Sex With Emily - 18 Minutes to Better Sex

Episode Date: February 1, 2017

Getting what you want in the bedroom isn’t always as easy as we’d like it to be. Luckily, on today’s show Emily and Menace are dishing out communication tips to help tip the sex life scales in your favor. How much foreplay is the perfect amount? Why won’t your partner choke you? Is there a “right” way to give directions in bed? These questions are just the tip of the advice-berg on this information-packed podcast. So whether you’re struggling sex-wise or you’re just missing Menace, tune in! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Are you ready to get exactly what you want in the bedroom? Well it's time to speak up. In today's show I'm answering your emails, give you advice to help you communicate your needs. So how do you introduce rough sex into a new relationship without scaring your partner away? And can an FWB relationship succeed without the B? Also, is there a right way to give directions in bad? All this and more? Thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our secret institutions. Betrubize they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair standard. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common moment? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here so, so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. you're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemlee.com where you can have a party. There's so much having at sexthelmy.com. God, you guys have been going there a lot. It's amazing to see how many of you are liking our articles and reading them and sharing them in our blogs and following us on social media.

It's so easy to do that. You get there. Sexthelmy.com. Subscribe. We make it easy. New set or social media. Shop at our store. Hang out.

Send me an email. So fun, right, Mennis? It's absolutely fun. I'm here with Mennis. I'm so excited to see you. I haven't seen you forever. I know. The last time I saw you, I'm sure you've

talked about this on the show since I haven't been on here. But the last time I saw you, I felt so bad because I left you in a hospital. I know, dude. So I haven't seen you at all since. And so I have no idea what has happened since then or what's going on. Um, I just, I just left you and then I traveled the world and I came back.

I, well, you saw me in the hospital for the spider bite. I did talk about it on a show, with Anderson when he was here, but yeah, how nearly was that? Look, my finger though. So much better. It was, it was, it looked like it wanted to fall off last time. So exactly. So yeah, that was pretty traumatic. I was there for, I was, it meant a lot that you were there and you like hung out. Yeah. You like stayed, you made home.

I stayed in the whole time, but I had a catch a plane. Dude, I, but the, the crazy, the crazy thing is that, that you're okay. And you like almost died, to be honest. Right, yeah, no I did. I can't believe that you went through all that and then you're fine now. I'm fine now.

Obviously you sound a little bit sick. Well, because what happens is they were flooding me. It turns out that sometimes antibiotics don't work and so they were giving me every antibiotic. I got shots of antibiotics. I had an IV in my upper 40s. So after you do that that you're immune systems down So I caught this cold like two to you know, oh then I moved yeah, that's stressful as you know

Yeah, that was boxes. You can't you know me like I'm sick. I'm not as well. I'm gonna move now I'm better And then I um can't that at a conference of course I like my crazy sex conference month the beginning of January Which every year we have but I just got sick and So they had the last two weeks. I've had a cold But I'm glad you're here. So I'm in paradise now in my new home Which you have to come over and party there. It's awesome. I want to check it out I haven't really done anything yet to it, but it's amazing the bones like it's all right You great with just like the couch of my bed. Yeah

Yeah, the middle of moving too. So I Understand your pain. Yeah, it is like moving death and taxes. Okay, it's like the hardest thing. It is so much work. It is. But anyways, what's going on in your personal life? My personal life. Yeah, I know.

I've been everything's good. Yeah, cool. I've been like, you know, rotating and yeah, nothing like. I, nothing like I don't know anything great nothing no great stories because you have it I haven't been around to like play around with your Tinder or your bumble or what dude? Do you want to start swiping as you got me into it? You're the one who like matched me because I've never Experienced it so I got to live through you and I haven't even opened it It's kind of scary that when you open it because you're like oh all these people I can filter out the douchebags like you have a really bad like douche

Meter I know it's like my it's like my gay dar. I'm like. I don't know if that anyone's gay. I don't live in gray Don't my douche meter are you okay my douche meter bats at a thousand my gay meter bats at a thousand? So like I can oh, yeah like it's funny because my co-worker he was he was previously married to a woman. And no one ever thought he was gay. And like the first three seconds, I could tell that he was a gay guy.

Right. And then like, wow, you're so good at this. You're like good at the gay dark game. Well, you know, living in San Francisco so long, you pick up. No, I think that's true. I live in a gay dark. But your douche meter. Dude, I think you're good. I think you're good. But your douche meter. I never did.

Douches. You think I think that you're like protective older brothers on the younger brother because you're like, oh, they're not. Douches. I don't look like douches on on. Yeah, but that's not sure you say. I'll do it. Eddie has my phone. Assistant Eddie has my phone. So luckily, you can't do that right now. But so no, there has been, I did start doing before but it's a little overwhelming and then you have to delete the apps

and then you're like, they're like, oh, I want to go back on the apps for right now. So my life is kind of, kind of perfect right now in order to do it in a way. So but, but speaking of relationships, Valentine's Day is coming up. It is, we're gonna have you on the, what do you show? Yeah, I'm excited.

I had a friggin blast there. I got to teach that girl to give her an orgasm. I know what Julianna is. I'm personally not going to do it, but I, she isn't an orgasm. That's what she is. I gave her like the Wevibe Touch. What did we give her the touch?

The tango. I think so. Oh, we'll bring her a womanizer. That's what I said from the beginning. Okay. Oh, let's do. No, you know what? It might the beginning? Okay. Oh, let's do. No, you know what? It might be too heavy.

No, no. The oneizer is the guaranteed shirt thing. It's a 60 second orgasm. It's like, it literally is like, hello, clitoris. It's an orgasm machine. I named the clit whisper. So, so you guys remind me when I go, I'll not bring gift stuff for everyone.

Cool. But speaking of, okay, but Valentine's Day, we are having a little giveaway here. What's the best Valentine's day you've ever had? What made it so memorable we want to know was like the perfect gift. Was it like the great date? Special occasion sex. So we want to hear from you an email us at feedback at saxasami.com by February 7th, because you can win a magic one rechargeable, which is worth it enough.

