Sex With Emily - Bad Boys, Bondage, and Afternoon Delight

Episode Date: December 31, 2016

The year is coming to a close, but the sex talk is still going stronger than ever! On today’s show, Emily is joined by Producer Madison to share some spicy sex tidbits and help you through your bedroom and dating conundrums. Is your stalling sex life in need of a jumpstart? Are you wondering how to break out the handcuffs in the bedroom? Maybe you’re unsure on how to change up your “bad boy” dating routine when you’ve finally found Mr. Nice Guy. Whatever your qualm, Emily has the advice to get you pointed in the right direction. Plus, she reveals what time of day your girl is most likely to climb to her sexual peak! So check it out and pay attention! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, we're tackling some of your most pressing love and sex questions. Wondering how to bring handcuffs into your four-player team? What's the best way to fix a sex life that's become a little lackluster? And is there a right way to do a nice guy after a string of bad boys? Plus tips to make standing up sex more orgasmic. All this and more, thanks for listening. When listeners ask me about how to change things up in the bedroom, a lot of times they

mention that they always wind up having sex in the same position. They want to know what else they can try. And the truth is, some of the most exciting positions can be difficult to stay in for extended periods. You want to pay off of an amazing orgasm for all your hard work, but it's not always easy to do. Enter Sport Cheats. Sport Cheats has made sexual positioning one of their top priorities, and frankly, no one does it better. One of their star players is the door jam sexling. The name kind of says it all. It's a strong nylon sling that hangs from almost any door. One partner suspended in a comfortable

seat with their legs held up by the stirrup straps. This gets your partner in the perfect position for upright sex with you standing in front of them or vice versa. Opening up all new possibilities for more pleasure. If it sounds complicated, trust me, it isn't. We just shot a short video demonstrating it. Check it out at sportcheats.com slash Emily. The door

jam sex link is totally safe, very comfortable and easy to use. It creates a whole new level of control and pleasure. In fact, it's so comfortable. We have one hanging on the door of our studio now. Sometimes we just hang out in it, read, answer emails, you get the picture. To see me demonstrate the sling and to order one for yourself, visit sportcheats.com slash Emily. That's SPOR T-S-H-E-E-M-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-Lcom slash Emily. That's spo-r-t-s-h-e-e-t-s.com slash Emily. And use code Emily at checkout to save 20%. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that block our sacred institutions, bedroom eyes, they call them in a bike on day.

Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, but only? What do you mean, like laundry?

It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so gone. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemlead.com because it's so easy when you go there. I don't know if you've checked it out, Laley, but we updated every day.

We work really hard, updating and we work hard. We do work hard, but the content, I think you'll love it. We have great blogs and posts and videos. And check it out. And when you get there, we make it so easy to subscribe to all the cool, sexual and we stuff across the board, our newsletter, social media. Most importantly, subscribe to the podcast. I guess it's all important.

Social media, it's all at sexual and we cross the board. We have a store on our website because you know I talk about a cool stuff, and you can find it all there. And yeah, that's what I got for you. I hope you all had a great, happy holidays, great holidays, whatever it is that you're doing or celebrate. I am here with Madison, producer Madison.

Hey guys. Hi. Hi, how you doing, honey? Doing great. Doing great. Yeah, we're in Armin, Hanukkah and Kwanza. Hanza, Kwanza, Kwanza, still thing, yep. So I don't mean, I just mean years ago, it was all about Kwanza. Yeah, we're in aren't we in Hanukkah and Kwanzaa right now? Kwanzaa Kwanzaa still thing. Yep. So I don't mean I just mean years ago was all about Kwanzaa. Yeah, and now there's about so many other things. Kwanzaa is still a thing. Of course it is, but people still get angry. Yeah, and now it's like

Kwanzaa already in, but now there's other people are just like it's all to me. Yeah, you don't even can't say happy Christmas, happy Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, happy Kwanans, that it's more like just the generic happy holidays, I think you have to do across the board. Yeah, I told you, it's the Christmas cup of holiday greeting, right? It is. However, I have to say that this year, I did pick a lane.

And we picked, I picked the Christmas tree, the Christmas lane. Yeah, you went full Christmas. We went full Christmas. Like Christmas threw up in here. It's awesome. Christmas threw up in our office, and it is the best experience in my life.

I've never had a Christmas tree. I grew up with that one because we were deprived. No, I was Jewish going up. I guess I still am some ways. But it's just fun. We got the lights. We've got the fake snow. We've got the ornaments.

I went crazy. I kind of, you know, the dollar store threw up all here all of our tree. It's fun. And kind of, you know, the dollar store threw up all here all of our tree. It's fun. And we did a fun video that you can all check out. Yeah. It's love from the, it's a quality video

from the Sex Family family. It should be up on YouTube, on our website, on Instagram, I'm sure you'll find it. You look hard now. That was fun. So, and then we went to an ugly sweater party with our friends at System Joe. We crashed.

That was gonna say, we invited ourselves to their holiday party. They were like, oh, I think we're going to ice skating and we're like, can we come? Right. We love them. Okay, you guys know we love the guys from the Jolube. So yeah, we were dinner with the guys and they're like, oh, our holiday party. So they got a big company and they're like, we're going ice skating. It's an ugly sweater party.

I'm like, we'd like to come to that place. We were in. I'm like, okay, yeah, you can totally come. I mean, they like us. And then the next day, after I did it, I was like, great to see you guys, hope to see you in the new year. And I'm like, what, back up,

I'm getting my ice skates like sharpened right now. Like, we are so in, like, oh yeah, come. So we went to ice skating. And it was, well, half ice skating. Apparently, I read the invite wrong. I thought it was five to nine skating. It was five to eight. So we spent the first few hours drinking.

And then at like seven, 50, we went down to the ring, thinking, oh, okay, let's go skating. And I met this very cute boy. He was on my Snapchat, but I can't where his name now. But it's gone. That's the thing about Snapchat. But he helped me with my skates. And he was cute. And we got on that rink, which I can't where his name now. But it's gone, that's the thing about snapchat. But he helped me with my skates and he was cute. And we got on that rink, which I haven't been in a year.

