Sex With Emily - A Sexy Year in Review!

Episode Date: December 18, 2019

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is bringing you a Sex With Emily year in review! She’s doing a quick overview of the top guests, blogs, and moments from 2019.  She discusses the topics that all of you listeners were the most interested in over the year, what blogs helped get your sex lives on track, and the podcasts and guests you all couldn’t get enough of this year. Let’s hear it for 2019 and get off to a great start in 2020!  Follow Emily on all social @sexwithemilyFor even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sector Family. I'm Dr. Emily and on today's show I'm bringing you a sex with family year in review. So our top guest blogs, you know moments from 2019 and answering your questions. Topics include, you want to know what our top guests were? The blogs that you guys were obsessed with, your favorite podcast moments, sexual moments, and all the greatest toys? That's what we're talking about. You actually list out the blogs that were the most helpful for you guys and the trending topics. Enjoy the show. All this and more.

Thanks for listening. So I don't know. You have to listen to my show for a total of five minutes. Maybe before you hear something about the womanizer, I mean, all their products are amazing. So I always share about them. But just when you think they might be at the end of their innovation rope, they're not, because they shocked me again with the new Womanizer Duo. Okay, I've long called the Womanizer the Clint Whisperer, and now those Whisperers are

carrying over to the G-Spot. What? The Womanizer Duo uses the same pleasure-air technology to indirectly stimulate the clitoris, but with an internal vibe, curve for internal stimulation to get the best of both worlds. Okay, let that sink in for a minute. Pleasure air technology and internal stimulation

in one toy. And you can have one turned on, one off, or both on, and select from the 12 intensity settings on either motor, totally customizable. Plus, it still offers that same smart silent technology as the womanizer premium. You know, in case you've roommates, kids, visiting in-laws, randomly barging through your door

that you could have sworn you locked, hang on happens. It's also totally waterproof, so you can use it in the bath or the shower. Simple, this thing is insane. To check out the womanizer duo for yourself, go to sexofamily.com slash womanizer. That's my site, sexofamily.com slash W-O-M-A-N-I-Z-E-R-T-D. Into his eyes Then the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mock our sacred institutions

Betrubized they call them in a fight on day Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Cause my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute The world's got a herstander, oh my The women know about shrinkage Is it a common moment? What do you mean like laundry? It's drinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me?

Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information. Check out sexwithemily.com. You can find us on all social media. It is at Sex with Emily across the board. Okay guys, this is a very special year in review show.

Have we put out a lot of shows? As you know, we do like three shows a week, and then we've been doing a series of sex M for a year. And so maybe you're just new to the show, or maybe you've been listening for the last, I don't know, 14 years, but either way I thought, let's get into some of the things that have really stuck out for this year, so it can help you. Whether you're a new listener,

well, this will be a great place to start. Go back and check out some of these shows and if you will listen for a while. I always love to hear from you too. You can let me know which shows are your favorite. Do you like the guests? Do you like the emails? The calls? Who would you like to see on the show? And always send me your questions your questions feedback at sexwithmla.com? Okay, I really loved Barbara Carellis was on the show. She wrote a book called Urban Tantra and she's got a whole center in New York where she teaches people all about Tantra in a way that is more, which calls it Urban Tantra. It's like you don't have to go live in India and be a monk and study Tantra.

She's like this is Tantra for people want to just figure out how to be more connected and more mindful. The name of that podcast was breathe your way to better orgasms. You don't have to want to go through hundreds of years of spiritual texts, think at a guru and all that. Thank God. You can just get to the consciousness around sex part first. Then if you want to do the rest, that's great. But if you don't, you'll still get something wonderful out of it. So, in essence, what Tondrick sex means is slowing down, going into each moment mindfully. We've all seen that word.

And being present now and adding breath because the more you breathe, the more you feel. Breath also leads to amazing changes of state. For example, you know, like you have a kind of bleh sex and you're like, this will be over soon. And that's about the extent of your breathing because you're really just kind of waiting for it. Yes, then there's this sex And that goes on and that goes on and that goes on and when you finally have an orgasm You think it's just about all the yummy things that your lover was doing to your genitals But part of why you feel so good was the...

You have literally taken your mind into an altered state of consciousness. So what you talk about is how to breathe into your body to help with your orgasms and how having a breath orgasm is totally possible, which it is possible you guys are so much kinds of orgasms we haven't tapped into. So I just think that show was really transformative, especially if you've been curious about Tantra or you've just been wanting to, you know, you get really distracted during sex.

A lot of you are saying like, how do I stay focused? And, you know, the good news is a lot of the reasons why we are not having orgasms in the pleasure of what is because we are distracted and we're not as mindful so I think listen to the episode with Barbara Kross, breathe your weight about orgasms, we'll jump start that mission for you. Helen Fisher. Helen Fisher was on the show, Dr. Helen Fisher, who is called Sex and the Brain. But I think that these three basic brain systems evolved and they evolved for different reasons. I think the sex drive evolved to get you out there looking

for a whole range of partners. You're going to have sex with somebody you're not in love with. I think romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy on just one at a time and start the mating process. And I think this feelings of deep attachment evolved to enable you to stick with this person at least long enough

to raise the child together as a team. So these things do different jobs. We feel attachment to all kinds of people. What's interesting is when I looked into the brain, romantic love can be triggered instantly. It's like a brain system, like the fear system. You can be scared instantly and you can boom, you can fall in love instantly. Like the love of oversight. We met about five years ago at a conference.

She is one of the leading scientists for match.com. At least she was for a long time and she looks at like dating patterns and she's done a lot with personality types. She actually made her own personality type quiz that you can take that indicates what kind of partners we best for you. We also talk about living apart together, the lat movement, and how millennials are actually really fascinated in this now,

and they're thinking, I don't know if I wanna live with someone, but I think I hear a lot of people who have married for a long time as well, deciding that, yeah, separate bedrooms, separate homes might work for them. Here's Kristen, so living apart together, yeah, you couldn't do it. No, I'm just...

Now I'm a millennial, and I just feel like I'm so set in my ways, and living apart together, yeah, you couldn't do it. No, I'm just, now I'm a millennial and I just feel like I'm so set in my ways and it's like I almost don't need anybody else in my life because you can get everything delivered, even my groceries, which I would normally need carried up the stairs. I can pay someone to do that now. It's true, we can pay someone for everything. So I think the important thing to look at is like, how do you want a partner in your life right now? There are no rules.

