Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Smart Sex with Dr. Emily Morse

Episode Date: July 12, 2023

Episode 45. Dr. Emily Morse, our modern-day Dr. Ruth, joins Kristen and Luke for an episode you can’t miss. You know her as the host of the epic podcast, “Sex with Emily” and author of “Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure.” Kristen and Luke ask all of the questions: sexual IQ, oral sex, and even rebranding anal. According to Emily, the world is your orgasm! Sponsors: Organifi.com/doute and use code DOUTE for 20% off your entire order - try Organifi today and take the first step towards a healthier you! Go to Hungryroot.com/KRISTEN, to get 30% off your first delivery and get your free veggies. If you use my personal code DOUTE15, you can get your bottle now for 15% off and start getting that life changing, ready to wake up and kick ass sleep that you deserve. Go to butlerhemp.co to grab yours now.  Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Email us: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi you guys, I'm Kat and I hope you come hang out with me on KatSatlerNow. On my weekly podcast, I continue to ask the questions. I've been interviewing people for more than 25 years now, but that doesn't mean I found all the answers. Make sure to listen to KatSatlerNow, wherever you get your podcasts. Hello our little lovers out there welcome back to another episode of Sex Love and What All Smasters. Hi cousin. Hi Luke. Good morning. Good morning. I love how we say hi. We haven't been together all day all night. We have probably our best guest yet.

We've been waiting very impatiently to have Dr. Emily Morse from Sex with Emily, the best sex podcast out there. Emily, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for having me. This is so exciting. You guys can't see us, but we can see each other. And I see Emily's book that Luke and I were very excitingly going through last night as well as our lovely box that we got from you.

Oh, I'm so glad. We love that. A little prezzy. Makes me so happy. I love it. I helped the book was inspiring. It was. It got Kristen in the mood last night. Yeah, it did. I love that. See, that's the successristened in the mood last night. Yeah, it did. I love that.

See, that's the success story. That is the story I do what I do. We like to call it research. Good research, I always say. That's how I started my career. That's one of the very first things I wanted to ask you. And I did like and ask me like and ask Emily anything on my social media. And this was the first time that I had a lot of either aspiring or people that are just getting

into your field and they wanted to know like it was like, I mean, probably 20, 30 questions from mostly women asking like, I'm just getting into the field of sex therapy. Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, and they wanted to know what inspired you, how did you get started? What is, what was that journey like for you? Okay, it's a great question. What I love is that you heard from somebody young women because what started this whole thing was that, I don't know about you, but I don't know it's mostly, but I did not have a lot of great sex education

at all. I had like one day at school where they were like, don't get pregnant and don't have sex because you might get an STI and You know, it was very fear-based and danger-based and so there was nothing about pleasure. There was nothing about you know orgasm or connection or relational skills So I was in my 30s and I realized that I was having sex and it was always a little bit disappointing It was just like I knew my partner was was always having orgasm and having a good time, but I realized I had no information. And when I started looking for other people to talk to, other sources,

I found Dr. Ruth and really no one else. I mean, this was like over 15 years ago. And so I just thought, you know, I really was like, and I was like faking orgasms, I was not having pleasure at all the things, and then I realized, once I started covering things, I realized there's, we need so much more information and discussions around sex. So it really started as a podcast in 2005

in my living room in San Francisco. I used to live there, and I started, I've invited a bunch of friends over in all different stages of relationships like married, single, dating, dating online, dating on Craigslist at the time. It, like married, single, dating, dating online, dating on Craigslist at the time. It was like divorced. It was just everybody.

Like gay, straight. I just had them stand on my table and I started talking and I went out there, sex lives in relationships. And I realized one thing is that people were really excited to talk about it. You'd think people would be very private and shy, but they were like, oh my God, no one's asked me this. Let's talk about it. And I also realize that everyone was searching for answers.

So I knew after that day that this was going to be my life path. And then from there, I started the podcast, and I haven't missed it for 18 years, like every week, I released two sex with M.I. podcast. And then I've been doing that, and I teach, and I wrote my first book, my second book, Smart Sex, just came out last week. But that's how I got started,

but I went back to grad school and got my doctor in human sexuality a few years in to doing the podcast. And then, you know, that's like my passion, but what I love is that you had a heard from 20-some-odd women who were looking for this career because now it really is exploding. And unfortunately, the time, there wasn't really a lot of places to go.

There was like one school in San Francisco, but now I believe there are more programs for, I know there's some more really great programs we would want to get into this field. And we need it because there's a lot of relationship therapist, but what you'll find is that when you get into like a relationship therapy, that a lot of the problems are sex.

So I have a lot of relationship therapists reaching out to be saying, can you help me? What should we do? What should we talk about? Because they're not trained in sex. And it's very specific and it's very different. So we definitely need more people out there right now talking about this and helping people. Yes, hell, yes, I totally agree. And I also agree with you that I was excited when I was looking up all these questions coming from the listeners that they

were, that was predominantly women just being like, I want to be in this field, which means women are feeling much more like sexually independent. They want to explore more, they want to communicate about it, and they're excited about all of that, rather than kind of what you were saying in the beginning when you were like in your 30s and you were excited. But it's like, so I'm 40 now.

And even I remember, like I can totally connect with what you were saying in my 20s of, I was always very, like I'm a connect with what you were saying in my 20s of, I was always very, like I'm a very sexual person, I always have been, but I was also like, it was about pleasing the man, pleasing the man. And I never really felt like, I don't know what the word like excited enough and like courageous enough, I guess. Almost to like speak up.

Like to speak up for myself and say like, this is what I want and this isn't just a task to get this guy off. But it's about me and it didn't really hit me until my mid to late 30s as well. But I started feeling like so independent in that way. Well, I love that you're saying that too because it's true that I was the same way.

And I think a lot of women, the thing is why we need this is because what we're talking about is like, performative sex, that's what we call it in the business. I was the same way. I was like arching my back and making the noises and doing all the things. And I was like, okay, he had an orgasm, he came. This must have been a wonderful time.

Like that's a successful sex situation, right? We're creating a time. And the sad thing is that was like a long time ago for both of us, but it hasn't changed that much. So I talked to a lot of young people in their 20s and it's still the same thing, which is why like what gets me up every day and why we need to more comprehensive sex education

because it's still very much based on male pleasure. And not to bash Luke here, I know he's very like emotionally like supportive and evolved man. And I'm sure he's not like that, but I feel that, I've listened to your show. I love it. I love it. You guys, the way you guys talk and you're evolving

and working on yourself. But it's no fault to men either. It just we look at porn and we look at all these other influences our society and the fact that really no one has still talks about it. And there was a lot of shame. Yeah, like porn, and also just in, Luke and I have talked about this before,

but even just in like your rom coms or your like, you know, erotic sort of films that are like R rated or you know, whatever it is, it's all very like the women want to dress sexy in order to please the man. And if you act like this, dress like this. And that's all funny and great if that's what you wanna do as a woman, right?

