Sex With Emily - A Better Way to Valentine’s Day

Episode Date: January 30, 2019

On today’s show Emily’s team joins in to talk all things Valentines Day. Because if you’re loving yourself or loving your partner there’s always a way to take things up a notch. We talk about the top gifts to get the people you love beyond flowers and chocolate, unique ideas to spend the day -- fancy dinner not included, different ways to spice up your time in the bedroom and if you're single, don’t forget to treat yourself -- self-love is the best love. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Apex, Magic Wand, Adam and Eve, Woo More Play and SiriusXM. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by my team and we're talking all things Valentine's Day. Topics include gifts to get for the people you love, yourself included, that are really going to spread pleasure. Ideas and how to spend the day, fancy dinner are not included or suggested. Different ways to spice up your time in the bedroom and hopefully keep the momentum going all year round. And even if you're single, doesn't mean you can't have some self love going on. All this and more, thanks for listening. Secret institutions. Bedroom eyes. They call them in a bike on day. Hey, Evelyn. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common with all of it? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I want to feel yourself. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Evelyn is not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between.

For more information, check out sexwithemily.com. You can subscribe to the podcast, check out everything we have going on there. You can also find me on serious XM radio, stars channel 109, Monday through Friday, five to seven Pacific. It's been so great reaching so many more people. And if you don't have serious,

you can get a free trial, sexwithfamily.com slash SXM. Also, if you're not all ready, you should be following us on all social media. It's at Sex with Emily across the board, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and you're going to really want to do that because we got some giveaways for Valentine's Day that we're going to get to in a minute.

All right, I am so excited. I am surrounded by so many incredible women right now. Besides Jamie, you all know Jamie. Yes, we all know you. She's in for a few years now. She's in. And we have some wonderful people who have just joined our team. And so I'd like you guys to go around, introduce yourself,

what you do, relationship status, and how you feel about Valentine's Day. Julia. Hello. I'm the digital content manager here. And let's say, current current set is single. What I do work on helping work for blogs, work on blogs for the website. Talk sometimes during the series show.

Yeah, help maintain social. Do not. Yeah. Okay, Valentine's Day. How do you feel? It's always over hyped. Like I feel like in the times when I've been in relationships on Valentine's Day, I like to do something, not like nothing overtly, you know, like just buying into the whole holiday. I feel like it's just like nice to spend time with the other person, but it definitely

gets overwhelming in the same way that New Year's does where everyone gets stressed. Exactly. We're going to make this, okay, we should mention, this Valentine's Day is going to be the least stressful you've ever had. By the time you listen to this entire show, you're going to feel better. Michelle. Hello. Hi.

I'm Michelle. I started off here as an intern about a month and a half ago, and I just recently became Emily's new personal assistant, which I'm very excited for. And we'll continue to intern. So, how do you feel Valentine's Day? You know, I don't, I'm kind of neutral. I think it's sweet, you know, that people like to, you know, go out and express their love more so than on a daily basis.

But I have worked in restaurants since I was 16 years old. So that day has been the most insane and stressful. It is the most busy day. Mother's day and Valentine's Day is like the busiest day for any restaurant. So it's kind of changed my view. I'm like, I hate all of you. Because it's so crazy busy and it's people who usually wouldn't go out and spend that kind of money and stuff. And you know, then there's just like not as good tips. So you know, that's kind of put a sour taste in my mouth, but besides that, if I have a significant other partner

for Valentine's Day, I don't like to go above and beyond. Just have a nice dinner. And that's a good point about the restaurants, because we're gonna get to that in a minute. I think there's better ways to spend your time and money. What do I need to surround it by a bunch of people? And it's paying 30% more for the same food

that you'd get the night before when you could stay home and get all sexy. OK, Samantha. Hi. Hi, honey. I'm Samantha, little under the weather, sorry. I'm a production assistant. So I kind of helped Jamie with whatever she needs,

manage the soundboard, kind of control social media. So you're kind of messaging Emily, me and Jamie. And yeah, I like Valentine's Day, but I don't like Valentine's Day. I feel like it's been dramatized. It actually is my mother's birthday, so it's always been like a special day, but in a different point of view. Right. But relationship or single wise, it's, I think, a day that you should declare appreciation, but I don't think you need to go over that top. Yeah. Let's go over the top. I agree. Okay. That is the team. Thank you, everyone. Jamie, how do you feel about Valentine's Day? You'll get you'll let that. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I was under the impression I was gonna have somebody around Valentine's Day, but I've done.

You have me, we're gonna be in New York. Exactly. So that's gonna be really fun just being in a different spot kind of and be interesting for us to even go out that night and just kind of like see what it's like. Oh, we're going to. Yeah. So that'll be interesting. And I don't know. Valentine's Day, I do like the sentiment

of it in the sense that like, it just kind of gives you an excuse. Like if it's not top of mind, obviously, I think you should be working on your relationship all year round. But if it's not top of mind, it kind of gives you that excuse. Like, okay, like this day, I can pull out all the stops and do something as long as that sets your precedent for the rest of the year. Like don't just like only try on Valentine's Day, but you can use it to jumpstart kind of like, if you've been in a funk or just kind of remind,

or like, hey, I love you, by the way. Right, I love you. And here make it effort. And I think the most okay. So here's a thing about Valentine's Day. It does vary from person to person, relationship to relationship. The standard has always been,

I think like go out to fancy dinner, get chocolates and get flowers. And so, and I don't think that's something you should just do as an obligation. My best advice if you're in a relationship and you a partner, I don't think it should be this thing that's a mystery. Like I hope I get her what she wants and I hope I get him what he needs. Talk about it and say, do we both, how do you feel about Valentine's Day, babe? What do you think about it? Be honest. There's nothing worse than saying that you don't care and then you get bummed out that you didn't get flowers. So if you want flowers, you want chocolate, you want dinner. That's great, but I think it's really

important for couples to just get on the same page. How do you both visualize Valentine's Day? Now, one of you might want to be home, watching a movie, chilling, you know, one of you might want to go out, maybe you plan like, well, let's go out for a fancy dinner on Valentine's Day because it's a cluster F, maybe do it on the weekend, but then on that night, we could stay home

and give each other massages. So I think it's just important to, it's just like, you know, I don't want it to be as stressful as you all get over the holidays. I mean, this should not be that because my main thing about Valentine's Day is that it is a day of love, but I think it should be a great time that if you're in a relationship or out, but make it have a little sexiness to it. Add it.

