Sex With Emily - Best Of: All Aboard The Booty Train

Episode Date: January 27, 2021

Today, I’m throwing it back to one of my most favored episodes and giving you a crash course in all things anal, the not-so-surprising sex trend of the decade. I also give my some tips on going deeper into tantric sex, why it’s best not to share your sex number with your partner, and how Kegel exercises affect your penis. Plus, I discuss the age-old debate of love vs. lust, and how to know the difference.For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It doesn't matter because every time you have sex with someone, it's totally different. To do a come together, it's a whole new jam. And so the past does not matter. At all, unless you've been STD, you should definitely share that. But that's the only past a male obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on days. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. and liberate the conversation around sex. All right, today's show. Yes, we're talking about the booty. I'm gonna give you some tips and tricks for just starting out with some anal play. You asked for it, I'm gonna get into it. I'm also making your calls. We're gonna get a little bit deeper into tantric sex

why you don't have to share that sex number with your partner. We're talking about Kegel exercises, love versus lust, so many things. And I love this episode because it's actually one of my favorites from a few years ago and I realized it was one of the first times I took calls from you. And it was so great to talk to you. So you'll hear me say, like, oh, wow, this is so fun. And now I've been doing it for a few years, which I love talking to all of you.

And also I realize, you know it's funny, you go back and you listen to things, I talk about the G spot, and as you know, if you've been listening, I don't love you, it called the G spot. I think it's more of an area, I think it's about the internal, literal nerves. And G, that was a guy named Grafenberg.

He didn't have a G spot. Why is it named after Grafenberg? So, I just wanted to give you that caveat for the episode. I think you're gonna love it. Okay, intentions with Emily for each episode. Join me in setting an intention. I do it, I encourage you to do the same. It could be, I wanna learn more about anal sex.

I don't even know where to begin. My intention is to give you a few tips to get started with anal sex. I don't even know where to begin. My intention is to give you a few tips to get started with anal play because I get so many questions from you on this subject. And I just want you to be prepared and enjoy it. Should it come to that? This isn't by no means every anal tip. We've got a lot of stuff on our website and we'll be doing more podcasts on this subject. All right, enjoy the show. I just want to share some sex in the news and some tips that have been going down lately, okay?

So if you've heard that the great news, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are engaged. So this is another fun worldwide distraction. I think it's great if you're into it. The royals, they look really happy. My congratulations to them. Here's my concern about it though, you guys. I'm not gonna put a damper on the whole royal parade here, but in his first interview, Prince Harry said these words.

He knew she was the one, the first time they met. And I just thought, oh my God, all these women, all these men are like, well, love it for sight. That's what I'm going to look for. I'm going to just, if I don't know it with somebody right away, that's it. This exists, and literally it's like a princess fairy tale. And I think that's sweet and lovely, but it is really not based in reality at all. And I've always said this, it's lust at first sight, but let's not call it love. Okay, but not to worry, because lust, you know, could actually be a precursor to love. And

there's a started to back me up here. Love at first sight probably isn't a real thing in here is why. They did a study with a bunch of people asking them their feelings of attraction to strangers. They asked them about love a bunch of people asking them their feelings of attraction to strangers. They asked them about love and intimacy and passion and commitment. And then they had a mark like, oh, I'm experiencing love at first sight. Well it turns out they did this study. And people who declared they felt love at first sight with like someone they saw a picture of or they met briefly.

It wasn't reciprocated at all. And it turns out that what we're feeling and they say in the study is that, had nothing to do with love at first sight, but it was lust at first sight. We had an attraction to this person. We thought, oh, they're really attractive. I would have sex with them.

You know, all this love at first sight stuff the study shows that it does not resemble passionate love or love at all. It's just lust. So don't lose hope of finding that person because it's not way on bam. You knew it right away, just like Prince Harry. But let's say you're already in love.

So you're in love and you're every night, you're going to bed with your partner. What I've been hearing lately from like literally everybody is they can't sleep. There's so many more sleep issues. I feel like we're we are a nation obsessed with sleep right now. You know, Ariana Huffington did a great book that came out, I think last year about sleep. And everyone's just like, you gotta sleep. And it's true, you guys. I think that it really is true that if you get enough sleep, you're much more high-functioning.

And the reason why we are not sleeping is a lot of it has to do with, you know, overexposure to our electronics. We bring them into the bedroom. We're watching the tablets. We don't. We're drinking too much caffeine. We have too much anxiety and stress. There's a lot of reasons, but there is a study that says sex before bedtime is the secret for better night sleep.

But only if it hits the juice spot or any spot. The research found that two thirds of people slept better after having sex, but only if it involved an orgasm for both parties. Which hey, let's be honest, it always should. 64% of people said they slept better when sex was with the partner and involved orgasms for all. So you guys, this is great evidence here, strong evidence that you should substitute that screen time for some more play time and some more sex time. And another study done said that a combination of sex and a good night's sleep had the biggest impact on well-being.

And also, fouled up to say, better sleep is the biggest single contributor to living better. And those who describe themselves as happy were also more likely to be satisfied with their sex lives and vice versa. So yeah, you guys turn off the TVs, leave the phones outside the room, and turn each other on. And speaking of turning each other on. Okay. Finally, sex habits of young people have changed over the past 20 years study shows. I declared when I started my show in 2005 that anal was the new blow job.

