Sex With Emily - 2018: Turn Ons, Teasing, & Tech

Episode Date: January 3, 2018

Happy New Year! On today's show, Emily and Menace are talking about having the best sex and relationships in 2018, and specific ways to make it happen. The two discuss the forgotten art of the tease and how to master it, the future of sex tech and what it may look like this year, and why marijuana smokers may be having more sex than you. Plus, how to you talk to your partner about their flaccid member, why some people would rather give than receive oral sex, and how sometimes, a person’s sexual past may actually be a turn on. We’re starting off the new year with a bang! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Happy New Year! On today's show, I'm joined by Menace, and we're talking about having the best sex and relationships this year. Topics include, Why more wanna users are having more sex than you are? Mastering the lost art of the teas and why that turns us on so much. The future of sex tech.

Hey, the sex robots are coming. Are you? And specific ways that you can improve your sex life in 2018 and I'm here to help make it happen. All this and more, thanks for listening. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a fight on day Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute The girls got a hair stand Oh my

The women know about shrinkage Isn't it common, what do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel a sound, bro Being bad feels pretty good You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithelmay.com. Check out our website. It's a good time to subscribe to the podcast. I mean, on social media, it's at Sex with Emily. Facebook Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, I'm here with Menis, Happy New Year. Happy New Year, Emily.

I'm so excited to be here with you. I know, this is exciting. I think my performance on the last podcast I was on, I apologize for it, but I swear I'm gonna step it up. Oh, jeez, are you still recovering from this? Thanks a lot, yes, too. Okay. I think this second should be a holiday though, already.

Yeah. You shouldn't have to work on the first or it's like, maybe that whole week. I feel like we're not gratuitous enough with our holidays. How's your mom, mom? Awesome. I love my mom.

My mom's amazing. You know, the sooner you get through all your parents' stuff to people who hold on to and kind of clear it out, well, we are putting this planet to deal with issues from childhood. If you don't think you have any year wrong, and it's not a bad thing, like that's literally how we are going to learn our behaviors. We're gonna learn to be better people,

letting go of things, learn to do old resentments we have, and then you become a better person. So my mom and I have cleared out a lot of stuff over the years, and it's a lot easier, and she's not like abusive mother, just the regular like, you know, she worked a lot. She was no such thing. She got married three times, and did a lot to her parents, was supposed, she worked a lot. She was there. She got married three times. And the dead, the lot, her parents were supposed to port the good times. I get

it. She was single mom. And the point is I love her. She's great. She's a good time. She makes me laugh. How was your near? It was great. I was in Miami for the first time. I was at the, for Sachi mansion for dinner, which was amazing. What are like people rented out now? No, you can go, anybody can go there and have dinner. Just go to dinner, okay. Yeah, and then I went to Pipples New Year's Eve party. Oh, really? Pipples singer.

Crazy man. Yeah. How was it? It was good. Well, my girlfriend's family was with us and they're like really, they love Pipples. Did they think that it was like a family affair? Yeah, let's go to Pitbull's New Year's party. And Miami, yeah, Miami, so we had fun.

But I really wanted to talk about New Year's because I think New Year's is like one of the biggest sexual holidays of the year. Really? It's just like, is the science according to menace? No, I think it's overlooked as one of the biggest sex holidays of the year because as you get older, you know, the focus is, who am I gonna kiss at midnight?

You know, so it's all about who you're gonna be with on that day. Right, no you're right. You don't see what I'm saying? No, I do see what I'm saying. I'm like lame new years or what? It's always like. You know, I've had no eyes.

I know I know that thing. I'm like, mostly about cared. Like, I know most of the day. I'm going to kiss my never cared like Yeah, but it's like mostly about like I'm gonna date and you know When you show up with someone and you kiss them and you want to help with that I know that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't see where I'm going with this. I hear the ball drops you make out right yeah So how's that what other holiday would be bigger than you might make out with someone? I feel like you will get really drunk and messed up and they fall asleep and they pass out. They don't have sex much.

Yeah, the maybe that's a large sex. They're thinking about having someone that they're close to. Oh, I don't want to be alone on New Year's. What do you think is the basics holiday then? Probably Valentine's Day or your birthday. Yeah, everyone's having sex and your birthday in October, which I'd like to move away from that trend. I'd like you to have sex all the freaking time.

Have sex more this year than you did last year. There you go, done. How's that for a whole? Everyone. So I say, I know I am. Then Valentine's Day. And then, and then, and then New Year's.

Maybe, yeah. I'm gonna put it right there. I find it right at least. Do it. Yeah, Super Bowl. Super Bowl. I don't know, where I'm trying to think. I don't know.

You know what, I hope you're right. I hope a lot of people had great sex in the years. How is your sex? Amazing. I have my own hotel room. I wasn't sharing it with the family, you all right? of you had great sex in years. How was your sex? Amazing. I had my own hotel room. I wasn't sharing it with the family, you're right. Dude, never share with the family. Effort, you can't ever share a hotel with the family.

No, no. I did that once, written recent years, and it was a mistake. You did? There was the problem. The reason my family can be so challenging when you get older and you go home and visit them is because they're like, oh, you're still like my mom, like you're still doing those things.

Close the door, get off the phone, you're being loud. I hate a pretabule. My mom was giving me a crap about something in the other day. Like I try to take, I took a photo, the dogs were like taking a nap. And then they just like, I'll try and take a photo of them. And they were just looking, they started looking up because they know so I was taking a picture of them. So I sent the photos of my mom, thinking like the dogs look cute.

