Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - Take Me To The Altar With Jenifer Golden

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

Episode 9. Has Crazy Kristen met her match? Jenifer Golden, host of the “It’s Complicated” podcast, sits down with Luke and Kristen to talk social media stalking, vetting dates and why she thinks she’s the ultimate P.I. They give their honest thoughts on hitting the 6-month mark in a relationship (Are we moving too fast!?), how quickly chemistry is found, and why it’s crucial not to dodge the hard questions with your significant other. Find out why Jen’s absence from Rachael’s wedding made it the best day of Kristen’s life!  Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Email us: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, hello everyone. Welcome back to Sex Love and what else matters. We have a very, very special guest today who I have not seen in a way to flip and long. And she is also the host of an amazing relationship podcast called It's Complicated. So I would like to welcome Jen, Jennifer, Golden to the podcast. Welcome Jen. Thank you guys for having me. I'm so excited to be on this podcast. I know so much about the podcast going into it because we've been talking for months about you starting this thing. And I am honored to be here. Yeah. So Jen was like a driving force kicking her tiny little foot up my but hole.

Get it. Kristen, just do it. Don't be scared. You got this shit. I've been a guest on her podcast before because I love talking about relationships clearly. Hence why we started this podcast, right? Yeah. And Luke and Jen,

this is actually the first time you've ever met in person. It is, which ironically, the wedding that Kristin and I started our, well, when I essentially started courting Kristin, where we hooked up. Anyway, Rachel wanted Jen and me to meet. They'd been wanting us to meet ever since Greg and Rachel got together, which is interesting. Oh yeah, years at this point have been hearing your name.

And now we're finally meeting, and yet we're both, well, all of us are in relationships with other people. Right. Oh my gosh, you guys, you have to listen to it's complicated, but it is wild that my girlfriend over here, hot, single forever, I thought by choice, by choice because you have very high standards. You have a boyfriend.

I do. I have acquired a boyfriend, a permanent plus one at CMs. Oh my God. And on the show, I have sort of documented every step of the way. Okay. And also everybody that you have, yeah, of course. And I also have talked about all the people that have come before him. So the audience kind of has a real sense of the timing of where things stand. And sure, there's some lag in delays, you know, like not every podcast happens every week.

There might be like biweekly for that month or whatever the case may be. So some stories aren't exactly in real time. But for the most part, the audience heard that my relationship happened and happened fast. We met our first date. How many months ago? Was July 12th. Oh my God. And Luke and I were like, the wedding was the first week of June.

So we're basically on the same timeline. Oh yeah. His name is Dan. How are you and Dan meet? We met on Hinge actually back in March. And we had a FaceTime because I am a big proponent of FaceTime being first before, or a phone call even, just because you want to get a sense of whether you could even have a conversation with somebody and have a banter and want to spend time with them. And I was like,

uh, at that point, I think I was so overdating, even though it was like three months into the year. At that point, I was like, this sucks. I'm not going to get off my couch and away from my dog, unless I really like this person and what they have to say. This is interesting because I have like, this sucks. I'm not gonna get off my couch and away from my dog, unless I really like this person and what they have to say. This is interesting, because I have never, I mean, rarely have I used dating apps, we all know I've barely been single, but when you look, you are perpetually single for like a very long time.

When you did do dating apps, did you ever FaceTime? Before we got together, I'd been single for a year and a half, not that crazy. But anyway. Did you ever do like an actual phone call or a FaceTime? I only ever did text. Yeah, but not often. I actually thought it was weird when I matched with somebody.

And as soon as we'd start texting, they'd call like immediately. I was just like, whoa, okay. You're like unsolicited. This is quick. Yeah, I don't know. And sometimes I answered, sometimes I didn't. But hey, that's how it goes. So Jen, did you tell him, like, Dan, you were like, this is my non-negotiable?

I didn't say it like that. I said it probably. This is how I'd always end up on the phone with somebody. I'd say, if they asked me to get together, I'd say, sure, why don't you give me a call and we can discuss when and where. Smart. Thank you.

So that would give them the impetus to call and like they got that that was the next step because I didn't say let's text about it. You're a voice. Right. I've had calls with people where it was like pulling teeth to even get through the like, how was your day? Oh, right. And I was like at that point I'm not sitting in front of you and I'm not doing makeup and

I'm not putting on an outfit. I'm not leaving my dog or getting in a vehicle at all to go to sit there and then run to the bathroom and try to climb out a window or something. Right, you can never get that time back and I am exhausted. So I don't want to do that if I don't have to. Self-care guys, self-care. So this was my form of ensuring self-care was to not waste time. So anyway, he had a gladly called me. He's a chatty, chatty bloke. And so we talked for a while,

but then when we got off the call, never to be heard from again. And so I was like, okay, whatever. At that point also, I was having calls with a bunch of people. It's not like I had like all my hedges, your eggs and one basket. Any saying that we'll do in this case? Where did the hedges go?

I don't, there are hedges or bets, bets are hedged. What's it was saying? You were hedging your bets on him. It's up in the back, yeah. Sure, exactly. So cats weren't in the bag at that point. They were whatever.

So I'm saying. And so I was like, bye, whatever. Then I saw him again a couple of times on the apps. And I was like, oh, there's that guy. I don't know why his face just like resonates with me or you just had like a, you connect it. Yeah. And so I thought he was attractive

and I was drawn to him in some way. I don't know why, but then he's really hot. Thank you. I've seen photos. You will see that. And I'm like, oh, okay, that's cool. Like that's nice that he is. Now I just,

I just, I just see him and like that's him. But he is handsome. So anyway, then we came across each other again in July and I just stopped seeing a different guy who ended things on like July 1st. And so again, back to the podcast, all of this was documented that like that ended. And then this started only like two weeks later because our first date was July 12. So he actually messaged me on the app and was like, hey, here we are again. Should we go on that first date we never went on. Yes. And I was like, I like that approach. That's pretty direct. It's like making the effort. He's coming for me. He was courting me, pursuing me. What have you? He was

chasing love. He was dead. He's not tiptoeing around it. He's ready to go for it. Exactly. The jig is up. At this point, if we're going to match again, it's to really go out this time not to do the same thing over and over. So what did you do in your first date in real life?

