Sex With Emily - Addicted to Love (and Other Drugs)

Episode Date: June 28, 2014

This show is doubly great because there are not one, but two, very special guests: The first is DeAnna Jordan, relationship & addiction expert. The second is Emily’s big brother, Michael!Today’s show is all about rules for healthy relationships across the board! DeAnna explains the facts behind love addiction. How do you protect yourself from getting in too deep, too fast? Follow DeAnna’s “No Sex for 90 Days” rule, which is so crazy it just might work.. if you can last that long!Next, DeAnna gives advice for listeners on how to break out of bad dating patterns by avoiding that person you’re immediately attracted to and exploring other dating types! Also, the importance of being direct, both in relationships and in the bedroom: Why you should have the sex talk before the sex, have the relationship talk before the relationship, and why ladies need to start speaking up about what they want in bed!Emily and DeAnna answer some listener emails on addiction and relationships, and Emily gets proposed to by a listener ON AIR. Emily might not be ready to tie the knot with a long-time listener, but is she ready to start opening up to the possibility of a relationship? Plus, fans want to know: Is there an Emily Fleshlight in the works? All this and more in this week’s latest Podcast! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, I'm so excited for tonight's show, so thanks everyone for listening. But first, I know I talk a lot about sex toys on the show, and you all email me which one should I get? And it can be overwhelming, and if you go to a store, there's so much to choose from. Or maybe, like me, you want to try everything. Luckily, there's a new home delivery service that wraps the sex shop in a package and sends it straight to your door. Spicy subscriptions is a monthly delivery box box uniquely themed to help you improve your

sex life, complete with the latest sex sex series like Vibrators, Lube, and Massage Oils that are picked up by relationship and sex experts. Plus, you get to try one new box each month. It's a perfect way to add an extra spark to the bedroom. In fact, 80% of their subscribers have noticed an improvement in their sex life. Imagine every month a junior partner can look forward to the box with anticipation, or even if you're single, these boxes will spice up your solo time. Our sex lives are constantly changing, in our

20s, 30s, 40s, and you have to adapt and find out what works over the years. So whether you're single or in a relationship who wouldn't love a fun and flirty surprise that shows up every month. If you're looking for a way to spice up your already fabulous sex life and love a little variety, spicy subscriptions is definitely worth checking out. To get started, go to spicysubscriptions.com, use coupon code Emily to receive a free Deluxe toy and 5% off your order. Or, if you get a 4-8-month subscription, you'll get a free Deluxe toy and your first spice

box for free. That's at spicesubscriptions. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bit rumies. They call them in a bag on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. It's a lie. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my God, I'm so proud. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com

you can check out all of our podcasts. Center for a mailing list which you absolutely should because I have to say not to my own horn. People actually love the emails I send. They read them. You know you get a lot of emails you're like spam don't want it. I'm sending you useful information and tips so sign up for my website and you'll also get a report of the five biggest mistakes you're making about if you're a man or woman. And you can also follow me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. It's sex with Emily. And I am so excited about tonight's show.

My guest, well as you know, I've had a lot of different types of guests on the show. I've had sex therapists and lots of porn stars lately, phone sex operators, dating experts, relationship experts, and just some regular people too. In fact, the show we just posted, which you have to listen to, was my interned sex toy review day show, which we're bringing back for years ago. It's always been a popular topic, my assistant Ann in turn. We talked all about the G-Spot and the right sex toys to use. But tonight, my guest is Diana Jordan.

She's a relationship and addiction expert for over 20 years and specializes in the maintenance of healthy relationships, how to build and maintain healthy relationships because you know we all want that, I know you email me about it every day through tough times, but also will help us identify those emotional vampires, you know those people in our lives who suck the life out of us, and how to get rid of them from our lives in a safe and healthy way. This can be a love or someone you work with or family who doesn't have someone you suck in that energy out of you, right? We're going to talk about how to deal with that. An addiction, whether it's to love or sex or drugs or alcohol, affects almost everyone.

Whether it's your partner or coworker, family, friend, I mean everyone's got someone in their life. But how do you deal with it? Can you maintain a good relationship with someone who's struggling with addiction or in recovery? From my experience, I used to date a series of stereotypical Irish Catholic alcoholics. They were fun. You know, right, there was so fun. I love them. Like a serial Irish Catholic alcoholic thing.

Life of the party, they were romantic, you know, but eventually I realized that, you know, alcohol was their true love. There's nothing I could do about it. The thing about substance abusers is they're so charming. I know. I know. I love Jum. I was like, it's okay.

And then it's hard to face it. And you make excuses that it's temporary. And so my last guy, you'll get this. He was literally from Ireland, off the bow. And I thought, he can't help it. He's a little too close. I'm dramatic. I'm neurotic.

What's the difference? But I've moved past that. And so tonight's show will help everyone. Whether you're dealing with an addiction, we'll talk about Diana's rules for healthy relationships across the board. OK, plus, she thinks we should all wait 90 days before having sex with a new partner.

And I'm almost convinced after reading what she thinks why we should. All this and more on tonight's show. And we're gonna get to you in a minute, and Deanna, you're welcome to chime in, but someone just dropped in. It happens to be my brother, Michael Morse, who's in town from Michigan.

Good evening, Emily. He came to visit me in Los Angeles. Yes, I did. How you doing, Michael? I had to be here, really glad to be here. Even though you won't talk about a sex life, or a relationship. Right, we have some off limits.

My lawyer sent over a contract, and I can't talk about my sex life in front of my baby sister. Right, exactly. And you've never listened to the show? I have never listened to your show, but I hear it's really great. I've been doing it for eight years, 2,000 episodes. Yeah, I'm sure it's great. But taking sex advice or listening to talk about dildos

or taking a lot of trouble. I've tried to give you some too. I think you'd like them. I gave me a big pink one, and I took it home, and people walked in, and it was on the counter. The children? Not the children. That would have been some explaining.

This was a big pink. What vibrator? What was it? Probably the doubt by the rabbit habit from vibratox. It had a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little

a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little, little, a little, a little, a little, little, a little, a little, a little, little, a little, little, a stimulator. Right. Yeah, exactly. So I did know what to do with it. So I put it like on my belly button that didn't feel so. I'm just kidding. We never opened it. I left on the counter and then once my decorator and her assistant was walking through the house and right after that I just threw it away. You did? Yeah, I've never been with a woman who liked those things. Oh, Jesus Michael, we talk about the stuff at the time of the show. You know why? Because you actually should because it can really, first of all, cut down your time and half that you have to spend. Please think that makes you feel better.

And then a lot of men are afraid they think it's going to be replaced them. First of all, they don't cuddle. They don't whisper, speak, nothing's in your ear. But a lot of men like the vibrations as well. They like how it feels on their penis. And so I just think you should try it. And I'm going to give you another one before you go home no yeah because it's playing at the cost to uh... the security guard

that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that you know they don't care okay so i got a question for you michael so i think that my listeners would like to hear this because i do get asked all the time no matter who it is dates people i work with friends family and you know freaking someone i run into on the street i don't even know what the hell does your family think about what you do for living we think you're all crazy no um what do we think about it you know it's been so long that i don't think

about it anymore right you like to stand in our he's in denial that i think that little bit i mean it's it's it's humorous when i people ask me what is your sister do you know i know that you're see a michigan and she got a great degree and how she's got this doctor it's so she now doctor what is she doing with all this and uh...

it's how you know she's a sex expert she's a what and i think it's a sex expert. She's a what? No, she is a sex expert. He is a sex expert, right? And so it's, what are you gonna say? It's cool. I feel like it. It's your down. How do you feel when people ask you what I do? You're a lawyer. Boring.

Boring. Easy, one word answer. Easy, boring. Yeah, but it was good that you're a lawyer. I actually am a very ambious of you sometimes. Because my brother was very linear. He went to college, he went to, he built this amazing law firm in Detroit, one of the largest personal injury firms and the largest

the largest personal injury firm in Michigan. Amazing. And I'm very proud of them. Yeah, but it would be much cooler if you were a sex lawyer. Yeah, exactly. Let me get work together. We always wanted to. Okay, so that'd be. I'm not sure. You could represent sex workers. Yeah, you could do some good in the world So I can go to the Anderson's here to Anderson. There's so much going on tonight. Yes, I love Anderson He's here. Have them out with the shop very nice. He helped me get some water earlier. That was really nice of them Help him pee to you helped him pee that sweet. Just shake a little bit That's sweet Michael. So did you have any questions for me? No, I'm going on with your life to have any questions for you? I don't know.

