Sex With Emily - Baby's Got Boundaries

Episode Date: June 10, 2016

Boundaries: we all have them, but how many of us know how to effectively express them? And what should we do when someone crosses the line? On this show, Emily breaks down the importance of communicating your boundaries, all for the good of your relationship.   With Menace’s help, Emily answers listeners emails about discussing your desires with a partner, carefully navigating non-monogamy, plus what to make of your same-sex fantasies. Also: a startling study about how many people are crossing the threesome threshold in real life.   This podcast tackles all types of boundary-related issues, from sexual to emotional to masturbatory and beyond. Don’t miss it!   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Today's podcast, we're talking all things, sex, and relationships. What to make of your bisexual fantasies? How to communicate your deepest desires to your partner? When to talk about sex in a new relationship and navigating non-monogamy. If you've listened to the show the last couple months, you've probably heard we talk about a unique product called the womanizer. A while back the owners of the company asked if they could send me wine to test out, which of course, you know me,

I agreed to it. I own and review a lot of toys and I was fairly confident I've tried every category of product around, but I was wrong. The womanizer was designed in Germany and unlike anything else on the market, it indirectly stimulates the clitoris using suction. It's kind of like a sexy erythomometer. It has a silicone cylinder on the face that you place over your clitoris, kind of like how a partner might use their mouth. And while it's on, you can vary the suction

and move it around to create an amazingly intense experience. In fact, most women in their focus group achieve orgasm in one minute. That's right, a 60 second orgasm. You can just knock it out if you want. So I tried the womanizer, and they weren't kidding. It's amazing. The suction is adjustable, and you can position it

to create so many different sensations. The womanizer is really in the category of its own, and I suggest you check it out for yourself. Go to sexwithmwe.com and click on the womanizer banner for more information. out for yourself. Go to sexwithemily.com and click on the womanizer banner for more information. Thanks for listening. ["Sing With Your Eyes"] Look into his eyes.

Then the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our secret institutions. Been through eyes. They called them in a bag on me. Hey, Emily. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute.

The girls got a hair stand. Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's drinks? And we not talk about sex so much. Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God. I'm off here. I'm so proud. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Aveline's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information go to sexwithemily.com where you can check it out on our podcast.

You can easily subscribe to them. We put up content every day. Read our blogs, watch our videos. It's a party at Sex Family all the time. And also, thanks for subscribing and iTunes and reviewing the show. We have two shows a week. You'll easily get the shows whenever you subscribe.

They just, where do they show it, and it's wherever you put them? Yeah, I mean, wherever you put them. On your phone. It's iTunes library. Yeah, pop up automatically. Have you guys gone on SoundCloud yet? How do we get on SoundCloud?

We should get on SoundCloud. How do we get on that? It's pretty easy. It's easy. Yeah, that's a list, put on a list. Can't do it. SoundCloud. No, SoundCloud's been great.

I've been adding, because of course, I'm part of the Woody show, Warning Show, and Los Angeles, and we podcast too, and we've been using SoundCloud. It's great. We're going to do that. But is it hard due to Show, and Los Angeles, and we podcast too, and we've been using SoundCloud. It's great. We're gonna do that. We need to get you on that. It's hard to do like, apply.

No, no, no. It's, I mean, it's the easiest way to ever post a podcast ever. So we're gonna get you on SoundCloud. Okay, I'm gonna do this on cloud. Before this, before this airs, I need you to log down soundcloud.com slash the sex family. Okay, perfect, done, we'll do it.

Also, thanks for telling your friends about it, so they can enjoy the show, and follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and Snapchat. It's all at sex family across the board and Facebook.com slash sex family. And of course, you should always subscribe to our newsletter because once a week it's not annoying. It's actually really informative and you get some fun tips and discounts. I love that you've embraced Snapchat like crazy. I've been trying to give you for years to embrace a social media Form but I you're loving the snap. Are there a lot of penis pics on there? You're not telling me about penis pics, but I just you know what it is menace it's with my 80 D mind in the moment

I'm always like this is funny. This is funny. Like you know is it? It is but I capture it and I just love it and even almost I still do Instagram But it's just I feel like it's just my life has captured there. Even though it goes away. Yeah, it's cool. And I first, you know, I told this recently, but I think in like 2009, you called me and you're like, Emily, Twitter, get on Twitter, it's amazing. I'm like, what?

