Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - The Mess Before The Zen with Chauntal Lewis

Episode Date: March 2, 2023

Episode 15. Actress and Celebrity Makeup Artist Chauntal Lewis joins the podcast to shed some love and light! Get to know Kristen’s soul sister and hear how Chauntal overcame a near-death accident and the loss of her hand, and how she came out on the other side after the end of a decade long relationship. Now single in her 30’s and thriving, Chauntal is now ready for love and Luke has committed to being her wingman! Kristen and Chauntal discuss mental health, why healing is crucial after trauma, and why self-love is the gateway to finding your person. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What a beautiful people! Welcome back to another episode of your favorite podcast. Sexy Love, what else matters. And Luke is here with me today. Yes, I am. He's here, ladies. And we have a very special guest, one of my besties, a jack of all trades. This girl, I don't know what you can't do, Shontel for real, but this is my beautiful, bestie, beautiful soul sister. Shontel Lewis.

Hello, hello. So happy to be here. So excited to have you on. If you don't know Shontel and you're living under a rock, you should follow her on Instagram right now. She is an actress, yogi, dancer, writer, makeup artist. Oh, wow. Yeah. I've done it all guys.

Wow. I don't know what I mean. I feel like I hit doggy mom and she's single. Oh, Lord. And she's single. We're gonna get right to the point right to the point Here we go and she's single again. Yes How do you feel being single in 2023? Um actually I'm in a good place. Yeah, you feeling yourself? I'm in a good place. I'm asked me two years ago three years ago. Oh, yeah, that was rough. Oh, that was rough. Three, four years ago is when you got out of your

magemage relationship, right? 10 years, yeah, 10 years. 10 years in Los Angeles. Whoa, and then the world shut down. 10 years in Los Angeles is like 40 years anywhere else. Oh, no. How's that possible? I've never been in a 10 year relationship.

Like, I can't, I've been, I think my longest was like four years with Max Boyfriend Carter. And that to me felt like a whole lifetime. So I can't imagine what ten years feels. Totally feels like a lifetime. I remember high school was four years and it was like, that was like everything. I'm like, I spent like a decade with this guy.

We had breakups, whatever. And like I had my like, I would date someone else in between, I had a little eat-prey love went to like had breakups, whatever. And I had my date, someone else in between, I had a little eat-pray love, went to London, Paris, Milan. I was like, oh, I'm at this guy, I'm at this Parisian. I did, you know what I mean? I had my moments, and then we got back together, and then he disappeared again, and then we got back together, and then he disappeared again, and oh, Lordy.

How long did you guys live together? Five years broke up for the two years, but he was in and out, in and out, in and out. Again, trying to date, and that's when I became a crazy runner, and doing all these, I don't know, life changing. It's just shit that I wasn't doing when I was with him, lost myself a bit.

Did you start becoming a crazy workout, runnery person because of your accident or because of the breakups or because of both, was it just your trauma response, like your anxiety response, your body's response to anxiety? Right, after my accident, yes, I became, if you do wanna fill the listeners in quickly

because this is not who you are, but it's a big part of your life. Yeah, it doesn't define me by any means, but I want... But it's made you a strong son of a bitch, shantel, oh my god. Oh, sister. Yeah, I lost my left hand. It's been 13 years now in a car accident here in Los Angeles

like any other day. Freak accident, literally driving down Wilshire and to my truck, all the things took off the left side of my driver's seat and my lost my left hand on impact. And I'm so thankful that you are still here. And it's so crazy that you and I have been so close for now, like the last three years, I think, like two years, like really, really close,

but I remember you because I worked at Surr. Before Vanderpump rules, before all the, the Hibbidi hoopla that was, you know, housewives, you and your sister used to come into Surr when Surr was still cool and awesome. It was so cool. I remember, right, I remember like the day after your accident because Guillermo, the owner of Surr was like so concerned and awesome. It was so cool. I remember the day after your accident, because Guillermo, the owner of service, was so concerned about you. It's like, Rumeil Chantelle, oh my gosh, Chantelle.

And it's just so wild, cut to so many years later. I reconnected with you and your sister, and then you became my little bussy. I know, I know that was wild. I would just go to Sur, and then go out with my girlfriends. But Sur was kind of like small back then. It was small, and it just go to Sir and then go out with my girlfriends, but Sir was kind of like like small back then. It was small and it was insmane Guillermo, he was very kind, he like actually helped me out on my fundraiser to provide a prosthetic hand, which I rarely use you guys.

I actually didn't even know you had one. I have it for work, for acting purposes, like if they made it, but that's something interesting about dating. So sometimes people are like, do you ever or auditions, right? Do you ever just wear it and then be like, oh, and guess what, this is fake? I don't know. There's a fine line. My agents or managers are like, sometimes I'm like,

should I just wear it and just book the freaking role and then tell them later, by the way, and maybe like, oh my gosh, or preface it, hey, I have one hand, I never wear this stupid prosthetic. It's not stupid, and I'm so grateful for everyone who provided for me, but it's uncomfortable, it hurts, it's not. If you need it, I mean, you're like, you see me every day.

You're like an acro yoga person. Like, you do the craziest shit I've ever seen someone do with their body, and like, I have full use of all my limbs And I can't even do a push-up. So there's that Promise yoga to change my life. She's like I got a hot yoga every single day She has like a yoga mat in her living room with like all these awesome inspirational quotes and affirmations Affirmations sorry

I am I am inspired. I, yeah, I think I am beautiful. I am inspired. I am very proud of you. Yeah, and I told you today, I've gone to Hot Yoga one time in LA and I puked and I was sitting extra-rustles in my hands. And I ran to the bathroom and puked. While in my head I was making a trader Joe's

grocery shopping list the entire time. I don't know how people are like, I go to yoga and I'm at the hottest guy. I'm like, you go to hot yoga and you meet people. I mean, I see the hottest guys sometimes. Like, okay, I mean, you just mentioned Russell Simmons, but like Ryan Filippe puts down his mat next to me sometimes. I'm just like, oh, there's that guy from, you know, the hottest like you've never had on him or like, try that

sex. He's like, zone is zone and I'm selling my zone so I'm just like no that would be weird. After the class it wouldn't be weird. That's what I'm like you're not in your zone. You're in the parking lot. You're rolling up your mat and trying to fully pay guys.

