Sex With Emily - A Self-Love Mash-Up

Episode Date: May 12, 2020

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is bringing you a mash-up of some of the podcast’s best masturbation information! Because masturbation is sex with someone you love – yourself!Among the topics are how something such as Masturbation Month came to be, top tips on finding the right sex toy for you – from one of the top toy experts in the industry, and ways to switch up your self-love routines. Plus, why masturbation is such an important part of sexual health.For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show and bring you a mash-up of some of the podcast's best masturbation information because, hey, masturbation is sex with someone you love. Topics include, how something such as masturbation month came to be. Top tips on finding the right sex toy for you from one of the top toy experts in the industry. Why masturbation is such an important part of sexual health and ways to switch up your self-love routines. All this and more, thanks for listening. They're in through my, they call them in a bike on me. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. Hey, girls, gotta have a stand.

Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Emily? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, I'm so, so, so, so, so.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. From our information check out sexwithemily.com and social media everywhere is sex with Emily across the board. Intentions with Emily for each show, join me. We're going to set an attention. I do it at the beginning and join me and doing the same thing. And so when you're listening, think about,

what do I want to get out of listening to this episode? How could it help me? We're all taking in so much information these days. If we think about intentions, maybe it's, well, I've been listening for a while, and I always look forward to masturbation month content, or maybe you've just been feeling really disconnected from your body

and you want to know how tips how you can explore. My intention is, hey, I've been doing this for 15 years. I got a lot of masturbation content. These are from the last few years, some masturbatory moments because self love is a good time. So enjoy the show. So happy masturbation month. Yes, it's a whole month, you guys. I love me.

May it be so fun because, yes, masturbation deserves a whole month you guys. I love me. May so fun because Yes, masturbation deserves a whole month and you might be saying well, I masturbate every day Well, that's good for you because our goal this month is to get people to kind of focus on your masturbation and Switch it up work on exploring your body We've got some great tips on the site and you know masturbation is all part of being healthy sexually not the wrong little masturbation So I've got to me thinking about this because there's so much going on now with sex and with kids. It's really important that we teach more about pleasure when it comes to sex, especially to young people, and that sex isn't just about, you know, fear-based education.

When you think about sex, it's like you're going to get a nasty eye. You're going to get pregnant. Oh my God, don't have sex. Only have sex when you're married. And the thing that we totally skip over is like, wow, there's actually some pleasure to be had. And here's some masturbation. You know, it's okay if you touch yourself, it's okay.

It's totally fine to have these sensations in your bodies. And I think that kids are just, there's so much shame around it. And I think now with porn, what I'm experiencing experiencing from a lot of parents, friends with kids, young relatives, I have pretty much everybody, I feel like there's kind of been the tipping point in last few months where it's like, what do we do with the infiltration of porn right now, that kids at like age eight or nine or now seeing pornographic images for the first time. That's the first time they're experienced sex. And then like they don't talk about anybody. Parents are expecting the school state care of it.

And then they go into school and they're like, don't get someone pregnant. This is a philopeum tube and you better work on them. And then they're like, well, what happens to my penis when it, you know, if I have this kind of wet dream and girls are like, I don't really know what happens when I orgasms or how do I please myself or maybe they were shamed, you know, what happens, you know, I've been thinking about this a lot lately,

like that there's so many women who really don't have a great understanding of their bodies and especially the young age, so they just take one thing to happen, like maybe we're inappropriately touching ourselves at the kitchen table or our relatives come over and a parent says, oh no honey, that's dirty. Go into the bedroom or that don't ever do that again or you'll go blind and we go get all these messages around touching ourselves and our bodies that are just wrong.

So we should think about if you have kids or your aunt or your uncle or those kids in your lives, I really think that it's important if you can be a really good source Obviously talked to the parents first but kids are asking questions these days and even more so I feel that we have to be on hand to support our youth and we actually have a blog in the website Why masturbation should be taught in sex ed and I'm bringing this up because there's definitely some controversy around this I understand it. I remember when Bill Clinton appointed Dr. Joyce and elders to the surgeon general. And her first thing was like, we need to teach pleasure in schools and people freaked

out and she had to step down. And that was a long time ago. And that was before we could all get porn on our smartphones. So I think more than ever, I get it. I get what she was saying. And I think that, hey, there's other parts of the world. Like, in France, okay, this is for my French listeners, I need you to find this.