Come up with your great story. You're a great story. I don't know if I've got a great, oh, I did tell a story a few weeks ago about last year, because you remember this guy who was dating Kimmon, he was like, I do remember I bought a suitcase of toys to his house. Yes. I literally have so many toys, and I never, I got to try them, and I'm like I'm like busy and I'm like oh and then I decided that night That I should bring them all to thousands and I woke up with like a ball gag in a collar

Oh, yeah, that's a fun night. Um, so we wanted from you about that and Yeah, and I'll be on there on the on the yeah, yeah Woody show Alt 987 in Los Angeles and All 2049 in St. Louis, Missouri. And you can hear on the Woody show podcast later. They love you in St. Louis. They do.

St. Louis and LA. It's been great. Okay. Good. I'm going to go into the little section. This one was specially picked because we there is now a study that has come out that's going to answer a question that you've been asking me for 12 years. All right.

Do you know what this question is? There's been so many things. A question? I mean, there's two. Okay, okay, tell me. Well, there's two. I'm not a question. Oh, yes.

One was a statement and then the second one, the second, well, was the actual question was, why people are into feet? Is that it? No. Why would anybody ever want a hand job over anything else? Not the hand job debate. That's a waste of effing time. OK.

A guy will take one if he did. You asked me sometimes. You said, you know, I've always talked about foreplay. And I've always said, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, OK, but Emily, just tell me how long. Yeah, like, what's the scientific amount of time? Right. There's a study. Oh, okay, but I mean just tell me how long how long what's the scientific amount of time right there's a study Oh sweet finally how long great four-play should last and you guys know I'm a huge for play a fan of four play Can you break down what what is four-play? Yes, that's a really that's a really good question

Four-play is the acts that are leading typically up to intercourse to pee, pee, you know, pee-v, you know, sex, pee-v sex. Yeah, but kiddin'- Patentration. Kiddin' like a blowjob, not pee, for play. I think, I wanna put that in the for play. So I see what you're saying. I say like for play is like touching each other and kissing each other.

And massage, like lap dance, you know? Any like type of stroking or anything like that. I don't think it's for fly. No, I think getting caught up with tech to the like that. I don't think it's a fly. I think getting caught up with tech to the calories. Now, I think that yes, if you're giving a blowjob, you're like, but that could be, that's an act in itself, a standalone.

And I see what you're saying. But for plays like slow, you always say like slow down, go five times slower than you should. It's typically slowing down and dressing your partner, making out kissing. Mm-hmm. You know, kissing is the first thing that goes in long-term relationships. When was the last time you had a make-out

session with the girlfriend? Me? Probably last night. I'm worried. I'm good about that, but not like 15 minutes long. No, I know. Okay, so making out slowly and dressing, touching your breasts, but yeah, I mean you could say that the goblod job is our oral sex is four-play. I know. That's why I don't want to put that down on. I want to put that in the category. You know, I'm so I'm it doesn't matter. It is still before the actual act, but I know it's like, it's the teasing. Let me read you the study. Okay. So here's a thing. We all know, I know, it's very important, but nine out of 10

and experts agree that when done right, women really, really enjoy for play because for play is amazing. Honestly, I just made I know, that's very important, but not out of 10 and X where it's agreed that when done right, women really, really enjoy foreplay, because foreplay is amazing. Honestly, I just made that set up, but it's true, really, that's pretty amazing. Okay, in fact, some might argue that better, that it's better than actual sex, people would say, better, or play, or play, or play, or play, or play,

or play, because the build up of sexual tension that comes from getting hands-y with one another is downright otherworldly. So, what they're saying here is like the build up of sexual tension that comes from getting handsy with one another is downright otherworldly. So a lot of what they're saying here is like the build up the tension for, especially for women, I think, and maybe men who aren't totally conscious of it, but that like, you know the newness of a relationship when you build a rousal and the excitement, like that's what war play is. And so for women, since we are like slow cookers and men are frying pans, we need longer

to get warmed up. We actually since kind of prefer the the the arousal part. Yeah. A lot of us don't pay enough attention to this very important part of sex. Therefore, it doesn't last as long as it should or completely evaporates altogether. That's my that's what happens. Um, there are scientific subtleties to the perfect foreplay and they offer some advice about what made foreplay great. So they did this study around the world and they came out that ideally foreplay should last 18 minutes. 18 minutes. Yes. 18 minutes.

Not 20. Seemed pretty long, but I guess 18 minutes. I know. Not every time you could have a quickie. All right. Just talk. I mean, you just talk for a minute and it feels like an intern. I do. I do. I mean, you just talk for a minute and it feels like an interterdity. I do.

No, but I'm saying in general, just think about that time. Anybody listening to this podcast, try to talk for a minute. It will feel like five and then break that down into like 18 minutes of baking out. That seems pretty long. So you're talking for a minute, like, hi, audience, how are you today? Yeah, I'm feeling like, feel how long that is. It's howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy,

howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, howdy, I was thinking about when your cock was in my mouth. Or how hot you looked in that sexy laundry. It's reminding them, so you're putting a visual image in their head, and they're like, oh wow, you like that.

And then next time, when you walk in the door, I'm going to be waiting for you with handcuffs in and like, you know, around my head. I'm going to be, you know, or you said a sexy picture, or just like dirty talk. I mean, these can all be ways to lead up until the next time, especially because our brain is the largest sex organ and that's where a lot

of the arousal comes in. So it doesn't have to be the 18 minutes of painful, painful. No, I'm not saying that. Play the work. Work. If somebody wants to make out for two hours who cares, but I'm just saying, I mean, if that's what your partner wants to do out for two hours who cares but I'm just saying I mean if that's what your partner wants to do then you should just do it but it

don't think it's not it doesn't feel long okay but but here's a thing in another thing I would say about four play I think it's here in the wild that four plays not just a suggestion it's a requirement okay so it's like women we actually require it to get turned on. We need that like. Yeah. And this is the word every time. This is why the earth fucking blows.

Right, I know there's a million reasons. The guy is ready. I know. The guy is ready within half of a second. And now he has to make out with you for 18 minutes. And he has to, you know, stay erect. I mean, he doesn't have to much. He's gonna go, he's gonna go.