Any advice? Any advice? All right, was there any advice that you'd like to give me that you've learned in relationships or sex? Or sex? Definitely had sex. OK. How about relationships?

Stop dating guys named David. And there's only five in a row. And stop dating Irish alcohol. Have you ever dated a Jewish guy? Why didn't you date a Jewish guy? I have. The David's. A few of them. They were? They were. In a row. They don't have the Jews in Indiana? No, no, no. The alcohol expert in the US is a bit of a Jewish alcohol.

I know a Jewish alcohol. Yeah, there are some, but not in. I have a client who's a Jewish alcohol. I was actually thinking I should set you up with him. He's really cute. He's sober now. Yeah, but he's so sober. No, the Irish was a long, long time ago.

I remember those people. So, um, but no, I have dated and for some reason I moved L.A. and like I met five guys. I know that I dated them all seriously, but they were all names. So there's like my friends are like, which one? Wait, I'm like, okay, D3, D4. And then there's actually a D5. David. You could just leave a message on her voice mail. This is David. I'm right. Don't call me because they're actually all gone now. So that's what's next name. David's a nice, nice username. nice usually name. Yeah it is, he's doing it there with Jewish, there when I was class. Okay.

Yeah, I know you don't wanna meet anyone. My family banned meeting men that I date unless I'm in my parents' house. Well she used to bring them home, okay. She used to bring them home. We'd have to like them, we'd have to introduce them to the kids. Right.

My kids and then the kids would fall in love because you know the kids and then she goes back to California and says yeah, I dumped them on the plate right now. No, but here's the thing, it was three times into my years. No, I to California says, yeah, we I dumped them on the playground. No, but here's the thing. It was three times. No, I'm not serious. I'm not kidding.

Okay, three times in how many years? 20. Not 20. We cut you off about 10, 12 years. Right. So three times in 10 years. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Five years. Five years. She brought out people. My kids. Then the next guy comes. I don't even remember any of their names. I'm not kidding you. My kids are like well where's Adam like all Adam is the last boy for this is Brian you know and uncle Brian and they're and the kids like they don't get it

and you're teaching them about you're teaching them some issues that actually Emily had with you the child when our dad used to bring home different women every other week oh god Michael they were like four at the time in three they don't remember you're wrong but you're our parents did, we went through a lot. We each had three, you know, I tended for my parents' weddings for us, 25. And then my dad, we'd see him twice a week, and every time we went out with him, he would.

He had a different woman with them. And that is why Emily is a sex expert unmarried without children, for me. Well, because Michael stopped, the thing is, is that I work through those issues. What? So it was through him. Yeah, I've never wanted children to get married, but I'm, you know that I work through those issues. What? So we went through them. Yeah.

I've never wanted children to get married, but I'm, you know, I'm good friends. Why do you get this? It's probably has to do with the issues, but. Okay. Well, you just don't want to talk about it too deep for you. No, Michael, we've talked, we've been doing 2,000 episodes and everyone's heard my story. Oh, I apologize for the audience for repeating part of the story. No, okay.

So anyway, no, but that's probably why I became, the reason why I started my show actually is because I've always been fascinated by relationships because I didn't, I never saw a successful one. I didn't understand how they, how they worked. And so we really just started interviewing people about their sex lives, their relationships, how does it work? And then eventually, yeah, I was like, I don't get it. Like, sex still, after all the, how do you keep it interesting? How do you, how do you stay with one person?

All that stuff. So then I I um you know I just started doing this as a podcast in my living room like eight years ago but it's so cool yeah but then I became you know then I got my doctorate and start learning the beginning I just like tell me everything because I want to know so okay thanks Mike I'm gonna be glad to do if you're welcome to pipe in and chat okay nice chatting with you yeah great okay yes easy a's good. Okay. So I just got really tense and awesome. That was good stuff. Really? Yeah. You like that? Interesting. Do you have any questions for my brother because he will tell you anything about me if there's a good

thing? Yeah. I'll do it off air though. I'll go ahead. I'll be sure. That's really kind of you because I'll tell you anything. Okay. Deanna, so we said to your you have your private practice now. Right. You. You started your own center. I did. Okay. So, I started a center for drug and alcohol treatment. And then there was such a need for relationship, addiction and love and sex addiction

that we just kind of moved in that area. Right. Okay. So, it's called the new method wellness.com. New method wellness, right. So, people can find you. And so, it's, I mean, I think that, well first of all, how did you get started working in addiction?

I got started working in addiction about 20 years ago in a friend of mine opened a center and she said, can you come and teach a class? I just love the way you work with women because I did a lot of volunteer work. And I said, yeah, I'd love to. I didn't even know it was a paying position. I just thought she wanted me to come help her at her center.

And I loved it. And I just did really well. And so I went back to school and got my master's and now I'm working on my PhD. Okay. Oh, good for you. Yeah, it's a lot of work. It is a lot of work to work and go to school and have the whole thing.

You fork it. I fork it. Oh my God, that's amazing. Yeah, that's awesome. I just never thought how I could do it all. That was another thing. I was like, I guess I'm just my brain. I was like work, work, work.

And you gotta be kind of obsessive and crazy to live this way. Like, you got to be kind of obsessive and crazy to live this way. Like you have to be almost your pathology. Like yeah, I am obsessive and crazy. So I'm like, but also you've kids that's a whole nother like, right thing. Okay. So like I like find places in my calendar. I'm like, okay, today we're going to go swimming or whatever.

Right. You have to. I mean, right. And are you married? Yeah. You said, okay, good. It all worked out. That's great.

Yeah. I'm always happy, I'm always happy I'm always happy when there's happy married couples really we just celebrated our 10-year-year-year This is your first second. Okay. That's What do you mean exactly Michael's divorce? I think you're telling me to be happy now. She's happy under second Right, right. My brother did get it's almost hard for 22 years I don't I'm a very few happily married first-timers me till unfortunately

That's true, and you know the rates like 50% yeah, and second marriage is higher 60 and the third marriage I don't know that I didn't mention about that my dad died when I young in Right after third marriage. She might have killed them. We don't know just kidding not really it was 20 years ago She did not count but whatever so we Saw that and so I don't know about the third marriage Not really. It was 20 years ago. She did not count. But whatever. So we saw that.

And so I don't know about the third marriage. But my mom's happily. Her third marriage has been 30 years. Yeah. I think a lot of people think like, OK, if I'm going to do this. And again, I really want to try harder. And you know, I think a lot of people take their first marriage for advantage. Take advantage of that.

Yeah. Take it for granted. And you don't know yourself well enough, too. I think people shouldn't get married for 30. Right. Right. I agree. People get married for 30 right I agree people say that all the time if you're like what do you mean what we're so in love it like love line will call over night but what every divorced person I know man says they're never getting married again and there's a probably a high-stick stick of them who do really agree yeah yeah you

say that too I'm not getting married again I'm on record right now we are record in a... You are being recorded in a... We're recording a whole thing. So, you know, somebody could come back and impeach me if I'm lying. That's true. I would do that, actually, out play this game. I would play this game.

I'm like, Emily, Emily, at my wedding. Oh, you're wedding. If I second wedding, pull this out. That'd be funny. You'd kill me. That could be very good. I could see if I first wedding. I could see if I first wedding. Yeah, it was a good speeches in your wedding. You get my speech in my first wedding.

Yeah. It was a good one. Weddings? Weddings. My brother's not going to marry again, but if he does, because he just declared that he'll never get married. I heard all that, but you said, well, I thought, and then I heard him say

that it would be his second. Oh, no, I get two good speeches at my mom's wedding. Oh, okay. You get a speech at my wedding. And you're wedding. Yeah, so it would be her speech. And dad's wedding.

