Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - The Real and Raw Journey of Becoming a Parent with Dr. Sterling Part 2

Episode Date: March 28, 2025

Episode 151. Welcome to part 2 of Kirsten’s conversation with Dr. Noa Sterling, mom of three and board-certified ObGyn with a mission to transform the pregnancy and postpartum journey. Dr. Sterling is also the founder of Sterling Parents, the first membership designed to truly address the emotional and mental load of pregnancy.   Dr. Sterling talks about what it's like in those early days postpartum, highlighting the importance of being kind to yourself — because self-compassion is truly a superpower. She talks about the challenges of breastfeeding and what you can expect in those early weeks, along with the emotional rollercoaster that comes with it. They also discuss the Hug It Out Method, a powerful tool for couples navigating the stresses of a newborn, and how embracing the chaos is part of the experience. Seeing the world through the lens of a parent for the first time can feel overwhelming, and remember: there’s no pressure for the birth process to be a picture-perfect experience. Parenthood is messy, real, and beautifully imperfect — and that’s exactly how it’s meant to be. Tune in to this week's episode to hear insights, struggles, and plenty of love on this wild ride called parenthood!   Dr. Sterling is launching a pregnancy app in Summer 2025! Learn more about Sterling Parents: https://sterlingparents.com/   Sponsors: Marley Spoon: Head to MarleySpoon.com/OFFER/DOUTE and use code DOUTE for up to 27 FREE meals! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hello my angels. Welcome to another episode of Balancing Act. Oh my goodness. Welcome. We're basically in April. We're just about in April, which is absolutely insane because that means I'm giving birth in like two and a half months, which is absolutely insane. It also means it's just like under or just over two weeks until I have no, I have pregnancy

brain you guys, I'm sorry. But it also means it's just two weeks-ish until the Valley premiere, which I kind of thought would never come. When I found out a while back that we were premiering in April, I was like, what do you mean? I'm so used to Vanderpump premiering in all the years that I did it, so much earlier than this, like January, February. So April felt like a trillion years away

in both my Bravo work world and my pregnancy world, and now we're here. So that's insane. And there's some other exciting stuff coming up this month I can't wait to tell you about. I am getting ready to fly home to Michigan for baby shower number one. I never thought I'd have two baby showers.

I'm not bougie. I'm not like need have two baby showers. I'm not bougie. I'm not like needy in that way. I actually really don't like the attention, believe it or not. It makes me slightly uncomfy. But I also cannot expect my entire family to fly out to LA for my baby shower. So this makes the most sense.

My sister and my mom are throwing it for me. And it's so cute because the theme, which I'm not going to say right now, but the theme for both of my baby showers is the same, like kind of the same. And that's what I wanted it to be. So I'm really excited. And then I only have one more flight into like the end of this month until baby until after baby's born and that will be a fun little trip I'm taking with my other pregnancy half Nia. So Nia and I are gonna go on a little trip together and then I'll just be on lockdown until baby's ready to come. And basically my pregnancy brain is just engulfed in pregnancy. If you have been there, I think you probably get it.

It's hard to think about anything else when there's like a weighted beach ball strapped to your body 24-7. And every morning I wake up and think, will my boobs ever stop growing? And I've been messaging with Luke's sister-in-law who just had a baby a few months ago, and she has been messaging me being like, no, they don't ever stop.

They're actually, it's going to get worse. They're going to keep growing. They're going to fucking hurt, and they're going to be sensitive, and you're going to want to chop them off. So that's how I feel right now. And I mean, but I'm grateful. Let's go back to I'm always grateful. And I'm really excited. I'm also really excited because we're getting a new window put in to the baby's room.

And as soon as that gets done, I can actually start decorating the nursery. Right now, that baby's room is still nothing but boxes. It is all of her strollers and clothes and everything I've registered for plus everything that I bought and it's just like, what did I get myself into? Anywho, speaking of pregnancy, this week, part two with Dr. Sterling, board certified OBGYN and my favorite pregnancy content creator,

maybe one of my favorite content creators on social media right now. I love her page, I live for her page. Even when we finished wrapping, recording this podcast a couple weeks ago, I immediately was on Instagram, like she posted something like an hour later, and I was like, tell me everything.

