Sex With Emily - A Good Screw with Rachael & Chrisitne

Episode Date: February 2, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is joined by hosts of the podcast Screwed Up Stories Rachael O’Brien & Christine Blackburn and they’re talking all about... screwing! The three discuss how all of us have messed up stories – but that doesn’t mean we’re messy people, and what the rules really are when it comes to dating (hint: they’re different for everyone). Plus, Emily gives some ways to initiate sex and actually have it – no excuses, and how to make your orgasms even more intense – because who doesn’t want that? Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Emily's Subscription Box, Magic Wand, Womanizer, Karezza, SiriusXM Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily Follow Rachael: @rachaelnobrien Follow Christine: @storyworthy Checkout Screwed Up Stories on itunes and @screwstories on social Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm joined by hosts of the new podcast Screwed Up Stories, Rachel O'Brien and Christine Blackburn and we're talking about screwing. Topics include, we all have messed up stories, but that doesn't mean more messy people. Dating, what the rules really are, and here's a hint, they look different for everyone. How to initiate sex and actually have it without excuses and ways to make your orgasms even more intense. All this and more, thanks for listening. Betrubized, they call them in a bike on day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

The girls got a hair stand. Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God. I'm so, so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between for more information, check out sexwithemily.com. You can easily subscribe to the podcast, and you can check out all the posts and all the things we have happening on the site.

As always, love when you follow us on social media at Sex with Emily across the board, which you really wanna do right now, if you're not already, I'm sure you are. But if you're not, we've got some amazing giveaways happening for Valentine's Day and beyond. First one is you can check out our Foria Awakened giveaway. We're giving away four bottles of Foria Awakened,

which is a CBD pre-loom that just makes sex a lot hotter, makes you more roused, turns you on, we've talked a lot about for you on the show, but we're giving it away. From now until Valentine's Day, email feedback at sexwithemily.com with the subject for you, give away, and tell us why for you will help jumpstart your sex life. Please include your name, your age, where you live, and how you listen to the show. Giveaway number two, woo, more play, give away.

Woo more play is the most delicious coconut oil loob that is great for massage, it tastes delicious, and it's just the most sensual sexy thing. So I'm excited because we're giving it away. So follow me on Instagram, add sex with Emily. Screenshot you listening to the show wherever you listen, upload it to your story, tag at sex with Emily and write one sentence and why you love the podcast. Will we putting it on our story on Instagram and choosing a couple people to win Woo, More, Play? What of my latest, Lube, Obsessions? So when we say a screenshot of you listening to the show, it could just be a screenshot of the show

if you don't want to put your photo in it. But if it's you listening, do a selfie of you listening, I'm cool with that too. Alright guys, hope you enjoy the show. I've got special guests in the studio Rachel Bryant and Christine Blackburn. Welcome to the show, they're from the podcast screwed up stories, but they also have many things going on in their lives. And I just, Rachel was on the show like the first week, were you here? Yeah, I think so, yeah.

Comedian and a friend and Christine, the new friend, Storytelling Coach, producer, host, and now the new podcast. All that stuff. All the things. I loved being on it. I told a screwed up story. You did a great story. It was okay. I did.

I didn't know. And then there was a whole thing. I told a story about when my ex boyfriend was a doctor. I got bit by a black widow and had it in the hospital. And he was my doctor in the emergency room. So you guys can check out their podcast. It is impossible. But it did happen.

No, it really did happen. But you could see never worked that shift. You did not expect to see him. All the things lined up. Right, exactly. I'm like, he never works that shift and then why I was there and all the things. So how did you guys come with screwed up stories?

Like, it's a good idea. Well, you know, it's a good idea. Because the original idea that we had was the screw, which would kind of be like the view, but the screw. So it's four women of different generations talking about sex in the way that they do on the view, but it's the screw. Oh, that's awesome.

That's really good idea. Right, but when we, when it all shook down, you can't get the screw on. Someone already had taken the name. Yeah, I'm like, right before we decided to take it to one. They someone had just started a podcast like a month before and of course It's a porno, you know podcasts and it really isn't it's not good It's you know, it's sort of a drag that they kind of took that name But anyway, that's where it started was the screw and then Rachel's the one that came up with wait a minute

So let's talk about the screw, the screw, screwed up, screwed up. We've all screwed up, screwed up stories. Let's go there. And we don't know if to just focus on sex. It can be any type of screwed up story. Like how you've screwed up or how someone screwed you over. Or, yeah.

And everybody's got that story. They do, but do you feel like a lot of the screwed up stories? Why they're always seen to be about sex and dating anyway? Most of them have been about men. There have been a few that weren't. Let me think. There was one about this girl, Carrie Martin, who's aunt tried to murder her uncle by injecting his, he just got in surgery

and she injected his IV vein thingy, whatever, with fecal matter. And got arrested and convicted of trying to murder him, but then they got back together later. He forgave her. Yeah. So crazy. So they're back together.

And then we've had other people on that comedian, Kathy Ladman, and she talked about her eating disorder and screwing up that way. So there's all different things. And the idea is that when we all get together and talk about these things, we find that we have so much in common. It doesn't matter how old you are as a woman, if you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, or as a man. that when we all get together and talk about these things, we find that we have so much in common.

It doesn't matter how old you are as a woman, if you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, or as a man, we all screw up and it's comforting. It is comforting when you can really, it is fun to tell the story. It's fun to laugh about it later. Exactly, it's like relatable and we're all real and we're all walking around like,

pretend that we're so perfect or whatever people do to show that we all can relate to these different, these different, whatever challenges in our life. But let's go back to sex at the different ages because we have a lot of different women in the room tonight. This is the most we've had. We had everyone on the mic earlier and my team is growing, which is great. But God sex changes all the time and we never have a lot of like, we guys in our 20s, 40s, 30s. I'm in my 50s, okay. So here's, I gotta tell you.

