Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Nia Sanchez

Episode Date: August 2, 2023

Episode 51. In this episode, Kristen and Luke are joined by Nia Sanchez: former Miss USA, women’s self-defense instructor, and mother of three under two years old! Nia shares her non-negotiables when she was dating, meeting her husband, and the importance of seeing a therapist regularly! She also talks about what she did that helped her get pregnant! Tune in to find out! Sponsors: Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/KRISTEN Get 15% off with the code DOUTE at Oneskin.co Head to FACTOR MEALS.com/doute50 and use code doute50 to get 50% off.       Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Email us: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi you guys, I'm Kat and I hope you come hang out with me on KatSatlerNow. On my weekly podcast I continue to ask the questions. I've been interviewing people for more than 25 years now, but that doesn't mean I found all the answers. Make sure to listen to KatSatlerNow, wherever you get your podcasts. Hello my beautiful magical listeners welcome back to another episode of Sex Love and What Else Matters. Hi Luke. Hi baby.

I always have Luke here with me now. That's just what's up. And we have an amazing guest that I'm so excited about. You guys are gonna be so excited about. So I want to introduce Nia Sanchez Bucco. Hi Nia. Hey, hey, how are we doing? I'm so good, how are you?

So good, excited to be here. Very stoked. So if you guys are living under a rock, which you're probably not, I'm sure you know who Nia is. She is a good friend of ours. And she was also in the C.S.A. I mean, Jesus Lord. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that, but you know, she was in the USA. She was first runner up at Miss Universe. She's also a women's self-defense instructor, which I know actually personally because my good friend Rachel took your course years

and years ago. She is a wife, a mother of three under two years old. Life is crazy. A gorgeous girl and just sitting all around badass Chica. You know I got to say though, Nia, I've already been corrected once but I think you have to let our listeners know the difference between Miss USA and Miss America because I misspoke and was quickly chastised by saying, you were Miss America. No, that is, there is a big difference. So, the main, one of the main differences, there's two main differences.

So, Miss USA, when you win Miss USA, you continue on to Miss Universe, and there's an additional competition that you can compete in. When you win Miss America, there is no additional competition. You don't go to, like, a next level. And then the Miss America competition

has a talent portion, which is usually dance or singing, or they do lots of things. Monologues, all of that. And then the Miss USA competition does not have that portion of the competition. So there's the main difference is. But if you were to have had that portion, would you have been like Sandra Bullock

in Miss Congeniality? Gracie Lou Freibush, that would have been me. Yes. S-I-N-G. I love that you know it. When I was at your house like a few weeks back, I was like, what was it again? It's like soulplex. Soulplex. Uh-huh.

What that? Insta-I knows growing. Yes. Boom. Ladies, you go for the soft spots if you're ever unfortunately in that position. Yes, ma'am. And if you live in California, I highly recommend. Well, number one, we'll get to all of Nia's like Instagram's and all of her handles and all of that,

but you need to take her course. And I cannot wait to take your course. I'll be doing more soon, especially with this back-to-school season. So we'll get into all that later, but I'm excited to get back in just. You just had two babies. You had twin daughters, identical twin daughters, six weeks ago. Yes, ma'am.

So that is why you were not currently. That's why I have not been teaching my classes. I have been having people message me saying, when's your next workshop? They more message me when I was six months pregnant with twins. I'm like, girl, not right now. Give me some time.

So we're getting back into it. Yes. So you are married, like we said, and you do have three kids under two. And before we get to all of the awesome, like mommy, wife, pregnancy, I have a trillion questions for you. I want to talk just a little bit about you and like life before your husband.

Oh. Were you like a single girl that like went on dates a lot where you more of like a relationship gypsy, that's what I call myself, because I was like boyfriend to boyfriend. I'm not like a good single person. I like relationship gypsy, that's a good phrase. Have you like been in love before?

Oh, I love you. I was standing in your first love, like these are the things we want to know. Okay, so if we take it back to like, you know, high school after college, I had like one long-term boyfriend, had some time off to myself, had another long-term boyfriend that was very toxic and unhealthy relationship.

I don't wish toxic relationships on anybody, but I had that relationship when I was young and I learned from it. So ever since that super unhealthy relationship, I was so strong and firm and who I am, what I wanted. I had a list of non-negotiables. I had a list of what I wanted in a future husband. So I was not messing around after that

really toxic relationship. Did you learn a lot about red flags? Like, did you, I'm assuming that you did, but did you ever notice those red flags later on and like stop yourself or did you ever see yourself like kind of getting involved in them all over again? Oh yes because so many people just women and men have patterns right? Like we continue those patterns sometimes but no I was very aware of red flags at least from what I had previously experienced. So one relationship there was

lots of lies and deception and the next relationship that was so toxic there was cheating, there was lots of lies and deception, and the next relationship that was so toxic, there was cheating, and it got physically aggressive at the end, and I used to not wanna say the word, I was in an abusive relationship because I was so nervous about using that word, but I watched, have you seen the show made on Netflix? And I realized that there was so many forms of abuse in relationships, and so I realized that that was

such an abusive relationship in so many ways. And there was so much manipulation as well. So I learned, I saw those red flags. If there was ever anything even close to what I had experienced previously, I realized that I would see that right away and then not step into that relationship or that experience, but I had a lot of growing to do as well. So after my toxic relationship that I was in, I had dated one more guy casually,

and then I moved to Hong Kong, random, I'm like, okay, bye. I'm leaving. Go to another country. Yeah, I definitely didn't know that. That was just throw that in there. So I moved to Hong Kong, I worked at Disney in Hong Kong, and that is where I was like, you know what? I'm leaving all these past experiences. I'm gonna take this time to just work on myself.

So I got self-help books, relationship books, I bought myself a Bible, and I just took that time, was almost a year living in Hong Kong where I invested in just like my own self-worth, my own knowing who I am, and came back and actually shortly after coming back, less than six months is when I met Daniel. But, and how old were you around this time?

23. Oh my God. Yeah. That's a lot before your 23. Yeah, yes it was. I had a lot of life. That's why I said I was so young, but I'm glad I learned those experiences early.