Yeah, but he come back. I'm just saying. He come back. I'm just trying to see, I'm just giving you a point. I understand the plight. I understand the plight of you. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go ahead and know. Look, if any guy is telling you different, he's a fucking liar. I'm sorry. Some guys, Penis, is actually getting turned out when they're performing all sex on a woman or turning a mind. because they see that their Part is getting turned on and so sick call that's totally different subject. What I'm saying is what the going through that process of a guy is

You're immediately erect when you're you're making out right Usually and then you just go and waves up and down Through the 18 minutes. But that way, baby, right that way. But you wouldn't be able to perform. You're not going to be able to perform that well when you actually have penetration because you went through this up and down cycle for 18 minutes.

Instead of just going. But if you return on, right? Right, right. OK, so you're trying to tell me how I'm feeling. I don't know about your penis, I'm not on how you're penis reacts. But I don't know how it feels for a woman, so I can't tell you how you should feel in that 18 minutes, but I'm telling you right now as a man, that's how men feel in 18 minutes. Okay, some men, we never make generalizations here and say every man.

I'm going to say 90% of men. Okay, you can say that, men, whatever you want. Maybe your friends, you feel that way that you talk to. But what guys are you talking to that son? I'm just saying every time you think that guys like, oh God, I go down or it's like, no, I'm saying. Men, their penis is fine. Where's my mouth?

When did I say that? I don't know. I don't know what you're saying. Okay, we're just moving out. We've had this debate before. So I get it. Poor guy, you got so turned on and now you can't have to wait for sex and it's not as a poor guy like you guys can. Okay, but guess what? She's not wet. She's not into it. I'm just telling you the thought process of a man. I understand of some men. That's men of your genre.

All right. Of my dog. Okay. So so have you petting, you know, for 20 minutes, an extra lengthy blowjob. I, oral sex is for play. Yeah. All that, you know, that could be like, you could broaden your horizons, give a massage. Like, if you shower together, if you go to dinner and have, and you talk, that can be for play. Like, you know, you like,

you start making out on the bathroom, the way home. Like, I'm not saying that it's just linear, 20 minutes in bed, I don't, I'm just saying, you should be thinking about, if you know that you're gonna have sex, so you want to have sex that night, or you obviously, you're with your partner, there's little things that you could sprinkle

throughout the day, throughout the week, to add up to your AT-Minions, you need to clock them all, I'm like, it's like a cheat, it's like a hack. Here's your four-play hack. You can get those minutes in other times. It's like the steps, it's like your Fitbit, and you're like, oh, I should just go to gym work. No, you can like go walk to the store, walk a

little farther than the parking lot and get 10 more steps, like that. For sex. Okay, you feel okay with that? I do. Awesome, man. Okay, we are going to take a quick break, and I just want to thank everyone for supporting our sponsors, because I love them, and you know, I never, ever, ever talk about a product or anything in all sexual product that I have not tried, used that I don't love or any service. So thank you for supporting them and help and keep the show free. We'll be right back.

All right. Okay, Menace. All right. Emails. Yes, my favorite. I know. And we're getting so many emails. Well, per usual, but even more you

Were not here when we did a show With the staff the team and we talked about like this 2016 was literally the best year for section Emily in these 12 years because We had more listeners more people email us, you know more people went to the website and joined us on social media and and just asked us questions and it's just it was it was an incredible. You finally have a good team of people. It's all good. I know, I know, their life was, it was growing pain.

Yeah, yeah, no, it's all good now. But the other thing, oh, I shouted Jiao today on the radio. You did? Yeah, because we're talking about something, something that has to do with sex and stuff. Yeah, I forgot. Everything I learned about sex, I learned about sex and stuff. Oh, no, I think I was just saying, like, people should go to sex-domin.com

and check out, you know, toys and stuff like that. Oh, on the Widdish. Yeah, on the Widdish. And we're talking about how, oh yeah, we're also talking about how they did a study about chemicals and toys, like regular toys for children versus sex toys, and how sex toys are actually- Oh, they're regulated, yeah, they're much safer than toys that are actually out there.

It's so true. Yeah, well, now I think they're getting better at children's toys, but that is true. It's very regulated. I mean, the stuff in sex toys when we started 12 years ago was like, it was, you know, dangerous. And now it's like really all about body safe materials. Yeah. Those are the only toys we talk about on the show and products. So thank you.

And someone else told me that they were like, I heard you talked about a minus a little show. Yeah. I show you all the time. I do believe you. I'm just not up at 6 a.m. To listen to you, but I feel you. Yeah.

All right, good. Okay, so anyway, you can send us an email, and here's the easy way to do it. Go to sectorthamway.com, click on the Ask Emily form, and then you've felt the form of hit submit. That's it. And now there's an option. You can just say, if you want to be called, we'll be doing some call shows where we set up the calls ahead of time if you'd like to be called, and we will help you through it, and get deep on your issues, to check that box,

you can even leave me a voicemail, 818-ask-s-w-e-1, that's 818-s-s-w-1. Good, can we get to that in two seconds? Yeah, dude, you just had your brain to explode. Yeah, because I talked about you for a good minute on the radio today, and it was the other thing, we got a message from one of our listeners saying that she's doing a challenge of trying to have sex

every day with her husband for a year, for a year. And I brought up how many times we brought up the 30-day challenge, which has always been really good for people, this girl is trying to go for people. This girl is going, trying to go for a full year. Yeah. No, she's not. It is crazy. I was actually I've done with Dr. Drew's HLN show like a year ago. I think it was the Valentine's Day show. And there was a woman who did the same thing for a year. She wrote all about it. Like I think it's an a half-eaten post or something about how for one year she had sex

everyday and what it really taught her about how much closer a broader husband and help them communicate and brought them closer together like the ups and downs of it but how their sex life went to the roof if you commit to doing anything for a year every day like I meditate every year this year I do most days now the last I've been trying for 20 years to get it set schedule but I have for the last now three months I think every day and I just signed up for like a year. And that's pretty scary.

