Sex With Emily - Be Your Sexy Self w/ Black Girls Texting

Episode Date: February 20, 2021

Ever want to know what really goes down in your girlfriend’s group chat? Today you’ll find out when I’m joined by Chelsea, Glynn, and Sade, the hosts of the popular much talked about Black Girls Texting. We explore sex dreams, what it’s like to have a threesome with your best friend, and the art of sending nudes.We answer questions and discuss cultural stereotypes, manscaping, pre-gaming sex, and the power of setting sexual intentions.For more information about Black Girls Texting (Chelsea, Glynn, Sade), visit: blackgirlstexting.comFor even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

He will literally stick his entire tongue inside of my mouth. Wow. And I'm like, what am I supposed to do with this? Right. Right. That is weird. Okay. Well, kissing, I've got a good hack for you.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubize they call them in a fight on day. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Everyone in know where really goes down in your girlfriend's group chat?

Well, today you'll find out when I'm joined by Chelsea, Glenn, and Shade, the host of the podcast, Black Girls Texting. We explore sex dreams, what it's like to have a threesome with your best friend and the art of sending nudes. We answer questions and discuss cultural stereotypes, man-scaping, pre-gaming sex, and the power of setting sexual intentions. Okay everyone, I hope you enjoy the show. Well, I'm really excited to have you here, Black Girls Texting Podcast.

So I'm talking to Chelsea, Glenn, and Shade. And they have a podcast they started Black Girls Texting, which started from a group chat is that you guys have been friends for a while. Is that it? Yeah, we're all from Brooklyn, grew up together, and you know, all the good stuff goes down in the group chat from dating and sex advice, but also to how do I ask for a raise at work? Did you see that stuff that's going down on the news or something

while that's happening in pop culture? The group chat is our place to sound off. We decided to open up those conversations. We just let it all hang out. Yeah, exactly. It's like hanging out with you in a week, all the thoughts, all the things that go through your mind and it's really tapping into what a lot of us are feeling right now, especially like young women. I guess I don't want to win, but in your age and you're 20s, right? Yeah. Yeah.

So you know at the top of every show, I an intention and I heard that you might be interested in setting one with me Which I love so and that also helps our listeners So what would make you feel good if this is over and you would you learn what our listeners learn? Yeah, I think we all have Separate needs are in different places and our relationships and sex lives But for me it is being more vocal in the budwara. Oh, okay. So today it's being more vocal about what you want or just like using your like making moans. Oh no, I'm fine. I'm fine. I got that.

I'm not a new shipment. We're soundproofed, but it's more like... We're soundproofed. What I want. Yes. Okay. Vocal in the bedroom. Okay. This is awesome. All right. I think for me, and I've been trying to figure out how to put this into words, but it's

like to determine if I'm ready to get back out there. Okay. I guess if there's a line of questioning, I guess, that I can ask myself for ways that I can sit with myself and understand, like, is this something that I want? Like, essentially, and we'll get into this. But I have this, like, friend that I've been seeing for a while, very low-stakes situation, but it's starting to feel like it's less fulfilling. So I'm wondering if I need to get out of my comfort zone.

I guess I have something on ready to do. Okay. And how do I go about that? This is news to us breaking news. Okay, Chelsea, tell me everything. Well, I'm in a relationship, so mine would probably be just like feeling sexier, like myself.

So I know he thinks I'm sexy, but like me feeling sexy, and not like laughing every time I have sex. Okay. Why don't we start with? Well, I wrote down on Shade first. So when you saved me more vocal in the bedroom, are you in a relationship right now? So I recently got a relationship in October and I literally jumped right back in.

Like I think we broke up on a Wednesday. I was sleeping with someone on a Friday, but I'm that kind of person like get over, get under. And I was like, oh my God, that was amazing. I did a really good job. Like I didn't feel weird. And then I started seeing this one guy a little bit more consistently, but like the sex is not my fave. He also just got a relationship. So I feel

like he's doing stuff to me that he did to his ex. That's what they do. If that's the case, the girl had interesting taste. Can you give me an example? Absolutely. He will literally stick his entire tongue inside of my mouth. And I'm like, what am I supposed to do with this? So I'll indulge and I'll kind of do like a tongue thing back, but I've multiple times been like, oh wow, you really like tongue. I'm like, tongue is very new for me, but I can't like, it's hard for me to express what we say. Like, I hate when you stick your whole tongue inside of my mouth. Okay. You start to kiss and you open to his mouth and you just like, stick to my mouth. Okay, you start to kiss and he opens his mouth, and he's like, sticks it in his mouth. Yes, it is the weirdest shit. Right, right, that is weird.

Okay, well kissing we can solve. Are there other things you want in the bedroom? Kissing I've got a good hack for you, but is it to go down on you if you're into that kind of thing? That can be happening way more frequently for my liking, definitely. I'm usually always kind of like hinting my way there. Also, he finishes really fast.

Oh, okay. Wow, we got it all. Okay, so Pete makes a little bit of a pre-match. He leaves the party before he gets getting started. Right. Right. But the reason I keep coming back is because he's really hot. Like, he's so good to look at.

