Sex With Emily - Are Emojis the New Mating Call?

Episode Date: April 26, 2017

When it comes to sex and dating, it can be hard to tell where you’ve gone wrong. You may think you’re speaking the language of love, but are you speaking the right one? On today’s show, Emily is giving her expert advice on common sex and dating dilemmas to get you headed in the right direction for great sex! Should you be concerned if your boyfriend ISN’T masturbating? How do you give a killer blowjob when your mouth’s too small and he’s too big? When’s the right time to stop the casual dating and dive back into something serious? Emily and Menace give their insight on these issues and more, including which emojis will most likely get a you a text back! Listen in and find out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and today's show we're tackling your sex and dating questions. Topics include, are you confused by your partner's masturbation routine? Want to know the most responsive emojis to use for dating? Oh, in casual sex. When is too much, just too much. All this and more, thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a fight on day.

Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, not only? What do you mean, like laundry?

It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. So, I'm gone. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything you between for more information go to sexthemely.com. You can check out all the cool stuff we have going on there, check out our, I don't know, videos, blog posts, and also follow us on social media. We love that. Everything's at sex with Emily across the board. And now we're kinda doing three shows a week.

We're giving that a try, little quickie shows. I'm here with Menace. Hey, what's going on? Hi Menace. It feels like it's been a while. It's been like six months, it feels like. Six six years in my heart. It feels like six years in real time in real life. It feels like six months I've been great. You know me always traveling always working. I know I just got back from New York City Which is an amazing city and the weather was perfect at rain for like a day

But everything else it was awesome, what always city. I love that. I was gonna say, I know that you've been traveling a lot and we are doing some shows. Do you remember when we did the quickie shows? We used to do those 15 minutes shows, like a long time ago.

And so now, I know they were fun and they're like quick information that people can just snap up. So I was thinking about you because I know that you're traveling a lot and the Woody show is like in every city in the world right now. Hopefully soon, no. I'm so proud of you.

In two cities. But I was thinking it's like, because we have to figure out how many shows we're going to be able to do together. And I thought, I was so, and we're doing these cookie shows now. So we used to those back in the day and people loved them. So I'm bringing the cookie back. We're doing like three shows a week. That's great.

But I was thinking about you, Matt, it's because I, how much the last few days we've done a lot of shows here. We had Dr. Drew here. We've been doing a lot of stuff, a lot more shooting and videos, and I was like, I was exhausted. Like I did, you know, a few hours of shows, I was like, Menace gets up every day, just like 16 hours, and I just appreciate you, right? We've known each other for a long time, and I was thinking, I tell them that, I mean, I tell Menace I appreciate him, and I was like, but he like, does he take compliments?

And then I started thinking, what's Menace's love languages? And we've talked about the love language on the show. Do you know the love languages? We've talked about this, haven't we? I've been obsessed with it. The book, the love languages. So it talks about how everyone in a relationship receives love, right? And different. There's five categories, right? And typically there's two how we feel love or appreciate it or grateful. And you could do it like with staff. You could do it with your mom. But it came about for people in relationships. It was like a minister in a church developed

eight years ago and we talked about it a few, I dropped it here and there, but I think it's such a useful tool because I was thinking, what could I get for a minus? A gift, here's the five things, ready? And you tell me which two resonate, how you feel the most appreciated, there's only two. If someone gives you a gift, like if I was like,

oh, I'll bring menace to Kula because you love to Kula. I'm like, oh, I'm not really drinking anymore as much. Is it words of affirmation? Like, say menace, you're so great. Thank you. I appreciate you. Is it physical touch? Like, do you want me to give you a massage when you walk in the door?

Uh-huh. I don't think it is. This is for relationship or a relationship. Well, this, okay, typically they're for a relationship. So for us, physical touch would probably be out unless you want me to give you a hand job or something. But I'm not sure. So it's words of affirmation,

gifts, physical touch, quality time. So if I was like every Tuesday, if you're in a relationship, I'm gonna give you a relationship perspective and then I'll tell you how I feel about you. Gifts, let's say your girlfriend comes home and she's like, man, it's like I bought you, you know, those new sneakers you wanted. And she picked up dinner. No, but she bought you something

present you wanted. You coveted. Or she knows you're always really hungry and you never have time to get dinner. And then she starts like bringing you dinner every night or a few times a week. She's like, I thought about you. That would be an act of service, right? Or she fills your gas with your car with gas. It does a favor for you, right? Acts of service. I always forget that. Okay, then there's words of affirmation. You're so hot, man. It's you're so great. I think you're amazing. There's physical touch. And she's like, you know, you come home, and she's touching you all the time. And you feel very loved. And then there's quality time where she's like, you know what, minus every Saturday night, like it's just the two of us and none of my friends, none of your friends, and just together, we're going to commit or we're just going to take those

are the five. Okay. I can only choose two. Well, okay, in your heart and everyone listening, if you're in a relationship, there's got to be like two of them that speaks to you most. Like, oh yeah, you know, when my partner, I really wish you bought me more gifts or I wish that he hugged me more. And there's usually two and our partner typically doesn't have the same ones. So of those gifts and active service, words of affirmation, physical touch or quality time, which are the two, I feel like it's a game show. This is going to circle back. All right, let's, let's start off with number one, gifts, right?