But again, like everything in life, one day to time, what she, what she say about it. Oh, no, we just, we just read about it. It was on our profile. Oh, it is. It's a new story because she like messaged us about something else. And we read on a profile like currently doing a challenge of having sex every day with my husband, blah, blah. And we're trying to figure out like, how is that possible?

Because she was also a mother, and you know, that causes conflict within the relationship. And you know, you get in fights in general, but when we've talked about the 30-day challenge, people, even though if you get in a tiff or argument, you still just have to do it. You have to do it.

You stick to it, yeah? Yeah, no, I think it's really good to have those kind of, I mean, yes, maybe the look stream for some of you, but stick, try it for a month. And here's the thing, it doesn't have to be like, intercourse every night. You could just, it's okay if you, you know, mutual masturbation, give each other a massage,

like connect intimately for a month. And it's like, they say it takes 21 days to create a habit. And I actually believe that that's true. There's a few things in my life that I've done that with and it like is totally stuck with me. One of them is meditation. The other one is flossing, like kidding you. And maybe it's my brain, I'm like, oh, day 22, I did it.

But if you can just like a reminder on your phone and when you don't want to, you just, you know, you do it, even if you one night, I think people get discouraged. So let's say you commit to every night, like we have to full on sex, let's say you just make out this one night and you're like, you know, baby, I'm tired.

At least you made out. Like maybe I haven't made out, like, then people, so many people will say, well, we didn't do it tonight because we just made out, we have thrown in the towel. I failed. No, keep going. It's okay.

It's like you're at least trying and part of your consciousness. You should do it. The other thing was meditation and my intensity by my intensity by promo my cat-loveless. It works. It works. That's great. Have you tried that? I have not. You've changed your ways. You know what else I talked about on the radio today? Tell me more. My top 10 favorite items that talk about. I know you really want to hear that. So I'll give you a copy. Please do send that to me. I was somewhere recently, met a successful Taco Bell, and I don't remember where, where would I have been recently? Because I haven't been anywhere but taking out, someone was like, so excited. Something came out about Taco Bell and the news or something.

Oh, just recently they had this chicken shell taco. Yeah. But like someone, I was somewhere like, oh yeah, the Taco Bell thing.'m like yeah, where is a Taco Bell? Every five feet it's from Southern California. They were founded in Downey, California, okay, which is probably What you had to go on a tour? It's in their base in Irvine, California. Would you rather go to Disney World VAP pass for a day or back to Taco Bell I had quarters I was just at Disney World. A couple of weeks ago. And I probably talk about is making now stressing up as you know,

no, no, no, that'd be interesting. But what's really cool about Orlando, Epcot, you, it's set up like every section of the world, you know, so and they have bars at everyone. So like you're in Japan, you're in Mexico, like, you know, so and they have bars at everyone. So like you're in Japan You're in Mexico. Oh, like you just get hammered like all the way around. Oh, cuz you have Florida That's that's where I used to go as a kid We didn't yeah, what does that? Does he world? Right, right does your world does he land is here right exactly? I was but that's where I went as a kid

For some it's a small world Yeah, it was great, but all right fine. Let's talk let's talk to the people.? Exactly. I always, but that's where I went as a kid for Simon. It's a busy, it's a small world. Yeah, it was great. But all right, fine. Let's talk to the people. I'm sorry. No, that's, I love, but here's my other question, be though. Yeah, yeah.

You know you talked about this morning on the radio that you remember? Do you talk? Do you remember everything you say? And like, I always talk about this radio of Nisha. Like, I don't often remember what happens on the show. Like, if you brought it up, I would, but don't think just kind of going in and out. Yeah, your brain. I do remember a lot of things that the show. Like if you brought it up, I would, but don't think it's just kind of going in out.

Your brain. I do remember a lot of things that I'll stick out, you know, throughout the time. But some days, you know, yeah. But some days, yeah, I totally, yeah. My God, I was there. Yeah. People are like, you know, that time,

Madison, producer, Madison, they're like, oh, yeah, and when you were in mass, I'm like, we did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We didn't do that. Okay, so the other thing I want to say, as always, we love when you include, this is Menace's Rules and Mine,

but you started it. Gender, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show and your age. It gives us a better understanding of what your age is really important. Oh, another subject. Dude, what? I'm sorry.

We have to see each other this is the hospital. I know, it's been forever. But yeah, we were talking about age and it's asked like, today we asked listeners, you know, where, what point in life do you think you had it all together? Like, what age were you? Oh, it was actually a scientific thing. We're like, people, they asked, you know, a whole bunch of people and they said, not until

they were 37 where they felt like they actually had it together. That makes sense. Are you 37 yet? I am, but I felt like I got it more together around 32. That's like where I finally like- I think when you got it all together. I feel like you got it together. I actually feel like you are a man.

Like you feel like a man to me. Like you feel like an adult. Yeah, in the last year and a half. Yeah, well, I had some time apart because you were living here before me. Oh, yeah, it was really dark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about men and women 37? Yeah, around like around that age. And that was the start feeling they got it together. Because I think like around that time, you ever have it together together. No, no, you never do.

But it's like, it's like, because you get out of college or when you're like, you're in your early 20s, you're like, okay, I'm just gonna I'm just gonna get out and I'm gonna make more money than my parents I'm gonna be you know living large and like the world doesn't work that way. It doesn't take the time in the Earth, you know, so like when you're in your 20s and you're struggling just know that eventually it will get better as You get older, you know, that's a really good message. I know that you want to like kill it right out the gate, but it just doesn't happen that way. Yeah, no, you're right.

