Sex With Emily - A Masturbation Medley Mash-Up

Episode Date: May 14, 2019

On today’s show & in honor of  masturbation month, Emily is bringing you a mash-up of masturbatory clips, tips, and tricks! She gives you ways to get into your body and stop the o-blocking once and for all, tips to become a multi-orgasmic male, how to comfortably talk to your teen about self pleasure with the least amount of awkwardness possible, and an overall guide to masturbating without vibrators — because there are so many paths to pleasure. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Keeps, Boston Scientific, Magic Wand, SiriusXM.  Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm bringing you a mashup of some of my favorite masturbatory clips, tips, and tricks. Topics include tips to get you in the mood for a little self-loving and stop the o-blocking already. We do block ourselves from having orgasms. It's a true thing. How do we call it a multi-organic male? Yes, it takes some work, but it's totally worth it. Ways to talk to your teens about masturbation without it being completely uncomfortable, and a masturbation guide that doesn't include a vibrator, because hey, there's so many paths to pleasure. All this and more, thanks for listening. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, though? What do you mean, like laundry?

It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, I want to feel so, so, so. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom,

mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, information go to sexfamily.com check out our website and you can check out our podcast wherever you listen to podcasts we really do love when you comment on the show and subscribe on iTunes or wherever you listen also you can check me out on Siri sex and radio stars channel 109 I'm their Monday through Friday 5 to 7 p.m. Pacific every night Monday through Friday 8 to 10 East I'm so excited to be

reaching so many more of you it's been been great. If you want a free 30-day trial, you can go to sexwithemily.com slash SXM and always follow us on social media across the board at Sex with Emily. We're doing a lot of contestous month because it is masturbation month. So you can check that out on our website or on our social media. Stay tuned. Follow us. We just want to bring you pleasure. That's all. More pleasure for you. Enjoy the show. So here's some suggestions that you can jump start your self-loving routine. All right, do it. So this is huge, huge, huge, huge. I know this has been a problem for me when I haven't been able to get down to business.

And that is to eliminate distractions. So you want to make time for it, no matter what. Ideally, you have more time than a lot of people, but sometimes it's good just to get it out, you want to have a quickie rather than nothing at all. So this actually came from a listener, an email from a listener to get us warmed up here. He was the week one winner of how you masturbate. We have our contest going.

So this was his example. This was how he masturbates, right? Deer Emily, I really enjoy the show and thought that I would send you an email about how I typically self love. I'm a 38 year old male from Arizona. I don't have much time to enjoy masturbating with two young girls around,

so I have to do my best to rub when I can. I speed home from work, so I have 10 minutes before my daughter's bus shows up to relieve myself. I burst into the house and shuffle the dog into the backyard. I can see the disappointment in my dog's face because she's so happy to see me,

but I'm on a mission. I grab my phone and try to... The dog is judging you, mother. To try some online inspiration. I drop my drawers, hit the bed. I usually don't get, we go far over the dog, it's barking in the back,

I fold the neighbors and distracting me. I scurry to the back door if I pancer on my ankles to let the dog in. I'm running behind now. I make my way back to bed with my half-heart erection. I pull out my phone and start trying to find something else fun to look at. By now, my dog is made to the side of the bed

and is begging for me to let her up. This is exhausting. I won't be able to do this with her making all this noise. I throw on the bed and get back to work. I have only minutes now and need to get busy. I have to skip the light porn and dial everything hard. I have to go on and do this that quick. I jerk it fast and hard.

I have to put a pillow to block my dog's view. What I'm seeing. I know that it's easy. This person is speaking to my heart. I know. This is why we're reading this. I finished some dirty laundry and barely of time is that my pants are running up the door

to pick up my kids off the bus. It's kind of sad, but this routine happens more than I can make. Thanks for our hard work. Our friend in Arizona. Oh, man. It's a good one, right? It's hilarious because I don't know how many shows ago, but I It's a good one. We got to do it.

I don't know how many shows ago, but I was talking about the dog because the dog and the dog. I mean, you cause you love the dog, but the dog stares you in the face and. He doesn't know. They know. He's like going to daddy's bed. He's like, what?

You don't know if they know. Who cares if they know? What do you get to start telling all the dogs in the dog park? No, but you're like, oh, because these dogs are such a sweet. I think they're a brownie. And the next thing I know is that the sex were six to nine. Yeah, he had this huge erection. No, it's just like, I don't know.

It just feels weird. I know the dog's had an interesting debate. It feels weird. My dog, I just pushed to the corner. She was falsely. You can give edibles to your dog, though, really? No, I don't do that. How is that?

Get that dog the shut up. At least my dog doesn't bark. You keep your dog. I, no, I don't do that. I mean, get that dog to show up. At least my dog doesn't bark. You give your dog. I don't. I don't. But they sure they do about it. They do. Maybe, but you get to figure out that barking situation. I think it's just got to train your dog to be outside that give a bone, give a bone with meat. One of the meaty, meaty bones in a let you have sex. That's when it should be feeding time. Exactly. See, we're working this out together. I got this.

Yeah. I got you. Okay. So for women, this is some time, eliminate distractions. Okay. Time manage your masturbation, set aside time, and ferment you a good amount of time. If you know that sometimes it takes you while you get in the mood, don't give yourself 30 minutes just to get down and busy, set aside enough time so you don't feel rushed.

