Sex With Emily - Becoming a Super (& Sexy) Woman with Nicole Lapin

Episode Date: November 9, 2019

On today’s show, joining Dr. Emily is best-selling author & co-host of the Hush Money podcast Nicole Lapin & they’re talking about her new book, Becoming Super Woman: A Simple 12-Step Plan to Go from Burnout to Balance.They discuss ways to prevent burnout by finding a good balance for your work and home life, why you want to be “super woman” not SuperWoman, & the family, finance & fun plan – the 3 F’s that will help maintain a steady, level-headed lifestyle. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemilyFor even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.comFor more information on Nicole Lapin, click HERE.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And we can flate this idea of with doing it all, with having it all. You know, this age old question, can women have it all? I say yes, apps of fucking Lutley, but only if you define what it all means. And stop changing the definition on yourself. You can't do it all, especially not at the same time, but you can have it all. If you stop comparing yourself to the best versions of all aspects of your life and keep changing that goalposts Like we often compare ourselves, you know, our fitness regime to this fitness blogger

We compare our, you know, mom life to this mom that homeschools her kids and big fresh bread for them But when so many says I'm off balance the first thing I say is Did you even have a definition of what balance is for you? And it looks different for all of us at different times. So when people are like, I'm off budget, the first thing I say is, bitch, did you have a budget? Like, you can't just, you're putting this mind-fucking-your-head of, like, I'm so bad, I'm so off-balance, but if you stick to what balance and what success is to you, it wasn't constantly changing all the time.

And so you never get your brain to the other side. That's what having it all is. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily on Today's Show. I'm joined by bestselling author and co-host of the Hush Money Podcast into cold app and to talk about our new book, Becoming Superwoman.

A simple 12-step plan to go from burnout to balance. Topics include how to prevent burnout and actually find a good balance from your work and home life. Why you want to be a super woman and not superwoman. Family, finance and fun plan the three Fs that will help maintain a steady level-headed lifestyle and ways a couple can openly talk about money in a healthy way. All this and more thanks for listening. This thing. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Betruma eyes they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Aveline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The world's got a standard. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean like laundry?

It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships

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As always, family and all social media, it is at sex with Emily across the board. All right, guys, hope you enjoy the show. Okay, I'm so excited, you guys, to welcome my guest, Nicole Lapin. She's a New York Times bestselling author author, boss bitch, TV personality, and rich bitch, you wrote. She's a TV personality co-host of the Hush Money Podcast, which I had a freaking blast on a few months ago. In New York, we recorded it. She's a money export

life coach, and just an overall badass bitch to find her at NicoleLapin.com, LAPI-N, and Instagram and Twitter at NicoleLapin. I love that you got all that. So we're here today to talk about her new book which we've all read here or Jamie and I read it. We've been very excited about you. Jamie was super in, but legit. Amazing. No, we were like, down.

I legit read it and I was like, She was like, Jamie was a inspired, Jamie producer. Yeah and I was just like, Emily, this is the best book. I really loved it. Oh, Jamie's born out right now. Jamie's, this is the best book. I really loved it. Oh, yeah. Jamie's burnt out right now. Jamie's stuck every day.

That's why. That's why. I got a girl. She's been a four years. So the book is called Becoming Superwoman, a simple 12 step plan to go from burnout to balance. And so welcome to the show Nicole. Thanks, babe. It's really good to see you.

So we had a moment. Like we met in New York. I did this podcast. I knew Jason, and I had not met him in person. But he, oh no, like we met in New York, I did this podcast, I knew Jason, and I had not met him in person, but he, oh no, he was on my show through Skype. Anyway, we showed him there. I told him to put on the cover of Entrepreneur.

To put one on the cover. I put you on the cover. Yeah, you're shopping. Yeah, I got you, girl. Thank you. Right? I could, but yeah, that would be awesome. That's great.

You belong. Yeah. But it was great. I met you. I was like, I love her. And that just happens. Like we had this connection after and you're just, you're wonderful. Thank you. Yeah, but it was great. I met you. I was like, I love her and that just happens like we had this connection after and you're just you're wonderful and you're so inspiring because delving deep into Everything that you've done. I mean you would look that you were the youngest anchor and CNN at 21 Yeah, and you were working with all the men. They were like can you talk business? You're like sure

But like you know didn't know anything about it. It's a self-taught having gone through a challenging childhood Very to a lot of us have had and you just kind of persevered persevered made it on your own and really like, you know, didn't know anything about it. It's a self-taught. Having gone through a challenging childhood, very. A lot of us have had, and you just kind of persevered, persevered, made it on your own. And really was like, like a lot of us, and I can totally relate to so much of this. Like I was saying, Jamie's a millennial, millennial burnout, you know, and my burnout, of where I'm at in life.

A lot of women do believe that we have to do it all. And it's like, we're a woman in a man's world. We, what really resonates for me is, is that like though, once I get the job, once I get the car, the man, the money, the if-then syndrome, if I get this, we'll then I'll be happy. If my podcast gets this many downloads, I'll be happy.

If I get a show on Sirius XM, I mean, I literally found something from five years ago, it was like every year like a resolution thing I write in this box, it was like, show on Sirius XM. It might have been 10 years ago. It was like every year like a resolution thing I write in this box. It was like show on seersex. It went up in 10 years ago, seersex. Wow. And then that happens.

But have I been running around and bliss all year? Because I don't have to know. Or do you want more? Oh, you know, it's not even, you know, I'm in different places. But of course, there'd be more. Like, I feel like that happens. But then I raise the bar. The second we get somewhere in life, we raise the bar.

Sometimes we don't even realize that we do that. And so your whole book, which I think is so brave, because people look at you and you are a role model and you've done so much, but yet you went through, you had a burnout. So let's talk about where this book starts. Totally. I self-prescribed work for 20 years in my career,

and I hid from a lot of childhood trauma, not by prescribing myself drugs or alcohol, but work, and I worked and worked some more, and I fell into that same cycle. I thought when I became an anchor on CNN, then I would be happy. And then immediately I changed the goal on myself, then it was CNBC, and then it was Bloomberg,

and then it was getting one book, and that wasn't enough, and then it was the next book. And I never got my brain to the other side of balance or happiness, because I always thought, when I get there, then I'll be balanced. Like, I'll get to that balance stuff after this. And studies have actually shown that we have this equation wrong, that it's balance, and happiness and self-care that bring you more success in your career, and not the other way around. That's so amazing to me is that we think, well, once I get there, then I'll take the vacation, then I'll take time off, then balance will happen, but it never happens if you just keep raising

the bar, changing the goalpost. Exactly, and then your stats in your book, which are so interesting that you know them, the burnout stats about women saying, like, I'm burnt out, I'm burnt out, but everything's okay. Yeah, not drowning is not the same as swimming. Right. And we're reaching burnout and breakdown levels in the 80 and 90% range. I had my own severe burnout that also came with a mental emotional physical breakdown. And I was out there preaching bad assery to boss bitches across the country and talking about how to get ahead in your career by networking your ass off

and how to negotiate. And all of those things will help you in your career. But once I reached my own personal rock bottom, I had to rethink everything. I had an emergency admittance to the psych ward. I never thought I would get there. And it was the best and worst place I've ever been. It was the best place I had been

because it made me rethink how I was working. And understand truly that self-care is the biggest asset or liability in your career. And when it's off, it can bring you down. And when it's on point, it can actually bring you more money, bring you more success than you imagine. Let's talk about that hashtag self-care, self-love, all the stuff we talk about where people it's like, oh, it's an afterthought.

