Sex With Emily - Anal August Knockin' At Your Backdoor

Episode Date: August 14, 2019

On today’s show & in honor of Alternative August, Emily is bringing you a mash-up show all about anal sex: the trials, tribulations, pleasures, & ways to make it is as pleasant as possible.  She gives you first timer tricks & tips on what to do when your partner keeps pestering you for anal & she talks with a mixture of women from different backgrounds to share their stories & experiences with backdoor play. Plus, all the myths, overall attraction, & ways to warm yourself up to the idea of anything anal.   Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Muse, Veritas Farms, Magic Wand, SiriusXM, Promescent. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm today's show in honor of Alternative Sex Month. I'm bringing you a mashup show all about anal sex. The trials, the tribulations, the pleasures, and of course some tips to make it as amazing and as pleasant as possible. Top of synchlude. Alright, so your partner keeps pestering you for anal and it might not be your thing, but it might be.

Who knows, maybe you just haven't used the right tips yet. We've got some tips here to help you do it right. Try not be your thing, but it might be. Who knows, maybe you just haven't used the right tips yet. We've got some tips here to help you do it right. And we also have a bunch of different women from different backgrounds telling their stories about backdoor play, from toys to experiences, and I think we all learn from each other. So you're gonna enjoy it.

Plus the overall traction to backdoor play, the myths debunked and ways to warm yourself up to it. All this and more, thanks for listening. [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ I'm gonna buy you a little bit. Hey, Emily. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between for more information. Check out sexwithemily.com. And you can easily find our podcasts wherever you listen to podcasts.

We love when you comment and subscribe on iTunes or wherever you listen. And you can also find me on Series XM Radio. It stars channel 109 and I am there now Monday through Fridays, five to seven pound Pacific, eight to 10 East. And you guys can call in and ask me your questions at triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven, and you can also get a free 30 day trial at sexwithemily.com slash S X M. And as always, you can find me in all social media.

It's at Sex with Emily. All right, guys, I hope you enjoy the show. We get this email today. We get a message just from Instagram, right? Mm-hmm. And I'm like, I can't answer that. Just an short message. I need to talk.

And here's the, I don't usually recommend starting anything in life with this. Especially your sex way. You gotta work your way up. But since I've been hearing this, I'm just gonna lay it out there. I'm gonna life with this. Especially your sex way, you gotta work your way up. But since I've been hearing this, I'm just gonna lay it out there. I'm gonna start with anal. I like to warm up, but this question,

I, it was anal. Start out hot. Use, yeah, use, yeah, I'm like, okay, well maybe third segment for, how do I get my boyfriend to stop asking me about anal? We get questions. It's like the million dollar question. I feel like, and I feel like, okay, you know what? I usually like to warm people up, asking me about anal. We get questions. It's like the million dollar question. It is.

And I feel like, okay, you know what? I usually like to warn people, maybe we should make out first. I have some foreplish, talk about breast gasms, and then anal. But no, I'm going into it because I know that so many women can relate to this. And personally, I've been people are like, you know, anal, and I know I just hear, and it's confusing. And so, because first of all, and you know, you could actually I just hear and it's confusing. And so, because first of all, and you know, you could actually even fill in the blank.

Like, we often hear like, how do I get my partner to stop asking me to blank? And a lot of what we do, I do on the show here is help you guys kind of figure out how to get on the same page about things. But the anal thing is like, it's tricky because anal is a whole world of confusion. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, for many people. Now here's what

happened. So a lot of times, people in relationships think, okay, we've done everything but we're still waiting for the butt, the butt. Right. And it's still like this taboo, but if we do Ainal then, oh, that's how we're going to spice it up. That's how we're really going to be freaky and be out there. So I feel like there's many a man who, and I'm gonna put this on the, the man right now, people with penis. That they're like, okay, anal and or threesome.

They're like, let's spice it up. We should have a threesome, we should have anal, and then I hear partners all the time, we're like, wow, what do I do this, what they want? And so the thing is, but here, so we're going to stay stick with Ainaly, though that my thing about anal is this, I get what, and I get it. The truth is, it can be a very, very pleasurable experience for men and women. Like essentially anyone with an AIS, they would, there's nerve endings that can feel great,

men of a prostate. That's a whole other thing. But for women too, it's not for every woman, but many women don't, here's the thing, either there's fear around it, why women don't want to do it. Taboo, fear, and they had a one time bad experience. A lot of people do anal wrong, and there are very specific ways to do it right. And if you were like drunk in college once, or oops wrong, whole happened just by mistake, or there was no loose. That's the worst. that's how it happens. I do wrong. Oh most frequently is how it happened to me. Yeah, right?

And you're like never again. Oh my god. Yeah, I crawled into fetal position and I yelled at him. So painful Right Yeah, exactly they don't know though. They don't even know they went in the wrong hole. Like oh, it felt good. It's like what I do Yeah, exactly. They don't know though. They don't even know they went in the wrong hole. Like, oh, it felt good. It's like what I do. Right, and then you probably know it. I didn't feed all.

Oh, shut down for business. You like crawl away. Yeah, you can just crawl away and you're like, no. Just give me a minute. Right, exactly. It's an assault on your anus. When you were not inviting, you were expecting to knock out the door.

