'll say it was difficult, but at the same time, we saw each other more than once a week. Someone was going to the other person's school every weekend. And after the first year, she transferred to Ball State to my school. So you saw each other at least once a week, once per week. But how do you feel in

general about long distance relationships? I think they're difficult. I think there's a lot of longing and I think it would be the most difficult if it came after living together or being in a situation where you get to see each other every day. If you've been like established that and then make the change to not being able to see each other even once a week, if you're like, are down to once a month because of work or whatever it is in your life that has created the situation,

that seems like the most difficult. Only maybe second to the military, where you meet some people meet, get married very quickly for love or benefits, and then aren't able to see each other for months and months at a time. And I'll say, for any of you who might be judging, what Luke just said or the conversation will have right now,

is we're speaking about military because not only did we get a lot of responses, but if you haven't listened to the episode And I was, we're speaking about military because not only did we get a lot of responses, but if you haven't listened to the episode where my little brother was on, he was in the military for eight years. He was in the US Army. He got married at a very young age to a civilian who worked for the military, got married, had a baby, ended up divorcing, breaking up.

That's why we are, I feel able and capable to speak on this in a way. Yeah, I don't mean, I hope no one took it. No, wait, no, you just never know. The trolls get all cray-cray. I'm not speaking down at all. No, no, no, just meaning you and I are not in the military. But the reason we're speaking on it

is because we spoke to my brother and we had a lot of listeners reach out regarding the military. That's why we're doing that. And thank you all for your service. Hell's boss, yeah. I'm very appreciative. I heavily considered going to the military.

Let's talk to out of it. Believe I mentioned that in the past podcast. Anyway, it's, it can be very difficult, but it can be done. I have multiple friends that did long distance for a period of time in the years where they would see each other. All male friends.

No. Because I'm friends with both sides of the country. No, I'm asking because I think what you and I realized in talking to my brother, but also you and I just speaking about it, and all of our listeners that wrote in is that the male and female perspective were quite different. I'm generalizing, but I'm going to summarize

what I read and what we've heard. For the men, it was a lot about physical contact. Was difficult. It wasn't just men. There were plenty of women in the messages. I said the same. But for females, it was a lot of emotional connection. Right, or quality time.

Quality time. Right, so then we get into love languages. Ultimately, that is the way I would diagnose, and now I'm not a doctor or therapist, anything like that. But there's- As a podcast host? As a podcast host of a sex love and what else matters podcast? From my perspective, it seems that your love language is very important in whether or not a long-distance relationship can be successful. Do you agree?

No, I agree. I think when I first started learning about love languages, it was like me trying to figure out what is mine. How do I give love? How do I give love? And then it really wasn't until not that long ago that it was like, well, wait, how do I want to receive love? There you go. Yeah. And then how do those balance? And if they don't balance, how do you learn to balance them? Because that's also important. It's not like you're just, I don't know, it's like, oh, I'm gonna query us. So I should look for another air sign today. Like, I'm a, you know, I like quality time.

So if I don't have someone that's just a quality time person, then they're cut. Like, that's not reality. Right. And growing up, you realize, well, these are my love languages. Okay. So these are yours. Can we balance those? And if we can, what does that look like? And how do we do it? Successfully. So both people are fulfilled.

100%. And so the people that are really strongly needing that physical touch and quality time makes it really hard. I think quality time can be done if you have the ability to FaceTime and talk and like really give the full attention to each other. Like the way we started, Kristen, we talked for hours on the phone,

and it was like occasionally there'd be distractions, but we were just talking to each other. And we'd just be in each other's ears, potentially while we're folding laundry or cleaning out a closet or anything, it just felt like we were hanging out together. Yeah. And that's what made it possible to go three, four weeks without being around

each other at the very start of our relationship. I completely agree with you. And in reading all the listener answers and even questions that came in and whatnot, it was so interesting for me to read how many people said like, yeah, I mean, it's fine in the beginning because it's almost like fun. It's almost great to have this little bit of distance, it's almost like you have to try a little harder. Make plans, the longing.

