Sex With Emily - Are Phones Ruining Our Sex Lives?

Episode Date: May 29, 2026

In this live episode recorded on May 21, 2026, I’m diving into how technology is reshaping our sex lives, relationships, dating habits, and emotional connection. From dating apps to social media, doomscrolling, and phone addiction, I unpack why so many of us feel more disconnected, overstimulated, anxious, and lonely despite being more digitally connected than ever. I also answer listener questions about insecurity, menopause and orgasms, remote-control toys, and how couples can rebuild intimacy through presence, communication, eye contact, flirtation, and intentional connection. If you’ve ever felt emotionally distant, distracted in bed, addicted to your phone, or unsure how to reconnect with your partner, this episode is for you. ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex.  CONNECT: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/  X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily  Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily WANT MORE? Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/  Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text  Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe  Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply!  Chapters: 0:00 Welcome to Sex With Emily 1:09 How Technology Is Destroying Intimacy 2:33 The "Sex Recession" 5:24 The Death of Presence: Phones in Relationships 9:02 Dr. Emily's Tips 12:07 The Use of Dating Apps or Porn 15:44 Social Media, Performance Culture & Relationships 17:33 Listener Question: Do Women Prefer Bigger Penises? 26:02 The Positive Side of Technology & Sexual Wellness 26:59 Caller Kevin: Oral Sex After Menopause 37:52 Caller Mel: Using Remote-Control Vibrators Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm going to focus more on how I actually feel rather than how I look. We created technology to help us connect, but now a lot of us feel less emotionally safe and less capable of real intimacy. Pornography has been the devil when it comes to our relationships. Generations who grew up with porn, that it really impacted our sexual relationships. How can I feel sexy or connection when the dopamine from technology is hijacking my arousal? Okay, so if you've been listening to this show for a while, you know I'm not about random sex toys or gimmicks. I'm about tools that actually support your pleasure, your communication, and your connection. Well, that's exactly why we created the Shop Sex with Emily store.

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Cadillac Optic was the number one selling luxury EV in Canada for 2025. Find your rhythm across a seamless 33-inch display and an immersive 19-speaker AKG surround audio system. This city demands agility, and Optic delivers with precision to make every drive extraordinary. Let's take the Cadillac. Find out more at Cadillac Canada.ca. Luxury sales claim based on S&P Global Mobility Canadian New Vehicle Total Registrations for calendar year 2025 for the Cadillac definition of luxury. Hi everybody. Thanks for joining. We love seeing you. This is the Sex with Emily podcast. Welcome. Welcome to the podcast that we record live on YouTube on Thursdays and then we release as a podcast next week. As always, you can find all of our Sex with Emily podcast wherever you listen to podcasts as well as watch the entire episode on YouTube as well, which is fun. So I want to talk about a lot of things today. As you know, you can always call in 559 Talk Sex or 559-8255739.

So today I want to talk about technology and the positive and negative. How technology is affecting our sex lives and our relationships. Okay. So I've been thinking a lot about this lately, and it made me think of last week I was talking to a friend. And she was really upset because she's been in a relationship with her boyfriend for about two years. and she feels that he just doesn't text her enough. Meaning they, she's the kind of person that feels a lot more soothed in the relationship when they have constant connection.

And he is more like, well, if we're not seeing each other, I'll just see you when I see you. And they're very committed and they're together all the time. But there was disparity, disparity, discrepancy between how much she wanted to be how much he wanted communication. And I was like, we were never, we've, a lot of us, we all get to decide our own relationships to technology and how we want to tax within a relationship. And that just kept coming up. Like, how do we decide how to stay connected?

Because there's some pros and cons, obviously, to technology. And so I think the interesting thing is that we created technology to help us connect. But now a lot of us feel less emotionally safe, less desired, less present, and less capable of real intimacy. And I was reading this book that came out last year called Sex Stinction. Okay. It's by Deborah Soe and I was reading it and I was just thinking to myself, she talks all about the sex recession. People are having less sex. They're having less satisfying sex. They're struggling more with attraction and with intimacy and connection. Have you all felt that? Have you felt that maybe one of the reasons why you're having less sex and less connection is because of,

you know, our modern culture, not even technology. And like the core themes in the book were that people are having less sex than previous generations, which we know, that the dating apps are the problem because they're creating less choice, endless choice, endless choice, which can be overwhelming, and it makes us less likely to commit. Because we're like, well, there's always a bigger, better deal. Why should I commit to this first match? She talks a lot about porn, about porn can shape, reshape arousal,

expectations and intimacy. So her big thing is pornography has been the devil when it comes to our relationships. That generations who grew up with porn available at a really young age, probably too young for them to understand what it meant, this is maybe we, maybe you, that it really impacted our sexual relationships and we need to know about it, that social media is increasing our anxiety, our comparison and performative behavior. So because of social media, we also are having a harder time having sex and connecting because we're comparing, we're worrying, everyone else is in a better relationship than we are. We're performative, you know, like I've got to perform my relationship and I compare

and despair to other people. And that technology keeping us really disconnected from having real world intimacy and that we're just isolated, we're anxious, we're stressed and we just feel very, very removed. And so the overall tone of this book's extinction basically says we've overcorrected culturally and become disconnected from natural sexuality. So I wanted to talk about that today and just think about like, are you all feeling disconnected from culture because of your phone? Do you think that tech made dating better or worse?