We get to create our own. So yeah, I think especially as you get older too, it's like, set do you want a partner in your life right now? There are no rules. We get to create our own. So yeah, I think especially as you get older too, it's like, setting your ways. Like how often do you need that partner? I know that you are going to have kids and you're going to want to be there to wake up in the middle of the night, maybe with the baby. But otherwise, how do we need them?

How do you need your partner right now? You get to set the rules. Maybe you want an alternative kind of relationship. I think that people are realizing they have agency over deciding what they kind of relationship works for them for sure. Helen Fisher, I was looking for her books, oh why we love was one of her books

that was really transformative for me. And she's really like a sexual anthropologist. And she looks at the history of love and sex and romance and attachment and she is just fascinating. So check out that part, check out that episode with Helen Fisher. She is my spirit animal. Also, this is actually, these are some interviews we did in New York Wednesday, Martin. She wrote a book called Untrue and the name of the podcast was Untrue Stats and Pleasure Facts. Monogamy does not suit so many women and there is some new thinking in anthropology and

evolutionary biology that if one of the sexes evolved for promiscuity, there's a very good case to be made that it was women. But yes, here we were in our 20s, right? And we would, I know what we did. We would get into a relationship, the sex would be great, the relationship part would be great, everything would be fun. And then, usually, within one to three years, all the sudden, bam, our arbito went down, down, down, down the mountain.

And we thought there's something wrong with me because this guy or this woman is so great. I want it to be like it was before though. I want this sex to be so hot. Guess it better find somebody else. Exactly. Do you know why that happened to us? Tell me why.

Because nobody told us the truth. Right. We were fed a steady diet of lies about female sexuality, including that women are from monogamy, and men are from promiscuity. Nothing could be further from the truth. We now have longitudinal study. After longitudinal study, showing us longitudinal studies

from Germany, Finland, England, the United States, showing us that in the aggregate women get bored faster than men do in a long-term relation. Take you! I love this woman. I have to say I met her and it's just like she is just a wealth of knowledge. Her book is great and she talks about all the things, all the myths that we believe about sexual pleasure,

about women, about desire, about arousal, and how a lot of it just isn't true. Kind of like we think the only way we could be with someone is if we live in the same house or we're not, we're a number of non-negamist relationship. I mean, there's just so many things, or one of the things is that men always want more sex than women.

I mean, it's all the things that you're like, we just assume, we just assume that it's true. And so I like that her book is really easy to read. She says a lot of studies, and also on the podcast, she did. It was a great interview. I'm definitely going to watch that as well, because I feel like we do have these

Beliefs that no one's ever challenged and I think reading her book would obviously provide a different perspective Absolutely. Yeah, I mean like like she talks about to yeah the way our minds actually work when it comes to relationships And why we get ourselves into certain loops and why there's a lot of frustrations that we have so it sort of makes you feel like Oh, I'm not the only one, I'm not crazy. Thank you, Wednesday Martin. Jolene Brighton, now this woman wrote a book, the podcast with her is called Trust Your Gut and Not the Pill. When people are like, there's no more women's movement.

We got everything we need. There are people who spend this story, and I'm like, yo, they just recognized our period as essential, like as of three years ago. Well, now four years ago, I don't even know what day it is apparently. But with that, this is something where I take you through the book of like, okay, firstly,

we go into the low down of your hormones. So that you can understand key players in your menstrual cycle, but also your overall hormonal health. I set out to basically heal everything that sex act teachers had, like, you know, basically wreaked havoc on in women's lives. Like I walked away when I finally got sex ed, and that wasn't until high school,

and I was like, great, I know I had a bit of condom on the banana, but I'm not sure what my body's doing every day. No idea. And that's really what I wanted to do for women is say, okay, here's what you need to know about your hormones. Here's how a natural menstrual cycle works. If you understand, hey, this is when estrogen rises, when testosterone rises, when progesterone rises,

you can start to identify when things are not operating correctly. Her book is called Be On The Pill. And I'm telling you, I sat here interviewing her and I was like, this is a movement. I mean, how many women just blindly sign up for the birth control pill assuming that, you know, you're a guy in a college is headed to you

or you have no other choice. Oh, I don't wanna use condoms. And she really did a, she's done a lot of groundbreaking work on this. First of all, she helps you get your body back on track if you were on the pill and now you're off of it because guess what? These pesky little hormones don't just kind of jump

back into order, they've been a little bit messed up. So she helps with nutrition and diet and exercise, but really just information about how we're learning so much more about hormones and how our bodies work. And the truth is, and this is a fact, there has not been any amount of money spent studying the negative side effects of the pill, really, until like, Jolene, a few others are now coming out with information because

of the pharma companies, because people are just like, well, if it's not broken, don't fix it. So even if you're on the pill, I'm not telling you to go off the pill, but she even gives tips for how to navigate it, because a lot of what we experience, which I thought was so interesting that like PMS and moodiness or bloating and all the things that we deal with, we don't have to deal with. I think that women just assume, well, I'm gonna be a bitch for a week

or I'm gonna want a lot of chocolate or I'm gonna have cramps and all these things that we just assume are part of being a woman, we don't have to live that way. And she's got a great Instagram as well, which you can check out, which is every daily she's just giving information about this because she wants women as I do to be informed about everything we're putting in our body from penises to pills to toys, everything. Make decisions about it is your body. And so I think that in reading this book or just listening to the podcast, which I'll make it easy for you, you'll be feel more informed and ready to really take your sexual health seriously as you should.

And have fun with it. Yeah, I really feel like I need to get off the pill. And I think my sex drive would be better. I don't think I'd have problems with getting wet like I sometimes do and would probably be able to use less lube. I think there's I'd have problems with getting wet like I sometimes do and would probably be able to use less lube. I think there's so many things that I need to change especially with my diet to regulate my period because I got on the pill just to regulate my period and the doctor didn't give me any other option. Right. He's like, of course you will take the pill. The people go on the pill for like skin and they go on the pill for other things and the truth is what it's doing it might

be helping with your skin temporarily but it's really pill for other things. And the truth is, what it's doing, it might be helping with your skin temporarily, but it's really repressing other things in your body, other hormones that actually will help you heal. So it's sort of like a band-aid and that doesn't work. And so the other thing is the studies that have come out, and this isn't just Joleen Brighton, but other people that a lot of women on the pill have an increased amount of anxiety, depression.