Also, you want to treat this time as sacred. Turn off your phone, which actually I've been doing lately, I actually leave my phone outside my bedroom when I go to bed at night. I got a clock in my room. Yeah, because I'm looking at falling asleep, like looking at Snapchat or something.

It's like, that's not the energy you want. You love the sunshine now. I know, I love it. Lock your door if you need to, surrender to the moment, whether you're able to climax or not, you'll be glad that you set this time. So remember door if you need to. Surrender to the moment. Whether you're able to climax or not, you'll be glad that you set this time. Remember, this is a practice. This is something that's going to take some time. It could take some time, but this is where we're exploring new arises zones and going deeper into your pleasure. You also want to de-stress. Stress, number one killer of your sex drive for men, women, couples, we come home or stress. It's a

last thing on our mind. So it's so crucial to rid yourself of any tension before you hit the bedroom. What happened in the day, no matter what work, your mom called, wardrobe, belt function, parking ticket, leave it at the front door. If you need to meditate, exercise, take a bath, I meditate at night, I do take bath sometimes

not enough, but when I do, I'm totally in the mood. Because it just brings you down, and you're like, you get that you bring you down to this level of calm. You haven't seen me that way, but it happens. Do whatever you do to unwind and the less nagging thoughts that in your head bouncing around the more room there is for the masturbation happy, friendly thoughts or sexy dirty thoughts or whatever kind of thoughts you have. So yeah, you also minus the next thing.

You want to create a space for yourself. Like, make sure- A masturbation space. A masturbation space. Like, I have a meditation space. So there's so much research that research that shows that your environment has a huge impact on your state of mind. My house was a cluttered mess and now I'm working on making it a lot better and I already feel like it's more of my home right now

and the same goes for your bedroom forever it is that you masturbate. So you want stuff, you don't want, and this is even for a couple, you don't want the TV, I know you probably would be a TV in your bedroom, but just take all this stuff of work out of your, I'll make it like as happy and serene as you can

and peaceful, remove clutter, work work dirty laundry. Oh you hated there's like so much electronic shit in my room. Oh it's crazy. It's crazy. Now also you want to you want to kind of stage like a self-seduction like you are seducing yourself. So you like candles you can do these cool neon the new new color changing LED lights. Have you seen these? They got sent to me. It's called LIFX, right? Yeah, you have one. We put it on. Yeah, you screwed in my bulb that night. No, I didn't. It was already there. I observed the screen. Oh, okay. So it connects to an app on your smartphone. It changes colors and it sets the themes, the themes for different moods and it's a great setting for masturbation

You can even be like oh, and it's the coolest thing. We all have one. I love them It's called l.i.fx the light bulb, but anyway, you can just like be like oh, this is like you know Sometimes you need when I'm talking about your environment. I'm talking about like There might be certain sounds like there might be a candle that gets you in the mood It might be a lighting like when on my light goes to this like orangey strobe light that you can do, like that makes me in the mood. So you want to set the seed for men? Same thing, whatever got to make into a love den you might just need to suck. I don't know what it is.

I feel like men always come into their socks. Music is a great thing. All the senses like unbord, sounds like touch scent, and do the things that you would do if you were going to do someone or you wanted to be turned on. How would you turn yourself on? So it helps to think sexy thoughts to get your brain on board. So again, the men, I think that you're for men a lot of times your sexy thoughts are just popping up here and there.

And for women, porn, great way to do it. Yeah, but I'm sure you're not watching porn every time. No, fantasizing. But a lot of women are just, you know, they're thinking about it. Is it sporadic or is it something that you've set up? It's when it's masturbation time. I think it's both. It could be something that just happened.

Like if I just had like a particularly hot sex session, or I would- Wait, after you already had sex, you're gonna masturbate again? No, I'm saying like if recently you have the something fresh in my mind or like a new person I'm dating, I'll like think about different flickers of being with him

in moments. And that's kind of like what I do mostly or different scenarios like think about like women together, watch, let's do more, Yeah, like most women, totally. So, you also, fans, again, you don't have to watch porn, you can just fantasize in your head. That's could be just as great for a lot of people, but here's another thing about fantasy.

That's also a practice. So, there's a lot of people I've worked into and like, you know, I don't fantasize. I don't know what turns me on. I don't know what I think about. And actually, a lot of this work I'm doing with Celeste Daniela my somatic training is about six months of training But it is going to be about like being a somatic of practitioners helping people realize what truly turns them on men And women like you think you know, but there might be stuff that you've repressed and also if you just really don't know the ways to like

Create scenarios that you know will get you there because so many of us have a hard time getting them for sex. So um, there's like a radical, you can listen to it, you can read all that. So female friendly porn, Erica Lutz, Erica Lutz has a site X Confessions. It's a feminist porn site. It has a compilation of erotic short films. Monthly subscription is $27. It's a very popular site though. We love good sex. Created by 20-something Lucy Blush covers some of the best porn sites for women. If you don't know where to start, it's a great place. You can show all of them to you. Tumblr, great place for more of you. Yeah, you've got gifts, you've got images, you've got short video clips, like I need you down the path to finding a lot of great

stuff. Lady Chiki, we love Lady Chiki site. Check her out in Tumblr. It's one of the top rated female friendly erotic Tumblr sites And then porn for them Done My outbearer skies limit porn. I have you porn plenty of sites out there and then for fetishes we got kink.com For an angel beautiful agony that just shows women's faces or guys. Yeah, men's oh Speaking of how you heard About sex bit yet Did you heard about Sex Bit yet. Did you hear about that? Sex Bit.

