Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Screaming Infidelities with Dayna Kathan

Episode Date: March 16, 2023

Episode 17. Podcaster, comic, and former VPR cast member Dayna Kathan joins Kristen and Luke this week! They update the listeners on how Ariana is doing and how they are supporting her in the #Scandoval aftermath. Dayna dishes her disgust about body shaming and why cheating men are weak. Kristen applauds Dayna for her vulnerability and discuss the beauty in taking space in a room and connecting with people! They also let you in on some Vanderpump Rules inside scoop (because they can) including Seasons 7 AND 8! Finally, Dayna breaks down attachment styles in relationships, infidelity, and what she’s learned throughout her journey in love. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello podcast universe, holy what, last couple of weeks it's been. Welcome back to sex love and what else matters with myself and Luke Hilux. Hi, nursing. And we have one of the hottest, baddest-ass women that I know. And you know, Dana, how are you? I'm amazing. How are you? You must not know a lot of women, but thank you.

That's such a good idea. No, I do. You're gonna say bad ass. You guys know Dana, fine. You know we're from the Bannerpomf rules. Rant, Rant, Rant. She's an ex-cast member as MI. But you also know her as a baller podcast host. She's funny as shit.

Whittier than all of a stand-up comic. You're giving me such a big head. Like now I have something to live up to, but I'm hopeful. Just see all this goes. You're fucking hilarious, dude. You just are. Thank you.

It's true. And I'm really excited to have you on because now I just realized today that you and I have been talking about two months before I, Luke and I even started this podcast. I was texting you about being a guest. And I am so honored that the day has finally come. And also, Luke, I mean, I guess you can be the judge

of if I'm funny or not, because you don't know me as well. So we'll see. If we get off this podcast, he's going to be like, this girl is so fucking wack. But you know. Hey, wack is funny or not, because you don't know me as well. So we'll see. We get off this podcast, he's gonna be like, this girl's so fucking whack, but, you know. Hey, whack is funny. Okay, amazing. We just like met for the first time over at Ariana's, right? I think we met one other time in passing,

but I feel like I know you because I've heard so many great things. Okay, yeah, Kristen likes to say things about me. I do. Because you're not a narcissist. You're not a cheater. Mm-hmm. That's a very- Well, standards is what it sounds like. It's amazing. You're not a narcissist. You're not a cheater. I just, that's, I read.

Love standards is what it sounds like. You're just, you're good, you're a good egg. Luke, you're a good egg and I don't have a lot of those in my past. As you can read in my book, he's making you crazy available on Amazon still. And he loves a fucking plug. What a gangster. Are the reanna of it all like her coming out with her fenty press powder before she got her super blonde? Like that was that, that wasenty press powder before she got her Super Bowl on,

like that was that was giving. Oh my God, thank you for bringing that up. Let's talk about Super Bowl for just a hot second because Luke will be excited. So right after the Super Bowl aired, we watched it, obviously, after the Rihanna concert, I did not know that the artists do not get paid for their performances.

What? Yeah. For Super What? Yeah. First Super Bowl? Yeah. Why? Because it's supposed to be, they get the highest honor of exposure and whatnot. I guess, yeah.

And they get all the production that she wants. She said, bitch, better have my money and they said, no. So hell, yeah, she plugged that Fenty and there. She's like, all right, find free commercial, dude. What was it? Her Fenty sales went up like 2,500%. I mean, I think that's the bulk of her wealth at this point. So it has such a loyal following,

but I'm actually, I'm glad, because this is a good segue to something we were talking about earlier. Before she announced she was pregnant and she looked amazing. And the second I saw was like, oh my God, she's pregnant. And everyone I was with was like, rude and I was like, oh my God, she's pregnant. And everyone I was with was like, rude and I was like, no, I think she's pregnant.

But people who didn't, body shamed the fuck out of her. People were like, really, she couldn't lose the weight yet and her baby is what, not even a year old or whatever. Roughly a year old. So what's going on with especially, no offense look, take your headphones off, but men thinking they can comment on women's bodies. Anyone in general, but like, it's really crazy

to me the audacity of men. Yeah. You're commenting on Rihanna? It's absolutely. In a while. Sit the fuck down, sit down. Look, they're just looking for a reaction. These are a certain type of person.

They are the trolls, right? They're the people in social media and everything. They want you to react, they want you to respond, then they get their interaction, that's their gratification or like a validation, right? But also I think that it's, people in real life too, like beyond trolls, people are so disillusioned to think that they can say

whatever they want because everything's so accessible and social media and people put a lot out there, but it's like, to for anyone to say anything about Rihanna, like you're not well, you should be 5150'd if you talk ill about Rihanna, like you're not well. You should be 5150 if you talk ill about Rihanna, especially her body, like get lost. 100%, she's like the baddest bitch in the world. Speaking of bad bitches, I saw what you were posting

about people, the body shaming. Saying shit to you. Yeah. The body shaming from paparazzi coming at me through a white Tesla with tinted windows that we all, we all, it is license with tinted windows that we all- It was license plate. Yeah, so we all, we're hiding from over the weekend

that we were last weekend when we were trying to support Ariana at her house, literally trying to hide from and, oh shocker everyone, the paparazzi photos are out, they were Vanderpump rules, cameras there, and I had to do my walk up. I texted Ariana right before and I was like, yo, we're in Cozies, right?

Cause Mama hasn't worn anything but leggings since 2019, okay? And she's like, yeah, of course. I'm sorry, but am I like standing with my posture perfect and flexing whatever abs I have left and no, I'm not concerned about those things because I'm concerned about walking into my friend's house and checking on her. And not worried about the lighting or the this or the that

and all those photos are posted. And it was once again, I'm either pregnant, I'm fat. That's also not the point. Your posture outfit, whatever. I don't give a fuck. First of all, can we be very... Well, it's just rude. It's rude, but also, first of all,

you look great, second of all. No perfect, 10, I always say this in the world is ever commenting online about anyone else's body or saying anything honestly in general. And like I was just saying offline about someone's body. Like, Emma Radotowski, or however the fuck you say, that hot ass girl's name is not commenting like, ugh, you look disgusting because she feels good about herself

and I know it's such a cliche but it's true. People who are nasty like that, you're not well. I'm sorry that you're so miserable but the way you're trying to spread that is just gross. Yeah, one of my girlfriends told me this in the past regarding a different situation but it's fit so well in many of situations that I've been angry about.

I'm embarrassed for you. I'm embarrassed for you. And normally I just, I delete certain comments about my friends. I delete comments about my boyfriend. I usually let shit stand about me because I feel like I have thicker skin than that these days and I'm like, yeah,

let, you know what, you invited my, people that follow me that support me. You invited them to now trash you. But I did respond to one of them that was a pretty big asshole. I forgot, I think her name was like monoclar or something. And I was like, yo, on my actual thing, I replied and said, please post a photo of yourself

in leggings and a sports bra in whatever lighting you choose, just as is and please tag me in it. So the whole world can see what you look like. Because are you fucking perfect? I'm so sorry that I don't have a six pack. I just don't, who fucking cares? What does it matter?