But like you rarely see these movies where the man is, it's like the gender roles are opposite. Exactly. So my thought or my question is something you said before that if a guy doesn't get off, you feel like you failed. I totally am. So that kind of ties into this, right? And now is that a normal thing for women if it's?

Yes. Yeah, completely. I think so. I mean, I mean, so funny, normal. But yeah, I think a lot of women feel that if my partner didn't have an orgasm or if he got, he couldn't stay hard or something happens, I'm glad that you brought this up because I've done studies on this. The majority of women take responsibility.

They're like, I did something wrong. He noticed I gained three pounds. I give a really bad blow job. I'm a terrible person. And yes, we blame ourselves. We blame ourselves at something's wrong. And most time, I think you can probably test that. It's really not about any of that.

But sometimes your penis doesn't do what it wants to do. And it's not our fault. And if it is, hopefully we're in the time of life now,, everyone can like kind of talk about it. But I don't think that men do that as much. I don't think that men blame themselves and walk around feeling really bad if she doesn't have an orgasm. But you tell me, I guess I've always been, I'm like super into sex. I'll just say like, um, and that is part of, I guess, my pleasure is seeing the other person orgasm climax. Like I just don't want to get it off. Exactly.

That's like what gets me off. So definitely for me, and maybe that's more of a, you know, over time. Do you think, okay, so you're 32 now? Do you think that you always felt that way? Well, I didn't always have the control that I have, so I wasn't able to get there. But I've always wanted to. I've always had that desire, right? No, I think that there's to men like you, that's my partner's like that too.

But like, I've definitely dated, and I don't think it's every man, and I think we could teach you, but there's a lot of men who are definitely oriented around their partner's pleasure. So we're not saying all men, and they literally like, that's their thing. Like if I'm not into it,

like they don't want to do it, right? Like, that's where you get off when she's into it and she's turned on as an orgasm. But I don't think that's every man. And I've actually spent a lot of time thinking about this. Like, is it because, is it the way you're raised? Is it like, did you learn something? Like, how did you know that? Because I know that there's so many men who just, I think it's education because I actually

want to give men the benefit. Like, I think if they knew that, like, if you give her pleasure, it's education because I actually want to give men the benefit. Like I think if they knew that like if you give her pleasure, it's going to come back to you too and you will get yours and your orgasms going to happen. Yes, I totally agree. You know what I mean? Don't you think, I mean you've probably been with men who cared or didn't care, right? That you think it's probably, yeah, you know what I'm talking about. The guys who are like jackhammering and like that was a good time.

Yeah, and it's like or immediately like you're excited about the make out. Even let's say, I mean, I'm thinking of, you know, somebody in my past, or like not just one person, but you know, men in my past, where it's been like a fun hook-up fling type of a thing, even, you know, like friends with benefits or whatever that was. And it's like, the most for me, I think, in a lot of my girlfriends feel this way. Like, the fun in that is the excitement. So it's like, you start with the make out, and a lot of my girlfriends feel this way. Like the fun in that is the excitement. So it's like you start with the make out

and then the four play and then you have sex and then it's like kind of over, okay, great, but there was so much passion behind that. But in my experience, a lot of my friends experience, it ends up just being like, the guys like go down on me, Jack Hammer, we're done. Oh, that's fast. And it's like what is the fun in that?

That's fast. Oh And it's like, what is the fun in that? Oh, so relatable. We're so glorified the bloat. Like, blowjob has the best PR. Like, right? Like, you're like, oh my God, gotta give a blowjob. We all want to give a good blowjob. And young people always ask me like, how do I, what about oral going down on a woman?

Like, to me, that needs to elevate. And that has terrible PR. Like, we need some damage control around oral sex on a woman, for sure. So let's like normalize that. So how often do you find women that are not comfortable with a guy going down on them? Because I've definitely run into that. Kristen specifically. Yeah, let's let's talk about oral. Okay, because this was one of like I think that was this the first chapter that we went to. Just the one I pointed out, I was like, we should talk about it all. There's a whole chapter on oral sex,

it's my sex for sure. And number one, I love in this book in Smart Sex. And in general, the way you speak that you call like penis owners, but involve owners. And that just makes me so happy. Number one. But Luke and I were talking about it. And he said to me, he was like, yeah,

well, you, he's like, you know, read this book and like, you never completely surrender. And when I started thinking about it, I was like, you know what? It's weird. I asked Luke, I said, have you, have you gone down on girls that were not your girlfriend before? Like, was that like a thing? And he's like, I mean, yeah. And for me, I, and I'm just curious your thoughts on this, but I remember my whole life, I will, I was like, no, a guy can't go down on me. If he's not my committed partner, it's way too personal. But he can put his penis inside me, no problem.

Right. What? It's like, once I set it out loud, I was like, that's a little ridiculous. But I don't know what it is. I think I don't necessarily trust. And now, obviously, I'm not talking about's a little ridiculous, but I don't know what it is. Like, I think I don't necessarily trust, and now obviously I'm not talking about Luke, my boyfriend, but just, you know, in our sexual past, in my sexual past,

I don't really trust a guy. I know what the hell he's doing. I feel like I'm gonna have to, like, I don't wanna teach you what to do. I don't even have to explain to you what to do. And really, I think other than this relationship because I'm very comfortable and we're very communicative, I think the only time I've truly gotten off

a gag going down on me, just like, or someone going down on me was a girl. That makes sense, she knows the parts, right? She has the parts, she knows the parts. Ever wish you could snap your fingers and have all your recipe searching, grocery shopping, and meal planning done for you? I do.

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today. Trust me, your body, your mind, your taste buds, and your whole spirit will thank you for taking this healthy first step. OK, so there's a lot to impact. Your first off answer looks question-reliqually, not all women love it. They don't, but there's many reasons.

So this is, and I actually spent a lot of time, for some women, they have pain. Like it literally doesn't feel good and that's a whole separate thing. But for many women that the receiving part, and that's why I think in the book, in the oral sex chapter, I do have a whole section on receiving

because I think for so many women, like you're saying, Kristen, we have a lot of shame attached to our vagina and our volvas. We think it's dirty, we think our part it doesn't really want to be there. A lot of them don't know what they're doing and or when they go down there, I call them the one-lick wonders.

They're like, I'm gonna go down on you for a minute. I'm gonna lick you for 30 seconds and then stick my dick inside your like, what, I mean, in that time, if you licking me for 30 seconds, you could have gotten me a glass of water and that would have been way more effective than what you just did. So I think that there's just a lot of misinformation or zero information that we take some time to warm up. You're going to be down there for a while.