Burgeon anus. A Burgeon anus, no. There was no knock on the door. That was just bustin' right through. Exactly. They usually feel really bad. Oh yeah, he was like, oh my God, what I do. Oh right, of course. He didn't mean to, but you can't help that experience.

He was wet. So he's wearing a documentary style. It wasn't wet and slippery though, because the Aina says in self lubrication. No, I mean, that's usually why it happens. Yeah, I think they're wet and slippery. I'll think they're wet and slippery. And then like it just on a pull-ups

and then just back in. I can pull that pull back in full that full It's mostly during doggy so I can't pick shit accidentally happening any other way Hmm it can happen when your legs are more full full back part. Oh, okay. I see yeah, that's happened to me before Yeah, no, like that would hurt Yes, yes, I blocked it's a not thank you for So it's like and so I get that I'm not. So it's like, until I get that happens and I understand, and it's like because so there's very specific ways,

you gotta be open-minded. So let's say that happened to you. I get it. I could understand you being like, no, I'm shut down for business, but let me talk to you about how it could be done correctly and why it might feel good. Now first of all, for many women,

they can have orgasms. Many women do have orgasms through anal. In fact, I met a woman the other night because people tell me everything I literally just met her and she said, oh, you know, I can only remember how this came up right away. But something in the first 10 minutes of knowing her, she said, I don't have orgasms through intercourse. I only have orgasms through anal. Interesting. Yeah. One of the main reasons is there's indirect stimulation to your g spot. There's a thin membrane in the anal, it's separating that.

So it could be like hitting up against it, right? So I had a girlfriend come, she's been married for a while and she kept saying her husband wants to do it, anal and she doesn't want it. And I said to her, I said, but you have great, you orgasm a lot, you know, because not every woman has orgasms internally. And I said, and you do, and I'm just saying, you guys have been together, you love your husband. Maybe put aside whatever fears or whatever these beliefs from religion, I'm not sure what it is exactly,

but it might be you might actually like it. And she was like, what? I might, and she was kinda like, no, I don't know, and she's still mulling it over. But the main thing is just to like, first of all, you just wanna, you would want to start slow. You want to use loop, you'd want to like, you know, warm up the butt, you never want to go right in.

No. Ever. You know, you never want to, you know, you could use like a finger or like a little butt plug or just out in the outside of it. Just don't rush right in. So anyway, if you're part, my boyfriend, you know, she's not, stop asking me, it's like, no one wants to be mad for anything. That's not how you

get anything. But the conversation would be like, if you're in this situation where you want your part to do anything, first of all, and they're not into it, it's more about what can we do together? What can we do together? Then what would you be into? Like, I think that most people are not only that, I'm not saying eels and feel good for everybody. You can feel, can, can feel good for everybody involved, but there's other ways to play. There's other things that you could do that spice things up.

Like you don't just have to be like, you're like, oh, now it's time to spice it up. And you could do, you guys could do bondage. So easy, like if you, you know, use handcuffs, you could do some dumb sub play. Yeah, the bondage. It's just spanking it. Bondage tape dumb sub play. Yeah, the bondage tape. Just banking it. Bondage tape.

You guys get a roll of bondage tape, it's like 12 bucks. And it kind of looks like electrical tape. And I'm obsessed with it because you can reuse it. And you can just like, it just easily rips apart. It sticks to itself. You put it on your wrist. You put it like, you use it blindfold and then you're like tied up. And it feels good to kind of have,

well, there's always an energy exchange in sex anyway, whether it's masculine, feminine energy, or like a dominant submissive. And so there's a lot of people who want to be more submissive. So you just play with that. That might be that titillating spicy thing that night. I feel like bondage tape is what we all wish.

Seran wrap could be because... Yes. Seran wrap sticks to itself and then it never looks the same again But the bondage tape it sticks to itself, but then you can unstick it and it's still like usable Exactly. That's exactly No, you know why we had we had we had a role of so ran rap in here for like a year And like does anyone have this at home that there's that and you just

You keep trying to get it to unstick itself. You just made worse. And then, and then I would try, and then I'd put it back in the drawer, and then I'd forget. And then like, okay, well then, and then you try again, and then you like start rap on rap and you get like a little finster, and then I think Jamie was like, I know.

No, literally, I've been working on this. No, I'm not. And then one side is a lot thinner. Yeah, but like, we're throwing the shit away. Seriously? Not bad, did she? This was like a real thing in our office. Like, I would try for so long to find I was like

I'm going to find the beginning because it what it didn't make any sense how it was going never made and I would try Every so often I just get so frustrated and one day and we just like we'll just throw it away again It's like it was like the Rubik's cube of a surround right was like oh there's no start and end it doesn't make sense Why this role is this fucked up? If you have going back to it? Like, talk to her. Go to write aid, write aid. We were determined though. But I didn't know if we were both working at a puzzle we had never discussed.

Like you're both just making it worse. So you're like, wait a second. It's a rare wrap, but not the bond is tape. Anyways, okay. So bond is tape. I wish we had some here because we could put, I know we've done videos with the before. We could film it somewhere. Okay, well, we're gonna show you but it is cool

But I think and you guys call anything triple eight night for seven eight two seven seven besides bondage You can also yeah, you guys here's a thing watching porn together. Mm-hmm I always feel like I have to caveat that I I feel like I'm very 50 50 on porn you know I get we're in a time for but I think for a lot of couples I love porn for couples finding what is really hot for both of you. And then you forget all about anal, perhaps. You'll be like, that was cool. We learned this new position, are we? We've never, because you guys, I think many of you are very limb, most of us.