Did Monica respond? I don't know. She's a coward. Why'd I even ask that question? No I just don't. Who fucking cares? What does it matter? Did Monica respond? I don't know. She's a coward. Why'd I even ask that question? No, she didn't, because that's how those people are. Body shaming is just bullshit. Like Katie, Maloney, literally your best friend, you know, one of my absolute closest friends

I've been best friends with for years. She had to go through that for so fucking long. It even provoked my heart. Even me, all the girls. Even people who buy cultural standards are perfect. And I'm not saying I am by any means, but that was one of the biggest culture shocks for me about when I was on the show,

I was like, damn, people are so gnarly. They will do anything to try to make you feel bad about yourself and pick it. Any insecurity you have or will invent things and whatever and it's just pretty crazy. So I'm so sorry you were dealing with that. That is ridiculous. Everyone is very excited to hear from you,

so please don't let that get to you. It frustrates me because I know my own insecurities, and I know that, I mean, I had someone responding, this was actually nice, but someone actually responding to every single mean comment, going, she quit smoking, she quit smoking, she quit smoking. And I was telling Luke about it earlier, and I was like, damn, you know what? When I quit smoking is actually, when I think about it,

it was like a couple of months after that, I started gaining weight. Then I was working out with a trainer, and I was really happy mentally, and physically was seeing changes. My trainer moved to Tennessee, and I just haven't put in the work lately. And I know that I need to for my body and soul more than

anything for my mental health. And I do feel better when I feel a little more fit. But it's like, it's the EBSM flows, man. Life is full of a lot of stress. I definitely hold weight in places when I'm stressed out. And what fucking point, like what gives you the right to comment like that? Like how are you raised?

Go get fucked, get laid, go get laid. Correct. The anonymity of the internet brings out the very worse than people because guess what? Monica would never walk up to you and say that because Monica would get bitch laughed. Monica might actually be a guy. That's the word we live in.

I'm sure. Luke, was it you? No, come on. Come on. Ask Kristin what I say to her all the time. The bigger my bucket, it's the happier Luke is. Oh, by the way, your ass looks amazing. I meant to tell you that the other day.

Your ass looks amazing. Are you standing on the side in Ariana's kitchen? And I was like, I like, it's great. And I hear that a lot, but I am a fan of the pancake ass. That's crazy. So that's your own. I used to have a perfectly flat ass and like 34 bee boobs in my like mid to late 20s.

And all of a sudden, you know, you always say like, oh, I wish all my weight went to my boobs. And now I'm like a 36C popping out, and my ass is growing, and I was like, no, no, no, no, no, please bring me back to the like boy body that I still love. Okay, well, you're saying that in front of my boy body, I have no tits and no ass, so like I love your body.

I would, let's try it. I would, yeah, let's do it. Let's, let's freaky Friday this bitch. I'm just saying, you look great, so please don't let people get you down. There are haters and losers moving on. Fuck you Monica. Yeah, fuck you Monica. Okay, so the scan of all of it all, the fucking scan of all of it all.

Scan devil. Scan. Sand devil. We said, yeah, we sand devil for a while and then you said sand evil and I was like, ooh, sand evil, that one stuck with me. And then scan of all, hashtag scan of all became wildly trending, but you know it was more trending?

hashtag team areiana. Team areiana, we've got the numbers on our side. Jerioconnel on Watch Your App and Slyve, did you see that? I bow down. Amazing. Looking right at the camera and going, Katie and Ariana, not that they don't know men want them,

nor is it their concern at this moment, but just looking dead in the eye and being like, their boys, they're not men, they're a men that want you. I felt like Jerry was like, I have a black book in my back pocket of all the guys that really want to take you girls out on proper days, you know? I love hearing a man speak out like that that has a platform.

Totally. I mean, and everyone is coming out of the woodwork. It's so nice to see, but I was talking to Katie about this the other day because in the thick of we've seen over this transition for her in the last year, some very dark moments and some very happy moments for her, but getting a divorce despite what people say about like she's the one to ask for it, well that's very difficult undoing, like they tried conscious and coupling,

obviously there was some hiccups with that, but I said to her in the worst moments that I have watched her go through, did you think that you would feel the way you do now and have the perspective you do now, which is it is the best thing that happened to her and she is just starting to enter the best chapter of her life. And she was like 100%. So it's too soon to even be having that conversation because it's still in the shock and the anger and whatever. I mean, yes, 100% right now we're all just triage and support,

but she is gonna shine so bright. It's not even, like I'm not worried about her at all, but it doesn't take away from the fact that this is devastating. Hainus and devastating, and I don't even have, I find myself to be a wordsmith. I can't even find the words big enough to describe like how ugly this is.

Yeah, we're not just talking to Ariana, the other day about it, I said, I know this may seem essentially impossible to think of, but I cannot wait until one year from today and to see where you're going to be. And it'll happen quicker than that. There will be, you know, it'll be a rollercoaster. I just don't think it's linear. And obviously, it's such a traumatic way for such a huge chapter of her life to end. But yeah, I mean, we all know she's gonna come out on top. I'm not worried about her at all,

but it's just, it's so hard. I was telling her this both in terms of our friend group, but also people who don't even know her. I mean, people, she's like, celebrity she's met, but also just completely random people. It literally made me tearied. I was like looking through Instagram, the amount of support that is showing up for her right now,

which speaks to who she is as a person. And I also told her like, within our friend group, the way that we are showing up for her is a reflection of how she loves and how she shows up for everyone else. Like, that's why that's happening. And I think that that's a really silver lining's beautiful thing to watch about the whole situation, a totally shit situation.

But, totally shit situation. We love you. I don't think there even is a team sandable. It's like a whole new team show. I can't Logan posted his photo of her and was like, team Ariana and I commented and was like, is there another team? There's no other team.

So we don't even need to talk about this alleged other team because it doesn't exist and Ariana said one thing that she said to me through tears because she is so humble, beyond humble. She started crying, she hugged me and said, I love you, I don't deserve you guys. I do not deserve my friends and I literally soft her in her tracks and I said, this is where we start then because you do deserve. And you need to now start working from the inside out. And you need to not only love yourself, which I know she loves herself, right?

We all love ourselves, but it's very easy to start going through the motions of, I don't know, do I really deserve all these people's like around me? And like, did I do something wrong? And like, what have I done in the past? Or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, no, this is where we stop.

You need first and foremost to know. This is here because you didn't ask us. We asked you if we were allowed to show up for you because that, you have an army. She said that to me too, and I was like, ma'am. I broke my heart. And I'm sure she said that to everyone in one way or another. But it's like, yeah, no, that's right.

We'll be here as much as you will let us be here. Yeah. Team Ariana. Team Ariana. Luke Thoughts. My thoughts are, a minute sheet are really weak. Like very weak will, there's going to be temptations in life for everybody, right?

And if you're just willing to give in and throw what you've worked toward or what you built up in a relationship away for, you know, to get off, it's pretty weak. You know, sometimes affairs happen and lead to other things that aren't all negative. And this situation doesn't seem that way. He chose, I'm gonna say, it seems like a fluzy.

I don't really know her, but you chose somebody that literally just... David's face. We're not a fluzy. And you're not wrong, but, Ella, I love it. I just want everyone to know that Ariana is in really great hands. She literally has an Ariana army around her

that just has her back endlessly. And we're giving her the space when she needs it, the love when she needs it, the love when she doesn't ask for it. And I love that we've started this something about her merch. They can't wait for my, I just am such a fan of extra large sweatshirts. But same thing is, which one did you order? The black one. Of course you did. I ordered the pink one because I always were black leggings. I know how weird, right? Okay, I love that for you.

