Sex With Emily - A Very Sex with Emily V-Day Mash-Up

Episode Date: February 14, 2020

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is giving you a mash-up of all things V-Day!She goes over the origin story of Valentine’s Day, along with some stats and facts on the day, reads letters of lovers’ past, gives some examples on how to make the day special, and so much more! From gifts to why hotel sex is the best –– enjoy this mash-up and have a pleasure-filled day – and year – of love!Follow Emily on all social @sexwithemilyFor even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily. On today's show, I'm giving you a mashup of all things Valentine's Day, from letters of lovers past, to how to make the day special, and so much more. So enjoy this mashup, have a pleasure, full day, and year of love. Happy Valentine's Day, all this and more. Thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand.

Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Emily? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here so I'm gone. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. If you're listening to Sex with Emily, we're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information, check out sexathelemy.com and all social media. It is Sex with Emily and you're going to love our website. My intention for the show, as we do intentions, is for you to have a happy Valentine's day, whether it's self-loving yourself, self-loving all over yourself, or with a partner, enjoy it, I love you all. Happy Valentine's Day. So we've got some Valentine's Day stats

for you to get you in the mood. Very interesting study that we found. I've never seen this before, and I've seen it all when it comes to Valentine's Day. I talk about this every year. Satellite internet says, what your state is googling on Valentine's Day. On Valentine's Day, this is what they found.

The top search term in half the states in America break up. So then I think, if you're all searching break up, do we need to talk? Now, are you doing break up because you're like, it's really making you realize, like, I don't want to go out to dinner and spend all this money and pretend I love him Well, kids you know, no, I hate this person. In fact, I don't feel love I feel anti love for them and I want to break up. What's going on there? That's the most common It literally has a map. Can we put this in like the show notes? Yes. Has a map of the United States and it's like break up Break up and then there's like

Okay, there's a break up and then there's poetry in other state, free dating apps, date ideas, then then break up again, break up the bachelor. Interesting. So some people are getting it on romantically. And they're like, I wanna be in good, amazing Valentine. I'm gonna do something really romantic. And everyone does like, I wanna dump this relationship.

So this is what I think is amazing on Valentine's Day. So expected total spending as a whole is 27.4 billion dollars. That's a lot of fucking money. Average total spending individually $196. Individually, that's what you're gonna spend. So now everyone's gonna be like, how much should you spend on me to this Valentine's Day? And if it's anything less?

Yeah, I do. I don't think you have to spend money to make it great. I don't either Mm-hmm only 20% of singles are excited for Valentine's Day. It's okay 43% of singles singles consider Valentine's Day to be the most pressure-filled holiday One in five wishing the holiday was canceled all together. Oh, this is my favorite part sexy gifts This is true. I couldn't believe this. I thought Jamie when, when you gave this to me, I thought, this can't. You made this up. These are the sexy gifts. People are wanting this year. This is according to adult front finder. They would know, I feel they have the pulse on what sexy things people want. The number one thing is bondage toys. Yes.

Which is fun. You can get like a beginner bondage kit. If you don't know where to start, those are awesome. Get them in any sex toy store. They want a remote control vibrator. Now this is something that we've been talking about for years. But the fact that people see it now, probably because they're watching porn, they see it that, you know, you're probably can't or something. We love the Moxie. That's one of our favorite, our favorite favorite favorite toys. Do you think it's because people are like, it's like one step below,

like actually having sex in public. It's so like, it's a more, like there's less likelihood that you're gonna get caught, but it's still a sexy secret. Because it's a sexy, exactly. It's the exact kind of thing that I believe that people are craving on Valentine's Day, or really every other day of the year. You're looking for something different, spontaneous, and you haven't done it before. That's when you get the adrenaline going. and the more we do kind of daring things with our partner or twice the thing different, the more connected we feel. So what better way to do it than to aware of vibrator?

Out for dinner, Valentine's Day, or at home, or to work that day, depending on where you work. I always thought because of this job, I could give the remote to my to my different. But like, I don't know, I just feel like how distracted am I gonna be? I feel like I could put on a really, I wouldn, I don't know. I just feel like how distracted am I gonna be? I feel like I could put on a real, like I wouldn't tell you guys and I would just try

to put on a really brave face. I think I could do it. Guess what, I'm late all day today. I was wearing the Moxie in my pants. Poker face. Poker face. Poker orgasm. But you could do that.