They begin using a 3D printed model of the clitoris to teach children not just about the intimate body, but how to get pleasure as well, which makes total sense. I want one of these 3D clitoris, Norway. They also, for a long time, you guys, see what from Norway, like, they are taught about pleasure in a very young age. Young kids are taught, Norway, they also for a long time, you guys, you went from Norway, like they are taught about pleasure at a very young age. Young kids are taught, well, when you have sex,

when you get older, yes, you should be safe, you should use protection, but also, you know, pleasure, your body is important, it's important for you to experience pleasure, they say this to girls, they say to young girls, and to young boys. So the reason why I think it's kind of at a tipping point now is because I think that there's so much porn and there's so much miseducation. So the reason why I think it's kind of at a tipping point now is because I think that

there's so much porn and there's so much miseducation. So check out the blog, you guys. Let me know what you think about it and how we should deal with educating our youth here today. And happy masturbation month. Keep masturbating. Keep talking about it. We all do it.

We all masturbate, especially this month. So let's have some fun. I am so excited to welcome my guest and dear friend, Kayaori Amrich. She's the Director of Purchasing and Product Development for Good Vibrations. Hi Kayaori. Hi Emily, how are you?

Good, how are you? Good to talk to you. I'm so glad you're calling in. Good Vibrations is this really unique. Like, I was fresh off the bus from Michigan. Lan, I had never had orgasm. and people kept saying have you been to good vibrations So if you've been and I walked into our poke street, which might have been the only one man This is like 92

Was it 3rd street? Oh, yeah, 3rd street, okay But that was the first one I went to and it was like and this is how still how it is but even you know more so like hi I'm like hi, you know first you think sex toy stores are gonna be, you know, back, back of a room with some weird lights and beads and old men and no, they were like, hi, hi, I'm like, what do you want? I'm like, I don't know. Like, well, if you had an orgasm, I'm like, I haven't. And it was like the most comfortable, relaxed, well, let's go over here. And that's kind of how the ethos of the whole brand of good, right?

And that's how you are. And that's what spoke to you. And so that's the good vibrations experience that you still carry on through everything, you know, everything that you do. Because I always say the reason why I call you this surgeon general is because I actually look at things because you know, we get sent a lot of toys here too

and I'm like, well, that's coyote, like what is good vibrations thing? What is coyote thing? Because you have very high standards. There's a lot of people making toys now. And how do you go about deciding what makes a good quality toy? Well, I mean, there's really basic elements of what we look at. And look at the quality of the product. It looks at safety and making sure that it doesn't have rough teams or exposed wires or things like that,

because it does happen. And then we look at functionality because a good toy can mean something so different to two different people. And I try to look for and work with the staff in the stores to look for items that really fill in gaps in their inventory and meet the needs of our customers. And that is a moving target and it has been since we opened our doors in 1977. So it's changed so much over the years. Our customers coming in now have a different level of experience than they did when we first started and people are doing their own research, et cetera.

But we really want to make sure that the product is functional, that it's going to work as it says it does, and that it's going to hit the spot so that it's supposed to hit, and that it's a safe product to use, and the best quality for that price point. Right. Okay. So what makes a bad sex toy? Honestly, besides something that actually hurts, that has rustings on it, or there's products out there that are made to look like other products that they just aren't. And we've seen metal toys that have a roughness to them, and that's really dangerous, honestly.

And so rough scenes, roughness to them, if they break really easy, if something's, you know, that's a bad toy. Yeah, bad toy. I'm not saying it. You have to believe half of in your vagina when you're done. You're like, oh, wait, we're the lit go. It's a lit go.

I don't like that. No, no, that's a good way. I got that. So what if someone has never bought a toy? Like what are the questions? The thing they go into a store, they go to our site, which is a power by good vibrations. Where do they go?

People often ask me that, but I'm like, let's just talk to Kiyote about it. Like, what do you say? Because you must be that person at a party that everyone's like, oh, yeah, tell me more. I am that person at a party. So I nearly feel like intuition is a really powerful thing in ourselves. So I tell people all the time, I'm like go into the store, go on to the website, be patient

with yourself, look around, and pay attention to what catches your eye. So like if you're going to look for a vibeer, scroll through the vibeers for a second, what catches your eye because there is a lot on the market. In the stores, we can pull you aside, we can talk with you, can ask us questions, and we can listen to what you say, and then guide you based on that. On the internet, it's a little bit different. You may be going to look at different reviews

or different blogs, but those people are writing for their experience, and we want you to feel pleasure, so we want you to feel pleasure. So we want to know your experience. And so we give information on the website that's just going to give you an understanding of how this product is going to work for you, where it's going to touch the body, what the purpose of the product is, and what I tell people is what is attractive. You don't want to wear a pair of pants that isn't attracted to you just because it covers

your legs, but you want to wear a pair of pants that looks really good. And you find that when you go to the rack and you look at it, it's the same thing. When someone's standing in front of the driver and they're like, well, what caught your eye? And then 9,000,000? 10,000,000. They end up with that product because this is going to bring you pleasure. This is something that you're going to be intimate with. You don't want to hate it. Exactly. You don't want

to think it's not attractive. You want to think that like, oh, this is going to bring you pleasure. This is my new best friend. And so there is an element to it that it's like, what are you attracted to? Yeah, no, that is something like life. Yeah, exactly. Just like in real life, you're never thought about it that way. So really, in the design of toys have changed so much, a lot of them are beautiful, but you're right, if you're, they look good in different colors.