So, oh, I absolutely love gifts, but it has to be like something you know that I really want it If I just got a gift like I got it special and you'd be talking about it. Yeah, that's awesome I love that. That's great. Right. You can love all of these, but there's two that you're like oh that really like That makes you feel really good. Okay, or cherished or loved by my partner girlfriend and then the second one was X of service she thought about you ahead of time. She's your you. Had a time, she did your laundry, she, yeah, picked up your parents birthday present for you. No. Don't really.

I got the same way. Okay, words of affirmation. You are the best lover I've ever had. You're so sexy. Look at those glasses. I love you. You're a pretty chunky bronze. Or you're just amazing and talented.

I guess I kind of like that as long as it's short because if it goes if it goes on I feel like it's brief. Yes, I knew you were gonna say that because you feel like those things aren't real when couples are like You're so hot. I was talking about it. Right Physical touch do you want do you feel like when you don't touch your girlfriend sometimes or if you haven't touched In a few hours or you get off from work if she just doesn't up and give you a hug, like how do you feel about not having physical touch? Uh, yeah, then I think that something is wrong. So like, and then quality time.

Quality time. Of all those five. I know, I'm just, I'm just trying to rethink them all. I think I'm going to go with gift and physical touch would bring the best. Wow. Okay. Okay. Okay, that's interesting. And then you could think about it. No, that means that of those things in your relationship.

Yeah. Right, that's what makes nothing. You don't need the other things. I do need the other things, what I'm just... I literally wasn't even gonna go off and this whole thing, I was just gonna get to how much I appreciate you, but it's interesting. I love it.

No, I love this, though. I really wanted to think about the response. So, I know you did. So, you said gifts and it. No, I love this though, it's actually useful. I really wanted to think about the response. So, I know you did. So, you said gifts and touch, okay. So, I was thinking to myself, and I've read this book probably five or six years ago, and I probably don't talk about it enough,

but I just feel like even for people in your life, it's helpful thinking about myself. So, for me, can you guys what they are? For you, oh, words of affirmation, definitely. Oh, words of affirmation, definitely. Right. And physical touch. Right. I don't think you care about gifts.

Not at all. Active kindness is cool, but I mean, you love talking and having discussions. Exactly. And, you know, you're all about physical touch, right? So you're absolutely right. Words of affirmation, physical touch. When I first heard this, I'm like, done. If a guy just says, you're hot or I think you're amazing, you're smart and they keep touching all the time, I'm happy. Done. It's like air. And so I think it's, but I typically, and so I think for a lot of

times, if it's just a different way to think about your relationship they are in, if you're like, oh, you know what, we should, and there's like tests at Google, you could take tests online, we have the book on my website. But I was thinking to myself, what would make him happy? How can I show my appreciation? And I was thinking that it was gifts, but Tequila wasn't working, and I didn't have time to get used to the announcement. And I was thinking of new words of affirmation. But also, I wouldn't think that you'd really want to cuddle with me when you walked in. I mean, you might. We do hold each other and you throw me around the office for a minute. Yeah.

So I just, that's all. That's it. So you did this home and do it with your girlfriend and you should figure it out. Because maybe there's a way, the point is that couples oftentimes are like, I keep telling that she's hot and then I love her. And I keep buying her gifts and she doesn't care

because he needs, typically we give what we want love. So I might always be telling my partner, he's so amazing. And I might keep touching him. And he's like, you have not spent one night with me alone, on a Saturday night without your friends, and I want quality time. So there's no way that me doing what I thought felt good was serving him.

Because he's like, I just want you to, or I just want you to buy me gifts. You didn't buy me a birthday gift, whatever. So it's interesting, because couples can miss the mark. And it's an easy way to like heal it. So I was thinking about you, and that just all the time and all the things you're doing and how much I love you. Oh, thank you so much.

So cool. I think, I think. I'm gonna buy you a gift next time. Oh, awesome. No, I think the, I would try to think what my girlfriend would want out of that. I think I should only want one. Well, this one should only want one.

Which one? Probably more words of affirmation, but the thing is I like, you know, we are both so overworked. I know that's not excuse But I I want the opportunity to be there where it comes off completely sincere because that's what I worry about Well, let me tell you this so I was thinking about you again Because I did a show with Dr. Drew months ago And I actually listened to it because he was coming on again yesterday and I was like, oh, it was a really popular show and I, you know me, I never listened.

And I talked about you in that show and I said, well, there's some guys like Menace, who's kind of like, I'm not explain menace, but he's always like, oh, if I tell her too much, I'll hot she is, she's gonna feel too confident and I can't let women know how much I like them and it's just gonna be like, or it's gonna seem fake, like you always say,

like lingerie just seems like a fake concept. Like you saw that in porn and so you wore something red. And he was laughing. He's like, yeah, I could see that as well. So I was thinking that's why I did. He did not agree with you. He said he understood that that point that men feel that way. And I thought, yeah, if I told him how great he was, maybe he doesn't sink in. So I had all these thoughts about you, man. Wow. I know. So what's your girlfriend? Because then you could go home and please her right now. Tell her how hot she is because you think that she's going to be like, it's not sincere.