Except for me, because I study them. Some of you here have been here. You're very limited in the way you think about your options when it comes to sex. You're like, I could have missionary, I could have doggy style, and I could have... What's our other one? Spooning. Woman on top. Woman on top. That's what we got.

We got three, and that's not true. There's variations to them. There's a way to mix them up. So I'm just saying, if you're trying to get your partner to do something, like kind of expand what you think sex is and what's hot and what, you know, what is different? We've got a lot of great information on our site. There's stuff out there, do your research.

Get a sex swing. I love that call, if the guy who like, do I like it's a sex swing? I was in the, I was like, I'm was frown about sex swings. Yeah. I always make jokes and like, when people used to tell me, well, they had amazing sex and like, what do you mean? Like, were you in a sex swing? Like, I don't actually know people who have really, lately in my life and like, when people used to tell me, they had amazing sex and like, what do you mean? Like, were you in a sex swing?

Like, I don't actually know people who have really, lately in my life, but fucking to make sense, you're suspended, you're like, you're like, rubbing against each other. That would be fucking fun. And you get momentum. You get momentum. Who doesn't like first of all swinging?

Swinging, the actual act of swinging is fun. It's kind of therapeutic. It is therapeutic. And then just imagine. It's like your child liking free. Exactly. Exactly then just imagine. Like your child like in free. Exactly. Your child like in free and you're swinging into something. You're actually going to swing today.

Some genitals. I'll go with you. Yeah, no really. I was feeling like I need some child like freedom today. As high as this. How is this? Yeah, no you're right. There is that in the swing.

Because you're truly swinging and it's playful and it's different. Get some toys. If you're looking for something else to do, toys, porn, what else like porn to I don't know we get a lot of things about like no, I don't want to toys. I don't want to try anything different. It should just be Penetration which is gonna get boring. I don't know like role play Yeah

Yeah role play is like I think once you guys try I feel like we've gotten We've gotten maybe I've gotten close to a lube on every nightstand or people least considering it, which is one of my visions, but if I get people just to try a roleplay, which you literally don't have to buy a thing, just bring your imagination along and say, you know what, I've had a fantasy about, you have tired, maybe you thought the barista was hot, who made your espresso this morning. And then you're thinking about that, and then you go on your partner and you can be like, I think it'd be hot if you were the one making coffee and I walked into the morning and you then you're thinking about that, and then you go on your partner, and you can be like, I think it'd be hot if you were the one making coffee, and I walked into the morning, and

you asked me why I'm in front, and I'm saying I'm studying, and I'm a student from, and you just freaking go there. And then you embody whatever character you want to be. Think about how you'd feel if you came into a coffee shop, and there was a hot, you know, and then your partner personifies that, you know, he makes it his own, or she makes it her own, and then you partner personifies that, he makes it his own or she makes it her own and then you just go off. And then why role playing is so fun is because then you're not in your head

about obsessive thoughts about like, what should I do? That's interesting. Do I look hot? Am I gonna have an orgasm? Should I initiate? You're just off on your own thing and it's good for creativity when it comes to sex

and it's just, it's hot too, because you can play your alter ego. You can play at your fantasies in the moment. Yeah, I think some of the best advice that like computed in my brain so like just clicked. I was like, oh my gosh, this is so geniuses. When you told someone who called in about role play she, the baseball one, she had like a baseball character,

but you said give her a name, like create, you know, like a whole story behind it. So that way you can get more comfortable. Like it's not really me like before you even start doing it. Like before you walk into the room, be like, okay, yeah, because she was surprising her boyfriend who loves Chicago Cubs and something. Yeah, yeah. And she was like, walked in and she's like, yeah, I'm like, well, you're a cheerleader.

I'm watch your name and what your fans, she's like, okay, I'm Stacy and I'm this. And she was like, she, because we, it's so fearful meeting up to it. So it's, yeah, think about it before we have planet. Plan it out in your head. I love my voice comes back to me. It's good. Yeah. I'm like, yes, I'm going to do that tomorrow. Who would I be? So, yeah, that's what I think. But the other thing I was saying about anal back back to it, is that I was thinking about, about, I think it was about 2004, 2005. I realized that it was about the time I started the show. I thought, God, anal, it was my friend Mark said this.

He was like, anal's the new blow job. And I was like, you're right, like anal is, because anal you guys have to understand that it wasn't really, that wasn't even on the menu. That before porn became so ubiquitous and we had in our phones, younger people, whoever generations or people who just saw watch out and put it in a medic, it could be any age, but in porn,

they make anal look so easy. They're like, they're not showing you lube, they're not showing you warming up the buttocks, they're not showing you like, you know, that she hasn't eaten in a day and she's, you know, like cleaned out, they're just like, boop, look so easy, like you go into the vagina, you go to anus and it's all great.

No, it's not that simple either. And they're pros. I have professionals at it. I have the job to make it look easy. Sorry, this question is actually really, I have no idea what the answer is. Is it safe to go from vagina to butt? Oh, like that.