I gotta tell you. I gotta tell you. I gotta tell you, sex doesn't go away. Do you know what I mean? Like the sexual appetite or the desire or the fact that you can and still have pleasure no matter what age you are. Orgasms are always there.

Exactly, they're ageless. So you never had any change. We have a lot of women who call it like sex type wings and they, it changes. But. They're ageless. So you never had any change. We have a lot of women who call it like wax-sex-dived wanes and they it changes but I think you're right. I think that 50. I mean, I'm not supposed to get sick. It does get better. I think it does get better. I think that's too much. Because you get more honest with yourself and you're able to communicate better and say like, hey, look, look, we're adults here. Let's just talk about it. Here's what I like. What do you like? Don't you wish you could tell your younger self that and we could tell everyone listening that could be me

because we think, I believe that guys were supposed to figure it out that they knew how to work my body better than I did and I didn't know to speak up, but you're right. You get older like, hey, let's not, except if you feel like Jamie, 25, she already speaks up right away. But I feel like... You probably trained her, though. Yeah, I mean, half in half.

She's too cute. But she's not. She's too lazy, pre-loved, but she's not. But it's true, but I wish that, but what you know now is like just your body, confidence, all those things, right? And I happen to have a guy that I'm dating and he actually told me, thank you so much for telling me what you want. He's like, this is the best sex I've ever had in my life because you're talking to me. Exactly. It's just as simple as talking about it. That is such a good, very empowering.

It probably is the best because we assume we give men all this power that like they should figure it out. It's a lot of pressure to put on them too. It is a lot of pressure. I know. How about you, Rachel? How's it going with you? And your sex life? I mean, I knew her recently, but she's very orgasmic. I know. I've always said orgasmic and amazing sex. It's like, oh, it's kind of annoying. That's a orgasmic. I know. I've always just heard a lot of orgasm in the music sets. It's like always screaming.

I never know. That's a good thing. It is just because I never put too much pressure on it. It was never like performative and bad. Or like I just enjoyed it. I didn't think about it. I never like to think about like just my body look bad right now. I just it's like, why not enjoy it?

But that's hard for a lot of women. It is hard for a woman to be self conscious about your body, whether you feel like you have a little too much weight here or there or you're not toned enough or you don't like the way. I just care. I know. I know. I just happier there. Exactly. They do not care. True. I think we're going to solve a lot of problems tonight for people listening. For a lot of people who have body image and they're worrying.

If someone's in bed with you, they're having sex with you and you're having a good time out of your head. You know, I was just listening to you in the last hour and you were talking about giving blow jobs and how you have to make eye contact and all that. And some women might be like, oh, I'm too embarrassed, I'm too whatever. And it's like, you can't be that one.

You can't be there. You're only naked with somebody. Right. What do you, well, what do you have? I'm not, like eye contact is like the last holdout. Like I'm literally like, I'm looking at him and it might not actually be happening. Right, exactly. If I look at you, then it's real. So I'm not going I'm looking at it might not actually be happening. Right. Exactly. If I look at you, then it's real. So I'm not going to look right now.

You're absolutely right. But eye contact is such an interesting, how intimate eye contact is. Yeah. And it just shouldn't be that way. So the other thing which I went earlier, I want to get your guys take on this. We were talking about the rules and dating, how it used to, I want to know what you guys think if it's changed that Back in the day maybe that it was that if women slept with someone that there should be a rule that women should wait before they sleep with someone And we're talking about heterosexual. I mean it goes across the board But people have rules wait three months wait. What do you what do you think about that? Yes, let me gather you think it's ever too soon. I mean I've heard I because I've asked guy friends this and couples this and I've heard stories across the board from like, having like, hooking up on the first day and now they're married

to, well, here's the thing. This is the most important part, but I think at least for me is that I don't think you're going to get someone to commit to you just by holding out. So if that's your goal, if your intention is to sort of like trick someone into being with you, I think that that is not a good idea. And it's never gonna be for the right reasons. And that's never gonna work. That's not the right reason at all.

Yeah, that's never gonna work. Yeah. So when people do that, like, well, if I, you know, make him wait for three months and then he'll wanna be my boyfriend and then it's like, that's never gonna last. But that means, but that being said, once you go that far, almost every time you're gonna see him after that,

that's kind of where you need to go again, if not more. Join I mean? Like you can't really, if you have sex on the first date then the next date you can't you speak like let's go to first space we're done here. Yeah I never really can. No I think see my thing is that it's if you can wait you just met someone you can't wait to rip their clothes off maybe make out a little longer do everything but so then there's that you build the tension and then for next time next time, I think it's better to weigh as long as you can if you, because that could be really hot to get to know them a little better, but.

That's like a good reason to wait. But then like I agree with Rachel, if you're just waiting to be like, I'm gonna lock them in this way, then it's just like, you're not calling anything. How about playing games at all though? I'm gonna lock someone in if I don't call them back or don't text or seem less available.

Yeah, all of that. But that comes with maturity too. That's right, you can't say. Say, Jamie, you're different. You're above and beyond 25. I mean, at least in your experience, it seems. But I think that a lot of girls that are 19, 20, 25, even 30 that they are still maturing and still learning,

I mean, what are the, you know, how to navigate and to have confidence. I don't know, those games have the, you know, how to navigate and to have confidence. I don't know, those games have never worked for me, every time I tried to do it, because basically I think that when you have to play those games, it means the person's probably not that interested, because usually when the dating happens smoothly, you don't have to play those games.

