Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Our Pregnancy Journey & Recovery

Episode Date: December 1, 2023

Episode 78. In this episode, Kristen and Luke talk about what it was like during the month that they were pregnant and the changes they felt not only in Kirsten’s body but also in their relationship. They give an update on how things have been going since the miscarriage and the announcement – commenting on some of the click bait headlines. Why did Kristen feel guilty? Who did she confide in? They discuss all this and more, tune in now! Sponsors: Download the DraftKings Casino app NOW, sign up with promo code DOUTE, and new customers get a deposit match up to ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS in casino credits when you deposit $5 or more! For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/KRISTEN Get started with EveryPlate for just $1.49 per meal PLUS $1 steaks for life by going to EveryPlate.com/podcast and entering code 49doute Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Email us: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Plus with FanDuel's quick payout, you can get paid faster than a breakaway. Make every moment more with FanDuel, official partner of the NHL. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gamlin' Problem Call 1866-531-2600, or visit connectsentario.ca. Welcome back to Sex Love and What Else Matters with Kristen Doty and Luke Broderick. It's me, Luke, I'm her the co-hosts and we do have Kristen here today. How are you, honey? Did you do this to make me laugh on purpose?

I might have. You sound like, what is that radio that your grandma listens to and she gets her 10,000 steps in? I wasn't in PR. In PR is what she used to listen to. I don't know what it is anymore. That's kind of what you sounded like just now. You were like, welcome back.

You said like, I'm me, her. I don't know. Anyway, welcome back. I actually love what's better. No, we're keeping it. Okay. Because I was a little somber just now and I'm working out my smile muscles again. It's good to see you smile.

It's been a second. I know my frown muscles are like kicking in. When I have my resting face, it's like being drawn down really hard. That's no way no one's like, oh, man. I've seen those pearly whites big smile in your face. I paid enough for them. Just kidding. I'm not kidding.

All right, guys, we'll be back. Every week we'll get a little happier. Next week I think we'll be in a better place. We'll be back together. I'm in Colorado right now. But those of you that don't know. Yes. Which is very difficult.

Yes. But a needed trip. Very much so. A plan didn't need it. Yeah, but I'll get any, hey, for not being there with Kristen, but we talked a lot about it and decided this was best for both of us.

Yeah, there's really nothing you could have done for me like during that time. And now you're gonna be back in two days, so that's like pretty perfect timing. So I'll be real guys. We've been, we talked to you last week on Saturday and Today it I don't even know I don't even know my own name. What's my name? A Kristen Dodie? That's right. I was introduced things look but

Today is Wednesday Thursday. What's today babe? Today is Thursday. Today's Thursday. Normally, I would know that because of football. But I have been in bed for most of the week. And as most of you, lovely ladies, that wrote me who are amazing, I was absolutely shocked with all of the emails and the comments and the notes and they made me cry. I'm so appreciative, like as you all know it takes time. Physically, mostly, I mean not mostly physically but physically it takes time for your body to like deal with what's going what it's going through and mentally and emotionally. I don't even know where the hell I'm at if I want to be honest. Like some days I'm cool and then other days I'm like

like some days I'm cool and then other days I'm like, hmm, not so much. So that's how I'm feeling. But we kind of want to do it. Do you want to start with that video from the doctor? I just, I want to say I see the emails we get to the podcast, email address as well. And it's been, we'll get back to all of you. And we very much appreciate all of the support,

as well as the stories you've shared and things you've done. To me, I think it's been so supportive and uplifting and I hope has had the same effect on you, babe. Yes, it's nice to know not to feel alone, which I think is probably why other women were reaching out, because they probably felt alone too. So it's wild to know that there's a lot of people at their who understand. Right, and it's is a more common thing than people believe. And what people go through, I think, isn't talked about enough.

And Kristen, you have a recording of a doctor that addresses what Kristen's going through and how common it is and how it's just not talked about. Yeah, so this is just from Instagram. This is not my doctor. Guys, I was tagged in this. Dr. Laura says she's Dr. Laura M.D. She's fertility specialist, reproductive health education was cared for, TILITY IVF support. And she posted this video that I thought was very kind. So once again. I'm Dr. Laura Sheehan. I'm a reproductive endocrinologist helping people build families and deal with miscarriages for years. And I really appreciate what Christen's doing. She shares. I only feel comfortable talking about this because I know so many friends of mine have gone through this. That's true. One and four pregnancies will end in miscarriage.

