Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Road Trips, Resolutions & Remembering Jill

Episode Date: January 9, 2026

Episode 175. This week, Kristen and Luke ring in the new year with a heartfelt and emotional update as they share the sad news of losing their beloved pet, Jill. They open up about Jill’s emergency surgery, her cancer diagnosis, and the last-minute road trip to Colorado so she could spend her final days in her favorite place. They reflect on Jill’s last week, how they spent Christmas, and what that road trip meant to their family during such a tender time. They also talk about what they’re leaving behind in 2025, their New Year’s resolutions, and the small joys that are helping them move forward. The episode also includes lighter moments—when to finally take down Christmas decorations, excitement for "The Valley: Persian Style", and updates on life with baby Kaia, including sleep training wins (and struggles). Kristen shares gratitude for her mom friends and the support she’s received, while Luke reveals the baby products he truly can’t live without. A meaningful, honest start to the new year filled with love, loss, and gratitude. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, it is Craig Kilbourne inviting you to enjoy my new podcast, The Life Gorgeous. Available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and everywhere. The Life Gorgeous with Craig Kilbourne. Let the healing begin. Welcome back to Balancing Act. The holidays are over. It's been a month. I couldn't tell you.

It's felt like I've aged years since we've been on the podcast. I said the other day, I feel like I've aged 10 years in the last month. Well, you don't look, you look younger, so whatever you're doing is working. I mean like I need Botox. I need sleep. I need a facial. It's like January 2026 and I'm like, I just have to start my skincare routine over. I just feel old.

No, for real though. That's also being in Colorado. My skin was cracking. It was crazy dry. It's dry here, though. It's dry here in Los Angeles. So I get we have the altitude in Colorado. But like I was slathering lotion on Kaya's face.

Like it was like SPF 50 and she was in Australia in the summer. Well, she didn't get sunburned, but she was dry, dry. No, I made her look like a barn owl with lotion. Like it just covered her whole face, gave her, lip gloss, which is what I call aqua for. I'm like, mommy's lip gloss, I mean, we both got random nosebleeds. I don't know. It was difficult even with a humidifier to get it above 30% I know. We're like, welcome back to balancing act. Let's talk about dry weather and dry skin. We're trying, we want to talk about all the things we want to leave behind first. Leave behind in

2025. Yeah. Okay. Dry skin. Dry skin is out. Hydration is. Hydration is. in. It's been out. Oh, I'm making dumb small talk. Oh, my God. So Luke's here, guys. We have so much to catch up on, but let's just play catch up. You want to just play catch up? Yeah, let's do it. So let's do a recap of our holiday trip, and I will talk a little about Jill passing. Yeah. So this year, it was really kind of due to Jill's emergency surgery and then cancer diagnosis that we rented an SUV, drove to Colorado, got an Airbnb, had Rachel and Greg with us, and did Christmas there like that. Yeah.

So last time I podcasted, I was just talking to Brittany briefly about what was going on with Jill, but I hadn't really like filled everyone in because we were kind of unsure. So if you follow our social media, you're aware. If you don't, Jill. ended up being diagnosed with hemangiosarcoma, which is a blood vessel cancer. It's just the shittiest of all shittiest. All cancer sucks. Fuck cancer on humans and dogs and all animals and everything like.

Just fuck cancer. But we did end up getting the diagnosis, her biopsy back that after her surgery, she did have this cancer. So Luke and I both lived. like, babe, I feel like we both lived in like really high hopes. Like she's going to be different, you know? I'll be honest. You didn't? No, I was, sorry, Mike was a little far from my mouth. I was very realistic with it. I think that's why right after the surgery, you know, she was doing well. I was still trying to keep my, you know, hopes reasonable because, you know, I didn't want to

fully believe that she was going to be the one point O1 percent or whatever that actually beats it. See, I was like, Jill deserves to be the point O-1. If anyone's going to be the point-0-1, it's going to be Jill. Yeah. That's what I thought. Plus, you and I have just had a lot of death. Like, we lost Thad, your amazing dog, two and a half years ago. We lost my dog, Bowie, about a year and a half ago.

My grandma last year and Jill now. And, yeah, I mean, that's a lot for a few years. The first time as an adult that I haven't, had a dog. When I first moved to Colorado, I didn't right after college, but it only took a couple months before I got that. And then Jill a couple years later. And yeah, it's a, it's an adjustment. It's interesting. It's amazing with, you know, with Kyya. And I'm really grateful for Kristen and the universe allowing Jill to have such a great last week. Like I've never been more at peace with the passing of someone or a dog that I loved. And I'm glad we did that. So what we did,

since we haven't talked to you guys in a bit. We were contemplating this like RV trip. Let's do a road trip. Like it's hard with a six-month-old baby. Anyone with a baby knows like there's this two-hour rule you should follow. The baby can't be in the car seat for more than two hours. You got to like move them and shake them and change the diaper, let the feed them, burp them.

