Sex With Emily - AITA For Being Pushy About My Fantasies?

Episode Date: March 8, 2024

Listen up, assholes! Relationships and sex dynamics can be pleasure-filled and intimate, and also complicated and messy. Today, Producer Erica and I are reading your AITA questions and letting you know if you’re being an asshole in your sex life and relationships. We answer questions like: AITA for wanting more sexual tension and intimacy in our relationship? AITA for re-evaluating a new relationship after they told me they have an STI? AITA for breaking up with my partner because they won’t go down on me? And more. In this episode you’ll learn:  How to communicate your sexual needs effectively with your partner What to do if your partner tells you they have an STI How to heighten sexual tension Show Notes: Promescent.com/Emily (Use this link to automatically save 15% at checkout!) Episode: Hot Sex with STIs w/ Dr. Ina Park SHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $99) The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure Want more? Sex With Emily: Home Let’s get social: Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | TikTok  Let’s text: Sign Up Here Want me to slide into your inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. See the full show notes at sexwithemily.com.

It's really still in our culture that men are set up to feel like they are supposed to know everything. Their penis has to be hard every time they have sex. They have to know what they're doing. They have to be able to please their partner. And so that's one thing is that maybe you really need some more guidance. Like maybe you need to show him what you like. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Listen up assholes, relationships and sex dynamics can be pleasure filled and intimate and also complicated and messy. Well today producer Eric and I are reading your Am I the Asshole questions and letting you know if you're being an asshole in your sex life and relationships.

We answer questions like, am I the asshole for wanting more sexual tension and intimacy in our relationship? Am I the asshole for reevaluating a new relationship after they told me they have an STI? Am I the asshole for breaking up with my partner because they won't go down on me? And so much more in today's episode, you're gonna love it.

Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. Do it right now. It takes two seconds and it really helps us get this show out to more sex positive people like you. My two articles, how to have a threesome, and how to deal with a low sex drive and what you can do to boost it are up on sexwithemily.com. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode! If you're tuning into this podcast, chances are you want to elevate your sex life.

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a 60 day money back guarantee and discrete delivery. So whether you're looking to last longer or just add a little extra something, Primescent has got you covered. Remember, that's primescent.com slash Emily. P-R-O-M-E-S-C-E-N-T.com slash Emily for 15% off. So let's get into one of our favorite things here every day, the Am I the Asshole episode. This is from Nora, she's 33 in Canada. Am I the asshole for wanting more sexual tension and intimacy?

Hey Dr. Emily, how do I talk to my partner about building intimacy and sexual tension outside the bedroom? We've been living together over a year now and everything is comfortable, happy, and safe. It's wonderful, but now I feel like an asshole because I'm often annoyed by the way he greets me with a kiss that isn't sexy or intimate at all. Our bodies aren't touching or even close together

and in my opinion, even a hug would be way more intimate and satisfying. Am I the asshole for feeling annoyed by a peck on the lips? He struggles with initiating intimacy and self-esteem so I don't know how to bring this up intimate and satisfying. Am I the asshole for feeling annoyed by a peck on the lips? He struggles with initiating intimacy and self-esteem, so I don't know how to bring this up without hurting his feelings. Nora, let me just tell you this.

He probably doesn't know he's giving you a peck that is not sexy, romantic, or hot to you at all. Maybe you come home where he sees you, he's a little distracted, he's doing his own thing, and he's gotten to his routine of the way he kisses you. So I'm just gonna say he probably has no idea that he's doing that own thing and he's gotten to his routine of the way he kisses you. So I'm just going to say he probably has no idea that he's doing that number one, but number two, I'm sure that if you let him know in the way that I'm going to explain to you

how important it would be for you to create that intimacy together and how he could do it with a kiss, he'd be more than happy to oblige and to figure out what would be hot for you. So I have a feeling that we can get there and I don't think you are an asshole for wanting more romance with a kiss, but you would be an asshole if you didn't talk to him about it. I feel like that's such a common theme through all of these am I the asshole questions is people feeling like they're an asshole for wanting more than what they currently have.

No, you're not selfish. You're not an asshole. Like you just know what you need and it's okay to communicate those needs to your partner. Absolutely. And because we don't have a lot of experience talking about sex because there's so much like shame and worry and stress that comes with it. We just don't do it and assume that we have to just live our lives silently suffering through mediocre sex, which we do not. So you have come to the right place. You are ready, I think, to make it hot again. So I feel that. You wrote in, you took the effort.