That's one thing. So women are like, oh my god, I've had guys go down here for three minutes. That's part of it. They don't really know what they're doing because again, they're not taught and so you look at this population of women who feel shame around it They don't really think guys want to be there and if a guy is there they look at you at the clock going He's gonna stop soon. It's gonna take me at least 20 minutes Do we have that time? Does he want to be down there and is my Volvo weird? Do I smell what's wrong? I better just give you a blowjob and call the day. So there's like, it's so,

I guess there's just so much to pack into that. There's so much to unpack there. Because all of those things are going on at once and I just really tried to, in my book and in all my podcasts, everything, take out the shame and the stigma and allow people to unpack it for themselves. So what I love, like for the two,

both of you, Kristen and Luke, that you went through that last day and you realize that like surrender is a huge part of allowing ourselves to receive pleasure. And really, that were worthy of it. And we're with a partner we trust who says, you know, I say this in the book too, like the best thing a guy could ever say,

I think to me is like, hey babe, or a girl, hey babe, I've got, you know, all night, I'm not going anywhere, lay down, like I can't wait to be between your legs for the next three hours or whatever. And then we can relax and be like, Oh, you want to be here? I can breathe and I can surrender. So, you know, and maybe this is, it's kind of just banking on that too, but it's like, do you have any tips?

Is it like fantasizing or envisioning like that would help a woman surrender? Because I'm speaking for myself and some of my friends like even with my partner even with Luke who's absolutely the most comfortable the best sex I've ever had the most community to tips sex we like to try new things you know we're not afraid to talk about all of that yet still I have a really hard time where he's like just fucking hold still and just like enjoy it. Like stop making me stop. Well, her head will go, I think I need water.

What am I dogs doing? Like her mind just everywhere else. And it's, but if we're having sex, it's like, that's all I'm thinking about. Right. Oh, interesting. So I don't know. Interesting.

Well, Chris and I would ask you that. What you tell me, well for the first thing You said when you're asking for advice, I'm like, yes, I tell women if they're not comfortable with it One of my tips is then we'll go back to you guys a minute One of my tips is for women to when they're masturbating to fantasize about someone going down on you Like think about your partner going down on you so you could embody it and it's not such a You know, foreign thing to happen to you that you actually like, yeah, because embodied is a big part of it. That's one of my talk about sexual intelligence in my book.

And one of the first pillars is, am I in my body? Am I connected during sex? Or am I thinking about the dog is barking? Am I thinking about someone walking in? Am I thinking about my boss? The thing I didn't do today. So that's a practice in itself. And so I think that one of the ways is to fantasize on your own. but I would ask you, Kristen, so what is happening? Like, are you, do you feel like you want to give them a little bit more feedback? Does it just that feel is great? What is happening?

When we were talking about it last night, Luke, because I think you're just one of the lucky ones who get that I get off so easily in like intercourse. Intercourse that might be it to so she's just like get to business. She's like okay that's fun it feels good but come on let's go. Yeah well that's so okay so that is rare it's only 15 to 20% of women as you know I was listening to another show you did with another sex therapist who was saying that yeah only 15 to 20% of women are gonna have an orgasm of penetration so you are the lucky one. Yay. And what I found is too in the history of my work almost 20 years, is that I hear often

from women or often it's been common that for women who are multi orgasmic or could have orgasms during penetration, they're less into oral sex and sometimes oral sex doesn't feel as good for them. And I'm wondering if that's a case for you. And or the fact that you get off during penetration is there something that's happening during penetration. If you can think about it that Luke could mimic,

like maybe it's sticking a finger inside and finding your G spot and using a finger and his mouth. Or maybe using a toy at the same time. Or like you could have your eyes射. And so ladies too, that would be where a lot of the questions as well like what can we do to spice things up or you know take our time more how do we get into for play more of our lot of the questions and I think you sort of just

answered all of that where it's like just try multiple things yeah try a toy try you know using a finger and going down and just masturbating while he's doing it as well. Like there's no wrong answer. See what works for you. Exactly. There is no wrong answers. And I think the big thing is that we're so afraid we're doing it wrong because of all the misinformation. We're afraid we're not normal. We're going to be judged. And so we just don't say anything at all. But the thing that I want people to realize and to open up is like, it's amazing. It's there's so much to explore with sex. And yeah, there's no wrong answers. Like there's nothing like try it.

Like maybe you like a finger, maybe you don't. Maybe you like toys, maybe porn turns you on together, maybe dirty talk. It's like, I just want people to explore with a partner who's trusting and open because then the world is, you know, your orgasm, really. I've never said that before, because it's true though. It's like, like, you're cleaning this right now, Emily.

Is the world is not working? The world is your orgasm, I gotta wipe it down. No, but it's true. I was like, I don't wanna say the world is yours. So orgasm, but it's like, that's how it happens. We have to unlock ourselves. We need the great news here is that most of any sex challenges and problems we have can be solved with communication and being open to exploring.

Because that very rarely is something's wrong with you. Why? You can't orgasm. You actually are broken, defective and wrong. That is just not the case. It's just all these cultural norms that are cultural misinformation and stigmas that keep us from it. So yeah, exactly play, have fun, everything goes. And I think in the book, I do give, like, I mean, really everything

I've learned in 20 years all there. So yeah, it's like all different ways to have oral sex positions, things to talk about, how to talk about it. There's scripts in the book, communication scripts, because people, once they feel free and they're like, okay, but now what do I say? So that I break it down in scripts, but really it's just, you can just realize that we are holding girls. Essentially, we're cock blocking ourselves from grades. Yes.

Okay. So you guys, all listeners, ladies and gentlemen as well, for real, you guys, this book is incredible, smart sex, and you're getting like just the tip of the iceberg from Emily right now, but this is exactly correct because I think a lot of women, again, I'm just speaking for women, but porn, you know, it's, porn, I think, is an amazing tool. However, I think a lot of women get in their head about it. Like, well, if my boyfriend likes, or my husband or, like, this kind of porn, how can I possibly add up to that?

And it's like, but that's just, that's a fantasy. Exactly. That's not the real life thing, just because my, you know, your partner likes this crazy wild, like what you were saying in the beginning, performative, that doesn't mean that you're expected to do that every single time. Now, if you want to play around with that one time

for fun and throw in some lingerie and whatever, actual fun and crazy, that's great too, but it doesn't mean every single time has to be this big, giant performance. Exactly. And I think a lot of people feel that way because of what we see on TV. They really do.

They really do. I mean, there's just, I think that porn without accurate sex education is sort of a disaster because we think, and not that the ad porn is great and tilating and you can learn a lot from it. It's just, this is sort of an end statement that most porn is made by men, for men from the male gaze. What they would think is hot, what they want, and it's just really not even accurate for how women, like what turns us on. And so I think we got to find porn that does work for us.