Check them out. Cute look at your grandson. Well, it's like, about them. So I sent the photos of my mom, thinking like the dogs look cute. Check them out. Cute look at your grandson. Well, it's like, what's wrong with the dogs? Why are they so sad? They're just everything okay? Were you yelling at them? I'm like, what are you talking about? You got all that from a photo of the dogs napping.

You're like, I just abused my dog, and I take pictures. This is what happened when you just reach out. That's good, honey. But see, that's, she's sad, your mom right now. No, she should be sad. Sounds like that's how it's all. I bought her a...

You saw a happy dog, she saw a sad dog. Yeah, no, no, I bought her this sweater that said, God damn it, what was it? It was a Christmas sweater that had a llama on it, but it said something funny. So like, llama, llama, I don't know. Maybe that's why she's that. No, she loves, she has a llama.

She's all right. But we're also having our contest better lover 2018, because this to me is like probably the most important formative contest of the year because I know this from my own practice. When I write stuff down, my goals, visions, you write them, you reread them, what you'd like to accomplish, they call it manifesting or whatever you want to name it when you think about it right down It will happen in the New Year because you'll be thinking about you're like, oh, I want to have more connected sex with my partner

I want to have sex more frequently, you know, I want to do You know, I'm going to wear that laundry that makes me feel good not what makes my partner feel good I'm going to be a better listener. I'm going to create that laundry that makes me feel good. Not what makes my partner feel good. But I'm going to be a better listener. I'm going to create a date, all that stuff. So I want people to write down, think about it, where you want to be with your sex life this year, your relationship, email me feedback at sexwithelm.com. By January 14th, we're going to pick four winners actually and put better lover to the 2018 in the subject.

I talked about it on the last year, where I want to have a lot more date nights. Yeah. 2018. So what's the first date night? The first one should be in about a week. Okay, cool. I love that. Just go to, you know, I don't know,

steak house or something like that. Steak house, you guys are so traditional. But then you eat too much, maybe, and then you don't wanna have sex, which I know it's gonna be a problem in the past. Do you know what the problem is? I actually eat the least. My girlfriend is funny, this happens all the time

when you go to restaurants. I'll get the petite fullet. I'll get the little tiny piece of meat and my girlfriend will get a New York steak and they always hand her steak to me. Right, of course. And then the little one to her happens. Wow, she's got every single time.

I know, she's the only like, she's little, right? Yeah. But she eats like a goddamn monster. Right. Do you guys know what? Do you guys cook together, anything? She cooks.

I'm okay. I mean, I can cook, but she prefers the cook. Right, that's good. Okay, I just want you guys to have more fun this year. I'm gonna have you report back every month. I'm gonna call you in the first of every month and check in on your progress of a coach. All right. I just want you guys to have more fun this year. I'm going to have you report back every month. I'm going to call you in the first every month and check in on your progress of a coach. All right. I think it's not really. But when we were doing this contest, I was like, I want to make

sure because really, because I know the sound silly, but maybe it doesn't. I was saying to everyone during our meeting in the day in the office, I was like, maybe I could do something where people could send me their pledges and then I'll follow up with them somehow as a coach because sometimes to have success in our lives and to move forward on goals, you need to be accountable, like people who exercise together, or they make a bet with a friend, we're gonna do stuff, go to the gym or take a class, or take a class with somebody, accountability.

So I wanted to help people really reach their goals this year to work, because we don't make enough. In fact, you probably make goals maybe around your work, or working out, or seeing your family more, but I think that we do not think about prioritize and make room for sex enough for the lives to really, really think about like, hey, what is my fantasy? What does turn me on? If you don't know where you're now, you're thinking, gosh,

I don't know, it's all probably pretty good. You know, the thing about sex is people forget that it actually does take effort and some foresight and some thought to kind of an effort to keep going in a relationship and even on your own to keep it expensive so you're not even bored with your own masturbation. So I tell you to prioritize and hold your hand through it, but not really. I'm not on every single podcast. Thank God for all the listeners. Thank God.

The listeners are happy about that. But the thing is, I would love to get more follow-ups, like you were saying, or just keeping up with people on all the emails that we get. I know, me too. Because we always have extra questions, you know, and it would be awesome. I'm sure people already email back, but I'm just not here to hear the other reach-on-list. Right, exactly. But yeah, if you can just follow-

Maybe you guys can email me your success story so last year. What have you learned from sex with Emily? That'd be great. Because I know that when you was emailing me, you always say I learned so much from your show. I've been listening a lot, which I feel so whenever I read them, like, that's why I'm doing this. This is why it exists on the planet.

But I'd love to know like specifics. Like we had never done this, and then it happened. Or my penis, I would do my kegels in my jacket shot across the room this year. Yeah, sweet. Oh, and if we're out and about, you know, out and about, don't be afraid to say hi, because I've run into so many sex family

podcast listeners throughout the country. That's really cool. Congratulations on your show, your world dominance of the Woodie Show. Thank you. It's in every city, almost, in the past. We're only like 11. 11 cities.

It's major. You're in Detroit, my hometown. So if you're listening and you're in Detroit. Yeah, if you're listening to the Woody show. Yeah, listen to the Woody show. In the morning. We're on a bunch of alternative radio stations, so I'm not going to list all the numbers. But I can't remember what the one is in Detroit anymore.

