Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Single & Mingling With Zack Wickham

Episode Date: December 2, 2022

Episode 3. Is there a difference between gay and straight dating? Kristen’s best friend and social media manager Zack Wickham joins the podcast to discuss the similarities, answer all of our personal questions, and debunk the myths. They chat all things dating apps, tops vs. bottoms, and why Zack’s friends could never pick a suitor for him. Luke shares his first attempt at joining the Mile High Club and they wrap the episode up with another game of Urban Dictionary - Sex Edition. Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick. Email us: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What is up everybody? So glad you're back. We're glad to be back. Welcome to Sex Love and what has matters? I'm your host, Kristen, and with me per-use, I have Luke. How's it going, Luke? It's going great. Good to be back in sunny and hot California. I'm so excited you're here. Luke just flew in and with us today, y'all very special guest. This is my BFF, my writer, die. And I like to call him my handler.

I am so. You sure do. Zach, welcome everyone. How are you all today? We're so good and I'm so happy you're here. And this is so happy to be here. It's gonna be a blast. Zach really is when we're together.

Everyone knows you're my best friend. Hey, I'm a best friend, but they don't know about you being my handler. Can you just like tell everyone what that means and why I call you that? I mean, I think being a handler means, you know, everything from pushing you to do social media posts. And by the way, her TikTok would not exist if it weren't for me just saying,

you know, that or just daily motivation, I feel like I'm packing boxes in my new apartment, helping me with my dogs. Y'all, I don't have a boyfriend, so I have Zach. Your sexless lover. You're my sexless lover. And I will say, like, since Luke and I have Zach. You're sexless lover. You're my sexless lover. And I will say like since Luke and I become so close over the last few months and doing this podcast, he's taking over your handler duties when you're not around. I do appreciate that. It takes a village.

Oh, I'm happy to have a Valley Village. It takes more than a village. That was good. Yeah, it does take a village. You all welcome to my life. So yeah, like I said, I'm super stoked that Zach is here with us today. I'm really stoked that Luke flew into town and because Luke just flew here,

Luke, you have a pretty good story, voucher flight that I want you to fill Zach and our listeners in on, take it away. Our conversation about research for the sake of this podcast led to her encouraging me to attempt to join the mile high club on my way here. And in my head I'm like okay, Kristen's kind of joking. The more I thought about it on the first flight before my layover, was Kristen's definitely not joking. She's all in on this. Kristen doesn't joke about stuff like that.

Yeah, she totally meant it. She totally meant it, right? And I'm thinking okay, one of six AM flight trying to join the mile high club with a rando is just not gonna happen. So I have a labor in Phoenix three hours later. And in between, I'm waiting to board my flight. The flight gets delayed. Girl walks up beside me. Very attractive girl.

Blonde hair, she's from Texas. I find out later. Anyway, I strike up a conversation. We talk while we're delayed. We board, it's a Southwest flight. So we are able to sit close to each other. We sat in the same row, seated board, it's a Southwest flight, so we're able to sit close to each other. We sat in the same row, see them between us.

Anyways, the conversation developed and I'm trying to, I'm kind of explaining this podcast and sexuality and some things, trying to like test the waters. Conversation, some point leads to talking about drama in California and how much different it is than it is in the Midwest or even where she is in Texas. And she throws out that people in California need to realize those crystals aren't doing a damn thing for you and they need to find Jesus. So I mean, that's the moment you know that

you're getting absolutely nothing from her. Yeah, you were not gonna get banged in the Southwest bathroom. But also, where you gonna try to get a BJ still, or where you're just like, this is where it ends. When the girl brings up Jesus in the conversation, I think that's a clear indication that there is no BJ coming.

Anyway, Zach, we have so many questions for you today. Luke and I have been so stoked to ask you things, even though obviously I probably know all the answers, but I know Luke has a lot of questions. He's very curious about some things and I know our listeners will be too. And something I was explaining to Luke, which I would love for you to talk to the listeners about is something I've learned is that it's always better to ask questions and be curious.

So we want to talk about obviously the difference between quote-unquote, like straight dating and gay dating or LGBTQ dating in your community. But don't you agree? I know you agree that it's the curiosity when it comes out of love, is awesome, right? Yeah, well, and I think when you say, instead of saying curiosity, you say, you want to make sure that that person feels heard

and that you understand where they're coming from. When you have someone asking a question and it comes from the heart and they want to know about that person or like learn, actually learn, they don't wanna be ignorant anymore, they want to support that person. And that is something that I wish more people would understand. Ask us questions so you can learn.

So for me, it's been this major, I'm a super hesitant because I'm terrified to offend somebody and I have nothing but curiosity. So I'm super happy to be here today and I glad you're here to answer these questions and I know there's a lot of people that feel the same sentiment that I do. Well, and I love that you're terrified

because I want you to be, I want everybody to be terrified because that means you actually care. You know what I mean? If you weren't terrified and you were just spouting off stuff, then I'd be like, mm, okay, he doesn't care to act. He's actually just one of those people that wants to like, you know, be that bro or be that, hey, let's just make fun of the person by asking them uncomfortable questions instead of asking questions because you actually want to be less.