I know so many women have been through this and it's really flipping terrifying because you always think what's wrong? What did I do wrong? Could I have done something different? So the three things that I want to share, number one, Kristen, thank you so much for using your huge platform to share something that is so common, still not talked about enough and make people feel so broken and so vulnerable. You are doing this helps so many people feel less alone. Number two, I want to remind people that the most common cause of miscarriage is a genetic issue within embryo, not something that the person who was pregnant did wrong. And number three, miscarriage is no one's fault. It's not your fault. You did

nothing wrong. You are not broken. Find the support that you need and the compassionate care you deserve. Yeah, so I thought that was really kind because those things definitely go through your head. Like, there's all this hope, I will say, like, I have a lot of hope. Luke, we both have a lot of hope. Like, hopefully this is what happened and we're on to have a very healthy pregnancy next time. I can't predict the future, but that's definitely the hope. But it is, I will say like not to just be like super negative this whole time, but it is hard to not feel, even though I know all of those things are very, very true. I know that I did nothing wrong.

I know that I couldn't have done anything differently or better or like I did all the shit and you know what a lot of people like think about way back in the day. They didn't have prenatal, Amazon, vitamin gummies that you can like order next day to your house. They're like slow, like iron pills so you don't puke your brains out or should all over yourself or whatever. So it's like there's all these things that are so accessible and so convenient for us to be looking up to hear about, to educate ourselves on it and just to have.

So I know all of those things like obviously deep down and at the same time though, it's like all the worries that I had before we got pregnant. We're like, can I get pregnant? Is40, is there, are there going to be issues? And now it's like, those stories, you kind of still tell yourself a little bit. Like, oh, is it because of my age, or is it because of this that, whatever? Blah, blah, blah.

So ladies out there, just listen to that on repeat. God, look. Well, and I want to say from a male perspective, I just want to acknowledge that I know that there's no way I or any man could feel what you feel as far as the overwhelming waves, you know, the feelings of loss and those things like we have our own feelings too, but what's going on in your body is something that we won't have for experience. And I don't know, just like I feel like it's been not difficult,

but I've been really trying to do what's right and not like push you too much, be there for you. I just wanna be understanding. And it's hard to fully understand something you can't and will never go through. So I mean, I get that a lot more, I think. Now, there's a lot of things that I think I just get a lot more now, even though we were pregnant for a month, I mean, that we knew of.

That we knew of. Obviously, we were pregnant longer than that. You don't find out hours after you conceive. And that's maybe just something stupid I feel like debunking when they're like, she had this terrifying, I mean, I hate the clickbait headlines. Yes, it was terrifying for me. There was, I don't think anything abnormal about the way that it went. I also really hate the word miscarriage.

And I read someone, I think someone wrote me this or I commented on something. And I actually really agree. And no, I'm not, you guys, I'm not like taking some fucking like stand and like change.org to like change the word, okay? Calm down. But I just, the word miscarry, it does kind of like read as if though you did something wrong. You did not carry this pregnancy correctly.

You know what I mean? Fuck the word, but. I hadn't ever thought of it that way, but when I say 100%, you can get that meaning from it. I don't know, maybe there's a new term for us someday. And I'll just call it whatever the fuck we want. Again, not trying to change the world out here, just trying to change my thoughts and feelings one day at a time.

Oh, and then something else, Luke, this is just like a random thought that I was thinking about the other day that I wrote down. But when you were just saying like how, because I want to get back to like how you're feeling, but just to like tag onto that, I don I didn't wanna get back to like, how you're feeling, but just to like, tag onto that. I don't know if this is something that sticks with you or that like affects you at all, but like for me, as a, as a chick,

and when my friends get pregnant, and they're always like, oh my God, here's, I heard the first heartbeat. The heartbeat was today, and I'm always like, yay! You heard a heartbeat, woo! That's like a real baby's happening. It's like living, that's awesome, right? And it like resonated with me sort of,

but now I like really fucking get it. You know what I mean? Like you're just waiting because then you know you've gotten past this hump that is like the most weird, strange, difficult, happy, emotional fucking rollercoaster that is the first trimester as long as I went through it, because you're like, what's happening to my body, what's happening to my brain, my hormones are going nuts, blah, blah, blah, but that's, it does a statistics proof that

that a miscarriage is far more likely to happen, not impossible to happen after a first trimester, but more likely to happen during the first trimester. So anyway, just the whole heartbeat thing, really, I thought about it and how many friends I've had that have texted me or called me at their first appointment, which is usually not until like eight to 10 weeks. And at that point, you would hear a heartbeat. So I was like, wow, that's pretty wild. That's what we were hoping for when we met. It's kind of what we banked on. So anyway, but I want you to...