Oh, he did. I know. A really great spot. One of my favorite places in West Hollywood. And he lives in Reno, Del Rey. So he was like, I'm coming to you. How about V-Wine Room, and I was like, hold the phone. One, I don't have to negotiate terms, and meeting in the middle, or whatever time,

or whatever the case. And just so everyone knows who does not live in Los Angeles, watch Clueless. It's like everywhere in LA takes 20 minutes. Now like, double quadruple that. So between West Hollywood and Marina Del Rey like there's no free way to get to there. You just got to fight traffic. So had he said come to the West side that would have been a red flag and many have they've

either said come to me or let's meet in the middle and I'm like where did the chivalry go it died with them They are the ones killing it. They are massacring it. It is its own epidemic. So This sweet gentleman was like no, I'm coming to you like a proper gentleman and Pick the place. He didn't know that I love that place. He just knew I liked wine So he picked a wine bar in West Hollywood. He happened to pick my favorite wine bar He nailed it literally nailed it And I remember after our first date, he didn't kiss me. He walked me in my car, but he gave me a hug and then we hugged a second time.

So there was a double hug and he always brings it up about the double hug and that he came back for a hug which meant he really liked me. I'm just good at hugs and you came back for another hug because you were maybe just like him to kiss you. Do you kiss on the first day?

If I like a person. That's what I was gonna say. I want them to kiss me because A, it shows me they're interested. And also, we knock out whether there's chemistry or not. Exactly. There's a lot of bad kisses. What if it's a bad kiss? Then you're like, I cannot waste my time. Yeah. How many days do you go on if they're not kissing you? I mean, I feel like when we watch bachelor in paradise, when people are kissing, I feel like at the first time you kiss, you just know if you want to keep going forward or high. Yeah, or you're like, yeah, no, don't shove your tongue

down my throat, don't pet me weirdly. Like, ugh. Exactly. So he didn't kiss me and I was like, all right, well, he gets one more chance. So he asked me for another date. And like pretty immediately. Yes, pretty immediately.

Like that same, like maybe we went out Tuesday and then again, Sunday. Amazing. And so then, after dinner at Moza, he walks me to my car at Velae and he kissed me. But it was like such a fast kiss. He just knew he needed to kiss me. Not because I had said something,

but because he just knows. And so, kiss me and it was like the fastest, but it felt like a good kiss, even though it was like fast. I just wanted to have like a chicken pet, but it was like a nice good kiss. She wasn't like swallowing your face. Oh, right.

I don't know. I felt like between the ability to communicate and he's great at planning and there's chemistry and he's attractive and he was a gentleman. Like my car came and he was like, your money is no good here and paid for my valet. Granted, now I think I'm hard to prove. No, now my money is good here.

That's like you. I mean, sort of, you still don't let me pay for anything. I have to fight you for everything. It's just an issue. I have a personal issue. It's a long, long standing issue. Yes, but you absolutely do. And you're so gentlemanly and like so polite.

And you're like, don't open your door. Like, I got your door. Oh, I love that. The kiss is what had me. Luke kissed me at the ranch. You missed this because unfortunately, you had to miss the wedding. I know. Jen was supposed to be a bridesmaid. It kiss is what had me. Luke kissed me at the ranch. You missed this because unfortunately, you had to miss the wedding. I know.

Jen was supposed to be a bridesmaid at Rachel's wedding, everyone. But yeah, he kissed me and so then I bent over behind a tent and said, like, let's go. Let's go. Exactly. Well, you know what?

That was all on me. But I love that. It happened that way because you might have been at that wedding with the X. The X. I might have been at that wedding. the X. The X. I might have been at that wedding. All the lines could have been crossed. Yeah, because I was also trying to, Rachel was trying to hook you up with Luke.

I was trying to hook you up with a friend of mine who was a guest at the wedding. Yep. So literally just the star was aligned and went, this is not the way it's supposed to happen. Yeah, thank God you didn't come. Right. I mean, I would have ruined everything for everyone. Yeah, you would have ruined everything.

Would not have been the same way. To whatever way. Okay, so that is amazing. So from that point on, you guys just, it was like flying colors. Like, sure everything was great. No, it's not. No, yes.

It was a rainbow that involved some gray. So not counting the color of his hair. No. You know what's funny? He's like, jokes. He's like, my hair is brown on my license because it says that. And I'm like, no, your hair is gray.

He's like, no, it's brown. Look with your eyes. Not what your license says. It's gray, homie. Yeah, it's like Luke. It's all separate. Luke's dating older. You're dating older.

Yes. Exactly. I love this for us. Okay, so. Older and wiser, mate. So how have the last six months been? Okay, so they've been interesting. We had like, I want to say five dates,

and then we went away. He, that was three weeks in. He was like, would you want to go away for the weekend or is it like too soon? And he's like, I totally get it. It's just something I want to do with you. So let me know. I can always schedule it for another time if you're more comfortable later. And I was like, I totally get it. It's just something I want to do with you. So let me know, I can always schedule it for another time

if you're more comfortable later. Which I think is so smart because if you, you know, it's like, yeah, that seems to some people. Maybe it seems rushy, but I think not to be like at our age, but we're not like 21 years old anymore. And we're essentially vetting out who could possibly be our person. We're not dating for fun for kicks and, you know, shits and giggles and for kicks. We're like vetting out people could possibly be our person. We're not dating for fun, for kicks, you know,

shits and giggles and for kicks. We're like vetting out people that we can actually spend time with and share our lives with with our dogs with, right? Oh yeah, dogs have a dog thing. Dogs do. So I think that going, you know, I just love that, that he asked of you

and I think it's really important because you really don't know unless you're like actually spending a couple of few days together without distractions of come over for two hours leave, come over for two hours. You know? Yeah, I agree. There's a couple things that makes me think of. I mean, our first actual date you'd say was a weekend away, which I was in Indiana, you

were in California. We met in the middle in Denver, went to a Red Rock show, stayed in the same... Yeah, we were really forced to be in a hotel together and actually spent time together and see if we like hate each other or really dig each other. Right, spend every hour for the day to go. Like the Bachelor, you're basically in some simulated experience. That's not real life. Yeah. And you get to play house, but don't live in that house and you have all the nicest things and so that's what happened for us I made sure though that like I had properly vetted him prior to doing this and not get murdered all like investigated him Yeah, one of his friends had come to LA that he's known for many many or so