Right. Yeah, I can get skewed the wrong direction really quick. It can. Yeah. But the fact you're terrified works in your favor and thank you for being terrified today on this podcast. It's hilarious. Doesn't happen often. I in your favor and thank you for being terrified today on this podcast. It doesn't happen often. I was like, where are you going with this?

Okay, so we are so lucky to be living where we live in Los Angeles. You are from Louisville, Kentucky. We have West Hollywood. I call it Boy's Town ever since I've lived here. We have Rainbow, Pedestrian Walks. It is the coolest area. How do you meet people that you want to date? You're single right now. Where do you meet people?

Do you go on dating apps? Do you just go to the bars? Do you meet their friends? Well, I think, you know, with LGBT people today, it's luckily it's not as, you know, hidden as it once had to be. I can meet people at bars, I can meet people at work, I can meet people on apps. However, there always are those caveats of like, you know, the asterisk, well, oh, is this a safe space?

Can I actually be myself? And you know, the gay bar started as this kind of the only place that a gay person could be themselves. And the only place that was safe for them, they weren't safe in their own homes, they weren't safe in their places of work, they could be kicked out of their apartment. So that is the gay bar in general for LGBT people is so important for us. And I think a lot of straight people maybe don't understand that when they take their bachelor at party there or they don't have like that knowledge of, you know, what actually a gay bar means to a gay person, especially someone who's an older gay person that has been there since the beginning, didn't have those rights.

That's actually a really good point. I think that's not a bad. Yeah, I feel really lucky personally to have worked at Surr, like granted, this was only 15 years ago, but those of you listening, obviously, no Vanderpump andump insert and all of that, we used to have the smallest staff

and the smallest amount of customers, they were all just like family to us, right? And it was mostly older gay men that were friends with our owners and that's how I learned so much about the community. And I remember when my niece, who was now in her mid-20s, when she was 18 and came out as a lesbian,

when I first brought her to West Hollywood, she just felt like what's it called? We're not in Kansas anymore, total. It's like the Wizard of Oz. She felt so loved, so accepted, granted at that time, she was like, I hate all your straight friends, but I love all your gay friends. But it was just the most accepting of places for her.

And so I wonder just to do real a bit before we get to dating apps and whatnot, when you were in Louisville, which you lived until, would you move here seven years ago? Six and a half years ago. Like was it difficult there? Was it easier there?

Is it easier here? What was that like? Well, I do think that I had a very lucky experience. Louisville is 1.3 million people. It's extremely progressive. Yes, it's in Kentucky, but it is a beacon of blue hope in the South. We had our... The University of Louisville had the largest LGBT center in the South. It had... Shout out. It had spousal benefits before gay marriage was even legal.

We had gender neutral bathrooms. We had a petition that was by our president of our campus to get Chick-fil-A out before that was even a thing like we, you know, we all actually voted for a to stay, but whatever it was. It had nothing to do with us. It was a vendor thing. So you were very fortunate. I was very fortunate because Louisville is so progressive. But I did see a lot of my friends that were from other places,

or even from Louisville, not have the same experience as me. But luckily, we had great, like when I say gay bars were always there for us. We had this gay bar called Connections, which was probably the largest gay bar in America at the time, or maybe second, with the, no way bigger. No, the address, the number one in the entire country. No, I'm telling you, they can say that all they want,

but back in the day, Connections has a full drag theater with a full production stage and could fit 700 people with a balcony, and that was just one part of a huge complex. Wait, will you take me there? Well, it doesn't exist anymore, it shut down. But what I'm saying is, that's what I grew up with, that community and you would go to the gay bar

and you would meet people and that's like, you know, and I can relate to your niece the first time I came out when I was 18 and went to the gay bar for the first time, it is a different experience to be around people that accept you for who you are no matter what. I personally loved it being from Michigan. I definitely had some gay friends, but it was not like it is here as a straight person. I just felt so much happier meeting so many people from like all different diversities. Like it was such such an LA was such a melting pot, you know ethnicity wise, but also as far as like your preference, I just thought it was really fucking awesome. So I love what we

call Robertson Roe, which is in WeHo. So that being said, back to the gay bars, do you meet your potential dudes there? I know that you are on dating apps. What is that like? Yeah, I mean, I think that also it just sucks because LA bars close it too, and I'm usually not out till 12, so it's like, that's just you, bro.

