Sex With Emily - All Aboard the Booty Train

Episode Date: December 6, 2017

On today’s show, Emily is taking your calls and giving you a crash course in all things anal, the not-so-surprising sex trend of the year. Emily gives her sexiest advice on going deeper into tantric sex, why it’s best not to share your sex number with your partner, and how Kegel exercises affect your penis. Plus, she discusses the age old debate of love vs. lust, and how to know the difference. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: We Vibe, System JO Jellies, Intensity, Mystery Vibe Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm taking your calls and talking sex and relationships. Topics include, The Good Old Lust vs Love Debate and knowing how to tell the difference. Why having orgasms before bedtime might just change your life. My top anal sex tips to commemorate the fastest growing sex trend in the last 20 years, kegdle exercises and your penis, a winning combination, going deeper with tantric sex, and once and for all, the one number you should never share with your partner. All this and more, thanks for listening. 5-6 Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubize they call them in a fight on me Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend?

Because, uh, my man, he here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kinda cute The girls gotta understand Oh my The women know about shrinkage Is it a common moment? What do you mean, like, laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here, so, so, so, so, so Being bad feels pretty good You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with You're listening to Sex with Emily, we're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information, check out everything on our website. Everyday we're posting stuff for you guys to have better life, better sex, better relationships, our recent episodes, have been killer if I do season myself. We released two a week, hopefully you're subscribed. You guys know that it's the easiest way to just make sure you get those podcasts when

they come out. You guys loved the G-Spot GPS podcasts. As you know, we get lots of emails a year, but I would say this year almost topped it. We're getting so many more from women and men are like, where's a G-Spot? How can I find it? So, we really covered in this show and we got into the details. Now, it doesn't mean if you can't find it,

you're not interested, that's cool. But hey, it's worth a venture. It's worth a gander in there to find that G-Spot. I didn't find it just naturally riding a bike like some women are the first time I had sex. I had to work for it, I found it. Life is good. Also, follow me everywhere. It's at Sex with Emily, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter,

all of that stuff. And here's why you're really going to want to follow me because we have a really fun contest that we're doing. And we deliver in these contests. We give you prizes, we give you toys, we give you lube, and then you email me and you're like, oh my god, I can't believe this toy changed my life. And actually this contest is actually going to be very useful for you. So let me tell you about this one. This contest, how to be a better lover going into 2018. This is actually going to, to help you kind of reframe your sex life and kind of think about where you're at right now. So take stock. Where are you at right now with your sex life and kind of think about where you're at right now. So take stock.

Where are you at right now with your sex life? Okay, if you're single or you're in a relationship, but how did it look the last year? Were you getting your needs met? Were you having the kind of sex you wanted to have with the people you wanted to spend time with? But the things you wanted to try, but you didn't ask for, or is there something kind of peaking your interest? You've been, you know, kind of reading a lot more about bondage lately or checking out some porn

that you think would be fun to watch with your partner about a certain topic or but I don't know whatever it is. Just think about it. Think about your sex life, how you feel about it and then think in a year from now. What would I like to be experiencing? Like, how great would it be in a year from now? My partner and I were having more for a play or I did actually find my G-Spot, or I was having multiple orgasms, or we were role-playing, I don't know what it's going to be for you. But if you actually write this down to me in a pledge, you're going to email me.

And you tell me what you're going to pledge, there's so much power in just writing down and taking a moment to really, really think about it. Like what do you want to change? Because the thing about sex is, a lot of things in life kind of get better on your own, you kind of figure it out. And people kind of believe that about it. Like what do you want to change? Because the thing about sex is, you know, a lot of things in life kind of get better on your own, you kind of figure it out, and people kind of believe that about sex. I think, well, it's not great now, but we'll get back to it. Guess what? Sex left on the back burner for too long, it's just going to burn. It really is. It's going to disintegrate, and you're going to go back and try to upgrade sex. And it's just really hard. Sex is not one of those things that gets better on the, oh, it takes

effort, but it's so rewarding you guys because you can actually spend the time now giving this opportunity to think about it and then see the results over the year. And if you're having better sex with your partner or by yourself or with new partners, how much better is that going to be then next year? How good will feel? So maybe I thought about some things that might, if you're thinking like, I don't know, I don't know, what I want, because that's hard.

I think someone has figured out what we want, can be challenging. So maybe you just want to break out of your routine or you want to make it the communication stronger. Maybe you want to cuddle more. I think that we underestimate the importance of touch. We kind of think, well, when we touch it, it's going to mean that we have to have sex.

No, intimacy is about cuddling and touching and holding hands and it releases ox mean that we have to have sex. No, intimacy is about cuddling and touching and holding hands and it releases oxytocin, which reduces stress. The number one killer of our sex drive. So what if you just needed a few more cuddles and a few more touches and you wanted to have more sex? Buy some new laundry or sexy things that you feel good about, not because you're part

and are about it, but what makes you feel the sexiest? Maybe you want to stay in bed a little longer. You know, couples who spend more time being affectionate after sex, not just getting up and brushing their teeth, feel more satisfied in their sex lives overall. It's according to a study at the Archives of Sexual Behavior and they know they study this stuff. We become so focused on like orgasms and just having it done and like the goal of sex, then we forget that there's all these really beautiful things that make up the entire sexual experience for play, touching, kissing, all this stuff.

So maybe stay there a few minutes longer. Also masturbate more, you guys everybody. We just need to. You're in a relationship or not. It's how we keep our sexual juices flowing and how we get excited for sex is when we're thinking about sex and when we're thinking about sex and when we're actually masturbating and in touch with our bodies. I hear from a lot of people that you get burnt out with dating.