And you know, there is some like ethical porn out there, female-friendly porn that might do the trick for women. For me, I was like, in years past when I was sick of going to like, porn hub. And then all the first thing I'm saying is just like Jackhammer. like Jackhammer, Bet Jackhammer, Foucault,

Worgie, like all this stuff. So I would go and literally Google porn for women and find all these different sites that were specifically for women or, you know, areas on other porn sites that were more what women wanted. So ladies, like that's out there for you as well. And would you find what was your experience with that? I feel like most of them are, there's more for play. There's with more women on women.

Yeah, women women, yeah for play. Storyline. Storyline does a plot. You're like, I wanted to why she slept with the pizza guy. Like what was the relationship before? Like how did she meet the ski instructor? Yeah, like the build up to it rather than just like walk in the room, go to town, go to bank town,

which is like the last thing I want. Yeah. Well, because you, we've heard this a lot and do you agree with this like for men typically? It's very visual, it's physical and for women, it's like in our mind. Yeah, I hear that a lot and I always sit. Do you agree?

I agree and I also find that when we say that, there's just as many men that I have. I'm like, no, I'm really in my mind too. And I really need to feel connected. And I want to have a great conversation. So I always am careful about saying like men and we're like this and women are like that. Because it's just because I've been so surprised over the years and learned so much, it's different.

But I would say that, yeah, like if that's helpful to think about as women, like it's okay that you might need to have a conversation with your partner. You might need to feel connected. You might need to want some talking and some more. You might just be really important to you that you like, yeah, connect intellectually or you have, you feel safe or you that you like yeah connect intellectually or you have you feel safe or you've talked about your day like there's all these other things I have in my book it's called like your desire styles or rousal styles and you can figure out what is required

for you to be turned on and yeah I do think that a lot of men are very visual and it's also they immediately a lot of men have this spontaneous desire and women are more responsive, meaning that when a man gets around like sees you, right? Like Luke walks in the door, he hasn't seen you, like you know he's turned on, he gets an erection, it's external, we all know, Luke's ready to go. For women, it takes a little bit longer.

We might have to think something, be touched, be turned on. Like I always say like women are still cookers, men are frying pans, I think that is fairly true. The way we just, because our generals are just the way, like you guys are external facing, we're internal, it takes more work and time. So I think just to be, it also is, look, I didn't understand that women respond more to things

and men typically are more spontaneous than once. But I think part of the bad sex I was having or the misinformation out there for a lot of people, they don't realize like, it's, oh, I just wanna give women permission, but it's okay that you're not ready to go what he is. Like, it's okay, you're not broken, you just need a little bit more,

you wanna make out for a little bit longer, you want him to slowly take your clothes off, you want him to like go down on you for a little while, or to give you a massage first to get you going, like, it's okay that we are different, and we have to all understand this. And then, but it's on us as women, and men get to make their own requests.

But I think when I realized that I was responsible for my own orgasm, like I used to blame my partners. I was like, they don't know what they're doing. And they're really bad and bad. And blah, blah, blah. It's like, no, I actually, it's my turn. I need to know. I need to speak up for myself and explain what I want.

And first, I can know what I want. So then I had to do all that work on myself through masturbation, solo play as I call it, because masturbation again, all the lot of sex words are just not fun, but solo play is better than masturbation, which also gets a bad rap. But that's where I figured out my body. And then I'm like, my partner,

and what I found is the right part of this view are gonna be like, thank God you know what feels good. Like I don't want it. Like Luke, you could probably test to other part of this, you didn't know. And you're like digging around, trying to figure it out. How refreshing that a woman's like, this is what I need, this is what I want.

They're like, let's go. Yeah. You just said how you like had to find yourself and take responsibility for your own orgasm, right? And so is that part of the sex IQ? I think if you define it for our listeners and like talk about it's significance, they'll find that super valuable. Yeah, so sex IQ is sort of the book is called Smart Sex.

How to boost your sex IQ and own your pleasure. So the sex IQ thing kind of is there's five pillars of sexual intelligence that I write about in the book that I just sort of created as an easy way for people to understand that sex is holistic. Every area of our life is going to impact our ability to be sexually aware, turned on, and to know ourselves better because we're all sexual beings. And so the first pillar is embodiment. So basically, no, and here's the thing, it's not like a number you get to, it's not a place you get to. We're always looking at it, we're always troubleshooting these five areas and I want people

to be aware of it because also it's so liberating to know that for example, the first pillar is embodiment, how in my body am I doing sex? That's a practice, I give people tools to make sure that you are less disassociated, leaving your body during sex and how to say present. And the second one is health. And I think for one thing, for example, people don't realize, and this might seem obvious to you, people don't realize that your health directly

impacts your ability to be aroused and turned on in sexual. So for example, if you're on a medication, if you're on an SSRI, if you're on birth control, blood thinners, there's just a lot of things that impact your ability to get turned on and have an orgasm. Just know that. And then you're like, okay, well, how do I troubleshoot that? If you don't exercise or move your body,

you might have a blood flow challenge that could affect your ability to have an erection or to have an orgasm. The foods that you eat, right? So that's a second pillar. The third one is collaboration. If you communicate, how well do you communicate with your partner?

Are you able to ask for what you want? Are you able to voice your concerns, right? Are you able to voice your concerns? Right? So you might be really strong and embodiment, strong and healthy, but you have never talked about a text with your partner, right? So this is all the areas. So when someone, you know, and then the fourth one is, is self acceptance? Like that's really about confidence. Do I accept my body where it is today? Do I accept my experience to today? Like where am I at this moment? And how do we work on being more confident in our bodies and in the bedroom? And the fifth one is self-knowledge.

And that's like, do I know what turns me on? Do I know my body? So yes, directly that does relate to your sexual intelligence. So all those things, if I know what I've spent time self-exploring, I know my body, that's a big part of sexual intelligence. So it's like all these areas and are coming to you being a sexual person rather than,

and it's took me 20 years of work, it used to be I was giving people tips. Here's the right position, here's how to go down and someone, here's all the quick fix people want. And I can give you that, and the book will give you that. And my podcast God knows I have thousands of them. We can give you that and the book will give you that and my podcast god knows I thousands of them Will give you that however That's just one thing

But if you look at is underline all these factors are playing into what's going on in the bedroom So I think it's just really important it's gonna help people like I really want to empower people to be their own sex experts And so they can be like okay, let me troubleshoot here. So like I know Certain things like oh if I'm not you know turned, now I can think of why. I can go, okay, well, is it this, is it that, is it like my body, am I not, did I not work out today? Is it my part, am I part of my partner, right? Absolutely. I like what you just said about being your own sex expert because it's, I don't know the way, when I just took from that part of it was like listening to your podcast and reading your book,

it's essentially like when I go to therapy, right? My therapist gives me tools to get through the day. You're essentially giving people tools in order to become their own sex expert of their own life and relationship and bodies, which I think is phenomenal. That's right. Truly, you know. Thank you. Yeah, I never said that before either, but it's true. Like, you know. You know? Thank you. I never said that before either, but it's true. Like, because I want to give you the tools, but it's truly like, I, because I always felt like I can't answer every single person. I try to answer everyone's questions, but it's all different.