And then you were like Snapchat for months. Yeah. And then I watched your story, it's the Woody show, your Snapchat. And I was like, this is so cool. I feel like I know Matt is nice to see him in the morning. I feel like I'm with him, but I'm not with him. And then I was like, oh, I get it.

It's like you make your own little TV show. Like a lot of these, a lot of these little stories are getting more views than actual television shows, which is crazy. That's crazy. Yeah, I love it. And you get to see what goes on life. I can just imagine all this stuff you're snapping.

You don't watch. I don't, I don't, I, I, I'll be completely honest to you. I don't watch anybody's snaps, so don't be offended. Dude. I didn't put something up there. If you were to offend me, you would have been a long time ago. Yeah.

So, yeah, I'm really a snapchat. So follow. I'm really into you. I'm really into listeners. Yeah. I love that. We're sitting here 10, you're 10 plus a few months. And we're here, and people are listening.

And this is our job. It's crazy because, yeah, I never think about anybody listening. I know we expressed this on the show before, but it's just so random once in a while. You meet somebody that listens to the podcast. It's crazy. I give them a hug. Everything sounds like, are you Emily?

I'm like, how, you listen? How, really? How would you fuck? Because I'm serious. Like, you don't meet, like, we're sitting here looking each other. A friend of mine who haven't talked to you in so many years, I posted a picture of us in studio on our Instagram.

That was so nice. And I didn't even know that she listened to the show. Really? Yeah, it's crazy. People listen to me. They listen to you. Woody's. The Woody's.

Okay. Recently that we've had some great shows. We did one that you weren't here. It was really sad, but it was amazing. Yeah. It was called Four Women, Four Organisms. No, it wasn't way better. Four women, four orgasms.

So with the help of my sex zombie team, we went to the four types of orgasms when we can experience, and we provide you little hacks, little tricks, how to have better orgasms. We told you about the toys. It was a really good one to get you there. We loved it. So I wanted to talk to you about something

that's been on my mind. Okay. It's not about you. It's not like a confrontation. It's not like I wanted to talk to you about something that's been on my mind. Okay. It's not about you, it's not like a confrontation. And that's not like I need to talk to you, but it's like we need to talk. Go ahead, talk to me. So remember, I told you, when to San Francisco, a few weeks ago, and I did my first somatic training

with Celeste and Danielle, who there are sex coaches in the Bay Area, and they've been in the show for the last 10 years. And I've really been wanting to, again, in the 10th year, like I want to go back to doing some more training, 10th year, like I wanna go back to, you know, doing some more training and because I feel like every time, you know, you work on yourself, it helps me, it helps my listeners. And so, I've been processing a lot from that.

It was an intense five days, I'm doing it for six months. I go up and say I'm gonna go every month for five days and I'm learning this thing called somatic, somatic. And so one, and the first thing we talked about was boundaries, okay? So do you know about boundaries, like setting boundaries with people and relationships? I mean, I don't set boundaries, but I know it's important to some people. I need to set boundaries. I need help. You do though. You set space. Like who gives a shit?

Like, okay, say how you feel and all that kind of stuff. Or maybe you're better than at setting how you feel in the moment with people. Yeah. I think you might be. Unfortunately though, I think a lot of us in relationships don't necessarily set boundaries sometimes. And by boundaries I mean like, okay, let's talk about a sexual situation. Let's say your partner really is always, let's say your partner is always pressuring you

for a three-some, let's say. And you're like, I really, that is just every time you talk about a three-some, and you bring it up, it just makes you feel comfortable. And I'm like, instead of boundary here, when you talk about these sex acts that you want to do that you know that I'm not into, it makes me uncomfortable. And then, because what happens when people don't

set boundaries and relationships, what happens is that means they're not confronting things that bother them. They let that thing, it could be like a boundary, like when I come home from my, you know, I need you to, um, to give me space when I get off and work because I need to sit, um, and I need to meditate and work out. So that's a boundary like, don't talk to me until I do these things or whatever it is. People often don't set them because there's a lot of reasons in relationships, but often we're afraid our partner might reject us. They won't accept us that we have these limits that we need to take care of ourselves.