I'm totally in agreement with you, Rachel. I feel like the same thing. I had one guy a few years ago, I had a friend, she was like, you gotta play the game, and she was like coaching me, this is a long time. I was like, what? And she was like, well gotta play the game and she was like, coaching me, this is a lot longer. I was like, what? She was like, well, don't text back, don't double, like this is all ridiculous.

And then the guys, who you're into, like, it's natural, there's no, they're calling. They're not being like, I'm not gonna call you for three days. Guys are not nearly as complicated as women, for sure. Right. We're convoluting things, I think, more than men are. Now, I just listened to your podcast a couple of weeks ago, and you guys were talking about the five stages of dating.

And Jamie, you guys were both, Jamie and Emily, you guys were both talking about how that first stage, you know, when you want to rip each other's clothes off, you're so fun. It's so fun. So that's the stage. I like to stay. Right. We all were so hospitable. How can we all stay in that stage?

How do you keep that going, right? I mean, that's, that is the goal. I mean, it's not, I don't think it worked. How can we all stay in that stage? How do you keep that going? I mean, that is the goal. I mean, I don't think it worked. I don't think you can stay there forever. But yeah, part of delaying, I guess delaying sex not purposely, but doing everything else,

and getting to know each other is that newness and that's the delaying gratification. Delaying gratification. Yeah. And then for women too, a lot of us, it's just like our brains is what turn, our turn to the sun or the thinking, the sexy thoughts, fantasies. What about you guys? Do you masturbate? Have fantasies? Who doesn't masturbate? How could you not?

It doesn't. Okay. Well, thank you. Well, you know, I got to tell you something, Christine. It's a really good question. Um, yes, I do. We do. I feel that I have to remind women to masturbate a lot. I mean, like not men, they've got that down. Yeah, I have to be like, no, it's cool. You're like on the bus. You don't need to masturbate, but with women, with women, they just, they're like, because a lot of women are disconnected from their bodies

or they think it's not right, or I should wait for my partner to turn me on. But yeah, as you know, the more you masturbate, the more in the mood you're gonna be, but I love you're like, who doesn't? Well, I have to say, like, if I'm gonna have a date that night or I think I'm gonna anticipate sex, I'm not gonna master rate that day, because then it kind of makes it harder later, I think. So I think it depends on everybody's looking at me.

I thought that was different for women. I thought it was the opposite. Like, once you like sort of get in the mood, it's easier. But Rachel, you just came out in the waiting room. I mean, I just thought you were all right. No, I'm just saying that it's one of those things. When you let the floodgates open, and you have the strong orgasm,

and then three hours later, five hours later, you're having sex with your boyfriend or your husband, I don't know, for me, it's a little bit harder. Right, okay, so maybe not the same day. Not the same day. Day off, right. Yeah, I feel like, yeah, I feel like the more I just't know, for me, it's a little bit harder. Right. Okay, so maybe not the same day. Not the same day. Stay off, right. Yeah, I feel like, yeah, I feel like the more I just do it, I feel like I can still come again,

but for me, it's like frequency, like a few times a week to keep my pilot like lit. So sexist top of mind, and so for a lot of women, they just don't, they don't think about it. And then they're like, why is my libido so low? It's because you're not charging the engine. Yeah. So I think that's important.

Did you always know that to masturbate? It was always a thing. I didn't know that until I was about 26 years old and I was married when I was very young, like 25 and a year after I was married, my ex-husband got another girl pregnant while we were married. Oh, wow. And you know, this is so fun. This is kind of just occurring to me now.

So, I love it. He's out. He's gone, right? Now Now I'm in the apartment by myself and he has taken all of his stuff, but he's left some things, right? The bottom of the closet, the top of the closet, there's some shit. And I'm going through it and I find a vibrator.

In his stuff? In his stuff, right? And I never saw that before, so I take that vibrator and that's the first time it occurred to me. Oh shit, this is your regatta. Wait a minute, get back at him, your your recon. You're recon. You're like such a moment but I was only I was 26. I shouldn't know better. No people don't. No people don't. No I didn't know until I was 20 something I was having sex and I was like what is the big I'm not having orgasms. I never masturbated. Never occurred to me. Now that's a pretty

good age. I think and then do you still use vibrators? Sure. Oh good. What's your favorite? Sure. I do. I don't think it has a name. I think it then do you still use vibrators? Sure. Oh good. What's your favorite? Sure. I don't think it has a name. I think it's just that thing that buzzes in the, right? It buzzes. Yeah. Sure. And it works on something else.

I'm glad it's my electric toothbrush. My electric toothbrush. A lot of women use that. They use a little bit of toothbrushes in the toothbrush too. I've heard that too. They take off the brush part, the top part, and then just use the anchor of the, I'm not saying I'm not a resourceful.

Those people would survive in prison. I'm not saying I'm a resourceful. Survive in prison. She's very resourceful. A lot of women. Their first orgasm was like using their lactotooth brush. I'm not going to recommend that to people with lactotooth. Well at least if you're going to do that by a separate one for your mouth.

Yeah. That's all I was saying. Just by a vibrator. Yeah, but people are like, they don't know. They're like... They don't know. They're like, they don't know. They're like, oh, vibrations, they feel great. What's the word for when you use household items?