First, you can just talk to them next time you're hanging out outside the bedroom. I think you gotta talk about the state of your sex life. So here's the thing, when you move in with somebody, it is a lot harder to keep the romance alive. Let me remind you that part of what makes the sex hot and erotic is the separation. It is the distance, it is the spontaneity

of not knowing when you're gonna see them again. It is the variety. It's really hard to kind of spark that tension when you're literally living on top of each other, seeing each other every day. So just know that this takes work for most couples to build this tension together when you no longer have that built-in separation.

So you are right where you need to be. And so what would be interesting is thinking about when it would be, because now I'm thinking that it's a bigger thing than just the conversation about the kiss, because really it's on both of you to figure out how to create that erotic charge, how to create that separation so you could still come together and make it hot. Like what are the things that you guys could do in your relationship that could lead up to making it really sexy.

Do you happen to know, if you think about when it has been hot lately, what did that look like? What was going on in your relationship at that time? Were you out on a date? Did you have a few cocktails? Were you on vacation? When is it hot?

And when was it? Was it before you moved in together? So how do you go back to those times where it felt great and bring that? Now maybe you need to also be bringing that energy because there's both of you in the relationship. What might be helpful if it is you give him a sexy hot kiss like what he kisses you next time. When he gives you that annoying peck, why not grab his face and make out with him like you mean it? Why not say, you know what, let's try that again. And you could say, now that felt really hot. Show

him what you want. Bring him that energy. And I have a feeling that when you bring that to him, he's going to be like, Oh, that's really sexy. So sometimes we just wait for our partners because we're so frustrated to make the move to do the things, but remember, they don't know or they would be doing it. Sometimes we have to lead. I love that. Cause also in long-term relationships, they can so easily fall into just like maintenance,

kissing, maintenance sex. And that's so different from a kiss where you really mean it. And if you haven't experienced that in a while, then yeah, it is on both of you to create that again. Yeah, and I'm gonna give a personal example that just happened this morning. That's good. So I live with my partner and we work together.

So sometimes we are talking about work a lot. And this morning I said, oh, hey, I tried to say, hey babe, rather than hey, I'm like, hey babe, did you happen to read that thing? And he's like, come here. I look what he's like, come over here. And he's like, sit, put your leg over me. And he like, and I like, I turned towards him.

He's like, I sat on his lap, I faced him, and we had a moment where we just like kissed and we had a second and then we went about our day. That was like three hours ago. And it was like such a great connected moment because I am guilty for being like, what are we doing next? Let's talk about work.

And that is just not hot and it's hard. And it was like a really special moment that we had. And we felt so much more connected for the rest of the day. I love that. And you know what that shows to is a disruption of the cycle, as a disruption of the pattern. You're not just waiting for your partner's lead, because you started that conversation and you started with work. And instead of going down the path that you had started, he said, actually, that's not how that's not the path I'm going to choose today. I'm going to create a new path. Everyone has permission to create new paths wherever they want to.

Yeah. And I love that you said disrupting the pattern because that's so much about behavioral change is when we disrupt a pattern. We do something different. We, you know, if we feel set in our ways, we, you know, that's why like going for a walk or leaving your, your state or getting, that's why going for a walk or leaving your state or getting up and shaking your body for a few minutes will help change your state and disrupt patterns.

And so sometimes we just gotta do it in an extreme way. And I was like, wait what? I'm like, need to read that map. Like you gotta read this contract. And he was like, come here. I was like, okay, I loved it. I was like, all right, you're right. I love it.

So anyway, he disrupted it. And I think that you can do the same thing. And then if he's not getting it, you, like I loved it. I was like, all right, you're right. I love it. So anyway, he disrupted it and I think that you can do the same thing. And then if he's not getting it, you get to have a conversation. But I like showing what you need and seeing how he follows. I think you've said this before that the definition of insanity

is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same outcome. Nothing will change if you keep doing and saying the same things every day. Why would anything turn out any differently? Yeah, exactly. That's our life. I mean, that goes for every area of our life is we keep trying the same things.