So I just can't get enough. So if you missed part one, you have to go back. If you're a parent, if you're pregnant, if you are, you know, postpartum, if you're trying to conceive, if it's something you've ever considered in your whole life, you need to go back and listen to part one. And for part two today, oh boy, this is going to be so great. We are going to talk about what to know about postpartum, the struggles of breastfeeding, which is something that's super important to me because I'm terrified. Also, the importance of finding humor for

couples with a newborn. This was one of my favorite parts of our whole podcast. And then also, what is the hug it out method? You all need to know about the hug it out method. So I'm super stoked. There's so much more. You guys tune in right now and get ready for part two. My two important pieces of advice for postpartum. Yes, there are some things knowing in advance that can be super helpful, and we'll talk about that.

But I think the mindset, there's a few things about the mindset that are really important. You have done difficult things before, and this is going to be difficult, and you're going to figure it out as you go. At the end of the day, a lot of it is not stuff that you can prepare yourself for, or to know the answers in advance of it's trial and error

All of parenting is trial and error and I think that we that's why these messages about like maternal instinct and bought like immediate Overwhelming love for your baby and all of these messages can be really detrimental Because when somebody doesn't have the experience and I will tell you that most of the postpartum women that I talk to do not describe this feeling of like, oh, I just know what to do. I have this maternal instinct. I know how to take care of baby. No, what the maternal instinct is in humans is the feeling like I need to address this being's needs. I have no freaking clue how to do it, but I know that I need to. So the instinct to protect and care for is there. The skills to do it, nope, those are not there.

They're acquired through trial and error. And so the superpower is being super kind and gentle to yourself, postpartum. And I'm not kidding you, Kristen, like literally when you're changing a diaper and baby is screaming in your head, say, it's okay. This is gonna like, they'll stop crying eventually. Like when you have a deep desire to take care of

and to solve the problems for this being and you don't yet have the skill, that gap can be quite painful. And so the kinder you are to yourself through that, that's gonna be your superpower. And know that there is, like even pediatricians will tell you that they struggle with that. So there is like, even if you get,

you have all of the knowledge, it still can be hard, okay? And then the other thing that I will say about postpartum is that it is very much a time in which you're really not able to take care of anything other than yourself and your baby, and even that is really, really difficult. And it's, you know, unfortunately, a lot of the times, like in American society,

you kind of have to pay for the village. And it's the privileges having the money to be able to pay for the village. Most people don't have a village that really, it's not that these are, people are bad, it's that people are so overwhelmed with their own lives and their own, like they have so much work to do and life is so stressful That they don't have anything left to give to other people

So, you know, I don't want to it's not that your friends are bad. It's that oftentimes we just have a society That's that's very work and productivity and to-do list and everything oriented And so these things like supporting your friend like we we just haven't really, it hasn't been ingrained in us. Yeah, very true. It's sad. So yes, I have a question speaking of the village. So it's something we've talked about because my fiance Luke and I, we don't have family

here in California. Our family is way back in the Midwest. Of course, they're going to be like visiting and helping, but it's just not the same. So I have been considering very much a night nurse. Not super familiar with it at all. Like I have friends that have given me their advice and even like their contacts. And I was just curious like how you felt about that. And also like a lactation consultant, never even knew this was a thing until the last couple of weeks. Never even knew, but it's my two biggest fears have been actually giving birth and the pain and all of that.

And which is another question I wanna ask you about in a second, but like that alone. But then I also go, okay, every female does it. Like I'm gonna be fine. But then breastfeeding, like breastfeeding or just feeding, pumping, you know, all of that. I'm like, I don't know what to do. Yeah.