I've been there. I'm like, oh my god, really? I do not want to sit and tell my story to one more person. I'm exhausted. You know what that means? You should probably take three months off from dating. Just say, you know what? I'm not going to date for a few months and I'm going to work on myself.

I'm not going to sex. I'm not going to focus on finding a partner, but I'm going to work on connecting with my friends, my family, doing more work. Whatever that is, it's going to make you feel like you're in a different place in a better elevated state, and then you go back to dating. Final idea. Again, these are my suggestions. I wouldn't come up with your own, it's fine, but think about it.

What if you brought four playback? For a lot of couples, it's the first thing that goes. And you know, studies have shown again, many women want 20 minutes each of four play, and I'm not saying every single time, but for a lot of people, they don't even do the four play. They just skip right to the sex. And so again, this would be a great way

to kind of incorporate more of that touching and those feel good hormones and all that stuff that will help you connect more with your partner. Okay, so all that said, send me an email to feedback at sexwithmwe.com with the title Better Lover 2018. And share your pledge with me for 2018. We're gonna get you sexy prizes.

And the contest will be open through Sunday, January 14th, 2018 and I'll pick four winners, and you're gonna win some killer sexy prize backs. Okay guys, today's show is a caller show. We're going to be taking your calls a little bit, but first I just want to share some sex in the news and some tips that have been going down lately. Okay. So if you've heard that the great news, Prince Harry and Megan Markle are engaged. So this is another fun worldwide distraction. I think it's great. If you're into it, the royals, they look really happy. My congratulations to them.

Here's my concern about it though, you guys. I'm not gonna put a damper on the whole royal parade here, but in his first interview, Prince Harry said these words. He knew she was the one the first time they met. And I just thought, oh my god, all these women, all these men are like, well, love it for sight. That's what I'm going to look for. I'm going to just, if I don't know it with somebody right away, that's it. This exists, and literally it's like a princess fairy tale. And I think that's sweet and lovely, but it is really not based in reality at all.

And I've always said this, it's lust at first sight, but let's not call it love. Okay, but not to worry, because lust, you know, could actually be a precursor to love, and there's a study to back me up here. Love at first sight probably isn't a real thing and here's why. They did a study with a bunch of people asking them,

their feelings of attraction to strangers. They asked them about love and intimacy and passion and commitment and then they had a mark like, oh, I'm experiencing love at first sight. Well, it turns out they did this study and people who declared they felt love at first sight with like someone they saw a picture of or they met briefly. It wasn't reciprocated at all. And it turns out that what we're feeling and they say in the study is that it had nothing to do with love at first sight, but it was lust at first sight. We had an attraction to this person.

We thought, oh, they're really attractive. I would have sex with them. You know, all this love at first sight stuff the study shows that it does not resemble passionate love or love at all. It's just lust. So don't lose hope of finding that person because it's not way on bam.

You knew it right away, just like Prince Harry. But let's say you're already in love. So you're in love and you're every night, you're going to bed with your partner. What I've been hearing lately from like literally everybody is they can't sleep. There's so many more sleep issues. I feel like we're we are a nation obsessed with sleep right now. You know, Arianna, Huffington did a great book that came out I think last year about sleep. And everyone's just like, you gotta sleep.

And it's true, you guys. I think that it really is true that if you get enough sleep, you're much more high-functioning. And the reason why we are not sleeping is a lot of it has to do with, you know, overexposure to our electronics, we bring them into the bedroom, we're watching the tablets, we don't we're drinking too much caffeine, we have too much anxiety and stress, there's a lot of reasons, but there is a study that says sex before bedtime is the secret for better night sleep But only if it hits the g-spot or any spot the research found that two thirds of people slept better after having sex But only if it involved an orgasm for both parties which hey, let's be honest

It always should 64% of people said they slept better when sex was with the partner and involved orgasms for all. So you guys, this is great evidence here. Strong evidence that you should substitute that screen time for some more play time and some more sex time. And another study done said that a combination of sex and a good night's sleep had the biggest impact on well-being. And also, fouled up to say, better sleep is the biggest single contributor

to living better. And those who describe themselves as happy were also more likely to be satisfied with their sex lives and vice versa. So yeah, you guys turn off the TVs, leave the phones outside the room and turn each other on. And speaking of turning each other on. And speaking of turning to the run. Okay.

Finally, sex habits of young people have changed over the past 20 years study shows. I declared when I started my show in 2005 that anal was the new blow job. This was 12 or almost 13 years ago now. I was like, I don't remember hearing about anal sex that much. I'm not saying people weren't having anal sex, but I don't think hearing about anal sex that much. I'm not saying people weren't having anal sex, but I don't think that they were having as much as they are now. They weren't even as interested in it because they didn't know it was on the table.

Like, do people really have anal sex all the time? I mean, obviously we know there's an anus and there's an option. I think with the rise of porn, we're seeing a lot more anal happening. I think people were like, well, I'm gonna get on the anal train. The study found that people age 16 to 24

who have had vaginal oral anal sex has risen dramatically in the past two decades. And in 1991, 1991, one in 10 people said they tried anal sex and 10 let years later, it's like six out of 10 people. So we're having more anal, but again, you guys with new health habits also comes health risks. And it's the job of all of us educators to keep you informed on how to have, you know, safe and satisfying anal sex.