I've given a lot of family. I've been to. I only thought only parents got married before I was 25. I didn't know that other people got married. Okay, so so DN, so let's talk a little bit about love and sex addiction. I mean also we're going to talk about all kinds of addictions, but I find it so interesting that people I feel like a lot of people could be at love addicts. Yeah, they even know it. I think most people that struggle with substance

abuse, there's love addiction underneath it. I can't believe I'm going to go on record saying that because it's so controversial in my industry. Yeah, tell me. But most, I'd say 99.9% of the people that come in and I do an assessment for their first checking into drug and alcohol treatment, nine times out of 10, it's like the first thing they go to as well, this person broke up with me or I'm going through divorce or my spouse died or something, and that's what they're grieving, and that's why they started drinking and then it became an issue. So they weren't even drinking before.

Right. So some of them are taking pills. Right, nothing. Right, it's a lot. Do you, are you seeing a lot more pills these days? I see so many pills. I could do like, this friend of mine told me she went to a pills anonymous meeting and they could hold it in a gym.

Oh, I'm sure. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. It's so many people. And, you know, I don't know if you know that most of those pain pills and narcotics are pretty much equivalent to heroin. Yeah, they, right, exactly. So once they're addicted to pain killers, it's like getting somebody off heroin. Right.

They've just serious detox. Serious detox. I've heard the whole thing. We do medical detox, yeah. Wow. It's crazy. And it's also, would you say in the last, you've been at for 20 years, the last 10 years has it become more prevalent?

About 10 years. It's gone crazy. And you know, a lot of people call it a hillboothly heroin because it's so like ramped down there. And what happens is most people, heroin's a lot cheaper and it gets a lot higher. So most people switch from pills to heroin towards the end. They're like, start with the pills and then they go, wow, I just can't keep this up. It's too expensive, you know, it's the most popular pill you hear about oxycontin. Oxycontin. Yeah, oxycontin. They would say like it. No, no, I can't. Oxycontin, oxycontin, oxycontin. Yeah, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, I'd be like, That'd been like five minutes. Exactly. Exactly.

Exactly. We're going to give you a dildo to make a... So, I hear a text on it. So wait, okay, so I was going to ask you, so love addiction, how do you know if you're a love addict? That's true, right? Because how would you say like, I don't know if I'm a love addict, like everybody has love issues.

Right. I think that people are love addicts when they're actually hurting their own lives to stay in a relationship. And it doesn't necessarily have to be abuse. But there's like stages of love addiction. Like the first stage of love addiction is like, I'm obsessed with a person and I'm just can't stop thinking about it.

It's all the time, all the time, all the time. And the second stage is like kind of like stalking, like you pick up the phone, hang up, pick up the phone, call them and hang out, drive by their house. Third stage of love addiction is you're willing to risk your life for sex. So it's almost like any addiction, like it would have become life threatening.

Right. People say to me all the time, I would never risk my life for a lover sex. I go, really, you've never had unprotected sex with a stranger and they go, and then everybody in the room raises their hand and goes, I've had unprotected sex with a stranger. It's more like, well, that's what's in your life. Yeah. And there was a start of the, just came out that's a people who cheat are more likely not to use protection.

Right. Remember this, that's people who are,'s a people who cheat are more likely not to use protection Remember this than people who are Why people who are just dating or a single so it's like everyone just use a condom, okay? It's a condom It makes so much sense Why do cheaters not is it because the same kind of person who like is a denial that they? Yeah, they want to plan as soon as they like have a condom on, then they're out actually out looking. So then it's real. I think that, yeah, they don't have one on them. So that helps them stay in the denial of,

I'm not cheating, I'm just out doing my thing. It's like drug addicts will say to me, oh, I have to stop by my drug dealer's house and pick up this makeup I left there. And I'm like, really? Right. Go buy new makeup and it's the same as yours. Exactly.

They'll say, oh, I have to stop by my ex-girlfriends house because I left something there. And I'm like, yeah. Not a condom. Right, exactly. People should always have condoms. So when you were talking, I was reading some of the stuff that you've written and an interview did, that was so interesting because you talk a lot of it. Do you think it's more women than men?

Love it, you know, definitely. I think that women give sex to get love and men give love to get sex. Right. So there's like this trade. And so, I mean, it's not always that way. I treat a lot of men that are love addicts as well. But I would say with love addiction, it's much higher on women. Right. And so you talk about how, you know, when couples are together, how well, you talk about love addiction, but also that it takes three years until you really get to know someone. And a lot of times people just jump into relationships so quickly

and you don't really know anyone. That's why I say you got to wait before you marry someone. But can you talk about that theory and addiction? Well, I think that a lot of women get involved in sex before they know what the man is like, has planned for them. So oftentimes women will get involved in a sex relationship and they're like,

oh, I have a boyfriend and the guy's like, you're not my girlfriend. Right. I didn't exactly have the talk before it gets in. Right. That's the 90 day thing. 90 days. 90 days before you have sex with someone.

I know and I'm not like a prude or anything. People just flip out when I say that. But I say that because I think that in the first 30 days, you're stuck in your fantasy honeymoon phase. It's like, oh my God, this is the greatest person in the world. I love them so much. They're so awesome. And then in the second phase, the second 30 days is like,

well, I don't know. I don't like this about them. I don't like that about them. In the last 30 days, you really get to know, do I want to be with this person? Am I willing to sacrifice what it's going to take to be with this person? What if you've already had sex with them?

And then you're in 90 days and you're like uh... i don't like that but if you if you have everybody followed that rule the ninety-eight rule there be a lot less sex in the world well i mean ninety three meets someone but would it be less you know sex with a little i'm with you you agree with my statement but we would be broke up with on the book for the ninety

because the guys get upset at the one no no i just i think most i mean most they feel so mostly within 90 days. I think that the high low is 90, I'd say it's more low. So what I'm saying is if you're pursuing long-term relationship, that's your bag. If that's what you're looking for, you should wait because you want to know, am I really interested in this person? Are they an interesting person to me? And once you know, then you can say, do I want to share my body with them so many times,

especially women, we'll just jump into bed and then go, oh my gosh, I don't really know if I like you at all. But now my body is bonded to yours by the oxytocin that's producing because I think that I'm in love with you. Right, it's like the frontal version movie. Forty-old version? Why, what happens?

He waited, he didn't, he didn't know sex, and they waited, and then they waited so long until I'm loved. Right, see? But this could happen. I think it makes sense because it is true. I always say that because people always say, how long should I wait? Three days, I wait.

I'm like, there is not a formula, but the longer you can wait, I don't disagree. Because the thing is that you start, you have sex with someone and then all of a sudden you get attached and then you can't see the red flags. Right. Right. Right. And find you because your attached smell has sent the sex like like you think about you're bonded to this magic wand right that's a paddye on you to say she just To say if you've been bonded to a magic wand that you can't get away from and you're like I know that my magic wand vibrator But that's it. It's okay because that person is not gonna hurt your life your vibrator's not gonna do anything bad in your life

Right exactly right that's true. I'm just the name measure, but it is true So so that couples, so I mean, think that's a good, that's a good theory that that people should probably wait. Now, what about couples who are just in their relationships, they are dealing with some kind of addiction, whether it's so hard, so hard. It's the hardest thing ever. Right. When people come to me and they say, I don't know if my spouse is a love addiction, I mean, is a, is

an addict or a substance abuser. I always say, you should get help for yourself first. The first thing you should do is go to Alonan, go to therapy, get involved in something right away because you're suffering too. And you're like changing yourself to be with this addict and kind of running your life and your rules around them. It's kind of like code of code of pens, but it's kind of time, the dependency. So what about code dependency? Where is the line, like how do you draw the line between being supportive and being a codependent? I get that question like every day. Parents ask me all the time, when do I stop supporting my children?

Right. And I say, if you're supporting their recovery, support them. If they want to go back to college and you want to help them, that's awesome. But if you're supporting their disease, stop it. Like I have parents who will actually pay for their kids' apartments.

The kids are like out doing drugs. They've got this great place. They're getting money every month and they're getting this great place all set up. I'm like, adopt me. All those drugs are doing that apartment. I mean, who wouldn't do that? It's like blind to it too.