It's just like, was your last relationship, were your needs fulfilled and it was really great sex? Oh my God, yes. Okay. So it was just passionate and you knew what you wanted. So here's the good news is that, first of all, you nailed it that most men,

and I'm gonna say men because typically for women, and this is where I wanna, by the end of this, I hope you guys feel that you are in charge of your own sexuality and that I give you permission and tools to be able to ask for what you want. The guys who don't have a lot of experience communicating about sex, which is by the way the majority of them, not just men in their 20s. Like, I've been with men in their 40s. I just think, oh yeah, 30s, they're all gonna do it.

They don't, unless they've had a partner, either a they've had a partner who actually guided them in a healthy way. Those guys know what's up, or they actually did research. Like I think guys who've been listening to my podcast, some people like, you know, I've been doing 15 years, some of them are like, oh yeah, I learned that,

or they actually researched it, but there's not a lot of great information out there because you have to seek it out if they're just watching porn. To them, if not, they're going off of the past lover, or they're going off of porn, which we know is not not in porn, but not an accurate way to learn about sex. So if you like this guy, my first step for you would be to have a conversation with him about your sex life

outside the bedroom when you're hanging out and you're just chilling. You're having dinner, you're having drinks, you're going for a walk, like whatever it is that you're watching TV and you're just like, hey, you know what I realized? We've only talked about our sex life. And to me, you know, it's important part of our connection. I just want to know, are there, are there things, I just thought we should both talk about what we're both into. Like, what turned you on?

What's your fantasy? I can tell you what I'm into. And then just see how he is with it, because it's not a one time conversation. It's an ongoing. What do you think about that? I think it'd be open to it. It's funny that you were like outside of the bedroom.

I'm like, when do we hang out outside of the bedroom? I don't know about that. Did you talk about that? It's all been the right. No, I hear you, especially the first few months, you're just having sex all the time. But you're having sex all the time and it's not great. It's not good.

No, so sounds like you did some time outside the bedroom. Oh, seriously? It's about time. Okay, so then I want you to say Just ask him and he'll be like and now he let me to warn you all this He's gonna be like oh shit. What am I doing wrong? The reason why we don't talk about it is because we're so afraid that Our partner's gonna feel Dudged or blamed or shame they're gonna feel bad or they're gonna attack us and be like, well, you're not a great bed either,

and then our biggest fears go down. So I think just saying, I realize I've never done this before. I've never actually been with a partner where we talked about our needs. And I didn't wanna bring in the bedroom because it is actually, we think we should do it in the bedroom like right after or right before, but then it just sort of alters the mood

because you know when you're turned on, you're like in an altered state, or you just had orgasm again and you didn't. I don't mean to put words in your mouth, but that happens more with more frequency than we can imagine. And I think coming from the notion that our partners want to please us. They want to be good lovers, but they don't know how and so they just keep doing what they've been doing.

So with that mindset of like, yeah, I just thought we could talk about it. And you could even say to them, like what for you, babe, was the most, if you're in the babe zone? What was the most memorable time we've had sex? What was your moment? And then you're getting data, and then you get to answer it.

That's a fun opener, because we wanted it to be light, casual, curious. Like we're talking about like where should we order food and what should we post mate, what should we watch on TV tonight? because I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love I said to you, so he says to we're gonna practice and I said, okay, he answers, but then he says, well, what about you?

What was the most moral time we've had? It could be a moment, it could be a night. Oh, yeah, I definitely have that in mind. Okay. So I have this mesh bra that I like love because it's like see through, right? So I'm like sitting on the couch and then one thing leads to another

whenever I'm on the couch, like somehow we just start listening to music and he like lifts up my shirt and he's like, I really want you to dance for me. And I am like, yes, I'm Leo. So I'm like, I want to dance for you, of course. So I go into like stripper mode and but like I keep the mesh bra on

and everything else is off and he's like sucking on but like I keep the mesh bra on and everything else is off. And he's like sucking on my boob through the mesh bra. I'm I'm dying. I'm literally so hot. So hot. So hot. So hot. Then he eats me out on the couch.

And I just got in the couch. And I feel I felt really powerful about christening it. Yes. And then we went up to the bedroom. And the sex was actually so good. I think because we had like amazing foreplay. So I'm like, this is attainable. We can get here. Good. But it's just not consistent.

And I think the fast coming, maybe he needs like to be warmed up. Yeah, probably. This is amazing. So you don't, you just let me know is that you like the teas, you like the build up, the slowness. And our nipples, you guys have the same erectile tissue as our clitoris, and it also speaks the same part of the brain. So the fact that the fabric running over your nipple felt so good, and it was like suggested, but it wasn't off yet.

And then he was looking at you and you were like in your body, it's like the hot woman that you are and owning it. It was so hot that you were seducing him. But yet his gaze on you was also a turn on. And it was energy exchange that just sounds really hot. Oh my god. It sounded really hot. I didn't hear that story, Shady.

Yeah. There you go. You know, I'm like pretending like I don't really fucking that often, but I do. Okay. So what it's saying is it would be a lot better for you if you had more of a warm-up. If you do not nothing every night you're gonna make another fucking strip tease because everything gets over after a while. But what I'm hearing is it's slow, he's kissing your neck, he's slowly moving your clothes.