Would you give up dating apps? if you could guarantee you'd meet someone organically. And my other question is, have you ever been in bed next to somebody scrolling? I'd love to hear if any of you have sayings on this. Because all these people are talking about, yeah, I was the one scrolling while I was in bed. So I want to know, do any of those resonate with you?

And I think there's a lot of things that technology has changed. And the first thing is our attention. It's like the death of presence. If we are in bed scrolling, multitasking, then that's where our emotional disconnection is going to come in. And where I'm seeing this is that we're on our phones. That's how we're connecting with people. That's how we're deciding if there's chemistry. And we might be in a relationship with someone right now.

And since we're on our phones all day, and maybe we're even on our phones when we come home from work, We are having a hard time transitioning from our phones into the bedroom because we used to just be like bored. We walk into our partner's house and not even bored, but our phone would be down. So we'd automatically be connecting, right? We'd be vibing. We'd have eye contact. And then we would have eye contact and then touch and we would just start to connect. But what now is happening is that we're transitioning from being on Slack all day, being on Instagram,

being on the news, text, we are completely overstimulated, and then our nervous systems are completely overloaded. And then suddenly it's like, okay, go be sexy right now. And we're like, how can I feel sexy or connection when the dopamine from technology is hijacking my arousal? Is that resonant with you? I understand that desire is such an important, And like we need a transition time.

You know, couple, like, I feel like, and I've talked about this in recent weeks where I felt that my desire for my partner was way, like, there was this immediate expectation that I should be ready to go for sex when he was ready to go for sex. Or if it was date, date night or time we were going on a date, I'd be going right from like being on my phone and being on Slack and then showing up a date night. And my, my, when I say my nervous system, I mean, like, It's that part of us that's in fight or flight that's stimulated and it's really hard to live in presence and arousal when our nervous system is fried from all the input all day long. We wake up. We're on our phones. We're at work. We're on our phones. And then we're supposed to be in the move for sex right away. And there's a transition.

And so I realize that, well, I'm still going to be on technology, but I stopped beating myself up for feeling that there was something wrong with me because I couldn't just switch it on right away. That I didn't have that, you know, transition. time. And and so I feel like there is a stat that said that couples who perceive phones as interfering in their relationship report lower relationship satisfaction and more conflict. So the phones, I want to know from you, are the phones, have the phones gotten in way of your relationship? You know, is there a way where there's been a conflict or do you think it's taking your attention away. You know, scrolling is replacing staring at each other. Phones are replacing when we're in public staring at someone else. I mean, this has been talked about at nauseam, at least in my circles, but I'm curious what you've actually found because I also have some tips in this episode,

really simple things we can do to take those moments and reconnect to ourselves. So how many of you here have pretended to keep scrolling on your phone? because perhaps initiating intimacy felt vulnerable or uncomfortable. I'd love to hear if this has been you. So I want to remind you, this is my tip of the day. This is the sex with Emily, just the tip of the day. Attention is one of the greatest forms of intimacy. So think about it.

When our partners turn towards us, they're asking about our day, we feel engaged, we're having conversation, they're remembering things, they're noticing things. That's really where, you know, we feel intimate. So if you feel that the phones and the technology have taken away from this feeling of intimacy, some actionable tips, 20 minutes of phone-free connection daily. So you get home from work, you see your partner, you go on a date, you say, let's put our phones away. Let's just connect for 20 minutes. We can do that for 20 minutes.

Make a rule. No scrolling during meals or during intimacy. Leave the phone outside the bedroom, okay? Like, keep it charging in your bathroom. Okay, we have a comment here. I don't bring my phone to bed. That is brilliant. Who else? Do you bring your phone to the bedroom?

It almost feels impossible, so I love that you shared that. I am going to be honest with you. This isn't, I've been trying that for years now, and I go through periods, we'll have a month or a few weeks where I do not let my phone into the bedroom at night. And it is a game changer.