Yes, you can go with a vagina to butt, but you can't go anal to vagina. Always, always switch condoms, wash off. Yeah, because the bacteria. Okay. But you can go from, yeah, vagina is very good question. Yeah, sweet. You're like, do I know this? Yeah.

Yeah, no surprise, anal. No surprise, anal. You got a plant, because like, what if, exactly, what if, what did you eat that day? Exactly, that's what I want to tell people. You don't have to do an animal. You really don't, and you don't have to starve yourself, but you know when you've moved a bowel,

like I think you know, you know your natural cycle. And so I think, yeah, you don't want to go for a big, heavy meal. You want to make sure maybe that day you're kind of, you know, maybe day four, taking all the eating foods that are not as- No spicy food. Yeah, nothing spicy, you know.

If you insisted on doing an animal, if you bought one, I would never do, you would empty out the vinegar or whatever's in, I'm like squeezing the things. You'd empty out the one you got the drugstore and don't use a vinegar and you can just use warm water. But don't, but you can't just surprise someone. You'd like, and also the most important thing besides leaving us to breathe too and to be relaxed, which is why there's all those painful experiences

and breathing, you gotta relax. All those things. And then we talk about going slow and starting with a finger and doing all that. Is that something that happens in all in the same night and you can still get to the penis in one night or is it like I feel like you should do a couple times, right?

Yeah, for sure, a couple times. You want to like, yeah, you got to go slow with all of this. If it's new to you, like the reason why let's go back, how do I get my boyfriend's not bad? You know, once she maybe she rests into it and thinks, okay, well, maybe I'll explore. You start with maybe one night you're just touching. Maybe you're just, your partner's just exploring down there and they're like using their mouth

or maybe the first fingers with lube. And they're just like kind of, maybe they're massaging your butt cheeks so that you relax and it's just, there's no entering, zero entering. You're like knocking on the door, you're tapping. You're not entering. I would say that could go on and one, two,

but go on as long as you want until you feel comfortable. And then maybe the next time, you see how like a pinky feels. Move into it, go slow. Breathe, loop, all things. Yeah, I don't think enough people know that. It don't go straight to the, no, they don't know it. I just thought they needed to know.

And, what if like you tried, it's a you had a previous partner and you tried a And all cut like a few times and you did it the right ways and you just it wasn't your thing you didn't like it But your new partner is continuing to ask for it exactly Well then okay, that's a great other point if you truly have done all the ways you breathe you try it and you actually Have done it you know in the in the correct way and no, still not. I think absolutely not your thing. Do not do it again.

You know that it's not right for you. You can never talk your partner into anything like that. If they really have tried it, you actually never can. It has to be their own idea. So yes, if you try to, then you just gotta say, you know what paid? That's not my thing. I'm so open to trying exploring other things. And then you can also say, is this gonna be a deal breaker for you?

Like if this is something that you require a relationship that has a big anal component to it, and I'm not going to be able to do that, then you can end the relationship, you know, you can decide. People get to decide. If I was with someone and they were like, I don't want oral sex to be a part of our relationship, I would be like, peace out. We would end the relationship. So I think it's legitimate if you know what you're into sexually and you just have your requirements, your bottom lines, your deal breakers and how great that

you know that about yourself and then just go find somebody who's more compatible. Alright guys, we're going to take a quick break and we come back even more anal. Let's get into anal you guys because I feel like when I started my show, it was always like, I thought that I feel like using the last 10 years even. It was always like, blow jobs, whatever, but anal, like with porn and everything. I just feel like everyone wants to talk about anal, but a lot of people are also confused and intimidated about anal sex. So what's been your experience with the anal sex?

Oh, I might reveal myself to be the most inexperienced, actually. I've never had anal. Okay. I've had some fingers up there, which I don't mind. But I've never, I think, it didn't really enter into my world until after, like, probably in the last, maybe three years, has it been a thing that people are really talking about? And it's never kind of naturally come up in conversation with guys that I dated prior to that. So, obviously they weren't even,

they weren't like, hey baby, I want it. No, no, and like the last year, it's been definitely more prominent. Okay. With fingers and so forth, but I've never had full, now I would, I totally would. It's not something that I'm dying to have because of the poop issue that we discussed.

Yeah, but I also, well I poop a lot though. So I just thought an anal sex workshop. Oh yeah.. No, but I did and I really think that so many people are interested in learning about it because they are very confused by, you know, how to keep clean. Do you You know, animas and I was like, no, animas. You don't want to buy like an animate in the store, but you could do a water animal, like just by the little the end of the thing, the squeezy thing and just put warm water in it and you like flush through three times. And it would just to make sure that you're ready and you're not worried about the poop thing. Because before that, I always said,

just don't have a large, don't go out from Mexican food in a vein. But really, you've got to make sure that you're emptied out and that is a way to do it. To me, it feels like a new frontier of intimacy. I have yet to find the person that I really want to have. No, right, no, it's a big thing. It is a big thing.