And ultimately, I think we're all afraid we're not going to be loved and abandoned. And that's kind of what boundaries are. And I realize I'm not great with boundaries either. I'm sort of even with my think about it. It's not just relationships, but it's like staff. I'm always like, but I'm just so open, right? You have everything is cool. But on the flip side, when you don't set boundaries in relationships, you build resentments.

So for example, let's have in a relationship and he's always like, you know, pressuring me do something I don't want to do or he's constantly not taking out the trash or whatever it is. I'm like, I need you to do these things. Then you build resentments and you don't talk about them. And resentments are the number one killer of relationships.

Oh yeah, cool. It builds and builds and builds. So people need boundaries. In fact, it's kind of like a dog, right? Like if you had no boundaries with your dog, which you probably don't, actually knowing you with your dog, but you have certain things like don't like sleepier

or don't need this. There's no squeaky toys past 8 PM in the house. Exactly, right? Like they like that. They need that and people need it because it helps us to figure out what to do and how to do it better and it makes relationships better. Yeah. So I was thinking a lot about this. it's just one of the many things that my whole mind is opened

and this thing is that, so there's a guy that I just dated recently. I met him actually at this training and he was like, I want to come visit you in where I live, LA, and he lives in San Francisco and I was like, okay, he's like, so yeah, I'll just come, and I can stay with you. And we haven't gone on a date at any time. Yeah. And I said, yeah. And then for a few days I was thinking about it.

And I was like, you know, I'm actually not comfortable with that. It's our first day. He's making this assumption. And I was like, but I already said it, and we'll probably end up hugging up. And I just like made all these excuses, right? Yeah. But I was like, you know what? That and we'll probably end up hugging up. I just like made all these excuses, right? Yeah.

But I was like, you know what? That's actually because the thing about boundaries is we often, the reason we don't set them a lot of times is not because we're being, it's just kind of, it's in your subconscious a lot of times. Like we don't even know why that were bothered. But since I'm so aware, I was like, wait a minute. This is really keeps circling around. I think it's a boundary.

So I texted him. It was like, I would have called, but I texted. I said, listen, I'm really excited for a date, but I think it'd be better. So I texted him. It was like I would have called but I texted. I said listen I'm really excited for a date But I think it'd be better if you got a hotel room and I was like that is a boundary And I felt great. You know what? I mean, I didn't say to him. This is a boundary and he said God You know what you're right. That was awfully presumptuous of me and I will absolutely get a hotel room I can't wait to see you there like it was truly I think he was being casual and it just felt really good that I could communicate my feelings to him and we got closer So I feel like there's a lot of different ways in life that you can do those kind of things like you know

And there's nothing that came up. I was talking to a woman the day and she's like God my boyfriend keeps talking about all His exes and all the sex they're having in the past you like you don't guess what my last girlfriend And if you're partner, you know, that was a boundary for her She was like I don't want to hear about his past sex life like I just don't so she needs to tell partner, you know, that was a boundary for her. She was like, I don't want to hear about this past sex life. Like I just don't, so she needs to tell them, like, you know what I mean? So if there's things in your relationship

that make you feel upset, you don't want to hear about your partner's sexual history, you can express it like in a loving way. And that's what I learned. That's something that I just, like, I learned a million things, but that's one thing I just wanted to share about how I'm growing.

And I think- I know you texting him and saying that against the over. Huge. Wow. I know. I would have saying that against the over huge wow I know I would have been like a pleaser Yeah, what I give said would have it like me but it felt and then I feel like it got us like closer And this is all at my de las luesa lesson Daniel. It's called on somatica If you guys want to know more it's somatica institute dot com is where they teach these classes just it's Blowing my mind. So they're awesome. Just want to say that

Cool. Sure. That's over awesome. Just wanna say that. It's fun to share that with you. What else can I do with you? Nothing, it's just constant travel, San Diego, San Francisco, Las Vegas, probably going to Mexico soon. It's just, it's been crazy. Life is good right now. Yeah, yeah, it's been really great. And thank you for everyone that listens and supports everything that we do. I know it's really amazing. I love you up. I mean, I think that yeah dreams come true

Get to do what I love help both get to and get to see each other all the time. I know right in our new fancy studio Okay, well that fancy it is fancy. It's an office. Okay, so let's get into sex in the news do it Okay, how many people have actually had a threesome? Oh sex in the news. Do it. Okay, how many people have actually had a threesome? Oh, at 1%. Yeah, with so much threesome talk on the interwebs and all up on your Netflix queue, you'd think that everyone is getting their monagetou on these days, but new research shows it's not necessarily true. An actual scientific study of 274 heterosexual couples ages 18 to 24, of 274 heterosexual couples ages 18 to 24, found that 24% of men and 8% of women said they've already had a mixed gender threesome.