Yeah, so it's like, yeah, I think it's a you porn or one of those companies. They came up with a website where it's like basically working out, but you do different sex positions and you time yourself and you get points and all kinds of stuff. Really? It's really encourages couples to have sex with me together. That's really cool. Yeah, it's like, supposedly like working out. Yeah, that's what we've had sex this many times. I think that's great.

You do from masturbation too. I'm sure you could. Yeah, where you earn different points and it's helping you work out. I think the point thing works. I like doing it with my walking, my steps. Uh-huh. And I have a meditation app where it says I've meditated like 85 hours this year. I know, right? That could have been lucky. Curing cancer or something, but I am meditating with all that time. That's good. Yeah. So fantasize. Okay. It's a very important skill for women to develop.

Like I said, research shows women who are able to fantasize have a better chance of reaching orgasm. And this was something I can relate to because it did not come naturally to me. Like most of my thoughts are like anxious thoughts. Like what I'm doing, I didn't do this, I gotta do that. Like I can't relax. So I really had to like find what turn me out. Well we always said it's like in your head most of the time

all this, everything. Everything is in your head. And most of the stuff we can craze in your head, and most of the limitations are in our head. And most of the things you tell yourself that you can't fantasize. You can't have an orgasm. You can't have 16 orgasms. You can't stay out. A lot of it is in your head. I understand your body might not be on board with that. But once you get your head on board, your body will follow. So just get in touch with what you're feeling. You know, emotionally, physically at the time. Think about sexy scenarios, and then you'll have a lot of material

for your masturbation bake. Another important thing about getting in the mood, sex toys for a lot of people can be seen as the very short thing. If you're not sure you're gonna masturbate, you're not gonna get over, flashlight for men. We like the woman eyes, we like the magic wand, and also deep breathing.

I'm telling you, it helps with everything. Let's get into emails. Because we've got so many emails to catch up on. I love when you email me, feedback at sexwithme.com. And you gotta take great orders because we do ask you to include your name, your age, and where you live. And no, but what? And how you listen?

How you listen? So many orders though, I always feel like I let that one go. How you listen would be awesome. Yeah, like, oh, do you listen on my background or I can write this person is telling us here. So thank you. Emily, I love your podcast. I listen frequently on my iPhone podcast app. Very helpful. I love it so much that I even bought myself my very own magic wand after hearing so many rave reviews on your show. I mean, you've been pimping the magic wand for a month. Dude, before I even pimped magic wand, I love the magic wand. It's the best. My question

is about orgasms. I first started masturbating in college when I realized I need to learn to get myself off before expecting a partner to. It was kind of like a shot in the dark at first, rubbing until I would feel the final total body release all of a sudden. The past three years or so, I've not been able to reach that final stage of explosion, and I can't figure out why. Of course, since I notice a difference, I can't help but think every time when I'm close, if it'll happen, so I'm kind of mentally cop-fucking-myself by doubting it'll happen. So she's about to orgasm, and then she's like, hmm, I'm going to make my way to, and then she can't.

I'm still able to enjoy a literal stimulation, and love using the magic wand, but it's the same thing. I hit a point where it seems like my body can't handle any more pleasure and it just kind of stops. My whole body tense is up intensely and I can't get it to relax no matter how much deep breathing I do to continue this sensation. To me, I've been considering it as an orgasm as a late, but I can't help but wonder if my body is in fact able to get past the tense level and keep going. See, guys don't have this at all. You're like, I came, I didn't come. Have you ever heard of this happening

and had any tips for how I can get my orgasm back? Jay, she did not include her name and how old she is, by the way, but she did include her app that she was on the app. So she is orgasm blocking herself, and she's kind of wondering if she's gonna feel it and she's still caught up in her head that she's cheating herself out of enjoying it, which I think men and women have these same challenges

when it comes to sex that we sometimes were in the bedroom, whether we're masturbating or the partner, you know, guys think, am I gonna perform? Am I gonna come too quickly to she into it? You know, am I turning her on? Does she, what did she think of my penis? And women are thinking a lot of things like,

you know, how does my body look? Will I be able to orgasm? But the thing here is J is that the arousal starts in your mind because our brain Largest sex organ so she has to get her brain on board before anything is gonna happen with her body So the problem is she's probably just going in and trying to masturbate like she did in the past and like knocking one out Like guys kind of do right? You're saying just like whip it out So you got to get your brain on board. So whatever turned you on Jay You might not even know you can watch porn you can read erotica think sexy thoughts think about the last time

You were with someone and how they really turned you on and you know you should do Jay take the orgasm off the table Say you know what I'm gonna spend the next week I'm not even tried up an orgasm. I'm just gonna get to know my body because you said that you already did this work earlier, the reason why you started masturbating, which was amazing, I wanna clap for you, that you knew that the way to have the best sex and to be the most satisfied in bed is to first, it starts with you and to know your own body.

