Sex With Emily - A Sexpert Threesome: Your Questions Answered By the Experts

Episode Date: September 24, 2014

In this week’s Podcast, Emily takes her show on the road.. Literally! Joined by two leading experts in the sex therapy field, Emily records this show live from Catalyst Con, a conference created to inspire exceptional conversations about sexuality. Whether because they are the uneducated or just plain uncomfortable, people treat sex like the elephant in the room. No one talks about what’s going on between the sheets. But if you can’t talk about it with your doctor, or even with the person you’re having sex with, how the hell can it ever get better? This show is all about breaking down your sexual barriers and opening up those lines of communication to pave the way to amazing sex! Up first is Dr. Hernando Chaves, renowned sex therapist and sexy professor. He and Emily discuss many of the sexual roadblocks that men and women face, including body image, stamina and being too stuck in their own heads. Then Emily sits down with popular love-and-sexologist Ava Cadell, here to tackle the most common question she gets asked: How can couples keep the passion alive? From anal sex to penis insecurities to the bowl of sex toys on Hernando’s table, this show touches on the things we’re all too shy to talk about. Don’t miss it! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Section of Emily Podcasts. So excited for today's show. I've got Dr. Hernandez, he's a sex therapist and sex professor and Dr. Ava Cadel. His new penthouse magazine, Sex calmness. Thanks everyone for listening to Section of Emily. You're gonna love the show. But first, I shout out to one of my sponsors. As you know, we've all got here in places we don't want. And we spent so much time and money, Razor's waxing, trying to get rid of all that hair, and it's just a pain in want. And you spend so much time and money, razors, waxing, trying to get rid of all that hair. And it's just a pain in the ass and you spend so much money. The best way to remove unwanted hair with zero pain

is the no-no-pro. It's actually, you know that I love electronic objects. You just have to talk about vibrators. This is actually a hair removal device. And I almost like it better than some of my vibrators. You can do it at home when you're sitting there. It's for men and for women. You can remove that hair on your face, your hair, your back. You know,

guys, you might got some hair in places you don't want it and you never know what to do. This is what you do. You've got to get the No No Pro. It comes to the 100% 60 day money back guarantee. And when you purchase it, you get a 50-dollar gift card and awarding in Carolina. Go to no-no-emily.com. That's no-no-emily.com. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a bygone way. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The world's got every standard, oh my.

Who women know about shrinkage? Isn't it common, though? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good.

But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with That Lady. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to Sex with That Play. We're talking about sex relationships, everything in between. For more information, go to sex with Emily.com where you can give me a lot of things inside of LME.com. The first thing you should do is set up my mailing list because I don't want to brag,

but I give good email. I've been told you get an email once a week for me and I'm giving you information that helps you improve your sex life and your relationship. And it's not spammy or weird and I won't tell your name. And also my podcast. Easily subscribe to them on iTunes I've got hundreds of them out there, that thousands that I'll be posted that are coming up soon, thousands in the vault, but it will be real soon.

Also, yeah, if you subscribe, you never miss a sex with Emily's Show again because we've got two weeks. So thanks everyone for joining me today. And I'm really excited, because actually I'm not at the Love Line studio. I am at the Catalyst Con conference, which is in Los Angeles, and Catalyst Con is a conference created

to inspire exceptional conversations about sexuality. I'm excited, because I don't even have to talk during the show, because I've got some amazing experts at me, you know I well talk, I can't help it. But I love my guests today, because they are going to bring us some topics that we haven't talked a lot about lately and they are total pros. And this conference actually is their mission is to reach out, stimulate attendees to create important conversations within communities and changes course, acceptance of sexuality within

society. So this is going to be an amazing weekend. And I chose two people that I really, really want to talk to for a while that happened to be here and I'm so glad. And my first guest is Dr. Fernando Chavez. Fernando. Welcome to the Section of El Miso. And long last.

Thank you. I'm excited to be here and I'm happy we finally got a chance to get together and talk about sex. Really? I mean, it's just been so long that we've been talking, whatever. I'm so impressed by you and everything you've done. And I love that you are an actual sex therapist, that you see patients, you help a lot of men. And I always talk about you a lot of times I hear from my listeners and I say,

maybe like, she goes to sex counseling or she accepts theirs, but it's been a while since I've actually had someone on the show that can explain what exactly it is. Like who are your clients, for example? You know sex therapy is different from traditional therapy because we do have a specialization and work specifically with sexual concerns, kink, erotica, erotica minorities. What we do in sex therapy is essentially focus on what your sexual concerns are and

typically you'll find that there are other adjacent issues going on, depression and anxiety and such. So you still have the training of being a therapist to work with these mood disorders and other mental health difficulties. But then you've also got this comfort and knowledge with their specific lifestyle or sexual minority experiences. So it's a really wonderful way for people to work on these things that oftentimes in society we don't talk about you know to their doctor. Nobody does. Nobody does. I mean it's amazing to me how you know how many emails I get when I do love line every week and people are

calling with these you know deeply deeply personal scary questions they have and and and always like, you know, if you can be top of your doctor, oh no, I can't talk to my dad, I can't talk to anybody. People just don't know how to talk about sex and the hoodie go to. Yeah, and we don't have a space in a society first to find a professional. You know, there was a research study that talked to about 300 plus different medical schools and asked how much sexuality

education do you have in your medical programs and on average it was 11 hours total. Right, and they're like, the Brazilian you have in your medical programs and on average, it was 11 hours total. Right. I don't know. Like, the Brazilian hours and 10 years and the fact that for a person half of it was anatomy and certain medical aspects. So they really don't get much sexological information about pleasure or about the concerns.

Typically, you'll find that if a doctor hears a sexual concern, they're going to search in their bag of medications, try to fix it. Exactly. That's exactly what happened. And so interesting because I wanted to see a therapist once and it was with a boyfriend, mine. And we went, it was just a regular therapist. She was a couple's therapist. And she said to me, and we were actually at the time, there's a lot of issues, but of course, I can't. We were having some sexual issues. Well, she's, you know what, Emily? In my 30 years of doing this as a sex, as a couples therapist, I've never had one couple, not one couple in here

that did not have some issue or some problem in the relationship relating to sex. And I just found that so interesting that, you know, and sometimes you go, it's there for so long and they don't even talk about it. They don't even bring it up with their regular therapist because they don't talk about with each other. And it's not to let, I think,

for the therapist to even bring it out in them. Like I remember, I had a close family members in therapy. The long time, I think, for the therapist to even bring it out to them. Like, I remember I had a close family member who was in therapy. The long time, you know, with his wife and I said, well, did you guys, like, what about sex? Oh, no, we couldn't talk about that. I'm like, that's the main thing, because you haven't had sex in 10 years, you know? But people, they just, it's like a disconnect, because so many other things have gone on in the relationship,

and they're not thinking that it's the sex. When a lot of times a culprit is the sex, then all these other things, I almost think it's the basis for a lot of issues. Right, relationship. James, you hear Bullseye, which is communication. So many couples let sex be the elephant in the room. They avoid, they skirt around these issues. They try other ways to try to fix things,

but it's really more about getting things out on the table and talking about them together. You know, there's so much permission giving. There's so much comfort and empathy we can get from having these communicative conversations with our partners about sex. And if we avoid them, often it brings up the anxieties within us.