Which my effulence. My effulence, their childhood issues and stuff that they have in dough with and parents are paying attention. They're just like, I just wanted him to be okay and I don't really want to deal with it. So, what advice do you have for people who are starting a relationship with an addict? And they're in the beginning stages of a recovery.

Obviously, they say you should wait a year before getting into a relationship. Definitely, wait a year. And I think a lot of addicts just kind of, they're craving that. Right. You really have to have to. They want to switch the program. They want to switch drugs. One addiction. So like something is making me really high,

like drugs and alcohol. And if I don't have that anymore and somebody takes that away, I'm going to look for something else to get me high. Well, sex and love gets you really high. Right. Right. That's why a lot of people are addicted to it. Exactly.

They're addicted to the serotonin. They're addicted to the chemicals that your brain releases when you're about to have sex right exactly when you are having sex right totally okay we have a call because Michael you'll like this we have a color from michigan all right michigan uh... he doesn't say he's calling in about the first life that i see from michigan i was a family more

this is and the more this is doctor i'm more i've talked to you before you know my name be from mich. I'm the one that said I'd buy you a car. I know why haven't you got? I don't understand. Because I haven't got together with you, but I'm going to simplify your first question. I have two questions, but I'm going to make second one first right now. I cook, I clean, and keep your career, and I'm a fabulous person. Will you marry me? You're asking me to marry you. I feel like how much money do you get?

My brother's my manager. What do you do for a living steve in Michigan? I work at an aircraft company. I build aircraft parts. That's how? I feel like a mechanic type or an engineer type. Engineering type. I think I could make her happy yes i do you do why really how would make me happy you know also picture email i'm a picture you're looking you're looking for the i will you're looking for the best of both worlds and we'll get it to you because your career is number one i understand that from all your

podcast and i was always respect and admire that and always put that first in our relationship, okay? That's for you. I like this. I like this. I like this. How much money does he have?

My brother's money, my brother's money, folks. Do you have a picture of your bank statement with the picture, too? Do you ever see my brother on TV in Michigan, Michael Morris? Okay, so Steve, Steve, thank you. But can I help you with something else? Because I'm not really ready to get married to you. I feel like we're just getting to know each other. This is what I would expect, so this is number two okay this is important

when i think every guy out there once and i checked your website is there a chance of a emily more splesh light coming out some day soon you know i don't my brother shaking his head yes make my own products okay you'll be a billionaire i mean, all the other ones look okay, but that would do one. I do have a nice, it would be nice to get it molded and do that. You know, I'm just,

I don't know what, would you, you would buy one, at least I know one would sell. I'd buy a couple of them. Oh, couple. Would you buy other ones? Can you wear out the first one? It's a masturbation sleeve, you know, flashlight, right? No, no. Okay, it's a male masturbation sleeve, so it's like the only number one selling sex toy for men. And it, and, and man, I really got my hand, whatever. But if you use a flashlight, it feels really good. It simulates the actual feeling of sex. And some of them are just regular,

but a lot of porn stars have their. I saw. I'm molded the vagina molded after it. So you can pretend you're having sex with like, I saw it, but I don't know if I can say this word. You can say whatever you want. Okay, so it's called a pocket pussy. Yeah, pocket pussy.

It's like that. But it's like a, these friends of mine that are a gay couple. They have it. They're guys So they like the pussy I Know they want to you know, but they want each other But they won't try you know, you get gay men here in LA. I see I was at the Abbey last night. Oh, did you go to the Abbey? Yeah, yeah, Yeah. It's all fun. Wait, Steve. Um, so Steve, before we move on, yeah, we need to talk about your, uh, your flashlight for a second. I have an idea for you. Okay, go ahead. Do you guys should make one? Absolutely. But I don't think you should

actually go through the entire like process of having what did it put silicone up inside your vagina? How's that work? You know, they have a special material that is similar. I don't know what it is. You don't have to tell anyone, but like if somebody were to, somebody where it actually saw it in half, they'd see that it's in the shape of a microphone. How good would that be? It probably is. You don't have to tell anyone but like if somebody were to somebody where it actually saw it in half they'd see that it's in the shape of a microphone. How good would that be? It probably is. It is so deeply great to meet you working video. Yeah. That's pretty funny. So. Well just something for you to consider Dr.

Morris. Sure. Okay. Thanks Steve for calling in. Okay. Okay. And I'll send you my insurance card. We'll look for that car. the big statement have a great night. Bye Steve Anyway, okay, so I like see I like see you to be my future brother-in-law No, don't hold your breath. So let me tell you something if you're looking for someone. Okay, okay So you know when you walk into a party and you like see that person and John Bradshaw calls them that you're Your Velcro person. Yeah. Like you walk in you're like, oh, there could be 500 guys there and that one guy's like, he's the one I'm really right.

Okay, so run from that guy. It's all right. I've heard because why? Tell him explain to me why because if you have a history of having a broken picker, right? That's a doctor. Dr. Drew always says. Yeah, he says broken.

He says your picker's broken. Not to me, but to callers on love. But I'm sure he would probably tell me if he had the opportunity. So let's say you have a history of a broken picker. And then you look for, you meet said guy at a party and you do your velcro thing and you're all, you know, whatever. Then he's probably going to be the same thing over and over again, which would like Dr. Freud would say is probably your issues with your dad. Right, is that what that I, what that he, with all the women and stuff that I would,

okay, yeah, but how would that be related to the guy in the party that I'm attracted to? Because you're probably attracted to something you want to change about your dad, and like that guy comes in and you go, oh, there he is, I can change him to be, I can finally change my dad. I'm not one of the chino, but see, I think I have issues with abandonment more so than changing I never agree I always want to change me because they want me to commit they want me to stop working You're a little bit of boydent. I'm a good dude sort of and I'm a little boydent

You're a little boydent so on the other side of love addiction is love of avoidance So you have the love addict who's like come here come here come here. Do you like me right now? What's going on? Do I look pretty blah blah blah? Right and the love of avoidance like I got to go I'm busy I'm working I'm right. That's what I'm drinking I'm doing something I'm gambling whatever. I don't I'm not doing drugs of drinking. That's what you're working but I'm working. I'm a workaholic for sure. Me too. So I feel like yeah that's what it is for me too. I think I do avoid it. So that's what you do. You duty date and Pat

Allen taught me this. Do you know Pat Allen? I do. I don't have it better but I love her work. I love Pat Allen. I studied with her for 10 years. You did? yeah, like we gotta talk about that. I've so much talked about almost everything I say is Pat Allen really yeah And she's in LA right? Yeah, she's in LA and Orange County, okay, and she's amazing and you say With her yeah for 10 years you get a degree from her or no, I didn't some people do but I just studied with her for 10 years Okay, I got my degree somewhere got it. I'd love to hear about so what did she say to you that she said that you should duty date She says you should duty date. She says you should duty date. You should go out with guys that you're not like Velcroed to.

That are just like- I'd be doing that lately. And you just date them and date them and practice dating. And pretty soon, you'll have a relationship with one of them. Because that whole concept of Velcroing with somebody is what is going to be your pathology. That's what's going to be the bad part for you. But what if there's, so do you think that everyone

has the no one should date the person that they see, their eyes meet across the room, or you're saying just anyone just trying to break a pattern? I said it wrong. You said to run. To run, definitely run. But do I think everybody should do that? Like not date that guy.

I think most of us come from kind of dysfunctional backgrounds. Most of us are looking for something to fix or change or be different. Because usually when things start hot and heavy that first track it, and you go into that that's not usually as the longevity either. It's just the attraction. If I just don't cross through them it's probably because I'm attracted to them in a certain way. Right. It's probably something in them that you want to be different from your own background. Right. Good to know. So you should have like a week commitment to duty date or I Have been there was someone that I that I've gone out with that I was like, oh I don't think so. No, and I you know

It's been a few days and I like like I do this guy that I want to set you up with this Jewish guy He is from Michigan seriously. I wonder we know if he's listening. That's hilarious He's gonna call me and be like, okay, I can't believe you do this. Okay. Okay, so we can't listen now But tomorrow when we release it tell me so okay, we'll talk to right now. No, no, no can't hear this. What's he like? She's telling you to go out with people you don't like No, why do you think I like them? But is he how long is he sober? He's like two or three years, okay But I'm I wouldn't say and why would you think that that we would be good just cuz will he do it? Information no, no, no, he's fabulous. He's just amazing. Okay. He's a really neat guy. Yeah, no, he's No, he's fabulous. He's just amazing. He's a really neat guy. He's a fun year.