It's what oh six in Detroit. They get to wake up to your voice every day and manage this funny. I mean, right now he's being okay. I'm right. But I promise I turn it on. But yeah, we're on a bunch of cities. Can I shout them out real quick? Sure.

It's fun to hear. It's fun to hear. Oh, Detroit. No, no, it's also fun to hear to have sex and listening and calling to the show. Yeah, call in and then say I listen to the sex with Emily podcasts and then it gets like free advertising. Okay, I do that.

So yeah, we're on in Los Angeles, of course, Detroit, Atlanta, Portland, Albuquerque, Indianapolis, Des Moines, Wichita, Raleigh, North Carolina, Baker, South California, Hawaii, Dickinson, North Dakota, and American's forces network in 175 countries. So the troops are just sitting around listening to the Woody show. Is that what they're doing instead of a protecting a country? We're on the freedom. Less than I heard was menist talking about his. We're the morning show for the Freedom channel. So yeah, if you're even, even if you're on like a battleship somewhere, you can listen to the Woody show. That's amazing. Have you heard from people? Have you

heard from the forecars? Yeah, like people, they're stationed in Turkey. Yeah, listen, it's amazing. You know, so Thank you so much to people that listen to both of the shows. You're giving back. I love it Okay, Matt is this when I say this for you this came out like a pack on a month or two ago Have you seen all these studies about marijuana and sex? Which is amazing together? Amazing I could have what's it? It says Amazing. I could have wrote it. What are they going to say about that? Well, you know, now it's legal in California. So happy marijuana legalization.

It's been like that in Vegas too, which is crazy. You just walk in. Vegas, I haven't been to Vegas. I always thought that if it's illegal, when did we become legal in Vegas? I really haven't been there a lot. Not too long ago. Marijuana use is becoming commonplace in the United States. Over the past two decades, 29 states have legalized its use for recreational or medicinal purposes. As we all know, I can't wait to see if it's been 20 years. That's what's happening.

So there was a new study that came out and this has just been written up everywhere. It says that marijuana users are having more sex than non-users. So women who reported no marijuana use during the past year had sexual intercourse six times an average during the past four weeks compared with 7.1 times for women who had daily marijuana use for men. It was a little bit higher

So people are smoking and having more sex. I support. Oh, yeah, because it increases sexual rousal They know it's a sexual pleasure. They're subjective experiences That could lead to more sex well, they're high. So the study doesn't necessarily say like, whether it actually leads to more sex, but I think that people who are high, basically are having more enjoyable sex and more functioning.

They're having less erectile dysfunction, lubrication, orgasmic ability, and I think a lot of us do with your inhibitions go down. You're not worried about all the things that you're worried. You know, my email box is, you know, flooded you guys with your concerns. Is my penis okay? Is he noticing my left boobs bigger than my right?

My movie right? How's my blowjob? Whatever. Pot affects everyone differently. Obviously, some people get high and they get paranoid. They get high and they're like, I know we're gonna have sex, but I'd like to eat this bowl of Oreos.

Whatever, Oreos. So that is true. I see how it jives with you, but it is true that it just takes you out of your head and your body and everything feels better, right? Like the music sounds great and touching your partner and you can feel more intimate connected. What do you think? Have you had this experience with sex? Yeah, I think it's amazing. I supported. But Indika or Sativa, I wonder if they broke that down. I'm like, what is better? Well, Sativa is more of the down, right? The drug

that's more gives you, it's more of a full body high. So I would think that Indika would be better for sex, but I think that, you know, before the days when you could break it out, be like, is I'll have this strain in that strain when it was just like, I'm just glad I weed. Because my mother, here's a funny story. So my mom, my infamous story that you might have heard

if you listened to a show in the last 13 years, I was not an easily orgasmic female, never occurred to me. A masturbate didn't have orgasms. And it was discovered by my friends in college when they were talking about all the awesome sex they were having. I think I was a sophomore and they were like, you've never had an orgasm and they were like, trying to help me. It was like they all came out like a vibrator masturbate telling me these things. It wasn't that I was shamed of masturbation. I just never even thought about it didn't occur to me. So my mom, my friends all love my mom. These are still my same like five best girlfriends. We were sitting on the kitchen table. They all came home. I was at University of Michigan and I think we came back to my house for dinner. I'm

mom cook this dinner. I remember her saying, Oh, Emily, you're so tight. You should just get high. Just spoke a joint of sex. I'm not even a pot smoker. Like she does occasionally. So I thought that was now that all comes around. And yes, I have to say I'm not even a pot smoker. Like she does occasionally. So I thought that was, now that all comes around. And yes, I have to say I'm a fan. I like smoking very much. Yeah, there's no difference between smoking and drinking. I think smoking is way better than drinking as a guy that drank a lot for many years.

I'm totally over it. I love smoking. I feel amazing the next day. Yeah, if you don't have anything over. True. Yeah, don't get caught up where you're smoking it every day But like on a weekend, but on the weekend we go right or whenever but if it helps you relax and get you the mood You safely don't operate heavy machinery. Yeah, I'm talking about sex. I like how is drugs and again It's not for everybody you got to try it out But here's a thing is that there are now the

I've had a lot of like companies come to me as well who are like, would you talk about this in your show? Because there are companies that have like vapes that are just for a rousal. You can like, you know, take a hit and stick this strain as far as a rousal and there's the lube. The, the foray, I was a lube that my friend made a few years ago. It's like coconut, lube, coconut oil, but it has marijuana. Yeah. I mean, the stuff becomes really high. a few years ago, it's like coconut oil, but it has marijuana. Yeah, I mean, this stuff becomes really high. It's gonna be crazy in the next couple of years where we're all getting high

and having sex with robots. That's what it's gonna be. No, we're not. But no, yeah, we might be. And not leaving our house ever. Yeah, because everything's gonna be Amazon prime to our house. See, this is depressing.