Whatever that is, think about things that you can do that will bring back the intimacy with your partner. So, if you feel like you guys haven't spent enough quality time together, maybe you have put your phones away and you have a dinner where you play some games or have some ideas for date nights that could be really cool for you guys to enhance intimacy. If you want to spice things up in the bedroom, you know we are full of tips for that as well and I love that idea. Like it's not one day you should go out to a dinner like I think do something sexy. Do you have that be the day that you try something different or have slower sex or whatever it is. But I think the important thing is have a conversation about it first. So you're both on the same page and no one's disappointed.

I think you should do that for all holidays. You know, like even like Christmas, getting your pretty name. Maybe some people like to be surprised, but do whatever you want for the holidays, but for Valentine's Day, figure it out. And then if you're single, we also have some ideas for you as well. You should also be planning it out because you might say, I don't care, it's silly, I'm glad I have a partner. But when it comes Valentine's Day, there still might be a moment where you're like, oh, God, my office may get flowers.

And tonight I'm going to go home and do nothing. So we got some ideas for singles as well. So yeah, I think that's and put that that's how I feel about it. I think do with it what you will, but at least plan ahead so you're not just pointed and hopefully you're super turned on and have a good time. Yeah, no, that's a great point. I actually remember the last year on Valentine's Day broke up with the guy I was seeing because we were so not on the same page for Valentine's Day. We broke up on Valentine's Day. What did he

want to do and what did you want to do? I just wanted a simple, like I was just like, oh, he'll ask to go out for dinner. And then literally like didn't call her text to like four p.m. was like, hey, you around. Oh my God. Oh my God. And like literally by that point,

I was like, it's four o'clock. I made plans with friends. We're gonna go see like 50 shades of gray and get very drunk. But like, I obviously would have done something with you if you asked me. Yeah, four o'clock on Valentine's Day, grounds for you around.

Oh my God. I know. What's up? I feel literally something of sub at four p.m. I'm like, that is too late. That is too late. Oh my God. Yeah, this is why I'm saying plan ahead. Talk about it.

You're listening to this now. Today you've got two weeks to plan out and make sure that you're both Soused. No, but it's true. It's like I had never told him I want to do something. So maybe he also didn't think I cared. So right exactly. Yeah, I kind of okay, so I'm relating back to an episode of the office. I don't know if you guys are fans, but there's this episode where Pam is dating Roy and she's engaged to him and they're saving for the wedding and she goes, oh, we said that we weren't going to get each other anything for Valentine's Day to save for the wedding. And the whole episode, he doesn't get her anything, but she sees all these flowers and everything coming into the office for other people and you can see how upset she is and even though they said that they weren't going to get anything for each other,

like it still made her feel really upset. So my question is, or I guess I feel like if those terms are going to be set amongst partners, I still think that there is, since there's such pressure for Valentine's Day, like maybe you can, if you're not going to get each other anything physically, you could do something in the bedroom. Yes. It's just still make it special. Right. Or write a card.

Write a card. Write a card. Yeah. Words are so special. Like I would love to get a card from a partner that just says, what you're thinking about me, or it's something that is thoughtful. Because I think, yeah, you're right. Even when we say I don't want anything, you still want to do something. Yeah.

Even if there's a plan or an experience. Jay, when we did those 14 days of Valentine's Day videos last year, they can find them all on YouTube right now. They can find them all on YouTube. They have some good ideas in there. I can't remember what they all were, but they were great. They were things like that. Like you could do a DIY where you take a mason jar and you write all the things you love about your partner in the jar or all your favorite memories.

Like I love those kind of things. They're super crafty and fun and thoughtful. So check out those videos too. Yeah, it's called Valentine's Day is every day. It's a playlist on the Sex Family YouTube. So check them out, they're very fun. They're fun. They were, they were good, they're good at them all. They're good at games. But they were great. For different reasons.

For no, just because it was a lot of work, but they came out really well. So check those out for some great ideas. So I think we can just talk about some data ideas. I mean, cook something at home. Like make a, couples, here's the thing you guys, you can't underestimate the power of doing something new together when you're both engaged. Like it could be a new recipe, it could be you're just cooking together, you picked up food, but you are

together and you're preparing it. You don't have kids, wear something sexy, be naked. Hopefully the kids have a babysitter, they can go out and do something. I think that's fun cooking together, it's sexy. It is. I remember like that's one thing with my last partner that I had as we started to cook things together and it does. It makes you one, like just appreciate each other more because you're both kind of contributing and trying to do something within that. And then it is fun.

If you make something you've never made before because then if it turns out like shit, you blame yourselves and that it's funny. It is fun. If it turns out really good, you get to high five and be like, we're awesome. Exactly, and you cost you like finger foods, like affordesiax, get like oysters, and like dip strawberries and chocolate, like do all the champagne,

and all the things that are sexy and fun. So I think there's nothing wrong with that. I also love the idea of playing games together. If you are a game couple, we've got such fun games here that different companies attend to us that we love, and you can find them all. I pretty much all of them on our site too, but there's a game called Monogamy, like Monopoly, but it's a board game and you each, you put cards and they ask you questions and all of these oral fun is one. You can find

a highlight oral sex, naughty dice, 50 shades of play and it's just fun aboard and that could be a great gift. They're not that expensive, and you're like, let's play this tonight. And also, if you are in that situation where I want to know things about my partner, there's like, truth or dare type questions where you really are getting into, I mean, Jamie, you pulled some great cards

from that one game that were like, just questions that are playing. In submit for play, like, what do you, what do you want to know about your partner? Because we all know sex isn't that easy to talk about. If you're playing a game, they kind of have to answer like, would you rather or what's your most memorable sex moment? Yeah. Something about it being someone else's idea makes it easier to talk about.