I wonder if he would really get you to orgasm. No, I don't want that. You have my permission to do that one day. Okay, people want a couple's massage. You're like, I'm like, I'm gonna save it for her. It's not as fun now. It's like cheating. You could give it to a fair. No. I just said yes. So you're like, that's fun anymore. You got to tell me no. Because there's something. Okay, no, don't ever wear a vibrator to work. All right, now I'm gonna do. The other things you want are couples massage. You do the sexy gifts. I think that's one you could one you could do that at home.

You could just do that without it, but never leave your house. You could hire someone to come to your house and do it as well. Water-based lube. I'm such a fan of all of what everybody wants. Five massage oil candles. They are amazing. We love massage oil candle. It's really beautiful.

You light the candle, then you blow it out. You can't do this to every candle. It has to be a massage oil candle. You blow it out and you poured it on your part and it's like this warm, like, jerryous massage oil. He won gold handcuffs number six. Not to be confused with the golden shower.

Yes, don't. My gold handcuffs. Uh, cause, like the nice ones, like the, like they want it to be a sad assembly. I think you should get Velcro ones cause they're easier to use if you want it to actually be practical.

Because you actually want to use them. Because people don't know these things. They know they don't. They don't know that these Velcro things exist and they're like gold is pretty and silver is too much. Like I'm actually a real swan. Yeah, you'll never use the gold ones. What if they have a key?

Or is yet you lose the key. It's a whole thing. Velcro, think about it. Velcro or bonded tape. Oh my God, imagine on Valentine's Day, how memorable would that be? My partner, Elosaki's the handcuffs, and you had to go to like,

what do you go to, a blacksmith? Those silks just. Yeah, so they're called blacksmiths that come over and unlock your door. I don't know, like, oh no. That's a call. I'm picking you up. Like a locksmith.

Blacksmith, I'm like a facetist from ancient Greece. It's figging of ancient Greece. I'm glad you brought that up. It's actually the Romans. Do you want any other history of Valentine's? Oh, I do. But of course I want to hear. Okay, the name Valentine's Day came from Emperor Claudius, which I thought it was Emperor, I was trying to remember. Emperor Claudius was Emperor Coro virus, but it's coronavirus, but it's actually the Emperor Claudius. So he decided that he thought all young men should be all the soldiers should go to war and he didn't want them

getting married. So he tried to put a ban on marriage and he said, you know, there's going to be no marriage allowed. I need men to fight for our country. But then there was a priest and his name was Valentine. And priest Valentine said, nah, I'm going to do some underground marriages. This is, I believe in love. I believe in romance. I believe in commitment. And so he started authorizing, he started performing wedding ceremonies.

Well, he found out an Emperor Clitoris got very, very upset. And he was like, Valentine, you're an asshole. I'm putting you in the dungeon, in the K in jail. So Valentine's in jail, and what happens? Emperor Clitoris's daughter came to visit and he fell in love with her.

Princess Lebia. Princess Lebia. Yes. Princess Lebia came and and and and and surveillance time, not the calm surveillance time. He was like, I love her. I love this woman. I love her labia I love her labia and I love everything about her. So however the night before he died

They found a letter that he'd written to Princess labia and he signed it a love Your Valentine and that was the first Valentine ever in oh I love that story and I love the That's one of the that's one of the One of the interpretations there were there's like other origins that there's like two valentines and there was two years in a row of things were happening But I like this one. There's also a very dark. There's a very dark one version. Yeah, no, no So I like this one right love letters this year. I like that too That's so good. It's so funny that it was a his name was clear Clitoris is this the craziest part in ancient Rome. I know, see?

They're using sexy people. They use these to be names and now we can't say it. I know, I think it was Claudius, but you have to change it. It's definitely not Clitoris. It's Claudius II, it's Emperor Claudius II. Can we can, you know, what? His name was Valentine, though. For the show, we're gonna rewrite history a little bit.

Look at that. Don't fact check us on that. But you get it, there's two things down. Alright, guys. Hilarious. What's fun about this is, first off, we don't write letters anymore, so I hope this is gonna encourage you to write something to a friend, to a lover, let him know how you feel about them.