We don't actually prioritize it. Sometimes it even feels a little bit selfish. I mean, I remember what I realized that I thought massage was just something that you go because it's like a luxury pampering. I'm like, oh no, massage actually is releasing tension and stress and it's like an important part of taking care of myself. You know, I feel, I would feel guilty doing things. I feel guilty not working on a Saturday

if I own my own business and who else is gonna do it. And so, so I'm sure you in your mind until, and how will you now feel, 35, 35, just get the deal in the room. I'll just give people that since you were 15, you've been working. So, all of a sudden, so you're, when this happened, you're at 32.

And up until this breakdown, did you have any self care? Was it was just kind of after thought? Nothing. Like that's for lazy people. Yeah. And I run my own business too. And I thought if I'm not working, then we're not making money. But at some point, you reach a point of diminishing returns. You probably hit this place too. You want to work your ass off. If you don't have real equity, you want to use sweat equity. But there's a point where your eyeballs want to bleed and you're not actually productive or helpful to anyone around you.

Anytime you try to come up with an aha moment, your brain is like, ha ha! You can't force that. You can't keep at it and expect better returns. Actually, if you take a moment to, a massage, don't get me wrong. I love a good tissue massage and a petty and all the things, but self-care is also like going to therapy, going to the doctor.

I have trauma therapy that I go to, which is zero amounts of fun. Like there's never a good day to do a colonoscopy or a trauma therapy. You have DR. But you do have to do it. You have to do it the last year. Oh really?

Yeah, I'm obsessed with it. It's changed my life. And I've been in therapy for 30 years. So let's talk about that for a minute. So yeah, self-care is also therapy and mental health. So before we get to that, which we will in a second, I want to know what was happening. You've surrounded yourself with a really good team, right?

You had great people. They were looking after you. and you're really about that, finding good teams. But were they saying, hey Nicole, like I think could you take a day off? Could you maybe you need some, I'm sure friends, it said to you. Maybe therapy would be helpful. And you were like, no, no, no.

Yeah, I, you know, was in charge. And so I wanted my schedule to be booked up to the 15-minute mark. Like, if I had a break, I wasn't thrilled. I just wanted to be doing more all the time. And going back to the idea of it being selfish or feeling guilty that you're taking time off, you know, I did this social experiment recently and I had women come in for this casting and I asked them to do two things for me. First, list the top five things they value on a little whiteboard. And they wrote awesome things like my house, my job, my kids, my dog, God food, somebody wrote food, whatever. Hey, I value a good food. Good

food. It doesn't have to be the good like fresh vegetables here in California. You can have a cotta. Yeah. And nobody wrote themselves on the list. And you really have to think about that. Like, would you list yourself on the list in the top five things you value? The top 10 things you value. I wouldn't think of it that way. And it's important to think like you have to put your oxygen mask on first before helping others. You're not going to be of service to anyone else in your team at work, personally, with

your family, whatever, if you're crashing and burning yourself. And then the next thing I asked them to do was to say what they thought about the words selfish. And they said, that's a criticism to women. And then I asked them about selfless. And they said, that's a compliment for women. But if you look at the definition for selfish, part of that definition is being concerned with your own needs and pleasure.

That should be a compliment. Exactly. Selfless is having no concern for your own needs and pleasure. And oftentimes we don't even think about the words we're using and it's so important. Well our words are so we use such and sometimes we think the negative self-talk and we don't actually prioritize ourselves. I was looking just here, what was your thing about, that's what I thought I wrote down, but mental, your mental, hold on a minute, this formula, which I loved, because I want to explain this, that being emotionally intelligent plus mental wellness equals emotional wellness. So we're talking about, I mean, I don't even think I'm thinking, okay, well, I feel like some of you are emotionally intelligent.

Like I can read the room and I know how to kind of be good to people and understand them and then there's the mental wellness. Like I'm mentally healthy. Have I done therapy? Have I worked on myself? I think there's talk therapy, a trauma therapy, and then you're emotionally well. So that's kind of where you've come to lately, right? And that's what we're saying is this whole pie of being emotionally well. So that's kind of where you've come to lately, right? And that's what we're saying is this whole pie of being emotionally well. So for you, when you got into this place at 3032,

let's say, when this happened, and then you got, you ended up in a psych ward. How'd you had therapy before that point? No. Never talk therapy. Okay. So you get in there and you're like, I mean, I had gone, but only a time. But only a time. Right. That's what it's a crisis. Right. I go for a month. That's right. And I didn't ever do it consistently.

And if I had a meeting or a TV thing or whatever, it would be the first thing to go or my workout. If somebody was like, hey, you need to do a breakfast meeting. Can you? And I had a workout or whatever. I'd be like, sure, I don't have anything to do. No, no, I had a workout or whatever? I'd be like sure. I don't have anything to do. No, no I had a fucking date with myself. If I had a date with you to go to a workout I would think a thousand times before can't sleep, but you're so easily

You know gonna cancel on yourself. Why? Why don't you value yourself in that way to prioritize what your own needs are? And so I had gone over the years when I had gone through bouts of depression, I would go in, I would get like the happy pills, I would take them, they were like magical beans, I'd feel better, and then I felt like I was done. And I was the, I say this not to whatever, just to, you know, I was valedictorian of my high school and college. And I never learned anything about finance. Obviously none of us learned school and college. And I never learned anything about finance. Obviously none of us learned this in school. And I never learned anything about emotional wellness

or emotional regulation or interpersonal effectiveness or all of these skills. They're really skills that you can learn. I just took my friends antidepressants sometimes when I was younger. They're like, hey, those pills are open once. I didn't even know. It was so dangerous, but nobody taught me that.

I just thought they were all like all antidepressants were created. People also take them when I was like, super sad and couldn't get out of bed. And I didn't understand that, you know, looking at balance more as a verb than a noun, oftentimes we use it as a noun, especially as women, like we found balance.

Like it's a secret game of hide and seek, like it's under the couch, we found it, we're good, we're done. But I think it's a verb, it's some secret game of hide and seek. It's under the couch. We found it. We're good. We're done. But I think it's a verb. It's something you constantly have to work out. Hots of you. And you're never totally there.