I was just sorry, tagging on to what you were saying of just the non-understanding. I do understand that you don't know, and you can't know physically, but you're a really good partner. Keto, I love you. Thanks, I love you too. So how have you been feeling what's been going on?

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not the feeling to get going through this. Yeah. And so I didn't say that on the podcast. I said that to Luke, I think just privately, but that I've been home the entire time Luke's been out of town by choice. And amazing friends and strangers and just people in general reaching out being so kind and wanting to be so helpful and I just don't want to talk to anyone. Like I don't want to talk to my best friends. Like you're the only person that I want to even speak to. Like I'm just like, what are you going to say? It's like when someone dies almost, you're just like, I have to mourn this on my own

and there's like nothing you can say to make it better. Therefore, like, let's not waste time. I don't know. It sounds very insensitive when I say it like that because I'm very appreciative. But. Yeah, we haven't wanted to talk to people. I guess as part of the way this whole thing goes,

we will be bringing more uplifting topics back, but right, for right now, just filling in everyone on what's going on and addressing certain questions and things we've got. One really cool thing, maybe you can you have her name, but we had a tree planted. Samantha. Yeah, at a tree planted. And yeah, we got an email sent to us. So Samantha, thank you. This is like beyond beyond the sweetest thing I've ever heard that really meant a whole lot. So Samantha, thank you. This is like beyond beyond the sweetest thing I've ever heard that really meant a whole lot. So Samantha emailed us, said, Kristen and Luke, I'm so so sorry to hear

the miscarriage news. It never matters how early it is in your pregnancy either. You feel the lost regardless. I know you feel overwhelmed. Just know you are overwhelmed with my love and prayers. I have had a tree planted in your honor and a memory of your loss as a mom who has also experienced this pain. You are not alone. You will continue to be in my thoughts and a memory of your loss as a mom who has also experienced this pain. You are not alone. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. So thank you so much Samantha Griffin. Very much appreciate that.

And that's so above and beyond and amazing. That's really, really sweet. And I was like, I want to go plant a bunch of trees. Do we can visit? Can we plant one in Colorado? We can plant a bunch in Colorado. That'd be cool. So I don't know. The only thing I knew how to do with this was kind of like,

I sent Luke this like little outline thing that I wrote. Of just think it's stuff I've been thinking about. And I feel a lot of people will really tap into and connect to, because I'm again just very overwhelmed by the amount of women who have reached out and have said that this isn't talked about enough. And you know, I get it. I know why it's sad, but if it all helpful, it's worth it. And I'll start off by saying something really quickly.

When I found out I was pregnant, the first one of the first things I did was just download apps. I downloaded a lot of apps. Let me tell you guys, I got recommendations from the handful of people that I had told right away. I didn't mean, listen, if you want to sing, I'm here to listen. But the ones that I personally found really helpful for me in my first trimester and the ones I really liked the most

were the flow app, which I was using for my ovulation, for my period. I had been using it for years, and then also the bump. But what I really loved about the flow app is that they have this secret forum, like a secret forum board that you can chat on. So all you know is like when someone wrote it, it'll say like four days ago, and you're not allowed to post photos of yourself, like with your face and you can't write any names in it. So it's really just this open chat forum for people to talk about everything from like,

you know, they're definitely miscarriage forums all in there, but there's also so many things like, oh, I just found out I was pregnant, and these things are all happening, and like, is this normal? And I'm like, oh, I don't even know what to do with myself. And there's just like all the way up through birth. I mean, I just thought it was such an amazing platform

for people to feel so safe to just chat amongst other moms or like moms to be. So that just, I don't know, that was just my favorite thing. And then we had this one called the bump that was showing. It's for me, it just showed like the best photos photos of what that little fetus is going to look like for like, the dino nugget. I was like, we have a dino nugget. We had a dino nugget quite some time as far as we knew.