There's not, no, I feel like most people, whatever. That's how college was. When I go visit Purdue, they didn't go out till 11 or midnight. They start pre-gaming at 9 or 10 and I'm like, what? And then they stay out till like 11 or 10. I go visit Purdue, they didn't go out till 11 or midnight, they start pre-gaming at 9 or 10 and I'm like, what? And then they stay out to like, I'm just like, I'm heard by now. Okay, we'll go around. Exactly.

Yeah. So okay, other than, so what, you have obviously there's grinder and- So let me explain the hierarchy of how it works in like the gate you used to see with apps. So there's a lot of apps that are just, that straight people do not have their equivalent. We have Scruff, I think there's a new one, or it's not that new, it's called Daddy Hunter. There used to be websites called Adam Prattum and Mannheim,

and then we have Grindr of course, and then you have, yes, the gay version of the straight apps, Tinder, Hinge, maybe Bumble, I've never been on Bumble, but there's so many different apps for each different subset of kind of gay community. Do you like the apps personally? I mean, it's a double-edged sword. I love them and I hate them.

Like same as me. Yeah, I feel like the problem is we've kind of lost ourselves in the apps. And I don't mean that just in like the LGBT way. I mean, just as a society, straight or gay, it doesn't matter. We unfortunately have lost like that human connection or that, let's go on that second date. Let's try. Let's whatever. Instead, we're just like, oh, let's just swipe again. Or like, if you can't meet right away, then it's like over.

Oh, that's such a good one. And it's just not as I'm not a fan of dating apps in any way, shape or form. I've had good experiences and I've had bad experiences and I've, you know, if you don't get to caught up in it, you know, with moderation, I think they work just great. So like the last couple of people that you've either have been your boyfriend or that you've actually

like dated gone on dates. Where did you meet them? My last boyfriend that I dated, I met him randomly on the side of the road in WeHo as I was going home and then the one that I dated before him, I met on Grindr. Okay. Yeah, it's kind of a mix, it's like. I was kind of wondering because I just saw the movie

Bros, right? And I know about Grindr from you and from a lot of my gay friends. However, I've never really been like, so did you just meet up and look below each other or whatever it is. In this movie, they sort of present it as Grindr match. You text a bit, you show up, you don't even speak, and you start fucking.

Well, I mean, that's definitely one aspect of Grindr. There are people that are like, hey, I just want to hook up right now. Let's just not even talk. It's called anonymous. It's called a non or whatever play. So it's like, they just want to just, I'm not going to use the terms because I don't want to get there. But it's fast and it's, you know's quick and over and blah, blah, blah.

But most people, I would say, there's a lot of people on Grindr that yeah, we're talking about hooking up or whatever. But if you actually had a connection with someone even once you did, then you might end up dating. And I feel like that's, there's always that. I think to debunk like the Grindr myth, I think for a lot of people, because when we all think of Grindr,

I just think of grinding. I feel like a lot of people because when we all think of Grindr, I just think of grinding. I feel like a lot of people use it as maybe an ego boost in the moment or they're just lonely and want to talk or they're just horny and want to just talk and not meet up. Wait, that's how I feel about straight apps though. When I downloaded Hinge my last time around being single, I had COVID and I was bored stuck in my apartment. And I'm like, I'll just stuck in my apartment and like, oh,

I'll just start swiping like it's a game. Do a chit chat and then like never talk to them again. But the difference is that that's what we would use Grindr for. If it comes down to hinge, hinge for gaze, those are gaze that actually want to date. There's no gaze that are trying to hook up on hinge because it's so much more difficult for us to even, you have to swipe, you have to match, you have to whatever. Grindr is, you are a thousand feet away, great here, this, it's so much easier. So we don't, if you're looking for that, we have Grindr, you guys don't have that version,

so that's why I feel like that spills over. But if it's for us, hinge is, those are people that actually want to date. Right, so that being all said, do you have a type? Because my answer being your best friend, If it's for us, hinges, those are people that actually want a date. Right. So, that being all said, do you have a type? Because my answer, being your best friend, is I could never choose a guy for you. I feel like every time I've ever thought of someone for you, you're... And you're gone way wrong.

You're like, are you out of your damn mind? You know, for myself personally, I just, yeah, I don't have a type. I've dated every, every body type, every ethnicity, every, like, every height, every height, every, I was thinking about height when it comes to you, because you're such a tall-ass, drink of water. Yeah, but then again, I've dated, you know, I've dated short, I've dated tall, I've dated taller than me, you know, I've dated all different types. I just really...

What does it come down to for you then, when you're like? And this is not one of those weird, you know, I'm not even trying to get sappy. Like honestly, it's the personality. And if the person can honestly just like roll with me. Like not... Funny. They need to be funny, but not funnier than you.

Well, that's what I always say. That is my, okay, that is my go-to thing. Don't ever try to upstage me But please try to keep up with me. Wait, let's talk real fast because you were a triplet technically. I know So I have three so I ate my my triplets, I guess in utero. So that's why I have so much of a personality How have I not heard this? You haven't heard that I've heard that. Okay, so well there it is actually All right, learning so much about G's act. I know.