Pervertible. Yeah. I've never heard that. I've never heard that. No, because, you know, it's my job. Did I actual word? It's a actual what? So it's an urban dictionary.

Pervertible. Did you trademark that? No, but I should get on it. Pervertible is like, if you use a spatula to spank your partner or you use like Tube socks to as a as a blindfold. Yeah. Yeah Exactly so a belt to restrain a belt to restrain. What have you guys ever used any pervertibles around those? Oh, now I got to think about it. I know right. I have it It was that one flipper that one pancake flipper. I had

Well, no, no, but now she might so now I might because I like the the thwack of it. Yeah, thwack. Exactly. You know, it's a good thrash. I was very careful. Sock, very quick size. Yes. I went on a date with someone like maybe a year ago.

Really nice date. And I appreciated that he brought this up right away, but I was stunned. So, or the date, it's great. And he says to me, he's like, I have to tell you something. And I was like, oh, yeah, cool. And he's like, I'm in to BDSM, and I cannot date someone or move forward with someone who's not. And I was like, okay, you want to tell me more.

And he was very specifically into spanking. It was like, and he explained it all to me. And he was very mature about it. He was just like, this is what I have to do. If you can't, we don't need to keep hanging out, but I really like you. And I was like, can I think about it? Yeah. This only way he could get off.

It's just that was his light. He was a lifestyle for him. It's like that. The Christian Grey. He did the same thing. Yeah. It's an anesthesia if you read it. Yeah. We did not go out again. And not just because I just didn't think I'd be into it, but I was like, that was kind of balsy and cool that he brought it up right away. Well, that's what you should be, here's what I, that's what I would like everybody to do. I believe that BDSM, you know, the community,

like they're very, they know consent really well. They're like, I actually require this for orgasm and arousal. And so I'm not gonna mess around with someone who's not gonna be into it. And I really wish that we could get a lot of, a lot of people on board with knowing what they're into and figuring out if you're sexually compatible before you get married, before you commit for years and have all these sexual challenges. Like there's a lot of things that we kind of just don't talk about because we don't know like we say we get older,

we're more confident, but I just wish we could all learn to do that sooner. Yeah, by the time you get married, I mean, you should definitely have these conversations. Right. Getting married, you're committing, and then it gets harder to disengage, or it gets harder, and then there's a kid, and then if you just spin out of control, you've gotta get it under wraps before.

Is that how you were married, right? I mean, twice. Okay. And what have you learned about sex and marriage? Well, I tell you, it's hard, man. It's hard. Marriage is hard. It is hard. It takes a lot of work. No, no. I just heard you talking to that caller on the phone. The woman was five children. And oh, no, I think it was on the podcast. I was listening to a view. And it was a woman with five children. And you were trying to, you know, give her different ideas of, you

know, getting stimulated in the bedroom again. But think about that. Five kids to have any privacy at all. You would never. And when you get to your bathroom, or do you put your sex toys, you almost have to have a safe or a thing. It's just hard. Yeah, it is. No, that is the problem is that,

well, we do have a solution for that. We have something called the UV side note. It stores cleans and sanitizes your toys, and it has a lock box on it. It literally charges your toys and it cleans your cell phone, your makeup brushes. It's this beautiful box that I leave next to my bed. If you have kids, I'm not kidding. Jamie's going to pull it out of the garage.

We should put this on Instagram stories because it's pretty awesome. I just can't help it. We've got something for that. I'm like, I need to tell you. But the other thing is, yeah, here's the thing. It is no secret that when you get married and have kids that sex is going to be put on the back burner, it's gonna be hard to keep it as hot.

You're not having sex on the living room floor, but it still has to be something that you continue to talk about. But I don't, marriage was never, you know, who know, kids for me too, was never a bad thing. Have you ever been engaged? No, interesting. Have you been asked if somebody asked you to marry them?

No, I've always been in relationships, but it was never really my goal. It was never anything that seemed interesting to me. I was never in a place where I felt like I wanted to get married. But haven't men in the past talked to you? Emily, I see us. Yes, and this and this. And then I'd be like I I don't see that

so I'm glad we're talking about that. That's very honest. It is very honest and I think yeah that's cool. It's called the UV UV. It looks like a mini tanning. It does look like a mini tanning bed. Like your Barbie could go in there but right and it turns on and it literally in 10 is it five minutes?

It cleans the toys. 10 minutes? Or steam, it's UV light, UV light. And like, it's the cool, it locks in. Put your electric toothbrush right in there. There you go. There you go. Then I'm down with it. But no, for me, it's funny because I, I mean, my, my issue, my whole history is a whole interesting other thing.

But I was always about like, I've always started a career and it was always about like, how am I going to have a big difference of change in the world and have a career and start a business since I was graduate from college and I didn't understand how you still keep your independence, how do you do it all? How do you have a kid and get marriage and change the world? That didn't, that didn't, I didn't understand that you could do it. And now I'm at a place where, you know, I think that I figured out a lot of stuff with work and it's good that I would like to be in a longer term relationship. I mean, I've been in a lot of long term relationships and maybe marriage.

But again, my brain was not normal. But now that your career is kind of on a nice path and going in an upward trajectory, maybe it might change that for you in the aspect. Because now, at the end of the night, you might be able to relax. Yeah. Because I'm kind of in that place where I can't commit again, because I've just been burned too many times in the past. And I, how can I concentrate on this show, this show, this show, and this show that I'm trying to run?

Right. And then worry about pleasing you. I don't, I don't, I don't, I mean, I want to be with you, but I don't know how to fulfill that side of thing. Exactly. And you also are a mom. I'm a mom. Yeah. But you have a daughter.

