Sex With Emily - At Home & Horny

Episode Date: April 29, 2020

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is bringing you some more sex in the news updates because information is the name of the game right now. Plus, she’s answering your sex & relationship questions. She gives you the lowdown on what researchers think being quarantined is going to do for higher or lower birth rates, affairs, if couples will make it through, and how stress is affecting other people’s sex lives. Plus, she gives advice on what to do when you started sleeping with your roommate and it was a big mistake and how to get back to a pain-free sex life after child birth.Follow Emily on all social @sexwithemilyFor even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit http://sexwithemily.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and today's show I'm bringing you some more sex in the news updates because information is the name of the game. Plus, I'm answering your sex and relationship questions. Topics include, what researchers think being quarantined is going to do for higher or lower birth rates, affairs, and couples will make it through. How stress is affecting other people's sex lives, what to do when you started sleeping with your roommate, and it turned out to be the worst sex ever, but your quarantine together. And how to get it back to a pain-free sex life after childbirth. All this and more, thanks for listening. Best by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a fight on day.

Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, what do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so proud. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com and find us on all social media.

It is Sex with Emily across the board. All right, intentions with Emily. For each show, I just wanna start off by setting an intention. We started the beginning of the year and this has been really helpful for everybody. And I do the same. So, what are you listening? What would you like to get out of listening to this episode?

How could it help you? It could be, well, my partner worked outside the home and I don't and I've been wondering how do we have safe sex right now? Or could be, stress seems to affect my partner and I differently and now it's our to affect our sex life. My intention is I just want to keep you all informed

and to help these ways to maintain your relationships and your sex life as we continue to be faced with the hardships that come with constantly staying at home. We're all this together and I'm here to help. I love you all. Joy the show. There's a lot of sex in the news lately

and believe it or not, it kind of makes sense, right? We're like, do we wanna have sex right now? If we're quarantined alone, how do we actually have sex? We've heard that our safest sex partner is us, that we are safe, which is actually always true. You know, masturbation, huge fan. Masturbation is sex with someone you love. But here's what people are coming up with.

There's a lot of people talking about this baby boom, right? Is there gonna be a baby boom in nine months? Well, you know, this just article says that coronavirus has created a sex boom but possibly not a baby boom. So we know that we are isolated couples are purchasing a lot of sex toys they say and that activity and the dating app is way up. So it's natural sex toys they say and that activity in the dating app is way up. So it's natural that a lot of us, if we're not commuting and we're not going to work, that we're using it to have more sex because, hey, having sex, we release dopamine, which helps us with pleasure and happiness, testosterone levels are raised and men and women which raises

our libido, which could mean they want more sex. So you know sex is a self, sex can make us feel good. So it makes sense that it's happening. However, there is some studies that say people who aren't happy at home because let's be honest. If we weren't that happy at home before being isolated and quarantined with the problem, which is your partner, you might now want to be getting it on. But there's a site called Elicit Encounters.

It's a dating website for those seeking extra merit affairs. They say they've had a 15% increase in activity, and they say 54% of men have started affairs in the last four weeks. And 74% of those men say it's because they're bored, which I don't know how this is happening. You know, are they sneaking out and having elicit COVID affairs? So maybe that's happening, but for some people, if they are bored, which I don't know how this is happening. You know, are they sneaking out and having a listed COVID affairs? So maybe that's happening, but for some people, if they are home with the partners having sex, do you think that we will see a spike in births? Well, overall, the lockdown could have larger effects on relationships.

I think what we're going to see is more people getting married or divorced in the near future. Listen, anytime there's a catastrophe like this is what's happening to us. It's gonna kind of push us even prematurely into the next stage of our relationships. So I think we're soon going to see what that is going to mean for relationships. Because times of crisis has been a time actually they show where incidents of conceptions have fallen. However, once the crisis passed, there is a spurt in conceptions thanks to remarriages, rejoined families or people who just

resume sexual activity. But we don't know what's going to happen yet with COVID. Remember, we're all in the middle of it right now. There was a condom shortage at first, but now they're back. So really, I think we all got to wait a moment to moment. If you don't see a spike in birth, there could be a lockdown. Like I said, that it's got a water-fucked-down relationships.