But how about you walk in the door and you just think when you see her, what are you feeling? I'm excited that she's home. What if you just told her that? Yeah. Why did you keep home and you're like, I actually know you're home every night. But when I was driving home and I was excited, you were going to be there. But I do display that she's. Do you tell her the words?

If she's a word, do you do those words? Come out of your mouth, because sometimes that's the other thing. We think we're expressing, you're like, she knows. Like, I don't need to get him a gift. He has so many things, you know what I'm saying? But for her, she went, you're like, man, it's never tells me these things

and I need it. She called me actually. Oh, did she? I highly doubt that. I don't know. Yeah, I think verbally I can probably express that more. I love this instead of physically. Good to see you. We could just end the show now. We've helped menace. Oh, thank you. And then, yeah, I think you could think about the other one. I'll text these to you. All right. Yeah. So anyway, I've been thinking a lot about these things. Yeah, yeah, that's awesome

What's going on with you? So many things I've been dating as you know, I think we've talked about that But on the apps which yeah, but I mean overwhelming yeah, yeah, but I do it meet people in real life And I've been thinking a lot lately about I actually recorded a show last week about cell phone about technology and how They can craft, we get home, we're on our phone, if you're in a long-term relationship and you're in bed with your phones, and I just said, I'm not even in a relationship, but I'm so friggin' attached to my phone, so I'm trying to sleep at the outside of the bedroom, and I did a whole like 15 minutes on it.

And so I was talking about again, I've been obsessed with this topic, so I'd go on a date with the guy last night that we had very good text banter beforehand. It's actually the first date that I've looked forward to because he gave great text. Yeah, what you love. I love. He loved riding. He was funny. I thought I was hot. In a non-cheesy way. He was hysterical, but he picks me up and we get to the restaurant. He's like, why don't we leave our cell phones in the car? And I was like, first I felt terror. I was like, I can't be part of myself. He's like, I've never done this either,

but I just thought, I think you better focus. You should on that one. I am where he is. Wait, no, you said let's leave our phone. He did. He brought it up and it's been, why? That's like, oh God.

That's something he discussed with his friends. No, he's not, he's not like that. Like he's been, he's divorced, he hasn't gone out. A man is a man, Emily. He was looking to show the show. The show did not come out yet. Let's just say that. He's been, he's divorced, he hasn't gone out. A man is a man, Emily. He was looking to show the show. The show did not come out yet, let's just say that. I know. And I thought to myself, that's exactly what I,

but when I was faced with that, I said. That's something you'd probably read in Cosmopolitan. What do you mean he's not like, he's made more in the picture to stand, he's like a man. Like he's like, not really in Cosmo. He just thought, I'm always on my phone and I would be, he'd been thinking this too. But, but when faced with it, I thought that's terrifying terrifying what am I gonna do when you go to the bathroom?

I need to look at my phone like I can't be what if I have to snap something and we left it in the car I did it It was like a wonderful dinner without having like the the phone and we had a good time and I connected and I realized when it's not with you I wasn't tempted to like go to the bathroom and check it Do you yeah, it's what happened from there though, so yeah, you're like fuck that okay? It was a good day. I liked him. He was um So what happened from there though? So yeah, you're like, fuck that. It was a good day. I liked him.

He was TBD. I'm going to see him again, which is good. Most guys, I'm like out in like 50 minutes or less. That's good. Yeah. And then you immediately grabbed your phone and then told everybody about it. Exactly.

I tweeted it, the shit out of it all. Well, I had to make up for the last time. It's become second nature where you just grab your phone and you don't know why. You don't know why you're going on Facebook. You don't know why. There's no reason to go there. Those hours get sucked out of your life, though. It does. But don't do you ever just sit and like stare at your phone like numbing, Lee? I do. And then again, that's at night. I don't know why because I have television. What I love. I know. I know. I myself not watching television because I'm looking at a Facebook app that I open

47,000 times and there's nothing there that I want to see. Exactly. Okay. So this is a drug. Yeah. It's a drug and it's kind of a way of tuning out and I'm like I'm saying, I'm too lazy because I actually have a new TV, man, I've not watched TV ever. And I was really excited. I thought, well, I'll get the TV. I don't like the sonos system. Have you been to my new house? No, I know what it looks like. It's amazing.

So, but all I'm doing is I get home, and I'm on my phone, and then like, yeah, like, 86 minutes to go by whatever it is. And I'm like, I'm still on it. There's nothing happening. There's nothing. It's almost harder to turn the remote on that it's lazy and it's numbing.

So you guys, when you go home, do you guys do that together? Well, you go for it, right? Do you guys sit and stare numbingly at Facebook? Yeah, we do, but we both, we both have our laptops too, because we're both working at the same time. But we're sitting next to each other side by side.