I have a, she turned 12 yesterday. Happy birthday. She's a good girl. She's a good girl. And I tell her, I try so hard to keep sex as the conversation that keeps on going and on going. So glad. It's not one conversation. That's exactly it. It's ongoing. And like recently she asked me what is a virgin? What does virginity mean? And I told her and then I told her that it's most likely, women most likely lose the virginity between the ages of 28 and 34. I love you, you're keeping it straight. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

It's very real. I love that. Speaking to your straight, no, it is important to talk to you. You're right, I always say it's an ongoing thing. It's not a one time, you know, because these people say, oh, we had the talk. My parents had the talk. Oh my gosh.

I can't help but my parents have ever had a talk. Me knew me. I can't. I don't remember it. Right. Yeah. It really happens. But anyway, going back to the career thing, we talked about this last night having it all. And it is hard to do. But I think I usually think that being in a relationship took away like the power by my power. But now I understand. I don't think it's the power. It's your compliment. It's your time. It's where your energy is being spent. And then you think about a guy that you really like or care about or love, you think, well, he deserves more time, right?

He does. If you date someone that's equally as busy, I think that. I think that that's fine. But I do get your mentality where it was, it's marriage has never been on the forefront of my mind. I've never thought about what my wedding day would be. I've never thought about, like, I don't,

I've just never thought about it. And I could see myself in 10 years being like, maybe I should have thought about that more because I've just been saying things so career-focused. It's all I care about. Right, exactly. And I like dating and I like having someone with me.

Maybe I'd like to be married, but it's just not, it's never been something I cared about. It's very interesting to think about, is it because there's this, because I always felt like I also didn't have the biological, biological clock, which isn't really a real thing. I think it's a psychological clock where you're thinking a lot about kids and family and marriage.

So maybe there is something to do that, to thinking like, when you're really thinking like, do I picture myself married and what would that look like? So it's still there, even for something wedding, but so then your career doesn't, like I don't have any we also This is last I regrets about it. I'm so I really feel like I've always been stay true to myself Yeah, but I feel like yeah, just interesting thing do I do

Both ways yeah, and it's weird if you've never pictured it like right picture and I can have vivid like Visuals of what my future career is gonna be like I can picture like this is crazy But I can't winning an academy award. I can picture what it feels like to be there. I can feel like what it feels like to stand there, everything about it. I can now picture being married to someone. I can't picture it at all. That's interesting. It never crossed my mind.

I think for a lot of younger women, at least for me, it was like I had these numbers in my head. I got to be married by 25. I got to be, and I got to have a kid by this age. And then that all falls apart, of course. But I think part of it is that you're thinking about, not just the guy, you're thinking about the house, and there's gonna be a garage,

and here's what we're gonna do for Christmas, and we're gonna do the education, and there's this dog, so you're picturing more than just a husband, you're picturing this life, and how could I live in that house without some help? You had to have to do that. So therefore, I got to take this path, and like I have four older sisters, and how could I live in that house without some help? You had exactly that. So therefore I got to take this path

and like I have four older sisters and that's the path they took. So to me that sounds logical. Right, of course. And that's how your life was set up. They were all doing it. Your parents were innocent. A lot of it has to do with that too.

Your parents, how you grew up, what you saw, like my parents were divorced. My mom never said I expect you to get married. She'd never asked me. Never pressured me at all. Like I think there's a lot, you're operating society. It used to be more about where you live as well in terms of mentality, but now with social media and now that we're all a little more connected, maybe that doesn't matter as much.

It's changing a lot. I have to say that this is a millennial generation. It feels like, right, that's what's all millennials, that it is a little bit different that you guys are kind of delineating. They're smart. They're smart. it deterred that. They're smarter. I mean, people are just waiting longer because one, a lot of millennials are in debt and they don't want to get married in debt. And also, they just feel like they want to have their career set in stone before they decide

to settle down with a whole other person. Yeah. I mean, I never felt like that was the other thing was like, I never realized it. I never thought that someone else was going to take care of me. Like, I was raised that don't rely on anyone like I never realized it. I never thought that someone else was gonna take care of me. Like I was raised that like don't rely on anyone to take care of, you gotta make it. And then I chose a career that's very challenging. And so anyway, but I think these are all changing

these messages, right? I think so too, but let's say you're like a nurse, like a regular job and you make good money. You can really live anywhere as a nurse or a teacher, maybe. So then you got that. So then what? In other words, we're talking about careers about like show business, which never ends and you're never ends. You could be

drawn tomorrow and you could be dropped. And there's never a guarantee. There's no necessarily, not necessarily even going to be a payoff. Right. Exactly. And so once, but let's say you're a nurse or a teacher, you know, like regular, then regular person, you get that under your belt and then I said, okay, what's next? Right, exactly. No, you're right kind of makes sense. It depends also what you write where you live I'm from miss you right. That's true. Okay, you guys I have to ask you both the five quicky questions We're gonna go back and forth here. All right, um biggest turn on Christine. Oh gosh. Oh gosh. Oh gosh

Bodies all right like in terms of like athleticism. Okay, I like it, athlete. Biggest turn on. Confidence. Okay, biggest turn off. Bodies. That is such a good one. Not taking care of yourself, not working out. I know what that is, because I work out all the time

and I like that. That's the same thing. Get it. Biggest turn off. Being shitty to people. Okay, celebrity crush. Oh my it. Biggest turn off. Being shitty to people. Okay. Celebrity crush. Oh my gosh.