He invited me with them to brunch and do other activities So I made sure to like corner the friend and really get to the bottom thing. I think the friends is really important. It is and he met some of mine Which I don't think he thought I was a murderer But the funny thing is is that like I could have been have we seen date line. There are female killers Absolutely. It's true being put in the wrong position. I wouldn't put that past you or I Oh, no Do what you gotta do sister So if anyone's gonna win it's gonna be us. Yes, but anyway, so we get to the point of going, and I had given my pin in location

to a couple different people. I took a picture of his license plate. Good girl. I really went to town. I put my tracking devices all over the place, and he knew. And he thought it was funny. And so I was like, you think it's funny,

but also I mean it. And so I'm gonna continue to track my location throughout this process and let everybody know I'm like, I sent people his phone number. Yeah. We are not going off the grid. You're not taking any of the middle of nowhere. However, I didn't know where we were staying necessarily.

I did some background research. I reverse Google image, a picture of the pool that he sent me. He's like, I'm gonna be here soon. I only recently revealed this to him that I actually kind of knew where we were going because he sent me that picture. He's like, of course you did.

But I didn't know if maybe he was like, using that to lure me to Santa Barbara, by sending me a pretty photo of a pool that looks generic maybe. But also, we could have maybe spent the day there and not stayed there, but we ended up staying there. He's like, then we're going camping in the middle of the mountains.

You might watch too many crime docs or something. Yeah, seriously. I think that's a little to me that's over the top like that's why I carry pepper spray and a taser. I didn't know how much how much background checking did you do on me and how much I did. I didn't know too much. I didn't know too much. I didn't Rachel to vet you. Yeah. Well I'm thinking from my perspective. That was where you were Jen right? Think about this guy's been on this all these apps for how long you know how many people in that around as he dated people aren't showing up dead,

there's a serial killer on the loose. You think there's- Well, we don't know, maybe he's gonna hiding it. Have you seen Dahmer? Hello. Hello. Okay, I mean, Tinder Swindlers, probably the only kind of-

Okay fine, that's more of a correlation, me. That's better correlation. What if it was a Tinder Swindler who also murdered? That guy just took money. And I'm like, you know what, safety first. Yeah, oh, I grew with that. I'd rather be over the top than under, feet under. Fair, boom.

Yeah. Anywho, so went on that trip and we continued to call it the magical weekend because everything about it was perfection. Literally, start to finish. Well, we stayed at the Belmond, which was already perfection. So it was like the bachelor where we stayed at like the fantasy suite.

Yeah. And so obviously we had a king size bed one. And I was fine with sleeping in bed with him. Did I know if we'd have sex or not? No. Did I think we probably would? Yes. I was like, I hope it's good. Because otherwise we're trapped in a room together for the like the next foreseeable future. No.

And then you shoot me a text and I'm like, Oh my God, I need you right now. Something really bad just happened. Yes, exactly. And then I get out of there and take a very expensive Uber back to LA. But it didn't have to happen that way because it really worked out. Like, everything he planned was so amazing. We wind tasted, we ate, we drank, we launched by the pool. So what we realized from this trip was we relaxed and traveled the same way.

Traveling the same way is so fucking important. Oh my God. Because also like what if he wanted to camp, but I don't camp. Yeah. Well, yeah, or what if he doesn't make reservations and then we show up to a restaurant and like struggle to eat and then I'm cranky and hangry and want to stab his eyes out. Totally. Everything was mapped to perfection.

Yeah. Or what if he wakes up at like, you know, 6 a.m. and wants to go do something or sleeps until 1 p.m. and wants to do nothing? Exactly. It's important the way you travel. Yes. This is great. I'm a big planner too to map out the day.

I wake up and I'm like, okay, so how about we do this, this, then this, and in this order. He's the same way. Everything about it, even, I thought so has that become just really quickly to jump ahead and has that become an issue, a negative issue for you guys at all? Oh, it works. It is something that makes us thrive.

And like, we're really big on checking in with each other and not in a checking temperature kind of way because we're feeling insecure. But I will say there was a blip on the radar, which is why I say there was some gray area that one of us was a bit insecure because he was going through some things. And I think he didn't know how to navigate that with a new relationship and how to feel comfortable in communicating the reality of what he was dealing with. So it sort of manifested in other ways that were really freaking awful.

So at one point, I didn't know if I had a relationship anymore. And I was like, let's cut this before it gets too bad. Let's not go down this path because I have worked so hard to get to a place where I am only standing for healthy relationships and healthy communication and being a partner and all these things, this feels like I can slip forward. You have to be a teammate, yeah.

You don't want to do all these steps forward just to like slip slide down the hillbath. Exactly. So how did you guys get over that hump? Man, he is great at apologizing and taking action. Just like he is with making plans and taking action, he made plans to take action. So there was like a series of things he needed to do for himself so that he felt like safer in our relationship. You know, as a guy, I think there's a lot of things that you have insecurities about maybe that women may not like being the breadwinner or being,

I don't know, all of these things that are putting a lot of loot from my younger face. I want you to weigh in on this part. Yeah, is that a real thing? Which part about insecurities about being the breadwinner? Yeah, and like having your shit together. Yeah, I mean, at the same time, yes, short answer. With Kristen and I, I think we were both in similar places in our lives. And we're like,

where the fuck are we? Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. We had it all. We kind of are now in the stage of figuring it out, but just in any and all of your relationships, like just as a man, as a man. Honestly, I like. Yeah. This probably doesn't apply to most men, but I like at least an equal partner. I don't like the weight, you know, this probably doesn't apply to most men, but I like at least an equal partner. I don't like the weight, you know, some men like to be the breadwinner, the pressure of supporting and everything. I don't necessarily desire that.