But also just kind of like let them have some stretching moments as I guess as adults we also deserve. But we got it together, right? So the thought of this road trip to Colorado that Luke typically takes in a day, maybe two. Everyone asks, how long does it take? How long does it take? I always say 16 hours when Luke drives. It hasn't taken me 16 in quite a while. So I'm by myself.

I drive straight through. I don't even know if I should just. Stop for fuel. Should I even disclose this? I have quick stops. I pee, I gas up, grab a quick snack, and I'm back on the road. But I've done it in under 14 and it's like 1,100 miles. So that's how far it is.

1100. I have no fucking idea. Yeah. It's far. I've done it with Luke in one day. I've done it with Luke in two days. I've done it with you straight through. We have?

Oh, absolutely. I do remember. We were talking. We were maybe going to stop in Santa Fe and we just kept cruising. We just went for it. Beginning of the Times. I was like, we're on trips.

I was so much fun with my boo. That was actually the big trip. Hashtag blessed. That was the first leg of our trip to our 5,000 mile road trip on Christmas with four dogs. So anyhow, the road trip is fucking long. Colorado's not that close, but we're like, we're doing with this with the baby. We're doing it with Jill. We're doing with Gibson. When we found Jill of cancer, we're like, okay, we're not going back home to the Midwest for the holidays. What do we do with Jill? Because Jill deserves to be where she loves. And not boarded. Not like

in a small house in Los Angeles with a small backyard who she can't, she doesn't have that energy to go on long walks and be leashed and it's just it's not her jam you know like she deserves to live her best life so we were like okay with couples therapy and lots of conversations we're like we are doing this and my nervousness of course was like kaya what are we going to do this just feels so hard but like when it came down to jill is when it became very easy for me to like let go of control and just say like no you're right we have to do this like there's no choice right so we did and the idea It was like an RV, which to me sounded like a fucking blast. But then I thought of Luke was like, well, we don't need hotels.

We're going to sleep in the RV. Yeah, that's the point. Right. And then I was like, oh, we're going to sleep in the car. I just thought it was like a fun. It's not a car. I mean. I thought it was just like a fun vehicle to drive in.

Like, I could just take a nap while you're driving. You're like, Kaya and I can play while we're driving. I didn't. My brain did not go to the fact that like she's still supposed to be. a car seat and we're still strapped in, but we get to sleep in here. And I was like, no, fuck this. We're not taking a hurry. No, I'm not entirely. I mean, yeah, you're still supposed to be buckled, but like you still have access to the whole space. Right. It just sounded like not that much fun. I mean, you could get up and go to the fridge while on the road. Totally. But we didn't do that.

Yeah, we didn't. We got a big SUV and, oh man, it was stressful just trying to get on the road. But it took two days. Caya was great. Can't fit a suitcase. Guys, let me paint you a picture. Can't fit a suitcase in this in this SUV. We got lucky that we could even get one to fit all of us that last minute, because these were last minute choices based on Jill. I mean, there was not a suburban available in this city in Los Angeles. Tahoe XL, all the big wigs, right? We got a Lincoln Navigator. We got this fancy ass human vehicle that the dogs were like, sure, we'll coop up in here. But we did it. We did it. There was a lot of last minute purchases of duffel bags. and things to put on the back of the SUV to, like, carry just the clothes we needed.

But we did it. So we get on the road. Kaya was fucking awesome. I think she was so curious and so interested in, like, what was going on outside once we got outside of L.A. Because it was, like, mountains and sunsets and sunrises and very cool for her. She was really easy to keep excited. And I had this handful of toys. And the whole ride there was just like, this is, this is.

we got this, right? Yeah, maybe the last hour she was fussy, but not crying. It wasn't like crying, screaming baby. It was like, it was complaining. Right. And I learned a lot, a lot of changes of diapers on the side of the road. It was only once. And, well, I changed her diaper at gas stations, but like in the car.

Okay, fair. Yeah. Like, just opened the door, sat, like, laid her toddler ass out on a seat and just went for it. And she was like pooping. This is for parents. It's like she was pooping like four times a day the whole time we were gone, which was insane. But I was like here for it. I was like, God, she's healthy, weird.

I don't know why this is happening. Maybe it's an altitude thing. Maybe it said we weren't giving her as many solids while we were out of town. Just you guys, this shit was all over the place as much as my story is right now. So we get to Colorado. We get to the ranch. We hang out at the ranch for a day with Rachel O'Brien, tried and true. You know where you love her, her husband, Greg.