These are all the things that are linked, but we look everywhere, but we like, a lot of women on the pill have an increased amount of anxiety, depression. These are all the things that are linked, but we look everywhere, but we're like, oh, but this little harmless pill doesn't do it. So, I completely agree. It's not the right way to go, and it's not the only way to go, and we need to enlighten ourselves by reading these books. Exactly. And at least know what you are putting in your body.

Jen Cohn, who's awesome, she's become a friend of mine and she's just a great podcast, becoming healthy and sexually wealthy. It's all about creating a routine or a lifestyle that you work within for people who don't like to work out. I get it, especially if it's the hardest part as the beginning. So if you build something into your schedule

and you have it down that you are gonna do something, it's much easier to actually implement it. And once you do it over and over and over again, it becomes a habit. So I'm all about creating habits and rituals to be successful. How you do one thing is how you do everything in life, in my opinion.

So with exercise, what it taught me was that, the goal setting, the discipline, feeling that nothing's impossible. If I came this far, I can go this a little bit further, right? So that like drive to be better, you know, which again you can use that towards any aspect of your life. And essentially she talks about getting into healthy habits and how to stick to them and building confidence and just like why, you know, if you think about it, like our life is just a series of habits, whether they're negative or, you know,

whether they're good habits or bad habits. And she just, I just thought we had a really good flow and a good dialogue. And then, Sleshten Danielle, I love to Sleshten Danielle are my somatic sex therapist's coaches. And I took what's, if you've been listening for a while, you know, like, three years ago, I took their somatic sex training,

which is really all about embodiment, which means like being in your body in the moment that you're making sexual decisions, that you're having sex, they teach about communication, they've been doing this as long as I have, and they also have a new book out that they came on the show to talk about called Coming Together, and their book is a really interesting workbook that I think couples can read together because they give some really solid exercises. A lot of the stuff that I talk about, but it also goes a little bit into how to explain your fantasies to your partner, your fetishes, why you have certain desires and your core sexual desires, like they talk about how we all have a core sexual desire,

even if you think you don't, and they help you get there. So you can figure out, well, what does turn me on? What am I into and why and how do I communicate? So I think it's a great episode to listen to. It's called core sexual desires with Celeste and Danielle. We trivialize sex as though it's not that important, but when you're sharing this, you're sharing like, you know, we're talking about core wounds here and the healing from them, like you're sharing

your deepest vulnerabilities. And if your partner totally not just accepts them, but celebrates them, the level of bonding that happens in the face of that is profound. You know, so this is really important. So intimacy. And I think the other thing that I want to say that's really important is a lot of couples,

like they have really hot sex in the beginning because it's new in the honeymoon period and they're like uncertain and is it you know and they just like everything feels like a turn on because it's a new person but for sex to last in long term relationships you have to do this core desire work. And then we did one with rude Jude. Rude Jude is a colleague of mine at Sirius XM. He's got a show on Shade 45, and he's been in radio a long time, and it's called Rude Jude's sexual run through. I think being comfortable with yourself helps people

be comfortable with themselves. And like, if they see me walking around looking at a ugly shit naked, so they're like, ah, well, if he can do that, then I'm not have bad. So, and then I like to pay attention, see what they're into, see what they're not into. Communication. You just gotta like talk and look at watch pattern, like pattern recognition, stuff like that. Figure out what feels good to you and repeat that. So if you're with women who don't know, oh my god, it's like banging a

puppy. They're all over the place. Like it's like, they go to their bouncing on you this way and then boom, they're over here this day. They're, it's like scatterbrain. Yo, pick a rhythm dude. It's like these new DJs. Like, yeah, you like that song there is another one. Here's another one. Here's another one. Like get to the chorus, you know, like just, yo, hit a groove. This was just a really popular episode and I just, um, I don't know, we have good chemistry. Like when he's on my show at Syriest, everyone's like, you guys should do more shows together.

He's just got an interesting perspective from people that we don't often talk to. Like, dude, he tells it to it straight. Yes, he does. Yes, he does. He's very real, very rude. And he doesn't hold anything back. I think so, like, if you are a sensitive person person I think you'd find some of the things he says offensive

But if you take your motions out of it you can see that he's just being like a real person and he's not sure coding anything Deit in the facts like you said. Yeah, it's true. You're straight top podcasts So these are actually the podcasts that you guys downloaded and you love the most. So, a good screw with Rachel and Christine. So, they host a podcast, it's Rachel O'Brien and Christine Blackburn. And they host a podcast called Screwed Up Stories. And so, we talk about screwing. If someone's in bed with you, they're having sex with you,

and you're having a good time, get out of your head. And you know, I was just listening to you in the last hour and you were talking about giving blow jobs and how you have to make eye contact and all that. And some women might be like, oh, I'm too embarrassed. I'm too whatever. And it's like, you can't be that one. You're already there. You're already naked with somebody. But what do you, well, what do you have? I can't, like eye contact is like the last holdout. Like I'm literally like, I'm looking at it, it might not actually be happening. Exactly. If I look at you, then it's real. So I'm literally like I'm looking at it might not actually be happening Exactly if I look at you that it's real so I'm not gonna look right now

You're absolutely right, but eye contact is such an interesting how intimate eye contact is yeah The three discussed like how we all have messed up stories when it comes to dating and sex But that doesn't mean that we're messy people and what the rules are when it actually comes to dating So guess what this is gonna be a theme going into the new year. We get to set our own rules. So it's different for everybody. And also I talk about ways to initiate sex and actually have sex without any excuses. I feel like that was another thing that's come up a lot this year.