There's so many. There's so many. I think you had Peter Frampton. That's a complete nonsense. Well Frampton comes alive. And I was in. And so true when I was growing up. I had a picture of Peter Frampton on my wall.

And a picture of Henry Winkler. You know, he was a boss. Yeah, I was the shit man. That was the shit. But if I had to have a poster of Peter Frampton on my wall and a picture of Henry Winkler. You know, he was a boss. Yeah, I was the shit man. That was the shit. But if I had to have a poster of my wall now, in fact, I just recently gave this poster away. That's how much I'm a jury am. That's Raffa Yolene doll. Oh, baby Jesus.

Okay. He's the world class tennis player. Oh, a king of play. He's not. I've seen him. Oh my god. Tom Hardy. Yeah.

Okay. Crazy's place, you bad sex. Well, I was a flight attendant for like seven years. So, you know, I guess I'm going to say the plane. Not that other people I haven't had in the plane. I'm not sure. We have to have people do that. The passenger.

Oh, here it is. Two-wheeled diaper deck. You go in the lab that has the diaper deck. Jump saying. I just don't know how to do it. The diaper deck, it's like a tray to let the kids down. What's the amount of time that you have to have?

It's like a small window, maybe 90 seconds. I go to the bathroom first, then you come up, knock a little bit, and then I'm letting you in, pull down the diaper deck, and there's always a little thing on the, for parents to know where to change the baby, there's a little thing on the lab door that will show you, oh, this one has the diaper deck. You go in there, you pull that will show you oh this one has the diaper deck you go in there

And you pull that down you set up there Wow I didn't like look at you never ship all my membership to the mile high club just Wow, okay craziest place you've ever had sex Rachel All right, how about your biggest dating deal breaker? It's the last question. Biggest dating. Cheating probably.

Cheating. All right. Cheating, lying. All the things. I hate when people litter stupid stuff like that. Look, if I'm with a guy in all this again, I have to do the littering show. I have to do the littering show.

Litters, that's so easy. It's so easy. Yeah. It's so easy. Littering just shows that you think you're more important than everyone else in the world. Literally. Yeah. Thank you so much.

We are, you guys are awesome. Thank you for being here. Okay. It's at Rachel or Brian. Rachel, we'll put this all on the show note. Okay. At screwed up most importantly, at screw story. Exactly.

On Instagram, screwed up stories is their podcast. It's hilarious, they're very talented women here. You gotta check them out and support them. Rachel O'Brien, Christine Blackburn, at RachelO'BrienComedy.com, ChristineBlackburn.com, we'll also put this in the show notes, at sexualdently.com, so you guys can see them,

what we're talking about, we're gonna post some photos, on Instagram, and then we gots to go. All right, we're gonna take a quick break, and when we come back, we're gonna get into your emails. Hey guys, love answering your questions. It's why I do what I do. If you want a question answer on the show, go to my website, sexwithelme.com click the ask Emily tab felt the short form or email feedback at sexwithelm.com

As always include your name your age where you live and how you listen to the show. Thanks guys Okay, Jamie's here. She's gonna read the emails. Okay, this first one comes to us from Kirsten 23 and Wisconsin. She writes dear Emily My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years. He's my high school sweetheart and best friend. Our sex life when we started dating was great, but as time went on it dropped off. Around September of last year we talked about how our lives have been, including sex,

and we said that we wanted to improve things, and if it didn't, we would break up. I've tried some things you've said, text him sexy texts, to play around in teasums, spontaneous sex when he gets home, and trying to surprise him. I've been trying to be more adventurous, but almost every time I get the answer, I don't want to do work, or I don't want to be intimate, just suck it and bend over. We've tried toys, and he always hurts me with them. We've tried anal penetration, it wasn't my thing. I've tried masturbating in front of him, and it still doesn't seem to be enough.

I'd even love mutual Masturation. He's not open to that. What would you suggest for things to do that might make our sex life more fun and sexy? Also am I wrong for feeling like I'm doing it all and he isn't? Whoa, okay, Kirsten. This is a doozy because here's the thing if I had like a section that made greatest hits tips You did them all honey. You are doing a lot of work here. And I know I answer your question. You're not wrong at all for feeling you're doing it all. And he isn't, he's not doing anything except for saying suck over and bend it. It was Jamie and I both went, uh, and you know me. I'm open. You guys, I understand. I'm not there.

I can't judge your relationship. I don't know you both. But that to me is just not a kind thing at all to say. And I would not tolerate that. But I never want to say to any of you guys, well, this isn't for you. You know, like I said, I haven't met you. I'm not there. I can't judge your relationship.

I don't know you both. But that to me, it's just not a kind thing at all to say. And I would not tolerate that. But I never want to say to any of you guys, well, this isn't for you. You know, like I said, I haven't met you. I know that you love him. And our first love, this is your first love, Kirsten. It's the deepest kind of love. And it's the first time we learn our heart opens. And we just can't imagine anything else.

And it can be really hard to think of our life without this person. So I just want to say that you're both still really young. You have a lot of life skills, a lot of learning to do, even outside the bedroom. But in the bedroom, you guys have, you're each other's only experience. And so you're doing the right things. He just, you know, he might not be hearing what you're saying. He may not really understand it. I don't love that I don't like it.

All that you're having, pain during sex, and you must be exhausted from all these efforts. I think that you want to know that you've done everything before you decide if a relationship is over. So I know you've tried of conversations, but you have to remember that if you have said to him, I want to spice things up and you both agreed to it, you've got to have the conversation again.