I don't know if it went past dino nugget or I think it did, but anyway. And then it's like, oh, it's a size of a sweet pea or it's a lintel. It's an apple seed, it's a whatever. So that's just something fun and nice that I still look forward to. Kind of reading, and they have like a million articles on there that you can read from doctors and just like a lot of, you know, really great knowledge. So I'll be the first one to say, my OB is the first to tell me, stop fucking googling stuff, reading all these things on Google.

But I do think things are helpful. I stand by that. I got a lot of information from Google. Obviously, I'm not taking any medical, scientific information from Google and applying it to my life without speaking to my doctor first. Like, that should go without saying to you guys.

If you don't trust your doctor, find anyone. I love mine a whole lot. I also think for me that books are really helpful, but when I find more helpful than just like those those one or two books, is that lots of books are helpful. Like books with all sorts of different views that you might not have thought you were going to want. Like there's the book that's like, yeah, it's like, oh, what to expect when you're expecting, which is like totally not a book I was gonna buy, but I had a friend tell me like, it's the fucking Bible, so I bought it.

Eh, it's all right. I had another friend tell me there's this author named Emily Oster who writes a lot of books. I bought a few of her books and I was, it hers is very like databaseed, so she's more of a researcher than anything, but I just think that's extremely fascinating. So it's just really like open your mind to certain things.

And again, I just always go back to my OB and I ask it with a thousand questions. My point is you just always go back and ask your doctor, but I just think it's between looking some certain things up, I think the biggest blessing that we had were friends. And it wasn't the friends, I guess our listeners might think that I was talking to, they just probably assumed, it's like, oh, the Vanderbomb girl is like, blah, blah, blah, blah. But it was really a lot of my best friends from back home, our friend Nia, as I said on the last podcast,

my best friend Carmen Dickman, I'm sure you guys remember her. A lot of my friends that have been in my life for a really, really long time that have a lot of experience in having children or going through certain things. So I like to hear the women that I trust in love in my life, Luke's sister, you know, and to kind of see what their experiences are like. So that's my recommendation. Luke, anything to add on? I agree. I've got to say from my perspective,

just how different the whole experience is because it's obviously not us that are carrying the child. We're not the ones that go through the physical changes and everything. So just, I don't know, the whole experience feels like it's such anticipation and like, focus on, like, try to focus and not focus too much on you. It doesn't make sense babe like I feel like sometimes I overcompensated because I'm like always thinking about you

But I'm like I don't want to like be overbearing and then there are times where you were like you're not paying any attention to me Yeah, I want you to pay lots of attention to me They all the all the attention I have Yeah, pretty much. A fair understanding. I'm like, you want to go golf? Great. No, but I get it.

I have to imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine. I have to imagine that it has to be like what the fuck moment of what do I do now? Do I do anything differently? Nothing's really different yet. It's not like I was teeter tottering around with a basketball belly. I was teeter tottering around with giant boobs. I couldn't hold up. That happened real fast.

Like so uncomfortable. But they're milk bags. That's what they're there for. And then it becomes this wildly beautiful thing that you're like, my tits are big. It's really annoying. I have to start wearing bras all of a sudden for the first time since middle school. But then you big, it's really annoying. I have to start wearing bras all of a sudden for the first time, like since middle school.

But then you realize like what it's for. And it's just like holy shit, for a woman, not for you, for you, they're big boobs, I get it. They're lovely. They're so cute. So I want to talk about two like kind of big, like main topics, it's like how we were during this month that we knew a little over a month

and then like what we've learned. We've kind of gotten into like some of the things we've learned but like how we were during pregnancy. There's something that changed for me that I feel grateful that I am aware that it could happen again so I can catch it early and that was our sex life. Which it's not like baby, it was so short.

It wasn't like it was that big of a deal. Um, so he says no. I'm saying. Now that you see it in hindsight, that we were only pregnant for a month, it maybe wasn't this big of a deal that we weren't having sex, we were often. However, like my train of thought during that time was like, I don't want anything near

this baby hole. Like this baby will come out of this hole the same way it went in, or maybe I'll have a C-section, I don't know yet, I don't know, haven't thought that part through, but it was just like, I was terrified. Like what is it? You see it in all the fucking movies, right? All the baby movies, all the rom-coms. There are calms more than roms.