I grew up skating in Michigan. And we had some fun there. But then all of a sudden, my BFF, I skated boyfriend, I was like, get off the ice. I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, well, we got the hockey players coming out. I'm like, I just got you just fitted my skates for an inappropriate 20 minutes. That's true. Why did I take that long, well, we got the, you know, the hockey players coming out. I'm like, I just got, you just fitted my skates for an inappropriate 20 minutes.

That's true. Why did it take that long? And then we got kicked off. But it was fun, the eight minutes that we skated. Yeah, there's a picture, or there's a video. It should be, it was on Snapchat, but I have it. I'm gonna post it on Instagram. So that hopefully, just by the time this comes out,

we get some moves. Yeah. Oh my gosh, you can see me just kind of, I'm so proud of myself for being upright. and I'm like really, like in the video, which Jamie took, I'm like coming around the corner and I'm leaning down, like I'm a friggin' speed skater but I'm going like negative two miles per hour and Emily comes right past me,

twirls right in front of me, what a show off. I did a stop, yeah I did a stop, that was fun. We've had a good holiday season, we've had a great year here at TechSendly. So thank you everyone for just being a part of the show, supporting us. Yeah, I did it as tsh, that was fun. We've had a good holiday season. We've had a great year here at TechSendly. So thank you everyone for just being a part of the show, supporting us. I love love hearing, you know, getting your emails

and running into on the street. And just see the middle of the street, walking around, wall greens, wherever it is. Just say hello when I, please do say hello though. Some people I say like, don't say hello. Like, I love seeing you, I love media. It's been a fabulous year. Don't you say that? Don't you think? I mean, well, overall the year has been terrible, but here at Sex Semely, I think it's a lot. Well, right. For the state of America, the state of

the world, ate so pretty. We have to, that's why we had to get extra Christmas lights this year and make it as festive as we can in these walls of the Sex Family Office, which I think we're doing. So we also, the other thing I want to mention is that like, I'm just so getting off on Facebook live. I have never been so happy. I don't know what it is about it, but it's just like, I don't know, it's so natural, it's fun.

We sit in the office. I don't know if you guys have checked out all the live stuff, but that they do on Facebook and they're kind of pushing it now. They're like, sexual families live. But you should check it out because you can answer, ask me your questions in real time. And you also kind of get to meet the whole team. And we show you some of the fun things we talk about in here. Some fun toys.

Madison tied me down with a sports sheets doggy strap. Yes, we did the, we demonstrated the G-spot link. And then also the one before that, we did the doggy style strap. Yes, we did the we did the the G spot link demonstrated the G spot link and then also the one before that we did the Doggy style strap. Oh, I think you should get participant. Yeah, I know. I'm always right there. I'm like, all right, Emily on all fours. Let's do this. It's fun. It's very Very much what goes on in the office all the time. It does actually go all the time and you should also not you should You don't have to do anything, but if you if you like our page or um, you'll see the videos already there That's what I also love. Mm that it lives on forever. So you can check it out too and there's a lot of useful information and it was a good time. So that's a highlight of me for the year of mine.

Would you like to join me some sex in the news? Yes, I would absolutely love to. And that's just the end of sure. Of course. Thank you for joining. What is it? TTF? Join me on page four. As soon as Madison and I are going through things like I'm showing up, she'll, please join me on page four. So now it's Madison and I are going to do things like I'm sure we'll check You please join me on page three. It's like I feel like we're what must be like in church. Yeah, totally I'm yeah, like four. We'll start with the him of David There's the song of hand jobs some of hand jobs right exactly Okay, Uber officially declares no you can't have sex in Uber

So last week Uber announced a new set of community guidelines to help riders and drivers better understand what's expected of them every time they get in a car. Or to put it another way, help riders and drivers better understand all the really bad behaviors, you know, like throwing up in the back seat after too much alcohol, you get kicked off the app. For people in the US, that includes a damaging,

that includes damaging a driver's property, inappropriate and abusive language or gestures, breaking the law, like seatbelt, open containers, unwanted contact with the drivers, after the drivers over, and the big one, there's no sexual contact with drivers or fellow riders, no matter what. So, you know, I guess it makes sense given their troubling history with rape and sexual assaults, but I think that there So, you know, I guess it makes sense given their troubling history with rape and sexual assault. But I think that there's, you know, how many tipsy couples are in the back of Uber kind of like, I guess you can make out,

since you can't have like PV sex, P and Trayv sex. That makes perfect sense. And I want them my car. Good for them for taking a stand. Like, we need to go Uber. You work on it. But I gotta be honest,

people do good, my friend got kicked off Uber, not my friend, a friend of a friend of a friend. One of my best friends, friends, friends. She, I mean, I know her, but I'm not, I don't love her, but she's figure she got kicked off Uber, but she, she was like parting in the back. But Uber, I think she was drinking like kind of like in a flask or something.

And he's like, you're never riding a Uber again. And like sure enough, like she keeps readown only the app, change her name, like black list of them Uber. So don't mess this up. With Uber, when you're done, you are done. You're done, yeah. You'll never get a ride in this town again.

At least there's less. There's less. Thank God, but don't kick kick off both of them because then you'll just be like walking for hours. So everyone pay attention to that. Also, this is the time of day, your girlfriend is new story here. The time of day, your girlfriend is most likely to have an orgasm. Not in a new birth.

Not in a new birth, okay? Illegal. You need a ride. Don't do it. You need a designated driver that's Uber. Don't have an orgasm there. However, despite the long-held theory that morning time is the right time for great sex,

hormone expert, Alisa VT, says the real magic hour for women at least is 3 p.m. figures. She told the Daily Mail, which is kind of a sucky time, that around that time women have high levels of the hormone cortisol, which makes them more energetic and alert. Around the same time, men have been increased to estrogen, the female hormone that's also found

to men, which she says make us more emotionally present during sex, up the foreplay in other words. Problem with this? Anyone see the problem where we're going? Since testosterone builds overnight, men are at their horniest in the morning. I'm sure you've all had a dick in the back, if you know what I'm talking about,

when the stuff is basically stockpiled in their bodies, meaning the optimum times don't match up. Thanks a lot in nature. Sadly, the 3pm slot isn't particularly practical for either sex unless you happen to have a very cool boss or no job, which I have a cool boss. Yeah. If your, if Wes was like around, you'd be like, I'm, I'm feeling it, go home. I would let you at most bosses would not give you a sex break. That's true. You'd be like, all right, here's some lube. Try out this new sex sl like, I'm feeling it, go home. I would let you, but most bosses would not give you a sex break. That's true. You'd be like, all right, here's some Loub. Try out this new sex sling. I'm gonna need you to come back with a full review.