Like if five people come to me, five women come to me and they can't have an orgasm, they're all going to have different stories. Why? Right? One could have had trauma. That's a second pillar. One could just have, you know, beyond like a medication. One just feels shame about her, right? So it's like you can unpack it for yourself. And yes, definitely become your best second sex advocate in your own sex expert.

That's awesome. Yeah, I love that. So the other chapter in your book that jumped out to me when we were looking because it's an topic we haven't talked about much but it is a very prevalent thing is about anal. Why do you want to rebrand anal sex? Oh great question. The anal chapter. Yeah, I want to rebrand anal sex also because anal sex is really there's a lot of taboo around it. There's a lot of shame around it and there's a lot of misinformation and misunderstanding about it. So I want people to realize that it's just another rottenness zone on our body that we all have. And there's some nerve endings

that feel really wonderful when stimulated. And all the things that you might be worried about, pain, and being dirty and going to the, you know, having an accident and getting the sheets messy, like I can troubleshoot that for you. We can help you with that. We can get through that part. And once we can, like,

that's just all the stuff where people get just as one place. But if we can remove all that, and you realize, like, wow, if I breathe, I go slow. And with the trusted partner, I use a lot of lube. Maybe it'll feel amazing. This goes for straight man as well. They have a prostate, which women do not have.

And I love to interest men or empower men to kind of like... Like toy around with it, yeah. Yeah, have a good time. Yeah, and I think that exactly what you said is I think that the shame is because of misinformation and not being educated, because if you, if people were like, I'm very empowered about how I feel about anal, you know, there are ways I like it,

ways I don't, I'm very comfortable with my body in that way, but I do think a lot of my friends, so at the end of a very podcast that we do, we'll do this with you as well, so I'll give you a heads up. But we do, I would do anything for love, but I won't do blank. And when I've even asked my friends, 99% of the time they immediately just go anal.

I wouldn't do it. And I'm like, but why? Like, why is that the very first thing? Are you saying that because you think it's the right answer to say? Because you're afraid of it. Because you like to try it, but you don't know what to do. Or maybe try it at one time and didn't have enough lube and it was so painful that you're like never again.

Yeah, like you were hooking up with some random dude and the jackhammer came through. Well, no shit, that's gonna suck. You know? No. You guys just nailed me. Literally all of those things. Like yes, yes, and yes.

Like maybe for many women, they had a really bad first time experience. Like oops, wrong hole. And you're like, oh my god, no food. That was the most painful thing ever. Or yeah, there's a lot of sh, like yeah, taboo around it. There's a lot of shame that it feels like I don't know like maybe it's gonna hurt or not feel good or maybe I'm not clean enough and

And I think a lot of it goes to like we just really aren't doing it correctly Like you should never like you have to use lube you have to man you have to build up for it do it Yes, you have to like you know start on the outside You know I've all the tips I break down all the positions and all the things But I think that it's really just that. It's like, shame taboo, we have done it wrong, and we, you know, we just decide that it's not for us. And I mean, and it's not even about anal,

it's like anal sex, the anal chapter is not just about penetration. It could be a finger, it could be a mouth, it could be a toy. And there's so many ways to play to explore and think about like, do I actually like this? So like start with a butt plug, like start with, right? Start small. Yeah, you have to like go right in, but just see like, if I breathe and I go slow and I'm already

like, maybe I'm already through rouse, like it helps to already have had like a literal orgasm and to be really right. Maybe then you start to get more turned on and more in touch and then that would help you have more pleasure with it. So I just think it's the way we go about it. And again, nothing I'm saying is for everybody. I'm not saying everyone needs to try anal before you die. It's like, I'm just saying, if you notice that these are some of your roadblocks,

just explore it, turn some of these stones over and say, like, oh yeah, maybe that's it. Maybe I should do it and try it again. Yeah, it's like if you're curious about something, give it a whirl. Talk about it with your partner. Just give it a try. And maybe it won't be for you.

Like, again, reading in your book and things that Luke and I have talked about as a couple role play. Something that feels like it's not for me. I. Before we get into that, I've got another question about the whole anal side of things. So let's say. And we get into that, I've got another question about the whole anal side. Okay, so we can't rush through anal. Okay, you're right, we can't rush through

anal. So I'll take a clue. So I'll go from zero to anal. Right, exactly. Let's just say I have a friend who is really a friend or you can't. No, it's not a friend. So a tip, basically, if, say the woman does enjoy some anal play and small toys, but as a fear of the penis because of the size. Yes. How do you move forward with that? Okay, so no, that's a really real concern, too. I am careful. I'm just going to try it.

I mean, definitely, there's like anal training kits you can buy. I've just launched an e-commerce store on my site that I've been wanting to do for years. It's curated, which is my favorite toys that I love. And there's like, BVI makes this, it's all at sexwithamily.com. And BVI makes this anal training kit that literally has different sizes

that you can build up to and see which ones feel good. And then if your partner is really big, I mean, really, it's lube, go slow, you breathe, you go in like bit by bit and you communicate. And yeah, for some partners, it's just too big. It might just be like, this is never gonna happen. And that's real. But there's ways to kind of like massage around

or aim as first and open up and just go slow. But I think it shouldn't be a deal breaker. But I actually have heard from many women like it's how big it, like if it's really, really big, like there's just sometimes like that's just really not going to work. And I just want you to know that if men are listening that I've had more in 20 years, women and men

say that their large penis was a problem rather than their small penis. Right. So I just want people to know that it's, that can actually be painful in the vagina or in the inus. But I like this training kit idea. Like that, because trust me, I have a drawer full of all the toys you could like ever imagine, but not something in that way where it's like I have the small, but not the work the way

up to. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's what it is. It's really fun too. There's one of them that vibrates, one doesn't. There's an enema, there's a lube shooter in it, which I love. It's literally shoe. It's shoe-loop, like up your eye.

You can shoot inside even if it's like... And ladies, if this is something you're nervous about or you want to try this stuff, you can try on your own. Where it's like if this is where you need to start in order to become more comfortable, and men, you can try this stuff on your own to build up that comfortableity. I mean, that's what I did.