I was one of Triple Hits and I was born on my mom's birthday. Now I know I heard the story about the platinum gay, but you should probably fill in our listeners on what a platinum gay is. Well, so easily a gold star gay means you've never had sex with a girl, but a platinum gay is one step further. What means you've never even been through of a vagina, seen of like anything with a vagina? I guess you've seen, I guess, but.

In or out of a vagina, because I was a C section. So, you know, I'm gay from A1 day one, baby. I'm like, nothing to do. Once nothing else is needed. What's the way? No, yeah. When I was in preschool, a girl came up to me in line and kissed me and said, you're my boyfriend now.

And I cried, pushed her over. And then of course, they sent me to whatever office you get sent to in preschool. And we're like, you can't push girls. I was like, all right, fine. I was like, she's sexually assaulted me. No, I didn't say that at five. But I was like, okay.

So then when I went home, I was like, a so distraught. I was like, mom, sexually assaulted me. No, I didn't say that at five. But I was like, okay. So then when I went home, I was like, I'm so distraught, I was like, mom, I don't wanna marry her. And my mom was like, what the fuck are you talking about? You don't have to marry? I was like, oh, thank God. Like I had a meltdown.

You knew. Four, I was like four. But I was also like three or three. I was also like four feet at this girl. Oh wow. Yeah. I was like, no. You're like, she's stressing four feet at this girl. Oh, wow. Yeah. I was like, no. You're like, she's stressing me out.

She's stressing me out. She's stressing me out. I was so, just like Kristen does now. It's the panther. It's so me. Not by kissing, but in other ways. Yeah. Zach, I got a question for you.

So I actually was so ignorant to the LGBTQ community that I learned. I believe that. That I learned some things from watching the show shameless. You know, the guys good. That's good. Ian and Mickey. Yeah. Right. So they are like top and bottom.

And that's the first time I had heard those terms. And just curious is that like a total deal, deal breaker? I mean, I think that because gay people have, like we have to kind of be very up front with our preferences because we are much more open about our sexuality, but also it's not as easy as like, okay, you have a penis, she has a vagina, it's obviously that's going in there. It's, we both have buttholes, we both have penises,

so like what's going in where? And then you have to take the societal trauma of people, you have to take their family backgrounds, you have to take their, like, you have to take their, like there's so many things, the psychology that goes into gaze having sex is like astronomically different than what it is for straight people to have sex.

So we talk about it very openly and very upfront because we know that in order to have a good sex life, we do have to be like, hey, I prefer this and this is what I like. And yeah, a lot of times it is a deal breaker. And what your boundaries are. Yeah, and boundaries and everything. And so we have to say, like, I cannot be a bottom or I cannot be a top ever.

I'm strict top, strict bottom. And sometimes that will stop to people, no matter how much they like each other from being able to form a relationship, which also is one of the sad sides of being gay, but it is a truth. So, would it just for you, you don't have to tell us what your preference or anything like that is, but would it shut down conversation when it started? Because you said you're upfront about this thing, do you just move along so you don't hit that?

Yeah, I mean, and I think, and I don't think that there's many other gaze that would disagree with me because we're all so open about it. We will straight up say, I'm into this, and if you're like, oh, I'm really sorry, I can't do that or I can't fall into that, they'll be like, oh, nope, like we're very kind about it. We're like, oh, no, we're, I mean, not everybody,

but like, most of the like, oh, no worries. That's okay, you know, this is probably not gonna go any further than we say, oh okay, no, sorry, thank you, have a great day. In your experience, yeah, like, could you think if you were wanting to like truly marry someone or like have a life with someone, is there a way to manipulate that?

No. Not manipulate it, but to give into that or one person to say that's okay. Like, I'll- Well, if you have open communication and you are able to work on it, then that's one thing and different. And that's where I feel like is different in some ways in gay relationships versus straight

because we talk about so much of it up front that if an open relate, like for a lot of gays, they're like, okay, we want to have an open relationship. So they both talk about it upfront, and so therefore there's no cheating because they're talking about it, and they've set their boundaries, and they've set their intentions,

even though they're in love, they need something else this way, but they talk about it. And I feel like that's what's missing with a lot of street people, because you guys are much more repressed, and you don't talk about it as much, and it's seen as, ooh, don't talk about it. And that leads to problems.

Well, that's why I have this podcast because I truly think if you can't talk about sex, you shouldn't be having it. Well, exactly, and I agree with that because that's what leads to so many problems. 100 p. However, Kristen. Yes, Luke.

You don't want someone to come up and ask you about like straight out the gate. I'm just saying as far as a friend. What if I'll do anal? No, not that specifically. I just mean to start talking about sex is still something you have to ease into. I will say, I will say, hold on. Hold on.