I'm sorry I'm gonna I don't even know who these people are you're talking about. You know you you guys always talk about band like the drummer of some band band people and actor people that I mean like I know Brad Pitt is. Crew intentions. Sebastian. Okay, but mind you, Reese Witherspoon's ex-husband. So yeah, I'm probably not gonna hit on that guy.

Not that I would want to him just saying it's kind of fun. You like looks, it's like nice to look at, but. But then hit on and you start a conversation to be friendly. Okay, let's wait. Anyway. No, no, no, no, no, no. I like where this is going. And I said, okay, because I feel like I have deja vu from when the three of us went to a little fun, varned play, dark twin night. Oh, the power ranger night. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Oh, I was on power rangers when I was a little girl. And we had this like, it was like a co-star. You guys, I've been acting since I was like seven years old. So I've been like, you know, I had a little like. I can't point to be serious. What was it like hanging with Mr. Cooper, home improvement to-

You were on home improvement? Yeah, like a little, like I was at the dance like, like I wanna see this now. I wanna see this now. I could do some of the silliest like, I'm. 10 to 2 of me in Taylor. Yes. Yes, okay. And so one night we, the threeiest like, I'm 10 to two of me and Taylor. Yes. Okay.

And so one night we, the three of us and one of your girlfriends, we go to this little like awesome hole in the wall bar to play some darts because we're just like, man, we need to get out of the house and like do something fun. And Luke has decided from that night on

that he is gonna be Chantelle's Wing Man woman. Yeah. Wing person. I'm a man. So I'm the Wing Man. Wing, right. Wing, man woman, Wing Person. I'm a man, so I'm the Wing Man. Wing Man, Wing Man, not Wing Man. Thank you. Yeah, tell me what you did, Luke.

So I could definitely see there was a natural attraction between the two of them. This is just this guy. This guy is playing darts. With playing darts, anyway, they started talking. We find out he was on Power Ranger. Or is on Power Rangers. He was a power ranger

Is a power ranger right? I'm like, she'll tell you're single right and they start talk and she's like, yeah, I'm like We'll talk to this guy and she's like, okay, and they start talking and she's was a power ranger on power rangers And he's a power ranger and I'm just like this is every time you hear power ranger I'm like this is just a match made in heaven here, right? So we leave Well, we go without a number exchange. We go to leave because... No, we got in the car. You got in the car. And you made Chantal go back inside. Yes, because it was a clear, it was like, it was very clear and obvious. I think anybody was watching saw, so there was something there. And this other power

ranger didn't offer his number because I think we kind of abrupt, I left it wasn't even like a goodbye and I'm like Sean's back in with me Oh I'm just curious for having a connection with someone super super flirty okay so nice to meet you okay gotta go by like I'm like run away like when I have a crush you just try to lower your head and disappear like not even a gotta go by it was just like slip out and I'm like no you're walking back in there with me and we're getting this guy's number. And went in there and he was happy, he was all smiles, he was so glad you came back to talk to him. Do you do this for your other girlfriends or guy friends Luke? Are you looking notorious wingman that you're like, would you grab one of your dude friends the same way you grabbed

Sean Tellan be like, go back in there and get that chick's number. Yes. Good for you. That's good. Yeah. I had past girlfriends not be too super happy with me being a good wingman because they're like, I don't want you talking to girls. You know, talking to pretty girls at bars or whatever. And I'm like, look, it's not for me. Literally my conversation is just to break the ice because that's the hardest thing for so many people just to have a conversation.

My friend Caesar, she's attractive. I walk up, say whatever, and conversation, he comes in within a couple minutes and then I peace out and try to just initiate conversation because so many people are afraid to just start the conversation. Do you think that's because there's no pressure on you because you're not hitting on the person?

Yeah. That definitely makes it easier for sure. Yeah, because I think I'm a good wing woman, but like if I were single, I'm not walking up to any dude in a bar unless I'm like, shmammard, and have like, the biggest balls hanging from my VJ. Like, there's no way.

Right. I get me a terrible visual. I know, it was pretty gross. But there's no pressure if you're trying to hook him up with someone else. Don't you think sometimes it's nice of like, there's like a nice attractive, funny, you have a good conversation and I just was like, hey, tonight was fun, here's my number. What's your, I guess, Instagram is that stupid?

I don't know, we should hang out. Like, I never initiate it, even though it's going really, really well. No, you totally should. And you should just say it casually, be like, hey, I think you're pretty cool. You want to hang out sometime? You can just throw it out there and they're,

and I don't think it's weird to ask for their social media because then you can do pre-stocking. Yeah. And sometimes they're like, I don't have one. But also maybe you don't want to give out your phone number. Why? Maybe like, here's my email address. Like, I've done that before too.

And that's awkward. Gen Zers. Because I kind of had a fling with one. You know, I know. Couple of years ago. Anyway, 19 years old. I've talked about it in the podcast before. Anyway, what I'm saying is there.

I just looked at Chris and I said, Chris, they're all about the Snapchat. So it's not an Instagram, but it is also, you can see their stories. You guys, they get the other Snapchat, and they post their stories stories just like Instagram stories. They're just not a page to scroll through, it's like static posts.

And you typically just their message back and forth. I don't think I know anybody who uses Snapchat. Anymore. Anymore. I have a few friends. Are they under the age of 21? Right. No.