I could, great, I highly recommend it. I love that you did that because I do recommend, if you're nervous about it, definitely during your masturbation solo time, try it out. Like see what gets yourself a butt plug, right? Like buy yourself, figure it out, put a finger inside. Put a finger inside yourself and figure it out. And I think that's why a lot of the stuff is so good

to do on your own. Because then you really get to explore and you're not like figuring out with a partner. And it's all about your pleasure, which at the end of the day is like what we want sex to be. It's not a chore, it's fun, it's pleasure. Be a chore. And it's all about your pleasure, which at the end of the day is like what we want sex to be. It's not a chore. It's fun. It's pleasure. Be a chore. Exactly. Yeah. With so many new projects in the works and when I was filming the goat, I had been traveling non-stop lately and while I love being on the go,

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That's beauty. L-E-R-H-E-M-P.co to get yours now and use CodeDOTY15. Okay, so now can we talk about roleplay now? Yes, we can get to roleplay now. I don't think I don't know if we've ever talked to anybody about that before. No, we haven't. We haven't. I think we brought it up at one time when it was just us. Yeah, like where we just talked amongst ourselves. Yeah, and because Luke's always like, if you don't, then I forget. No. And you've never done role play.

I'm totally down though. Yeah, and I've never, because to be honest, I just feel ridiculous. I don't think I could like stay in character. I feel like I would, and I know it's okay to laugh, and I feel comfortable where it's like, if there's a ridiculous moment, I'm not gonna not just laugh and go,

I feel ridiculous right now. I don't know, just what are your thoughts, what are your recommendations? Because it's something I want to be able to do. I role play is just like another way to keep it interesting and hot. But you're just picking different roles. And you know, you're discussing fantasy playing ahead of time,

hopefully, there's a background story. The porn that I love, the porn that a lot of women love is this fantasy role play sort of story building. So if that's the fantasy we love to do our solo play too, how do we bring that into the bedroom without feeling ridiculous when it's like the thing we love the most? Oh yeah, no, it's it's so I think first this is like talking to your partner about it and saying like in my book I think I've like a bunch of role. I do I know I do but I have a different 69 question part

But I have a bunch of role play scenarios like probably like a hundred of them and and I think you just sort of talked your partner And say would you be would you be down for this a great place to start though is like sexy stranger Where you agree to like meet at a bar or you you you're part you're going to restaurant and you go in first Then your partner joins you and you each pick like a different name or you pretend that you just met or at your first date and you don't have to totally take on another role but you are just being you know to be like a policeman and you don't have to be someone driving a car but you could just sort of play with that like so I think it could just so that's a great way to start is it's kind of fun just even if you go for five minutes yeah. Yeah. Like, so is my part of the whole walk and

I'd be like, so is anyone sitting here? And I'm like, okay, we're going to do that. Well, that's like five minutes. It's hot to think about like, oh, I didn't, when I didn't know you and, you know, we just kind of played. It's just kind of a little bit of fun teasing. But I think it would be fun to go through and say like, what is my fantasy? You know, I think one of big ones is like massage therapists and patient, client. Yeah. So a fun thing to do is to say like, okay, we give you massage tonight and I'm going to pretend and then you can walk in and be like, okay, what kind of massage do you want today?

And then you're just lying there and you can just kind of breathe and say like, how can you do a little bit of harder or softer? So you could pick a scenario that's actually a real thing that you would want to do and that you find hot. Maybe you saw it in porn. You know, maybe it's something that you've actually fantas thing that you would want to do and that you find hot. Maybe you saw it in porn. Maybe it's something that you've actually fantasized about and then talked your part about it and know that it might be just, you might laugh, it might be silly, but this is the embodiment part.

If you just get into your body and you breathe through it, I'm telling you, breath is going to solve or help facilitate so much. I think of what people are craving during sex because when you remember to do like deep breaths It automatically brings you back to the present moment So picking a scenario that you actually find hot is a great place to start Like if you don't think it's hot to be like a prison mate and a prison guard like don't do that one But if there's something that's been in you like I think massage the big one or like teacher student and Just sort of maybe you go shopping together and buy

like a costume. Maybe you're like always wanting to wear a school wore uniform. So when you put on that uniform, that little outfit, it makes that easier. Even if it's for 10 minutes, like you've been naughty, I'm going to spank you. Right. It's sort of, what? Yeah, it could take you out of the moment and it's just something different. It's just something new and fun.

You're engaging in something together. So you're actually playing together, and you'll find it could be just like really hot and different. I think we want, we crave variety in relationships. We're so used to doing the same things over and over again, so role playing is just another way to literally play. Yeah, I love it. Do you want to use to be a cheerleader?

That's true. I can be like the football coach, you know, I don't know. No, I for the first time I feel like the whole dressing up like whether it's a school schoolgirl or whatever it is, as you just talking about it was the first time it's ever like clicked to me, if you think about like Halloween, when we do want to be the slutty version of because it makes us feel like this is the one day a year that we can dress however we want to and like feel hot and cute and like different. So it's like, we'll take that, for example, you know?

Yeah. I know that's Halloween, it's not quite the same thing, but why is it on a one day a year? I still at 40, I'm like, yeah, this is my excuse to like look kind of slutty. And it's all true. Well, wait, yeah, this is my excuse to look kind of slutty. And it's all true. Well, wait, Kristen, I love this. This is such a good tip.

Why don't we just tell everyone if they're nervous about it, whatever. If you, why don't you like where you're Halloween costume again one night and be like, babe, I felt so hot when I was dressed up as a- The slutty nurse of the slutty maid. As a slutty nurse, I was a slutty nurse. So will you be like my patient,

or will you be the doctor that seduces me? Like I'm just gonna put this on I already have the costume. I wore in October now. It's July Like that's a perfect way to do it because you already must have picked that for a reason right You just go off of that and that night you're you know hanging out with all your friends and your boyfriend And you're like you have your your whip or whatever I don't know whatever you're like your accessory is your prop, right? But I feel like on a Halloween everybody just feels so comfortable to be whoever that character, that costume was that they wanted to wear. So why not on another day in July or whatever?

Okay, it makes sense to me. I know, right? I love it. And sometimes it's just a wig too. Like sometimes it could just be something different. Wear a wig. It doesn't have to be a whole yeah, a whole get up or whatever. Yeah, yeah, that's fantastic. So does this apply to your desire inventory? You know, you're saying to take a desire inventory. You mentioned that in your book. So I guess it all kind of ties together, right? That's the whole, well, make sure books are good. But I just was curious to go into this whole desire inventory because it is difficult for a lot of people to actually get their mind to the point

where they know what their desires are. Exactly, yeah, no, that's a really good point. And I think I kind of have a little desire quiz in there too that how people realize, like, what is actually required for me? I, maybe I need to be dressed up. I need to be showered. I need to feel sexy.

I need compliments for my partner. I want to level. We maybe be my partner. I do something adventurous together and that really turns me on. Are we trying to restaurant? You know, just I think that just I give so many tools that people can come at it in different ways

because most people don't know. I'm just gonna say this. I don't often speak in like superlatives like this or say, most people don't, but I'm telling you, most people haven't really thought about what is required for me to be in the mood for sex. And so the desire inventory is just one way to figure it out. If you're like, oh yeah, I love dressing up. Why am I only dressing up at Halloween?