The longing exactly. And then all of a sudden, when the distance ends, they're like, for lack of a better term, most annoyed. Like, well, wait, this is too content now. Right, because you're always giving your best self on the long distance, right? So when you guys get together, it's either too content,

or there are issues that have been successfully hidden through all this time. Yes. So it's like, if you can go all these years, and if you're really not putting 100% of your true self out, you're only putting your best stuff out in the out front through this time, then obviously it's not going to work once you guys move together.

If you want to take steps. No, and I, babe, you're saying I literally wrote down something that a listener said, and they said, the peak was like you miss each other, and it's like the longing and the desire. And it's just this wonderful time when you do get to speak or whatever. And then the pit was the delayed hardships that should have been dealt with earlier.

Yeah, that's real, very real. Yeah. Something else interesting I remember we talked about that we read was someone said that they were together for four years, like in the same town living together, right? Right. And then they said then they were long distance for four years after like in the same town living the other, right? Right. And then they said, then they were long distance for four years after the fact. That, to me, would be...

Torturous. Torturous. Like you have your normalcy, you have your routine, you're in love, this works, and now they're gone. For four years. Right. I don't even know what that fucking looks like. I mean, my longest relationship was with scum to ball,

and that was a fake six years, and we live together, and we cheat on each other all the time. So I really don't even have, at 40 years old, like something to a test to that would equal. So what's the closest to long distance, aside from me, that you've done? Uh, Carter? Carter? Can you say Carter would leave on work frequently?

Yeah, he would go on work trips, yeah, sure. I mean, yeah, okay, so one time he was in South Africa for like three or four weeks. Okay. But I was so busy filming and we were moving into a new apartment. He had moved in with me and then we were about to get our first apartment together. So I was very proud- and we had Gibson. He was, Gibson was like

brand new, like four months old, five months old or something. And I was so preoccupied with all those different things that it was like fine. Okay, so it went by quickly. Yeah. How long had you been together? Did you say a year? No, not even. No, not quite. No, okay. Nine months, maybe eight months. Yeah. I mean, it wasn't like fun and great, but I was very busy and preoccupied. So it was like, when I had time to talk, and he had time to talk, great.

Right. So I also kind of want to address all these people that said no because this is such a polarity. Oh my god, yeah, wait. Can you just tell everyone, like, when we were skimming through all the answers, could you do a long distance relationship? It's about half the people, it seemed like. Just going, no.

We're hard-knought, or like. Ne. Pro, the good longing for them. And when we get together, sex was great. The bad, he or she cheated. So much cheating. Or someone else saying, yeah, it was great for a year and a half. And then turns out he wasn't who I thought he was when we spent,

started spending more time together. So I get it. I get the sides of it. And I get the opportunity that it presents for people. I mean, like, obviously, if you don't have a lot of trust, it's not going to work. Mm-hmm. And if you don't have a lot of trust, then...

I mean, nothing's going to work at the end of the day. I feel like every conversation you and I have on this podcast, whatever the hardship type thing is, it all boils down to a communication. 99.9% at the time. But it's not impossible. No. I don't think anything's impossible. And it was so funny when you and I were talking about it, and we were thinking about like military or like things of that nature and my brain went to entertainment industry. And actors and actresses that have to leave town for a month at a time overseas to go to a different country to film something. Right.

Granted, we all know that we've read in the pulp culture headlines and articles that many of them do not work. And sometimes couples do end up cheating and then ending up with the person that they were acting with. Yeah, they're coastsower. And they're coastsower, right? However, my brain very immediately went to

Kira Sadduk and Kevin Bacon, who have been together, I don't even know how many decades they've been married, two actors, or I think of Goldie Hahn and Kurt Russell who have been together for decades upon decades. So I really think at the end of the day, it's like it's your person you put in the time in the effort or not. Exactly.

Yeah, exactly. Love is effortful, not effortless. Marriage is commitment full of effort. When people say like, oh, it's so if it's too hard, it shouldn't be this hard. Okay. I agree to a point in the first couple of months. It shouldn't. When you first start dating, it needs to be easy. It needs to be fun. It needs to not. Right. You don't need to run into fights in your first couple few months. Obviously. I mean, but just in general, like if you're constantly not

getting long and you can't, if you're just not seeing eye to eye and you're not willing to put in the work at any point, sometimes it just won't work if one person's not willing. But again, like if you both put in the work, like you can move mountains, you can overcome anything. Totally. And from a male perspective, which is why I'm here, is that, look, there's trade-offs with all the women. No matter who you date, there's trade-offs.