Maybe he's giving you a massage for 15 minutes. You're using a warm massage candle or a vibrator on your back teasing you. And you can let him know that that's a vibrator best for every all-denters. Putting that on the shaft. He literally texted me and I'm like, oh shit. Wait, I have a question now.

Yeah, of course. Does it ever seem, because how long have you guys been conutling Chate, doing the game, man? And it's like November. Okay, that's some time. I was just wondering when it seems like we're trying to like spice things up with someone who you're just starting to hook up with if it ever seems too soon

or if it seems like we're trying to repair something that we haven't even really started yet. And like, if it feels like, or like, you know, do you build a certain level of trust with someone before you start to do that type of experimentation? I'm glad. Good question. Really good question. I mean, my belief, my philosophy is that as soon as you start having sex with someone,

it's time to start talking about it. What if he kept taking you out to Mexican food and you're like, I don't like Mexican and you get every need. You want to get tacos? You're like, I don't want tacos. Like you would say something. You'd say I actually really want Italian. Sex is the same. You wouldn't wait three months right to you felt safe you would tell them so Tense your point. It's like the sex is the same thing you feel comfortable You would start to say something and that's how you build the real trust rather than spending a few months going You know, just like kind of suffering through until you feel safer But I used to feel the same way. I mean just so you know

I've been through all the things of waiting and being Performative in the bedroom just because I thought that's what they wanted. But I think the sooner you're into it and you have to also know that when you're having it, you say, this is not a mark on you. I'm practiced. This is part of my growth. You could a lot of you blame me. They're like, I was listening to this podcast.

I was listening to this section, then, and I realize we've never, we have never talked about it. And you could even say, I've never, we've really talked about it. I've never really done it. You could say that. So I thought would you be willing to start with me? Because if you're reinforced, it's not about you, it's a new thing. And I want you to come on this journey with me because I think it could really help every relationship.

You're guessing what I want. I always want to make sure I'm a great lover to you. And you just keep reinforcing it because they're going to need to know that you're like, come on, what's up, you've never brought it up. It sounds like you know what's felt good to you. And then he might answer, we don't know yet. Do you know what he might answer? I'm not sure. I know he's really into hand jobs, which is so fucking weird to me.

I shouldn't say that. Hand jobs aren't weird. It's just, it's a rare. It's like a rare case for me at least that you get a guy that's like, I love a good hand job, but like that's his. It's like very like you're like, I like them in middle school. Right. Right, right, literally. But maybe it's because he's a pretty much a re-ejaculator and he lasts longer that way.

I think so too. I'm like, there has to be a correlation. Or because you don't get new jobs. Oh, that too. You don't like even jobs. Oh, you want to blow jobs? Oh, that too. You don't give them blow jobs? Not really, but the thing is, I have sucked his dick. You said that's so like, not really, but I'm done.

I'll do it. Okay, then his PE, his premature ejaculation, has he ever brought that up? He said, oh, sorry. Or, I don't know why that happened. Or he just sort of... So what he will do, a lot, is he'll be like, oh, I'm getting really don't know why that happened. Or it just sort of. So what he will do a lot is he'll be like, oh, you know, I'm getting really old. I'm so tired.

And I'm like, okay, because we'll have, like I'll be really into it. And then he's like, ooh, hold on. Or like we'll switch position. He's like, wait. And then sometimes we might not even finish. And he'll just be like, oh, yeah, you know, I'm like so tired of this or that.

And I'm like, dude, what the fuck? But I'm not trying to be judgmental. I get everyone has their things. Right. But it's just like the combo of all the things. I almost am at this point where I'm like, maybe we should not have intercourse. And you can just eat me out.

Yeah. And I can just give you hand jobs. Well, that's it. If you're not, most women don't orgasm give you hand jobs. Well, that's it. If you're not, most women don't orgasm through intercourse anyway. I don't need it. Yeah. Well, that could be a two. What if that's your agreement?

And then he feels less pressure, you could even say, and I know sometimes like it's, you finish maybe before you want to, but so tell me more about this or something I could do to help prolong that. But if that's PE is a whole other, like I talk about it all the time. It's a process for men, let's have this anxiety's PE is a whole another like I talk about it all the time to process for men let him to anxiety is a pattern. So I have a question. Yes, Chelsea.

If he like ejaculates early, if he goes to the bathroom and just like handles himself and then has sex with her, he might be able to get hard again. Yeah, he might have around to. And like maybe it'll last longer. I don't know. That's some men can come again They couldn't like my other plan. I don't need to be penetrating. I like this plan So this is about communication and then the kissing thing my tip for kissing is you say don't Okay, I want you to show me how you like to be kissed and then you're gonna say I'm gonna show you how I want to be kissed

I like that. Okay, keep me posted. And that's hot. Communication, it's all communicating. Dude, at the end of the day, that's what it is. Yeah. Well, I'm excited. Okay, cool. This is fun.

Okay, any glen or Chelsea? This is very indicative of the group chat, by the way. Can I join the group chat? I kinda wanna, can I duck it in? Can you have like an alt? Yeah. I'll come on. I'll come on your show. I'll be like, we have spin-off groups.

