Sex With Emily - A MasterClass on Sex (Finally!)

Episode Date: November 21, 2020

I made a MasterClass! I am so honored for the opportunity to partner with MasterClass on this career milestone. Go behind the scenes into how I created the class and funneled decades of my work into simple steps you can take today to release all the shame, communicate your needs, and prioritize your pleasure. We cover why your sex life gets better the more you talk about it, and I reveal my sexual superpowers. Watch my class now on MasterClass.com/emilymorseFor even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I don't want people to be flailing around trying to figure out sex anymore. I want them to be like, oh, I can take control of this, test by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubize, they call them in a fight on days. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Welcome to the show, everyone. This is a very different kind of episode.

We released two to three podcasts a week for the last 15 years and in most episodes. I answer your questions. I have a guest or we go really deeper into very specific areas around sex and communication and dating and relationships. But today I'm going to share some information that's a little bit more personal. First, I have a really big announcement. It's one of those career milestones that I haven't been able to talk about until now.

All right, my big announcement is yesterday I launched a masterclass, and it's the very first course masterclass has ever done in the wellness area, but certainly around sex. And it's called Emily Morris teaches sex and communication. This is really a culmination of my 15 years of doing this work. I mean, when I started, I really didn't have any sex education. I didn't know what I didn't know. I thought I was the only one who was having sex that was disappointing or confusing. When I would look for information, there was really just pornography or no information. It was also 15 years ago. It was a much different time and it wasn't very well accepted what I did.

My mom, you say, oh, she doesn't show around dating. And there was a lot of places I couldn't talk about sex when I started doing a show on the radio. I really couldn't only say the word sex every once in an hour. I couldn't say masturbation. And really the only other person that I knew that was a sex educator or a sex doctor was Dr. Ruth. And people would say, oh, you're going to be like

the next doctor Ruth. And I said, I sure, I sure hope so. I sure hope that we can lift the veil of shame and weirdness around sex. Because if you think about it, it was always so curious to me that sex was something that impacts all of us of all ages. We're here essentially because people had sex. And then when we're younger, we're told that you're going to have sex, it's going to be this wonderful thing. And then you go off and have sex, and then everyone stops talking about it. And maybe you grew

up somewhere that it was shameful, or you were told, wait, to have sex until you were married, but it shrouded in this mystery that really makes no sense. And while we've made a lot of changes in the last 15 years, we still have a long way to go. And it's been a journey, it's been a battle in many ways because it was challenging to actually make a living, talking to people about sex, when still sponsors and even people would say to me, well, I like the name of the show Sex with Family, but you have to change it.

You're not going to be able to go very far with a sex show because we just, we aren't there yet. And I kept going and because of you listening and being brave and vulnerable and calling in and sending your questions, we were all able to do this together. And I just have to say that this is, I'm so grateful that sex with Emily is going to continue to help so many more people now. And I appreciate everyone for sharing it with your friends and your family. And I want this conversation to be something that you feel comfortable about and that it gives you permission to talk about sex,

like you're talking about anything, like you're talking about the weather, like you're talking about your day at work. And I know for me personally, once I was able to not only break through the cultural stigmas around sex, sex with Emily, but in my own life, if I look at myself 15 years ago, and where I am now, it's a world of difference. And I know that if you stay on this path with me,

you can also have a sex life that is satisfying, that isn't troublesome, that isn't painful, either physically or emotionally. And the best part is, a lot of it just starts with your mind and changing certain limiting beliefs and thoughts that you have around sex that maybe no longer fit into who you are today as an adult and that you can kind of release shame you have around your genitals around your body.

I don't think about it. Like everything else that we really care about in our life, you know, maybe our job or a sport. People always, hey, how's it going with your tennis lessons? How's that class you're taking? You know, how was your vacation? I mean, all the things that we talk about, let's sex is think about it. When was the last time someone said, tell me about your sex life? How often do you masturbate? What works for you? You know, I realize that I've never had an orgasm

or this thing works for me. I like to be on top. Are you on the bottom? And this is how we learn. When you lift that shame and all the worry you have around sex, it's going to be so empowering and so uplifting that you can start to think of sex as something that you just in your daily life, you get up, you brush your teeth, you go to work, maybe you read a book, and you're thinking about your sex life. And in a while, you wouldn't have to think about it. You'll say, what's out of whack here? Like, I know if I have a time of my life where I'm not working out or I'm not eating healthy, I'm like, okay, this weekend I'm going to add a green salad in. I'm going to get back out there and hike. If you realize that you feel off balance, you're I'm like, okay, this weekend I'm going to add a green salad in. I'm going to get back out there and hike.