I think ideally you have similar incomes and the ability to pick each other up if someone's down, especially being an entrepreneur. So that's my take on it. And I love that take, because that's more 2023. That's much more like gender roles or blending. Like, I mean, I probably make more than some of the guys

I'm friends with at this point, because it's just the nature of certain industries, career paths, not because of anything other than like, now I can make money. Thank you, gender roles for changing, and you know, the wage gap, totally. Coming closer to equality. But in the glass ceiling. Yes, exactly. So changing and, you know, the wage gap. Totally. Coming closer to equality.

Yeah. Breaking the glass ceiling. Yes, exactly. So, and I work fucking hard, so I should make good money. But for him, he's been in relationships where he had to be the breadwinner, and it was expected of him. He now has me, who's like, I want to be in the know of everything, and I'm a partner, and I'm going to help you, and I want to talk business, and I want to inspire each other.

And you want to like share, And you wanna share all of your strengths and you want him to share his strengths with you. And you both have goals. You're ambitious, you wanna be here, you can realize you're here and you wanna get up here. Yeah, and so I think also part of it had to do with expectations of where he wanted to be and the reality of where he was

and also that he thought he needed to be this thing for me. And I'm like, no, no, one, all this could be solved with communication and to come back down to earth. So and like maybe call your therapist because this is a little cucumber. So after all was said and done, a lot of conversations and rebuilding trust and communication and being steady for a really long time, a really long time. Again, this was all a fast-paced relationship. But it does feel like a long time.

It does. It's even a month feels like a long time when you're really truly like getting to the nitty-gritty and having these really vulnerable, honest conversations. It's not easy sometimes in a four-year relationship, let alone you're in six months together. Yeah. But it's like, no bullshit.

Let's have no bullshit here because God forbid this doesn't work out. Let's figure it out now and not four years down the road by tiptoeing around the things that are important to talk about as adults. What happened also though was we really discovered our communication style and the check-in thing started to like really become a priority for us.

We were already doing these cards that we got from this company called, we're not really strangers. And they have the honest dating cards, the couple card, the relationship card, all these cards that are geared toward different phases of your relationship. And so we're obsessed with them.

And then we discovered this app called Paired. And it has, let's say, you each have a profile but you have a shared account. Okay. And so you do these games and quizzes and question packs and all these things together based on different subjects. And so we each do them. It started that we would do them when he was out of town getting his visa. He was gone for three weeks.

So that was like... So Dan is Australian. Yes. So freaking sexy and hot. That's pretty cool. That's like Brock, right? Yeah, Brock's like New Zealand, I'll show you. Yeah, but I text Jen and I was like, you have,

and she's like, I'm so happy you have such a good guy. And I was like, can you have the hottest accent? Boyfriend. Well, I never know what he's talking about. I'm like, I say, huh, all the time. I'm like, huh? So why, because Kristen can't hear anything. Yeah.

Okay, but you see, you're doing these little games, which I love, and I'm immediately gonna get this for us. Yeah, and we also, you're doing these little games, which I love and I'm immediately going to get this for us. Yeah, and we also have like monthly relationship check-ins and we have like, help, we send calendar invites to each other. I met my match. This guy is like, we have shared lists for the home we want. Our goals, our mochi training.

So we both train her the same way. Oh, our holiday activities, all the movies we want it's literally less per days. So there's so much communication about everything and also more radical transparency. I know that everyone uses that as like a like chic saying these days, but it is really important. And it is radical because it's the good, the bad, the ugly. And I think we've had a lot of conversations that people I know who have been together way longer have not had into many years into their relationship still. Or at all, right.

Totally. So I've got a question for you. This comes from, so when Kristen and I, since we were so far apart, we've talked for hours every day. Yeah. You know, at the end of the day, is that how you guys started?

Were you talking, did you have a phone conversation every day, basically, when you started talking? No, because we would see each other. Because we weren't long distance. We were here. Long distance from West Hollywood and Marina Del Rey. Yes. But we would still see each other.

I want to say at a minimum once or twice a week. But then we would have longer plans and then sleepovers and things after the trip and more trips. We have gone on a trip for every month that we've been together. That's so fun. Yeah, it's so fun. And it's like our time to reconnect and disconnect from everybody else,

from your career, from your life and LA, from, and be present with each other, have adventures, experiences. I mean, listen, there's only so much activity in wine tasting. You're sitting and drinking wine. Your hands are maybe occupied, but your mouth, unless it's sipping, you can talk a lot. So we covered so much ground and like continue to talk about our future. Again, his future might be a little shorter than mine because he's older than me. So he wants to get to it, you know?

Yeah. Oh, absolutely. He's not. Does he want his family? So he originally, when we first met, was like, very could take it or leave it. Now he's like, I love you. I want your child. And I'm like, oh, sounds interesting. Because I know how you feel about that. I'm like, do you have your views changed about that now that you have met this person that is, oh, the look on Jen's face right now. I think she wants kids now. I wouldn't say wants them, is open. Open, is open because you're partner. Yes. It's a conversation you guys can continue to ask.

Yes. And again, I come with a lot of terms though guys. So for example, it's not surprise me. No, we're not. I am over at the top. So why should I stop now? So for me to move from West Hollywood to Marine Nurt del Rey, we have that list of like what our home needs to be,

things like that. This also then brings into the financial conversation, like, well, then that home might cost a certain amount. Oh, God, that should be terrifying. But that trickles into, but are we saving for said family you want? Because if we're gonna have said family, you need to save for our night nanny, our day nanny, my self-care, my plastic surgery there after

my therapy that might need to increase my rehabilitation of soul after I give birth to a human body, and then have to lose sleep over. Like, I'm not skimping on the things that make me me. I know that a lot of people don't know that when you have a baby, it's not just for the Instagram photos, it's like a lifelong commitment. Right. Actually changes your day to day, your financials, you are now not a you and a couple, you are a provider of life for somebody else.

Family protector. Right. Provider. You are the bank, you're the therapist, you're the wellness. So when we talk about like the, because I obviously I don't have children and some of my friends have babies, but like between Luke and I, we have four dogs. And although I've said this multiple times on our podcast because my friend Lala is like,

oh yeah, but dogs are just so hard because they're like newborns all the time or like toddlers all the time. Talkers for sure. You have to like blah, blah, blah, however, but speaking to what you're saying, we've never really touched on this. Like a child is literally, that's the rest of your life.