My little brother, 24 years old, and he's like, sis, and then he'll come out and be like, I'll just do you on Snapchat and he's like, sis. And then he'll come out and be like, I'll just do you on Snapchat and all my like 25 year olds, like, you guys, he took me out to like, there was like a country club of some sort, and like, they go dancing. And he's like, you've never heard ages nothing but a number more than you did tonight. It's 25, 25, it's like, yo, your sisters so hot. Like, did it. I was like, oh, that's sweet. But like, yeah, I'm like a decade older. So you're single.

Yeah. You're looking to mingle. You're ready to mingle, but not looking to mingle. I'm ready, exactly. Yeah, I think, I mean, I have my hands in a lot of things as far as like career, profession, state of like mental health, body, spirit, mind, all the things, you know.

You're thinking of you first. Yeah, for just kind of the first time. Like this was like, hey, what if you're not looking? I was like, I'm never really looking, but am I not? Because I see someone who I'm just like, because you love love. You're just like me in that way. I love love love love to be in love.

I love it. I mean, I I just I think it's so beautiful So like I love I love people I want connection connection. I love all the things 100% but on that note I love love and There is a point when I was in my like really deep healing process after my 10 year I was doing this 300 hour yoga training, which was not yoga training, was like energy healing, peeling back the layers, facing the shit.

I've been through some trauma, like some serious serious trauma. I'm not only your accident, but literally with like relationships too. And relationships and then I last my father last year and I was like oh shit this is where shantel doesn't I was scared I was scared I'm like a please lord do not let me go back to that place.

What else is life going to throw at me this time? I think doing all that work like I've expressed on different platforms of just like I've expressed on different platforms of just like, I've navigated the tools so that I won't go back there, like the depression, the anxiety that I can't wake up, like I'm just, you know, it's again PTSD of like when something that traumatic happens. Absolutely. When something once was and no longer exists, that's where I lose my shit. So after Daddy passed, I was like, oh, Lord, please don't let me go there. But then I just kind of dived into my acting and my

thinking. You really did. You let yourself have a moment, like as your friend, you let yourself have that moment, a long moment to grieve and to go through the shit. But then I watched you really just start working hard. and like you just said, like dipping yourself into every other thing so you didn't jump on to a disastrous relationship to save you or to save you from that moment, which is something I am so guilty of in my past, as you know.

I'm a relationship gypsy. I jump from one to the next to the next. I try to save the one that I'm in for as long as humanly possible, pre-luch of course. But that was exactly something that I've been through that I think people kind of can tend to put sort of a little dark cloud over that and say negative things about.

But I think we need to be more open to talking about how mental health and breakups and emotional abuse and getting through things can make relationships either wonderful or make you realize that you're kind of fucking up and doing it all over again. Yeah, you know, it's crazy because the 10 year, I still have not one bad thing to say about him. Wonderful person.

You're a bigger woman than I am. We just, oh gosh, did we ever grow apart? We spent all of my 20s with him. We were kids, you know, for the most part. But I'm evolving in this way, and I don't know exactly where he is or what he, you know, the best thing I did, I said, please block me from social media, everything.

I can't see you with your little girlfriend. I just, I don't call me. I blocked his number and I haven't talked to him in over two years and it's the healthiest thing. Focusing, healing, doing all the things to just kind of being a healthy state of mind because I kept saying like, I just don't want to be here and God, please do not take this wrong. I didn't mean I would, I love life. I love it so much. Like,

if you saw my yoga mat with all the affirmations on my crystals and I'm doing all the things to stay in the light, but I was like, I don't want to be here. In this, in this headspace. You and I have actually talked about this privately a lot when we say, I don't want to be here, that it's not an ideology of taking our life. Never. It's that I don't want to be in my head where I'm at right now, and I don't want to spiral back to the place where I didn't love myself. I didn't love myself the way that I deserve to be loved and appreciate myself the way I deserve to be appreciated because we gave so much to someone else, we didn't have anything else left to give ourselves.

What does your love tank you who is looking at that? You know what it is? It's that we've seen the same energy healer before. What I learned was if I'm only getting 50%, even 75% from my partner and I'm accepting that that is okay. My love tank is half full. I will then only get 50% for my career. I will only get 50% of every little piece of my life. 50% of the potential of the potential. Of the life that you or I should and could and should be living. Yeah.

And it's wild when you don't almost like you don't know any different because you become a custom and attuned to being with someone who's not giving you all that you deserve or allowing you to live your best life, which I think Luke, that's something knowing you that you can understand and tap into. Even if it's not like you've never been with a girl who loved you fully, but let's say didn't give you 100% of what your relationship is worth. So for me what comes to mind with what you guys are talking about and what we're talking about is just I'm with Chantel in that I distract myself by staying as busy as possible.

When I'm in a space I don't want to be in. When my head is in a bad place, when I'm depressed, if I'm sad, anxious, whatever, I try to just be up and doing something. Definitely gratitude and meditation, as best you can, meditation is difficult for a lot of people. It still is very difficult for me, but even putting in just five minutes of saying like gratitude's out loud for the things that we take for granted. Really helps get you in the right place in the morning.

At least that's what's worked for me. And when you go through a breakup, this is something that you could practice pretty steadily. Yeah. Yeah. With my, well, with my biggest, when I'd say my biggest breakup was with my high school sweetheart, when we broke up and I was in college, that summer, I just worked nonstop.

And if I wasn't working, I was doing something social. I didn't have the alone time to be in my head. I just didn't let that be a thing. And so after so many months had passed, I go back to school, not saying it fixed everything, but it definitely made it tolerable. And I wasn't dwelling in my miserable self. I feel like it's so, I mean, this is so cool

and I'm not going to negate how you felt during that time but I sometimes feel like men just have, it's not easier by any means, you might internalize it more, but me just being like, okay, I'm just gonna get up and just work during that, I mean, the 10 year which was like, devastating. I did everything, like I said, to stay in the light.