And the more we talk about this is what's gonna happen. You know what would be great? Your partner's now everybody. And I'm doing it as well, but I feel like sometimes, you know, a lot of times what we talk about, you know, the more you say things, you're giving them more energy and power to the universe and they're going out there.

So I feel like, what if we talk about how we really like the world to be met, rather than what we think it's gonna be? Like, I hope that there's a backlash in a way against technology and bringing your phones everywhere that it actually won't be appropriate to have your phones out in certain times and that people would start regulating it more.

Like when they started putting like steeples and cards and stuff like that and like started putting, you know, remember like when you're kids, you don't fence is everywhere and you just walk out and let it ledges and you can, people, it wasn't safer, but I feel like you're, you're, you're, everyone wasn't but hurt all the time about everything.

Yeah, I'm telling you, I do feel like the more we're back to the 80s. I know the 80s were so bad, right? When people can call you all the time. Like I look at my, you know, college kids now who have, obviously you guys were like, I was born with a cell phone in my hand, but you made a plan, you went out,

you weren't like always constantly distracted. So I think young people negotiating through sex and love right now, it's all about the text because they're not actually having conversations Yeah, everyone like said is we even don't get each other and we're seeing next to each other Yeah, we have to clarify it when you're your entire relationship is over text and you don't even have experience being out in the world Actually talking to people and I don't think it's a good thing

I thought that the phone is gonna go away. I'm not saying it's evil I don't have my phone like I lose it 10 times a day. I forgot if it's not I got a velcro to my head I get it, but I think there's got to be moderation, like everything. I think that we're going to have a driverless car so we can be on the phone the entire time. It's going to get sad. I'm going to look at the first time you did talk about that. About five years ago, we went to have a disco and I was like, that's what happened. That just seemed crazy.

Well, I brought it up because I was like, oh dude, people are gonna be- Having sex and weight evasion. Having sex on the weight evasion in the back of the car. That I might do. That's gonna happen. I know, why not? I'm telling you.

It's not necessarily sex. And not like snapping the whole thing. True. Okay, so do you want to help me use me mouse hair? Yes. I love it. Thank you for supporting our sponsors and listening to the show.

Happy New Year, we love you all. We'll be back to answer your most pressing questions. Thank you for emailing us. We love hearing from you. It's amazing. You can text us your question, text, ask Emily all one word to 7979 or you can email me through the website via the Ask Emily tab at sexwithmly.com and as always include your gender, your age where you live and how you listen to the show. Dear Emily, I'm a huge fan of your show and started listening after my last breakup in January. Your podcast has helped me become sexually inspired and confident, so thank you.

I recently started doing a guy who was 29 and I'm 24. We've been together for three months, and I'm really liking how things are going. I'm mentally, emotionally, and physically connected to him. Our sex life is usually great, but there's this one thing, and I'd love your advice. He lives 45 minutes away, and we both work full-time jobs, so we normally get together on the weekends. When we have sex for the first time after four to five days, it's hot. The next morning we start with foreplay, we get into it, but part way through actually having sex the morning or evening after we have the initial sex

session, he seems to go flaccid. Sometimes I give him a blowjob to keep it going and he'll get hard for a little while and then go flaccid again. I want to talk to him about this, maybe this is something I can do or just listen, but I don't want to make him feel insecure or adding anxiety to the mix. Can you share some advice and how to bring this up to him? Thanks for the work that you and your team do, Jackie, 24, California.

Jackie, okay, so here's the thing. Typically when a guy's like, she's 29, he's 29. So this is why a guy's gonna go flaccid. First of all, it could be, I was thinking about, I just nervous, so he has performance anxiety, right? He's afraid, he got flaccid once, it's gonna happen again and then it will happen. He could be out of shape, overweight,

he could be stressed about work, stressed about money, lots going on, it's hard to get your head in the sex game. He's super excited, he's not thinking anything. Right, drinking our drugs, he could our drugs. Drinking our drugs. He could be on some kind of, you know, like literally drinking too much or taking too many drugs. Clity marijuana. I'm not saying it's all roses and prescription drugs.

And also something could actually be wrong. So let's say you look at all these things because there could be one of these things going on just so you know, does it drink a lot? Does it eat drugs? That could be the reason. And here's the thing. You're 24 years old and I get it that it's really hard to have these sex conversations. I'm talking to people all ages who have a hard time, but he knows it's happening and you know it's happening. So I think

the next time it happens, or you could also do it, you know, I always say it's best not to talk about sex in the bedroom. Have sex in the bedroom, obviously. Sleep in the bedroom, but having those conversations right after, right before, they're like kind of technical or it can seem even more, like emotions could be involved with it, like this kind of conversation you don't want to do in the bedroom. So since you both know what's happening, I think that you have to, you've been together for how long you should, you said if they've been together three months, I think it's a great time to talk about sex.