Man, it says, I wish and I wish I knew that and people probably tell me that I'm my 20s, but I was so angst-ridden in a different kind of way than that. But I'm actually less than I'm much more subtle now. But I was like, I've got to kill it with my career. And I moved to San Francisco the day I graduate. I was like, it all mattered. Everything was important and it's funny because when I read through like a lot of our listeners in their 20s and they're like, I've got to kill it with my career. And I moved to San Francisco the day I graduate. I was like, it all mattered. Everything was important and it's funny

because when I read through a lot of our listeners and their 20s and they're like, I don't, you know, we'll get into it. I'm like, can I get over to relationship? It'll never be like, and you want to be like, you're 23, you're the whole life, but you can't say that because at the time, it's a real angst, but just know that like,

you literally like, even if you think you're mature and you got all together, you're mature, but you haven't had enough days on the planet to actually understand all the things in life and to have it together. Like you haven't lived enough time. And I know, I know everyone always says this, oh well, you know, if I knew the stuff that I knew now

back then, and it's absolutely true. But you don't. And that you gotta go through all those things to learn to get to where you, we learn from all these lessons in life. We can hear from you. That doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Like the black widow by baby stronger.

I got special powers. I know. I know. You're crawling on the walls. Dude, I am after. You're shooting webs everywhere. It's crazy. Oh my God. People try to stop me with their foot.

OK. Now really, hi, Emily. Thanks for the sex empowerment you offer to everyone. I have a question about introducing bondage and other intense actions. Oh my god. It says such as choking, but I thought it said such as cooking. I have contacts today for the first time and I was like, cooking. You want to do cooking and bondage? That sounds fun. Emily is very against that. Okay. Have a question about interesting bondage and other intense actions such as choking. I actually scared a guy and he immediately friend zoned me when I asked him to choke me in bed

That's obviously not my future goal So I'm hoping you can help me with figuring out a way to reassure someone they aren't hurting me And also how to start using ties during sex Thanks again for the great advice and I love listening here in minas no ta. Oh Minas no ta dams no Kelsey 26 Okay Ooh, Minnesota. Minus no-ta. Damn. No, no, no. That must be so cool. Kelsey, 26. OK. So Kelsey, here's the deal.

I love that you're asking for what you want and bed, first of all. I get that it can be a long way for a guy if you were like, hey, choke me for men. Like, I think I can understand this, Kelsey, though, glad you're asking because for some guys, you're told your whole life, like, be kind to treat women with respect and like, don't hurt them and don't like, you know, consent and all these things.

And then all of a sudden, I go like, joke me. And you don't know like, what? Like, I don't, honestly, I don't even know, in her relationship, how well she knows that person. Some guys might be afraid, like, well, I don't want to get in trouble, you know, I don't know the situation. Things like that.

So yeah. And. Things like that. So, yeah. And she was like a casual thing and now she wants to know though, like, but she's into it, which is totally cool that she's into it. But I get that. I understand why something else. Sometimes you'd be like, yeah, like I'll do it. So I understand it can be confusing for men because they don't really, you know, or women.

Like we just, this happens a lot with partners. They ask you to do something and something. They don't want to please you. They don't know how. So I'm glad that you're asking for what you want. And it might have made a big bet. I'm insecure because you didn't know how to do it or whatever it is.

But sometimes you need to tread lightly and show your partners what you want. And this can happen gradually and badly. You can put his hands on your neck. You can be like, hey, put your hands here. And ask him how he feels about it. You can literally be like, can his hands on your neck, you can be like, hey, put your hands here, like, you know, and ask him like how, you know, he feels about it. You'd be like, you know, you could take, like literally be like, can you just keep your hands

or that feels good or like squeeze it a little harder. Like, instead of saying choke, but you could like show him. But if you talk to him about it, you know, sometimes communication insects can, you know, kind of get lost. So you can let him know also like if this is a guy that you're actually dating, let's say you're in a relationship, okay, and you've been wanting to get man or woman, even wanting something and it's just like in the bedroom, it's getting miscommunicated.

You could explain to him like why it feels good and like what you like about it. So for example, like let's say, you know, you're with a partner causing the future, you're like, you know what, I just think it's really hot. When you choke me, I just guess this feeling of like, you're in control. And for some women holding their breath, actually, what can intensify their orgasms, so like orgasm. So explaining that to your partner can,

you know, kind of so that it's just to understand where you're coming from. But I think it's important to make this a teachable moment, Kelsey. So, you know, with your partners, like explaining to them what white feels good whether it's outside the bedroom and just you know explaining white feels good and all that and teaching them how. So as for the ties I

personally love the sport sheets under the bed restraints minus you know what those are right. I've taught those out like they've been under my bed for a really long time like I've always have them there. There's, and they're so easy to use because they're Velcro. So getting tied up with your partner is like not, is not like such a, you don't have to get like hand conflicted a tie with a key. They're like always there and you literally,

if you can't use, if your partner can't use Velcro, we've got other issues. You literally put them around your hand. So they're really comfortable. That's Fred, right? The bed spread that you put the Velcro on. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they have all that stuff.

So it's really comfortable and easier to use in like a silk tie or like a rope. But he might be wondering like you want me to tell you all, but I don't know how to do those fancy tie of, you know, knots and stuff. So you can find those at sportsheets.com. You could also give them like a scenario. So let's say now you get the cuffs,

text them before you see them. You know, you could say something like, you know, I got these new cuffs. I want, you know, you could show a picture of like maybe one of them on your wrist and like I can't wait for you to try them on me. You could also send them a pic. So he knows what to look forward to.

And I think the cuffs are a good gateway to get on board before maybe you leave the choking if you're with a new partner. I mean, maybe he'll just try to choke you. God, these days some guys just do that. They like just, it's kind of, they see it important. I think that in the last, in recent years, like there's been a lot more choking porn. But just let them know, like build up to it.

So I don't think you'll scare you with, you know, you're gonna scare about it. So just be playful with it. And here's, yeah, so to be playful with it and here's yeah. So to be playful, coughs I think are easy board like a good gateway and again sports sheets love them and men it's just reminding me so

when I was moving I moved finally. I was in a place for three and a few years and I moved in the morning and I had to come back because I forgot I I had to move out of two places because as you recall you got a place I moved into a place and I had to come back because I forgot to, I had to be out of two places because as you recall, I moved into a place for one night and it was too loud and I moved out and I got into a place.

So I had to be out of two places. So we rushed out, got everything and later that day I had to come back and get the food and I was like, and my landlord was there and he came back in with his girlfriend and I loved them, they're so great. They live in the front house, I was back. They came back and I'm like, oh, we love you.