If you realize that you feel off balance, you're going to think, oh, I have an adorn orgasm in months, in weeks. I haven't talked to my partner about our sex life, not in the least two years, or even two months. And then it just becomes part of your overall maintenance plan. It becomes part of your overall health and wellness. And then you realize that that's the thing that's out of whack. That's what I want.

I want you to marry all of those. I want you to say, how am I doing with my sex life, my intimacy? You know, I think about it. I'm like, have I taken my supplements? Have I worked out and have I masturbated? Because orgasms are good for you. They're healthy. It's a release. And if you're not having one totally cool,

you never have one fine. We're going to get you there. But I want you to think differently about sex and intimacy. And now that's what I hope that sex with Emily does for you. I will always be here to hold your hand and to guide you because we are all in this together. For today's show, I thought it'd be fun to hold your hand and to guide you because we are all in this together. For today's show, I thought it'd be fun to bring in my producers to talk about this process of making masterclass and what it means. So, hi, Ovee and Colin.

Thanks for joining me. Hello. Hello, we did it. We did it. It's been not only did we launch the masterclass today, I also launched a new logo, our social media, everything got an update. Maybe you noticed the new look and I'm really excited about it. It's something that I've been wanting to do for a while. But, you know, if you think about it, sex is always constantly growing and changing and evolving and the world has changed so much. And just me and my team, we've created

so much content. We just wanted to make it even more accessible and easy to find and easy to navigate and just a little refresher, right? After 15 years. So we did that as well. Check it out. I want to know what if one thinks of it. So hi. What do you want to talk about, Ovee and Colin?

Well we just wanted to ask you about this whole process. Obviously we've seen it from beginning to end. Ovee, you've been with Emily longer than I have. You've seen a lot of this process, but we wanted to just ask you about it, because it's such a big deal. I mean, making a masterclass, that's insane. Yeah, it is a big deal. I guess first I'd ask how you organized 15 years of this amazing sex with Emily work you've done into just one masterclass.

Like, how did you go about? It was a lot. It was a lot to think about because what I had to do to organize a class is I sort of had to do a personal download of everything I'd want to say, right? Throw it all out there and see what sticks. And so I ended up just doing a deep dive and writing. At one point I wrote, you know, like 90 pages of notes and then I was able to kind of go back over my notes

and then the masterclass team was so fabulous to work with and we would just think about, you know, if you have almost a two hour course and you want it to be really for everyone, what's important, what isn't, and just pairing it all down. You know, for me, I just need to see everything. It's how I organize, you know, if you're going to organize your closet,

you know, I take out all the clothes and see what I have. And so I did that same process was thinking about all my years of getting my doctorate and human sexuality and the books I've read and the courses I've taken and just compiling it all into a place and then trying to figure out how to deliver it to a wide audience. My other thing is I feel like someone could listen to the Masterclass episode and learn more than just sex. Well, yeah, you know what's interesting because this course, yes, it's about sex and there

are some very specific sex tips in it. I really want people to know that they have permission to be sexual, challenge limiting beliefs, and to understand that sex is not a destination. It is a journey. And also, I hope, to new listeners that they understand that this class is a highlight reel. It's a very, you know. It's a lot of the main principles around sex. And I don't get as specific, so I hope that if you want more details on all my platforms, we have very specific masturbation techniques.