A lot of you are like, how do I actually initiate sex? And I think that you guys have to all, and I'm practicing this all the time that whenever I don't know something, I automatically go to anxiety or stress. Like, oh, why would I know it? I should already be an expert editor. If you've never initiated sex before

and your partner says, can you initiate, it's okay if you don't know or are you dominate me and you've never domed it anyone. Like, it's okay to ask clarifying questions. Like, we don't, we are you dominate me and you've never domed anyone. Like it's okay to ask clarifying questions. Like we don't, we're certainly not, don't shoot out of the womb like perfect lovers and knowing what to do. It takes experience, but you could even have a ton of experience, meaning like you've slept with a hundred people, but you still might know how

to do some, you still might know how to communicate about sex appropriately. So I feel like that came up a lot this year. The other popular one, porn fantasies versus sexual realities. So in this one, I talk about ways to stop building stories in your head. Like stop creating all of these reasons why you can't have orgasms, you can't have pleasure,

you can't connect, and really think about it. Like what is going on in my sex life? What is going on in my real life that's holding me back from my sex life? And also this was important because the main thing here is why porn and sex in the movies is not like real authentic sex. You have to remember this that porn, there's nothing in it that's real. Like literally it's not real. It is script, it's entertainment. It's created for men's enjoyment, for men's pleasure.

This is why sex is really messed up right now. And you know me, I'm always like, porn's cool if you're in a relationship or on your own. If it turned you on, that's great. But porn should never ever ever be taken, like technically how you should learn how to have sex. So that's where I come in. That's where some great books out there,

and you could read about them. No, women don't all of anal at all. When you see all that jack whatever, she's swallowing pounds of semen, and it's all fake. I think that that's key here, that a lot of what happens with our sex life, usually it goes into like things that have happened to us developmentally or emotionally that we need to work on.

And then also why you should not make assumptions about your relationships, don't assume anything. Which is true, you guys really. Your partner is on a mind reader, don't assume because you told them once that they know that they heard it, that they understood it. I had this conversation with someone recently last night I was out with some friends at dinner and they were like, you know I I thought they're like my friends and married for 10 years like we just want to do a like a video of just showing up like when you have sex Like you put the lube on then the woman like if your partner comes inside you got to walk to the bathroom

It's dripping out, you know, like such a great idea She's like this. This is what really happens during sex and that this is what we see important. It's so seamless and everyone's turned on and wet and having orgasms and positions that are not possible of orgasms in. Like they're cheating towards camera. And then everyone has unrealistic expectations and then they just think that their partner's not doing

the right things and they move on. They keep moving on, move it on, move it on, move it out and to get porn sex, which isn't real sex. Thanks for supporting our sponsors, help keep the show free, because they're awesome, and so are you, we'll be right back. Okay, the clip notes. This was another popular podcast.

I love doing this episode. This was a really fun episode. I give you a crash course on the clitoris. So essentially it's your clitoris C 101. How to touch it. How to know where it is. I have to assume maybe some of this is new. Maybe it's not. And I don't know. I need to hear things a few times. So I'm not missing words here. Let's talk about the clitoris. It has 8,000 nerve endings. And it's not just that little tiny bulb, that little tiny bump above your vaginal opening.

It actually has legs that extend behind your labia. So you know your labia, it's like a wishbone, right? So picture your labia and then picture the little clitoris. That's what it is, it's like an upside down V. That whole thing is a clitoris. Plus there's internal, literal nerves. There's a lot. And it's only purpose on the planet is for female pleasure.

Like there's literally men don't have something that's just from male pleasure. Like their penis is like first sperm and procreation and peeing. That's to give you advice what to do. When you're trying so hard not to catch any feels. Like you're like, I met someone and I don't want to fall in love and I don't want to have feelings and you do.

And why do you not want to catch feels we get into that? And also when you also, in that episode, talk about if you're married and you want to, why is it not all relationships you're wondering if the grass always greener? You're like single and you're like, I want to be committed and you're committed and you want to be single. I blame technology. I think this is, yeah, I mean, technology has certainly been another major thing to share that people are just realizing how much, how separated we are and relying only on

texts and, you know, swiping and all the stuff is not really, is keeping us further, further away from, I think, the ultimate human goal really, is keeping us further away from, I think, the ultimate human goal, which is for real connection and intimacy with another human. So. Everything just seems so robotic now. It does.

And no connection, no attachment to anybody. It's like you can just send a text and never talk to them ever again. Never again. You spend hours with them, never see them again, right? Or nothing or just... And in the old days, like, you would write a letter, it'd have to take a week to get to somebody,

and you'd put so much effort into it, and there was suspense, and now that's all gone. It's gone. And it's like, oh, a misspelled text with a weird emoji. Never see again. It's sesame. It's very true. Oh, God.

Okay, so that was the clip notes. Then, imagine that, this was another popular one, Roy and underneath the clip notes, was hard at work. All about the penis. Probably one of my favorite titles too I give you the 4011 everything penis different erections to what you know about pleasing penises Plus advice on rather the balls how to touch it where the funulum is just I think you'll like this episode Did you know that there are three types of erections that men can have? I? Did not know that exactly are three types of eruptions that men can have? I did not know that.

Exactly. So there's the reflexogenic eruption. Reflexogenic. It sounds like a something you'd buy on the Home Shopping Network. Sounds like a... A reflexogenic machine. I don't think it sounds like a reflexology.

Something like that. But that's a type of erection. And that is caused by direct physical stimulation. Nerves in the penis communicate with the spinal cord. And then blood's released. And that's blood. Not blood in a blekis. Gushy, blood's released without the man's body needing

to check in with his brain. And it's a reflex. It's just a reflex that does not require. We're talking about this is direct. Why not need mental stimulation? Why not require porn? Then we've got a psychogenic erection. And this comes from your mind.

You're psyche. So this is where stimuli, it could be a lot of different things, right? Like porn, you know, it could be porn, talking dirty, fantasizing. And they're caused by different stimuli. So it's like the reflexogenic is by touching psychogenic by the brain. And it's possible that you, okay, oh, here's a third one. The third of all the erections, now that you know, there's three, nocturnal.

In the night time, they peaked during REM sleep two to three times a night. So while we are all sleeping, your actions are up all night. I wonder if it's connected to people like I can't sleep, I can't sleep. My penis was up all night. Some other things you cover in the episode are whether a parenting marriage is ever a good idea, I guess, just two. Just to have a kid. I'm considering that.

I mean, hey, again, I'm open. I'm open to you considering whatever, you know, got to make sure be at least a good parent. You have sex with them. I mean, because I just, I understand that it's hard to have a good relationship these days, but I want to make sure for the sake of my child that I can have a good relationship with their father. I understand that. I do.

I do. You got to find out their character first. Don't jump into relationship. Don't get pregnant. I do. I do. You got to find out their character first. Don't jump into relationships. Don't get pregnant. Right away. Look, great. Okay. How to get past your family hearing about your vibrator?