We do it in relationships. We keep dating the same kind of people. We keep doing the same kind of conversations or workouts or whatever it is, but you always got to like mix it up. And it is pretty insane to think that you are going to change something without changing ourselves. And when we change, people change around us. When we change, people change around us. I mean, that is a big theory in psychology to our own therapy. It's called homeostasis. And when we change who we are, and a lot of the therapists do recommend this, say,

we've got to change, you know, a lot of us go into therapy and we like complain of our partners and there's all these things wrong, which might be true. It might be really, really annoying. But until we change, then they have an opportunity to react to our change. So oftentimes we're just waiting. We're like, I've said it, I've told them I need something different and they don't do it. So once we start to change, then you'll start to see the world change around you. So not an asshole, Nora.

This is from Ken47 in Colorado. Am I the asshole for reevaluating a new relationship after they told me they have herpes? Hey Dr. Emily, I have a major dilemma. I recently was destroyed when my girlfriend broke up with me due to her own past trauma and inability to trust. It destroyed my ability to have a spark with most people I meet. However, there was one person I did have a spark with.

We're now about three weeks into dating, two to three days a week, and I very intentionally taken it slow because she has admitted to her own trauma. Over the weekend, she broke down saying that she wanted to be intimate, but can't. She didn't specify why at that time. All we've done so far is short but hot kisses where I can tell she's holding back.

I honestly never had more fun with someone in my life on many of these dates. She's amazing. Last night, she dropped a bomb on me. She has herpes. Maybe you said last night though. Okay. Last night though, she dropped a bomb on me.

She has herpes. She didn't specify the type. I'm assuming it's genital two since she was fine with kissing and not worried about transmission. She says I need to research this and see if it's something I want. Sadly, I don't know much about it or how it would impact our relationship. She hasn't told me how she manages, but she's had it for more than 15 years. She didn't tell me how often her flare ups are or any other details. I know herpes is manageable, but how do I do the mental math on this? The longest relationship she's ever had was seven years.

For me, it's 24 years. We've only gone out a little, but we enjoy each other very much. I don't know how to assess the risk here. Am I the asshole for even trying to do the math? Sadly, when I grew up, what little sex had we had made herpes sound like this plague and it's hard to get out of my head around this.

Am I over analyzing this? Please advise. All right, I told you get it. We don't have a lot of information on this, and it is true. It was like a plague. But yeah, luckily we've got more information now. And so let me just lay down the facts here that more than 50% of adults in the US have oral Herpes, and one in eight people in the United States have genital herpes. Although, get this, that's one eight have them, but more than 90% are unaware they have the virus. So any person who is sexually active can get genital herpes, so everyone should be getting tested.

And so just so you know, it's really, really common. I love that she told you about it. I'm going to guess here that she is probably taking a daily suppressant, meaning if she takes a daily suppressant, it is way less likely to transmit. I think the chances of transmission are super, super low with a suppressant. But also if she's not taking a daily suppressant, she would know after 15 years how to manage it. So for example, if she has a sore and an outbreak, well then she wouldn't be having sex with you,

you wouldn't be going down on her, maybe you would just be like making out that day. And so I'm guessing that she knows that. And I would also assume that she is somebody who really cares about sexual health and wellness and she's honest and she seems like she'd be like a really great partner because I always think that think of all the people who don't know they have it or don't tell you they have it. Well, those are the people that like, what else are they keeping

from you? What else are they, you know, not telling you when it comes to your health? To me, this shows some character in somebody who is a good person who's had to do some work around this and letting go because there is a lot of shame. Like you said, it was like a huge plague, but no. If you have herpes, your sex life is not over at all. It just means that you don't have to learn how to manage it. And some people have flare-ups once a year, only once. Some people have it once every season.

It presents differently in everybody, but there are ways to have incredible sex, being a long-term relationship, and have it all be good. So many issues with sex come with an inability to communicate about your needs and your boundaries and your desires. This is a pretty major thing you have to communicate. So if she's willing to do that and able, which clearly she is, you are probably set up for

better sex. And as you said, yeah, you know she has herpes, but even if you date other people, they could have herpes and not know it and therefore not be able to tell you. So truly, if you're having sex, you could get it. Yeah, exactly. So now you just know, now you know the risk of it, you know that you don't have it. And now you can take all the precautions so you won't get it. So just remember this, don't have sex during an outbreak,

even with the condom, because that's when it can spread most easily. You want to use protection like condoms or dental dams during any kind of sex. This is the recommendation that includes oral, anal, or vaginal sex, because it can spread if there are no visible symptoms. You gotta talk with your doctor.