And then we have this awesome cabin in Colorado Springs, which is about an hour and a half north of Luke's property. And we're like, this is where we're going to spend Christmas. And we have three dogs, a baby, the four of us. They brought a little Christmas tree. Rachel brought stockings like all filled. We had like food galore. It was just really wonderful and beautiful, very private, gorgeous Airbnb. It was definitely a Christmas that we won't forget, which is, no, I mean, in a good way, it wasn't.

look it's not like we're going to look back and be like we should do that every year obviously not but it is one that we will probably never do like that again it was a better of circumstances and i think it's beautiful in the forming memories like that because when you do the same thing you have the same routine every christmas do you remember the gift you got you remember a joke the uncle told do you remember much about each christmas if you look back five years not typically but we'll always remember this one. Okay, wait. Let's take a pause on our story then. That's a really interesting perspective that I fucking love because prior to this, I got a lot of questions when I was like with Brittany on the podcast or, you know, doing stuff by myself or whatever. And just it was like, what kind of

traditions do you want for Christmas? Like to do the kind of same thing every time. But you're thriving a little bit on the fact that maybe we don't do everything. This. same. I like mixing it up to some degree, but no, there's definitely, I like the tradition. That's how I grew up. But I'm saying that when circumstances give you the opportunity to make a unique memory, you should take them. And that's what happened this year. For sure. I mean, and Kai is not going to remember shit anyway. She's not. We're just going to have photos, but we will. Yeah, we will. That's what I mean. Like, granted, we haven't had a normal Christmas since we started dating, have we? Impossible. I mean, our 5,000 mile road trip and the polar vortex in Michigan. And yeah, that was, that was, that was,

a wild one. Won't ever forget that. Yeah, I don't have to recap them all. Hawaii next year? Yeah, let's do it. At least get a big house somewhere on a coast where it's warm and invite family. Yeah. That's a good point. Okay, so back to, we're in Colorado Springs. We have this awesome house. Everything's great. And the day before Christmas Eve, Jill kind of has a little bit of a decline. And my favorite memory of Jill rest in paradise, my love, This whole two-week span that we had in Colorado, honestly, was Christmas Eve. Because we put her on a steroid. Her steroids kick in.

She's feeling, you know, a little better. But you had your friend come down who you got Jill from, like he owned her dad, and you got Jill from him, and he came. And then one of your other friends came and his wife, who has one of Jill's puppies from one of her litters. and they brought food and toys and Jill started eating steak from there on out and was treated like the queen that she is.

But for me it was the moment of Jill realizing she was like, even though we weren't on the ranch at this moment, we're like in Colorado, these are her people. She's like, what the hell? Like, these are my friends. And I got to bring my California family to see my Colorado friends. Like you could just see such a challenge.

change in her demeanor. She was so excited. Like she could, if we would have given her the opportunity, she would have run miles and miles and miles, you know. She went from like not being nervous to like walk down the stairs to go potty to just like being full of life again. Yeah, it was low energy. It's amazing what the brain can do, you know. Yeah. Like she was definitely weak, somewhat anemic and low energy, but seeing the people, people that she has known for years, you know, I know she, She doesn't forget, but there were long stretches. There were years where she spent a lot of time with these friends of mine. And it was really cool to see.

And how much we rely on her happiness to make us happy, you know, to like aid in us being okay. Yeah. And not feel so wounded because the minute you see her smile, she catches a ball even though she's laying down or catches a frisbee, even though she's not moving. The dogs, the other dogs in the house cheered up. Kaya's like this huge bright light. then we're all having fun. Now we're all like, we can relax and have a cocktail

and sit around this table and play yuker. And it just really was a really magical like Christmas Eve and Christmas Day seeing Jill is happy and healed as she looked, you know, temporarily healed. Right.

Yeah, those are, it was nice to have a turn to some good days. So anyone knows it's gone through this. You have some good days. You have some bad days. Yeah. And we got to check everything off the list. I mean,

one of the biggest things, the reason I wanted her out there, one, I wanted her to be at rest eternally where she grew up and she felt the most at peace. All she's really ever wanted is to sit on the front porch or lay on the front porch and watch what's going on. Cars pulling up, driving by, literally watch birds, deer, whatever. And she got as much as her heart desired when we were in Colorado. We got some snow. There was maybe an inch of snow, but it was perfect that It looked like an effing blizzard just so you know. Like outside of the window, I was like holding Kaya being like, look at the snow. And I remember I was like texting some friends that day being like, they're like,

how's Jill, how's Jill? And I'm like, well, there's a blizzard today. The snow didn't stick, but it looked like a fucking blizzard. Jill was stoked. Kaya's like, what's that white stuff? It was cute. Yeah, it was amazing. So that's, all of that happened.