I feel my whole body relax. I start reading books. I fall asleep earlier. I have better dreams. I don't know what you've noticed here in the comments when you don't bring your phone to bed. Have you noticed a change? But it's all like, it's just a habit,

you guys, so many of the things that we're doing this habitual. I'm going to look at my phone. I'm going to get to bed. I'm going to, you know, I know when I'm like, I'm like, doing my nighttime routine. I'm like scrolling TikTok, you know? and I guess I could say I could just now decide I'm going to make a commitment to all of you

that I'm actually tonight not going to bring my phone into the bedroom okay how about all of you these are just tips these are like whatever whatever maybe one of these resonates with you more intentional flirting throughout the day you can send your partner a sexy text be specific about something that you're excited about or that you look forward to prioritize eye contact eye contact is such a great way to feel more intimate more connected and just create tech-free intimacy rituals in your home and your relationship. Anyone else willing to do that? We're heading into a long weekend.

Hopefully you have some time off from work and you don't actually be needing to connect it. Think about it. We think we have to stay connected to our phones because it's a habit and we're used to it. But you are in charge of your phone. Your phone does not rule you, right? You can turn it off. You can shut it off. And I'm going to do it this weekend.

I hope you do too. So that is just our tip of the day. Attention is one of the biggest forms of intimacy. Okay, who are you going to give your attention to? It could be to yourself. It could be to your partner, but it's without the glaring screens. The other challenge around technology, technology has trained us to keep searching, to never be done. This is like dating apps and porn were never done.

Apps and porn both train novelty seeking. There's a new face. There's a new match. There's a new connection. There's a new body. There's validation. The brain starts associating, get this. Our brain starts associating excitement with something new, right?

The new face, the new connection, the new porn instead of depth. So we think we're getting that we are getting that dopamine rush because something's new and sparkly. But we're not actually getting the depth of connection. So that is the big kicker for me. This is where I realize it like, oh my God, it's really not helping us. Dating apps gamify our attraction, right? So we're evaluating, we're comparing, we're optimizing, we're looking for the bigger, better deal, right? There's going to be somebody else instead of feeling.

We're not feeling. Like just take a moment. You're not actually feeling when you're on the dating apps. Are you feeling something or are you like gaming, you swiping, right? people are shopping for kind of chemistry instead of building intimacy. We're not out in the world meeting people. We're shopping for the chemistry, but we're not building intimacy. We're not trying to build, even if we're on porn or we're doing whatever,

we are looking for intimacy, but intimacy doesn't exist in the digital world. Like to say intimacy, that's about connection, eye contact, breathing together, sharing together, right? That's not happening in our technology. We might be confusing our options with compatibility. and did you know that Gen Z reports a higher loneliness and anxiety despite being the most digitally connected generation? And choice overload, having all of these choices is just making us less satisfied.

You know, have you ever gone on a great date with someone and then immediately after you open the apps? I've done that. I'm not going to do it anymore, but I've done that. Or I'm just feeling bored or disconnected from wherever I'm at and I open up my phone. I'm just trying to point out how many times a day we open our phones. And if we're all lonely and disconnected, our phones aren't helping us. In fact, I believe they're hurting us. So does that, what do you think about all that? I would say for me personally, I'm definitely guilty of having this dopamine rush.

Like I feel like I'm actually connecting with somebody. Or I feel like I'm getting something done. Or I'm really learning something on TikTok. I spend, okay, I'm going to admit, like, I'm on TikTok all the time. I feel like I'm learning. I'm scrolling, but I'm feeling that it hasn't been very healthy for me lately.

Like I get it. And so now I'm listening to some audiobooks that's still on my phone, but I'm not looking at my phone, and I'm just trying to step away from it because it hasn't been healthy. And I notice that it was so habitual, and I would even say to myself, don't get on TikTok.

Maybe some of you scroll, like, stories and Instagram. And I couldn't stop until like a week ago when I was like, okay, I'm going to stop. It's actually making me feel connected and I'm not, right? Everything that I'm telling you. Anyone else find that in different parts of their of their brain, right? So we've got here, we've got the attention that is being robbed through technology. We've got the dopamine and endless options. If I can match with this person, maybe there's someone better next week.

And the next is like, it's the performance area. And this one is just crushing me. I've talked to so many people who feel that social media has turned our relationships into this, like we need to brand our relationships. You know, we are watching relationships and we're not experiencing relationships. You know, a lot of people know how to look desired online and how to present themselves, but we don't know how to feel emotionally safe. even online or in person.

So I feel like the performance culture has also showed up in our bedrooms, where we feel we have to look a certain way, that we only, that everybody covets the same kind of body and the same kind of, there's a self-consciousness, and there's performance anxiety, and there's fear of imperfection. And the big reframe here is in the bedroom, we're thinking, how do I look rather than how do I feel? And it's a huge switch to say, you know what, I'm going to focus more on how I actually feel rather than how I look.