I can do black leggings, black sneakers, a pink thing with a black hat. I feel like everyone in our group chat got something different. So I'm very excited for all of us to get it. And also, something about her is gonna be such a hit. So I think that getting this buzz around it when people were already excited is amazing and the way that, again, random strangers have showed up

and where it's all over the merch was just like so cool to see. I was reminded by Ariana that when I dated Tom and when she moved in, that I was like a Coney 2012 fighter. Do you probably don't even remember what that is? No, I do remember. I was my senior year of college.

Oh, God. And I fell for that. So that was garbage, but hashtag team Ariana is what we all need to brighten our day. If you want to, if you're a social justice warrior as I am, and I have a very faithful loving boyfriend, I need to fight for something. I need to like, to champion something other than myself and my projects. So I am here to be the champion for team Ariana. I think that the country was really divided before

Team Ariana. And now it's the glue that's putting the democracy back together. So Ariana for president, possibly, I don't know. Is our country turning purple? It might be. It's pretty exciting to see. That'd be nice. Anyway, it's gonna have politics. Okay, Dana, now I want to talk about you. Oh my God, I'm a Leo. I love talking about me. The Leo lion that you are.

You are the bright light in the room. People are, I will say this, and I wonder if you've ever heard this before, but you're a very humble person and you're not like egocentric, however. I have a handful of Leo friends, especially Leo women friends, and I truly feel of all, especially Leo women friends,

and I truly feel of all of my Leo women friends. You are someone that people are just drawn to. It's not because you're an attention hoard, it's not because you're flashy, it's not because you're demanding that. I just think there's something about a Leo woman that, and especially you, that people, when you walk into a room,

people just kind of want to know who you are Well, I feel like I mean first of all those were all very nice things So I appreciate that but I feel like with me I Also lean into a lot for the bit so like what I just said was like I love talking about me like I love leaning into the Leo part of it but I'm also a Leo cancer cusp So yeah, I do feel like I'm actually not as lioe as I like people to think I am, but yeah, I mean, I don't know if it's that people are drawn to me or that I just have a tendency to pull things out of people like I really gravitate toward everyone like I take up and I do unapologetically take

up space in every room I go into and I also encourage everyone around me to do the same, especially women, especially young women like I'm really all about that, but also I everyone around me to do the same, especially women, especially young women. I'm really all about that, but also I just really love to sincerely know who other people are. I just really like to go to deep places with people even if they don't necessarily want to. That's true. From the movie The Blindside,

when she's like, he's like an onion, peel the layers back and she's like, not if he uses a knife. That's me, I'm using a knife, but... That's actually a really good point, you are. You're not a small talk service level friend. No, I wanna get there. Like let's go there.

I feel like you would just run from a situation if that's what you were surrounded from. Like not run, but you would just be like, and I'm excusing myself, I have better things to do. Well, and I just think that I do have really good boundaries and I've made it my business over the last few years to be very selective of who I surround myself with. And it has been the recipe for success and happiness

and fulfillment. I'm very careful about who is in my circle. And it's not like I wouldn't be kind to people I met. But I am also, I am very intuitive. And I do take note of who people are. Like I very quickly can clock who someone is. When I meet them, what their vibe is, whether they have good intentions or not.

What did you clock me as? I thought you were very eccentric. And I thought that you were a nice way to say, no, I think I mean, chaotic goes without saying. But what I clocked of you is that you were very sincere and a very true friend. And I still say it's about you all the time like you're someone who will go to the ends of the earth for not even people You deeply love but people that you even have any type of connection with and I think that's a very special thing that is

Kind of rare Did you think that about me the one time that we've ever you were ever mad at me? I won't even call it we were in a fight because that was okay. I thought really sad. That was a fucking weird time. And of course I didn't. I thought you were a snatch at the time. But I was, but I would have snatched me in.

Wait, I thought that was a good thing. Snatch like snatches like I'm pretty sure a way of saying pussy, but it's like. I don't know. It's another word of like, I don't know bitch or something, but I know I just know fucking slang. y'all So here's I'm a I'm very old. Okay. Here's the thing I'm actually so glad you brought that up because they feel like we've never really talked about it But for me do you want to tell people we're talking about okay?

So if anyone watched the season that I was on a season eight on during the reunion It came out my last season as well during the reunion, my last season as well. Yeah. It came out that Max and Kristen had hooked up and it was, you know, Max was so, it's so funny like looking back on all this, like not even to shit on him, but it was just such a small blip in my life. But I will say, a Leo characteristic for me that is big is like honesty and being upfront are huge things for me.

Like, I can't operate in relationships without that. So that is what bothered me more than anything. It wasn't even the fact that you and Max had hooked up. It was just like, I had seen you so many times. And we were in COVID, right? So we weren't even like really seeing people. And so you had opportunities to say that to me. And I was just like, why is this coming out right now?

But again, in retrospect, I don't know how much we can say because it's production stuff. But I know we can because we're not cast members. So I can talk all the shit that I want about it. Talk you, Shake Girl. But yeah, I mean, I was told to save it. But just a thing, just part of the show that that was respect, I should have gone to you and said act surprised. I actually didn't know that it was going to be on the reunion until just before that. Like, it was weeks before that. But I should have come to you. My train of thought during that time was just like, Max is a fuck boy. He's my friend. We

got real wasted one night and ended up having sex. And it was just sort of like, it didn't, and Luke is actually, Luke as he's sitting here, Luke actually is very aware of the situation because Luke, you're timing in high, just saying hi, I'm just making sure you're still here. But I told you about the situation just in the sense of the fact that it was the only time of my life that I was able to hook up with someone with like zero feelings and not think of them in any sort of way because normally I'm like, I don't want to say stage five, Klinger, but I am the girl that like kisses or hooks up with a guy and I'm like, oh my god, could we get married?

Sam. Oh, doodleodle hearts in my notebook. Anxious attachment style. That is so my vibe. And with him, I was like, no. So the thing is, I don't wanna go on date with you. Like you can come over and make out with me and then like go the fuck out. That's the thing though.

And that's what I hate also. I feel like it painted me in a certain light to make it seem like it was deeper than it was. It would have rolled off my shoulders if you had told me when it happened. Like after it, it would have rolled off my shoulders if you had told me when it happened after it happened, because you even said, I think Shina told me you're someone later that you were like,

oh, I didn't even know that was a thing or considerate. And it's like, of course not, but our relationship was much bigger than either of our relationship with him, so that's what it was about for me. Absolutely, right. You're gonna curious your perspective on it from what you know about. I know very little other than what Kristen said. Well, now you know.

But now you know. Between you two, like, respect with your friend if you date or hook up with an ex. Is that what you mean? Yeah, just sort of. Yeah, like, do you understand where I'm coming from? Because I didn't tell her about it. Basically, she was sort of like shell-shocked on camera. And let's also be very clear.

We filmed a reunion, I think, because it was Lenny, my niece was just about to be born. And so I left, remember they came and got my stuff first, because I literally left, we stopped filming it, like what, 10 at night, and I left it like five in the morning to head to Seattle. So it was April of 2020, the world was weird. Everything was awful.

Like everyone was sick. Everyone was sick. So Luke doesn't know anything about Vanderpunnels, but it was a virtual reunion. We all had camera setups in our apartments or homes. Luke, I had, you see how blonde I am. I had roots. I had justice for me.