But it's also allowing me to learn things from my past that I had forgotten that I can teach you all here in the moment. Some reminiscing. I'm reminiscing. Some nostalgia. Exactly. I'm like, oh my God, I remember this guy.

I thought that he was so great, and I fell for him very quickly, and we had an affair for about a year. Maybe last, maybe it was like nine months. And I just loved that he was so into me and attentive and all my friends till this day even, but even though they're like, no, no, Emily, no, no, no. And I maybe think like, what are those green flags when you're dating someone that turn into a red flag?

You were like, I love all these things about them. And then it was like, red flag, red flag. And then you learn because I learned from this one. Here's what he wrote. Now, it's clever. I saved it. Well, I saved all of them. He wrote it on a barf bag from an airplane. He was on Virgin Atlantic flying. And I saved it as I saved it. This one was stuck out because we're like, Oh, clever. He wrote, Emily, How presumptuous of you to assume that I'm mimicking your opus barf bag by writing a note via air sickness repository. I have no idea what that means.

And I'm calling myths, and I don't remember why my nickname was Mitz. Did you like Mittens? I don't know, no. I was in San Francisco, we didn't wear Mittens. I think he thought I was like he like myths like a is he Kitten, oh, he's like okay, I don't remember like I'm like a minks, but a mits So he writes a bunch of things here that don't really make sense, but then at the bottom Delivery mechanism aside this note exists to convey one in capable truth

I love you with the gravity that not even the moon exert exerts and beckoning the evening tide I shine knowing you might bask beneath my light and reflect it back, infused with your beauty. Love, J, we're not going to say his name. And they says, PS look inside and he puts up something inside of it and take another note. So he's super clever. Anyway, true innovation.

That was the love part, which I liked getting the words and I'm reading the words that are going, oh, but this relationship. So it reminded me of a few things. This guy was just getting out of a relationship And when I met him, he was into me and it felt so good. He was very attentive. He was often writing me notes and He was showing up and helping me with things. I think I was making my film at the time. He was more like tech savvy, was helping me edit stuff and do things and he was very available. And he was very into touch and he was very loving in that way.

But then the Elvis sun he became too available. So this one time I was in Chicago for my friends birthday. We were all there for my 30th, five of us meet every year. And all of a sudden, Jay happened to we were in Chicago, happened to be flying over Chicago. Like he was in San Francisco and he's like, oh, I just happened to be in an airplane that's gonna land and has a layover in Chicago because he wanted to come see me. And I was like, you guys, maybe it's true.

They're like, why the hell is he in Chicago? And I was like, well, you can't come see me because I'm with my best girlfriends. That is a sign, very available. And the other thing that reminded me of that he had no friends. Oh. He really didn't have friends. He didn't have friends in San Francisco. He'd been there for a few years.

He was going through a breakup. But it just really realized that people who don't have friends great if they're long term friends, but any friends, even from work, from life, I think that's a sign that they're that their emotional skills the way they connect with people Isn't up to par and they haven't really excelled in that area yet And that means if they're too available they're too there for you and they don't have a life outside of you It's not gonna go well

But I wasn't able to see those things the time because I was just into his some Availability and touch and interest in me. So have you ever been with someone and there was a green flag that actually turned out to be a red flag? So when you said that he was like happened to be flying over Chicago, I was like, what do you mean? What did he do?

Just like parachute out right over the top. I think he was like going back to home in New York and then he was like, oh, but now we have to be in Chicago. And I was like, do you not understand me that I have these precious girlfriends I've had at the time for 10 years and we meet once a year. And there are no men. Like we do not, we now there's men involved sometimes.

And mostly we never meet up with the girls. And it was like this just isn't, you can't just, I don't miss you, you can't just show up. I'm gone for a weekend. But he missed me, couldn't handle the time without me granted. At that time we'd probably been together for what, six months or something at the time.

That's he followed you across the country, across the country. And then my friends were like, how about that guy you dated? So they never forgot that he was probably a guy that I dated that was the most bizarre. I, a green flag that I thought that turned out to be a huge red flag was in one of my first relationships. I had noticed I was like, you know, I'm always hitting him up.