We had a great time in Colorado Springs. we went back to the ranch, long story short, then we were going to leave. We tried to leave. We took a bit of a drive and ended up turning back around coming back to the ranch and deciding the best thing for everyone was the best thing for Jill. And that was just staying at the ranch until we had clear her heads. And for her to, yeah, it was clear. She was taking a downturn and letting her ride it out there seemed like the only thing to do

versus forcing her to take a, you know, two-day road trip with minimal time outside the car back to L.A. For sure. Yeah. And we all knew it. So, yeah. Anyway. I'm trying to talk about the happy parts of it

because I'll like start sobbing. But that's, yeah, so I don't know. It's super weird. And we'll need more dogs. They'll never be a Jill replacement. But after being so lucky to have a, sorry, A German Shepherd, like a female German Shepherd, like, with me through my pregnancy. That's, like, where I'll miss her the most.

And I now cannot imagine not having a German Shepherd. Like, I can't. I can't imagine Kaya growing up without a German Shepherd. So that's, like, on my bucket list, when the time is right, we have to have a German shepherd. And I think a female, like, there was just something about her, you know, again, not replacing, but just reexisting Jill's spirit into our home, I think is really important. I feel very grateful.

I feel like she gives a really good chance. She's the once in a lifetime dog. And, you know, I know people that have had, you know, five, six dogs in their life and they're in their 60s or 70s. And there's typically one that they remember being just extra special. Perfect. Like you love them all, obviously. But sometimes you get that one that's intelligence.

awareness, just demeanor, being protective, but not a liability. Like, I don't know, the balance of all of it, she had it all. She had the character. She would smile. She'd play, you know, she was great. She wanted to cuddle. She listened. I don't know.

It was everything. It was taken from us, like, far too fast. I fucking don't like people the way I like dogs. Like, oh, Lord. I love people, but just like, you know, not that much. Well, let's change. directions a little bit. Okay, it's hard.

So our Christmas decorations are all still up, everything that was. I know. Because we were out of town. And normally I am the person who's like, okay, maybe like right about now, like a week after New Year's because like the holidays don't end until New Year's, right? And so now I'd be like, let's take them down. But it's the ambiance is just so beautiful. I want them gone, but I wish I could just have the Christmas light ambiance.

You want a Christmas tree year round. You want to be one of those people? In a way. Like, do I want, we still have presents under the tree for Kaya. It's hard having a baby. We'll get to that. But just the decorations are so beautiful. The music is so wonderful. I've had enough. I've had enough. I'm ready to move on. Really? Are you a Grinch? I thought it was a Grinch. Luke. I call myself a Grinch. Babe, it's January 8th. It's January 8th. You just asked my Grinch because I said I'm ready for the Christmas decorations to go down. But what do we decorate for next? Our place that we live. Christmas next year?

No, just decorate. It doesn't have to go every holiday decorations. So you're giving me permission to redo the house again? New throw pillows? I mean, I never thought I would stop you. There's reindeer on the ones on the couch. So yeah, they can rotate out. Yeah.

I wonder, I don't know, what the average is for how long people leave their Christmas stuff up. Christmas lights and everything, you know. Is it a week? Is it two weeks? I think it probably has to go. Yeah. I just really love the ambience and it's so beautiful. And Kyle loves it and she likes touching the tree.

And I'm like, I have to get, what do I start doing, putting fairy lights on all of our plants? No. Fine. No. Oh. I thought you were going to say yes. That's why I answered myself. Fine.

I'll do it. I'll put fairy lights on all the plants. There's a lot of projects. I don't say no very often. That's a project I am going to veto. I mean, we can do something. some decorating, but like, let's look forward. He's just looking around the house right now and all the baby shit and just all the stuff.

Yeah. Let's look forward, not backward. Christmas is behind us this year. Okay. That was such a therapy thing of you to say, and I love it. On a super fun note, it's the NFL playoffs and the college football playoffs and Indiana University. Wait a shift gears.

I just want to bring some energy, and I've been wanting to say something because Indiana university best story probably ever in college football history. Is it really? Going from the losingest franchise in the entire league in one year to the next year. Is losing as to learn? No. Yes, it is. Whatever.

They had the most losses of any team in history in the sport in college. And they are undefeated playing the semifinal, won the Rose Bowl, won the Big Ten championship. They're undefeated? Yeah. Oh, well, uh-la-la-la. Going into the semi-final tomorrow, well, Friday, against Oregon, they win that. They'll play the winner of Ole Miss and Miami, who play in 45 minutes. Listen, real quick, Dictionary.com has losingest as informal North American English,

losing more often than others of its kind. I only speak. The losingest club and baseball history. Wow. Okay. Were they really the losingest? I don't know why I fucking hate that word. it does not roll off the tongue.