Right. It's like in Menogamy, they do. They ask you questions. Like, where you actually ask your partner like about their fantasies or things that they think about or turn on and things like that and If it's not you asking you're like it's the game asking exactly. That's like my couples listen to the podcast together because like well Emily said Exactly Play me guys. I'm totally cool with that It's cool happens all the time I have sex before you go out. I love that idea always just just to, because if you do go out for a great dinner,

do something and then you come home and you eat too much, and blah, blah, just have sex right away. You won't even leave the house. I agree. Because then you get too far. There's the higher possibility of getting a tooper. You might do it after dinner. Yeah, that's exactly the same.

Why not do it before? And then you could do it after? Or if you're too tired, then it's no stress. It's no stress. Cancel the reservations, just stay home. Or if you don not do it before and then you could do it out? Yeah, exactly. It's higher than it's no stress. It's no stress cancel the reservations just stay on or if you don't do it later Exactly. I love the idea of recreating your first date. I think that's so like the cutest thing Yeah, it's actually really sweet. It's like greenback so butterflies. Yeah, you go back to the first place You had and you rent the movie you saw or just do something like Cree create that because that is that really works putting yourself back in that time and place and it shows it shows that you like one are conscious of like hey I remember our first date and this is what we did so it kind of gives you

some brownie points there especially if you're not the best at like remembering certain things right which I feel like would be me I'd be like oh I forgot about that but I remember what we did on our first date and it was hot. Exactly. And it was real hot. It was real hot. And then like, I don't know, it just put, it does, like, it's weird how we,

when you recreate certain elements that it really does bring you back. It does, just like that. Certain sense and music or, you know, sounds bring you back. Hopefully it doesn't cause any kind of, did you forgot. You forgot the song that was playing in the restaurant. When we were out eating, hopefully none of that.

How about we stick the geography? We'll stick to the geographic location. Yeah, geographic location. Yeah, basics, not the details. Yeah, exactly. Just the basics. But if you don't remember, that's points. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

And if you guys do say, I like the idea of a picnic, you guys, a picnic is great wherever you are being, I guess it's winter, Don't get it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And if you guys do say I like they do a picnic, you guys a picnic is great. Wherever you are being I guess it's winter a lot of places, but having a picnic in your home, I mean your house if you're like we don't want to cook, just go and buy like all those sexy foods. That's where DJI's fun things, finger foods that you can eat for each other in front of the fireplace. Picnic at home is super sexy. Yeah, like I think we even like inside like if you don't have a yard like just doing a picnic,

it just kind of like with some candles and champagne and then like you said, like the finger foods. Yeah, blindfold each other. Each one of you like a taste test, get your favorite desserts, I'm such a dessert person, like I could skip dinner altogether and just get cookies and chocolates.

That's all I would get for you. Really? I'm like literally just all the different kinds of items. You could make one of those, you know when you're younger, and you couldn't go outside, you make those like forts, just like with the chairs, and make a little house tent. A little tent. Put some blankets down.

Yeah, cozy. Throw on some blankets. Um, Netflix. God, okay. So I just love Netflix. I know, I love that you're new, you're newfound love for Netflix. God, okay. So I just love Netflix. I know, I love that you're new, you're newfound love for Netflix. It's just like, that's how Emily's gonna spend Valentine's Day

is just falling in love with Netflix. I am, I'm so into it right now. Hello, welcome to 2019. It's not going anywhere, that's true. It just keeps getting better. A couple of spa day is fun. If you're both into that, I love it. Couple of massages.

Go on a group on to group on always has discounts. If you're an LA, we spa's the best. We spa. Oh, we spa in Korea town. That is the best. Oh my God, go to one of the Korean town spa's. They're super reasonably priced. You guys can walk 20 bucks for 24 hours.

Just soak and hang out and get free and food. It's so good. It's amazing. I will say as someone that used to work out a spa, like if today, right now as you're hearing this, if you're wanting to get a spa day done, like book it right now. Oh, right, Valentine's Day's here.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, like book it right now. I mean, but it's a really still really nice experience just make sure like, you know, because when I worked out a spa, it's like people were always trying to call that day. And I'm just, I'm sorry, we're completely booked. But like, if you, even a few days before, there were still spots and stuff open.

Right. So it's kind of like, yeah, so that's just like, if you're are planning those things, like, good advice. Okay. We can get away or staycation. You guys know how I feel about hotel sex or just mixing up wherever you're used to having sex and get away take time away from the kids get a babysitter if you're a kid if you've never if you have never left your kids and they are like over the

age of three four like you I think you should do it right away but like have a weekend away without the children is so important for your relationship, or just any kind of relationship you're in, getting out of your same place, the same bedroom where you're having sex. And you'll have to do it over Valentine's Day, maybe you could do it the next weekend or something, but I think just making plans this year to get out of town together is important. What else? Here's surprising them throughout the day. I love this little love note.

It's right something on the mirror, the bathroom mirror, and they wake up in the morning. You could have little post-its on the mirror. That's just special. Then if you don't get in the flowers, we're saying, then I thought about it. Like, how hard is that to make? I love you. Here's why I love you.

Find something out of the ordinary in your town, a museum, a local band. Like, I don't, you know, sometimes I've visitors in town. This is when I do it, and I'll go to like, music in LA or events. And there are cool things happening all the time wherever you live, believe it or not, that maybe you've never done, do something different.

Yeah, you can go on like your city, like most cities have a website, you can actually go on there and a lot of times they'll have like the community events and things like that. So there's probably a lot of like, you know, different like, just pop up things that you never would expect because. Lots of pop up bars bars especially in Los Angeles.