But like, geez, wait, that was a mess. And then I don't think I'm not gonna say was easy for him, either, even though he left me and it was just like, he was able to jump into work. And then he found a new girl three months later and he's just on his way. But I agree with you when you said earlier about just absolutely cutting ties.

I had to. I think is truly the only way, because I didn't realize that. I think until my last break up with your last. With Carter. For a while. And Carter and I don't know. Maybe we had some weird kind of break up with your last? With Carter. For a while. And Carter and I, I don't know, maybe we had some weird kind of break up because he definitely wanted to stay together. I'm the one who made that choice.

However, nothing happened with our break up. It's not like he didn't cheat on me. He didn't beat me. He didn't, there wasn't like a thing. Same thing with mine. That happened and it was just like we had outrun our course. Like we were just not, it just wasn't working and you know you're trying to sew it back up and the stitches just ripped because you know they're made out of like wet noodles essentially.

Yeah. Being with someone for a couple years is not the reason to stay with someone. Right. But I'm very grateful that we were able to be like, very amicable and like, we kept the same friend group. And honestly, we didn't really stop speaking until maybe the last six months or so. And now we have a lot more. Someone very special. Yeah, I think it was my fault. No, no, to me, to be very frank,

with my last breakup, the last person that I was with, who shall not be named. When he broke up with me and kicked me out of his house, and that was like really hard for me, because in hindsight, I wasn't in it anymore. But in the moment, it felt like my life was over. I had put all my eggs in that basket, my fertility eggs. I was like, Luke and I've talked about this in the podcast before, but I was like, I'd convinced myself,

this was my end all be all, I'm at this age where I have to be married now. I have to have babies now. I have to have a career. I need to be a housewife. And I have to make this work no matter what. There is no starting over at my age. And that's essentially what I convinced myself of. And when it didn't work, I mean, he broke up with me five

times in seven months, kicked me out of the house that we shared together. And when it finally was that end all be all, I reached out to Carter to help me with the dogs, but I reached out one two many times. And he's in a relationship, he's been in a relationship for many years now, and it essentially crossed the line by having him come to my aid. It was not romantic in any way, but having him come to my aid as a friend and as my dog parent, it really crossed the line in their relationship, and I commend him for taking a step back. And I didn't realize that I had crossed that line

until the two were. Well, there's a comfort, familiarity. He's just like my boy. Yeah, I wasn't trying to kiss him or do it. But at the same time, the narrative that you told yourself, like I have to be with this one guy because, you know, I'm at a certain age and I'm doing this. And I think, and honestly, when his name will not be mentioned either,

but after the 10 year, I jumped into some good tricky, you know what I did? I went polar opposite of who that guy was. This is a kind artist, like polar opposite. I mean, I went into, he's a little night on the bed. Why are you giggling? Yeah, keep going because we'll talk about it. I went to a little more alpha, a little more like big, strong tall. I'm a man. I'm gonna say, get rid of you. And I'm gonna, you know, fuck this guy that's, you know, he's an artist and he never took care of you. And I get a struggling artist lifestyle,

listen, y'all, I've done it. But to be with another man, it's like after 10 years, like, come on. Like, I figured out something. I became a professional celebrity makeup artist pretty much overnight. And have been supporting myself on my own by myself since I was 18 years old, as an actress,

as acting a number one. But you know what I mean? I had to figure out something. And it was just such a struggle bus, the whole ride. It's like, why do we feel like we're swimming upstream all the time? Like, ugh, it's a rough time. I was like, it's been 10 years.

It's gonna be always be a rough time. And that doesn't say anything bad on who this human is. And it's such a wonderful human. But so then I went to the other side of the thing. Yeah, you went, I have to, the man, that doesn't work. So that's the time. Non-artist, that so doesn't even understand who I am

because I'll always be. And Luke, what do you think about that? It's horrible idea. What, going to the opposite? Yeah, I've never taken any kind of approach like that as a guy. I don't think it was an approach. It came into my life and it was so different and then it just was like, you know.

You wanted to latch onto it because it was so different, right? It was, I should try this out and give this a go. There was something I think that was lacking in my past relationships. That was like, sorry, I'm just gonna say I want a man. When I'm I want a man to show the F up. I want him to show up. And even though whether they were gaslighting or whether they were love bombing, but it was like, no, I want you and I'm going to do this.

And I'm going to show up at your house and I'll be there at seven o'clock and I'm going to take you here and like do these things where I was like, no, I want you, and I'm going to do this, and I'm going to show up at your house, and I'll be there at 7 o'clock and then take you here and like do these things where I'm like, what, wait, what? I just wasn't, I mean, I just want to tell you're literally singing my shity ex love story right now. Like, you're my Taylor Swift right now. That's exactly what I did post-carter was like, I was singing for a while, and I really did do the work. And that's when I was at I think my best when I was like energy healing and writing my book and I still had the show. And I was like, damn, I bought my house like I got this shit on lockdown. And then it walks the alpha male. The alpha male who is fully the opposite side of the brain is me.

He's, you know, in like money, business, blah, blah, blah, and like scheduling, and I was like, you know, like just exactly what you were, you know, it's just so true though. To the tea of being like, overboard, and just the opposite of me. Not saying that time being timely is a bad thing. It's great that you of course should be on time. I'm flighty. I'm a flighty as a querian. I believe in magic, pixie dust and wildflowers. And I want the world to just all be in love with each other and rainbows and fucking unicorns.

Oh yeah, they used to call me, okay, treat you hugger, treat you hugger. And I was like, and I am a yoga, I'm a Leo, I'm fire. And I know, but like, trust me, like, spiritually, like, when I'm tapped in, I'm like, no, I would rather spend this hour and a half meditating doing my yoga and then move on with my day, then we got to get up and then we got to get the car wash. And then we got to get dizzy.