We start feeling inferior and secure. And all of a sudden, these are regret recipes for, you know, not having a very fun sex life. Right. And I mean, it's so true because I always say that it's weird, like couples, you know, you know, the eventually they, you know, develop intimacy and they can talk about anything, but it's the sex.

They just can't break that barrier. And I often think they get to relationships and the sex is amazing. What's there to talk about? You know, we're up in the best sex world. We're in a barrier a long life together. And then you're an app goes by, maybe you're lucky, two years, and then all of a sudden they're like,

well, we can't talk about it. So I always think, and how can we get couples to start talking at the beginning? How can we get them to develop this so it's not the open environment? So it's part of their conversation when they're talking about money and bills and work and balance, they're also prioritizing their sex life. You know, one of the things we don't do well in this culture is talking about sex early on in our childhoods and in our teen years. Because we avoid those subjects to speak about them

on a more intellectual or educational level, a lot of obviously a lot of kids and teens are talking about it like playfully and in their own sort of peer experiences. But they're not getting the information so that they can have these conversations as adults because you know, talking about your sex life, talking about pleasure, talking about the concerns you have,

it's a mature conversation. And we're not giving those skills to have. We're not even prime for it. Not even for our audience. But you're also, I want to say first of all, Dr. Hernandez Chavez, that is your website, correct? Yes. Okay, so in this will all be on section of the Emily.com so they can find out more about you there, but you also teach. Can you talk about you teaching at a university? So you're talking to kids and you are giving them the education that they make. It's almost like one child at a time, but I teach at a community college.

It's the largest CC in the nation. It's called Orange Coast College, and I teach a human sexuality one class and a human sexuality two class, which essentially the first one is about information giving PowerPoint speakers, and the second class is about getting groups and processing our own sexual lives, our histories, you know, talking about things like fantasy or masturbation or social taboo. But start with the beginning like day one of the class. Your kids are how old they're like between 18 and they're all usually the right out of school it's about 18 to 22 although we have occasional

people that are in their 40s and 50s seeking out some information as well which I love. First day go over the syllabus I want them to know what's coming up. You will see sexual information, pictures of pictures of videos on sexuality. We're gonna see this this this man I want them to be able to sign a form and say I know what I'm getting it's right, and I'm gonna say Right, so you work for me. I'm like do you want to work for me? Are you okay? I mean every entrance I'm like are you okay with sexual material? That's what we do here So the kid they come in and I would say I mean if it were me at the time and I was coming in 18 Okay, I'm going to read your entrance. I'm like, are you okay with sexual material? That's what we do here.

So the kid, they come in and I would say, I mean, if it were me at the time and I was coming in 18, I'd have to say that my last sex education was like in seventh grade and they taught the last thing. The only thing I remember is someone asked if you could have sex underwater. I think he said fuck underwater. Right.

But that was it. That's all I have, I'm really at any. So I think a lot of these kids are probably coming and starving for the information Starving for info. I mean in this past Friday class, you know Girl raised her hand I said I have a question, but I think it's stupid I said there is no So I have a question

Um, let's talk about it and she said can I can a person get pregnant for a break up? And it's one of those classic questions right that even if if you and I may have heard this question over and over again It's something that every generation is coming up And we have to ask ourselves why why haven't we been able to give this information that's so basic Can pre-com get your pregnant? Well, CalPERS fluid itself is not With sperm however, there's slept a response from previous ejaculations inside of the urethal tract that CalPERS fluid the pre-com can actually pick up and sort of you know, expel out into the vagina

So the answer is yes, it depends on how you look at it Calpher's flu and the pre-com can actually pick up and sort of you know, expel out into the vagina. So the answer is yes. It depends on how you look at it. Pre-com can get you pregnant because it can pick up leftover sperm inside the penis, but the Calpher's flu itself is not filled with sperm itself. Right, okay. So can, just like, yeah. Right, but it's not.

So that's, okay, so what else do mother typical questions like the first question do you think that you get asked by like the student? I just find this fascinating because I know that they probably never been a forum with someone like you that's comfortable It's uncomfortable. It's disarming. I'm sure you're very relatable professor and you can sit and talk to them, but I you know what comes up? It's funny because I come to class in flip flops and I love it. It doesn't even want. I don't want to dress like them so I can be more approachable. Absolutely. Maybe here are conferences and a time.

I know. Look at you. You look amazing. My next has been a doctor, Ava Delache. She trusted you. Not in that way. I don't know for sure. She gives me a lot of advice and a lot of direction.

One of them is on how to be a better sexist. That's funny, too. Because I think that if men were a little more open to just suggestion and just a bit of influence from the community, women or friends or partners, family, I think we can do a lot better in the ocean, really improve on things like relationships and sex and so on. Well, there are also insecurities, I think a lot of times when men and women get feedback or help, they just all demand, they can't hear it anymore because it's something drawn

with them and it's already affecting their own self-esteem issues they might have already had. It's really interesting. Like, the perfect time that you brought up insecurities and also self-esteem because that's one of the main foundations and fuels for a lot of these student questions that I'm getting college. What I often times I see is that the more technical questions, the last one class, and then when it's more personal, they wait till after class. You must have a long line after class, you never get home.

I'll actually say, who has a quick question? Who has a question about the class, something about an assignment? And then I'll read out those questions first, answer them. And then there's usually four or five kids every week that have a question about themselves. I asked them one person at a time, let's go on a little quiet,

see what's going on with this particular side of the room. And you typically get questions like, I'm a guy, and I'm only 20 years old and I can't get a direction what's going on or I'm a woman and I never had a... Are we supposed to start with that when you say it on? Well, I just started out and you can drive me. Some of the classic questions that we would ask, on a lot of times I find that it's about performance anxiety, very scared, shitless, not being sexual.

And where do you get these insecurities and when you start some questions about where they come from. It's about not having a sex ed, it's about having some previous experiences that predate anxiety within them. It's about watching, oh my god, I've got to have a 12 inch cock and mind the half that size, what's going on here. And when they start getting the information that maybe that six inch penis or five inch penis is actually the average. And that's what most men have. and they start getting the information that maybe that six inch penis or five inch penis is actually the average and that's what most men have.

You know, they like penises more, if you have nine now, I really believe it's to be like in the DSM dear now. Because I feel like the porn has made women, I'm women insecure, men are like, you know, I know I personal friends that I've seen their penises or maybe been, you know, a little more active with their penises

and they're like, they're like, it's like, whatever, but I'm not naming names. But I'm like, your penis is fine, they're like, no, my show. They're like, whatever, but I'm not naming names. But I'm like, your penises find like, no, I don't think it is. I, it's totally fine, you're right, I'm pretty sad. But porn thing, guys think they have to have like, you know, it's usually like, cook bottles, right? But they have to be like a cook can.