So again, be safe and use protection. If you are having sex with someone that you don't want to have in your life, for the rest of the life, remember to take care, use protection. Because you don't want to have in your life for the rest of your life. Remember to take care of use protection because you don't want to have a baby with someone in nine months if you don't want to be locked away with them for 90 days. So let's just think about that. Okay, guys, what else is happening? If I could only lie so my husband too, sex in the age of the coronavirus. So it turns out there's an article in the US today that it's can be tough for a lot of couples to be having

healthy sex right now because what if one person is leaving home all day and the next you know they're working they're still in a you know a profession that where they need to work right now and they get home they're going to be lice all down right there's no touching when your partner's out and you don't know who else they're meeting so that could also be an impact while people aren't having as much sex. So there's a New Jersey couple that says, you know, hey, woman says, I'm not feeling my inner sex goddess. I'm spending all day in my pajamas. I can relate who else is wearing their pajamas right now.

I am. And also if we're really worried and we're stressed about sex, we're worried about the bills and we're worried about, you know, our health, it can be really hard to focus in the moment. Now, others are saying that they're having sex, but there's less spontaneity. So, for example, if you have a partner outside the home, you're going to be like, don't even think about touching me. You got to get in the shower. You got a lice-out.

You got to double lice-out. Did he wash enough? Is he clean enough? One woman says, when her partner's a medical worker, now sex can also be a super positive force. So when other things are prohibited, right? We can't go out and meet our friends. We can't escape and go to the gym.

You know, we might turn towards ourself and for home alone, solo sex is safe. You are your safest sex partner. Now listen, if you are with your partner, but you feel like you have an egg time for masturbation, ask for the time. This is actually the time that you get to discuss with your partner.

Hey, you know what? Masturbation is a part of my life. That's actually really important to me, and it's healthy. And so I'm gonna need the butter in for a minute, or I'm gonna take a longer shower than usual. And in fact, I think this is a great conversation to have because I hear from you all the time that you masturbate and a relationship and you're worried that your partner is going to find out because you know they're not that into masturbation or you've

had to stop masturbating because you made a promise to your partner that you wouldn't. Well, right now I feel this is the time to have these difficult conversations, which I think actually are necessary. I don't think they're difficult. I understand they're challenging when you first start having them. But more than ever, let's level the playing field. Let's have these conversations that are harder to have. And if you need to master rate, ask for that time.

Now a lot of people, super frustrated because they're not having sex. They're yearning for physical contact with the human. And I know you guys, it is tough. So hopefully we'll be out of this soon. And also you guys, couples also being cooped up together who don't wanna be. There's another woman who found out her husband's affair. She found out about her husband's

if you're right before the pandemic. They felt it for divorce, but now they're stuck in the house together. I am showing you here a variety of one everyone's dealing with. It's all different, right? If you're alone, you're like, oh, I wish I had a partner. Maybe you're stuck with a partner that you don't want to be with.

Maybe you and your partner are really having mismatch libidos right now. Now, some people say they're having very healthy sex lives. Another couple says it's nicer to be together at night. You really appreciate the time with your partner. They're healthy, and they're still able to have sex. Where do you all fall in the spectrum? I want to hear about your sex life. You guys can ask me your questions. You can let me know. Feedback at sexwithemily.com. Now, here's an uplifting story. There's a quarantine love story and it went viral. How these

New Yorkers are dating during the pandemic. So Jeremy Cohen spotted his neighbor dancing on her rooftop. He went from his balcony, she waved back, then he wrote his number on a piece of paper. Get this, he taped it to a drone and flew it to her. He thought, 2020's been off to a terrible start, but I still need to shoot my shot. He's been documenting their virtual dates on TikTok and Twitter. In the first date, they had matching dinner from their balconies. He wanted to be in person, dinner for their balconies. He wanted to be in person. Listen to what he did. He got into an inflatable bubble. He met

her outside on the sidewalk. He brought her flowers and hand sanitizer. The police even stopped them. Not because they were in trouble, but they had heard about their story in the news and wanted to selfie. You know, I think this is a very sweet story. Jeremy's like, you know, I want to find love. This is going to be my year and I'm going to find it anyway. I can't. And what I love about this story is that you guys, a lot of times, you know, when we're at a point of crisis, we're in a time of discontent, a time of uncertainty, you know, other things arise.