So I just thought I'd leave you here before I get into some calls with a few of my favorite anal tips. Number one, anal sex is not something you do because you want to keep your V card, okay? So if you're like, oh, but I don't want to have a penis and I have a giant of vice versa, let's just have anal. No. You should definitely enter the front door before the back door. That is not an excuse and You don't have as much experience at that point to be having anal sex. So I I'm just assuming it's a reason a lot between young people and I hear these stories that you do that instead So just don't do that my final tips are really you guys

Go slow go slow when you're actually doing it, but go slow exploring into anal territory. You don't need to rush right into anal sex. You can start with taking a finger and gently put some little lube on it and gently rubbing it over your partner's anus with your fingers. The nerve endings outside of the anus feel really good to touch so you can just see if that's something that feels good to you. You can use fingers, go slow, use buttplugs. You don't have to rush right into it because anal sex can't be really intimidating. So take baby steps into the backyard. Use lots of lube.

Go slow and breathe. Okay, guys, there's your sex news and some helpful tips to bring you into the new year. And let's get into your calls now, everyone. I'm excited. If you have a question you want me to answer on the show, that's amazing. We made it really easy to ask a question. Just choose the option that's easiest for you. Text me your question. Text Ask Emily all one word to 7979 or you can submit a question from the sexwithmwe.com website via the Ask Emily tab. And as always, I love it when you include information that helps

me answer your question best, your gender, your age where you live and how you listen to the show and also check the box that you'd like to be called and we'll call you on a future color show. Scott and Denise and their late 40s from Alabama they're married and they want to connect on a deeper level not just a wild sex level. Hello Scott and Denise I love having a couple here. We can talk to. It's fun. Tell me what's going on. Well, we've done pretty much everything sexually that you can possibly think of as a couple. And we're really looking for Denise to have more orgasms, more frequent, because right now the only

way she can have those orgasms is Because we're in open marriage when I tell her when I go out and sleep with somebody else and surprise her with that While she's having sex with me. Mm-hmm. Okay. Then she has the types of orgasms like like John has explained the fuck me to God orgasms Denise you got fucked a God Yeah, that's amazing but only but only when I tell her about other women I slept with okay okay wow okay because you're fancy because you're in your head and you're like wow that's really hot is that what it is Denise tell me about what's going on there because a lot of women might be listening wing that wouldn't turn me on

all which I understand then I hear this from men a lot to they want to hear about their partners past sexual exploits of tell me about it for you to nice i don't know i just i find it just really really attractive that women other women find him so attractive and they find him so attractive they can't resist him but i know he's in love with me right and i And I'm special, but I'm not jealous in any way. I love him getting the attention.

Right. OK, so that's how you're having great orgasms. So I'm wondering if you guys want to, because that's really in your head. Like, during sex, it's hot. He tells you a story, then it gets in your hearing the words, and that's really sexy. So if you guys want to have more deeper, intimate, like you said, you listen to the John Wyland stuff, like an exploring Tantra and exploring a deeper connection where you sit and you look into each other's eyes and you build your erotic energy together through

breath. Denise said, still might turn you on always, and there's nothing wrong with you. That's actually amazing that you so many people is like, I wish I knew turned me on like what could he say so that's great but for this next level I think you're going to find some more texture to this and some more things that could turn you on and it might just be that deeper connection of looking to each other's eyes regulating each other's breath running energy that you'll start to feel each other's energy if you will in each other's bodies that you'll be you you could learn to have full-body orgasms. That's just a lot more available to you that would be

separate different. Yeah, we want to explore because I don't, I don't necessarily want him out there at risk. Right. I think there's so many risks on so many different levels, you know, socially, physically, on so many different levels, socially, physically, that our family, of course, this is a very, very private thing that we do. So we're all over. Of course, it's extremely private. I think it could be really exciting to find

other ways to get there. And so I think that if you guys are interested in Tontor like it's speaking to you, then you could probably find some people to get there and so I think that if you guys are interested in tonter like it it's speaking to you Then you could probably find some people to to teach it to you I think that you guys could still role play this too So I think role playing can be really hot so instead of actually having Scott go out and sleep with these women if he if he you guys dress up in a part and like create stories together Maybe like I know that you know that it's actually not real, but it's kind of creating scenarios together.

Do you know what I'm saying? Are there other things that you guys could do that would be along that vein that you guys could play together or won't play? We've done all kinds of things. Okay, you guys have done it all. It sounds like you're like, we just want, yeah. Okay. And I'm an intellectual, and so I know when he's lying. Right, right. Okay, so this boy, so I don't get there, I don't get the client.

Right. Well, look, I get it. I think he's making up the story. Okay, so I think that, especially because you're an intellectual and you're in your head, like for women, I would say our brain is the largest sex organ We got to you know because once we start thinking thoughts. We're gonna get aroused We're gonna get you know We're gonna have start having sex to be turned on and and and so the words and all that's very important

But I think it would also be great exercise for both you to get into your bodies more because if you're so in your head You're gonna be amazed at like when you literally are without thought but it's your breath and the intimacy and that connection that you're sharing together I think it'll be next level sex for you guys and so we've got a jane okay so she was on our show she's got a great she was on a few weeks ago did you guys listen to the show with a jane yeah I did I was the first one ever heard it was the first one you ever heard yeah the first one ever heard I found you TV weeks ago and that was the first one I ever heard. That was the first one you ever heard? Yeah, the first one I ever heard.

I found you Phoenix to go and that's the first one I ever heard. Oh my God, I'm so glad to welcome to the sector of the Mee family. Well, thank you. I love it. Okay, so she's got a course, right? Explore Tantra. If you go to her website, it's powerofpleasure.com. Okay.

And it's for couples. And it's instruction for couples. It says Explore Tantra under services. It looks like. And it's for couples. And it's instruction for couples. It says explore, ton, or under services. It looks like. And she's got it. You can learn how do you honor the divine, masculine, feminine, creating a sacred space for love-making, the art of conscious touch. And yeah, she's got these intents.