I'm sure there will be plenty around that time. Very good, very good. Okay, so those are just some of our, we're gonna get into gifts in a second, but if you're single, it's still a homer-calded day. There's still hearts, you walk in a wall, greens like it is Valentine's Day. Like it happens, it comes off, you can't really board it.

But I think it's no reason to like beat yourself up. But I love, I love not having a boyfriend on Valentine's Day. No pressure at all. And then you feel really good. I have a hard time with taking time for myself sometimes. I feel guilty or I should be working, but this is the one day and this is for singles to really start thinking about it. What do you want it to be doing on that day?

So I love the idea of pampering yourself but without the guilt. So you go home, watch your favorite movie, have a long bath, relax, like use all those bath salts you've been saving for God knows what, like use those products that make you feel sexy, have friends over too, you know, I like the idea of thinking about the friends that you love in your life, the ones that make you feel really good and you could be the one that organizes all your friends coming over and meeting out for drinks or doing something together with the people that you love and feel safe with. Have a potluck dinner, you know?

Just hang out with your people you love. We are going to go to an anti-vide pop-up bar, not on Valentine's Day, but before. What's it's here? Yeah. Yes. You're a man. You're a ticket. I'm going to get it.

I do. I didn't get it. Okay. Well, you weren't here, but we got you a ticket. I'm so excited. OK, Michelle, sorry. Oh my gosh. I love pop-up bars. Yeah, I thought you said that because of that. You're the one who did it.

I had no idea. Yeah, it's funny. You're already in. This one is an anti-VD-pop, Valentine's Day pop-up bar. And what is it? Julia, you looked into it. It's like, yeah. So it's basically like this pop up bar

that it shows like the best breakup scenes for movies. It's so fun. And it just like has like, I think like fun like theme drinks, but it sort of just like plays out the like, all right, gonna just still love our best loves, even those balance heads. And my best self, right? Yeah.

And I think it looks really fun. Yeah, it does look fun. I'm excited. I'm excited. Yeah, and then I think it's also, and this is something, it looks really fun. Yeah, it does look fun. I'm excited. I'm excited. Yeah, and then I think it's also, and this is something, it's always important to do, but spend time thinking about what you actually want and need in a relationship.

You could sit down and make that list. Like, what are the physical attributes you like? Intellectual, emotional attributes, the hobbies, the priorities. What kind of person are you looking for, your ideal person? And then you like write all the traits out, and then you circle 10, the 10 things, or the top things that you absolutely want in a partner. Now, this is not something you might just finish on Valentine's Day,

but I think we're more mindful and purposeful about what we act. If we are looking to date, maybe you're happy being single right now. I totally get that. But I think rather than just finding someone you have good chemistry with and your next Tinder date, really be, there's such power to actually putting pen to paper in a journal and writing this stuff down because that's how you manifest what you want. And then you're clear. And then someone shows up that doesn't meet these 10 points that are really important to

you. They want kids and you don't. The same, like, different religion. They're, you know, more, they watch a lot of sports and drink a lot of beer, but you wanna get up and run marathons in the morning. That's personal experiences for me. Like, guys, I just wanna hang out and do nothing.

And I'm like, I wanna get up and do stuff. So, I've realized, like, I just need people to do some of the things I like to do. So, all those things really be thoughtful about it. I do it with your friends. Have, like, a vision board night. Definitely agree with that. And I'm currently single.

And I've talked to Jamie about this. How this year, really not looking for any significant other partner because I'm in the process of dating myself and being in a relationship with myself. And one day driving home from work, I was thinking just thinking about like, oh, you know, like my dream person has this and like this and will, will, you know, I'll get up and do,

he'll have me like get up and do hikes in the morning and this and that. And then I like had this realization that I'm the one who has to have all those qualities for myself. Like it can't just be that person. I can't be waiting for that person to bring that out of you.

So then it was just like, oh, like, you know, those are the things that I wrote down. Like these are the things that I, if I wanted another person to bring out, like the best of me, like I need to bring out the best of me first. I love that. And that's a really good point.

And that's something that I read a book one, 20 years ago. I love this woman. She's a Buddhist. Her name's Sherry Hubert. And she wrote a book, be the person you want to find. Exactly. And that's exactly what you're saying. Oh my God.

And that's so true because, you know, we think that someone, there's this whole notion that you complete me, someone completes you. And I believe that the best time to get into relationship is when you feel more whole. And you're not looking for someone to fill in those blanks. Like, you have got it. So I love Michelle, that is such a way to be. Well, it's when it comes off of what we were talking about

last week, right about manifesting your partner and how we're gonna come out of that form, which I'm so excited about. We are gonna have a form for you guys to download that's gonna help you guys figure it out too. but I actually kind of had a similar breakthrough over the weekend Oh, we're we're talking about like writing those five traits that are the most important to us right and I was like thinking about it And I feel like out of all of the five traits that I put down the one that I always get a sort of I hang up on is like They're always bad at communicating and I'm, maybe it's because I'm bad at communicating.

And that's why I keep attracting those kinds of people. Because you're not giving it, because you're waiting for them to do it. You're giving to cool girl. I've talked about which I've totally been a cool girl. Like, I don't want to see needy. Right. In my mind, I'm like, oh, I'm a writer.

Like, I should know how to communicate, but I think it's different. Different. Just expressing how you feel. It's a lot different. It's about being, because you're very articulate, but you're not there as far as communicating your. What your needs are. You're gonna be funny and quippy,

and probably you're probably a great texture, but then saying what you need or what you desire. Just like being vulnerable. Being vulnerable. Yeah, yeah, have vulnerable. So life-joining. Emotionally unavailable people. Yeah, exactly.

Same. No, I've been in a series of emotions unavailable. And I'm telling you, if you keep finding emotionally unavailable people, it is so true. You're probably not that available yourself. Right. Because if you are emotionally available, if you truly in your gut soul, every part of your body is emotionally available,

you wouldn't even be interested in someone who isn't. It wouldn't even be attracted to you because you are ready for it. So that's the thing that people don't often talk about. I know, it's kind of mind blowing. It is mind blowing, Julia, but it's such a great. I know, it's like been here two weeks, changed my life.