Maybe our desire for connection, creativity. There's a lot that's bubbling beneath the surface. So I love that Jeremy's like, you know what? My neighbor's a hottie. There's a lot that's bubbling beneath the surface. So I love that Jeremy's like, you know what? My neighbor's a hottie, she's dancing on a roof. I'm going to do something about it. Maybe he wouldn't have done that a month ago, you know? But now we also have less distractions. In fact, I would guess that a month ago, Jeremy might have been, you know, distracted by work or his phone or something else. And so now I think that we're all slowing down a bit and maybe he was able to actually notice his sexy neighbor on the roof doing a dance. I

Thought that was inspiring. Okay, so we've also got There's people you guys job losses are growing in the newly unemployed embrace sex work by camming for cash I guess that makes sense. There's a 40% jump in new content creators where they say that You know people are out of work. One woman is a massage therapist and a professional mermaid, which I'm not sure what that is. And she said, well, one moment, I had a lot of work. The next minute, I had nothing.

She doesn't think that Uber and Postmates are work options. They are work options, but they're not as safe. And also they say some people were really interested in before, but they were scared and now they feel like they have nothing to lose. So, they're wondering, what do I do? Well, I guess in the time of the economy, sex is recession proof in some places. But it is hard work, you guys. I feel like, you know, desperate times called for desperate measures, but don't do anything that you're going to look up in a few months and regret. I think again, this is a time of innovation and inspiration and it's probably a time where you can make ends meet just for a little creativity and reaching out to people around you, support

you and love you. Okay, there's more people talking about how they're handling sex right now. So someone says, more alone time, this is from Buzzfeed, more alone time with my wife of 30 years. We've always had a very active sex life. We've been going strong through all of this. The sex during this time has been as good as ever. We're like teenagers again.

That's from Dave, 53 Kentucky. Now Joan, 44 in Nevada, she's bisexual. She says, it's sad. I'm a hot wife with a cuckold husband. I can't go out and pick up bulls for our fun. He will service me during this time, but I'm missing the fun. Yeah, I guess it'd be hard to be in cuckolding or three sums or orgies right now. Although there have been some online orgies. You can search for that in your area.

I guess in any area because it's all online. Being stuck with my husband five-year-old and senior dog is too much. When I can't escape the stress of a crowded house being intimate close with my husband adds to the stress. I need some space quiet and a loan time so I can mentally reset for that shit. So if you have 33 straight in California. Now listen you guys, if this is happening to you and you're not finding time for yourself, this is when you have to, you know, discuss with your partner the plan for the week, like even if you're sharing a small space, you could say, I need the bedroom for a few hours or I'm going to be in the living room, or I'm taking a walk by myself today, we always need a long time.

And just because the situation is forced doesn't really close quarters with people, doesn't mean that some of the things that are the most important to us, we still need to keep that going. And so this is the time when we can practice our really stellar communication skills. And if you don't have them,

it's okay if it's a little bit awkward, you could even say, you know what, I'm afraid of offending you, I haven't been able to say this so far, and this is nothing to do with my love for you and my connection for you, but I really need an hour to myself. I feel like we're spending so much time together.

And I think anyone could understand that, especially with what's going on right now, and I think you'd also be surprised that maybe your partner is feeling the same way. So Murray 42, he's gay and Georgia said, I found a chat room, and when I'm in the mood for some stress relief, I go on the hunt for the perfect phone sex partner. It's still just jerking off, but the road to get there is so much more involved, and it's fun when someone has taken the trip with you.

So Laura 30, she's queer and organ, says, my partner and I use remote controlled vibrators and have Skype sex as often as we can. You know I'm all about those remote vibrators. I love the ones by WeVib. It's a great purchase right now. You can control the launch the app with your partner. They can see each other. It's like FaceTime, but it's a called We Connect app.