So we went home. Dude, it's him. Bell Toy, you know, so made me like realize that was in getting over that breakup was when I met Luke and we became best friends so so quickly, Luke and I and just talking on the phone every day from long distance. This looks like a mess. And as I know, you're the best babe. A lot of us.

But in talking about that relationship with him and all of our relationships together, before we even started dating, he was like, what did you say? Don't you think? Oh, because you had tunnel vision. Like you had made up your mind before and you were just ignoring all the signs and all the-

All the golf course red flags. Yeah, exactly. The carnal, you were ignoring it. But like when you started dating us, well, why did you even start dating this person? And you're like, well, I wasn't really feeling it. And I actually turned them down at first. That's why I started.

And then you're like, I had a friend justify it to you. When, so basically. Yeah, I had a girlfriend say, well, okay, he asked me, if he was girlfriend, about four months after we had initially had our first kiss or whatever, and he wasn't like my boyfriend yet, but we were hanging out often. And then I had a friend when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said no. And to be very frank, I don't know why I said no. I justified it that at the time I was on the show, I was, I was very was very into be very fair. I was very nervous about being with anybody else if I was still going to be

on that show because I saw what it could do to relationships and I was not in a headspace to say well if the relationship is strong enough they'll survive this show. In my mind that show was just there to deteriorate and ruin all of my relationships and make all my boyfriend's to be this bad guy or whatever, any who. That was my moment of realizing that wasn't what the reason was. I just, I'm a relationship gypsy.

Why did I not want to jump into this person's arms in Mexico on a vacation that he took me and I still said no? Yeah, you weren't feeling it and you got, let someone convince you in your head that this is good for you. does he make you feel special? Does he treat you nice? Is he funny? Yes, all of those things absolutely But you didn't want like yeah, you know at the time. That's not what you wanted

And you're like, okay, well, this is basically you were given an ultimatum to it was like he's like I'm done if you don't date me right now Yes, and your got reaction was okay. I don't want you. Yeah. And then you got convinced, yeah. And then I got scared, like, oh wait, well, he's gonna walk, then I'm gonna be alone. Yeah, you never have trouble with guys.

You should always have confidence. That's the other thing. My mom's just like, really, really, shantel, like, you're not gonna, you'll have another, like, no. But it was him and I just, with the 10 year ending because he laughed. Like that was really traumatic. I know I keep bringing this up,

but honestly, that's the one that. It's a trauma relationship. Blue cast one of those, I have. It really messed me up, y'all. Like he just disappeared and he never looked back. It was crazy and I'm like, wait, hold on. Luke, do you think that's a guy thing? Disappearing and not that.

I mean, I did ask him to block me and never talk to me again. Okay, well, that's probably part of it. Because I couldn't take it, but he was with the new. But at the same time in the back of your mind, you're like, I hope he reaches out. I hope he reaches out. Yeah, I hope he finds a way.

But, and okay, so not just that, but then there's like the guy, okay, so I actually do have a crush right now, you guys. Yeah, Luke, we wanted to talk to you about this. Okay, lay it on me. But I've known him for two years. That's good, so. He's given me all the means to, I think you're my person. I don't talk about anyone.

I think about who I'm going to spend my rest my life with, I tell my mom, it's you. So I'm like, okay, either this is your MO, or do you really mean this? Essentially, she's wondering, like, is he love bombing her? It's a love bombing. That seems like a whole lot for you to not be even like, I mean, are you going on any kind of concept? Like, you're going on dates, at all. We do not. He has a huge business in your industry. I told you about him that one time. And he runs this facility. Facility. And making great money.

That's amazing. He's like, I'm just doing everything. But he's a lot of you, but when's the last time you saw him? Because I remember this. OK, it was a month and a half ago, because I know exactly because I wrote them like two days after Valentine's Day, and I didn't even get like a happy Valentine's

or like anything. Like what's up? Like what's up. And so I finally was just like, hey, I appreciate you. I think you're wonderful. When we are together, we really feel like past lives, some past life shit. Like we've known each other forever. Even when my dad passed, like he was the last guy he met before. He passed and they were into the same. Like just so smart intelligent.

Like, so many things. It started feeling really. Universal language language, it was just like, however it's always like, yes, you are the person, just give me some time. Again, going back to your say, I don't have time. I don't know if I have time. Like I'm mid, mid latest 30s, I don't know. You're not 40 yet, girl. I'm definitely not 40. But you know what I mean?

So I'm like, I mean, I've been talking like this since I was 23 years old. So. But essentially, yeah, she had this really lovely day. He came to her and did all these, and they had the most wonderful time. Amazing. Saying, listen, what?

They had a month, now it's been a month and a half, you haven't spoken. Then. When people think of me, I want them to think of us. And he said, I think we'll be a power couple. I mean, the whole thing, I was like, I want that too. So tell him about the last interaction. He didn't write me for the last month.

I would like your advice. I said, hey, I care about you. I like you so much. And you've given me, you've thrown this down on me. I feel like you're love bombing me at this point. And I want this, but like, your actions don't meet up with anything that you say and you're not showing up. So I'm like, if you would like me to just kind of walk away,

I'll do that, you know, at this point. I felt like that girl, so stupid. I'm never, because I'm always playing nice. Didn't hear from him. I hear from yesterday after a month of writing this. He says, please don't go. I said, oh no. Oh no, I said, I'm not doing this.

That's my opinion. I saw the text. And I'm gonna say you're not the only girl in his life is that my initial reaction and trust demands actions not his words. And I'm not just man, trust people's actions, not their words, they don't match up. That's maybe the biggest red flag there is.

It's the most typical ABC123. I get it, I sound like stupid, but like you really have. Sometimes you get the blinders up, you get the rose colored lenses or whatever. You know, you don't see the obvious things. Well, I said I feel like you were love bombing and he was like, I was not, I meant every single word obvious things. Well, I said I feel like you were love bombing, and he was like, I was not. I meant every single word that I met, that I said.