He's never hitting, he's never initiating the conversation. And so I had, I had asked him, I was like, you know, I feel like I'm always hitting you up. And like, I would really like it if you texted me. Made a plan. Yeah. He's like, oh, no, but I just like, I always light up when I see you text me. I love when you text me first. So I was like, oh, that's actually really sweet. It makes him feel good, that's great.

What it was is that he just wanted to make me look like a crazy, clingy person. Because that's what he used on you at the end? Well, no, because then there would be times where like, I knew we had a mutual friend who would be like, yeah, like sometimes he'll text him and I'll like, throw his phone across the room like, oh, he's texting me again.

So I'm like, wow, what a dick. What a dick. What a fucking dick. I have one too. Okay, Kristen. There was a guy that came over and it was like one of the first times that I laid next to a guy in bed, watched a movie and he didn't like try to kiss me

or do anything or make a move. And I thought, wow, that's really respectable and nice. But then he never, I've ever tried to make a move. And I thought, wow, that's really respectable and nice. But then he never ever tried to make a move against me. And I think he was into women, but I just feel like we weren't into each other. Like there wasn't chemistry there. And I took that as, oh, wow, he's being nice and respectful. But really, I think it was like we just, you weren't attracted to each other. Yeah, that's a good. Well, because we, what we do at the beginning, that's a great example, because we, we want to see green. We, that's a good one. Because we do it to be getting that's a great example. Because we want to see green. We want to see all the good things.

We're like, well, this just means you're intime, you're very available, or you're being respectful. And those are tough to see. You kind of need more evidence, you know, after a few dates. I'm trying to think about us. People who are, well, I also think people who show you, people show you who they are, believe them,

and the issues you have on the first date you have forever. And so pretty much if someone's like late, or they let you, yeah, they, they, they, yeah. But that wouldn't be, I'm trying to think of like the other green flags I've had are like, really fun life with a party. Always a good time, always for going out. Alcoholic.

I'm so glad to have you. I'm so glad to have you. I'm so glad to have you. I'm so glad to have you. I'm so glad to have you. I'm so glad to have you. I'm so glad to have you. I'm so glad to have you. I'm so glad to have you. I'm so glad to have you. I'm so glad to have you. Oh, that's a good one. Great stories about them stuff was like really interesting. All these great stories and narcissists.

What would you, yeah, what do you do? Like as first just self-care or whatever you're doing because I feel like I am going to obviously see my book. I don't know what we're doing like I am going to obviously see my boyfriend. I don't know what we're doing. Probably not going to make it super special, but just we're going to hang out. But I also like every year to do something for myself on Valentine's Day. Should do something, the office. I don't know, like a-

Like last year I got a massage. Yeah, last year I was going to say, last year I got myself a massage and it was wonderful. I think it's like those things that you think you're only saving for good for special occasions or things that really, for me it is massage. That's a great one, manicure pedicure, going, you know, getting a facial, buying yourself something that you've had your eye on. Oh yeah, like a nice, like a nice, like a nice purse

or like a nice pair of shoes. Yeah, like a commit, like something that you're like, I've been looking at these, I want them, I deserve it, we all deserve it. Like treat yourself. I think I got myself, have you ever had nothing bunch cakes? Yes, didn't we? Yes, in the office, like years ago. I think I got that for myself last year too, because they're like delicious. Oh, that's something chocolatey. Yes. Get your favorite chocolate. Get your favorite dessert. Start planning this now because listen, we also talk about this a lot

and we've got some great podcasts, sexathomely.com. You can check out all of our podcasts wherever you listen to podcasts, but we talk about like, this is a day that, you know, it's gonna be here. We all didn't have to experience it, whether you love it or hate it, if you're in a relationship or not,

buy yourself something, do something, you know, we have a Galantine's A party, like have a singles potluck with all of your friends or just do something that you're like, okay, you know what, I don't have a partner, but know, we have a Galantine's A party, like, like, have a singles potluck with all of your friends, or just do something that you're like, okay, you know what, I don't have a partner, but I'm gonna take a bath, I'm gonna buy myself a toy, I'm gonna masturbate, I'm gonna eat chocolate, I'm gonna pamper myself, I'm gonna self-love

the fuck out of myself all day. Oh, we get along, it's out of Friday. We're gonna take a quick break and we come back even more Valentine's Day. I'm glad Steve is here because listen, whether you love or hate it, it's on our mind. In a relationship or not, especially if you're in one or like, what do I do? Either I care about it, I don't care about it. How do I know the right gift to get?