They can control your toy from Across the room across the world. It's pretty cool. And then you could have a Sex mutual masturbation control their toy. So this is from Ina 30 straight in Finland as everyone is hoarding toilet paper Around the world. I've started hoarding batteries for my sex toys as she seems to become a long and lonely spring for me without my partner Well, I guess there are still toys that take batteries, but a lot of the toys that I tell you guys about that I love, which are still for sale, everywhere you find toys, they think cellist sex toys companies are still shipping. Some of our favorites we write, we review on our website at sectoranly.com.

They don't have batteries, so you don't have to worry about it and they're rechargeable. But anyway, that makes sense, you guys. It's a lot of time without our partners. But I'm gonna say this on every show during this virus because I think it's important to remind you that sex in all explorers will be back. We'll be having sex again with humans, with our partners. And right now, since sex is an important part

of our overall emotional well-being, why not take the time to figure out what feels good to you? A little bit of masturbation, self-love. It does spike the dopamine orgasms are good for us, they're good for our skin, good for our immune system. So just every chance I get, I want to give you permission to love yourself. And finally, Joe, 20, he's buying Minnesota says, after my college shutdown, I'm back with my parents. It's felt like high school, where the only time I can do anything is in the shower,

because everyone is always home. Yeah, I feel you, I can't imagine being home right now. I mean, there's a lot of people who have to move back home with their parents. I get it. Let's get creative, but, you know, the shower always works. Okay, then we've got, love is blind. Okay, so this show you guys, huge hit, came out on Valentine's Day on Netflix, if you haven got love is blind. Okay, so this show you guys huge hit came out on Valentine's

Ann Netflix if you haven't seen it yet. It's essentially bunch of couples they actually meet in a pod. They don't see each other. It's called love is blind because they don't see each other, but they forge this emotional connection. They're in these pods, right? And the first few episodes, we see them in a pod, and they're talking and they're emotional. And in fact, a few of them get engaged. I haven't finished watching the entire series, however, I know a ton about it.

And what I kept thinking to myself is, and it does work for some of the couples, and it's showing that, hey, if you spend hours upon hours talking to someone, that when you see them, you already have this emotional connection, and if you can get the physical part going, then maybe it could really work. But the interesting thing is,

one of the women on the show, I heard it was Giannia, turns out that she said, they cut the part of the show where she actually was, getting a little frisky. She was having a little bit of fun text, because I kept saying, I love that these couples are establishing an emotional connection.

I love that they're having these conversations, and I think it is true that, which is why right now to be honest, love is blind for a lot of people who are just meeting new partners online or you're chatting online either through text or I encourage everyone to just take it online through Skype or Facebook, FaceTime. I get that they're in these pods and they're talking but are any of them talking about sex. Well, it turns out she said they cut in these pods and they're talking, but are any of them talking about sex? Well, it turns out she said they cut this part, but she actually did kind of make it steam here and had a little pod sex, which nobody saw on camera.

So I think that's interesting. And she said that she was actually the one that did that. The goal of the show was to prove that love is blind, that it's based on emotional connection. But it is true though that the ones who actually had the physical attraction kept it going. Well other ones, no matter how emotionally connected you are, if you just can't get the physical going, it's never going to happen. And this goes for people who often you call into the show and you ask questions and you're like, God, you know, my partner and I, we used to have awesome sex.

And now we're just, you know, things aren't the same. It's not as great. And I always say, well, how was it? Or they'll just say sex isn't great. And then we've been together 20 years. And then I'll say, tell me about your sex life at the beginning. Now if couples say, oh, God, it was really hot and heavy. We had incredible sex.

We always said, this is great connection. I'm hopeful. Because you can, you can kind of, if you've had that seedling of connection and physicality, you could get it back. You can tap into it. But if you never had it, even if you had the strongest emotional connection, but you say to me, you know what, we never were that sexual. We never were that compatible.

I'm of the belief that you can't just start out and know where you do need the emotional and you need the physical, but sometimes the emotional can lead to the physical, which is amazing, and sometimes it doesn't, and you have to know the difference. And finally some inspiration from the stairs to the kitchen sink, some sex hot spots around the house. You know I always think take it outside the bedroom. In regular times, not in these uncertain times, I think we get bored of the bedroom or doing it the same way, staring at the ceiling, all those things. But you might even need some extra inspiration right now. The washing machine and 9 out of 10 couples

say that a bit of lust to the laundry by bonking out on top of the washing machine, maybe it's during the spin cycle, kind of acts like a vibrator, try that out. Office chair, that's another way the wheels on the bottom means that you can move it around to different positions, which actually makes sense. I like that. The office chair. The table. I think we always have these fantasies about, oh, one day we can just have sex on the table.