I have a great example. One of our mutual friends who will remain nameless was on, she's marrying now, so it doesn't matter. But she was on a dating app. And this guy was so great, they had great conversations. And then they went on a date. And he straight up on the date was like, Hey, I just need to tell you something. I am into light SNM. I like tying up and doing this. And he was very specific about what he liked. And he was like, you know, I know it can take some time to get into. but I just wanted to be very upfront with you.

This is what I'm into. And I hope that like, you know, I don't have to have it every time and blah, blah, blah. But like, I hope you can be receptive. And this said friend was like, oh my God, like that's so crazy. Like he's a serial killer. I'm like, but in my mind, I'm like, no, he was being very upfront with you. He was trying to do the right thing. Yeah, not to have you really like him and then suddenly find the he's Christian Grey and

then you run away. Well, and I Christian Grey without being the billionaire. And I kind of explain that and she's like, oh, okay, I guess I do see it. Okay, I get what you're saying. But like her first response is like, oh, that's gross or crazy, you know, whatever. Which is not exactly what my point is though. That becomes a problem. It's still taboo.

Like, you should be able to talk about it, right? With the person that you are having sex with, but to bridge that early on is still very delicate. It's hard, yeah. It's like, it can be. If you're into something specific, I don't know. Well, yeah, I'm, no, if, I, number one, I'm open to borderline everything,

but if any man walked up to me on a first date or hitting on me and said, this is what I want, I'm like, yo, I'm not your whore. And get to know me first. Right, but that's what he's saying. But that's what happened with the gay community. That's right. It has nothing to do with you being our whore or like each other's whore. It has to do with long term. This is what we're going to want. And yeah, like sometimes we might not bring it up right away. It might be like within the first whatever, but that's the thing is we have way more open communication about it. Right.

To each other right off the bat, then I feel like most definitely straight people would. I agree with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just taking what Luke was saying being like, yeah, I walked up being at the bar and was like, yo, if I don't get, if I don't get anal, we're not happening. Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's what I'm talking about when you're talking on an app or you've talked for a while

or just kidding. There's a slight difference, I guess. So how many times at your young age have you been in love? This is a question I like to ask. I want to ask everyone kind of, because I think it changes in hindsight, but I think you're someone who would give it a true answer. Yeah, well, and that's really funny that you say that because I feel like- Because it's easy to say an ex like, well fuck him now. We don't really love him, you know. Yeah, well, I feel like with any of my exes

that I've dated, I feel like there was love period. Was I in love, yes, with most of them? Okay, that's a lot then. But I would say, if I look back, there was only two that I've been fully in love with and was fully like these two people, I could see myself fully with for the rest of my life. Other than those two, the rest, yes, I loved and was in love with, but I have only been in love,

like truly in love with too. Okay. Looking back. Do you want to get married? Do you want that legality part of it or if not that, then do you want the ceremony, like the wedding, do you want a life partner? Like what are your thoughts? Even right now, we all change our minds

from time to time, Lord knows I have. I mean, I definitely think when I was like 20, you know, 20 through 23 or whatever, I was like, yes, getting married now, like find the person that I want to marry. And then slowly I realized, why am I in such a rush? Why am I trying to push heteronormative,

normal activities on myself? Like that shouldn't. Wait, do you think that though? You think marriage is a heteronormative activity or a thing now? I don't even know to this day if I want like the paper sign or whatever. But like the partner for the rest of you life, the Goldie Haunted Kurt Russell.

I was just about to say them. Yeah. Like I love the idea of having a teammate, a partner for the rest of my life. Partner, yeah. That's great. But also, says everybody, right? Yeah, but I'm just saying if you look at like marriage and stuff, it's the institution that gay people have been blocked out of for so long and we created our own type of society around that. Yeah, obviously every person probably wants to find their

But do you, I'm asking about you, I know I'm getting to that. So you like to skate around it. So you like to skate around it. Well, I'm saying I have been in the position where I'm like, yes, I want a husband now. And then I've been in the position where I'm like, no, I'm good for a really long time. When you have a piece of shitex boyfriend, like your last one, stop. Okay. Well, I said it on what you would find.

I understand when you have a crappy ex, it's very easy to feel a bit jaded. Well, no, I feel like with myself, and unless I found that person, that was like my best friend, and supported me, and I could support him, and we worked on things together, and really had that, then yeah, of course,

I'd find that. So it's possible. Yeah, but I'm not rushing or pushing for any of that in there. You're not like, for you personally, so you're not like 100% like, I need that in my life, but you're not like, I never will touch you. So you're open to it.

I'm open. You're open to it. I'm open, but not searching. Exactly. Yeah, there you go. Which usually that's when you end up finding your like, parents charming or the person that you actually want to be with.