Like, no, I mean, there's no woman that is like literally going to be the perfect thing. Okay. As far as people have this grand-distance relationship. So you don't believe in a soulmate? That's not what I'm saying. Well, I'm asking you. I'm saying, even with a soulmate, there's more than one person that's like, you're supposed to be with, and the universe has them sent to you and another conversation.

And that's what you were saying. No, that's not what I'm going with it. I'm saying that, you know, I mean, it's kind of a classic thing. The hot crazy matrix. I think people are familiar with that from YouTube. I showed this to you. Oh, the guy. Yeah, the hotter they are, the crazier they are, the hot crazy matrix.

We're like 10 years to go or something? At least. So let's explain it kind of and we'll find it. But it's like, does that what it's called the hot crazy matrix? Yeah, the hot crazy matrix. So it's like this dude is like an assute and you think he's about to give this true

like almost tutorial thing, statistical, yeah, fact-based situation. And he has this giant whiteboard, like as if he's in like a classroom. And then he with his big dry erase marker or whatever and he does this whole, okay. Yeah, he shows like the wife zone. And he shows, you know, people that fall above this line.

I was making sure I was thinking of the same thing. All I'm saying is there's trade-offs, right? So if you're pro, he's a trade-off that makes me feel like you're trading your person. No, okay, no, not like that. I'm saying that to get one thing, you may give up another thing. To have the most calm and understanding, amazing, perfect person that's gonna have their attention on you

may not be the best looking person you've ever seen. That's the trade-off I'm talking about. Okay, make sense, sorry. So I'm just saying that you find the balance that works for you. And if you find something that you feel like is going to work for you, put in the work to keep it. That's what I'm saying.

Whether it's distance or not, put in the work. Yeah, but I am the hottest and smartest person ever, right? You're the hottest. And smartest. And smartest. Most brilliant, all the stuff. Oh no but I really like that. I agree with you. I just didn't like the term for guys. Okay you don't like that. See for me the hot thing I guess and I'll

speak for myself. It's like my version of hot is not other people's version of hot. You think so? 100%. I mean if you look at the statistical like Cosmo glamour or Cosmo magazine, like the muscles, the young, the no facial hair, the pecs, though. No, I think not my vibe. Look, I think polls have been done now and more women are in the dadbots than in the future. I mean, honestly, I don't even think about a body. It's like about intelligence, comic, relief. It's about their brain. Funny guys always get laid. It's about the...

That's true. For women versus... I've had sex with funny guys that were not cute at all. You're both babe. You haven't. You haven't. I mean, that's sex with any guys that were funny and not cute. I love you.

Oh my gosh. Oh, so when we talked to my brother, I thought it was interesting. guys that were funny and not cute. I love you. Oh my gosh. Oh, so when we talked to my brother, I thought it was interesting. His perspective was like very different than yours. He's, I think my brother's a bit jaded. Ryan, if you're listening, you're jaded for sure. I'm in jaded, bro.

But something he said that made me fascinated was like that in his words were like the general American society, if you will. He felt that there was a pressure on the man to do the planning to be like the best husband to plan to like make the house perfect, to take care of the woman, be financially responsible like blah blah blah blah, like all this pressure on him, but then make sure he always has like a really fun date planned. So what he liked about his quote-unquote long distance

relationships, whether it was out of state or an hour away, if he didn't see physically in person his girlfriend, he was like, it was the greatest thing to see her. And it felt like a date, like a true date, remember? Yeah. But he was like, if I saw her every day, I can't like a date, like a true date, remember? Yeah. But he was like, if I saw her every day, I can't plan a date every day.

Now this is again person to person. Because you see each other every day. You more hang out, you be around each other because you like being around each other. You're not planning a grandiose date like you do once a month. Totally. Every couple of weeks when you start dating.

Maybe that's just a youngins POV. Yeah, another thing he brought up, do we wanna get into that? The whole emotional, like having other girlfriends, not necessarily other sexual girlfriends, but. I wanna talk about emotionally cheating. Emotional cheating? In long distance, because his point of view made me

wanna punch him in the face of my phone, because I don't agree with that. I don't agree that emotional cheating is okay. I mean, I agree with you. You agree with me? Totally. So we were on the phone with my brother and it was like,

well, what do you mean by emotional cheating? Is it sexual? Is it loot? Is it crude? Is it this? Is it romantic? Like, there are just so many factors though they go into it.