Yeah, no, you don't. You don't. And the crazy thing about breastfeeding that's like such a trip is that, okay, you are trying to learn how to breastfeed and you're also trying to teach your baby how to breastfeed and you're also trying to teach your baby How to breastfeed and your baby has no joke zero life experience So they're coming in they've got some instincts, but it's not like, you know, yes, they're going to they're going to latch But it's that doesn't mean that it's gonna be like a quality latch,

it's not gonna be painful. So here's what I'll say, your partner, knowing how to, like one of the best things that you can do is even having a consultation with a lactation consultant in pregnancy to prepare you and your partner for the demands of this job. Breastfeeding is a job and and it's a demanding job, and it's demanding physically,

it's also demanding emotionally. And some people, like, I thought I was gonna love breastfeeding, my first was not a good time, but some people who are really afraid end up having really beautiful breastfeeding experiences because it has very little to do with you. A lot of it has to do with baby. So when I, for the perfect example is I had my first baby, my daughter was, I mean, her

latch was voracious. She did so much damage to my nipples that I actually developed a condition where the blood supply to my nipple would constrict and my nipple would turn white because it was getting no blood supply. And then it's like one of the most painful things you can experience. I had mastitis with her seven times. It was not a good time. So there was that aspect of like the physically,

and then, you know, that, so that was a really difficult breastfeeding experience. And then I have my second child and he is just like, he just latches and I, in my head, I'm like, oh, the dream experience. It was, and I was like, he's so gentle. This is so nice. In my head, I'm like, oh, this is the difference.

Now I have the experience, right? And this is what experience brings you. Go on to my third child, same fricking scenario as my first. It was my, my nipples were in tatters. I was seeing the lactation consultant all the time. We actually ended up working it out and that ended up being my longest breastfeeding journey and like my best one in the end. So in the end, that was great, but it wasn't me the whole time. It wasn't me. And so it's understanding that it is becoming a food source is girl. It's

like some people love it and they're like, Oh my gosh, I can provide for my baby. And this is beautiful. And they love it. I am so happy for the people who have that experience. So happy. I've had flashes of that. But for me, especially with my first, being a food source was like, oh my God, I feel like I can't even go to the store. Because I'm tethered to her. I'm always tethered to her.

It's challenging and it's painful, but I also had this intense drive to do it. I really want to feed you, and I really want to feed you breast milk because I've internalized a lot of messages about breast milk, even though my intellectual self knows the reality. I've internalized a lot, so I had this intense drive, but I actually actually don't really like it and I feel like it's really restricting me. Yeah, it really can mess with your brain It's such a mind fuck. Yeah, it's such I was gonna say that but then I was like, you know me no I maintain

Your decorum. Yeah. No, it's a mind fuck person. It's hard You know I feel like every time when people listen to me, and I'm glad that you really resonated with my content because sometimes people are like, don't want to, like they don't, they're like, why are you negative about this? And I'm like, okay. I think it's the opposite. I think it's the opposite of negative because to me, you said, like when you were saying people that breastfeed so amazingly naturally, you're like, I'm so happy for you. That's how I feel about people that love to be pregnant.

They're like, I love it, I'm glowing, it's the best thing ever. I'm like, I am so happy for you. I'm not mad that that's how you feel. I'm not even jealous of it, honestly. I'm just like, I'm stoked for you. That is not my story. It doesn't mean I don't love her.

It doesn't mean I don't love this. It doesn't mean I don't love this. In fact, I'm not enjoying it now in my second, well, I guess I just hit third trimester, but the end of my second trimester. I wanted to ask you that, why is that? I feel like I've heard it from a lot of people. They call it the sweet spot where it's, I don't know if it's for everyone, but in the second trimester or mid to end of it, because I keep hearing, now it's going to get shitty again, just because it'll be big

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Acorns care one compensation provided. Investing involves risk, Acorns advisor LLC, and SEC registered investment advisor. You can find disclosures at acorns.com. So basically here's the deal. A lot of people do experience a brief reprieve from symptoms in their second trimester. I'm still throwing up.

That's the thing. Yeah. But now I'm just like, you do it, you get it over with, then I'm totally fine. But I mentally feel like so much better. Like when I'm tired, I'm like, I'm tired. I know it. Take a nap or you know, I have to sleep today. And I kind of know those physical things, so they don't bother me as much.