But yeah, go to the site and check it out and read about them. Do research. Any vibrator can be used by anybody, because you can hold it on your body wherever it feels good. And that's a wonderful thing about toys and exploration with your partner or yourself is that you get to find what feels good, where it feels good. And if you're doing this solo, then you get to show someone at some point and be like, look what I can do or look like it feels wonderful. And then if you're with a partner, you get to go through this process of figuring out

together what feels wonderful and what, you know, can maybe heighten intimacy that you already are doing. Well, let's talk about that because, you know, I believe too, that toys actually heightened intimacy. They do. So what do you say to people who say, okay, you must get this at all the parties, whoever you go out in life and you tell them what you do, they go, oh, I don't need a toy. Oh no, toys are for me.

What do you say to them? I always want to know. I always want to ask them. I know. We get that a lot and I hear that a lot from honestly friends and people at puppies. And the reality is, maybe you don't need something, but it feels really great. And you don't know what it could feel like until you try it. And so I don't need to, you know, drink coffee.

I do actually, but you don't need to drink it out. And I would just only need to drink water. How about I don't need to have, you know, anything else but water. But it tastes good. And I like it. And I like how it makes me feel. And so that's the same thing as you don't maybe you are a person who doesn't actually need vibration to climax, which majority of female-modied people do need vibration to have an organism, but say you're that person who doesn't.

Okay, that's totally fine. But what would it be like if you used a vibrator and your organism was different? It was more intense maybe. And then what if you're using a product with a partner and for your partner it's so exciting to use a vibrator on you and make you feel such intense pleasure. It deepens that connection. And I've heard it. I don't need lube. I lubricate myself enough.

And I'm like, okay. But definitely for vaginal play, what about other types of play, what about hand jobs, what about, you know, what about all the other ways that we can be intimate together, and those parts of the body don't self-reliverate, and also maybe you're having a really long session with your partner. It doesn't always stay with the whole time. Exactly, it doesn't.

It's all like a safety measure. doesn't always stay with the whole time. Exactly, it doesn't. Tom, like, it's a safety measure. We all have an amp. Exactly. And also, it's just fun. It's fun. It's just about, you know, one and done. You spend some time, like, playing together.

Be spontaneous and fun. And trying new things out. And that's what products allow you to do. Again, maybe you are that very small percentage of people who don't truly need vibration to achieve orgasm. But the majority, you said the majority do it. And I agree. And then the women who feel, you know, yeah, I feel bad about it at arts. And it's going to replace me. But I think you just explained it really well to people who are still hesitant about it. Like, it's

for everybody. Everyone's body, different parts of our body, and adding loob. I know that loob conversation. Like, no, can we get over the fucking stigma with loob people? Yeah. Yeah. It's a fear response, right? It's like, they don't know so they're afraid of it, but it's like, give it a try because

it can really, like, heighten to the sea. It can be really fun, and it can really bring new pleasure. Yeah, exactly. That's why I say I'm like that's what I say to you. Well, no one's ever called me and said Why tell me to try Lou big literally in 14 years no one's a mad about that no one's been mad about it toy They've never been like it's like you bitch. Why my partner did leave me for their magic wand. You are wrong Like literally never literally never happened So a menace.ace, it's May. It is. And it's Mastervation Month.

So I'd like to be the first two welcome you to and say, you know, wish you a happy, happy Mastervation Month. I feel how you're going to celebrate this year. I'll Mastervate every day just for you. Cool. But I feel like every other month is a blur and then suddenly it's a masturbation month again. I think this might be like our 10th or 11th of the masturbation month that we've celebrated together.

Yeah. Not like, well, we haven't done any mutual masturbation. Let me ask you, in your early days of masturbation, what would you think about? It's a really good question. Yes. And I would think about. Feel free to share.

Thank you. You have to answer after. Oh, no. Actually, that's a great question because my earliest masturbation were later than most people's, because I did not start to masturbate until I was about 20 because it never occurred to me ever. To tell my body I didn't know there was anything to do

around my body that would feel good. And so then I was really in my head and I didn't have any thoughts. I was like, oh, this doesn't feel good, this doesn't feel good. What's the problem? I can't have an orgasm. Like a lot of our listeners.

And then I started thinking about guys that I was with. Like usually really real pure like guy like that. Like Chris, like Chris is on. I think about that. I'm not the guys that I was, that was the same. I thought that was like, yeah, it was just like, you know, partners

and stuff like that. That's why I've never really got into porn because I don't feel it's real life. But I think like, you know, past experiences are much more real and, you know, able to pop that up quickly for masturbation, you know. Right, well, what do you think about? Like I said, then was it like a girl you had a crush on?