I think you should do it the first time, but three months is great. You can just bring up like, hey, like last day it was hot, I get so excited to see you, I get really turned on when I'm driving here, something about your sex life, bring it up when you guys are breakfast next morning and say, babe, I want you know, that I know when we're having sex sometimes, I know that like you get hard and soft and, you know, that happens and I want you to know that I'm totally cool

and I want to know like what, like how can we work together this? Can I help you? Do you know what's going on? Cause it's not tripping me out. I think you're so sexy. Love our sex. What has this happened before? Let's talk about it. Yeah. Because it is the elephant

in the room. Here's a blue diamond. And so when he's 24, he doesn't want to talk about it. What? Here's a blue diamond. What do you mean? You don't know what a blue diamond is. No. Viagra, they're blue diamond. Oh, I didn't know what's called that. Yeah. Well, that's all I say it on the streets. No, I would not say that at's 29 years old. It's 29 years old that, yeah, a Viagra would totally work for him, but I'm more concerned when a guy's so young. I'd love to try a Viagra. You never tried one? No.

Oh, they're fun. Oh, dude, Blue Diamond, the people are giving you pot because of what you do. You're famous, whatever, dude. You're a bunch of people. You know what, I got enough weed. You got any diamonds on you? Blue diamonds, blue diamonds.

I'm afraid I would need a legit one. I wouldn't want a Randall Blue diamond. I don't think that. I'm probably ecstasy. That wouldn't be bad either though. So when when. No, okay, but Jackie, so I think that you got to talk to him up. Because like I said, all these things, he's nervous about his performance.

To me, that's probably more likely than maybe he thinks like I'm excited to see you. And maybe he's had a problem with it going soft before Again, does he ever wait think about all these things because he might not even know why so you're gonna help him I think it's also great to go to the doctor if he's like you know what it's been going on my whole life We should always get checked out go once a year He should go now and check it out if he doesn't know but tell him it's okay Tell me cool with it. You want to work with them on it? It's not tripping you up. You love having sex with them. How would you take that conversation?

I mean, no, it's never easy to talk about this, but it will get easier, Jackie, and your sex life will be better because of this. I promise you. You always talk about when to talk to them about it. What do you, breakfast, dry and road trip? Yeah. Like the next morning brunch. I'm so sure.

I know that you say don't talk about stuff in the moment, but I, that's why I hesitated. It was right after they were like having talk and cuddling and whatever. I rather have it like in the moment Like how? Help you and she goes are you in yet? You're like no And then she's like oh, you're soft again. That's right. I might talk to you about your flaccidity. I don't know I know your brother I rather talk about it in the moment than having Conversation as we're trying when you when I was, that's why,

about my flaccid weiner. But here's the thing, sometimes, the problem is is that we get, I was talking to someone at age, she said, oh, I was having sex with this guy, she's in her 20s and she said, I told him that he was being weird. They were like, they were in their college.

And she's like, and I told him he was just being weird about something in the moment because he made a joke and he got so upset. He was like, so insecure that she said he was being weird sexually. So young, you just have insecurities around sex, so it's like landmines, because we're already so worried, so when you, it could just trigger in ways

that you don't even know. So that's why I think the bedroom... Well, that guy was being weird about being weird. Well, but guys are weird. You literally, you guys latch onto these things, like you hear one thing about your dick, or one thing about your performance, or one thing about anything,

and you're like 20 years go by, and you're like, in, or one thing about anything, and you're like 20 years go by, and you're like in your 40s or 50s, and you're like, I still can't talk to a girl because one girl told me I had a bad breath. Or she didn't like my balls. I swear to do, we hear from them every day. So I'm saying, you are gonna be helping him by talking about. And so I did think though, if in the moment,

is there a time, because I'm picturing this, right? He doesn't get hard again. So they're having sex this the morning. He puts it in, he gets soft. And then he's like, well, hey, beautiful day out there. There must be a moment that you both- One after you see your phone. Get on your phone.

Well, right, that's true too. For a lot of guys, I don't know. I think you haven't found the right economy yet. I'm obsessed with skin conms. You know, I feel like there's, everything I've recommended, whenever I say skin connobs, people only try and be like, oh, where have they been my whole life?

Cause they're non-latex, they have different sizes, they feel different, they're soft, smooth, but. Maybe it takes long to preem to reload though, for some reason. That's true. We don't know what it is yet. We don't know if this has happened to him historically. He's 29, so we don't know if it's the first time,

but I think you gotta just be a good listener. Let him know that you're there, you're not, cause it doesn't sound like you wanna break up with him.. He's 29, so we don't know if it's the first time, but I think you've got to just be a good listener. Let him know that you're there. You're not, because it doesn't sound like you want to break up with him. No one's there. But guys don't know that, because it's their penis is malfunctioning. It's like their main, it's your everything. It's like your little head, but your big head. You guys, often times, you run a lot through your penis instead of your large head, your

little head, for thinking. So it could be taking over. He should just make a weiner turniket, and he'd be fine. Weiner turniket. Don need to find a winner turn again. Yeah, you just try this at home. A winner bib? Yeah, no, it's some like sticks and you tie some rope around and you're good.

But I could see the moment going back to finish my thought here is that if you roll over or maybe you're noticing there's this nuanced moment where it gets awkward or it stops you like, babe, I just want you to know I'm so good with this. Like, let's figure this out. And I got you this Weenoternikits. I got you in and here's a Weenoternikits.