But just mentally and emotionally, I don't feel like shit like the way that I did. Yeah. I mean, think about in your first trimester, your don't feel like shit like the way that I did. Yeah. Think about it. In your first trimester, your hormone levels are like the change. There's a drastic change. Also too, unless you've had a chronic illness before pregnancy, most of us have never gone to a period of time where we feel like shit for weeks and months. And so that's like a, you know, it's like having a hangover every single day. That's exactly what I say.

And I'm like, without the fun. With no fun. With no fun. I went to bed at 8 p.m. last night and I still didn't get sleep. It's so frustrating. So one, it's like the adjustment to change. It's the actual hormone levels are changing. And then for some people, there is this nice reprieve in the second trimester, because second trimester symptoms, like we get, we

see a lot of headaches, nosebleeds, you know, like, and, you know, aches and pains here, like a little like cute round ligament pain, like a cute, like it's cute. It's like, oh, ouch, that twinge. And then the third trimester can sometimes come in. And oftentimes it has to do with your body composition, how big baby is, how old you are. I've experienced like at the beginning and the end of my thirties. And I certainly think that like age

and everything can play a role. And the third trimester isester can get actually very painful, so physically painful and just, it's difficult to move around. And for me, that was actually a lot easier than the mental, like the bone crushing fatigue hungover feeling. I was like, you know, in my first pregnancy,

even though it was hard at the end, I was like, oh, I feel great. Comparatively, I feel phenomenal. I don't mind, like I would take my pelvis hurting and it hurting when I walk any day over feeling hungover, not like myself and depressed, like suicidal. I'll take that any day. And some people who have really much easier first trimesters

literally don't find out they're pregnant until 14 weeks, which happens all the time. They just missed the whole thing. The third trimester is really hard for them. The problem is, is when you're somebody who had a difficult first trimester, and then the people who, for them, the third trimester is what really killed them. When they come in and they're like, just wait, then you're like, I can't do any worse than

this. When I, when somebody said that to me, you know, I had somebody say that to me when I was in my first trimester. And then I had somebody say it to me about a newborn with my first that just wait until they're toddler. And I was like, wait, you're telling this is for a what? Neither one of those things were true for me. Like neither one of those things were true for me.

Like I love being a mom. It's chaos. It absolutely broke me open. I, but I am a much better version of myself. I like this version of myself a Hundred million times more. I'm so these experiences are so hard, but they really they really show you what's it what where your priorities are like how much priorities and values and and Being true to yourself like how much that matters

Such a good point. It's something you said, because, well, you mentioned earlier, your husband's also a physician, right? Yeah. And, but you said in some of your content that you were like, even so, it did not prepare you guys fully to be parents. What is the hug it out method that you guys share? Because I'm very curious because my fiance had, his number one question to you was, what

is the number one thing you recommend on top of that is for first time parents with a newborn. Okay. Let's talk. Okay. So the thing that's super, super important, I'm so glad we're getting to talk about this, couples. All right, guys. So we hear the story, like you have just wait until you see your man with your baby.

You're going to fall all in love all over again. I love that for you. That's cool. You can also look over at your partner while you're up at 3am breastfeeding and they're snoring with their useless nipples and be like, I actually hate you right now. Like there's hatred. I feel hatred towards you. You can, like, you get so sleep deprived and it's so easy. And you'll see, like, I think it happens, it happens to so many couples, not everybody, but so many, where you start being like, well, I did this and I'm doing this.

And are you, like, you get into this comparing who's doing more and who has it harder I mean The person who gave birth like always wins in my book. Yeah, I'm sure still it's very hard for them. You know, it's not Having a newborn is is hard and especially if you have a newborn Who's got some difficult stuff going on like if it's your first and they've got like acid reflux and they've got food stuff going on. Like if it's your first and they've got like acid reflux and they've got food sensitivities and whatever, it's just it can be really difficult on both parents. So lean into humor as much as possible, okay? Please lean into humor. It sometimes it is objectively fucking ridiculous what will

happen, okay? Like you will have mastitis, okay? And you will be bleeding and you'll be in pain. And then at three o'clock in the morning, your baby will projectile poop onto your like white drapes in the middle of the night. And like, you're just like, this is, are you, this is my life right now? Like, is this seriously happening? So, you know, my husband and I would, we called our daughter, sorry, Celeste, we called her lady baby terrorist, because we felt like she was terrorizing us. She had acid reflux.