Yeah, it's stuff like that. Nothing like, oh, just, you know, stumble upon a video or a magazine or anything like that. It was just like actual, like, you know, real life experiences. Typically they say like it was about, I think this was a study that just came out like what men to masturbate to or about,

and it was like about things that happened. It could just be like a hot woman, they stay on the street, they run into you guys, or you guys are all the guys listening, we're yell, yell. But, you know, it could be an X because we tend to you guys. You guys are all the guys listening. We're like, yeah, yeah. But you know, it could be an X because we tend to kind of put our X-SIM pedestals and we just think about like how great it was or you know, that, I don't know. Well, you can pull a memory of, you know, the memory is in the spank bank.

Yeah. Hello. I don't think that we have the spank, but for me, it's like, my spank bank is like channel line. Remember channel line is all fuzzy when you were kid, there was no channels. Did you have that like channel that didn't work channel three? Yeah. That's what it is.

Like, they're all mushed together. But I think for men it's more specific. We talk about like the themes on the show things come up lately, like three sims come up and like they come back around. Like there's been so many things about, three sims are porn or anal sex, but I feel like the questions, masturbation can be very, very confusing when you're in a relationship because we hear from men and they're like,

my partner doesn't want me to masturbate, they think it's wrong, she's jealous of my masturbating or I have to hide it. And I feel like there's a lot of women who are like, I don't understand why I partner, why I just porn or once they're in a relationship, they stop masturbating. There's all these things around masturbation that keep,

I think because it's more, I don't know, I think it's a porn or maybe it's just more talked about now people know what it is and it's also confusing. So I love this month because I feel like all these weird myths and confusion and questions that people have around like like around their partners masturbating, but also so that's one part of it the confusion. The other thing is that the reason why we celebrate it for a month and if you are one of these people going like, I thought every day was masturbation month. Good, you know what? I thought every month was it should be, okay? So you're right. But the thing about it is that masturbation is actually good for you and healthy and

You have better sex when you masturbate like you such you for women being more in touch with your bodies and knowing what makes yourself feel good You've heard me say this but like for for people who like don't even think you're like I'm in a relationship I don't really need more you do it's actually's actually, it's a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit Appulates all the I know right so many holidays and no about master You know what I'm gonna put that on the ballot. I think masturbation month should be recognized as a national holiday Call Tim could get Apple and say look dude Fix this calendar. Don't you think? Because if we all masturbated more and had more orgasms

Yeah, that we be happy And you know if there's so many more crazy tools yeah Tools for masturbation now than, you know, just 10 years ago. I mean, the flashlight has exploded, right? I go right, yeah. I, the flashlight, male masturbation sleeve, that's true. There's so many more toys, there's so many more ways. Mutual masturbation and a huge fan of that for couples. Yeah, masturbation, they're freaking robots,

like within the next five years. So robots will masturbate you for what if you anything? We would literally never leave the house. That's funny. So on the topic of masturbation and I'm like, please, we got all month. There was a survey and we talked about it on the Woody show. And it was kind of like a would you rather list

than they surveyed a bunch of people? And to see only a question I can remember. And I know, I probably already know what your answer is. But a high percentage didn't go with the answer that I know that you're gonna give. And that question was, would you rather give a self-pleasuring to be able to eat your favorite item as much as you want for the rest of your life?

Hello. Can't, it's like you'll die without it. And then a lot of people, you need to masturbate, like pizza or something like that. You would have to either give up pizza or give up masturbation. Never. I wouldn't give up anything from masturbation.

I need masturbation. We all need masturbation. Nothing in your life, you would. Let me think. Well, I can't imagine because to be being healthy, it's like saying, when you give up water, you can give up breathing, you give up masturbation. Let's up breathing. You give up mass-beating.

Let's say, I think we require, we require, can you serve sex? Can you serve sex? You can serve sex. You can totally have sex. You just can't touch yourself. Let's say people love their favorite food item. They can't have it for the rest of their life

because then you'd be able to masturbate. But you can have that food item, but you wouldn't be able to masturbate. But you can have that food item, but you wouldn't be able to masturbate ever again. You know, what's your choice? And I know what your choice is. Right, you know my choice, but for the day-to-day person, it might be a tough decision and the large majority picked the food item over masturbation.

Who are these people? I don't know. You tell them that that was wrong because masturbation is important part of your, being sexually healthy. Well, I, I picked the food tell me that was wrong because masturbation is important part of your being sexually healthy. Well, I pick the food item or. Well, what's your favorite? I had a guy recently and I date him.