Or a manage, which is at least one man, or one woman are involved. So no, the entire world isn't having threesome without you or with you, for that matter. The survey results, which were published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, which I actually trust this source, they did find there's a good portion of men and

women that really did the concept regardless of whether or not they had a threesome. So 82% of men, 31% of women said they're interested in it, which is a little higher than I think it used to be. This is kind of millennials too. They're talking to people to be more honest. Yeah, well they're more honest or maybe just they're seeing them everywhere. Like talking about them, they're like porn and compared to the women, the men reported significantly more positive attitudes and greater interest in mixed gender, threesomes, shock.

Researchers wrote in the study. That's not shocking at all. How many times have you done threesomes? How many threesomes have I had? It's a really good question. How much time do we have? No, I haven't had as many as you'd think. And I still think there's three Sims in my future.

I've probably had about four and a half Four and a half. Yeah, like one was like a boarded like it was like, oh, that's three some that's a board three some abort mission. Oh, wow Yeah Many more or less I feel like variations of a three-sum, but yeah, okay, I Forget I don't want to melt down. I showed About that. Okay another interesting nugget men. Okay, check this men were more likely to want to know the third party Like the the woman that oh instead of some right. Oh, yeah Like you know, he wanted to know who they were while the women said the only care about knowing the other people if they were the partners So the woman was the unicorn like if she was a third. Yeah, that makes sense

She wants to know these other two people but the guy like wants to get to know the chick. We just want to point out that that's where the problems. Exactly. I really want to get to know where she seems so nice when she was giving me a blowjob. Let's take her to lunch. So it's one thing to think of a threesome is hot, but something else to do it entirely. Plenty of people fantasize about having sex with a stranger, but few actually do it. And there's a huge age gap in the percentage of men who said they've added three of them and the number of women. While it's possible these guys are just getting down with women older than the one surveyed or another dude, it's also equally, equally possible

that they're lying about it. But why would you lie if you're taking a sex survey? I get that people want to hide it, but your name is not. Yeah, I mean, it's a person right there taking the information, or are you writing it anonymous? No, no, I'm not. It's millennials. These are millennials, though, 1824. They're more sexually open and fluid, I guess.

They miss the free love area. 1824, there's not that many people. Well, what is the millennial? It matters in your millennial? Yeah How many friends and having three so no but okay, so 20 to 20 Come on over here something here Matt Madison. You're gonna be 26. You're so old. No, no, she's working. She was like 20 What

You're just a you're so grown up. I am. Blooming. Millennials actually are considered to be anyone who was born, I think, in like the 90s who came of age in the millennial area. So too young to worry about Y2K, I think you can. I think you can.

If you celebrated the year 2000 without it, but I'm not sure, like there's, you know, I'm not sure of the specific definition. Wait, no, I think you can. I think you can. If you celebrated the year 2000 without it, but I'm not sure, I'm not sure of the specific definition. Wait, no, I think it's a little bit older than that. Yeah, it's like if you were, I think even like late mid to late 80s. In lower, lower, lower, lower still counts. You're all friggin' millennials in here. Yeah, these are the good millennials, because not they're all bad, but they like strong

work ethics. We grew up with like, I did play outside and I didn't have an iPhone until I was like 13. So I know. But no I did. Yeah, no, you're good. No matter what, you're not like one of, you're, I should go over three some. I had a childhood.

I know. I don't have an out of three some. I'm just tracing my generation. You really should for research. Okay. Now we're going to give a little shout out to the sponsors. Who we love, by the way, and thank you for supporting them. We'll be right back.