So I would contact her and ask her about it and tell her that you heard it from sexual family. And if that doesn't work, well, it's some other ones. But I feel like this would be so great for you guys. It'll really enhance and deepen your intimacy and your sex life. I love it. What do you think? I think that's great.

Thank you. I love it. You're welcome. Let me know. I mean that when I say that, I actually do want to hear what happens after you guys explore Tantra. Because you're going to be like, what other women? Like you guys are going to be next level, I'm excited. Well we came late I've already picked up a book

and started reading but it's just a general random book and so I was looking for more resources that's for sure. An online course will be great for you guys because you could have it once a week you may have it works you download things you do a chapter a week and you guys like work on it together. That would be so fun. Yeah I know I be fun. I know. I would come. Sounds fun, but I won't, because I'll let you guys do that in your own.

Super intimate. Okay, thank you, Skahn Denise. This is fun talking to you. Oh, you guys, Tantra, I'm way into it. I'm telling you guys, I feel like it is not for everybody, but if you really want to get into your body more, you're feeling disconnected from your partner, from yourself, it's really the cool thing. It's hard for me to even explain it to you

and tell you experience it. I kind of shied away from it because I'm like, I have no time to learn to haunt her all. Like, I'm very busy. It's so simple, you guys. It's like breath and eye contact is very basic. Tantra 101 and I think it can serve a lot of you. Our next color is John.

He's 40 in Austin and he wants to know if male kegle exercise is increased the size of the penis. Hi is John, he's 40 in Austin and he wants to know if male kegletriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestriestri for a while there, I thought, you know, it was just kind of like my boat jumbo. So, download your app. Right. Well, you know, it's a download your app and, you know, and started trying it. Kettle count. You download the Kettle count, right? Okay. Yes, ma'am. And I'm seeing the difference, but, you know, in research, researching it before I download

the app and listen to your podcast, I was kept seeing no opinions, growth, and so forth. And then, you know, with the internet, you get kind of in a day with all this milk enhancement, you know, was it a gelkin or what? Yeah, gelkin. It's all coming up. Not off. Judging, gelkin. So with all this stuff out there, I'm just curious, I mean, is it real deal stuff? Is it?

Well, I never talked about the penis growing. So my thing with key collecturizes are that it really helps men have a jacklatory control. It's really great for the prostate. It get help men, yeah, just have better sex because they're controlling it. Your orgasms can become stronger and it's really healthy for a lot of men to do your kidneys strength in

the pelvic floor for men and for women. But as far as like penis size and penis growth, like you might see some like temporary, like if you tried one of these supplements, you asked me with the supplements or whatever. Like it's a temporary. If you see anything, like, temporary, like, if you tried one of these supplements, are you asking about the supplements or whatever? It's a temporary, if you see anything, it's like swelling, but I don't ever advise any of that.

I think key electricizers are the healthiest way to just kind of have more control and enjoy sex more. What kind of differences were you seeing? But the Gaglics size, I've noticed a stronger record. Yes. And, you know, better ejaculation orgasms. But, yeah, and that's kind of what I thought, and that'saculation, orgasms. But, and that's kind of what I thought, and that's kind of what I want to hear,

is I see this supplement, you know, grocery stores, so extreme penis growth and all those. And just didn't help, it's just some sort of marketing, pulling, it's kind of- It's marketing, I'm so glad you're asking, because I think people just like impulse buy, like, hey, bigger penis, I'll try it. You know what I mean?

Like, no, none of this stuff works. And the jelking and all those things, it's like, and then, what are they called? Yeah, like the jelking or the penis pumps, it's temporary. For a second, if you pump a lot of water, your penis might like swollen for an hour, but no, none of that is real.

The realest thing that you can do is exactly what you're doing. It's sticking with your kegels, doing them five times, five in a day, or as much as you feel great, you know, a few times a week, you will, you see a difference, right? Your erections are stronger, you're 40 years old, and don't you think you have more, like you can kind of shoot it across the room when you regulate if you want to do?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. You don't need anyone in the eye, but it happens. So yeah, that's cool, it's totally working for you. What level are you on of Keagle Camp? Eight, almost nine. Oh, good. I'm so glad. See, stick with that.

Keep doing that. And, yeah, you don't need to. Don't waste your money on this other stuff. Supplements. No, no. Yeah, good. Let me know when you get to 20. We should send you a t-shirt or something.

I will. Send us a screenshot of when you get to level 20. We're going to send you something. Okay, cool. That's a good incentive, right? What do you want? Have you been listening to the show for a while? You know, I stumbled across you probably about maybe two months ago, but honestly, I've

been backlogging and going back and just pretty much listening to podcasts, at least maybe twice a day or so. Oh my God, I'm so, I'm going to add John, I love you. Okay, so what, of all the products and things I've talked about, what do you have your eyes on, what are you excited about? Is everything, tell me. Okay, fun fact here is because of you bought my wife the womanizer Oh, which is now her best friend and