Why you might have challenges around your penis. If you wanna go deeper and exploring your fantasies or healing sexual trauma or very specific dips around oral sex, they're all going to be here at sex with them. So it's going to be the place where we can all continue this journey together. And the other thing I want is that I want everyone just to feel very welcome and inclusive, which is why in the course, I don't use gender and I don't use sexual orientation. I use penis owners and vulva owners, which is what I've started to do on the podcast. And I really hope that this will be a doctored worldwide, that we won't just make assumptions

about the generals you were born with or how you present. So maybe we should start today. What I've realized after all these years is that regardless of what kind of relationship you're in and what kind of generals you have, that stuff doesn't matter as much when you're trying to understand who you are as a sexual being, that there's a lot to unpack, there's some roadblocks to remove for you to actually ground yourself in your own sexuality. An interesting challenge, though, which is why this was such a different kind of masterclass, is because while somebody like Gordon Ramsay

can come on and teach his specific method of cooking or Judd Appetow teaches how he tells a joke in his creative process, right? There's a lot of writers on the who share their creative process. It's not about my sex life, per se, but I wanted to share just some guiding principles. How I believe is the most effective way to go about having a healthy sex life.

This course is going to help people start to sort of lift the veil of uncertainty or shame or fear they have around being sexual and talking about sex. So you're going to get a lot of this course and you're going to feel good and it's fun. Don't go anywhere. We've got so much more to talk about after this break. I think it's also just so amazing that you're going to be able to reach such a large audience with this. I wonder how many lives you'll change.

I know. It is. Masterclass has a huge membership. What I think is going to be fun first off is that, you know, members of master class might be looking for new courses, unwriting or business or design, and they may have thought a sex course because it really is sort of out there. And it was again, very brave for master class to do a course like this. Members of master class, they might think, oh, well, maybe I'll just dabble in it. I mean, that's the thing about their classes.

They're so easy to digest. And all I want is for people everywhere on the planet to really slow down and take a look at their own beliefs around sexuality. And so if this is going to do that and take it to even a wider audience, I'm so grateful. Can't wait to hear from everyone and see how it's impacted them. What I've heard, and you know, not many people have

seen the course, just came out yesterday, but even the experience of working with the team, the production team, when we were shooting, there was a man who's married who works for them, and he said, you know, this course made me realize that I need to have some difficult conversations with my wife, and then there was another person

who identifies as non-binary. And they said to me, I really got a lot out of the consent part. And then there was another woman who was single and dating. And she said, I just realized I have a lot more to experience. And now I know how to ask what I want. So it was even in that small sample group. And then ever since then, my publicist, and he's gay and he said, gosh, I never really thought about my views towards my own sexuality.

So my goal is that everyone, no matter where you're at, no matter what generals you were born with, and no matter what age you are, in many ways, how I am about the sexual family podcast and platform, is that it truly is for everyone, even if it's their first step on their sexual journey, even if they've been doing it for a long time and they still realize that they have never really paid attention to it, they never really thought about their sex life, that this will be an invitation for them to open up in a very safe, non-judgmental

and entertaining way. What was your first thought when they reached out to you about this? Well, I got a message. They sent an email from Hayes at Masterclass, who was fabulous, and they said, we're really interested in doing a Masterclass. And I had to take a step back,

because I knew about Masterclass. They advertised a lot. I had seen the platform, and I thought, this is a real thing. I had you know seen the platform and I thought This is a real thing and then I started talking to them and they were just they made it so So wonderful to work with that it was such a wonderful experience But at first I was really surprised and very humbled and then I got to work And then I got to work saying this is a huge responsibility Because I knew that it was gonna reach so many people and I was finally gonna get to teach it to

Everyone who was willing to listen and get a masterclass membership. What was it like collaborating with the masterclass team? I loved working with masterclass team You never know when you get into something like this because it really is a big project everyone that I've worked with at Masterclass was so kind and professional and to work with them and to create this course about something that's been my life's work that I'm so passionate about. Everybody having this information is just really spectacular. So you got like total creative freedom? Yeah, I really did. This is my course. This is my course. I had created freedom to come out from my perspective

and how I thought that people might want to access this information. What were the lessons you wanted everyone who watches it to walk away with? I just really want people to prioritize their pleasure and to give them a roadmap of how they can do that. And I think for many people, we forget that sex was supposed to be fun and that orgasms are good for us. A masturbation is healthy.