So I wasn't making those same mistakes over and over again later in life. But the biggest thing that was a game changer for me, especially when I was living in, well, I lived in LA, Nevada, New York. I've been all over. But when I was dating in LA, my main thing at first was I have a two-date rule. I'm not wasting my time. After like two dates, if he's not the one, then I'm out. And then real quick, I cut that down to a one-date rule. Like, why would I waste time on a

second date? I'm going to ask him my non-negotiable questions in the first date. And if he's not the one, he's not the one, like moving on. So Daniel passed a test. And it's not an easy test, but he passed the test on the first day. Can you give our listeners a few of, if you even remember now? I remember. Okay. What are some of the non-negotiables that you could just date one? You're trying to enjoy the date, of course, but this is an inter-teachingly at each time to be like casual. Like, oh, don't mind me asking these things. What are the non-aggressive thoughts? Y'all are gonna think I'm crazy. No, I'm not.

Nevermind. He's making me crazy. I'm a girl. Yes, so mine are very, very, very personal and I don't know if anybody will relate to them. But number one, I'm a person of faith. So I wanted someone that was strong in their faith and even like a leader in the faith,

even stronger than me that I could learn from and look up to in in our faith. So I had met Daniel at church. So perfect, you know, hey. That's how you met. I was gonna ask you. We will get into that. But yes, but you know, you can meet people at church or whatever common thing you want to have in common doesn't mean that they're more strong in that than you. So we still have to find out during the day. Found out he was very strong in his faith, very solid. Number two, this is so silly, but it's important to me. I wanted a man that would not complain

about going to Disneyland. I love that. That's hilarious. It was literally a non-negotiable. If a man was like, oh, I hate Disney, I am never going, I am so sorry, you don't get a second date by not an option. So how can you make sense of it if it's something that you love?

It's important to me, exactly. Yeah. And I feel like this is very polarizing, my third non-negotiable, and I feel like maybe all the people listening may not like me anymore, but I needed a man that was okay having a cat some day because I love cats, and a lot of people don't like cats. So, I don't think that's that polarizing, but it's not. It's a lot of people, and Daniel will now say. I don't think that's app-holorizing, but. I mean, it is not. It is to a lot of people, and Daniel will now say to this day,

he's like, I like to you. I'm not, we're never having a cat. And I'm like, oh my gosh, you lied on the first date. I mean, I'm the deathly allergic to cats. So cats are unfortunately not negotiable for me in a house, but to be fair, when Luke and I started dating and he was in between Indiana and Colorado, he did have a cat, but it was like an indoor outdoor cat.

Did you make him get rid of his cat? No, no, no. I just logistically, I had a friend that was thinking about, I moved from Indiana and he spent as much time outside. He spent more time outside than inside when it wasn't winter. He's honestly, his name's Walter. He's the coolest cat I've ever seen.

It's like a dog cat. He's so awesome. He's striking with me. Like when he was growing up, I'd go up and up to the cliff behind my placing Colorado. He would hike and he'd pant like a dog. He'd open his mouth, his tongue out. It was so cool.

And he's just been. He's an amazing cat, but I'm so deathly alert. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like if you do need to bring this cat to California, like to my house when you're here, the way you bring your dog, like that's literally I will die. Yeah. Yeah. So my neighbors in Colorado have him now. Oh. So I do still see him. That's it. Yeah. They wanted, they wanted to cat anyway. He kind of grew up as a mouse or being indoor outdoor, like kind of helping with that. And they love him to death because he's the best.

Yeah, well, did you guys have non-negotiables that kind of checked off the list when you started dating? We did, but not very many. Yeah. You chatted like what, one or two. Okay. Can you tell? Luke's main one was, we will not raise children

in Los Angeles, like proper Los Angeles. Oh was we will not raise children in Los Angeles like proper Los Angeles We will not raise a family. I understand what you're saying. I'm just like wow what meet you live in LA So right, but I I too and like I love California But as far as like my children being schooled in like Hollywood like LA LA I couldn't agree more and he doesn't even live here. And I know that that, you know, we're both from the Midwest. I couldn't agree more.

What was my non-negotiable? You're non-negotiable was that if I'm going to date you, I have to agree to be on camera because you make your living as a personality and you're paying your table. That's important. Prior to a seating, I was like, hopefully I'll get to be on a show again.

And if you are just like a hard hell no, won't even consider it, it's a joke kind of a vibe. I can't have that. Yeah. Like don't make fun of like, you know. Did you have to think about it? Or were you okay or? I had a lot of questions.

Yeah, I did come back with a bunch of questions. I said, so what does this mean? Does this mean I have to agree to appear on camera occasionally as your boyfriend? Right. Or does this mean you expect me to be a big TV personality with you? Right.

And she said, that's a good question. Was there an initial response? And ultimately got to, it will be up to you as long as you don't leave me stranded and you will be on TV When if I were given that opportunity to get into like so entertain just please know like you're a part of my life Yeah, whatever that entails. Yeah, so okay. This is the first step. You're doing a show together a podcast show So I know yeah, I don't know if you'd completely agree, Kristen But I think I was somewhat of a driving

force in getting this thing out. Well, oh, the podcast. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I'm a terrible decision maker. I am terrified that any decision that I would make is going to be like the wrong one. So I really stand in limbo a lot of the time. And Luke is very pragmatic and factual, and he has a great business brain, brain and is not afraid to make choices and act on them.

Where I have like kind of sit and lie and wait. So just you know when I went, mm-hmm, that wasn't because I'm like, yeah, you suck at making decisions. It's because I do the same thing. You understand. So I completely hear you because I am the same way.

My little aquarium sister. Yes, literally the same. I have so many great ideas, but I don't always step forward in them because I don't want it to be something that's not perfect or exactly how I envisioned it or whatever the next step is. I get afraid of it.