Is another thing on that? Yeah. I remember that one. Okay. We also have stop, drop, and cuckold. That was another podcast this year. There's popular. Pro tips on cuckolding.

Why cuckolding is popular and how you do it properly. Essentially what cuckleding mean is we hear this from men that they have a fantasy of wanting to watch their partners have sex with another man. Understand why you're asking for it, why you want it? The best you can because the more you understand it and the more you don't filter yourself, if you actually have gotten up the courage, which I hope you do, to talk to your partner about any fantasy, that's not the time to be like, I want to check her cuckolding, and then she just ate it to her wife

and she goes, well, what do you picture? What's the person look like? And you've thought about the man's penis and what it looks like, but at that point, you decide to shut down. And then you're left her scrambling for the details. It's like, if you're going to talk about it, talk it through in great detail in depth,

what does it look like to you? Because I think this is why a lot of sex conversations with our partners, we try and we're like, it doesn't go anywhere because we say it, we really need to have more sex. And then, and then, okay, what should we do? Well, let's just put on our counter and then you don't do anything else.

There has to be a lot more discussion, a lot more work involved. And don't do it, listen, you don't want to do it because let's spice ourselves, let's spice us up, let's invite over some dude to have sex with that. No, you don't do any of these things or have a child to make just spice up your sex.

So okay, the other thing we get into this episode is what's doing your spouse turns into jerk every time you come back from vacation? I've had that before and long distance relationship dips and I think what we cover, I know what we cover here is like, sometimes you have to keep up the intimacy while you're away or maybe there's some resentment going on like they're upset that you left. There's unspoken agreements or bros that have been broken agreements, but I think that the thing, especially if you're in a long distance relationship and every time you see each other, it's tense.

It's because you weren't able to truly stay connected when you're away from each other. Riding your own or rotting can be really hot. This was another great theme this year that you guys, you know what's really hot is like, if you don't know how to tell your partner what you want, like write it out, like write out in a Rodica, you could do it in a text if you want to, but like I get home from work,

and I'm picturing that you're making me dinner naked, wearing that or naked, that you're making dinner naked, well playing this music, or you've set up the bathtub in a certain way, or these sex toys are out, or I come in, and you're already tied up, or you already have like handcuffs on, and you're using toys. What are some other fantasies? I mean, you guys just think about it. We had a listener call in and say that he wrote his wife, this erotical, what he wanted

from her, what he thought would be hot. And he didn't know that anything would ever come from it. And then he came home like a month later. And she was wearing the lingerie. She was sitting on the piano. She was listening to the music. She had this, you know, his favorite, like I think it was like some food that they were gonna feed each other.

I mean, she did it. And I think a lot of us, to be honest, I'm gonna raise my hand here. Do we just want marching orders sometimes? Like what do you want? What do you want? Just tell me. I'm in. I'll do it.

If you do what I do, I'll do what you do. It's like literally like that. And I feel like that's why going back to Slash and Danielle episode, if you don't know what you want, it's actually get on that path figuring out. And then you know, you know, I'm always here to help you communicate it. You're gonna just plant the seed of what you would like.

And then it's gonna grow, that plan's gonna grow. I mean, you gotta know what they want. And then it's fun too. You can build on top of that, you can start with their idea, you can expand on top of that. Exactly. Well, that was hot. I don't think I want to spank you, but what if I pulled your hair? I don't think that I want to be dominated, but would you dominate me? I mean, these are the kind of exchanges you have and believe me, it is hot.

It is not like going through an Excel spreadsheet of tasks. That is not hot. That was top-dropping cuckold. Okay, here's our top blogs, you guys. The blog, you guys have spoken on our website. This does not surprise me. The Kiven method has been, well, this is the oral sex method that almost broke our internet.

Basically, everybody, I've never, I don't think I've ever had this much feedback from listeners who are like, oh my God, I use the Kiven method on my partner and she has never had an orgasm this way or really turned her on. And this is a great one. So it's called the Kiven method.

I'm not even gonna get into it here. Just Google it. KID, I am. Everybody asks you to always draw it. You have to do diagrams. You have to perform it. I've been performing it. I've been doing, go to our Instagram.

It says oral sex method. it's sex with Emily. But we got other things. I wanted to get to your emails on the show. Okay, interesting. Enthusiastic blowjob tips for better head. That was another popular blog this year. You guys love oral sex tips. So everyone's been trying to get their head game up.

Don't blame you. Five problematic sex positions. We all want to make every position more pleasurable and comfortable, not surprising, because there's some sex positions that just aren't comfortable, but I've got some workarounds for you. Yes, no, maybe less. This has been something that we've really incorporated this year.

It's a great way to get you on the same page sexually with your partner. It gives you some talking points, how to start it. Essentially, it's, yeah, the guest, no, maybe let's go to our website, you and your partner can kind of, you guys look at it for yourself too. You can be like, what am I into?

What am I not into? What might I be into? And then you exchange it with your partner and you see where you guys line up and it gives you a lot of options. Yeah, I did it a few dates in with a guy and I was like, oh, this is not my guy because we just aren't going to align sexually.

He wasn't willing to try anything. Really? Almost some of your guesses. My guess was I'll try everything once, and if I don't like it, then I'll let you know. I don't love being choked, but there's ways to do it. Where it's not painful, and then I've never been in the dumb situation, but I'd be willing to.

Okay. And his just were all vanilla. I don't really want to try anything. And his jaws were like all vanilla, like I don't really want to try anything, I just want to do missionary for the rest of my life. And I'm just like, I can't work with that. Exactly, you're like, where'd I go from here? There was all those nose, nose, nose. That's a great example, you guys.

So check out the S-No Maybe List. How to enjoy different types of sex? So this is, as we know, you guys sex is not just about penetration. It's not at all. In fact, that, if you talk about the untrue, going back to Wednesday Martin, we are told that in movies and porn,

it's all about penis going in vagina. There are so many other ways to get pleasure, to receive pleasure. And I feel like you guys wanting a lot of ideas. And this is, we offer out some great variety. And it was super popular. And then of course, our final popular blog blog don't give up on your butt. Six tips for backdoor beginners.

Still always one of the most popular topics for sax for podcasts. It's about getting prep for anal play. It doesn't have to be anal sax but like using a butt plug, using a finger, how to get comfortable with it and get started. Yeah and like starting with a massage, that's how I got into it. Yeah. The guy was just giving me a massage, and he was like, can I just touch it a little bit?