It was so great living here. And I go back and I bet you I'm like, you guys don't leave me in my bed. If you want it, I think it's really cool. Bad in my mattress. And I was like, oh, my god, my underbed of restraints are literally like my sheets are off. A whole house empty, but my the last friggin' thing in my house

were my underbed of restraints. Oh, no. And I was like, I just have to like grab something here. And they're watching me. And I start to pull like they start coming out under the bed and you can't hide what they are. They're coming. I'm like, yeah, I just, I forgot these

and I just put on my bag. Oh, wow. Yeah, a little bit less. Nice. Nice to find them. They've seen everything. They've seen the CBN's whole thing. So, I'll find.

OK, we have another email. All right. OK, hey, Emily, thanks for your time. I'm currently talking to a 29 year old woman. We get along great and have another email. Alright. Okay, hey Emily, thanks for your time. I'm currently talking to a 29 year old woman. We get along great and have discussed sex. I only want to friends with benefits type situation and she said that she's willing to try that. However, she has so far shown no physical interest in sex.

She's never had orgasm and doesn't masturbate because she doesn't like the thought of it. I'm more than willing to wait till she's fully comfortable. The sex is better that way anyway. But I'm not sure what she wants. I'm slightly worried that if we continue to talk flirtatiously as we have been doing, that we may not be able to be just friends with benefits after too long.

Naturally, to talk, you'll be naturally, as you talk intimately for longer, the more attached you'll feel. A long-term relationship is not a possibility for me. I have health issues. I just don't know what I want, but for now it's a casual relationship. For this reason, I refuse to be with someone and hurt, and hurt them badly by leaving. That's not going to be how I leave this world.

I'm all about fun and need some advice. As ultimately, I just don't want to hurt her. Do I stay or do I go? Think for your time, big fan you work. Karen, PSI approached the subject with her, but it's hard to say nicely, you know, what I want from us, you need to see what you want. Okay, here's a deal.

Karen, you want a friends with benefit relationship. I totally get it. You both have to be on board. I don't think that you have to be on board. I don't think that you want to be this woman's teacher. You know, you're at the point, like you got to be in the same page and be friends with benefits.

You just serve like to be with someone who can meet you like halfway with your needs. You don't want to compromise it, you know? You should find people who are like, you don't want to be with this woman that you're teaching or how to have sex with you. Like, you know, that if she's not experienced, she's never had norgasm before,

you kind of want to be, you know, you're right. She is gonna get attached and she's gonna get into minute. I mean, here's the key thing I say about friends' benefits. It's a short term relationship, typically. One person, you know, in short term, however you define it, could be six months a year, but typically they work when you're both casual and eventually, A, someone's need to get more feelings than the other person, and then they're going to want more or someone's going to fall in

love with someone else and it's going to end. So it is a temporary situation anyway, and it sounds like you're with someone who you've gone out a few times, you're not even having sex yet, she's never had an orgasm like, I don't think you want to go down this. No, no, no. So you need to, definitely not. You're just like barking down the wrong

front of the benefits tree. And I would just tell her, you know, I thought we're looking for, thought the relationship you want. Right? Friends of benefits, you've had that? I, yeah, but it always wants, you know, somebody always wants more.

It doesn't really work out. Okay, right, exactly. You know that. Okay. Hi, Emily. Long time list in our first time asking question. I'm about three months out of my first serious relationship at the ripe old age of 27. I broke things off with my ex-girlfriend because it felt as if she kept pushing me away.

Our sex life was completely non-existent. Her exact words were that she felt we didn't have chemistry. She'd offered her sex with me to make me happy, but otherwise didn't feel like it. I'm not one to force things, and I wasn't crazy about the idea of having someone having sex with me just to make me happy, so I never pressured her to have sex. I tried to be patient and work things out because I understand everyone has different needs,

but I decided to break things off shortly thereafter. Having said that, I'm wondering why is it so tough for me to move on? I know I made the right decision, but it doesn't make it any easier. She made me so happy. I feel I'm ready to date other people, but now part of me just wonders where things went wrong. And if I could have done something differently, thanks for listening. Lorenzo age 27.

Lorenzo. Lorenzo, this is the first relationship. So I think it's totally normal. You get hung up. But this is what we're talking about. It's your first 20s. You haven't lived. Different phases of your life.

Yeah, your first relationship is hard. Like that is the one. You usually are hung up for a lot. Like yeah, because you have no reference points to go back to like, I can get through this. I know that I'll meet someone else. So I think we think we're never getting overspending that so many times.

Any playing yourself, you know, you think, where did it go wrong and all kinds of stuff like that. Exactly. So it's very normal and regular, especially with the first one. Yeah, and you're so young. Oh my God. I know.

It's been so many other. But I want like a house on Love Line. It's seriously when I was on Love Line, like we were just like every night. It's like we get these calls more for men than women. I think that men in a way get more attached. There's something happening in the world. I don't know what it has to do with men,

but I didn't use to see this that young guys I think It's harder for them to get like this obsessive like I can't get over the time thinking about yeah And I think it's again. This is like normal regular You're three months out. That's not very long. It might take a little longer It just takes time to process everything and I I think that when you break up with someone as a great, another teachable moment in your life, we should really learn from these times. It took me a long time to learn these as well,

that it's so easy to jump into something and to kind of forget the other, forget what happened in the past. But I think it's good that you're actually morning it and you're thinking about it. But rather than living as much time in the regret, because I think something that doesn't change as you get older, I mean eventually it does, but even in your 30s, you think, did I make a mistake? Will I find someone better? And,

you know, like you keep replaying over your head, well, if only I'd done this right or that right. And I think that's a normal kind of rumination that we do after relationships. But hopefully, that has run its course because eventually you gotta start looking towards the future and thinking about what you learned in that relationship and what you could do differently. So like it does take time to process it, figure out what you want and what you're looking for

in your next relationship. And like the next stage really is like accepting, you know, what happened and moving on. And like just trust yourself that you made the right choice. You know, and I kept thinking about this because very, I don't know anyone who's like spent their entire life pining over the fact that they made a mistake of a relationship. Like typically when you leave a job, leave a house, like you said, you got a new apartment, these things that are really hard, moving cities, breaking up with someone

Those were really good changes in life that I think usually will come out like you made the right choice I think just change is good and you weren't getting sexually, you know She wasn't happy sexually, you know You went through this for a while. I think you know was the right choice and you have it so much easier now With Tinder and Bumble to like so much access to find somebody else to get out with. And the more you start, you know, hanging out with people,

I think you're going to start to move passes. But we do have this euphoric recall. We break up with somebody. And we tend to remember only the good stuff. Put them on to pedestal. Yeah. Really go, my God. Everything was amazing.