I had roots. I was so excited to look good at the reunion because you always get gussied up. And I had like fucking five inch roots because we weren't able to get our hair done or do anything. And it was just so upsetting. And I dyed my hair purple. It was like burgundy.

Oh my God. Okay, I might have to watch this. Well, I added a bunch of like purple in it because my highlights were so grown out. It looked so gnarly. So I put all this purple in my hair thinking it would like, look like really cool like lavender pops and it just looked like this weird burgundy.

It was bad. The wheels were falling off for all of us, but I mean, I guess to bring this back to the reason that you brought this up, yes. I think that I always appreciated about you, the things that it did, and also I never hated you, but I always say this, even about people that and I seldom use that word,

but if I very, very, very strongly dislike someone, I'll always call out their positive attributes, no matter what, like that's just who I am, like I just will. But that's what bummed me out about it is the view that I had of you and then the view I had after. But then time pass, again, the world was weird

and then we got together and it was just fine. And it was not a thing. And I was just like, Please be my friend, I miss you. I mean, yeah, and now looking back and like, I'm living in the radar. I was so sad. But yeah, anyway, we were looking back, I'm like, I've been living in the radar. I was so sad. But yeah, anyway, we were just curious your thoughts

on that, because you've never cheated on anyone. Correct. Yeah, correct. And you've not been cheated on. I was gonna say, you've been cheated on? You know, I didn't think it was, right? It's possible, I don't know. I didn't concern myself at the time,

because I knew that my girlfriend at the time was distracted by this other guy and was into it emotionally. Emotional cheating is almost worse. Yeah, so when I recognized that and called it out, I didn't try to dig further. You know what I mean? I didn't see or ask or try to figure out

if something physical had happened to me that was like, and to be totally fair to her, it was at a point in college that I had been in a relationship all through college, it was my high school sweetheart. And to me, I was like, if she wants this other guy, doesn't want me, and I get to be single at some point in college, this could not be the worst thing ever.

And then I was like a miserable wreck for months. And then, and then I was a whore for months. So that's how I- I would say, you know what's funny? I think that, like, so we were just saying, like emotional cheating can be worse. Are you someone, and I'm not saying this is a bad way, but that's like kind of ignorance is bliss.

And I say this from a positive perspective, because I'm someone, when I'm done with them, when it's just like over, I don't wanna know who you're fucking, I don't creep on your social media, I don't wanna know, so if it's like any more details that could come out, if it's over, it's over. So I'd rather just let's nip it in the bud

why hurt yourself more. Like, is that how you are or do you want to know all the details? No, that's, yeah, 100% how I am. What made that complicated was she kept trying to come back. Like after I had like gotten, essentially, I'm not gonna say I was over her, but I was over the situation.

I wasn't hurting as much anymore. And I was like, and I had distance, but then like we get back to school after the summer and she's like, I don't want this guy. I'm in love with you. I don't love him. All these things. And so I made it all complicated and weird.

But otherwise, all future relationships, yes. Once it's over, I don't pay attention. I'm not creeping on your social media. It's like, I'm looking forward, not backward. I don't think that's how you are, Detective Doty, but I've always been the like, I need to know every last little thing. I hope I don't double click.

No, you used to be, though. Okay, old you, though. Why do you, what in you needed that? That's so, it's, you know, I wish I had like a clear answer but I don't know it's I guess it's not the social justice worry right it's just the the inquisitive like I'm so curious about everything. I wanted to look up everyone I've ever hooked up with. Oh yes. Oh my god one time we went we went on a road trip and I was like just tell tell me her first name and like,

what city she lives in. I'm gonna find her. Also one of my favorite things about her is you're so scary with that. I love it though. Like my friend Ranny's the same way she's like the fuck in FBI. Like, you was curious. Like I like to, I'm just curious.

That's how Luke and I really started. I think our relationship was all just like talking on the phone. He didn't live in the state. Like, hours, like five, six hours a day at times. And I'm like, just tell me all your shit. I want to hear about all your relationships. I want to hear about all your crazy shit. I want to hear about all your good shit.

I'm just so curious and I love human connection. And that's why I started this podcast. Like, I want to know the ins and outs and the psychology of how not just men verse women feel but each individual you know so I feel like that was a lot of it also I'm just so so low self esteem yeah like are they better than me and my better than them can I validate that I just assume that they are so I don't want to know that like it now that's how I feel. I want to go on record that Raleigh Saldans, actually,

the best FBI probably know besides you. And it's not just because she's in the room. She's also a Raleigh Saldans. Yeah, Raleigh, are you better than me? Not better than you, but I am the FBI, yes. So here's something, just to you know, if you want to be a private investigator, you don't actually have to go to school for that

or go through police training. So like, if you want to be a private investigator, you don't actually have to go to school for that or go through police training. So, like, maybe you and I sometimes can just become PIs. Okay. You guys are on the case. We love it. We'll talk a little bit later about this. Okay. That's kind of what I was saying earlier. It's like having a really kind, loving, sweet boyfriend who I know I would never...

I don't... He's told me the Pasca do his phone 40 million times I've no idea what it is. And I don't care and I don't worry about it. So I need to be a justice warrior for other people. Wait, can I bring this up because you probably, I don't know if we've ever talked about this. Okay, go ahead. So I was on one episode of season seven of Interprompers Rules.

I was one of the hos in the hotel room. And yes. So here's the thing. Oh my god, the people. The people probably don't know this. Like, I did not come looking for the show. I was in sales. I'm back in sales.

I always had like a really stuffy corporate job. I randomly, two weeks after I moved to LA, was at a bar, the guys were there. They were filming. The producers was like, okay, we need girls, whatever. It was so, I'm gonna remind everyone what this was solving. We were in solving the worst time of other than seasons one and two of me, of antipromptu rules.

This was like the worst time for me, because I was a mess. You've never been a mess before, and a way you're talking about. What? But so everyone knows if you can remember the solving episodes, you will remember that the boys were having like a boy's night at I think the Mondrian Hotel. And we find out per Jack's and Bo,

who calls Stasi and Brittany, and say there are girls here. Okay, go ahead. Okay, so what's so funny is behind the scenes, I actually had a boyfriend at the time that I was so fucking in love with. So when we got there, and I've always had this, I absolutely, I was a huge Vanderbump state.

I watched the first few seasons religiously. I hadn't watched the last few, but I was like, oh my, so when we saw them and producers were like, do you wanna be a part of this? I was like, wait, this is so fucking LA. I've lived here for two weeks. I was so new. I was like, this is so cool.

Never thought anything else would come of it, ever in my life. But the next morning, I was flying to Seattle and I remember this because I was at the Burbank Airport and I'm sitting there and I had like what? I had a private profile on Instagram. I had like maybe 800 followers. And I like go on Instagram,

Kristen Dodie friend requested me. She followed me on Instagram and I was like, ooh, I screen-shotted it to the girls that I was with and I was like, holy shit. And I was like, I feel like my hands are tied because if I don't add her, it's gonna make it look like it was something. And then if I do add her, this is so weird.

Obviously I did, I accepted you and then you creeped and then immediately under which I would make first big sense. And how fucking funny is that? I remember your profile picture. There was like a giraffe in your thing, and you were holding your foot and wearing all black. Like, that was your photo.