When the kids go away to college or we have more time and then you never have sex on the table. But this is the time. Maybe you're leaning over the table, your partner's behind you. I'm a huge fan of the couch. I think we forget you guys. The couch, you can have a certain level of elevation, so you're kind of riding above your partner, and you can, especially if you're, there's like the back of the couch or the arms on the couch, it just, I think we forget sometimes,

I think we always just default towards the bed when there's all these places in the home that we can try and it's something new and novel and different, especially if you're having sex in the same place, the shower. I love shower sex, and this might be one of our only options right now. We've got family around our kids. I like the feeling of the water too. And remember, you have to use lube in the shower just in case you forgot, because you think

it's all wet and it's going to make you lubricated, but it doesn't work that way. It actually can wash away your natural lubrication. And finally, the stairs. Stairs is a hot place to have a quick, give you a little elevation. You can kind of slide up. Maybe you slide up towards the bedroom. So there's your inspiration. Look around your house. Maybe you won't ever look at your stairs the same again. I'm cool with that. All right. We're going to do a quick break and we come back. We're going to get into your questions.

You know, I do. It's why I'm here. If you want to question answered on the show, go to sexwithenley.com. Click that. Emily tab, fill the short form or just email me. Feedback at sexwithenley.com, but always include your name, your age where you live and how you listen to the show. All right, this is from Anna, 31 in Italy. Start us up in my roommate after a month of quarantine. Once we learned, we will be locked up until June, but

he's really, really bad and small and boring. I've tried talking about edging and dropping in more to the rest of the body. We did some massage, et cetera. It's just so bad. And I don't really feel like spending my energy teaching him. It's boring and a big responsibility, even though I know future women would thank me. My question, how do I navigate this? I'm stuck living here till I'm allowed outside again.

If I stop, it'll be so obvious because I don't like it. There's literally no other thesis during quarantine. All right, and I, you've gotten yourself into a tricky situation. But what I think here is that, well, it sounds really difficult. This is a great, teachable moment for you and for your roommate. Because in reading this, I thought, gosh, you know, I wish I had more practice, you know, years ago in relationships like when I was you know I wish I had more practice you know years ago in relationships like when I was your age when I was 31 for example I know I was

in relationships with people where sex wasn't great and a lot of times I just kept having sex or even dates with people because I didn't want to hurt their feelings I didn't want to speak the truth and what was really happening was like one either I didn't want to speak the truth. And what was really happening was like one, either I didn't really have the words to express what I was feeling, and two, even if I could, even if I had the words, I couldn't bear the thought of people being mad at me or disappointed with me.

And number three, I don't ever want to hurt anybody, right? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So that's what made me very avoid it. But what I've learned is the more honest you are with people and you come from your heart and a place of vulnerability and you speak with your feeling words and not attacking them, it's a really great practice and learning to communicate honestly, openly and authentically. Again, it's a practice and it will serve you for life.

So, what I recommend here is to let him know that you really during this time you have felt that you both, you got into this with him because it was a stressful time and you know, whatever reason you guys had a had an attraction, but you. And you know, whatever reason you guys had a traction, but you really, you know, need to take time to not be sexual right now and to really turn inwards and focus on yourself, which is the truth, right? Now, I don't ever recommend saying, well, you're small and you're boring

and I don't wanna help you, because that's mean-spirited, but you can't speak from your place, which is the truth is, during this time, you don't want to spend more energy teaching somebody. I mean, maybe if you had more time and you had a job and you could leave your house right now, maybe you'd be in a different position with the roommate.