Maybe. Maybe we can communicate. We text and we're next to each other on the news. No, we talk about pop culture. What's going on, you know, with the, with Black China and Rob and the Kardashians and all that kind of crap and then what's happening in the real news of the world and things like that. That's good. Then you trust me that you're talking

while you're on your computer. Yeah. Okay, good. Because our, like, girlfriend also, she works in, she works in radio, but she works in the digital side. So she has to keep up with all the time. I know. I think you guys are great.

I'm not trying to say things wrong with your relationship. I was just, I still need it. No, I'm just saying like, how do we communicate when we're at home with each other and like like what we do and talk about. And then we, you know, binge watch stuff. I've been, tell me. binge watching girls.

There's gonna be the, I'll probably buy this episode out, the last episode will be out. So I wanna make a prediction now. So let's see if I'm in it. Do it, call it. Okay, so I have one. So Marney, I believe that she's gonna get murdered or something.

Oh, stop. Yeah. Okay, I have not seen any, I think I saw two. Why? You just, you had a hit like a little? No, because it was murder. It's super awkward because she got married to some musician actor guy.

Oh, she stood with that guy, right? Okay. Yeah, right? But then it was like episodes way, way back. He was like freaking out and he was like telling her that guy, right? Okay. Yeah, right? But then it was like, episodes way, way back, he was like freaking out and he was like telling her that you're gonna get murdered, you're gonna get murdered. And then they have never addressed it after that.

I go, that was super weird that he was saying that. So I think that- Okay, I did see it. I could be totally wrong, I don't know. It's not a spoiler, because I'm discussing. You should win something if you, I don't know what. I know, right? What do you want?

I could give you like, I don't know what. I don't know. What's the gift together? I don't know what I need. I don't know what. I know, right? What do you want? I could give you like, I don't know what. I don't know. What's the gift together? I don't know what I need. I don't know what I need. I don't know what I need. I don't know what I need. No, I really want to see girls on my list.

I just want to say how much she'd be. I'm like, chill. That's good, but so. But how was this guy? Okay, whatever. And then we made out for a second. But I thought it was cute, but it wasn't like, it was like, he was affectionate, but not too much so.

And he was cute, no, I don't know. It was like an early-ish night, but not too much so. And he was cute, no, I know, it was like an early-ish night, but there was a connection, I'm gonna go out with him again. Oh, that's good. But I don't wanna get into it too much because who knows, because then you'll be like, how was that guy? I'm like, what guy? I'm like, I'm not talking about him.

You'll forget, but what I'm saying is things are good. We are, you know, I've been in a good place. I'm glad you're here on the office. And the shows have been great and we miss you. I'm excited to be place. I'm glad you're here on the office and the shows have been great and we miss you I'm excited to be here speaking about technology. I feel like I don't even hear about Tinder anymore. I hear about Bumble That's it, which I support because you know, um You know from what I understand from Bumble. It's all about the women Making the first move exactly what have I been taught? How long have we known each other now 12 13 years? Yeah

What I haven't been saying since day one. What, that women that I would love for women to initiate more. Initiate more because we've always talked about it. The guys can't pick up other signs. And she's just my friend. And she and to me, I don't know. And boom, there's an app where you know that she has some kind of interest. Exactly. Which is... It takes so much pressure off the bed. It takes so much pressure, it takes so much wasted time away, everything.

I totally support it. Too bad it wasn't available like years ago. When you said, I know, it's pretty cool. I have to say, but it also gets a little bit overwhelming. So anyways, I totally support it. I love it. So what's going on in the news? Because I haven't been keeping up with sex in the news because I haven't been keeping up with sex

The news. Yeah, well this one I knew would be the most interesting for you. All right, and me The best and worst emojis to use on a dating app if you really want to hook up speaking of dating apps Okay, about emojis in general, right? Well, yeah, it kind of talks about emojis in general like which ones fail Which ones work for men and for women. I'm just saying using them at all when you're first having a community. Do you ever use emojis? Oh, I use emojis all the time,

but it's with like, you know, people I know. But if I was having a conversation with somebody that I didn't know, then I definitely wouldn't use them. No, it's not like a first time thing. Like, here's your emoji, like, no, you have to know somebody. But when you're dating, it says, okay. So Clover is a Tinder alternative, and it has a good rep for leading to quicker hookups.

I don't know about Clover. Then the higher profile dating app, in an effort to help users polish their game, they publish a breakdown, as to which emojis are leading to the most, the most and least responses sent when an early chat session's okay. So you can look at this, there's a graph here.

We can put this on the website. So women, emojis women are applying to. And I didn't even know this sassy girl existed. This is what they apply to. The tongue, like I haven't ever seen them talk. Women are replying. I've seen them all. I've seen all these emojis.

Yeah, but like I would never do. Okay, so it's interesting. Both men and women replied to the Cino evil, the monkey, with the, and then the most important thing I think is what the one women aren't replying to. They're Moji's women aren't replying to. All right. Yes. Uh, oh.