I don't think you're ever like today. Maybe I'll have moments like, this is a good week. You know, but we're always trying to keep it all going. So I think that maybe what we think is balance and we people would look at you perhaps to say, oh God, Nicole's got it all going on. But I think we owe everyone's going to have problems and also remember that they're never done. You're never done doing your work. I mean, like I was in therapy for years, different kinds of therapy,

but then finding trauma therapy for my childhood stuff, which I thought I had talked through and understood after all these different therapies, group therapy, individual therapy, but for me, trauma therapy was helpful, so talk about it. So you got into the psych ward, and then you were like, okay, I'm here for a reason, it woke you up to actually say, it's about me now, I could do it, emotional wellness is important.

So what did that look like to you? What kind of, what have you learned in the last few years? I mean, yeah, the psych ward is the great equalizer. There was like homeless people and CEOs and actresses and you're in the hospital because you're suffering, like other people in a hospital. And when I left, I took a DBT program. And so that was when I was a diabolical, what was it? Dialectical behavioral therapy. Yeah. And it was CBT too. Yeah. A cognitive behavioral therapy is great too. So let's behavioral therapy, yeah. And it was CBT too. A lot of the behavioral therapy is great too. So let's talk about, okay.

And so I had to sign up for an outpatient program in order to get out. And I learned so many things that were so simple, but not easy to implement, pausing before reacting, how, what mindfulness was. I thought it was this woo-woo stuff, the meditation. I was like, I'm so confused. You go to a studio, you pay $40 to be silent.

Am I missing something? And then I had to rethink how that worked for me. So meditation, for instance, I like doing random classes where it's repetitive motion. And that's meditative for me. Like Omshonti stuff doesn't work. It can work for some people. Amazing. It didn't work for me. And so I needed to figure out what my regimen was that was sustainable. And you know this book was supposed to come out in March actually.

You know I had Rich Bitch come out in March four years ago. I had Boss Bitch come out in March two years ago. And I wanted to just do it in a pretty little boat. Like nobody gave a fuck besides me. Right. And right as we were going to print, I felt like I was on the verge of burnout. Yeah, again. And I knew that a lifetime of bad habits,

which is what I had, only a lifetime of good habits was going to help me. I got cocky after I was like, I found this balancing, I got it, I'm writing a book about it. I'm writing the I rolled the book. Okay, mom was wrote the book. So I've got it. And then what happened? You had a little backslide. Yeah, and so I pushed it out six months and I went off the grid and I actually read my own book. And I was like, no, I'm who wrote this. That's pretty good advice. It was like the first time I was seeing it. And I am the writer of this,

but I'm also a lifelong reader. You remember that commercial that was like the hair club for better or something where he's like, I'm not only a cuts it but I'm also the founder. And it's true. And I think only a lifetime of good habits is going to counteract.

You know that 30 some years of bad habits. Exactly. So being patient or self because we're talking about is going to counteract, you know, that 30 some years of bad habits. Exactly. So being patient or stuff, because what we're talking about by DBT therapy and CBT is rewiring the neuro pathways in your brain, like for so long from childhood, you have to adapt, and you just have to learn new ways of thinking in the moment.

So it's not going to be perfect at it. Just because you went for a year, for 30 years, something's been going on, it takes work. So that's like, that's so brave. So the whole premise of the book is like, you thought you had to be super woman, but how can you be a super woman? Yeah, a super woman who tries to be at all and do it all

and be all things to all people and look super sexy and her boostier and blow out while saving the world. Like how does she do that? How does she do that? Who does that, right? Does that. And I said, I don't wanna be that. I wanna be a super woman,

just like a super human, a super friend, who can put her oxygen mask on first before helping out. I wanna hear about like that space. There's some things in your book that I like. When you talk about, a lot of it just resonated. It was like, like labeling your problem so you better know how to handle them. So you relabel weaknesses as your superpowers.

And I really found that was helpful. Can we talk about that? Because I think a lot of people want to just be done with their problems. Like, I don't wish I didn't have PTSD, which I didn't even think was a diagnosis in the DSM5 that somebody that didn't go to work could have. Exactly. I had no idea. And I don't wish I didn't have that.

It made me who I am today. You know, those times where I think it's actually called hyper arousal, which is not the sexic answer. Not the sex arousal, but we're not there. But like the hyper vigilance, the work ethic, like the working nonstop is part of that. And then the times of depression. You know, I don't wish that those times were different.

I wouldn't be here with you today. I wouldn't have the platform I have today if I had balance or if I was somebody else. And so I had to look at it as something I never thought I would as one of my biggest superpowers and not my biggest weakness. And I think that mean girl inside our head, we're so mean to ourselves. I feel like I was in an abusive relationship with myself.

Yeah. I would just come down on myself so hard for these qualities that are actually quite amazing if I reframe the way I look at them, whether it's, you know, sensitivity. Because I like how you kind of have a, what I love about your book is that it's, you know, you have, it's just so, you're a wonderful writer. Thank you. And it's very relatable. But then you have like your pull quote,

your pull quote, it's a page of like your, you know, your graphs and charts and things that make it very, like a graph. I love good graph. And I love the exercises at the end, but like how you're like, yeah, you might have ADD, but it also means you can focus on a lot of things at once. That's right.

Yeah, you might be sensitive, but you can also, Yeah, you can also be empathetic to a team and lead a team and have a team that wants to work with and for you. And as you know, as a leader, that's so important to build that culture. Exactly. But when you're negative, so like our brain just default towards its name, it's how we're wired. Like as cave people, like having to like, oh my God, there's a tree that's going to fall

and kill my child. So, you know, we have to like always be on the lookout for bad things happening, fight or flight. So, we live in that space and then when you go up to traumatic childhood, like capital T, small T, I believe we all have T's, but sometimes more than others, then obviously you're gonna get wired that way if something happens as a young child. So, here you are, super successful, killing it everywhere.

Like teaching women about money and finance and killing and books. But then you still have the negative, I can't believe the book wasn't done. I can't believe I was lit. I don't know what your negative tape is, but I'm speaking from someone who has that tape often, and I have to learn to be like, reframe. How have you learned to do what's been your best tactics? Oh, girl, my tape is you're going to die alone, broke homeless in the gutter.