Maybe you'd feel like, or you wouldn't be with him because you would still be out there dating people that you had more interested. So my point is, it's a slippery slope here. It's tricky because, you know know I'm telling you to be honest authentic but don't tell them it's because it's penis is small. And I think again if you can just find ways to make it more about you know where you're at right now that you don't feel as compatible you value your friendship it's

really hard to say. And then the more honest you are this is really hard for me. This is so hard. I know that we live together. I really don't want this to be something that's going to make so we can't, you know, successfully co-quarantine together, but just saying that it's more about you spending time with yourself or whatever feels true to you and being honest because I'm telling you, it's again confronting people and letting them know I'm practicing and skills big and small like when we're out in the world again maybe there's someone who disappoints you that there's less stakes just practicing and saying this is how it made me feel and being vulnerable and honest and open is the

best thing that you can do right now. You know I don't think we all want to take on more stressors and training someone how to be the best lover yet. It's just not in the cards for you. And I think you can be honest about that. All right. Thank you, Anna, for your question and best of luck to you. Let me know how it goes. Remember, you guys, all these things are our practice. All right. This is from David, 30 in British Columbia. We were blessed with a child about seven months ago.

He was delivered naturally and healthy. No end, static was used, and there was level three tearing on my wife. I knew there'd be some serious recovery time from the tears and the stitches to heal. We've tried penetration over the last few months and it still hurts her. She's not dry and we use plenty of loot

but it almost seems like I'm too big for her now. Can you help us? Should she get checked out? Okay, David, well, first yes. She absolutely should get checked out. Okay, David, well, first yes. She absolutely should get checked out. I mean, here's the thing, there's a lot of women who have painful sex after childhood. This is very, very common.

And in fact, 50 to 60% of women report, you know, painful sex after six to seven weeks after childbirth, but I gotta say that they say after six months after postpartum, 30 But I gotta say that they say after six months after postpartum, 30% still have pain, but they don't report it. Because a lot of times, doctors don't bring it up. Women don't bring it up.

They think something's wrong with them. And so if the doctors aren't asking if you're painful sex, rewarding women about painful sex, we might not be wanting to bring it up. So you could have something called dysperunia and that's technically defined as painful penetration, pain during sexual intercourse or pain during orgasm.

Now, this could be part of it. There's a lot of symptoms after childbirth. It could be, you know, vaginal tightness, looseness, bleeding irritation. And so this can happen, you'll postpartum dysperunia. There's a few culprits for these. One is low astrodame. And because, you know, hormones are totally fluctuating.

The second is pelvic floor dysfunction, which is what I suspect is that something is happening with the pelvic muscles. They could be two week or two tight. So sometimes there's like an extra pressure on your pelvic floor from pregnancy, which makes your muscles weaker, which is why people can have like incontinence. And sometimes if they're too weak, it makes them too tight. So what I'm saying is she's got to get checked out. Now, the gynecologist might not be of any help,

but a pelvic floor physical therapist can work wonders for women. So stop with the sex right now, the penetration. See how you guys can connect into Maline other ways. Well, she gets checked out. Remember kissing, you know, oral. There's a lot of other things you can do. Okay, David? Thank you very much for your question. I think it's going to help a lot of people. All right.

This is from Sean 49 in Illinois. Dr. Emily, how often is too often to masturbate? I masturbate every night before bed. Is that too often? All right. Sean, great question. I get a lot of questions from guys about am I masturbating too much? Is it a problem? Well, doesn't sound like a problem to me. I hear that from a lot of men. They masturbate every day. I mean, just remember this rule of thumb. There's a problem with masturbation. Like when there's

consequences, like if you're masturbating all the time and you're like, oh, you know what, I can never actually get turned on with my partner. It's all I can think about as masturbation. I never want to leave the house. Well, I guess we can't leave the house right now. But you know what I'm saying? Like, like, it's affecting your performance, it's affecting your mental health, it's affecting something else. But, you know, I think that it's very common to to sue the stroke relief stress. Please ourselves once a night. I don't see a problem here, Sean. Thank you for your question. Okay, this is from Beth and she's 26 years old. Dr. Emily, is it common to quickly and easily have orgasms during morning sex, but struggle to find them during more intense,

longer-lasting sex at other times of the day. I feel it should be the opposite, since in the morning, there's no warm-up involved, but simply just getting down to it. I almost always get off super quick in the morning. Usually it takes a while for me to climax during sex other times of the day. I tried clearing my mind, but my mind is always a barrier for me.