So all we're giving you, we're giving you tips. And then tonight I want to know since Steve's here as well, like what do you think? Do you care if you get a gift for Valentine's Day? Like what are you doing for Valentine's Day? Because I think, I think that matters. I mean, for me, I mean, my wife and I were like, we're more into like an experience than like an actual like firm gift. Just speaking from her standpoint, before I talk to mine, so we got a hotel suite and we'll go out to like a really nice dinner and we'll spend the night in the city that night just

her and I. And like we thought like, oh, we would focus all this money, but I can't help myself but got her a present even though we agreed no presents. That's amazing. That's really sweet. Well, but that's the thing is that- But she expects that for you now, from you probably. I think she secretly does.

I think she does expect that I'm gonna give her a gift. But like, we were- I was talking about in the office at someone and by the way, guys, like girls should not have to give guys presents on Valentine's Day. I've never expected one ever in my life. I think some guys think it'd probably be nice to be thought of some guys like romance. Well, but romance is like lingerie and some heels. I think a guy, you know, and I'm maybe you're doing that on a Tuesday, you know, far be it for me to know what your sex life is. Actually, I do know what your sex life is. I mean, do you know what your sex life is?

I do know what your sex life is. I like, Jean, listen to this show. Yeah, I'm not sure. I know what your sex life is. No, I do know what your sex life is. I like the idea of an experience. So I have this thing that I was this Valentine's Day. I have these letters, Steve. Oh. So I save things. I don't, I won't, I lose things often in my life. But for whatever reason, I have hold on to every single letter

I've ever received in my entire life, from a friend or a lover. Somebody who I've had sex with. How many, what do you have just boxes upon boxes? They, I brought them in like boxes and they're by file, they're by name. Files. Why did you know to save this? Because they met something to me. I just thought it's like love in a box. I don't know if I ever want to pull them out, but turns out I hadn't pulled out a lot of them for 20 years,

but I, they're always very well filed-filed because there was something very meaningful about words, words of affirmation, love language. And also, it's a great history of just life and people I've been in love with or in like with an experience they have. I also have all my journals, all my tickets to movies and concerts and just in a file by the guy. So we're like, we opened it up and like shit was falling out.

I'm like, oh, there's the letter that you wrote me on Birchbark and here's the album me, me, me, and here's like a weird, you know, father. They're so sweet. And it's the only thing you have organized. It's the most organized thing in my life. That's what, like I, like I picture like FBI filing cabinets. Like Emily could do a profile on these guys

that she dated over life like it's so organized yeah but I would never I would picture you being like I'm gonna do this and then two guys and you've like you know I'm gonna have this we're skipping this now I want to do this I think it was a simpler time before we had a text messaging is a disaster for relationships. Not only can't you save anything, you've like been ghosted or deleted by the time, you know, you will go out with them and there are no pure aren't even having relationships anymore. So these are like three month relationships. Six, but you would have to send a letter or you'd have to, I feel like and then they come up on a horse and buggy. I mean, not that, but you send a letter.

You would send a letter, and this was an email. I've letter, so I found them, but really, you would send a letter, a postcard, all my boyfriends would send me postcards, and they'd make that was so fun last week, and then I have emails, I started to print out emails, because before text, you'd get emails every day from guys I was dating, so then I printed those out,

and those guys have files Because printing was more of a thing and now I've got nothing for the last 10 years all these guys It's very small. You're listening and she has a file on you don't kill anyone I do exhibits in court. I just save all my older iPhones I literally have like six iPhones and I could be like oh that's when I was with Paula and that's when I was with Paula and that's when I was with all the texts are in there. Yeah, you can just literally boot them back up and see any like, any like pictures that

were sent my way from an ex. So everyone reminisce. See, you never want to trade in your phone for the new phone? I have the new phone. I just have the old phones. I don't trade them. I just wait to run them in the ground. I guess this is interesting.