And I'm like, oh, okay. And because I never thought I would be into it. Wow. And then like the massage was just so good. Like, to open you up and relax, you see that? Yeah. That's what it is you guys, about massage. If you give me a massage, I'm pretty much open for.

I'm more open than I was like 10 minutes ago. I'll tell you that. Yeah, because he was massaging you and opening up and you were like releasing tension and stress. And the thing is the reason why also people don't love anal plates because we clench our butt. She were like, oh, that's gonna be painful. So if you feel relaxed and comfortable with a partner,

go slow. I love it now. Those tips were great. Awesome. Okay, so the biggest topics of the year, cuckolding, porn, cheating, oral, and anal. There were some top innovations this year in toys, the Lioness. Now this is a really cool toy. It's an amazing way to just get data on your orgasms.

It is a toy that is a dual stimulation toy, internal and external vibrator, so you can really amp up your blended orgasms, but it has an internal, internal, external vibrator, but what it does, it has sensors on the side, so it connects to an app. And when you orgasm, it allows you to identify the patterns of your orgasm, and then they break it down into four different types of patterns. And you might think like, why does this matter? And why do I care for orgasm? Well, first off, it's just really cool to see that there's different peaks and valleys.

Like some people are waves, like some people are oceans, some people are volcanoes, you know. And so then you could also help you to use this data when you are going into a new, not even to new relationship. If you want to have more orgasms with a partner, you'll start to recognize the way your body responds to certain stimuli and you'll be able to help yourself have more pleasure. And that is called the Lioness. And you can check more out at sexwithamway.com slash L-I-O-N-E-S-S s the more toys we have to help us understand our body, especially in a sexual way, the better. Yeah, I would say that's such a good point because I would say that the lioness is up

there with like this other like with them, the beyond the pill and like Wednesday, Martin stuff like like there's we're finally seeing more people more research dollars, more interest in women sexual health overall. So now we're seeing products that reflect that and give us just more information. In clothes, do you guys, I just love the enclosed, because I think it's so freaking smart. We have subscription services for everything,

but I never thought of for lingerie. And I just think their box was just so, we get a lot of stuff here, right? So, but this box was so beautiful as rose petals on the inside. And like, it's just like this lovely gift that if you've been wanting to gift your partner something, they can get every month. And it's super easy. Like, you can't really mess up the sizes on their site. So you can just kind of pick out the styles, whether it's like naughty or nice, you can get a holiday themed. They're like playful, flirty, hot, sexy, like whatever you

think your partner want or get it for yourself. I'd love to get sexy under wherever You can get holiday themed. They're like playful, flirty, hot, sexy, like whatever you think you're part of want or get it for yourself. I'd love to get sexy underwear every month. Lastly, when I'm wearing- I'm gonna wear it last that long. It doesn't, but when you're wearing like that sexy pair, like I feel like it completely changes my mood. Yes, same.

We're wearing it for us too, if you think about it. I took my years to figure that out. I was like, oh, it's what, I don't, that's not comfortable for me. This is because when you're wearing the thing that makes you feel the most sexy or the most you, that's when you're the sexiest rather than trying to be something you're not. So wear it for yourself. Get $35 off. How cool is that at giveinclose.com. Okay, here's another thing for women, the YAR lap, another new invention. This is a keggle trainer,

and it has six programs, 20 minute workouts, three to five times a week. So it's a little small, it's small and white, has a little remote, that adjusts the workouts at level. So essentially it does your keggles for you. You put it inside of you, you can't even really tell what it is. You just leave it in your bedside table,

you use it for bed before bed for 15 minutes or in the morning. And this thing will get your pelvic floor into shape. If you're having urinary continents, sneezing and peeing, you just had a baby. You're feeling that pain, it could help with some pain, but if you're having a lot of pain, I would go to a pelvic floor at physical therapist.

So it just is a way of like up in your cagulgame. I'm telling you, when I am on top of it and doing would go to a public floor, a physical therapist. So it just is a way of like, up in your cagol game. I'm telling you, when I am on top of it and doing them five times a week, I am having stronger orgasms, and I'm just feeling like sex. I don't know, it's just easier to have orgasms. It makes sense. I mean, even I'm just doing a couple of my chair right now without the yarlat, but I just feel like it kind of begins to turn you on a little bit, like getting you in the mood. Well, those, yes.

So squeezing those muscles, and if you don't know what they are, it's your pee-stopping muscles where you stop and start the flow of urine. So, those muscles and men can do them as well, but you can't use a yarlip, a yarlip. But you just tense it, and that's actually the muscles that are responsible for orgasm. So, it would make sense that the stronger the muscles are, the more easy it would be to orgasm and the more sex will be top of mind. Like even, yeah, I get, and I do it during, like, sex or foreplay, like, I'm always pumping my pelvic floor. And then when they're stronger, it's just, ah, fire.

It makes sense it'd be easier to have orgasms when you're doing that. Yeah. Regularly, too. Exactly. Because your body's like, oh, yeah, these muscles, hello. I'm here. really too. Exactly. Because your body is like, oh yeah, these muscles. Hello. I'm here. Section of the dot com session, YARLAP, if you want to read more about it, YARLAP. Okay, the melt. The melt made us all melt. We all had the most incredible orgasms with the melt. Clearly my favorite toy. It's Vibes. Like Vibes version of the womanizer. They merged this year and started a company, it started a baby, had a baby, and the baby is the melt. It's your favorite one? Favorite one, like hands down. Yeah.

It just gets me. It just touches me in the right way. And it does suck. I know you talked about that on another show. How like it just seemed to suck your orgasm out of you. And like, oh yeah, it sucks the orgasm out of you. It sucks the orgasm out of you. Like that's exactly how I feel.

Yeah. It's pretty, it's like I, because like exploring your body and knowing it feels good, that's why I also like, well, get the Zimio in a minute, but I feel like just know this about it, that how you orgasm now is just one way. And I'm telling you, for most women who put in the time the work to kind of vulva owners to explore their body,

you're gonna be amazed at what you can find. And I feel like the way this melt is shaped and how it fits so ergonomically in your hand. And I don't know, it was killer orgasm, the melt from Levi. But then also I'm gonna throw in the Zoomio here too, because I think the Zoomio is something that like in my brain, it kind of reminds you of the electric toothbrush that everyone loved.