So maybe I'm like subconsciously actually looking, but not allowing myself to say that out loud. So Zach, what about kids? I mean, here's the thing, all my friends have kids. I'm like, I have more God children or kids that I'm gonna have to buy things for my entire life than I can even talk about. I basically could start a baseball team, or kids that I'm gonna have to buy things for my entire life, then I can even talk about,

I basically could start a baseball team, a soccer team, a gymnastics team. I'm definitely starting like a child model management with all my beautiful, like all my friends. And you're your only child, let's tell them. I'm an only child, so like, yeah, so basically my thing is, I don't need kids, I don't really want kids because I have the best kids

around me and I can be that, I can be on 24-7 when I'm around them so that- And not have to be with me. And not have to be when I don't want to. Oh, I get that. Yeah, but I mean, if I had a partner that wanted kids, obviously I would have kids, I would do it for someone that I loved and if they wanted kids, I would totally do it.

Okay. So you're open to that too. Yeah, and if there was a friend, if there was a girl that wanted a kid and was like, I want your golden sperm because, you know, like I have my macros and business. No, but it's golden, no, but it's golden. Like it's great. Okay.

Or platinum, I guess. Tall. Cause I guess platinum's worth more than gold. He's tall, muscular. But I'm tall. I'm athletic. I'm flutting. Blue eyes.

Blue eyes. Blue eyes. Blue eyes. No jeans that are bad. Everybody's living to 103 plus like. Damn. I know. The shit that I'm side with 100%.

Exactly. Will you impregnate me? Done. Perfect. See? There you go. And I even said like, I'll sign my rights away. And then I can be as much of a part of the child's lives as you want me to be, which obviously I would want to be part of it.

No, Zach and I did have this conversation. Truth be told, he said 98% parental rights to me, 2% to him will be the fun uncle. Yeah. And then obviously my parents have to be like, you're actually going to have to sign away like 15% to my parents. Oh, 100% because they would definitely want to be involved. And you'll want that. And Kristen, you don't. No, Kristen would love that my parents are. His parents are my favorite things on the

thing. And you had dropped them for a couple of weeks a year, you know, at least. Yeah, exactly. No, but I did not, that's something I did not think you were going to say that you would be open to. So I love that for you. I would if, but that's the thing is I would want someone to do it with. I, you know, you're not trying to have kids on your own. Right. I can barely take care of myself, let alone, you know, or any living thing. Let alone a charge.

You take care of me really well. Actually, I can take care of other things that aren't in my direct, you neglect yourself. I neglect myself, I guess, in the end. So I guess whatever. So I guess I could take care of a child and then I would just become the haggard father that gives everything to their child. Yeah, see, I don't want to do that. I don't, so yeah, I'm not having kids right now. Yeah, same. I think we're all on that page. Okay, well, let's take a quick break and then I want to come back to something really fun that Zach's going to lead us in.

And let's get into a Zach. What do you have for our first term? Okay, now I also just want to say that, well, I mean, I guess you last episode when you all did yours, when you looked it up, you didn't know any of them beforehand, right? Correct. I knew none of them. Yet these gay terms, I never in my gay life have used, okay? So, and I don't think I ever will use it. I've never even got a gay life.

Some of them I probably will be implementing and trying to push into the community for more widespread use, but okay. So let's get started. We're here to expand our vocabulary. That's part of the whole thing. I love expanding people's vocabularies. Okay, the first one, Hugi Wugi.

Hugi Wugi, this is H-O-O-G-I-E, space W-O-O-G-I-E. But no space, but yes. Okay, Hugi Wugi, use it in a sentence. My God, you and your script spelling B, okay. Hey man wogie use it in a sentence. Oh my god you and your script spelling be okay Hey, man, one a hoogie wogie nafu that gay Oh, so it was a Hogi wogie is a verb

Like do you want a gullac? Do you want a hoogie wogie? It's a verb. So does it is a sexual term correct? I'm not giving you any hints. We ask if it's a sexual term. I think it's actual. I'm not telling you. Using that sentence, that was clear as day. I mean, a hoogie wogie sounds like super vanilla, like a dance, like you want a boogie wogie.

Like you want a dance, you want to do the twist, like very 1950s. I'm gonna say we're not doing this in the 50s. Oh, wow. Just kidding. Hogi, hogi, wogi. It just makes me think of dance, like dance fucking. Luke, go.

I think it is 69. So, Kristen, you think it's having sex on a dance floor? Like dance? Is that what you meant? A sex dance. I don't fucking know. And I say 69 with two guys. I'm pretty sure that's just called 69.

I don't know. No, it's okay. It's okay. I'll forgive you. Actually, this one, I couldn't get over the name, like the fact that it was called Hogi Wiggy. But it is just a term for gay sex, which... That is dumb and boring, but I'm glad we started with the dumb and boring phenomenon one.

Exactly. But it's also, it's just the word was just too good not to use. Right, good start. Who created that? Can you tell us their username? Because they're fired. It's ASD-Fawn. Yeah, so they're fired.