I remember it was burned into my mind. It was a hell of a scare. Yes, it was that photo shoot. Yes, I remember, and I was dating Carter. But anyway, yeah, also justice for me, ho and hotel or whatever, we really, nothing happened. And it was so much fun.

Were you friends with a producer or a crew member on the show? This is the funniest fucking thing. People think that production, I was family friends with a producer, which is why I got reached out to that is that's what we were all told. No, who, people have said the craziest fucking rumors, Jackson Brittany, you remember that letter?

Once sent some random person after I was on the show before it aired, sent Jackson Brittany an anonymous letter saying that I was sent there because I was friends with a producer and I was sent to break Jackson Brittany up and all this literally said the craziest shit. And okay, in addition to honesty, I think we all can agree.

I'm a pretty upfront person, but also nothing bothers me more than when someone is accusing me of lying when I'm not lying. Like that's my biggest pet peeve. So yeah, everyone was like, she's friends with a producer. When I was like, girl, are you okay? I just moved to LA.

I don't know any of you. What are you talking about? Yeah, I'm about to be after the war. Yeah, you were family friends with a particular producer. You were family friends. I was like, I didn't even any of you, what are you talking about? Yeah, I'd best say it. To be after they were like, yeah, you were family friends with that particular producer. There was somewhere family friends. I was like, I didn't even know this man. When they reached out and we started talking,

it was like, I had never met them before my life. At first, I didn't even believe that they were actually associated with the show. I thought someone was trolling me. Like that's someone random with like, I'm a, yeah. I remember producing. Yeah, and so it was so funny to me when that was the stick.

I was like, you guys, you don't understand. This is not my life. I don't understand how I got involved in this. This is, I came to LA to get away from San Diego, went through a heinous breakup, and then, we just thought I was gonna be in sales for the rest of my life, and took a chance, which I think most people would, and I'm glad that I did.

I regret fucking nothing. So whatever, suck my dick. As you would say, and as I also say, it's just like, no, but yes, for the record, I was not friends with fucking anyone. My cheeks are like, oh my god, my cheeks hurt right now because I'm like laughing in the back of the like smiling, so I'm like, I completely forgot.

I forget that. I forget that sometimes, like that I was on that I was on a random episode in season seven. So I'm a 1 million percent gonna go back later tonight when you leave and find that just to see you there. Do you know what I know anyone you were with? No, and I, you know, is so. Rolly, were you there? I was not.

I wish. I don't speak of the people I was with actually. So we're not talking about them. But what I was concerned about, I woke up the next morning, I was hungover, that night I got in a huge fight with my boyfriend at the time. We're on sex, love, and what else matters. So I'm going to be totally fucking free. So I was with a boyfriend that I was very obsessed with.

We got in San Diego, not San Diego. No, no, no, this is in LA. So this is the night of the hotel thing, right? So I get home, me and him getting a huge fight and it started because I filmed. Like I told him this was going on, I got home, we were FaceTiming because he lived in San Diego

and he lost his shit on me. It started with that, but then it was something else. It just was a thing that was not supposed to be. How long were you guys together? Not long at all, like four months. I mean, he would probably say we weren't in a relationship and he was just not literally avoiding us. Like absolutely not, no.

But we really hit it off and then I was literally the night I met him. I was like, I'm moving in a month. And then we decided to do the long distance. I told him, like, I'm not gonna do this open. So if you wanna date, we can date, but I'm moving there, he wanted to. So did it wanna date, we can date, but I'm moving there, he wanted to. So did it.

Anyway, we got in this huge fight that night. I thought for sure we were breaking up. Randomly, the night before I was there filming, I was also at the Mondrian with my ex-boyfriend and his friend that were in town and that ex-boyfriend hit me up and we ended up picking up that night. So I fully, I don't count it as cheating

because I thought I was broken up. Like the fight they got in, I literally thought we were never gonna speak again. And then he called me the next morning, I woke up, I'm hungover, I had hooked up with my ex boyfriend, I had filmed a television to which I never thought I would do my entire life, I'm so hungover, I'm like, oh my God, I'm gonna lose my job, I'm gonna lose my job,

I'm gonna, like what was I saying on camera? Like, so worried and obviously they spun it in the way they spun it. Of course. And then the person I was seeing at the time called me and he was like, what are you talking about? That was a fight we're fine and I was like, oh, wow.

His, his, his, his sterically called, his sterically called my best friend Courtney. So, felt so bad because I truly thought we were broken up. I've never told that publicly, but yeah, that's the whole thing. That's the whole thing. That is epic. What a night for me.

And then you end up on the season. I was 27. I was 27. I was about to turn 28. So I was young and stupid. I was going through a lot. And then yeah, then I ended up on Vanderpump rules in every day of my life. I was like, why is going on?

What are you doing here? Like it was such a good addition. So fucking random. You were such a good addition. I'm so glad you were there that season for my finale of season because you were just like a breath of fresh air. Thank you.

You doing comedy and just, you know, like them actually truly filming your stand-up shows and being a voice of reason and no bullshit and it was just like, I think fucking God, they brought her on instead of Lucy Goosey whose friends have a friend of someone I can't even fuck that show. I was always so honored that they filmed my sets

and they made it on the show because I was, and all that was another thing that I had in reaction to that breakup, the same guy I broke up with, he was visiting me in LA once, went to the comedy store where I had a show, and I told him, I really want to do stand-up comedy. Like I've always wanted to do it, even though I have this corporate job, I want to do it my free time, and he laughed.

He scoffed at me, and he was like, sure, you should do that. So when we broke up, I wrote that night. I wrote my first three-minute set, because that's what you do when you're starting out open mics and whatever, and I performed that night. I wrote my first three-minute set, because that's what you do when you're starting out open mics and whatever, and I performed that week. My first open mic, and it was the most cathartic, wonderful thing ever. It was like truly one of the best nights of my life. Like I felt there was five people in the room

at the Oak in Sherman Oaks was where I did it. And then I started doing more open mics and more, and then all of a sudden I was getting booked on actual shows. So before I did, Fanner Pump, I was getting booked on actual shows. So before I did Vanderbump, I was actually getting booked on shows and like I Comedy started being a big part of my life. So fuck him. Do you still want to do it? Yes, you should. I keep saying it. I've been wanting I stopped because of COVID and now obviously that hasn't been a thing for a long time But I also have had a lot going on positive things but a lot going on and I

I keep I think making up excuses because also I got to a point that I was really proud of, but also starting over again feels really big because I have to go back to square one, but yeah, I need to start writing again. I need to start. You have so many life experiences that you can talk about. And you have. By experience, she means trauma, but yes, I do have.

I mean, all of that shit, so, but don't we all? So yeah, I'd like to get back into it. I would fucking love that more than anything. Would you come to my show? Absolutely. I was just about to say we have to go to more shows. We went to one show at... Jessica Michelle Singleton, my friend JMS, yeah.

Right. We went to it... Was it the company store? No, my friend JMS, yeah. Right. We went to it. Was it the company store? No, we went to Lafactory. Lafactory, that's right. It's not my favorite brand name. I was thinking, you guys were all the stores the best. That is literally the biggest thing I was most proud of.