Oh, and please do. Do you? Yeah. I love helping women with this stuff. It's just like, because I want you all to be in your bodies and having the sex you want. It's not all going to be amazing for anyone, any point in their life, and it changes,

and what you want changes. And so to have the practice, even if this isn't your guy for life, you're practicing. When we come back, I help Glenn decide if she's really ready for a serious relationship. Okay, Glenn, let's talk about what's going on with you. You said you're looking for more intimacy, and I want to know what if your relationships look like in the past? Okay, so Emily, my saga has been this thing with this guy for like four years at this point. We met in grad school and we're like friends,

but it was just very like, I'm a writer, he's a writer, very cerebral, talking on the phone, all this stuff. We didn't even have sex until we graduated from school. And then it was just like hot night. And I was like, damn, I could have been doing this this whole time. I played myself.

And so then we were just trying to make up for last time and we're like messing around a lot. And it's been off and on. I had a relationship. He actually had a situation, had a child. So. But they're not together. So it makes his availability now,

like a lot less, he's a lot less available than he was before. But I still do CM and every time I see him, he fucking blows my back up and it's crazy. I was actually listening to this album that we are loving. The Hotels by Jasmine Sullivan. This very album, it's like all these stories of these women, these relationships and all these sawdust and life stories.

And she has this song called Put It Down. And it's like talking about how this woman will just drop everything for this man because the D is just so bomb. Like just dealing with just a crazy situation because the D is that fire. So in part, yes, the D is that fire. Another thing is that I feel like I've discovered myself sexually with him so much because we have been having sex for so long. He's my longest sexual partner. We've experimented so much. I trust him a lot. So like, I haven't really felt inclined to hook up with anybody else. There have been some one-offs, but I always feel like he's such a

solid person to come back to, but it's not like I'm getting consistent sex. Right. And intimacy and emotional, I know, I think I listen to a show where you're like, I don't want that, I don't need that, I'm getting what I need, but I think what you're asking is like, maybe I do, maybe that no longer serves me. And no, I'm also like, do I need it? Should I have it? Have you been in an emotional in an intimate relationship with someone

where it was like committed and you had the D and you had the, yeah, it was not so. It was a D and it made me. It was a little toxic and crazy. Yeah. And the D wasn't good. And the D was very...

Why did we do that? Why did we date back? They're like, oh, he's so toxic. I get the sex sucks. But I don't know what, he's hot. I don't even know. We do it. We just do that a few times, hopefully.

Then you dab, and then you fall back in. You're like, I thought I was done with the toxic. Exactly. But okay, so it sounds like, have you ever talked to them about? Have you ever said to them, hey, like, what are we? Are you very careful to not try to define it? He's said things like, you know, he doesn't believe in monogamy and all this stuff.

Okay. We've exchanged, I love yous and things like that. But it's very, to me, I'm like, it's not going anywhere. It can't. Okay. So like, why? Well, I know why.'s not going anywhere. It can't. Okay. Well, so like why? Why? I don't know how to do the D's so fire.

Well, right. But I think you could find other D that's fire. Let me tell you this. It's not about the guy. It's about how he makes you feel when you're with him. It's not because it is, yes, there's good D's. But I think it's because there's some sort of comfort and safety where you're allowed to Glenn really be yourself and feel comfortable and safe.

And I'll tell you, there will be other men that you will feel this with. So you're giving him a lot of credit, but I think it's more about your sexual awakening with this guy over four years. And so I think that then there's like an attachment to him where you're like, oh, but he's the, but it's, we do that. We assign meaning or labeling to them, but I think it's like a great gift what you've gotten from him,

but I know we all dread having this conversation, but you could say I've been doing more thinking lately and I'm trying to figure out what I need, and I hear you about, now give me, not your thing, and since I've never really gone down that road, I'm kind of curious about it. I make assumptions or I believe that that's not something you'd be interested in.

Or can you tell me more about what you're thinking right now? Mm-hmm. And then you have information. And then you get to kind of maybe we'll start to date on the side. Maybe you will start to dabble, figure out what else is out there. See whatever.

I saw a tweet recently though that I want us to both consider Glenn. It said, was the sex with your toxic ex really that good or were they just starving you of any sort of intimacy in every other aspect besides sex? That's it. Yikes. That's what you have with him. I have a lot of intimacy with him though.

Okay. I do. There's a lot. There's a lot. I think it's just like, you mentioned something about the comfort and I'm definitely in the comfort. And I'm just like, well, it's just so fire. And I don't really feel like I have the energy to kind of go through all of the hoops that

is dating really. No, it's. And it's a pandemic. You know, like, I just how pressed am I, but also like, I would love to be having sex a lot more often than I am right now. Yeah, so okay. Well, that's why it's good. You could even say if we were your frame, these kind of conversations, like it's not even about you wanting something from him, you're like, I'm sorting myself out, and I'm learning lately pandemic, I've got a lot clearer that I actually might want someone

who's more consistent and more available and sometimes letting you know that. I have you, baby. What have you learned about relationships through the pandemic? We don't know. We don't know. Well, he may be like, oh, well, I'm glad you brought that up because yes, I want to be with you or maybe he's just defaulting to. I'm not into monogamy because it's safe for him too.