This was 12 or almost 13 years ago now. I was like, I don't remember hearing about anal sex that much. I'm not saying people weren't having anal sex, but I don't think that they were having as much as they are now. They weren't even as interested in it because they didn't know it was on the table. Like, do people really have anal sex all the time? I mean, obviously we know there's an anus

and there's an option. I think with the rise of porn, we're seeing a lot more anal happening. I think people were like, well, I'm gonna get on the anal train. The study found that people age 16 to 24 who have had vaginal oral anal sex has risen dramatically in the past two decades. And in 1991, 1991, one in 10 people said they tried anal sex

and 10 lit years later, it's like six out of 10 people. So we're having more anal, but again, you guys with new health habits also comes health risks. And it's the job of all of us educators to keep you informed on how to have, you know, safe and satisfying anal sex. So I just thought I'd leave you here before I get in some calls with a few of my favorite anal tips. First, he always wanted to know why is it so taboo? I just got to ask that. And you know, I think it's because we are told it's only for exiting and there's all these beliefs around it,

but let's break some of that down. I think that we get it, you know, why would we do it? It's not even a Roger in his own, that is not true. Some of you are like, oh, well, it's too messy and it's dirty, it's gonna be too painful. Yeah, it can be painful if you do it incorrectly and it can be messy, but I'm gonna show you how to do it right. It's only for gay men.

No, a sex act does not make you gay. What the act that you are doing, it just means that men depends who you're having sex with. It just means you like your aine is played with. Some people think it's really unhealthy and it's dangerous and all these concerns are because we don't have a lot of great information about how to have healthy anals. So here we go.

How do you prep for it? How do you get clean? First, make sure that you take a shower and clean your genitals, use non-airitating soap. You know, it's not necessary to do an end-em-up. People often ask me this, but I do think that if you're really concerned, you can get one of the store and just take out the vinegar that's in there and then replace it with warm water. I mean, but you know if you've had a really big meal or you're not feeling up to it, it's probably not the night to do it. Safety.

Yes, it's important to, you don't use condoms, you don't dental dams or whatever you want to use, you can still get an STD from anal sex. That is true. Also make sure that you clean your hands and you trim your nails. My next tip, lube. Okay, not you know how to do about lube. Lube makes any sexual activity that much more pleasurable. But with anal, you definitely need lube

and then you need to reapply the lube because the anal erectal canal are not self lubricating like the vagina. Now yes, you might feel some wetness in the beginning but it doesn't provide enough wetness or pleasure for penetration. So what Lube is best? I mean, I really like silicone Lube because it lasts the longest.

It can cause some irritation for people, not normally, but you could use water-based. But just it's personal preference, but please use Lube. I love pure Lube. It's called PJUR. They make an awesome Lube. They make silicone. They make also water based. They make a lot of lubs. Okay, you want to warm up first. You do not want to go from zero to anal. We carry a lot of tension in our butt. I mean, think about it. So, whatever you need to get into it, like handles, take a bath, put out a central playlist,

poor glass of wine, maybe just one. And it also helps if you're really aroused. So having orgasm or two beforehand helps you relax. I'm talking a lot for vulva owners here right now in this one, but this also helps for anybody trying anal, right? Can help for vulva owners, oh, to maybe have an orgasm or two beforehand, which in turn can relax your sphincter muscles, the entryway into your anus. And even during anal, it's okay to encourage your partner to keep the foreplay going, because

the more it turned on, the more enjoyable it's going to be for everybody. Like everything, you want to start off slow. You can even start exploring it on your own. I'm cool with that when you're masturbating and you have clean fingers and trim nails, you can go for a gander and check it out yourself. And then you can try it with a partner. Just make sure that you use a loop and go slow. Another important thing about anal sex, don't forget to breathe.

Now listen, it's our natural instinct when we're nervous or we're trying to think you that we're going to tense up. And that's the opposite of what you should be doing. So deep breathing is going to reduce your anxiety. And then the exhale alleviates all that tension that you have, particularly in those fintermuscles in your anus. And remember, when you're trying any kind of fencer muscles in your anus. And remember, when you're trying any kind of anal play, you want to communicate.

If you want your partner to go slower, time to go slower. Faster, take a break, that's all okay. So, now that we've got all the breathing and the lube and the floor play out of the way, all that stuff, let's talk about fingers. I mean, if you've never had anyone, you know, if you've never felt the sensations, you can just explore and just go slow. Using a lot of loop, you can just use the pad of your finger around the opening. And that can also relax the ainess, allowing a finger to kind of go in more comfortably. But you can just slowly gently push up and down on the opening and just remember to breathe and see how it feels. And then you can slowly put a finger inside and play with pressure and rhythm.

And again, just make sure that you warm up because it's always like a slow deliberate process. And then, if that feels good, you can always move to anal. Now, the reason I'm talking about fingers is because we tend to rush to penetration and we're not warmed up and we're not ready. And that's why we be able to get such a bad rap is because we don't know the main points, which is our

about breathing, going slow, using lube, being turned on and communicating. So don't rush to penetration. And then when you do, you know, there's different positions you can try, you could do the with being on top. So if you're on top and it's your first time, this is great because it helps you control the speed and the depth.