You sound like Chris. Yeah. Very much so. Not that I don't want, I want all the things. I just get very nervous. Like, what if I'm missing that one little piece to make this project, the podcast, my clothing line, or whatever the hell it is,

that I miss that one thing that I probably should have done a little more research on or known a little bit more about. So. And with the podcast. So I came out on Halloween of last year. And we had already kind of started recording some things and we had these ideas in the work And when I got here I said so you know, I'm not leaving to we release this thing That's good. I'm proud of it. And then he stayed for a month and I was here for a month

I didn't think it was gonna be that long, but I was here for a month I remember on Halloween we were talking in Britney's backyard. You were telling me you had a podcast coming out So yeah, I'm glad that you made it happen. So wild. Okay, so your non-negotiables date one, faith, Disneyland, super important to you, the cat thing, you and Dan have gotten past this, were there, was there anything else? Those are the main non-negotiables.

Yes, first day, we're not going on a second date if you hate cats or hate Disney or hate God, there's something. Yeah, second date, sorry. cats or hate Disney or, you know, hate God. There's like, yeah, second date, sorry. And that's that. And there was, I had a long list of things that I wanted in a future. Has been in Daniel was pretty much everything on the list, which is amazing. I wrote that list when I was 13.

So I've had the list for a long time. And I mean, like, little adjustments. Like, I think I wrote in there once. Like, I want a man in uniform because I come from a military family. I like cross that off real quick because I saw all my friends with their dad that were deployed for six months at a time and I was like, okay, I don't need that,

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DipsyStories.com slash Kristen. That is 30 days of full access for free when you go to DIP, S-E-A, stories.com slash Kristen. Remember guys, get it now, D tipsystories.com slash Kristen. So how long did you and Dan date before things got serious before like were you casually dating, you met at church, were you both dating other people? How quickly did you become like quote unquote boyfriend girlfriend to engagement to marriage? Okay. First of all, because he is gonna listen to this, Daniel goes by Daniel or Danny or Foco,

and so many of our friends say, Dan, Dan, and he's like, who's Dan? I don't know who Dan is, but you say Daniel, and then I don't cause. You get in the middle, you're like, yeah, we'll just go with Dan, it's so funny. All right, so we started dating in 2013. 10 years ago. 10 years ago. All right, so we started dating in 2013.

10 years ago. 10 years ago. We had our 10 year anniversary in March of this year. Crazy. We love it. So we started dating in 2013. We met at church. According to me, you'll have to get his side of the story some other time.

According to him, we met somewhere else. I don't remember meeting him at that first meeting. He said he was like, oh, she's so beautiful. I, he focused on me and I had no idea who he was. So according to me, we met at church. We went on our first date and he decided to take me to Rending Canyon to maybe see how active I was. I don't know.

I'm like, that's not a good first date, thinking back on it because I wasn't really active. And I'm over here out of breath, having to stop to catch my breath all the time. He's right thinking like, who is this girl? She can't even keep up. And then he also decided to take his shirt off within the first five minutes of our day. So I think he was like, I'm just gonna like lock it in. Like, let me get my shirt off and show her how many like abs I have. Sixteen abs, like crazy.

So that he jokes and he was like, that's when she proposed. Oh my God. Yeah. So he had to go through my non-negotiable list first. But we went to running Canyon first date, second date. We went to, he took me to a nice dinner and it was beautiful. It had a beautiful view, sunset. I was very determined in who I was and what type of man

I wanted to find. So I remember wearing no makeup on my second date to a really nice fancy dinner. And being self-conscious, it'd be like, if this man wants to date me, he better like me without any makeup, like this, I'm just going to show up bare face going to a nice dinner. You're bold. I feel like I wouldn't do that now. I'm smart.

Why was I doing that when I was 23 years old? I feel like I wouldn't do that now. Just because I like to feel more presentable when I go out. But what makes you feel good about you? It does. But at the time, I was so determined, like, I don't want to have any man think I'm one way and then not really be that way behind closed doors. So I'm showing up with no makeup.

I had crazy acne. So not on that date, but it would come and go. So I remember like a month a month in I was breaking out everywhere. And I'm like, oh, this guy's still around. I'm a hot mess. And he's still hanging around. And this is before any pageants or anything. So I'm just as like random crazy girl was acne all over her face that he's still going on dates with. So, you know, you know, it's meant to be before any success in any area. He still was interested. Yeah. So I love that. Yeah, we dated.

I told him I was moving back to Nevada when I came from Hong Kong. I moved to Nevada. I spent some time in LA. That's when we met. And then I was like, I'm moving back to Nevada. I'm doing a pageant. And he was like, what?

No. He was like, we're doing really well in this relationship. He really, I think, had an audition proposing to me after five or six months. He was ready to get married. But I was like, no, I want to do this pageant thing. And if I do it, I think, had an audition proposing to me after like five or six months. Like, he was like ready to get married, but I was like, no, I want to do this pageant thing. And if I do it, I can't be married. So like, I-

Is that a rule? It was. Oh, they changed. Interesting. But, okay. The last 50 years, it was a rule that it's a Miss USA, not Miss USA. Right. You know?

Okay. So, also you're so young. Exactly. So, yeah. But he was like, ready, like ready to lock it down. Yeah. Which I like, you know, like a man that knows what he wants. Like that's good. Totally.

Yeah. He was not just messing around and dating for fun kind of thing. So he, he told me, he's like, I need time to think about it. I don't know if I want to be in a relationship with someone that can't get married for a whole year if you were to win. So he thought about it, he took it like a week to think about it, pray on it. And he came back, he was like, all right, let's do this. And he was like, what victory secret runway shows?

We have to watch, like practice your walk. Like how do I practice? I had to ask you questions with you. Let's do this. Like, I'm going to ask you every political question on this son. Like we got this. And he was like, you guys lived together yet? No, no.

No, he was like, all in. And then I had, I moved back to Nevada. So I was living with my roommate out there. And he would come and help me practice and all that. So I went Miss Nevada. He's so excited. He says it's like a sporting game. He's like, I had more adrenaline

than I have when I'm watching a football game. It's intense, it's so insane. So I love competition. It's a love competition. So awesome. He's so, like, that's a next level supportive of you. That's incredible. That's awesome. Thank you. Yeah, he's very supportive. So awesome. He's so like that's a next level supportive of you. That's incredible. That's awesome. Thank you. He's very supportive. So that we go on to miss USA. Same thing, practicing with my questions and all of that to make

sure I can speak well on stage and in interviews and everything. And I remember when I won they take you to a suite after they have food set up for you and they like have this beautiful room and he grabbed the crown. He's like, we did it. And I was like, yeah, we did, huh? Like it was us. It wasn't just me. Like we did it. So, you know, oh my god, it's so cute. Don't make me cry. I'm like PMS saying I could cry. Oh, wrong. Pregnancy hormones over here. Postpartum hormones. I could cry too. I love those. But to like hit the main bullet points that you're asking about. So that was June of 2014 that I won Miss USA in October of 2014. He did a surprise flight out to New York.