Like the reason we, you know, sometimes it's just because we want to protect ourselves. So have some of those healthy conversations and then start to like, well, what do I want? I appreciate it. I love it. It's communication. It's dude. Communication is a lubrication.

That's it. I like that. Yes. Actually, oh my God. Glenn, I had a sex dream about you last night. I was in my bed with her. Oh my God. Okay. So I mean, I slept over at Glenn's last night. Oh my god. I was in bed with her. Oh my god. Okay. So I meant I slept over at Glenn's last night. We got really, we were all together yesterday. We got really drunk,

but I slept over at Glenn's. And I had this dream that you were because Glenn's a little predatory sometimes. And not in a, not in a creepy way, just in like, she could be very aggressive. And especially when she gets drunk and you were just like being handsy and we were kind of like, tussling around. And then the next thing, it's always the beginning of life. So fucking. So then you and I are like, tussling around.

And then the next thing I know, you're like rubbing on my boobs and nipples for me. It's like, once you rub the nipple, I'm like, I'm like, let's go, we're going for it, it's happening. Oh my God, I'm sorry. This was the dream shot error. This was the dream, no, this was the dream.

Well, okay, well, just to let Emily know, just, you know, we both had three sums with Shade, so fun, fast, you did? You did? Well, keep us bonded. Separately. Separately. Okay, oh, with responded separately. Okay.

Oh, with another guy? Yeah. That's during the history of the podcast? No. But you've talked about it because that's the podcast that we'll get downloaded. We've talked about it. Oh, yeah. But then I ate you out.

Oh my god. It was a lot. And then I got to yourself. And then I woke up in the dream and like you were beside me and I was like, it was a lot. And then I thought to yourself, and then I woke up in the dream, and you were beside me and I was like, oh my God, I had a sex dream about you, and you were like, yeah, I know, you were being all weird. And then I was like, oh, I'm like, fuck, what time is it?

I missed therapy because I had a therapy session this morning. And then I guess I woke back up in real life. And I was like, what the fuck? Oh, I was like, what do you make about Is she in love with me? Yeah, maybe. You guys hear about sex all the time. I don't know, but in your three sums, did you guys hook up? Or was it just about the dude? I tried with Shade. She did not reciprocate. Maybe she's wishes she had. Oh, we're press desires. I think it just means you guys are close, you've an intimate friendship.

And oftentimes our dreams are just more about the young widow we say. It's not so much about the person that you dream of. It's about a feeling that you want to have and things get co-mingled, right? Like different information. So I don't want to like, but I don't know. Could be interesting for the next three some, you know?

We'll see. I can't wait to invite someone over the other day and you say, you were trying to have us like do that again. Okay, Chelsea, what's up? Tell me. So I'm the relationship gal, and it's awkward because he can probably hear me.

But we are in a long-term relationship. This is the person that I want to marry and have a family with. This is the person that I love. But I'm just like such a goofy person. I feel like I wish I could do a dance for him, but I can't. I would just start laughing the whole time. And I feel like the time would just start laughing the whole time. And I feel like the time when I'm like, the hottest is probably when I'm giving him

Felicia, because like, like, I know what I'm doing. Other than that, I'm like overthinking it, like laughing because I don't know what else to do. But like, I want to be sexier. Right, okay. It's so funny, because what is sexy, right? Is it what we see other people doing, but like I love their asses

because it's really about finding when do I feel the sexiest? So we know when you're performing, when you're pleasing him, that turns you on to. But I'm curious about your own relationship to your body and your sexuality. Like do you masturbate? Do you get into your body?

No, never. No, so like the first time I masturbated, actually, was because Shade gifted me a vibrator, and I tried it, but like, I've never done it, you know, with my hands. Like, I always have to use a tool. That's great. Say, so many of us are in that boat. So, there's nothing wrong with that. Did you have an orgasm? Did you have pleasure? Yeah.

If you had to think about your hottest sexual moment in your whole history of sex, what's that for you? Your sexual movie, your what you fantasize about if you fantasize. Well, definitely if I have like a specific outfit on, I feel more sexy. But then I just start laughing. But maybe that's my sexion. I don't know. Yeah?

Do you ever dress up for yourself? Hear me out. In your bedroom, do you live with your boyfriend? Yes, we live with my friend. So maybe he's not there or he's out or you're in the bathroom, you're taking a bath, and you put it on. And even though women, we've got things about our bodies, but hopefully we move past that and how we move past that is just like, when we

feel ourselves in the mirror and you look at your body and what, how would it does? And, you know, maybe you're taking a bath and you're rubbing lotion on and then you like kind of move for yourself and you practice. And maybe you give yourself an orgasm, you're in the tub, you bring your toy, play your favorite music, let your favorite candle, like all the senses, you get all the senses going because you got the warm water on you, you're playlists, maybe you have your favorite chocolates or whatever tastes delicious to you. And then you're like, wow, I'm pretty fucking hot. I have an orgasm, like take a mirror and like look at your vulva. And then you're like, oh, this is my power. Like it's in our body.

We have to get it out. And then you'll just walk different. You'll be like, I got this. It's just, that's why I sometimes, you know, they say like men pregame, but I'll pregame before sex. I'll be like, have my orgasms going, get in my body, because I'm tense.

