Sex, Love, and What Else Matters - We Had a Miscarriage

Episode Date: November 26, 2023

Episode 77. This episode is different from the rest. For the first time, Kristen and Luke open up about their recent miscarriage.  Sponsors: Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/kristen Go to Addyi.com and use code DOUTE for a $10 telemedicine appointment Follow us: @kristendoute @luke__broderick Email us: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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for the most part. The only way I know how to start is to say that four weeks ago on the podcast, we were full of shit. Yes, we announced that we were trying to get pregnant. And that was actually the day that we got a positive pregnancy test. We just didn't want to get ahead of ourselves and announce that we were pregnant, you know. Well, it's kind of not anyone's business at that point. We had no fucking idea what's going on.

It was basically the best day of our lives. It was so cool, so exciting. And we couldn't talk about anything else. So I go to Kristen and say, OK, let's find a way we can talk about this without just putting it all on blast because it's so early. It's so early, and it's not something we want to jump the gun on.

Yeah. And so we talked about it as though we were trying, but that was the day that we found out. Yeah, it was a Tuesday. It was the day of, it was the day of Ariana's dancing with the Star's most memorable year. And I remember that specifically because you were in Colorado. And when I realized it, and I faced time to you and like was completely speechless, like clearly the first person I talked to that day, we in fact, I'm going to be all over the place. You guys like I can't even think straight right now. But I talked to Luke that morning as I had the last four days in a row. as I had the last four days in a row.

Kristen was on characteristically late on our period and I had a gut feeling that she was pregnant and she had been taking these. You also know my ovulation, my periods, everything and I don't pay attention, which is adorable. Somehow I know Kristen's cycle better than she does. In reality, I really do. So anyway, I text her and say, hey, aren't you supposed to have your period or like today

or something? And she's like, I'm a couple days late. Started taking these pregnancy tests and they were all saying negative. They were these. The little sticks, just the little sticks, they're not very sensitive. They're like these sticks from Amazon. And you buy them in a box with a bunch of ovulation tests, which I've been doing,

because I was testing my ovulation like every 13 seconds, because I was obsessed with getting pregnant. Right, and so I... Day five. I mentioned to Chris, and on day five, I said, I think you may have had a bad batch of tests

because you're never this late. At least, a bad batch. A bad batch of tests. So, Chris and goes and gets the more expensive, because you're never this late. That's a bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad I thought that I should have, I should have, I was saying, I thought I should have been like crying and like calling everyone I knew and instead I was just like, incomplete, utter shock. Like I didn't know blue from green, like sky from the grass, I didn't know right from left, I'm like what? And the actual hell is happening because I didn't feel any different. It didn't seem different except that I was nauseous, but I'm like, whatever, I have a sense of stomach. I'm like, well, always nauseous.

This is, there's nothing. I look the same. I feel the same. This is fucking wacky. And I FaceTime Luke, and I didn't have words. I just covered my mouth, and he was like, oh my God, I'm walking away. I know. Right. Yeah, I had a friend next to me and I said, I know exactly, you don't have to say it, I know exactly. He was so cute. But yeah, I think no exactly what just happened. And so yeah, that's,

That was our journey up to that moment. Yeah, that was just a wild, incredible day. And in that evening, as we recorded that podcast. It happens so quickly though. Like we were so lucky that podcast. Yeah, it happens so quickly, though. Like, we were so lucky. Right. How fast we got pregnant at my age. Well, we had all the cards against us, kind of.

Kind of, yeah. And we didn't even, it wasn't an calculated thing either. It was like that time that we had sex. I actually mentioned to Kristen afterward, I said, I think you're ovulating today. And she's like, how the hell do you know that? Checks, she was fast forward. We didn't predict it. We weren't trying on ovulation day. We were just relaxed. And we're talking about this like so fucking lightly right now. I

feel like I'm really like fresh out of like feelings in the moment because we've been dealing with this in the moment, because we've been dealing with this for days. So, today, Saturday, we found this out on Wednesday. We'll see the title, you know what's happening. So we had three appointments with OBE that were older sounds to see how progress was going. Yeah, so essentially the album, as we found out we were pregnant, we were super stoked. I went to Colorado where we can see