Do I have any tips on that? Okay, Beth, well, you nailed it here. What the thing is, is it is your mind. And that's good news and bad news. Most of what is o blocking us, like why we're not having orgasms, is because we're in our heads. We're blocking ourselves from having orgasms because we're caught up in thinking, am I going

to have an orgasm? We're worrying about that it's taking too long or worrying that we're not moving correctly. Here's the thing about the morning bath. Is that our mind we just woke up, our mind hasn't woken up yet to the day. You might not be thinking about all the things that have to happen yet. And you're way more in touch with your body. This is like the-body connection. I think that we all crave,

and maybe it's more body than mind, which sometimes that's ideal. And so as the day goes on, we're constantly wearing more thoughts, more things happen. We have more distractions, and we're pulled in all the directions. So your mind is just filled by the end of the day,

but when we wake up, there's a certain serenity, there's a certain peace. That's why I also, I remember I was reading a book by an author once and she was talking about her favorite times to write her in the morning because right when she wakes up, there's just not as much, like if there's a subtlety, there's just not as much disruption and she says that she hasn't quite, her brain hasn't been taken over by the day yet. And I feel like that's what's happening to you. So I feel like that's great that you can easily have orgasms in the morning. And the good news here is that we know that it's really your mind. So when I say there's some downside of it, it just takes a little bit of practice. Now what has always helped me is is being more mindful and learning meditation and breath

work has really been a game changer for me because when I find that I'm just two in my head, whether it's during sex or during a meeting or during anything when I'm distracted, which is often I'm a highly distracted person, I just focus on breath and meditation, again, another practice which is really important. So the next, so my assignment to you is just to do some mind stuff like, you know, again, like it could be start with five minutes of meditation a day, which will kind of help you, and maybe some breath work. There's a lot of great apps right now that can help you with this. So, but also what I was thinking is in addition to just knowing the practice of breathing and kind of getting out of your head and into your body,

is the next time you have that morning orgasm, my assignment to you is why I wanted to think about or feel actually don't think, but what are you feeling in that moment right after? Because we have kind of a muscle memory. So then when you're having sex with your partner later, you can kind of channel like the state that your body was at then. You could even do it like think about after you're mourning orgasm. Well, where were you doing right before that too? Like because

then you'll become more familiar with what your body is feeling in the morning. Because what happens is your mind's getting all revved up. So if you can kind of channel that and be like Oh, this is exactly how I want to feel when I'm having after insects or evening sex You'll more you'll have more confidence to know that you know and you identify with that feeling so it can take you to that place Without actually it actually having to be the morning. So I would say do that practice and mindfulness is going to help everybody with their sex life and right now to get through everything. Okay, thanks for your question, Beth. Okay, this is from Dynought 32 in Quebec. Hi, Dr. Emily, I just wanted to start out by saying I

love listening to your podcast and learned a lot on how to improve my masturbation game. So my question, I love playing with my nipples while I use my vibrating dildo and vibrating clits simulator. I wanna get more nipple clamps, but I'm afraid to use the metal clamps. Is there a clamp or nipple sucker that I can use but would be soft but still effective? Well, Dina, yes, I can help you with this no problem. So good vibrations has a bunch of nipple clamps.

And first off, the metal ones have little rubber stoppers on them, so it's not like the metal is action on your nipples. But there are vacuum twist suckers, and so it actually uses suction. And that can be really fun for what you're alone, or with a partner, but they are non-motorized. They let you have the feeling of suction centered on the nipples on the neck or other sensitive spots. So I would try their vacuum suckers.

And I think they might have, if you just go to our site, sex lonely.com, they also have silicone nipple suckers. I would say those would be your best bet if you want to stay away from clamps. And I'm so glad that you have learned a lot from the show that makes me so happy. And I really want to, you know, you'd help you improve your masturbation game. And I hope that's a signal for a lot of people listening and you're thinking, wow, I want to prove my masturbation game. Just start playing with your nipples. Bring them into play when you are touching yourself, pleasing yourself. It's a good time. That's how the magic happens.