Were they one of the bigger losers for real? Yes, they had recorded more losses than any other team in college. That's gnarly. Before this season. Okay. IU. Hoosiers. Isn't that the one Mark Cuban went to?

Hoosiers. Yeah. He just made a big donation to the program as well. I believe that is my time limit for talking about football. Is that right, Kristen? Yeah, pretty much. No, I love football. You know what?

Colton Lions are out. That's why. That's why. Yeah. That's why I don't want to talk about football. Because my heart hurts. That's why I brought up Indiana. We're not talking about the NFL. Who fucking cares? Lions, lions, lions. My heart actually hurts. I feel actual emotion. It's like, do you want to talk about our relationship in couples therapy? Or do you want to talk about the Lions not being in the playoffs?

My heart feels very similarly when it's hurting. You know what I mean? No, not quite. I have a lifetime commitment to the Lions. as long as I can remember. Same with the Colts for me. Right. And the line sucked for a very, very, very long time.

And I still gave them my all. And I will continue to do so. This year was just difficult. I'm not going to state why I think it was because I'm not putting that juju about there. I have opinions. I do. I have opinions about the last handful of games.

But you know what? I'm not there at practice. I'm not there at the meetings. And all I have to say is that I stand by Dan Campbell, I stand by my lions, my liens, and we're going to fucking crush it next year. Let's go. Yeah. All right.

And I hope Ben Johnson does well with his bears. I hope he really kills it. There's no sarcasm there. No. No. I really like Ben Johnson. I think that we need to think about what we need. Insightful.

Thanks for that, honey. I love my fucking lions. The hardest workers, biggest heart, they kill it. But yeah. We are able to talk about the Valley in a new way that's about to start. How? Persian style. I am excited for Valley Persian style.

Let me tell you why. Because I fucking love Shaws of Sunset. And I love that shit when I didn't like reality TV. And I may not like everyone on Valley Persian style. But I think it is a fucking important show and it's going to be hysterical and it's going to be emotional. And I just rewatched the trailer for it. And my two favorite moments from the trailer go to my two favorite people. Reza, Angel from Above, who we've had on our podcast before, he goes, since Shaz has ended, we've all become grown as fuck.

What you know is just that it's literally. the entrance for just absolute diabolical bullshit to air on the trailer, you know? Like, we're all grown as fuck. And then it's like, bam, bam, bam, bam, everything that's not grown. And it was just so good. And then my girl, MJ is like right after that, she's like, and we have kids now. And then her next line was, when are we going to start drinking? When?

So I just educated myself. Okay. I was ignorant prior to a few seconds ago and did not know. that Persian was referring to Iranian. I didn't know that. Oh. So I admit my ignorance and it has been released. It's okay.

It's okay. I'm less ignorant now. Yes. I like it. And you never watched Shaw's. You have never lived in L.A., which honestly, I did not know. Being from Dearborn, Michigan, one of the largest Middle Eastern populations in the entire world outside of the Middle East, okay?

I did not know a lot of Iranians. And my city where the high school I grew up in was very Lebanese, Yemenis, Saudi Arabian. I did not know a lot of Iranians. So moving to L.A. was sort of my first intro to that as well. And obviously, you've never watched Shaz of Sunset because you were not a Bravo watcher, let alone a reality television viewer before me and doing The Valley. I've told you before how much Bravo I'd watched prior to meeting you, right? Like closeted?

No, no, no. No, my only exposure to it was my friends Brian and Suzanne were telling me I should go on below deck. They are Bravo fans. And they had shown me some clips. I've never finished an episode, but that was my entire Bravo exposure. Yes, no, I know that. And if you guys didn't know, you know now. So because you've never watched Shaw's, but you do know Raza and you have met MJ,

I am really excited for this because I'm telling you those two are fucking meant for television. I agree. And I've been missing them on my screen. Listen, I'm not going to lie. Not a fan of Goldenessa. That's Gigi. I'm not a fan of Goldenessa. I'm not a fan of her in the trailer.

It doesn't mean I don't think she should be on the show. They think she should be on the show. It's their show. I'll have to watch and see. But. Well, we're going to bring you... Some people just don't fucking sit right with me, and I'm allowed to have that opinion. Of course.

We'll bring you a recap weekly now because that is something... We will. Yeah. Okay. Of course. You're going to watch it. Well, of course. I know that. Because you're going to support Reza, yeah. And Adam.