Because when you win Miss USA at the time, you move to New York City. So now we're by coastal. Oh, wow. And doing a long distance relationship. Move to New York, he flew out, surprised me. I had no idea he was coming. He set up this beautiful, like, penthouse hotel room that had like a beautiful balcony, set up everything, like lights and candles and all the things, and proposed, which was magical.

So that was October, but I was competing for Miss Universe. So I had Miss Universe like five months after that. So we had to wait to make any wedding plans because if I were to win Miss Universe, then that would be another year that I can't get married. So I'd come here for Miss Universe, got first runner up, almost one. Not quite so close. That's so good. That's Columbians. Wow. You are a Miss Universe. Yeah. I was so close. I did as good as I could do without winning. So, you know, yeah. Had a good time. So wait, so can I, sorry, I have a taboo question. Okay, go first.

This is taboo. I want to ask about proposal. Okay. So in today's society, it is very uncommon to save yourself from marriage. That being a very religious person in Dania as well, is that something you guys did? That's a great question. And I feel like all of my church friends now, they probably assumed that we did, but no, we didn't.

We wanted to, but just didn't happen. Yeah, so, you know. And then like before we got my results, we're gonna need that all. We're gonna need that all. Not at all, no, but we're like, we're gonna wait, we're gonna at least stop for like three months before we get married.

I didn't happen either, but we tried. We tried. It is a good question though, because I do think about it a lot, because my family is very faithful as well, but none of us did wait as well. Yeah. And I think that that's very okay, as long as you're just still honoring your faith. Absolutely. And I had, you know, when I was younger, like my teenage years, and I'm about, I'm going to save myself for marriage. And I wanted to, and I had every intent, of course, at, you know, 15, 16 years old.

I remember one of my aunts was like, hey, that's great. And I'm happy for you to do that. It's wonderful, but I want you to know that it's okay if you don't, and don't beat yourself up. And I think that's something that's important to like have that mindset, like, I'm not a bad person. It is, yeah, exactly.

It doesn't make you a bad person, by any means. Yeah, I'm not a bad person. It is, yeah, exactly. It doesn't make you a bad person by any means. Yeah, I completely agree. And I grew up going to church. And what's funny, I didn't know this till later, but my mom actually had a talk with my older sister, letting her know that she thinks it could potentially be beneficial to not save it from marriage. I hear a lot of people say that.

And I had no idea that conversation happened because I never had a sex talk growing up. So your mom had a sex talk with your sister, but not with you. Correct. Yeah. And he's one of four. It's two girls, two boys. So it goes, did your brother, girl, boy, boy girl. Okay. Did your brother get a sex talk or just you, they're like, oh, your boys, you don't need to learn about sex. You know what? I don't think so. I think they knew because they had to sign off on these like oh, your boys, you don't need to learn about sex. You know what? I don't think so. I think they knew, because they had to sign off on these, like, sex, not classes, but they'd read a certain day, sex at the end.

Right, there'd be a day of, they'd call it maturation, you know, where you're, anyway, they talked about, you know, condoms and penises and vaginas and all that good stuff. All the good stuff. All the good stuff. What, just curious, what grade were you in when you had sex ed? I believe it was fifth grade. Yeah, and for me, I think it was sixth. And now, thinking back to it, I was not even

privy to anything like that until high school. I remember being in eighth grade. And it was when I had my first kiss. And then another boy that I kissed wanted to put his hand up my shirt and I'm like, whoa, and I was deemed approved. So hard by so many people, because it just then it was like the gossip around eighth grade.

Like Kristen wouldn't let this guy put his, I didn't even wear a bra. Yeah. In middle school, I didn't need to, but I started wearing one. Yeah. Because boys like to snap the back of your bra. And I didn't wear one because I didn't need to, but I started wearing one. Yeah. Because boys like to snap the back of your bra and I didn't wear one because I didn't have to. Right. And then I was in there. But there is. Yeah. That I didn't have the bra to snap, you know. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

But it's like, middle school things. Knowing what we all know now, it's so wild. And the way I feel like kids are, we see on the TikToks and the Instagrams and like the way that these little 14, 15-year-olds look now, I'm like, wait. There's so much more grown-up than we do. They look like what we look like now. Yes. Yes. They really do. They really do.

They really do. Yes. Is that child? Literally. It just blows my mind. It is wild. And my sex ed class was in sixth grade as well. And as an adult, I think, oh my gosh, that's so young, but I guess you would want to maybe get ahead

of before kids are sexually active. So they are informed. I think it's so important. Just everything I've learned about my own journey with fertility and all of that, I am so passionate about us knowing about our bodies. Like from a young age. Our bodies hearts, no, I could not agree more on people.

It's so important. Yeah, it's absolutely wild. Okay, so I have a question about like the whole proposal and all of that. Were you the girl that was like, I know the ring I want, like I have the Pinterest board, you know, that like vibe, like I want like this cut, I love like gold or white gold.

I like this cut, I want this. And I don't even have my ring on my ring. I know you don't. I always forget to wear it out of the house. I'm like, there's nothing wrong with my marriage guys. And I don't even have my ring on my ring now. I know you don't. I always forget to wear it out of the house. I'm like, there's nothing wrong with my marriage, guys. I just do forget to put my ring on. I have kids, my mind is everywhere. Okay, so I had a Pinterest board.

There was like five different types of rings on all different shapes. Like it was not like clean and organized. What's that like mine right now? Yeah, exactly. Just all over the place. So I sent in my Pinterest board and I was like, I'm not gonna tell you anything else.

If you wanna look at it, you can't. He's like, what do I pull from this? It's all different. But we have a really great friend who is a jeweler who helped Daniel. And he's like one of my friends. The jeweler is like a personal friend of mine into James and downtown LA.