Remember, you guys, nipple orgasms are a thing, but even if you don't have an orgasm, nipple pleasure is a real deal. And a lot of women don't ever explore it because they don't realize it because they were waiting for their partners to do it. So I say that's a great first step towards mixing up your masturbation game. This is from

AK 40 in Texas. Dr. Emily, I have a 13 year old daughter and I'd like for her to be informed and develop a level of security and confidence about masturbation. I'd like for her to have a better connection with her own body. To feel more empowered by it than I did when I was her age, I wanted to know that she's in control of her own pleasure, and that when she's older and more emotionally capable of engaging in sexual relationship, she knows what makes her tick and can communicate that in healthy manner. What is the best way to approach this?

Is this a conversation best done entirely by me or are the resources, classes, organizations, and I can reach out to you to sign up for them? If you've discussed this prior, please share. Thank you. All right, AK, I love this question because I've been trying to cover it as much as I can on the show. I don't think there's enough resources right now because you know, we're not required to teach sex education in schools.

A lot of parents think it's a one-time talk, like Eric quotes the talk that a lot of us never had and if we did, it was awkward. But the truth is, it's a one-time talk, like air quotes the talk that a lot of us never had and if we did it was awkward. But the truth is, it's an ongoing conversation. So first let me say this, A.K., I love your sensibility here and in reading it, I thought, gosh, I want that for all women. Because so many women of all ages don't know how to control their pleasure. They don't realize that they're emotionally capable of what they're emotionally capable of.

They don't know what makes them take and what turns them on. So I love that if 13 you want to start doing it, I think my, my belief is it needs to start. When our kids are very, very young, just teaching them the proper body parts and, and to make sure that there's no shame around sex and just be open. Now, this is a practice for a lot of parents to do because first off a lot of us never really learned it. No one taught us and we might not know all the answers. I have been a few shows this year which would be really helpful for you. One is with Anne Hodder, H-O-D-D-R. She's a sex educator and we talked a lot about sex education and teens but and most recently I did one

with the Mama Sutra. Her name is Dr. Lene St. John and she wrote a book for parents called Parental Primer, The Talk. And it's about how to talk to your kids about sex. And I think it's a really great book because I mean, we get a podcast together and she talks about how she actually, I went to grad school with her and her kids were young then.

This was like 15 or 10 years ago. And how it really is the kind of thing of, you know, when they're babies and you know, calling the vagina of the vagina, you know, saying this is your clitoris, you know, and also teaching them at a young age about touching themself, a masturbation and consent. And again, it's ongoing, just like you talked to your kids

about a healthy diet and about exercise and about, you know, spirituality and religion. We need to have sex being ongoing things. So without shame and masturbation, letting them know that they're the only ones that are a lot of touch themselves, but, you know, sometimes this can happen and make sure it's private in your room. And also finding things culturally that might happen like on the news or if you're watching a show with them to bring it up and just say, oh, did you see how that sex scene went down or, you know, that actually,

so maybe it's something that you agree with. And you can say, I like this way that this boy just asked this girl out on this teen show. Or did you see that that might be a toxic relationship and kind of pointing out examples in your day to day life that might be applicable to help you tell the story of being sexually healthy person, a sexually healthy young woman or a young man. So the more we can take like cultural references or things that are happening in the news and showing them examples because it's again, the more comfortable we get talking about it. With our kids, with our partners, with ourselves, it does become just as easy as talking about the weather. I promise you. So when you start it with, they're just saying, like, I know this

might be awkward. I realized we haven't talked about it, but I'm here for you as a resource. And, you know, I'm here to answer all your questions. And so you're asking for other resources. There is a book, a website called Scarletine. And I think that's one of the best resources right now. I wish there were more apps. I wish there was more books. I wish there was more for parents right now that made more sense. But I'm continuing to work with other educators

and finding other resources. So I would say just asking the questions, checking out other podcasts and resources and keep the conversation going. So thank you for that. I think that also will help a lot of people. I appreciate it. Thanks to my awesome team.

I love you. Thank you for all your hard work right now and always Ken, Kristen, Elisa, Brian, our interns. And Michael was a good for you. E-Mommy, feedback at sexwithmleab.com. Back at sexwithemily.com.