Yeah, I mean. And they're like, they, then they feel like, yeah, they can't perform and what they're seeing. And obviously, it's porn, while I'm at a very entertaining for them, and I release, not technically, or they should be learning to have sex and how to engage with the woman and things on them. Exactly. And watching you know porn, which I think is an incredible experience, I think porn can

teach us a lot about, you know, adventures and fantasies and, you know, sexual prowess. And I think it can be wonderful. But if we can also approach it in a way that, you know, we look at this as fun and fantasy rather than reality, because these are the, you know, in regards to penis size, you know, if men are trying to compare themselves to that paradigm they're seeing on the video, they're setting themselves up with failure, you know, they don't realize that there are 15 hour day shoots and there's editing and there's all these, you know, prepping goes into anal sex and so on. And I think that you just kind of stick it in there

and it's going to go all over. Yeah, the way you got my anal sex, I'm glad you brought that up. Sure. Okay, because this is my big issue of anal sex. I think that so many women, and I'm just going to say like heterosexual couples, because this is what I'm going to prove a lot that they have, they're like, I'm out. I'm never doing anal again, because they have a lot of really bad

first-time experiences for them. They know it's prepped, literally. No lieu, that I put it in, they're drunk, they're they're party, and they're terrified, and it hurts, and it's painful. And I think that so many women, and bad experience, I'm like, well, don't break that completely.

And then, you know, I try to educate, you know, people, a lot about prepping brain, all sex, and about how you take it slow. Obviously, never be forced into it. But just because if you had a bad experience with something, do you get that from a lot of kids? You get a lot of insects questions. A lot because you see a lot of anal sex in the videos,

they want to try it. Right, they're like, oh, I just got a boom, go in. It's on, we should love it. It's gonna be a good party. There's no loop on there, not showing the loop and the porn set. Exactly. Do you get a lot of questions?

A lot of questions, they want to do it so quickly that I'll tell them slow down. I want you to spend maybe four or five, you know, times with your partner where you do nothing but just touch the butt. On the outside, don't even go inside and you make that promise to them that nothing's going in. You can touch the outside of your anus, touch the butt, you know, sog them, but really make it so that they can reduce their anxiety because when you think of the anus, the anus itself

has an internal and an external sphincter. The external sphincter, we can all puck her and squeeze and anything you'll have fun with. But the internal one, we cannot control. It's controlled by our brain, in the out of our nervous system. So it's controlled by anxiety reduction, by breathing, by feeling comfortable. Relax. You gotta relax. I tell the same thing. I'm like spend a week just touching, little looom around.

As soon as you even open to it. Don't even put a finger in your head. Take a time. A lot of women also, you know, because they're feeling like, why is this only one way? Why am I receiving it? That's not like that. That's also have to be a little, uh, uh, I guess, embracing them in fact that she might say, well, if you're, if I'm going to do it, then I want you to do it too as well.

You know, kind of doing this together in a more kind of quality way. So, so penetrate your mouth, that's what I'm saying. Or at least touch my mouth side. And we just kind of go together and say, Like I said, see if he's down with it as well. So what do you think of Duke or college students? Do you guys come to me and say I'm kind of curious about it? Do you hear that a lot?

Or is it? Yeah. Because obviously the stigma a lot of men believe that it's with me, that they're gay or it means that they're just never like it. That's not that, you know, it's for exiting only, you know, whatever they say. Well, I talk to people about this idea. It's probably a month, so. If you're talking about male, male, male, male, male, male, male, male,

I think it'll play. You know, what does gay mean? And you have to start breaking it down You know is gay behavioral is it mean that you think about gay Behaders more gay men kiss than have anal sex so he's kissing means I'm gay What if I'm kissing a woman is that make me? Oh, so I start breaking it down like more gay men like oral sex than they do anal sex so I'm just saying like they're seretors a why men wouldn't want to explore the serotonous

could be very enjoyable for them. Well, a lot of men is about statements about mask and the a lot of it is about fears, well too. You know, guys are scared. There's a lot of these ideas and fears and securities that men possess, we mask with this masculinity and this idea that we have to know things, and be sex birds and not show a lot of diversity

as sweat. And the truth is, I believe man, our justice fragile is women, we're a human. If we look at ourselves from Adam Brella, I was a humanistic perspective, we're all scared. We're all kind of coming into sex with a desire to please ourselves, our partners. It's so true. And that's something I learned when I started this show, like 10 years ago, I thought, you know, I didn't realize when I was, you know, in college, 18, 19, I didn't realize how terrified men were about sex and even about approaching women and talking to women.

I just assumed, because the way we brought up socialized is that, guys are going to know, guys are going to deliver me a new organ, they're going to take care of me, they're going to know, and I think a lot of them get disappointed because they're with partners who are pleasing them or that, and we just give it all to you. And that's a lot of anxiety because if you've never had sex before, you're going to know, and I think a lot of them get disappointed because they're with partners who are Cleasing them or that and we just give it all to you and that's a lot of anxiety because if you've never had sex before and you're really with Partners a lot of pressure on the men and Where really should be starting to communicate with each other even in young age and your first sexual experience is talking about what you like and learn each other's Bites but my my head close up to that I didn't realize I Cut no one's telling me that they're all freaking out. Which is much more exciting.

More freaking out. They don't know. Outside the bedroom, it's freaking out. I imagine let's say there's probably a thousand men who come onto you and they hit on you. But of those men, they probably were building themselves up. They were trying to fight their fears. They were scared. They didn't want to be projected. They come up to you and you know, whatever happens with that interaction, they're fumbling around in their minds. They're they're they're sweaty and so on. So there's a lot of anxiety that, that we don't express.

Because there is a perception that confidence is what a man should be. That man, if we're expressive and honest about the fact that, hey, I don't feel so confident about something that might deter, let's say, a woman from liking us or getting together with us, or even in the bedroom, we have to kind of pretend or fake it to that we're confident in order to hide and mask some of those fears. Right. And, and the thing is also that the men, now that the thousands of men maybe have come onto me are 10, 20 in my life. But when I realized either there was that, and again, this is when I, the, the, the men that I probably dated, because I never approached men or asked them out,

that wasn't like my thing, which I'm gonna, I'm working on, it's when my goal is to be shared. I was thought, I don't know, I just, I'm busy too. I'm working on. It's like, oh shit. I always thought, I don't know, I just am busy too. I'm like, oh you like me, okay, let's go out. It's a great couple men if you ask out a guy. I know, and that's a thing. I've been trying, I've got interview with my women's health that's a long article about women making the first move and assing men.

And I'm like, yeah, absolutely they should. And I never, you know, as such, we called it and did that. But what I also didn't realize was that there's these legions of men in the corner,uddering and not approaching You're probably really nice guys, but the only guys that women probably date like if they're not asking guys out Are the ones that have that confidence or then? Fate whatever the broader is to come up for us to ask out It's really nice guys and we couldn't date it

But just didn't don't know how to talk approach women. I mean, I hear from every day I get involved from them And you know, so we don't we just don't know that we don't know that we're all suffering the same thing. Right. Right. We're all just thinking you know sex is getting the second or 20s can be such a bummer looking back at it which is why I tried to educate people now about masturbation which I'm sure you talk about a lot in your class as well. I mean. I'm going to get questions from a lot of questions, a lot of misinformation out there. If I masturbate too much, will it make me go limp and not get it directly later?