I'm like anxious, work, la, la, la, la. So then I just try to come down. And I like before I even see someone that I'm dating, I'm like anxious, work, la, la, la, so then I just try to come down. And I like before I even see someone that I'm dating, I need shower, I need my space. And you're living together too, so it's probably also harder because you're like, I'm in my sweats now, and then I'm in my soul. You know, you're just, it's hard, it's a little bit harder, especially during the pandemic. So it starts with you and then exploring what has been hot to you in the past and why. I like that. I like sexy for yourself.

It's such a vibe, Chelsea. It's like one of my favorites to do. Do you take notes? Yeah, taking notes is really hot. So when you take a note and you learn your body, like, I know it sounds, but all of it's awkward. Like, we all have these roadblocks, but once you take one step and you're like, okay, I'm take pictures.

It girls told me. it could take, right? What do you guys get from taking notes? Like what's tell? Oh my God, I remember when Shade and like another one of our friends were always taking needs of each other and I thought it was ridiculous. And I was like, oh my God, why would you take naked pictures of yourselves

and have them on your phone? That's scary, that's terrifying. And then they like hooks me up with a photo shoot one time and I literally felt like the baddest bitch alive. Like it was, I felt so fine. Like I was looking at those photos like, look at my ass, look at my body. And if only for me, I don't have to send them to anyone. Yeah, but remember when I joined and I was just laughing the whole time?

Yeah, you were. Like is it possible that some people just aren't sexy? It sounds to me that perhaps the laughing is sort of a it's because maybe you're uncomfortable with it It doesn't feel like you or it doesn't feel natural or maybe you grew up in an environment where it wasn't okay to talk about sex And it was always a joke or your parent, you know, your parents shut it down, which is very common. And so they'd be like, cover your eyes, or so then, or it's a joke, or maybe you had older brothers who were like, I don't know, it's a conditioning, but you can undo it and ask your partner too.

What does he think about it? Like does he think it's cute that you lack? I mean, I'm not saying, because maybe there's not, it sounds like you're having an issue with it. That's really what it's about. What do we? Yeah. Okay. I feel good about this. Now we have to do a check-in. I'm excited for your nudes. Yes. Okay. We've got to take a break, but when we come back, I'm going to hear your tips for taking nudes.

We'll be right back. Okay. So, what are your tips for taking nudes? Okay. Yeah, this is going to sound crazy, depending on who you're talking to. I love a themed nude. So I had this ex in college and he went abroad, so we weren't together. So I made this like fake Facebook account and I would upload photos just for him. So Facebook definitely has all my needs, but whatever.

Definitely. And I would do a theme shoot around a bunch of different things. So I did a St. Patrick's Day shoot. I did a Valentine's Day shoot. I would do just absurd things and I'd have little outfits on or in the theme. And it just makes it fun. I think news are fun.

Like it's another form to me of like expression. Like you're just having a good time. Sometimes it's a laugh. I've taken like noods being ridiculous where I'm like this is absurd. But like guys just wanna see your body. Like they wanna see every nook and cranny. Even when you're like, oh, I look fat

or they're cellular like there, or this is a problem. Like all they're gonna see is how fucking hot you look. Yeah, powerful. And then Chelsea, you said you liked dressing up. So maybe that's your first assignment. You don't have to be naked, but it's you in positions in the sexy outfit that you like. I'm gonna try it.

So timer is clutch. Oh yeah, timer. Timer is great. I really love also videos doing like, a little like 10, 15 minute little snippet to some, some songs is really nice. Let me see if you'll sexy. It's true.

I love that. OK, I am no face, no case. So if this is a new person, just don't have your face. So I keep all my needs in a folder. And depending on the guy, I will crop. You know, like if it's like someone who I'm taking super seriously, he might get a full face. If it's just some rando, they get a crop.

You know, it's smart because people can track you. Yeah, it's a face. They don't just do the face. No face, no case. And if you're really feeling extra, you could do like a face tune and blur tattoos. That's my issue. No, that's smart because they do get out there. Right. Not just Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook with your photos, but just our guys, people, you know, all the like revenge stuff that people do. Exactly. I know. I'm like, if any young girls are listening, I do not condone

nudes. Yes. Really. I mean, kind of say trustable because there's all that stuff like on TikTok where they're like semi-nuzek, where young women are being bullied, like younger than in their teens. Have you seen the silhouette challenge on TikTok? I've heard about it. Yeah. So it's like you start off in like regular clothes

and then all of a sudden the screen gets like red and black and it's just like your silhouette being sexy. It's hot. It's really cool and really hot. The problem is these like techie nerdy people have figured out how to remove the like red and black filter. So they've seen girls naked. Yeah, that's really scary. That's really scary. Yeah, it's predatory, but it is predatory. And like, why go through all that work? Just go, like, it's important or something. I just don't get it.

It's the trickery that gets them off though. But you know what's interesting about that challenge, Chelsea, and like the question in your intention, because I think right now on the internet, there's this whole body positivity feeling sexy in your own skin conversations that's happening because Chloe Bailey from Chloe and Holly, the singing group, she recently was releasing something really hot.