You could also do missionary, you know, then you just like your legs are lifted up and your partner's going inside of you. You could also do a spooning position. And this way, if you have a vulva or penis, you can still rub yourself and so make sure that you're turned on. And there's also a lot of great toys you could use.

So play with anal play and have fun. Be safe. Use the lube and go slow. All right, so there's some beginner anal. Have fun with it. Let me know if you've questions. I got you. And let's get into know if you have questions. I got you. And let's get into your calls now, everyone.

I'm excited. If you have a question you want me to answer on the show, that's amazing. We made it really easy to ask a question. Just submit a question from the sexwithmwe.com website via the Ask Emily tab. And as always, I love it when you include information that helps me answer your question best, your gender, your age where you live and how you listen to the show. Scott and Denise and their late 40s from Alabama, they're married and they want to connect on a deeper level, not just a wild sex level.

Hello, Scott and Denise, I love having a couple here we can talk to. It's fun. Tell me what's going on. Well, fantastic. Well, we've done pretty much everything sexually that you can possibly think of as a couple. And we're really looking for the needs to have more orgasms, more frequent, because right now the only way she can have those orgasms is because we're in an open marriage when I tell her when I go out and sleep with somebody else and surprise her with that

while she's having sex with me. Then she has the types of orgasms like John has explained the fuck me to God orgasms. Denise, you got fucked to God? Yes. That's amazing. But only when I tell her about other women I slept with. Okay. Wow. Okay.

Wow. Okay, because you're fancy, because you're in your head, and you're like, wow, that's really hot. Is that what it is, Denise? Tell me about what's going on there, because a lot of women might be listening to me, that wouldn't turn me on at all. Which, I understand. Then I hear this from men a lot too.

They want to hear about their partner's past sexual exploit. So tell me about it for you, Denise. I don't know. I just find it just really really attractive that women other women find him so attractive and they find him so attractive they can't resist him but I know he's in love with me right and I'm special but I'm not jealous in any way I love him getting the attention right okay so that's how you're having great orgasms so I'm not jealous in any way. I love him getting the attention. Right. OK, so that's how you're having great orgasms.

So I'm wondering if you guys want to, because that's really in your head. During sex, it's hot. He tells you a story, then it gets and you're hearing the words, and that's really sexy. So if you guys want to have more deeper intimate, like you said, you listened to the John Wyland stuff, and exploring Tantra, and exploring a deeper connection,

where you sit and you look into each other's eyes and you build your erotic energy together through breath. Denise said still might turn you on always and there's nothing wrong with you know, that's actually amazing that you so many people is like, I wish I knew what turned me on. Like what could he say? So that's great. But for this next level, I think you're going to find some more texture to this and some more things that could turn you on and it might just be that deeper connection of looking to each other's eyes, regulating

each other's breath, running energy that you'll start to feel each other's energy if you will and each other's bodies that you'll be, you could learn to have full body orgasms. That's just a lot more available to you that would be separate. Yeah, different. We want to explore because I don't, I don't necessarily want him out there at risk. Right. I think there's so many risks on so many different levels, you know, socially, physically. You know that our family, of course, this is a very, very private thing that we do so yeah of course it's extremely private I think it could be really exciting to find to find other ways to get there and

so I think that if you guys are interested in tonter like it it's speaking to you then you could probably find some people to to teach it to you I think that you guys could still roleplay this too so I think role playing can be really hot. So instead of actually having Scott go out and sleep with these women, if you if you guys dress up in a part and like create stories together, maybe like I know that you know that it's actually not real, but it's kind of creating scenarios together. Do you know what I'm saying? Like other other things that you guys could do that would be along that vein that you guys play do that would be along that vein that you guys could play together or won't play. We've done all kinds of things.

Okay, you guys have done it all. Sounds like you're like, we just want, yeah, okay. And I'm an intellectual and so I know when he's lying. Right, right. Okay, so this boy, so I don't get get there I don't get the client right right well look I get it okay I so I think that town especially because you're an intellectual and you're in your head like for women I would say our brain is the largest sex organ we got to you know because once we start thinking thoughts

we're gonna get aroused we're gonna get you know we're gonna have start having sex to be turned on. And so the words and all that, it's very important. But I think it would also be great exercise for both of you to get into your body's more, because if you're so in your head, you're gonna be amazed at like, when you literally are without thought,

but it's your breath and the intimacy and that connection that you're sharing together, I think it'll be next level sex for you guys. And so we've got, I was Janay. Okay, so she was on our show, she's got a great, she was on a few weeks ago. Did you guys listen to the show with Janay? Yeah, I did. That was the first one I ever heard. That was the first one you ever heard?

Yeah, the first one I ever heard. I found you Phoenix to go and that's the first one I ever heard. Oh my God, I'm so glad to welcome to the sector of the Mee family. Well, thank you. I love it. Well, OK, so she's got a course, right? Explore Tantra. If you go to her website, it's powerofpleasure.com. OK.