Yeah. And it's about the Valley. Exactly. I mean, it's... I think it'll be entertaining. Okay. It makes it more entertaining. Wait, this is so exciting.

Yeah. So you can look forward to that next week. We'll recap the season premiere. Let's have Reza on. If we can, we will. Oh, we will. Okay. Or I'm day.

Let's do it. Whatever. I'm texting them right now. Wait, I'm so excited that you're like down for this. Of course. So something I told Luke the other day that may be controversial, I don't know. We have sort of been sleep training, Kaya. I don't know.

The whole term sleep training makes me think of like someone coming in, letting them cry it out. So I don't know if that term is correct. we have been working on Kaya in a crib for a chunk of time. The trip threw everything off. For sure. And so basically it feels like we're almost back to step one, not quite. She does still like her crib. It's just getting her to stay in the crib throughout the night.

And how do you feel about co-sleeping? I think we're both sacrificing our sleep. I don't know. But personally, I kind of think it's lazy. Really? Like, it's easier to just bring her to bed and fall asleep than it is to ride it out until she falls back asleep enough to stay in the crib. Like, if we grid it out for a couple weeks of having shitty nights,

we're going to have better nights ahead. Whereas if we don't, she's going to expect to be there and her ticking and squealing. Do you enjoy her sleeping? For an hour or two, not all night. I thought you were going to say that you really love it, but you know you shouldn't do it, if I'm being honest. I really loved when I would get like a morning nap with Kyya. Okay.

When I'd bring her to bed after the sun's already up, we'd sleep from like, I don't know, 730 to 9 or something like that. And we'd snuggle. I enjoyed that. Okay. She's also big and stronger. She can throw a right hook. She really can't. And it is not conducive to good sleep.

I want to publicly apologize to you, even though people don't know. There was like this moment a few weeks ago where I saw Kyle, like, hit Luke in the eye. and he like grabbed his eye and he was like oh my god it hurts and in my brain i was like jesus christ you fucking baby like i'm sure like i get it hurts but like move on and he kind of held on to it for two or three minutes i couldn't see out of it for a period of time and in my mind i'm sitting there like seriously it's a six-month-old baby hand until the other day when luke's still in colorado and kaya got me so good in the eye and i literally couldn't see for 10 minutes So dad wasn't lying.

You're not a big giant baby. I didn't know what the fuck to do. I just had to hold her back because she was sitting by herself. And I'm like, I literally can't see out of my eye. This is karma. I'm so sorry. I didn't believe you and I thought you were being a big giant baby because it's not true. They have sharp-ass nails no matter how many times you cut them or file them.

And she's really strong. Yeah, she had momentum. I swear it was like a rollover with the arm all the way out. Square in the eyeball. Anyway, yeah. So co-sleeping for me, it's like when I feel the biggest sense of relief in peace when she's next to me. And she goes to sleep. And I know if she stirs, all I have to do is literally put my hand on her head or on her back.

And she's knocked the back out. And then I'm like, you know what? I am so relieved right now. I could sleep for a million hours. And I just love cuddling with her. What about the times that you kind of adjust her over to my direction, go snuggle with daddy? After a couple of days, my left arm, because I sleep on one side of this particular side of the bed, and I like to put my arm, my like one arm around the top of her, I definitely goes numb. I start feeling the difference.

I get it. But I just had this aha moment the other day where I'm like, I just feel so at ease, at peace. I could go to sleep well. I could be on my phone and I could write things. I started feeling creative again. It was just like, I'm not worried about a single thing right now. I'm not worried about her in any way, shape, or form. While you were awake.

I was awake. Clearly, I'm awake. She's sleeping next to me. We're talking about co-sleeping, meaning you're both sleeping. I'm talking about the quality of sleep that comes with her in bed with us is a lot less. And I think sleep training in whatever form, getting her used to sleeping in her bed or crib and liking her crib is great for. all three of us. I agree. I'm just saying I really like being in bed with her because that's when I know I can get the most shit done. I mean, for real. She and I went to bed at like 7 o'clock at night or

something and I just laid in bed while she slept and I got all these creative juices flowing and I was working on James May and I was working on this new project that I'm doing and I just felt very at peace, at ease. I wasn't nervous about checking, you know, the baby monitor every five seconds. Yeah. Because she was right next to me sleeping. Does that make sense? Am I sound crazy? Like, it was truly the time I got the most done.

I get it without the baby monitor around. But, you know, when we grew up, baby monitors were basically just a walkie-talkie. I know. You said that the other day and you made such a good point. If you're awake and you're not making noise, she doesn't need attention just because she's awake. That's really hard for me. There's development that happens on her own. And at times she'll call or she'll let us know when she needs us.

wants us or scared or whatever it is. She's laying there awake, doing whatever, you know, trying to climb up the side of the crib, doing whatever she's doing. If she's not calling or crying for us, we should let her do her thing. This is why you're a good match for me. You're a good dad-da because I'm psychotic and I just want to be next to her at every minute of every day. So I listen to you.