Yeah. Which one is that? I can't say that. The eggplant. The eggplant, even though it's, yes, the penis, unless you're totally joking about it, we're not responding to clapping. Your flexed biceps are fist bump. And here's the thing, when I was,

I had a visceral reaction. Whenever a guy fist bump me, I'm like, okay bro dude, that's a least sexy. Like all the sexiness and all the hotness, there's this rush shot of my body at once. Don't like the fist bump. So here's what men are not playing due, which is hilarious.

The Vulcan salute, when your fingers are like separated, the wedding ring. Like, I'm gonna send a guy a wedding ring, ever. Okay, the crying face and poop, the little pile of poo. Why are we anyway sending that? So not sexy. So I thought it was interesting, and I also think, yeah, the popular signs

what they love to send and stuff. And there's been all this research lately about how even businesses are using emojis, like in their marketing and stuff like that. So do you know this, like putting them in the headline of your emails? Cause I thought, I think that there has been a tipping point in emojis.

Like I think that people didn't like them, they resisted and now they're gonna become everything. And nobody, not only are we, do we not talk anymore? We're no longer gonna even text. I think that everything can be said, like kind of the caveman going back to like the caveman, like the drawings and the wall.

It's just hieroglyphics. Thank you. We're just gonna be sending pictures. That's my prediction. Oh, I think that's what's happening in Asia now. It's mostly just all. Exactly. Don't we just follow Asia?

Yeah, definitely. Well, they're the on the forefront of that. But the, you can say so much, just one symbol though. I don't think there's enough. See, here's the thing, I find emojis very limiting. Like, I wanna create my own emoji. I'm like, why isn't there a goddamn emoji for like, you know, God, like, get me a latte now,

or else, I'm gonna faint if I don't have caffeine. Or how about, you're really sending mixed signals. I thought we had plans and you know I know you can send dominoes just an emoji and I would send you a pizza. That's amazing But what if it's a wrong pizza? No, I don't know. It's like pretty set up for some. I'm trying to think of what I would send you like a gift I get a gift gift I could send you like a just a gift Yeah, I tell you that you're hot Okay, so that's what's going on the news. Is there anything else in your news? Oh, I gave you a shout out the other day on the Woody show, which if you're

listening in St. Louis, Missouri right now, please turn on all to one of four nine FM every morning, six to 10 a.m. and then in Los Angeles, 5 a.m. to 10 a.m. on all to 98 seven FM every single morning. And we're also a podcast what we talk about news and stuff like that, not really. That's exactly it. Yeah, okay. But we do do a segment called Craigslist Freak of the Week. So we read the most outlandish Craigslist ad every week. And one of them was about foot fetishes and then you go to like the personals paid or whatever the seeker. Yeah, yeah.

Every single one. Oh, okay. Missing counter. In turn does that, you're not doing that. Well, what's a group effort? So there is a lot of photos too. But one of what came up was foot fetish, which we've talked about for a number of years. And then there was a discussion about like, you know, why are people into that? Which is again, is another discussion that we've had here for years.

Right, and you're obsessed with the topic. And not that I'm obsessed with it, I've always tried to understand it. Right. I just want a direct answer. And so we had that discussion, and then one of our podcasters, listeners like weeks later, sent us an email and said, hey, I heard you guys talking about the foot fetish stuff. And she explained that her professor in whatever course she was taking sex 101 or something. Yeah. Said that the reason that guys are into feet is because of the shoes.

to feet is because of the shoes. And they put their feet in the shoe and it reminds them of insertion, right? And I was like, yeah, but it seems, it doesn't make sense. Now, first of all, there's not one answer for why someone has a fetish. And it doesn't make sense to me because, it seems like all the people,

like the visual aspects of it, there's not really that many shoes involved. Like the people are into it. Right. The people are into it. Yes, they'll buy shoes for somebody or something like that, but they want the bare feet. So I didn't like get that. No, I don't get that.

Why don't we wear shoes at school? Yeah. The wear shoes at school doesn't matter. That's not what I would say. I mean, a lot of it does start from early childhood things like around if you saw a foot in the sexual manner, maybe you did see a foot going into a shoe and then you forever fetishize shoes

or maybe when you were kid, your high school teacher had, you just remember looking at her feet or maybe you had a lot of experience with feet. But this is, you can link it. You link it. You're saying that I just like, I just beg and pray one day that we get an email.

That is breaks it down. But what's it make for them? Like what makes it sexy? Right, but so okay, if you have, let me tell you something, there's a lot of different reasons. So what you're asking for specifically, and typically this works,

email us, you can email us right for the website, ask Emily, if you do a foot fetish, like what did you, how did it start for you? What do you, what your, what do you first recognize it? What do you think, you think is sexy about it, you know? Yeah, because we have covered a lot, but I think it's different from everybody,

and men is to you, we're gonna get it. Go to website and email us. I'm trying to, I want to help you here. Study. Okay, I love it. Okay, everybody. I'm trying to pinpoint it. I'm trying to pinpoint it. We're going to get it. Go to our website and email us. I'm trying to get it. I want to help you here. Study. Okay. I love it.