the most relaxing place ever. I was really tired. I was, my boobs are like all the pregnancy things. And I was just like, I'm just gonna sleep and just be and just, who fucking cares who sees it? I'm not drinking anymore and I'm not smoking anymore. And I'm just like, oh my god, this is... this is kind of shitty on my body and like pretty much the best thing ever that has ever happened to me. But when we were leaving Colorado, I had some light bleeding. I don't

know, it was my first time being pregnant. Let me just be frank, I had an abortion when I was much younger, very, very, very young, well over 20 years ago. But I was like, I don't know, you can Google, you can read, you can ask all your friends, you can read all the books, but when it's your body, your mind, your hopes, you really don't fucking know. And it's also exciting and so unpredictable. And so that's what I was experiencing. And so when I when I blood a little bit, I was just of course thinking the worst things in the entire planet, right, the worst case scenarios. But I know that there are so many normal seas that come along with

pregnancy that seem very scary. So we left Colorado and driving back to California, I was just kind of all over the place and I demanded that we stop at a lab to get a blood test done because I was talking to some amazing friends and shout out to my girlfriends, you know who you are, Nia. I fucking love you more than life itself. Thank you for being so trustworthy in the very beginning in Carmen to tell me that I wasn't dumbed to ask for some blood tests and it was okay to ask for things that I wasn't even sure of at this point. I think my biggest question when I found out I

was pregnant was like, wow, I call my doctor, who I fucking love you guys. I first informed was I want to say like, Luke and I are obsessed with our doctor and we love you. Jay, we love you. But it was it was very wild to me that you can find out that you're pregnant. You don't really know how far along you are. You find out when your last, this first day of your last period was and then you're like, okay, so now I book this appointment for like eight or nine weeks. So weeks and weeks and weeks later and you're just supposed to sit with yourself in your body and hope you can take care of this growing baby as best you can.

And like, it happened no clue. Like, what to do unless you Google it, but it's like, don't Google it, like don't web empty shit. So you kind of figure it out on your own and I'm very lucky to have an amazing doctor who I could ask all the questions to and amazing friends I could ask all the questions to. But I'm like, holy shit, I need prenatals

and they need all these things. So that's how we knew to ask for this blood test. And we went to Colorado, we went to, sorry, we went to, we stopped in Flagstaff, Arizona at a really cool place. We had a really great time that night. And then the next day we went and got some lab work done to check progesterone and HCG levels to just check how things are progressing because it was still about three weeks out till we're supposed to have our first OB appointment.

So we get that done, we make it back to California. The levels come back, HCG is good. But progesterone's a little low. So, Kristen calls and gets some progesterone prescribed to really try to help that and keep moving things along and also gets a piece of mind. Piece of mind, but we also scheduled a an ultrasound.

An ultrasound. Two weeks before the first appointment that we had there. So just. Which those of you who I'm sure have been pregnant, have children, or have been through this similar thing, you know that an ultrasound as early as possible, five weeks, six weeks, it's fairly early. You're not going to hear a heartbeat.

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Allergic reactions may include hives, itching or trouble breathing. Sleepiness sometimes serious can occur. Common side effects include dizziness, nausea, tiredness, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep and dry mouth. See full PI and medication guide, including box warning at Adi.com forward slash PI. Or call 844 pink pill. Go to Adi.com and use code DOTY for a $10 telemedicine appointment to find out if Adi is right for you. So we did go in front ultrasound at what we assumed was five weeks. We had a gestational sac, great, but nothing else. So that was just kind of that. We went in a week later at what we thought was, no, I'm sorry, we went

in at what we thought was seven weeks. Seven weeks in the sack measured five weeks, though. Yes, so he said we measure it five weeks. Therefore, who knows, our math is wrong. We didn't conceive when we thought we did. Also, the sperm can stay in for up to seven days so that can prolong things. And so we're just thinking of all the best case scenarios. I still feel very, very pregnant. And there's no cause for alarm at this point. So we schedule a second ultrasound. A second ultrasound clearly states that we're six weeks. We now have a yoke sack. So again, this is for everyone who like knows about pregnancy for those of you Don't I'm so sorry that you might be fucking bored with this, but we're very clearly at six weeks. We have a yolk sack