Everyone's going gonna abandon you, you're just gonna live with cats, but first you have to get some cats. Right, I mean, I say this to myself all the time. And then I have to think, would I ever say that to you? Like, if you had some shitty thing happen at work or had a breakup or whatever, would I be like,

you're the worst, actually, Emily. Like, you're gonna die alone, you're gonna be broken homeless. We just go get cats now, right? That's your future, Emily. No, I would never hug you and I would say it's gonna be okay. And I would never talk to myself like that. I would never say like, it's gonna be okay. You got this. And so it was changing what that tape or MP3 or whatever it is that goes on those greatest hits inside your head and Start talking to yourself like you would your best friend or your sister You know, I actually had an experience with my hair dresser that I love so much and can never check out

It's amazing. Thank you. It's beautiful. Thank you. That's a whole other thing that we can't take compliments Okay, where we're like oh Amazing like just take a compliment. Yeah, so thank you my love Thank you. That's a whole other thing that we can't take compliments. Where we're like, oh, my hair's bad. Your hair is amazing. Right. Like just take a compliment. Yeah, so thank you, my love. And he, I went into, as that's like ad hoc therapy, as you know, sitting in the chair,

you know, and I had, I said something on the air and I had like some bad reviews that started coming up and I was just like railing on myself. I was just like, I'm the worst, I'm never gonna work again, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, and he stopped and he was holding the scissors in the mirror and when he's holding the scissors, he has all the power, I'm just like,

just a little air trim air cut. And he's like, he's snipped him. And he's like, stop talking about my friend like that. And like, William, where are you talking about? Like, I'm just, what? Who? What friend? He's like, you, you're my friend like that. I'm like, William, where are you talking about? Like, I'm just, what? Who? What friend? He's like, you, you are my friend.

If anyone else said those mean things about you, I would punch them in the face or gouge their eyes out. You are not allowed to talk about my friend like that. And so now I say that to my girlfriend. And they're like, um, that, I'm the worst. I'm like, stop talking about my friend like that. I love that. I've had some friends do that to me. Same thing. We've done that kind of, I have a friend. I'm like, stop talking about my friend like that. I love that. I've had some friends do that to me.

Same thing. We've done that kind of, I have a friend, my friend Mary, which is like, stop. I'm like, ah, I really wakes you up. So what is your daily kind of practices that you've put in place? Because I know you have a lot of helpful tools at the end of each chapter of what we can kind of do

to adopt some of these practices that you've learned over the last few years, like journaling or. Yeah. And I'm aiming for progress and not perfection. So this happens more than it doesn't, but if I have more good days than bad days, I feel like I'm winning. And I try to start my day not looking at my phone for about an hour, because then otherwise you find yourself in other people's agendas and you're just firefighting. And I didn't need to know about your trip to Hawaii. Totally. Right now. And like,ing. And I didn't need to know about your trip to Hawaii. Totally. And like, you know, I wasn't there.

Right. And then you didn't. And then we broke up 10 years ago. Why'd you take her to Hawaii, Nami? Yeah, like how after, you know, 45 minutes you end up in your ex-boyfriend sisters, you know, dogs, whatever, dogs have pages to. They do.

Right. Like, what am I doing here? And then creating your intentions for what you want to get done for the day? I can definitely feel the difference when I don't start and end my day with gratitude I definitely like if I don't take five minutes in the morning and evening I can feel the rest of the hours The gratitude because gratitude is a huge buzzword right now And it was until I started my trauma therapy that I I actually got. Like I actually got like, I am grateful for things that they are that I have a whole little mantra

that I do and I was like, oh, and then I just one day, I would just say they're doing it. I just like, well done with tears. And I was like, I feel so much gratitude. But it's like, of course I'm grateful. And every day I'm like, thanks guys, I have a great team, a lot of everyone, but like to really feel it.

So like, even you're right down the, I'm grateful that my plant didn't die it. No, I'm grateful for my plants, I have a great team, a lot of everyone, but like to really feel it. So like, even you're working on it, I'm grateful that my plant didn't die at no. I'm grateful for my plants, my friends, my life, my work, you know, but yeah, let's, did you have moments where you're like, it's hard to get gratitude. So that's, what does it look like for you at night? So three things I'm grateful for,

three things that would make that day great. My mantra of the day, that can be anything like, one of my go-tuses. I am a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time. You can be both. You can be the paradox. And so research has shown that dopamine, the happy juice, basically, in your brain clearly. I'm not a scientist or an expert in any of this.

By the way, nobody is an expert in balance. It just is a constant thing that you have to be a fierce participant in. And I then found that even just searching for those things, not having those things, creates the same effect of that happy juice in your brain. And so just having those basic things and also thinking about moments. So to create a positive moment,

you have to be present for about 15 seconds. And so it's easy to say my daughter, like I'm grateful for my daughter, but that ends up becoming repetitive. So you want to think of moments, like I'm really grateful for that hug that my daughter gave me when she was leaving for school or whatever. And so you're ingraining and you're retraining those neuropath ways to put better. Because when she came up and she hugged, yeah, she hugged me and then you could see her little face and how her fans felt on your body and then you're really engaging all of your senses in that moment just by that memory.

I make so much more sense because then you're like my dog, my cat, my family. And then everything can become broke. So getting into your emotions and feeling it. So you do the gratitude. And feeling mindful and feeling present throughout the day, it helps you look for those things. So I do the gratitude and then I list what my to do list is. And I think as women in particular,

we want to cross everything off. It's really cathartic, just like get shit done. And it's actually really important to thoughtfully procrastinate. As you know, I have that on your. I need to ask you, it was the best thing I ever heard, because I'm a procrastinator. And that's okay.

I got to ask Nicole how she makes me feel really good because she says it's okay if I do it thoughtfully. Yeah, you're really great at that. Because we think it's so bad to put stuff off to tomorrow. But actually, if that's not moving you toward your goals or serving you, you have to constantly remind yourself, what am I working toward? We change the goalpost on ourselves all the time.

We change the definition on ourselves all the time. So if you look at your goals and really be clear and have clarity around what you're looking for in all aspects of your life and you're to-do list, you really want to connect the dots. Like what is going to move you ahead today? And maybe it's not getting the dry cleaning or the other stuff, or maybe it is getting the skirt today because you're going on a trip. If you weren't...

It's coming right now. Amazing. But if you weren't, would the skirt be a priority? But prioritization is a... I've had to learn. Again, what I love in your book too, we're talking to Nicole Lapin. She wrote a book called Becoming Superwoman, which is it a best seller yet? It will be. Because there are other books, there are best sellers, Rich Bitch and Boss Bitch. So, so how did you, fuck, I forgot my chain was important. What was I just saying to you? Oh, prioritization. So, so that is such a, again, all where I look back up, what I love in your book is that all these skills are like, because again, it could be another thing you beat yourself up for.

Why don't I know how to know what my values are or make a great to-do list or prioritize and then it becomes another thing, but we are not taught any of this. None, like we're saying, we start out, we don't learn money, we don't learn emotional intelligence, emotional wellness. So in learning to prioritize, I think that's just a big thing to think about rather than just checking it off, because there are people who are like obsessive about it, but like, yeah, you did these 18 things, but which one is moving you towards your goal? Like, your future self. Yeah, you don't want to indiscriminately just check it off.

Yeah, we learn the most bullshit things like geometry and how to dissect a frog. I have no idea why we need to know that. Yeah, exactly. I've never dissected a frog since. Same, same. And then that point system that I came up with, yeah, I played system. You know, because we hate this idea,

shocking, right? Of like work life balance. This thing we hear all the time as if we're lady justice with our two stupid bowls and like they have to be the same. Like actually what is work and what is life? Like is this work and also life? Cause I like talking to you, exactly. Or is it, you know, blurred lines? And then where's my side hustle in this? and what is life? Like, is this work and also life? Cause I like talking to you. Exactly.