No, he's an ex-client. Okay, ex-client. Oh my God. Okay. But he's really amazing. And he's cute. And he's adorable. And he's successful and everything. And I keep telling him, I got to find a girl for you. Okay. I'm open to dating.

You know, in fact, since I moved to LA about a year ago, I, year and a half, I really haven't, again, avoidance. But I've been, I moved here for work. I've been San Francisco for 20 years. And this has just been amazing. It's been great so great But again, it's another excuse not to make time to date so I'd love to do it

That's why you got a duty date. Okay, I'm gonna duty date get back to that in a minute But first another word from our sponsors here, and I just want to thank everyone for listening to the show As you know, I love being and helping being able to help you have the sex life and relationships you deserve And I want to give you the best show possible. So thank you for supporting my sponsors who help keep this show free. So I got to tell you about promescent. Did you know one in three men suffers from premature ejaculation? Well now you don't have to because promescent is a quickly absorbing delay spray that allows you to have the sex you want.

You already have to think about baseball or your great at margar with a furry mustache and you can focus on your partner's hot body, especially now that you have the time to make the orgasm. Also, promising closes the arousal gap between men and women. You might get there a little faster than she would like. Maybe she takes her 20 minutes orgasm and you only go for five. This would allow you to go for 10. So promising helps you less twice as long. Thousands of urologists are recommending promising the only FDA proof treatment for premature ejaculation. Go to promesson.com to find out more of that's promising or just go to sex.com and click on the banner.

And also, have to talk about no-no because I love my no-no pro. I've spent way too much time and money on razors and waxing. No-no pro is the best way to remove unwanted hair with no pain. It's so easy. You can do it sitting in your couch, whether it's your legs, your arms, your face, and it's for men too. You know that hair in your back, along that hair, all that stuff.

You will love how easy this is to use and the weeks and months of long lasting results. No no pro comes with 100% 60 day money back guarantee and when you you purchase it, look at a $50 gift card to it in Ward Winning Skincare line. Go to no-no-emily.com that's no-no-emily.com. Okay, we were talking about my avoidance. Okay, but we'll get, yeah, okay, I'll get fixed up with your guy. I like it, I'll do it. Okay, so how does addiction or recovery like do you think two people who are? Do they make better, better partners if they're both going through like I'll say it's already the years past? It's so hard to say because for people who are both in recovery. Yeah, it's so hard to say because

like sometimes I joke and say I only want one crazy in the relationship. Like one of us is right. I've heard that. You know what I mean? Like that's enough crazy in one relationship because I'm kind of neurotic and so I'm a neurotic rough for both people right but on the other hand You get to know somebody and you know what their goals are you know what their aspirations are and you kind of are thinking the same way But then there's a risk to what if they relapse right exactly that's scary. It is really scary I always want to know that's true. It's all about risks You'll make a call. Oh my god. I's scary. It is really scary. It's all about risks. Oh my God. I love it. Okay, can you, I did. I got you. Can a recovering addict be in a

relationship with someone who is not an addict? Can they still enjoy alcohol and drugs? I mean, if they're not an addict, but the partner is, can they still have a glass of wine? I think of it this way. I don't drink alcohol because I'm a recovery alcoholic. My husband will have a beer or something. I think of it this way. If you're allergic to peaches and you come to my party, you're not going to be like, nobody can have peach pie.

I'm allergic to peaches. You're going to be like, have your peach pie. I'm not so much cream. I'm good. Exactly. So it's ridiculous to live in a world where you think no one's ever going to have a drink in front of you. Exactly. Because I think in to like live in a world where you think no one's ever going to have a drink in front of you. Exactly. Because I think in the people who

always like tiptoe around it because I have friends and I've dated guys in recovery. Yeah. I have a lot of friends who have gone through it and I've also gone to a bunch of A meetings with them. I think anyway, so many because of my therapist for I was like, I love A, but I'm like, I'm not a big to the drug. And I was like, I just want to work the steps. They seem so amazing. Like I feel like every time I leave, I feel so much better. Because I think anyone can get anything I can meet. Yeah, for sure. I was just joking.

Maybe you could go to SLA. So I went to a sex and love addicts. Yeah. But it didn't drive with me. It was different. It's different. But I want to work the steps. What can I do?

You can go to Alonon. That's true. You can go to Alonon and you can go to Coda. Coda is a great program. Coda pendant. I know. I'm so independent. I'moda is a great program. Coda pendant. Anonymous. Coda pendant. I'm so independent.

I never heard of that Coda pendant. Yeah. I think you're a little more counter dependent. Do you know counter dependent? No, but I need to be more dependent on people. No, counter dependent is like this. I don't want anything from you and you don't want anything from me. I won't ask you for anything.

You don't do anything for me and I'll be happy. Yes. So then it leaves you a little bit lonely. Yeah. That's true. I'm like, oh, I. Yes. So then it leaves you a little bit lonely. Yeah. That's true. I have a lot of fun. I'm like, oh, I'm cool. I'm going to pay you.

It's fun. I got this. I got this. I don't need you. Right. So I'm going to guess that you're a better giver than a receiver. Yeah. I think so. Yeah.

So I would say like, you should practice receiving. We found my meeting. I should. I should. I should. I practice receiving. Like that's what Pat Allen would say. She would say, oh, I want to meet her. Oh, she's so amazing.

I've heard, I mean, everyone just braves about her. And she's hilarious. And she's really amazing. She's just, I've heard, I mean, everyone just faves about her. And she's hilarious and she's really direct. I'm like, people will go up and they'll do therapy in front of 200 people and she'll go, has he been in? Just like straight out. Yeah, inside you. And that's what I always say too.

I like, if a couple comes to me the first thing I say is, has he been in? Because if he's been in, we're dealing with something totally different than if he hasn't. But how would a couple come see you if they haven't, you mean in like sex? Right, but, but, but, what's a couple come see you if they haven't, you mean in like sex? Right, but, but, but, but is a couple come see you if they haven't had sex yet?

Um, yeah. Yeah. That's true. Yeah, it's just fun. Um, so okay, can we talk about emotional vampires? Yes. That is so interesting your whole theory about it. So tell me what emotional vampires are.

So we all have that. We will drain us. We have lunch, family members, like my brother, they just, we're just kidding. They drain you. And how do you, their energy, like what do you, what do you do? So boundaries, boundaries, like my brother, they just kidding. They drain you. And how do you, their energy? Like, what do you do? So boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

And like, there's a, there's this fine line between setting boundaries and being an avoidant, right? So like, I'm just gonna bail on everybody and keep a big wall up and nobody's gonna bother me. But it's all about boundaries. And being direct, I'm a really direct person. And I think it comes off kind of cold sometimes. It can. Right. And especially for women, we live in a culture where women, if they have any boundaries or stand up for themselves and their bridges. Right. Totally. That's a double standard.

What is that? It makes me crazy. That's a bossy. Did you see that ad about bossy? Oh, it's about little girls. Like when little girls are assertive and they know what they want, people call them bossy. When little boys want it, they're fabulous and successful and wonderful. I think that the world is going to change big time when women learn how to say no. Say no just to anything. Anything you want. And they don't want it. And not feel like, oh, I'm such a bitch because I said no. Right.

And learn to receive. When women start saying, like, okay, I want this or I want that or I'm accepting this instead of because we're so quick to go. I got this. I'm fine. We me alone. That's true. That's true. And it's actually sexually too women have to learn to say no and to say yes and to ask for for what they want in the bedroom and to be assertive. I always talk about that. And we yeah. So we miss and saying no. Right. Like the world changed when women learn how to say no. Absolutely. Big time. Do you talk to self esteem too?