I don't know if I can say that. But plug that. Yeah, shout out. But they're absolutely amazing. And so he obviously knows jewelry and helped Daniel look at my Pinterest board and pulled together kind of in general what I wanted. And he did wonderful and a special little thing

on the inside of the band of my engagement ring was three stones red, white, and blue, because we got engaged when I was Miss USA. So it's like a ruby and a diamond and a a staff. That's amazing. Yeah. I love it. Maybe stole my heart. Memory kind of thing. So. Just saying Luke, that's like a really romance that continues to be. Are you going to get into the pageant world? On the inside. Just something special.

A little quote. You can like put words in there. You really can. Something I've never really thought of. I've been rated Luke, where I'm like this is exactly what I want. I don't want something crazy. I know exactly words in there. You really can. Something I've never really thought of. I've been rated lukewarm. Like this is exactly what I want. I don't want something crazy. I know exactly what she wants. And it's not something crazy because- Would be pissed if I actually used the, it was wild. The way these conversations have gone.

She would be upset if I spent the budget that I said. I had for a range. She told me a number of the other day. She's like, no, spend it all. No, I like save that for... She's like, spend it on the Mahoney Moon. Spend it all. It's a real save it for an experience.

Let's put more money toward a house or a trip or an experience. Like, screw the ring. We can do, I'll take a little gold band, I don't care. I also said something similar to Daniel because I have big fingers. I feel like a seven. I'm like a seven or a quarter, seven or nine. Yeah, so I think maybe I. I feel like a seven. I'm like a seven and a quarter, seven and a half. So I think maybe I'm a seven and a quarter.

So for us as taller women, our hands aren't big, they're normal, but I have friends that have like a size five or four. Sheena is like a four and a half. Exactly. I can't even put it past like my first knuckle on my pinkies. So with Daniel, I was like, you either get me a bagel diamond or get me a band because I don't want anything in the middle. That makes my finger look fast.

You need to be like massive or nothing. So he went with big. I love it. Oh my God. This is so much fun. I was so I like had to know I was like, wait, but did you tell them all the stuff? Right. Or were you that girl that was like, now I don't know.

He just like picked on a ring and I really loved it. Right, you know. I love that. Look, no, it's exactly what you want. That was exactly like this one. Well, I'm 40. So at this point, I thought it was,

let's do this, yeah, million years, you know. So then how long from proposal to marriage? I was still in the USA. So it could not get married. Well, I was in the USA. I gave up my title in July and we got of 2015. We was still Miss USA. So it could not get married. While I was Miss USA, I gave up my title in July and we got of 2015. We got married in October.

I did a lot of wedding planning while I was Miss USA by coastal. And I really traveled for the next two months, doing appearances. I went to like Korea and like all over the US and all these things because I do martial arts and I grew up in Taekwondo specifically and that's based in Korea.

So I did a lot of travel with the martial art world after my C.W.S.A. and then come back and I had like three weeks until I got married. Long distance. See you guys at long distance. We did it for a full year. Even like a little bit like Nevada to LA was nothing, we could drive in four hours

or hop on a one hour flight. But yes, the New York to LA was like a big thing. But we would FaceTime and like literally just hang out. I would open up my computer and my desk and we'd just hang. You know? Like how do you guys do long distance? That's what I'm asking you. Yeah.

I think some people are like, well, I don't get how you guys like work this out. I mean, Luke really does give up a lot to like drive here. You drive? Yeah, you drive? Put my dog. I can't leave her all the time. No, with the German Shepherd. He can't fly with the German Shepherd.

I'm not putting her in cargo. No, right. So I drive, yeah. How long is the drive? 14. Ish. He can do it in 14. I do it in 14.

It's like 17, but he can do it in 14. For people, I think my job is dropped. I guess. I'm not talking to him like, what? Yeah, most people are like, I can't do a four-hour drive. And I'm like, I do a 14-hour drive once a month. Well, that is a good man. Yeah, I know you're going to know you're a good man because therapists have told you we had this conversation

before we started recording. So you're a good man. I know he's a good man, but wow. And you have to do it to make a relationship work until you are living in the same city You know whenever that is so it's proof to people out there that like Relationships like that can work. Yes, right can be long distance in Prior to marriage. Yeah, you just have to make it work. Yeah, I'm proud of us for doing so Yeah, same and so similar to your you know turning the computer on for like to just hang out

Kristen and I would put headphones in and go through I've got sex. Oh, what oh, I thought you were gonna go there. Sorry Not at all. Hey, that's part of the name of the podcast I'm saying how you're like I just need somebody with me to do this like task as she has a way of kind of like Putting off folding laundry like task as she has a way of kind of like putting off folding on or like pushing things off and she would put headphones in and sometimes I would have my headphones in. We'd be doing kind of our own things and we'd just be like hanging

out for four or five hours. We'd be. Yeah. Yeah. It's essentially like why Zach, you know, my best friend, I have Zach over when Luke's out of town because I just, my me time is like socializing with at least one friend, because I'm always alone with my dogs.

But when Zach's not over, then I'm like, okay, back in the day, then I would just be on the phone with Luke, like he was saying. Yeah, and I would get a trillion things done because it felt like he was here. Yeah, for us, it was really not difficult. Yeah, you can make it work.

If I think communication is everything, and you hear all these relationships, and I feel like a lot of times it's women complaining about men not being good at communication or not texting them or not calling them, it's like as long as you both have great communication, long distance is nothing. Yeah, communication is key.