Like, but no, I think this pisses me off though because like as if there weren't enough libido, you know, challenges between the sexes, you know, now we find like the perfect magical time to have sex and orgasms for women and second and possible time. But for men, shock, it's in the morning. The morning's always going to happen.

You're going to wake up with your partner. We didn't really use study to know that, but it's just sort of, yeah. And now it's unfair. Once again, we're just getting the short end of the stick. Oh great, so my hormones peak right in the middle of the day, usually right around the middle of a podcast that we're recording. Right. And what am I going to do with that? Meanwhile, my boyfriend is like waking up and he's ready to go.

And I'm like, if you touch me with that thing, I'm going to take it from you and I'm not going to give it back. Exactly. I'm sleeping. Exactly. I hear you. We've got the tools here. It also is in three times of time when you want like a chocolate break.

They would say like, does this before your time that the Snickers break at three? Was that before? That was I think that was before my time. I know with Kit Kat, it was like, give me a break. Maybe it was a Kit Kat break. Yeah, it was a Snickers break. And then with Snickers now, it's that thing where it's like, you're not you when you're hungry.

And it's like, they totally coined the market on the hangry thing. Oh, but like, if you get someone Snickers when they're hangry, they're gonna have a blood sugar crash. They're gonna meet even meaners. Yeah, that's really bad marketing. I know, I'm upset about it. But okay, so the Kit Kat break I'm thinking about is like when it comes to women versus, you know,

when it comes to sex versus chocolate. Yeah, they're gonna choose chocolate. So even if this is the time, it's just not gonna work. It's like piss me off. Yeah, break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar. Exactly. Exactly. 3 p.m. They're with Santa Claus women will choose like, you know, phones over sex and chocolate over sex. Yeah, 3 p.m. Of course we are. I will choose like, you know, phones over sex and chocolate over sex. Well, yeah, 3 p.m. of course we are. I will say though, afternoon sex is some of my favorite sex. Like, on the weekend. Yeah, like on the weekends, yeah, I just wanna wrap the afternoon.

But like on vacations and stuff, like that's like the best is like afternoon, you know, afternoon sex, you take a nap after. I love that. It's not so nice. And if you're somewhere tropical and warm and the breeze. The window's open.

That's like the only thing what I've ever been able to conjure up. Like what's my fantasy or like what's my ideal sex situation? It's like in like maybe a hotel room or something that's like filled with whites I can't live in an apartment that has white things in it. I'll just store them. Like at a hotel like white bed spread,

white curtains open, billowing, and like the sun peeking through. Like that just sounds delightful to me. That sounds erotic. Yeah, no good. We're working on, so we've been working a lot this year and talking a lot about fantasies. And how important it is for women to really,

I think a lot of women don't naturally gravitate towards a specific fantasy, some do. But it's really an important part of having a healthy sex life. And for a lot of women who struggle with getting in the mood and arousal, if you can somehow cultivate, you know, what turned you on, so it's kind of fun.

Like you can be like, oh wow, I don't really know, but let me go exploring. So we've talked about this. So Madison, that's something you've come up with. Yeah, it's just like what I think about, but what makes me want to have sex? What conditions would be prime for me to have sex? That's what I think of.

And even if you're not in the Bahamas with you can still think about it. And it might get you turned on. Yeah, my little West Hollywood apartment, all of a sudden, is like a cabana. You should get one of those sound machines that make the waves. I would love that. They have apps also on your phone that like my boyfriend and I started doing it because like I really like the sound of rain. And he didn't know that about me, but it was raining one night and I was like, it's so relaxing, I can just fall asleep. And he's like, well, instead of listening to Netflix

and Buffy every night, why don't we do a sound machine? Not as good as Buffy, too. But, so nice. Sound machine, do you use it now? Sometimes we do. I don't know, I could kind of like take it or leave it. I like the sound of talking in the background, so it's really bizarre.

Wow, I have a sound machine, right? I just do the white noise, like, shh, that's like a nightmare. You know, I'm like scary gracious. No, I have a sound machine, right? I just do the white noise. I was like, shh. That's like a nightmare. You know, I'm like scary gracious. No, it just blocks everything out. I'm like, I don't want to hear it. Like seriously, like stuff could be going on, earthquake. Because I'm breaking in the airport, man.

You know it. It doesn't matter. Steel on my stuff, I'm sleeping through it. So that's it. OK, let's take a quick break. Give a shout out to our lovely sponsors. And thank you everyone for supporting them. You know we have tried and tested everything we talk about

and we love it, so we hope you will too. We'll be right back. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ All right, people, it's time to introduce you to something that combines two of my favorite topics, oral sex and lube. If you're not a fan of going down, I mean no judgment. This is going to change the game for you. It's the brand new Jolato collection of

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Go to my site, click on the gelato banner or go to my store to shop the complete selection of Joe Lubricans. There's a formulation for every occasion. Trust me. So if you're ready to be dessert, order some gelato for yourself at sexwithenley.com today. Okay, guys, we're onto your emails. If you have a question, you'd like me to answer on the show. I love that. You know, I love it. But it's so easy now because you just go to the sex with Emily

website and you click on Ask Emily tab, fill out the form, hit submit, boom, that's it. We get it. We get your message also though. There's an option now. You can say call. I want to be called. And this means we're not going to just like call you in the middle of the night. It means that call I want to be called. And this means we're not going to just be like calling them in the middle of the night. It means that you'd like to be considered to be a call and guest on the show, in which case I can get into your problems. We can go deep. I can ask you all those questions that sometimes your emails just don't provide. And I think we go a lot farther, a lot faster getting you solutions to your sex pups. Like, you know, it's like getting really to the bottom of it and helping you out with your relationship

and sex lives. And we've tested out a few of those shows and I think they're fun. They're doing well So um, they're all on iTunes or however you listen Spotify soundcloud Stitcher and you know in all those apps when they're like rate us I hate when they do that sometimes it's annoying like literally like every app. Will you rate me? But I do it because like I have my kaggle camp app, but I rate them, but you could also, while you're there, if you listen to saxophone, you could give us a rating. You could also leave me a voicemail, which is another way just to mix it up, because again, I love reading your emails, but I also

like hearing your voices. So 818, ask SWE1, 818, 27579, through one, just leave us a voicemail. And we can answer out the show. It's nice to hear you. I feel like you're so close. I love it when you include your name, your age. You have to be a fake name at school. Where you live and how you listen.