That's not what someone was mis. That's important. What are these students coming up with? Well, in the old days we had myths about if I masturbate, will that cause insanity, will that make parry ponds, will it go blind? I mean, there's a lot of masturbation myths that we've had for centuries. You don't go blind? You don't go blind? No. So glad, you see that? But you know, today, my vision's been a little fuzzy, so... Little fuzzy? Yeah little fuzzy. Yeah

How's the risk the carpal tunnel You know for a lot of women some of the myths that will come up is that it's dirty and that they don't want to get to know their vulva You know that's one of the assignments I have them do a pressure credit is to do a general is to do a general exam. So look at your vulva, to look at your lips, to look at your clitoris, get to know your body, get to know your scent, you know, I encourage them to do things like, you know, get to know the baseline of your body.

So that if anything changes, you know, that you can see that some medical attention. But also, to not pleasure and sexual comfort, you know, with masturbation, I find that a lot of women aren't aware that, especially in the college age group, that, you know, most women, orgasm from pitocomulation. So they're not even touching the clearances. They're fingering or they're having penetration, you know, with the dill-dill or intercourse.

And they're not realizing that there's this beautiful love button that can help you reach amazing, you know, heights of pleasure and the ecstasy that they're avoiding or missing out on. Absolutely. So I would think that, I mean, I wish someone had told me, I didn't know about me, like in college, I really never freaking masturbate until I even got to college and I was having sex. I was in my orgasms.

I'm like, what? You did what? So I'm sure you get a lot of women too, or like maybe they come in first, because they never had an orgasm. And the first sign is, these meet your clitoris. Come back next week and tell me how it goes. Sometimes American to your best friends, like,

right, just to sex therapy and just find a major subject. I find a major subject I don't know, and during penetration to a lot of women don't have or it hasn't that way. For a lot of people too, I'll encourage them to journal. And this could be in class or in sex therapy, but I do have them write a weekly journal that they write about

in an attorney at the end of the semester. And therapy I'll do home assignments about processing some of your fears. I don't think we do enough of that. We don't look at ourselves and say, what am I doing that is either creating obstacles in my life, what are the fears that I'm perpetuating, what are what's fueling some of the fears and anxieties. We don't look at that.

Right, so what comes up, you think, for a lot of them, just about that they're not going to perform, or they're going to be rejected. A lot of it comes down to you. I'm afraid they're not going to like me. And I'm lot of it comes down to you. It's up to you. I'm afraid they're not going to like me. And I'm going to do everything and anything I can to try to make them like me, even if it doesn't feel authentic or real. And if it's a mask that we put on, we're just hoping that they're going to meet together because, think about inherently what humans want,

and want to feel attachment and connection and love and security and safety. These are things that we have not yet had the ability to have a real conversation to tell a partner and say, I'm scared and you make me feel more safe. Right. So what about your sex therapy clients? So what would you say is your typical client if there is? Typical client. I usually have a 50-50 split. Often, I have 50% of my clients are either sexual concerns, erection difficulties. A lot of men, right?

And you also write for Ask Men. I've got to mention that. They've been right abreast men, which I'm sure everyone knows as men is your big right in that for years, right? Yeah, for years, about four. Okay. And your articles are wonderful and popular. So men are coming in with the same erection, erection function, penis.

A lot of early jacks, a lot of a penis size, definitely. You know, I was reading this penis size audible, and it was so amazing that most men have, if you look at the bell curve, about 80% of men have like look at the average range, you know, plus or minus an inch, about five and a half inches is the average. And then there's 15% of men level,

a little bit larger, a little bit smaller. And then when we looked at the satisfaction of the rates, men only about 40% of men were satisfied with the size of their knees. And then when you asked women about eating 5% were satisfied. This is the thing. We're not bummed out about it. So why are all these guys freaking out? We're flying.

And the more we talk about it, we're realizing a vagal canal in its aroused state is going to be about 47 inches. Right. about more realize, you know, a vaginal canal in its aroused state is going to be about 47 inches. I don't know. In a wreck penis, it's at about 5.5 inches, you know. So we're talking like this is like the nature's way of putting two things together. They work very well. When it's 11 inch penis, believe me, it's not always, you know, pleasure.

Right. Exactly. No, I hear them all the time and guys like, man, they're so lucky. I'm like, no, you don't understand. Like the grass is always greener or longer on the other side. And you think, you think, you know, it's like, no, they're so lucky. I'm like, no, you don't understand. Like, the grass is always greener or longer on the other side. And you think, you think, you know, it's like, no, there's pain. You know, women got men called, I'm like,

I can't start studying one. I mean, just like a go-kant, you know? Like, attendance-cocaine. So, yeah, they're all issues. So what are some of, so tie-up like a client that's come to you and in a great level. Tie-up like a story I got. What's something that would come back to me to see you,

for example, or how the process went down. Well, I'll talk about a client that I have now, which I think might relate to some of your listeners. He's struggled with premature ejaculation. He came to me and 22 years old. 23 years old? So, it'll quickly, it'll come quickly. So, we try something different, because a lot of times in therapy, it's talk therapy.

Obviously, I have a license. I'm not able to do anything, there's no touch in my session. That's the thing I wanted to clarify too, so it's not like people are like, oh, they serve it, they stay with you well, and then that's a whole different thing. You're not touching it. It's all talkers boundaries,

but in this, with this client, he, rather than this two-pool start stop and the masturbation exercises, the bleeding exercises we do, we incorporate a surrogate. And with that surrogate partner, they would do a lot of behavioral, whether it was about, you would do a lot of behavioral,

whether it was about, you know, tech touch, massage, kind of anxiety reduction, to get him out of his nervous self. And then we would work, you know, a processing in session, and we'd go back and forth. One session with the surrogate, one session with myself.

And within about two months, he went from the jack-aid in his pants when a woman touched his leg. You know, well, now you're getting the pants off, to having literally an oral sex session with a circuit that was about 45 minutes, when they were doing these peak exercises,

having an hour-long sexual session, I mean, really, it was wonderful. How old is that? About 22. There's an edicolaturated Los Angeles. And what I find is that there's only so much we can do with talk therapy and to have this behavioral experiential process. I mean, it's amazing. To work in conjunction with, I found it so powerful.

So I would be in the room with them. They do their thing. They report back to me about the moment. But it's a really powerful thing because a lot of men, especially single men, if they want to work on sexual concerns, sometimes we need some of these sexual ways and who is that person who I don't have all these issues attached with and I don't have the anxiety It's like me that you it's like not an emotional thing, but it's Education you can't pick a person at a bar and say Come back to my place for drinking some stuff certain That's a long massage to reduce my Exactly, but with a professional you can talk about that.

So there's a space. And he's excited and eager. And I think he's about to be set free and out in the wild. And cool. That's great. And that's good. Good about that. Another man, a minute man off the market.

And for people with early ejaculation, we're talking to anywhere from 25 to 30%. So about a quarter to a third of men experience this from their 20s all the way up into their Chains as thing unless you work on it But some I mean having a work with clients were not no no failure to you, but that they just There's other factors going on that they just it could be a biological it could be something physical It is a lot of times like logical, but there's so many different

You know what I always start my clients to to a urologist out here to get a physiological work up and they should have those down in the form of issues that are going on and vascular issues and whatnot. But then when I look at the psychology pieces a lot of times for guys it's about breakups. It's about first experiences, about being nervous and these repetitive sort of negative feedback groups they get into in their minds where they're replaying these bad experiences. They have to look about types of stuff. So the thing, you know, this is me that's the start.