Is it a huge thing for women that they just have lower self esteem and they don't really know their pleasers and we're raised that it's all about pleasing the man and it's not about our own needs. You put them on the back burner and you know, we treat a lot more men than we do women because women won't leave the home and go get treatment. Right. And men are just like okay Bye because the kids like when's the last time a man said oh, I got to get a babysitter. I can't go out tonight Right exactly never right person never right, but women have to say you know like oh, I got to get a babysitter

I don't know. I talked to my husband first. Right. It's true But the whole thing about women in bed. It's just that's top it makes me crazy I know my clients all the time and I say what's stopping you? What's stopping you from saying, I really like this, or I don't like that. Make, well, I don't want to hurt his feelings. You're sending mixed, I mean, we talk about this. You're sending mixed messages.

Don't ever fake an orgasm. I was gonna start like, put a proposition on the belt, like, no one fake, oh, like, trying to get people to like, I know, I was like, because women don't realize that it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's because he's gonna say, it's just the king of the universe. Right, and he's going, I did this thing that you loved, and you're going, well, I don't realize that it's, it's because he's gonna say to the king of the universe.

Right, and he's going, I did this thing that you loved, and you're going, well, I didn't really love it. I was just kind of trying to make you feel like. Right, because we want to please him, because men do get, they're like, they say, don't leave you, don't have the orgasm. We're like, I'm just gonna fake it, because I want it over.

And here's the thing that they've noticed, sometimes we don't have orgasms, and it's fine. Still pleasurable, sex is still great, but just don't fake it. And also, I think that couples need to start, because here's another fact, we're talking about the 90 day thing or people who you don't really know anyone after three years.

I think right after you start to have sex with someone, is when you start the sex conversation, or even before, because you might, yeah, before, obviously you talk about safe sex and all that, but about what your needs and things you wanna try, what your desires are in the bedroom. I think a lot of them might not even know because their whole life they have are these or is,

but imagine how many, and couples I hear from all the time to like, I don't know what I do it. We've been together 20 years. I've treated women who've never masturbated. Right. And they say to me, I've never masturbated. I'm saying, how do you know what you like? Yeah.

How can you tell somebody else what you like if you don't know what you like? Exactly. I'm just writing about the stay for glamour. I'm actually writing for glamour magazine now, Sunday nights on their website. Yeah, glamour.com, I guess, is their thing. And it's, I'm writing Sex Huts. And my first column today was about, it's going to be on this Sunday, is about masturbation

is the most important work that women can do sexually to have the most fulfilling sex life. Because if you don't know, know you're invited, I always say, so women believe that someday my prince will come and so will I. He's going to ride up on a white horse. He's going to, and he's going to come. He's going to show up. So do you think more men would be better in bed if women were honest?

Yes. Absolutely. If women say, no, I don't really like that or I do like that, do more of that. Exactly. Then men would know more, right? But we're not part of it. But they're not taught. And even now they're not taught that in school.

I mean, I certainly was. I mean, I never even knew about master. It never occurred to me on my own about masturbation until my friends were talking about orgasm. I was like, what? Like, I came from like a really liberal open home. It just for me, so that's why I was like, I'd love to teach young women about their bodies and sex and just so you can have a fulfilling life, long life of good sex because he's not going to figure it out for you.

She, whoever you're with, you might have to put in some work and you might not have work as in the first time. Not only do you guys not say what you like, but you pretend to like things you don't. That's what we're just saying. That really is confusing to men because they're like, well, I thought you'd like that for six times. It's simple. If you had an itch on your back,

that could you scratch my back? I got an itch in the middle. And then you guys would just be like, yeah, you got it. When we weren't even close. Right. It's so confusing. Like, why do that? What's the point of that?

Women think, oh, I'm going to make him feel better about himself. But I think it makes, in the long run, it makes him feel worse about himself, because he can't really fulfill her. Do you think part of it also is that you guys feel uncomfortable sometimes? And you just want it to be pleasant Air at least seemingly pleasant and over as quick as possible so you're not awkward I think I mean sometimes it's the case why women might fake it because it's not gonna happen

But I also think that that women are afraid they're gonna be judged if they know that right about what they like And he thinks she's a whole oh she knows her body that well Yeah, it's such a it feels like that's really into it or she's really having a great time. Right. What's wrong with her? But how much the how many partners is she but she must be it's not I've been here from guys is they hate dead fish. They hate it when got girls just lay there They really get a lot about that over and over and over again. That's what I hear. Yeah, that's good to know and And the number one to the colors to know for sure for sure like if you are I like the dead fish myself It's like quiet time. You are the dead fish myself. It's like quiet time

You are a dead fish or you like a I like the death you like your wife's dead fish. I like it to be quiet Yeah, don't don't show Don't act like a porn star. Just be quiet. Let me do my thing. Are you serious? No, I'm serious But that's why they work they're very happy But does she ask but you know what she likes? Yeah, you got to be pay attention I've said on the show numerous times you pay attention one of their saying and or not, if you watch closely, you'll be able to toe with toes and hands. Don't you think it's about people are so afraid to be vulnerable?

Yes. People are afraid to be vulnerable. How can you be vulnerable? Because you've got to let yourselves go completely to get to that place. How can you be vulnerable? Somebody you just met three days ago. Exactly. And how can you be vulnerable? It's completely different. We don't have to be vulnerable. I could just happen to be.

Because men don't get the oxytocinibons until they're old. Like you see old men that are hooked on some 20-year-old and they're like, ah, ah, ah, ah, and they're like going crazy and doing things they never did before. That's because they didn't start getting oxytosis until they got older. The chemical in their brain. How do I cut that off when I get older? I can't wait to see you. I can't wait. You'll be on a car. Because you're a shoulder counter-access. You're a stocker. What have to go to school. I'm going to come here. What age do you think it is that men start getting more of the oxytocinus in the 40s, 50s?

I don't know. Like the scientific age. I'm going to guess it's around 60. Yeah. Like we don't have men start getting more oxytocin and they start getting more estrogen. They're like gardening and women start like running for senators. Exactly. It's two. I'd say it's more like like like 50s and stuff. So women get more testosterone.

Right. It's true. It's funny how it switches. But stuff. So women get more testosterone. Right. It's true. It's funny how it switches, but I do think that, and if you're a guy, you're with someone, and it just think it's imperative that if she won't talk to you about it, I hear this all the time, she won't keep pushing it, not pushing it in aggressive way, but be like, baby, I want you to be happy. I want to know that you're not gonna judge her.

Right. You're not gonna judge her. I'm not gonna judge you. Like, I'm not gonna even make a joke, like, oh, what a slut you are. Right, I won't even joke. I won't even joke that you're slut. I don't think that you're slut. I only say that in a good way. Exactly, and I just wish that women,

because then once they do know their bodies and they take that time, then they'll really be able to explain it to their partners and have better sex. So what about people who are getting sober? I always hear people like they're afraid because I had a best friend, and it's still in San Francisco who got sober,

and she was drinking, you know, she's been sobered out for a while, it's like 10 years, but when she first got sober, I would have to go on dates with her because she was, she'd been drinking her, you know, since she started dating. She was 15, and then she was like 32 at the time, and she said she was so terrified to even be on a date

couldn't talk to man without having a drink. It's like I did go and say okay I'll call her Shelley. Shelley, tell him what you used to do, you know like she was, people think they can't function without. I think most of the alcohol are drugs. Oftentimes people are are medicating self-medicating social anxiety with alcohol. Exactly. Because alcohol is a depressant. People come into me and they go well I drink a lot and I'm really depressed and I go well alcohol is a depressant. People come into me and they go, well, I drink a lot and I'm really depressed and I go, alcohol is a depressant. Like, biologically, it's going to depress you if you drink a lot of alcohol. You're going to walk around during the day feeling kind of depressed. It brings you down. And then you want to drink again,

because you've got to be warm, it's a vicious cycle. It's a vicious cycle. But if you're self-medicating social anxiety, what happens when the alcohol gets taken away? away? You go on a date and you're like, I love it. She was terrified about sexually. To well, she got over that, but eventually the sex thing was scary too, because a lot of people, even their first kiss, they think, God, I've never even had a first kiss when I didn't have a little liquid courage.