Yeah, another interesting point too, is that we get a ton of emails. It's like impossible for us to answer every single email. When you leave a voicemail, you have such a better chance of getting, like, an answer on the podcast, because we're always looking for emails. We're like thirsty for them, you know?

Obviously not for like, oh, yeah, the voicemails, not like in a creepy way, but we want them. And so when they come in, we use them like immediately. So it's a really good way. If you have a question that you need answered, yeah, exactly. Because we're doing shows every week. If you're like, damn, because we get a lot, that's a really good point. I never thought of it before. I was like, oh, hey, it's easy. And you can like, we recorded because we get a lot, that's a really good point. I never thought of it before. I was like, oh hey.

Yeah, it's easy. And you can like, rerecord it, if you don't like it, you know what I'm saying? But like, it's good to sometimes maybe have a written out first, but we don't care, just leave us a voicemail. We can add it you down too. But we don't, you know, you don't have to go too long. Yeah, try and try and keep one on earlier.

But, yeah, that was a good point, Madison. Very smart. That's why she's in charge. Okay, so, how about some emails? Yeah, let's do it. Okay. Hello, Emily, a fellow Michigander here. My boyfriend and I have been together about a year

and our sex life has been great. A few months ago, I bought a pair of handcuffs for us and he seemed pretty excited about it. However, we've yet to use them. We're both into pretty rough sex, but we haven't bought any toys into the bedroom and I want to. I bring it up during four play, but we always seem to skip right to the sex and pass over

the toys. Should I bring this up to them outside the bedroom? Heather age 28 Michigan. Valoma Shagander. That's what she meant by that. We're both from Michigan. Okay. So, um, so she wants to buy handcuffs, but they also have a broadening toys or handcuffs, right?

No, she has handcuffs. She just hasn't been able to actually incorporate them into sex. Or the toys, right? Okay, Heather, this is a great question, because I think like, you know, improving, I guess, enhancing your sex life for couples comes down to a few things, be able to talk about it.

You know, hey, let's try something fun, but then when you actually make those steps, you're like, buy some handcuffs, buy some toys, everyone's like, no, what? Do I just like plop it in the middle of the bed? You know, hey, we're getting down. There's my toy. You know, we did a show once,

where we were doing scripts, I think it's a while ago. It was so fun. I was so big about this new toy. I think Madison, I would say. Yeah. So it's funny. So that's a great question. And so he's excited about the handcuffs, and so, but you're yet to use them, Madison, I would say. Yeah. So it's funny. So that's a great question.

So he's excited about the handcuffs. But you're yet to use them. Because in your mind, Heather, you might be thinking, well, I brought the handcuffs. Why is he just picking them up? Here's the thing. It's a new behavior. And so there's a lot of judgment. There's a lot of like, I think just every time we learn something new, we get anxious about

it. We're a little nervous. If we're going to do it right, he might not know what to do with handcuffs. Like, do I, like, she walks in? And then I just like, do I tie them together overhead? Do I tie them back? Like, literally, these little things.

And by going to look funny, are we going to laugh? Oh my god, there's so, yeah, there's so many reasons like when you're in the moment. And besides, also couples get stuck in a routine, right? So it's like, he might not even be thinking about it. Like, it might not occur to him in the moment. Like, oh, hey, we have handcuffs. He's like, let's do it.

Right. Because you're out of the moment. So here's what I suggest about the handcuffs. Heather, this is what you should do. Next time, I don't know if you guys live together or next time you know you guys have date, say, babe, I can't wait to see you tonight. And I want to use those handcuffs.

I can't wait for you to use those handcuffs. I mean, done. So maybe you're even, you know, waiting for them, you know, getting ready for it comes, feeling good. Maybe you masturbate, take a bath, sexy, feeling good about yourself. And he walks in, he maybe got some wine ready, and then you got those handcuffs

and they're laying out right there on the counter, okay? There's no way to avoid it. He's already planted, you's already planted the seed, and then he might kinda like uncomfortable still. That might not be enough, but now the seed's planted. So then you go in the bedroom, and maybe he's excited to see you

because you look so hot, Heather, and then the handcuffs are still sitting there. It's on you, Heather. Don't think, oh, but he doesn't want to do it. Just know he wants to, but he doesn't know exactly how to. So you grab the handcuffs, you bring them into the bedroom, and you can just be like hold your hands

Like maybe you want to lay on the bed hold your hands behind and say like tie me up And that's how you do it and then you know from there, you know Maybe you want to use a blindfold and you could just say like do whatever you want to me or talk dirty to me or speak I don't know what your fantasy is But it's important with this too, to explain to him maybe even in the moment or in the text, I imagine you coming home and tying me up and doing whatever you want to me

and not letting me come until I beg you for it or something like that. Yeah, I know, totally. Like, explain the scenario to him, like spell it out. Sometimes it's just they need to know. Give him a script. Yeah, guys, spell it out. Sometimes, like, it's just, they need to know. Give him a script. Yeah, guys are not only not mind readers,

they're also often not good at taking hints either. No. And they like it when you lay it out. They're like, they enjoy it when you're like, baby, tonight, I want you to handcuff me to the bed and I want you to do whatever you want to me. He is not gonna be like, no, let's have regular sex since they're gonna eat that shit up. He's gonna handcuff you bed, handcuff you bed. Like, he is not gonna be like, no, let's have regular sex instead. He's gonna eat that shit up.