It's not till they're 18. Also, that's what a toddler you actually don't leave alone. No. A dog toddler you leave alone. Yeah. It's true. Yeah. Set up a nest camera and hope they don't chew cords and shit.

Exactly. But like your schedule becomes theirs. You can't travel the same way. You don't go on vacations and relax. You actually have to, unless you leave that child, which by the way, you come extremely connected to and do not then trust other people to watch us. I'm sure when you guys leave town, if you have to leave your dogs behind, it's like a scrutiny to see who's actually going to be capable of taking care of your set. But then I just go, oh, thank God.

I don't. I'm anxious the whole time. Oh, I feel so happy when they're with their trainer. I'm like, I want to fucking draw. Well, that's a trainer, that's different. Because if I were to have like some friend or some dog sitter. You'd be psychotic the whole time. Oh, my God, I'm insane. But so I'd rather bring Mocha Long or like, I have to go away next week for work.

And her father will be looking after her. And I know that person will take care of her the way I would because he knows he has a relationship on the line. So otherwise he has no girlfriend and wife in the future of baby mama. He will have to seek other options. But you're considering being a baby mama now. I mean, I'm considering it.

More than you were a year ago. Yes, but again, this now has a trickle up and down and around effect. I'd like to see the financial plan. I'd like to see the housing. I'd like to see what this means for. He loves to travel. We are also now suddenly boat subscribers.

We have a boat. And so I'm like, Okay, what? You guys are welcome to come on the boat. That's cool. I know. Okay, we're coming on the boat. Wait, does he fish?

No, he just like sailing. Okay. He's currently sailing right now. So he's a sail person. Sail man, sailor, sailor. Sailor. Sailor. Thank you.

Anyway, I even told him down to this boat. I'm like, I'm not buying this boat. I'm not even buying my life jacket. If you want this boat, that's a you thing. I also told him, we will have a prenup. You know why? Because I don't want the drama. Yeah.

We can have shared money. How do you feel about prenup, Luke? I think it's important to not give your money to the lawyers. It, we can have shared money. How do you feel about pre-nub, Luke? I think it's important to not give your money to the lawyers. It's smart. I think it is romantic, you know why? Because then you don't have to worry about the money and fight about the money and the money and the money. And also like, yeah, hope when you get married,

if you do, you never get divorced. So just do the pre-nub, who cares? I mean, you know what? It goes to that point, people say like, I shouldn't get a pre-nub because then that assumes that it might end. Or, both ways, I want it to end prenup because then that assumes that it might end. Or, both ways, I want to cut the end. But if it does, clean that shit up.

Yeah, I think the opposite. I think it's just you just protect yourself and you just hope you never have to. No, I want to clean up. And also, my dad died. I'm not giving anybody my dad's money. Like, that's my money. Right.

We can discuss what we make income wise. And also, because if we're a partnership, I have a vested interest in his business doing well. And vice versa, which is why we talked earlier about like partners, Luke, like, I want us to be a team that like inspires each other and works together to like really pump each other up and be the best business people we can be so that we can go on this damn boat all the time. Yeah. And a vacation wherever the hell I people we can be so that we can go on this damn boat all the time. Yeah. Vacation wherever the hell I think we're supposed to go.

Because business-y things are not my strong suit. I'm smart. I'm actually really great with numbers. I enjoy parts of that, but otherwise it just stresses me the fuck out. I want to be the creative little flighty aquarium that I am. Luke is an accounting major, business, and marketing, and all of that is just like his forte. And I love that about him because he knows how to approach me in a way with all of those things that I find interesting.

And I know he's doing it to like fulfill me, build me up, make me more intelligent about it, rather than like dumb me down or tell me like, I am like, it is for not knowing. Oh, finally, I'm an ex guy, thank God. Yeah, because I had an ex most recently who was very good with business and whatnot.

And I thought it was good for me. That's why I dated him, right? And all it did was make me feel stupid. Right. Because then he wasn't nice about it. It sounds like he got off on you, making you feel stupid. No, honestly, that's true.

Because to put you down, lifted him up. Yeah, exactly. And like Luke's not like the moat. I mean, you are creative, Luke, but like you're not the creative, like the way that I am at all. No, I'm not the best. I think I bring that to a lot of you and vice versa.

So anyway, the teammate thing is just so important. So important. And it actually, I think when you are teammates in the ugly stuff or the hard stuff, it makes you so much closer in everything else because if we can help each other with the hard stuff, it makes you so much closer and everything else because if we can help each other with the hard stuff and get through that and have these like not so fun conversations, then the romance is easy because it's like a calendar invite and he cooks.

He cooks, I don't even have to clean. Wow. My job is, we're still figuring that out, but I get, I make him laugh all the time, but he thinks he's the funny one. I don't know if I'm just saying that, but I'll him laugh. Oh yeah, I make him laugh all the time, but he thinks he's the funny one. I don't know if I'm just saying that, but I'll have to meet him and then I'll decide, but I'm gonna say you're the funny one. Thank you.

Well, you guys will come on the boat, obviously, but I'm the unpacker. I'm the one who's really good with logistics and organization. I am actually really good with money and budget and all of that stuff. And he has like, this is a real life example. Is he a dreamer? Yes, but also I ground him a bit. And he has like, this is a real life example.

Is he a dreamer? Yes, but also I ground him a bit, but he has an MX Platinum and I have an MX Platinum. One of us knows what our perks are and the other one has no idea and hasn't been taking advantage of them for a very long time. Okay, yeah, that's a simple little thing.

That's what we've talked about. I told you you have to get an Amazon card. Yeah, exactly. It's ridiculous that you don't have an Amazon card because how often use Amazon? Five percent back on you. Exactly. It's ridiculous that you don't have an Amazon card because how often you use Amazon? It's 5% back on everything. It's crazy. I buy things for free because I have all these membership points.

Exactly. Hello. And you said, whole foods goodness. What are we going to do with her? I don't know. I've been telling her this for months already. Well, anyway, that's why you have a partner who wants to help you and will help you.