She pulls it out from under the bed and I got a big bow on it. Yeah, don't do that. If I watch the Weenoternikits right now, like self-driving cars in 10 years. I know. Okay, high doctor Emily, I was just listening to your podcast with Dr. Jen

from Friday to 7th, 15th. One of the emailers was the guy who wanted more or less slash blow jobs from his partner. And I'm writing to say, I'm the complete opposite. I love the idea of a blow job and it's a huge turn-on when a woman goes down on me. It feels great, but it doesn't personally advance me towards orgasm. This seems to frustrate my current girlfriend that she can't make me come orally. I've tried to just enjoy the pleasure, but as I said, it just doesn't advance. I'd rather be performing oral sex on her or having actual sex. Is this odd that I can take it or leave it as far

as receiving oral sex? Thanks, Ryan 41 Gainesville, Georgia. Okay, so Ryan, this is, I know you've been satisfied with my what? Guys, it's like, blow jobs crazy, even if Ryan, this is, I know, you've been just feeling like, what? Guys, like, blow jobs, crazy. Even if it's this, but it happens. Just like some women. It's happening in Georgia. It's happening in Georgia, but people, some of them don't like being, it's like everything. There's not one sex act that is universally appealing, I think to everybody. I can think of. So I might not even like kissing. So Ryan, I've heard the support, some guys don't like it, and there's a huge

menu of sex things to find that you do like out there. And I'm wondering what, if you've never liked it, I know that you've had, like, you've probably like, people are thinking right now, what I'm gonna say, everyone's thinking, we probably haven't had a good blowjob. But I don't think that that's necessarily the case. I think that for some guys, it just isn't their thing.

It doesn't like it. Yeah, it just doesn't like it. Maybe it feels like it's not as intimate because she's down there, maybe he likes giving rather than receiving, maybe he's a pleaser, and he feels like, what if she doesn't like it? Maybe as intimate because she's down there. Maybe he likes giving rather than receiving. Maybe he's a pleaser and he feels like, what if she doesn't like it? Maybe he just doesn't feel as good as he feels connected. You sound like a bunch of women's dream,

except for they want to receive. All right, too. He's my dream. Ryan, how's are you? Are you guys going to go find him? I was going to date him. Wait, he said that. No, I like bloodshops.

I would miss giving bloodshops. No, he said he did like to give. He loves giving. Okay. He likes providing. But here's the thing. This is quintessential male female miscommunication or no communication that could make your sex life

in your relationship so much better in an instant Ryan. So she's feeling bad because she feels like she's not pleasing you and she's doing something wrong and she's bad at blow jobs. And you're like, because she's probably, it hasn't been around that many men who don't love blow jobs, I tell you I've had like several like in my life, they're like, not cause of me. I'm kidding.

But they don't like it. They just don't and I'm so open. I'm like, I get it. But I think you have to do your best to let or know that like there's other ways for you to experience pleasure and that you just don't, you know, save a lot of time, which is not giving you blow jobs. You could be having sex. You could be playing with toys,

you could be watching porn. So I think that she's using this to beat herself up and feel bad that she has to do something else but I think that the more that you truly, truly reassure her and let her know that it's not your jam, she'll be okay with it. But you've got to talk about it right now because she really won't believe you.

Like you have to say it in different ways several times because she's probably going home and like reading up on blow jobs. Like the unit should give you the killer blow job. But if you, the more this happens and she feels frustrated, it's just not gonna blow out a little bill to become resentments.

His thoughts are on it. Like, if it doesn't, he doesn't, he doesn't, he doesn't, he doesn't like it because he, he's afraid that like some horror film's gonna happen and his weiner's gonna get bit off or like he hasn't got a really good one before and he just doesn't like the feeling or what? I don't wanna put that on, I said.

There's so many. He's 41 years old. I don't wanna. There should be so many different factors to figure this out though. Well, he probably knows. Look, I'm not pushing it on him. Like, hey, dude.

You're the blowjob pusher. No, I'm just like, hey dude, what's wrong with you? You don't like blow jobs. That's totally fine with me. I'm just trying to on him. Like, hey, dude. You're the blowjob pusher. No, I'm just like, hey, dude, what's wrong with you? You don't like blow jobs. That's totally fine with me. I'm just trying to figure out the reasoning about it. I mean, who knows? Maybe, yeah, we don't know why, you know, there could be like different sensitivities.

Like maybe he just doesn't like the way it feels. Like literally, he just wants to be a journalist. It could be, yeah, but there could be something that happened, you know, who knows what? Like maybe some girl like his, you know, his people care about Connor Teeth and she, but who knows what? Like maybe some girl like his, you know, his people care about her teeth and she, but who knows what? And she's not up and it's like,

there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many,

there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many,

there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, there could be so many, You know, that she's awesome. Definitely. Hey Emily, I recently had a break up and now I'm seeing a new guy. We're taking things slow, but we do have a one night getaway coming up. I wanted to be spicy, but we're not ready for sex.

What can I do to create sexual tension? I'm a sucker for- Why would you want to do that if you're not gonna have sex? Because, because it's fun, the teasing, you've never been a fan of it. Is it fun for her or fun for him? It's fun for him. I'm a fun family. It's fun for him. I'm a fun family. I'm a sucker for teasing.

What do you recommend that's not going all the way? Of course I can always give him a blowjob, but I want to be more creative. Thank you Rachel. 19. She's 19. California. Good for you Rachel. All right Rachel.