He's gonna get up too bad. He's gonna get it. He's gonna get it. He's gonna screw dinner. Let's do it now. It's just those little tweaks and bads and that's such a good point that we always say men are not mind readers, but like, yeah,

even hints don't work. I think that men and women, we get super frustrated because I hear from you guys all the time. We're like, well, I told him, well, I told her, and even if you told him three times, four times, think about how long it takes to try something new or to learn a behavior. How many times you've joined a new gym and you haven't gone. Like, you know what I mean?

Like, all the new things we want to do, we just don't do it because we get set in our ways. So as much as you can help them along and not blame your partner and make assumptions if they don't want to. So help them along here, Heather. I think that's a great thing. Another great solution to this, which I've done on my bed. I've had them there for like three years now. Ooh, I have to remember to take them

and moving this weekend. Oh my gosh, the mover's gonna come. The mover's gonna come. And that matters. Okay, so I have these sport sheets make these under the bed restraints. And they're the coolest things ever because so you guys have heard me talk about sport sheets. They're Velcrocoffs. under the bed restraints. And they're the coolest things ever because,

so you guys have heard we talk about sports eats, they're Velcro coughs. So by the way, they're like, no keys, no fuss. Like if you can't work Velcro, we've got other problems. And it's cut there. So you put it on your bed, they can hide. But you just pull out the coughs.

You don't need like any kind of special canopy bed or a headboard. And they're always there. And you can wrap them on your hands and your feet and they're just ready to go. I love those and I just like, oh, look what I have and I pull them out. So I love all the sport sheets,

coughs and some of those are great. Same thing with the toys. If you haven't used toys yet, go sex, toy shopping together. Tell them what you think is really hot. You live in Michigan. What are the stores in Michigan? Lovers Lane I think is in Michigan.

I'm not sure where you are, but you could even go online shopping to my store. Yeah, we went on the sex, let me say. Order some stuff together. Also, okay, this is what we're so excited about. We have something called Unbound Box. And this is just great for couples who want to spice it up. We just started like a few months ago.

It's a sex with Emily, okay, it's called Unbound Box, and it's a monthly subscription box. And, or it's every other month, you're every two-tenth-team. No, three months. Okay, every three months, you're gonna get this box, right? So think about this.

You've been wanting to spice things up, and obviously you get a box and has everything you need. So, in this box, you have a Wevibe Tango, which is, which we're obsessed with. It's such a great, literal vibe. It just like every time bam, bam, bam, because it's waterproof, it's amazing. We've got the Joe Natural Love USDA Certified Organic

Personal lubricant. You might not care about all that stuff, but we love it. It's a great loop. And then before, during and afterments, which are great for like, spicing up a blowjob for kissing during foreplay and the Jimmy Jane afterglo massage candle, which is a luxurious mind candle. And then you have secret notes that I wrote to you. I wrote you little notes that are like, okay, this is

perfect for you. If you don't know what to say and what to ask for, I've given you suggestions that you can hand to your partner and you can slip them in their wallet or in their, you know, in their, they don't have briefcases anymore. I don't know. I don't just slip them in the wallet or in their briefcases anymore. I don't really slip them in their hipster messenger bag. Hipster messenger bag. Then bidets, they clean your off, like little white bees, and then sports sheets started cropped, if you were a little spaking.

That's a pretty cool box. And it changes every few months. Yeah, totally. So check that out. Anyway, that's it on my website. I'm nice going off on that. I wasn't even going to mention it. But anyway, it's called Unbound Box on our website. So and it's also cool and like showing you kind of

what you like and what you don't because you get this box and it's got these things you've never had a vibrator before. So now you have a vibrator and you've got a writing crop and then you can be like, you know what? Like I didn't love I didn't love those men's that didn't feel as good, but you know what I would like and it kind of gets sparks that idea, right? That's a flowing. Exactly. And this way, you don't even have to go, like if you're like, oh, I don't know,

it just came in the mail. You know what I mean? I didn't pick the crop. So yeah, it's a great way to explore. But Heather, I think you're good here. He's on board and excited. So just gotta push him along. Totally.

Okay. Hey Emily, I'm 23 and I've had a few partners before my current girlfriend. I took her virginity and the sex just seems lackluster to me. I want to bring it up to her and I've spoke with her about it vaguely, but I'm not sure how to start a full on conversation about it. Maybe I'm perceiving as being not as good as my other partners and I know I should cut her some slack.

She openly tells me she wants me to tell her how to make it better, but I don't want to be the coach in bed. I listen to your show all the time and would appreciate hearing your response on the air as I know a few of my friends Who also listen and have a similar issue? Thanks in advance Mitch age 23, Canada Hi, Mitch, hi, Mitch's friends. I love that. And you guys if you like the show tell your friends. It's fun Also, nothing I was going to tell Heather. Heather, is that she should listen to the show with your partner or everyone should. It's been a great tool again. You don't have to on your own.

Talk about stuff, but like I'll tell you what to do. Yeah, I will. I will say, and this is really funny. I don't even think I told you this. But so we, you know, we email you to let you know, like, hey, we answered your question. So if it's been like three, six, 12 months since we got your email and we still answer your question, you might not be expecting it.

You're listening with your partner and all of a sudden this one listener, and I don't remember, I'm not gonna call you up by name. I'm not gonna say what your question was, but she had been listening with her partner and it was a question about her partner. And so when we emailed her to be like, hey, we answered your question, she emailed back,

was like, actually, I was listening with my partner. And he looked at me and was like, is that you? And she was like, no. And she did not. So maybe wait until after this comes out and then have your partner listen. So you don't get any awkward situations. But don't we email them the date comes out?

We email them the date comes out, but like if it had been, because it had been six months. Right. So, you know, she wasn't expecting. I got it. I got it. I got it. And I was like, oh my god, I don't know what we can do to fix that.

So just, like if you're really uncomfortable about it, if there's any chance you're going to listen with your partners. I'm scared first. Right. It's a fake name. Yeah. Fake name, fake state. We're cool with that.