So, once you take it off the table, you just need to relax and say, okay, you know what? I'm just gonna start touching my body again and see what makes me feel good. We have so many origin sounds. A lot of them, you know,? I'm just gonna start touching my body again and see what makes me feel good. We have so many origin zones. A lot of them, you know, are neck, are ears, are breasts, and tune into what your body is feeling. So like, it's a good seduction of yourself.

Like candles, again, like read a radical, watch porn, think about whatever you think about. Use a lube. Adding lube to masturbation will definitely enhance your experience. I promise you, women are more likely to orgasm in these lube and you can like rub it all enhance your experience. I promise you women are more likely to orgasm in these lube and you can rub it all over your body and just you know tune into what your body is experiencing when you get aroused. And so think about that. And if you start to feel

tense, like you said, don't try to fight it. So you're like, oh, I'm feeling tense, you know, and then go back to your breath. And you said you already did the breathing thing, but that also takes practice. So just say, okay, I'm breathing deep breaths, like in through nose, out through mouth, like take it back to what you're feeling in your body, keep going back. And this might take you a few times, it might take you a month, but it's completely worth it because you know that you can orgasm, you know that you've experienced it before, and you know, you'll get back to that place, but it's going to take a little retraining of your body.

And you mentioned that you used a magic wand and maybe a sense of clitoris, if you have it cranked up to the highest setting and you're putting it directly on it, you could be overstimulating it. So you could turn it down, you could use it over your underwear or put a sheet over you. But, you know, I just don't want you to rush it.

I want you to like, actually, this is a great experience for you because perhaps when you learn to orgasm, were super focused on that and now you can learn You can start to focus on being more central with yourself and more intimate and It'll be a bigger payoff. So that's what I gotta say about that Okay, we've got Scott. He's 36. He's from New York and he's got some masturbation questions. Hey Scott. Hey how are you? I'm wonderful.

Great to talk to you. Let's talk about masturbation. Let's talk about masturbation. Tell me what's going on. It's my favorite subject, one of them. Yeah, I just had a question because like, the first time I happened to have a back, and basically it was in bed beside my wife.

And I was kind of informed on my style because she was sleeping in the mood, and Melissa knows closer than I thought it was. Instead of trying to come all over the covers, I just squeezed it so it wouldn't come all over the sheet and stuff. And then I noticed that it didn't come out at all So I was like oh, that was actually kind of cool So I've done it again since then and I've done it here and there since then I've never had any issues with it But I wanted to know if it causes any problems

You know it really doesn't I mean I have to say that this is actually a process Then can have an orgasm without ejaculating and men can also ejaculate without having orgasm, which is much rare. So there's a lot of men who are trying to become multi-orgasmic or men who are premature ejaculators and it's a practice that they go through. So it actually is healthy.

There's nothing wrong with it. And you'll probably find that you have more sexual energy, like holding it in and like not letting yourself ejaculate, can kind of give you, still a great satisfying sensation, because you're not going over, but you're still holding inside, right? So I think that it's actually a practice for,

a lot of guys would like to do this, and they talk about doing it, but it is a practice and it's healthy and less you start feeling experiencing any pain at all, which doesn't sound doing it, but it is a practice and it's healthy and less you start feeling experiencing any pain at all, which doesn't sound like it, right? Yeah, no, no pain at all. I just get the pleasure of an orgasm, but not all the work of the clean-up and, you know, it's nice.

Okay, good. So you think that that could be a path towards multiple or something as well, though? I mean, yeah, there's a lot of men that do this practice because they learn this through sex therapy and there's like a squeeze technique, like when you're doing your keglexercises too, it helps you do keglexercises, it help men's like learn the ejaculatory control and it's kind of like this, for a lot of men,

they start having sex, they start masturbating and then they stop, you know, you stop and you kind of go down by squeezing the base of your penis when you feel ejaculations like about to occur and then you just kind of let those sensations subside and you start over and you repeat the cycle And there's a way that you go up and down up and down and then you still don't have to ejaculate But there's a way to kind of understand your body's rhythms and you could learn to be a multi-oregasmic I feel like if you're doing it and it feels good There's a lot of guys who like email me and they like want to experience it

And they'd be like, I don't know the time. I'm like, listen, it's a practice, right? And it's worth it because it feels good. So I think this is a good example Scott for everybody. There is a book, the multi orgasmic band and some other resources that I will actually attach on the show notes. Awesome. Okay. Awesome. Well, I guess I knew I'm going to try it tonight.

Okay. Good. Good. Good. Let me know how it goes. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. Keep the streets clean and, you know, having new Yeah, you're welcome. Bye Scott. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and we come back even more master patient tips Okay, this is from Dexter 48 in Florida. Dear Emily, according to recent books in Florida. Dear Emily, according to recent books, literal orgasms seem to be the holy grail of orgasms. Previously, people were encouraged to explore the G-spot, the U-spot, and A-spot orgasms. Now it's

being said that there's no such thing as vaginal orgasms, and that searching for the G-spot is a waste of time. What are your thoughts on this? Dexter. Okay, why do these studies keep coming up, you guys? There's been so many studies that the G-spot exists, it doesn't exist. Now, I happen to know that a lot of women are gonna tell you otherwise. I can assure you that all these companies too that make these G-Spot toys

that just kinda hit this sweet spot, they're probably not wrong either. But the fact that I just just very, very misunderstood and that there's really no such thing as a wrong kind of orgasm. Some women have literal orgasms. Someone can only have internal exor orgasms called the G-Spot, the A-spot, the U-spot. But I think the most important thing is that women, you know, by the way, I think you prioritize and

figure out what works for them and find out where their pleasure is. Then go in that direction. You know, I think the clitoris is confusing. It's not just that little button that has 8,000 nerve endings. There's also, you know, those nerve endings extend inside. There's internal nerves. So we want to say, oh, well, maybe that's actually what's happening. The other reason why this is a debate, I think, is because so many women have this expectation that during penetration, they should have an orgasm.