And it's for couples. And it's instruction for couples. It says explore Tantra under services. It looks like. And she's got it. You can learn how do you honor the divine, masking, and feminine, creating a sacred space for love making the art of conscious touch and

Yeah, she's got these intensive so I would contact her and ask her about it and tell her that you heard it from sexual Emily And if that doesn't work, well some other ones But I feel like this would be so great for you guys It'll really enhance and deepen your intimacy and your sex life. I love it. What do you think? That's great. Thank you. Welcome. Let me know it goes. I mean think? I think that's great. Thank you. You're welcome. Let me know. I mean that when I say that, I actually do want to hear what happens after you guys explore Tantra.

Because you're going to be like, what other women? You guys are going to be next level and I'm excited. Well, we came late. I've already picked up a book and started reading, but it's just a general random book. And so I was looking for more resources, just for sure. And online course will be great for you guys, because you could have it once a week.

You may have it work, you download things, you do a chapter a week, and you guys like work on it together. That would be so fun. Yeah, I would be fine. I know. I would come. Sounds fun, but I won't, because I'll let you guys

do that on your own. Super interesting. OK, thank you, Skondonese. This is fun talking to you. Oh, you guys, T on your own. Super intimate. Okay, thank you, Skyn Denise. This is fun talking to you. Oh, you guys, Tantra, I'm way into it. I'm telling you guys, I feel like it is not for everybody, but if you really want to get into your body more, you're feeling disconnected from your partner,

from yourself, it's really the cool thing. It's hard for me to even explain it to you and tell you experience it. I kind of shied away from it because I'm like, I have no time to learn to haunt her all. Like, I'm very busy. It's so simple, you guys. It's like breath and eye contact is very basic.

Tantra 101 and I think it can serve a lot of you. Our next color is John. He's 40 in Austin and he wants to know if male kegel exercises increase the size of the penis. Hi John, thanks for calling in. Hi. Hi. Yeah, thanks.

Yeah, hi. This is so fun. Okay,. Tell me what's going on. So listen to your podcast Here you bring up you know, cable exercises before a while there. I thought you know, just kind of like my boat jumbo Right, well, you know, it's a download your app and you know and started Download the kegel, right? Yes, man, got to get it. Yes, ma'am. I'm seeing a difference, but in research, before I downloaded app and listen to your podcast, I was kept seeing opinions, growth, and so forth. And then with the internet, you get kind of in a day to have all this milk enhancement.

Right. You know, was it gelking or what? Yeah, gelking. It's all coming up. Not off. Judging, gelking. So with all this stuff out there, I never talked about the penis growing so I my thing with key exercises are that it really helps men have a jackatory control it it's really great for the prostate it get help men yeah just have better sex because they're controlling it your

orgasms can become stronger and it's just really healthy for a lot of men to do your kidney strength in the pelvic floor for men and for women. But as far as penis size and penis growth, you might see some temporary, if you tried one of these supplements, you asked me about the supplements or whatever, it's a temporary, if you see anything, it's like swelling,

but I don't ever advise any of that. I think key exercises are the healthiest way to just kind of have more control and enjoy sex more. What kind of differences were you seeing? But the gaglux size, I've noticed a stronger record. Yes. And, you know, better ejaculation orgasms. But yeah, and that's kind of what I thought. And that's kind of what I want to hear is just, you know, I see this supplement, you know, grocery stores, so, you know, extreme

penis growth and all those. And just didn't help with just some sort of marketing, pulling, just kind of. It's marketing. I'm so glad you're asking because I think people just, like, impulse buy, like, hey, bigger penis, I'll try it. You know what I mean? Like, no, none of this stuff works.

And the jelking and all those things, it's like them. And then, what are they called? Yeah, like the jelking or the penis pumps, it's temporary. Like for a second, if, yeah, if you pump a lot of water, your penis might like swollen for an hour, but no, none of that is real. The realest thing that you can do is exactly what you're doing. You're sticking with your kegels, doing them five times,

you know, five in today or as much as you feel great, you know, a few times a week, you will, you see a difference, right? Your erections are stronger, your 40 years old. And don't you think you have more, like you can kind of shoot it across the room when you regulate if you want to do? Yeah, yeah, I think you can do that. She can cross the room, don't hit anyone in the eye.

But it happens. So yeah, that's cool. It's totally working for you. We love it. It's great to come. Of course. Thank you for listening and welcome to the Sex of the Family World. All right, thanks everyone.

Have a great night. Bye. Stay with us. After the break, I topped a Chelsea who a dildo at her boyfriend's place. Stay tuned. Okay, we've got Chelsea. She's 28 from Canada, and she wants to talk to her boyfriend about a past experience. He shared when he was intoxicated, but she's afraid she might embarrass him. Hi Chelsea.

Hi. Hi. So good to talk to you. I'm excited to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, I'm excited to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, I'm excited to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, I'm excited to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, I'm excited to get to the bottom of this.