Sex conversations are not a one time thing. So it's about all the things I say, and I know you listen carefully to the show, Kirsten, but talk into them outside the bedroom and letting him know how this is all making you feel about your sex life and what you really want to improve. And you need something from him. Like you need him to be kind of giving a little bit of here, making the effort.

And but you also can't make it blame me and shame me and, you know, like, why aren't you doing this and why aren't you doing that? So it's really just keeping it positive and like, I love you and I really want to connect with you, you know, during sex. I want to feel more love. And so let them know that it's something you have to both work on together. And I think that clearly he's not a mine reader.

I don't like that he's hurting you with the toys. He doesn't want you to mutually masturbate. A lot of times when we're presented with new sex information, like our partner makes a request and it scares us or we don't get it, we say no. But maybe he needs some more information around it. So by you saying mutual masturbation would be really sexy

because I'd love to watch you get off and then you could see how I touch myself, like maybe bring it up again in the way of explaining things to him, like giving him a little more details could help him kind of understand what you wanna try here. You've done so many things here and I think that having another loving conversation would feel good and see how we respond to that, but I don't know how much longer

I would keep going through it if nothing seems to change. Alright, thanks for your question. Okay, so this next one is from Mike57Atlana. Hi, Emily. My wife has orgasms using the jacuzzi water jet. Can you suggest a toy that simulates that? Thanks. Okay, Mike, you know that a lot of women have their first orgasm in the shower

or in the bathtub using the jets. We did some research for this because I know that since this kind of stimulation for women is so popular, there's been a few companies that have tried to get like attachments for your shower head that would kind of simulate it. So I just found one by Love Honey. It's called the Drops of Sweden H2O Water Jet shower head rabbit vibrator.

Now I haven't tried this, but what it says is, you attach it to your shower head to propel a stream of water straight to your clitoris and unleash the power power vibrations of your g-spot for unique blended aquagasm. So basically it looks like a rabbit vibrator that attaches to your shower head and can kind of give you that same kind of orgasm. The other thing is the magic wand would be good because vibrations are very strong and intense, which is what she might like about the jacuzzi jet. The womanizer is also a great little stimulator, but maybe a removable shower head would be a great addition to your bathroom.

I have one of those, they're amazing. And a lot of toys these days are waterproof. I think the Wevibe Tango is waterproof. So she can get one and bring it into her bathtub and shower time, but I'm kind of getting that you might want something like that, love honey product. So let us know how that goes. Check it out. Okay, this next one is from Rebecca. She's 33 in North Carolina and she writes

Dear Emily. My husband and I have a great relationship, but her sex life could be better. When we have sex, it's great. Yes, but we can go for like two to three weeks without which I don't think both of us like. However, we haven't seen seem to be able to fix it. First, I prefer to be submissive. Throw me on the bed and have your way with me. He wants me to initiate more as he takes my desire for submission as a lack of passion. So I feel like he avoids sex. When I do initiate the responses either I don't feel good, your timing is off, or even you need to be sexier and have more confidence or something like that.

So I kind of just stop trying. While I can talk to him about everything else, for some reason when we talk about sex, it kind of always becomes my fault or at least feels that way. How can we make things better? We want to have a kid and our trying, but I feel like it's never going to happen if we can't get our bedroom life at its best. Oh, you're right, honey. I love it.

Don't go. Don't have a kid until you figure out the sex stuff. Okay. There's a lot here because I understand it. Don't go, don't have a kid until you figure out the sex stuff. Okay? There's a lot here because I understand it. It sounds like you can't win. You're trying to, when you try to initiate, he says you have to do a better and that you don't have enough confidence, which sounds like really hurtful. And when you don't do it, he says being submissive means that you don't have passion.

So it sounds to me like you nailed it here that this, you know, you said you want to have more sex conversations in their heart, but understand that sex conversations are hard at least at first. So be kind and patient with yourself. They're not easy conversations, but I promise you they get better with practice. So you can even say, we really need to talk about it. Like I say outside the bedroom, you know, when you you're not in the bedroom in the middle of sex, but you gotta say, we both want to work on our sex life. I think we both agree that.

What can we do here to make us make sure that we're both satisfied? You can explain to him that your submission is not a lack of passion at all. Here's the thing, he might not really understand that when it means by being submissive. There is a power play. Roll play, power play is a dynamic that exists in all sexual relationships.

Usually at one point in a moment, there's someone who's dominant and someone who's submissive. That could switch six times in a sex session or just been one sex session, you're submissive, he's dominant. That just happens, you know, if two people are submissive, nothing's going to happen, right? So, maybe he needs to understand that more what that means. So like oftentimes we don't put a lot of words around it because we think they're going to get it

and it's just really hard. So the more ideas you could give him, the more descriptions, the more scenarios will be a lot easier for you. And then when he wants you to initiate, my best advice for this is saying, what does that look like to him? Because if he paints a picture to, he says, you know what, I just want you to grab me

and start kissing me or I want you to throw me on the bed. Well, then you know, you don't have to like in your head go, uh, uh, what do I do? Did it ask him for more information? And remember with these facts, conversations and my best advice is besides the fact of having it outside the bedroom, is that you want to make sure it's, your tone is light and it's with coming from curiosity and love with an effort to make things better in your relationship that has to be about both of you. So your tone is everything.

You don't wanna blame, you don't wanna shame, you don't wanna use like you don't do this or you don't do that. The most we can stick with eye statements and help things make you feel, no one can argue with our feelings. That's what I suggest for your sex conversation. I think scheduling sex is also important.