Words, actions. I know. I know. And like nothing. Not what we wanted here, but there lies the truth, you know? Or people are just different, and I'm sorry to bring this. You're really excuses for me. I know.

But I'm going to bring this up because he lost his dog that it was his life for like seven, 18 years. I know, I'm so sorry to like end with that. And so Luke's gonna say again, not an excuse. Not an excuse. I've been a mess for a couple of weeks to put my dog down yesterday. You still show up.

Mm-hmm, yes. I'm sorry. Okay, a couple days, Grace, sure, month and a half. Sorry, that's not. And I'm gonna say, I've never had anybody show up for me as much as Luke has who doesn't even live in California and who has literally twist turned his entire life around.

Luckily, fortunately, you are an entrepreneur, Luke, who has the freedom to do so, but it doesn't mean just because you have the freedom to do so, you choose to do so. And that's called fucking showing up when he leaves. That's got a good fucking man. Yeah, it is. Congratulations.

Thank you. My therapist said the same thing the other day. He's really, truly. She said that she called Luca Rare Bird. Here's the thing, okay, going back to, I love love. Am I a hopeless romantic, yes, probably, am I gonna jump and dive right into the next one

that like maybe probably, and thank God, I'm not jaded by this. I mean, I've been through a lot, I might be, I might be like, okay, you know, he did this. Another way to think of it, men will move mountains to get to what they want when they really want it.

I hear that all the time. Have you ever read? He's just not that into you. Read the book. Don't watch the movie. But I'm not saying this guy isn't, but I'm giving you the advice that I would give myself. I'm saying he isn't.

So when there's that. I'll be black and white with you. And if he is, he'll show up. Maybe there's a 1% chance I'm wrong. Because if he is, he's show up. Maybe there's a 1% chance I'm wrong, but. Because, like, well, because if he is, he's going to show up. And I'm starting showing up exactly. That sucks, because he does show up. And then when he does, it's like so.

When he does. But also, I'm not that into him either. Like, so, this is conversation. But I'm not that into him because he's inconsistent. He's the most consistent, inconsistent mother ever, ever, you know? Chris, you have a term for this in your book. A term for what? For a guy that just like strings you along and is this idealistic.

Oh, the Holy Girl. Yeah. The worst of the worst. Mm-hmm. Like the most devious of them all. The one that tells you everything you want to hear. It's because it's the one that show up. Yeah.

They show up, but ultimately. Y'all read my book. Oh my God. There's a chapter called the one show up. They show up. But ultimately, y'all read my book. Oh my God. There's a chapter called the Holy Grail. And it is literally this guy is the worst of the worst. He is the most devious. He is the most evil of them all because he knows exactly what he's doing when you find the Holy Grail like he knows. But he will keep you strong along for as long as humanly possible. And when you do see him, he'll tell you everything you've ever wanted to hear. And you're the only one.

Oh, he's busy. Oh, he's on tour. His job. Blah, blah, blah. But then, you know, every once in a while, you'll get that fucking phone call. It could be at two in the morning. It could be two in the afternoon, right before his flight. Oh man, I know I've just been out of town so much, but I'm hope now and my flight leaves in a few hours. Do you want to come over? Because I really want to see

you in these few hours I have left to have fucking sex. And then never talk to you again. Oh until I want to talk to you again. So where do we go next, Shontal? Do you slide into DMs? Do you do daily apps? Yeah. Oh hell no. Do you guys slide into your DMs? Absolutely. Anyone worthwhile ever?

How embarrassing. Is there a power ranger in those DMs? This guy, I know he's in my yoga class and he was like, yo, I saw you in a hench. I was like, oh my god, how embarrassing. Hey, I did hinge for a hot minute. It's embarrassing. No, but I'm just not, hot minute. It's embarrassing. No, but I'm just not, definitely not the end to him.

And on that note, I appreciate it, but here's my lion Leo ego that's going to, he is that end to me. I just don't think he's capable of having the proper relationship. And I said, I want to spend the rest of my life with somebody. And he's like me too, me too. That's all I talk about. and that's all we talk about. And then he just doesn't have the time or means to. But you again.

Do you think it's time or means? Or do you think he's emotionally unavailable? Because Luke, I kind of just look at you thinking, do you think this guy is emotionally unavailable as you've been in your past? Do you think that's a possibility? You know, I was never telling anyone stuff like this when I was emotionally unavailable as you've been in your past. Do you think that's a possibility? You know, I was never telling anyone stuff like this when I was emotionally unavailable. Sure, there were times where I'd convinced myself I was ready and

then it would like slap me in the face. Well, is that so could that be a possibility that he's convincing himself or any guy in this situation, convincing themselves that they're ready for it and then when they're not together, he's like, what the fuck, no, fuck, I'm not happy. No, I mean, I just feel like his actions don't match his words. Because he, he's saying all of this and he's not trying to do anything

with any level of consistency, he doesn't actually mean it. Okay, yeah, I would say that my friend Jen and I gendered our podcast. And what Jen Luke and I talked about was transparency and consistency Were the most important things to me Just be absolutely transparent about where you are and always be consistent when you say you're gonna call call And if you can't just let me know you know that you couldn't but don't just leave me hanging by a thread

Because what do we do shantel? We make up stories in our mind. Yeah. That's what girls do. Do you ever think about having fuck buddies, like friends with benefits while you just do you? I had one of those not too long ago. That worked for me when I was single. Y'all knew him maybe. I just hooked up with people that were like my friends, that like I knew that we had absolutely nothing to go off of, and then I just worked on myself, but I still like got to have that like companionship, like make out session, and then I was like,

all right, that worked for me, that filled my love, that part of my love tank enough, so I could keep doing me. I can't believe I'm speaking about this, because I was such a good, like I was always in relationship Such a good girl always like and Bad girls to not after my tenure. I'm like I never had a one-night stand until like two weeks a year and a half ago