See, we're co-parenting in a healthy relationship. Like, we got this shit. I love it. We got this. I've done a lot of reflecting on parenthood. And the thing that I am the most grateful for, other than Kaya having a great dad, is all of the bitches that came before me, all of my mom friends, all of my friends who are mothers. I thought you were talking about my previous relationships when you said that.

I hate you. All of my close mom friends. My own mom, of course, my sister, but like truly my friends that are moms, especially the ones. who have a younger baby now and have like a toddler or the ones that gave birth in the last five years. It's just so fucking helpful and so therapeutic because truly when parenting feels hard, it feels impossible is how I feel where like when it feels really hard, it's just like, man. Otherwise I feel like I have a grip on it. Does that make sense? Yeah. My mindset when it's really, really hard is ride it out. As in.

and, you know, this fussiness, this, she'll fall asleep eventually. She'll take the bottle eventually. No, of course. So I guess the reason I'm saying that is like one of my girlfriends, two of my girlfriends recently had a baby. And I noticed myself being like, oh, my God, congratulations. You know, I'm here for you if you need me. Listen, after the first month, you're going to get some sleep.

Like I noticed myself giving this damn advice without being asked. Like, it's so easy between two and four months and then you have the four months sleep regression and blah blah. And I'm like, did I, number one, who am I? Number two, did I forget that pretty much every month comes with its own hardships? It does. Right? Yeah.

But it is wild now that Kyah is six and a half, almost seven months old. You do forget how hard four months was. You forget newborn was like what felt like literally impossible. possible because each moment leap, as they call it, comes with its own hardships and they're different. As soon as you've got a hang of it with a stage she's in, it's over. So yeah, keep you on your toes for sure. But it doesn't suck anymore. Like I don't feel scared. There's way more, way more feedback, way more like joy that we're getting from Kaya, like fun we're having with her than we were in the first couple months. And I feel like she tells me when I'm fucking up. She is a character. She's

amazing. Like if she doesn't like something, something, she's like, I don't like, you know, without saying the words, but she's like, this isn't working for me. And I now have so many ways to do it differently that I can try. Where in the beginning, I just felt like so lost, so confused. So I must be messing this up, nervous. I don't know. I feel like I have the hang of it now. Ask me in a month. I'm going to be like, just kidding. I lied. How do you feel? I feel like, I got this. I feel like I'm a good dad and I got this and you can trust me with her any time for any amount of time for the most part. I don't think you're going anywhere.

No, I'm not asking you with me. I'm just saying as a dad, do you feel like you got this? Yeah, yeah. I definitely went through a period of months where I was like guessing myself and something clicked and I have all my confidence that I got this. When do you think that happened for you? It was for her, not our age. I think between five and six months. It was maybe even like right before Jill, yeah, within a week before Jill got sick.

So about six months? Yeah. So parents that are looking at new parents. Five to six months. Once she hits a half a year, you got this shit. Yeah. But I really do. I just feel like I know what she wants.

I feel like I can read her cues. I know when she's tired. And even when I'm like out of toys or out of the thing, like use this. for teething or use this and she's like throwing it all. I'm like, I can still figure it out. Luke, I want to end it with this because I've done some Ask Me Anythings that you have been a part of. I have two questions. Okay. Number one, would you recommend this new to new parents? Because we use that for a shit ton of Kaya's younger years. I don't have a control to compare it to as in like how to use it without. But I do know she,

there's a good chance she didn't need it. Okay. Because when we traveled with her at, you know, only a few months old, she slept very well without being rocked in our pack and plays. And I'm like a snoo freak. I was like, fuck yes. I think it makes you feel so much safer because she's like not only as she swaddled, she swaddled, she swaddled his trap down.

Yeah. So that is why I think you love it so much is this safety piece of mind. Yeah. Okay. And then can you just name a couple of things like you could. and live without as a dad, like baby things? You don't have to be like, if it is products, which I think I can read your mind, but just things you think are so important are products that you are obsessed with.

There's one that has been a huge, it's really made our lives easier is the baby Bresa formula mixer. Yeah. I mean, just it's like a baby curing. You go put a bottle and hit the button. And for two weeks in Colorado, you got to pour the water. It's not hard. It's not like it's that hard.

It's just. way super convenient to not have to do that. Like you hit the button, especially when you're trying, when she's squirmy and when you're holding her and if you set her down and she screams, it's like, okay, one-handed, trying to measure scoops and poured. And then in turn, maybe the mom cozy bottle washer. That one is, yeah, it does really well. Yeah.