Just like I help him and he helps me. I feel like in some way we're sort of debunking, like speeding up a relationship because that's kind of, Jen, you and I were talking just before the podcast when I wanted you to be on it. It was like, oh my god, your relationship sped up, quote unquote, minus two, but, but like, is it? I think it is in terms of length because people see length as like a metric, that means something, but it's what you do at that time. So for example, back in the old time,

when people would meet and then they'd just start sleeping together and they'd be at the other person's house all the time, and then they ended up in a relationship and they're like, how did I get here? And like, well, you never left. But you never actually had the conversations that mattered. You maybe were party people that would go out and get drunk and sleep together. And then the next day, you wanted to cuddle

because you were coming down from alcohol and then you rinse, wash, repeat. But are you in a relationship of value or quality or are you in a relationship by proximity or need or comfort? Comfort, right? All these things. Yeah, Luke and I talk about comfort a lot like in our past relationships.

Like why do we stay so long? Why do people stay? We had a question from like, we got an email from someone being like, why is it that I, even though my ex cheated on me, like why am I so drawn to him still? And it's like, it's all comfort. Yeah. Exactly.

And being too afraid to branch out, be alone. Being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely. Just get to know yourself. You're low enough to know what you really want in need, not what you're just drawn to, to feel better about yourself temporarily. Absolutely. I mean, I was single for so long, like what you said, like perpetually, essentially, but with purpose. Not because I wanted to be in a relationship so desperately that I like got into one and just hinged myself to somebody. Which is what I was doing.

But here you are now. I just know when you stopped doing that. I was doing that. Now you have a great guy who's like a real partner in all the things. But anyway, and it can move as fast as you want it to because also you are laying a foundation, which maybe didn't happen before. So in my case, it is moving fast because we're laying the foundation faster. So I mean, the building can be built faster, slow.

It depends on how fast you want to build. Same thing with the relationship. So, in our case, we're speeding things up by having really hard conversations, also putting in the time. And also, we want the same thing. So, like, right now, we've been together six months, and depending on when this episode comes out, we're moving in together. That's fun, sick.

So, soon. But, so, we're moving in together in the next couple of months. By that point, it will have been like eight, nine months. And how is that conversation about the moving in together? So we hate not living together. It kind of feels like a waste, right? Right. Because we have two rents.

And our two rents combined will equal what we're going to pay in the next place. But it's also not like why you're doing it. Right. I think that's absolutely. I like, I want listeners to understand that are going through all of this, that there's quite a difference between like, well, why waste the money? We should just move in together. It's more, it needs to be the want and the desire first. Yep. And then this also makes sense. So for us, it's that we're, whenever we have to leave each other, we're like, oh, that sucks. And then we're like, well, we like co-habitating. Yeah, we like, we travel. We travel to lose house all the time. Yeah, and when we travel, we live together. So it's really

focused energy on each other and getting to play house. We're like, we want to do this more. So, okay. And also, what are we going to wait a year to tell us what more that we need to know? Right. We've already had the fights fights We've had the conversations. Yeah, that's the makeup sessions. We've had the next steps. We've had all the things so like What's the living together gonna do that's I don't need the extra three months, you know for that to happen? Space right now what you're just like because you're grinning. You're going yep that sounds like well Okay, so I just told Chris in a few months ago because you're doing long, you're going, yep, that sounds like us. Well, okay, so I just told Kristen a few months ago. Because you're doing long distance, so like, walking through this.

Sort of now. So I told Kristen a few months ago that there was no way I was going to move me and my dogs into her apartment. I wasn't gonna happen. It just like, if I end up coming out here, I'm gonna get my own place. And. Yeah, he was planning on getting an Airbnb for a month.

To like test out LA, because I've never lived in a big city before, never in my life. So I'm like, I don't even know if this lifestyle, I mean, like, I know I'm really into Kristen. And I think this could be something. But the whole, it was daunting thinking of like moving to Los Angeles, like, holy shit. And, uh, you still living on a ranch in, or in Indiana and having just land and space free.

You still opening the door. Just opening the door and the dogs go out and do their thing. Not putting them on leash is going downstairs, putting them in the car, driving down the road to the park for them to be able to run at all for them to be able to do anything.

And it's like that adjustment has been tough. But now with everything you're saying, it just doesn't make any sense. Like over the last couple of months, I've spent more time here with Kristen and her apartment than anywhere else. And most of the time when we've been a part, or not, we've been a part apart when we haven't been here,

we've been still together, our two week trip back to the Midwest. We were together. Yeah, so for you to move here and get a separate place doesn't make sense when you already are vacationing together. So like, it's not like you're, you know, holding out for sex, you know, you've slept in bed together, you've played house. So like, if you were to move here, why not just?

I mean, I guess that's a longer commitment in terms of timing and blending financials and doing all that stuff, but at the same time, you're gonna end up sleeping at one place or the other place, because you're gonna wanna be together. And that just means you've gotta shuffle the dogs every time. You gotta say, my plans have all died,

because I, literally, I'm in Marina's, all right, all of the freaking time. And I'm like, my plans have died. I think we have to live together, or my plans have to live at your place, where I end up going. So now I just have like, also when we started dating,

because it's kind of far, and like I hate packing so much. Oh, girl. He's like, you're a drawer. He's like, you're your drawers. Just put your stuff in. So I happen to have double of everything, and maybe more, and that's ridiculous. And I happen to have double of everything and maybe more.

And that's ridiculous. And I have over I've outgrown this place, you know, you're in my home, but like it's too small. So I have half my stuff at his place as is. So let's just look at essentially started doing was every time he would he would be in LA, let's say for like a couple weeks gone for a couple weeks back in LA., he finally said, I'm going back to Colorado, Indiana. Can I just leave my shorts and my t-shirts here? I'm like, I have like six closets, a two bedroom apartment, leave whatever you want here. Like, I agree.

So now he has a closet. Oh, good. Yeah, first it was just like, it's getting cold wherever else I am. So I'm just gonna leave my shorts and summer clothes in California if that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. I'm not gonna need them anywhere else because I've basically lived out of a suitcase this entire year.

Yeah, and now I've got a whole closet. I feel like we're just on the same page where it's like, no, he's not giving up his property in Colorado. That's never going to end. And this was the tough part, I think, communication. I'm not leaving Los Angeles anytime soon. I'm not saying never forever. I don't know if I wanna raise a family here.