Yeah. Oh my God, I love it. I do have a crush in for you. Yeah, Jay. When I typically date people, because this is how I've always been, I'm never like actually actively looking for a relationship because I don't think I need one because I usually feel good being single. However, when I meet people, I'm like, yeah, but like I'm cool with whatever happens. So if something develops, that kind of a thing, but I feel like that runs me into trouble a lot. So it's like, if you're not actually like,

cause there are people out there that really want a relationship and that's cool and that they know that and they want that. But it's like, if someone that's like, could kind of take or leave the relationship as far as, like, I don't need one in my life, but if I need someone and I like you, then we can make into that.

Like, how do I, That is such a good point. I'm, well, I think, because what you're saying is, which I can relate to is that, you might want a relationship? That is such a good point. I mean, well, I think, because what you're saying, is which I can relate to, is that you might want a relationship with the right person. But you don't, like, because I think also, there's a certain notion about relationships

that if you're in a relationship, it's going to be, you're going to, kind of like, you're going to lose your independence, it's going to be this really hard thing. So maybe it's more about reframing the way you talk about it is right now, I'm just dating some people right now. I just got out of a relationship, and I'd be open to a relationship.

And I'm still figuring out what that kind of relationship looks like to me. So I don't know if you want to, I'm still defining what a relationship looks like to me. But right now I'm dating other people. I haven't really been in one that has been successful for me yet. I'm still figuring it out. Because if you say I don't want a relationship end of story, then automatically their walls go up. Like, she's not available.

She's not available. And so, and that doesn't mean that they're not going to keep trying because for some men and women, someone telling you you can't have something, just makes you want it more, which is very unhealthy, right? Because then they'll keep being like, oh, I want to convince. But if you're more like, I'm open to relationships and right now I'm exploring what healthy relationship looks like, and so I'm just dating people rather than saying

I don't want it. Yeah. What is that? I think also people who are like aggressively looking for a relationship are finding a lot of the wrong people for them because then they're finding like qualities and traits that truly they don't reside with and they don't like, but they, since they're looking for a relationship, they'll form that person into their life.

So it's kinda like, that's like on the website. The opposite side of it. Yeah. So if you're like, if I'm not looking for a relationship, so just being open to it, because I mean, I know you, Jamie, I've known you since high school,

if you like somebody, you like somebody. That's true. And you'll know that you like somebody. And you'll know that you'll wanna be in a relationship with them. Right, like that's an arm or saying, I don't want it is pushing people away. Even though you might not want it,

you just haven't found that. I guess it's because I'm not like, I'm not actively looking for it because I'm also down to just kind of like have casual and like yeah, just have fun. And like I'm, so maybe that's really, I guess it's like my transition of just having fun to more serious is what I need to work on communicating.

Communicating it and being really forget on is really like I just don't know right now. I'm really enjoying our time together. Let's see if we like each other like right now. I'm just really being you know focused on like what kind of related. I mean you guys haven't had a ton of like I said the years on the planet of dating like in the 20s all like just how do you know really? You don't really know yet. I think that, that's why I think it is important to, if you are single and you start dating this notion that we go on a date with one person and then we've great chemistry and then we like, we got to lock this down and be committed and then you spend that year, like, we had great sex a year ago.

Now we still don't know each other that it's important to date stuff. I think people think they can't stomach it, but if you're honest, be honest that you want to date several people at once. It's like comparison shopping. I mean, that sounds very cold, but when you're shopping for a new car, you would drive a bunch of different cars.

You wouldn't just drive one and buy the first one, right? And then you do it maybe in a weekend, you drive five cars or in a week. And then it's top of mind. You're like, I definitely like this car had more drink holders than was faster and whatever. So when you are dating several people once, you're learning about yourself who makes you feel good.

What kind of things do you like to do? So I think it serves all of us just because we think we can't handle, again, not for everybody, but most people can. I'm not saying you have sex with all of them, but it's good to kind of experience different people in your life.

I agree. I love that. All right. Thanks for supporting our sponsors, with all of them, but it's good to kind of experience different people in your life. You know, I love that. All right. Thanks for supporting our sponsors. Help keep the show free because they're awesome and so are you. We'll be right back. She moved into some fun gifts. Yes, I think so. Okay, we love sex toys. We have a lot of new fun toys and new brands we've been working with. There's you know, we get so many things sent to us. And I feel like we haven't really talked about toys

a bunch lately. And a lot's happened. The ones that we like new ones that you guys don't really even know about. I'm really excited about plus one. Because plus one is a lower cost product line That you can get at Walmart which normally in the past I'm gonna be honest if it was something you could buy at the box stores I would have been like they're really weren't and you could buy at the box stores

But if they did sell those little ones if they're like, yeah, I'm not so sure but these are Very reasonable you can also buy them online plus one, but we love like they were really well-made $29 for like a rabbit to where something was a rabbit. Yeah, I Loved it. I love that. I love the handheld one. They had some great. Yeah, I use the little gifts. They look great. Yeah, I used the little bullet finally last night So my resolution is to use different toys. Yes besides just my womanizer Which I'm still failing on, but I did try. I still tried new ones. And so I tried the little bullet one

and I think it's only like $10. And I liked it a lot and they have like different speeds and it's just, I would I never realized because I never actually had just like a little bullet is that like depending on how you hold it kind of changes how the vibration goes through it. So that was kind of cool as well that I just kind of like figured that out.

And it's just like it's, I'm glad you're branching out from the momentizer. Hey, it's only January. You have lots of things. I know. And plenty of other toys to try. And everything we're talking about, you can find it on our site.

Yeah, so all of these are going to be, you can find them like if you go like if you go to shop with them, like go to the store, we'll also have a page set up, sex only.com slash toys. Cool. Okay, and then for ya, you guys, for ya, which we love, they're doing, give away for you guys for Valentine's Day.