So what's your favorite food? And I find that's just an odd question. Why? I don't know. I don't have one favorite food. Like when? Well, that's usually said out. That's usually said out because they want to take you

somewhere. No, no, it was on the date. Oh, okay. So what's your favorite food? Like we already, oh. I think you just try to make conversation. Yeah, but it's not a bad But it's just like I don't know it wasn't his fault Not saying it's a bad question. I just wouldn't know how to answer that so when you're talking about a quiz or the survey What are the food items? Favorite yeah, what's your favorite?

Food item that I feel like everything gets boring? I would probably pick pizza. Would be one of the favorites. You would, I would pick pizza for you too. Pizza's delicious. And I want to give up pizza. I wouldn't be able to have it for the rest of my life for masturbation because I go, well, I can at least still have sex, right?

Right. So that takes care of that situation. So then I can have both. Yeah, that's, I understand your reasoning, but I think that, yeah, I need it. I need to masturbate. I'm just gonna, I need it. I need to master. I'm just gonna have to get it. I would just have to get laid more, you know?

Are you getting laid enough right now? I am, but I'm just saying, if I had to give up, if I had to give up. I get it, you could still have orgasms and masturbation. So did men and women answer this question? Yes. And I bet you the women were like, I'll take my favorite food item.

Yeah. Because women don't earn as attached to their masturbation. It's men. I want women to get really attached to masturbation. But I knew since I've known you. You know me. I love masturbation. All right, we're going to take a quick break

and we come back even more self-loven for you. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OK, you guys, this show, here's why it's important. Because even if you're like, I know, here's why it's important. Because even if you're like, I know my clitoris, it gets me off. I know what it does. I know how it feels. It's like, it's how I've orgasms.

There's a lot of people though, a lot of you, including myself when I started, I never thought to touch it. I didn't understand it. So, I think today's show, I know today's show, is gonna be helpful for women who might not have been really taking a canter. You haven't looked around, you don't really understand masturbation, you don't really know how to do it, and you kinda, maybe you do it,

but you feel shame around it. So it's gonna be helpful for those who already masturbate. And it's working for you, and it's good, but you're like, you know what? I could probably take this up a notch. Emily says there's 8,000 nerve endings. How do I know if I've tapped into all of them? That's what you probably have.

Also helpful for people who have partners that are women or vulva having partners. How to touch them in different ways. How to understand what the clitoris, what the vulva wants. You're not a minor reader. We're gonna help you. So let's begin. All right, this is tutorial.

I'm touching the clitoris, the vulva, explore in the body, all that stuff. And I'm just going to go off to the night. I have to assume maybe some of this is new. Maybe it's not. And I don't know. I need to hear things a few times. So I'm not missing words here. Let's talk about the clitoris.

It has 8,000 nerve endings. And it's not just that little tiny bulb that little tiny bump above your vaginal opening. It's actually has legs that extend behind your labia. So you know your labia, it's like a wishbone, right? So picture your labia and then picture the little clitoris. That's what it is. It's like an upside down V. That whole thing is a clear plus. There's internal, literal nerves. There's a lot. And its only purpose on the planet is for female pleasure. Like there's literally men don't have something

that's just from male pleasure. Like their penis is like for sperm and procreation and peeing. And the prostate is for sperm and other. Yeah, for sperm and other, like the prostate is for sperm. It's important part of their pelvic floor functioning, but it doesn't exist for pleasure, which is why we need to talk all men into exploring it. For women, we just have this thing

and there's no other purpose for pleasure. But we don't often understand it. We don't know how it works and we're gonna break down. Okay, so let's start out. We're gonna go over some masturbatory beginnings and why some of you might have shamed around it. So we were gonna break down. Okay, so let's start out. We're gonna go over some masturbatory beginnings and why some of you might have shame around it. So we were talking about this. I was like, how do I mean, you guys, I could do,

I could do 85 podcasts right now just on your clitoris and masturbation and the G-spot and all that. But we're, I was like, well why? Because I wanna give people everything and I thought, because we all need to, no one talks about it. I, okay, so I never, ever thought about it.

Mastervation. I didn't know what the clitoris was. I didn't know anything, because I never had an orgasm on my own. I was never one of those, like a lot of girls tell me that their first orgasm was when they were riding a bike, or they were in the bathtub,

or they were rubbing up against their stuffed animal. And they were like, oh, or they were in the bathtub, or they were rubbing up against their stuffed animal. And they were like, oh, they were maybe five or seven or 12. And I go, my God, it feels really good. And then they're like, oh, instantly, for many, there's like shame or it's maybe like their mom caught up with a parent walked in and said, oh no, I just read a story about a mom who slapped her child. Anyway, we start from masturbating. So like you guys, but you don't even remember these things and at some point you were humping your pillow

Or you're using a faucet or you were squeezing your legs together really tight and you figured out that gave you pleasure And it's and you didn't understand it and you knew it felt good But then like one day maybe your mom walked in and your brother walked and it was like what are you doing? Stop that that's dirty. That's wrong and And then every time we did, he had a, it instantly became shameful and private. And you still didn't understand it though. And I was like, oh babe, no, listen, that's something for pleasure.