And if they don't, something's wrong with them. They're broken. They're missing some kind of like superpower. Well, we all know that only 30% of women actually have orgasms during intercourse. And so what I think this whole conversation should be about is women specifically understanding that the clitoris for a lot of women, if they have clitoral stimulation,

they're more likely to have an internal orgasm during sex or during anything else. It can just help to knock out that clitoral orgasm and then the whole internal area, the G-spot, if you believe in that kind of thing, it becomes more engorged and that's easier to have orgasms. So my thoughts to you Dexter is no matter who, if you're with a woman, just pay attention to what she needs, what she wants, have talked to her and figure out her hotspots. I'm sure she will guide you or you guys can go exploring together.

We have so much potential for pleasure guys, so just keep searching. Let's talk to Nicole 48 in Canada. She needs advice on how to talk to her 16-year-old son about masturbation. OK, hey, Nicole. Hi there. Hi.

How are you doing? Tell me everything. What's going on? Great. It's funny and beautiful. Oh, good. I love that. You guys deserve on? Great, it's funny and beautiful. Oh, good. I love that. You guys deserve that.

Finally having some spring. Oh, finally. Good. So we're braining in Vancouver, so. It is, right? But it's a beautiful city. Yeah. I just wanted to ask you, my son is 16.

Neither his dad or I have had a talk to him about masturbation. Okay. And I'm not sure really who should have the conversation or how to start it. He's very, very shy. And he's pretty, like I don't want to say innocent, but he doesn't have a lot of girlfriend. I mean, he's very handsome. Girl's always like him, he's just a more shy. Okay well I'm so glad you asked this question because I think it's great that you you

know you want to have the talk and you're being thoughtful about it. I think it's so important for for parents to talk to to their kids about masturbation and about touching themselves and what's going to happen you know what kind of arousal and and what you know a reaction and all the things so there hasn't been any conversation until now? No. Okay. So I would suggest that- That's about that, right?

He has, like, he knows all the basics, but that's the one thing that we haven't talked about. And I'm not even really sure how to bring it up. And then when it comes to, you know, the action, like, I don't know, you encourage imagination or how do you approach the subject? Okay. Well, I think the first thing, I would suggest that your husband does it, the dad. And I would just say, and let him know that he's going to have some sense, he's telling

what he does. When I was your age around this time or or a little earlier, like I think it's better to tell a story, like I, you know, this is what happens with men, this is what happens with me. I started to, um, sometimes my penis, you know, you can even preface it by saying, son, I know we've been talking about this stuff and you might be hearing things because I guarantee you he's probably masturbated right now. It's probably happened. Yeah. Okay.

And he's seen porn and he's done all these things, seen the lot and maybe someone's even seen it before. That's not you or your husband. We don't know. But I think the cooler that your husband take deep breaths, he can practice and you can roleplay because it's really awkward for parents to talk to their kids just as awkward it is for him, for your son. And you get to see, yeah.

That's my worry. I don't want him to feel awkward either. Nicole, the thing you got to do is, is it, so your husband, they're in a relaxed, what do they do together? Do they ever like hang out together? Do stuff fun? Father son? Okay, good. Next time they're together. Perfect. So make sure that nobody's like hungry, angry, lonely, tired, they're in their happy place together. Son, I don't talk to you about something. I know this might be kind of, I know we've never talked about this, but I just want you to know that, you know, that when I was your age, I started feeling

fun. I started getting erections as we call them. My penis would be hard. Sometimes I woke up in the morning and I touched it or things would happen and I would touch myself. It's called masturbation and then I would ejaculate and I didn't really understand. I'm assuming that your husband probably had some, maybe he had shame around it or didn't really get it or, I don't know, but you could say it. I didn't really know what it was. My parents didn't tell me, I'm gonna assume all this part. And I realized that we all do it, it's totally, it's healthy, it's normal. I know you've probably seen porn, that's what a lot, you know, you're using people

look at porn and stuff like that, and then we're not fans of that for your young mind because it's actually movies. Right. They're not real life, they're not actually, you know, it's for your entertainment, it's shot by, you know, it's made by men who want to show men what they think they like, but it's not technically how you have sex, but I can see why it turns you on. So I just want you to know that. And it feels good. It's okay to do it in the privacy of your room. We're cool with it. And I just want you to have shame around it. I want you. I want you to know that I'm here for you

if you have any questions at all. And if I can't answer it, I'm going to find the answers, but I want you to know I'm here for you. And you know, oh, dad, dad, no, I don't want to. And then he's got to follow up with him again. Because this is what I want parents to remember, that it's not a one-time conversation. You don't just have the talk and then walk right.