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It's great to use on your own or with a partner because it's like fits in the palm of your hand. So if you're ready to join us as part of the Touch Fan Club, head over to sexwithemley.com and click on the touch banner. You'll love it. Okay, everyone, thank you so much for emailing us with all your questions at feedback at sexwithemley.com. We love hearing from you and we love, when you include your name, your age, where you're listening from and

how you listen. But I'm really excited to end, I'm so excited that I can't even speak to introduce a new feature on the show. Starting today, you can call and leave your question for me by voicemail. If your message is selected, we'll leave your question for me by voice mail. If your message is selected, we'll play your question on the show, and I'll answer it live. I'm so excited to do this because a lot of times, there's like, first of all, I wanna hear your voice,

and you know, you can give a little bit more detail. Again, age is so important and helps where you live. But yeah, and by leaving that message, you're giving consent that we can use it, you can change your name though on the message. That's fine. To leave a message call 818-ask-sw1. That's 818-asks-sw1. That's it. It's a voicemail or 818-27 8, 2, 7, 5, 7, 9, 3, 1. Few ground rules, please try to keep your messages

to about a minute. Please don't include your last name or the names of anyone you're talking about and please do tell us your age and where you're calling from. That number again, 8, 1, 8, 2, 7, 5, 7, 9, 3, 1 or 8, 1, 8, ask S-W-E-1. If you go to sexesandme.com, we also have the number. And I can't wait to hear from you.

I wonder if your voice is. I want to get to know you. I'm so excited. I love this. I love this too. Do we tell you this? No, not at all. I love surprising you. Okay. Hey Emily, love the show. I'm a 20 year old girl from England. I would like to say anonymous. I'm completely straight and love my long-term boyfriend. I've had sex with one girl, but it's not for me. However, when I masturbate, and even sometimes when my boyfriend is going down to me, I think about girls with girls. Mainly situations when a girl is having lesbian sex

for the first time. Is this normal? There's absolutely no issues with my boyfriend. I don't fancy girls. Am I alone? Thanks, Brittany. Brittany. Like, not only you not alone, but you're probably joined by like a pretty good, you know, majority of the female population. You're in great

company. It is normal, healthy, and extremely common for women to fantasize about other women during masturbation or even during sex. It does not mean that you want to be with women. And you try it. So, you know that it's not your jam. And this is the interesting thing about fantasies. Because we talk a lot about like, you know, enacting fantasies with your partner, but it's okay to have fantasies

that you actually don't want to happen in real life. That's why there are fantasies. You play them on your head, and how you get turned on, how you get there. You're not cheating on your boyfriend by thinking about it. You've just found something that really turns you on. So nothing to worry about, it's actually really common. I get asked this a lot and I hate the word normal.

So I'm not gonna use it, but let's just say you're in good company. Sexuality is an spectrum. Think of like the Kinsey scale. Not sure if you know what the Kinsey scale, but it's a scale of one to 10, right? And 1 is like heterosexual, like completely straight. And 10, I guess, would be like gay, is that what they called it? Or, um, right? 1 is, yeah, straight, 10 is gay. That's back in the late 50s, right? So women tend to naturally fluctuate on the spectrum. So

the majority of women are not 100% straight. Not meaning that you hook up with women, but that you might or that you actually think about sex in a more fluid way or more fluid. You might have an attraction to women, find them sexy, but it doesn't mean you have to leave your boyfriend. So we're not gonna label you at all. So most women watch female and female porn.

Yeah, I mean, that's actually, it's funny. Not only do women most women watch female and female porn. Yeah, I mean, that's actually it's funny. Not only do women most women watch female and female porn, but a lot of women watch like women having lesbian sex for the first time. So exactly where you're at, baby, here, Brittany, you're just right along. You're calling everybody baby lately. I know, I'm really into it. You're on a baby, Tim. I know, it's better than doing it.

I think I'm letting go of dude. Hello, Emily, my name is Mataeus. I'm 23 years old and I'm from Sweden. I have the most awesome girlfriend and we've been together for a couple of years. The only problem we have sexually in my opinion is that she's not submissive enough. I'm very dominant, so we've kind of compromised

and met in the middle. For the most part, I'm fine with this. There's just one part of it I want to push her limits with, the blow jobs. I'm a huge, huge There's just one part of it I want to push her limits with. The blow jobs. I'm a huge huge fan of deep throating. The perfect blow job is constant deep throating with lots of spit and gagging. The more her face and body is covered with spit and drool the better. Thanks for the graphics.