I guess I just, I don't know, Steve, I don't know how I had the discipline, which I no run him in the ground. I guess I this is interesting. Well, I guess I just I don't know Steve I don't know how I had the the discipline. I'm proud I no longer have in these ways, but It's in there somewhere. I love to hear one of these So look at this piece of paper by the way, I was like, what is this scrap of paper? It keeps waving and every yeah, that's what we put the I'm writing so many I had to take them out of the Is this what she's doing every night? Just waving a scrap of paper at you?

I love you. I'm, you should see the papers in my life. But this one, there were so many so Steve, you can imagine. I got a little overwhelmed because there was a lot. And I was like, at first I thought this would be fun. We're all going to excavate my entire love life. We're going to go through it. And then I had like a, like you guys take them.

So they went through. Yes. And we approved this. We approved. This is from Gary, not his real name. Okay. And he wrote me this email after we had a weekend getaway. And I believe if I remember now, it was February. So it could have been a Valentine's Day thing. And this was like probably 20 years ago. That's what I was gonna say how many years ago, 20 years ago, 15 years ago. And and it was an experience. And this is what he said and then okay remember

This was after oh my god remember our remember our dinner at Spago in February It was ever hours before we had an intense conversation In which I explained that I found my true self and meeting and meaning and then you wrote realities and distractions I asked you to cancel my tarot card reading Because I didn't believe in that superstitious and then he wrote, realities and distractions. I asked you to cancel my tarot card reading because I didn't believe in that superstitious fate type stuff anymore. And then he wrote in friends, the end of the eight ball.

Because this dude had an eight ball. And I was like, he would ask the eight ball thing. Is that all the tarot around? Yeah, it was, yeah, he would carry it, but let me ask the eight ball. That's just, like, of course, it's cute or sweet. And then he like lived by the eight ball. Well, that's, you would, I would, you would carry a little, let me ask April, I'm like, that's just, like, it hurts, it's cute, or sweet, and then you like, lived by the April. Well, that's, you would, I would, you would dump him now.

If you were on a date today and someone took out an April, you would get him committed. If someone sent me a fax today too, and someone had some faxes, that would be weird, but I do have some faxes. Oh, my God. Okay, he said, okay, no, you're right. People don't, okay.

He says, we are staying at the beautiful Argyle, home of the famous head-banging orgasm, which I don't remember having orgasms with him, but I must have had a bingorism at the Argyle, which is now the sunset tower, very beautiful hotel. That was fun. We couldn't stop touching each other at dinner that night. Let's go back to LA soon.

Could that really be a place we could maybe live? Now, I got a, I went, oh, because I remember the problem when our relationship was that he wanted to live together and get married. And that was the problem. You were like, you were like, what? I was like, I don't want to live with you. I'm so in the fence about whether being a Gemini

makes me interesting or neurotic. All the same love of you. Did you love it as much as I did? Check, yes. Check your ribs. I'm here to tell you, baby, no one does it like we do. No baby, nobody does it. Gary.

Well, okay. So, on the how I'm remembering so many things about this, but he, so that was first of all, it's nice to read back to, it's nice that he wrote me words and he would always like after we'd had these weekends together, he, I did love what he sent me and the words and this stuff like that. But the annoying thing about this guy was that he was very

controlling and I remember he really wanted us to move in together way before I was comfortable and he was controlling in the sense of I remember that one time he came home to Michigan with me and this is the guy that my mom was like, pulls me in the bathroom for like, I don't like him. He's very controlling. He's controlling meaning like, he packed up my suitcase for me.

And I liked that because I have packing anxiety. But he was also a little controlling. Like, you bought me to wear a navy because just navy. I don't know. He liked navy. He was more conservative than I was. What colors were you wearing? I was looking for a black.

That's not conservative. How was that? That's a nun. That's literally like a step below. Navy. Navy in the spectrum. It was his cultural. It was like Navy and Pearls, but that was him.

But I liked. Yeah. So what are you doing? Now I'm bringing up, so we should read these more in depth all of these, because I'm remembering patterns in my life. He was a great guy though, not controlling like angry, just like. Just random. OCD, which I appreciate in people,

like Kristen. It feels like such a weird thing to slip into an email though. Do you think this could be the place? Like that's such a like not okay thing. Like he should have just been like, we had great sex and we went away, talk soon. Yeah, we kept planting the seed. Well, now I'm reading it, it's a bit much.