Yeah, they're, they were fired from the beginning. This next one, let me just start with the fact that, you know, Kristen and I play this game called Quip Blash on Jackbox TV. It's great. It's on the Apple TV. We also, you know, maybe a future sponsor of the podcast will be Quip Toothbrushes. But today, this definition is we have Quip Low a Hop. So it is QUIP-L-O-A-H-P.

Quip Low Hop. Okay. Well, the way it's spelled makes me think it's Hawaiian. It has a double A, correct? No, not a Q-U-I-P-L-O-A-H-P. Okay, well that's two vowels that makes me think of Hawaiian. Quip-low-hop, it just sounds Hawaiian. It is a sexual term.

Do you want it in a sentence? Yes, please. So here's the sentence that they have. Wanna go quip-lahop after our super gay sex? Quip-lahop after our super gay sex. We are going to, it's like hopscotch, but I also think of the beach because I think of Hawaiiany things.

Do you want to go for a walk on the beach after we have sex? Luke, what do you think? Ah, my brain is way more vanilla right now. Something like Cuddle and Watch a Movie. It is a new term made by the Gays. It does say the Gays on this. To determine which one has the longest pubes. Oh, you longest pubes.

Oh, you measure pubeling. Yeah, and it was actually submitted in 2017 by Space Wombel. Wait, do you measure pubes in one? No, nobody fucking measures pubes. That's what this is. I just got a Brazilian wax and Luke like fully shaped his balls. So like, I'm talking about escaping in the back. I keep my...

Trimney, Tr, trim, trim, trimmed either trimmed or like fully. Balled. Yeah, like it is spackled down, like it is nice and not spackled. That's that's not what I meant. What's the term I was looking for? I don't know, smooth. Smooth. Yeah, marble. Smooth is a baby ball.

Okay, so that's so quip-la-hop guys. Quip-la-hop. Go get your measuring tape out. God, if you need measuring tapes to do your pu-blink, that's a problem too. God, this nice one. Short-term salami partner. Short-term salami partner.

Okay, Zen, with or without cream cheese? I pray to God without. Short-term salami partner, what do you think, Kristen? I need to use an ascentance, please. I was just looking for a short-term salami partner officer. Well, I mean, he gave it away with short-term, so he's looking for a hook up for a salami partner. I feel like salami makes me think of a sandwich,

even though I'm a vegetarian. So it makes me think that it's orgy with lots of dudes. So I think you were thinking of slice salami. Ace salami. Thank you. I was like, girl, you a vegetarian. Salami is like in the shape of a penis. Like a very, typically a thick, very thick penis.

I'm like, yeah. That is, wow, the vegetarian doesn't, mm. Doesn't get it. So slommy partner, you got any other comments on that, Kristen, what do you thoughts? I wish that I had a video camera so you guys could see. You know what I'm my face for right now

that I went, oh, oh, like a Brock first, like a sausage. But way bigger. But massive, like a massive roll. I don't know how big brought where we're so compared to Salami's compared to hot dogs. I'm fucking no. I know what a vegan dodger dog looks like. That's not the way I want a penis, but it's the perfect size for a hot dog for me. Sometimes you say things that it hurts. When I think of Salami, I think of Deli meat that is sliced. It's pepperoni. I think pepperoni also comes in.

We're gonna make our own entry into Urban Dictionary with the vegan Dodger dog. I think that's one we need to come up with for ourselves. But okay, back to the, you just wanna show it. What, Salami sharing, what was it? Short-term Salami partner. Salami, short-term Salami partner. I'm gonna say looking for a just hook up, like a...

It's the dude on Grindr, that's all it is. A male hooker. Okay, so a short term slimy partner is a gay man who receives oral sex and public toilets. But I thought you were going to say, okay, well, that's not what you were going to say, but I thought you were going to say... I was going to say not what you were gonna say, but I thought you were gonna say Like a random hook up somewhere and then I was gonna say where and I was gonna try to steer you there. Okay, okay, okay Yeah, we could have gotten there Well, maybe not with you. Look was your brain gonna go to a blowjob in a toilet. I think that's called a Blumpkin

No, a Blumpkin is when you're a Blumpkin. No, a Blumpkin is when you're taking a shit and you're taking a shit and someone's giving you a blowjob and you're on a toilet. But that's in your house, not in public. That's not a public thing. Wait, what? Yeah, that's a Blumpkin.

You're a shitty fish. Why would someone want to take a shit and have their Dixxux at the same time? I'm not gonna lie. When I shit, it feels good. It's a sensation and if you're getting your Dixxux, I guess, but I'm not saying I want to do it, but I'm just saying like, okay, I can see.