I like to know where you live though. That's a great point. Okay. Thank you, Madison, for the BTS, the scene stuff. Okay. So Mitch, okay. I totally get not wanting to be the coach. In fact, I'm in the same position. Oftentimes when I'm having sex with someone new, I'm like, he's going to want me to be the

leader. Obviously, sex with Emily. But here's what I do. And here's what you should do, Mitch, is what if you looked at is it at it not so much as teaching her but as both of you learning together because if you've been listening you know you're never done learning about sex every single woman you're with is going to be different every guy she's going to be with is going to be different but especially women in the sense of that we're all wired differently right like I get that men are too and I get a million emails,

like, no, my penis only likes one hand on it. But, yeah, it's like men says, the rubrics keep of life. So you're learning together. And so I think like with each partner, there is a learning curve. And I'm not sure what makes the sex bad in your eyes. And I always want to know that.

I was just thinking, that's so funny, because I was thinking that when he was like, the sex is not good. I was thinking like, I know, please explain what makes thinking that when he was like, the sex is not good. I was thinking like, I know, please explain it. What makes, like, and yeah, guys email us, tell us, like what, when you've had bad sex,

like what has made it, like noticeably, like this is not good. I love the US said, okay, when you please email us through the website, when you had bad sex, what does that mean? Because it's funny, you say this medicine, you might not know this, but the reason, one of the main things I did,

or that got me into the show, I used to always ask people when they said they had great sex, I'm like, what does that mean? And when they had bad sex, I was like, what do you mean? Like, did she just lie there? Did he have a pulse? Like, did he not look at you?

Would he not wear condoms? Did he not know, had never heard of a clitoris before? Like, what specific details? I just, send us your worst embed story. Yeah, I mean, I would honestly, I would love to know just for my own curiosity, but it's like for women, I understand there's so many buttons to press, it's like one of those child proof locks

where you have to hold down and on like several sides of the cap and then turn at a 90 degree and get it. Women are a little more complex, but for guys, I always kind of grew up just thinking that for guys, sex was always at least good because they finished and that was it. So what besides some epic accident or faux pas.

Right, we don't even have the crazy time that your mom came up with. But what was she doing? What was he doing? Yeah. That was just bad. Exactly. I made it like really unpleasant.

So please do that. And then maybe we could even talk about, I think we will talk about it on the show. Yeah, I'm right back. It's just too bad sex show. I think it's fun. We'll do a good sex show too. That's so much bad sex.

I can just talk for hours. Right, what was your worst sex? My wife. My worst sex was with, and it wasn't even, I mean, I've had some pretty bad sex, but it's always been with guys who are like, I'm gonna rock your world, you've never had anything like this before, and then treated me. Like, I was a dish of food, and they were a rabid animal. Like, I mean, I'm like bruised afterwards. One-time paint tension day.

Yeah, it was like, or it was kind of like, they'd be like, oh, like, I'm gonna rock your world with oral, and then they'd get down there and just be like, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh. And I'm like, what's happening? Like, I'm gonna rock your world with oralal and then they get down there and just like brother and I'm like what? Like I've got like a rug burn all around. Like the insides of my thighs are burnt like how do you do that? One time my glitter spulled up so big I went to the I had to go

to the gynecologist and she was like what happened I was like honestly I don't like bad oral. I was like I don't yeah I was like I don't know what he did it just hurts like but it was like, honestly, I don't like bad oral. I was like, I don't know what he did. It just hurts. Oh my god. But it was like bad sex like that, where it's just they're not even paying attention. They're so beefed up in their testosterone and their sense of like, oh, I'm gonna give it to you like you never had before. And then they just go in way too hard. Like a for enthusiasm, like F for technique, right? Failure. So yeah, that's a great one. So that's a great bad story. I'm sure I have one I can come up with it. But let's get back to Mitch for a second just to just to reiterate. So you think she's bad and bad. Okay. So I'm just wondering again what bad is, you know, and I'm just gonna jump here. I'm gonna take a leap that it's

um, I'm gonna guess it's not just about lack of experience with previous partners because, you know, that's probably part of it. But it just about lack of experience with previous partners, because that's probably part of it, but it's about lack of experience with her own body. Totally. I'm thinking she's never had sex before and so many women, and this might be news to you guys, even though a lot of women don't masturbate, a lot of women really believe that someday my prince

will come and so will I. Someday, I'm going to meet a guy and he's going to push all my buttons and then I'll start to feel sexual in turn on because nowhere in the curriculum in the world are they like, let's talk about sex pleasure. Let's talk about what feels good. You've heard me talk about this that I never occurred to me to pleasure myself and there's a lot of women like that, okay? That just don't, so I think that she doesn't know what makes her feel good yet.

I'm going to assume, you know, probably hasn't had an orgasm or masturbated. If she, and if she hasn't with you, it's because, you know, she's not comfortable or she doesn't know how to even let you know what she wants because she doesn't know. So my suggestion for you is perfect time for mutual masturbation. It's like one of my favorite go-to things. Because this way, you can just say, I'd love to watch each other, like make me so turned on to see how you touch yourself. Now, she might never have touched herself.

She might be embarrassed by this or she might not want to. So I think that you just have to, if she's never mastered it before, we've got, gosh, you know, we've talked about this so much. I mean, the truth is she might need to go, go for it alone, which I actually recommend for first time or as I don't know how to see this. So if you were on the phone, I could ask you,

she needs just to like take that time, I create those erotic stories, what turns her on, play with her body, you know, get our sex toy. Because with you, she's probably having insecurities about performance that she probably knows, she's not doing a great job, and she's like, teach me, teach me, and you could say, here's how to hold my penis,

here's how to give a blowjob, but if she's not connected to her body and what she wants, it's just gonna fall flat. Yeah, I if she's not connected to her body and what she wants, it's just going to fall flat. Yeah, I'm also wondering, correct me for a moment, but like, what is the sex like for her? Like is she having a nice time? Have you asked her if she's having a nice time? Right. Because that might be a good way to open up the conversation to be like, hey, like, I want

to make you feel good, like, I want us both to feel good. Exactly. That's a great way to ease it and Don't even before the mutual masturbation. Because what you said here, I think even when I'm once I said that, I was like, wait a minute, back up. You said, bitch, she openly tells me she wants me to tell her how to make it better, but you don't want to be a coach. So, you can let her know, this is what you say, Mitch.

You know how I want to make it better? I want to really please you. So, like, let me know what pleases you. And then we're gonna start to find out, well, she might be like, I don't know. And then you start thinking, well, like, is, you know, you can watch some porn together, you can start, like, go to a sex toy store, like, really.