Also, your partner should learn how to tell when an outbreak is coming, so she would have like burning, itching or tingling. It can transmit before it's actually visible so it's not up to you to be like looking out for it. She's got to know the tell-tale signs when she's going to get an outbreak and you know you don't have sex till the sores are completely gone and the scabs heal or fall off and you never want to touch your herpes sores. Those are just some things to know. You would still be at risk for it. And I don't know, dental dams are hot.

I don't know why we don't use them enough. So anyway, because if you use them when you're going down in a vulva, there's so many nerve endings on our vulva that it actually feels can feel really good because you can like breathe on it and then it gets hot and put some lube underneath it. I don't know if I've talked to you about that before,

but I love a dental dam. I know, it almost just adds a little more texture. Yeah, texture, exactly. Like when you're masturbating over your underwear. Yeah, exactly, it's like that. It's like masturbating over your underwear. So those are all things to know and have a talk with her, find out what her plan is, how she's managed in the past

and see how it goes. But I like her communication style, I can tell you that. And I don't think you're an asshole for being considerate about your own sexual health. As common as it is, and it's definitely not the plague or anything like that, it is still definitely an STD, a serious thing that you should be absolutely aware of. Absolutely, but it sounds like you're learning a lot and you can also check out a great episode we did, it was called Hot Sex with STIs with Dr. Ina Park.

We can put that link in the show notes. We talk a lot about this in that episode. All right, not an asshole. Thanks for your question, Ken. We appreciate you so much. No need to be an asshole. I'll be right back after a quick break for our sponsors. So just stick around.

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This is not you Erica? Okay. I'm on the asshole for breaking up with my partner because they won't give oral. Hey Dr. Emily, I've been seeing my boyfriend for five months. I absolutely adore him. And with good communication and patience, our sex life went from boring and quiet to fun and talkative. The only thing, there's always an only thing that even though we've been dating for many months, he's yet to go down to me. I vocalize many times that this is an important part of sex to me. I love giving and receiving oral to and from all genders.

And so I don't know why he's not excited to eat pussy cause it's awesome. I brought this up as a want slash need of mine many times and he said that he would, he would and he wants to, but in the past that wasn't something he was as good at. So he feels insecure by his abilities. Whereas he knows he can make me come with his finger or a combination of penetrative sex and finger. That's something we both really enjoy, so I've been very pleased and bad otherwise. But what? Am I supposed to not have my pussy eaten out for the duration of this relationship? Or do I have to end our otherwise perfectly good relationship to have oral sex? I've been trying to work it out with him for some time to boost his confidence, and

honestly, there's nothing better than a boyfriend who takes initiative in sex education and learning about female anatomy. So I sent him episodes of your podcast. I've sent articles from your site. I've sent links to books and he keeps saying he hasn't forgotten and will get around to reading and listening, but he hasn't. I don't want to come off as pushy about it or like an asshole dude that's like, if you don't suck my dick, I'm going to break up with you.

But I also have to honor what I want. And he's been so respectful and really honored my body otherwise, if you don't suck my dick, I'm gonna break up with you. But I also have to honor what I want. And he's been so respectful and really honored my body otherwise, but I don't want to have to repeat what I want so often and feel ignored. What do you think I should do? Ooh. She sent him the articles. Oh my God, the articles, the podcast.

She's let him know and all I can say is he's probably doesn't want to look like he's an amateur. It's really still in our culture that men are set up to feel like they are supposed to know everything. Their penis has to be hard every time they have sex. They have to know what they're doing. They have to be able to please their partner. And so that's one thing is that maybe he really needs some more guidance.

Like maybe you need to show him what you like. Maybe you could show him some porn, look at like Belessa or some site that shows what you actually like. And maybe it's one of these things that once he does it, he'll be into it, but maybe he literally doesn't know how to start it. That's just my hunch is that I know this is sounds lame because you've done it all, but there's just some fear. It kind of reminds me of people who say,

I've told my partner to initiate like 10 times and they never initiate. That's because it's like a whole new skill set initiating. People like, I literally don't know what you want and how would that look to you? And it makes me feel weird because you asked me to initiate. So I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt here that maybe there is something else going on.