They give up before they even start. We can't even don't do that in different areas of our life, right? It's like the self-fulfilling prophecy that we're it's going to be bad, we've got to be bad, we don't even realize you're doing it. And I find with women, they're also in their heads. You know, a lot of times for women,

it's difficult for them to let go, for them to just allow their bodies to experience the pleasure and sort of succumb to the moment. How do you teach what you must tear from a lot of your swim women, your patients as well as students that they've never had norr-esque? That's common. Very common. And obviously, we both know that you tell them masturbates, you're right, you're invited, but what if still, and you have women that were just like a really big challenge that we're having for a time,

if you tell you how to get certain time, maybe you do, they probably need to overcome it, but there was, you know, because that's not gonna work for everybody right away. You know, yeah, the only thing that's good is for an hour and you're gonna have a mind blowing more guns. It's a process. And I think a lot of women give up.

Or they think it just, I tried it, yeah, I did that once, I messed with it for three days, it didn't work. I think you buy a toy, you do this, you know, no, no, I try, you know, they get, so what, what, what would happen? Well, I think the mind, you know, because if the brain is our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, our, no, no, try, you know, they get, so what, what would happen? Well, I think I think the mind, you know, because the brain is our, our, our, our, our, our, just, and sometimes most

undue sex organ, I really do feel that, that we have to look at what's psychologically creating barriers and obstacles for us. So for a lot of women, they're worried about body image, they're worried about, what their partner is thinking at that moment, they're worried about it, they're gonna have a lot of messes. You think, you know, my God, I hope I don't

jackulate all of you right now. Right, right, right, so I think about your, your two pounds that you think that you gained in to throw it out. You think, you know, my God, I hope I don't jack it all over you right? Right. It's nothing about your two pounds that you think that you gained in your ass. Right. Women, I mean, all of our insecurities, men too. And she's not looking at your penis going, oh, that's so long now. Exactly.

And sometimes the guy's like, oh, cool, she can't even two pounds her ass. There's more, you're joking, I try. So we're all in her head, so we're not always on the same page. Right, exactly. Then we're all in a lot of people are in their heads. And that's really what is destroying, look at otherwise being very, from the sex life.

I find that breathing exercises, some meditations are slowing things down to really challenge and change our affect regulation and our bodies to make us more calmer and challenge that anxiety. You know, I tell clients, have you ever seen a brother's monk and they'll say, yeah, what is the experience of what do you think of it? What do you think of it? what do you think about what the boys monks they say well they're always kind of not only they meditate a lot I said you think that a good is not what they do she's in bed don't you think they come in there with like a

lot of calmness a surreal kind of experience and can you be that person and oftentimes I see with breathing exercises and what not a lot of meditative breathing components that just comes That's not just calm people down. In every area of your life, meditation, even if it's 10 minutes a day, start with that, slowing down breathing, because we just don't know what our cell phones and the light, there's just no time to what have a light. Right. In home, our phones were on television, and it just, it helps. I mean, I've learned many, you know how bad I need it.

But I've always, you know, I've always tried to incorporate it in some way. I don't have clients say, or students, you can do like, I did it in traffic, I did my kegels on my breathing and traffic. I said, well, the kegels are okay in traffic. But, you know, can you really kind of compromise and breathe it, you close your eyes and traffic, you know. Do you mind if I'm gonna have kegel count? There you go. Yeah, I actually recommend that to the two of you.

My students. You do? Good. No, it's awesome just because that's the time I'll take all of the slides. I've actually had heard from, it's for men and for women, but a lot of men, I mean, a lot of them just like, oh, the doctors always tell you, oh, you know, do your pebbles. You can do your travel flight. You can do it in a way you can do it. You're like, I'm not going to remember.

So my app is a daily reminder that pops up. Time for get just in weird in're going to show 11 years of time for a cow camp at the end of the wintertime right now. I'll do it after, but it's good because it's no one remembers. My voice like walks you through, but still, you're right. You should be home, you should be breathing, you should be, you know, but it's a family day of how that's cool too.

But they do help. They can help with all these things that we're talking about. I have women have stronger orgasms. The same thing with the curse of women, particularly a curse of men. I mean, obviously The same thing with the, the occurs with women, typically occurs with men. I mean, obviously it'll help with, like, the anal and the urinary incontinence, but it also will help with things like

stronger, more powerful orgasms. Also, it'll be an even calas longer. Strengthening your erection, because just for your strengthening, the ligaments and the dastrolyle muscle all around the penis. I mean, this is all something. I know, and it's like free. You can just do it.

You don't have to buy anything, right? Anything to do your freaking candles, people. And I have people go to their doctors and say, my it's like free. You just do it. You don't have to buy anything, right? You just do your freaking candles, people. And I have people go to their doctors and say, my doctor never recommended this. They want to be the gala's medication to destroy confidence. Or what about medication for premature ejaculation? Right.

Speaking of which, OK, big shout out. We have to give a shout out to our sponsors right now. We support the show. So thanks for listening because the spores sponsors, you know, helps keep the show free. I'm not gonna charge you Just keep giving you great sex advice. So, promessant is something that we're talking about for premature ejaculation It's the only FDA approved treatment, but it's not only for men Who's ever from like typical queen, which is defined as I guess I always say it's before you want to

ejaculation, but also if you swore on last longer It's that quickly absorbing delay spray allows you to have the sex you want to, but also if you just want to last longer, it's that quickly absorbing, delay spray allows you to have the sex you want to eat, and we talked about you and I talked about this, and it really has helped a lot of men, thousands of your relatives have recommended to promise in again,

as the only FDA approved treatment for premature regulation. I think it's a great addition to everything. Instead of like SSRIs in your presence, once like you're in all these side effects, you're going to take a pill every day of your life so it can delay your regulation, but then you can call it your side effect, take a pill, or this is like a short acting thing that can actually help you. So that's prometent.com, P-R-O-M-E-S-E-M-T.

Yeah, a lot of it. Okay, one more shout out. Can I make sex toys? Good vibrations. You know how I'm taking it. Yeah. A lot of it. Okay, one more shout out. Turn on the sex toys. Good vibrations. You know how I love my toys.

Good vibrations. Good vibes.com. They are your out of the sex toy brands. You can get anything you want there. You go to sex.com and you actually click on the good vibes banner. I have my store there. You can see all my favorite toys. I'm obsessed with the new, what, what's it called, the bullet from the

revive, the tango. You've seen it. Frigging powerful. Oh, I think there's the hustler sort of the craziness. Yeah. Okay. And then, um, you can get the, the magic wand, which is the, uh, most powerful, by the way, all times, the vibratox, I love the, the new vibratox rabbit, the older rabbit, who 10 years ago, he should probably throw it away and it updated it. Check it out. Go to, uh you should probably throw it away. And they've updated it. Check it out. Go to sexlead.com. Click on the good biotraceous plant of Banner.

And use a coupon code, JVM-2520. Anyway, so do you use tweezers? I do. Lots of them. Yeah. For partners or for myself as well? I don't want to hear about all it. All of it.

This may seem a little strange to some people, but I think it's just being prepared. I'll have like a literally drawers full of new toys that if anybody wants to use them, you can just break them out and you know pop in the bag. Anybody can like step by? I don't know. Anybody can just jump side. No one's in my room to drawer. There's a bowl on my living room table.