There's a lot of taboo, there's a lot of intimacy. It's like a lot emotionally, just someone going someone going in your ass. You're like there, you're like, I'm doing that. So okay, what are you done? Well, I have, A, I like a good finger in my butt, but not, we don't need to shoot it up there real quick and just so hard. No, it never should be, right. It should be like, I almost just prefer like when I'm on top, just like you can touch it and just put it in a little bit like a little like warm going into a hole But I I like that and so it's made me want to do more anal stuff Okay, I've done anal once and it lasted like two minutes and I was very drunk on tequila

And it felt like a reversal poop It felt like poop was going back in because like you know the feeling when you poop and the poop comes out, it felt like the poop was going back in and I was like what's happening? This is the wrong route. You know? I mean it just felt weird and rushed and not the best experience but I'd be down. Well that's okay. So what I want to say to you is that it's so common that women like anal sex just gets a bad rap because a lot of people just don't know what they're doing and first time experiences for many women is that they're with a partner, they're drunk.

This I always say is my structure, they're drunk. The guy just put sticks it in without prep, because prep takes you got to one more rep. You want to use your fingers, you want to make sure she's relaxed and use lots of lube. Like when I say lots of lube, you can just keep pouring on the lube. And so when I'm experiencing it, I just shove it in its paintball because it's a problem.

It would be so nerve, it would be clenched. Yeah. Well, that's the worst thing you can doance painful because we're probably, we're so nervous, we clench. Well, that's the worst thing you can do when you're having because you're like scared. So you gotta make sure that you're really relaxed, that they've already started to like, you know, do like maybe like a little massage or iron or anus, play with some fingers, lube,

and you just gotta keep breathing and breathing and make sure that he goes in slow. But so many women like don't know this or guys don't know this, and then they're like, it was horrible for some I'll never do again. So I'm here on the planet, so people can try this and maybe have a good

experience next time. What about you Kim? Well, it looks like I'm the anal slut here today. I love it. Everyone needs anal slut. Okay. No, not like seriously. I mean, you're slut. I think it's my age. I've, you know, had maybe more partners. But actually, I don't even think I really got into it or even enjoyed it or got much out of it until maybe in my early 30s, because it was kind of weird and when I was younger, whatever. But definitely it's something that I like to share with somebody that I'm really into.

I like to feel really safe and comfortable. It's not like, hey, let's just hook up and have anal tonight. It's definitely something that I think is very exciting when it's kind of spontaneous. And it's actually, once you get into it, it's like, I mean, it's kind of spontaneous and it's actually once you get into it, it's like, I mean, it's so good. Do you wear glasses? No, no, no.

Well, no, but I get really turned on, especially like a pair of. They're so good on too. Yeah, and especially if you're touching your clip while they're in it back there and there's just so many things like, you just, I don't know, it definitely takes things to the next level. So what positions do you like for anal cells? I'm just like, you know, like the guy behind is obviously like probably works the best,

but I've actually been on top before too. And squatting and like facing, you know, away. Yeah, like a first call girl. Yeah, anal. Which is super hot too. But just like you said Emily, you have to like start out with just like the tip and then you have to breathe and then you have to like really go You have to like inch your your way in like very slowly because it's kind of painful. Yeah, yeah

Yeah, but that's right But if you breathe and you go slow then eat and it's almost like you guys breathe together like you breathe in and then when you breathe out He puts a little more so it's like you're really like synchronized I mean it sounds a lot more difficult But if you just do that and you're relaxed and you keep breathing, it actually is a lot less painful and it can feel really amazing. It sounds like intimate and wonderful. I want to do something like that. I saw the wave anal tonight and then go out for drinks before after.

Lori, where do I go? I've had a lot of anal. Oh, good. Always in a serious relationship because I think, you know think being able to prep for it is really important. I like to have a shower. I have done water animas when I was nervous about what meals I had had that day. And it is really intimate. So I have to have someone that I know is going to listen to me

when I say no that hurts or whatever. The first time I did it, I was really drunk and on my period, I was like really drunk and on my period. It was like, it was just use the other hole, you know? That's why. You're like, innovative thinker. Right, right.

And I was so drunk that like, at the time I was really into it and I woke up like and kind of, I'm paying the next day because I didn't do it right. And then the next relationship that I did it in, we took every step and every precaution to make it feel good. And like, I was psyching myself into having it feel good than one time we did it and we took every step and every precaution to make it feel good. And like I was psyching myself into having it feel good than one time we did it. And I was on top like normal cowgirl.

And it just like felt amazing. It was like, oh man, this is the first time I've ever done it that it feels I think better for me than it's feeling for you. Wow, see? I haven't chasing that. Chasing that anal hive. You will get it again. I promise. But, see? I haven't chasing that. I haven't seen. Chasing that anal hive. You will get it again.

I promise. But that's the thing about sex is that, you know, that you, we do get so limited the way we think that we can enjoy sex. And my whole purpose, you know, on the planet is to some people that it can expand and grow. And I actually, there's our bodies of so many nerve endings that feel really good

that we don't even know about. And it can constantly get better your sex life and expand and grow and have different sensations all the time, which I love. So you guys, okay, so anal, any other tips for anal that we cover that juice you don't? I mean, how about like toys with anal? Yeah, toys butt plugs or vibrates. Or you can use, yeah, you can use your vibrator while you're having anal.