During our years together she's gotten better. At first her blow dubs were very gentle, but it's become sloppy over the years, which is great. But it seems you've hit a wall. It hasn't progressed any further and she still can't deep-throwed my whole penis. How much can one demand of their partner? How do I further encourage her?

I really like, I feel like I've become annoying, always asking for more and more. We're so close to the finish line. What does it mean, like his penis? Is that one, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. But should I just stop and be happy with this? What do you think? Mateus.

Mateus. Okay, speaking of boundaries, Mateus, it sounds like you need to find out what hers are so you can respect them. Okay? You cannot demand anything of your partner and if you think you're being annoying, I'm feeling like you might be. But it's because you're probably not having a discussion in the healthiest of ways. You're probably going about it in a way that isn't working or maybe you're pissing her off. I'm not sure. But I get that you're being dominant.

But this seems more like you're doing all the pushing here and expecting her to make all the compromises. And perhaps, Mateus, for your sake, I hope she's really into it. But I have no idea if she's not into being submissive, this probably isn't helping her, but you're demanding this of her. It's probably making her feel frustrated and confident, and she's part, you know, who knows, maybe she's got the tip in, and now she's got like, she's already down your, you know,

like, lower shaft, and you're still like, more, baby, more, you know, and so it's not helping, because consensual sex, two ways treat, you gotta both be into it, and it's about pleasing and being pleased. And to me, this seems like it's kind of like a monologue and not a dialogue. So I wanna know, have you explained to her like why you want this and exactly how you'd like it

to be done so she can understand? And she might not even know how to go deeper and how to do better. We've talked a lot about how you can help your gag reflex. I mean, you think every porn star just learned that, like a well-gob, and I was like, my first blow-dobby went down to my stomach.

I remember, no, it doesn't happen that way. So it takes training, and you got to talk to her about it. And also consider this, what if it can't happen? What if she just can't? What if she's reaching her, reached her gag reflex limits? Can you still be with her? I just think you need to like slow it down, ask her what she wants, how she feels about it.

Because I know as a woman, if I kept like doing this and working at it and I knew I was turning it up because we're pleasers, but you're like deeper, deeper, more, I'd feel so feeling frustrated. What do you think, Menace? Oh, I mean, yeah, yeah. How do you think, Menace? Oh, I mean, yeah, I, yeah. How do you even have that conversation? I don't know, you're not the average lady.

Right. Thanks for having me. Who do you think the reaction would be? From if I had a guy who was like, more or more. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, they explained it, they explained what they're totally into like that. Well, here's the thing.

When you think they're responsible. OK, so for do you think? What do you think the responsibility is? Okay, so for me, I think a lot of one of the reasons. If I knew that it was like babe, I think it'd be so hot. If you tick my entire penis and like you put in your mouth and it's so hot to watch your lips around it and like that really turns me on. And like I just love the sound. And like you look so sexy doing it.

And I don't know. That might be interesting to me. I'm like, okay, I'm turning them on. But if you're not telling me that and you're like, that was good babe. Last week you'd only went up to the middle of your throat and the middle of your tip of your tongue and now it's in the back. I just might be confused. I might just be like, when is it not enough?

I don't know how she's reacting either. And she, another thing is, again, there are tips to like opening up. I don't think you're asking for tips here, but there are ways that women can learn it. But again, if you're just like not making her feel good and pleasing her, like, I'm wondering like, what's her fantasies? What does she want? Is she sexually satisfied?

But I just feel like there needs to be more of a dialogue here, just about your sex life. Because it sounds like what I do like Mattias is that you know what you Mattias is that you know what you like and you know this turned you on. Which I think is hot. Like I love a man who knows what he wants.

But I think this I'm just getting a feeling a hunch here that there's not like a two-way street. And let me tell you this a lot of times women some women might not be as aware of what they want. But it might not be as obvious of what they want and bed. It might not be as obvious.

So she might think, well, he knows he wants a deep throat. I'm not really sure. So I think there needs to be some like quid pro quo here. Like, are you going down on her? Are you asking what her fans these are? She might really want to be tied up, but she's afraid to tell you. So like, I would say just if you guys have been together, let me just start talking about it.

Like God, last night was so hot when you had my penis in your mouth, like, what do you want? Like, you know, I'm just starting conversation. But if a guy was like deeper, deeper, more, I wouldn't, I would be like, what about my clippers? Suck my clit down, baby. Yeah. Slam that bitch.