Okay. I'm sorry. I thought you were like an older lady. My bad. Okay. But the tease is so underrated. I think that that verve you're like, yeah, you were like an older lady. My bad. Okay, but the tease is so underrated. I think that that verve you're like, yeah, you're 21. Yeah, no, I'm like, oh, you're 35 and you want a tease this guy? Right, when I had my first sexual experience,

I was supposed to do it from and my boyfriend, we rented a teller room, we were 18, and he forgot the condoms and I wouldn't have sexual. Oh, damn it. I was like, sorry dude, you lose. What a dumbass. What a dumbass, have sex with him. Oh, damn it. I was like, sorry dude, you lose. What a dumb ass. What a dumb ass, he still looks at. Okay, so the tease, I do think like, okay,

you're not the person to ask this, but Tim, the sexual, when that sexual tension grows between two people, sometimes that is the part of the relationship that can sometimes be the best or when you think finally back on, you're like, remember at the beginning, when we just make out for hours and we just touch each other

through our clothes and like the whole like dry-humping. Yeah. That is really, we don't get back to that. I've just as many emails from people asking me like, how do I go back to this moment? Rachel is in this moment that so many of us think about that excitement. So I think that slow everything down,

like I always tell guys go five times slower, like I feel like you could do a, like undress slowly if you guys are still like fooling around, but do like a sexy, like strip tease, pack up some costumes that make you feel sexy, do a dance, that's hot. That is the ultimate, like, I'm not gonna have sex with you, but I'm gonna move around and you could like look at me.

So everything that you do that's suggestive, like playing around his different erotic zones will definitely be teasing him and erasing him. So like whispering in his ear, giving him a essential massage, bring him, oh, if you're a queen, I'll tell her you have to bring some like, bring like a massage candle down on our website,

you can check it out. They make a really great massage candles that you like. It's opiance. So I would say set the environment where bring your favorite sexy playlist, candles, give them like a miss you more of that member you poor the one who can kill his head's up like look we're not gonna have sex. You know she says we are taking it so you are totally putting yourself in the head of the message. No, no, no, no, we're taking it so I totally understand that but I'm just

saying I hope she's she gives a heads up like hey we're going office, but I'm just saying, I hope she gives a heads up, like, hey, we're going office this weekend, but I'm just letting you know that we're still not gonna do the deed. Right. Okay, I think you know, she's just working so. I would bring a blindfold,

I'm thinking about the ideas now. I'm like, wait, stop, bring a blindfold, place the music, and I would give him, have leave his clothes on as long as you can, and you could use bondage gear, you could get some, like, you could use an act gear, you could get some like, you could use an acti, you could get some sports sheets like Velcro, and I would just like seduce him with touch,

you could feed him some strawberries, you can play with like some hot and cold feathers, take like just rousing by touching him all over his body and wait a very long time that night until you actually put your hand over his pants and wait a very long time that night until you actually put your hand over his pants like onto his penis, but I would touch everything else. I would again like eventually you could take the blindfold off. If you don't want to do that, he doesn't even have to be blindfolded, but I think that

the longer you wait to undress him and even touch him and just be so hot because you think begging for it. And then you like take his pants off with your teeth, go from there. All right. Then it's like, I just want to get down to the action. But like, yeah, I think that the more the sexy and done that you feel Rachel, that is going to turn them on as well. Just be strong. All right. Okay. Hey, Emily, I've been in a committed relationship for five years and it's great.

My girlfriend is everything I could hope for both inside and outside of the bedroom. There's one thing I want to ask you for. No, no. There's always the one thing. I've heard you mentioned that you recommend avoiding questions about her sexual past. While everyone including myself can have jealous and insecure feelings from time to time, I find my partner sexual past such a turn on. It doesn't bother me that she was experienced and had her fair share of flings.

As a matter of fact, I like it. It's a fun way for us to play with different ideas and she loves to tease me with it. However, I sometimes stumble while wanting to ask about things. She doesn't mind, but I'm always cautious about crossing a line. How do you think I should approach asking

her about these things? Thanks, J-26 Chicago. This is far more common than we think. Yeah. Yeah, that men just kind of get off or women who every with, hearing about their partner sexual past. The fodder that it gives their brain is more of a turn on than like the jealousy.

Like the jealousy might be there for a second, but they're like, wow, that's so hot that you head and sex with this guy and this is what happened. And I think that it's kind of like an extension of talking dirty. So for people who like, you know, just hearing words and bed and it's really hot because you're like telling a story. It's like a rot of that. It's like your own personal rot of go, but it actually happened with your partner.

So I think it's turned out. Like I've had guys like, tell me about the past and they really don't get jealous. So it is true. Like as a rule, you don't want to just be like, so I was the last thing in this guy or doing all these other things because there's a lot of partners who aren't cool with that.

He said that she likes to tease you with it. So that means that she's cool with it. The clearer and more specific and directed you are with what turns you on and what you like about it, the more likely she's going to want to give it to you and vice versa. This goes for everything with sex because I'm just going to do a little side note here. We're also got to be worried that we're going to be judged and shame for whatever it is that we're thinking that we want in the moment during sex. And we let that kind of take over for our entire lives. People never actually learn to ask what they want.

But you will realize in life when you actually ask for so basic, that's what I'm all about here. When you actually say like, you know what's been turning me on lately? What I've been thinking about? And then you're, because we're all trying to figure it out. We're like, thank God, you know, because I don't know. I was trying to figure it out.