And everything that's been happening with social media the last 10 years has been more about how do I show up, how do I look? But at the end of the day, we can actually think, how do I feel? What do I actually want in the bedroom? So I think, you know, we, that actually everything that we're doing right now, we're actually thinking about what's the perception of this going to be if I post it. What are people thinking about me? And most of what I, perhaps you're thinking, most of what I've learned about sex and relationships has been from what I've seen online or in porn.

And in fact, I got this question from one of our listeners. And they said, do you think women want, crave, design? the big porn penises. My partner is obsessed with telling me he knows I'd want to touch it or try and he believes I durve to experience it. This is from a woman. I don't even like the large dildo he picked out for me. I am genuinely so happy with his penis. I tell him all the time. And he laughs like I just don't know what I'm missing. He is insecure, although he has no reason to be. I just feel so defeated because it comes up all the time when we sex or send porn to each other. He is convinced all women want that and we are just not honest about it.

All right. Take that in for a minute. What do you think? Do you assume that every woman who's straight wants a large penis? So this is a really, really common conundrum that because a lot of us grew up watching big penises, that's what we see in porn. That's who they cast for for these roles that we make the assumptions that how could women otherwise not want that? And I'm telling you, there are so many women who have let me know that they're like, I am not interested in that. And I would say the majority of women are perfectly happy with the penis that they're with. They wouldn't be with you.

But everything that's been pushed on our culture towards men has said, you need to have a larger penis, you need to be more desirable, you need to look all of these certain ways. and it just simply couldn't be further from the truth. So the data has shown, the research has shown that women are not necessarily preferring a larger penis. So I just want to say that I want to know what you guys think about this. Has this resonated with you? And it's okay, we're in a safe space.

Do you believe this? And I'm not saying there are, of course, women who would love that. A lot of men, I feel like a lot of men have absorbed this. from like porn and locker room culture that bigger automatically means better. But in real life, sexual satisfaction is so much more about attraction. Do I feel safe with this person? Do I feel confident with this person? Is there chemistry?

Are they paying attention to my needs? Is there arousal? Is there a rhythm? Is there communication? Do I feel desired by this person? Do they honor my boundaries? Do they ask for what I want? most women are not secretly walking around thinking that they're wishing that their penis that their

partner had a larger penis or having in fact most women actively do not prefer large penises because they can be very uncomfortable they can be painful and they can be really difficult for certain positions and honestly for a lot of women the large penis isn't what's going to feel great in their body this is the stats this is the science so And honestly, overall, these 21 years I've been doing this work, I've heard from more women and men who've said that the size of the penis has become a problem in their relationship. Because they can't actually fit it inside that the women have more tears. They can get more SDIs. Sex is uncomfortable. And so, you know, I feel like it's, yeah, it's just that what feels best.

And so I think that when hearing of this question is that her partner's insecurity over his penis is overriding her reality. You're literally, you're literally saying to your partner, I'm satisfied, I like your body. I don't like this oversized dildo that you bought me. I want you. And instead of him actually hearing you, he's projecting his fear onto you and then trying to convince you that you secretly want something else. And that could become exhausting because you can't win. Like, you can reassure him time and again, no, babe, I love your penis. It makes me feel good.

You know, but it's still not believed. So the insecurity might not be healed by your reassurance. If he fundamentally believes that you're not enough, you know, like that's a problem. So I feel like you could let him know rather than just leaning into reassurance. You can say, listen. These are all the things that I love about our sex life. I love that you're really attentive. I love that you pay attention to me.

I love that we really flow well together. You can try to re-insure the things that you do like, but so much of this obsession with penis size is so deeply ingrained in our culture and our society that you're just one woman and it might be harder to convince him that, but I'm telling you all the data and research backs up that, you know, this is not really about you clearly. We have some comments here. Yeah, it won't fit in.

Like, bigger might be worse. Not everybody is the same and now everybody wants the same thing. There are no universal generalities. All women want or all men want. Exactly. And I think hopefully we know that we're all bio-individual. We all want different things. Thank you for that comment.

I love it. Not, you know. And I think that her part. partner is living in this, like, I probably want that. Like, living in the all or nothing. And then someone else says, I've always found women like intercourse best after either prolonged warm up or even an orgasm or few after which connection is surely logically the most important factor.

Yes, she comes first. She's going to come. If you pay attention to her, you go down on her, like she might be more warmed up for intercourse. Yeah. So I just want to say that that's also from our YouTube audience here and from all of you that this is just so like all women don't want any. I don't know any. I can't tell you anything that all women want or all men want at all when it comes to sex. Some people like oral sex. Some people don't. Some people are like giving it. Some people don't. Some people are like receiving oral sex. They don't like I've been doing this forever. I've seen it all. And so.