Or is it, you know, blurred lines? And then where's my side hustle in this? And then where's like my burgeoning romance? I'm so confused. Right in your hobbies and you have a. And so you can't just put them into buckets and say they have to be even and hold yourself to this 50, 50 ridiculousness.

And so I came up with 10 points for the day. List the top five things that you're focusing on and valuing, and then divvy up your points, you divvy up your points, and forgive yourself for what you're not focusing on that day. Because you can't focus on everything at the same time. How is it points? Can we talk through to the, should they just get your work done?

Sure. Yeah, so the journal has a pie chart if you want, and sneak attack as the money lady, if you really love your percentages, you just add a zero to the end of your points. So if you're saying, I'm gonna, you know, right now I'm on a book tour and so I'm giving like nine points to work and my career. And I'm giving one, my only requirement is that you give one to emotional wellness, otherwise it will require all the points like it did did for me if you neglected for too long.

Right. But, you know, I'm not dating, because I'm not focusing on that right now. And so instead of being like, Emily, I'm the worst, I don't have a boyfriend, but I'm not focusing on that. That's not a thing. I don't need to beat myself up about it.

Yeah, that's so great giving yourself permission to say, I actually am not gonna to focus on thanks for asking why I don't have a boyfriend or why I'm not married, but that's actually not a priority. And I think it just, it just, it just feels so good. It's kind of a relief. I'm actually finding out but in a similar place the last like nine, 10 months, I was like, I'm not focusing, I'm not so hot. I went back to therapy focusing, I'm making really good content, like even elevating it and being hiring really good staff. And for men, it was like, I've dated a lot in my life. I've had a lot of, don't worry people, I've had a lot of sex. Like, I've

had a lot of relationships, but for now, it's been such a relief to think on the weekends, like, I don't have to, like, out of a day. I mean, I don't, I don't, not there. And so when I do come back to that, which I'm like getting getting closer, it'll be, I'm such an immunomy. I wouldn't even pick the same person I picked a year ago because I took the time to do this work. Because I don't think you can do it all at once, which is what we often try to do. We do.

And we can flate this idea of what's doing it all, with having it all. This age old question can women have it all? I say yes, apps of fucking Lutley, but only if you define what it all means and stop changing the definition on yourself. You can't do it all, especially not at the same time, but you can have it all. If you stop demiring yourself to the best versions of all aspects of your life and keep changing that goal post, like we often compare ourselves, you know, our fitness regime to this fitness blogger.

We compare our, you know, mom life to this mom that homeschools her kids and bakes fresh bread for them. Like they're in free bread, right? With my friend does that. I'm like, really? You make gluten free chala how'd you do that? How do you have a life? Yeah.

They don't have the same set of circumstances we do. They don't have the same priorities. But we do. They don't have the same priorities. But when somebody says, I'm off balance, the first thing I say is, did you even have a definition of what balance is for you? And it looks different for all of us at different times. And so in my 20s, my points were around work, too. If you look at a girl who's working 18 hours a day at her desk, you assume she's totally off balance, right? Well, no, maybe she's focusing on that right now And that's okay. So when people are like, I'm off budget. The first thing I say is bitch, did you have a budget?

Like you can't just you're putting this mind fucking your head of like I'm so bad I'm so off balance But if you stick to what balance and what success is to you like like if you stick to saying, hey, success to me was getting a show on serious. Success to me was having a family. It wasn't constantly changing all the time. And so you never get your brain to the other side. That's what having it all is. Alright guys, we're going to take a quick break and we come back more with Nicole Lapin.

I think all this all the time, why? It's so hard to know what we want. You think that would be the easiest thing in the world, cuz it's me, it's you. No one else can tell us what we want. But yet when you're pinpointed, you're like, where do you want to be? What do you want to do? I don't know, I don't know. And I guess there's a part of, like, I've learned a lot about who I am.

I didn't wake up saying I want to do a sex talk radio show. Like, I had to do a lot of other things to get. I didn't start and I guess there's a part of like I've learned a lot about who I am I didn't wake up saying I want to do a sex talk radio show like I had to do a lot of other things to get I didn't start till I was 35 so it's like and then I knew I was like, oh this is it I'm pretty certain this is it but I had to do it so there's a winding road and a path to get to what you love but also There are some things that you do know So I like that you give tactical points of figuring out like journaling writing it down Like you got to take that time because you'll realize that you know more than you think But if you're on the treadmill and you're going going going going You're not going to realize that maybe what you want to change is maybe it isn't about money or getting the promotion or Maybe it's you need more adventure in your life now or you need more travel or you need more friends

You know I have to work on that as well at one point because I moved here like you're you know I was in San Francisco for a long time moved to LA and I was like I have a client in this year But I got to go in with my like I love people most my friends were in other cities Because I moved here and I was working so like seven years old But then I was like okay, that's why I'm prioritizing this year not mad in friendships And now it's like people that I liked I've brought them to my life So that feels good. I'm not beating myself up. But I had to get clear on it, which is a lot of what you talk about here. So totally, and it's it's figuring out, you know, what that roadmap looks like for you. I had the three Fs in

yeah, talk about your fish and bossfish. So coming up with one, three, five, seven, ten year goals in all aspects of your life. How do you do that? So like family, finance, and fun. And, you know, breaking it down into baby trunks makes it easier. Because when people used to ask me, what do you want to do in five years? Or what do you want to be in ten years? I would just... I couldn't articulate it clearly.

And studies have shown that if we can create a cohesive narrative for ourselves and our lives We're more likely to be successful So if I can clearly say where I'm going and of course you're gonna edit as you go life happens shit happens But you can actually have that destination in mind because otherwise it's like hey, Emily We're going to a party in LA. You know, you're gonna be like where is it? Is it in Venice? Is it in Sherman? Oh Is it in Malibu? Is it in Beverly Hills? Whatever. What's the street? What am I wearing? What am I bringing? I have a lot of questions about this. We don't have the same questions about our lives. Like, where are you going? And then you can reverse engineer to figure out how to get the money and the life to live the life you want, not the other way around.

Because arbitrarily, people will say, no, I just want a million dollars. Like, my life will be complete if I have a million dollars. I'm like, yeah, what are you gonna do with that million dollars? Maybe you need more than million dollars. Maybe you need less than a million dollars. I have no idea. First figure out the life you want to live,

and then reverse engineer to figure out. So, talk to me about the cohesive narrative. What does that look like? What does yours look like right now? Could you tell me your cohesive narrative? Absolutely. Okay. I want to know. Well, cohesive narrative is also explaining what your past is, too. So coming up with a clear narrative of having trauma and PTSD, these are words that I never thought I would ever have. And before I did this work and dealing with this stuff, I just felt overwhelmed if anyone asked me what

had happened in my childhood or what I had developmentally growing up. I was like, it was so bad. Like, I didn't even have the words. And so when you give it words, it takes away some of its power and it creates a story for you and a way to move forward. And then I think the same type of narrative for your goals moving forward. So saying like moving toward a suite of online courses that will help women take control of their business,

finance, and mental health as it relates to success. I want to create a conversation about empowering women to grab life by the balls and get it together and get it all. Those are things I could have never said to you five years ago. I just would say something very vague that was not an answer like moral domination, idea domination. I would say everything.