That's all so far in the future. And I am like the queen of anticipatory anxieties. So I can't think that far ahead. But for like right now, I said, just whatever makes you the most comfortable to be here with me, and then when you need to get the fuck out of LA, just go. I understand.

I can't always come with you. But I think we'll just keep figuring it out. I'm not backed by step. But it is a little weird. Was Agent an issue for you at all? Yes, and I am insane again over the top person. So I am the oldest of his age bracket apparently. So, okay.

Okay. Interesting. I think that was probably why my relationship didn't work out in the past. And now he finally is like with somebody who's actually serious about being dead. But then he's like, so age was not an issue for him. But he had it like dialed up.

He had like, these are my parameters. Yeah. And you barely made it. Yeah, he told me I was the top of the range. Like Leo? Yeah. So Leo de. Yeah, he told me I was the top of the range. Like Leo? Yeah. So Leo to Caprio, he was like well. Exactly.

So I am that person for him. So thankfully I made it. But for me, what was more concerning was why was he single? Why was he never married at his age? Also, can he still have kids? Does he want kids to? I want kids. Also, is he going to be around for said kids? What other health issues are approaching at his age. Also, can he still have kids? Does he want kids, do I? I want kids. Also, is he going to be around for said kids?

What other health issues are approaching at his age that I have to be aware of? Because I haven't waited this long to find love, and then this person leave me off the planet. And like, I'm not interested in that. I have you ever dated anyone around his age? Yeah, but not a serious boyfriend. Serious boyfriend, but like when we were all younger, now we're older.

Like 20s to 30s to 30s to 40s. Exactly. So now I'm 38 and he's 49, so we're up there. And obviously I don't want to have a kid, maybe ever, but anytime soon. And so if we're going to, though, we need to probably do it sooner than later, but we still wanna like get married. We have a plan, I'll tell you what it is. 2023, which is our year now, we're getting engaged.

That's happening. Oh my God! I don't know when that's on him. Oh yeah, that's awesome. Oh my God, look, are we getting engaged? Okay, you don't have to answer that. Don't ask me that right now. Ooh, never mind, Jen, go.

I'm just, I'm feeling so many feelings right now. Well, so getting engaged 2024, we even figured out where we're getting married and where we're hunting when we're guys. This is like, oh my. Because why not? Why not talk about it? If we are talking about that we want to get engaged,

where do we want to get married? I mean, if that's your jam, that sounds like that's what makes you guys perfect for each other. Yeah. Because I think there are a lot of people that would be like, whoa, pump the brakes,. How why are we talking about all this right now? Yeah, like okay. Yes. I'm into you But we've only been doing this for this long talking about getting engaged married where we're doing the honeymoon

That to me sounds like moving faster than what Chris and I are the speed were moved Well one of us is closer to 50 than all the rest of us That's a fact. We're getting weeks. Yeah. And you and I talk about what kind of wedding we want and where we want to get married. Yeah, but we don't like, I don't know. We definitely don't have like a plan set out by any means.

It's been lightly discussed. You haven't shared that with me. You seem to go back and forth when we talk about that. I have interest boards. I've showed you that. OK, but when we say do we do a destination wedding or do we do like the bigger, you know, we've also looked at a couple hundred people. We need that spot. We, I have showed him, shown him rings that I want. You know what,

better to show him than him have to guess. Yes. She said gold and showed me what cut a stone. And it wasn't like, exactly great. And this was like, this was like a month after I came to California for the first time. She, because I made friends with her jeweler friend, Kyle, who's like Kyle Chan is one of my best friends in LA. Yeah. And so then we go to jewelry shop. But we go to jewelry shop.

Kyle, plug that Emerald Cut in show. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Anyway, I'm you done. Obviously. See you guys have a plan. I just have it also me in my relationship. So like, he has a Pinterest board for my ring

because he saw my Pinterest board, which is public. What's his sign? He is a Libra, which if you ask him what a Libra is, he says it's a Libra, and I'm like, Oh, no, no. You Australian weirdo, but anyway. So we've talked about it. We're getting married in Santa Barbara,

and we're doing a second wedding slash honeymoon in Australia because if we go all the way out there for his family and friends who can't come over here, this is just too freaking far. It's like 23 hours. Let's make our honeymoon there. So it's all one and done. And so it would cover all the bases.

I've never been to Australia. We're gonna go to Europe this summer for his friends wedding. So like Europe's not really where we wanna go to honeymoon. Anyway. Yeah, fair. We love all of this for you. We have so much time together guys that like, what are we going to talk about?

We talk about our future plans, obviously. So like we run out of other topics, you're going to talk about your wedding and your honeymoon. I don't know. I have a question because of you and I both have podcasts about relationships. Does he listen to your podcast and to piggyback on that?

Is he like weird about you having a podcast that you talk about your past stuff? So great questions. This actually came up at some point. He is not weird about the podcast. He actually really supports it. It wants me to have like a podcast room in our new home.

That's cool. Yeah, thank you. So he though, didn't listen to the podcast because he's like, I don't wanna hear about your past and I don't need to hear you talk about me I'm there. So like I'm already part of that process. Yeah, so but I said to him I was like listen You don't have to listen to my podcast every week You don't have to listen to every episode that ever existed

But I want you to hear what it's all about because this is something I'm passionate about it's something I spend time on it Something I do it's a business like this is an element of my life that came before you. So just like, you want me to experience sailing? I want you to experience listening to my podcast. And so he did listen to like a couple episodes, and he was like, oh, wow, actually, this is a really good podcast. You're very talented.

So that's where then he was like, I think you need to keep doing this. Let's get a podcast studio created in our new home. And so he's super supportive of the world. I'm swimming. I know. He's great. He's like, you want me to do your SEO because he does SEO for a living?

Amazing. Amazing. That's great. Okay. Good. I'm going to call Dan. I need him to do my SEO on a few things. Oh great. He loves it. And he actually does a lot of stuff. We need a double date. A sub. Please, let's get that on the books

or we'll just have to podcast and hang out. Yeah. Okay. Hey, you tell me, when I don't have enough going on here Driving out sometimes. Well, you know what maybe you can actually just go hang out with him when he goes sailing because I can't always go Okay, hey, yeah, well you actually help him though because I don't know how to do any of that I told him I have long nails and if I break a nail over this hobby He breaks it. He buys it all 100% help. I don't know anything about sailing. Yeah, it's nails I'm good with knots, but not...