And your clitoris? Or in side. In side. That's true. Dovel penetration That's true, double penetration. I mean, try it. Yeah, you've tried it. I was, yeah, no for sure. I think that's what I was thinking about starting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would start there either a toy or something that just kind of preps my butthole for future use. Yeah, there's anal, okay, so butt plugs. Here's another thing for I could go back to masturbation from it. If you're not used to having anything in your butt So there's anal, okay, so butt plugs. Here's another thing for I could go back to masturbation from it. Yeah. If you're not used to having anything in your butt,

there's some great butt plugs that you can get, like silicone butt plugs, and that you could do different sizes, there's all different stuff, and you just use a little lube when you're masturbating next time. And just try sticking it in and seeing how that feels. So you get used to the sensation

of having something inside you. It's great. It's a great warm up, and it's a great way just just know how you like it. And a lot of who wear butt plugs, like if they don't want to have anal sex set, with someone who just is mixed it up, they'll wear it during sex, butt plug.

You wear it as you keep it in the whole time. Yeah, you can keep it in. You can wear it during foreplay. I've had anal beads before, actually. I remember this now. Oh, we're at top of you like that. And it was really wonderful when you're right before you're about to come.

Like, I was on top top and we used anal beads. Which are little beads that go in and you pull it out and you feel the... And it's just a sensation of just like, it was at the same time, which is so important timing, of course. And it was like, he came as I came and we, and then he, as he pulled the little beanie out. And I was like, oh my god. Wow. Because it really was a really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really money things. It's hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's really hot. I think you should do that. It's been a while.

I think you should do it tonight. Let's see you in a week. At what point did you put the beads in before? Yeah, before. Yeah, like so as we're starting to fuck or I'm on top, we lubed up the beads, I believe, I remember. There wasn't a long string. It wasn't a pearl that went down, you know,

it wasn't six yards. Right. And then we put them in, just not even all of them, just a few of them in me. And then right before I was like, I'm gonna come and then he took them out. And that kind of helped me come. That's a thing too.

This is a tip for I think most men, I don't know if they know. If you are willing to touch a girl's asshole, you know, it's clean, it's good. Maybe she's on top, you're grabbing her ass. Touch her asshole if she's about to come and she will come. Like to me, it's the cherry on the, like if I'm like, oh, there, oh, no, there it goes. Oh, yeah. Just like an activation butt. grabbing her ass, touch her ass hole if she's about to come and she will come. Like to me, it's the cherry on the,

like if I'm like, oh, there, oh, no, there it goes. Oh, yeah. Just like an activation butt. Right, or how about spanking your ass? I do. Oh, I love spanking. I love being spanked so much. I love, I like handprints on my ass next day.

What the hell? Love it. So, yeah, I thought we could just do a little rundown here. If these are like common questions, you know, people are really obsessed, a lot of people are kind of obsessed with anal sex too, and like want to know like, you know, what do you think like the appeal is, or what are you going to be so obsessed with it? Well, I think part of the appeal about anal sex is also because it's in that area of the butt.

And I think there's a lot of, there's, there's boob men, there's butt men, there's people who have different parts of the body, but when you're really into the ass, anal just makes sense. And so for a lot of people, especially Latin guys like myself, or black guys, or people of color, you know, different cultures, it just seems to be like this desire

to want to engage with like the curvature and the hourglass sort of nature, you know, area of... Look, he's like gripping an ass right now, he's talking, it's very sexy. He's like the ass, the ass, the of nature, you know, area of... He's like gripping an ass right now, he's talking. It's very sexy. He's like the ass, the ass, the ass, the ass. I'm like, wow. I'm making like melons in my hand.

But, and so I think that it, for people that physical arousal does transfer into a lot of their desires. And then also, anal has this wonderful taboo sort of context to it that really does, I think, get under people's skin and psychologically just get them excited and aroused. Because of the taboo. Yeah context to it that really does I think get under people's skin. It's like, logically, just get them excited and aroused. Because of the taboo. Yeah, it's true.

And people always want to know, like, how do I do it better? Or they're afraid of it. We're going to be answering some emails about it. But let's just break down some of the myths, let's say, or taboo's fears. The butt is exit only not for pleasure. You know, we hear that. Like, why do anal, you know, and you can have so many of the vagina

or it's not even a Roger's zone? Mm-hmm. Not true. Not true. For some people, they might be painful, they might be not in a Roger's zone, but for many, many it is. And I'm a lot of pleasure from it.

I think a lot of people never give it a chance. And they have it in their mindset already that, hey, this is not a place where I should go to, that the exit only sort of philosophy is what I live and stand by. And they don't even experiment and explore. And imagine if we just denied ourselves from trying out something that could be so enjoyable or pleasurable, I always use the sushi metaphor. Like how many of us did not want to try sushi that first time? Yeah, I didn't. Like raw fish, are you kidding me? Like no, I'm not eating that, like cook it, please.

And then all of a sudden, how many times do you, I feel like we need breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Yeah. I love sushi. What's your favorite? Favorite kind of sushi. Um, I was like a good, like a good tuna roll. Like tuna, spicy tuna, tuna, or eel and avocado roll.

Yellowtail, hamachi. Oh my god, I'm getting so hungry. What, it melts in your mouth? Tucket, it's so good. That's what anal sex is. Anals can melt in your mouth. It's true, but people say, another is speaking of melting in your mouth.

It's too dirty, it's messy, it's painful. To be sexy, people think. But you know, no, it can be, you know, there's poop in there, they think, oh, we can't be sexy, but we're gonna tell them how it can be. Anal sex is only for game at. And if you like it, that means that you're gay. People say that too. Not true, you're a straight man. I am. only for game act. And if you like it, that means that you're gay. People say that too.