I'm on the couch now she and womanizer has the left out of that now She's telling all her friends about it the Clint West for a town to buy it on my site, too But wait, John that's so cool. Okay, wait, so what do you want, John? What would make you happy? I want to gift you with something. I mean, it could be a t-shirt, it could be my book. I want to incentivize you to get to level 20 because you're gonna call back in and tell me

about your penis, then, and how good it feels. And your wife could do it with you too. You guys could do it together. You could do a kegdle camp competition together. She have to catch up with you, but for women, she think it's stronger. I'm trying to get her into it. I'm trying to get her into it. I'm trying to get her into it. I get it. They think it's okay to focus until their penis and

their vagina start having crazy orgasms. Okay, so well think about it. We'll just send you, if you don't want to know yet, we'll send you a little pair of care package when you get to level 20. So just email us a screenshot. We'll do. Okay, all right, John. Good for you. Keep going. We'll love it. Of course. Thank you for listening and welcome to the sector of the only world. All right. Thank you. Have a great night. Bye. You guys Kiggles work. I mean, I don't want to shove them down your throat or anything. I've been talking about it for years. I think my app came out five years ago and it was really because I knew the importance of Kiggles and I knew that with men and women, the more you do, the more

in touch you are with your body, for women you've stronger orgasms, it helps with urinary incontinence when you sneeze in pee. I am more like a g-spot controlling orgasms when I do them and for men. You heard what he said. It's all real. You got to stick with it and my app is cool because there's 20 levels that you walk through and each one of them make it a little harder, get stronger and it's fun because you get like little levels and reward rewards. And so if you don't get the app, do your kiggles.

Serve you well. Eat your app, do your giggles. Serve you well. Eat your vegetables, do your giggles. We're gonna take a quick break and give a shout out to our amazing sponsors. We love them. Thank you for supporting them and we'll be right back. Okay, we've got Chelsea. She's 28 from Canada and she wants to talk to her boyfriend about

a past experience. He shared when he was intoxicated, but she's afraid she might embarrass him. Hi Chelsea. Hi. Hi, so good to talk to you. I'm excited to get the bottom of this. Yeah, I'm excited to get the bottom of this. I'm excited to talk to you too. That's awesome. I know, right? Here we are. And glad that we're talking. Okay, so tell me everything. Let's unpack this. That's everyone can understand what's been going on and we'll figure it out. Okay, all right. So I recently left a really long-term relationship

and while I was out there doing like my crazy, sexy rebound phase, I like to met this really nice guy and it was just supposed to be kind of one-off and I ended up being in our really nice relationship with him. So we've been seeing each other for about four months and it's such good sex. It's so great. He's really open-minded and he's really kinky and he's really dominant, which I really love. Anyway, we've been seeing each other for a while and I'm like half at his house, half the time. So I'm all doing laundry and things like that now and I'm over there.

So recently I was like tidying up a few things in his room and I picked up a shirt and I found a dildo in it and I know he's not seeing anyone else. So I know it's not for that. So I just kind of put a few things together about that and I think he's into evil stuff but he won't tell me. Anyway, the other things I noticed, like he told me once when he was really, really drunk that he had sex with a transsexual woman when he was in Thailand. Oh.

And from... Yeah, I know. So I asked him a few questions about it at the time and she had a penis and they did stuff, right? And it wasn't a property. It was a woman he'd put and picked up at a bar, basically. And then the other thing I found on his computer, one time it opened it up and he was watching porn with a girl with a strap on. Right, okay, there you go.

I kind of put all these things together before he came. Yeah, good job. Yeah, he was, okay, he was the little anal penetration we're thinking. Yeah, I am. Yeah, he let he win. Right, okay, he wants the little anal penetration we're thinking. Yeah, I'm thinking about that. I brought up the thing about the prostitute or not the prostitute, sorry, the Thai woman, him before. And he was like really cagey about it and really private. And like the thing with his like,

Bill Dogey was obviously trying to hide it from me. And like, I didn't mean to stumble upon it. And so he's obviously like really private about this and I just wanna find a way to kind of like bridge this gap and I don't know that I'm hoping to do it. Because you are, right? You'd be open to playing with it or would you be open to learn,

if you ever peck somebody or if you ever penetrated a man, Anely. No, I'm very naive. Okay, right, and you guys could learn together too, because it's a process, you know, but it's like, I think that's cool. And I think that if he knew that you were into it, like he'd be by so relieved.

But he probably gets KD about the story, about the transexual, because he's like, oh, you know, you're gonna judge even though you're not. But I think a great way to be like, have you guys talked about your sex life at all? Like it sounds like you're really open, but if you had a conversation where you're like,

is there anything you've been wanting to try conversations? Or like, like, let's do a bucket list and, you know, eat right down three things you want to try? Have you guys, yeah. Yeah, we have that conversation, but you like all of us was like, oh, I don't know what I'm gonna come do and everything I want to do.

I'm like, I'm pretty sure that's not true, but I'm sure it wasn't true at the time. Right, right, right. So maybe like, okay, so I just think that you could come out and just talk to me like, I mean, is there anything that you've been wanting to try. Oh, like I'd be willing to try that. I'm pretty much open to anything.

Like, I mean, you could just let them know and you could just be like, I feel like most couple, I think this is kind of standard. Guys are like, are you into Asta? Like, has he asked you, have you guys done anal sex? Have you had anal sex? Oh, yeah, we have.

Yeah. Okay. So, I mean, what I have to say, like, do you like it? What about if you just say to like literally like, I'd like to play with her. You just try to start touching it. One day, we said, what have you put your figure on? You start touching it with some loot, like, lightly, like you putting your fingers around it, like you don't ever man with women with man, anyone with anyone, woman with a woman doesn't matter. You slowly touch

you just start to touch around that area with like, you know, because there's so many nerve-riding just outside of the the anus like around the whole. So you could just start grabbing down there one day, like, and not grabbing, sorry, lightly gently touching and see how it feels. And then it was like, cool. I mean, I feel like, I mean, you could also say, to like, I just want to do that.

Would you be cool with it? You could just say, I'm interested in exploring that. Or you could just try it. Yeah, I think that, I think I could probably do that. I mean, like, he's never really had like a super long-term relationship before and I feel like the one he was in wasn't very open to that in the past. So like last week, I like, he had a ball of like for the first time in his life. He had a white ball like, oh my god, he's like, oh god, you're blowing smartly. Wow. Okay, so he doesn't have a lot of experience with women.