She did a silhouette challenge dance and the girl is bad. And she inspired all these women online to start feeling themselves. But she also got all this backlash from people saying, why are you dancing so suggestively? It looks like you're trying to seek attention because she's always said that she's very like god-fearing and what have you. But she said that when she dances sexy or when she is making music, when she's wearing her little outfits, that's when she feels the most confident.

Those are the moments that make her feel like herself. So there's so much power, I think, in having moments of sexiness and owning that. Only your sexuality. Yeah. Yeah. And as black women, it's particularly interesting because I feel like there's this hyper-sexualized rhetoric around black women, especially from very young. And then it's like, rhetoric around black women, especially from like very young. And then it's like, oh, you know, body, big hips, big asses, big tits, like all of this voluptuousness. But then when a woman does step into her sexiness, we talked about this on an episode when Meg the Stallion made her now very famous song, WAP, everyone lost their shit.

And it's like, we can't talk about our wet ass busses. We're talking about that. So let's talk about, because that was actually my next thing about your podcast, Black Girls Texting. What could I learn from you? Well, could we all learn? I would say that we're just people. I know that's like silly, but even just thinking

about when I travel, right? I've been mistaken for a prostitute simply because I'm black and nothing's wrong with being a prostitute or a sex worker, but it's just like those weird moments of people putting something on you that might not be you. Sometimes even thinking you're sexy when you're the goofiest goofball like me.

So I don't know, That's one. Yeah. No, absolutely. What do you guys think? What do you, what have you, um, what can we understand more? I mean, I don't know. That's a good point to ask. I also just like that idea of like having our right to pleasure and without shame. Like I think that like, we deserve pleasure. In all sorts of ways. I like to indulge myself in simple pleasures whenever I can. I just think we've been denied of pleasure forever. We work so hard.

It's just we're old. We deserve pleasure. Pleasure is your birthright and so much to self-care movement and self-love and sexuality has been started by black women, right? Exactly. I think for me communicating and having the open space to have communication around sex across races is a big thing. So like, I'm notorious amongst the group for, oh, shite, she fucks white guys, but I

fuck all guys for one. But two, a lot of times I would sleep with men that were not black. And they would always be like, you know, I've always wanted to sleep with a black girl, but I've been kind of like afraid and all this stuff. And I'm like, I don't even know all this information. It could have just been an exchange. We could have had the sex and we could have kept it moving. I have

been more open with some guys to like have the conversation and be like, why did you feel like you needed to say that? But sometimes you don't want to have to go through that, right? So I think it kind of piggybacks off of Glenn and Chelsea statement of like we're just people, we just pleasure. And like, even if this is like a little fetishy moment for you, like really unpack that a little bit before you just go telling people, yeah. Exactly. No, it's offensive.

I was just gonna mention Emily, something the piece of feedback that we always get. People are always like, I can't believe you guys are so honest about like the sex that you're having and you tell these stories and they really appreciate that vulnerability. And we think that's important.

Like that's honestly getting those stories out there. Well, I always say that you've to women, like be that friend that talks about sex, that's how we're gonna learn. And then we can reinforce pleasures or birthright. Like I do that with all my close friends, I'm like, have you had an orgasm? Have you asked what you want?

We think women think we don't deserve it, we gotta work hard and then maybe I'll deserve, no you had an orgasm? Have you asked what you want? We think women think we don't deserve it. We got to work hard and then maybe I'll deserve. No, we deserve it now. And we are better when we have more pleasure in our life. So I love the work that you're doing. And I think your podcast is so, so great. And you guys are just such great chemistry together. So I think it's important because it's not just sex.

Thank you for that. Thank you so much. I know because we're all in this together, right? You guys, I did have an email that I wanted you to help me answer. Is that cool? Yeah. You get your take?

Of course. Okay. What up, Dr. Emily? I love your show and all the vise you give. So I'm a 20-year-old black man. My penis isn't huge like what most women expect from stories are watching porn. I'm 6.65 inches and I won't lie.

I'm insecure. I've had two won't lie. I'm insecure. I've had two encounters where I was making out with a girl. They said, is it true? Is this kind of what you're talking about? From here, but like, meaning my penis is huge. I didn't know what to say. This happened three years ago, but I was in a relationship after these encounters where there were not comments.

But I think those comments and questions have scared me throughout my relationship. I still feel insecure as a bigger athletic black man. I don't know what I'm asking, but any feedback would help. Thank you in advance. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This has.

Well, it definitely is alluding to that these situations where he sounds like he was with non-black women. Maybe. So that's one thing that I am not surprised that that happened, but I can't front I've I've dated black men that were not like super well endowed that were like very insecure about it and spoke to me about it as well and I can't lie that I have definitely walked into certain situations expecting to see something and so you guys have that back because I yeah, we hold the

stereotype to so it's like what else he was saying were people. So and took the point of the last part of his letter. He has no control over his anatomy. That's just like how it came out. Love your body and be with women who are cool with whatever they find.

And like, don't that's the thing. That's it. I think like the minute you start to get those vibes, unless you're like whatever, I just wanna have sex, like just create the boundary and keep it moving. It's boundaries. Like you don't want that insecurity

to boil over into other things in your life. Yeah, are there any stereotypes about sleeping with white men or any other men, non-black men? Thank you guys. Oh yeah, question. Tell me if that's the question. I want to know, what's the alternative? White guys like butt stuff.