I feel like we've said that every podcast we've talked, I do. That's the repeating theme in successful relationships is communication. Yeah, absolutely. So then baby talk. So now you're married. Yes. Obviously you would already converse about you want to have children, duh, or you wouldn't have been married, right? Yes. That was our pre-marriage counseling. We talked about all of that. OK, so for our listeners, you guys, obviously, Nia is my friend, and we've talked to Nia off this podcast about things. And as far as you just said, counseling,

what I wanted to ask you about, which we'll get to in just a second, is actually having a counselor about having children, is this different than pre-marital counseling? which we'll get to in just a second is actually having a counselor about having children. Is this different than pre-marital counseling? For us, it was all kind of in the same thing. I think we did six or eight sessions. I can remember how many, and we talked about everything from finance

to household responsibilities to children, how you want to raise children, when you want to have children, where do we want to live long-term? Like it was so many different subjects to make sure that we were on the same page and how we wanted to have children, where do we want to live long-term? Like, it was so many different subjects to make sure that we were on the same page and how we wanted to be married, but also how we wanted to raise kids,

because that is such a huge part of a relationship. If you're having children together and you don't agree on parenting styles or even where you want to live or whatever that might be, like that can ruin a relationship and you don't want to bring kids into that, you want to be on the same page.

So that was all part of our marriage counseling, a variety of subjects, but that was one of the main subjects. And did you do that before you were engaged? We did that when we were engaged. But I had such a big fear of divorce because both my parents essentially been divorced twice. Like my dad was in two actual marriages.

My mom was in a marriage and then a long-term 10-year relationship that didn't work out. So, I'm like, nobody ends up together. We both have divorced. We're both from different families. So, I told Daniel, I was like, I don't even want you to put a ring on it until we get there. But like, let's not do this commitment until we actually know

that this could work out, but we ended up getting engaged and then doing that. It was almost like two months of pre-marital counseling. It was so smart. And we still do therapy, just as kind of like a healthy check-in, rather than like, oh, there's something wrong, let's fix it with therapy. It's like, let's do. Every few months, we just do a check-in with our therapists who we love, and that I feel like keeps our relationship healthy and keeps the communication really open and flowing.

So that's totally brilliant. Luke has. Yeah, smart to say ahead of it. Absolutely. Luke is not someone who's done therapy really on his own. I've been with my therapist for like a trillion years. Yeah, I love that. And she's wonderful.

It took me a few people to get to her, which I've told my listeners like, don't be deterred if you don't vibe with your first one, because it's like choosing a partner or your first dog, maybe it's a bad example, but it's like you find the thing that vibes with you. You have to. I hate it when people are like, oh, I tried therapy one time and it was terrible. Oh my goodness, Dan, on I have our therapist together, we have individual people that we speak to as well, and our own without each other. And his first therapist that he tried was terrible. And he came home feeling worse than when he went in just to like, try to find someone.

So it is important to just keep trying until you find something you can do. And so with Luke, as I said, like he has never done therapy on his own, but he has spoken to my therapist not only on our podcast, but in my own therapy sessions, he's like, I've asked, can Luke join this one? Because there's some things we want to talk about. And my therapist is very adamant that she will not be our couple's therapist because she's just been with me for so long.

She's always gonna sort of have my back, if you will. The same time she had my back, but she really, absolutely. But Luke is a big fan of checking in. Good. And that's without therapy. Right. He has come to me and said like we should do check it. We do a check in once week. We need to do a check in. And I think that that's like very important. Yeah, even without a therapist, just a check in with each other. Like have a time that's like, Hey, it's been a crazy week crazy week. Tell me what I've done to piss you off

because there are some things that are like, let me know the things that frustrated me so we can stay on the same page and we can keep getting better. You know, it's like if you're not a work in progress, if you don't see yourself as a work in progress, I feel like that's somewhat of a flaw. We're all trying to get better, right?

Absolutely. I totally agree. And even getting on my, like, inner marriage and, you know, live together, we share finances and all that. We have, like better. Absolutely. I totally agree. Even getting on our marriage and living together, we share finances and all of that. We have financial meetings. Our goals do them once a month. It does not happen once a month. We do financial check-ins. We do our life check-ins.

What are our goals in the beginning of the year? For the whole year. We check-in where we are with our goals. What can we do to keep reaching towards them? Those check-ins are so important. I love that you guys do that. Well, that's something that I think the, I actually before you got here, I asked Chris and if she was willing to do some counseling

because Danny brought it up in the whole golf conversation that we mentioned. And she said, Well, to tell her listener, so you went golfing. Yeah, went golfing with some friends. You were golfing with some friends, but I think that I had friends that probably had Danny and his husband was there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Danny, his husband was there, and he said how beneficial and how much he advocated for that, that that was such a positive thing, and he said it wasn't because it was a problem. It was to stay ahead of things. And I 100% admire and identify with that. I try to stay ahead of things and don't let them get bad.

And to be honest, I was not aware that that was really a thing. Like, personal therapy, couples therapy, sex therapy, we've interviewed a lot of people, I've seen people on my own. But as far as like a therapist to speak to before planning for children. Right. I want to have kids one day, one million percent. I've always wanted to be a mom more than I've ever wanted to even be a wife. I mean, of course, the idea is I'm both.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's a big thing. But I'm just saying, like, being a mother has always been so important to me. And I've never truly considered or realized that that was an avenue that was open for anybody that wants to be a mother or a parent in general, that you have people resources to reach out to. Family planning therapists, there are so many out there, and when we were going through our fertility journey, I was recommended, so many of those people were recommended to me by our fertility doctor, but you know, you can speak with those people, the therapists that are family planning therapists

in all stages, you don't have to necessarily be where we were at, which is like, do we do IVF, do we do IUI? Like, am I young enough and healthy enough that we don't have to do any of this, or do we, like, there's people that can help you for that type of family planning, but also just, like, how do you want to raise kids, where do you want to raise kids?

What are your, like, morals and viewpoints on life just to make sure you're on the same page? So yeah, I think that's really important for everyone listening and very important for me that is why you know, whenever you guys, whenever I think something's hits the nail on the head for me, I feel like if I think that there's got to be thousands of people listening

to this that feel the same way. Yes, I agree. So I want to change directions just a listening to this that feel the same way. Yes. I agree. So I don't want to change directions just a little bit. Let's go. Boom. So getting pregnant. Yes. I want to talk about that.

So there are some myths out there and I've actually overheard some conversations that you two have already had about, you know, positions or what to do after, you know, to say post-coitus. Listen, I'll just call this way to Spain. I have thought my entire time of being an adult in thinking about having unprotected sex with my person if we want to conceive that you do the deed,

you pull the goalie, you put your legs straight up in the air, and you lay like that for 10 minutes. At least. And I had this conversation with Nia off-podcast, obviously, and we were hanging out one time. And just describing the way you said it made just so like, I know what a server looks like. I know how my body's, but it did not even grow up. Good for you, I didn't really know.