Fill the toys and just take one. Do my office. Anybody's my office? It's like a crazy toy that I'm wearing. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like on the front of your liver, the head of the penis, or even on the anus, and so there's only an external portion. So, you know, we can use, we can kind of borrow toys for both men and women. I know. I know. I think vibrations are not just for women. Like, guys, I think guys are pleasantly surprised that, oh, this actually feels really good. You know, putting a vibrator underneath, let's say a partner's chin, and they're performing

filatio on you, is a fantastic feeling. And, you know, there's all this variation. Right. And then you can do it too. When they're performing folatio on you. It's a fantastic feeling. And there's all this variation. Right, and then you can do it too when they're on the tongue. Yes, they're mouth and they're fine. Exactly when you're going down on a halva, you know, a fleshlight. Great toys will too. You can both be fun and pleasurable. There's the vibrate and actually as you've worn stimulation, it's actually fun. Yeah. The prostate toy that I get now is the best on the market, so it was your fun as well. And even just, you know, some of the stuff on the more kinky side,

you know, bringing in something to just, I find like, not everybody is until, let's say, like, you know, hardcore VDSM and bondage, but just getting a nice scar for a tie, and tying up a part of it very gently can be so powerful and easy to do. It's a great, exactly. I have a bondage tape. Quick bondage great, exactly. I have a bondage tape. Quick bondage, yeah.

Do you have a bondage tape? I'm obsessed with it. It looks like an electric, a roll of like mask tape or a electrical tape, basically. And it's just like plastic. You rip it off, you have it in my bed. I have a spray, it's 200 out of my bed. Besides that, I also have the bondage tape because you can like, travel with it in this room.

It's reusable and you just like, tear it and you can tie it to anything I've got anywhere it's going to. I need a burning man. How could you ask? Whatever. Underneath my mattress, I have the sports sheets bed bondage. That's right. I have to.

So you can pull it out. If you need to. My housekeeper loves it, she comes and she's like, I'm gonna do all the things that are all straight. I'm like, I can't keep them underneath there. She loves them out. There's some perks in the job. Lots of perks.

So I need a new home because it's filled with sex rights. But do you recommend that to students and your patients like kind of they can or toys? Because a lot of them have been curious about toys, they think that the vibrators are going to take away my sexual prowess and I tell them, look, if you use a sex toy it's going to be an extension of you. And when she goes off to talk to her friends about how great sex was and she had organisms because of that vibration or vibrator on her clitoris, she's not going to tell her friends, my god, my vibrating is the best part.

I know, and then we cuddle. No, he can't get the vibrator, he can't get the right partner. My boyfriend is so great and then we have such a good time. And so you're going to get credit for this toy. It's an extension of you. Exactly. It's your new best friend. It's on your time in half too. I don't understand. Right. You know, why are we still against using technology for sexual pleasure? When we use a car, it gets to work.

We, I know you do. I mean, I think it has to change. But there's still, I mean, I like to think it's changing. Because you know, that study came on your times for years ago. That was like, you know, 50% of all women have owned by rare, half those, they get either 80% of those users with their, their partners.

And, but then I still, they like, when people are like, oh, god, no, I've never done that. I've never used the library. No, I've never, that's freaky. 80% of those use their their their partners and but then I still have indeed they like friends with people like oh god No, I've never done that. I'm never using the library. No, I would never with it. That's freaky Like it be like friends of mine I'm like how are we friends that you think that the like a vibrator is gonna really like take over Or you can't do it like it's a heroin drug Yeah, okay, so what okay? I want to say and we got to to move on to our next guest, Dr. Ava Cadal, which I know you guys were close to together as well as the next time you think you guys are

actually able to tell us a little about your new series coming up. But I wanted to say, and I know you also write for S-Men, so, Tavine, you were talking about earlier, your most popular article that, like, went crazy on that. I'd say you had a question. Actually, it was, you know, the premature ejaculation article or the paris. Formatized. Those are, like, tough five on Google. Which are related. And they the premature ejaculation article or the performance anxiety. Those are like tough live on Google. Which are related.

And they're related. They're intertwined with each other. It seems like that's one of the biggest concerns that they have. I've gotten at the performance anxiety, fuels the erection concerns, the early ejaculation concerns. I think if we just work a lot more on our communication, our internal anxieties get more sexual comfort comfort, of course more sex education. We'd be a lot better off and there may be a thick less of a need for a sex therapist. I want to be out of the world.

I'm doing it. You're doing it. I think people need sex therapy before they even use it as other kinds of therapy. I mean, I mean, both. I think you had to work out your childhood stuff, but then, no, what's you that? No, I think for a lot of individuals and couples, if they'll be in therapy for 20 years, we'll never talk about sex life in Antelope. So, I wish I could do it. It's Dr. Hernandez.com.

Yes. And this will also be on the two ones. I mean, is that two ones? Sure, it's DR. H-E-R-N-A-N-D-O-C-H-A-V-E-S.com. And this will also be on the second only.com. What about Twitter, Facebook, anything you'd like to people to find you? Twitter and Instagram is her nando underscore chavis. Okay. Love you, nando. Thank you for being here. So, we finally did it.

We finally did it. Finally. Finally, it sexed together with Emily. On the way. On the way. I love it. Okay. Thanks, honey.

Thank you. Okay. Well, we'll bring up Dr. A. Bucket Abigail. Okay. So excited. That's a great day! Dr. Abigail is amazing. I've met her actually through Dr. Chavez here. Abigail is a loveologist. What is a loveologist? We're going to find out exactly. She's also writing for Penn House now and she let's see where is Avicadell clinical sex counselor, hypnotherapist, loveologyuniversity.com, president of the American College of Sexologists, international media therapist. She's been on time television shows. She's beautiful, she's amazing, she's the only other

woman wearing five and she feels at the conference, I love her. I'm gonna sit with the mic, and I'm so glad to have you here today. Thank you, Ellen. Hi. Hey, how you doing? Nice to meet you. Great, Kelly's gone so far. You're involved with the conference as well, right? I am, I'm actually sponsoring it through the American College of Sexologist International.

So it's an international recognition, organization of people like you, people in the field who are helping, you know, sexual health, sex toys, sex educators. So yeah, we're recognizing and validating people who bring education and fun and entertainment. I love it. Yeah, it's great. I just got here and I'm talking to you I didn't even out there I know a lot of the people here. It's gonna be a great weekend. The next week I'm going to the International Andre show in Las Vegas Feelers these things are in conference in England

This one's actually next week will be seeing all the pictures sex toys now You're gonna be talking to the to the real people here today So that are actually changing lives and making big inroads and fields of sex and sex violence. So how did you get involved? You always asked me that but I love that. I was like, how did you get into this crazy sex role? It's actually Ivica Dowell. Well my king from adversity I was actually raised by nuns. It's not a joke, yes. And they taught me that sex was dirty and that touching yourself was a mortal sin. And they said that if I am a kissed boy, a baby would pop out of my mouth.