And you could talk to them about this outside the bedroom in a very calm way saying, listen, you know that oral sex is a really important part of my arousal. It's something that really turns me on. I've let you know that, but I'm noticing it's still not happening. Is there anything else you want to share with me about it? I know you've said you don't have a lot of experience, but is there more to it? Is there something that happened? Can you tell me?

And remember, these conversations, you want to be compassionate and curious and open? Because all I can think of, if it's not the fact that he's just still really nervous about trying it out, maybe he did have a bad experience with oral ones. Maybe he did it and the person didn't like it or maybe they had an odor or like, you know, a lot of times vulva owners can have an odor

and they don't know it because they have an untreated STI or something or a vaginal infection. So maybe, you know, something, maybe you heard something bad about it. We don't know. But it sounds to me like great guy in a lot of areas, but you need more information. You got to gather more data. If she keeps sending him all of this information, she has these conversations and let's say it's been a year and he still hasn't gone down on her. Is there a point where you should, you would say it's okay to break up with someone because they won't satisfy your sexual needs?

Absolutely. And in fact, I do not want you, Erica, going a year. I want you to have this conversation when you hear this show and get more data because my thing is, I just can always see where people are coming from and under I've talked to people like him. I'm talking to you, Erica. Like I, I feel like there's something that we don't know here because it's why wouldn't it? What is it about it? Does he have a neck injury? Does it hurt? Like what there's something else we don't know because it is confusing. So when you have a pointed conversation with them now and you have to do it in a calm way, loving like this is what I love about our sex life, but I really just want to get clear on this because it's okay if it's something that's never going to be in your wheelhouse.

It's okay if you're like, you know what oral sex isn't like that DJ Khaled like what was that like five years ago? He's like men should never go down on women. I mean it was horrific. Believe me, I didn't, I was not a fan of that, but maybe he's like, no, you know what? My religion, my take on it is I never want to do it. It's not good for me. I actually, I got to level with you, babe. It's actually something I don't think I can do. Well, then you have your information. But right now the confusing part is he says

he's going to do what he doesn't. So find out why. Find out what is the block that's keeping them. And then once you get that information, then you'll know, you'll have an answer. I think after this one conversation, because if you've been doing all the things you're telling me and you've done it all, you've sent articles, you've talked about it, he knows how important it is to you and it hasn't happened once in five months, let's get to the bottom of it.

One more conversation, see how it goes. I'm curious, I hope she writes back in again. Me too, because now I need to know how it goes. But that's how the conversation should go. I don't think you're an asshole, but you will be an asshole to yourself if you stay in it for another year and don't get your needs met.

Because oral sex is important. I have ended a relationship on the grounds of oral and I had a similar conversation to the guy where I said, you know it's an important part. Exactly what I told you, Erica, I said, you know that oral sex, I love oral sex. And I'm just curious, is it because you need more information about what I want?

Maybe you're really not clear what I want, or that I really like it, or it's not your thing. And he literally point blank looked at me and goes, it's not my thing. And I said, guess what? Cool, thanks for letting me know. Guess you're not my thing. And then we ended the relationship.

There were other issues, but also looking back on this, I might've liked to find out. Tell me more about that. I would have said if I had known more, this was a while ago. This is when I was first starting out. I might have been like, Oh really? What? Tell me why? What is it about a role? I think I didn't want to hear it at that point. I was like, Oh God, you just don't like the pussy. Like why I was done. But again, you can kind of conquer anything if you really want to. And maybe if I had really explained to him that it's important to me and why, and he could have explained his experience that maybe we would have worked through it. I mean, there were other issues, so I don't have regrets.

But I always think like, why wouldn't you be into it? Like, I'm actually just curious. I'd love to go back to him now and be like, what was it about that? Did you ever get over that? I know. And he's married. I'm wondering, like, maybe she wasn't into oral sex or learned to get over it. So again, I just always get curious and people are so emphatic about things and back then I was and I was like horrified. I've learned, I've grown, but let's find out more Erica. This is from Steve and he's in England. Am I the asshole for being pushy about my fantasy and improving our sex life?