Like I literally have to call my friends sometimes to be like, like I did this recently Like I do this I just like back to someone I was dating like oh, he looks so cute on Facebook And I called Charlotte and time is going like why do I break over again? It was like five or something That remember that time we do call I'm like oh, yeah, right. Thanks, but like you don't just help us to write it down But you know we do that. It's fine. You're gonna move through this And um just just know that you're doing all the right things.

But don't get back to you, you didn't make a mistake. Trust your gut. Hi, Emily. I've been in and I was relationship with my 25-year-old boyfriend for almost three years. We've always had pretty good sex, but he never really been able to make me orgasm. I can do so no problem by myself.

So the past few months, we've really been trying to get to me to orgasm when we have sex. When we keep tripping up on this, the communication, we keep tripping up on the communication during sex. He seems to get very offended when I try to give him directions. Guys don't love directions. A few times it's cause of fight and we end up not having sex at all. He says the way I'm saying things makes them feel bad. He even said that one time I'm being too detailed. I'm very frustrated and confused

because we don't seem to be on the same page. Each time we try again, I'm trying to make a conscious effort to say things as nice as I can. I do think I should be direct meaning I should verbally say what I want first is just a moan here and there it feels good, but it doesn't even like that. You know, we think it's making feeling adequate. I don't know, what am I doing wrong?

Like, how can I be clear without hurting his feelings? Please help me again. Thanks so much for your amazing advice and sex-positive attitude. It's truly changed my life for the better. Yeah. XX, Sophie, 24, Texas. All right, Sophie, question.

How much does it cost to buy a house in Texas? Because it's so damn cheap. So, I don't know why you were spiked. Anyways, though, I was on Zillow last night looking at houses and Texas. If you bought her a house, you'd sure have an orgasm. You'd have a multiple orgasm. So, let's start back on them.

That's how they orgasm. Throw bags? Yeah, yeah. Like a Louie of a time. Well, I'm more of a YSL guy myself. I'm so glad you's how they're going to get them. Throw bags. Yeah, yeah. Like a Lou Vuitton. Well, I'm more of a YSL guy myself. I'm so glad you're more like, I told you more YSL now. I'm the one who told you, you stay Lou Vuitton,

and I was like, it's YSL. No. And I love that you just said that. No, I said YSL. I've been saying YSL. And I have this. I love this. And you're so mature.

You're so mature. Look how 37. OK. So is the Fitzgator. No, the thing I was going to say is, and the question we should ask is, does she know how to make herself orgasm? Yes, she did say that she can orgasm on her own. Okay. So she could do so no problem by herself. All right. And then, sorry interrupt. No, I was just going to say what you're going to say,

like you always say, is why don't you show them? Right. You know, this is what I do. Exactly. Here's the blueprints. Exactly. Like literally the blueprints. But here's this is a little different because here's

the issue with this one. And yes, you're going to have to show them. But she's been trying to tell him in bed. She's like, listen, babe, like put your finger here. He thinks she's, he gets turned off when he gets like annoyed and he feels like she's being like, you know, hard what did he say? He gets, he gets upset. He actually, um, he gets offended when she gets directions because here's the thing. A lot of guys and women, were they insecure when it comes to sex and they're just 24 years old. So not as much as the experience.

So think about all the pressure that men and women have with leading into sex, right? So even before that, I just know this from hearing from thousands and thousands of men over the years, that you guys have to make the first move, typically. You're expected to know what you're doing. For a lot of guys, they have insecurity to how their penis is going to work.

Yeah. If they're going to get up and down again, like you minus all these concerns. They're yo yo. So they're just insecurity. He wants to rock your world. So if he really does, and it's hard for guys to hear they're not pleasing their partner. Like it's just he's like, I feel like you probably went to like, I'm not pleasing you because you're giving me instructions, you're giving me directions.

And so this is really sensitive for a lot of guys, right? There's ways to have a discussion where it's not like saying that, hey, you suck at this. She's not though. She's just saying, babe, can you move your left right, he's getting offended. So this is a different case of it.

And it sounds like to me, like this seems a little repair, like a little repair conversation. Because with guys, I also, once they get a bad review of things, I never forget it like there's one time My penis it worked so it's repair So undo the damage that you did not intentionally do but you've got to just like sit with him Because he's you know, and just you got to say like you know, you got to build a backup. You got to say like baby like I love you know

I should well I love having sex with you direction, you know some do I love having sex with you. Direction, you know. Some do. Some do. And some, I think, just to trigger something in them. Maybe they're dad. I was always correcting them when they were trying to play basketball. But it came to our little league games.

And we're like, I don't know if that's baseball, little league. Not basketball. Right? Basketball and- I was saying basketball. And they're like, do run faster, run faster. Like they never get that out of the way. It's whatever it's triggering in them,

it's not about you, it's how he learns. So you got to build them back up, like let them know what you do, love about sex. You know, what makes you hot, like let them know. And timing and tone is everything. So we weren't there in the bedroom with you, so if we don't know what, like how you were saying it, you would've been like, oh no, it's the left of the right.

Like no more, I'll pay, get frustrated, or your tone could have been direct. It triggered them in a way also. So we, so it doesn't matter like how nice you're being or anything. If you're giving these directions to the heat of the moment, like you might get impatient, it doesn't, we don't know what's happening. So talk about it outside the bedroom. Let them know always good to talk outside the bedroom with a lot of these things.