I would have seen it. I would have seen it. I would have seen it. I would have seen it. I would have seen it. I would have seen it. I would have seen it. I would have seen it.

I would have seen it. I would have seen it. I would have seen it. I would have seen it it to figure it out. So by the way, it's not figuring out just going out and doing what you love. I often debate entrepreneurial or business experts who say, go out and do what you love, FOMO, YOLO, whatever you go. Go do that Alpaca farm if not now. When, I had no idea I would be in finance. You didn't know you were going to have a section. Never be sex.

No. But I took the opportunities that I had and I took the things that I love and I found the shaded part of my Venn diagram. I didn't have the luxury to go out and just do what I love. I had to figure out how to love what I do, which I think is different.

Because you had to work and you had to find your job. I'm gonna love it and I'm gonna find the joy in it. Yeah, I found my dream job, but it was the exact same job. Because I went into finance and stuff and I hated it. I was like, I'm gonna love it and I'm gonna find the joy in it. Yeah, I found my dream job, but it was the exact same job. Because I went into finance and stuff and I hated it. I was like, I'm talking to older, it's white dudes about money and like, I'm gonna make a new difference. I'm not doing anything. But then you decide, but then you found what you loved from finance. I always say that to you, I like, you gotta find what you love of each thing. It might not be your end goal, but each job you're in, find what you love, like take what you like, leave the rest.

This was kind of what you did with your healing process. Your meditation didn't work for me, but I'm gonna take courses. So even with finance, but you did carve an issue. I think it's so important. And I love that we often are very confused by money. Many of us, I would say money and sex, are the two biggest challenges

that people have in relationships. So how do you also switching for a minute here into co-lapin? How do you also switching for a minute here in Nicole Lappen? How do you tell couples how to talk about money in a way that is or even into it? Yeah, start with couples, but about money in a way that is healthy and they don't want to kill each other. So many ways. And I think it's really important when you start living together to figure out who's paying the bills, where the money is going, just have a clear conversation, and you don't have to be completely aligned with how you deal with money, but your goals have to be

compatible, and you have to have the talk, and it doesn't need to be like an interrogation, or like, what's your credit score, like show me your SDD report, you know, it can be like, hey, baby, maybe, you want to see both of them, but it's also like the way you approach the conversation. You can get a glass of wine, you can say like, hey, baby, I want to talk about our goals and reframe it from being something scary to being something that helps you bond. And the talk is different at different stages

in your relationship, right? So when you get married, it's way different and having a prenup and post-nup talk potentially, When you have kids, you have to have like an advanced talk about wills and trusts and life insurance and like not fun stuff. But like, boss bitches, don't do fun stuff all the time. They do the hard stuff that you have to get done before ideally. You got there, but never join. Find out all this time for her. Now let's talk about, you talk about finding, because now you've become a super woman, and not super woman, a super woman,

what about finding your super man? It's a great question, and I actually outly mat in the book. I have a S-U-P-E-R breakdown of what the qualities I look for are. And S being for secure you being for understanding, P being for principled values, else opinas, being educated not necessarily book smart, but street smart and world smart and are being for romantic, which is really important to me.

Like I can do a lot of things for myself, I can pay for a lot of shit for myself. Like I can't do that stuff, so that's important to me. And finding clarity for what I'm actually looking for was super important to understand and not just give lip service to the idea that I don't need a man, like I want a man. I don't need one, but I would say that a lot and I wouldn't actually believe it. And then I had to really get down with the idea that I don't need a man? Like I want a man. I don't need one, but I would say

that a lot and I wouldn't actually believe it. And then I had to really get down with the idea that I live a rad life. I've created this rad life for myself. And if somebody is going to be additive, great, but they're not going to create my rad life for me. And I used to think when I got married or when I, you know, had kids, then my life would start, I would need a man to save me or a job to save me. And when I needed a hero most, I had to become my own. And that was like my MBA at the School of Hard Knox and also like my PhD in emotional wellness, which is the last F word I use in the goal setting for this book. I say, meulpa. I forgot an F word.

It's not that one. That one too. It's important. But it's fitness and mental, emotional, physical fitness, which is the basis for any relationship. A relationship that you have with yourself, a relationship you have with a significant other. I mean, I went and I put a ring on myself.

So I'm talking about that. I read that it's such a beautiful story. I wanted a, it was like a lot of little girls. You want to get married and you want a little blue box and you have all of these ideas of what that's going to look like. And I think a lot about my former self and I want to make her proud. And I used to think about the day I would get engaged

or the day I would be married. And yeah, I'm 35 and I'm nowhere near any of that. And I walked into the jewelry store and I walked into the wedding section and I looked at rings and it was a super awkward experience where the person was like, who are you getting married to? Who's paying for this? I'm like, bitch, I am paying for this myself. I will take that one. Thank you, and I put it on my right hand. And it's a constant reminder that even if I do have one,

one day on the left hand, that the relationship with myself is the most important one. That's so beautiful. I mean, I think we have to all kind of take that moment and think, I mean, I love the exercise you do with the women that it is, we don't value ourselves, we're givers, we're pleasers, we don't know how to say no. We don't know how not, we always feel like we're getting our worth from that, but to say no, it's okay, I am not, maybe I am selfish, but it's okay to be selfish, that it's okay

if I prioritize myself and my mental health and my mental well-being, that I'm better, everything, better CEO, better lover, a better friend, a better boss. Yeah, reframing that too is my favorite thing. Like reframing saying no to somebody else is saying yes to yourself. I love that you also have scripts about how to say no. I love scripts.

I love scripts too. I was like, yes, that is a good script. Like your boss says do this report. Oh no, okay, that's a good one too, but I love the one about like the neighbor or the, let's do a script. I love it. I'm like, that is so good because I do,

you said something like, don't ever use the word. Like I, some word, I was like, I fuck, I always do that. I'll be like, I would love to just be like, I can't. Can you attend this barcay? No, is it complete sentence? No, is it complete sentence? Yeah. I know. If it's not a helly-ass, it's a no.

If it's a maybe, it's a no. Yeah, if it's, I love that. If it's not a helly-ass, it's a no. Like if someone asked you to do something, you're like, well, I should, but it's a no. Time is your most valuable. I can't wait. It is.

You can always get more money, and it's coming from the money lady. You can not get more time. That's going to be my next tattoo. You're next tattoo. It's going to be my next tattoo. You're next tattoo. It's going to be time. Wait, the first one says what? The second one says...