She cried every time she ate and like, we didn't know like, are you crying because you're so hungry or you're crying because you have acid reflux and it's uncomfortable for you? It was not a good time. So we called her the terrorist. And it allowed us to stay on the same side. And even we had our disagreements and like when you're sleep deprived, so use humor.

When things are getting heated and it's just like, just stop what you're doing and literally do like a long hug. Like I'm talking, and this was my husband who brought this up because I'm not super touchy feely. My husband's the like lover or whatever. And so he'd be like, he'd be like, get over here. We're doing a hug. And he would make me hold on for 20 seconds. And it's you know,

there's data to support it. It lowers your heart rate, lowers your blood pressure. And like by at minute at like not minute, sorry, at second 10, I was still pissed. And then like by 20, I was like, all right, by 20 I was like, alright, alright, alright Alright, so hug it out can be really helpful when like you're sleep deprived The argument is not going anywhere right like you guys aren't gonna solve it. The situation sucks There's no rhyme or reason everybody has a like your threshold for frustration for anger Your fuse is show short because you're sleep deprived. So Frustration for anger your fuse is so short because you're sleep-deprived

so Lean into humor hug it out and then I think one of the best rules of all and I'm sure that I didn't create this I'm sure this came from somebody else, but I can't remember who like what happens at 3 a.m Can it just like just stay at 3 a.m? Like if you said something unkind your partner said something unkind unless this is like a repeated problem whatever I'm not trying to like, you know, some people said something unkind, unless this is like a repeated problem, whatever, I'm not trying to like, you know, some people have very difficult partners, but if you've got a good partner, like a good person,

just like forgive, good partner, difficult time, let him just let it go because you literally like, this day is gonna bring other difficulties. Let what happened at 3 a.m., what was said at 3 a.m., just forgive and move on. It's not forever. It's actually, when you're in it, it feels like, oh my God, when are they going to sleep? When is this going to get normal? And it's not forever, even though it feels like it is. And so it's really just trying to get through this period of survival mode with as minimal damage as possible. But you're very much going to

be like figuring it out. And it's if you're if your baby's struggling, and you're struggling, it's not you. It's not you. Like, it's not like there's some better mom out there that would come in and like immediately know no first time moms or first time moms. Yeah. You either have an easy baby or you have a baby that's not easy or is kind of in the middle. You got an easy baby, you think, the first-time moms are like, you just do this.

No, no friend, you have an easy baby. Those of us who have like three kids, four kids, five kids, we know, no, no friend, it's not you. It's not me failing every single time, the whole time. Yeah, yeah. I love the humor thing. It's them. It's not me failing every single time, the whole time. Yeah. I love the humor thing. It's something I wrote because you talk about like embracing the chaos because it just is.

So embrace it. It just is. And it's something that I tell Luke, like I give him so much credit for and really him. I mean, no offense to my other amazing friends, but like him and my gay best friend are my humor. Like that is what I constantly need because I love that they laugh with me

and even at me to get me to laugh. Because when I'm like, oh God, I feel just like I'm so huge today or like my boobs don't stay up. Like I never even had boobs before and now I have to wear a bra and I never used to wear bras. And I'm just, these things fly out of my mouth and I don't want to be told like how pretty I am or how like, you're just pregnant in that spot. I mean, the only thing Luke's allowed

to say when I talk about how massive I am is he calls me a skinny little princess. And I'm like, see, that's the right answer. Not like, well, baby, you're just pregnant. You're a vessel for the baby. I'm like, I don't fucking care. Today I'm miserable, see, that's the right answer. Not like, well, baby, you're just pregnant. You're a vessel for the baby. I'm like, I don't fucking care. Today I'm miserable. So make fun of me or like laugh with me because that's how I will get past it. Because it's all true. It doesn't mean it's bad true, but it's true.