And if she's just not ready yet, and she's like shut down around it, you might not be able to get her going on her own. So people just take their own time. It's true. And if she's to figure out sex. I will say that if she is having a good time, you will be having a good time. Like when a girl is feeling it and she's into it

and she's feeling like all the things that you're supposed to be feeling during sex, she's feeling like attended to and she's having orgasms, she's gonna be so into it that you're gonna notice the difference, I think. Exactly. And I think a lot of guys who have,

I know you've had sex, but maybe not as, this is something that men learn over time is that I think young guys are like, it's about my pleasure, but you realize. She comes first. She comes first. Ian Karner was on our last show. He's amazing.

He wrote a book. You should read this too much. I think every guy should read this or every woman listening by this for your guy friends or guys by for your guy friends. She comes first by Ian Karner is the Bible guys should read this or every woman listening by this for your guy friends or guys, but for your guy friends. She comes first by Ian Karner is the Bible for female pleasure learning how to please a woman gives him and he goes, he's so detailed. And it's like not a hard read.

Don't worry if you're not a reader, you can even get the Kindle, you get the audio book, but it's very specific ways to get into the female brain, how to pleasure her. And that's a great way to start. So I think you guys just gotta do this together because knowledge and education will serve both of you. You can listen to the show, get books, whatever it is, but it'll boost both of yourself esteem when you have these positive experiences together.

So what I'm saying is Mitch, you might not even realize yet that that pleasing her is gonna come back to you, but it will. Oh, it does. Oh boy, does it. Okay, we have time for. Yeah, we have time for one more. Two more. Okay, it does. Oh boy, does it. Okay, we have time for. Yeah, we have time for one more, two more.

Okay, let's do a, let's do Mr. Nice Guy. Okay. Okay, Hamley. So last time I emailed you, I asked about ways to fix a broken picker. I was basically head over heels for this guy who was just a total jerk to me. Good bye boy, delete.

So in other news, I've been living in Florence for the past few months, studying abroad and traveling my balls off. And now I've been talking to this new guy from home that I've known like my whole life. When I get back to the States in late December, we're hanging out and going to a concert together. Now for my real dilemma, this guy's nice.

I fixed my picker, I wanna do better with guys. I'm just afraid I'm gonna mess it up if I've sex too fast with him. How soon is it too soon? Is there really such a thing? I just don't want this one to be a one-night stand. Ugg, best always, Michaela, 21 Boston Spotify listener. Okay, Michaela, here's a thing. And all my listeners, I'm never ever going to answer this question.

I'm never going to tell you that you have to wait three months, six days, two hours to have sex with someone. Just not going to answer it, because there is no formula, okay? But I can tell you that it's never a bad thing to let the sexual tension build with someone new, because so easily we can have sex right away. First day, we have a few drinks, you know, you get the attraction, the bloods boiling, temperatures rising, whatever you want to have sex. But, you know, I think sexual tension is one of the most like

hottest part of new sex and all sex. So, you can also like not have sex with them, but also get to know each other at the same time. And the other thing I was going to say to you before I go on is, I want to explain what a broken picker is. Some people might not know. So a broken picker is, I think we got this from Dr. Drew on Loveline, is when you constantly are picking the wrong kind of people for women and men.

You're like, God, every guy a date, you know, is a bad boy. Every guy date doesn't treat me well. And that's all you think you're attracted to. And so there's a wave just like rewiring your brain, like you're like, you know what, I'm going to, they kind of say like, the guy that you see or woman you see across the room or the guy and your eyes lock and you meet,

you turn the other way. You're literally, you're run. And you go and you meet someone else because you know that doesn't work for you. It's about changing that pattern. So good for you from Maccala. I love that you fixed the picker. It's not going to be fixed overnight.

So I think the less anxiety you can have about this, the better. You know, wait till you spend time together, you know, texting and talking and snapping is fun, but you don't really know what it's like, it's staying out with in real life. Like you just, what it is like doing it. Yeah, because they've known each other for,

she's at her whole life, which is a lot of pressure. Let me just say for like you coming back into the scene, trying to like, all right, I'm gonna date not a bad boy. And then you pick a guy you've known for like your entire life, so much pressure. So try not to, you know, try not to build it up or put it on a pedestal because that is dangerous just going to do it. Especially if she's abroad right now and she's kind of like got this idea in her head, I think we, especially people my age, I've noticed.

We have a tendency to like romanticize and we just make it like oh my god It's gonna be like this love story and I come back and I'm finally ready and like just be careful with that Yeah, that's a really that's a really good point medicine because The other thing is you have known them your whole life and now all of a sudden you're like Picker is fixed. I will pick nice boy from home. I've known for 20 years You know it doesn't always work that way And don't think of it as a failure. And listen, if you get home, you sleep in the first night, I'm fine with that. Whatever.

I'm just saying that he might not be the right one. It doesn't mean that your picker does, it's been broken for a while, right? You don't just fix it for one guy. So good for you for having the consciousness around it. Might not work with him, but I'm sure you're gonna be friends. And it's just part, you keep practicing.

Yeah, I try to just try not to put too much pressure on it. Don't hang out with him. Have fun. Maybe if you're going to be friends and it's just part you keep practicing. Yeah, I try just trying not to put too much pressure on it. Don't hang out with him. Have fun. Maybe if you're not feeling it, then don't sleep with them right away. But like also make sure that you're going into this like for something with longevity, just keep that in mind and make sure he's on the same page as you as well. Right.

Because what if he's like, oh, like we've known each other forever. And now we're going to bone like you have no ideas. Right. Exactly. Just take it to like your friends, you know, hang it out. But um, and also like, you know, each other forever. And now we're gonna bone. Like, you have no ideas. Right, exactly. So just take it to like your friends, you know, hanging out, but, um, and also like, you know, he's not the only guy out there either. So just keep going.

But I love that you have the consciousness at 21, that's amazing. And thank you, Michaela, for listening to the show and following up. I love hearing the progression of our listeners. Like, she, the pick's the picker for the last time. So you guys always follow up with us, let us know how it goes.