I have performed at the store three different times and truly so honored that I got to do that. You, Katie, Schwartz, Ariana, everyone was so supportive of me and came to shows and I just always really appreciated that girl. I'm telling you ever since Rachel O'Brien, who you kind of know who is the reason Luke and I are essentially dating. Right. Because of Rachel's wedding.

But Rachel was my absolute very first friend in LA. We were friends before I even actually moved here. We were here buddies and she like introduced very first friend in LA. We were friends before. I even actually moved here. We were here buddies and she introduced me to all of LA. I became a female comedy groupie. I was like, introduced me to all of your female comic friends. I want to come and see you girls. Like, I want to watch female comics thrive.

And that's my favorite thing. So I think you should get back out there and you're gonna have the Dana Army like surrounding you and selling shit out. You know what I mean? Listen to you now. Yeah. And you're gonna get back into podcasting, huh?

Is sure I am good because I need you to be back in podcasting, because I can't wait, I missed it. So good. Okay, now want to talk about like sex. Yes. And I want to talk about relationships. Yes. Okay. And stuff. So you've definitely said you've had a heinous relationship, your words. And I know that you were recently in a relationship that I was happy for you about because you were happy and unfortunately it ended. Where are you at now? How are you feeling now?

Not unfortunately at all, actually. I mean, just how you were feeling when it didn't. Totally. I actually think that that relationship was a milestone of how long did you guys date? Again, only four months. Again, it was short, but it was pretty big for what it was. But yeah, at the time. Yeah, Luke, we said it today.

How long have we been together? You know, we haven't really figured out what the actual, when we actually started dating. You said it today, you were like, we've only been together like five months. Something like that. I mean, I spent the whole month of November here. It feels like, in a good way,

it feels like a million years, though. I feel like I've been with my best friend for years. So things can happen in quickly. So in that one did escalate quickly, but I feel like it was a slow burn at first, which I know sounds counterintuitive, but I think that for me, I, and a lot of this is through therapy and my own work and like reading again, anyone out there who's listening, I fucking beg you, please read attached. It changed my entire life.

Wait, what is that? It's a book about your attachment styles. I am an anxious, avoidant attachment and it's why relationships. And also, by the way, the San Diego guy, he's not a bad guy. I was the reason. So the book is called attached.

It's called attached. Looking back, he was avoidant. I was anxious, avoidant. It was never gonna work. So it wasn't him, it was me. I used to be very clingy. I also was very insecure. Even honestly on the show, the way that that stayed out with Max. Like, that was me. I used to be very clingy. I also was very insecure, even honestly on the show,

the way that that stayed out with Max. Like that was me. I was not well, and I take full accountability for the partners that I was choosing and patterns that I've gone through. So I actually only look at myself as starting to date in my adult life the last like 10 months because of all the healing that has taken place

and where I'm at. And with that relationship that I was last in, I regret nothing. There was a lot of good that came out of it, but what I am most proud of is when it was not working for me, I said, can't do this. Bye bye. And it was very clean and quick and I was done

and it was because I don't want to be with someone who does not enthusiastically want to be with me and he kind of like flipped the script on me after after coming on strong and then kind of was like, whoa, this is going too fast. And I was like, hello, fucking hell. I'm a grown woman. I don't want to be with anyone that is feeling that way after this amount of time, so I'm good.

And old me would have clung to that until he told me go away. That was my last relationship, which is weird. I broke up with Carter, and we stayed as friendly as we could, and it was very amicable and cool. However, the person that I ended up choosing after Carter before Luke, I kept distance for so many months, like, I don't want to boyfriend, I don't need this. But then when I got, when I was in it, I was in it. And then I lost myself. Luke is the one who brought the light to my eyes of why I stayed in it.

Yeah, I mean, we've said it before, on other podcasts. I mean, it just, many moons ago. Because you had your tunnel vision, you were staring at a destination and ignoring everything going on around you. Like, you had to attach yourself to this person

and decided you had to make it work with this person to in order to be married and have a baby. Yeah, exactly, to be a wife and a mom. Yeah, and look, and it's not that we don't, I'm 32 now, it's not like I don't have goals and things that we can never expect the same time. Here's the thing, I, it's okay, Luke's 31. Thank you guys are in the same panel.

Here's the thing, I know that I love myself for the first time my entire life. I'm truly happy for the first time my entire life that has, and that was a lot of, after I got off the show at the beginning of 2021, I was just on a huge journey of finding that after the worst mental place I had ever, would like scary, scary.

Like I have anyone who's probably heard me on a podcast, I have severe mental illness. So like, got to, as long as I do. Got to this place where I'm so happy and like, I'm good, I'm fulfilled. I have the best friends, I'm so happy and like, I'm good, I'm fulfilled. I have the best friends. I'm so lucky. My life is truly dreamy.

Like, I came from a really rough childhood. So like, if eight year old me, I say this all the time, could see my life now. She would geek the fuck out, would not be able to believe what my life is. So, for me, I'm like, if it does not fit perfectly from a relationship standpoint, and it is not something that is effortless and moves me forward. I'm good

Are you crying? I think effortless at first. I should feel effortless, but all relationships take work No, no, they do, but I just mean it there are certain things that should feel effortless and right okay here My therapist had me write a letter. It's just like really hit me though. I like, I grabbed, like, Rolly grabbed me and I was like, oh my god, when you said like, eight year old me, with like geek out. That's like really special. It's so special. I don't know why I'm so emotional.

I'm not even on my period. Probably because you've had some of that and you had that in your childhood too. And like, my therapist had me write a letter to my girl self. Oh my God. I was talking about this. No, I mean, it's heavy, but it was really profound.

And I'm like, and my mom, which I know, we talk about all the time, like you and I offline. But my mom is freaking the fuck out for how great my life is and how great my sister's life is and how taken care of we are. And I will say in terms of things. So for those of you who don't know, including Luke, but Dana lost her mom. So 10 years ago. I'm sorry to hear that.

It's awful. So it's like, I will say in terms of the things that I am proud of and I can say with my whole chest, I am proud of the fact that I am a fighter and I've really fucking been through some shit. But my joy, like everyone has been through their stuff. So I get it, I think a lot of people have had a lot harder life than I have had,

but you can't just be really been through some gnarly things. I think everyone's sitting at this table right now can discount what we've been through because we're such good people, Raleigh's sitting here, you, me, and Luke. And I feel like we're also humble and good people that we say, I've been through so much, but I know other people have been through,

it does not discount like what you've been through though. So I just wanna say that. Well, thank you. I think I'd wanna actually go from eight year old me to 13 year old me, which was for me the beginning of my mental health journey, which is like some really awful shit happened to me when I was 13 and it was the beginning of it. And so I think that she would be like, are we going

to make it? And you know, two years ago, at the end of 2020, I mean, I say this very sincerely, like, I feel lucky to be sitting here right now because I didn't think I was going to pull through that depression that I went through, which was so, so rough and hardly. And like, I wish I could hug her and be like, you're gonna be okay someday. Like, it's gonna take a really long time and your worst fear is gonna come true. You're gonna lose your mom. But you will come back and you'll be better than ever. And you're gonna live every day with your whole

heart for her. And you're gonna know like everything that is good about you is because of her. And I always like end up going to my mom podcast, but like, I don't care. I love my mommy. And she's a big part of her. And I always end up going to my mom and podcast, but I don't care, I love my mommy, and she's a big part of it. And my mom was like, you would have loved her. She was a sassafrash. She was so about female empowerment and also, let's go from her death to sex

because she would love that. She would let's drink some wine. I feel like I'm talking to her about sex. You know what, literally, are me and my mom for the same birthday, said before I'll say it again, you know me, you know my mom. Yeah, just cool gal.