Like, yeah, white guys are more inclined to want anal. Really? Yeah. All the white guys I've never been with have wanted to have anal sex with me. But your ass is also humongous. Right. Len has a really beautiful big butt. This is obviously a stereotype and I'm all stereotypes.

All stereotypes and we're just talking freely and I can't speak for all black women but I do think there are like different cultural boundaries. So like I don't know that many black women that are having anal sex. Whereas my white girlfriends they have. So maybe that is so interesting. Oh that's interesting. Interesting. So maybe that is so interesting. This is so interesting. I will say I wish we could have like one day. Hopefully we'll do it like a cross-cultural just group of people talking about sex because I do feel like black women are kind of repressed. Like we're not allowed to be as free as a child or else like you're just automatically like a slut and nobody wants you.

Versus like in college, I remember like my I was in a sorority, a white sorority, and all my friends were doing all this like fun stuff and like I didn't feel like I could do it because I'm the one black girl. Like I don't know if that makes sense. Right. No, it does make sense. Where any of you ever like shamed for your sexuality growing up? I mean, everyone knows that I'm kind of a slut. But I own it. I'm like, oh yeah. I mean, that's the thing.

I think in college, we don't know. We're so afraid people are going to judge us. I was the same way. I was so afraid of being seen as a slut. So I was kind of like a good girl. But I think when you get older, it's more like, hopefully, you realize if I'm having pleasure and it's consensual and I'm my body and I like it, well then, fuck you.

Like it doesn't matter. Like I took what I had mine. Yeah, I've had mine. I've had mine. I want you all to have yours. I thought of another cultural difference. Oh, tell me. In my experience, I'm not like allowed

to go anywhere near a black man's, but, oh, trust me. Like I was watching Sex in the City not allowed to go anywhere near a black man's butt. I was watching Sex in the City and they like slipped a finger in the butt. And I tried that once and I almost got thrown off across the room. Oh my God, I have gone near black man's butts. You have been allowed inside. Okay, see all of these are scary.

No, but it's not, but I think it sounds like there's something about Edel and I think for a lot of straight men feel like if something goes in my butt, it means I'm gay. Exactly. And they're like, I'm already like a black man that I already have challenges, right? Being seen. And so I think maybe that's why it's more pervasive. And I've noticed in the last few years that a lot of men, they finally are realizing like a sex act doesn't make you gay. Wanting to stimulate your prostate,

men of a prostate, we don't, and then kill your orgasms. And there's also taboo and shame around it. And I think women have that as well. So it doesn't make you gay unless you have a partner who's a man, then you might want to be gay, but if you just want to feel good in your house, we don't judge.

My theory is no one's a zero and no one's a 10. Exactly. That's a little gay. We're all good at being a sex and no one's a 10. Exactly. That's a little gay. We're all good at being such a judge. You see that all the time? Everyone's a little gay. And we were okay with it. Okay, body hair.

What do ladies think about men with little body hair? I like having no pubic hair. It feels cleaner. What's your thoughts? This is from Eddie. Oh, interesting. Be smooth as a baby. I don't want anything.

In fact, the guy who I'm sleeping with had a bunch of hair and I was like, this has got to go. He came back literally three days later, clean as a whistle. I was like, thank you. Oh, so you verbalized that like you said that. That's good. It was too much hair. I hate body hair. Okay. I don't mind it. I'm with you, Glenn. I don't mind it. And I also feel like when people shave it, it comes back all prickly and uncomfortable. So I would just prefer like a nice trim, not crazy, but trim, but have the hair. See where all that, yeah.

I don't mind about the hair. Pube specifically, when I've seen like a nice, like clean shave in, like bare, it's real nice. It's not, I gotta say, I, I guess I prefer it, but I'm not like, bare, it's real nice. It's not. I gotta say, I, I guess I prefer it, but I'm not like, oh, why didn't you shave? But, exactly. Yeah, but I love, should I say, you're good at communicating.

We just gotta have it to go towards your, right, to spend some more days. You're whizzing for pleasure. All right. Oh my God, you're good. Exactly. Well, thank you so much for being here. Black Girls texting is your podcast.

You can get all podcast platforms. I so enjoy your show. I think everybody is going to get so much out of it. How can people find you? What do you guys want to put anything coming up? Yeah, find us on Instagram at Black Girls texting, exactly how it sounds, it's how it's spelled. And you can also email us questions too.

We have kind of an advice part. We call it, what would you do? And so our email is hello at blackgirlstexting.com and we come out with episodes every Wednesday. Great. Thank you all for being here. Thank you Emily. That's amazing.

Thank you. Thank you. So fun. That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review or ever you listen to the podcast.

And share this with a friend or partner. Leave me if you got something out of it, they will too. We release shows on Tuesdays and Fridays and look out for a bonus episode every now and then. Find me on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook and Twitter. It's all at Sex with Emily. And I've been told I give really good newsletters, so sign up at sexwithemlee.com and don't forget to check out our blogs. If you want to talk to me, ask your questions about your sex life, dating or relationships, email me. Feedback at sexwithemlee.com or

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