My husband called me Captain Complainer in my pregnancies. And I was like Captain Complainer reporting for duty 100%. I have 10 things that I want to complain about right now. I loved complaining to him. Yeah. You know, like, it was just like, and for us, it was like, it was humorous. And that's the, you know, with kids, kids are funny, man. The kids are really funny, but they're also like hard. Babies, babies are funny. Kids are even funnier than babies, but man. No filter.

No filter and just like they're, you know. And so the really cool thing is, is if you let the humor and the chaos, if you let that bind, like that deepen your bond with your partner, it actually takes your relationship to like a really cool new level of like we're on the team against these guys like these guys are trying to kill us you know and it really does take your your partnership to a new level but what's really you kind of have to get through it's a huge adjustment to the relationship and I really feel like it took us the baby making years you know from like what I got pregnant 31.

And then like, I just now have a two year old. So I'm like, just exiting it. And it's like now where I really feel like we're really reaping the rewards of like, like, of finding ways to still be on each other's team. Yeah, so it's work. I mean, it's effortful. It's effortful. Yeah, it's and it's, you know, it's like it's, the thing is, is hard doesn't mean bad, right? Hard does not mean bad, you know, hard is hard and it's evolution and it's growth and it's uncomfortable. But at the end of the day, like the perspective you take into it, the trial and error, the being kind to yourself, the like, letting things go that aren't super important. That is actually, you know, that's gonna,

you're gonna end up with a life that's in many ways up-leveled because you were put through the ringer there. Yeah. Okay. I just have a few more questions. I won't keep you forever. Okay, let's go for it. So my fiance had another question.

Luke wanted to know, so essentially we were on a TV show and I'm very lucky we were not filming during pregnancy and he has concerns about being around people in general, like just the physical part of being around people that early on. Obviously we know we can have boundaries about baby, but also just your opinions, your thoughts on emotionally, mentally kind of engaging with the general public

all over again or possible stressful situations at that point if you have just whatever your thoughts are. Yeah, so first of all, of course, there's a spectrum of experience, right? And so, you know, some people at eight weeks are really kind of like, all right, we're coming. They feel like they're kind of coming out of, like, a, you know, the postpartum bubble,

and they're ready to start, like, kind of re-engaging in the world. I mean, some people, you see people who have, like, four kids and they're, like, three weeks postpartum. and they're ready to start like kind of re-engaging in the world. I mean, some people, you see people who have like four kids and they're like three weeks postpartum, they're out, you know what I mean? So it's very, very much like there's a spectrum. What I will say is that the thing that is oftentimes reported by brand new parents that is uncomfortable

is you feel more deeply, okay? The difficult things that happen in the world, you feel them on a different level because you're feeling it for your child too. And so it can be like, just being a part of the world, you now see the world through the lens of a parent. And seeing the world through the lens of a parent is kind of cool,

cause like you're kind of like part of this club now and like you'll make eye contact with another parent when your kid is doing something, they just get it immediately, you're on the same page. So that's really cool, but also the world can sometimes feel like a much scarier place and you're more vulnerable. And you can't really, until you get there and you're like, ah, this is what she was talking about, I feel that it's hard to know what it feels like.