No, but there aren't. That's the thing. As a woman, they're armed. I know that if I'm flirting with someone over a text message or a DM, I know it's fucking wrong. There's a line in the fucking sand. There's no like, well, I mean, I know if I'm flirting, I know what my intentions are.

And of story. Now I will say, I have a friend from high school that I've known for a very long time. She's married with a kid and we stay in touch. We've been very close. I mean, it's been completely platonic. Never kissed, never anything. We have slept in the same bed on multiple occasions through high school when we're both single and nothing ever happened. I'm just saying like that's the level. I have guy friends like that too. Right. But if there was a conversation at some point that sex or something came up or there was some kind of like jokes made

That may have seemed flirty from a third person perspective But is that mean flirty quote-unquote from it number one? I would never look at your phone But if you were texting about like mine and Kristen sex life or like podcast sex or like oh, how's your sex life or something like that I don't find that inappropriate. At the end of the day, there's no bullshit that you can fucking make excuses for. If you are flirting, you know you're flirting.

If you are feeling the tingles down there and the blood is flowing when you send a text, you know it. Am I wrong? No. Am I right or am I right? You know what you're intentionally. Yeah, absolutely. Intentions, for sure. But talking about sex as an adult doesn't mean flirting.

But there are some inside jokes and some other things or like the winky face or something like that. You know, things that may come off more flirty that are literally just inside jokes between two platonic friends that have been platonic friends for over a decade, that I'm saying, okay, may only come up if you look it up, there's no intention behind it. It's literally just, it's funny. Like, if it was a guy, I don't know.

All I'm saying, obviously there's a line. And intention is, it was where that line is drawn. Yes, that's my point. It's all about intention. It's intention. If you're just talking to your friend about sex, love, what all matters, like all the stuff because it's just your friend about sex, love, what all matters, like all the stuff because it's just your friend,

then who fucking cares, you know? It's all good. And that's that. But if there is something that you wrote, a conversation that was had that you know would find your partner would find extremely inappropriate, or that you know is inappropriate, but you're like, hopefully they'll just never see it.

You know what I mean? I agree, if you have the thoughts. That's something my brother said. My brother said, if my girlfriend went through my phone and saw something she would find it inappropriate, however, if she went through my phone, we'd already be done. Yeah, he did say that.

So for me, do I want you going through my phone? No, do I ever want to go through your phone? No. Only because I think there's an invasion of privacy. And sometimes you want to talk to your friends about me or just shit that's done in my business or your family members, conversations that are not my business and vice versa, right?

Right. But if you're talking to a female about something in a conversation that is completely inappropriate, you know that it would make me feel uncomfortable and nervous and anxious. Well, then it comes, like you said, it comes down to a intention though. If I get the feeling, okay, yeah, when I send the message, if that's on my mind, then I'm thinking, oh shit, hope Kristen doesn't see this, probably shouldn't send it. Boom. But if I'm not thinking about that

because it's not a concern because I have no intentions with this person that I've been friends with forever, but yeah, how you happen to go through my phone and see it and bring it up, I- How do you feel about this then, since we're just like on this and we'll end it in this part of the conversation here.

What if you know the girl is like flirting with you and you have no intention, but you're very aware that she does and it's fun attention. Your intention is never to go there. But it's just feature- If you know what's her intention, that's not cool. I cut off anyone that had any intention with me when we started talking. Yeah, because otherwise I would cut them.

Yeah. But I did as well. I blocked someone just to make us feel whole after I had asked twice. Yeah. And for me to not speak to this person, but then I literally just blocked them completely. Because I'm like, you know what, this is just easier. Yeah. It felt a little over the top to me, but what's more important.

You or this me blocking this person. So how would you feel of rules reversed? Let's say I was sleeping or hooking up with someone the same time we started our relationship but we weren't officially yet. And it was going on for a couple of months. And then I just decided we were just gonna keep being friends and we're gonna keep talking all the time.