People have judged him in the past. He's got shame around seeing the trends actually. You're totally down with it, but I'm telling you, sometimes it takes, you gotta tell him five different ways. You know what I mean? You might say it, you show it, and he knows you're a cool chick, but until you actually are like, I accept you,

I see you, I wanna try you, you guys will grow, and you guys will get even closer, because if this is something that he's feeling really vulnerable about and threatened by, if he feels accepted, it'll just make you guys even closer, which you're totally accepting of it. So it has to be like another layer of it, like another way to bring it up again.

So I think either just trying it or saying like, I think it'd be really hot, this is so fun. You get to like rock as world. So I see. Yeah, I should just go for it. I just go for it. Yeah, I should just go for it. I just go for it.

Sometimes when you're person in relationship, you like, just go for everything and then as you settle into your routine, you start to like these, I don't know, kind of like walls about stuff because it didn't come up in your crazy days basically. Right. So I should just... They should never end up like that. But that's a thing you should remember that your sex life is expansive and constantly evolving and growing and the people who have the healthiest sex lives and the healthy relationships

are the ones who are never like, no, we're done. We got all that crazy stuff out of our way. You're constantly growing and exploring and trying new things all the time because that's what's going to keep you together and keep the juice flowing. So that's the good stuff. Yeah. So you guys tell them, too, hey, I'm really invested in prioritizing our relationship and our sex life and making it as fun as it can and as interesting.

And so here's some things I haven't think. I think you just have to be in that state of positivity, maybe not trying to catch them. You don't have to mention the dildo. I bet you eventually he'll just whip it out when you guys get to that place. So I think it's more about giving it space. Yeah, I think you will.

So I think you're good though. I don't think as we go whole like deep talk, but just kind of like casually bring up your sex life. And I'm sure it'll just come out and he'll be fine. And be like, I'm actually it'll just come out and he'll be fine. And it'll be like, I'm actually not talking about experimenting more and bringing in like another girl or something like that. I'm going to be like, oh, we can just experiment too.

But like, don't you want to try any other type of thing? Exactly. Exactly. And you could even tell them you're listening to this podcast and they talked about pegging. And then I actually, I have said this this year was last year I guess was the year of the pegging. Like pegging was like the new, the new, whatever.

Squirting. I swear to God, it's, in 12 years I've been doing this show, I don't think, I think in the last year and a half, I've gotten more emails from men, straight men, asking about being pegged and being penetrated than ever before. So I feel like there's a movement and you're right on top of it. Chelsea, you are the winner. Maybe I'll get a map for Christmas, I'll get them up. Exactly. Oh my god. Go to our website. We have a brand new store in our website which you should check out.

It's the coolest store and we have a lot of great things on there. Sports cheats, big, big things. Yeah, have fun. There you go. It's a good stocking stuff for Dildo at the fixed deal strap-on. It's right in the stock. Just don't do it in front of the stock. Don't do it with the parents, right? Okay. It's your separate stock. Okay. Thanks Chelsea. Yeah, definitely. Of course. separate second. Okay, thanks Chelsea. Yeah, thank you for listening. Of course, you too. Thank you for listening.

Colin and bye. Yeah, thanks. The good news you guys about sex is that a lot of these things that we're doing with, we just got to be really honest. We got to talk and we got to let go of all of our art. God, it's a lifetime process, but letting go of the shame and the worry and the concern we have about what everyone's going to think about us.

Because I think that when you're talking to your partner about sex, we all want the same thing, right? We all want to have be satisfied and have great sex. We will not want the same kind of things, actually. But learning how to have these conversations, I'm telling you the more you have them, the easier they become. And you just say it, like you're talking about the weather. You know, when I first started my show, it wasn't as easy for me to talk about sex.

And now I'm just like, oh, it's sex, right? You guys didn't know if you'll get to this level 12 years 5,000 podcasts But it does get easier. It's not as much of a taboo thing and you'll open up this real rich way of talking about with your partner That will seem like totally natural and you'll both be very satisfied Okay, our next color is Angela. She's 26 from California and she wants to talk about telling your current partner your sex number. Hi, Angela. Hi, I'm no idea.

I'm great. I'm so happy to be talking to you because this is one of my favorite topics. I have a lot of opinions about it and advice. So tell me what's going on. Sure. So the reason I asked is because one of the last guys I dated, I thought we were getting kind of serious, but he had asked me my number and I told him and of course he had only stepped up to a few people.

So I feel like he completely judged me for it. He would only say little comments here and there kind of insinuating that I was like a slut or been with so many people. And so it kind of sent me back thinking like, oh, like is he telling me straight to my face? Like, or another guy just weren't when I told them my number or just kind of sent me back thinking like, oh, like, is he telling you straight to my face? Like, or, and other guys just weren't when I told them my number or just kind of make too nervous for the future if I ever want to, you know, go down with someone if they don't think I'd like some material. Oh God.

Yeah, I get it, honey. And I, I got to say something. Here's what's going to change your life right now about this concern you're having. You never, ever need to share your number. In fact, I always advise against it. It never helps anybody. It's like, if you ask, you know, women are gonna be judged in some way. Like, you're gonna see this slutty.

You're not, you know, too much experience, too little experience. Men are seeing as players or they're not. And everybody lies about their numbers anyway. And then we get the information from our partner and then we use it against them and we torture ourselves. Because we really, we can't get that image for some men They hear the number and they're like oh my god They can't get the image of other penises being inside of you

So she's like oh my god all those men in the room and like they already they told us like they're looking for reasons Men and women and not consciously, but we're gonna use this and we're gonna judge and that's all we ask So I say when you get asked this question, you could say you know what? I found this is not a useful conversation I'd really like to focus on the sex that we're having right now and how awesome it is. And you just don't answer it. Like you literally, because it's nobody's business, how many you've slept with, because it really, it's a texture of who you are, Angel.