Okay. Let's take a quick break and give a shout out to our sponsors. And we love you, everyone. Thank you for supporting our sponsors. You know I never talk about things that I don't believe in and products I haven't used and inserted, if you will. And so thanks for supporting them. We'll be right back with your emails.

Okay. Okay, so now we're on to your emails. Thank you everybody for emailing me and it's so easy you go to sex with Emily.com, click on the Ask Emily tab, fill out the form, and you submit it. That's it. We're also doing Colorshows Menace. I want you to come in. We've been doing Colorshows and they're really fun. We set them up.

Like a ton of listeners are emailing and now they can check that box that says, yes, I would like to be called for the show. And I would like we've been setting it up. But I have a cause and it's fun. And you get into it. I think you'd have a good time here. I'd love to do that. And I feel like I can really help people

when we get into the issues. It's a good time. But you can also end also not but, but means you're just counting the next thing you say. And you can also send us an email. We love that too. And include your age, where you live, and how you listen to this show.

Because menace gets mad if you don't. Hey Emily, I do with my amazing boyfriend for 10 months. And the sex is fantastic. Best sex of my life, and he feels the same. We're so in tune. We both loved and encouraged each other to learn about what we like and try new things. He's also 30. And while I'm coming out of a marriage, separated a year ago, I met my dear boyfriend

and couple months after that. He's never had a relationship this long. He hasn't had any relationship at all for a few years. He's dated, had a few three to six month relationships, and took a year off from dating altogether. We have great sex life, it's fun, we do sex, we do sexy snap chats. It's always fantastic.

And I found out that basically, since we started dating, he hasn't masturbated and he says it's because he is so Satisfied I explode my own pleasure after you in marriage that wasn't sex positive So like masturbation is important and not our placements. So I'm wondering why doesn't he do it anymore? Should he I'm open about me time I'm positive and I don't think he'd be embarrassed about our lies So like why is he doing it? Thanks love you love your show Christine age 30 There's nothing wrong with that. Exactly. Completely honest. He's telling you. Yeah. That's why, okay, I'm not going to be sexist here. But right. What? What a man tells you something. Why do you have to think that he's telling you

five different things? Exactly. But here's what he's telling you directly what is going on. Believe him. There is not a problem you don't have to fix it. Like if it's not broken, don't fix it. However, what my first thought was, Christine, sweetie, you've been listening to the show. And I talk a ton about the importance of masturbation and that whether in a relationship or your odd relationship, it is healthy. And the truth is, it is healthy to masturbate.

But mostly it's like, it's because men need that release, women need that release. But if he's releasing with you and you're having great sex, it's fine, there's no problem. And so the reason I talk about it is yes, it's healthy. You know, it helps have a stronger pelvic floor. It helps prevent, can help prevent prostate cancer. It can help with erectile dysfunction, all those things.

But he's not having any in those problems, Christine. And so like, it's the haps and flows. Eventually I'm asked to wait again. Don't worry about it. It's fine. Like I feel like, so I think that's what it might be because she's here, so it's so important, which it is. And it's such a new relationship eventually

after you're together for a couple of years. Don't worry, he'll start a massive business. Only they've been together 10 months. Yeah, do you give it like, give it about, the honeymoon phase is 12 months to 18 months. So 3D and 6 months are going to be 8 months. You're going to be like, why is it so much more? Well, it's funny because we often hear people are confused by the part in Massabites.

That's why I love my show. I love the show. You cover that everybody. Hi, Emily. My name is Kylie. I'm from Michigan and I'm 23 years old. I love listening to your podcast and I've learned so much. I love when you've got a son there that can offer

different views or opinions on things, especially since everyone comes from different walks of life. Like men, this is opinions. I have a two part question. I've been friends with my current boyfriend for seven years now and we finally started dating in November. Our sex life is amazing, except for one thing. Uh-oh.

Always a butt. There's always a butt. I know it sounds a little ridiculous, but I can't fit his penis in my mouth. Oh no, I heard about this. Yeah, he has a lot of girth, and I have a smaller mouth. It's a bad combo.

I was wondering if there's anything I can do as far as blow jobs go that isn't gonna give me lock job. That would still allow me to give him head. The second part of my question is, what can we do in the bedroom besides a hand job? Then I can pleasure and listen to the blowjob isn't working out. Thanks. Keep up the great work. Highly. A lot of men are going, yeah. Let them go. Yeah, I wish I had that problem. No, you guys. I'm telling you, big or small, there's, there's challenges. So Kylie, here's the thing.

You, I love this question because first of all,, I want almond. I know, yes, you can be too big. That does exist on the planet. But here's a few tips. You can just, first of all, relax. Because your throat is going to when you relax and you breathe. So I think it's like anal sex and people tense up too much. They just hit up their sphincter muscles when it's going in and hurts. The same thing is true with most sex acts, but especially blow jobs. So if you're breathing, you relax, concentrate on what you're doing, but not in a super, it's not gonna fit.