Hey Dr. Emily, I'm an open book and open to absolutely everything sex related. However, although my partner started pleasing me emphatically, she's gotten too comfortable to the extent that she doesn't have any sexual, coloration, or experimental desires to either one, one to please, or two, get out of the comfort zone. Certain positions hurt and I'm respectful in that manner, so I asked if we could slow it down and do it more often. Like going to the gym, your body will get used to this motion and pressure, et cetera. We've had this talk many times, and each time the conversation turns nasty

as she becomes defensive. This is not something I ever looked for, but I worry we're gonna become housemates or snuggle buddies. Don't get me wrong, our relationship's amazing, but as lovers, it's the only subject we need to improve on. So I don't wanna seem pushy, but I do want her to be more open and confident. I have a very unique fetish. I love ass and would love to worship hers. The smell, the taste,

smothering, etc. But she just thinks I'm strange. This is just the start of the sexual hurdles she puts in place. I could literally do my own podcast with you and it would last four hours. But I respect my partner too much and would hate her to think I'm being negative about her. Also being in England, affording therapy to something we can't budget for, I worry about us and our sexual feature. It's really common when we bring up sex to our partner and they haven't talked about it for them to get defensive, to get into fight, flight or freeze, to feel like you are threatening them in some way because she probably doesn't have a lot of experience talking about it. And I don't want to be xenophobic here about England, but from my brothers and sisters over there,

my friends, everyone's like, we are, and I've been there. It's even maybe more rigid around talking about sex there. Not everyone, not all of you. I know a lot of you aren't, but anyway, but the point is, we got these problems all over the globe. So there's a few things going on here. You want her to be adventurous. She's a sex life. It's gotten a little bit boring and stale for you. On top of that, you have a fetish. Now you're calling it a fetish. Reminder real quick, a fetish is a requirement

to be aroused and turned on. A fantasy is like a nice to have would be nice to eat your ass sometimes. But you are actually talking about a fetish, which means that it's a requirement. And so I'm wondering how you are having great sex without this happening, like sex that's really good for you. And maybe she doesn't have as much experience with any kind of ass play, any kind of anal play, or even it sounds like experience talking about sex. So I hear what you're saying about not being able to afford therapy, but I do think you could have a

conversation with her and just get curious and ask the questions and see if she would be willing to open up and explore her own sexuality with you. My book could be a great place to do it with smart sex. There's a lot of good therapy books out there that could help you. Particularly when it comes to sex though, you have a fetish which is a very specific thing.

You want to experiment, you wanna have fun with your sex life. We gotta just get it to the point where she'll even talk about it. So I don't even know if she would go to therapy at this point, but I'm wondering if when you do talk to her about it or if you have talked, you said, we've talked many times,

it turns nasty as you become defensive, that's what you said. That would be really hard if my partner turned nasty and defensive, like I don't do well with mean nasty defensive. I think you gotta be willing to ask her if she would be willing to work on this, if she'd be willing to listen to the podcast together. There's a lot of couples who have received extreme benefit

from just listening to people talk positively about sex She may have never had anyone talked to her about it before your concern to becoming housemates and single-buddies is Totally valid without being able to afford therapy as much information as you can present to her to let her realize to let her know That that's something that's important to you. I have a feeling that eventually on her sexual journey She's gonna realize that she's gonna have to get comfortable with sex, talking about it unless she connects with someone else who's less sexual. But I feel like you probably don't have to wait much longer if she really won't open up. But maybe there's a way when she gets nasty and defensive, you can learn to listen and you can learn to be calm about it. And you can

learn to say, you're getting really upset about this. And I'd love to hear more about your history, talking about sex, your sexual experiences. But, you know, she might need therapy too. Maybe she's had trauma. Maybe we don't know. So part of it might not be a total match for you if we can't get her there.

If she's defensive about sex conversations, this might be too much of a hurdle, but you could always talk about different relationship arrangements. Maybe you get your sexual needs met from someone else. You could even work with a sex worker, Dominatrix, who doesn't touch you, but you can still worship her. There's a lot of different arrangements. You can find therapy online right now. There might be some HIPAA laws about someone from the States being your therapist in the UK, but this is a big hurdle. If you want to make it work, you got to keep trying to be a good listener and make her feel safe and see what happens. If not, it's a hurdle. You know yourself sexually, she's on a different journey,

it might take her a while to get where you need her to be. You are not an asshole at all. But the pushy part, when you said of being pushy, you don't need pushy. And he might have had fantasy, not fetish. But anyway, try to lean into the curiosity and the listening here and see if you can gather more information to see what you need to do in this relationship. Thanks, Steve. That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday.

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