You need to have this talk with him at every stage, every year, a few times a year. And then it becomes as normal as you're talking to them about their schoolwork. And where they're planning on getting their summer internship and what they're doing for food. It's a really important part of life. And parents can really help to create a positive, healthy, nurturing, connected relationship with their children about it.

They start it in this way. And it's never too late. Absolutely. OK. I agree. All right. Yeah. Good, Nicole. You're so much better. You're so welcome.

My pleasure. I love it. Thanks for calling. Bina col. You know, we talk a lot about toys in the show, because I, you know, why not have some sex at Kutra Bons that make sex enhance your sex life. We all know it's going to get a little dull.

But there is ways to masturbate, even if you don't want to use a vibrator. And even though I know the sex toy industry is huge and growing, growing, growing, growing, some people just want to be like, and people have called in and said, oh, I've only masturbated. I've only had orgasms with a vibrator lately and I kind of want to figure out how to do it again on my fingers. And so, and so the thing also, you guys, remember that different things like work for different people, and that's why if you,

and this even goes to people who don't, you've never had an orgasm or you've, there's a lot of those people, or, yeah, you don't have to write a vibrator even though I'm a huge fan and I prefer them. Okay, so, but here's the thing, explore your genitals, genitalia with your fingers.

Now that might seem unobvious, but if you think about the clitoris with its 8,000 nerve endings, 8,000, and it's not, and I have to learn this, it's not just a little bud that the clitoris actually has legs that extend deep inside, behind the labia, all those nerve findings like explore them, use an index finger and always use loop, you know how to about that.

And then, and this is also you guys, whether you, or you just, you have a, a vulva, a partner with a vulva, this is with a vulva. This is just good kind of touch tips. Using index finger on outer labia. Now this is something that I had to learn through exploration that the labia had so much sensitivity as even has erectile tissue in there from the clitoris. So you wouldn't know until you explored it with different touches and different pressures

and just using like really like light strokes Then you could do tapping or you know faster strokes feather strokes You know you can you can use like the pad of your finger the side of your finger like just play around with touch and with your fingers Start there because I think you'll be amazed it like oh I Just rubbed it the same way always, but I didn't realize that using light feather touches or tapping could actually really feel amazing to me. It could feel different sensations that I didn't feel in that one set way that I always

touch myself. So it's about exploring and going slow and without necessarily the goal of orgasm. Because you'll be amazed at what you will discover when you're not focused on the end and without necessarily the goal of orgasm. Because you'll be amazed at what you will discover when you're not focused on the end result. Okay, use your non-dominant hand. That was interesting. Yeah, very interesting. So if you always pleasure like with your dominant hand,

the hand you write with, when you use your non-dominant hand, your non-dominant hand, you get a different sensation. So just like using your fingers when you're using the different hand, you get a different sensation. So just like using your fingers when you're using the different hand, it might be real difficult. I feel difficult because I'm trying to think which hand I.

I was trying to think the same thing too. I feel like I... I use a toy with my right hand, but I actually... Okay, I spread with the left and use my right to stimulate. Oh, spread with your left hand. Like use to stimulate. I was spread with the left. Like use, think about which one you used to open and then the other one that you used to stimulate.

So sometimes I'll switch it up. Yeah, I'll hand. All hands on deck. Both. Not to be used with all hands on deck. Which is a different thing. Which is a different thing. Yeah, different thing.

Totally different. Not to be confused with. Yeah, but it totally makes sense. You guys, it's like they say, when you want up your creativity too, like sleep on the other side of your bed or brush your hand with the opposite hand. They always brush your hand with it because that's how you, you know, it inspires creativity and you kind of mix things up and learn, and it stimulates different parts of your brain. So... You coming in an ambidextrous masturbator? Ambidextrous masturbator. Yeah, and I. So. You're coming in an ambidextrous masturbator.

Yeah, and I'm wondering how we're not all more ambidextrous. Don't you wonder, like, when did it have served us to be able to use that? Can you define that, please? Oh, when you can ambidextrous, ambidextrous is when you can use both hands. Oh, I'd be like, equally. Like, you can now.

Oh, just like with a daily life. I can write with my left or my right. I'm not hindered in any way. I am ambidextrous. And it's rare to be ambidextrous. I know. It's really fun. Very jealous. I play pool with my, I'm right hand about, I can buy pay.

I weirdly play pool with my left hand, which I rarely do. Fun. I can go me wielding a pool stick all the time in here. I'm always talking about my pool game. Oh, can we please go play pool with my left hand? We'll do it. I just really, I really want to see that for some reason I think you'd be I think you'd be oddly good at it for some reason kind of I get super focused on that ball

Shoot the balls a little bit. Yeah, with my left. It's awesome Put that down Our next group night activity Drink beer some dive trar some pints Next group night activity. I got it. We're gonna play pool and drink beer. Some dive trunks. You guys have to dive trunks. I like a plum. It's Wednesday or day.

Oh, no. Every day. Oh shit. Okay. Okay, you guys, anything is, this is your tips for masturbation without anything, but your hands, your God-given hands, your nature's given hands. Don't focus on the orgasm and result. This is always you guys.

This is going to be if you're just like tuning in or driving along or she says so much. I don't know. Remember this. What does that girl's talking about? The best way to have an orgasm is not to focus on orgasm. That's it. Literally focus on exactly what is happening in the moment. Whatever you're feeling.