Yeah, I'm excited to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, I'm excited to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, I'm excited to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, I'm excited to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, I'm excited to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, I'm excited to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, I'm excited to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, I'm excited to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, I'm excited to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, I'm excited to get to Let's unpack this. That's a link and understand what's been going on and we'll figure it out. Okay, all right. So I recently left a really long-term relationship and while I was out there doing my Cravy,

Sexy, rebound phase, I like to know that's really nice guy and it was just supposed to be kind of one-off and I ended up being in a really nice relationship with him. Anyway, we've been seeing each other for about four months and it's such good sex. It's so great. He's really open-minded and he's really kinky and he's really dominant, which I really love. Anyway, we've been seeing each other for a while and I'm at his house half the time. I'm all doing laundry and things like that now and I'm over there. Recently, I was tid tying up a few things in his room

and I picked up a shirt and I found it still dope in it. And I know he's not seeing anyone else. So I know it's not for that. So I just kind of put a few things together about that. And I think he's into evil stuff, but he won't tell me. Anyway, the other things I noticed, like he told me once when he was a really,

really drunk study, had sex with a transsexual woman when he was in Thailand. And from, I asked, yeah, I know. So I asked him a few questions about it at the time and she had a penis and they did stuff, right? And it wasn't a profanity, like it was a woman he liked, but picked up it far, basically. And then the other thing I found on his computer, one time it opened it up and he was watching porn with a girl with a strap on. Right, okay, there you go. Right.

I kind of put all these things together. Yeah, good job. Yeah, he let he win. Right, okay, he was the little anal penetration we're thinking. Yeah, I am thinking that. Right. I brought up the thing about the prostitute, or not the prostitute, sorry was the little anal penetration we're thinking. Yeah, I am thinking about that. I brought up the thing about the prostitute, or not the prostitute, or the Thai woman, to him before.

And he was really cagey about it and really private. And the thing with his, Bill Doge was obviously trying to hide it from me and I didn't mean to stumble upon it. And so he's obviously really private about this. And I just want to find a way to bridge this gap and let him know that I'm hoping to upon it. And so he obviously really pivored about this and I just wanna find a way to bridge this gap and let them know that I'm okay. Because you are, right? You'd be open to playing with it

or would you be open to learning? Have you ever pegged somebody or have you ever penetrated a man, Anely? No, I'm very naive. Okay, right. And you guys could learn together too, because it's a process, you know? But it's like, I think that's cool.

And I think that if he knew that you were into it, like he'd be by so relieved, but he probably gets KD about the story about transsexual because he's like, oh, you know, you're gonna judge even though you're not, but I think a great way to be like, have you guys talked about your sex life at all? Like it sounds like you're really open,

but if you had a conversation where you're like, is there anything you've been wanting to try conversations or like, let's do a bucket list and, you know, each write down three things you wanna try. Have you guys had that conversation? But he like all of us was like, oh, I don't know what I'm gonna come do and everything I wanna do.

I'm like, I'm pretty sure that's not true, but I was sure it wasn't true at the time. Right, right, right. So maybe like, okay, so I just think that you could come out and just talk to me like, I mean, is there anything that you've been wanting to try? Like, I do wanna try that. I'm pretty much open to anything. I mean, you could just let him know and just talk to me like I mean it's really that you've been wanting to try. Oh like I do want to try that. I'm pretty much open to anything.

I mean you could just let them know and you could just be like I feel like most couple I feel like this is kind of standard guys are like are you into ask that like has he asked you have you guys done anal sex have you added those sex? Oh yeah we have. Okay so I mean what I have to say like do you like it what if you just say to like literally like I'd like to play with her you just try to start touching it one day we said what if you just put your finger on you start touching it with some loot like lightly like you putting your fingers around it Like you don't ever man with women with man anyone with anyone woman with woman doesn't matter

You slowly touch you just start to touch around that area with like you know because there's so many nerve-riding just on the outside of the A-ness like around the whole so you can just start grabbing down there one day, like, and not grabbing. Sorry, lightly gently touching and see how it feels. And then it's like, cool. I mean, I feel like, I mean, you could also say to them, like, I just want to do that. Would you be cool with it? You could just say, I'm interested in exploring that.

Or you could just try it. Yeah, I think I could probably do that. I mean, like, he's never really had like a super long term relationship before. And I feel like the one he was in wasn't very open to that in the past. So like last week I like he had a ball of like for the first time in his life. He had a what? He's balls like, oh my god, you're pulling his mind.

Wow. Okay, so he doesn't have a lot of experience with women. People have judged him in the past. He's got shame around seeing the transactual. You're totally down with it, but I'm telling you, sometimes it takes, you gotta tell him five different ways. You know what I mean? You might say it, you show it, and he knows your cool check.

But until you actually are like, I accept you, I see you, I wanna try you, you guys will grow, and you guys will get even closer, because if this is something that he's feeling really vulnerable and threatened by, if he feels accepted, it'll just make you guys even closer, which you're totally accepting of it. So it has to be like another layer of it, like another way to bring it up again. So I think either

just trying it or saying like, I think it'd be really hot. This is so fun. You get to like, rock as world. So I should just go for it. Yeah, just go for it. Sometimes when you're person in relationship, you like, just go for everything. And then as you settle into your routine, you start to like develop these these, I don't know, kind of like walls about stops because it didn't come up in your crazy days basically. Right. So I should just... They should never end up like that.