Everyone's like their first toys was like, I'm going to use the electric toothbrush. Don't do that. The Xiumio is just has this little pinpoint edge that allows you to do to find new nerve endings, new paths to pleasure. If you've had some pain, it actually has helped women with pain and kind of because a lot of times you get pain because there's not a lot of circulation in our vulva. We're not exercising those muscles. And you can kind of, it's sort of like creating

new neuropath ways in your vulva. If you want to think about it that way and gets blood flowing again, if you've been kind of, you know, as we get older too, like things are just sort of slowed down. So I think it helps wake up a lot of different nerve endings. It's a good time. The vector, these are what we've had to, that's the newest prostate stimulator.

They're first prostate stimulator. It also stimulates the perineum and it anatomically hits the prostate. So you just use general pressure. It's got these deep, rumbly sensations that feel really great. I don't have a prostate, but people have been loving it. You can use it with the We Connect app. The Moxie, that was also cool again by WeVibed, the vibrating pantyvib. It is probably one of the coolest toys I got. Like I'd say, it was one of my favorite inventions of this year because

pantyvibes, something that they just, they have not been able to master it in years. There was always like, they were just weird plastic or they didn't really fit or they were clunky. You're like, yeah, I got a vibrant on a pants, but I'm not having a good time. Well this is like a little tiny, like it's powerful. It fits in your underwear and I think it's the technology, it has the cool little magnet that allows you to stick to your underwear so it's not going to fall out of the bar. And you can use the WICONECT app.

So your partner can be controlling it across the country, across the table from you, you're at a party, it's just really playful. You can't even tell it's there. Right. Exactly. You know one can tell it's there. It kind of fits in like a pad wood, but it goes into your natural curves. But it's also a great, a little vibe.

And just so you know, you guys, a lot of these toys, like they might have one purpose, but they can be used to vibe any part of your body. Pretty much. That's sex, all these are sexelmy.com slash we vibe. Okay, be vibe. This is just fun company. They, what I love about VVive is Alicia Sinclair

started this company a few years ago. It's great for any but, any but. They're super fun looking. They actually comes with a guide. They've a beginner guide to anal that it's like, now we will call up. I'm like into the show or email, just go get this beginner. anal kit because it comes with the enema. It comes with a loop shooter and it comes with different levels.

So you can graduate in size to different levels of butt plugs. But I love that she just says, I'm just going to focus on butt plugs and do them well. So they've got a ton of them. That's the anal training kit I was talking about. So, and she was also on the podcast, Lisa Sinclair, if you want to learn more about that. And, and, and was one of our most popular topics this year. They do. So it's like people are exploring. They want to try something new, but they don't know how to do it.

This is exactly great way to expand. B-5. And then I just kind of give a shout out to Muse because they're flavored lube. We love. It's like, it's just so delicious. Mint chocolate and creme brulee and solid caramel. And they actually taste delicious. And we've had a lot of success stories.

Like people are like, I didn't love oral before, but now it tastes like mint chocolate. And it's a good lube that tastes really good. So. And it masks any kind of weird smells or taste that you'd be worried about. And you can just enjoy it, focus on the pleasure. Exactly.

Focus on the pleasure and crème brulee. There was a lot of advances, just some other things to share. There was a lot of great advances with CBD insects. There was like for ya, which we love, a pre-loop. There's like suppositories. There was in the moment spray by Kareza. I just think that if you, that CBD is not all created equal, but I do think, and I do know from experience,

some of these products that but I do think, and I do know from experience some of these products that they really do help with, like it can help someone with pain, it can help have more orgasms. I just think it's a really interesting place that we're going right now with sex and cannabis. And so look for more of that in the new year. Okay, so it was the biggest topics for the year

that we found with the sex and family, you know, talking about whether it was podcasts or on our blogs or on social media. We've got cuckolding, porn, cheating, oral, and anal. Now, cuckolding and is interesting because I feel like there's more of an acceptance around it and I think that men are essentially that is the fantasy of like watching your partner have sex with another man. I often hear this from men who are with women that they have a fantasy over it. But what does it say about our culture? I mean, I feel like oral and anal are always really popular topics because people just want to know more information about it. But cheating is interesting and cuckolding and porn. I think that I think that porn is popular because people are actually seeing that porn isn't really serving them in ways that it used to. I think that we're having more problems

with porn and confusion around porn. And I do think that if you are someone who grew up in porn was the first sex you saw, maybe you saw it 12 or 9. You know, maybe there's you're having a harder time sexually with a partner because of watching so much porn. And then cheating. I don't know. Maybe one partner's like refusing to mix it up. Well, I think that cheating happens

for so many different reasons. So I don't listen. I mean, they say 50% of, you know, 50% of men cheat, 50% of women, they never know the exact stats because either people lie, or people who take studies on never know the exact stats, because if the people lie, people will take studies on it, are the cheaters or are not the cheaters. But I do think that we are in a time right now

where people are exploring things more alternatively, relationships that are nominogamous, but that look like the way they want to. So I think rather than being, if you find yourself that you just can't be monogamous or you keep cheating on your partner, I think it's a good time to say, you know what, I don't wanna be a cheater.

I actually would like to not commit and be honest to people that I'm dating that I'm actually not looking for commitment right now, but I'm actually looking for more experiences or I'm looking to figure out what I actually like in a partner. I mean, part of it, before you get to the one that I think you want to commit to,

it's really great to test it all out. You want to try all the flavors. You want to date a lot of people. So you can be like, this is my type. This isn't my type. This is a requirement relationship. This isn't a requirement. I mean, I know you've been working on that a lot this year.

Chris, so much. And to the point where I'm questioning, if monogamy is the... Everything is the... Everything, but also monogamy is right for me. And with people cheating, maybe open relationships might be something they wanna sit or. Yeah, exactly open relationships are not monogamy.

I feel like that's been a big one this year too. I feel like when it was asked 10 years ago, people were like, oh, that's just crazy. No one's really open relationships. They're all sex addicts. And I'm here to say that it's not just the listeners I'm hearing from, but I have dear friends and people I've known for years who are in 10 year relationships, 15're all sex addicts. And I'm here to say that it's not just the listeners I'm hearing from, but I have dear friends and people I've known for years,

who are in 10-year relationships, 15, 20 years, and they've been open or they've been swinging or they've created their own rules. And so, and I think that people are seeing that now more and more so, like, in media and television. And maybe people have, I mean, where I know we're in California, so it's a little bit more open in certain ways.