The first one is a semicolon, is where ascendants can end, but chooses not to. And the second one is superwoman and single needle. And the third one coming soon, I think, is going to be time to remind myself that there will be time for all the things I want to do. But what about this sense of time? I have a really interesting relationship with time where I have worked on this, but I can never, there's not enough time, not time. Oh, I gotta do this, there's no time.

And I understand we have 24 hours in a day, which is annoying, because you then you see you're like, well, that makes me feel worse, because they have the time. So I guess learning to have a handle on time, how did you, how did you do that? You can't, when people say I find the time, amazing. Like how you fuck with a space time continuum, like I bow down to you Einstein. Like nobody in the history of the world

has ever found time. You have priorities, you have values, and you need to be clear on them. And so I think maybe what you're referring to in the book is replacing the, I don't have time for that with that's not a priority. Exactly. And that is, you can, we all have the same time,

but we have different priorities with how we spend our time. So that starts with doing the list and what is really important to you right now. What's my goal for the next five years? And then you look at your list, you're like so clearly, you know, taking this class is not maybe part of my priorities.

My priorities are to find love right now or do whatever that I'm gonna spend time going out with friend. Maybe a class could be in finding love. But again, you just look at your things and then it just makes it a lot easier to make decisions. I think you had a quote in your book too, I think that we spend 47% of our day just mindless,

right? Not paying attention. Yeah. For a society that belongs- Not mind-fall, mindless. Like you literally don't know how you got to A to B. Like you get to work in the morning like how to get here. Right.

It's all in our subconscious. Like that's why we don't think about driving a car. We just go on this autopilot. And you know, we find ourselves in social media rabbit holes all the time, which is one of the big things I had to do is to create boundaries and guardrails around that for myself. Let's talk about boundaries, because I think that boundaries, like some people just think they're like, you know, boundaries just like separate countries, continents, like what is a boundary?

And do you think countries would be down with like fuzzy boundaries? They would not be down. We're not going to be in our past, we're not going to be in your past, we're not. But we're so, we are so down with that because we'll colloquially say, you cross the line, right? That often happens. But where is that line? And that looks different for different people.

And so maybe you're totally down doing your boss's kids science fair project, or maybe you're not, and maybe that's outside of your boundary. Or maybe you actually value money and fame and networking and getting ahead and having fancy friends or whatever. Like just own that. Yeah, take that to a, that's not about. Whatever it is, you're the only person

that has to live by your truth. It doesn't matter what your truth is, but don't try to be somebody for the press release or for the sound bite. But then if you're not trying to, but how do you, again, boundaries, like if we don't know where the line is, it comes down to what I always talk about as communication

is really the basis of what so much I do about talk to you about, about sexual communication or real relationship communication. But sometimes it's so hard because we actually don't even know where the boundaries are, especially for pleasers or codependent or we have a life where we had to please everyone to, for people to love us. So we thought, and so you could be at any age and not learn this. I think most people don't. So how did you, was that part of your work in the last few years? It's like learning like when people have cross the line and then actually saying it because that's the hard part

of saying to people that you look at your superiors or family or old friends, you're like, we don't want people to hate us. So we're like, yeah, you can come stay here for a month or you can take all my money or you can be late or all the things that we do that we are giving up parts of ourselves. So how, you know, how do we do that? And also we come from a scarcity mentality. Women more so than men where we think if we don't say yes to this show or this event or this date, we're never going to get another one.

It's never going to come back. And instead, I think it's thinking about it abundantly that we will have. We always do. We will have more opportunities. And I actually learned the most about boundaries from a horse. It was one of the many classes that I've taken.

Yeah, equin therapy was amazing. Everything I learned about intentions and boundaries, I definitely learned from a horse because it's not about the horse. It's not like petting a horse or riding a horse. Like the horse is a mirror for how you are in relationships. Let's talk about you. I find it fast today. I've done like a few sessions, but I never like did a whole thing. Did you like, I loved it. Yeah. Yeah, I went to Tucson and I did this and it's super. Oh, near by. No expectations, yeah. That's where I did it.

Really? Next thing we're going together. I know. I love it. It's beautiful. And every time I go, I actually have a different experience because I'm in a different place in my life. And the first class I signed up for was this boundaries class and I went in and

all they told you to do was walk a horse. Did you do this one around a ring? Yeah. With a like training whip and so you're just supposed to have the horse follow you and the instructor did it and I looked pretty easy. So I volunteered first of course and I walked into the ring. It's gonna be number one in the equine therapy class. Yeah. And I started petting the horse. I was like, I love you. We got this. And the instructor was like, do you want people to really like you? Do you try to get people to like you? And I was like, oh shit, this is about to get so real. We were just playing with horses. I can't explain this to you,

or whatever. Brush the horse. And so, yeah, she was like, the horse doesn't understand English, the horse doesn't care. Like walk the horse around. Anyway, you have to create a certain distance, not too close, not too far from the horse, and lead the horse with this intention of where you're going

because the horse can feel your energy. It's energy. Totally. That's a thing. So I started going the Clamter Clockwise Direction, which is where they tell you to go. The horse started going in the clockwise direction. So I asked the instructor slash therapist,

slash Dr. Phil, lady. Can I just go this way? Because that's what the horse wants, and I want the horse to be happy. She's like, is that how you are in relationships? Do you do not have your own sense of direction? Do you're just trying to make somebody else happy and? And then I was like oh my gosh Yes, and I finally got the horse to go in the direction that I wanted but we couldn't

Clear a certain part of the circle and the horse would always walk away. I was like, the horse is abandoning me. I was abandoning me. I was abandoning me. All my abandonations came up. And I'm not a cryer normally or like a breaker downer in front of other people. And I totally had this epiphany breakdown moment where I was like, absolutely, this was like how I was with my ex.

I wanted him to be happy. I wanted to follow his direction. I always thought he was abandoning me. We couldn't get across a certain part. We could never get married. And then I realized this horse, she was telling me, it was a rescue horse and the horse never actually goes across this part of the circle with anyone.

It's not me. It's not you. It's not me. I'm like, he's never gonna get married. It's not me. Exactly. Wow, that is really, really powerful. It was no joke.

That is no joke. And so, I mean, I think that that is so, so relatable too in the sense of, even if you're not with a horse, but like that we often just, and I'll come from conditioning from childhood, but we take it out, and if we've been abandoned, or we feel that we have to be a certain way to get people to like us, we never stop and realize like homeostasis, like we change our behavior and then things change

around us. It's not the other way around, reflecting to other people. It's like being truly standing in yourself and what you want and the horse follows you and you're standing in your salad ground of who you are. And hold those. And it's called those who are going and holding space for you and hold the position. Yeah, and even as I was walking out of the ring, I remember it was really difficult to open the latch.

And then I kept trying to come back in. I'm like, let me try it one more time. I got this, I can do this, which is an exact mirror of what my relationship was. Like, let me keep trying at something that doesn't work. It's like, you know, if you try to push too hard on a fart, it's probably shit. Exactly. Exactly.