But they're like, don't put that thing in here. Are you gonna poke the baby? It's like my baby was cells, right? Our baby. It was sheer, he were cells. But I was still like, what is that gonna do to me? And, you know, let's just be honest, because that's what we are.

And it does, it does make you, it can make you bleed a little bit. It's not that like the act of sex is making me bleed. It's the fact that your cervix is changing so drastically that it's like, okay, let's get, get all the things out. We might shed a little bit more. We might get rid of old blood, or we might bleed a little bit. And it was like, oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Even though they're like, that's normal. It'll happen.

You asked our OB straight up to his face. Yeah. What did you say? I said, is there any chance? You whispered it to him in front of me as if I could not hear this. I didn't shout it from the hill tops clearly, but you like told him aside.

Who's like he said any more questions or see you next time I said, Hey, can I ask you something? And I asked I says, is there any way that sex could have any negative effect or it hurt the baby? And he said, absolutely not, not absolutely not possible. He said, but and then I and then I and Chris and said, yeah, yeah, I said, no, I know it's not going to hurt the baby, but it just freaks me out a little bit and he said, well, yeah, that's where your comfort lies.

Like whatever your comfort zone is, you have to be aware that it might, you might bleed after and if you can mentally get through that, then everything's fine, but it has to be where you're comfortable. So anyway, my point is, Luke, it's just that, then everything's fine, but it has to be where you're comfortable. So anyway, my point is, Luke, it's just that, that's something I would like to mentally, to be thinking about when we get pregnant next time, because then I'm like, okay, I know this is okay, and it makes us close.

It's like, it is really an intimacy thing. It's not just about banging. It's like, for us to be close, but I was so closed off, and so just just like in my little shell of being pregnant where I'm like no one touched me, no one come near me, stay away from my belly. Like it's fucking crazy. How crazy you go when you never thought you'd be that crazy lady. Right. Yeah, it is the intimacy more side of it. And it's, I think it's kind of funny, but I ask Chris to not to walk around topless as much

We're not gonna be doing it having any kind of fun. Yeah, you're like, you're like, you're not Baby, do you like me? You want gummy bears? I dangle in front of you say yeah, I have them, but you can't have it You do you do do that to me You hide them all for the house I rationed them for you You hide them and then the house. I ration them for you. You hide them. And then I found your stash one time. But anyway, it's not exactly the same thing. I'm glad we're laughing.

It's fun. But it's something that I learned. It's something that I learned about myself that I never thought was going to be a thing. And it was a thing. And I had to know, I guess I know, or I had to have known, or maybe I think that I know that next time when the pregnancy becomes, you know, like, ghost of full term, as time passes, I'm going to become more physically uncomfortable as my friends have told me, and as I've seen

them be physically, and then talk about how they're trying to have sex with their husbands or their partners. So it's something that I'm grateful that I learned about myself, that I can kind of remember for next time. Like, it's going to be okay. Right. But nothing about this has anything to do with anything else. Yeah.

So something that also, I don't know if this is something that goes through all men's mind, but when the kids come undoubtedly, sex life is going to struggle. Like that happens in every relationship. You just get overwhelmed. Do you have between work raising a kid? goes through all men's mind, but when the kids come undoubtedly, sex life is going to struggle. Like that happens in every relationship. You just get overwhelmed. You have between work, raising a kid, we have pets, like you're not going to have time. It's just not going to line up when we get to that point when that's happening. And so to me, anticipatory anxiety was like, oh, no, is it already happening? Are we not going to have sex anymore?

Can we talk about that conversation? This is actually really good, Luke. What is? That conversation we had, you started crying. It really hit me because you weren't like, oh, we're not fucking or not that you would talk like that. But you know what I mean? It wasn't about that. You were just like essentially the way what I heard from you was like, so I lost my girlfriend. I lost my lover, my girlfriend, like that part of, like maybe not maybe your wife one day. It's like, now we're roommates, now we're BFFs. Like you missed that intimacy,

the actual intimacy of it, and you were like, it's not gonna get easier. Like as life goes on, and we have more responsibilities and more responsibilities, so we really need to like tap into this now and fix it now, right? That's right. I don't think it has a fixing thing. It's just like it is something that takes work to maintain.