It's you keep sleeping with 50, 100, it doesn't matter. Like the number does not mean anything. Unless you're like, I've had a lot of trauma and I haven't enjoyed all the partners and I don't know why I'm having sex and why my number keeps going up But you're not saying that at all. I don't think you are right. I mean do you feel bad if there was no Judd would you care how many you slept with? You know what I mean like I don't know aren't you proud of them? You get those partners yet good sex the reason you will ask typically is because we want to know where we we're using it Is this guide post which is sort of false to how we fit in their eyes. So it's more about our own security.

Like, oh, you know, if your guys ask you, well, like, is she going to think that I'm not good enough and bad? Because he's probably insecure that he has enough partners. So he thinks that you, since you've had 30 partners, are judging him, that he's not as good and bad. See what I'm saying? And so for women, they might look at their partner saying, oh, he's been with so many same thing.

And I'm not adequate or he hasn't been with enough. So he's not going to know. It just doesn't, it doesn't matter because every time you have sex with someone, it's totally different. To be able to come together, it's a whole new jam. And you get to learn into other's bodies and you get to decide what kind of great sex you have and what it means to you both together as a union. So the past does not matter. At all.

Unless you've an STD, you should definitely share that. But that's the only past you should be talking about. How does that feel? I've never thought of that before, so. Okay, really? Yeah, because we think we have to. I know, and I seriously think in your 20s, people ask that a lot, and I think as you get,

like in your 30s, you'll kind of stop asking, I hope, but it doesn't mean that you have to answer it. I used to think under duress, like you just answer. Like this is what, it's like where are you from? Do you have any siblings? How many will you sub with, right? And it's not like that. So yeah. Check this one off.

I really appreciate it. Of course, Angela. Yeah, you got this. Keep doing you. Thanks for calling in. Thanks. Have a great night. Have a great night.

I'll see you all again. Bye. Yeah, guys, really. We stop and think before people ask you questions that you don't want to answer. And even if it's about you Hear what I have to feel about the partners, but even if they're like how Let me think the things that women have tortured themselves with like what was your ex-like embed? Did she give you a lot of blowjob? Is any guy's like, oh she was the best ever or she gave me blowjob every time

We had said none of this stuff is going to help you in your current relationship And I know that was sometimes we ask it's like watching a card rock, right? We're like, I'm going to ask these questions and then I'm going to beat myself out with it and make it myself feel bad that my partner's former partner was better than I was. So I just think that, well, we think it's going to serve us all this past nonsense about what happened in past, typically it doesn't help. Now, there are some scenarios that when we're in a healthy, stable relationship, or we've been together a a while that talking about the past can actually be really erotic and it can be actually be something that turns it on. Like time at that time, you are in a threesome and that's healthy, that's great.

But when you're just meeting somebody and you're using it as a way to make sense of your relationship with your partner and see where you fit in his sexual or her sexual landscape, talk about how you can make that the best ever. We've got Julie, she's 47 from California, and she wants to know if it's possible for birth control pills to affect the G-Spot orgasm. Hi, Julie, thanks for calling in. Hello.

Hello. Thank you for your email, which I read, but I'd love to just kind of unpack it with you. So our listeners can understand, what's telling me what's going on? Let's just talk about it. Problem is when I when I first had my jeep spot that was my husband like 15 years ago and it was most amazing thing ever. So

we were at it all the time until I got pregnant. And then I had to take the abortion pill and then I took the birth one to till and that definitely became a birth control pill because it totally killed my libido. And I almost feel like someone put an aesthetic inside, like they just don't feel anything. And so we just stopped having sex and he also had anxiety problems because he didn't want that to happen again. So we just didn't do it. And then when we do it, nothing feels right.

And even when I talk to a gynecologist about it, she kind of agreed with me. She said that her friend of hers, who's a doctor, is writing a book about it. And I wish I wrote down his name. I- Wait, I'm sorry, writing a book about. Can I wish I wrote down his name. I'm sorry, writing a book about can I ask you a question Julie? So are you saying that did you or with your husband and you used the abortion pill to not to not have the morning after pill or was abortion pill actually to have it?

He was actually abortion pill. Right, okay. And so at the time I didn't know you just take whatever that tells you. Right. In hindsight, I wish I did not do that. I wish I paid more attention to taking what you put in your body. No, right. I know. I just, okay. And I thought that would be easier than having a surgery. I mean, so I just took the easy way out. Right. Now I just feel like I really regret it. So since, so this was, okay, so how many years ago was this?

And that was like, that was like 2000, 2001. Okay, so this is a long time ago. And so you're saying since then, you don't feel like you have any sensations and when you're having sex, you don't desire sex. Yes. Well, now I do. I, I have, now I'm single. I'm dating somebody for a year and my

baby is back. My sex is great except for the G spot. Oh okay. So I got it. So let's go on. Okay. I don't know where it is. Okay. So have you tried looking for your G spot? I don't think it has anything to do with the pills or hormones that you've taken or anything like that. I really think it has to do with our bodies are always changing and maybe you know, you're 47 right now and I feel like you just got to spend some time finding it again on your own without the pressure of finding it during intercourse. Have you spent some alone time masturbating and being like, where is that sucker? They find it again.