I love it. Well, they say how you do one thing is how you do everything, right? Is that the saying? How you do what? How you do one thing is how you like this in a relationship. Like people call into the show and I'll be like, yeah, I bet this is happening. It worked too that you feel like you're never appreciated. And like your wife's not appreciated about it.

You're about, you don't feel like you're boss appreciated. So your kid, it's just always the same shit. And that is why going back to therapy, I really try to get this people like, you learn this, you know, doing the equine therapy, but if we could just kind of make what was some stuff in the last few years, that you think you learned that because it all happens in our childhood, we all have stuff. And it's not that our parents, you know, if they did the best they could, all that shit, but what? Because people say, well, yeah, it was bad,

but I've moved on or I got it, but now I hear I don't want to look back. But what is the importance you think of people going back to get perspective on what happened and moving forward? Can you give like one example of something that from your past that has helped you and your present, therapeutically speaking?

I think it ultimately will kick your ass. I think also going to therapy when it's good is where you get the real deep stuff done. As I would always think like, I'm having a good day. I don't need to go to therapy. But those are the days that you actually commit, find the things that will probably come back and kick your ass. An example of that, you know, I reframed a lot of memories. They're framing, yeah. Yeah, I reparented myself. What did that look like, reparenting?

Like thinking of old memories and then replacing my parents with other parents and like imagining other parents? Like inner child work. That's right. It's beautiful. And it came up in my relationships like where my exes have kids. They still have kids.

And stuff would come up there. I was jealous of the kid because they had a good parent and then I was jealous of the mom because I wanted the kid and I couldn't articulate why I was just so angry at the kid. Right. Right. Right. And then that's when I discovered in therapy. And now my, you know, moving forward, I am drawing a hard line around somebody who has kids.

I'm just not going to do it. You're not going to be with someone who already has a kid. I'm not. No, no, no. I'm not seeing that. I'm not seeing that. I'm not seeing that. I'm not seeing that.

I'm not seeing that. I'm not seeing that. I'm not seeing that. I'm not seeing that. I'm not seeing that. I'm not seeing that. I'm not seeing that. I'm not seeing that. I'm not seeing that maybe I'll take that if you smoke, cause it does not, whatever. No, no, what you are, but this is a process. Doing the work, becoming super woman, not super woman. Super woman.

Nicole Dappens book is a simple 12 step plan to go from burnout to balance. Burnout is such a buzzword right now. There's like so much talk about burnout and it's a lot of it's around women. We are burning out because we're never done working. We're always online, your boss could call you anytime of day. There's emails, there's phones. Your boss could call you anytime a day. There's emails or phones.

How could you ever be done? And then when do you say, well, no one else is modeling this to either. So I just think it's a really practical fun read, which I love. It's fun and practical because it was like a hard practical read. I wouldn't read it. But it's practical and you just get through it. You're like, yes, and it reminds you of things. I love that you said you went back and read your book because oftentimes even around here, my friends will be like, listen to your own advice. You just said this to a lookar,

what would you tell yourself? I'm like, God damn it, you're right. You know, you're all half, you're never done, you're not perfect, there is no perfect, progress, not perfection. Keep doing it, totally. And this is making you stronger to go on to the next thing, which is, tell me what work but where can we find you and I was gonna say do you be with you.

Hang out. You should. She's a hot smart amazing woman. It just keeps working on yourself and getting stronger and not even stronger, but just more emotionally evolved in all of these ways that are important. You've got the business stuff and you've got, but now you're becoming more of a superwoman before all of our eyes. Thank you. Thank you. That's how others. Thank you.

Yeah. I mean, I got through the flames. I wanted to bring back some buckets for those still caught in the fire. And I had that study, the largest study ever done on women and burnout and found that we're nearing these insane levels, but yet what I found most fascinating is that only half of us think that there's a problem. Well, that's okay. So before I wanted to, I actually marked this because it was really interesting. Oh, you have so many post-its. I know.

No, no, dude, this is real. We like you. Okay. Okay. You said, you did a research on burnout. So you said 82% of respondents have experienced burnout, 89% filter on the verge, 49% had a legit breakdown, 71% their close to experiencing one, 88% at a time

when mental or emotional stress affected the work, 50% feels anxious for a more days a week, and then the kicker is, but 63-eight percent, they feel their life is a single law. What? Right! You're about to break down, but I can handle this for another 10 years until you can't. Right. You're just like, I'm just gonna keep jogging along. I know there's a problem, but like nothing's seen, nothing to see. Let's just keep going. That's, I think, the biggest danger. That's huge. That's such a great, you did such great work. Does people just get your books so they don't have to crash and burn? Yeah, please learn from me. So they get you but reach bids or boss boss bitch or your courses?

Yeah, the money school that goes beyond rich bitch as an online video masterclass with quizzes and work sheets and A whole community and then the boss school that Follows and goes beyond boss bitch and then the valent school that goes beyond that follows and goes beyond boss bitch and then the valence school that goes beyond becoming super woman. It's too at home. Yeah. It's too the school. And I interviewed a lot of badass super women who tell me about their struggles with it because I think somebody has to go first with this stuff. It's like I'll show you mine if you show me yours. Well, right. It was really vulnerable to talk about you like, you know, waking up in a psych ward. Like what happens? Like that's a really brave and not easy to put that out to your listeners who are your readers and so congratulations on you. Yeah. If you would have asked me, I wanted to

whitewash everything in my early career. I wanted to just make everything perfect. I would have never imagined like talking about the most taboo things. And I think those are the ones that resonate. They do. The most makes you real and authentic. If people even more so, it's funny the things that we think we can't do are the things that actually make you relate to us the most. We're the you real and authentic and people even more so it's funny the things that we think we can't do are the things It actually make it relate to us the most more the most real and authentic So they can you call up and I have to ask you five quicky questions. We ask all of our guests Your biggest turn on Intellect biggest turn off Your spelled in core incorrectly. You're still the director

Yeah, that is that the first time I've heard it I come out a lot of times what makes good sex You're spelled incorrectly. You're spelled incorrectly. Yeah, that is that the first time I've heard it. I've heard about it a lot of times. What makes good sex? Connection. Something you tell your younger self about sex and relationships. You should have more of it. Number one, sex tip.

Oh my gosh. Number one, sex tip. A Kippy relationship. Number one sex tip. A Kippie version. Uber loop. Oh. Yes, did I give you some? Or do you just... No. I host FounderMade and they have a booth there.

Oh, dude. Yeah, we are a game changer. Game changer? You're right. I love it. Okay, I mean, not you're right. You can have your own choice there, but I agree. Okay, thank you so much, Nicole Lapidvere.

We call me Super One. Everyone check it out. All right, guys. thanks for listening to this show for supporting it for reviewing it for telling a friend and also thanks to my amazing team Kristen Michelle Alisa Heather producer Jamie and Michael was a good for you email me feedback at section Emily dot com .com.