So from that perspective, some people, first time parents are really like, they're still very much in protective mode. And so being around other people and engaging out in the world is hard for them. And really bringing their baby outside the home or having other people in baby space can feel uncomfortable. That doesn't happen for everybody. With my 10-week-old, we took her to Hawaii for a vacation. We had a great time. It was perfect. She was really, really difficult up and through. Literally eight weeks was when we're like, you know what? We wanted to do a vacation because I took my vacation as my maternity leave. And so I'm like, I kind of like want to like do a vacation. And at eight weeks,

we're like, you know what, this actually, I think we can do this like somewhere else. And so we like, we did it. You can, you know, you can do that if you're big, if it's the right baby, and you're adjusting well, in terms of like, you know, people being around baby, it's really like, and you'll talk to your pediatrician, but the first four weeks are really the time in which we do not want, like the first 28 days of life. If baby gets a fever, it's an immediate admission to the NICU. It's an immediate spinal tap to make sure that they don't have meningitis. It's just like a whole thing. Between four to eight weeks, it's a little bit more of a gray zone, like a fever

in a baby. You need to be evaluated, but it might not be an admission to the hospital. It might not be a NICU admission. But after eight weeks, obviously, these are still very vulnerable human beings, but your pediatrician oftentimes, if it's a healthy, normal term baby, will give you the okay to travel and be around people. So, you know, I think it's... It's, um, you will... You won't know right away how you're gonna feel at eight weeks, but by six weeks, you'll have a better sense of how you're adjusting. Hmm. That's super helpful. Thank you.

And I have just a couple of questions from our listeners. Well, kind of about traveling, just a quick question. Just this person is asking your opinion about international travel while pregnant. Some doctors approve, others don't and why. I'll say we just went to the Bahamas for our baby moon. It was totally fine. I mean, and I did ask my doctor ahead of time and he's like, there's no Zika. Like, you're fine. Go for it. Yeah.

So it really depends on, to me, it really depends on where you're going and what kind of support you have there. So like, for example, if somebody is, has family in France, they're going to go visit their family in France. They're like 24 weeks. Okay. There's always a possibility that something happens and you have to stay there until you have a baby.

So, and you know, I live in San Diego and there's a lot of people who come to San Diego for their baby moon. And once in a while, there's somebody who comes, you know, they come at like 30 weeks or whatever. And then they break their water breaks. And then that's it. You're in the hospital,

you're not going home until it's time to have a baby. So they're here and they're like, oh my God. So those things aren't super common. But anytime you go somewhere, you want to know, if I have a complication with my pregnancy, am I going to a place where there's a hospital that I trust? Where am I going to go? I wouldn't recommend going to really remote places that don't have accessible healthcare. So going on a cruise to the Galapagos Islands, that would make me nervous, that would make me nervous. But it's not like the actual act of traveling is unsafe.

It's not the plane ride. It's just the, it's the, what could happen, be prepared and know that. Yeah. Yeah. So, and you know, it's, everybody has a different kind of comfort zone. You know what I mean? Like what feels safe and comfortable to me is going to, is going to be different to another individual. And it also depends on like the specifics of your pregnancy. So talk to your provider, but you might want to pick a place where if you were stuck there, if something happened to your pregnancy while you were there, it wouldn't be devastating. Whereas some places you can go, it would be devastating.

It would be like, there's not a place that I can go to get healthcare there. That's a great point. I have to travel for work at 32 weeks, just to New York. And I was really weird about that. I'm like, it just feels like I'm right on that teeter totter edge of maybe I shouldn't. And I asked my doctor, and he said, listen, if you don't really want to go, I'll tell them you can't go. But if you do want to go, yeah, he's like, if you do want to go, he said,

I have colleagues in the city specifically. So God forbid you have to give birth there. And that did not even cross my mind. It was more like, am I allowed to get on a plane? Yeah, and that's what everybody thinks. Everybody is worried about the plane. I'm like, the plane, for some conditions, okay, we're worried about the plane ride. but for the most part, we're thinking,

what's the likelihood that this person has a complication and needs care? Yeah, that's so wild. Okay, two more questions from listeners. This person, I'm not familiar with this, I'm not sure, but it said, ask about the shakes post-birth. No one told me that and I was totally caught off guard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, and this can happen in birth too. So people will, and it's happened to me, people will shake while they're in labor. Like your teeth will chatter and you'll feel like,

yeah, it's weird. So it will happen both, it can happen while you're in labor. It can also happen postpartum after you give birth, not like long postpartum, right after you give birth. And the crazy thing is we don't actually know why it happens. The thought is that it might have something to do with, when you're in labor, there's a lot of adrenaline surges. And we know that adrenaline surges like that afterwards you can shake. But for some people it happens only once they get an epidural, but it's not the epidural because we see it in people who don't have epidurals too.