But what would you do like email back? Like no, we can't live together there. I think I avoided all of that together and then when you bought a house It's like so I picture our house. You guys I would okay listen listeners. I was all like you I was avoidant. Yeah, I want to commit. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to have any serious Conversations and when he said this is a house that I bought for us. I hung up. I like like I gotta go He bought a house he bought a house And he's like I would want you to He bought a house. He bought a house.

And he's like, I would want you to move into this house with me and I was like, I gotta go. I was like late 20s. But that's like, you don't buy a house and be like, live. This is what I'm saying. He was planting the seeds the whole time. Is there any way to reel somebody,

is there any way to reel somebody back in? Like, is there any way to be like, hey, you're so ready for me to do this. But if you can just like move back your expectations a little bit and we can just go back to dating, I think that's where we need to be. Like, or is it, it was so far gone, you can never be like this. This is like doing therapy with my younger self. If I had known them, what I would have known now, I wouldn't have handled it so immaturally.

I wouldn't have been like, avoided. I would have been like, this is, you know what, right now, I'm actually, but this is a different time. I would have said, I'm actually not looking for a relationship and I'm actually trying to, you know, figure out what I want right now. I like hanging out with you, but it seems like you're moving this really fast and I like to slow it down. And I remember I'm pushing the relationship and I also love being loved and I love being adored and he sent me like flowers every week and he was very being loved and I loved being adored and he sent me like flowers every week and he was very attentive and gave me a lot of the stuff that I do like.

So it felt great and I'd be all swept up in it. But back then, and now I believe we have more, we can do this. But back then to say, I want to date other people or I want to explore or slow down, it was like, if you're with someone for a year, you are going to move forward and get married. And you know, so that's what I would tell my younger self. God, just such a hard thing to put in an email. Well, also, but then, but if you're not, like, because I can imagine someone potentially texting that.

So before texting was popular, I could see them saying, like, what else would you do though? If you could have had a job and you couldn't talk on the phone, you would, like, I have a lot of, listen, I didn't print out the emails from the last 10 years. I have more, but that's what you had to do. Or before, you know, this was 15 years ago, before texting was everything.

Texting is ruined. It's just like too immediate and like too much too fast of being able to communicate directly with someone. I think there's something romantic about your email and letter correspondences. We are talking about Valentine's Day, which kind of wraps into a lot. There's a lot that it brings up. You can get the right gift.

Are you going to, do you need to get a gift? If your partner says, I don't want you to do anything, you don't need to do anything. What do you do if you've just been dating someone for like a week or a month? Oh my god. Do you need to get them a gift? The stress. It's stressful. It really is stressful.

Did you ever come upon that? I mean, I don't want to, I think you guys are talking about it throughout the week, but I wonder if you've ever come upon it too soon. You don't have to go into too much detail. But I'm here tonight and I want to know, damn it. I feel, you just acknowledge it. And you're like, here's what I, this is my blanket statement for all of everyone in a relationship, a new relationship, a friends with benefits, a marriage,

just address it ahead of time. Like say, hey, and this year it's great. It's on Friday, you're probably gonna see your loved one anyway, and just say it's Friday's, the 14th of Valentine's Day. Is anything you had in mind, anything you like to do, how do you feel about Valentine's Day? I was thinking, if you're the planner and the relationship,

I was thinking we could, I don't know, why wouldn't you say go to dinner? Okay, so my idea is, I think we should do something that night. And they say, great, what you're reminded. And my idea is to make it a sexy night. Because I think you go out and you pay too much at a restaurant. You want to really be around people. But you do for a little bit, but have like a hotel room after like, see, that's my perfect Valentine's. That sounds great. You could do that in any stage of the relationship. Yeah. A hotel room is, literally, viagra for any relationship.

Like it just like, it just is like such a great night, no matter if it's like, you know, the hotel can be anywhere as long as not a road to motel. Come on guys. Sprink a little better than that. But like it could just be like a regular hotel that's in your town. Just the change of scenery, I think is awesome. Exactly, mixing things up. You don't have to worry about your own cleanup, really?