But since we often think we don't deserve it or we don't make time for it and we blame a lot of other things including ourselves for not having the sex life and the intimacy that we want, we don't even think about, oh, if I make time in my life for this, if I prioritize it, you know, what we put our attention on becomes our reality, what we focus on becomes our life. And so if you can, for the, maybe the first time or or you get you need a refresher and you think, huh, what have I done in the last five years, 20 years or a few months that's been about my own pleasure and my own sexuality with myself and a partner okay. I also hope that people learn to sort of lift some of the things that have been holding

them back. In the course we talk about, maybe it was their upbringing, right? Maybe they grew up in a home where it wasn't safe to talk about sex, or maybe they've always had pain and they didn't know what to do about that. And so it was preventing them from being sexual, or maybe they had some negative beliefs about themselves, about their body. You know, we sort of cover all of that and so I think it's going to help people either release shame or just even just understanding what is keeping them and what's preventing them from allowing themselves to be a sexual being.

I've never thought about it this way, but it makes sense now that you're saying this, because we are in a culture that largely doesn't talk about sex, people aren't paying attention to their sexuality. And so it's like they're just like running into the bedroom and just seeing what sticks. That's how we all learn to have sex, right? That's even like when my mom called in for my two-year anniversary show on the Zoom She's like, oh, yeah, we didn't, you know, or my stepdad said, we just figured it out on the fly. That's how we're all still doing it. So many of us didn't have sex education. We never had anybody talk about sex. For many people watching that masterclass and a lot of my listeners that might have been listening to this for 15 years or a few

months or this might be your first time listening, but you probably haven't heard anybody talk about sex in this way before. If you didn't seek it out, so you probably weren't focused on your sexuality, you weren't, you were just kind of like, here we go on the bedroom again, like, I hope this works out. Help, I, I hope I get this right. Hope my partner wants to have sex tonight, you know, so I don't want people to be flailing around trying to figure out sex anymore. I want them to be like, oh, I can take control of this. I understand it. Most of it is you're getting rid of a lot of shame and stigma. Get rid of the shame. Get rid of the stigma. As we said before, this has been a huge year for the sexual Emily brand. Who's exhausted. I'm so tired. Yeah, I started on this path, you know, 15 years ago, doing a podcast in my living room not having satisfying sex pleasurable sex not not

Being able to ask for what I want Faking orgasms and then I got super sparked with this passion for it I was like oh this this is exactly what I want to do with my life I had never I'd never felt that what I felt 15 years ago from the first podcast. I had never felt that knowing. I had a knowing. And I think it's how someone feels when they find the one that exists. They say, Oh, I just knew the second I saw them across the room. That's how I felt about sex. I thought, this is my going to be my life's work. And I just knew it in the moment because doing the podcast, it was four hours of recording. And I'm like,

this is it. Then I went and did podcasts and radio shows and read every book about sex and then went back to grad school and I got my doctor and human sexuality and I studied somatic therapy, which is all about embodiment, understanding your body and how to communicate,

you know, I've been on serious exam for two years, doing radio, which was a dream. I always wanted to do live radio, which I love doing live radio. I love helping people with this. If I love that every day, there's somebody who's learning or has a question about this. You started this journey in the same way that nearly everybody else does, where you also didn't know what you were doing. Yeah, I think that's maybe why I'm so passionate about helping people, because I went through

the same, I know where people are at. I know how to help them take the next step on their journey. Just by even calling in or emailing their questions, I hold their hand and you know we don't do any judgment here, no shaming, and it's just an open place and I help guide them. And that's why I love when people email me back or call in and let me know where they're at or how maybe a piece of advice helped them. And now they need help with the next stage, right? Because that's how I just want people to remember that it's not prescriptive. There's not something with sex where you're just going to hear one thing and now you're

going to be able to have incredible sex. It is about a lifetime journey and also paying attention. A lot of this is about giving your sex life the attention and focus that it deserves. We just sort of assume it should just be great or we're too afraid to look at it. And so if I can just help people take that next step and then they call back in and they're like, well, this is what I learn. Like, okay, let's go to the at it. And so if I can just help people take that next step and then they call back in and they're like, well, this is what I learn. I'm like, okay, let's go to the next step.