So when you do that, and you're like, oh, how does it feel with my finger rubbing my labia slowly, and how does it feel when I'm tapping or moving in circles like when you're just feeling it, present, then you're not going, is this going to work? Is this going to work? And then your head's involved, and then you're bringing it, and then your body's like, I don't know what's happening.

So that can be frustrating. You remember just me telling you don't focus on orgasm isn't because it means you're going to be like, oh, good point. And then you go home tonight and you're having a text with your partner and the office that's going to happen. It might take you a few times. But when you remember that and you let go of all expectations and you just have pleasure in connecting with your body. Like that's it. Like your only thing is what, what get curious about what touch feels good, what does it,

where would you want to go back to, where are you finding pleasure, where other spots feel good. And I think that, that just, you know, that enhances everything, really. And you can really pay attention to, oh my, it felt good when the left side of my clitoris is more sensitive than my right or the labia, what part are you turning you on without, and that happens so true in life, which I need to remind myself being present, being mindful every day, and not focusing on what comes next, what happened in the past. Same is 4x.

That's the same old tips and life tips. It's true you guys, it's kind of the same thing, living a mindful life, mindfully masturbating. It's really is the same principle of really in the present moment. When this is a good anxiety for anxiety and stress is pointing out and walking in nature if you like, or when you're masturbating, what is in the moment like my hand, my feet are on the ground, my hands are on the table. I'm looking at the computer. My fingers are walking through my clitoris.

Okay, getting there. Really though, that's the thing, that's like the main. Not at this moment. So right now, they're doing it at this moment. Right now, you're going, okay, you're clitoris, you guys. So if you've just, how clitoris are you? We've talked a lot about the clitoris here and in life, but that is the, it's made of

a bunch of different spots though. Like I said, it's got the 8,000 nerve endings and they go, they extend far beyond where you think. You can call us anything, triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven. So think about this. Like the top of the clitoris, like the 12 o'clock spot, the bottom is a, so this is, we're talking about the little, the clitorial bud part. If the clitoris is a 12 and the bottom is a six, you can explore the touch over the clitoral hood. Like that's like the glands, it's kind of like the glands of the

penis, the hood goes over the clitoris. That can be the most sensitive spot. And this is why it's so good to, to do this or the mirror. Because when you start to stroke yourself, you'll see, oh, like there's my glands and my clitoris, there's where it goes back. But literally, the clitoris is broken into the little part, the 12 and the 6, and that there's parts of it that could be more sensitive than others. Yeah, what is it called, the quadrants? The quadrants of the clitoris.

Yes. Mine is my upper right quadrant. When I'm on my body, so if it's me, you're thinking about your right quadrant. Is when you're looking. When I'm on my body. So if it's me, you're thinking about your right hand. When my right hand upper quadrant. What's yours? Binds the upper left.

No, interesting, Michelle. Have you explored your quadrants? I'm not going to be looking at that. Call us about the quadrants of your clitoris, triplet 947827. But we just weren't like, he's graduating, people. I'm just like, here's the clitoris and like, but there are quadrants, quadrants,

quadrants, quadrants, they're like, I can't get away from math. I literally was like scratching my head like, I can't wait to have my math done before. No, that's a meme. Just a weird thing to do, I think. My sex homework. Oh, I haven't thought about it.

I haven't said, yeah, we've, she's had tears to think about our clitoris of quads. The quadrants of the clitorized. Um, oh, the places will go. The clitoris. Dr. C's book. Dr. C's. It's great. I love hilarious. I love it. I know. So I'll see you guys some other ways. Hair dryer. What do you think about this? You guys? A hair dryer with its warm and cool settings and multiple speeds can be sensual and subtle. And if you have a sensitive clitoris,

use it not try the blowing the air on it. On your clitoris, I have not tried that. Ah, wait a minute. I've never purposely tried it, but I've indirectly tried it. I was like, oh yeah, that feels good, but never brought myself to orgasm. You're just like, we're talking and you put your hair dryer down.

Yeah, as it goes. It was moving to the top. You know me, if I was like, drawing the floor and I was on the phone, I was like, shooting up. Yeah, that makes so much sense. And this is another great Earth Day tip. How the whole house hold items

that can be used for pleasure. I'm just worried about the hot setting or just the dryness like the wooden that just lower setting though. And not in it like six feet. What's wrong inches? Are you like for spotting to a date? No, I accidentally might ask this FaceTime calling someone right now and I can't figure it out.

Jimmy's house has a mind of his own. I know. There we go. Sorry, ass has a mind of his own. I know. There we go. Sorry, I ended it. It was such an accident. Okay. Was it someone that you wouldn't want to ask? No, it was my two best friends.

Oh, I was. So it was fine. But they were like, I didn't know what was happening and my phone started like vibrating. I was like, what's happening? And I looked and then they were like, why are you FaceTiming us? That's the worst. You FaceTime even in the middle of it. My bad, everybody. Okay. She's back. She's back worst face time even in the middle of it. My bad, everybody.

Okay, she's back. She's back. But yes, the dryness of... Well, I don't think you'd be, you wouldn't be, I think you'd leave it like six inches, 10 inches down. Oh, I'm thinking it's like, no, it's not on, thank you, Michelle.

I'm so glad you asked that. Okay, good. No, do not put the, don't put your hair dryer, don't let it touch your, have it like held below like by your knees. Got it. Shooting up. Okay, I can see this now.