Do it on your own, do it in your bad room though. Like, then don't let anyone else do it for you. Mm-hmm. Until you're ready. It's yours, have fun with it. But like, discretion, do it on your own, you know what I'm saying? But like, that's it. It's like, here's your, how do you use chopsticks? Your parents like, have fun with it. But like, discretion, do it anywhere, you know what I'm saying? But like, that's it. It's like, here's your, how do you use chopsticks?

Your parents like, hold them this way, it takes you a few tries, you, like, chopsticks took me while to learn, like, how to hold them and stuff, and then, you go, okay, thanks mom and dad are like, here's how you ride a bike, but they're clearest, they're like, you know, they say nothing, because my parents had no one talk to me about it,

or they're just like, don't do that or whatever we figure out. I don't know. I was not like any of you. I was 20 years old having sex with partners. And I had to turn to my friends and say, what the hell is this? Why is sex so great? Why does it feel good? Why is it interesting?

And they're like, oh, don't you have orgasms? Don't you masturbate? I was like, no, I never even occurred to me to masturbate. And everyone, I don't even know what that interesting? And they're like, oh, don't you have orgasms? Don't you masturbate? I was like, no, I never even occurred to me to masturbate. And I didn't even know what that means. And they're like, well, don't you have orgasms? I was like, I never have any of those things. That sounds fun.

So that sounds fun. That sounds like I'm missing out. And then I had to go to work and do the work that we're going to explain here to figure out what made me feel good. And I've talked a lot of younger women about this. Like, oh no, like 18-year-olds, 19-year-olds. Gosh, even my friends are on my age.

They don't talk to anybody about it, right, especially when we're younger. Nobody talks about it, clearly. But guys, we kinda know guys, Jack Off. There's like that scene in American pie. Was that like, you know, or whatever? Oh, yeah, the apple pie. The apple pie.

And you're like, oh, boys put their penises and things and do stuff. Like they want to have, they want to hump things like my dog does sometimes. It was acceptable for guys to be perverts exactly But women we seem weird we're seen as perverts. We don't understand it when really talking about masturbation and Exploring your body truly truly truly is the Very best way that I know about as a doctor of sex of all my years of research and talking is the very best way that I know about as a doctor of sex, of all my years of research and talking,

is the very best way to have the healthiest relationship possible with sex, with pleasure, with asking for what you want, with like knowing what you need. Like that's another thing. Like a lot of times we don't even know what feels good to ourselves and then we expect our partners to figure it out.

So this is your fast track, fast track to pleasure. So here's how you start masturbating. Are we ready to get into there? Yeah. I should keep going with my clitoris. No, I like this. All right. Unless you want to talk more about your clitoris.

Well, like, the thing is, I think we covered shame. We covered trauma. Well, trauma is a whole other thing. No, I'm just saying that like, yeah, if you want to get into it. I mean, all I'm saying is I'm just trying to think of. Well, trauma is a whole other thing. No, I'm just saying that like, Yeah, if you want to get into it. I mean, all I'm saying is I'm just trying to think of, okay, because what I'm going to get into next is how to do it.

Like how you're going to get comfortable with masturbation. And I got to say, and I'm going to be honest with you, I'm always learning new things about masturbation. And I've been masturbating for almost 30 years and You're never done. There's always something new to learn and it's like it's like exercise for your pleasure zone. It's exercise for your I mean there are no stores. They're it's exercise for your powers It's like how you work everything else out But this part that we don't even realize

that it's controlling so much of our thoughts and our feelings and our emotions. And if we are not connected to our body, like I'm just trying, like, if we're not connected to it, and we walk around like it's just some weird body part that we're shamed of, and we don't like the way it looks, and a partner maybe shamed us about it at some point. We saw porn, perhaps and we thought,

well mine doesn't look like the women in porn or it doesn't look like my friend in the gym or it doesn't look or I've had a lot of kids, a lot of women we hear from are like, it's changed and so therefore I hate it. Like a lot of us women hate their bodies. They don't even love their vagina or their vulva. They've never even looked hate it. Like a lot of us women hate their bodies. They don't even love their vagina or their vulva. They've never even looked at it.