And yeah, I mean, the labor and delivery nurses, they deal with it all of the time. There's tricks for your chattering teeth. They can teach you, there's a trick with your tongue. I can't remember off the top of my head, but there's things you can do. But yeah, it's a super weird experience because you're like, I'm not doing this and your whole body is shaking.

I think that one of the things that I want to tell you and your listeners is, is that sometimes you give birth and it's a really beautiful experience. There's the tears and it beautiful, and that's lovely. That happens, for sure. I've been in those labor, like those delivery rooms. I've had a birth, one of my births was like that. A lot of times that's not the case, because remember, like you, you know, you're bleeding a lot,

you've got to deliver your placenta, there's oftentimes a tear that has to happen, or you're happening into the C, you've had a C-section. So telling people that the birth of their child was the best moment of their life and that they, they'd never knew love like that before. Again, so happy for those of you can say the best days of my life or the days I gave birth to my children. For me Coachella 2016 no, was better. It was better. Just objectively,

I didn't feel like I had been hit by a fricking truck. One of my births was cool and fun and I literally laughed him out. He was a surprise chunky 10-pound baby. It was great. But he was the middle one and then the two other ones, not a good time, just not a good time. So don't put pressure on yourself that this moment needs to be like this amazing moment. The rom-com. Like what you see in the movies. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm sorry. But like, I will take my Hudson, my youngest, my two-year-old, being in his Darth Vader costume all of the time and running around like saying Darth Vader to me and like trying to use the force on me. I'm sorry, that is way more of a peak experience than like pushing for three hours with him and like the... There's a lot of great moments in parenting. Don't put all of the pressure on that one moment. And the one moment. That's great advice. And then the last question, which you kind of did right on a few and I like sort of wrap it in a bow, is what's been,

so this is obviously someone who follows you and loves your content. What has been the most rewarding thing about leaving medicine for the content creation that you do? Oh man. So I think for me, it's honestly hearing from people like yourself, Kristen, that the pain that I went through and, you know, it really was, this experience really was very painful

because I think I mentioned at the beginning, like I'm very achievement oriented and in pregnancy and in postpartum with as a parent, trying harder doesn't necessarily result in better out, like you don't necessarily see that effort like on an improvement on a day-to-day basis. And so I think for me, being able to know that I've taken a really difficult experience in my life, I saw the problem and being able to now,

to innovate and find a way to address that problem and have it actually work, like have my message actually help people that were in the exact same shoes I was in one day when I was by myself, that is immensely rewarding because I'm so glad for the people who stay in the healthcare system and stay seeing patients,

because we need people, like we need people to stay in. And for me, it felt like my soul was being torn apart to know this is what people deserve and I'm only able to provide a level of care down here, even though I know that this is what they deserve. And so to be able to exit and be like, okay, I'm gonna circumvent the whole system and I'm gonna add onto it and have, get the messages,

get the, see people out in the streets. Like people come up to me and they're like, you changed my pregnancy. For sure. Incredible, incredible. I'm one of those people. I'm so excited for all of you listening. Oh my gosh. There's so many wonderful people that listened that have followed my journey that are so

appreciative of these honest conversations because it's not something that we hear a lot and that is exactly why I follow, because those are the honest freaking conversations. And we're going to change it for our daughters. This is not going to be a mystery to them. We will be having these conversations, hopefully for decades before they ever have to do this. And so it's going to be a totally different world for them. And I'm so excited for them. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day for this. I've been waiting

for this day. I'm so stoked. I can't wait to check out OB. Can't wait for your app to launch. Yay. So many things to look forward to. You are the best. Everyone, please follow Dr. Sterling on Instagram and is your handle the same on TikTok? Yep. At Dr. Sterling OBGYN across the social platforms. Okay everyone, we'll talk to you next week. Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Doty and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke double underscore Broderick. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes.

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