When you're stuck in this, I'm never going to be lovable. No one's going to want me. This is what I, it's just, it's, you know, no one's going to want me because of my penis or because of my small boobs or whatever thing we're thinking is just couldn't be further from the truth. And it's actually hurting us immensely, immensely, immensely. So I just wanted to offer that and answer that. And so, yeah, going back to this question, he is convinced all women want that and we're not

honest about it. So I don't know what else to tell you. There's data, there's research, there's science behind all of this. But I can tell you from all of my research and all of my times talking to millions of people over the last 20 plus years, this is not the case. So best of luck in your relationship, convincing your partner. I think you can do it. Play this segment to him. Have you ever been trying to fully enjoy the moment, but then your brain interrupts with the least sexy thought?

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That's sex with Emily for 15% off at. common confidential.com. I think I love about this podcast is so many people have, so many couples have messaged me over the years that they just love that they listen to the sex with only podcast with each other because the more that you hear the sex positive language repeated and that everything's okay and it's really about communication and accepting each other and consent and working on your sex life and there's nothing wrong with you that it really helps. couples feel more connected once they hear the language over and over again.

So if you're not subscribed to the podcast or the YouTube, I think you should do that right now. Pop it on next time you're on a road trip. Maybe you're going on a road trip this summer. And maybe you're going out this summer, yeah, this summer or this weekend for the long holiday. Pop it on. You're like, this podcast is really fun. I've got thousands of episodes that I've heard from couples who tell me they like listen to it on road trips all the time for like 12 hours. because the more you listen together, it's almost like I'm your sex therapist driving along with you in the car where you're listening to the podcast, then you can stop it and have conversations all the way.

It's a great facilitator for couples. My podcast is that resource for you and your relationship. The other thing here is that, you know, I do think there's some positives about, of course, about technology. It can certainly deepen intimacy. It helps queer people find community. It helps shy people connect. It gives access to therapy. to sex education, it can actually help long-distance couples, reduce shame, helps women learn

their bodies, there's more access to information and sexual wellness. I think we can all agree to that. The goal isn't less technology here. The goal is more consciousness around how we use it. Okay? How do we use technology to our benefit rather than as a distraction? So that is what I'm all about here. Yeah. We're coming in. Okay. I love it.

Oh, we've a call coming in. You guys know you can call as well. Okay, great. Hello. Thanks for calling. It's Emily. Hi, Emily. How are you?

Good. How are you? How's it going? Thanks for calling in. Very good. Very good. So I was calling in with a question, but before I go there, I got a fan girl for just a minute. Okay.

I've been a fan for probably a decade. You've taught me so much. Number one thing that you taught me is about the orgasm gap, which I am not contributing to. Right. Then also confidence to talk to my kids about sex, over-loop, wamb, we vibe, woo more play, all of it. So you really, I stumbled upon you a long time ago,

and you changed my sex life completely. And just a little background. I'm 56, Y-57, been together 30-plus years, in this relationship, although I do have permission to get a hand job, or happy ending, and a massage. We had to negotiate that. That's a whole other story. But anyway, I just wanted to give you a couple compliments first. Thank you. Do you have a question? Kevin, I'm so grateful. Thank you for listening all these years. And I appreciate you so much. It means a lot. Yeah. I, my son's college friends who are 22, I tell them, like, you know, you guys,

if you want help in the bedroom, listen to sex with Emily. So I mean, like, I just think you'd be such a service for people that we just don't have any education in our country about this now. And it's really awful. It's really awful. I'm grateful that I picked it up from you in my 40s and really enhanced our sex life. Oh, I'm so glad to hear that, Kevin. And I just want to, before I forget this, I'm actually doing a live show right outside Chicago in Rosemont.

Is that what it's called? In Rosemont on July 7th, if you're in town. I love you to come. Yeah. I would love to come. I've become the person I've turned. who are like, oh my gosh, this guy is talking about sex with Emily and sex, and I'm trying to share tips with people and everything. Well, bring your friends. That's my first comedy show. It's a live, it's a, it's like a live audience interaction in a comedy club. I'll be posting more information, but I have a bunch of friends in Chicago who are going to come. I would love to meet you in person if it works.