Like after my tenure like in my like mid 30s that never I just hook up with it like oh no, he's even my husband. I'm not saying you need to be a slut, but you could be. Well, I had one and actually you're right because I had like someone that I care about. We're going to go to that home moments. I had someone that I actually cared about or I still do. And it's fine. I don't even think about the last time he called me

or did he respond. And like, if he's like, hey, what are you doing this? He's like, oh my gosh, I love you. Yeah, let's hang out. And it's not even like, oh, let's hang out. Let's have sex. But then if it happens, it happens. And then I don't leave with the anxiety of like,

is he going to call it? Is he going to call? Do I care? Like, I actually don't care. I just think it's healthy to have that. I should probably stop talking. No, you should not. But I think it is healthy to have that

when you're in that interim sort of place where you wanna work on yourself. You know what you want. You know what you deserve. You're not finding it immediately, but you still want some sort of like loving, loving, companionship, flirt, like who the fuck doesn't want that?

I'm sorry, like I'm not that girl. I'm not the girl that's like, I'll just be celibate for a year. I love you. Or just being you and not having no apologies for that. Like I was so scared too, but I also grew up with like sibling that just like would so be like, oh my gosh, you should probably just be alone

and just don't do anything and just be by yourself and not like, I'm not upset. You can date casually and do and see where it goes as far as that goes, but like without any kind of degree of commitment and just be open about it, be like, look, I'm kind of bored, I'm not looking for a relationship, you can be up front in the beginning, and if you hit it off, there's some enough chemistry

to go back to someone's place, then cool, if not, then cut them loose and move on. And don't talk to them again, you don't have to. Okay, and then there's the, like, am I putting too much energy towards this, where I'm blocking what's supposed to come into my life, you know, where I'm like in my life. Because we love love, you have to remember.

Yeah, because a crush easily turns into just- Or even just like if I see him as for a weekend. Oh, that's the best feeling. I had a crush. Yeah. I had a crush for the children. Well, obviously, I just met before we started dating. No, I really have crush for the children. Well, obviously, I just met before we started dating. Oh, no, I really have to need our children.

You get a name one of them. I name my children. I just don't have the husband. He doesn't know yet. I'm willing to be alone doing the things that I love to do. That's fucking empowering. Which is my theater, my, you know, writing scripts and shooting stuff, doing the soap opera, clients that I love, I love my makeup, you know, world,

and I love yoga, and like, I love the people that I have. My best friends. You're out of sharing your play girl. I have a lot of good people in my life too, So I'm not in a space where I'm just like actively, you guys, I do not desperate. No, and you're not jaded in that. Good place to be. He's right. The right guy I'll show up in your life when you're not expecting it. You just have to be open and ready to, here's to be open to it happening. Don't tuck your head and run. Okay, that's a good, that's a good, just don't tuck your head and run. Oh, I do that. It's be open. Okay, but normally they're freaking idiots that I have to run from. I need you to write that on track on your yoga mat. Don't talk to me. Right on the top so when you're doing downward dog.

What is here intention of the day? I will not take my head and run. Okay, Shanty, we have a couple of questions. So, as we said, Luke and I had a little bit of a rough weekend. So, we have watched a plethora of movies over the last few days. And within watching these movies, we've seen sex scenes. Oh, those are the best. Of course. It's like when I'm watching a scary scene, I have to, you know, I get really scared, I hate horror movies. Yeah. So, I'm like, it's an actor. It's an actor. It's an actor. It's an actor.

You're fine, Kristen. So then we watch sex scenes and Luke's like, oh hell no. If you were still acting, you literally said, if you saw, if I was in a scene in a film and someone had to be like, grabbing my boobs. I said, I wouldn't like it. Yeah, exactly.

I wasn't like, oh hell no. Okay, well that's it. Yeah, exactly. Like, it wasn't like, oh, hell no. Okay, a little bit. That's what I heard. Okay, but if it was her job and that was the film, like, what was she just say? I didn't say, I didn't say, way would you not watch it? Well, I didn't say it would be an ultimatum. I said I wouldn't like it. There's some things that you don't like, but you deal with, right?

But there's no point I've ever liked it. I'll tell you that, plain and simple, I would never like it. As a fellow actress, actually, you're a real actress. I have acted in some things. I have done a sex scene before. I've done two of them, actually. But one was with my boyfriend at the time. What is that like for you?

Because I think people, listeners, would be very fascinated not to like kill the mystery for you guys, but I think it's a really interesting thing that people don't realize typically these sex scenes are not hot and heavy. Not to say that they never can be because as we know, people of actors in the world have strayed from their significant others. We've read it in tabloids and white eyes. Oh my God, this is such a heavy, there's so many elements and such a heavy question. Yeah, and like when you've been like in a relationship, has any have any of your boyfriend's ever had an issue with you doing a kissing scene or a love scene of any kind? Okay, first let's start here. It's not porn. Thank God. And it's, it's

definitely an acting, it's a commitment. if you have two solid actors that are really serious about their craft. And chemistry's, it's been written about, there's been Oscars giving for, like when there's chemistry between two people, that's tricky. When you see like, I mean, I don't know if I want to go there, but like the Brad and Angelina that had great chemistry

and it's just like, shit, they love each other, but do they know? Anyway, it doesn't really matter. That's kind of where my brain was going where two actors end up happening. End up happening. So I only had one experience. And honestly, it was for a play I was doing

and I had someone at the time I was doing and I had someone at the time I was living in Santa Monica. We were the leads. He came over and we had a full on like funny makeup break up through me against the wall. No shut up. And if they're be bent down on the wall and then you start making out because it's like this makeup scene. And this is when I was with my ex my tenure tenure. And I was like, just, I'm gonna rehearse the scene

and he sat in my room and like, right here, like in the other room. And he was like, so you were just making out this guy in there. I was like, we're rehearsing. Like this is, we're shooting this on Tuesday. Right. Buh, buh, buh, buh.