Not true, you're a straight man. I am. You identify straight. I identify straight. And you like anal play in your anal. I like it. Oh, with my partners and with myself. So for me, it's an area that has so many nerve endings

and it could be so like we said, taboo and arousing and pleasurable that we might as well explore to see if we have compatibility with our partners from that area. And this whole idea that it's dirty orousing and pleasurable, that we might as well explore to see if we have compatibility with our partners from that area. And this whole idea that it's dirty or unhygenic, I mean, look, when we take a shower, when we cleanse ourselves, when we do a little bit of prep work,

I mean, that's how our bodies work. And we can freshen them up to a, in my opinion, to a place where we can feel really good about the sexual experiences and the sense and the tastes and the touches that we have. Right, but how did you get into it? How did you like the first time you tried it? Were you with a partner or did you, with your owniness?

Oh, because a lot of men, for yourself, for whoever was a partner. Well, it doesn't, however you first, because a lot of men that I think that's the biggest thing I hear is guys are like, well now I feel like men are starting to say I'm kind of curious, but I'm not really sure what to do. You know, like in all the things,

it doesn't make me gay, but I, but you know, they don't know how to even stimulate themselves. So, I mean, I know you're a sex educator and a doctor and all that. You know, for myself, it was about a partner who just was mosing on around that area and just like started grazing in that region with their finger and I thought,

you know, there was like a conflict I was experiencing. It was like, wow, that feels really good, but whoa, that's not like what I'm supposed to be feeling or it shouldn't be like in that. So I'm going back and forth kind of in my head and you're kind of like, yes, more, no, please stop. And yes, no, more, please stop, you know. Right.

And I just found that, you know, once you get comfortable with somebody and you want them. Was it a finger the first time? No, it wasn't even inside, it was just on the outside. Oh, right, the outside, because there are so many nerve endings that get feel really good. Yeah. And a lot of people, it was just on the outside. Oh, right, the outside, because there are so many nerve endings that can feel really good. Yeah.

And a lot of people, a lot of women will play with your balls and they'll kind of like go a little bit south and then start playing with your pruning. And then also, you're like, wow, that does feel kind of good. And then there's just like this accidental grays on the anus. And then you're like, you could do that again, if you want. Right.

But you don't know how to say it, because you're like, right, because you'll learn to communicate. So what did you say? We're like, do that again. Not the first time, no. I didn't say anything. I just like put in a memory box. Right, you're like, right, because you're on a communicate. So what did you say? Do that again. Not the first time. No, I didn't say anything. I just like put in a memory box. Right, you're like, oh, check.

Yeah. Good. And then as we got more educated and more experienced, like all of a sudden we realized, oh, there can be like a communication about this. Or we can incorporate some loop or we can actually like involve this and enjoy it. So it's a process.

I know a lot of people listening, that first step is the hardest one and just being able to acknowledge it within yourself that this is a place where I can venture to explore. Exactly, men and women, it's true. Because a lot of women think that, you know, they don't like, you know, they think, they don't like anal sex,

so they would never like it, or maybe they had a bad experience or it was really, really painful. Yeah, there's a lot of bad experiences. I know, the first time when they write it off forever, because, you know, you didn't use lube, you weren't warmed up, someone just shoved it in. Like, no, that's not good. That's why we're today. We're going to have to do it the right way.

Do you want to hear about my first experience on me? Oh, yeah. So I was always fascinated by it with my first college girlfriend. And, you know, she would allow me to try. And I didn't know what I was doing on her. Okay. I had no clue what I was doing. I was the, I mean, literally I was just put a done sad on me. I was the most uneducated, like worst anal sex experience ever. I'm sure a lot of women cannot relate to what you're saying right now, right? And I didn't know. I mean, I cared about her. I loved her. I didn't want to hurt her, but I didn't know I needed a lube. So we would try these things with pans or body parts, penises, and no lube was involved. And just I can only imagine the awful experiences

she was having, and it was just the two of us not knowing what we were doing. She didn't know to recommend it, I didn't know what to recommend. How would you know then? So once we were taking a shower, and she was always a trooper, she was always like trying and trying, and we just never could get, you know, it couldn't emulate like what I'd see and pour.

And all of a sudden we're in the shower, and she was such a passive submissive sweet sweet girl, and just she got this like rage inside of her sudden we're in the shower and she was such a passive, submissive, sweet, sweet girl, and just she got this like rage inside of her as we were taking a shower together. She took her finger and she just jammed it up inside of me, and I was literally plastered up against the tile and I was just like my hands were spread and I was like, what the, you know, what the hell are you doing?

I was like under her total control, I couldn't move. I was like, and she says now you know how it feels. Oh my God. And I was like, whoa, that's awful. So we didn't do it. Wow. No, she did that just to show you. Wow. She didn't know. Yeah. That's the way to show it. And in her right, you go, anyone goes right in like that. Oh, I heard like, oh, dude, that's a good story.

And then is that what turned you into sex doctor? You're like, I don't want to get this right. I don't want to finger up my when I don't know. Okay. So let's try to prep what you say. Did you think I was like, that's kind of killer. That's just like, there's like a drunken thing. She was like in the shower, premeditated, I'm gonna see this finger in your butt. Wow.