I would love that. And one other thing, too, my son just graduated from University of Michigan. I know you're you're a Wolverine. Go Blue. That's amazing. I'm so proud of him. Oh, how fun. It's such a great town. Okay, let's get into it. What's going on, Kevin? Let me help you here. So my wife, Stacey, is right here. We used to call it as John and Julie, but now we're more confident. I remember you guys. I remember you, John and Julie. And you got us to retry anal 30 years after and sent us lube and everything. And it was really great. I do remember this. This was several years ago. John and Julie. Okay, great. Oh, I remember you guys. Okay, so what's going on now? I'm glad you're both there. How fun. So here is the question. And it's about, you know, so I love giving her oral. However, with post-menapausal, it's been challenging. And I think she worries that it's taking too long. I really enjoyed it. I remember your words exactly of being like, lay back. I got you. I don't care if this takes two hours. I'm in. So that, like I try to do that to make it more comfortable, but I think she has a hard time orgasming from oral.

She can from the wand, but it's not really the same. And so I'm wondering, like, you know, she doesn't really want me to try oral. She's like, no, no, no. And so I'm wondering kind of where we go with it. If there are any tips or trick, I will tell you this in the last couple of years, we introduced weed to. And holy cow, my orgasms on weed are unbelievable. Yes, cannabis is like minor. Yeah.

Oh, it's wonderful. Wonderful. I feel like mine are getting better and I want to make sure she's getting taken care of. And that's like my big stress. Yes. Well, I'm so glad cannabis has been well documented to help people get out of their heads and more in their bodies and enjoy sex and more sensation. So I love to hear that. So is the question really that she, like what do you think she, what is she craving right now?

Like is that the oral sex doesn't feel as because her body, you know, hormones and things are changing. Is that what the thing is? Yes. I think that's that's, yeah, exactly. Okay, hi, honey, good to talk to you again. So, yeah, so I wonder, I get the wand might be too much, but do you have a different toys you can play? Not that it's too much, but like I love other toys,

like the Jeju Mimi or there's other little toys, or does it just not feel good? Like, what's happening? Yeah, I think it just doesn't, yeah, it's not that it doesn't, it's bad, but it's not feeling good. It doesn't get you there? Yeah. It doesn't get you there.

Okay. Which is a slight bummer for me because I really do enjoy doing it. Right. And I'm sure you guys have been together for 30 years. So I'm just also wondering, like, is there more that can happen ahead of time? Slower build, more kissing beforehand, maybe a full body massage, using some great or relax more into your body. so you feel rather than going right for the oral sex, right?

That's true. I think that's the end. Okay, thank you, Emily. I am so glad you just said all that because I tell her sometimes, I want to, like, get you relaxed, like, massage or whatever. She's like, no, just hurry up. Go ahead. I don't mind.

She's always so, like, doesn't worry about hers when I'm like, okay, I'm not contributing to this organism yet, girl. Yeah. Oh, I love this. So you're into this. So I feel like for me, I know, as I've gotten old, and we're probably about similar ages is that I just started like letting my partner know that that was a requirement like I can't go from zero to even oral anymore you say don't go from

zero to anal but even like zero to oral sex is like I just need more warm I need more warm up I'd love a 15 minute 10 minute massage like changes everything maybe it's all you're also more comfortable to making sure you have the right lubs like the right maybe it's silicone using vaginal moisturizers regularly I love like these little suppositories I've been using that help women's has these suppositories. They're called melt for you. And there's these vaginal suppositories you put inside of you at night that has like hyluronic acid.

So like it just feels better. But even using like, yeah, so that can be helpful. But also just making sure you're comfortable. Pillow under your hips. The position's right. Your neck's not strain. And this can just help calm your nervous system. Reduce your cortisol.

decompress, right? Okay. Yeah, maybe just try that next time. Do you think that there's anything physiologic with like, you know, like being menopausal, like then you can't, did things change in that regard? I do think that being menopausal can really impact it because we have the loss of estrogen. But are you taking any hormone replacement therapy or anything? I'm not, no.

Yeah. And I'm, yeah. Have you considered it? Not, I mean, honestly, I've thought about it, but I don't think it's right for me. Okay, yeah. I think that if you, what I'm guessing is that if you find that you get more relaxed, that you have the right kind of lubrication, and that you sort of can get into your body and breathe, that you'll find that you'll be able to get there. It just, the warm up may take a little longer.

I don't think that menopauseally, it means you can't orgas. right so I just think you might need some more time for the warm up yeah see how that goes I love that thank you so much Emily last thing I'll tell you you gave me the confidence to tell my daughter when she got her first boyfriend a couple of years ago that make sure you are getting yours I said it's no I know it's weird for you to hear this but I used your words exactly very obvious when a guy has a good time you got to teach them about your body and let you know let them know what gives you pleasure too. You have to prioritize your pleasure in a relationship. So that's the last thing I'll leave you. Oh, I'm so glad. You guys, you made my night. I'm so thrilled to hear it. It's so good

to hear from you guys again. You changed our lives. We've been having a decade of monogamous, awesome sex. And at our age and our 50s, I don't want to brag, we're at least four times a week. That's amazing. Now, where was it before? Like, that's incredible. Where was it before? Like, 10 years before you found me. It was way more sporadic. It was maybe one to two, especially when kids were younger. And then now the kids are out of the house. So I mean, like, if I could do seven nights, I'd like to book that. Look at you. But, yeah. Oh, I'm so happy. You don't, Emily, you don't remember that you did say, John, take the boner out of her back once. I did. I said, don't put a boner on her back. Yeah. I remember you guys out to it.