This person that I met on a dating app and wanted to just decide to be friends with this person even though we've been fucking a bunch. And now I just decide, I don't wanna fuck them anymore, I only wanna be with you, but I wanna keep talking to this person. How would that make you feel? See, it's a, it's not different.

That's exactly how it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I was thinking of it to say it's different. It's like tough for me to I think decide because When you and I for started dating I had such a a wall up in a guard up that I was like go ahead and do it Ever it doesn't matter to me like I convinced myself that it didn't matter truly But then once we started dating we already knew you've never had to question anything with me You know that well I questioned it all the time. I was like so just tell me did you? Did you and I told you and of course I wasn't doing anything you literally basically maybe never had to question anything with me. You know that. Well, I questioned it all the time. I was like, so just tell me, did you? Did you? And I told you, and of course I wasn't doing anything.

You literally basically made me go on a date before we made it official. That was a protection mechanism. It was like me protecting myself going, oh, I'll just tell them to do it that way. I, it's fine. But look, at the end of the day, we made a long distance relationship work

You you mostly have put in so much effort for that and I'm so appreciative and I hope that You know in moving forward I can Reciprocate the distance part on my end and being Colorado more often I think getting back into television has just been such a whirlwind for me and working again after so many years that I'm just trying to find that balance. But you're still getting your footing back. Yeah, I get it. I have a fucking job for the first seven, three years.

You know what I'm understanding. Yeah. But I, like, love and appreciate how as young in years you are, 32, happy, 30, second birthday. Oh my God, we haven't recorded since you're 30-second birthday. No, we haven't. It was last Monday.

Now we're only eight years apart. True. Holy shit. Look at that. But I think that was also something that I had to get past that like I was, you know, being an idiot for falling in love in love with you know I fall in love fast and hard and falling in love with someone younger than me and was I just setting myself up for heartache and heartbreak. Well, we never know in this life and we made it through it. It's going to be hard and it was hard

honestly for me and I think I bottled a lot of that up but here we are. And I think I bottled a lot of that up. But here we are. And I think what I did, which was interesting, was rather than freak out. And my normal MO would have been to be like, who is he? Oh my god, who is he with? Who is he with? He's out of time. He could be banging anyone right now, blah, blah, blah.

I put this wall up going, oh, go ahead and do whatever you want. I don't care. I don't care. I'm still Halloween. Because that way it protected me. Yeah. And then eventually I was like, nope,'t care. I don't care. I'm still Halloween. Because that way it like protected me. Yeah. And then eventually I was like, nope, I care. The love bug bit me in the butt.

You've only shown me any jealousy one time. Mm. Hullucky you. And you are not happy that night. Oh boy. You are misled by a friend. We can dive into that another time. Another time.

Yeah. All right, babes. This was real and raw of us, and I'm proud of us. I hope you guys liked it. Mm-hmm. But I can't wait for you guys to tune in tomorrow because shit's going to get a real drama because this episode of Interprone Rules, I can't.

I can't even. I was wondering why they wanted me on Watchrouppin's Live because I knew that my cameo was gonna be in the finale. And so I'm like, why the hell am I doing this show so early? Now I know why. That episode is a doozy. And again, I'm gonna say it the same way Luke and I said it last week. This stuff, as far as I understand, was not edited super late

to make it appear to be something that it wasn't. And I, as a previous cast member, watched this episode so meticulously to think, was that a pickup? Did they film that later? Nope, nope, nope, nope. That shit was all in real time. So your brains are gonna explode tonight.

And then, Luke and I are are gonna be our hot take tomorrow. Yes. The finale trailer was released today, which was absolutely wild. So I'm, you know what, as a non-cast member, I'm ready for the season to be fucking over. Like, just wrap it up because my heart and my like nerves can't take it.

I'm also excited to see because you didn't tell me much. You just said you and I were just talking and it was like whatever. And I just don't know really what the way that went down. So I'm stoked to see the difference. I know and I don't know what the hell they're gonna air. But we'll see. All right guys, we love you. Thanks for listening everyone.

And we love each other. We're just being real and raw, you know what I mean? I love you Luke. We love you. real and raw, you know what I mean? All right, I love you Luke. We love you. We'll see you guys next week by me. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Dodie and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke Double underscore

Broadway. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes every single Wednesday. Thanks for listening. See you next week.