Okay, so, do you hear another email? Yes. Dear Emily, my girlfriend is recently divorced as a my. When she was married, she had a sexual relationship with another woman. This turned into a few engagements with women, but then stopped when she did a baby. This weekend we were discussing how back in college, I found out no girlfriend made out with a guy at a party and I broke up with her. My current girlfriend said, well, if it was another girl, I'd be fine.

You'd be fine, right? And I said, no. She went on to ask, He's very right. She did very exactly. Well, she went on to ask, so if I had a non-emotional, purely sexual relationship with another woman, you'd break up over that.

I reminded her that we talked about this, sex to me, sex to me is sex. If she's having over someone else, I don't see the difference. I'm 15 years older than my girlfriend. So is this a generational thing? Am I wrong? How should I address this? Todd. It depends on... It depends on the person. I don't know. It's actually... We had this discussion between my guy friends and yeah, a very small amount of the guys were like,

yeah man, screw that. That's cheating, blah, blah. But for me, for instance, if my girlfriend wants to have a girlfriend, that's fine with me. Because girls are hot, right? But guys are disgusting. Yeah, you'd be like, great, no penises, you're not talking about other penises,

but would you want to watch or not? Would it be at a contingent upon effect that you could watch? I did have to, no. I wouldn't mandate it. Right, has she been with another woman, do you know? No. Okay, got it. No, and that's funny.

I've actually heard both. I've heard a lot of guys were like, you know what, that's still cheating. And I've heard some, I know a lot of women who have extra, like who are in a relationship ever married or whatever. And they're like, yeah, I hook up with the chicks, he's cool with it. So honestly, there are no rules here.

Like most relationships, you do people think there's all these hard fast rules, but couples can decide what it looks like for them. So in this relationship, you know, nominogamy, he said what nominogamy, or you know, what does that really mean? And so like, yeah, Todd tends your question. Some men are fine with their partners exploring other women, some aren't. So some guys are yeah, Todd Dan's your question. Some men are fine with their

partners exploring other women. Some aren't. So some guys are like, no penis, no problem. You're saying menace. So he wants to have it's a generational thing. He's 15 years older. I think women have been hooking up with other chicks since many a time. I think it's again, it just, it depends on the person. Right. So, but I also get that to you commitment is commitment. Nothing wrong with that. But again, you need to use someone who respects your boundaries, that's the key word today. So here's how you address this.

You know, layout like hard limits. You know, don't say like in the past, I wasn't okay with it. Let her know like babe, I really, like I value monogamy, your idea of monogamy, your idea of monogamy is not being with anyone else regardless of gender, you know, that's that's what your idea is say like I just think we shouldn't be with anyone else and you have to ask her how important is this to you? Is this something that she can live without like if she's never with a woman again, is she going

to be cool with it and listen to her response? This isn't worth threats come in, this isn't where you say well because if you're with another clip, I'm all I'm done. So listen to it and listen to her response. This isn't worth threats come in. This isn't where you say, well, because if you're with another clip, I'm all, I'm done. So listen to it. And then I think this will open up a great dialogue for you guys about your sex life and where you want to take it. Because the truth is a lot of relationships involve your partner disappointing you.

And it's okay to be disappointed. That's how relationships improve and grow. And then you move through the disappointment or you move through these situations, you become stronger. Because what you could do is just not bring it up again and then every time she's flirting with her friend, like with a friend, you'd be like, I wonder if she's going down in her. So here's the thing, if she decides that she does need this in a relationship,

it's better to know now, right? I don't know. I always say when you learn something in a relationship like so glad you knew now rather than later, because then you'd start to build resentments over it and we all, you know, now you know where the other one stands. And I think you're handling it a really healthy way. So this could be an ongoing conversation. She might not know. Well, let me think about it. No more of a join us. You know, I don't know, but it's a great conversation to have and to open up the dialogue and see what it means for your relationship. So I like it.

What do you think? Menace. I can't agree with you more. I love that. We're so much alike. Okay, one more email. Okay. Hello, Emily.