All the time after like 15 years of being a nut, I've been interested in it, now I'm absolutely interested in it, so I'm emancipating all the time and my partner is always looking forward. And you just cannot listen. And when I listen to your GPS episode, I know where those location is, that looks sponge area, but it's nothing's happening. So I keep thinking that I keep going back to what happened. I'm wondering if there has any. Do you feel anything are you having orgasms or you having with a literal orgasm? Are you getting

aroused turned on all those things? Yeah, everything else except for that. I think because comparing to the collateral of um... Did you have a G-spot orgasm previously when you were having intercourse with your husband or was it just you could have it where however was it a certain position? Only with my ex-husband and it was like in every position like from missionary and anything so he was amazing like I never seen anything like it. I was wanting it has to do with that or does it has to do with the fact that he has this perfection? No, it does not have to be. Luckily, it does not have to do with a perfect shaped penis. I feel like you're probably putting a lot of pressure on yourself to find it and a lot of times with sex when we

year spent too much time in our heads and you're like I didn't find it last And a lot of times with sex when we year spent too much time in our heads. And you're like, I didn't find it last time. We spent all labor day weekend looking for it. We still haven't found it. And then you try to be sacked. You're like, we're not going to find it. You know what I mean? So it's, I feel like a lot of it is like letting go of like this bad dash to find it again. Because I don't even think that it's gone. I think that if you can in the moment, like really without that goal oriented, you know, mindset, like we've got to find it now, kind of get back to just the entire sexual experience. Because when we start to isolate things like first we're going to have this organism, then we're going to have them.

We're going to have this organ. I can feel very like, like you're not even getting to enjoy the entire experience of sex, which is like a dance. And every time you get to create something different. So I feel like maybe take the G-spot looking off the table for a little bit and just kind of like, what if you have like a cervical orgasm, like those are different kinds of orgasms.

Like there's a lot of different ways to feel sensations. And so I feel like the chances are it's still there again, but I think it's still in your mind. Also, yeah, I really do. I don't think that it's that's gonna be this isolated spot that just sort of Numbed up and froze up and it's fallen off. It's not possible. I don't think it's possible So are you having clitoris?

Organisms because a lot of times yes, you are Yes, I do but but if I have to choose between that and that I will take you spot any day Like for my remembrance is like it's like mind blowing It's because because with the cultured sensation, I feel like it's very intense and much more faster and fluid. Right. But do you ever have the clitorial orgasm and then go get then look for the G-spot orgasm? Because that's the way you do it.

It helps to have a, yeah. So for many women, they have to have a clitorial orgasm first, knock that out. And then that whole area becomes engorged where the G spot is. So it's easier to find and stimulate. And so I would just try to have a session where you, yeah, you have your G spot, you have your literal, and then you could look for it there.

You could also try a toy. The thing, I love the G spot rave by WeeVib is a great toy that's an asymmetrically designed to hit your G spot. Nothing wrong with playing around with it and finding it that way. So I would try that, I would do that, I would take the pressure off yourself, I promise you did not destroy your g spot. Use lots of lube. Yeah, I really think you will find it. It's just part of it. Look at this as like a fun journey, you know. I hope so. It was so easy before I would use it. Our bodies change. I hear this from women all the time.

They're like, I used to be able to orgasms. I used to get more time on or now I get more turned on than I used to. Our bodies are always changing because of hormones or rousal, how we get wet, all this stuff. So just embrace where you're at now. That was years ago. Let that go. However, that G-spot felt with that penis just kind of enter into a new G-spot zone right now.

You're on a new G-spot spot journey and we're with you here. Julie, help you. You could see why I thought about the other one just because he was such a hem up to my hormones that might have changed everything. Hormones, too. And you're four days. Have you gotten your hormones checked? That's true.

I mean, there might be something going on. I don't think that's going to affect your g spot. That can affect your libido, your desire, your wet check, that's true. I mean, there might be something like that. I don't think that's gonna affect your G-spot. That can affect your libido, your desire, your wetness, all that stuff, but it's not gonna affect the bill. I mean, this is what I haven't looked at you. I'm not a doctor that I can examine you. So I don't wanna say, but if you, you know, you could get checked out, but I think, you know,

I think you should try some of the other things we talked about masturbating, literal orgasm, taking it of the pressure off you and getting a toy, Getting like the juice out. I would definitely do that. Thank you. You're welcome. I got to hear when you find it.

Julie, let me know. I would do that. Thank you for your welcome. You're welcome. Have a great night. Thank you. You too. Bye.

Bye. I think we got to the bottom of that. I think she's going to find the G spot. I think it's not that it's really gone. It's not that it's gone. It's like you got to the journey back to the G. I feel like we just have to accept the fact that our bodies are changing over time and just because something felt great 15 years ago, five years ago, our bodies were shifting and changing.

We have different partners. And so every time we're with someone, it's a great experience to kind of build something new and have a new experience. We're constantly living in our past sexual experiences. It's really hard to stay present and have a really quality sex experience. So if you find yourself tripping out for once, why is it probably as great as you remember it? Let's be honest, we always put stuff on the pedestal. And just do your best to be present with what's happening now and work with that. I know that this particular case had to do with the birth control, either, while the birth

control pill is still being studied intensely, and there's some not. So great things about the pill. I think that there's no way the pill would impact her ability to have a de-spot orgasm if she's having literal orgasms and she's getting turned on and aroused. Thanks everyone for listening. This was a fun show. I love talking to you guys. It's been awesome. Thank you for subscribing on iTunes and reviewing the show. You can actually subscribe a lot of places now, but we appreciate when you review it. I'm so thankful for your positive reviews. And you can, like I said, check it out on social media.

It's at Sex with Emily. Thank you to my amazing team, Ken, Jamie, our intern Shannon and Jenny, producer, Lark, and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithamlee.com. you