And for ya is like a pre-loop, CBD, and we love it. And it's you apply it like 30 minutes before any kind of sex. You rub it into your vulva and you wait and it can help you just relax, take this pressure off sex because we know anxiety, kills or sex drive. It helps a lot of women with pain, lubrication, feels really good. It's just then, it then, it's then, it's rubbing it in and relaxing the whole area. Good. It's a nice bottle and it smells good.

Right. It smells so good and tastes good. And it's called Foria Awaken. So, we're gonna have a contest. James, do you want to explain this? Yes, so for this contest, you can email feedback at sexthemely.com and you can put as the title, for ya giveaway. And it's basically, why do you think for ya

is going to help jumpstart your sex life? Like what is for ya gonna do for you? So we're gonna go through all the answers and we're gonna give away four bottles. Yeah, two each week. So and please and I cannot stress this enough. Name, age, where you live, how you listen to the show. Yeah, and your address, right?

No, I mean, I think I'll pick one. We'll contact you. Feedback at sexwithmwe.com. Speaking of loobs, this is also a new loop that I'm obsessed with. It's called Wu, W-O-O, More Play. And they sent me a sample of their first batch about a year ago, and it was one of those things where I was like cutting like when it was done It comes in such a great tube, but I was like, I don't want this to end. You could also use as a massage oil

Touch your partner, which I'm really into everyone getting into massage this year because we are all stressed out You rub it in your hands. It warms up. You put on your partner. It tastes amazing We're gonna do another giveaway because I want you all to have this product. And this is a social giveaway, Instagram specifically. So, how you do it, you take a screenshot of the podcast. You know, however you're listening to it. So if you're on Spotify, if you're on Apple, if you're on our website, wherever you are,

take a screenshot of it. Tag at Sex with Emily. And write just a quick sentence, why you love the show, screenshot of it. Tag at sex with Emily and write just a quick sentence why you love the show and put it on your Instagram story. And then we will then share it to our story and we'll pick a winner by February 12th. So just make sure screenshot of the podcast. Yeah, in the story, tag sex with Emily. Yep, that's it. Get some room for play. We'll send it to you. We'll more play. All right, then we have Kareza. That's another CBD product that also, I love it.

You spray it in your mouth. It's for like sexual wellness and for men and women. And it enhances intimacy. It's just I, I have had it in my bag since I said to be three months ago. It helps with anxiety, calms the mind, calms you down and gets you ready for sex. It really friggin' works. I'm telling you, Karaza, K-A-R-E-Z-Z-E-A, you could share it with your partner and they have one for men and for women. I have for yourself, you guys. I'm telling you, buy it and then let me know what you think.

You're welcome. Yeah, and it doesn't taste bad. You know how sometimes sprays will taste bad. It doesn't taste bad at all. You put it under your tongue. You hold it for like 10 seconds, and then you're good to go. Right. This whole CBD world is full of new guys. So we were right now, I tried out some, I get a lot of things sent to me, but I like Kharaza, I like Foria,

and it's just taking off in a crazy way. But these are the ones we like. Okay, Jopin, Pavelin is so cute you guys. It's like these little blue, it's like kind of like made up like Tiffany's like the little blue box They're really cute luxurious vibes and they have like little pave diamonds on them and they had this really great Finger vibe which I think is a great couple story because your finger essentially turns into a vibrator So it's great for massaging. It's great for stimulation

into a vibrator. So it's great for massaging, it's great for stimulation to use on a man or a woman. They also have this egg-shaped vibe and then they've a rabbit vibe. But it's just beautiful and a great gift. Because again, you guys, I can't enforce this enough that this is one day of the year that yeah, it's about love, but why not get something sexy if you are by gifts or play with some new toys. And this is a whole new line. It's called the Jopin Jopin and Pave line P-A-V. Yeah, there when I saw them, we freaked out and we saw them because they're just so god damn beautiful. Yeah, beautiful. Just I, you know, it's like I would wrap, I mean, I'm not a jewelry person, so I'd rather this anyways, but I would way rather this like jewel encrusted vibrator than a Tiffany's bracelet, to be honest. I would. That's just me done. At this anyways, but I would way rather this, like, dual and crusted vibrator, then a Tiffany's bracelet, to be honest.

I would, that's just me done. At this point, you're like, at this point in my life. Yeah, they go with that girl. And then also, I think if you go to our Instagram, we have something called toys, but we have sex toys. Sex toys, that when we went to the trade show recently, we did highlight some of our favorite things,

so if you actually want to see it in person, you can check it out there. All right, hot octopus, this is more for him. This is, I think guys, you want to see it in person, you can check it out there. All right, high-doctopus, this is more for him. This is, I think, guys you want to switch up your masturbation routine, and it's called the Guy Brader. They have some great toys, but they also have the Pulse 3 Solo, which is for guys, it has this oscillating ring that hits your freinulomance.

It's like a masturbation sleeve, but it doesn't wrap all around the penis, and then they have the duo, which if you've a partner, they can, it has a vibration on the outside. So while you're vibing your penis, like she could be, or he could be riding, you might like, it's more of her. Yeah, I mean, she's riding you on top and grinding.

And it's super innovative. Their toys are really high quality, so well made, and really popular now in the industry. We love them. Yeah, and it's just good to see like obviously to us women's pleasures not as easily obtained and so that's why we need more products. But it's cool to see that there's stuff that you know for men to switch it up to so you just have their hand. Exactly. I know and I'm telling you when I gave it to my friend he was like I'm never leaving the house and he didn't leave the house

like it feels really good. And they, if they're Adam, their Adam penis ring is really great too. Yeah, it's a couple's toy. It's a powerful rig, but it's great because it also can be used for a literal simulation but also to wear. And then your partner can be riding you around,

riding you around, riding around town. I just imagine someone literally bucking like a horse and someone riding their back like oh my god yeah so that's a fun one and then we vibe we love the sink the sink is their couples toys what they've been known for is their we vibe toys but the sink now is even better than before I mean the sink is a great couple because you can wear it during a course you can use the we vibe app you can have a playlist set your vibrator to the vibes these are all just fun things you can do that night. Yeah, I think that would be really fun to cultivate a playlist of songs that you like, but also don't be too mean to

yourself and give this super fast pace. So there's something about listening to music that makes you want to go along with the beat. Yeah, exactly. I've never experienced that. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of like, I don't know. It's not a hiccup, but it's, I don't know, I can't explain it. Well, you know, because then you get off, you get off beat, and then you're like, you're like, out crap. Like, what beat am I supposed to be driving to now? I like it.