Yeah, okay, right? Yeah. Kind of like the womanizer. But that same kind of more gentle though. More gentle, like for a lot of women if you have to remember that every clitoris is different and every woman is different how they feel with it.

So, so that's why there's not one vibrator fits all. One touch that fits all, one move that fits all. That's why you gotta explore. Like it is your duty, it is your job, it is your, if you're a human who's interested in having more pleasure and knowing, you know, having more evolved sex, then it's your duty to explore your body, to figure it out. And also you guys expand, expand, you know, beyond your genitals. So we know that not just the penis, the vulva, there's a lot of different kinds of orgasms. We know that, the breasts and our thighs. They're just parts that feel good.

It's not even like there's the stroke, like just your breasts and our thighs, nipples, genitals, like all that stuff is what is what slowly touching when we're talking about orgasming without using anything else other than your fingers There's so much pleasure there. If you ever if you're thinking about getting into like some anal Play with a partner. Is it good to mash bait that way and see if you like it. Yeah, for sure absolutely Play with your aina on your own. They there a plan to play with your anal day? So you can like come to your, you can to come to your own conclusion, maybe?

Yeah, absolutely. That's a good, yeah, I think the, but part of me thinks it's kind of for a lot of people. Yes, I think that you should explore it. But I think that's a more challenging area for me because it's still taboo or it still feels like it's still so new. But I actually think that if you can get beyond your head and suspend all belief and suspend all judgments you have around it that you absolutely could and should use it as a possibility to play lightly

with it. You put some glue on your finger kind of move around to see how that feels. And then you could go back up. My partner that was interesting. That interesting. Hmm. I liked it I didn't like it. Let's see what else here. Oh, internal. I'll try a pillow. Yeah. You guys pillow. Okay, so this is how a lot of we hear from a lot of people, women that the first time you have an orgasm or you've ever experienced is like when you're hopping a pillar, moving your battersen that arouses you, well, it still works. As an adult, if you never do it, like huddling up to your pillow, rubbing against it, like a weight of masturbate, and then people feel bad about it, they'll guilt about it because

they did it it a child. That is my exact story. Really? Yeah, I actually just told this to Jamie. I just told this to Jamie that first time I ever orgasmed, I was young, I was in elementary school, and I pushed up against a pillow and my whole body started shaking. And I felt shamed, I've shameded and guilty after it for a little while. I was like, what would I do?

What just happened? Then a few years went by and I was like, this is what's going on. Then one thing went to it now. Right, exactly. But yeah, no, it's very common. It's the whole thing. The pillow had its own thing. Oh, no, in big mouth.

Big mouth. Yes, that was an animated scene. Yeah, you want to see a great sex ad show, big mouth. Oh my gosh. Big mouth on Netflix is an animated sex education series, which is for adults and young adults. Not too young, but it's awesome. Yeah, there's 14, 15 year olds would love it.

And I think boys or girls, I think it's awesome. And yeah, there's a pillow that's a little animated character in this, so you all know this. 14, 15, 15 year olds would love it and I think boys or girls I think it's awesome and and yeah There's a pillow hold that's a little animated character in this so you all know this and um Yeah, try a try other toys that aren't vibrators Yeah, those Yoni eggs so there you go guys. There's lots of ways you can Give yourself pleasure using your own self

Body some things are on the home big Give yourself pleasure using your own self body. Some things are on the home. That's a vibrator. And I hope that eggplants are zucchini, so that's good ones. Yeah, we're still on the fence on that. We're on the fence on the zucchini. But that's what you guys, yeah.

Any more, anything else you guys, any more questions about anything at all about pleasureing yourself for? I think that was like chock full. I feel like I'm even inspired. Like I got re-inspired. Well, I'm gonna, I'm going to check the difference. Well, definitely the hair dryer,

but I'm gonna test the difference between my hands. Yeah, left hand. I want to see how the difference is with that. I'm gonna master it by left hand actually. Because most of the time I feel like most people masturbate with one because they're holding porn or something with the other. Or if you're a woman, I guess you're using both

because you're trying to spread. Yep. Yeah, well maybe answering my never-in-thought-to-spread. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, get to do spread. Yeah, I think I spread. I didn't start spreading until recently. Really? Well, like a few months ago.

Really? Because I started playing with my exploring more and playing with my labia. And then I was like, oh, and I was like, oh, spreading makes so much fucking sense. This is supposed to be me, but putting your fingers on the outside of your labia to kind of like spread it open so that your clitoral hood let exposes your clitoris more.

So your clitoris is just out. But also if you move your clitoris out, like she's going into a play, like there's like the sun, your clitoris out, like the sunshine. Dush! This is out, like the sunshine. Duh! This is the star of the show. Because there's this star of the show, for sure.

But then you move your fingers though that you're using to spread and that feels good too. Yeah, exactly. So you have like a million different ways to steam layers on your each finger each. Yes, hand. I also like this fact that it says the fingertip has 2,500 touch receptors on it. Yes. So that's just like,

that's a lot of program receptors. That's its own pleasure organs touching your other pleasure spots. All right guys, I hope you enjoyed the show. Are you inspired? Are you inspired for a little self-loving? Let me know what you think of the show.

And thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Michelle, Kristen, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me, feedback at sexwithemelique.com.