You know, I don't know how people in Michigan where I grew up are open or at least talking about it. But what I'm telling you is that it's not just so fringe now, and that I think that we're going to see in the next five to 10 years, it's going to be more normalized. Like you're going to know that someone's in a thrupple or they're open. And we won't be as shameful around sex. And I think the more healthy examples we see of like non-traditional relationships or arrangements working,

I think it'll be inspiring for others to be like, oh, I don't have to just sign up blindly for monogamy without actually, you know, seeing if it works for me. So I think that happens to a lot of people that happen to me. I used to like, I was a cheater. I think people are coming around to realize that not everything is black and white and monogamy is very a black and white situation. It's like, here's your life of all these fun things and sex.

Boop, we're going to take it away. And then you're like, black and white. You can't have sex with the only one person. Again, I know it works for many people. I am not even advocating this for all of you. I'm just saying it's just an option. Yeah, because I feel like when people call in the show, they're getting a divorce sometimes

or losing a partner over them cheating one time and not being able to gain that trust back. So it's like situations like this might allow more empathy for the partner for you to be more understanding and be the primary partner, but also be able to let them be fulfilled in other ways.

Right. Maybe a lot of them in your life. Right. Exactly. I mean, you want to be fulfilled in other ways too. Yeah. So it's definitely changed the dialogue around it. I understand like if a partner cheats, it's the mode.

It is. It takes so many years to rebuild trust if at all, but it's not just a matter of saying like I forgive you and let's move on. You really have to do the work like, why do the cheating happen and then get into the root of it? You know, usually it's there's other dissatisfaction in the relationship. Maybe the person who knows? For that meant it could have been a temporary lapse of, I don't know what. We're just not communicating what they really need. Well, truly, it's, yeah, we keep the things in

that we really want. And so I think if anything, Esther Perrell's book, State of Affairs is a great book about this fact that like, that yeah, a lot of marriages and relationships do end with cheating, but it can also be a great place to start a conversation and say, okay, well, this wasn't great, but I actually want to make this work.

And couples can actually strengthen their bond if they do the work ground cheating. It can actually help. All of that going into the new year with some different perspectives of how to do things and not just throwing away relationships. Right, exactly, because it's also like, I don't know, you know, people come into our lives

and you've intimacy with them and you build friendship with them and it's like just to throw it all away, beacuse also like, I don't know. You know, people come into our lives, and you've intimacy with them, and you build friendship with them. And it's like just to throw it all away, big for sex. You know, I get that that is a huge, huge violation. And it's the worst thing in the world actually. I mean, it feels like it is, like you're going to die. And not, you just know that it's sometimes it's a sign in the, maybe you got to move on or you got to do some more work together.

But that's what life is about you guys. So we do our best work in relationships, I think. Some of our best deepest work, work that we can't do on our own. So that's what I think about that. Okay, we've got an email here to read. Thanks you guys for emailing me. I love when you email me feedback at sexwithamlee.com.

You can also go to the Ask Emily tab, fill out the short form if you'd like to be called. Please include your name, your age, and how you listen to this show and where you live. Emical for Change Your Name. All right, this is from Jessica 33 in DC. Hi, Dr. Emily, I love getting spit on, but when my 34-year-old friends with benefits spits on my vagina, I dry out very quickly. I know he enjoys it and frankly I do too. But getting dry so quickly really ruins the main act for me.

Any suggestions how we can keep the hotens of spitting without leaving me dry? Thanks for any of your help. Oh yes, Jessica, I have a solution for you. First off, I feel like this has been a not popular thing to say lately, but spitting can spread bacteria into your partner. It's not great to spit. And again, that comes from porn. I believe that we're all seeing that in porn.

Everyone's spitting it. It looks really sexy. Well, not only is it not great for, you could spreading bacteria, potentially at STD, it doesn't leave you wet enough. The only thing that's gonna keep you wet enough consistently is using a lubricant. You gotta use lube during sex. If I can get people on board with it and not feel like it's so shameful, you know, a lot of people feel like, well, I didn't turn

her on enough. So that's why she needs lube. Lube is not a crutch. Lube is not a negative thing. It doesn't mean anyone's failed. It just means that you're being smart because when we get dry and we don't have enough lubrication, we can tear and then that can also ups your risk of infection. So I recommend, you know, I love water-based lube, I love cotton so many pure PJUR is great, they have a great water-based and silicone, invest in a good bottle of lube this year. You deserve it, put it in the stocking, stocking stuffer, whatever, stuff yourself, stuff your own stocking. Lube is awesome Jessica and we didn't talk about Loub on the show yet, so I feel like that was, oh my, we did talk about me, you's Loub. Yeah, I know when I went to my OBGYN about being dry, she just put me on a medication which actually made me really sore.

Oh my god, I only learned about Loub through you. Wow. Yeah, and she made me feel like there was something wrong with me when really I just needed a good lubricant Wow, wow, well birth control pill can can dry you out Medications can dry you out smoking a lot of weed can dry you out. Okay guys that is a deal. You's lot to leave You can have a hair spit and use the look he could spit and use a loop if you don't want to give up the spit Have a pump loop next to your bed These put a few drops in your hand because especially for women you guys the clitoris is not gonna lubricate itself

And then they're sticking it inside of what if you're not warmed up enough? It's just a safety net. I will not even masturbate without it I won't give a hand job without it. I won't do anything sexual without loop by my bed And yes, I think it still spit and add some loop use some flavored loop Yeah, you want to have fun with it. Have fun with loop. Thank you so much for joining me for another incredible year. I am nothing without you guys listening to the show, supporting the show, emailing with your questions and your thoughts and so I think it was another really interesting year in sex. And I feel like I do feel like after having now

going into the 15th year that there have been, there's more to open is, there's more acceptance. I feel like there's some really great products out there having a lot of great advancements for men, women, couples for everybody. I just love you all. So happy holidays. Thank you for supporting and listening to the show.

Thank you everyone for listening to the show. Thank you, Kristen, for filling in here. Thanks for your awesome team. Ken Kristen, Alisa, producer, Jamie, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. you