Mm-hmm. Send us your bed, sex stories. What else do you want people to do? Know all of it. She sends love. We love you. I love it when people follow up with us. Let us know how it goes. Send us your best sex stories. What else do you want people to do? No, all of it. Send love. We love you. I love it when people follow up and are like, hey, like after we talked, this happened.

And now I have a different question. It's like, OK, that's cool. We like that. Yeah, that's so cool. Like she dumped whatever, like, she was like some some fuck boy from like Ireland or something. And she dumped him. And now she's on better things.

And that's so exciting. She's ahead of the game for her. Yeah, you are. You really are, McHale. exciting. She's ahead of the game for her. You are. You really are, McHale. You guys are all doing great. We love you. So, yeah, we've time for one more email. Okay.

I'm going to do it. Cool. Hi, Emily. Any tips for a guy that has a hard time having an orgasm in standing position or reasons why thanks Love You, Andrew Phoenix age 27? Okay, Andrew, great question. I'm going to say the same thing. I say all the time to all of you who are so worried

about this, everything about sex, take the pressure off yourself, okay? There is no end goal to sex. The end goal, like, so what you can't have an, or maybe one day you will be able to have an orgasm standing up. But like, orgasms not necessarily the goal, like sex should not be goal-oriented. Yes, I spend a lot of time talking about orgasms,

but that's because you know, you know, you get what I'm saying here, is that if you just go into it, you know, they're important. I'm not saying we want to live without them. I'm just saying, when you go into these positions, like, you know what, you might never be able to orgasm standing up Andrew, and that's totally fine. There's like nothing wrong with you. We all have our own positions. And I can't orgasm in every single position. So you could try some variations, like you could start standing up. And then like, I don't know if you guys are like, you're holding her underneath her,

but like that kind of position where you're standing position and you just can't do it. But you could do that for a while. And then you could throw you down the bed. Yeah, finish off there. Or you know, she's on the bed and you're're having sex with her while you're standing up at your leaning over her. There are some variations, but don't trip on it.

And I bet when you stop thinking about it, maybe one day it'll happen, but maybe not. It doesn't mean you're a bad lover. I'm not going to say there's anything wrong with you, because there's not. No, totally. I have never, I'm not going to say I can't ever, but I have not ever had an orgasm in spooning position. I don't know why. I just not ever had an orgasm in spooning position. I don't know why, I just don't, like I don't know what it is, I just,

it's not like the- It's the jetless of most, it's the jetless of most expositions, the gentle. I just don't know. I don't know how I feel about it, you know, like I could use something around the front, like a vibrator or something, but since I know that that's not my go-to position,

if my boyfriend and I wanna try it out, we're gonna try it out, but we're gonna finish in a position that I know I like. You know? You're not married to one position for all of sex. All the way. Absolutely not.

And believe me, yeah, I don't know what it was like every single position. I can just do it. There's so many guys, I'm like, I can't work as a bunch of shoes on top. We get turned on. So nothing's wrong with you. Nothing's broken,

rather, but that's a great point, man. Maybe you're just distracted if you're trying to that's a great point, Matt. Maybe you just distracted. If you're trying to like try and so hard at it, you're just throwing yourself off. Be careful there, everybody. I'm standing up, I am not coming. Yeah, if you're like just focusing on not falling, I think that's why I'm troubled.

I've loved your question, because I don't think we've forgotten this question. Never, I've not. So I actually loved it, Andrew. I love Irish. I love you, Matt. I love you too, Matt. Great, great job this year. Pretty soon the show., I love you too. Great great job this year. I'm pretty soon the show

It's been awesome. Thanks. Good job this year being Emily of sex of Emily my god doing so much You have no idea how busy this woman is it's crazy Every day she's just doing something else try to help people at better sex. It's inspiring. Oh, that's all I want I want to solve a better sex. Thank you sweetie. Okay, and thank you all for listening to the show Wish you the happiest of new years and holidays and all that stuff. And thank you to my great team. Thank you, Madison, for doing a great show and to Jamie and Eddie and to Lori and to Ken. We love you all. And thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you, email me at feedback at sexwithamlee.com. I know a lot of you may have accumulated a sex toy over the holidays, which is the best

give ever, right? You know I love the toys. I guess I'd consider myself a sex toy fishin' outo. I mean, it's not on my LinkedIn profile, but it's real. And something I've learned over the years is that it's not only about how awesome sex toys are, it's also about how important it is to properly clean them between each use. Sex products are about enhancing your pleasure and there's nothing pleasurable about unclean sex toys. I'm not gonna get get into all the dirty details but just know cleaning your sex toys is just as important as washing your sheets every week. Luckily, someone has perfected the cleaning process for you with a one-of-a-kind

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contributing to the Kickstarter campaign where there's a bunch of great perks available like bundles that include an amazing toy from Laylo. You know the ultra luxury brand? I'm even part of the perks. You can get an autograph copy of my book Hot Sex, have lunch with me here in LA, arrange a private Skype Q&A session with me, or even sit in on the recording of a Sex with the L.A. podcast. To get in the action, click the UV banner on my site or go to UVclean.com. That's UVEEclean.com. The Kickstarter campaign is now up and running and waiting for you. There's just something about the fall that makes me feel like cuddling up with an old friend.

And hey, you guys might have some fun memories too. Yes, I'm talking about the intensity by Poremoire. The intensity is an amazing product that has made a serious impact on my life. Let me rewind a bit to explain. The intensity was originally developed as a medical device to cure, yes, cure incontinence issues. You know, like you sneeze and you pee.

Because these issues typically stem from a weakened pelvic floor, the intensity works by applying gentle electrostimulation directly to that muscle group, giving you an amazingly effective caguar workout. And you all know how I feel about cagal exercises. And for a little plot twist, the makers learned that the product's only real side effect wasn't intense orgasm.

So realizing the intensity was a winning combination of utility and pleasure, they enhanced it with a powerful vibration and a clitoral stimulator. The result, much more than a sex toy. It's a product that's changed my sex life. I mean, G-Spot orgasms anyone? The intensity combines two things I love and talk about all the time. Cagulaxercises and orgasms. To find out how it can change your sex life, click on the intensity banner on my website or go to PornWa.com. That's POURMY.com.