My name is Josh and I've recently started dating a wonderful woman who's a bit outside of my normal age range. I'm 27 and she's 38. We have great chemistry and things seem to be going really well, but I'm unsure how to approach her about having sex. We've been on a handful of dates and have decided to be exclusive, but since it's only been a few weeks, I'm unsure if it's the right time to start asking her about her sexual preferences and desires. Do you have any advice for a man in the situation? I don't want to come off as a guy just looking for sex,

but I also don't want to leave her one and come sexually attractive either. I love the show and I hope you can provide some great advice. Keep up the great work, Josh. Oh, I mean, what? I don't know, like, trying to have a conversation about it is kind of, I think that's gonna kind of weird her out and make her run away.

I think you should just like go for it and see what happens. And then later on, you can have discussions on like, what she likes and doesn't like, you know? I know you're like being thoughtful and things like that, but, no, no. Yeah, you just get a wanna go. She's falling into the friends zone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like already in the friends zone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah like that, but. No, no. Yeah, you just get a wanna go. She's falling into the friend zone.

Yeah, yeah. She's like already in the friend zone. He's got like one foot in the friend zone. You're gonna wanna make the move. You wanna make out. Yeah, you gotta. He's a made the move. Because people like you.

Don't get in the friend zone. I've been there. It sucks. I hate it. I hate the friend zone. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,. You wanna be friends with her, cool, you think she's a cool person. If you're into, you wanna have a relationship with this person and do more than just be friends,

then you should find out right now and not waste any of her time. You only live once, you could die out in the street the next day. You could hit by a right-aid joke. Right. Sucks. Totally sucks. And I just

feel like guys overthink this. They overanalyze. And if you're like me, then she'll like, and then if she doesn't like you, who cares? And you know what? There's a bunch of other women out there. I'm in the room with two women right now. Right. There's more out there. There are so many women out here. I'm saying, well, Madison's not, but you know, hey, but here's the thing is that she's gone in multiple dates with you. She wants to be Exclusive, you know, she wants to be exclusive. That what she said. Wait a minute. They're exclusive. He said that there are You're exclusive, but they haven't had sex. Am I confused? No, no, no, okay So you just said there's been two shiv about

Grabber make out with her. You got to just like throw it on the bed or something I mean, I understand that you want to talk about sexual preferences and desires. First, you got to have sex. First, you got to kiss her. I mean, I don't think it's ever soon to start talking about sex, but it's kind of an imperative sex already. Yes. It's like talking about the meal you just have when you didn't cook it yet, right?

And so if the chemist who's there just let it happen, you're going to figure out your way over analyzing this. And she's older than you. Great. She probably knows what she wants and she'll, you know, show it to happen. You're gonna figure out your way over analyzing this. And she's older than you, great. She probably knows what she wants. And she'll, you know, so it's me. She's probably wondering what you're waiting for. Yeah, she's like waiting and waiting.

And you could phone the friend's phone. So just keep going here with this Josh. And then you could start to talk about it. And it seems like she's probably was open to it. So I mean, you're very thoughtful though. And I like that you're thoughtful about this bigger thinking too much. Get out of your head.

Get into your pants. I don't usually tell guys it's usually they're in their penis and I tell them to go to their brain. But yeah, get out of your brain. Get out of your head, get into your pants. I don't usually tell guys it's usually they're in their penis and I tell them to go to their brain, but get out of your brain. Get out of your brain, man. Go into the boners. Okay, that's all we got. Time for Menace, my love.

That's such a great show. I know, there's a great show. Fun, quick, a little quickie. A little quickie. Mm-hmm, but it's great. A little quickie every once in a while. I'm sure you do. I do, menace.

Okay. Well, follow Emily on Snapchat, because she's all about it. Sex with Emily, one word. Instagram, Facebook, all that. Instagram I do, menace. All right, well follow Emily on Snapchat because she's all about it. Sex with Emily, one word. Instagram, Facebook, all that. I'm at menace and E and A C E. If you love Vegas like I do, I do have an other Instagram is called Vegas Foodie Guy.

Check it out if you like food. Right, and my dog show. My dog show, my baby. My baby. Thank you, menace. I love, love, love you. Thank you, producer Madison. My dog, Cheryl. My baby. My baby. Um, well, thank you, man. I'm sorry. I love, love you. Thank you, producer Madison. Thank you, Laurie and Jamie.

Oh, and also, follow us on YouTube. We'll be doing some killer videos. Oh, sweet. Right about that. Okay, everyone, thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithendly.com.

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