It's gonna hurt your, like, clenching your jaw, but also make sure he's lying in his back and you're in a control position leaning over his pants. You're in control, you can get on your knees, and that way you can control the depth and all that. But here's the thing. Here's my number one most important tip that is going to change your life,

your hands, like your hands are like the best tools you have because a blowjob is not all about the mouth. It's really not. And the hands create that suction and they create that, like you can stroke all the hot and nerve endings and stuff, not replacing it. So you do the whole thing where your mouth goes over the tip and it's like a tube, right?

Okay. So she creates like the, her mouth goes around the tip. And then it's like a tube around the penis and she synchronizes it. You've seen that in porn going up and down, up and down. So if you're using a ton of lube and your hands are like tight enough and you're sweeping it up and down, like it's going to feel amazing. You rub his frein' elum, which is like that thin little ridge, I don't need the tip.

And like you, you know, the underside of his penis, which is super sensitive, you can play with his perineum, I'm not necessarily like that. The perineum. Parameum, the taint. Play with it all day. Yeah, so like I think as long as you use your hands,

you use lots of lube, which is really important. You can lick his balls. These are all these fun things you could do with your free hand. So one hand is, so do you know what I'm saying? I'm trying to explain this. You put a two with one hand, and it'll run and roll to death.

So it's a two with a runner lips. So that makes sense. And the hand can make it tight enough. So he's not gonna be like, why is your mouth going on my penis? You have all the areas covered. Yeah, totally. And then the other free hand, yeah.

But the other free hand, I have his balls right by. On the tip, yeah. Yeah. So that's any other tips, Minus? Cause I know you struggle with this all the time with your girlfriend. Oh yeah, yeah. Call me about that as well.

Yeah, not enough room. I don't know, I mean, is there any, let's think about what else you could do? Is there any like, demonstrations on mine? I can think of, like, I have an image, well,

kind of sort of maybe I said something like that. Porn too would be, but it's would be it's really about because the blow jobs It's important for it to be wet for to there to be to be enough Friction and enough Yeah What about your your blow jobs spray that you're addicted to oh my god dude? Lube and blow job space. So here's the thing. It's right here whenever I do the show I use this it's by Doc Johnson. it's called Wet Head, and it's a dry mouth spray.

So it'll help your lips, your mouth glide over the penis, and I use it because I think it helps me on the show be like, not have that annoying, like crackling. You like using it all the time now? I use it like a good luck thing before the show, and maybe I'll run into a penis or something, and I'll be ready to go at any time. Okay, so, did I answer questions? I answer both questions, right? What else do in the bedroom?

I think you just got to work on the blowjob because you're killing it. He's going to be happy and don't feel like you are doing anything wrong. You just have to add the hands. Okay. Hi, Emily. I'm Benjamin from Australia. I'm 42. I love the show and I've been listening for several years.

I was emically separated from my wife for 16 years last April. After we'd finally made it, we weren't right for several years. I was emically separated from my wife for 16 years, last April, after we'd finally made it, we weren't right for each other. Admittedly, I'd strayed a couple times while traveling internationally to work. So of course, work. That's when a lot of my strain would happen. When I was a reform cheater,

yes, because you're like, it doesn't matter. Like, I'm in Hong Kong, but it does matter. Oh, man, we have this caller. He was 23 and his girlfriend was going on European vacation and he wanted to know if he should propose before after the vacation and we're like, dude, dude, two things. You're 23.

Are you, are you just doing this because you're afraid that she's going to go do something and you're trying to use it as some insurance, maybe she won't do anything. And he's like, oh no, I totally trust him. 23. Yeah. I go, I have never met any woman in my, that were in their 20s, that one on a European vacation that didn't hook up with somebody. Exactly. I'm sorry. I'm not here to put it in your head, but I just know for a fact. And she's going with one of her female friends. They're going to talk to themselves into it.

They're going to like four different areas. That's all about hookin' up with guys from different countries and then never go, oh, you're gonna switch to land. I'm gonna Germany, see you never. Like, that's what you do on those trips. So, yeah. And then what? Then you tell them, don't, don't do it. Cause guys are pissed on the territory. Like, he's trying to be like, well, if I lock her down, she won't cheat. Yeah. And I said, look, I said, I go, I go, how lame is that too?

That if you propose to your girlfriend and then she's gone for a week, like right after that? Like wouldn't that be a time that you would wanna go on a trip together, to celebrate and stuff like that? I said, you know what, just, if this is something that you absolutely wanna do,

then you should wait until after. I agree. That's good. So hopefully we'll listen to your stage advice. Hopefully. Okay, but where were we? Okay, so he strayed. Yeah.

And he was having to fare, because let's say, let me go back to this. He strayed, because he was traveling internationally for work, and he found out two years ago that she'd been secretly playing around fairly heavily for the previous 12 months, meeting guys from an online adult's age. I had no idea. And I was shocked. After that, we tried to make it work, but it was clear we won different things. As soon as we separated, I jumped right in the dating scene.

This isn't meant to sound boastful, but I was amazed at the attention I received. I'd quickly build up multiple casual partners, when Jeff Ewfus swing her parties with some of them and had an awesome time taking off those fantasy bucket list items. Three sums, outdoor sex, ridiculous Montal orgasms. Additionally, I loved developing a connection with each of them.