Is there anything else outside of that, like that you look at around our house or like toys she plays with or something that you're like, as a dad, not crazy me, Kristen, you're like, oh, that thing I wouldn't leave home without. We did buy a new high chair. You have to have a high chair. Even when they're in the like newborn stage, they make, what do you, would you call it a cradle attachment,

not a bassinet, but something that like... The newborn attachment. The newborn attachment. The newborn attachment. Yeah, it's a Stoke TripTrap has a newborn attachment that we actually did not have

when we got the high chair that was on our registry. And someone that I was talking to, I think Kai was probably like eight weeks or. or something already. I don't remember exactly, but I remember being such a massive game changer.

But they were like, you need this. It's not about, because in my brain, I was like, what do you need a newborn attachment on a high chair? Like, you're feeding or a bottle in your arms.

Like, that's weird. And they're like, no, no, no. If you need to like do stuff in the kitchen, if you just have things to do. You need both your hands. And you can just put the baby in this. And it was like a wild game changer.

When Luke and I would go out of town, we would just bring the attachment in a suitcase. We did that twice, I think. We did. Because you could just set it on the table, like on like a dining room table or a coffee table. And she's like totally secure playing with her stuff.

And it's like instead of putting her in a car seat essentially. Yeah, that thing was a game changer for sure. I'd say that those are the big things for me. Other things are fairly standard. You know, good diapers, a good stroller. The, what do you call the diaper trash can? Diper genie. Yeah, that thing's cool.

Yeah, that thinks cool. I think's a tits. Yeah. Okay, do you have any New Year's resolutions or manifestations? Are you a resolution guy? I never really asked you this. Yes, you have. Have I?

Is this like postpartum brain? Probably. Not typically, like don't make a resolution, but I do look at as an opportunity for change and to like analyze the way things are going, what's in my control, what isn't in my control. And yeah, I'm going to get back in the gym, and establish routines because I felt like we ended the year with no routines.

So those are the things I plan on doing. Me too. I want to be hot. You are hot. I want to feel hot. I want to feel hot again. Like I want to look in the mirror and be like, I dig that bitch. So whatever that looks like.

And it is working out and I'm on my GLP1. And I really, really do notice right now at like three months in, I'm starting to see a huge change. and I saw weight drop on the scale. And I'm not a slave to a scale because I know what that means. But this is the first time I'm like, oh, okay. I have to believe what I'm seeing. But there's a lot of work that needs to go into that or continue to go into that as well. But I want that.

When I say I want to be hot again is like I want to look in the mirror and feel like I'm like, I'm digging this girl, you know? And that doesn't mean skinny. I feel differently now. I used to be really into a pancake ass. I'm not saying I'm not into a pancake ass, but... You got a nice booty. Thanks, boo.

So that's my resolution is that I want to feel... I want to look in the mirror and feel good about myself again and get back to me. And that's what my own therapy session was about the other day. I was like, okay, I want to like think about my own things again now that I feel like I have parenting down, quote unquote. And I think we both deserve... to have our own things again. And I want us to have things as a couple again and then to have things as a family again.

Yeah. And I think that's something that really fucked with me when we first had Kaya is that I had this vision in my brain where it's like the baby's just to add on to your life. You know, it's like I had these visions as I sort of say to you when we're in couples therapy. I'm like, Luke thinks he could just strap her in a backpack and we could go at like this age. But to be honest, I think I also had those thoughts. She's just in addition to our life and our lives aren't going to change.

And that's all bullshit. Your life is going to change dramatically. But it doesn't have to stay dramatically, you know? Yeah. It doesn't have to stay scary. But it is going to be quite wild for six months, as we know right now. It's going to be quite wild for 18 years. But as new parents, I just feel like we both just said on our own accord at

six months, we're both starting to feel like we got it. So we can kind of start doing the us again. And I think that that is important. But I don't know if I could have done, I don't think I could have focused on me before right now, January or not. Does that make sense? It does. And I think part of our first six month disconnect was that I wanted to hold on to a little something that I do for me. And you didn't feel like we could do that. Totally. Here, we're past six months. Let's go to a fucking concert. Let's do it.

Let's go. Let's go bang behind a tent. Bang behind a tent. 2025 or 26 New Year's Resolution. Bingo. Bang behind a tent. Okay. Well, we'll talk about balance more next week.

Thanks for listening. It's all about balance. Okay, we love you guys. Happy New Year. We're back. Better than ever. Love you. Make sure to follow us on social media.

You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Doty and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke double underscore Broderick. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes. Thanks for listening. See you next week.