Scheduling sex, if it's just not happening enough for you guys knowing that Saturday night a sex night can work for you. Then it's non-negotiable. If it's under calendar, you got to do it. That gives you both of you time to look forward to Saturday to send each other's exy text Like what you're gonna do or what's gonna happen because a lot of what's missing is that whole build up that desire And once we start putting you know the words and the efforts into it you'll find that you're both really turned on for Saturday night so those are my suggestions for you right now just start having the talk and I promise it gets easier

So this next one is from Emma 24 an in Australia. She writes, hey there Emily, love your show. I think I've listened to 20 podcasts this week. My question is, can you intensify your orgasm? I've always struggled to get there in the past, but not because I physically can't feel it, but I would start and the sensation to be so powerful that I let go too early or pull away my toy. Now with more practice with my partner and many toys, I realize that I am getting them properly, but I feel they can get stronger and be longer. If so, what are some tips and tricks,

kegels perhaps? I feel when I control them during my orgasm that brings more intensity, or should I not be thinking this and let my body go completely? Physical and mental tips are appreciated. Thank you, you're amazing. Oh, you're amazing. Thank you, you're amazing. Oh, you're amazing.

Thank you, Emma. 20 podcasts a week. That is a lot of podcasts. I love it. Okay, so here's the thing. I love you. First of all, I love your drive. You're like, okay, I got this point, but what's next?

I'm the same way. I never razz. I'm like, what is that? We're gonna take this to the next level. So I love the idea of intensifying your orgasm. So yes, let me start with kegels. Absolutely. This kegels help women intensify their orgasms for sure.

Doing your kegels, those are the muscles that are responsible for our climax. So let's do that, those muscles. So yes, the stronger they are, you can tense and relax them, pump them, you know, during intercourse, and they can help with orgasm for sure. Breath, playing with your breath, also really important.

And here's different ways to play with it. Is that when we pant like during sex, like during intercourse, like you've panted, like those short shallow breaths, those will get us aroused quickly. Like that's like a higher state of arousal. And then you can play with deeper, slower, shallow breaths. And that kind of slows down your arousal.

And that's more like relaxing on your body, like the physiological level. And also when we're more relaxed in our body, then we're more sensitive and attuned to touch and all the sensations happening in our body. So either one of these when we play with breath can help intensify all the orgasms. I think it's also important to play with different types of touch. Remember this, that we're so used to playing touching ourselves in certain ways or using certain toys and we get used to following the same neural pathways.

So much like they often say like for creativity, if you're out of if you've heard this, but if you always brush your teeth at your left hand, you should use your right hand. Try a different hand when you're masturbating or try a different toy for a new sensation. Like people always say, oh, is my vibrator going to get me? Am I going to get to use to it? I mean, I think with everything, don't always use the same toy. So try a new toy, try different sensations. And there might be a period though of adjustment. So you've got to be patient.

Because again, we get anxious. We again, I want the orgasm to happen but what you're saying is I wanna intensify it, I wanna experience something different. So be patient with playing with these different techniques. So you're gonna get there but you just need to take some time with it. Now you asked physical mental tips and you asked about, you know, kegels and all

that. I think that the most important thing is like, don't overthink, should I be doing my kegels? Should I not? I think kegels are a great thing to do during sexual, no, when you should be doing, when you shouldn't. And my best mental tip is just to get out of your head. Once you start worrying about something or you're thinking you should be just doing something different, go back to your breath. That's my best advice is to go back to your breath and whatever you're feeling in your body and just get out of your head. So let me know how your orgasms get more intense after this. Emma, I can't wait to hear from you. Be ambitious about your orgasms. And vicious. Yeah, I love it. Why aren't we on more? We shall be more ambitious about

our orgasms. Okay. Okay. So this last one comes to us from Maurice 39 in Louisiana. Hello Emily. What Loubich you suggest for me to use on my wife that won't harm her or me when I'm giving her oral? What's the best cockering that would not just help me, but pleasure my wife when I'm wearing it? And last thing, what's the name of the spray that could help me not orgasm so fast? Thank you for your show.

Alright, okay Maurice, I love it. Sounds like you are an avid listener. These are very specific questions and I'm going to help you out. When you say harm, you don't, you want to loop that won't harm her. I assume because you have sensitive skin. So I recommend pure water-based formula, P-J-U-R. Those are pretty simple, straightforward water-based formulas.

Our system Joe water-based formulas are great. For penis rings, I love the Wevi Pivot, it has a great vibrator on it, a great vibe, great motor, and vibrations can feel good to you too. I also like the hot octopus Adam Plus, that's also great for clitoral stimulation, and I would just go on our site and check them out like the hot octopus Adam plus is a larger one and I think it's cool because it's just a bigger toy so it has more surface area that would allow to target her clitoris more and so like if she's on top grinding I knew I think it's cool but it's bigger so the pivot is just a little smaller but they're all powerful vibrations. The spray.

You're asking about is ProMessant, P-R-O-M-E-S-C-E-N-T, and it's a quickly absorbing delay spray. It uses a little bit of lidocaine, and it will help you last longer in bed. There you go. You can find this all on our website. Oh, and I forgot to mention the top of the show that I am on serious XM satellite radio, you guys, which has been so exciting the last few months. You can check it out at, I'm on Monday through Friday,

I'm on five to seven pan Pacific, eight to 10 East, and it's pretty cool two hours a night, and you guys can get a free subscription to it if you want to go to sexwithfamily.com slash SXM. Thanks everyone for listening. I love you all. Thanks to my incredible team growing every day. Ken, Samantha, Julia, Michelle, producer, Jamie, and Michael.

Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com. you