They really did. And this was like, repeated. Yeah, I mean, they were so scared. There's only that one, too. But they're so sad because no doubt they would talk that. And they really messed up. But the problem is that I grew up a very confused teenager. I had really horrible relationships I didn't know the difference between love and sex

So I think it was my destiny to become a sexologist and so I have the most pleasure out of mentoring students teaching sexology You know, I have my loveology university Yeah, so people can just sign up so it it's a doctor, so it's Ava, AVA, cadal, C-A-D-E-L-L, dot com. And it is a child-loved allergy university. Well, it's mine. I want to go. It's just my wealth of information that I want to share with the world because I think everybody should know positive information about love, romance, relationships, and sex.

And so it's sort of my turn. It's time to start with the... How did it start, the course, for example? Well, there's a program where you can actually get certified as a love coach. That's the ultimate program. But then there are little courses on oral sex, anal sex, group sex. And they're really... Right, the video's in the... And the slideshows, the videos, the e-books, it's a combination of all kinds of learning technology.

That is a very smart thing, I think a lot of people definitely need that kind of help. All those areas. So it also tell you at Penn House now you just write your writing and pen house, writing a column, just in writing and stuff. So I have a column that's called Sex Academy, but I also have created courses for them. And videos. And Dr. Hernandez is my co-host. I chose him as my co-host for the video. Right. He's looking couple.

He's looking for relationships. Well, he's really qualified. He's an MFT, he's a professor, he's a therapist. And I wanted a young, cool cool hot guy who knows his stuff He's a his email again. He's a new people He's single Duel Yes, yes

Nothing you need our help Turn out of yeah, but we're having so much fun again Educating and entertaining people who want to be great lovers, who want to have more confidence. And we want to do something new and exciting like, I bet you didn't know that masturbation makes you smarter. Yeah, I mean, it does. It does. But I tell you how it grows right. That's right, you tell me where I can't come and do it.

I can't. Today I'm just so masturbating, I'm getting a part of it. But now you can see it grows my... it grows your brazos. Absolutely. Especially if you masturbate with your non-prominent hand, and if you do it in a different position and in a different place at a different time. Every time? You mean every time you switch up your routine.

Exactly. Then your brain has to think differently. It's not just a pattern. So there are even having sex in a different position with your partner. It grows your brain so. So get into ruts when you have sex the a different position with the apartment. Rose, you're placed in the room. So get into ruts when you have sex the same way all the way over over again. Yeah, but they're too busy. You hear from a lot of couples that are just, you know, trying to help couples do it.

Yeah, I mean, that's right. But headhouse series is helping couples who kind of want to expand and get out of their sexual ruts. Absolutely. It's happens, it does. And it's so funny because I feel like every day I hear from people, it's like they wake up and they just found out like the world was in flat. Like they're the first one, oh my God.

It's so weird, we were having amazing sex and then we moved in together, this is gonna be learning, we moved in together and now we've been living together each time we have sex. I think I know what would happen. I was like, okay, this is what I, it was like you and freak out. I was like no, this is, and they just need tools like that.

So just understand that it's normal that you have to have a conversation about it. I always say communication is a lubrication. Talk about it. That's very nice. That's very good. Don't talk about it. Um, but, so, so there's some more educational and formal and fun and you guys are great

to look at too and you get good information. So, so it's very rewarding. Yeah, I'm sure it is. I mean, because I just, I just, I don't, I don't, don't really don't really don't know where to go for this information Right, we're making it more accessible. And can I go back to your your being raised by none? I don't know about that because there is so much about religion and sex that when we talk about sexual performance, suicide, that people have a lot of has to do with not just because they had a bad experience once Upgrade and the message that we get as children,

as their religion, or as our parents, or whatever it is, and how do you work with people? Because you had to get through that. So, dear, while I'm also on ASEX certified sex council, so I want to get every degree in the world. So, I'm like, we're doing like, so much. But I want to welcome to see me, who never had an orgasm. And some of them have been, you know, programmed by religion to feel guilty and ashamed.

I didn't help it. And well, I tell them that if God didn't want them to have an orgasm, she would not have given them a clusters. Right, with a dozen areas. And that does give them permission to touch themselves. And some women, of course, think that it's a man's job to give them an orgasm when they say, absolutely not. You know, it's your responsibility to have pleasure, to fantasize about whoever you want,

even if it's Brad Pitt. It doesn't matter. Right. We don't care. It's your partner's going to reap the benefits and so are you. So, you know, a fantasy is a safe place. You don't have to reveal all of them.

Right, and doesn't mean you want them to have them. It happened. You know, that's what I'm saying, yeah. It's a Brad Pitt. They do want everything they want to take a Brad Pitt, but whatever else, crazy things to do, or think about, and I'm a create no judge, man.

Whatever you think about, it doesn't mean, you know, I think there's even shame about that. So they've completely shut down. To the process of opening up these women who have never had orgasms, we're told that you know, our boats are gonna fall out at the exact same time. So they're gonna be a baby if they what was it? Kiss a boy. I mean, really, I mean, and I know that, you know, guy dated early on was raising and really religious home and he was always told that, yeah, if you had sex, I thought you just think pregnant of your masturbate, you shouldn't even give it,

it means the greatest things that you still have any believed it, but he still had some, there was some, I mean, it's so sad. I mean, it's so sad to actually have this control over your sexuality. I know.

When it's, well, it's our second base against a death of survival. And so if you try to repress that instinct, really bad things can happen to you. And you can take them out, you know, it can manifest in violence and just all kinds of negative. And you've been through it. So I'm just trying to tell you, like, what was your turning point? And kind of skip that, but like, when you realized, like, no, this isn't right.

But I was brought up. Like, this messaging wasn't right. And how did you personally, did you have a partner, or did you get the education? I had nothing. I had no mentors, I had no families, I was an orphan. So it was really hard for me. I had to hit rock bottom, and not even

want to live anymore. And then just pick myself up and say, OK, I have to educate myself. I just have to take responsibility for my own mental health. Right. Most important thing. And so that's why I love helping other people to reach success and have become better obstacles because I didn't have that. Right. So that's right. Well you're doing great work. Thank you. So what would you say are the most kind of questions that you get asked? Most people that you work people that you work with, they look. So most of you're doing your new

Lavalogy University, which is an online course. That's online. I do see people in private practice, and I write books, and I travel around the world lecturing to books 500 companies. And that's my favorite thing. To Fortune 500 companies? Yeah.

About sex. About sex. Because you know, I love this. I am going to come and get you and carry your luggage. So tell us. I asked you, and we went. I am going to come and give you a carrier luggage. So tell us. So last year we went to five cities in India, five cities in Australia. Next year I'm going to Africa during Valentine's Day to retreat to New York. What are you talking about?

You're like, you know, don't pay your secretary and then conference rooms. That's so good idea. I don't do that because the wives are there. So they're so busy making money that their relationship's falter. So right now, my biggest, most successful presentation is based on my new book. It's called Neural Evlogy. Neural Evlogy.

So it's how to grow your brain cells, expand your sexuality, and grow your relationship together rather than a part. Is it like basically changing your neuro linguistic program or changing your thoughts that you are associating with effects or with. I'm gonna see how it's neuro, it's neuro-indulging. It's combining the two. I'll give you my pick.