So you don't grow more dissent and become roommates, become business partners, become just co-parents that just lose their intimacy. It is something that takes work in most relationships, most long-term relationships just lose their intimacy. It is something that takes work in most relationships, most long-term relationships, it takes some work. So something to put some effort into and not take for granted when you have it. Yeah, do I love you? Have you talked to me, babe? I tried to. You don't always like what I'm talking. You know, that's going through a lot. I wasn't doing that. Up from the odious in general and life. Sometimes I'm just talking. Where I start talking and you're like, I don't want to talk about the OGIS in general in life. I don't know. Sometimes I'm just talking, where I start talking

and you're like, I don't wanna talk about this right now, about 10 seconds into anything financial. Oh, yeah, no, I don't like that. It's boring. I don't like boring stuff. You wanna talk about the food fighters? I'm down like a fucking clown, bro. It was or anything else, like,

the you thought about that we were in that short time. I don't know. I felt like other than initially that first week of finding out, and it probably was partially the environment. You were out here in Colorado. It was tough getting back and sink. We hadn't been together for almost three weeks, and when we do get back together,

you had just found out you were pregnant. You had stopped vaping, you're not drinking, and you're also out of your comfort zone. We got a cold front out here in Colorado while you were here at Snowd. That sucks, and it sucked for us. Like we didn't feel like we're on the same page that first week was.

Yeah, that's a good way to put it. Because I would say things like, you know, like, oh my dogs are like, I want to be in my own bed and he's like, well, we have my bed. And it's like, it's not about the bed or that place. It's like, there's this thing about me being like a fucking recluse when I'm trying to figure my brain out where I just need that like comfort space,

which is probably something else I should be working on. You know, I went from being like a social butterfly and not wanting to speak to anyone or like not saying a spoken word for weeks, like in a week, but days at a time unless it's to my dogs. Like that's pretty wild, you know? And I know it'll pass.

But yeah, you're right. I think that's just something else to sort of like learn from and to remember. Like, oh, these are hormones. Oh, this is the unknown. Oh, that's why these things are happening. So you can be just as understanding as you were and that I can be a little more aware,

like a little more self-aware and reminding you as well, instead of being like, instead of being like this and talking to my teeth, I'm like, babe, just feel a little weird right now. Yeah, I would love for you to say that sort of thing to me. I told you, you're so talkative and you'll talk to everybody in social butterfly, like you said usually, but then you just claim up and sometimes I can't get anything out of you and I'm like, I can't read your mind.

Yeah. I think I'm doing what I'm doing right, but then I find out later what I was doing was wrong, but you didn't tell me at the time, I don't know what to do. Yeah, that sucks. Yeah, that sucks to be you foot That's for sure. That's why I bought you a dad like I'm gonna be a dad for the first time book. I wonder if you have like support groups for like, first time dads. Maybe they're golf courses or something. They're like every Monday at 8 a.m. we meet here to talk about about our... It's our Scramble Group.

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Frank it up! Frank it up! Just I finally get to it! It's the perfect blend of flavor and heat. Frank's Red Hot, I put that sh- on everything. To what you were just saying, I would change my overthinking because you were very communicative with me

and I would have been more communicative with you, like we were just saying. I mean, even our therapist said that I was being passive aggressive. He offered that as a suggestion. He's like, maybe do you think you're being a little passive aggressive, Kristen? I was like, hmm, fuck yeah, for sure. Now I'm being very assertive. You're absolutely right. And he was very kind in saying as a father of two, being like, you know, hormones don't help, which essentially in your dad book was like all the big, bold letters.

Like, the hormones are going to drive you nuts. But he did call me out and saying he thought you were very communicative and that I was a bit passive aggressive, which is so not my style. I'm aggressive aggressive or passive passive. Those two don't really meet up in a sentence for me, except right now. So yeah, in synopsis, I would change that I was overthinking and do my best to not.

I mean, it's kind of, I feel like it is what it is, but also much more community to have and just like honest. It's not good for you. Yeah, it's good. I mean, I'm not asking you. I'm not asking you. No, you're not.