I love it. I can go to a different song. That's so fun. I've got a fun night at home now. I'm already like, just staying home with your toys, get some fun foods and have a sexy night. Yeah, then just like keep, like you can just like go back and forth with your partner even throughout like the day just being like, oh, like what about this song?

Like you know, like really like, plan it out like even to the top like five songs maybe that you buy is one have depending on how long you're going to have sex for. Yeah. If there's going to be a certain mood to it, you know, so if you want to do something really slow and central, then like find those kinds of songs. But if you want something to be a little bit more rough and like find those kinds of songs. Exactly.

Beep beep beep beep. Be mindful about the day. Planet out with each other. Do that. I thought you were starting to make a beat, too. Beat, beat, beat, beat. No, I don't sing. I don't sing like that.

Beat. Okay, then there's the... Sorry. No, no, no. No. And the other thing when you were saying that, I was thinking about sex, is that one of my things big goals for this year is to keep talking to you guys about how sex, you shouldn't think of it so linear.

Like you might start to have sex and play with maybe the sink on or one of the toys and they're like oh yeah that was fun no one orgasm yet or we're just going to do that and then we're going to have some dinner and then we're going to go back to sex like I think that to think about is like first we have four played them we're done no like it's okay to mix it up to delay your orgasms to kind of explore and have fun. Make it a night of exploring. Let's talk about the subscription box real quick. The subscription box is great. We just, we have a new one that just came out and I love it because it's like me doing the work for you. It's a really fun box.

It's a great deal. It comes with a few things every few months, so it's every three months, so it's quarterly. And it's like it comes with a vibe and a loop and something new to play with that you've never probably tried before but not too freaky out there. Don't worry about that. But it's like a special box, it's like four play in a box that's going to be delivered to your doorstep. It's a great gift. You guys can each go in on it. And they've been a huge hit. But now we have a whole new one for new year. So check that out on our website as well. I feel like every three months, too, it's like the perfect

time to. Yeah. So you should like every three months, too, it's like the perfect time to... Yeah, you should up. Right, exactly. And it's fun. It comes in a fun box with little notes on how to use everything, and yeah, you guys, you can do the work for you. Don't worry about that. Now that we've given you guys some things to buy, some ideas for activities, here's some

sexy things to actually do. All right. If you want to make it the day of sex and not necessarily love, I mean love is already there, I hope, and love in some way that feels good to you. I love a yes, no, maybe list. And this is a great way to get on the same page with your partner and to help you figure out what you want. We're going to have this up on our site, the yes, no, maybe list. We find it from the BDSM coaches, but don't let that, you know, if you're not into BDSM, that's fine. But what it does is you both fill it out, right? It

will be like spanking. Are you into it? Is it a yes, a know, if you're not in the BDSM, that's fine. But what it does is you both fill it out, right? It'll be like spanking. Are you into it? Is it a yes and no and maybe? Are you into dirty talk? Yes, no, maybe. Are you into oral? Yes, no, maybe. And then you really see where you guys align.

And then again, it's a really easy way to get on the same page or to see where you're both into, what you're not into and what your maybe's are. And then you could really have a conversation of, a maybe might turn into a yes or a no and get you guys talking. Maybe just circle all of your guesses. You're like, I didn't know you want to be spanked.

I know I want to be spanked or whatever. So it just helps you get clearer because I think the other great thing about yes or maybe this is there's things that you might never have thought about that turn you on. I did not know that was a thing, but that is hot. So it can have the ones that we're going to put on our website as well. Slow, sensual sex. I'm all for this, like I said, don't make it so linear. Instead of rushing through sex, take your time.

Do some massage and get a massage candle. Push yourself to slow sex down and find new arrodinous zones on your partner. Take your time. Warm each other up. You put a blindfold on your partner and Take your time, warm each other up. You put a blindfold on your partner and give them a massage and just slow everything down. Love social sexual sex.

I mean, I don't think that's like, I try to force myself sometimes to have the slow or sensual sex because I feel like I'm so like. Jamie doesn't like for play, she recently told me so. I do, I just don't like, I like four plays. I just don't like, I like, I'm like, I'll get impatient myself. So I'm like, but to me it's like all part of like the sex and that kind of sense, but

I'm not one of those people who, because you always say like, don't go to the gentle right away, like, explore your body. And I do know that I enjoy the tease, I'm just very impatient. So I force myself to have this slow, sensual sex sometimes and it can be really hot. You just have to like, really not be afraid of like the, like the eye contact and like the breathing and then like just like not going straight forward.

The eye contact and the breathing. I like it. I like the kiss. Slow down and kiss. Just make out for a while. Maybe you just commit to like, we're gonna make out tonight for a while. We're just gonna kiss like we kissed her neck.

All those erotic zones are neck on your chest, under your chin, your ears. It's the best. Do that stuff. And don't skip the breasts. Don't skip the breasts. I never thought I'd have to remind people of that, but the breasts have been neglected. Maybe your balls have been neglected too. Nipples to be lesion, buy some nipple clamps

or just blow on them, lick it and then blow on them. Like it and blow at it, you said, I'm so good. Don't bite them too hard. You know, it's just that. You can't test them. Nipple is fine, but I've had a guy who left marks, like biting marks and my nipples hurt for a week.

Oh, honey, that's not good. And it hasn't listed. Oh, no, we never spoke again. Good. Were they like chapped after? I feel like I'm eating. Yeah. I put my shirt on.