Cause how would you know? Yeah, guys don't think about that. And women, we don't know, we don't know. We don't know, but that's what we're gonna tell everyone. But it taught me a lot. She wasn't able to communicate that it was painful and I wasn't able to ask those questions. That's right.

We've all been there. That was our non-guessive words to say this hurts and let's take a break, let's stop. Because you kept trying. Yeah. You're like, I didn't know it was painful. I said, funny, that we, I mean, I've been there too, things have hurt and I was like,

I know we're in pain, but that's what you should always speak up if you're in pain and we're not in pain. You should speak up about everything about sex, which is what we talk a lot about in the show. So let's talk about the preparation, getting ready for anal sex. So people are like, is it dirty? Like, how do I wash that area?

Do I need to, you know, do an animal, like clear the runway? Like, what do you recommend? Like, I say you could do an animal if you wanted to. You know, you could, but it's not necessary. You know, it's almost like some people say, well, I have to have a partner who takes a shower before we have sex, and some people are like, I don't really care. I like the way you smell, and it's a little bit of the day has gone by, like I'm okay with

it. So, everybody's got their own sort of hygienic needs. That's true. But it should be talked about. We should get to know our partner's hygiene needs. And if playing in the A&S or playing in the rectum is part of your desires, you want to bring that up and just find out where how far should we go? Because we can make it squeaky, squeaky clean or we can just ride the wave in the moment

and just acknowledge that it might get a little dirty, it might get a little messy, but that could be okay. Right. Sex messy. Sex can be messy. It's okay. But if you just want to do the basic, you can just shower, clean dynos beforehand. Use non irritating soap stick a little finger inside rinse you know just do that. So I don't think that you yeah exactly. Case by case basis

decide how you feel about it and stick out for that. Safety first condoms and very important clean and trim hernander you let me know that you trimmed your fingernails Keith I think you thought we were having you know, I didn't know if this would be experiential Right, maybe yeah, we just started so we'll see so clean and trim fingernails very important Because we always think you start with finger. Yeah, and and one mistake I made today is I didn't file my nails I know dude. I'm sorry. I was going to do it, but you didn't file damn you our most important starring role is Loub.

Yes. Besides your finger, penis, or toys. Loub, it makes any sexual experience more pleasurable. I just, you know how I feel about Loub, the way to the better. And the anal canal, that self lubricating, like the vagina can self-wale self lubricate, the analis will not.

Like non-negotiable, you need Loubube during sex but which lube is the best? You know I found out how dry it was back in college and I forgot that and we've got I think you and I have a great discussion earlier about what can we do to help line that rectum? Yes let's talk about it. Want to talk about that? Yeah yeah you show me some you know no oh my god we took some videos I'm going to save the ones on snapchat but like you came in here with you put him in the middle. Oh my God, we took some videos. I'm gonna save the ones on Snapchat,

but like he came in here with a huge box of sex toys, of butt plugs. And he was like, what did you say? You're like, what if I get hit, rock and grass tree and butt plugs went like flying cross Santa Monica Boulevard. And that would be hilarious. I would have laughed.

I mean, I would have saved you. I would have come save you, but then I went up just had to take pictures of the butt plugs. But you brought some cool stuff. Should we talk about some of the stuff happening with loop? Sure, sure. You know, so as you were saying, you know, the rectum doesn't self lubricate like the vagina

does. So we've got to take into consideration that the inside of the, of, of during anal sex of the rectum is totally dry and that's where a lot of pain comes from people. So what are we going to do about that? You know, sometimes I, something I call the squeegee effect is what a lot of people will do and it's it's one way to try to lubricate the rectum, but it actually sometimes works against us or it doesn't work very well. And what I mean by that is imagine the person putting all this lubrication on the penis, you know, or on the dildo or the toy and they're going to have anal and they just like sort of

insert it. And the the anus itself, because it's closed and tight, actually like squeegees a lot of that lube off. So you're kind of inserting inside with very little lube, but you think you put a lot of lube off. Right, because you did, but it's on the outside, or most of it. Right, so now we have what, we have the lube shooter. Lube shooter, do you recommend a lube shooter? I love them, I think they're really valuable,

but it's not very sexy, especially if it's like a hookup or some way you're just sort of getting You know, it's a bit with literally looks like a water gun, but you shoot the early of shot like a syringe like a syringe, right? You fill it up with a lube and you could insert it in your body, right? Shoot inside. Okay. But they have these new products They have these new like like a gel sort of silicone capsules that you insert inside of the rectum and they actually dissolve It takes about 15 to 30 minutes and it It dissolves keeps dissolving in the along that's really brilliant. It's like a lube suppository I think it's brilliant you could use it for vaginal, but I think it's really beneficial for you could use it for vaginal as well Obviously, yeah, that makes sense too because it's true. Yeah, you've got always got to reapply

Don't be ashamed to reapply lube on every nightstand. All right guys. Hope you enjoyed this show Very specific right to you like these topic shows Don't be ashamed to reapply. Luba on Every Nightstand. All right, guys, I hope you enjoyed this show. Very specific, right? Do you like these topic shows? We'd love to hear from you and thanks for sharing this with a friend and letting us know what you think of the show. Thanks to our amazing team, Ken, Kristen, Miss Shell, producer, Jamie, and Michael, was it good for you?

email me, feedback at sexwithmla.com. dot com.