But it didn't cross my mind. Right. Yeah. When you worded it. So just tell everybody, you're... I'm gonna try to describe it verbally where I remember like showing you my finger and my hand. So yes, I've heard and did all the same things when we were trying to get pregnant. I literally, someone was like, the two pillow rule,

you have to put two pillows under your hips and just keep your legs straight up on the, the headboard and just wait for at least 15, 10, 15 minutes. I literally have done, and it's kind of embarrassing to say, but I've literally done a headstand. Like I put a towel on the floor. That's amazing. And I stood on my head.

And then actually hurt. I'm like, I feel like I could do this when I was a kid and it didn't hurt white, maybe because I'm in my thirties and I shouldn't be doing this anymore. But I've done it all to try to get in the right position, the quote, right position to get pregnant. But my acupuncturist who is phenomenal,

he's a fertility acupuncturist, explain it to me that the vagina is like, you imagine like a tunnel and your cervix goes into the vagina. It doesn't lay flat with the end of the vagina. So it pokes out a little bit into your vagina. So think about it. Like if you're putting yourself up at an angle, nothing's going to get into the cervix

because it's almost like this 90 degree angle now. So it's pulling at the bottom and it's not going up. And it's not going into the opening. Do you get what I'm saying? With Luke's face right now. I feel like we need to include a diagram. This was not in fifth grade in restoration. No,'s face right now. I feel like we need to include a diet now. This wasn't in fifth grade incarceration. No, it was not.

And I feel like now everybody listening needs to look up maybe an animated version. You don't have to see a Google it. A foreign version. Yeah, we don't want to watch that. Yeah, I know. But if you just look like an illustrated, not animated, illustrated version, you can see that it goes into your cervix,

which is the opening to your uterus where babies grow. That goes into the vagina. So if you, yeah, you don't need to put your hips up. My fertility acupuncture said just lay flat. Let the sperm do their work. Just lay flat. We'll get in there when they're supposed to. Yeah. And you said, and you told me because obviously, as I've said a million times, like I dream of being a mom. Yeah. So when the time is right, the acupunk sure was really, really helpful. And you were not the first person to tell me this, but you were the first person I had,

like, an in-depth, more in-depth conversation. Oh, yeah. And I was like, start going now. So you can, like, work on your body now. So it's ready for when it's the right time for you. Right. Like, why not start now? I'll go with you.

Yes. We go with me. I actually would love to, but Daniel, like, jokes, he was like, Dr. Dan got you pregnant. Like, because we did, before Asher, we tried for a year and a half did not get pregnant. We did three rounds of IUI, like, like the shots and the stomach and all the stuff and going and going to Dr. Sobis, the sperm and a tube, they make you check the name, like thank goodness, they make you make sure that your husband's name is on the tube. Oh my God, shut up.

Imagine if it was the wrong tube. So they make you check the tube, make sure your husband's name is on it. They put the sperm all the way up as close as they can to the eggs, we did that three times, didn't get pregnant. And then I started going to Dr. Dan and Dr. Wu, his first Dan Wu. And two months later, we got pregnant

after I did fertility acupuncture for two months, crazy. And then we started trying again after Asher, and I wasn't getting pregnant. I was only like four or five months maybe. And so I went to do a lot of the end two times, and then I got pregnant with twins, so. Wow, I think he's accurate. He's good at his job.

I never even heard of this. I can't wait. Wait, I have a question super fast about acupuncture because I've never done it in general. Does it, the needles, it doesn't hurt? I mean, I'm covered in tattoos. It doesn't, generally hurt, but there are nerves. And so maybe they're supposed to put it close to the nerve

but they accidentally hit the nerve. And it is more of a painful situation but you just sound like, oh, that one hurts and I'll pull it out. I'm sorry. Like I said, I'm literally covered in tattoos. You'll be okay. My pain tolerance is so high.

Yeah. It's not even fun. And my pain tolerance used to be high from like martial arts and getting like kicked and punched on the tummy, but now I just got a lymphatic massage where they like really aggressive. Oh, I've done that. Yeah. And I'm like, wow, I haven't trained in a while. I'm not doing good anymore.

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The fertility acupuncture. The fertility acupuncture. Yeah, I have family members as well as a lot of friends that have done IVF, IUI, and done these things. And I don't think there's a large percentage of people just in this country, if not in the world, that have no idea that acupuncture can do these things for them. Oh, yeah. it's incredible. I mean, and also so much less expensive to potentially be able to have the

children that you desire. Right. It's still expensive, especially in LA, you know, maybe in the hundred dollar ish range and that adds up if you're going two, three times a week for multiple weeks or months, but I did tell myself this is like the natural version of I.E.Y. instead of spending thousands of dollars I'm spending hundreds of dollars. So it feels a little better.

Right. And the clock of a clock. You know what, the rumor about the salad in LA, I think it's your pregnant, all of my friends have told me it's a crock of shit. And let me tell you that specific salad is a lot more expensive than doing acupuncture, ladies, because anyone

who reads pop culture, mail, and like online stuff, which knows about this supposed... Right. All of my girlfriends tried this. Yeah. Salad, it's just a damn salad. Do you know what? Maybe it's all the placebo effects, too. Like if you think it's going to get you pregnant, then your body is more relaxed and ready

to get pregnant, I don't know. So, it's... Whatever works for you. It's relaxation think it's gonna get you pregnant, then your body is more relaxed and ready to get pregnant. I don't know. Whatever works for you. It's relaxation, it's like less stress. Yes, but yes and no, because being part of the fertility community for so long, people would say, oh, you just need to relax, and then you'll get pregnant. Like we went to the Maldives,

we had champagne every single day for almost three weeks, and literally had sex every single day. My fertility window was in the middle of it, and we didn't get pregnant. So it's not all about relaxing, but it does help to chill out a little bit. That's not what gets you pregnant. Because if you're in the fertility world and you are having trouble getting pregnant and your friends like, just relax and it'll happen when you stop trying. You're like, I don't punch you in the face. Yes, it's like when you're upset and your person tells you, like, just calm down. Yes, don't tell me to calm down. I mean, we've definitely heard that,

not that we are necessarily trying at the moment, but Kristen, we have loved to talk about babies, and we both want kids, and we've heard that way more than we've heard anything about acupuncture. It's just, just relax. It'll happen when you don't expect it. Don't try so hard. Don't be stressed.