No, but that's a thing you should remember that your sex life is expansive and constantly evolving and growing and the people who have the healthiest sex lives and the healthy relationships are the ones who are never like, no, we're done. We got all that crazy stuff out of our way. You're constantly growing and exploring and trying new things all the time because that's what's gonna keep you together and keep the juice flowing.

So that's the good stuff. Yeah. So you can just tell them, too, hey, I'm really invested in prioritizing our relationship and our sex life and making it as fun as it can and it's interesting. And so here's some things I've been thinking, I think you just have to be in that state of positivity.

Maybe not trying to catch them, you don't have to mention the dildo, I bet you eventually he'll just whip it out when you guys get to that place. So I think it's more about giving it space. Yeah, I think you will. So I think, all right, yeah, you're good though. I don't think as we go whole like deep talk,

but just kind of like casually bring up your sex life and I'm sure it'll just come out and he'll be fine and be like, in champion. Well, that kind of talks about experimenting more and bringing in like another girl or something like that. I'm gonna be like, the next time you pass that experimenting more and bringing in another girl or something like that, I'm gonna be like, oh, we can just experiment too, but, so don't you wanna try any other type of experiment?

Exactly, exactly. You could even tell him you were listening to this podcast and they talked about pegging, and then I actually, I have said this, this year was last year I guess, was the year of the pegging. Pegging was the new, the new, whatever.

Sporting, I swear to God, it's in 12 years I've been doing this show, I don't think, I think in the last year and a half, I've gotten more emails from men, straight men, asking about being pegged and being penetrated than ever before. So I feel like there's a movement and you're right on top of it.

Chelsea, you are the leader. Maybe I'll get him that for Christmas. I'll get him a thing to come on. Exactly! Oh my God, go to Reptile. Have fun. There you go. It's a good stocking stuff for Dildo.

With the fixed view strap on, if it's right in the stocking. Just still doing it in front of the stocking. Don't do it with the parents, right? OK, it's your separate stocking. OK, thanks, Chelsea. Yeah, definitely. Thanks for bringing me back to you. Of course, you too.

Thank you for listening. You're calling in. Bye. Yeah, thanks. The good news you guys about sex is that a lot of these things that we're doing with, we just got to be really honest. We got to talk, and we got to let go of all of our art.

God, it's a lifetime process, but letting go of the shame and the worry and the concern we have about what everyone's going to think about us. Because I think that when you're talking to your partner about sex, we all want the same thing, right? We all want to have be satisfied and have great sex. We're not want the same kind of things, actually. But learning how to have these conversations, I'm telling you the more you have them, the easier they become, and you just say it.

You're talking about the weather. When I first started my show, it wasn't as easy for me to talk about sex. And now I'm just like, oh, it's sex, right? You guys didn't feel like you'll get to this level 12 years, 5,000 podcasts, but it does get easier. It's not as much of a taboo thing, and you'll open up this real rich way of talking about with your partner that will seem like totally natural and you'll both be very satisfied. Okay, our next color is Angela. She's 26 from California and she wants to talk about

telling your current partner your sex number. Hi Angela. Hi, I'm Melanie. I'm great. I'm so happy to be talking to you because this is one of my favorite topics. I have a lot of opinions about it and advice. So tell me what's going on. Sure. So the reason I asked is because one of the last guys I dated, I thought we were getting kind of serious, but he had asked me my number and I told him and of course he had only

stopped with a few people. So I feel like he completely judged me for it. He would only say little comment here and there kind of insinuating that I was like he completely judged me for it. He would only say little comment here and there kind of in stimulating that I was like a slaughtered with so many people. And so it kind of sent me back thinking like, oh, is he telling me straight to my face? Like, or another guy just weren't when I told him

my number or just kind of make too nervous for the future if I ever want to, you know, fill it down with someone if they don't think I'm like material. Oh God. Yeah, I get it, honey. And I got to say something. Here's what's going to change your life right now

about this concern you're having. You never, ever need to share your number. In fact, I always advise against it. It never helps anybody. It's like if you ask, you know, women are going to be judged in some way. Like you're going to see this slutty or not, you know, too much experience, too little experience.

Men are seen as players or they're not. And everybody lies about their numbers anyway. And then we get the information from our partner and then we use it against them and we torture ourselves. Because we really, we can't get that image for some men. They hear the number and they're like, oh my God. They can't get the image of other penises

being inside of you. So she's like, oh my God, all those men in the room. And like they already, they told us like, they're looking for reasons, men and women and not consciously, but we're gonna use this and we're gonna judge. And that's all we ask. So I say when you get asked this question, you could say, you know what? I found this is not a useful conversation. I'd really like to focus on the sex that we're having right now and how awesome it is. And you just don't answer. Like you literally, because it's nobody's business, how many you've slept with, because it really,

it's a texture of who you are, Angela, you keep sleeping with 50, 100, it doesn't matter. Like the number does not mean anything, unless you're like, I've had a lot of trauma and I haven't enjoyed all the partners and I don't know why I'm having sex and why my number keeps going up but you're not saying that at all. I don't think you are, right?

I mean, do you feel bad? If there was no doubt, would you care how many you slept with? You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. Aren't you proud of them? You get those partners you had good sex? The reason he will ask typically is because we want to know where we're using it as this guide post, which is sort of false to how we fit in their eyes. So it's more about our own security.