And he didn't say anything. He's very calm collected. And then one time he just said, I don't like it. I'm gonna tell you, I just don't like it. Especially bringing one, it was in our place. Yeah, I'd be a bigger issue. I'd say, fuck no.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is like, you're not going to dinner with him after. Where are you going? I don't know, all right. Right. But I have people that I've done intimate scenes with that have become some of my best friends Yeah, I just think people don't necessarily understand that for the most part You're on I hope a close set you're surrounded by cameras and grips

Yeah, and assistant directors and your director and it's not like you're in a room alone with someone. And it's actually, it takes a lot for the actor to get into that place. Like, let's say this actor's married, and that one's married. And it really is like, it becomes this relationship that you have together, like as a friendship, when you want to trust. It's absolutely trust.

I mean, I think it's interesting, like, Penn Badgeley recently made a statement about the show you. And I don't know if it was for a third season, or they're getting a fourth season, but I read in an article that he requested little to no sex scenes for that particular season, because he said, well, not because of her, because he said, well, not because of her, because he said,

I believe in fidelity, and I am faithful to my wife, and kind of enough is enough, and we've done enough of this stuff, and I think that that would be difficult, maybe, for the significant other. I've been on the other side of it, obviously not on some a-list professional actor level, but when I dated Tom Sannival, he had to do a sex scene a few different times in movies when we were together. And this was before I was really booking shit. I was auditioning a lot, like, this is no big deal. I'm just acting. I'm not into this person.

Like, you're my person. I'm doing a job right now. And when we're done with these scenes, he's just my partner, like my, you know, I don't know. Okay, Shantal, I just have one last question because this is something I wrote down specifically for you. Luke always tells me that working out creates a better sex life. Absolutely.

Yeah, sex drive, better sleep. There's a number of benefits, yeah, from working out. But there is a fine line. I will tell you, when I was a runner, like a marathon runner running way too many miles a day, I feel like it consumed me. But it was also part of like after my accident, like I just started running. I like didn't take any medication. I was just like run for

wings. That was very exciting. Yeah, I did marathon. Did it like help your libido. I mean, yeah, it's horny as hell. See, oh, Luke, you're right. Why? What's the question? Who needs to work out more? Luke or Kristen? Me, I do. Well, I think it was when my trainer moved, like not to make excuses for myself. Yeah, no, excuse me.

No, but truly, I was working out with a trainer and I was working out really hard twice a week and then doing my own stuff on the side. Yeah. And then when she left town, we still have this option to do it virtually, but being in this apartment and I wasn't just really feeling, feeling it, you know. It was just a lot of change.

And it's the same thing with like eating right. So it's so easy to like have those snacks and like overindulge and then all of a sudden a sudden I have that problem. I just feel like I'd rather like I work out a lot. Lay in bed and watch movies when I'm feeling all depressing and shit. But I notice it's lowered my libido and I don't want my libido to be lowered because I'm a sexual animal. I'm an animal. Rar-er. Prove it. Yeah, for real. That was like today, Luke's a little bit... But I've also been...

Luke's a little bit... Luke's a little bit... But I've also been... Luke's a little bit... Luke's a little bit... Luke's a little bit... Luke's a little bit... Luke's a little bit...

Luke's a little bit... Luke's a little bit... Luke's a little bit... Luke's a little bit... Luke's a little bit... Luke's a little bit... Luke's a little bit... Luke's a little bit...

Luke's a little bit... Luke's a little bit... Luke's a little bit I'm a very sexual human and that's another thing. I'm a very sexual human. Since I was like a child, like I said, I had the tingles for a boy when I was five years old. In church, I was like, what's this feeling, Mom? I don't know. Why do I have tingles, like, but like in places? I thought he had the tingles in your heart.

Like everywhere. I was like, whoa. But no, the other thing is, I've been with men that work out way too hard. Like I was with this, like, he was on the cover of men's health and all these things. And he was so scheduled with his, like, rice chicken. We never went out to eat something. He sounds like my dog. That's where he feed my dog.

I was like, okay. And then it was like, you're hot. And like, you have all these things. And like, and then it was like, you're hot, and you have all these things, and like, yeah, it was too, you know what I mean? So there's a way to go overboard, but working out steadily, not self-destructed. Oh, my sex drive.

That's on steadily, I really wanna know. We're just being active. So the point of this podcast is, I need to call the power ranger. Yes. Yes. So everyone what I want you to take away from this is always call the power ranger always don't pass on the power ranger. Don't yeah, don't pass on the power ranger. Well workout. Take care of yourself. Stay horny. Mm-hmm. And love yourself for who you are.

Shanti, I love you so much. Thank you for so much for coming over and doing this. Thank you. You're just like the best little fucking thing with the tiniest cutest voice. Of all the conversations we've ever had in our friendship and relationship, here's the one, guys. Here's the one, hope you enjoy.

And we're gonna have her back on for more. I hope so. So definitely follow Shantel on Instagram, Shanty Teller, where they can follow you. Instagram at Shantel Lewis TikTok, which I'm not a big TikToker, but I'm doing some fun things over there guys. And yeah, General Hospital.

Yeah, and she is nurse Chanel, recurring on General Hospital. And if you want to listen to her entire podcast with Marie's, I highly recommend this podcast. And I love recommending other podcasts, but it's called State of Mine. And you guys should listen to her entire podcast on there about her accident and my life and her life.

Yeah. This one was fun. You're always fun. Yeah. All right, we love you. Talk to you guys next week. Bye, Luke. Bye, I shall tell you. Bye. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Dodie and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke double underscore broadrick. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes every single Wednesday. Thanks for listening. See you next week.