That's huge, you guys. I don't wanna give you too much homework, but I want you to take what you like here and leave the rest, but I'm telling you a game changer. It's closing the door, locking it, and taking out a mirror, set the mood, lean back, take a look,

and see what happens when you use some glue when you start to touch yourself and just like get curious about it. Cause you think it's ugly and the only one you've ever seen was important to your friends. And it's beautiful, every single one's different. It's like saying, like watching, I don't know when you're watching a TV,

you're like, why don't I look like anyone? Like it's, it, everyone's bought even elbows. Every elbows look different. Thank you, elbows are different, our noses are different. And if yours is like, you know, just like the more you love it, the more it's gonna love you back.

So I'm talking about getting familiar with it and wait, it's so cool about this, is when you actually look at it, and it's your way, I'm not saying you need like a fucking stethoscope. A magnified question. Put on your spectacle. Or you might.

I'm just saying look at it and get curious. And be like, oh, interesting, because I didn't realize that everyone's different. So it might be like, for some women, it helps to be around under a little hood. There's a clitoral hood. And once they get turned on, the head rolls back and it reveals their clitoris.

And some people, some women's hood is a little, it's already out. And some clitoris is just out all the time, going, hey, here I am. I need to coax it out sometimes, you know? And then once you get more aroused and turned on, if you're looking at it, you'll start to see that, like, it kind of swells up like a bloomed blossom,

like a flower. And like, that's like the blood that starts to flow there. So when I always say like when you're in your head during sex and you're thinking thoughts, the blood is going to your brain, it's not going to your clitoris. And so you're not turned on in the mood. Yeah, like thinking too much will actually like pull away from it. It sucks that blood up to your brain. And then you have to get your blood is up there, the brain going, I hate my vulva, I have an ugly body. Your brain is like a genital vampire.

It is a, bam, your brain is a genital vampire. Don't let it suck that blood. Bring it back down there to the energy. Okay, so. So. down there to the energy. Okay. So now that you're imagining the clitoris in every kind of way possible. Right. I'm going to go back to the minute. It changes over time and gets aroused when you get more turned on, which I'm going to explain in a

moment, but that's going to be an interesting note to take that when you're trying to get turned on or roused on your own or with a partner, that it actually changes. that when you're trying to get turned on or rouse on your own or with a partner That it actually changes. So when you're partner, let's say you're with a man Who doesn't have a vulva and he comes in with his penis Quickly and hard and you're like I didn't I wasn't even ready. I didn't touch yet. It's not Open and ready for business. It's still closed and swollen and it not maybe Lubricated yet and it hurts and you're not aroused.

Turned on. Okay. So, for all these reasons, it's important to understand your power source. The power of pleasure. All right. Let's start with setting the mood. Okay. So, you don't need a bunch of like bells and whistles and trapeze doors and

vibrators. I'll aim at one a vibrator and special lighting and music to get in the mood. But if you've never mastered it, I have to say it does help. So you want to be in a comfortable place. And if you have kids like little lock the door, have a masturbation area that you have like, I have a full on setup that I pull out my towel. I pull out like I have my like masturbation towel. I have the few loobs I like. I make sure my toys are charged, but a lot of times they're not,

even though it's my job, I'm like, goddamn it, but you try to have a few. Have like a wipe. I love having wipes by my bed to wipe off my toy or my fingers right away, but just have something. And lock the door, have got music. a wipe. I love having wipes by my bed to wipe off my toy or my fingers right away. But just have something. And lock the door, have got music, whatever gets you relaxed. And I have to say that I think taking a bubble bath, a bubble bath, if you haven not seen Big Mouth unnetflix,

it, it, it, it, I'd explain to you. It'll change, it's really gonna, it's sort of, I feel like if I could have come up with that in the way they explained Puberty Education's off of the, it's brilliant, it's slurrs, whatever. It is, it's very brilliant. And she said, the hormone monster says, but, right. So, take a, cause cause this, here's very good. And she said the hormone monster says, boom, right. So, um, take a, cause cause this,

cause this is a thing. Yeah. Why we're not masturbating several reasons, we're already laid out, we might not like our vagina. We might also be anxious, we might be stressed, we might have fear, shame, we don't think we have time. When you change your state, like you're like, I'm gonna take a bath, and maybe you already take baths,

but get in the bath because you're gonna be able to wipe off the day, you're gonna be able to relax, leave your phone outside there, and just for five minutes or take a bath and maybe you already take baths, but get in the bath because you're gonna be able to wipe off the day, you're gonna be able to relax, leave your phone outside there, and just for five minutes or take a shower. Change your state. When we change our state, we get in the mood, okay? Go into your bedroom, light some candles. I always light candles, like for myself,

like I seduce myself when I masturbate, because I like the scent, I like the flickering of the like, I hate overhead lights. That makes me anxious. I don't mind having to get in dress. I like the feel of fabric. I might leave some underwear on. I like to lay down.

Make sure I'm comfortable. Or just friggin' jump into it. That's fine too. You could do that. But make sure you're good. Okay, once it's set, mood is set. You're in your room. You want to start exploring.