Luke, what are nails? They are. Jewels, not tools. Ooh! Good job, Bob. How sad is it that they were like, wow, they're so sweet. But it's not sad.

It means wonderful, but it's sad that we've been treated like such shit in the past. Well, is it, Daniel prints my return labels and I cry. Because I'm like, well, that's an active service. I would love to keep. Is that your love language? Act of service. Absolutely.

And he has nailed it. What's his love language? I think quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation. That's true. So all of them. He likes all of them, actually. I would love it if Chris and would let me do more. You know what?

Maybe I'll break her down at some point. I tried to help a certain thing. She's like, no, I got it. No, I got it. I'm like, just, just, you don't have to go. You don't have to go. I tried to help us earn things. She's like, no, I got it, no, I got it. No, I got it. I'm like, just, just, just, you don't have to, you don't have to. What am I doing?

I'm sitting here playing golf on my phone. I know, and you have muscles in your tall. Let me help you. You're really handy. Daniel calls them boy jobs. He's like, it's my job. Boy jobs. Oh, that's a good, okay, I like that.

That makes me feel more comfortable. And not because of the gender role, but because he wants to be chivalrous and romantic and have purpose, because I can literally do almost everything. And he's like, I gotta take something here, so that's why he loves cooking. I'm like sure to do that. I'll tell you something, my therapist told me,

like many moons ago when I was in a relationship. And I'm like, of course I want my boyfriend to grab my suitcase or to do this or help me with something. I just feel like I'm so impatient by the time the question, the request comes out of my mouth. I could have already done it by now. And if he doesn't hear me, not you Luke, but a past boyfriend.

If he doesn't hear me say it, I don't wanna fucking repeat myself. I can do it alone, right? You don't wanna micro manage something. You want it to be heard said and done. Right, said and done. So my therapist said, she goes, you know what? Heather, you guys listen to her episode that we had with her,

but she was like, my suitcases are in our attic. Of course, I'm fucking capable of climbing up that ladder grabbing the suitcase. However, she's like, I know my husband would just love it. If I asked him to help me. So I do. So she's like, oh, honey, can you just grab a suitcase from the attic?

Because it just makes him feel masculine. It makes him feel needed, wanted. Well, so Luke, what do you want to do? What are these household chores or and or things you can do for Kristen that you want to do? There's, I mean, mostly when she has stuff to ship out for James May and sometimes there's a lot of pushback.

I'm like, look, I will help you. I can print labels, I can pack. I can do these things to help get this door because of things. Also, just for filling all the stuff and hanging things up. I'm pretty good at letting you do that at some point. So I'm like, forget it. I'm like, you're so much better at this.

And I'm going to punch a hole in my wall. Oh, and a recent frustration was her asking me to do something. And then when I say, okay, and move to get on it, she's like, I'll just do it instead of like letting me do it or hopping in the shower. I'm just saying. Just getting there, you're adjusting to a great guy. She's like, hey, can I ask you a favor,

you probably don't want to do it? Can you take the dogs out? And I'm like, yeah, I'll get it. And she's like, wait, actually, I can just shut the water off in the shower and I'll just take them out right now. We can just take them out right now. And I'm like, okay, I said I can take them out.

So then we took them out and then I come back in and she's in the shower for 20 minutes longer. It's like, good to have been in the shower. Well, you know what, it's an adjustment. I think that's the thing too. When we've been in bad relationships or have been out of practice for a while. Out of practice.

Yeah, you gotta, like, I say this to Daniel all the time about like, when we get into like a little like disagreement or something, we both get so upset by it because we're like, wait, everything else is perfect. And then suddenly this one little crack happens and we're like, oh my God, what is this detrimental crack? We're like, wait, it's not detrimental. It's just that triggers from the past

are coming up right now and you normally see them with this person. So it feels like it's like make or break or this horrible thing. And it's actually not. It's a minor thing, especially if you've communication skills. But you're also two separate people with all these years of experience.

And in his case, 49. So we all have that. And then other relationships. And then being without those relationships. So it's like literally crafting a new person and that person is you as a couple. Yes. Queen.

I like that. We're rich. Okay, so I'm gonna end this with a dumb dumb lyric and a quote because we have to wrap this up because Jen has a career going to get back to. But do you know the song Bones by Marin Morris? Yes. It's literally what you just said, Jen. It's like when the bones are good, the rest don't matter.

The paint could peel. The glass could shatter. Let it break because you and I remain the same. As long as there's no crack in the foundation. Shit is going to happen, y'all, in your relationships. Fights are gonna come. Things are gonna happen. Unfortunately, as we age, people in our families

are gonna pass away. There's gonna be so much stress and careers and all of that. But if you just have the foundation solid and the communication solid solid you get through it Absolutely, I can't agree more. Amen. Yeah, look at us. Look how grown we is I love you so much. I love you too. I can't wait to see the boat. I can't wait for you and Daniel to love each other too I know all of us are just gonna be a happy double dating thing. I can't wait for us all to be in love. I love double things.

Okay, we'll plan this soon, but Jen, you're the best. Tell everyone where they can find you on Insta. You can find me at Jennifer Golden or our podcast, complicated show. But Jennifer Golden is spelled how? Oh, it's very, very special. Very important. Jennifer with one N and one F guys for those that add

the weird extra F. J-E-N-I-F-E-R-G-O-L-D-E-N. And definitely listen to its complicated podcasts and must a lot of you probably maybe don't know Lauren, her co-host, which she started with. But a lot of y'all know Rob Evers. He's on it weighing in on his male opinion, so follow Jen and we can't wait to talk to you next week. Thank you so much Jen, great meeting you, five.

Great meeting you. Finally. Great meeting you. Finally. Alright. Love you guys. Bye. Bye. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Dodie and follow Luke on Instagram

at Luke Double underscore, Broadway. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes every single Wednesday. Thanks for listening. See you next week.