You're just giving your book. Okay, so you've written a lot of books. I have, but this is my favorite one. Okay, where can people find it? They can go to amazon.com and it's endorsed by Dr. John Gray. No, no, not for Mara. Yeah, amazing. So it must be good, right? Yeah, it must be good. You wouldn't just endorse that, right?

Yeah. But basically I give people... It's like exercise. Yeah, so give me an example. To connect. So, I mean, there are some really cool exercises where they look into each other's eyes and they ask if they can look into each other's soul and they tell each other what they see.

So there's a lot of communication that they've never done before and then we do also sensory exercises where they blindfold each other and like I'll tell the woman, you know, to be, I'll tell the man to blindfold the woman and then to touch her to touch her arm or hand And ask her how she wants to be touched Because most men touch women the way they want women to touch exactly It's totally reverse. He writes so again that opens up communication Theronic communication and then we do They're a therapy book for couples to do together right once a week on you

We're gonna sit down and read chapters and how it is. Because people are so busy. I'm really exercising my books. So useful, you'd say one, yeah. I mean, because inside of them maybe it was overwhelming or if you don't have time to see it therapist, because they can do it at home.

I think this is our night. This is when we're gonna do one of these exercises, or one a month even. I mean, think about it. It was one, you know, often we love the other people who have gone years, we've been in sex in years or we've we think about it. It was one, you know, often we love hearing people who have gone years, we've been in sex and years, we've never talked about it, but they've said one thing differently. How does he do one thing different this month?

And this way, yeah, everyone's gonna go every day. Yeah, they're gonna go differently. Because that's just a little bit more familiar. What's the most common question? The most common question is how do we keep that in love feeling? Wow. And passionate feeling that chemistry aligns. And it is variety.

Right now, I think on my website, I'm passionate feeling that chemistry alive. And it is variety. Right now I think on my website I have a special new book on 52 sizzling weeks of sex. And I say take the sex weekly challenge. So once a week you do something totally different. Like what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, those things could just be, you know, a nipple orgasm. Yeah. A nipple orgasm. A lot of people don't know how to do it.

Yeah. But so I can do it. Can I do it? Can I do it over having nipple orgasm? Yes. Everyone can have any kind of orgasm if you think it, you can do it. So conceive it, believe it or do you really do it? Because I always say second most common type orgasm is good.

I've never had one. I've never had one. So you walk them through it. So what's your, how would you walk someone through it? They're first and foremost. And they give themselves or their partners. Well it's nice for someone else to do something. But you could give them a good sound back. Yeah, but I mean you could do it. So you want to start out away from the nipple first and just

stimulate the breast. Preferably with a tongue. Let's face it. A tongue is nice and essential. It's wet and warm. Then a finger. Right? Right. But then when you get... My nipples just got really excited about that. I can see that.

I know. I know. I think you should have a nipple orgasm on the radio. I'm not be grown. You know, people may ask me if orgasm is in the radio forever. I'm like, this is not the image of a swar. You're so sensitive. There's nothing in there.

You never talk about your own sex life. Why are you having sex with anyone on the air? Maybe, I maybe, you know, it's on a list. It's on the list. If I need more ratings eventually, I'll just, you know, have a pernetto come on, give me a never orgasm. Good idea. So she does want me to give her a never orgasm. I know, I would love you to actually have a skin.

I was just going to ask you. I would have jacked it. No, I have a boat. I actually initially thought the three of us would talk some more. No, we could take the believe. No, I actually, you're so sad. I actually was thinking about you, but I brought in her hand

off. I thought the way you were talking about it was very sexy. So anyway, so you go around and get pulled out. So you go over. See the clippers. Don't go right for the literally. You're still going right for the effort. Yeah, exactly.

So you work your way there, caressin' with, as I said, the tongue even used your hair on the breast hair is very sensual. Okay, and use your breath You can use your warm breath and your cool breath around the Nicole and if you have ice ice can be really sexy as well or a feather or Sex toy so just yeah, so 10 minutes of nipple full play then right? So just... I agree. Yeah, so 10 minutes of mipple full play. Then get your fingers wet with some great loop. And then... This is so underrated. I don't know why there's no loop on every guy in my stand in America. That's my goal. Absolutely. I like that goal. Yeah. Every night stand. You do proud but you're looped there. Makes everything better. People think, oh, dry, discomfort. Okay, so loop is in the nipple. Yeah, so put the nipple on your fingers and then start dilating the nipple as if you

are dilating a radio. So you don't? No, no, gently. Actually, if you're going to go 5 times slower than you think you should be going at this on it. That's good, that's very good. So in slow motion. So you dilate to the right at least 20 times, then you dial it to the left, and then you start squeezing.

Do you start to your Howard Stern or something? I'm telling you. Okay, then you start squeezing it between your thumb and your two fingers. So you pull it up gently. But because you see how beautiful she looks showing this right here. This is how you have a napalm. Yeah, I love it. Okay. And then you lick it. So you pull and lick, pull and lick.

And in fact, pretend you're licking your clitoris because it's very similar. It's similar, isn't it? And you'll feel the nipple getting a rep, you'll feel the nipple growing. And so then you're going to be caressing and pulling and licking. So it's a little bit of multitasking. But also what I suggest is with the other hand, you can either stimulate the lower, or you can actually move your hand around near the heart

and have a heart connection while you're creating a nickel orgasm. So it just depends what your intention is. Is it just to arouse or is it to create more intimacy? You can do either or we can do both, right? This is a great, I mean people are always asking out the number or it doesn't. And then you start sucking with your lips.

Not your teeth, but sucking your teeth, right? No teeth. Although some people like to be with you. Yeah, but don't start with the teeth. I mean, anything. You want the penis? Yeah, oh yeah. But if a partner says bite me, hey, then go over. But if this bite me, what are you going to do? Yeah, but don't start with the tea. I've got anything. You want the penis? Yeah, oh yeah.

But if the blogger says bite me, hey, then go over. But if this bite me, what are you going to do? You got a bite, you got a bite. We got a bite. Okay, so we have got to wrap up. But I would love you to come back in the show, because there's a million other things we can talk about. But what else we covered, and just to get you a new book,

they should check out Loveology University but it's all at ava-pindel.com. And then the sex academy is at sexacademy.com and then Twitter, Facebook, social media, and all there. Just talk to Ava. Yes, I want to talk to Ava. Okay, perfect. And good luck to you with your new penthouse video series and everything and I love to

have you back on the show. Thank you. It's been so fun having sex with you. I know. Thank you. Yeah, just and see you next time. Thank you. I've always been so fun having sex with you. I know. Thank you. Yeah, just wait until the next nipple orgasms. So, anyway, everyone, thanks for listening to the show. Also, you can check me out at Facebook and Twitter.

And Instagram, it's all sex with Emily. And Wednesday, I do free chats on Instagram. So I answer all your questions. 1230 to 1.5 Pacific Standard Time. It's absolutely asking your questions. I won't answer them. 140 characters are less. But actually, for fun. I'm kind I'm going to move out the answer either. I love it. So thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you?

Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. Hi, I'm Dr. Emily Morse from sexwithemily.com. Do you want to last longer in bed? Promescent is the only FDA-approved treatment for premature ejaculation. One in three men suffer from premature ejaculation, but they don't have to. Go to promessant.com to give the desensitizing spray that will allow you to have the sex you deserve.