Talkin' to her right now. Let's go. Sure. So, relationships, relationship. Worry about right now. Yeah. I'm very hopeful. What do you want?

What do you thinkin' about? Are you, do you want companionship right now? Do you want to just like fuck? Do you want to make out? So my thing is when I break up, I'm always just like, I just want someone to like, tell me I'm pretty, especially with like an asshole

ex boyfriend, right? Typically when you break up, it's because it's not great. And I'm always just like, I just want someone to tell me I'm pretty and make out with me. And that's it. If I want to fuck you off, fuck you, but like, don't, that, that is all I want. I want a little bit of validation about that I'm,

I'm better than what this dick was telling me that I was that we just broke up. You know what I mean? I'm not particularly looking for that because I feel like my reflection of myself is so whole right now. I think I've seen myself clearer than I've ever seen myself. So I'm not really looking out really for that. But I mean, I'd be lying if I said, I'm very ready for my person. I've gotten to my place. But when I was saying

earlier, Luke, like in terms of effortlessness, all relationships take work, but there are certain things that click or they don't. And it's a gut thing. Like you know, right? And for me, conversation being a big one of those things just roll. That's how Kristen and I were able to get hundreds of hours on the phone when we were in the same place before we started dating. It was easy Totally, you know, so certain things like that and we'll right we'll have a different list So I've a list of my phone that's very specific. I recommend everyone do it your partner is the biggest decision You'll ever make so we should be very specific about what we want and what we need and it looks different for everyone

Do you want to share like a few of those things with us? For me. Or you don't have to. No, I would say for me, it would be understanding and compassionate about my mental health struggles. Love's animals is not a Trump supporter. I don't feel like your audience is like

a very Trump supportery, so whatever. And if you are, sorry, I'm not sorry. Sorry, insurrectionists need not apply. And love cats that act like dogs. Love, love, love. My cats specifically, but my cat that acts like dogs, compassionate, generous, emotionally, but not as funny as you.

I've had a lot of friends of mine that are female comics that are like, well, I want them to be funny, but like not funny, you're than me. I would love someone funnier than me, but I have yet to find it. So it sounds great. So I would love someone funny or than me, but I have yet to find it, so sounds great. So I would say that would be part of it, but then also a big one for me is someone

who doesn't want me to shrink myself, is one of my biggest, biggest things because I think that a lot of times, I know I have a big personality and I can be too much. So I felt too much because people I've been with were the wrong people and made me feel like I was too much. And I'm not, I am who I am. So those are a few, but it's little like 60 things.

I swear to God. So right now, I am looking for my person, but only when it's the right fit. And if it isn't, I'm good being alone. I'm so independent, like I'm good. Like I really don't need that, but don't want to get fucked too. Yeah, of course.

And well, but by the person that loves me. So, I don't want to keep crying or whatever, but like that made me emotional because the person that I dated before Luke, it was not Carter, everyone. The person I dated before Luke made me feel really small. And, and always said, like, you talk too much, you talk too fast, you're to this. And then the biggest trigger, when I was still not trigger, but the biggest insult I think I felt when I wasn't in the right mental space to debunk it and say you're wrong, was I just want you to be like you, but like less rough edges, like a little classier version

of you. And it just like broke me time and time again until I was over it where I'm going, who the fuck are you? Wait, wait, wait, piece of you. And it just like broke me time and time again until I was over it where I'm going, who the fuck are you? Wait, wait, piece of shit. Can I think, can you send more polished to this how we send it? Can I, can I tell you something? Because this is going to make you feel better.

You remember because I told you. This is going to make you feel better. My last relationship, which this is relevant right now and I don't like disparage because everyone can have their preferences. I am who I am. I am vulgar. I am like, I don't hide any of that. I am who I am. I am vulgar. I am like, I don't hide any of that. I am who I am.

I know I'm a lot, but again, for the right person, that won't matter. So last person I was dating, the night we broke up, he had always known I was vulgar. He used to send me dirty memes all the time. He was also vulgar. And then one night I made a joke to him that was just us two in a car, no one else was there,

and it wasn't even that crazy. And he was like, made a face and I was like, what, and he was like, I just feel like you're vulgar sometimes. And I was like, yeah, I am, but I thought that you love that about me and it kind of opened up the Pandora's box of all the things that honestly needed to be discussed.

But then I had such an Ick for that because I had heard that before my life, not necessarily from partners, but when I was younger in my career and I made mistakes of like not keeping it as professionals, I should have in whatever, but like now I look at that and I'm like, you're right, I am and I'm good with that. And I love that about myself. Yes. I'm not like a perfect lady and whatever and whoever and also if the person, what does that

even mean to? You know what I mean? If that person does not exist in the world for me, that's going to accept that. Love that then I guess I meant to be alone, but like I can't change. I am who I am. And by the way, sometimes I do wish that I could make myself smaller because I am a lot. I'm well aware of that. But like I can't think you're a lot. I am who I fucking am. I think you're the exact perfect amount. Well, thank you. Truly. I think I'm wrong. And I think I want you to be more. Really? Okay. In some ways, obviously. You're always like, how many times you tell me,

you're so on, you're so this, and you just like want me to make decisions, you want me to do these things, and I'm like, okay, let's do them. I'm trying to, like, that's true. That's why I'm trying to make you so on and I'm trying to pull more out of you. That's true.

Yeah. Which we love. So the last thing I really want to, we're gonna like totally switch gears here, because there's something I wanted to talk today and about in real IRL in real life back in September was this is before Luke and I were like boyfriend girlfriend and Truly after my last relationship I was Not for the first time in my life, but just thinking like maybe I want to date a girl

I've always been very fluid in like making out or like hooking, not really hooked up with a lot of girls, but just when female company and kissing and all of that, and I really love like the nature of like the feminine and not the douchey dudes, that that was what was in my mind essentially. So I was on hinge and this is just a little tiny part of it, but I was on hinge, and all of a sudden,

girls started popping up on hinge, and I was like, this is so weird, and I'm checking my settings, okay, whatever. So I ended up talking to this girl. Long story short, it doesn't even matter, because it didn't, it was weird, but we made out in a bar, Luke and I were definitely talking a long distance, he knew all about it. He was like, I don't care if you bar. Luke and I were definitely talking a long distance.

He knew all about it. He was like, I don't care if you look up at the girl. It's cool. But when I text you Dana back in September, it was Luke and I exploring how do we expand our sexual nature? Because we're with very sexual people. And very open.

I was like, well, what if we wanted to have a threesome? Or if I just wanted to hook up with a girl with Lucas very okay with. And how do- I just wanna be there. Go. But like, how do you even go about something like that? It's like, I don't wanna solicit something on Craigslist

or like a, a, a queen. It's 2023. The Craigslist is not necessary. But this is essentially the question I asked you. I was like, how would I even go about something like that? And in talking to a girl that I'm saying, like, listen, I'm not full on lesbian. I definitely am into both.