Like let them the positives. Like babe, I really want our sex life to be great and so it's already great but I were focusing so hard on my orgasm right now that I think we're both getting a little frustrated and I think that that we're working on like having an orgasm towards sex and I actually realize I don't expect you to automatically know what I need and it's maybe it's even been unfair. It's been unfair that I haven't, maybe I've made you feel bad because I thought we could do this together,

but I actually know how to get myself an orgasm. And I'm thinking, is there a better way that I could tell you this? Is there a better way I could let you know? Because I also want you to be able to tell me what feels good to you, sweetie. Let's talk about this. Because I think that, you know, if they both have a talk about you, give it, yeah, well, it's the way you say it or it's the way you do it or who knows what it is. So if you, you know, show it to me, then you might say to me, yeah, like it was the way

you said it and bad or, you know, like, so I think like mutual masturbation is great. Like I'm a huge fan of mutual masturbation you could sit and be like, be able let me just show you you can masturbate I can masturbate you could put your hands over my hands but I know we're trying this thing together but you know so for you know how to orgasm and here's for women a great transition and again I hear this from women all the time most women can orgasm during intercourse. It doesn't come naturally for many women. 30% do, okay? And that those 30% not every single time.

So a lot of time what you do is make this transition where you do, I guess it's like party trading. Oh my God, why is this couldn't be bad? But you're on the little toilet. And you pee and then all day your parents are on the big toilet. It's like, you gotta do this slow transition where you know that you rub your hands on your clitoris. You know, you use some lube and you do it.

And you can do that same movement with him there or with his penis inside of you. So just kinda make that, maybe it's awkward the first time because you're gonna, maybe you stop, he puts his penis and you stop and you go back to master, you just need to figure it out and you train on his penis and then you'll get there.

It makes makes transition. So just direction. Like, guys, I want to do stop and ask for directions in your last. I mean, no one gets lost anymore. Yeah, no, I mean, I had never been shy even before navigation on that. But I don't know why I would ever get upset.

It doesn't make sense. But yeah, I guess there's, you know, it's very 2016, 2017 to say triggers, but I guess say. It is right. It's good where though. There's something in it because some people will get mad, some people wouldn't. There was a thing I wanted to say that, oh, okay, so this reminds me of a somatic experiment. Me and my Celeste Danielle class, I took, there was a student in the class, we would break out into class. We'd break out, break out groups. And this one time we just pair up. And as a guy, and the exercise was that the guy had to show you that he was interested in you, like flirt with you, and show you that he was interested in you in a way that

I felt that it was like real, like because they teach you that, like how to bring your flirt on. So he started doing it and then you have to give feedback and then you switch and then I'd have to flirt with him. So after the 10 minutes, he did it and I said to him, listen, I said, I didn't feel like you do feedback. Like I didn't feel like it was really, you were really bringing it. I felt like you were more in your head. And then it wasn't like an authentic sort, like it seems sort of cheesy that he was like nervous. And he wasn't bringing that wherever

the actual offensive flirt that we'd learned this technique. And he was like, Oh, okay, well, are you sure? Like, can I do it again? Or he got really upset by it. Like, it was like, and I was like, dude, no, I'm not saying that you're bad at this. Like, you also practice and giving the goods and the bad, the positive and the negatives. I was like, no, you were great when you started,

but I felt like your head got a little twisted. And it was fine. And then, like, I'm trying to think it was the next workshop. It was the next workshop that was six weeks later. I went back to San Francisco to the workshop and he came up to me and he said, I really need to do that exercise with you again. It's really been upsetting me.

It was six weeks later. He's like, I've never, I can't even talk to women now. I feel like, yeah, I feel like I let you down. And that's because he's feelings for me, he's my wife right there, he goes in the class. He's like, but I felt like you, and it was like, oh, and I know it's always annoying to have, but it's like, literally could not let it go.

We had to redo it with me. And I'm just saying that there are things that like, it's hard for people sometimes to take feedback. And I liked that he told me that because then we were able to repair it. And he did the exercise again and I worked out. Nice. Celeste and Danielle, who I love, and if you have a chance to meet them, you should

friggin take this chance because they're amazing. I did the groundbreaking somatic work. I was just talking about them last year. You're gonna have a chance to work them as well because they're teaching how to flirt workshop funny enough. And you might think like, oh, I already know, I've flirted. I got all the babes. It goes deeper than that.

It's not just like, hey, but there's a whole art to it, the way they teach everything is mind blowing. If you already feel uncomfortable approaching women or men, not even approaching, that's the wrong word. But turning your sex on and feeling connected, they will teach you in this workshop, whether you're single dating or even just trying to keep the spark up in your relationship.

It's called flirting your way to success. It's a five hour workshop. It's friggin' free. So it's 12 to your way to success. It's a five hour workshop. It's friggin' free. So it's 12 to three is the workshop. Our 10 to three is the workshop. Three to five, there's a free intro to somatica course. It's in Madhya and Beach. It's February 12th Sunday.

I'm gonna be there. My old team's gonna be there. If you want information, go to somaticainstitute.com. Slash somatica skills. And we've been like tweeting about it. It's on our Facebook and Twitter and all that stuff. Yeah do you want to go? What's the date? February 12th. February 12th. February 12th. Don't I? Oh yeah yeah you said that. Okay I love you all thank you men. It's

really good to see you. You too. Nice to see you too. I know. I'm glad to see that you're getting better. I am better. Yeah you're getting all together. Let's do my whole life camp together this month. It's amazing. Okay thank you for watching.. Let's do my whole life. Can't be bothered this month. It's amazing. Okay, thank you for watching. Thank you for following us on Snapchat and Twitter and Instagram. I know how you've been with that. Do it.

I'm really good. Oh, remember when you were in the hospital, or doing Facebook live? That was so fun. I could then my whole family. Everyone got to understand. But I had more crap from that. We got to talk about it in their time.

Oh, yeah. From that Facebook live in a funny way. I have to tell you about it later. Okay. But yeah, we do Facebook live. You should check out our Instagram stories and snapchats and all that stuff. It's all at Sex with Emily. And I love you all. I love my team.

Thank you to Madison and Eddie and Jamie and all of you. And thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwith MLA.com. you