And that's terrifying. Right, so I'm sure that you talked to a lot of people about that as well. And sometimes I talk to, like, I'll have men's groups and we'll talk about what it's like to just talk to women's sober, because a lot of people about that. And sometimes I talk to, like I'll have men's groups, and we'll talk about what it's like to just talk to women sober, because a lot of men say, like, I can't talk to a girl unless I'm liekered up. I can't walk up to a group of women and go,

hey, what's up, how are you doing? Blah, blah, blah. You know, they have so much fear. They feel embarrassed, you know? They're terrified of the rejection. So what have groups? I'm sorry, I heard some great advice on this just last night. You did?

It was fantastic. I wish I had it before I was married. When you're talking to a girl, like a pretty girl and your guy, pretend like it's your girlfriends, really good friend, or your sister's really good friend. No, no, your sister's, no, your girlfriend's really good friend. That just stopped there. That's great advice. I have a client right now, but I'm going to use that for.

Yeah. If I had that, stop and be that really fun. You were fine though, right? I was okay. I'm just so fine, but it is true. They got to get over that. But I also got some questions today. I posted that you're going to be on the show for my listeners.

They had some questions. So I'm going to give this out to it. And also, my guest tonight is Diana Jordan. And your website, so people can find you, is new method wellness.com. Right? If you're just catching up with the show. So some of the questions were,

is there any way to know whether your partner can actually overcome their long time addiction before it sabotages their relationship? So what I would say to you is listener, is that a writer, is that it's not really important to focus on what your partner is doing. It's important to focus on you and taking care of yourself. You're completely powerless over whether your partner is going to get well or not. And once you accept that, because people say to me all the

time, why should I go to Eleanor and I kind of trick them? I say go to Eleanor and so you can learn how to deal with an alcoholic. But really it's not for that. Really it's to go to Eleanor and learn how to deal with your own stuff. Exactly. Because women, again typically put their men, but they put their stuff in the back burner. Right. And so, and they think someone's gonna change. That is one thing that my mom told me after her second marriage, which I always remember.

I was like 14 and she's like, you men don't change. People don't change. You know, you can't date on potential. No one is ever, I totally agree with you. Don't be on potential. No, you can't. You really, and my mom said to me when I got married,

she said, you should only get married if you can deal with this person exactly the way they are right now for the rest of your life. Right. Exactly. It's true. Because maybe they'll change and if they want to change, but there are no guarantees. Right. Because acceptance is all about like your perceptive and your acceptance.

Like am I going to accept this person for who they are? Or am I going to sit around and wish they could be somebody else. Right. And I think that a lot of, would you say women do that more than men? You know, I used to think that. I used to think like, and I think that's because I am a woman, and I experienced it from the love addict side, but I really truly believe nowadays that I've dealt with the equal amount of men. Right. I've just been burned by women in there. Just like men come to me all the time and say, all women burn you and blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, what?

Yeah, you can't draw, it's not. So, it's not a stair to it, right? It's everyone. It is. Another question from a listener, how can you discuss with your partner how their addiction and deceptive tendencies have hurt the relationship without it seeming like an attack?

You have to say it straight up, because you know, addicts are so manipulative that it's always gonna be, they're always gonna go on the defense. So, like, I'll come into work right now, have a client and I'll just go you look loaded to me Like straight in their face and they'll say, oh, I'm not loaded. How could you say that? How could you talk to me that way and I'm like you look loaded? I can tell I'm a drug and alcohol I'm a street with drugs at all call you're loaded. You're lying to me

Do they ever fess up like oh, yeah, yeah, for a while they'll say no, no, no, and I'll go I don't believe you I think you're lying. I just say it's straight up because what good is it gonna do for me to but like I said Sometimes people perceive me as kind of like direct and cold. I like it That's why you're so good since you're such a success and you're so good at what you do You're very passionate about it and direct. I think it's important people who want their Their best to mess you want to wrap but do you want to spend 10 years with somebody like waiting for them to change? No, hopefully they quit drinking and blah blah blah And they're just telling straight up look you have a problem and I don't want to live

with it. Right. Exactly. And I mean, they're going to leave her. I'm going to accept you the way you are. Is it dry? People are so afraid because they're afraid that they're going to lose them and that they're right. And there'll be nobody else. Right. There's a bazillion people out there. Why would you think there's nobody else? Right. Everyone I think I think the people believe that all that I think what if I don't find a way to come along. There's like a lot of good There's a good zillion people in the world Right and there's so many people that are suited for everybody

Right, I believe that there's like one person that's like magically in the universe now that I'm supposed to my friends all think that they're like You just haven't met the one. I'm like I haven't been dating for a lot of people I've been out there. I think I haven't been Open to it already, but I'm moving to a point where I think I am recently. It's a new phase. That's awesome. Like I'm really ready. Yeah, because you're doing dating.

And duty dating. Yeah, like the whole weight thing, you know, like I waited with my husband and then I ended up marrying him because we did have sex. You waited the 90 days. Well, not total 90, but I'll be honest. Okay, because it's you. Yeah, it's me.

I love the national America. But yeah, I waited with my husband. It's funny. I told him I said we were gonna have to wait 90 days He goes, uh, yeah, that's not gonna work for me. I go get no, no, that's my deal. I wait 90 days and he's like, yeah That's not gonna work. It was hilarious. That's so funny But then you're getting married. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, so how many date how long did it take? Well, we really waited about 30 days Okay, but that's good. That's more than the most people. But I always say, if you can't wait 90 days, if you can't do the rule, then just wait till you know

what their plans are. And I did wait for that. I said, I need to know what your plans are. Do you want me to be your girlfriend? Or do you? Because I'm looking for a relationship. I just want to be straight. So many women are afraid to say, look, I want a relationship.

I want to get married. I want to have kids. Or like, oh, I might scare them off. Then he's not the one for you. Right. Exactly. You want someone who matches your goals. goals if wait. Why would you hold that back? Why would you even waste your time on a dinner? Right with somebody who doesn't want anything you want? You're gonna spend all this time trying to change them exactly

Appartisers you can find this out and then leave like why is it they get you waiting for dessert? Or like you guys want what I want right and and people do not they don't even find this information out when they get married like they I I've had people all the lot of time. You probably do. We got married and I realized that he didn't want kids. How do you, how do you, like, go to the church or the, whatever, without knowing that this person is gonna have kids? I don't understand.

I don't understand people you need to, the bottom line. I always say communication is a lubrication. It is gonna help you, it's your sex life, but it's gonna help you with everything. What do you tell people who've been married for a long time? About spicing up, about keeping it interesting? Yeah. I say, I just tell them that you've got, it's like ripping a bandaid off.

If you've never talked about it, you just gotta start saying, honey, I like our sex life, you know, I love you, and I just think that we could have some fun together. And let's try some new things to make it more interesting. Don't make it like a whole heavy talk. Okay, so one of the things I tell couples that have been, because I have couples come in and they've been married for 20 years and they haven't had sex in three years.

Right. I'm like, how do you live like that? How do you live in the same house and you haven't had sex in three years? Because your roommates, how do you do that? And what I always suggest is, okay, you gotta like do it what they want to or not. What's weak? Just like connect bond with this person, be in the same spaces they are. Right. It's true. Whether you want to or not to do it. It's like going to the gym. You're always glad afterwards. That's what I said. I said like going to the gym, the hardest part is getting dressed and putting your shoes on. But once you make yourself and you get into the sex routine, I also have a 30 day sex challenge that I always talk

about. I actually have an iPhone app called Sex Emilease sex drive. And every day it's helped to help couples. It sends you a little tip of what you should do that night. It's like 30s of a sex drive. Like I pledge like a toy drive. You pledge to keep your sex alive. And I do think that if you pledge to have sex every day, you know, for 30 days, but again, it doesn't have to be sex. You could even say for the first week, we're going to take sex off the table. We're just going to touch. We're going to get to know each other. That's where I tell you. Massage is. I'm actually giving you a wonderful massage candle after the site made candle. I know. I'm going to you a wonderful massage candle after this type of candle, if I know,

I'm gonna give it back to you. Yeah, but give a massage, so sex has been your issue, like take it off, get to discover each other's bodies again, because you can't bring it back, but it might take some work. But you gotta really commit, it's your relationship. It's a therapist job to say what nobody's saying in the room.