Everything's measuring so perfectly. We don't have a heartbeat. We are yet to see an embryo, but there could be one there We kind of see something that could and it's pretty much like let's just wait till next week So we have blood drawn to do a couple different tests. A gene test to see what we genetically each have. Right, I have blood drawn as well. Yeah. So they could potentially pair up some things and see if we each carry a gene that could potentially create an issue

in the future. But that aside, Kristen had some other levels tested and... We do get our progesterone back, and the progesterone is way higher, super healthy. The HCG level, which is like your pregnancy hormone, tells you your pregnant or not, essentially, but the HCG is like beyond above. So everything is just looking exactly as it should from week five to week six. Like, okay, we were way fucking wrong. We thought we were at week eight, now we're to week six. Like, okay, we were way fucking wrong. We thought we were at week eight, now we're at week six.

Okay, great. I still feel the same, so we go back for a third. So then we get back for the third one. And we use some bad news. Hard night, genuinely can't believe that we're putting this out there to the podcast, but I feel like for our listeners to understand where we are mentally

and how difficult it is to talk about anything else. We have to kind of get this out there. We find out that Chris' pregnancy is not viable pregnancy. It's considered a blighted ovum, and there is no embryo in the sack that's forming. So our steps that follow, there are some choices that we had to make, ultimately Kristen had to make, but she wanted my input on it, which I appreciate and respect very much. So here we are. Nothing has happened yet. So the three choices are a DNC, which is

a surgical removal. Option two is to wait and see. Just for it to happen naturally because your body will eventually reject it. Option three is medication that is uncertain. Vagically, the same way the progesterone that I have been taking for the last three weeks, and that will intervene and help induce the miscarriage because essentially the sac is like still in my body and will have to pass at some point. So that's where we're at. And I only feel comfortable talking about this because I know so many friends of mine have gone through this, like, either up until the point of or have been through this.

I know so many women have been through this. And it's really fucking terrifying because you always think like, what's wrong? What did I do wrong? Could I have done something different? And my doctor and my friends have told me like inside and out up and down that it's there's no reason you can google it till the day you die there is literally no cause. They don't know why it's something with your chromosomes and the the only silver lining, the fact that we've been now digesting this for the last four or five days is that I know that once Luke and I are past this,

we can try again and that we were very lucky and very fortunate that we got pregnant so quickly. We were so, so lucky, because it could have gone a very different way for me at my age. I haven't gone through IVF. I haven't froze my eggs. I haven't done anything. So the only thing that I can think and whether you believe in God or something above or whatever, I just think it's like there's something in God's plan. I think this was just a really unfortunate thing that happened to us and it's just God's plan man and I know

that we can try fairly soon and that I think we're very hopeful to have a very healthy pregnancy the next time around. But essentially we've been lying to you this entire time and it's been really fucking hard to podcast to post anything for me to be around friends, to be around anybody because all I want to do is scream it. So all I really did, all we did was hang out with people that did know, that we did trust because it was like the happiest time ever. It was very exciting and. And I was so scared. I was like, Holy shit Luke like we got pregnant so fast.

Like, are you okay with this? And he was so happy. And our families were so happy and our friends that knew were so happy. It was fantastic to have all the support and everyone being so happy. And it sucks to be where we are right now, but we've got to try to focus on the positive side of things. I love you, thank you for that. It is you are. You always think it's insensitive of you, and I wonder, ladies, how it's been for you guys.

Sorry. Oh, because I can't imagine what it's like for you. I know you're not at my body, and I know you don't know what I feel like, but it's like I also don't know what you feel like. You're so supportive and wonderful and I love you. I just know that I have to be your rock here and I want to. I want to be there with you, for you, obviously, and help get over this sad times when we get back to the back to more happy times because I know it won't be that far off clearly. We see it, it's coming. We will accomplish it and we will have an awesome happy family someday. Yeah.