Yeah, she said, okay, John, chill out, take the boner out of her back. Yeah, you could feel me in the bed, like, so you open? Was I right? Was I right? Okay, good, Julie, right? So, yeah, no, we're boners in the back. You guys, I'm so proud. This is amazing. This is incredible. Yes. Okay, you guys. And what a great testimonial because. Yeah, please do. Bring your kids. I'd love to see you. We just booked all my live tour show. So that's my first stop. Oh, my God. You guys.

I'm so thrilled. I can't wait to give you a hug in person if you can make it. And thank you so much. I hope that helps. And I want to hear a report when I see you. Just slowing it down, getting curious. And listen, our sex life changes decade to decade. So this is just a new time. What's going to feel good now?

Maybe it's a bath. Maybe it's, you know, who knows? We'll figure it out. But just calming yourself so you can receive. All right. Thanks, guys. Can't wait to see you. Thanks for calling.

Thanks so much. Thanks for supporting for so long. Bye, guys. Lots of love. Aw. Love that. This was a long-time couple that I talked to for many years on my show. We sent them care packages.

We sent them the T-shirt. Anyway, the point is, it doesn't matter what we did. What I'm excited about is to talk to the listeners that I've had for a long time. Anyone can call in now if you wanted some 559 Talk Sex? Or 559-8255739. I love this. Yeah, cannabis is great with you. Someone said try using a vibration on a low setting at the same time as Cuddlingus after

prolonged foreplay, yes. I'm a huge fan of using a vibrator during Cotillengis. So I don't know if I mentioned that because they said they were using the wand, but I'll tell him when I see him in Chicago. Love it. All right, all. What else? Any other calls?

Wow. Another call. Hello. Hi. Hello. How are you? Thanks for calling in. Yeah, thanks so much for taking my call.

Of course. I appreciate you. you so much. Thanks for how can I help for you today? This is Mel, yeah? Yes, yeah. I was calling about actually a toy that my husband and I have. We love we love toys. We've we've been together for 29 years and we have a very active sex life and enjoy having toys in but there's one we haven't quite figured out like the right time and place and how to use and that's the it's a remote control vibrator like a wearable yeah which one yeah and so we have the pearl i don't know i think the the the we vibe was out when i okay got it because i have the we vibe moxie right

here on cam i was going to show people here that this fits in your underwear and it has a little magnet right and so and then there's a remote that you could use on your phone or an actual physical remote yeah yeah this one's a physical remote with like a 10 meter distance and when we first got it um and i was mainly just like trying it out wearing it around like my yard it was wonderful but he he couldn't really tell what he was doing from the remote part and and what we were really wondering is like how do we not involve other people in our sex life and use this in places where it would be neat to have something discreet like that yeah But it just feels very violating to do that out in public when someone else might be there and not consenting.

If that makes sense. Well, oh, not consenting to see. Like, well, they won't know. It's just, you're like, let me just. I know. I know what you're saying. Let me give me. So let me just like explain this to everybody who's watching right now too.

Okay. Remote control panty vibes are like one of my favorite things I've talked about over the years. You said the we vibe moxie was out. This is the one I'm in front of me. So picture this. This goes inside of the underwear. There's a little man that keeps it in place. We vibe also has an app that you could use that makes it a little bit easier to control,

but sometimes they come with an app. So you put in your underwear and your partner has the control. And then they can vibe you whenever you're out, you're at dinner, maybe you're at a concert, and they can just vibe you and it's fun, right? It's fun to stay a cat. So I would say like what I don't know. So what do you guys like doing? Like I think it'd be really fun to do it at a concert or like going out.

Do you guys ever go to music or go out dancing where it's just like? Yeah, I was wondering about that. Like, are the movies or, yeah, maybe noisier places, not like dinner? But I'm wondering, yeah, not at dinner, although you could do it at dinner. But maybe it's like, yeah, noisier places, even at a party with friends that, like, I don't know, maybe not friends. But I did at a party once with friends, not close friends. But I went with a boyfriend and I was like, okay, this is it. And it was just kind of fun.