I think I'm like, I feel like a hug. I'm walking around my shirt. She's like, after care. Just like these Vaseline marks on my nipples through the shirt. It really helps for the javing, dude. I was short. No, they were just so sore. And like, you know, you don't have their sensitive

and you can just see like little like the bite marks. I was like, what were you doing? Like, and I even remember telling them to stop. And I was like, you need to, like, these are precious. But I do that.. But do that. Don't do that. I don't know, right, you guys. Here's the thing, some women like nibbling,

but you nibble. You guys, anything you're going to do, even if the spank, you start with a tap, and then you build up. How's that? How's that? Checking with your partner. You don't want to take a bite out of her nibbles.

She's eating. She's eating. Oh my God. Okay guys, we also have a bunch of things. Sorry. I'm so kidding. It was a long time. It was a long time.

I know. I know. I know I apologize for game. Okay, good. Yeah, so far. You're in charge. You're in charge. I'm on nipples.

Table for two. Okay guys, just remember, Valentine's Day. We just want to, I know you guys are thinking about it or even if you're not thinking about it, now you're gonna be away, it'll be like, okay, I can be mindful about it. So we've got these, check out the videos in our site, you can enter our contests, do all the things,

we want you to have a day of love and amazing sex. Yeah, so Jamie, not gonna be New York, you guys, if you have not listened to the show on Serious Exxon yet, it's a blast, you can get like I said, the free 30 day trial, but we're so excited because we're gonna be in New York that we're doing the show live serious exam, yeah, it's a blast. You can get like I said, the free 30 day trial, but we're so excited because we're going to be in New York that week doing the show live from New York 8 10 PM Pacific is the time to be that week. And so then I guess, Jay, we're going to be 10 PM

right about the town. What could we do? I mean, I think it would be fun definitely to definitely go out afterwards, kind of be like celebrating whatever. And I just think it would be interesting to see one. For me, because I haven't been in New York since I was like really, really little. So to see like the nightlife around there.

And then maybe like, I don't know, do we like try and just work on our asking people out? Yes, I'm working on that too. I'm asking people out the chair. So yeah, we can go to some fun bars unless some places we can go. Yeah, we'll figure that out. I feel like we would be good wing women for each other.

We are. We would be, we've never done this. I feel like we would be good wing women for each other. We are. We would be, we've never done this. I'm very excited. It's gonna be freezing. Oh my God. Yeah, that's the thing too. So how do you dress cute and warm? You don't.

Well, for coats. You really don't. You rob a Chicago, you don't. You need a bag. You need like the warmest jacket you've ever, like get a warm coat and layers. Well, I have that one fuzzy one that you got. That's not warm.

Sorry. That's not warm. You need like down. You need shearing. Like to your ankles, zip up, socks. The key is when you take the jacket off what you're wearing underneath is kind of going to be your showstopper. Yeah, it's fabulous.

So you don't want all the scarves. I mean, you want, but if you can have a jacket that just kind of, you don't want as many things on you like, I used to actually think it was a bunch of layers, but you're right. You wish want a super warm coat So when you take it off you're fabulous. You Awesome, that'll be fun. Yeah, I know and then we're gonna have some fun guests on the show. I'm gonna be on the today show that week I think on the 12th or 13th Yeah, helping you all have great film time today. So what are your eyes as plans? Uh Nothing. Yeah, I really have I have no idea. I and you all have great film time, Steve. So what are your raises plans?

Nothing. I really have no idea. I kind of forgot about Valentine's Day. Okay, but now, after hearing all of this, are you inspired? Yes, yes, actually, you know what? After hearing all of this, I'm definitely gonna do something for myself. Probably, maybe I'll see what my roommate's doing.

Maybe we'll just do something really nice for each other. Yeah, yeah. And, but she's, I don't know, she works for National Geographic shows, so she might be in Alaska. Oh, well then you're the whole place yourself. Oh, it'll be me and my cat. I'll get him some nice little tits. I honestly have no idea. I'll take you something out.

I'll see what my girlfriends are doing and maybe we'll all get together and go, go, you know, Angela's crest, maybe like a look at the stars and stuff with like a bottle of champagne or something. I kind of just came up with that off the top of my head. Oh, that's a tough one. Yeah, but I'm, yeah, I'm really not stressing on it.

It's kind of just another day for me. But after listening to all this, I will make it a goal of mine to do something pleasurable for myself. Oh, there you go. In the bedroom. Good. We've got some toys. You taking them with you.

I could check it out. Yeah, I've never used the bathtub in my apartment. As a bath. Oh, there you go. So I think that's going to be the goal. That's what we figured it out. I've never used the bathtub in my apartment. As a bath. Oh, there you go. So I think that's gonna be the goal. That's what we figured it out. We figured it out. All right.

Do you know Sam? I don't know. I don't know. I would. I don't know. I actually really like hanging out with my friends on Valentine's Day. I do.

I like being with my girls. I love them. Because a lot of them are single. So it's nice to remind them that they're special Like they shouldn't feel like because they're not in a relationship that they shouldn't feel special. Oh, I like that too I always make sure yeah, I always make sure that they're happy. Oh, I love it. Good. I love it Well, I'm wishing everybody had very happy Valentine's Day and I love you all so much Thank you for supporting the show and listening as we head into our I'm wishing everybody had very happy Valentine's Day. And I love you all so much.

Thank you everyone for supporting the show. And listening is we head into our 14th year of sex, that only. I've been so many Valentine's, which I was thinking, I was like, what do we do? I'm like, this is my best advice for you guys. This year, this is 14 years of knowledge of Valentine's Day.

So I love you all. And to our contest, you want to give you even more pleasure this year. So check that all out. And all this will be on our website as well. We can't wait to hear from you. Thanks everyone, and thanks to my amazing team, Ken Samantha, Julia, Michelle, producer, Jamie, and Michael.

Was it good for you? Email me, feedback at sexwithemily.com. you