So I don't know what else to say and I apologize for this very somber and short podcast, but it's kind of the only thing I knew how to do, and we even debated, like, do we do this? Do we error this? Do we tell people? Because we just talked about it five minutes before this. Like how many people in the public eye, just like, don't have to, don't do it.

They just don't, they save it. They'll tell you years later, they'll tell you months later, they'll tell you months later. They can get through it. I as a person, like sort of not, it's not so fucking douchey. But like in the public eye, and that's like sort of what our life is about

at this point with the shows and the, in our podcast. And we're just, it's mostly about our podcast. And we're so fucking honest. And I love talking about love, and I love talking about sex, and I love talking about trying to get pregnant, and all of that, and I just felt like I'd be so dishonest. Like, if we did it, you know? Like, I literally wouldn't know how to go on.

I was like, what the fuck do we talk about next week? Like, what do we even talk about? You also are, it's like a blessing and a curse that you don't compartmentalize things to this sort of thing that this is this much emotion involved that you can't move on until you get it off your chest. Yeah, it's all I think about every fucking minute of every day, every minute of every day that I've been pregnant.

It's like every day is a week and every week is a month. I feel like I've been pregnant for like a year in the most amazing way possible, truly. But it is all I think about. Like every step that I take, every plan that I make, everything that I do, it's like, am I okay, is this okay? Like psychotically, which I feel like probably a lot of people do the first time

because you don't really know. It's like a trillion questions. Like I have a basket in our bathroom that is like my pregnancy pill basket. Like I wake up in the morning, which I still do, and I'm still going to keep doing. And it's like, I take my prenatals, and I take my B12, and then this, that, whatever, and then at nighttime, it's like, okay, well, my unisome is there to go to sleep if I need it, and maybe six. And like, only take one better drill if you have anxiety

because you can't have anything else and just such a change of life and the most beautiful way possible. I've never thought that I would fucking hate alcohol so much. I'm trying to be funny, it's not working. It's okay, baby. I'm exhausted.

You've been very strong. This is not- And it's really fucking sad. And it's just really sad, guys. It's just really, really sad. But it's also like really hopeful. And I feel very, very lucky. And Thanksgiving just happened.

And I'm very, very thankful for you Luke. And I'm very thankful for your family. And I'm very thankful for my family. And I'm very thankful for my best friends who have been there for me since like the day I found out because I told Luke there's no way I can keep this a fucking secret from some of my friends. Like I have to tell my girlfriends, some of them.

It was like, we can't tell anyone. And I'm like, if I don't tell some of my friends, I'm gonna go crazy. So my girlfriends, those of you that have known since like day one, minute one, like, and have been been there for me like thank you more than I can ever express. Like you're the best. Yeah, thank you everyone that helps Kristen in this process. You've definitely helped me as well and we appreciate everything very much. I'm very grateful for you too, baby.

We appreciate everything very much. I'm very grateful for you too, baby. The unfortunate reality is that of all pregnancies of any age, they say one in three, don't make it out of the first trimester. And it's really sad, especially when you're really hopeful, but we're gonna move forward from here and we'll be back to a normal schedule very shortly. So yeah, thank you everyone for listening. Again, sorry for the somber podcast, but we had to get it out there to try

to fill in why it just maybe seemed weird in the last couple weeks. So yeah, you're caught up. There it is. And, you know, obviously ladies like write us anything you guys want to talk about. And we're just going to kind of figure it out from here for the next week. And then, yeah, like Luke said, like, you know, you move on. You move on. There's always a silver lining and things to be hopeful for. All right. Well, thanks for listening. Everyone talks to you next week. Love you. Bye. Alright, well thanks for listening everyone. Talk to you next week. Love you, bye.

Make sure to follow us on social media. You can follow me on all platforms at Kristen Dodie and follow Luke on Instagram at Luke Double underscore broadred. Be sure to click the subscribe button so you can stay up to date with new episodes every single Wednesday. Thanks for listening. See you next week. episodes every single Wednesday. Thanks for listening. See you next week.