And so people could just be kinder to themselves and realize that it's okay if you haven't learned this stuff and wherever you're at, we'll get to wherever you want to go. Yeah, I was gonna ask, is there ever been a point where you felt like, okay, now I've kind of got this. Ah, I don't have, I there ever been a point where you felt like, okay, now I've kinda got this. I don't have, I have such better sex right now. I very rarely have disappointing sexual experiences.

I'm very rarely like, oh, this isn't done or this won't work. I just don't know, like if you're a skilled, what's called like an auto mechanic. And someone brings you like a beat up car, maybe has four tires that work and sort of the engine is kind of work, you could probably figure out if you have all your tools, you could probably make it go a mile, right?

Right. I feel that way about sex. If someone's in my, if we're together and we're intimate, I can get to where I need to go, and I can probably get them where they need to go, it might not be the best experience, but I know how to make most sexual situations turn out okay. Like we're both gonna leave happy.

Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, oh, I just love imagining you walking into a bedroom and just saying, okay, we got these curtains, we got these sheets, all right. And you, all right, I can make this work. It's like the doctor asking for all the, I need three bottles of lube, four vibrators, set, go.

And there's me running. Okay, hold on Emily. Where's the flavor of lube, oh, me. Where's the, where's the mint chocolate lube? Yeah, that's what it is. I've got all my two, I guess funny, because I'm even like tonight, I know I'm having a sexual experience tonight.

So I, last night, I got back, I charged all my toys and I guess funny, because I'm even like tonight, I know I'm having a sexual experience tonight. So last night, I got charged all my toys and I got my loop. I know how to set it up for what I need and when I get home. I know that I need to take a steam shower. I'm gonna want to get my head in a certain place to feel in the mindset for sex. I know now everything that needs to happen

for a sexual experience to be satisfying. So yes, I feel like I can kind of be in the flow now. I think your baseline for sex is a lot higher than it was 15 years ago. It is night and day. I think I didn't really, I would be satisfied by partner or satisfied. Right. I was like, oh, well, they're good. They got off. I didn't even know what it could feel like to have incredible sex and connected sex. Not in the way I know now. All right. More sex with Emily after this break.

And thank you, everybody, for supporting our sponsors who help keep this show free. Have you felt that Masterclass has been kind of like a culmination of a lot of different things? Absolutely. I really got grounded in the material and a lot of the work that I've been doing all this time. But there was also some soul searching and it was an invitation for me to personally go deeper into my own work and review, you know, my own life. It's definitely a huge milestone. And I'm really grateful. And my mom's really

proud. Like, I don't think she's ever been that proud. I mean, she's proud. But for her, she's already a member of Masterclass. She's like, calls me other days because they just launched a class with Paul Krigman from the front page of the New York Times. Do you know who he is? He's really smart. He's a New York Times reporter and he did a masterclass. She's like, and you're doing a masterclass. As a radio podcast star, I feel like you're not always that used to have a cameras in front of you, but you said that you kind of got used to it a little bit because of all the zoom. Yeah. So the process for them was you sit in a room and you're talking to a camera,

but what I did was I pictured my nieces and I pictured their faces and how I would be talking to my nieces if I was teaching them about sex and sexuality. And I just would picture their faces and then I was able to just kind of talk because I also tend to, you know, once I get into my groove, I don't want to overthink things, but once I get going, I'm like, well, how could people best understand this? No matter who you are in what age, but it helped to see the little faces.

Oh, that's so great. Yeah, because you're like, I mean, you're their anti-M who does a sex show. But yeah, you talk openly with your nieces about sex, right? I do. Yeah, when they're ready, it's funny. When they get to about 18, they're like, okay, I get it. Now, I'm here.

I got to ask you questions. But yeah, I love being that aunt, that auntie. You're kind of the fun aunt for everyone, I feel like. I'm the fun aunt. Write me a dinner. I'll be in the room. I am the fun aunt. Yeah.