Like, why don't I do it other times? Why have all these costumes or all these things? Like I used to go to Bernie Manny. I used to go to Bernie Manny and I used to go to Bernie Manny and I used to go to Bernie Manny and I used to go to Bernie Manny and I used to go to Bernie Manny and I used to go to Bernie Manny and I used to go to Bernie Manny and I used to go to Bernie Manny and I used to go to Bernie Manny and I used to go to Bernie Manny and I used to go to Bernie Manny and I used to go to Bernie Manny and I used to go to Bernie Manny and I used to go to Bernie Manny Like I used to go to Burning Man. I used to go to Burning Man closet and things. And I would, it's just fun, right? Like where are those sexy things?

But just don't wear them in the bedroom. Because the other thing, I don't have a Christmas if you found this, like I have so much laundry and things. But sometimes I'm just like tired. It's nighttime. Like, when am I going to put it on? And it never works under your outfit, that night. So you don't wear it out.

And then it's like annoying. So now it's like, why not in Saturday morning? I'm going to go in and wear it. Or I'm going to, we're going to like make a night of it and stay home. Or when we're watching Netflix, I'm going to put it on so it's ahead of time Just kind of creatively troubleshoot What you want the end goal to be and then reverse engineer it like what needs to happen for me to be In the mood turned on connected to my partner. It's fun

Yeah, diverse engineering. I like that. Yeah, ladies, like think about it. If you were to just, rather than it's, again, back to this performative thing or what does he want, but like put the lingerie on underneath whatever it is you're already wearing instead of just your underwear, or like, you know, put on like these different, this different pair of like, thongs or whatever, something crazy that he's never seen before that make you feel really good about yourself and feel sexy and cool. And then when it's time, it's like, oh, I took my T-shirt off and I'm not wearing a bra,

but I'm wearing this really hot thing underneath. And that wow factor is not just for him, but it's for you because the way it's gonna be received is then going to turn both of you on, I think. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, don't worry. Don't worry. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, don't. Yeah. Another question I got a lot, which this surprised me actually,

so I'm curious, but a question I got from a lot of women that have never used sex toys, ever, vibrators specifically. This came up a lot. That they were afraid to use a vibrator. I'll kind of lump this, but the way that it was kind of worded, they're afraid to use a vibrator because they're afraid it's this, but the way that it was kind of worded, they're afraid to use a vibrator because they're afraid it's going to desensitize them from like sex later.

And it's something I've never thought about. And I think maybe women don't know how many different kinds of vibrators there are, different speeds, different, all sorts of different things that you can do. Because I do agree there are some that are just, for me personally far too intense.

And it doesn't really do much. So I wouldn't say you'd even desensitize me. It's just like, that's too much for me. It's not working. But I thought that was really interesting because it's something I've never thought about. That they're afraid to use it because they're afraid it'll desensitize.

Yeah, let's talk about that. I think that you're absolutely right that if you've never used a toy before, you probably have this image of it that in your mind that it looks like a big penis, it's going to go inside of you, it's going to vibrate, it's going to do all these things. And I think that that's one thing. Maybe vibrators, I mean, I do know they were like 20 years ago, but the amazing thing that's has changed is that there are so many wonderful

vibrators right now that literally fit in the palm of your hand and they have 12 different settings, really low settings to higher or more intense settings, and you can just use them to tease externally that you're a vulva, you're a clitoris, and just play around and get you going, get you a rouse, because it's just to rely on a penis going inside of you, which you've already clarified that most women need more clitorial stimulation, which is why they're not having an orgasm during penetration. So there's so many ways to use a vibrator. Your partner could use it.

You could use it on them. And by the way, they feel great on men too. Like a low setting along the shaft and the balls, perineum. It's just, if you think about this way, we are all covered in nerve endings. And our primary ride to zones have a lot of nerve endings. And why just limit the sensation and the stimulation to using a fingers or a mouth, like toys feel great too. And so I think, yeah, maybe if you're only using toys on a really high setting, that's

all you do. And then you're with a partner and you're not turned on. I'll, sure, maybe you'll feel desensitized, but nothing is permanent. You're not like damaging nerve endings for life. You just say, okay, I'm going to back off now. If you do get desensitized, which I haven't, I don't, again, if you're mindful, I don't think that's going to happen, but then you just kind of start to reintroduce your figures, your mouth, your penis, and you just go slower, use a lower setting. But again, what's better? What would you rather have like zero orgasms or more pleasure, more orgasms, more rousal finding the right toy for yourself?

So it's just, again, I think it just all comes back to communication and just trying things out. Don't be shameful about anything. all comes back to communication and just trying things out. Don't be shameful about anything. Like everybody is different. Every experience is different. Your partnership with, you know, my sex with Luke is different than this person sex

with their partner. Like everyone is just so different and you really just need to find out what's best for you. And, you know, all of you that are, you know, listening to this podcast, everyone that listens to Emily's podcast, everyone that reads her book and everyone that asks me all of these millions of questions and thousands of questions on Instagram.

It's like, you want, like, there's a reason that people are asking these questions because they really want to have a better sex life. So she is telling you, give it a shot. One of my favorite quotes of yours, Emily, from the book, is pleasure is productive. Yeah. I mean, I think people, a lot of people don't think of it that way,

but it is self-care. It is, I think, it is good for you, whether or not people, you know, can compartmentalize or whatever, just like wrap their head around the fact that that is true is difficult, too. And you say right in the very beginning of your book, like the question is like, could great sex actually last? Like yes, it can is what you're saying. Like this isn't, everyone knows in the beginning stages,

it's fun, it's exciting, yay, awesome. And then life happens. And you know, if you are married or you're with a long-term partner, life happens. Children, dogs, life, money, jobs, blah, blah, blah, but it doesn't mean that your sex life has to go down the drain. Exactly. It takes work.

It really does, but it's the kind of work that I lay out in the book that you can't, and in all of my work, is that long, yeah, it's the kind of work that's really communicating when's the right time for us to have sex, what turns us on, and knowing that it's going to change and that couples who aren't talking about it aren't going to be able to sustain a healthy long-term relationship in their sex life because they haven't really uncovered all this stuff and it's totally possible. It's just like let's talk about it, let's figure out what turns us on and you can do this work and that's why this book is great. I'm glad that you write it together. And I highly encourage people to do this with their partner,

buy it for friends that are in a relationship, read it, bring your partner into it, whatever works. If you're single too, I think it's an excellent book to read to know like there's a lot in there for everybody. But the pleasure's productive part, I think, is also the main premise of the book is that we often, and I know you type of this too, Chris, like, you work so hard, we're hustlers, we get things done,

we're like busy, busy, busy, it's hard to like think about like, I deserve pleasure. In fact, the more pleasure I have, the more I prioritize my pleasure, I'll be more productive, I'll be better at my job, I'll be a better girlfriend, I'll be a better lover, right? So I think that's why Luke brought that up, because it's like, yeah. If you can reverse your mind thinking, pleasure isn't something that's conditional. Like once I finish this task or once I do these 10 things, then I'll, and pleasure isn't just sex.