You know, so I'll have a couple come in, and like they say, I'm like, you have sex in three years and they like freak out that I just said that out loud. Like they've been walking around holding it and I go, you have sex in three years and they go, well, I'm having a little of a lunch so that I say, okay, so we're going to have sex this week. You guys are going to have sex this week.

That's your homework for the week. And then I find out like he has erectile dysfunction or she has problems or something. I'm like, I can't believe no one has talked about this into three years. I know. Never comes up. I mean, it just sounds me.

I'm always saying to couples that like why, they're emailing me these long questions. And I'm like, 20 every talk to your partner about it. No, they don't know how, they're afraid. And even in new relationships, men and women don't know how to talk about that sexual dysfunction, or reptiles dysfunction pretty much anything that's going on. It's like the abortendance out there. It doesn't happen because it's so, something about sex is so taboo. I actually used to show yesterday

about sex scripts. I think it's coming out next week. Like, like scripts about how to talk, we do the role play about how to talk. I do not know about playing with my clients all the time. Like I said, we'll have guys role play like walking up to a group of women. Right. Because right. And I might return to you, but whatever. But you have to practice. It's all about practicing practicing practicing.

Role playing is like when you're giving speech, should you do it over and over again? I mean, it's important. I think that's great that you do that work. OK, so Deanna, we're going to have to wrap up. I feel like I can talk to you for like a year. That's how I feel. You come back on my show, but I have like 18 more questions.

I'm so glad that you're here. I know it is so fun. I know it is so fun. I know you're here. You're going to love her. She's so funny. Oh, that's so sweet. I'm glad that she connected us.

And I think it's really valuable and good work that you're doing. Thank you. And if anyone wants to see, do you see individuals? I do see individuals. I do see a lot of individuals, and I see couples, and I see drug addicts and alcoholics. Okay. We do whatever we can to help.

Okay. So it's new method wellness.com. Okay. And it's a Sam on Capastrado, California. Got it. Okay. Do you ever do phone? I do Skype.

You Skype. That makes sense. Yeah. Skype calls. Okay. Dana Jordan. Thank you so much for being on the show. And now my brother, Michael.

Thank you. Thank you for stopping in. And you find awards that you'd like to say. Anything you learned during the show? Because you've never listened to my show. I learned a lot and you even know there was such a thing. That's why. Some of these things love addiction and whatnot and how it interacts with the other addictions. Very fascinating. Oh, thank you.

Very fascinating. Good. Let's see. Learn something on this trip. Yeah, we didn't talk about sex too much. It's okay. We did. I took a little nap on the couch. Michael was napping. He's tired. He's not missing time. Okay. Well, thank you. Michael Moore for joining us. And thank you, Anderson. What's on your podcast

this week? Anything that we can't miss? Don't want to miss? Hey, Todd. I got a microcathard with Dr. Duran here. I forgot it. Okay. So how was the podcast? Yeah. Don't go. It's doing okay. Good. Well, thanks for the live show after disaster, but you have to be a listener to to say. Okay, good. Well, thanks for that. Live show after disaster, but you have to be a listener to get it. That's going to be at the improv July 12th. Okay.

Oh, thank you for reminding me. Improv July 12th after is it. Do you guys have a website? Just get your rest. Yeah, just go to the appresaster.com. Okay. One more thing. I'm doing, remind me that I'm doing a workshop at Hustler.

Blow jobs. No, it's called How to Do Your Brother. Yeah, right. It's called How to Blow His Mind in Bed. And it is a hustler in Los Angeles on sunset. Boulevard, it's amazing store on July 16th. So if you go to my sex with Emily Page on Facebook, you'll see the invitation on the left hand side.

Click on it one more or email me. Feedback at sex with Emily.com. I hope to see you out there. I mean my listeners, all that. And thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback, it's sexwithemily.com.

Okay. Thanks a moment. Thanks everyone for listening to the show. Thanks, everyone. Thanks everyone for listening to this show. I hope you enjoyed it. Have you ever heard of a massage candle? Well, it looks like a regular candle that instantly turns into a massage oil. Because massage gets your partner in the mood and the warm, luxurious oil feels amazing

when you pour it on. That's why you need a massage candle. It is your secret weapon in the bedroom. If you want to spice things up, get your partner in the mood and have incredible sex. And the feedback has been outstanding. And that's these are my candles, Emily and Tony, but I tried them all out in the market,

and they have to say they're the best. From one of my listeners, dear Emily, I bought a candle. My girlfriend was skeptical at first, but agreed to try the warm oil, Ami first, and gave I bought a candle. My girlfriend was skeptical at first but agreed to try the warm oil, Ami first, and gave me a back rub. Then I was supercated and we had amazing sex. She can not stop talking about how good the candle smells and how great the massage oil feels. And I'm convinced that the scent and the candle helped us through some of the

barriers to sex that we have faced lately. So I created these candles so you can have the best sex of your life. Go to emilyantone.com, use code Emily for 20% off that's emilyantone.com. Perhaps play a little game called just a tip. Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Hey, this is Jordan Harbinger, host of the Art of Charm Podcast, the number one dating and relationship advice podcast in iTunes. I'm Emily Morris, host of the Sex with Emily Podcast, the number one sex and relationship podcast on iTunes, and it's sexwithemily.com.

And this is just the tip. So recently I've been reading about clitorial orgasms and vaginal orgasms and all these different types of orgasms. I guess how many types are there? It seems like there's a ton. Oh my God, there's so many different types. So but the thing is for each woman it's different. There's clitorial orgasms.

There is g spot orgasms. There's clitoral orgasms. There is g-spot orgasms. There's even blended orgasms. So most women- It's like a smoothie. Exactly. You just put in a blender and see if it happens. Exactly.

Orgasms smoothie sounds delicious. I'd like to wake up to that every single morning. So most women, knee clitorial stimulation, even before any other kind. So get her clitoris going, get it warmed up. But then she's more likely to achieve other orgasms after she's warmed up. So the G-spot orgasm, which can be achieved with your penis or with fingers, you can explore, use lots of lube. You can also, women can have orgasms through their breasts, so their nipples alone, can

you give that? Really, just through the nipples. Just the nipples. Wow. Yeah, crazy orgasms. That's the safest sex ever. That is the safest sex ever. And I think some women don't even know it.

So spend some time on their nipples. You can also, there's also the blended or fused type of orgasm. This happens when more than one area of the body becomes stimulated and then aroused at the same time. So a lot of women experience a clitoral orgasm and a vaginal orgasm. That's also one of the most pleasurable two-fers on the planet.

Yeah, that sounds like a really good combo deal. Yeah. Awesome. So play with your partner and figure out what you like and her body, you know, the women, the men look at the vagina as a Rubik's Cube of Life, but you can get all the colors on one side. If you guys want to learn more from the art of charm about dating, relationships, and even networking for business, visit us at theartofcharmpodcast.com or check us out on iTunes and follow me on Twitter at the Art of Charm.

And check out the second of the Emmy Podcasts, it's sexortheemlee.com and on iTunes, if you want to have the best sex or life that is, also follow me on Twitter at sexwithemlee. TrueCard.com is changing car buying forever. Yes, every day, true card users receive negotiation-free guaranteed savings. Some features are not available in all states. The first three months of this year, over 126,000 cars were sold by the TrueCars certified dealer network. TrueCars users save an average of $3,000 off MSRP. When you're ready to buy a car, just follow these three easy steps. So easy.

First, go to TrueCars.com and find out what other people paid for the car you're looking for. Then register at TrueCar.com and find out what other people paid for the car you're looking for. Then register at TrueCar.com to see upfront pricing information and lock in your savings. Third step is simple. Just print out your TrueCar savings certificate and take it to the TrueCar certified dealer for a better, hassle-free, car buying experience. Remember, every day, TrueCar users receive negotiation free guaranteed savings, save time, save money and never overpay. Visit truecar.com today. That's truecar.com.