All right, let's be honest here, Luke and Zach, have you ever had a Blumpkin? Never, never, but there is some time. I was like, you pause. No, yeah, yeah, no, never, no, no, listen to my angle on this though. Okay, listen, I'm listening to your angle, I'm ready. You never like multitask, you know,

like your morning, you go sit down on the toilet and you're like, Pressure teeth, no, no, where I was going with that. like multitask, you know, like your morning you go sit down on the toilet and your life pressure teeth No, no, I was going with that. Oh wow, okay. You know, maybe you rub one out, you know, get your day started while you're taking a shit You know, no never done that never like well no, I shit while you're shitting Well, no, I shit and then I flush the toilet and then I'll but I'm still sitting there right no Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. That's what I mean. So I can like, in my head, I can get there. I can get there. No, it has never happened. Yeah, no, no. And as a female, no, I've never, ever had a shit, taken a shit and then decided to master

rate ever in my life. But I would love to hear from everyone. Please comment below. Now this last one, I really love. It is called broken. BRO-A-K-I-N-G, broken. This one kind of scares me. And I cannot use it in a sentence because if I do, it gives a way that definition unfortunately. Just like the last one.

So you just have to go with it. Broking. Broking, Broking. It's like, first I was thinking like, BROK, ING, but BROAK changes everything. Broking. Bro, I mean, I think it's pronounced broken. Aking.

I don't know. What do you think? Yeah, my first thought was, is broke or BROAK, it's not. And I don't think it's about being broke because it would be spelled correctly. And then my brain... You're giving your dictionary way too much. I know, and my brain, well,

because the people are making these up, like what if they can't spell shit correctly? Then my brain immediately did go to bro, like bro, aching, like bro, like you're my bro, like brosky, you're broking. Can you give us gifts? Nope, nothing, absolutely nothing. Nope.

Nope. Life's unfair. And yeah, I'm going with the whole, like I'm fucking my bro. I don't know, this is dumb. All right, I'm going way nastier dirty than that. So I think after giving head, they finish in your mouth, you swallow, then you burp and it comes back up, is broken, that's my guess.

No, okay, you know what? Luke, that was so good. We're gonna change the definition in here to that. Like you're crowing like that for a rock. That's a great, not that. That is a, you know what? That's the new definition. I don't even want to tell you the definition because I'm like that's the new broken. That's the new definition. But if we are going by the one that's in there, it refers to the act of inserting your penis,

but not thrusting, therefore not actually having sex. So you can have gay sex involving two bros, but then be able to say that it is not actually sex so you didn't have gay sex. So you just insert your penis, leave it, and then come. Oh, so it's like soaking, is it? It's all soaking, but what's your bro?

Yeah. Yeah, huh, that's weird. I still think, to me, having sex is breaking the plane. I think wanting another man's penis in your butt is definitely pretty. It would literally be like, if I was like, oh, well, look, put his penis inside me, but he didn't thrust it, so we didn't have sex. What? Yeah, because, well, this is internalized homophobia thrust it, so we didn't have sex. What? Yeah, because this is internalized homophobia at its,

you know, at its finest, so it's fine. If Luke put his penis in my butthole, and I went, well, he didn't thrust it, so we didn't have anal. Not the same thing, no, we had sex. We penetrated, what Luke just had penetrated the plane means you had sex. I used to know this girl in college,

and she only had anal sex to preserve her virginity. And I'm like, girl, I grew up with like that too. I'm like the Catholic faith really screwed us all up. That's absolutely a thing. Yeah. Only do anal sex in high school, but like, no, I'm still a virgin. I only do anal sex.

Which I'm like, you skipped a couple steps. I believe there's this term called sodamy that is maybe worse than having sex before marriage. Through your vagina? Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, I don't know. It's all that fast back. It's crazy. I just have to say that this is a great note to end it on.

When Luke lost his virginity, he also, he had sex with a girl, right? He lost his virginity in her virginity. He also did anal that same time. Next day. How old were you? anal was the following day and I was 16. Whoa, that is progressive. Yeah, she was into it.

So that's what I was. Wow. Yeah. I think I was. Way to go in Dianna. what. Wow. Yeah. I think I'm way to go Indiana. Yeah. 16. Yeah. Oh, God, I love us so much. We're so much fun. We'll have to touch on that another time. I hate seeing touch after that. It was a little weird. Zach, I love you so fucking much. I love you. This was so much fun. Tell everyone where they can follow you on Instagram and Twitter at Zach Wickham and on TikTok at the Zach Wickham. The Zach Wickham, because he won it only.

Okay, Jin Zier's taken my screen name before I get to TikTok. Fuck them. And I tagged him on my TikToks all the time because again, he is my social media handler, life partner, everything that I don't have sex with. And you know where to find me in Luke and we can't wait to talk. We are sexless lovers. that I don't have sex with. And you know where to find me in Luke and we can't wait to talk to you next time. Bye everyone, be kind, we love you, peace out. Peace out, help next time.

Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Dodie and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke.doubleunderscore.bradred. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes every single Wednesday. Love you. Thanks for listening.

See you next week.