Pleasure is hanging out with friends, going out, you know, going for a hike, going shopping, whatever it is that makes you feel good in a healthy way is pleasure. And the more we put that into our life and not as a caret to something else, we were like much healthier people. Pleasure gets pleasure too. So the more we prioritize it, the more we'll have.

Okay, then I just have a couple like little quick questions. Because in your book, of course, we were read about shower sex and lubrication. And again, this is something that I always, I have opinions about my girlfriends and I talk about it. Like when you see movies and people are like having sex in a pool or in a hot tub and like shower sex and I have, and so I'll speak for myself

and some of my friends. I have a really difficult time because the water makes you dry. Yes. And so you mentioned silicone lube, which I'm so not familiar with because as we were looking through like all of our lube's yesterday,

I was like, do I even have any event? It's all water based. Yes, silicone lube is amazing. I love, if you go to my website, I have uber lube. I love it. It's silicone is basically, so here's the thing about silicone lube years ago, people didn't really get history, but it got a bad rap because I don't remember what people got infections. It's not even really true. So here's the point about silicone lube where I love it.

It's slippery. It lasts longer. You don't need to keep reapplying it like water-based lube. If your body can tolerate silicone, which many people kid. And again, I love uber lube. It. It's a beautiful bottle sits on your nightstand. Yes, when you take a shower, it washes away your natural lubrication. So you're drier and when you're dry, you have more tears, you could have more infections. It doesn't feel as good. So you want to use a silicone loop. The only thing about silicone loops is you're not

just to use them with silicone toys, which most toys are made of silicone to break down the silicone. And this is my unpopular opinion, but I feel like just wipe the silicone off after with a toy cleaner, because I basically, I mostly try to use silicone loops because these year last longer,

and it's great for the shower and great for all the things. So yeah, shower sex is real, and it can be also a little bit, I think I give tips in there too, because I know I do that it can be, you have to be careful too, you have to be like in the right position. Like there's a lot of like,

you don't want to be in like sex at me or the yard, because you, you have to be careful too, you have to be in the right position. Like there's a lot of like, you don't want to be in like sex that maybe they are because you have like a shower snacks where you like fell over and hit your head and I've heard so many stories like that. So I also give some positioning to it too. Yeah, I think, I think a lot of people want to have shower sex because it's like, oh, let's, like we're, I'm getting naked, this is hot.

And we're cleaning ourselves. We're not gonna be a mess to cleaning up. It's gonna be like, okay, this is hot. And we're cleaning ourselves. Not gonna be a mess to clean it up. Right, but then it's like, okay, this isn't working. Like his works, but mine isn't working, oh God. So you guys, it's a real thing. I'm definitely gonna go to sex with only and get my cell phone, Lou. And then my last just quick question that I did get, it's one of my personal questions, but also a question from a lot of listeners

about morning sex. My personal lot of listeners about morning sex. My personal experience, men love morning sex. I don't typically, a lot of the women that wrote me are the same way, they're like, I have my wake up, I'm kind of groggy, I'm not really feeling it. I just tell Luke, because I trust him, he needs my partner, and I'm like,

if that's what you want, just go for it, because we're partners, and I trust him, like just do it. I know I'm gonna like it like just go for it, because we're partners and I trust him, like just do it. I know I'm gonna like it once we're doing it, but I don't, I'm not, turn on in the morning and he is. Do you find that typical comment? I find that's common, because they're waking up with an erection

and they're like, what am I gonna do? I could just let this go, or I could put this inside of you, you're right there and like roll over. Yeah. You know, so, but I can see with women, when we talked about the arousal runway, and that we are more like slow cookers,

that morning sex, we're just waking up, we're tired, we're not arousin turn on, typically like our partners. So I think this is another way to compromise in a relationship. And be like, I don't want it every day, but maybe once a month, twice a month, I'll be okay with it. So that's a thing, but this is why vibrators are great.

Loub is great, having an internet sandwich. Okay, I guess it's happening. Let me grab my vibrator and make sure that I'm going to get off to, so it's a pleasurable experience. But again, we don't, yeah, it's like just a matter to talk about it with your partner, but I get it like get a lot of women inside as fast as that. That's very common. Okay. Yeah. Very common. Okay, amazing. Anything else? This has been so awesome. I mean, we could go on for hours and hours, so we'll have to definitely have you on again. Yes. Um, well, let's end it with our question then Luke. I would do anything for love, but I won't do. Ooh, I would do anything for love, but I won't do. Oh, God,

I do so many things. Doesn't have to be sex. Doesn't have to be sex. No, right, of course. I know our brains immediately use that. I won't be with somebody who hasn't done their, I won't be with anyone who hasn't had therapy and done work on themselves. Ooh, that's a good one.

You gotta have your shit together for everyone to do that. I have a shit together. Like, please have investigated your mother issues and your father, like by now, like just figure it out. I'm not here for that. Oh my God. Yeah, you please have investigated your mother issues and your father, like by now, like just figure out, I'm not here for that. Oh my God. Yeah, you know what, I'm gonna tack onto that one. That's gonna be mine for today.

I'll do anything for love and I won't be with anyone who doesn't, who can't. Yeah, thank you. I've never done therapy. You've found it with me and you, I feel like you're your own therapist in a way. I can't. You're very in tune with yourself. Yeah. What's yours today, Luke? Do you have one? Do you have one? I have one way. You're very in tune with yourself. Yeah.

What's yours today, Luke? Do you have one? I had one, but no, no, I had one. And I feel like it's just too soon and terrible. Oh, that's what I'm talking about. No, I want to hear that. Yeah, go for it. I'm going to say, I would do anything for love,

but I won't take a submarine down to see the Titanic. Oh my god. Jesus Christ. You're like too soon. Hi, Lars. OK, well, I agree. I wouldn't do that either. Okay, Emily, you are the best. Thank you so much. Tell everyone where they can find you if they don't already know. Everything is sex with Emily. My website, sexfilmy.com. My podcast is sex with Emily.

I released two weeks and my new book, Check It Out. It's Smart Sex. And all of we can buy it with you by books and all social media is sex with them. Yes, and we will link all of this below and everybody, if you're living under a rock and you don't know, do listen to Emily's podcast, do it immediately, rate it five stars and we can not wait to talk to you again. I'll be here. Thank you so much.

Thanks so much. Talk to you guys next week. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Dodie and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke Double underscore Broadred. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes every single Wednesday.

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