I've done both. But I consider myself essentially straight in a relationship setting. But I'm not trying to use you as like my girl fuck toy either by any means. So I'm just curious just your thoughts on that because you've been very open about being bisexual and open that you dated guys a lot but like open with men and women. Well you know what I think it's so funny whenever someone's hears your bisexual and they're like okay but like what

percent? Like would you date? Would you date women? I think that's so lame and ridiculous. I don't think it can be quantified like that. Maybe for some people it can't for me. Isn't that a scale, the Kinsey scale or something like that? Yeah, but it's just like, for me, it is definitely more about the person and the situation. So I think that when you're dating anyone, it doesn't matter if they're the same, gender as you are not, it's all about setting expectations.

So for instance, the last girl that I was seeing very briefly, but we kind of had a thing, it's a long story. But the night that me and her met, we ended up making out for a very long time and had this like very like intense situation happen on a dance floor. And at first, it was a friend of a friend. We were dancing together, and for 30 minutes, I kept being like, are we about to make out? I don't really know what's going on. I just met this girl.

He felt viby, but you don't know if she's viby. Yeah, so I wasn't really sure. And then she was really leaning into it, so I was like, okay, and then we ended up kissing, and then we ended up reconnecting after I broke up with that guy. So with her, I just think it was about setting expectations might do.

I was really raw after my relationship. But even if it wasn't coming out of a relationship, I think that if it's someone that you're interested in just hooking up with, because sexuality is really fluid for a lot of people. And I think more people than they'd want to admit. And if you're not comfortable labeling it, you don't have to.

That's totally fine. If you're someone who identifies as straight, but you've had experiences with someone who is the same sex as you, that's cool too. Like do whatever makes you feel comfortable. But like if you are interested in seeing someone that is the same sex as you, and you aren't looking

for anything else, but hooking up, you just need to make that really clear. And so like when you're talking about where do I find this, Craigslist, whatever, when you're in the world, it's for me, even with men. In the world, I'm on dating apps. It is hard to meet men in the world, so the same thing goes for women. So I think it's being realistic about that, and knowing the moments of like, if you meet someone and you feel any type of connection Like leaning into that slowly and making sure they're comfortable

Especially if you're not sure just making sure they're comfortable And you throw things out you would say like flirty shit and just see if like They will say this this particular girl it was on hinge and she DMed me and it was the first I was so confused Immediately like wait how did my app, what is happening? But Luke's out of town, I'm sitting here alone and I just want companionship, like I was saying earlier, just connection. I love talking to anyone,

even if it's just gonna be my friend. I gave her my number, we started texting and I very forwardly said, I'm so sorry, like I actually am straight. I'm not sure how this happened on hinge, but Hi nice to meet you. I've also I have had connections with women in the past and she was like oh totally like I've been in relationships with men up until the last I don't know X amount of Months or years so she's like it's all good or even if we're become friends, or whatever. And then we did end up meeting up, and we got drunk,

we made out of the bar, and that was kind of it. We sort of kept in touch, but it was a messy bar situation. Yeah, I mean, again, it sounds like you said expectations. So that's all I'm saying. But I was very clear in the beginning of just that, not like, oh, I'm looking to fuck, but I was just like, I'm straight, but I don't, you know what I'm saying? Well, I think that some people also who identify

a straight maybe have curiosity around that. And I think that it would also have to be a thing if like you and Luke are looking to do that together, setting the expectation and making sure that person is comfortable with that. Because they're only interested in you just like springing him on, like that's not the vibe, but just making it all about open communication,

honesty, setting expectations. You know, like, I think that some people who identify as straight, who are curious, I think some people, like I'm bisexual, I'm definitely like, identify as queer. Like, I don't think it's a bad thing at all that people who are straight, if you have any of those curiosities

and you want to lean into it and you meet someone you feel safe with, like, say, like, I have always identified as straight, but I am curious and whatever, and maybe someone will wanna go on that journey with you. And also, you have to understand, and maybe if they don't, then they don't, but it's all about being honest about it.

And I've looked up with more than a couple of girls. I've just only dated guys. That's why I consider, do I date a girl? It's just there's something about a guy that I'm very drawn to. Do you know what's funny about that? So I feel like if I dated a girl? It's just there's something about a guy that I'm very drawn to. Do you know what's funny about that? So I feel like if I dated a girl, I would just be so annoyed and overpowering

and I'm so emotional. And I think about all the things about me that would just like not work dating another girl. I've only been in relationships with men and I'm totally fine. And again, it's like people like expect you to. Well, okay, that was my question. So you've been in relationships with men and I'm totally fine. And again, it's like people expect you to. Well, okay, that was my question. So you've been in relationships with men,

however you consider yourself bisexual. I mean, not consider. You are, there's a difference between being bisexual and bi-romantic. Also, those are two different things. And people also don't know that. So like you can be bisexual and your sexual preference is both.

So I am bisexual, but I am straight romance. Yeah, like bi-romantic is a thing. Like, so for me though, I have, I've had women that I could consider myself, like I could have seen something happening and it didn't as far as a dating perspective, although, right. Recently, I realized I grab it, it's just in general. I gravitate toward masculine energy.

So I think if I end up in a relationship with a woman, it will be a woman that's masculine presenting. Yes. And that's totally speaking my language. And that's totally fine. It's just something that as I've explored, it's so crazy. I'm so happy for Gen Z and younger kids

where it's not as much of a thing. But I very much felt like I had to come out when I was 28, even though people around me were new and what I mean. But it was like, and I still, when I'm dating men, even now, I tend to bring it up on like the second or third day when I feel like if I'm interested in them, because I'm like, yeah, you should know,

and I would only date someone who's totally, this is a part of me, and if you're gonna have an issue with it down the road, I don't wanna waste my time. But it's still something I navigate. I'm not saying I'm an expert by any means, but I just think that it is really dynamic, and it's just different for everyone, and how you choose to express that

and explore it. I think it's all healthy. And I think that sexuality is a motherfuckin spectrum. And if you think you're on it, you should check that out because I don't know if you know this, life is short. I love that and I love that you just literally open my eyes, probably Luke's eyes, definitely all of our listeners,

eyes and ears, to that by-romantic levers, bisexuality. Yeah. That's different. That's different. People say like, I think it's really fucking awesome. I've heard so many women say like, well, I'm not by, I'm, I wouldn't date a woman. And I'm like, well, but if you could have sex with a woman,

like, yeah, your, your problem is, again, I'm not gonna label you, you need to label that, but something to consider. No, I love that, amazing. Oh, this has been so much fun and that was, I think, an amazing note to end on in your The Tits and your so much fun. And I thank you so much for coming over. I love you so much. Thank you for having me. And I can't wait to your new podcast comes out whenever that does. And I can't wait until you start doing stand up again. And Dana, where can everyone follow you?

My Instagram handle is Dada Danes, D-A-D-A-D-A-Y-N-S. And your TikTok is Dana Kathan, K-A-T-H-A-N. And Dana's fucking TikTok is what's up. And you are so quick and current and on it all the time and it is on my page 24-S. I need to come back in the pod sometime because you're making me feel good about myself. Oh no, we're not gonna have any time. I'm gonna talk like a lot more of you. You need to go to a movie right now.

I do. And we need to pack for Colorado. You do. Thank you guys. Thank you guys so much for having me. I love you. Thank you so much for having me on. Of course.

All right, talk to you guys next week. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Dodie and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke Double Under Score Broadred. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes every single Wednesday. Thanks for listening. See you next week. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