All these things is what people say. Yeah, it sounds a little aggressive, but I literally, maybe I shouldn't say literally, but I really wanna slap someone that says that. You don't even know. Like if you're the person that got pregnant the first time we tried good for you, but relaxing is not what does it.

I was so relaxed in the Maldives for three weeks, having champagne, living my best life, didn't get pregnant. Yeah, so like, I believe it sounds like the most relaxing thing I've ever done. It wasn't me. I don't like, I wanted to go to the Maldives train. I believe it sounds like the most relaxing thing I've ever done. It was amazing. I don't like it. I want to go to the Maldives right now.

You guys want to go to the flight. I have some connections. We can come up for you in the Maldives. Let's do it. Sounds so good to me. Oh God, this has been so helpful, Neo. And so just to wrap it up, like how are you doing having three under three? So you have Asher.

Is your son easy, year and a half old? Yes. And you have two twins, two twins obviously. You have twin identical, is your son, he's a year and a half old. And you have two twins, obviously, you have twin, identical twin daughters. Zaria, oh my gosh, and she's so cute. And as well, they're also beautiful. How's Asher doing? Having sister. He's doing good.

He's a really sweet big brother. I expected and prepared for lots of jealousy, and even like, what is the word when you kind of regression, like when they want to be more of a baby. He really hasn't done that. He's really stayed true to like who he is, and he snuggles the girls. There's only been one or two times where he's not hit them

because you know, that's, they just like, move the baby, and they don't have the words to communicate. But he's kind of just like pushed on them gently, and I ask him to let mom and a put baby down? He goes, baby, down. And I'm like, okay, and then we're good. And I need the attendance right now. And so he's doing wonderful.

Daniel and I are extremely sleep deprived. So if I sounded crazy on this podcast for any reason, it's because I haven't slept in six weeks. But yeah, life is good, and we're so blessed, and we're so grateful, we're just like exhausted in zombies, but besides being a zombie, we're wonderful. So what's your secrets? Do not have any bags under your eyes.

I haven't got bags when I sleep like two nights in a row. I only get four hours of sleep. I'm like, you can see it in my eyes. Yeah, I don't even know. You look great. You look crazy hydration because I'm also breastfeeding so I have to drink like a gallon of water a day. So maybe that's part of it.

Just like super hydrated. Great. Sleep with the baby's sleeves, but you can't really.. Just like super high rate and sleep with the baby sleeps, but you can't really, you're like, I'm doing dishes and then maybe sleeping, I'm not gonna sleep. I tried. You don't look the slightest bit, sleep deprived, honestly.

You genuinely don't. I'm gonna be really am and I'm a zombie, so thank you all, take it. Maybe it's just DNA. Like my DNA doesn't do back, so you know. It could be it, yeah. Yeah. You look amazing.

I love you, I love you. And Daniel, I love your whole family. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I need to have you back on again. We want to talk about so much more to talk about. We could do a self-defense podcast, giving women information to keep themselves safe because there's so much outside of the physical self-defense,

just prevention, awareness, all of that. We'll talk about more of that. Yes, I would love to do one about that because it is, it's a crazy dating world out there, even though you and I are not in the world of dating. Yeah. A ton of our listeners are. So let's do that for sure.

For sure. And then tell everyone where they can find you, please. Real Neus Sanchez on everything. Like, I think, yeah, a YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok. All the things. Really easy. Follow Nia. And yeah, I can't wait to have you back and I love you and can't wait to see this weekend

for a fun party. Hey, and one other thing, if you want, do you want to plug your project you have going? Oh yeah! Okay, fun fact guys, I have a podcast that's starting in just a few weeks. It's called Hold My Crown. Like we're taking the crown off, like the perfect pageant patty crown. We're just keeping it real. It's called Hold My Crown. Like we're taking the crown off,

like the perfect pageant paddy crown. We're just keeping it real. So it's gonna be fun. You guys will obviously have to be on the podcast and it's gonna be a whole bunch of like everybody. Pageant people, our group of friends, like experts in every area, like self-defense and all of that. So it's gonna be fun.

Oh, it sounds amazing. Yes. Hold my crown. Hold my crown, you guys. You don't got to hold her crown, because her crown does not tilt. It's always up to you. All right.

Yes. A. Baby, we still got to end the podcast where we always do. We have to end the podcast with one question. Oh my gosh, I don't even know what this question is. Okay, we're just going to say it. I would do anything for love, but I won't do.

I would do what? Oh, shoot. You know the meatloaf song? Yeah, I do. It could be anything. I know, being put on the spot kind of sucks. A lot of people say like, anal and the like, Luke said I won't be a vegan.

And I said I won't do heroin. Yeah, well, clearly. Oh gosh. So it could be anything. Don't have to make it sexual. It can literally, it could be just like sarcastic and funny. Something that you absolutely would not do in your life.

Because something you'll never do ever in life. Like I won't like, I won't swim with sharks. That's like a hard no for me. Oh my gosh, you should have prepared me for it. Do you have something that's the best part when you do that kind of one? No, but I mean, so I can give a good answer. Is there something that you have a dream?

The dream to mine was like skydiving, but that's so boring. No, I'm gonna, next time I'm on the podcast, I'm gonna have a great answer. You would never skydive ever. No, so you do anything for love. better answer. You would never skydive ever. No. So you do anything for love, but you won't skydive. Okay, thank you so much.

We love you and you guys, we will talk to you tomorrow for the season one. Absolute end of season one reunion. Recap in the reunion. And next week on Sex Level One, all this matters, we love you so much. Be safe, have a great weekend. Bye.

Thanks for listening. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Dodie and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke Double Under Score Broadred. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes every single Wednesday. Thanks for listening. See you next week.