Like, oh, you know, if your guys ask you, well, like, is she going to think that I'm not good enough and bad? Because he's probably insecure that he has enough partners. So he thinks that you, since you've had 30 partners, are judging him. He's not as good and bad. See what I'm not good enough and bad because he's probably insecure that he has enough partners. So he thinks that you, since you've had 30 partners, are judging him, but he's not as good and bad. See what I'm saying? And so for women, they might look at their partner saying, oh, he's been with so many same thing, and I'm not adequate, or he hasn't been with enough, so he's not going to know. It just doesn't, sir, it doesn't matter because every time you have sex with someone, it's totally different. To become together, it's a whole new jam. And you get

to learn into other's bodies and you get to you get to decide what kind of great sex we have and what it means to you both together as a union. So the past does not matter. At all, unless you've an STD, you should definitely share that. But that's the only past you should be talking about. How does that feel? I've never thought of that before, so. Okay, really, yeah, because we think we have to.

Like I know, seriously, I think in your 20s, people ask that a lot. I think as you get, in your 30s, you'll think we have to. Like, I know, and I seriously think in your 20s, people ask that a lot. I think as you get, like in your 30s, you'll kind of stop asking, I hope. But it doesn't mean that you have to answer it. I used to think under duress, like you just answer. Like this is what, it's like where are you from? Do you have any siblings?

How many will you sub with, right? And it just, it's not like that. So, yeah. Check this one off. I wonder if I really appreciate it. Of course, Angela. Yeah, you got this. Keep doing you. Thanks for calling in. Thanks. Have this one off. I really appreciate it. Of course, Angela. Yeah, you got this. Keep doing you.

Thanks for calling in. Thanks. Have a great night. I'll see you all again. Bye. Yeah, guys, really. We stop and think before people ask you questions that you don't want to answer, and even if it's about you here, I want to have a feel about the partners, but even if they're like,

how, let me think the things that women have tortured themselves with, like, what was your ex-like embed? Did she give you a lot of blow jobs? And the guy's like, oh, she was the best ever, or she gave me blow jobs every time we had said, none of this stuff is going to help you in your current relationship. And I know that we sometimes we ask,

it's like watching a card rock, right? We're like, I'm gonna ask these questions and then I'm gonna beat myself out with it and make it myself feel bad that my partner's former partner was better than I was. So I just think that, well, we think it's gonna service all this past nonsense about what happened in past typically doesn't help. Now, there are some scenarios that when we're in a healthy, stable relationship, or we've been together well, that talking about the past can actually be really erotic, and it can be actually

be something that turns it on. Like time of that time, you were in a threesome, and that's healthy, that's great. But when you're just meeting somebody and you're using it as a way to make sense of your relationship with your partner and see where you fit in his sexual or her sexual landscape, talk about how you can make that the best ever. We've got Julie. She's 47 from California and she wants to know if it's possible for birth control pills to affect the G spot orgasm. Hi, Julie. Thanks for calling in. Hello. Hello. Thank you for your email, which I read, but I'd love to just kind of unpack it with you. So, are my listeners can understand what's telling me what's going on? Let's just talk

about it. Problem is, when I first had my G-spot that was my husband 15 years ago, and it was most amazing thing ever so we were at it all the time until I got pregnant and then I had to take the abortion pill and then I took the birth one to a pill and that definitely became a birth control pill because it totally killed my libido and I almost feel like someone put an aesthetic inside, but they just don't feel anything. And so we just stop having sex and he also had anxiety problems because he didn't want that to happen again. So we just didn't do it. And then when we do it, nothing feels right.

And even when I talk to a gynecologist about it, she kind of agreed with me. She said that her friend of hers, who's a doctor, is writing a book about it. And I wish I wrote down his name. I'm sorry, writing a book about, can I ask you a question, Julie? So are you saying, did you or with your husband and you used the abortion pill to not have the morning after

pill or was abortion pill actually to have it? It was actual abortion pill. Right, okay. But at the time, I didn't know you just take whatever the doctor tells you. In hindsight, I did not do that. I was paying more attention to taking what you put in your body. No, right. I know.

I just, and I thought they'll be easier than having a surgery. I mean, so I just took the easy way out. Right. Right now, I just feel like I really respect the students. So, since, so this was, okay, so how many years ago was this? And that was like, that was, um, 2000, 2001. Okay. So this is a long time ago.

And so you're saying since then, you don't feel like you have any Sensations and when you're having sex you don't desire sex. Yes Well now now I do I Now I'm single. I'm dating somebody for a year and and my little is bad Sex is great except for the jeep spot. Oh, okay. So I got it. So let's get that. You just got it, okay. I don't know where it is. Okay, so have you tried looking for your jeep spot? I don't think it has anything to do with the pills

or hormones that you've taken or anything like that. I really think it has to do with, our bodies are always changing and maybe you're 47 right now and I feel like you just gotta spend some time finding it again on your own without the pressure of finding it during intercourse. Have you spent some alone time masturbating and being like, where is that sucker?