And filling in many of the emotionally gaps, I was craving during marriage. But it soon got out of hand. At one point, there was something like 15 women I was talking to and meeting on a regular basis. I'm embarrassed to say that I even created a spreadsheet to help me track how long it'd been since I'd met each of them and how we sort through who I should get you seeing.

This is like a whole, there's so much here. Seven of them has to become exclusive and I felt it was way too soon after a long relationship. So here's the bottom line. Here's the here's this question. Yeah. Dear Miss Emily, how do I settle down after enjoying such carefree casual fun? How long should I end quote avoid getting into another relationship? Love everything you're doing. Delightful to see you on Instagram. Thanks for reading Ben. All right. This is like another one of those like what should I like what should I do? Is it okay? Like here's a thing like the master.

Dude, you it's up to you. Don't be pressured that you don't need to ever settle down again. Don't. Or if you don't want to. But if you're doing 15 women and you're becoming overwhelmed, I think that, like, okay, so I went through phases. Never 15, although I get wanting a spreadsheet just for the people I'm kinda active with. Did you keep everything track?

Like, I've had those thoughts if I liked Excel, but I hate spreadsheet, they get me anxiety, but it's a good thing, I totally get it. However, if these girls are asking you, if you, first of all, you never want to be pressured into a relationship. So if you're not ready, like, keep having fun, but it sounds to me like maybe you're getting to the point where it could be slightly overwhelming and then you'll know.

And you're like, you know what? There's a lot of these women, it's hard to remember who I told this story to because that would be my thing when I was dating multiple guys. I'd be like, you know, I told you that story about what happened when I hit the gate at work. I was like, no, you didn't. Like, oh, yeah, who would I tell this to? So think among other things that are problematic.

So I just think like, don't pressure yourself whenever you're ready, you're in a long-term relationship for how long, 16 years, you might have another year or two. You'll find somebody. Yeah, don't trip on it. I'm not gonna give you a time. I'm not gonna say anything. And just as long as you're honest with these women,

and you let them know, like, you know what? I'm so flattered. I love spending time with you, but right now I just really need space to kind of figure out myself and what I want and be honest with them, but you're not doing anything wrong. No. No, you're fine. Do you, Ben? Okay. That's what we've got time for, I think. Oh, man. It was such a great time. It was such a great time seeing you. It was such a great time. It was such a good time seeing you. It's been too long. I'm happy to be here with you. I'm happy that you're with me as well

And I miss you and everyone can check out menace at menace and all your Disapp menace. That's it and the NAC and like follow me and like in like Toads man. I'm on Instagram snapchat Twitter Facebook is all sex with Emily shop at our store. It's a really good time We've all the things I talk about on the show, and then what else did I want to tell people was anything else? Could I say one thing? Yeah, there was something, yeah.

Oh, I know some people in the podcast world, they didn't like it for some reason, I don't know why. But I know the general public, it was huge, but I want to say a big thank you to Fighting Richard Sidman's The Podcast series that came out because I think that really opened the door for people that weren't into podcasting to like really check it out and see what podcast.

I thought it was the second serial one that got filmed podcast. It was the fighting. No, that was for hipsters. This is like the- There has been a tipping point in podcast as well. I think this is for like the mainstream general public that really opened the doors for getting more people to listen to podcasts and understand how to even get a podcast on their phone or on the computer.

Right. It's so easy. It's like a barrier to entry with technology. Like, oh, I've been thinking about it. I've been thinking about learning to swim or something. It's on the list, but I'm trying to get into podcasts. That's how people answer. I'm like, dude, there's an app on your phone. It's super easy. And you search for anything. It's on the list, but I'm trying to get into podcasts. That's how people answer. I'm like, dude, there's an app on your phone.

It's super easy. And you search for anything. It's free. Of course, the people that are listening to this. You guys know. But the other thing, I'm glad you brought that up. We've done with your thoughts. No, I was just going to say, I don't know anybody

that was involved in that podcast, but I thought it was great. And I just want to say thank you. Well, I want to thank everybody. It's broadcasting out there. Yeah, no, totally. I've heard a few shows, but also, Matt, it's what you don't know. What I forgot to tell you is that in the last month and a half, two months, we've had more listeners.

Our listeners should point up like 40%, 30% just in the last few months. So we've all these new listeners. And they're, they have no idea who you are. It's great. Welcome Matt. You need to go back. Maybe you can go back and bang down 5,000 episodes. And so welcome to the Sex Family Family. I love it. They're all over the world. It's great. Welcome back. You didn't go back. Maybe you didn't go back and been on 5,000 episodes. And so welcome to the Sex Family Family. I love it. They're all over the world. It's amazing. So please email it with your

questions and yeah, dude, the family's growing. Love it. I'll call you dude. Dude, bro. Front spring break. Okay, I love you all. Thanks for listening and thanks to my amazing team. Ken, Alita, producer, Lark, Jamie and Michael and of course the U-Menus and thanks to all my listeners. Thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemley.com.