Oh, I mean, it's too bad. Oh, what are you doing in there? Well, no, it's true. You know what I mean, I listen. It's a good month. Okay, I believe that why have it be a stressful, I think it's just a great night to say, you know what, we're in this relationship,

let's do something we don't normally do. Let's not just stay home and watch TV and watch reality shows. Steve's not. That's the one night that he's not going to be home watching TV with his wife. That's first of all how do you do? Secondly, you're right. It's true. But you know that. But right? No, but I mean when you're married, I'm very happy in my relationship. But yeah, we come home from work. but I mean, when you're married, I'm very happy in my relationship, but yeah, we come home from work, we cook dinner, we talk, we watch some TV. Let's literally what everybody does,

so it's not just you, but I just happen to know. We were together for one month before our first Valentine's Day together. And so what did you do? So she, on one of our dates, had said, and it was like we were talking, what's like one of your favorite things that's just like bizarre, like just something you're into, like food, whatever. And she's like, you know what, I have a really sick obsession with and I haven't had

him forever. Are these wrath the only say sell a Costco? And she's like, I know that sounds like a garbage person, but like, I'm scared of meeting it to you and you might run away, but like, I really love them. So she was coming over and we had no pressure. She was just going to come over and spend Valentine coming over and we had no pressure, but she was just gonna come over and spend Valentine's Day and we were gonna just hang out. And I went and got us a Costco membership.

Like I went and got a Costco membership and she said, where we go? It's like, we're gonna go pick up the Raviolis and we're gonna come back and we're gonna drag or make the Raviolis and we'll watch a movie. And that's all we did. And it was great. That's that's fun.

See, you remembered something that she had said. And I was nervous though, because this is fucking creepy. You know, like, I didn't tell her I went out and got a Costco, and I was like, oh, he's had it. I got like a day before. I want a man with a Costco member.

Well, that's what I... Put that on your dating profile too. Must have owned Costco. No, but you remembered she liked the review. Well, it was that little thing, but I did do what you said, which was like, I just didn't, I was nervous like you were like,

do I say something? Do I not say something? I just said, hey, like, let's just hang out that day. That was it. It was just that easy. Hang out on that day, that's what you can say.

But, well, I'm gonna wait for him to say something. He's usually pretty on point. He's like very, okay, and he's saying, but would you be upset if he doesn't say anything? No, because I know we're gonna hang out anyways. I'm gonna wait for him to say something. He's usually pretty on point. He's like very, okay. But would you be upset if he doesn't say anything? No, because I know we're gonna hang out anyways. That day, I just don't know if it's gonna be Valentine's ask, but I just feel like he's very sweet.

He's very nice. So I think he might, I don't expect like a card or anything, not that I need a card, but. Emily, has anyone ever done it like over the top Valentine's day for you where you were just like, I'm not into this, like this is too much or too soon. Besides this guy that tried to buy you a house. No, I wish I took the house though,

because we're saying San Francisco, come on. Christmas would be like, fuck you as a house. Yeah, Christmas. Guys, those things, that letter. I was supposed to read it. Do you like your family? You got a house? No, I was like reading it again, and all these things came up.

Yo, I think he's divorced, Kristen. Let's call the house. He might even have another house. I've had guys go over the top and never, typically it's just like on a first few dates. They do too much, they do the things, but on Valentine's Day, if I'm spending Valentine's Day with you, you've already been vetted

and it's probably not gonna be that annoying and over the top. But I've had people do like nothing and that didn't feel great either. So I think it has to be somewhere. Somewhere. Yeah, I mean, I think again, just acknowledging that it's a day that we all can't avoid and it's there

and if flip it on its head, why don't you reframe Valentine's Day and say, you know what, I get it's a home arc holiday and it's commercialized, but what if you just think of it as a date deep in your relationship? Deep in your partnership, your connection, do something different that night. If you like this show, let us know. Leave us five stars wherever you listen, whatever, app you listen on, iTunes. We so appreciate it. Leave a comment if you want more.

If you want to send us a question or get in touch, it's feedback at sexwithemley.com. Love you all. Thank you to my awesome team, Ken, Chris and Elisa Brian, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemley.com. you