They find it again. All the time. After 15 years of being a nun, I've not been interested in it. Now I'm absolutely interested in it. So I'm masturbating all the time and my partner is always looking forward to you know. And you just can't. Okay. And when I listen to your GPS episode, I know where those location is that look sponge areas,

but it's not something happening. So I keep thinking that I keep going back to what happened. I'm wondering if that has any. Do you feel anything? Are you having orgasms? Are you having with a literal orgasm? Are you getting aroused turned on? All those things? Yeah, everything else except for that. I mean, because comparing to the collateral of um, did you have a G-spot orgasm previously when you were having intercourse with your husband? Or was it just you could have it?

Or however, was it a certain position? Only with my ex-husband and you were like in every position, like from missionary, in anything, so he was amazing. Like I never seen anything like it. I was wanting it to do with that or because it has to do with the fact that he had this perfection. No, it does not have to do. Luckily, it does not have to do with a perfect shaped penis.

I feel like you're probably putting a lot of pressure on yourself to find it. And a lot of times with sex, when we spend too much time in our heads, and you're like, I didn't find it last time. We spent all labor day, weekend looking for it. We still haven't found it. And then you try to have a sex, you're like, we're not going to find it. You know what I mean? So it's, I feel like a lot of it is like letting go of like this bad

dash to find it again, because I don't even think that it's gone. I think that if you can in the moment, like really without that goal oriented, you know, mindset, like we've got to find it now, kind of get back to just the entire sexual experience, because when we start to isolate things, like first we're going to have this organism, then we're going have them we're going to have this or I can feel very like like you're not even getting to enjoy the entire experience of sex which is like a dance and every time you get to create something different. So I feel like maybe take the G-spot looking off the table for a little bit and just kind of like what if you have like a cervical orgasm like those are different kinds of orgasms you like there's a lot of different ways to feel sensations. So I feel like the chances are it's still there again,

but I think it's still in your mind. Also, yeah, I really do. I don't think that that's gonna be this isolated spot that just sort of numbed up and froze up and it's fallen off. It's not possible. I don't think it's possible. So are you having clitorat orgasms?

Because a lot of times, yes, you were. Yes, I do. But if I have to choose between that and that, I will take G-Spot any day. Like for my remembrance, it's like submind blowing. It's because with a clitoris sensation, I feel like it's just very intense. And it's much more of faster and fluid.

Right. But do you ever have the clitoral orgasm and then go get then look for the g spot orgasm because that's That's the way you do it like you help to have it. Yeah, so for many women They have to have a Clitoral orgasm first knock that out and then that whole area becomes engorged where the g spot is So it's easier to find and stimulate and so I would just try to have a session where you yeah You have your g spot out you have your Clitoral then you could look for it there You could also try a toy that think I love the g spot I would just try to have a session where you, yeah, you have your G-Spot, you have your Cliterol, then you could look for it there.

You could also try a toy. I love the G-Spot rave by Wevibe. It's a great toy that's an asymmetrically designed to hit your G-Spot. Nothing wrong with playing around with it and finding it that way. I would try that. I would do that. I would take the pressure off yourself. I promise you did not destroy your G-Spot.

Okay. Use lots of lube. I really think you will find it. It's just part of it. Look at this as like a fun journey, you know. I hope so. It was so easy before I would use it before they're home. Okay, our bodies change.

I hear this from women all the time. They're like, I used to be able to orgasms. I used to get more tired on or now I get more turned on than I used to. Our bodies are always changing because of hormones or rousal, how we get wet, all this stuff. So just embrace where you're at now. That was years ago. Let that go. However, that G spot felt with that penis just kind of enter into a new G spot zone right now. You're on a G spot journey. And we're with you here, Julie. To help you. But you could see why I thought about the other one because he was a hem up to my hormones that might have changed everything.

That's true. And you're four days you got in your hormones check. That's true. I mean, there might be something like, I don't think that's going to affect your G spot. That can affect your libido, your desire, your wetness, all that stuff. But it's not going to affect the bill. I mean, this is what I haven't looked at you. I'm not a doctor that I can examine you.

So I don't want to say. But if you, you know, you could get checked out, but I think, you know, I think you should try some of the other things we talked about masturbating, literal orgasm, taking it, the pressure off you and getting a toy. I would definitely do that. Thank you. You're welcome. Let's go.

I got to hear when you find it. Julie, let me know. I would do that. Thank you for running. You're welcome. Have a great night. Thank you. You're welcome. Bye. Bye. I think we got to the bottom of that. I think she's going to find the G spotty. It's not that it's really gone. It's not that it's gone. It's like you got to the journey back to the G. I feel like we just have to accept the fact that our bodies are

changing over time and just because something felt great 15 years ago, five years ago, our bodies were shifting and changing. We have different partners. And so every time we're with someone, it's a great experience to kind of build something new and have a new experience. We're constantly living in our past sexual experiences. It's really hard to stay present and have a really quality sex experience. So if you find yourself tripping out for once,

why is it probably as great as you remember it? Let's be honest, we always put stuff on the pedestal. And just do your best to be present with what's happening now and work with that. I know that this particular case had to do with the birth control either, while the birth control pill is still being studied intensely and there's some not so great things about the pill,

I think that there's no way the pill would impact her ability to have a G-spot orgasm. If she's having literal orgasms, then she's getting turned on and aroused. That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review

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