I just wanted you to give me like a wink, wink, nod nod. Like, that's good, baby, yes. Was there something else that I could add on to that? Yeah, I love all that and I really loved how you were you got up earlier baby You were like eight you weren't ADHD. You were just like HD Just hyper-deficit Yeah, you were constantly going you went to reorganize stuff and clean and Decorate and you were just like going going going you went to reorganize stuff and clean and decorate and you were just like going,

going, going, going. You're right. I didn't because as someone with severe H.D. as my psychiatrist says told me, I need something to do all the time. I was obviously, I had zero vices, so I was going to bed like, I mean like 830. Like I get the 830 bed times now. I don't even have a kid. Like I was just, I was, you know, six, seven, nine weeks with cells in my body and I have two dogs and like that's kind of it, like in an apartment. And I was like, have to go to bed, 830, up at 637, playing Whartle, Luke's still sleeping around six. He'll be up in an hour.

I'll just send him my Whartle of the day, a bunch of memes. Like, I don't even, going nuts. And I don't think I over drink water, but water became my vice. And I know that sounds really weird to you guys, but I'm talking like a 10 pack of 16.9 ounces. Like a, like almost a half a case a day. But that's not much.

Yeah, I know, Luke said I was drinking too much water because that's even possible. It was just like, I need something to be doing at all times. I mean, nesting. Oh, yeah. It's just a duty. The amount of it here. I'm like, hang things up. We have a gallery wall. Do this. I'm going to buy these things. Amazon. Oh, I can get it tomorrow by 4 a.m. Lord. I think we need to start going on some hikes. Oh, absolutely. It was just like during that time, that was something that was freaking me out too.

Like, don't work out too hard. You can't lift any weights. Don't go crazy on hikes, blah, blah, blah. And now, going through what we're going through right now, I walk down the stairs and I have cramps. So I'm like, okay, I'm ready to like train my body for like the next pregnancy. Let's do the gym together, yeah.

One of the things that I really liked was the vices being gone. It was so great. I was like, oh, I didn't think about alcohol. I actually texted Brittany that a couple days ago. I was like, I now fully understand, even though I do enjoy a glass of wine still of course but I was like I totally get the whole don't want to drink drinks unless you're like trying to get tipsy. Saying like the shots the shots Brittany does yeah yeah. Brittany because Brittany doesn't like to drink Brittany doesn't like cocktails she doesn't like wine she doesn't like beer she doesn't like she doesn't just like drink to like enjoy a drink right if if Brittany drinks she's drinking to feel

tipsy otherwise she just drinks water or just like doesn't drink alcohol. For me, I enjoy like a nice whiskey or scotch or like, you know, red wine or white wine, whatever it is. But now I'm like, I mean, yeah, wine, sure. I got a bottle of whiskey and I was like, I don't, I don't, I feel like I deserve this and I'm going to have some whiskey and I'm like, I don't, I don't, I feel like I deserve this and I'm gonna have some whiskey and I'm like, it's not good anymore. I'm like equally bummed as I am like so excited, like how much I didn't need any of that. But I did gain a sugar craving. That was real fucking annoying.

Yeah, you did. It was kinda funny to see. I was like, do you want cheesecake? Do you want chocolate with caramel? What? You guys, I hate sweets. Like, I hate them. The one, oh, so we were talking about our therapist,

our couples therapist, pre-marital, pre-parental. I don't know what you call it, but I, in hindsight, and not that I wasn't happy that, but I'm so happy that that's something we decided to bring into our lives. Even though it's still like fairly new to us that we've only talked to them a few times, But I have been thinking about that a whole lot. Like, wow, I'm really glad we had that when you were feeling that day,

that we weren't communicating, we were lacking intimacy, like you couldn't figure out why I was communicating with you the way that I was, to be honest, not being as kind or open. And you were like, I'm booking this session. It was like so awesome, so hot, so sweet, so important of a choice that you made. And just you were like, I'm just gonna do this, is this day work.

I'm like, holy fuck, I've been waiting for a man like this my whole life. I love you baby, yeah. But I thought that was really smart too, just really smart. I feel like it absolutely reset things. Actually, it was about a day before we had the session that I felt like we were back on the same page,

but the session really reaffirmed things. But also great that we did it anyway because you could have easily said, we're pretty good today because that's not what therapy is about in general and I've always been an advocate of that. It's not about catching what's happening in the moment of it happening.

Like, yes, there are tools you'll learn, but it's about like learning what to do before it happens or while it's happening. Like, you already have those tools. So I'm really happy that you did that. Thanks. That's the first time I believe I have ever booked a therapy session.