And just like we tell our partners, or I would like you to tell them, don't go right for your Volvo. This is like a date with yourself. Think about what this might help you. If you've ever had a passionate moment with a lover that you remember, I was super momentary like, wow, that was so hot, I was so turned on, that was so sexy. Do that to yourself, so for me, and maybe for you, I love when a finger, a partner takes his hand slowly and rubs him over my chest and my breasts and my neck

and he goes, you know the neck is full of all these nerve endings and raises his fingers over my skin, so do that to yourself. Take some lube or some woof, more play, massage oil is amazing. It's coconut oil and like rub that down your neck between your breasts across your chest, like down your stomach and like tease yourself. Pay attention to your nipples. I didn't even know to explore my nipples that there was actually a thing where you could have an orgasm from touching your nipples. That you women can have orgasms that way.

I didn't know. I didn't explore it. I didn't understand. It's very common. And so pay attention. Don't just check them out. Like graze them. See what it feels.

Apply pressure. Different taps. Use different taps. Different finger pressures. You know, use a vibrator. Here's everything you guys. Use a vibrator. Here's everything you guys. This is why you can have orgasms.

The clitoris and the nipples both feel pleasure from the same part of the brain. So it's like the same part of the brain that is sending or your clitoral orgasm is also when your nipples. They're close cousins. And take, like don't just like touch your nipple for two seconds, like take some time.

Take some to tease it, tease it. Like it around, play with it, get to know it. It's like we've all been driving around in literal cars that we don't understand how to use. We're just crashing and we're stuck. We're crashing stuff, understand to drive your body, you're your your breast mobile. That's when you want to tease yourself, turn yourself on and then when you're like, oh my god, now I get it. I feel warm, I'm comfortable, then you can move down to the party. So that's when you get to your vulva.

Now, let me just explain this. Vagina? The vagina? It's like your vaginal opening, it's everything's happening internally. When I say vulva, I mean like the labia, the clitoris, the pubic mound or the mons pubis, the pubic mound, which sounds like a national monument. It does. I thought that

early. I was like, kind of sounds like that. And that's the part that is right. If people like your pelvic floor, like you push on it, sometimes I know for me, like when I started to pass, like I apply pressure to my mom's pubis, because it's like indirect stimulation to what's going on inside. Maybe the G spot, some of those clitoral, it's kind of at the top of the literal nerves. Yeah. So applying pressure. Yeah, I didn't start doing that until not that long ago,

and it just, it feels like it does drive everything a lot more than what you're doing. And it's interesting, because it's like it's secure. Like I feel it, but it just adds that little extra. Yeah. So you hadn't touched it. I hadn't naturally touched it. Wow.

And then, you know, working here and realizing, okay, I need to, because I'm a very much like in and out done masturbator, but I do now take the time at least once a week to do a longer masturbation session. And I've started to figure out new things that I like. Good, see? Never, that was one, never done. Jay, that's a great one. I used to do that during,

during when I was having sex with someone and I didn't understand why, that I would do pressure on it, and I have them pressure on it for years, but then I was like, oh, now I understand. So, because it helps facilitate your pleasure and orgasms. Okay, guys, so we'll go back to that. So then you're down there and you're touching down

to your vulva, you're teasing yourself, you have to use lube, like you know how I feel. I feel strongly about this. Your clitoris is not going to lubricate itself. It just doesn't, few drops, reapply is needed. We love pure. It's a great first lube to try out or new lube, especially their classic silicone.

It lasts longer. You don't have to reapply it much and it doesn't leave that stickiness to your body or sheets. If you're more sensitive, they also have a water-based loop here, which is amazing. So now, there you are. You're hanging with your vulva. You're connected. You're one. you're breathing. Breath also plays a huge factor in pleasure in getting into your body and really being able to access all that's within you is through breath. And a lot of times we don't learn how to breathe properly. No one ever teaches us that you're supposed to breathe down deep into your pelvic floor

and take like four deep breaths in and then four out and there's all these different breath works. If you've ever done yoga, like you gyro breath, whatever it is, do a conscious breathing practice when you're masturbating. Because that'll help relax you, it'll release tension, it'll help with the blood flow. So the blood will start to circulate

and it helps you access more of the energy that is flowing through your body. And it helps you connect more to your power source that is your sexual energy. Alright guys, I hope you enjoyed this show. Here's some business with Emily. Find me on Series XM Radio Monday through Friday, 5- seven PM Pacific, and Series XM stars channel 109. For more awesome sex talk, you guys could also call them with your questions,

Monday through Friday, even if you don't have Series XM, but you can get a free 38 trial at sexwithmly.com slash SXM and the number is tripled eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven. If you like the show, please review us. Rate us, review us wherever you listen. We so appreciate it. And iTunes, all the things.

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