Because it's not like, have you tried it yet? Yeah, I have. It's different. I like it, though. Yeah, it's fun. You're like, hey, girl. So I think you just find a place where you're like, we don't know anyone here. I mean, maybe a movie.

If you're really into the movie, it might be distracting. So I would say like when you're, I don't know what you go. What do you guys do? What do you and your husband like to do? Let's try to match it to your lifestyle. You what? Outdoorsy stuff. Okay.

Outdoorsy stuff. But also, yeah, we love to go to concerts. Don't get a lot of chances. We live in a rural area. But, yeah, concerts would definitely be it. Concerts in the park are more likely for us around here. Yeah. like free concerts in the park things like that totally that would be really fun yeah i think concert

in the park is really great even just in the house like do you guys work from home yeah i don't know what kind of work you do but it might be kind of fun to have like an afternoon break where you're like oh i was on a i was on a call when you buy me you could i don't know that could be kind of a fun little in the middle of the day thinking about you but yeah i think it's mostly anything outdoors is if you're going for a hike or you're going to play something. And I think music or like if there's a farmer's market. I mean, honestly, you get to decide whatever, whenever you want to do it. But I get that there's maybe not as many opportunities.

But I don't even think that people can hear it. And I know what you're saying about it's kind of a violation for others. But it doesn't have to be. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, honestly, I think it's really fun. I don't think that people have to know. And so I'm trying to think of where else you can.

do it. I mean, you could even do it when you're on the couch together. You'd be like, he's going to surprise you and do it in a moment. But I think it's somewhere out in nature. Summer's coming up and just find a place to do it. And I wouldn't necessarily worry. Like, I understand what you're saying about being considerate, but also, you know, you sound like you've got good, you've got, you know, good judgment and values that you're not going to do it in a place that feels uncomfortable. But I just think like, yeah, some outdoor thing at a concert on a hike, that's what I would recommend or maybe like a loud lunch spot. I'm just, you know, you're in Oregon. I don't know, like it could be on a road trip. It's more about this thing. What I love about it, it's more about

something different, something new. It's a little surprise element. Like I wasn't expecting to feel a little vibe in my pants right now. So, you know, I just think anywhere where people aren't directly next to you or you're at a dinner with another couple, that might not be the best time. So. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, that's really helpful. I really like the hike idea, too. I had not I love the hike. Yeah. I think the magnet is plenty strong enough to have that being a lot. Yeah. I love the idea of a hike too. I love it. I love it. I wear it whenever. Let me know how it goes. I will be here. Okay. Yeah, I will. Thank you. Emily. Thanks for bringing this up. Yeah. Have a good time and enjoy. Have fun with it. Let me know. Send me a message or join me. Okay. Thanks for calling in. Good luck. I will. Have fun. Bye. Oops. I always hang up.

I do this. If we're friends, I do this too. I like hang up before people say goodbye. I don't mean to do that if we've ever talked. Someone commented here, remote toy play, trust Emily. People won't know they're brilliant. You'll probably just be much giggilyer than people. Exactly. You're just going to be much giggilyer than the people around you.

I think it's really fun that couples want to explore and play. It's just one of those really fun. Listen, toys add fun and joy to. your life, okay? They do. Our bodies are covered in nerve endings that feel incredible when we vibe them. So why not play around? And it's one of my favorite couple's toys. So this is the We Vi-Moxi. We have a site, Shop, Sex, with Emily. You can find more on there. So I think that's a great way. And we're talking about technology. So what a great way for technology to be a great way to, uh, you know, play with each other. So, Tay, I'm on a plane watching you live.

makes you want to join the mile held club. Yes, Tay. Tay, we're going to send you away with one of these next time you go on a plane. Love you, Tay. Tay does my hair. We love you, Tay. Okay, Tay's more than that. He's a friend. He's on a plane watching me. I love you, Tay. How'd I do with my hair today? I need to see you. Okay, guys, listen, the real question isn't whether technology is good or bad. it's whether we know how to be human with each other underneath it. Technology isn't going anywhere, okay? But how do we use it intentionally, mindfully, and maybe even sexually? Of course, sexually, not maybe even, but how do we use it in all areas of our life?

How do we actually have control over it and just use it more mindfully? Okay, thanks everyone for joining me today. Don't forget to keep out with me by following me at all social media platforms at Sex with Emily. I am told I give really good email, so sign up at sex withemly.com slash subscribe. If you missed any part of this episode or you just want to listen, it'll be released next Friday, May 29th, 2026 on YouTube and all other streaming platforms. Follow me on my live tour. I'm going to be going to just sitting near you over the next six months and signing up for my newsletter or following me on social is a great way to find all that out. All right, everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily.

to my callers. I so appreciate you. Thank you to my team. I love you all. And remember, stay curious.