Most likely, if you're with a good person, they're gonna be like, hell, Luya, let's do that now. I'm into it. You know what I mean? Like, we're in a good relationship. You want to please each other and that we're not gonna be really cool

for the things we desire sexually in the way that we are allowing to prevent us from having sexized our entire life. So Jay, I think if you say to work, God, I keep thinking about that story. Last night, that you told me about that guy when you were on spring break in high school. That was hot. Tell me that story again. Were there any other guys like, there's something about you telling me these stories

that turns me on and you would be hot when we're having sex tonight. I want you to tell me story I haven't heard yet. Like, it just makes me feel good and turns me on and then to see you turned on. What do you think? How does it make you feel? Like, it sounds like she's down with it. So I think it's not that you need like a name for this. You need to understand completely why Jay. But if you tire that, like, I love thinking about you getting pleasure from these other guys. And I understand that she would be like,

oh, that's weird. Are you sure you're not going to turn on B. jealous? That's my other thing, Jay. Yeah. Do you have to experience with this knowing that you're not going to in my trigger something? I'm going to say the one.

Yeah. Because that's the other thing. It is very tricky because while you're really cool and now when you haven't gotten extremely jealous, there could be a trigger. And so if something happens or she says something, you're like, oh no, we had a really big dick. Whatever is the trigger for a man, it could really you.

So if that happens, you can't attack her. You can't use it against her. You need to talk about it. Say, you know what, babe, I thought I was cool with this, but that thing you said last night didn't make me feel as good and it might even be interesting to find out why. Maybe you will probably unlock something else about your sexuality. So I think that I know that we were all really careful and most time that comes with sex

that comes the way in the form of just kind of repressing everything and I'm just all about people talking more about things. Does that be perfect? It might be a little uncomfortable to talk about it, but get out there. Have you heard that you've got friends who are women or living like I want to hear about what you've done in the past? None of my friends have ever brought that up,

but I know it's a thing, you know? It's hot. Yeah, you heard it. I think you can't make it. Yeah, and I thank guys and we're good. We heard about it in pop culture and stuff like that. Right.

I mean, I know that it can be just hot during sex to when people are like, oh, I don't know how to talk dirty. You were to say, it means really hot, tell don't know how to talk dirty or to say it's really hot. Tell a story. You could even practice by telling a story about the time that you had sexually their partner and you could think like, I keep thinking about, I always say that's going back to your vacation or wherever you were that night. And you describe it in great detail.

Like the way you took my clothes off and kissed my neck and bit my nipples and you used that toi me and you get descriptive. Just retelling a story that actually happened to both of you can be like a whole other thing. Maybe like next level. And then it's feeding your minds, both of you in this like erotic fantasy world that you kind of continue to create

and nourish on your own. Wow. Do you like so deep into it? I don't know. I'm into it. I'm just into this like. You love that kind of stuff. Yeah, I think there's so deep into it. I'm into it. I'm just into this like you love that kind of stuff Yeah, I think there's an arc to it. I think that we don't talk enough during sex

We're not having sex. That's for a time for today men. All right. It was great seeing you Happy new year. Happy new year to you. I Love that the website has so much stuff for people to check out. SexSumway.com, videos, articles, more podcasts, everything, whole shop, rules. Oh, you know what I was going to do, man? And I just had a flashback to you saying to me, what did you use to get mad at me about? You're like, I think it was the website. You were like, you have an update of the way I was a year ago. Like you used to be like, just nice.

You're like, I'm glad you have content in your website. Yeah. It's probably like 10 years ago. I didn't update it for like a week. You're like, you'm glad you've contacted any website. It's probably like 10 years ago, I didn't update it for like a week. You're like, you've just updated every day. Which we do that now. Yeah, it's a whole thing. I was gonna say minutes, whenever you're on the show,

you always talk about the importance of leaving reviews. Yes. And iTunes, we appreciate. And whenever you do that, people leave. Reviews. Really great reviews. And so I thought what'd be fun to incentivize people in the obviously I like. Yeah.

Five star reviews. They're great. We could read a recent review that came in. Oh no. Shout out to the part. No, it's good. That's a good one. So people, if you want to do it, we might just read your review on the show.

Yeah. Let's do that. This is from Jersey Girl, 15. Emily is by far the best sex ed teacher I've ever had. I was so by a friend of all this podcast, I have been hooked ever since. Emily not only gives the best advice, but she also makes you feel like

you're not alone with all your problems. Questions and fears, I've learned so much and taken her advice to heart and bad. Thank you so much, Emily. You're the best heart. Okay, so if you guys do some reviews next week, so much freedom and thank you. Yeah, write some nice ones.

No matter where you listen to the podcast. It just helps us. It's on much freedom and thank you. Right. Nice ones. No matter where you listen to the podcast. It just helps us. It's on iTunes. It's on an app. Whatever. Just click five stars family. Me, whatever you want. It doesn't hurt my feelings.

Right. You can just DM us it on the man. That's what I feel. But yeah. No, thank you so much for listening to the podcast. I really appreciate it. I do. Okay. Well, thank you, man. And thank you.

You're amazing team. Ken, Jamie,. Okay, well thank you, Manus, and thank you to your amazing team, Ken, Jamie, or intern Shannon and Jenny, producer, Lark, Michael, and thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithamlee.com. you