Emily, do you ever feel imposter syndrome? Yes. Doctor. Yeah, it did. Imposter syndrome reared its ugly head. There was a part in it and they did actually include this in the final edit where they asked me about my personal journey. And I realized the question I answered was very, it was much more of a surface answer about starting a podcast

and building a business, you know, making a business and podcasting a long time ago when I knew what it was and how I was challenged. My mom thought you have a good college degree, you could get a great job, why are you struggling in all these things. But that isn't really as deep and vulnerable as my real story.

So maybe there was a part of me that felt that I'm not really successful. Even though there's a lot of evidence that I'm successful, I still believe that I'm maybe not because I wasn't living up to society standards of what it looks like to be successful in your personal life. You know, not having marriage or kids or a family. And that some of people would still judge me for that. Even though I don't care about that. That's not even something that I believe for me, right?

So I wasn't even noticing that I was doing that. So I am living the life that I want. And the show is helping people. Do you have any advice for coping with it or kind of working through it? How I handle it is, I think about these automatic negative thoughts, right? The ants. Think about the statement that's sort of holding you back, right? Let's say, as I'm not a success.

So question one, you ask yourself, is it true? Is your belief true? I'm not a success. Well, yeah, I mean, maybe to some people, I'm not true? Is your belief true? I'm not a success. Well, yeah, maybe to some people I'm not true. It's not true. Number two, is it absolutely true? Well, I guess it's not absolutely true that I'm not a success. There's all this evidence that I am. Number three, how do you feel when you believe the thought? Oh, God. Well, if I think I'm not successful and I'm told to talk about

my journey, well, then it doesn't feel very good. Number four, how would you feel if you did it or couldn't have the thought? Hmm, if I couldn't have the thought that I wasn't really successful, I just probably would, you know, have a lot more freedom and a lot more ability to show up every day as the person that I am to lead and to help people and to have a satisfying life. Oh, I feel really relieved. And then number five, how would it sound if it was the exact opposite? I am a success.

Right? Oh, wow. That feels great. It doesn't weigh you down. I'll tell you that. It? Oh wow, that feels great. It doesn't weigh you down, I'll tell you that. It just feels like, okay, I'm living a successful, fulfilling, satisfying life. That feels good. So that's an exercise that I think those five questions that people could just do when, you know, we have thoughts in our heads.

Because if you think about it, our thoughts aren't the truth. We get to program our thoughts once we realize that they're not separate than us. You can very easily switch up. Ask yourself those questions and get comfortable confronting some of those deeply ingrained beliefs that you hold about yourself. Release them. Share with friends. Journal about it.

I guess it's just about leaning into it and allowing people to see the real you. I think it's also interesting just that so many people deal with it. It's so common. I was just going to say I wish I could just really learn and really know that I can't be everyone to everybody. Yeah. Yeah, I do. I want everyone to like me and to think like this shows helping them and like just even in life

Wherever you go people are gonna like you some people don't like chocolate. I don't know those people I don't hang out with them. No Something that I sometimes struggle with which I feel like you might relate to Emily is the fact that I often just kind of rush through my accomplishments to like I'm always looking forward and so that I never have the moment to be like, oh, wow, look at what I've accomplished so far. That's a really good point. That moment to pause and to appreciate and to really ground yourself and where you're at and what you've done, I do the same thing. I just rush, rush from one thing to the next. How do you actually feel things and be kind yourself and celebrate yourself? It's really hard to do. What have you learned from making this masterclass?

I think I've learned, I've realized that I have the potential to reach so many different people and so many different platforms. And I truly know that this masterclass is going to change so many people's lives. It's either going to start them on their path to understanding their bodies more, their sexuality and enjoying their sex life or it'll refresh things in their lives so they can kind of have a new spark when it comes to their sex life and their pleasure. That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. You can watch my Masterclass on Masterclass.com slash Emily Morse. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. Leave me if

you've got something out of it, they will too. We release shows on Tuesdays and Fridays and look out for a bonus episode every now and then. Find me on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook and Twitter. It's all at Sex with Emily. And I've been told I give really good newsletter. So sign up at sexwithemily.com. And don't forget to check out our blogs. If you want to talk to me, ask your questions about your sex life, dating or relationships, email me.

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