So I know for a fact it is, because you've never been to a therapist to me. Yeah, it never been so low still, but yeah, we've talked to therapists together a couple times and it's just good to stay ahead of things. Try to not let them get out of hand. Yeah, so something else that I learned, I should go without saying, but you are obviously the very most important person in my life in that next time around, like I will keep talking to my friends, the small group that I've entrusted in, but that circle needs to stay very small.

I do understand why people don't tell people ahead of time, but it's also like you're so excited. And you just want to talk about it with someone who understands like what your body's going through. But I think you need your tight circle. You definitely need a tight circle. Or, because you have to talk.

You can't help it. I can keep things pretty close to the chest and just tell one or two people, one close friend of my brother, like I can live with that until we get out of the first trimester. But imagine if you were me, like imagine if it was your body and you were carrying that. Like wouldn't need to just be like, holy fuck, I'm gonna burst if I don't talk to someone.

You have different brains, babe. I don't think so. Yeah, you're like, I can't imagine that. So anyway. You don't like it. Very different brains. And that's why I like you. Because if you were me and a woman's body, I would not like you.

We would not get along. That's true. If you were me and a man's body, not a chance in hell. Is there anything else you've learned or anything you're looking forward to? I am looking forward to not being cold in Colorado like I am right now. Yeah, so I should be out here. I'm looking forward to seeing you. I'm looking forward to always having this memory, because it's not something I can ever forget, but I'm looking forward to being okay. Because I know that that's, sorry.

Cause I know that that day will happen where I'm like, not gonna think about it all day long. Yeah. So I'm looking forward to that day where I'm okay, where I smile, where I cry. There's like some guilt that comes with smiling for some reason sometimes. It's like, why am I laughing?

Why am I happy? I'm not supposed to be like, I'm not allowed to be. Well, don't beat yourself up like that. I think you've been very strong. You've been so strong through this. I think your awareness is incredible. At a level, I feel like we haven't been at as far as your, this whole self-awareness of everything. And I think you're being, I don't know, you're handling it very well. I miss you and I can't wait to see you in a couple of days. I also have to stop buying things on Amazon. I've been around certainly.

So yeah, I don't know. We did the best we could guys. Thank you for hanging in there and being so patient about the timing of our podcasts. Clearly we have not been coming out on Wednesdays. Preusual. We will be back in motion sooner than later. I also, I don't know why I feel the need to say this, but I also felt like obviously I didn't want to be

in like social media or anything like that, but I had work to do. You know, James May just launched, relaunched, and it's like the most imperative week to be posting and letting people know about it, and I had all the guilt, or I'm like, I don't want to post about the miscarriage really. Like, I don't, it's not like I want to talk about that

to all these people, but I feel like I shouldn't be talking about anything else, but I had to work. And then I was like, our people are gonna judge me. I think I'm gonna be like, oh wow, she looks really sad, but look, she's posting what our fucking dumb clothing line, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I had all these, I still have these thoughts going through my head, but at the end of the day, like life has to go on.

I just know that we both need to like allow ourselves some grace and some healing time, but we still have to move on with life. Life doesn't just stop. Yeah, the world doesn't stop spinning. And baby, you put so much work into that and the new line and everything. It's fantastic. I'm wearing a lot of your shirts and I think everyone should check them out. Thank you. I wasn't looking for a shameless plug but I love you. I'm not just I'm not trying to just do that but seriously you've been working on it so hard for the last six months and to finally

be back up and feel good about it and I'm'm proud of you. And you should not definitely shouldn't feel guilty about letting people know. Yeah. Well, the last thing I'm gonna say is just once again, to every single person that reached out to us on social media, email, comments, whatever it was, telling your stories. I have not written everyone back yet. I definitely will. It's a lot to digest.

It's a lot to take in, but I'm very appreciative. And I hope that you ladies found solace in being able to like write those things, but I read them all. So thank you. Thanks for listening everyone. We will have a Vanderpump recap before our next episode. Bitch slap hurt around the world. Yay, what a week for me. Oh man. Well, I was the last year. Yeah, I'd be lying if I said I was excited about it, but we're gonna do it. We'll get through it. Alright.

Alright, we'll be very lucky today. We will talk to you. Thanks for listening, everyone. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Dodie and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke Double Under Score Broadred. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes every single Wednesday.

Thanks for listening. See you next week. single Wednesday. Thanks for listening. See you next week.